#yeah when I started reading this series I was fully expecting like . a page or two or crumbs. but hobb really did all that

[dogtoling]

General life- and blog update , since I assume at least a few people might have been wondering where I've been and what i've been up to recently. I obviously haven't been posting or drawing much this year in general. This will probably be an important post if you care about stuff on this blog, and I already rambled on Sheezy, but that site isn't very populated yet and it's also very good at hiding journals so let's just ramble again...

The summary of this post if you hate reading: I'm heavily considering just stepping away from Splatoon. That decision obviously would affect this blog (mostly, my OCs, which is kinda most of the blog at this point). I don't think the blog itself will go anywhere, and I'll probably use it for something in the future... alternatively i'll cherry pick stuff from here into an archive for people who like the worldbuilding.

Longer post under cut:

So what have I been up to this year? The answer is quite simple: NOTHING. Like, actually absolutely nothing. Aside from Art Fight, this has probably been one of my worst art output years of all time, which is really frustrating. That's between my horrendous mental health and depression chasms this year and a complete lack of both focus and inspiration (which can also get chalked down to the depression to a degree, yeah). So the very real reason to why there hasn't been much activity on this blog this year is because I just haven't Done Anything in general.

Now because I know there will be a few people who think "that's fine! you shouldn't judge yourself based on productivity!" you're right! I also agree. However the issue for me specifically is that most (if not all) the time I spend NOT drawing or creating, I spend sitting around wishing I could start drawing or creating, because that is like the 1 thing that keeps me sane on this freaking earth. Unfortunately coming up with OC scenarios in my head doesn't really result in output I can feel fulfilled by in any form as much as I wish it did, lol.

Now; The Issue. It doesn't take a genius to see that if you spend 9 months trying to finish like a dozen OC pages that you COULD do in a week or 2 if you wanted to, then there's probably more than just the problem of executive dysfunction (even though that's at least 60% of it for sure). Obviously my other major problem is that I live by imaginary rules and structures that make sense, but aren't actually useful at ALL in reality and are more than a hindrance if anything (the mental to do-list in my head that says i can't do X until I've done Y doesn't do very much if task Y takes 10 months and I also don't want to do it, and it also has no structured ending).

How does this tie into stepping away from Splatoon, you may ask. Well, the issue is that I have foreseeably fallen out of love with the series. Which isn't exactly news lol. Currently, I'm not even sure i will get the next game, if and when the time comes. Yes, the loss of interest is also expected, given that Splatoon 3 has ended and every fandom has this kind of downtime and lukewarm in-between-titles period. But the truth is that modern Splatoon (almost 10 years old!!!!) is tangibly different from the way the series was back when I fell in love with it. That was Splatoon 1, and while the series has improved in a lot of aspects and is thriving, it's grown in a direction that I just don't really like. Splatoon 3 had the most freaking horrendous, immersion breaking story mode they could've done, then they followed it up with a DLC story that was pretty cool but also compounded a lot of my fears about the series' future and played into every single thing i do not want Splatoon stories to be - fully character focused, random fucking villain, mundane event that's unrealistically world-threatening just because a kids video game needs a scary climax even though it's immersion breaking AGAIN, the whole thing taking place in cyberspace and thus offering basically no worldbuilding even though there is SO MUCH WORLD. I COULD GO ON.

The gist of it is that nowadays, rather than playing Splatoon and being inspired and excited at what comes next, I mostly find myself dreading what dumbass plot they will do next to throw a wrench in the otherwise good stuff. And when that's like THE main approach I have to what's supposed to be my favorite series, it is HARROWING. I can't even really blame the game for this; the story is NOT its selling point, the developers probably do their best to get the bits to us that they really want to tell, and at the end of the day the game is unfortunately a product. Worldbuilding for Splatoon is fun to a point. It's less fun when in order to actually write or create something coherent, instead of filling in the blanks, the blanks are 90% of the freaking thing. At that point you're just better off making something of your own instead of being anchored onto an IP that gives more problems than answers and occasionally shoots you with like a machine gun. Working in the realm of Splatoon is frustrating because more often than not, the questions I have ARE NOT MINE TO ANSWER, and the likelihood that the specific-ass questions I need answers to will ever be actually addressed is really low.

Tying this back to my OCs. Obviously I love my OCs more than I love myself which admittedly isn't that high of a bar but you get the point. The problem is that I spend a lot of time mulling over worldbuilding that, again, frankly isn't mine to do. Because if I want it to be Splatoon, then it should be mostly accurate to how Splatoon is! But the problem with that is that there's really not THAT MUCH worldbuilding in the series that you can work with, and most of the core game mechanics are just abstract enough that it's actually horrendous to try and come up with workarounds and ways for things to make sense that don't require just constructing a full knockoff version mirror dimension of the game and saying fuck everything that's in place here because Inkopolis Plaza literally has no roads in or out of there and I have no fucking idea how that's allowed when your only option is to jump the fence (or, nowadays, take the train which also isnt connected to a street as far as I remember). Between the face value issue and the lack of REALLY IMPORTANT worldbuilding, like - I will always come back to this - THE INK TANK'S FUNCTION 10 YEARS DOWN THE LINE - there's a goddamn ocean of plot holes and things that end up being obstacles to creativity rather than inspiration. I feel like I'm pretty solidly at the point (and have been for a while) where hanging onto Splatoon is really only contributing to creativity block and frustration with lack of freedom and the ability to actually do things.

So I guess those are my reasonings that I've put together just sitting here for the time being. The TL;DR is that I wish I could just do stuff without Splatoon's canon getting in the way, which is a really stupid problem to have if you're making Splatoon OCs. I feel this frustration extremely strongly every time I have to work with actual bigger aspects of the world; we still don't have an Inkopolis map, we don't know what the world around Inkopolis looks like, we don't know what the wilderness is like aside from Just Normal Forest and Desert and very few snippets as to what modern wildlife MIGHT be, I still don't know how the fuck the Inklings teleport to the goddamn arctic ocean to play a turf war at Shipshape Cargo co. These are all actually really important things if you're trying to establish a setting in any kind of storytelling that's outside of immediate city bounds (and even there, you need to know the layout of the city and its important areas). Also a fucking mutant bear and a baby salmon and a squid not wearing suitable gear went to space and fought on a rocket in space. These are some things that would give me peace of mind to not have to deal with in my own writing, probably.

So where do we go from here? Unsure. I haven't really made a decision on this front yet, though right now I'm leaning more towards actually going ahead with trying to do my own thing. That will result in obvious design and setting changes for my OCs whenever I get around to it. This blog probably won't go anywhere (again, unless I impulse delete it during a mood swing like i've almost done on like three separate occasions this year), but it will probably get less use, and I will probably end up making a new blog to post about whatever I end up doing once I get to a point where it feels like it makes sense. There's a chance that I will delete this blog and put all the interesting stuff on an archive blog for the people who are here just for the worldbuilding. My actual true passion for a long time now hasn't even been Splatoon anymore, it's just been cephalopods. I'm kind of done having Splatoon get in the way of the cephalopods, as thankful as I am that it introduced me to them...

If you read this to the end heres a treat for you = 🍪

[thewebcomicsreview]

A lot of the best writing is just doing simple basic obvious shit and doing it consistently. This page from Clown Corps is a great example.

For those who don't read Clown Corps....read it, it's great. Anyway, Morgan is a Clown (which in this setting is a superhero), who just learned that the mime-themed supervillain Echo, who has the power to mimic clown magic but had her mouth sewn shut against her will, is her long-lost sister Maggie, and now we have a flashback to happier times when the sisters go to a carnival (i.e., a place where clowns are).

This actually started on the previous page, where Maggie is winning stuffed animals and giving them to kids. Superficially, this is just a cute stage-setting scene, but every panel here is ironic. First, Maggie is accused (jokingly, but still) of being a criminal. "Suddenly you can't miss" lets us know that she sucked earlier but then became incredibly skilled at hitting targets. Maggie attributes this to being a "fast learner", a reference to the powers she'll later develop. That she's giving the toys away shows that she's not doing her "hustle" for nefarious reasons, much like as an adult her ethics are murky. And then the "fun's over" when her sister the future superhero shows up.

Then, in the next page, Morgan is mad her sister disappeared, and Maggie is mad she was expected to stand around quietly. This sisterly fight is foreshadowing Maggie's fate.

In the next panel, Maggie does a 4th-wall-breaking joke about how "it's not that kind of flashback". The primary source of jokes like this in Clown Corps is series protagonist Mary McBell

This joke is incredible

And in present day, it's Morgan who's most supportive of McBell. This panel recontextualizes the Morgan/McBell relationship. Morgan likes McBell because McBell reminds her of her long-lost sister. This connection would also serve to shorthand Maggie's personality for us, if it wasn't already coming through clear.

Morgan complains that mom made her bring Maggie along, which kind of establishes the relationship between then, and then Maggie hits Morgan with this savage burn. The out-of-nowhere horoscope reference is great, it's a specific hit on Morgan, not something that would be obvious to a reader from from these two pages. It feels more real than if she'd referenced something that we'd already learned about Morgan. Also "My nail polish doesn't match my horoscope" is just a funny line.

Oh yeah, and also this is the future Echo mimicking a future Clown. Don't forget that part.

And then the final panel is Maggie fully aware of what an annoying little shit she's being, but her expression is that of a girl who expects that Morgan is going to buy her that corn dog, glare be damned.

And, like, none of these panels are super mind-blowing genius moves that you'd need to be a twelfth-level intellect to come up with. Individually it's all really basic. It's impressive that all this referencing stuff feels like a natural conversation, but you - the girl reading this - could do that. What makes Clown Corps great is that it does this nearly every panel. Nothing is wasted, nothing here is doing just one thing. It's a sublime example of asking "Can I get more out of this" every single panel, because the answer is usually "Yes".

