#years may have passed but I still stand behind Nate with a bun

[thecryptidenthusiast]

sometimes i miss these two

Late to the trend, but I had to throw out my losers and their various partners

Erin/Ortega // Erin/Chen

Ace/Danny // Erin/Wren

[idreamtofthereaper]

Would You Look at That

pairings: bf!jaemin x jiu-jitsu black belter reader

an: I may have not mentioned this before but I’m a big fan of MMA, and I even train in a few principles of it. And here we go.

--

Jaemin doesn’t look like he belongs here as much as you do.

But if there’s anything the people here don’t want to do, that’s to question and belittle your skills. For those who have been in the gym for as long or maybe longer than you were, looking down on you is the last thing they ever wanted to do, as it maybe the last thing they’ll ever do.

You smiled and waved at a few kids who passed by you, immediately recognizing you as you kept holding Jaemin’s hand, who was busy roaming his eyes to the place.

If you weren’t studying him, you wouldn’t notice how he swallowed and the small beads of sweat forming on his face. But with a slight tug on his hand, Jaemin’s eyes fell to you. “You okay babe?”

“Yeah, I just didn’t expect it to be this crowded- and busy.” He answered, his eyes returning back to the mats in front of him, where your fellow students and fighters were already locking up with each other.

“It’s always like this in the morning, it’s just that when you’re fetching me it’s night and a lot of people already went home.” You answered, pulling him now towards the front desk, where your friend Cat was located and was giving the both of you a smile.

“Hey yn, and who is this?”

“Cat this is Jaemin, Jae, this is my friend Cat. She is also an instructor here.” The both of them smiled at each other and with Jaemin’s free hand, shook hands with her.

After their hands separated, you looked at Cat. “This is his first time, so please assist him as much as you can.” You said, playfully narrowing your eyes as Cat nodded with every word, eyeing Jaemin playfully as well. “I mean it.”

“Okay okay, I’ll get him his gear and pair him with Nick-” Cat said while walking around the cashier, before you interrupted her.

“No not Nick, give him Nate.” You said with a little whine, wrapping your hands around Jaemin’s arm protectively, who was silent the entire ordeal and was only listening.

Cat laughed at your reaction as she leaned at the cashier, looking at you and Jaemin. “Who do you want him to train with them? It’s normal everyone goes through Nick first.”

“Is Nate not available? How about Nate?” You asked again, not wanting Jaemin to be with the other brother.

“Nate is with the kids, he’s not available.”

“Why can’t I do it with you instead?” Jaemin asked naively, looking at you again.

You looked at Cat, who was already looking at you, and the both of you burst out laughing. 

As the laughter died down, Jaemin’s question wasn’t answered.You then peck his cheek as you then fixed the strap of your bag. “You’re funny babe, I’ll leave you with Cat now. Follow what she says, I’ll see you back there.” You gave him another quick peck on the lips as you went to the locker room, leaving Jaemin to Cat with millions of questions still yet to get answered.

You then changed into a different shirt then wore your Gi, wrapping your Black belt securely around your waist as you then put your hair up in a tight bun. After washing your face, you stepped out and head to the mats.

This bring your boyfriend to work thing was something long overdue. Jaemin being his playful self, loves to tease you after your training sessions, saying everything was just easy and if he was there, he would “end everyone without mercy except you, since you’re cute.”

But on your last training session, which was 2 nights ago, he finally decided to join you in one session. 

“REALLY?!” You asked excitedly as Jaemin held the door open for you, grabbing your duffel bag as he let the door close behind the both of you.

Jaemin has a smirk on his face as he nodded. “Yeah, what’s the worse that could happen?”

You greeted your long time training partner Jake as the both of you took the usual spot, near the back and by the edge away from the newcomers.

The both of you talked with each other, passing the time before the next round. As soon as the timer buzzed to signal the next round, the both of you shook hands and proceeded to grapple with each other.

The both of you continued doing drills, before you decided to take a short break. 

You sat up and let your eyes wander, immediately looking for your Pink haired boyfriend.

You then spotted him near the entrance, grappling with another familiar trainee as Nick watched closely from the sides. Occasionally standing up to fix Jaemin’s hold to the other person.

Even from afar, it was hard not to notice how out of breath Jaemin was. You cringe slightly as the other trainee put him in a choke, Jaemin tapping hastily at the person’s arm who then let go immediately.

