#yep that's billy if he was a girl and had a beak. just like the first time he got down on his knees... bitey...

[wrizard]

billy gibson patron saint of guys just trying to pay the rent and guys whose hell-situationships-slash-exes have suddenly brought home a farm animal which may or may not have been stolen from a local petting zoo event

[also on twt here]

full text messages under the cut lmao

no i did not bother to actually look up a passage. yes jirving asked ned, who is actually bisexual, and both immediately understood john was talking about billy and drastically misunderstood the situation

[ladykailitha]

Spellbound Part 6

Uh... yeah. So about not posting this story in literal eons... I'm really really sorry. I have been hitting writer's block for this and Dragon Slayer so I put it on the back burner until I could get past it and while I haven't yet, I do have a bit of backlog for it so it's getting put out instead of Forever Young which needs its backlog built back up.

I recommend rereading the first five parts starting here. Or the most recent chapter here.

This chapter is all about Max. Yep, the whole thing. Tissues at the ready!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

~

Steve was almost fully recovered when it happened.

He had been brewing a potion for Mrs. Click, the old school teacher when he felt it. The gut punch feeling of a charm being used.

Then Merlin, Circe, and Bav all started trying to get his attention all at once. Like he didn’t feel who used their charm.

Like he didn’t know that Max was in trouble.

Steve grabbed his satchel and started stuffing it with all her favorite treats. A warm blanket and some calming herbal tea, too.

He then gathered up his wares for his patients and put them in a basket. He paused at the door and looked up at the ceiling. “I can’t. You know I can’t, Bav. If I break the rule for Max I would have to break it for other people too.”

Circe landed on his shoulder and rubbed his cheek with her beak. He reached up and rubbed her chest. “Let’s go save our girl, Circe.”

He past Wayne’s house with a sense of dread. He didn’t know what it was about Chrissy but she sent off alarm bells in his magic, the more he interacted with her. He kept his head down, but he could see out of the corner of his eye that the curtain fluttered.

Steve carefully went on his way stopping and talking to people as he normally would. Circe would fly off and bring him back word. The Watch had been called. Susan and Billy were in shock. Max was hiding in her room.

He was just coming out of one of the other houses in the neighborhood when Callahan stopped him.

“Steve!” he called out. “Would you come here? Maybe you could make heads or tails of this nonsense.”

He dutifully trotted over to him. “What’s up, Watchman Callahan?” His fingers twisted around the strap of his satchel, gripping it tight.

“Neil Hargrove was found dead by his son, Billy, this afternoon,” Callahan explained. “Just slumped over in his chair, beer in hand.”

Good, Steve thought viciously. It worked as intended. “Sounds to me like he finally drank himself to death. But I can look if you suspect foul play.”

Just then Jim came out of the house, thumbs in his belt loops. “Steve! It’s good to see ya, what brings ya out to these parts?”

He smiled back at the Head Watchman. “Just out delivering my medicines.” He held up the basket that was nearly empty.

“Don’t one of the boys do that on Mondays,” Jim asked in confusion. “They are usually scrambling to get out of their schoolwork.”

Steve shook his head. “I hadn’t seen any of them by the time I was done with my morning chores.” Which maybe if he had waited until noon like he normally did, they might have arrived in time to take his deliveries, but he needed to be here for this.

“Probably out playing in the marshes again,” Jim said shaking his head. “I swear one of those kids is going to dive face first into it and never come out again.”

Steve blanched. “There are more dangerous things in the marsh than the usual pitfalls and wild animals. This marsh has a far darrig. Or redcap and it does not take lightly to interlopers.”

Jim and Callahan shared a glance and then burst out laughing.

“There’s no such thing,” Callahan snorted, shaking his head. “Like I get you’re a witch and all, but there is no such thing as redcaps. If it’s not in the Bible it don’t exist.”

Steve’s eyebrows shot up. “The Hendersons have a brownie or house elf and you don’t think their darker, more malevolent cousin doesn’t exist?”

Jim and Callahan looked at each other in shock.

“The Hendersons have a what now?” Jim asked cocking his head to the side. “I haven’t heard anything about some spirit in their house.”

“Not a spirit, Head Watchman,” Steve corrected. “I’ve always called them house elves because that’s what my mother called hers. But I was talking to Nona, the Hendersons’ elf and she was telling me that out here in the country they preferred the name brownie. She’s such a sweet thing and Claudia was telling me what a godsend she was.”