[lemon-natalia]

Nona the Ninth Reaction - Chapter 31

quick note first of all, would anyone be interested in me also doing a liveblog for 'The Unwanted Guest' as well as these remaining chapters?

and after three books we’re back on the Ninth where this all started. Kiriona’s putting on a bit of a show with the ‘Home sweet home’ thing, but it really can’t be pleasant returning to somewhere she spent an absolutely horrible childhood trying to escape, and without Harrow no less

this might genuinely be the first time there has ever been a dog on the Ninth, i don’t really see the cult of goth priests being big on pets

‘then again, i’m not sure of John period’ yeah me neither, quite frankly even after a book which spends half its page time detailing his backstory i’m still unsure about what exactly his plans and powers are

‘a string of fairy lights wouldn’t have gone amiss�� honestly given Harrow’s general penchant for interior bone design, i think she could be persuaded if the fairy lights were made out of actual bone somehow

ohh holy shit there was a good moment while reading that description of Gideon surrounded by corpses with blood on her sword that i fully thought that she’d come back to the Ninth on some weird revenge mission and just straight up murdered Crux

‘My lady, you have come home to us … at last’ why is this making me feel things for Crux of all people. like he has no idea about Nona, or that Harrow’s lost in the River, or anything she’s been through at all. all he knows is that she left for the First, became a Lyctor, and never communicated or came home again

oh great we’re returning to possibly the creepiest part of GtN with the weird ‘devil’ things. between the duel of the Third and Sixth and possession of Colum Asht, the second half of that book is suddenly becoming very relevant again. while Nona’s been living in a combination slice-of-life/war drama, Kiriona’s life seems to have taken a sharp turn into zombie apocalypse novel. fun!

i’m very intrigued about the little pieces of John and Gideon’s relationship that we get here, notably i think (if i remember correctly) that this is the first time she’s mentioned him as ‘Dad’, seemingly completely sincerely, unlike calling him ‘Pops’ at the end of HtN. and apparently he falsely reassured her that the devils were confined to Antioch, but Kiriona seems to have fully believed him and sounds genuinely upset that he apparently lied about it

wow Crux literally cannot stop hating on Gideon even when he’s actively fucking dying. on one level i can admire the commitment but dude, this level of beef with a literal teenager is ridiculous

‘there was a figure there - dark robes with a pale face’ okay i really can’t figure out what is with the weird stalker figure here. is it Nona having a hallucination of Harrow? just a strange description of one of the nuns?

Pyrrha apparently painted a mint green nursery here a long time ago, i assume for Anastasia’s kid, which would explain the weird remark about helping deliver a baby back in chapter 10. also this implies a version of the Ninth which was at one point not quite so dedicated to the doom-and-gloom-bones-and-death aesthetic, which feels inconceivable to me

well hello Aiglamene long time no see, this is a slightly more welcome return than Crux at least. ngl i really wasn’t expecting to see all these characters from the beginning of GtN again, but it’s interesting to catch up and see how little has really changed there despite all the events of the series

ohhh my god. this is not how i expected a reunion between Aiglamene and Gideon to go. Aiglamene seems so genuinely shaken by the fact that she’s dead, and the fact that she’s apparently very angry at Harrow on Gideon’s behalf, like !! she definitely seems to care about Gideon a lot more than she ever actually let on to her

‘Nona was deeply horrified to see actual walk-around skeletons’ i think Harrow would be mortally offended that anyone in her body could find skeletons horrifying

actually yknow what i take back what i said in GtN about Palamedes, Paul should absolutely not be a therapist with this bedside manner

‘You can’t take loved away’ uh, excuse me for a minute i need to sit in a corner and cry my heart out for a moment. this moment really feels like a summary of a lot of themes in the whole series

ok the final nail in the coffin for my emotional wellbeing at the end of this chapter is that Pyrrha did actually get a birthday present, one that she’ll never be able to give her. here i am completely distraught over cheap moustache rides what have you done to me Tamsyn Muir

istg at least some part of Nona needs to live on. like c’mon Gideon died at the end of the first book and she’s still kicking, Nona can do it too. once again it is nearly the end of a Locked Tomb book and i am in severe denial about probably permanent character death

[archiveikemen]

"Mobius Chord" Main Story Prologue: Chapter 10

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection; expect mistakes, grammatical errors, and some creative liberties. All original content and media used belong to +ONE by Ikemen Series and KansaiTV. Please support the game by buying their stories and playing their games.

Read this before interacting

(Sui-kun’s address was impressive.)

The scale of this event couldn't compare to that of a graduation ceremony, but the big hall was still filled with people. 

Sui-kun looked so dignified giving his speech at the party in place of the graduation ceremony we never had. 

Kuga: Sui’s a really capable person. 

Kakihara: I’m so touched! Sui-cchi is acting proper like a human!

Shina: … In order to guarantee that you’ll still wake up to see the sun tomorrow, I’m going to pretend I didn't hear that. You’re both done for if Sui hears it. 

I somehow found myself surrounded by these three while helping myself to the buffet. 

I glanced around the venue but couldn’t spot Kamiya-san or Miyamoto-san. 

(They must be busy…)

I wondered when was a good time to see myself out of the party while watching the noisy preparations in a corner.  

(Next up must be Lit’s performance.)

Shina: Oh! Sui, you're back! 

Sui: … Yeah. 

Koto: Your speech was amazing! You were so dignified. 

Kakihara: You spoke so smoothly even without a script~

Kuga: There’s definitely power in Sui’s voice. Feels like it just flows into your ears. 

Sui: It’s nothing. 

Sui-kun spoke while shoving a commemorative gift into Shina-san’s hands.

Sui: My job here is done. I’m leaving. 

Shina: … Sui. 

(Shina-san too… he knows someone’s coming on stage. Maybe it’s Lit…)

— Just then.

The lights suddenly dimmed and the spotlight was on…

Go Miyamoto: … This is Miyamoto from the 100th batch of graduates. I am a member of the entertainment industry and manage an agency… 

(Ah, it’s Miyamoto-san… he’s here.)

Miyamoto-san continued his speech in a polished manner, it was almost as impressive as Sui-kun’s. 

He introduced Lit, the group of promising new artists whose debut was delayed due to the catastrophic event that shook the world that spring. 

Miyamoto: And now, we present to you a preview of their new song which will be released next month. 

At Miyamoto-san’s signal, Lit began their performance on the simple stage setup. 

Shina: Wow. Lit’s gotten really good.

Sui: …

Kakihara: Hmm, hm. The guy playing the drums isn't bad. 

Kuga: I like the lower tone. 

(The song has a nice flow and Kei-kun’s voice sounds more refined than before. I wonder if he’s been taking vocal lessons?)

Although their new song sounded hard, it had a rhythmic tempo and a melody that was easy to remember…

Simply put, they sounded like professionals. Still, I felt like something was missing. 

(Feels like Lit’s true potential isn’t being displayed fully… I wonder what’s wrong…) 

At that very moment.

(Ugh… ah… argh…!?)

A headache struck me with an intensity I had never experienced before, and images started flashing in my mind.

They were blurry and hard to make out, but were something terrifying. 

Then came a ringing sound so loud it hurt my eardrums… 

(Nn… ugh…)

All eyes were focused on the stage, no one noticed my face turning pale.

(If this goes on… I’ll collapse…)

My mind was oddly calm, I could picture page 56 of the manual titled “How To Manage An Acutely Ill Person”.

But my palms were dripping with sweat and a chill ran down my spine. 

The images kept flashing before my eyes over and over again…  

(What… what’s going to happen next…!?)

[theclearblue]

In what specific moments from One Piece & Jujutsu Kaisen, that made you sure that Zoro and Kenjaku are special, that made them your favorite characters?

These are both kinda funny scenarios because I didn't expect them to be a part of my favorite characters at all askjlsjlv.

I think the thing with Zoro is that he defied pretty much expectation I had. He's a big fan favorite for like...I guess stereotypical shonen dudebros? I didn't know too much about One Piece going in but my impression of Zoro going in was that he was going to be the "stoic badass" and he has cool moments and he's the pinnacle of masculinity or whatever...I thought he was going to be boring, because I've seen that kind of character before and they are boring. But the funny thing is he just was not this character. At all. Yeah he's definitely cool, he has a lot of cool moments, but there is substance behind those moments and it's balanced out with him being an absolute dorky idiot and a deep love for his friends and for his dream. I think his introduction scene in Romance Dawn instantly sold me on Zoro, and he has so many good moments throughout the East Blue saga, but seeing him cry after getting sliced by Mihawk and making his promise to Luffy? Yeah, maybe that was the moment that truly sold me, and I'm still never disappointed when he's on page/screen, there's a lot to explore and dissect with him even if it doesn't seem that way at first glance.

Kenjaku is definitely a weird character for me, I'm not even sure I would call them my absolute favorite character in the series, but they have just captured my attention so thoroughly for the past, hmmm, 6-7 months? I guess some context, I stopped reading week to week towards the beginning of the culling games, and read from the beginning to the start of the Gojo v. Sukuna fight this summer. And Kenjaku just...fully stole the show for me on this reread, especially during Culling Games. I did NOT care about them before, it was a complete 180, and idk if I can fully explain it myself. One part and on the shallow end is that I think they're silly goofy lmao, they are objectively terrible but they do make me laugh a lot. But I think another part of it is that I think every character that Kenjaku significantly interacts with, it's instantly an interesting dynamic. Gojo, Yuuji, Tengen, Jin, Yuki, Choso, Uraume, Sukuna, Takaba, Mahito, I think there's so much to unravel with each of those relationships. The moment I would say I REALLY became invested was maybe Culling Games as a whole, but especially Yuki and Choso vs. Kenjaku.

[aurorawest]

Reading update

Just Like That by Cole McCade - 2/5 stars

So I started reading this age gap romance about two professors at a boys boarding school expecting it to be different than the last Cole McCade romance I read. It...wasn't. The emotions are turned up to 11 all the time, from the very first page, and that means there's nowhere emotionally to go. It also felt rushed and like the characters didn't really have room to breathe. So...I might retract what I said about the first Cole McCade novel I read needing to be shorter, because this one was shorter, and it didn't work.

Scattered Showers by Rainbow Rowell - 4/5 stars

Bought this for the SnowBaz story, ended up reading the whole thing and quite enjoying it. The SnowBaz story was definitely still the best though.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo - 4/5 stars

In my last reading update I said I wasn't going to read any my Leigh Bardugo books, totally forgetting this one was sitting very near the top of my TBR pile. I liked it a lot, but I have been informed that Hellbent involves a glowing, fully erect demon penis in multiple scenes (and not even for demon sex) soooo yeah. I think I'll give it a miss.

The Gentle Art of Fortune Hunting by KJ Charles - 4.75/5 stars

Drama! by AJ Truman - 4.25/5 stars

Bloodline by Jordan L Hawk - 4.75/5 stars

Wanted, A Gentleman by KJ Charles - 5/5 stars

Oh I loved this one so much. I love when KJ Charles writes books with a twist because I never see them coming. And it's not like the clues aren't there. This is a super quick read but so good. I definitely could have read a full length novel about Martin and Theo.

The Klockwerk Kraken by Aidee Ladnier - 5/5 stars

You look at this book and you think, tentacle porn. And yeah, there's some sex with tentacles. But??? This book??? It kind of wrecked me. It's two connected novellas about trauma, healing, family, memory, love...really really good. Highly recommended.

