#yeah... sorry Ei...

[raynavan]

CONGRATULATIONS @ingo-ingoing-ingone !!!!!!!

you know what they say! two heads are better then one!

but i think we all know who the real winner is here...

(a turn out for @ultimate-submas-tournament poll, specifically this one)

i highly suggest taking a look at all three of these amazing AUs! they are all verrrry amazing!

[mangosundae]

“Oh, Mango,” my imaginary audience cries, “Where have you been this week?” And the answer, my friends, is simple: I couldn’t get these stupid gay men out of my head so I made my first ever animatic about it. No-Eyed Girl is SO Billford coded don’t fight me on this.

Also I drew a companion piece to this post, so go check it out if you want <3

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

Baizhu design :V ? For funsies totally not going to draw him or anything

had way too much fun with this one hahah

[hymnoeides]

Having Telestratus ideas in mind and even more reqs (ily’all pls don’t stop) but I’m currently undergoing a dilemma where I’m debating to redo my entire Pisistratus design

He appeared blonde in a dream recently once and it’s been on my mind but idk….

[thenwhatthefukcisthis]

dominic cobb planning a heist to infiltrate the mind of a tycoons son in order to help another tycoon gain world dominance all while hanging precariously in thousands of feet up in the air risking his and everyone else’s sanity to be able to go home to his kids is NOTHING when you realise that eames did all that and some more, just to see his ex.

[harbingersglory]

miko is SO REAL for that, two switches fighting over who gets to dom is the best dynamic. if you have time/want to i'd be curious to hear any sub headcanons you have for lisa, ei, ningguang and/or kafka!

this is so incredibly self indulgent because i see ningguang, ei and kafka in the same sentence and explode. everyone pretend i didnt accidentally pick a fav here um

ningguang i already see as a pillow princess more than anything she fits this so well. absolutely adores going slow + worship. treat this woman like royalty and lord you will not regret it. she goes all out to make the night as perfect as possible. will not let you have a hand in any of it sorry!! this is her turf. perfect atmosphere suited to your tastes (tons of candles, if you like that, or just going by moonlight is also her style). incense, taking a few minutes beforehand just to really get settled in the mood (usually by cuddling, but shes not against just taking a moment for some tea or even a game of chess).

you'll also probably need all that extra time to sort through whatever shes bought this time. when i said she goes the whole nine yards i mean it. she has money and she will use it. very expensive lingerie for herself (and you, if thats your thing.) and literally anything you could ever want. it heavily depends on what you both want out of the night but she spares no mora making it the best she can.

the non-sexual intimacy before hand (and especially after) is important to her she takes it very seriously (for the both of you). you'll probably get dragged into taking a long bath afterwards before actually going to bed. hope you arent too tired! because its gonna be a while before you actually sleep.

because this woman has stamina. technically. she's just really pent up and theres no better way to get that stress out then soft sex with her partner. shes not picky about positions really but she has a soft spot for laying on her stomach with a pillow to prop up her hips (really accentuates the pillow princess part, huh /j). if you start massaging her she's gonna wake up the entirety of liyue. she's normally quiet but lord knows she needs it and she cant keep quiet for the life of her.

genuinely just very soft and gentle. she just needs some good pampering after a long day to unwind (preferably with a glass of wine, but thats for later).

ei..is very awkward about it. she probably gets embarrassed if you bring it up but shes not. opposed per se. she's just used to domming that she has no idea what to do. genuinely a mess the first time around but she gets the hang of it quick (shes a quick learner :])

also you just really get to see a side of her you usually never do! she's usually big on topping and shes pretty calm and composed about it (usually). not cold, just..she doesn't outwardly express things often. except when shes subbing. its like a switch flipped

just dont tease her about how visibly flustered and awkward she is about it. because she is. horribly so. shes still pretty quiet but thats just ei, to be fair. its like a cute, nervous puppy. call her a good girl though and she might short circuit so badly the shogun comes out

though i also see ei as someone who prefers giving even when subbing. a dangerous combo considering her body is a puppet and, yknow, cant get tired. you will have to pry this woman off you shes lowkey insatiable when it comes to pleasing you. 100% less of a brat, though. you give her an order shes following through with it before you can blink. efficient!

kafka is similar to miko, imo. maybe yelan too?? she gives off big brat vibes when she subs. she wont use suggestion in bed unless your 100% cool with it and even then its usually when she doms but when she subs? shes a menace. bit of a masochist, to be honest. she'll push your buttons until you crack and decide to punish her but woops, thats just what she wants so she wins anyway!