Both Watchmen stared at him blankly as if he had grown three heads. Steve cleared his throat. “So did you still want me to take a look to see if there was some foul play involved?”

Jim looked over at Callahan, who shrugged.

“I figured it couldn’t hurt,” Callahan said. “I mean Neil Hargrove was a lot of things but well liked wasn’t one of them.”

Jim sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “No, you’re right. Can’t rule out anything at this point. So yeah, Steve you can take a look. Just don’t touch anything if you can help it.”

Steve nodded and slipped past them. He opened the door and saw a literal disaster. Tables had been turned over, vases broken, and chairs tossed around. Well, all but one. There was a big comfy armchair in the middle of the carnage and it was a very dead Neil Hargrove. He was grey and unblinking, flies landing in his eyes as they swarmed around the corpse.

It was clear that Neil had come home and in a fit of rage destroyed the house and then sat down for a beer.

Dread pooled in his stomach as he spotted only Susan and Billy, standing by the door. Susan was crying, handkerchief in hand, while Billy stoically looked on. The boy was in a state of shock, eyes glassed over as he stared unblinkingly at the tableau in front of him.

“Where’s Max?” Steve asked, his voice steadier than his nerves.

Suddenly there was a red head peeking out of a nearby room and then suddenly Steve had an armful of a scared little girl. Steve lifted her head and gasped in sympathy. She had a black eye and split lip.

“I was so scared,” she whispered. “He came home in a fury, screaming about some job that he didn’t have the wood for because he forgot to buy it because he was drunk about how it was all Billy’s fault and how he would have beaten him too if he’d been there.”

Billy’s eyes snapped their direction and Steve could see how much more pale he suddenly was.

“I was getting the wood for him like he asked,” Billy mumbled. “But Mr. Miller was have trouble getting the wood off the pile and into the cart, even with my help.”

“So I started making tea to calm him down like I always do,” Max continued. “And he just hit me. Called me useless, said that he couldn’t wait until I turned sixteen so that he could sell me off for more beer.”

Susan let out a gasp behind him, but Steve ignored her, focusing instead on Max. “Then what happened?”

“He tore up the house looking for the booze Mom hid,” she muttered. “He hit me again and told me to tell him where she hid it or he would beat me until I told.” A sob ripped from her body as she just started to cry. “So I got one of the bottles of beer that Mom told me to hide in my room and gave it to him. Then I stayed in my room out of his way. I didn’t even know he was dead until Billy and Mom came looking for him.”

“You’re safe now,” Steve murmured, hold her tight. “You’re safe now. It looks to me that all that rage and booze finally did his heart in. The coal black shrunken thing that it was.”

“I don’t know what will happen to the business,” Billy said, fear trembling in his voice. “I haven’t taken my master’s exam. Will someone come and take it from me?”

Steve had never been a fan of Billy’s. The boy took after his father in too many ways, but right now he was just a scared kid whose dad had just died.

“We’ll figure something out,” he assured him. “We’ll make sure that the business stays in your hands like Neil would have wanted. All right?”

Billy nodded, his lip starting to quiver.

That was then Jim and Callahan came into the house, carefully avoiding the bits of a shattered vase that Neil must have thrown at the door.

“So what’s the verdict, Steve?” Jim asked, taking in the battered face of Max and then back to Steve. He licked his lips slowly and raised an eyebrow at Steve.

“Booze and rage,” Steve said shaking his head. “If he stopped the booze, maybe the rage would have stopped, too. But regardless, it seems both did him in.” Which wasn’t a lie. If Neil hadn’t come home in a rage, looking for more booze and hit Max he would have lived longer. But as it was, he really couldn’t hold his belladonna.

Callahan shook his head, clicking his tongue. “That’s damn shame. He was good carpenter when he was sober. It really is a lost to the community as well as your family.” This last part seemed directed at Billy in particular.

“Thank you,” Billy murmured sadly.

Steve looked closer and saw that the grief was genuine, but underneath was an undercurrent of relief. That his father would no longer be the erratic, angry mess who upended their lives every day.

“Head Watchman?” Steve said with a small smile. “Could I be permitted to fix what was broken?”

Jim looked at him for a moment. “Ya gonna pass out on me?”

Steve shook his head. “I’ve been able to master this spell since I was younger than Max here.”

Jim waved his hand for him to go ahead.