Pack of Lies by Charlie Adhara - 5/5 stars

And then I read a werewolf book and loved it! Not that I expected to hate this or anything, but I definitely went into it feeling a bit iffy, because werewolves are really not my thing. This book is romantic suspense and really good, and I loved Julien and Eli so much. This is a spinoff of Adhara's other werewolf series, which I want to read, but it's only available as an ebook, and I don't do ebooks.

Seven Tears at High Tide by CB Lee - 4/5 stars

Cute little YA mermaid book. Mermaids also aren't my thing so I liked this more than I thought I would. Much better than Jason June's Out of the Blue, imo.

A Restless Truth by Freya Marske - 4.75/5 stars

Again, my toxic trait is I don't really enjoy reading books about women or f/f romances. But not surprisingly at all, this book was really good. Though, you know. I inhaled all references to Robin and Edwin (of which there were many) and was sorta/kinda more invested in the hints of romance between Hawthorn and Alan. Obvs excited for the third book.

The Rules and Regulations for Mediating Myths and Magic by FT Lukens - 3.5/5 stars

Just Like This by Cole McCade - DNF

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I put this one down before I got through chapter 2.

Never Ever Getting Back Together by Sophie Gonzales - 5/5 stars

I tore through this book in a single day. It was SO funny and sweet. It's considered YA but quite honestly I'd call it New Adult. Or if you don't like New Adult, straight Adult. Sophie Gonzales is the author of one of my top reads of last year, but of course, since this is an f/f romance, I was wary. But ugh, so good. Highly recommend this one.

The Luminaries by Susan Dennard - 5/5 stars

Apparently the idea for this came from the author posting polls on twitter for what would happen next, which is...unspeakably lame, honestly. But the book that came out of it is great. Loved the world, loved Winnie and her family (especially her brother and his boyfriend).

Beguiled by Joanna Chambers - 5/5 stars

Loved the first one, loved this one more.

This Census-Taker by China Miéville - 3.25/5 stars

What was this even about? Pretty sure Miéville was high on peyote when he wrote this.

Nick and Charlie by Alice Oseman - 3.75/5 stars

Picked this up because it was 20% off at Target and was actually pleasantly surprised by how much more adult it is than the series. Then of course started watching season 2 of the series and found it to be as sanitized as season 1.

The Henchman of Zenda - KJ Charles - 3.5/5 stars

He Bears the Cape of Stars from Duck Prints Press - 4.5/5 stars

Glitterland by Alexis Hall - 3.75/5 stars

This is a re-release of one of a novel Hall wrote like a decade ago. It's not a romcom (which I knew going in), but I didn't expect it to be quite so rough. Similar in ways to Paris Daillencourt is About to Crumble, only that was funnier. The fact that he wrote out the Essex accent really grated, but I guess it kind of made sense. My bigger issue with this book was the absolutely shit editing. There were repeated paragraphs, formatting issues, and places where it seemed like there had to be something missing because it made no sense.

The new edition is annotated by Hall, which was pretty fun. Not a bad read, but it's not Boyfriend Material.

Part 2

[thequietmanno1]

TheLreads, Vigilantes ch 111, Replies Part 2

1) “YEP, BACK TO THE REAL WORLD THEN. GOOD LORD THAT LAST TRIP MADE ME DIZZY”- Back to Nomura suffering, which, is all the guy really has by this point. He’s failed at every task and commitment he’s set himself in order to become “real” and somebody all his own, and all he has left is rage and murderous envy towards Koichi for having all the qualities he most desires to become his own “ideal self” yet doing nothing with them in the end…and yet everybody still praises and supports him as the hero. You can’t help but feel a little bit of pity towards how self-destructive his desires have made him. (Vigilantes ch 55)

2) “I know that the Nomu project was an attempt to create bio weapons powerful enough to face All Might by combining a lot of different quirks into a single being and, with this manga that it also included a fuckton of Trigger to boost those powers into overdrive, but this makes it seems like they were going more along the lines of “we’re gonna create our own All Might to fight the original All Might”, and with this implication of cloning showing up, I’m starting to feel like they actually tried to get an offspring out of him.”- When I was reading it, I was still uncertain of what exactly the overall goal of the VF is, since the entire plot of him targeting Koichi and Pop has obscured what they’re actually trying to pull off with these trigger experiments and seeing how No:6 himself adapts and evolves whilst on the field.   I was expecting it to get clarified in a “part 3” of the story, when Koichi took on more of a Knuckleduster-like role after this hospital showdown to find out what was up with Nomura and who was behind him, but then the series just ended without that. It sorta felt like all the lead-up that went into parts 1 and 2 of MHA, culminating in the PLF war, but then not going on to deal fully with the aftermath after all the chaos died down.

3) “WELL THEN I SUPPOSE YOU GOT YOUR HEAD HURT PRETTY BADLY IN THAT LAST FIGHT KNUCKLES, BUT EVEN SO I BET IT’S GONNA WORK OUT”- Knuckles doesn’t plan to make it out of this fight alive. One way or another, his only goal is to drag Nomura down with him to ensure his Quirk is never again used to empower villainy. 4) “Or he could, you know, just kill you? It’s not like you can run from him anyway, but now that you’re in close quarters it’s gonna be even easier”- All he needs is for Nomura to be prone on the rooftop long enough for the blast to go off. If a bullet to the head isn’t a guarantee, then grappling him close-quarters to ensure he’s caught up in it will do the trick, consequences be dammed. 5) “Sure, you mentioned that before during the… other fight… but I fail to see how you’d get to do that when he’s WAY faster than before while using his quirk.

unless that whole “body fine-tuned to high speeds” was complete bullshit, as I’m expecting it to be”- Nomura’s needfor external validation from his idol is so much he literally drops his guard and his high-tuned speed in order to try and have that master-disciple conversation he so desperately wants form him…unable to accept that it’ll never happen the way he wants it too. 6) “Oh that was satisfying. Also, yeah he was stupid enough to do that.”- Nomura is not in the best headspace right now. In fact, he doesn’t seem to have been in the best place mentally for a long time, ever since he was a child. 7) “I would say he wouldn’t be stupid enough to fall for that again, but considering it’s McBee we know he will. He loves the sound of his voice it seems.”- He speaks out into the void, screaming that he exists, in the hopes of hearing more than the echoes of himself, for somebody to respond positively…and all it does it allow Knuckles to manipulate him nearly as well as AFO did. Poor guy. 8) “We trying to make him a tragic figure now by showing him as a child being used by Quirks Georg three pages ago huh”- He is a tragic figure. Just, how sympathetic he is depends on the reader. 9) “C'mon Furuhashi, do it. Pull the trigger on Knuckles. Do it, I know you won’t you coward”- Well, he did but. In Knuckles’ current mentality, a bullet to the brain won’t do more than slow him down a bit. He needs to stay on top of Nomura until the blast goes off, and he won’t let a little thing like getting shot stop him from doing that.

10) “…

That’s- Th-

No, it can’t be

Furuhashi wouldn’t actually give McBee AfO, would he? We know that he made a clone of it later, but this is not the case, right?”- Nope, but it does act as visual foreshadowing at to Nomura’s planned fate, should he have proven himself a success in the field. Instead, it’s the rifle barrel and parts still inside his right arm, even reverted to a semi-humanoid state, allowing him to shoot even if his arms no long as gun-like as before. 11) “Oh, you brushed the anonymous off? That’s nice. Sure, having Knuckles beat the shit out of the motherbrain so hard he saw his whole childhood probably helped a bit”-Nomura’s scrambled brains aren’t capable of doing much right now, even with his whole super-speed perception deal, which is exactly how Knuckles planned it.

12) “please tell me that’s an actual gun quirk meant to emulate Koichi and not, you know, AfO”- I think it’s meant to be something of a combo between Koichi, Knuckles’ own love of sniper rifles, and that gun-Quirk lady we saw a few pages ago in the Quirk montage.

13) “And we’re back to the concussive therapy session I see.”- Nomura is not the only one who like to hear himself talk. 14) ““more deserving people”

then he shows Soga and his lackeys.

Also, both Pop and the detective are in a Coma and effectively haven’t done nothing to the story for a long time.”-Of all the people shown on screen, about one of them has a decent chance of leaving this series with a valuable life lesson from Knuckles. I’m not sure that counts as a victory for him. 15) “Please tell me you have a bomb to take both you and McBee down”- He’s got several! 16) “No McBee, that’s his garage key-

WAIT A SECOND WHERE’S THE BOMB

AIN’T NO WAY YOU KNEW HE’D BE EXACTLY ON THIS BUILDING AND HAD THE TIME TO PUT BOMBS HERE

AGAIN

BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID DURING THE FUCKING SKY EGG”- More than that, this is Koichi’s apartment they’re on, not a random building, meaning he predicted the whole sequence of events so utterly that he had time to sneak in several huge oil drums of explosives and rig the place to blow at the same time he stole back his kit before the fighting even started. Knuckles could take up fortune-telling if he wasn’t so borderline suicidal. (Vigilantes ch 96) 17) “Oh god don’t tell me Knuckles is working with the real estate agents now, they are planning to beat koichi and make him sell his penthouse”- Can’t sell a pile of rubble, unless you want to build something over the wreckage where your house once was. (Vigilantes ch 96) 18) “Yeah, something reaaaaally specific in fact, but you wouldn’t know because you were never welcome into the Cave of Vigilantism. 

Don’t worry, knuckles is probably gonna contact you soon.”- Nah, Knuckles wants to leave this story with a bang- cremating the trash of the past all healthy-like so it doesn’t get in the way of the kids’ futures – and that includes himself. No goodbyes, so sad death scene, just exiting stage right without Koichi being aware of it right till the end. (Vigilantes ch 96) 19) “no I think it was just a bomb, bye-bye Soga.”- Ding, ding ding! You are correct!....which, now I think on it, makes me realise that Knuckles planned to blow up Koichi’s house. Like, ok, he knows the building will be abandoned and nobody will be in there at the point it goes off, and it’s the perfect ambush spot, but still – That’s all of Koichi’s shit in there, man. I get Knuckles really wants Koichi to move on from the mistakes of Knuckles’ own past that are threatening him now, but burning everything, including the location you spent such happy times together, seems a bit of overkill, no? Though on the other hand, considering how Koichi didn’t really do anything for 2 years and stayed in place without a kick in the ass, maybe it was necessary to take away his comfort zone…

20) “KNUCKLES I SWEAR TO GOD-“- So….if just walking up the stairs on his own is so much trouble with his damaged knee, how’d he drag the oil drums up there by himself without anybody noticing?