“That’s your guy?” You looked up and was greeted by Jake, handing you the other bottle of water as the both of you slumped back to the matted walls. 

“Yeah, and I entrust my life to him.” You answered, popping the cap bottle open and took small sips of the water. 

He chuckled at your answer then nodded, holding his hand out. You handed him your bottle as he put it on the corner, near the both of you as to not disturb anybody.

A few hours passed and as noon approaches, less people are in the gym to grab some lunch or to completely finish their session for the day. After caging Jake in a kimura, the both of you decided to take a long break.

You made your way towards Nick, who was watching Jaemin and a new trainee grapple each other. After taking a seat beside him, you noticed an immediate improvement with Jaemin. Well, attitude wise.

Unlike earlier, now he was more calm and collected and wasn’t tiring himself out. Besides this, he was now also more careful but definitely more aggressive with his moves.

“I heard you didn’t want him training under my wing.” You only chuckled at Nick’s words, not loud enough for anyone to hear besides you. Not wanting to distract Jaemin and the other still training.

“Yeah, I asked for Nate. A decision I didn’t knew starting that people should have told me first time around.” You answered, the same volume as you watched Jaemin defend a takedown from the person.

You watched as Jaemin grabbed the person’s back, Nick now instructing him what to do as the trainee defended himself. Jaemin let go when the timer buzz, shaking hands with the trainee as he unsuccessfully put the other in a submission.

He walked towards you, taking the water you extended to him as he took big gulps of water. Nick then proceeded to tell him what went wrong, and what he should do next time. Jaemin nodding at his words, concentrating hard at his words.

“But you didn’t tapped out this time around sot that’s an improvement.” Jaemin faintly smiled at this as he sat down on the mats in front of you.

He looked at you smugly. “See? I told you, I’m a natural.” You only laughed at his comment, ruffling his hair.

“Okay Mr. White belt.” 

“Try me! 30 seconds and I’m sure I’m going to get you.” Nick only chuckled at his comment, followed by you but then nodding. 

“You asked for this.” You replied simply as you went in front of him, looking at Nick to signal for him to count.

Jaemin looked at you with a smirk and even threw you a flying kiss when Nick was counting down to 3. After the words ‘start’ were said, Jaemin then immediately went to you.

You deflected his attacks effortlessly and grab his arm, extending it to his back and arch your back to lock in an armbar. After feeling him tap on your leg, you let go.

Jaemin laid down to the mats with this back as he breathed heavily, you crawling towards him as you stuck your tongue out playfully. “You’re going to do better next time, just give it a few more years, or never.” 

[warlock-enthusiast]

Waking up slow

The Wayhaven Chronicles

Adam du Mortain x female Detective (in the future)

Detective Kat Kingston faces a murder, Unit Bravo and her mother.

Chapter 2: a second murder makes Kat doubt her abilities as a Detective

AO3 link

Chapter 1 

-----

I was unaware You were lighting flares Now I'm runing scared How did it come to this?

Kat rested her head against the steering wheel.

Another victim.

Another one, she didn’t protect. Garret Hayes lay dead and cold beneath the harsh lights of Verda’s lab, neck mauled and eyes milky. The sight alone made her stomach turn, though having to deliver the news to his mother took her number one spot of upsetting experiences of this day. Kate had started to cry immediately and she’d got down on her knees to pull her close and comfort her.

Even with the help of Adam’s erie, professional abilities, nothing much had come out of questioning the grieving woman afterward. Kat didn’t blame her, but she couldn’t help but wish for even the smallest trace of their killer.

Garret’s death seemed more personal somehow, closer to home than Janet’s, and Kat hated herself for lacking objectivism.

She tried to breathe and to ignore the memory of Tina’s face when suspicion had become reality. How her warm eyes filled with tears, how she firmly pressed her lips together to suppress a sob.

Kat felt exhaustion grip her whole body.

Where to go with this investigation? A vicious murder ran rampage in her town and left almost no evidence but some blood and saliva and more questions than answers. Motives? Profile? A link between the victims?

Her hands shook, as she fumbled for her keys.

Maybe she wasn’t meant to be a Detective. Maybe all of this had been a pipe dream from the beginning or an attempt to impress her mother. She’d started this career to help and to protect and frankly, Kat currently sucked at both. Good grades and tests held no value, if you couldn’t handle a real situation and failed at solving two murders. Especially, if your body crumbled beneath the first symptoms of stress.