Steve nodded once and then he began to glow a shimmering gold. Everyone was paying attention to him so they missed as everything broken mended itself back together. Then the glow faded.

“There we go!” he said brightly, looking around at the room. “You’ll still have to pick everything up, but at least you won’t have worry about shards or splinters.”

Everyone looked around, too and sure enough the table was still tipped over, the chairs shattered around, and vase in front of the door, but they merely looked like some had set them there instead of having gone a rampage.

Billy raised his eyebrows. “That’s a neat trick.”

“Well,” Steve said with a half shrug, “it doesn’t do all the work. But yeah, it’s nice to know that breaking a family heirloom will never stay broke.”

“Thank you, Steve,” Susan murmured. “It’ll make picking up the pieces all the easier because of your kindness.”

Then Steve’s stomach let out a loud, rumbling growl. He turned bright pink and ducked his head.

“I thought you said you’d be fine,” Jim said with a smirk, shaking his head. “Boy, the next town over would have heard that.”

“That was your stomach?” Max said, looking up from his embrace. “Holy shit, I felt that.”

“Every witch uses up a shit ton of energy to perform their magic,” Steve huffed, rubbing his nose. “It’s that I also faint when I use too much.”

“You faint?” Billy asked, barely hiding a smirk. “I didn’t realize you were that weak.”

“My good sir,” Steve said, rolling his eyes. ‘I just set your house to rights with out batting an eyelash, is that really the person you want to call weak in this moment?”

Billy had the decency to look chagrin at least.

Steve kissed the top of Max’s head. “Will you be okay now?” She nodded and he let her go. “I’ll be by tomorrow to check up on you or I’ll send one of the hellions if they dodge school again.”

“They’re always dodging school,” she huffed. “They get to go school and they don’t even want to be there.”

Steve chuckled. Max wanted to do all the things the boys could do but better, but was bound by her sex. Then he had thought. There was one way for the ‘don’t not return’ spell to be circumvented without breaking the rules.

“I wish I could afford to send her to school or at least have her tutored by a governess,” Susan lamented, “but times have been hard lately.”

Max scoffed under her breath. Because even when times were good, Susan barely spared a thought for her daughter.

“I have a solution if I may,” Steve said with a small smile. “Robin is nearing the end of her apprenticeship with me and about ready to take her test. I could take her on as an apprentice witch. She would learn everything she needed to know. Reading, writing, manners. Plus, I would pay for her room and board.”

Susan blinked at him for a moment as she weighed through all of the options.

Billy looked between Susan and Steve, his emotions warring on his face. Because on the one hand, it would make their life easier if she was with Steve. They would be able to recover financially faster if they didn’t have an extra mouth to feed. But on the other hand she would be training to be a witch and the thought of her having power frightened him.

“What do you want, Maxie?” Susan asked, thinking of her for the first time in a long time.

Max looked up at Steve and then over at her mother. She knew she would be better taken care of at Steve’s. “I can still visit Mom and Billy, right?”

Steve smiled at her. “Of course you can. Every day if you want.”

“Then it’s settled,” Susan said, “go pack your things while Billy and me get this cleaned up.”

Max nodded and dashed off to the room she shared with Billy. While she was doing that, Jim, Callahan, and Steve all helped Billy and Susan clean everything up. Then the two Watchmen took Neil’s body to be delivered to the mortuary where he would be prepared for burial.

Max hovered by the door to the bedroom, uncertain, so Steve held out his hand. “Come on, Max. It’s time to go home.”

She ran for his open hand and freedom for the first time in her life.

~

Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14

Tag List: CLOSED

1- @itsall-taken @watermelonmite @zerokrox-blog @sadisticaltarts @dolphincliffs

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @cryptid-system @kultiras @kimsnooks

3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji @dreamercec @blondie1006

5- @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @genderless-spoon @fearieshadow @thesecondfate

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth

8- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @beelze-the-bubkiss

9- @wheneverfeasible @micheledawn1975 @gloomysoup @dotdot-wierdlife @tartarusknight

10- @ollyxar @yesdangerpls @two-vampires-kissing @themoonagainstmers @estrellami-1

[jenneyquinn]