21) “DON’T WORRY THAT’S JUST ALL MIGHT ON HIS WAY TO SAVE THE DAY

ALSO YOUR DAD IS DEAD

BUT DON’T WORRY, HE SURVIVED THAT”- It is quite sad that Knuckles doesn’t seem to value himself at all, even more so than All Might. Yagi at least has the excuse of a greater duty to the country and the people driving him to the point where he had no normal civilian life left, but Knuckles does. He’s got a daughter who needs him, a wife presumably still in a coma or such, and a disciple or two that can handle the street-wise crime fighting without him, but he insists on dragging himself into a death-match like this out of an apparent need to die out of some kind of twisted “atonement” for failing his family so badly before and letting his Quirk get used for evil.

I honestly feel quite a bit disappointed by Knuckles’ stubbornness driving him at this point, even if he did help Koichi survive a sniper round…but at the same time, he seems determined that Koichi never see him again, out of a desire not to “taint” his protégée’s life with his presence anymore.

22) “Now how did Knuckles knew the exact position where McBee would set his ambush and had the time to put all those explosives there? “oh but McBee just pushed koichi down a route he always used it was obvious-” no, that doesn’t count, how did he knew the exact building he would be. That doesn’t even look like the best place to set a sniper’s nest, how did he knew it would be this exact building?”- How’d he know it’d be Koichi’s place in the end, someplace he knew well enough to lay a trap in? Guess Knuckles was reading Furuhashi’s notes to get ahead. @thelreads

[salamanderinspace]

Fourth Wing Review

This was not for me.

I know it's hard to read any book one's mother recommends through any lens but "this is a book my mom likes," but I cringe to know how mainstream popular this series is right now. It's a fairly boilerplate YA fantasy dystopia. Some of the qualities that feel very generic, very common:

-Exaggerated paramilitary setting where young adults are sent to die in droves by their unthinking, unfeeling society.

-Draconian parent figure that's portrayed as both loving and controlling; their actions are excused by the setting, at least at first.

-Love triangle / multiple love interests for the female protagonist.

-Extremely forbidden boy is forbidden

-Protagonist that's "different" in ways that frighten her but don't actually negatively impact her performance on the various challenges her society expects her to undergo.

There are a lot of cliches that feel kind of cringe but, I cannot emphasize this enough, 10 year olds are not going to know about those. They're going to be blown away. This really seems like a book for ten year olds, like maybe the protagonist (Violet) was originally written to be about 14 but a publisher said "your teenage protagonist cannot be this horny" and so they made her 20. I don't exactly love Violet. She is very, very stupid at reasoning and problem solving and general risk assessment. She seems unaware of the fact that She's the Bad Guy in this story. She has literal plot armor. It's extremely irritating to me how she is always ignoring her body and her pain and pushing past it, and this is generally portrayed as always the correct and necessary thing to do. So when you give your 10 year old this book, please remark about that.

The other characters don't really seem to have much to them outside their usefulness to Violet. It seems like Rhiannon or Xaden could be cool if we ever saw their POV but we do not (in this book.) This is a very jocky book with lots of action hero stuff and not much emotional depth.

DNF at the start of chapter 25 (60% through). I wanted to push through for the pay off where (presumably) Violet FINALLY realizes everything she knows is propaganda from this fascist machine she's enlisted with, but it's taking too long.

It's a very heterosexual book. I love horny books, I do, but this author is horny about particular kinks that really kind of gross me out, and they are extremely pervasive. Every other line mentions how small and short and petite and fragile Violet is. The author doesn't describe any of Violet's female friends beyond hair-color---she doesn't even describe the male love interests beyond Violet's own panting noises.

I like... the idea of dragons. But. Tairn is a jerk. I want to love him but cannot.

The book needs to be cut by about half, for all the repetition. Every single page is a reminder of imminent death, as if death is the only bad thing that can happen to a character in this universe (apart from a loved one's death, which again, is so repetitive.) I read, after DNF, that the ending is a cliffhanger, which makes me really glad I quit. Fantasy authors / publishers can't keep getting away with publishing serially while they pretend their books are fully contained books.

So yeah! Not for me, but recommended for boy-favoring ten year old girls.

[hellsingmongrel]

Look, it's haunted me since I read the manga and it really sank in! One of my favorite things about Nightow's writing is the SUBTLTY. He doesn't smack you over the head with the details, he lets there be long stretches of silence on the pages, where all the details are there if you really pay attention, and it makes it hit so much harder when you do!

Vash's constant state of mental anguish and Wolfwood's horrifying struggle with the terror he feels around Vash and it's slow evolution into painfully sincere adoration all make me want to SCREAM! This was the point where we saw Wolfwood's fear start to CRACK, he started realizing how much he cared about him, but the fear was still there, and Vash was only making it worse with how much he tried to help Wolfwood make better decisions, how much he obviously believed in him, and how much trust he gave him. Both of them know the other is a dangerous creature, someone who could cause the other immense harm, whether intentionally or not. And dealing with how that made them feel is so hard for them, in their own ways.

But yeah, Vash's constant state of hoping one of these days, a stray bullet will do what he can't bring himself to do makes me want to grab the series in my teeth and SHAKE IT LIKE A DOG! It's horrifying because of what it means when you really sit down and think about it, how much suffering it means he's been through and continues to endure every single day, and how much you know he's going to suffer in the future. He's SO TIRED, he's seen so many people he cares about get killed, he's been brutalized and traumatized in so many ways, so many times, it's all he knows, and he just wants it to be over.

And God, it really effects the way he acts leading up to his encounters with Knives. The scene where he and Wolfwood save a couple of criminals and then go drinking with them afterward just makes me scream every time, because what does he do at the end of the night?

He thanks them for hanging out with him and letting him have some companionship and fun one last time.

He doesn't think he's going to live at the end of the fight. He doesn't INTEND to live at the end of it. He fully expects for Knives and himself to take each other out in their fight and neither one come out the other side alive. And he spends a good portion of the manga very obviously saying goodbye to the planet and the people he loves and letting himself accept the inevitable.

And I think, even though he doesn't want to miss those things he loves so much, he's sad to let them go, the expectation also brings him comfort. In his head, he's going to stop his brother's bloody rampage, he's going to protect the world and people he loves so much, and he's finally going to get to rest. It's FUCKING HEARTBREAKING.

I just want to wrap him up in a blanket and keep him safe and protected and loved, like he deserves. 😣 He's been through so much and blames himself for so many things, and he doesn't deserve any of it!

Vash had to have known. And Vash didn’t do anything. Because he trusted Wolfwood

[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

An Inconvenient Affection [Chapter 3]

Summary: When a couples’ therapist is suspected of murdering his own patients, Y/N and Spencer must go undercover as a feuding married couple to draw him out.

Chapter Summary: Spencer and Y/N have their first appointment with the unsub

A/N:  Thank you so much for all of the lovely comments and tags, you’re all angels! I love every last one of you! I’ve added everyone who asked to the taglist, I hope you guys enjoy, and any feedback is always appreciated! ❤️

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Friends to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst

Warnings: NSFW language, sexual themes, language, mentions of stalking & infidelity

Word Count: 4.4k

Previous Chapter -- Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

She wishes she’d woken up to the feeling of the bed warm beside her, she even let herself get carried away fantasizing about what it would’ve felt like for Spencer’s hands to cling to her in the night, pulling her closer while he slept. But the cold light of the morning was harsh and unforgiving, and the empty spot on the mattress beside her was equally so.

So she got showered and dressed, if only to prolong her time alone before she had to face the day, and the actual start of the case. When she opened the door to the living room she expected to see Spencer curled up on the couch but he was wide awake, fully dressed, and reading through Dr. Harris’ book with a cup of coffee in hand.

“Oh, you’re up?” she says, startled by his presence.

“Yeah, I have been for a while, there’s coffee in the pot” he says without looking up from the book, skimming through its final pages with his usual concentration.

“Spence?” she asks, sitting next to him on the sofa gently, “You didn’t come to bed?” she says it like it’s the most normal thing he could’ve done, like they’d agreed upon it in advance somehow. And for a second he racks his memory to make sure they hadn’t, but he knows he’d remember that.

“Yeah, sorry, I fell asleep reading” he brushes her off and she knows from his short tone not to pry.

“Alright, I hope you slept okay” she rubs a soothing hand over his back a few times but he doesn’t answer, he only shrugs and continues with his reading.

She hops up off the couch and makes her way to the kitchen where there’s a hot pot of coffee with a mug beside it, waiting for her. She wishes she didn’t smile at the domesticity of it, but she does. She hardly has enough time to process Spencer’s strange mood before he’s followed her into the kitchen, mug in hand.

“Y’know, he talks about his wife a lot in this, how they got to a good place again before the ‘inevitable’ divorce, as he likes to call it.”

“Yeah, I remember” she nods, blowing gently on her coffee.

“Well, I think that’s worth considering, don’t you?” he nudges past her to pour himself some more coffee, as if that might calm his nerves rather than make them worse.

“What aspect?” she gives him a quizzical look.

“Well, if she made an effort to change initially, which was ultimately for nothing, he may see that as an inability to change. If we try and replicate that situation we should be able to lure him in for sure, don't you think?”

She considers it for a moment before speaking, “The similarities would agitate him more, might get him to slip up, make this easier for us” she thinks out loud, and Spencer nods along, clearly on the same wavelength.

“But on the other hand, a longer strategy means a longer case. Are you ready for that?” she eyes him carefully, taking in each of his movements, the unease of his stance, the way his fingers tighten their grip on his mug, and the ragged breath that he takes in while he processes.

“I hadn’t really thought about that” he swallows the lump in his throat, washing it down with a sip of coffee, “I don’t know” he shakes his head.

“Well, I guess we’ll find out” she sighs, taking a deep breath.

— — —

The drive into the office is quiet. It’s not unusual for the two of them to drive in silence, but it was typically a comfortable one. Not one that was laced with tension and unease. It was probably because of the appointment later today, and because this would be their last trip to the office before the case was wrapped. Which had a strange finality to it.

Penelope is the first to rush over when they come through the door, wrapping them in an embrace as though they’re leaving the team forever, one arm wrapped around each of them. Squeezing them into a warm bundle.

“Hey Pen” Y/N manages to breathe out in spite of the tight grip.

“Aw I’m gonna miss you guys so much” Penelope squeals.

“We’re gonna miss you too Garcia, but it’s not gonna be for too long, we’ll be back” Spencer reassures her as she lets go, but her expression is still an unsatisfied pout.