“Detective Kingston?” Adam crouched down to look through her window. “It’s late. You need to go home.”

“Eh.” Kat sat up straight, feeling herself blush with shame. “Yes, of course. I was … I.” She stumbled over her own words and saw his green eyes squint against the streetlights.

“You need someone to take you?” Adam’s face remained passive and unreadable and she heard a note of impatience . Somehow his presence only sparked another bout of self-pity and anger towards her lacking abilities concerning this investigation. Frustration bubbled in her throat, ready to erupt.  

Oh look at you, Mister super Agent, always so sure of everything, always so strict, always lacking empathy, always so handsome. Kat bit the inside of her cheeks. “No, of course not. I can handle this.” Adam raised a brow, which clearly stated that he didn’t believe her statement. Not one bit.

“You must focus, Detective Kingston.”

“I know, Agent du Mortain. Good night!” She started her car and drove home.

Home meant her small and messy apartment, with heaps of books stacking up everywhere, and a whole collection of dirty coffee mugs, adorned with clothing and hastily written scribbles. She should really clean up her place (maybe on the weekend), but Kat’s body just longed for a hot shower and sleep.

She indulged it.

Her dreams seemed to be inconsistent and dark and awoke a feeling of dread in her stomach. Kat’s subconscious replayed her failing at her job, pictures of the murder scenes, and threw in some traumatic experiences of her teenage years.

Morning arrived to soon and yet not soon enough.

Kat hit the snooze button and crawled beneath her blankets. Just five minutes of peace, before everything came crashing down around her. Pure bliss. Hidden in her bed, she felt reminded of her childhood and how she’d waited for her mother to come home night after night, wrapped tightly in a blanket, which still smelled of father.

“Ugh.” With five minutes to go, Kat decided on just picking up clothing from the floor and putting her hair in a small bun at the nape of her neck. No makeup today, just bare exhaustion and pure professionalism.

Kat adjusted her driving mirror and caught a glimpse of her pale reflexion. “This is a new day! Be better, be smarter, Kat.”

She needed to solve this and to grant the families and the victims closure.

Douglas seemed to be missing from the frontdesk, probably late or taking a break, and she sighed in relief, because one less person she had to face today.

“Detective Kingston! Good morning, it’s good to see you.” Nate watched her entering the room, but his smile suddenly froze.

The attention of the whole team focussed on her, gazes drifting from her neck to her midsection.

“Eh, your buttons.” Felix, obviously the most helpful agent, pointed at her blouse.

“Oh, shit.” Some buttons had come undone, or probably hadn’t been closed earlier this morning, and offered a view of her sports-bra and too much skin. Kat quickly closed them, making the mistake of meeting Adam’s eyes, who didn’t meet hers, because he stared at said failed buttons.

Her heartbeat sped up and pressed against her rips. The moment stretched and stretched and Adam’s shoulders looked tense.

No no no. Close your stupid buttons!

Neither time nor place to act like this.

You haven’t dated in a while and are probably hormonal and vulnerable.

With her head as red as a ripe tomato, Kat sat down behind her desk. “We have a murder to solve, not witness my wardrobe malfunctions.”

She reached for a pen, just to hold something in her fingers. “But I’m sorry for… that.”

Felix handed her an Agency folder and patted her shoulder.  “No offense taken, Detective Kingston.”

With that, the tension seemed to leave the room. Nate got up to offer her a bit more space, while Mason excused himself for a cigarette break (finally not vanishing in a cloud of smoke any more). Douglas had rolled the whiteboard into her office earlier and she clipped Janet’s and Garret’s pictures at the top. “Lets visualize our evidence.”

Kat carefully wrote down the basic informations beneath their pictures. Names, ages, occupations, social groups, families, a blank space for the lab report.

“So, what do we have?” With her hands on her hips, she knew that it wasn’t much. The nagging feeling that somehow Unit Bravo withhold information got stronger with the passings minutes. Nate and Adam exchanged glances too often, Felix tried to charm away her questions, and Mason did was he was told without any sign of interest.

Maybe she’d call Rebbeca later today, if she got a hold of her.