𝐢𝐥𝐲𝐢𝐞𝐮: 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝟐 — 𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐜 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐨

in which i give you the summerween part from ilyieu 3 (well the rough outline for it anyways)

yep, it’s that time of year again: the holiday so nice, gravity falls celebrates it twice

what holiday, you ask? actually, of course you’re not asking—you read the title

anyways, it’s mabel and dipper’s second summerween and since they’re technically teenagers now, it’s understandable that they want it to be BIG

lucky for them, soos is thinking the same thing too—after all, he’s the owner of the mystery shack now and he can do just about anything he wants

yes, they throw a summerween party—which brings me to my favourite part: the COSTUMES

soos is a mummy, melody is medusa, gideon dresses up as elvis, wendy dresses up as marceline (from adventure time), candy is a gummy bear, and grenda is a vintage doll

nate and lee don’t really put much of an effort and came in wearing masks (the purge led one and anonymous), thompson dresses up as baby brent (from cloudy with a chance of meatballs—yes, the group made him dress like that)

robbie and tambry dress up like grim and malaria (from grim adventures of billy and mandy; robbie pretends he was forced by mabel to participate, but didn’t really put up much up of a fight about it and just wanted to act like it was all mabel’s idea)

also grim makes sense for robbie—he’d just be wearing a black hoodie instead of a cloak and have the makeup on (jack and sally was considered, but robbie wouldn’t wear a suit—let alone own one)

mabel gives makeovers to the stans, turning them into a vampire and a werewolf (i’ll let y’all figure out who’s who)

last but not least, we have pacifica as rapunzel, and dipper and mabel—as tradition—matching again! this time as donald and della duck

mabel has an aviator cap and goggles on, as well as a scarf, leather jacket, and shorts while dipper has a black sailor beret and jacket on along with a pair of white jeans (if it weren’t for the duck bills, people would easily mistake the twins for amelia earhart and a regular sailor, respectively)

dipper hates the beak and thinks the photos definitely come out dumb, but for the sake of mabel’s scrapbook—he puts up with it

it absolutely does not help that pacifica finds it funny, but she finds it cute that he and mabel still matching costumes

though dipper plans to dance with pacifica, the latter had other plans as she spent more of the night with mabel, candy, and grenda

it’s not that she’s consistently shutting him down, but in mid-conversation, pacifica just freezes, then whips up some excuse to leave and go back to mabel and her girls

unbeknownst to dipper, he doesn’t see that wendy enters his radius, prompting the blonde to freeze up and freeze him out

wendy, noticing dipper down in the dumps, obviously goes up go him—suggesting that he cheer himself up by joining the group in some cup pong (with pitt cola, of course)

he ends up having fun for the most part, but he can’t help but to steal glances in pacifica’s direction every now and then, but nobody notices except robbie

and for majority of the night as dipper stares at pacifica, robbie’s trying to figure out why his former enemy is staring so miserably at his sister and her friends—did he and mabel have a fight? or did he do anything to upset her… or her friends?? he doesn’t confront dipper about it though, after all, his old rival being sad doesn’t bother him

on the other hand, dipper doesn’t know that pacifica is looking at back at him whenever he isn’t staring at her—and, of course, mabel notices

so… when are you gonna ask him to dance?

*sputters* WHAT?

c’mom paz, you know he likes you, right? and the whole world knows you feel the same—why not?

pacifica doesn’t say anything to deny or confirm mabel’s words, just staring back at her crush and his ex-crush laughing together…

she knows she doesn’t really have much reason to be jealous… after all, wendy’s much older… naturally popular and well-liked by everyone close to her… not to mention not being noticeably ugly…

no—dipper said he was over her, and pacifica trusts him—friends trust each other, after all

yeah… friends… just friends

as pacifica is left losing the fight in her head, mabel is deep in thought as well—brows knit together, lips pursed and all

when she gets it, she turns back to grenda and candy, and the three exchange mischevious smiles and giggling before turning back to the blonde

hey, i know what’ll cheer you up!

with that said, mabel runs up to soos—also deejaying despite being the party’s host—to request a particular song

*insert pacifica taking over the karaoke and singing blondie’s “call me” with mabel, candy, and grenda as backup*

dipper is left speechless, which doesn’t go unnoticed by robbie; the latter looks between his former rival and the also-formerly rich blonde—and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to put two and two together

the girls karaoke the night away, which puts a damper on dip’s plans to ask pacifica to dance…

suddenly, a familiar song fills the room, and a particular pair locks eyes with each other

pacifica smiles at dipper first, and when he smiles back at her, mabel calls him over to join them

so maybe he didn’t get his chance to put the moves on paz they way he hoped, but at least the night ended with everyone smiling and laughing

a/n: sorry i’ve been super swamped this month guys, i barely got a chance to work on ilyieu but i hope this’ll be enough for now… i was originally considering this to be included for part 3, but i figured taking this out and posting it separately was best since it is halloween after all and as a mini thank-you to everyone who enjoyed ilyieu—from the start or even if you just started reading like a week ago :)

[5tef1]

Lucky Luke x Reader – Comedy, Chaos, and Cowboy Crushes

The only thing worse than outlaws in Cactus Ridge… was chickens.