“Just promise me you’ll take care of each other. I need both of you back in one piece, understood?”

“Understood” they both giggle in unison at her stern tone, the safety of the team was one of the only things in life that Garcia took seriously.

“Good” she smiles finally, exhaling in a contented sigh, “The team is waiting for you in the conference room for the final briefing”

They explain the new strategy to the rest of the team, who seem a little apprehensive at first, worried that a longer timeline for this case could also leave more room for uncontrollable and potentially dangerous situations.

But that’s not what’s stressing Spencer out. He more-so just feels like he’s after digging his own grave. Working on a longer timeline, Y/N will be able to figure him out, she already seemed to be tip-toeing around him like she knew something was up.

“We understand the implications, and the risks involved, but we’re willing to make those choices if it means there’s a higher chance of catching this guy. Isn’t that right Spencer?”

When he looks to his side she’s looking at him and her eyes are soft and soothing. So despite the dread in the pit of his stomach, he nods, and he even cracks a small smile.

“That’s right”

After the meeting Y/N seeks out Penelope again, who’s still pottering about, cleaning her office, obviously a little restless and agitated about the whole thing. When she shuts the door softly behind her Penelope turns to look at her with an exaggerated frown.

“I still can’t believe you’re leaving me” she sits into her desk chair with a huff.

“I know, I’m sorry Garcia” she sits down opposite her and tries to coax a smile out of her, “If it’s any consolation, I’ll be spending nearly every waking hour with Smarty Pants out there”

“Oh please, don’t try and spin this!” Penelope laughs, “Like that’s anything other than a blessing for you?”

“What do you mean?” Y/N leans forward in her seat as she asks the question.

“What I mean, is that you’re abandoning me here for god knows how long! And don’t try to pretend like you’re not excited to play house with Spencer, I’m not a profiler, but I’m not blind either”

“Garcia… I don’t— I’m not— I’m terrified” she sighs, not even sure how to defend herself, or if she even wants to. It almost felt nice for someone else to know.

“Terrified? Of the case?” she looks concerned now, the amusement fading away as she reaches out to place a gentle hand on her friends knee.

“No, well, not really. I’ve been undercover before, I know I can do it. Just... not like this? Spencer, he— I don’t know. I won’t be able to hide it, and I’m just scared. I don’t want to make it weird, but I also don’t want to blow the case, or put anyone on danger.”

Something about having it out in the open like that eases her stress just a little.

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry. I was just poking fun, I had no idea”

“It’s alright, I’m sure I’m just anxious about the whole thing, once we get started maybe it wont be so bad”

“Well, how was last night? How’s it going so far?”

It was a question that Y/N didn’t realize she’d been dreading, and her mind snaps back to waking up in an empty bed this morning with a sinking feeling in her stomach.

“Awkward.” she nods, that's the only word for it really, “He just seems stiff and like he doesn’t want to be there when we’re alone together. Like, this apartment only has one bed, it’s pretty big, but he slept on the couch. We didn’t talk about it or anything, he said he fell asleep reading, but I know he did it on purpose.”

“Oh, okay. Maybe it’ll just take some time to ease into things?” she offers with a soft, encouraging smile.

“Maybe you’re right” she nods, “God, I really hope you’re right”

— — —

The office was almost sterile. White walls, sort of high ceilings, framed degrees littering the place. She’d been to psychiatrists offices before and they could be a little bleak. But this was almost devoid of personality, character, like he knew they’d be able to read into their surroundings.

“Take a seat Mr and Mrs Green”

Dr. Harris was smaller in person, not as imposing as she thought he’d be. She couldn’t imagine feeling intimidated by him, but then again he was a good imposter, luring people into a false sense of security within the confines of his office.

“So how about we get settled in, can you two tell me a bit about yourselves, any problems that you’ve been having lately that you’d like to address?”

He opened the question to the both of them, resting his notebook and pen in his lap in an effort to show he was ready to listen intently.

Spencer felt like he must really look the part. Considering his palms were so sweaty he had to wipe them along the side of his corduroys, only to start fidgeting with the new gold band on his finger, the presence of which only made him feel more nervous.

He knew Y/N knew, and he was endlessly thankful she decided to take the reigns. Launching into their prearranged backstory, hitting all the beats he’d memorized himself.

“So we haven’t really–” she paused, letting out a small huff, “We haven’t been, intimate, for a while now” she stopped there on purpose, giving Spencer the space to fill in the gaps in her story. A chance to let Dr. Harris believe Spencer could be just like him.

“So you just went straight out to find someone else!” He yelped, surprising himself with his unsteady tone. But he could see it was the right move when he looked towards Dr. Harris who was doing a poor job of acting like the statement didn’t fill him with adrenaline.

“So there’s been infidelity in your marriage?” He prods gently, leaning forward in his seat just a little.

Spencer let out a small harsh laugh, “You could call it that” he crossed his arms across his chest, “you could also call it fucking a string of other men behind my back. Even when you told me you’d stop.” He turns towards Y/N on the sofa, feigning anger and disappointment and the look on his face makes her want to curl up and die. The very though of being on the receiving end of that look in any reality made her heart ache.

“That’s an inflammatory statement Mr. Green, I can understand your frustration but we’ll try and avoid those in future” as he finishes speaking he jots something down in his notepad before turning to Y/N.

“Can you tell me your side of the events Mrs. Green?”

She nods, and gulps down the lump that sat firmly in her throat. “Yeah, I cheated” she affirms, “But he just never acted like he wanted to be with me, I’d get in from work late at night, and then he’d be up early the next morning and he just sort of stopped making time for me. So yeah, I stopped going home to him I guess” she played it for sympathy on purpose, she knew she wasn’t going to get any from him, it’d only rile him up further.

“That’s bullshit!” Spencer balks beside her but Dr Harris cuts him off.

“Wait a second sir, Mrs. Green, why were you coming in from work so late at night?” He probes, providing the perfect opportunity to bait him.

“Oh sorry, I work as a bartender at Cassidy’s downtown. Late nights for the most part so I’d usually get in anytime between 3 and 5 in the morning. And Spence here is usually up around 6, so there’s not a lot of us time”

He writes some more notes down in a hurry and turns back to Spencer. “And why do you disagree with your wife?”

“That wasn’t the issue. She’s exaggerating!” his hands start to contort around the words, in the way they did whenever he was talking about something and there was passion behind it. “This was an issue before you started working late nights Y/N and you know it!” he lets out a dejected sigh before saying the last part, “And part of me thinks you started taking those shifts just so you’d have an excuse for where you were in the middle of the night” it comes out a little soft, and sad and he starts to look like a kicked puppy.

Y/N can see the glint of sympathy on Dr. Harris’ face that wasn’t there for her. He’s clearly chosen a side already.

“So can I ask what you meant earlier Mr. Green, when you said that you’d asked your wife to stop already?” he holds his pen eagerly, waiting with baited breath for Spencer to speak.

Before he does though, he wipes a small tear that falls down his cheek with the cuff of his sweater. Y/N couldn’t help but feel impressed. “A couple months ago I came home from work early, I felt a little under the weather” he sniffs a little as he speaks, “And I found her on the couch on top of some guy”

He was playing the whole thing so well Y/N almost had to remind herself that she hadn’t actually cheated on him.

“She told me it had been going on for a while, not with any one partner in particular, so I— we talked” he sucks in a deep breath, “She promised me she’d stop and then, well” he trails off.

There’s a short silence, maybe Dr. Harris presumed she would jump to her own defense but there wasn’t much more to say.

“Alright” he spoke thoughtfully, practiced, “I think I can definitely help the two of you clear up some of this tension. Maybe get to the root of some of your issues. Would you two be happy to come back to me next week, same time, for another session?”

Spencer nods, eager, Y/N reluctantly, and they’re penciled into the diary for the following week.

——

They wait until they sit into the car and buckle up, pulling away from the office before they dare say anything. Y/N was about to burst the whole way out of the building.

“You’ve been holding out on me kid!” she all but shouts, letting one of her hands drift off the wheel for a second to slap him lightly on the arm, “What was all that ‘get Derek to do it I’ll compromise the mission’ nonsense about?” she parodies his voice, lovingly mocking.

A small laugh escapes his chest. “I was good?” he asks in disbelief.

“Spence? What? You cried, you can cry on command all of a sudden? Of course it was good, did you see the look on his face? He’s gonna try and kill me in no time” it rolls right off her tongue but felt wrong right away. Spencer winces a little at the sentiment.

“Well I guess we gotta get the wheels turning on the rest of the plan. If we're right he’s gonna start following us, well you, sooner rather than later.” he runs his hands through his hair, there was a relief that came from knowing that the first part of the plan had gone off without a hitch. But that only lasts so long before the waves of stress and anxiety about the steps ahead began to hit him.

“How about I drop you home, I’m gonna leave the audio recording of the session at the drop box and we can order take out or something when I ‘come home’?” she poked fun at the idea of her and Spencer sharing a home, but the scenario she was describing wasn’t unusual for them and they both knew that.

“Sounds good, we’re gonna have to start assuming he’s watching us pretty much all the time now.” he sounds defeated, or maybe just anxious. As Y/N pulls to a stop in front of the apartment to let him out she lets her hand rest on his thigh, just for a moment. And her touch soothes him, just like it always does.

“It’ll all be over before you even know it” she squeezes gently before letting him go, “Now get the hell out of my car” his lips curve up in a smile wide enough to force one on her own cheeks.

She knew it was for the best that they had to ‘live together’ throughout this whole thing. If Spencer wasn’t being distracted he’d be slowly unraveling. But selfishly Y/N almost didn’t want to. She was going to need to be around him all the time, not in work (well sort of in work), but in ‘their home’, all domestic and sweet. Of course she’d seen him in his pajamas before, or all sleepy first thing in the morning. But something about the consistency of it, for at least the next week, maybe two or more, she’d have to live in this apartment, with him. And she’d have to pretend like she wasn’t loving every second of ‘married’ bliss.

Of course he was bound to find out she’d been harboring feelings for him for borderline the majority of their friendship.

The drop box wasn’t far from the apartment, it was near the bar only a few blocks away. It was the simplest way to keep the team informed without having to conduct any in-person meet ups, they would draw too much suspicion, so this, and the odd phone-call would have to do.

When she arrived home Spencer was sitting on the sofa again, reading one of his own books this time. And there was something nice about the sight, his shoulders slumped and relaxed in a way that she hadn’t seen in days.