They discussed for a few hours, slowly going over the evidence again, moving in circles until early afternoon. Kat dialed up Verda three times, but the hospital still hadn’t examined the blood samples. Cutting funding to a necessity would do this.

Another wasted day. More lives on the line.

Kat rubbed her temples, as she began to feel a headache build between her eyes. Her phone vibrated on her desk and she gladly excused herself.

“Bobby. Not the best time.” She’d hoped for a call from Tina or Verda, but no, it had to be him, a whole nother cause of headache. Kat brought some distance between her office and herself, but still managed to watch Unit Bravo at work. Everytime, Kat left there seemed to be some kind of argument? To be a mice in that room now.  

“Is it ever, angel?”

When Kat didn’t reply, he continued talking. “It’s your last chance to give me a statement.” Kat needed a moment to process his words and shook her head in disbelief. “Are you actually threatening me?” “No, of course not. Just gathering information to form a better picture. The people of Wayhaven deserve that.” “I know, but we follow strict guidelines.”

“You sure?” She heard his smile and her suddenly her body turned cold. Kat rubbed her hand against her hip. “Yes, but we can set up an interview in a week.” “Nah, too late.” Bobby chuckled. “Bye, Kat.” “Bye, Bo..:” But he’d already hung up.

Combat training had always been the hardest discipline for her, but she surely would’ve kicked some punching back this very moment. How did he manage to get under her skin so easily? After all those years, Kat still fumbled for words when talking to him.

“Grow up.” Kat whispered beneath her breath. She held her back a bit straighter and returned to her office.

“I’ll head to Verda now. You guys are better equipped than us. Is there a chance that your forensic experts may take a look at their clothing? Look for traces of DNA, hair?” Mason shook his head. “We’re not CSI.”

“Sadly, I don’t really know what you guys are, because no one ever told me exactly. And for all your expertise, nothing is going forward.” Kat’s cheek reddened again. This time, because anger made her irritable.

“Detective Kingston.” Nate crossed the room to stand at her sight. He smelled clean and fresh and rather unobtrusive. “We’ll take the SUV and look at that warehouse again, if it fits with your plan.” “Of course. Call me, if you find anything.” And Kat left the office and Unit Bravo to their own devices.

She shivered from the cold room and put her jacket tighter around her, while sitting at Verda's side. They examined the blood anomalies again and  the traces of saliva, which they'd found on Garret. Nothing new there, but a welcome distraction from being locked in a small office with Unit Bravo and clashing with their personalities. They'd probably thought her a total failure. Overly emotional and not able to get herself dressed in the morning.

In comparison the pathologist was kind and soft and far more bearable.

Verda and she'd quickly become friends, because both of them loved a good book and shared a knack for the science side of police work. Not to mention that he'd made her feel welcome at the station from day one.

"We'll call the hospital tomorrow. All of this takes too long." Standing up, she corrected her reading glasses.

Verda followed suit and switched his pc off. "We'll do that."

"Don't stay up too late, though. We all need our sleep."

"Back to you. I can see your dark circles."

Kat laughed and waved his concern away with a quick eyeroll.

"Bed, here I come."

Her office was blissfully empty as she returned and the sun had already set, so Kat closed her eyes, enjoyed a deep sigh, and collected her things.

She took her phone and opened a chat with Tina.

you free this evening?

- I might be? depends on what you offer

walk, talk, coffee and muffin?

- shit day?

yes.

- mine too. can’t fathom what happened to Garret

- ... - pick me up at 7.

will do.

Something to look forward to then.

[polotanker6-blog]

Through all of the ups and downs, Joakim Noah is the happiest he has ever been

Basketball for Joakim Noah long was a dream, the gangly French kid trying to assimilate in a strange society, and become familiar with the United States as well. Basketball was a New York City religion that viewed a kid like Noah as an apostate, for he was. But he played the game the right way on and off the court and he became a star, a celebrity, an iconoclast, and then, as it often happens, his dream became a nightmare of failure, uncertainty, rejection and anguish. The darkness for one of the most famous and infamous players in Bulls history finally seems to have receded after almost four years. It's almost as if Joakim Noah awakened and asked, "Is this heaven?"

No, it turns out it's Memphis.