At least, according to Lucky Luke.

He didn’t come to town expecting trouble — he was just passing through. A quiet night. A soft bed. A warm meal. Maybe a moment to lean against a fence post and look dramatic.

But instead, he got you.

And a missing chicken.

---

It all started when the town’s prized hen — Henrietta, a fat, spoiled, smug little beast — vanished from her coop right before the county fair’s livestock contest.

The whole town was in an uproar.

“She was STOLEN!” Mayor Perkins cried, clutching a half-plucked feather like a clue in a murder mystery. “Right out from under our beaks—uh, noses!”

You, as the town's unofficial “keeper of order, animals, and pies,” were immediately involved.

And Lucky Luke?

Well. He made the mistake of being nearby.

---

“Why me?” he muttered, staring down at the crime scene — which was really just a coop with a single busted latch, a few feathers, and a dramatic chalk outline of a chicken that you had drawn for effect.

You shrugged, arms crossed. “You’re the best shot in the West. Surely you can handle a chicken-napper.”

“I chase outlaws. Train robbers. Not poultry thieves.”

“I’ll bake you a pie.”

“…What kind of pie?”

“Apple. With extra cinnamon.”

He sighed. “Fine.”

---

Phase One: Interrogation.

You and Luke went around questioning suspicious townsfolk. Well — you questioned. Luke mostly stood behind you, arms crossed, hat low, giving serious cowboy squints.

“Where were you at the time of the crime?” you asked Old Man Jenkins.

“Sleepin’,” he wheezed. “With my goats.”

Luke raised an eyebrow. “All six of 'em?”

Old Man Jenkins narrowed his eyes. “You accusin’ my goats?”

“…Maybe.”

---

Phase Two: Investigation.

You both searched for “tracks.” Luke actually found some, but they turned out to be yours.

“Are these small boot prints?” he muttered, kneeling.

You looked down. “Oh. Yep. Those are mine. Sorry. I tripped and fell into a bush.”

“…Why?”

“I thought I heard Henrietta cluck sarcastically.”

He stared at you. “A sarcastic cluck.”

“I know what I heard, Lucky.”

---

Phase Three: Disguise.

This was your idea.

You dressed Luke as a giant chicken.

"I hate this," he said flatly, feathers sticking out of his sleeves.

“You’re bait,” you whispered. “If the thief comes back for you, we’ll catch them in the act!”

“I’m wearing a beak.”

“You look so brave.”

He squinted. “You’re enjoying this too much.”

You grinned. “Maybe.”

---

Somehow, this ridiculous plan worked.

At around midnight, you and Luke (you were hiding in a barrel behind the coop, whispering through a knothole) heard a rustle.

Then a figure crept into the yard.

They opened a sack and reached toward “Chicken Luke.”

Luke whirled around, pulled his hat (now squashed by the chicken headpiece) over his eyes, and said, “Alright, partner. Step away from the rooster.”

The thief screamed.

Turned out, it was young Billy McGraw, trying to impress a girl by stealing a “heroic bird.”

You and Luke tied him up with a jump rope.

“Love makes people dumb,” Luke muttered, dusting feathers off his vest.

You elbowed him. “What about you, cowboy?”

He blinked. “What about me?”

“You agreed to dress as poultry for me.”

He looked away, a bit flustered. “You offered pie.”

You leaned in with a grin. “So if I offered a kiss, would you wear a cow costume next time?”

He coughed. “Let’s… not test that.”

“Too late,” you sang.

---

The next day, Henrietta was returned unharmed. She pecked Luke’s boot once before waddling away like a diva.

You handed him his pie with a smug smile.

“I think you earned it,” you said.

He took a bite, then looked at you over the crust. “Still not wearing the cow costume.”

You leaned in. “What if I offered a kiss and a pie?”

He paused.

“…How big a pie?”

You kissed his cheek before he could finish the sentence.

He blinked. Smiled.

“…Fine,” he said. “But no udders.”