Without thinking about it too hard she lets herself move across the living room so that she’s standing behind him. Her hands rake gently through his curls as he tries to finish reading the page but he gives in, letting his head fall against the back of the sofa.

“Honey, I’m home” she says in a lazy, happy tone, “Are you hungry?”

He nods his head as much as he can from this position, “Starving”

“How does Indian sound? I can order the usual?” she asks as she pulls some of his curls off of his forehead to get a better look at him. Deep down she knows this is normal for the two of them, this platonic physical affection, but she also knows she’s doing herself no favors.

“It’s like you read my mind” he smiles up at her, soft and sweet, and she can’t help the way her eyes drift to his perpetually rose colored lips.

When the food arrives they sit on opposite ends of the sofa to eat, the gentle noise of the TV fading into the background as they talk. The situation almost feels normal, in spite of the apartment being different, the scene still feels the same.

“So, is this going how it usually goes?” Spencer asks between mouthfuls, but she just looks at him with a confused expression.

“What do you mean?”

“Cases like this one, going undercover. How does it usually feel?” he asks, a little unsure if it’s even something she’s allowed talk about.

“Oh” she nods, “Well, I don't really know to be honest, they’re all so different, there isn’t really a ‘usual’ if that makes sense?” she thinks for a moment, it’s obvious he’s looking for some affirmation, or even just some optimism. And while she can think of plenty of cases that didn’t go according to plan, she doesn’t think it’s time to bring those up.

“In all honesty, the common denominator of every successful mission I’ve had, has been the team I’m working with. A job on your own is do-able, but daunting. Whereas a job with a great team, or a great partner, just makes everything easier”

With that he tenses a little, just enough for her to catch it. He swallows down the lump in his throat before he speaks again.

“Am I—um— do you think I’m a good partner?” he doesn’t make eye contact when he asks the question, instead his gaze remains on the plate in his hands and the way his fork pushes around the food with a fake concentration.

“Spence, of course I think you’re a good partner. I wouldn’t have agreed to do this if I didn’t think you would be, okay?”

“Okay” he concedes, finally looking up to meet her eyes, “thank you”

There’s a silence for a few moments before he speaks again.

“Wait, have you done this before?” he asks, and she looks at him confused yet again, “I mean, this ” he gestures between the two of them as he says it, “acted as a couple before?”

She doesn’t want to answer because for some reason she feel’s like it would cheapen the reality of her feelings. But she can’t lie to him, so she nods.

“Yeah, I—uh— a few times actually” she tries to say it with nonchalance but the words still get caught in her spontaneously dry throat.

“Never for something quite this… long term, I guess? In the past its mostly been for a day or two, or for an evening, playing arm candy usually” she rolls her eyes as she says it, being stuck as the second tier agent on missions like that is part of why she requested a transfer to the BAU.

“So what would you do— on missions like that, I mean” he puts his plate down then, leaning in in anticipation of her answer.

“Well, those ones were usually reconnaissance missions, lots of fancy parties in fancy buildings, with bad people. We’d have to play a couple, one or both of us getting a little too ‘tipsy’ so that we’d have an excuse to break off from the crowd to look for somewhere more… private”

Spencer looks puzzled for a second before the pieces click together and he feels his heart rate speed up.

“That way if we got caught somewhere we weren’t supposed to be we’d just look like some horny you couple with no boundaries”

He tries not to picture what that scene would look like, and fails miserably. His head quickly filling with images of Y/N in some sultry gown, heaving her chest with her lips all swollen as a security guard walks in.

“I’m sure this case will feel a lot different” she chuckles awkwardly, and Spencer feels like she can see the glazed over look in his eyes from her tone, so he shakes his head.

“Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t it be” he brushes it off in an attempt to keep his thoughts at bay. Why would there be a need for anything like that on a mission like this?

“Well actually,” she thinks on it for a moment, “there might be a need for some display of physical affection at some point. Especially if we’re going with the new plan of convincing him that we’re improving at first?”

It takes him a little too long to process the idea, and his heart is racing too fast to come up with anything to say. So he settles with “oh”. And he doesn’t miss the way her face falls for just a second.

“Not if it’s not something you’re comfortable with, we’ll work it out together” she’s quick to rectify but he shakes his head.

“I don’t know” is all he says, and it’s the most honest answer he’s capable of. Part of him so desperately wants to know what it would feel like to have her lips against his own, but on the other hand he doesn’t know if he could ever go back to a his old life after knowing that feeling.

“Well it’s not something we have to decide now, and besides, you should probably get some rest, you look exhausted.” she feels almost rude saying it but she was pretty certain that he’d gotten little to no sleep the night before. And whatever he did get was probably less than adequate. And she thinks she knows why, so she caves, “You can take the bed this evening, I don’t mind. I’ll just grab my stuff first”

She hops up off the sofa to gather her things, Spencer following in behind her a moment later. There’s a strange silence that falls over the room, but she just pins it on the fatigue from the long day. It remains until she’s about to leave the room.

“It’s okay” Spencer says, hushed enough that it almost seems like he didn’t want her to hear it at all, but then it’s followed by another sentence, “You can stay too—only if—if you want to— uh, of course?” he stammers out. She turns to look at him, the room is dark enough but she can still see the nervousness in his expression. She almost wants to walk away, leave him with the bed, but she can’t tell if that would soothe his nerves or make them worse. He was such a blind spot when it came to her profiling skills.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, the couch is fine” she assures him, but he shakes his head.

“No, it’s not. It’s terrible. Please stay.” he toys with the book in his hands as he speaks, unusually stern in his tone, but the ever present anxiety in his features betrays him.

“Then I will” she says, and the relief on his face is almost instant. She’s not sure what it means, but she takes note of it none the less.

When she climbs into bed he’s still sitting up reading by the light of the bedside lamp. They’re very noticeably on opposite sides of the bed though she can’t help but mark this down as a win. As a positive step in some direction at least.

——

Let me know what you thought about this chapter here <3

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[missgwen]

🌘 Chapter 4 : River God

volume one masterlist

word count : 3.7k

Reina rolled her eyes, mumbling unkind words as she stared at Hatake Kakashi who was standing in front of her, orange book in hand, calm and casual as if he didn't just tie the Lunaria Princess unto a log of wood, not allowing her to eat the perfectly made lunch that her mother oh-so-carefully made for her.

The white haired girl's mouth watered at the thought of the glistening omurice that was in her bento.

"You know, sensei?" She started, sassily gazing up at him, one eyebrow raised, "If any one of my clansmen sees me bound against my will like this, you'll be beheaded,"

"Is that so?" He turned a page on his book.

"Yeah, you will! If my father hears about this, not even Satoru-nii can save you!" She tried again, gaping at his indifference.

"Hmm, Okay," He hummed, unbothered.

Reina huffed in disbelief, turning her head away. Just the sight of the silver haired man was enough to piss her off, 'I'm treated like a princess at home, how dare he do this,'.

"Well maybe if you didn't get caught, you wouldn't be here," Her sensei taunted, finally looking up from his book.

"Hey! I did well for a Genin!" She gasped in response. She would've dramatically placed her hand over her heart if it wasn't tied to her side.

"Doesn't change the fact that you got caught," Kakashi laughed gleefully, returning his attention back to his book.

Yeah, Reina did get caught. She rolled her eyes for the nth time, thinking back a few minutes ago.

"Kawa no Kami," she whispered, opening her eyes, seeing water droplets everywhere. She watched as rivers flowed thinly from her fingertips, willing them to grow longer.

As the threads of water weaved through the forest, Reina grumbles in impatience, "Just where is he?".

She's been sitting there for half an hour, frantically looking for her sensei's chakra signature, but the only ones that her invisible strings was able to catch so far was Sasuke with his colder than average chakra, Sakura with her steady flowing chakra, and Naruto's comfortingly warm chakra.

Yes, she's memorized their presence when they were in the academy. In fact, she knows everyone's chakra. But that doesn't change the fact that her sensei was nowhere to be found.

"How are we supposed to get the bells when he's not even here," she scoffed.

"I'm here though," a voice behind her made her freeze, "And who are you talking to?" the voice continued, smug.

Reina whirled around, gasping at the sight of the man she has been searching for in the past half hour. "Sensei! How long have you been there?!", she all but screamed.

"Hmm, I've been here for as long as you have," he stated casually, taking out an orange colored book.

Reina watched him, head tilting slightly, 'What, is he gonna read? I thought we're to fight?', she shrugged off the thought, taking the opportunity. She discreetly raised her pointer finger, directing invisible strings to his pant loop where the bells were tied, she tried to distract him.

"Hmm, what are you reading sensei," her eyebrows raised innocently.

"Why don't you ask Satoru," he replied, eyes never leaving his book, "He'll explain to you the context,"

Reina mentally scoffed, knowing exactly what the book was about. 'How improper, reading those icha-icha monstrosity in front of children,'.

She found out what the series was about, one unfortunate afternoon. She vowed to never again, sneak into her eldest brother's room and take books from his shelf. She shuddered, traumatized.

The strings were about to loop into the bells when Kakashi suddenly jumped back, effectively avoiding them. Reina's nonchalant attitude fell, quickly replaced with confusion.

"No way, how did you know?" She was intrigued, she didn't actually expect for this test to be that easy.

"Well for one, the constant twitching of your finger doesn't work on your favor," he answered, amused, "And two, your strings aren't really fully invisible yet, if a normal person would look closely, we'll be able to see the outlines,".

Masking her surprise for the sake of her pride, she straightened her back, arms folded, "So you're saying we Lunarias aren't normal?" She tried to intimidate him to no avail.

"Not what I meant," Kakashi rolled his eyes, taking his kunai out, "Now show me your Taijutsu." He rushed forward, barely giving her any time to think.

A number of embarrassing minutes pass of Reina frantically forming her strings into several shapes—namely claws, whips, and webs—, the white haired girl got a sharp chop to her neck, knocking her out.

And she woke up after who knows how long. Tied to a log, being refused meal privileges. What a life.

"Oh," Kakashi perked up from his book, "Naruto got caught as well!" He seemed way too happy about it, Reina made a face.

Right on cue, another Kakashi came carrying a thrashing blonde boy on his back, yelling obscenities to his ear.

Reina glanced back at the Kakashi that had been guarding her. Seeing no one there, she groaned, "I couldn't defeat a clone?"

"Don't get too worked up about it, I didn't have to hold back when I fought you," Kakashi gave her a close-eyed smile while his hands worked to tie Naruto to the log next to her's.

"No way," the blonde spoke up, "Rei-chan, you got caught?" Reina didn't know why he looked so shocked.