she cant feel fear but she certainly enjoys a good thrill. specifically sensory deprivation. cover her eyes with a blindfold and keep her guessing. its probably her favorite part, the closest she can get to fear. especially if you add a bit of pain into it.

choking, spanking, bit of blood..this woman is smiling through it all like she's the happiest woman in the world. especially if it makes you frustrated. shes like it desperate and rough.

if thats not your speed, though, she can get that thrill in other ways. semi public sex is her jam so sandwich her against a wall in some random supply closet and make her scream. shes not quiet even in the comfort of whatever room shes booked this time and you'll have to physically shut her up if you dont want to get caught. shes still a brat at heart, though. put your fingers in her mouth and she'll bite. your gonna need the patience of a saint to dom kafka.

[skibasyndrome]

.

[can-of-slorgs]

Final surprise boop attack for @yowassupitsred!!

Faeran would 100% be really obnoxious about Calamari, and would intentionally make others appreciate her boopings haha.

(Secret second boop attack to @starbiology in revenge to the april fools war because even though i didn't know if you had any characters, I think of her as your character by this point and I found this scenario hilarious in my mind)

[katyspersonal]

I've connected the dots. I've connected them:

1) Jar Innards were attempts at creating a 'Saint', made out of multiple victims (mostly fellow Hornsent but at some point Shamans too)

2) Jar Innards have a glowing golden string inside

3) Divine Gate is made of multiple people too, maybe even willing sacrifices for all we know! In the trailer it was shown to be very... lively and organic lol. As opposed to the petrified state we found it at.

4) Marika pulls golden strings from a literal pussy in Divine Gate, which is "affair from which gold arose, and so, too, shadow was born" (refers to following creation of Erdtree and Scadutree)

5) Miquella, on the other hand, doesn't seem to have created anything, nor seduce anyone except for his half-brother lololololol, he simply entered the Divine Gate after having severed ties with his body and personality and it already made him a God. So, what Marika did with the strings was not required to become a God, but her own volition ("seduction and betrayal").

6) Extracting the golden string from it also presumably what "killed" it; it didn't lose its God-promoting quality, but it did petrify. Maybe she stole lifeform-creating feature of it in general with it.

7) She most likely didn't auto-own Elden Ring upon ascension. I mean, Miquella doesn't either. It was, however, owned by Ancient Dragons until Lord of Placidusax "was fled"! Considering that he "awaited his return outside of time" in which he was already wounded, it more likely refers to consequences of battle with Bayle than not!

8) Two Fingers were guiding Marika from the start, they are even featured in talismans depicting birth of the Erdtree from a seed form! Two Fingers ALSO will have a mental breakdown if there is no set 'Order' for five minutes. They don't care what laws of nature are or who establishes them, as long as things don't descent into primordial chaos (aka Elden Ring must not stay broken or otherwise vacant no matter what)

9) Rune of Death was plucked from Golden Order upon its creation, and is found guarded by Maliketh in the place which looks like this:

So, most likely, this is the location in which Elden Ring was placed, before Marika took it inside of her, EXCEPT for Death!

10) Death was owned by Gloam-Eyed Queen until Maliketh defeated her

11) This statue must depict someone who should have been well-liked by either Ancient Dragons or their OG followers (became Banished Knights)

12) It depicts a woman with Shadowbeast, a brand of Empyrean (although hers is unusual as three headed), and GEQ was an Empyrean chosen by Two Fingers

Okay so

After Bayle wounded Placidusax and God knows what else he caused, consequences were that Ancient Dragons no longer could keep Elden Ring, so it remained vacant. It would be nearly as bad as Shattering for the Two Fingers who need a concrete person to shape the laws of nature, nor Greater Will would like the state of primordial chaos! So, they called upon those they've chosen as Empyreans - much like thousands of years later they'd call upon Tarnisheds, and Marika was the most promising one + the one to succeed!

Perhaps this statue IS GEQ, after all! And she didn't really betray Ancients Dragons of course, they were in disarray and could not own Elden Ring anymore after having lost it! Things once broken... etc. But, she allied Marika as second fiddle in her wish to create controlled era glistening with life, rather than letting Death occur the way it used to! Certainly cut the influence of Deathbirds, for one!