"I lost my confidence," admits Noah, whose Memphis Grizzlies are in the United Center Wednesday for the final game before All-Star break. "Now I am starting to get my swagger back on the court. Memphis gave me an opportunity; that was the only team that called. I am starting to feel better and better every time I step on the court because I am playing consistently and I am healthy for the first time in a long time, knock on wood."

A successful life requires a lot of luck. And a lot of work. The Spurs' organization has polarized the stonecutter's credo actually made famous in New York by 19th Century social reformer Jacob Riis. Keep hammering until the stone breaks. Joakim Noah's basketball career, indeed, encompassed some knocking on wood and breaking into the seemingly impervious rock of professional basketball.

"Everything with the Bulls, it was so early on, the best times," reminisces Noah about that nine-year run in Chicago in which a 6-11, mop topped, hippie bohemian was perhaps as much everyman as any who have been through the city's sporting landscape. "The Boston (2009 playoff) series was so much fun, Brooklyn (in 2013). Winning and losing is important, but it is also appreciating what you are doing; we were living a dream even though we didn't know it.

"I think if this would have happened to me in Chicago, losing the way we are losing, losing like this, blowing a 20-point lead in the fourth quarter (against Denver in January), losing streaks, the cooler would be destroyed and the heads would be off the showers and those bottles would be all over the place," Noah said with a smile, pointing toward a row of energy drinks as we sat in the Grizzlies locker room after a recent game. "I don't think I could have handled it. I couldn't sleep. I would just be an ass to everyone around me. Like now, I can appreciate just being in the locker room, to experience life playing with some hungry young guys who are fighting for their lives, guys who are working hard, things we all can work on, but keep on improving.

"Losing," Noah acknowledged, "obviously is frustrating. But you have to learn from it, use this time to keep building because with losing comes frustration and frustration can take away what's important. So we've got to keep a mindset on what's important and be ready. I feel pretty good. I haven't played in a while, three years, honestly, since I've gotten consistent minutes. It was tough, injuries and suspension and a lot of factors. So I'm just cherishing my opportunity and just trying to do my best. I'm not about trying to be my old self; it's about being happy on the court and competing and I feel I am starting to get to a level where I am enjoying myself.

"This is my 12th season," Noah noted, and he seemed as surprised as I was. "I've been through a lot of ups and downs. There were times with the Knicks I thought it was over. But right now as much as we are losing, it's like I'm the happiest I've been in my life. I've got my daughter, who is a beautiful daughter, Leia; she's two. My son Emaan. My beautiful girlfriend (Lais Ribeiro) is awesome; I love her to death. I am at peace in my life."

You just have to feel good and smile for Joakim Noah, and not just because of that season high 19 points and 14 rebounds earlier this week in the Grizzlies win over New Orleans. Noah added a typical eight points, four rebounds, four assists and two steals in the Grizzlies Tuesday one-point loss to the San Antonio Spurs. He doesn't play every game, always off the bench and often fewer than 20 minutes with the Grizzles going through their own doubts. But you can still find him at the high post searching out those lob dunk passes and back door cuts, with that high dribble out of the backcourt you're wincing about until it turns into a layup. Bearded with his hair in a bun in that most unconventional of NBA looks and his arms always outstretched ready for the pass, Noah seems to be welcoming the present as a gift. He still isn't looking for the shot much. But he's rolling hard off those screens and dunking with not so peaceful intentions. Noah has two double/doubles in his last four games and is averaging 11 points and 8.7 rebounds in 23 minutes per game this month.

But like Noah says, being back is both not everything about the games, but so much about the game.

"I've been through a lot of ups and downs. There were times with the Knicks I thought it was over. But right now as much as we are losing, it's like I'm the happiest I've been in my life." - Joakim Noah

The camaraderie of the locker room, the exotic aromas of deodorants, lotions and old socks, the expanding cacophony while running out of the tunnel and onto the court, the feel of the rough leather of the ball, the lights and noise and then the moment tracing the arc of the ball to find position, the ensuing wrestling match, the chance to do something for your guys.

"After that first year in New York, I had just got my drug suspension, I had my shoulder surgery and a knee surgery at the same time; I was just emotionally drained," Noah admitted about his bitter free agency. "I didn't even want to play anymore. The injuries were piling up so much I didn't feel I could physically do it anymore. But I was blessed to be around some good people. I got in a real healthy environment and I'm starting to feel…. It's taken a long time to get that feeling back. I haven't felt this good in four years."