"Hmm yeah, ages ago, I didn't stand a chance," she mumbled, eyes on the ground.

"Hey, what did I say," Kakashi interjected waving a finger at her from side-to-side, his other hand on his hips like her mother usually does, "Unlike what I did with Naruto and the others, I actually fought back when I faced you, not just defense,"

"Really?" She asked, hopeful.

"Yes, were you not listening earlier?" He rolled his eyes, well... eye, "If I cut back on the strength just a bit, I would've gotten caught up in those strings of yours. I can tell you've trained hard with your brothers." He finished on a gentler note, his usual close-eyed smile directed at her, reassuring.

"Wait, strings?" Naruto interrupted, head animatedly glancing from the girl beside him to his sensei, "What strings? You have strings, Rei-chan?"

Reina laughed, shaking her head, "You'll get to see them once we get our first mission!" she smiled, "and Rei-chan? That's new,"

"Yeah, we never had a chance to be friends when we were at the academy, but it's not too late now ya'know!"

"Allright! We'll be friends from now on!" His warm grin was contagious, she couldn't help but smile back.

The shrill ring of the bell brought Sakura and Sasuke back to them, walking from the tree lines together, surprisingly.

"Reina!?" Sakura started, looking at her tied up form, eyes wide, "No way, you got caught?" Reina still didn't understand why everyone was so shocked about her condition.

"Yeah," she nodded slowly, "I was the first one here actually," her eyebrows raised further when even Sasuke made a shocked face.

The two newcomers sat on the ground, facing their sensei. The two bentos on the ground made the students' stomachs simultaneously rumble, extremely hungry after not having eaten breakfast.

"Oh, your stomachs are rumbling!" Kakashi mocked way too cheerily, "Anyway, about this exercise, well, there's no need for you to go back at the Academy,"

Reina hung her head dejectedly, thoughts running negative.

"What? All I did was lay unconscious," Sakura perked up, further dampening Reina's mood.

"Then why am I the only one tied up? You knocked me out too, sensei!" She blurted, earning a sheepish glance from her pink haired friend.

"Mah, mah, I just thought Sakura was gonna try and fight again once she's waken up, so I gave her another chance," Kakashi defended, "You however, fought hard enough,"

Reina backed off, pouting as Naruto celebrated about who knows what. 'Don't they realize Kakashi-sensei is going to demote us?'.

"Then! Then! That means the four of us..." the boy was thrilled, while Reina slumped even further.

"Yes!"Kakashi cheerily started, "The four of you... must quit being ninja!" His voice trailed to a low tone, and everyone stilled.

"Q-quit being a ninja?!" There goes his happy hour, gone with the wind.

"What do you mean?! We didn't manage to take the bells, but why should we have to quit?!"

"That's because you're all squirts who don't have the qualifications to become ninja!" Kakashi taunted, eyes sharp.

"But you even told us yourself!" Naruto continued, "Rei-chan managed to get you to use defense, why is she being told to quit too?"

Reina perked up, hearing Naruto defend her, 'He's really too good, huh,'. "It's okay Naruto," she comforted, "I'd rather quit being a ninja than leave you guys behind!" The girl smiled warmly.

Unbeknownst to the four genin, their sensei brightened up at her words, about to clear his throat to comment, when Sasuke turned back around, charging at him on full speed.

In a second, the raven haired boy was face down on the ground, his arms pinned to his back as their sensei stepped on his head. The older man sighed, dismissing the hope for the team that the Lunaria princess' words gave him.

"This is exactly why you all are still squirts."

"Do you kids think being a ninja is easy? Huh?" He stated lowly, earning a sharp inhale from his students, "Why do you think you're doing this exercise in teams?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" Sakura asked.

"Man, are you guys brainless or what?" He taunted harshly, "Don't you get the meaning of a squad?!"

"Teamwork?!" Reina gasped in disbelief, mentally beating herself up for not realizing it sooner. Her brothers wouldn't stop telling her about how important teamwork was, and she totally forgot about it the moment she went out to the field. Oh how her brothers would berate her about it, she shivered at the thought.

Sakura gaped as she looked at the white haired girl, "Reina, you mean working together?", Reina dejectedly nodded in confirmation.

"Exactly." Kakashi snorted, "But it's too late even if you realize that now. You guys would have been able to take the bells if only you had come at me as a team. Well it's too bad."

"Wait, but why should we have to use teamwork when there were only two bells? If the four of us were to go desperately take the bells while half of us holds back, that wouldn't be teamwork. That'd create internal discord!" Sakura reasoned.

"Of course! This is a test to purposely place you against each other." Kakashi bluntly stated, everyone reeled back, "It's under such conditions where one's own interests aren't the issue! The intention was to select those who could prioritize teamwork. Despite this, you fools..." he trailed off, shaking his head in disappointment.

"Sakura!" He barked, the girl flinching at the sudden call, "You were only concerned with Sasuke even if you didn't even know where he was! You didn't care for Naruto who was right in front of you! And despite the fact that you call yourself Reina's closest friend, you didn't even stop to think about her well-being!" The white haired girl gazed at her friend with sad eyes, feeling sympathy for her being scolded so harshly.

"Reina!" She averted her eyes from Sakura to the ground, refusing to look her sensei in the eyes, "You were the first one to leave and decided to act alone! You even managed to catch them on your strings but what did you do? Instead of contacting them and convincing them to do this together, you brushed them off!"

The Lunaria flinched, truly ashamed. She wasn't normally one to work alone, having had to rely on her brothers all her life. She figured she was just thrilled at the opportunity to work alone, even if she wasn't supposed to.

"Naruto! All you do is run solo! And you Sasuke! You labeled the others as hindrances and acted on your own without a second thought!"

"Did every one of you forget that missions are carried out in squads?! Yes, I know that individual strengths are needed, but teamwork is more important than that! Individual actions that disrupt teamwork and throws the team into crisis and lead to death. For example,"

"Sakura! Kill those two or Sasuke dies!" The sliver haired man whipped out his kunai, angling it to the the boy who was still being pinned by his foot. Everyone jolted, panicking.

"—that happens during missions." The man calmed them down.

"Oh my god," Reina mumbled as she breathed in relief. "I was so surprised," Sakura slumped heavily after the shocking experience.

"On top of having a hostage taken," their sensei continued spinning the kunai in hand, "You're faced with two impossible choices and end up being killed. Every mission is a life threatening assignment." He reminded letting go of the Uchiha as he stood up.

"Look here," he walked to the KIA Stone, "The many names that are engraved in this are all ninjas who are called heroes in the village."

"Oh! Hey! I like that!" Naruto's cheerful remark drew the Lunaria's attention.

"Naruto..." she trailed off, not knowing how to say it.

"I've decided now to get my name engraved there too!" The boy didn't seem to notice her melancholy, "A hero! I'm not going to die like a dog!"

"But, they're not just ordinary heroes," Reina sighed as Kakashi-sensei turned to glance at the boy.

"They are heroes who were killed in action." He continued for her after a beat of silence.

Reina looked away, remembering the times that her brother Satoru brought her and Sora here to pay respects to his fallen team. He was the only one to survive after a mission gone wrong, and even till now, he brings flowers to their graves, prays for them before he starts and ends his every day.

"This is a memorial," Kakashi started again, "The names of my friends are also engraved here."

Reina looked up, sympathy in her eyes. 'So sensei is just like nii-san'.

"I'll give you guys one more chance,"

Reina was broken out of her thoughts as Kakashi spoke again, "However, after noon, it'll be a harsher battle than before! Those who want to take on the challenge can eat lunch, but, you can't give any to Naruto and Reina. It's punishment for breaking the rules and trying to eat lunch by yourself, Naruto.

And Reina for getting caught."

That earned a noise of complaint from the boy an eye roll from the girl. Kakashi was surprised at how fast her attitude changed, making him sweatdrop.

"Hmm, I still don't understand why only Naruto and I are tied up when Sasuke and Sakura were caught too!" She sneered suspiciously, "I say it's favoritism!"

The older man turned away from them to hide his own eye roll, but Reina was still able to see, causing her to roll her eyes again.

"If I catch any one of you two giving them even a piece of rice," he started, choosing to ignore the Lunaria's quips, "That person will be disqualified on the spot!"

Everyone frowned as he continued lowly, "I make the rules here. Got it?" He motioned for Sasuke and Sakura to take the bentos, walking away right after.

The two hesitantly started to eat, occasionally glancing at the tied up duo that was currently struggling to keep a straight face.

"I'm okay with not eating lunch!" Naruto exclaimed after his stomach rumbled, "No sweat at all!"

Reina awkwardly laughed as the boy forced a reassuring grin, "Well, I am not fine!"

"Just you wait! I have a perfectly prepared lunch waiting to be eaten, mother won't be too happy if I go home with it untouched!" She grumbled as she squirmed slightly to wriggle her hands free, "Wait, Sakura, can you please open that for me?" She whispered dramatically, eyes pleading.

"Okay," The pinkette whispered back, deciding to just trust her friend in whatever she was planning to do, and reaching for the wrapped bento.

"It should be fine if he's not here," Sasuke assured reaching out to Naruto, giving him a piece of his food. The blonde perked up, eyes glazing with held back tears.

"Nearly there," Reina grunted as she worked, catching the attention of the others.

"What are you doing?" Sakura asked as she sat back down to her place after opening the white haired girl's bento.

"I'm," Reina broke the ropes, the other three looking at her with wide eyes, "Breaking free!" She whiper-shouted, spreading her arms wide revealing a smaller than average kunai, the blade itself was black, it's handles were wrapped in powder pink silk, and a thin string tied it in place on her wrist.

She turned her head from side-to-side, searching for any sign of a certain silver haired Jounin. Finding no one, she dashed for her lunch, the omurice almost luring her in like a siren to a pirate. She turned to Naruto's direction as she found a bundle of onigiri that was in a separate wrap.

"Here, you can have this," she smiled, giving the triangle of rice to Sasuke for him to feed it to the blonde boy, "I can only eat so much, yaknow!"

"Thank you, Rei-chan!" The boy grinned, biting into the rice as the Uchiha held it up to his mouth, "And thank you, Sasuke!" He laughed as the ravenette rolled his eyes.

The four ate peacefully, taking turns feeding Naruto, when the sky darkened rapidly.

A clap of thunder, a gust wind, and the booming voice of Hatake Kakashi rang through the clearing. Reina nearly threw her bento to the nearest person from fright. She wasn't able to do so of course as Uchiha Sasuke threw her a withering, warning glare. She slunk back, gaining her bearings.

"YOU!!" A whirlwind revealed their sensei, eyes boring into them, seemingly enraged.