I am not sure yet why that allyship went sour! Since GEQ was literal God-Slayer, but Marika killed Fell God herself, I questioned whether fall-out happened before War with the Giants! @val-of-the-north said maybe GEQ refused to kill that guy in particular, because his fire is the one and only threat to the Erdtree but GEQ never thought Marika wanted to actually live forever? Like, she assumed that when the time comes, she or them both would pass the mantle to the next cycle. All things must die someday. I really like this idea! (Also adds the weight to Messmer and Melina being born siblings and allies in being curse upon Marika that I never knew I needed lol)

__________________

Damn, Ymir might blame Metyr and Marika for disarray of the world, but at this rate Greyoll might just hold Bayle's beer hgjhjggh Curse Bayle, indeed. On the other hand, I am a believer that fate can't be outrun and even if one tyrant never existed, another would've taken their place, so...

[nic-coughlan]

i can't get this story out my head

got into a taxi, taxi driver chatting to me and he asks about relationships, i deflect obvs as not discussing anything with a stranger and he goes on to tell me he married young, married his highschool sweetheart, and the marriage ended after 3 years and he's now married to his second wife for 42 years but...he still thinks about his first wife till this day.

"everyday i think about her, wondering where she is, is she okay, and what would have happened if it didn't go all wrong. every single day. but i got my wife so something good came out of it."

i just sat in stunned silence because even though he's married, has been for a long time and most likely loves her deeply, his mind will take him back to that first love, the first marriage, what could have been and it's so wonderfully bittersweet.

[nicosraf]

The weird thing about the debate on Israeli's indigenousness is that "indigenous" doesn't mean... you're From somewhere. You can stop being indigenous; you can stop being indigenous while still existing in the place your ancestors were born. "Indigenous" isn't that you have the memory of belonging to a place or notice little cultural things in your family that tie into your ancestral homeland. I mean, there's a reason we don't call British people in Britan indigenous.

Indigenousness is about perpetual opposition to settler colonialism, which is about the complete uprooting of a pre-existing culture and forcing that land to accommodate an extractivist, export economy. That's what it is. It's not about being from a place or even having a """tie to the land.""" (The "tie to the land" is definitely an element of indigenousness but it's really just a romanticized simplification of indigenousness — a simple answer for why indigenous people are at the frontline of environmental movements.)

When the Spanish came to Mexico, they worked with the noble Nahua people to de-indigenize them. They did this by converting them to Catholicism, teaching them European writing (Latin) and academics, and relying on the Nahua nobility to help enforce the new political system. Fransicans are usually credited with converting Mexico to Christianity, but the ones who did most of the work were the young, Nahua "niños del monasterio" who marched into the villages and burned the idols of the gods — of both their own and other indigenous communities. (Nahua soldiers are credited with being the ones who helped the Spanish conquer the rest of Mexico's native people).

Indigenous/mestizo scholar Chimalpahin wrote about the history of the "Aztecs" by calling every Nahua god a demon, by positioning the Spanish like a good development and by arguing his specific Nahua city was better than the other by appealing to Spanish sentiments. ("But maybe he was just speaking to the Spanish!!!" He wrote in Nahuatl for presumably a Nahua audience.) (Academics don't agree on whether to call him indigenous).

"Chimalpahin and the noble Nahuas were violently forced into assimilating into Spanish nobility; you are sick for trying to argue that they weren't indigenous anymore." I'm not arguing that they weren't, but they were players in de-indigenizing Mexico, and it's important that it was forced.

De-tribalization and de-indigenization are always violent and ugly; you don't lose your indigenousness, usually, because you're evil. Chimalpahin and the noble Nahuas were still victims and horribly traumatized. They were also enforcers of de-indigenization.

Anyway, I'm mestizo and have ties to central Mexico and feel a sense of belonging there, at times. I'm not indigenous to it though. The memory of any indigenousness in my family is just a memory now. We visit, and I eat so so many poblano peppers. But we've detribalized, become borderline settlers by participating in capitalism, lightened our skin through generations, probably intentionally (many Mexicans have heard the phrase that we have to "better our race"). If I wanted to actually reconnect, it would be a lot of work; any reconnecting indigenous person can tell you how much work it is.

I know people get really prissy about how "You can't compare Israelis to white European settlers in America because we actually have a connection to the land!!!! We are actually from there!! >:/ some of us are not even white!"