Never much the classic athlete with those long strides and almost military style arm movements running, Noah was hardly the recruiting poster for NBA achievement. Which perhaps is one reason why he related so well. His famous soliloquy about why he plays, for the guy freezing outside selling newspapers, the guy at the top of the arena cheering like crazy, the people whom the game means so much and to whom he wants to take pride in their team. It may have been the most genuine and revealing explanation of the game and what drives fans' passions.

Noah had that funky, sideways spinning shot and looked the least like a world class athlete. He was bursting with the intangibles most so cherish but cannot scout. He led his U. of Florida team to a pair of NCAA championships, wasn't a top five draft pick, arrived at the NBA draft in an outfit better suited for Ringling Brothers and a body looking like the recipient of beach sand.

"I look back on my time in Chicago and I don't want to think of the bad things because the great times outweigh that so much." - Joakim Noah

But before he was done in Chicago he became all-NBA first team, a Defensive Player of the Year, probably the greatest center in franchise history and the star of two of the greatest games in franchise history. Neither won a title, so they aren't quite as celebrated. But there was Noah with the winning play against Paul Pierce to wrap up the triple overtime win over the defending champion Boston Celtics in Game 6 of the 2009 first round series. The Bulls would lose Game 7. Then there was a double/double in Nate Robinson's crazy triple overtime win in the first round of the 2013 playoffs, though the highlight really was Noah's seventh game domination without injured Derrick Rose, Luol Deng and Kirk Hinrich to defeat the Nets in Brooklyn even on foot injuries so bad he wasn't supposed to play.

Joakim Noah gave his body for the game and the fans and it eventually couldn't couldn't sustain.

The Bulls understood it was going bad in the 2015-16 season, and so was the team as it would be the last for Rose and Noah in Chicago. That great group, so beloved and so close, was at its end.

"Even coming off the bench (behind Pau Gasol), so many things I look back on my time in Chicago and I don't want to think of the bad things because the great times outweigh that so much," Noah said. "I'm not afraid to talk about the good and bad. I just saw Luol, Taj (Gibson) at dinner. You don't even have to say anything being with those guys now. It's just about the vibe of being around, how much respect there is there because of what we went through. Now that I've been around I realize and found out that it's rare. But you don't know it then.

"Because it's genuine what we went through, some wars and we wanted to win so bad and we fought so hard every night," Noah recalled. "I'm so (darned) proud of that to this day. That's what will be the highlight of my career.

"That Boston series, but I also look back on so many little things like being in the locker room with Derrick. With Lu and Taj, we were talking about this the other day. A little thing," Noah says. "We are playing Phoenix with Vinny (Del Negro) as coach. Kirk was our best pick and roll defender and so Vinny goes, ‘Kirk, you got Steve Nash.' And D-Rose is a rookie and goes, "Nah, I got Steve Nash. I'm not running from no matchup.' And Vinny goes, ‘But Kirk is our best pick and roll defender, you got Barbosa.' He goes, ‘Nah, I got Steve Nash.' And so we're like. ‘Oh crap, the rookie's talking like that?' Then in the game you see D-Rose standing next to Steve Nash. ‘I got him! I got him!' Things like that, stuff we'd laugh at being on the plane, rolling dice with Drew Gooden; it was always more than just the basketball.

"We didn't win it," Noah notes. "But the energy and the hope of having the chance, and we had a chance. And that's almost just as big. You realize after. Do you have a chance to win it? Maybe one, two times in your career if you are lucky. The year D-Rose got hurt and the year before there was a chance. That was special."

When it's going good it's normal and natural not only to believe it will continue, but get even better. So it seemed for Noah, a big, four-year contract to play back home in New York and for Phil Jackson, whom Noah long idolized, in front of his old crowd who laughed at the clumsy and spindly kid who got to the good basketball camps by agreeing to help pick up towels. In the world's greatest arena for his team growing up, introduced from his Hell's Kitchen neighborhood just west of the arena. How great was this going to be?

"I don't even know what happened in Chicago," Noah admits about that awkward final season in 2015-16 with a new coach, on the bench, lots of unpleasantness. "I didn't want to shoot. By the end of the Chicago thing, I wasn't loving it; it was starting to become a job. There were so many things going on I was starting to lose my love for the game. But it's like I wish what I went through in New York earlier I would have realized how good I had it in Chicago. I am not pointing fingers at anyone; it's just what happened. It sucks because I think just not being right mentally and physically at that time, it cost us."