Well let's think of the majority brown mestizo (mixed) population of Mexico. Are they indigenous because they might have "ties to the land" and because they have lineage from it?? Maybe they were once, but for the majority now — no. Without a mass effort to oppose settler colonialism and reconnect, mestizos are not indigenous and might never be again, no matter how much of their pre-colombian culture persists in our quieter traditions and language. And the Mexican state is happy to co-opt aesthetic representations of indigenousness, to talk about our glorious "Aztec" ancestry, while actively hurting indigenous populations.

So assume some, or lets say all!, Israelis have every possible connection to the land (lets say they love the olive trees and cry over the murder of all the Nile crocodiles), maybe they're visibly non-white, maybe they can trace their lineage to the exact spot where they stand. But if they're on the side of a settler colonial, capitalist state (say it was even forced on them!! say they were even made to move there!!! say they are like the Nahua nobles) — how indigenous are you?

How much longer will you remain " indigenous " ???

[monards]

the way dain refers to them as the 5 sinners of khaneri'ah even though in almost religion or religious concept to include the idea of sin it's an established point that all humans are inherently 'sinners' due to being human im going insane

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

so since chen zhongli didn't have a connection to raniya, would he have one with venti? they're traditionally seen more often together (i joined like ~1.5-2 years ago i think it's because of last years lantern rite they're seen together but they're could be more i'm missing) and they're dynamic is always so funny i think it'd be a shame if they didn't know each other somehow

(but also knowing venti he probably would've blown up zhongli's phone by now lmao)

also as a second thought what is going on in like inazuma and fontaine if it isn't too like spoiler? do they have something mirroring the sokoku decree since there's no visions? is ei still in government to help the closed borders policy?

would neuvi have a position similar to his in teyvat? or is he just a dragon of myth like how rex lapis is?

sorry if that's too much i just love the aus you create and i love fleshing universes out

honestly? venti and zhongli have only appeared together in like one lantern rite scene and one poetry event and that's literally it, so i wouldn't say they're 'traditionally more often together'. on both times it was hu tao's fault anyway? so i don't think we've had zhongli expressly seek venti out like ever. but the reason why they have indeed interacted the most when it comes to inter-archon relationships (which isn't saying much because the only other ones who've interacted are furina and zhongli so like. venti doesn't seem like an outlier if he only has one extra instance over her) is because they're the only original two. so they know the other the most out of the rest, because again. only original two

so as for zhongli not having a connection to rukkha in this au and not having one to venti either; the only reason they know each other in-game is because of the archon war.

there's- there's no archon war in this au, at least not one that involves them. so like-

no. idk how to justify any of the archons having met each other imma be honest, which is why they haven't

as for the other nations- since zhongli isn't anything remotely resembling an authority figure in liyue, then neither are any of the rest, so no, ei isn't in office. ei and makoto are probably living normal lives as like- the descendants of a fabled samurai clan who now run a kendo dojo together after their father died or something idk. i could absolutely see their dojo and their sword arts being like- the same ones the shogunate's men use? so ei and makoto would be like the official sword art teachers of the entire military. that way we can keep sara a simp in any timeline LMAO also inazuma probably did have a closed borders policy but like in the past. so now they're all about trying to catch up for time lost in getting to know other nations and having other nations enjoy their culture. so the kamisatos are thriving is what i'm saying

neuvillette is a bit of a spoiler imma be real. not in that neuvillette is going to appear and matter (sorry), but in that if i try to tell you what's up with him i'm going into spoiler territory bc you can extrapolate that to other things, so no. but i CAN say that he's like- a judge. like of the justice system. maybe a lawyer? but i think judge fits better bc you know. he's a normal human guy, same with chen zhongli. furina is a famous actress but she does have a law degree bc i think it's interesting that she was essentially the prosecutor of fontaine, from what we saw.

[wolfwillowisp]

AUGGGGHHHH

[neuvilyney]

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧 𝐑𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬

Yes, most of this is gonna be because it's my own opinion and I'm biased. The cool thing about writing on my own blog means I get to refuse any character hehehe

No, I don't make exceptions.

★ I will NOT be writing for Dottore, Signora, Klee, Qiqi, Sayu, Dori, Diona, Nahida, Yae Miko, or Ei/Raiden.

★ I will write for AU’s that go outside of what’s canon, but no mafia, SAGAU, idol AU’s or anything like that.

★ I will be writing Sumeru and Natlan characters as they should’ve been (appropriate skin tones and features), along with different and more culturally correct clothing. If you guys have any headcanons for them, I'd love to hear it since I'm still learning about said cultures! Especially in Natlan.

- Ky♡♡