Noah had shoulder surgery following that final Bulls season, but he seemed recovered enough for that contract. His highlight may have been that first game in Chicago early in the season, 16 points and nine rebounds in an easy Knicks win. His last double digit scoring game as a Knick was in January of that season, 12 points and 16 rebounds, and again against the Bulls in a win. But he wasn't producing enough in a dysfunctional New York environment, exacerbated by the demands of being back home. It's much more difficult to go home in the NBA that in life.

"It's tough to play at home," Noah concedes. "Even tougher with success with someone like Derrick. Something people don't realize is being young and that successful and having to deal with home. People can't relate. I remember my first game in New York against Memphis. I played well, the whole Garden was chanting my name, I was in tears and it was crazy. I had like 50 people in my apartment after the game and my father was looking at me shaking his head like, ‘This is a going to be a long year for you.' I was like, ‘I got this.' But I wasn't ready. I thought I was ready and I was not ready."

Noah had a 20-game drug suspension at the end of that season into the 2017-18 season, and his Knicks contract was already being condemned and mocked. He became the face of Jackson's failure. He played briefly, played a game in the G-league, got into a verbal exchange on the bench with coach Jeff Hornacek and basically was banished. He was released before the start of this season owed the last two years of his contract. He played in 53 games over two years in New York and averaged about five points and eight rebounds.

"Failing at home on a real public level was very humbling," Noah admitted. "We had a lot of success in Chicago, but what happened in New York also made me grow as a person and focus on what was important because a lot was thrown at me in New York in a really short time. In Chicago, everything was about winning and losing basketball games, and I realize now that I can compete and also have a life, a balance.

"It was not good, but now I can go back and say I wouldn't trade it because it makes me cherish even more what I have," Noah says. "It's tough because I'll look back and say I wish I played well at home, I wish I didn't let Phil down. It took me a long time to even digest that. I used to think I was playing for people's respect, almost like people looking at me like I was a joke. Even in New York, it was, ‘He's a clown, doesn't take the game serious.' So after my first year in New York, I wanted to come out and prove to everybody I could help the team and be a player and help the team compete and I never really got that opportunity.

"I'm sitting on the side of the bench in Madison Square Garden, not even on the bench, behind the bench, healthy. I had to deal with that for months," Noah lamented about his exile. "That was one of the toughest things I ever had to deal with, getting killed in your home town and not being able to do anything about it. I felt management and the coach at the time, they didn't show me any respect for what I was going through. There were times they could have given me opportunities and didn't.

"At the point I got kicked off the team, I was really angry and pissed off," Noah admitted. "I was partying and getting paid a lot of money and had no direction; that was tough. You don't realize with basketball and the NBA and high school and college, it's your routine and you are so locked in you take it for granted until you don't have it anymore. So it became, ‘If you really want to keep playing basketball, it's not a situation you can wait the way I was living my life.' If I kept doing what I was doing it's over."

The life vest was Noah's surfing friends Laird Hamilton and Gabrielle Reece. They took him into their home and their intense training, the healthy environment and food, the lifestyle. He finally was ready, but the NBA wasn't. Not for the flake. Finally, the Grizzlies called and it became Christmas morning again. Life was great; now it could be even better at 34 later this month.

"Failing at home on a real public level was very humbling." - Joakim Noah

We talked for a long time after that game in Charlotte. The Bulls were in town waiting to play the Hornets. The Grizzlies were staying over that night, and Noah was going to meet up with some of the old Bulls support staff. That's right, the workers. The Grizzlies' security said the team bus was leaving. Typical of Noah, he said he'd walk back to the hotel. NBA players do not do this anymore. With Noah wrapped up in a hooded sweatshirt, I asked him as we walked if he would consider returning to the Bulls to finish his career, even for a day in one of those one-day contracts players sometimes sign. The Bulls talk a lot about spirit, heart and soul, Joakim Noah's daily companions.

"I'm a live in the moment type person," the 6-11 maverick said with a smile. "So I'm not there. I just want to finish this year off strong and be healthy and grow from there."

Source: https://www.nba.com/bulls/features/through-all-ups-and-downs-joakim-noah-happiest-he-has-ever-been