Reina got to her feet, flinching with a scared yelp.

"You defied the rules so that means you know what's coming," he whispered dangerously, "Do you have anything to say?"

"Hmm," Reina raised a shaking hand, about to say something when Kakashi glared at her, stopping what she was about to say, making her run back to the log she was supposed to be tied on.

Everyone cowered in fear as he formed hand-seals, making the earth quake.

"But you see," Naruto flinched when it was his turn to receive the Jounin's glare, but he continued, determined, "But you said! Sensei!"

"What?!" The older man raise his eyebrows.

Naruto gasped, hesitating, "Th-these guys—!"

"—We're a four-man cell, aren't we?" Sasuke interjected, looking around for help.

Sakura nodded, continuing, "That's right! The four of us are one!"

"That's right ya'know!" Naruto all but screamed.

"Yeah! You shouldn't even have refused to let us eat! That's illegal!" Reina regained confidence, eyes narrowed and arms crossed, stepping back from the log.

"Is it? Don't think I'm not noticing the fact you cut the ropes," Kakashi tsked, rolling his eyes as he leaned forward, "If that's the case then..." the man leaned forward, hands on hips.

"—You pass!"

"What the hell?" Reina whispered after a beat of silence.

"I said you pass!" Kakashi said, a genuine smile on his face.

"We passed?" Sakura stuttered, "Why?"

"Hmm," the older man straightened up, the sky clearing, "You guys are the first. Up until now, it was always just dunces who would meekly listen to what I said. But you guys didn't listen for the sake of each other! One of you even had the guts to cut the rope I specifically told was supposed to be punishment!" He laughed.

"A ninja must see through deception. And In the world of ninja, the people who break the rules are considered as scum."

"But you know," their sensei looked up to the sky, voice softening to a whisper, "Those who leave their friends behind are even worse than scum."

"He's, he's kinda cool," Naruto shook, struggling to hold back tears.

Reina numbly nodded to what he said, staring at their sensei with newfound respect. Listening intently as he spoke again.

"That's it for the exercise, everyone passes!" The silver haired man moved widely, arms flinging to a flamboyant thumbs up, "Team Seven starts their first mission tomorrow!"

The group cheered on cue, disturbing the birds that slept on the trees that surrounded the clearing.

"We did it! We're ninja!" Naruto was full on crying at this point, not holding back anymore.

"Let's head home." Kakashi turned, walking away with his students following.

Reina packed up her bag in a daze, not hearing Naruto's calls for help.

"And he tied me to a log!" The white haired girl all but cried, clutching on her father's white kimono, her mother Rio watching as her and Soichiro held back their laughter for their daughter's sake.

"Can you believe it? Mum? Dad? He even had the audacity to not let me eat!"

Soichiro only pat his daughter's head, "That's Kakashi alright." He laughed heartily, "So then? What happened after that? How did you pass?"

"Hmm, you see, me and Naruto were tied to the logs right?" She talked animatedly, "So when sensei left, I cut the ropes with the kunai that mama gave me!" She showed said kunai, her parents nodding along.

"So when I was free, Sakura and Sasuke gave Naruto a piece of their food and I gave him the onigiri you packed! And Sasuke fed him because he was still tie—" her rambling halted as she gasped, realizing she forgot something important.

No one had untied the blonde boy from the post.

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[greenbriarsbed]

This is a 3.5 rounded-up. But to be honest I don't even know how to classify this book. I'm fuming. Spoilers ahead, beware. THIS WAS THE MOST ANTI-CLIMATIC ENDING I HAVE EVER READ IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I have no words to describe it. I'm so entirely utterly mad about this. I'm not "afraid" of big books. In fact, my favourite trilogy has like 900 pages each (Ken Follett, The Century Trilogy series). But goddamn, many of these pages are filled with nothing. There were parts of this book where I was bored to death and it made me delay the ending because I had no will to pick up the book. On the other hand, I cannot leave a book unfinished, so I had to see it through - BECAUSE I NEED TO HAVE CLOSURE. And if there is one thing I didn't have with this book was bloody closure. Although it's somewhat vast, I liked the time-lapse and the back and forth in Addie's life. As soon as Henry was introduced, the plot was too predictable - I knew this wasn't going to be a fairytale. But that's not what I'm complaining about. What made me roll my eyes the most was the lack of goddamn chemistry those two had. We read about her romance with Remy, Toby, even Sam (and she was only mentioned in one chapter) and it was way more interesting and passionate than the relationship she had with Henry. Unlike many, I truly believe that what those two had wasn't love, but more like a mutual agreement of need - Addie "loved" Henry because he remembers her, and Henry "loves" Addie because she's the only one who sees him for what he truly is. If we think about it, they only love each other because they represent the right to the wrong of the deals that both have made with Luc. OH, AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON LUC. Well, of course I'm gonna rant about Luc. The chaotic energy that emanates from that body is relentless. To me, that was the real motor of the story. Addie has lived three hundred years for the sole purpose of living fully and unrestrained and throughout the 600 pages, I only saw a girl who saw the years passing by and kept on going. Yeah, she saw some things and travel and bla bla bla, more than she could have ever done with her old life, but I didn't feel like she actually lived. In fact, she only lived, when Luc was around. Of course that was a toxic relationship, but what would you expect of the devil? Flowers? But wait - he actually gives her that. I think the most interesting thing about Addie-Luc was that she was progressively realizing that she was no longer human, and he was realizing that she was making him more human every time they saw each other. Throughout the book we see their multiple interactions and we learn that both of them are eager to meet again. Both of them are toxic to the point that they don't meet for more than 40 years because of pride, mistrust, vengeance, competition, you name it, but the second they lay eyes on each other, it feels like no one else is in the room. Luc is definitely not a saint, but neither is Addie. She traded her life, her family and friends, her name, her ability to leave a mark, to live forever unconditionally. Addie is a selfish person since the beginning (I'm not saying she is a bad person for being concerned about herself, I'm just saying that I don't know many people who would abandon everything the way she did without a second glance). They one hundred percent have chemistry, and besides the need, I think they find comfort in each other. Addie studies Luc carefully, and to be honest, that's more than she ever did with Henry. And this is where I get mad again. She believes that Luc doesn't know her that well, that he cannot care because he doesn't have a heart but, allow me to refresh everyone's memory, he always comes for her when she is in danger with no way to escape. He always comes for her in her lonely and dark hours. Yes, he baits her, and tries to make her surrender but, does he really? I mean, he knows Addie. She is the girl who wanted to see every little detail there is to see, no matter the consequences. Every time they met, he knew that she wouldn't give up. When Addie was

tired, he came to her and spite her to the point where she decided she would "win" and not surrender. HE KEPT HER GOING. He doesn't want to win. He wants her company and, most of all, Luc wants to see Addie happy and fulfilled. A detail that I think most people sleep on is the fact that frequently, is Luc who makes Addie change locations. She was amidst chaos in France and she's been around Paris for more than a century. He picks her up and places her in Florence, Italy. He makes her see new things. Makes her meet new people, get in contact with a different culture and language. Afterall, that's what Addie wanted since the beginning right?

"He made a mistake and didn't realize she would live forever" What the f? He didn't start the job yesterday. Luc intentionally did that. He gave Addie what she asked for, and more. He tended for her. When she looks at Luc she feels ashamed. Because she knows he did exactly what she asked for, and she's even more ashamed that she has come to love him. That's why that ending is just disappointing. "I'm gonna stay with him to piss him off so he'll let me go". Excuse me miss, but I think you missed the part where YOU JUST SPENT 300 YEARS WITH HIM DOING PRECISELY THAT AND NONE OF YOU GAVE UP. What the hell makes her think that he's going to be bored of her? Their entire relationship is based on recklessness and anger and bad and bold choices. They understand each other in a way no one will ever do. "They fit each other perfectly". I think the ending just completely kills the person Addie has grown to be. "Oh I have outsmarted him because I've learned and bla bla bla". Nope. You ended up exactly where he wanted you to be in the first place, and where you also wanted to be. You're just saying that because you refuse to admit that you enjoy where you've ended up. You are remembered and you are with someone who understands you and completes you. The ending simply makes Addie a child in a woman's body who doesn't own up to her own sh*t because she wants to remain in the good girl picture. I'm super mad about this. Great plot, had the potential, completely ruined in the last 5 pages. I think I'd rather have Henry dying and Addie surrendering her soul with grief, or Addie exchanging her soul for Henry's, or even a bloody happy ending with Henry and Addie both getting their way. I don't know. Anything would be better than "I hate him but for the sake of a game I'll be with him for eternity".

[makeste]

BnHA 326: What’s up Kids, It’s Me, Your Old Pal Stain

Previously on BnHA: Ochako shamed the U.A. Clown Mob into letting Deku go back inside his own fucking school by giving them an hour-long speech about how not to be humongous dickheads. Kouta and Gigantic Fox Lady saved the manga by being the only ones brave enough to give Deku a hug. Shouto was all “man, all this togetherness sure does remind me of that promise you made that we would handle Touya together which you immediately bailed on, doesn’t it, Dad.” Aizawa was all, “for the one and a half people out there who thought that my losing an eye and a leg might actually make me less sexy, I’m very happy to prove you wrong.” All Might was all, “[standing outside the U.A. fortress alone in the rain talking to someone or something??].” Like seriously, what was up with that though.

Today on BnHA: All Might is all “here I am in Kamino having a belated mid-life crisis because Deku abandoned me and I’m a terrible mentor and everything sucks and I hate myself.” Stain is all, “don’t make me come over there and give you a ten page speech about why you’re still the goat while menacingly holding you at swordpoint the entire time” because idk if you knew this guys, but Stain is pretty crazy actually. Anyway so he does that, and then All Might gets all emotional, and then the lady from chapter 92 shows up and gives All Might’s statue an encouraging pep talk, and then Horikoshi is all “and it even stopped raining lol can you believe this shit I’m not even a little bit subtle,” and he really isn’t. But I still got emotional anyway, because seeing people reassure All Might that everything he’s struggled for his entire life hasn’t been in vain just got to me okay. Horikoshi knows I am weak to the All Might feels and he just goes for the jugular every time, that bastard.

lmao. “in the neverending downpour, All Might is...” yeah, thank you, glad we’re getting right to that then

“All Might is driving 95 mph in his busted ass car in the pouring rain, is what he’s doing.” huh

so basically a day or two after his adopted child refused to accept the handmade bento that he packed with love, my man is out here acting like he’s got nothing to live for anymore. this sure bodes well for certain prophecies on which the clock is still ominously ticking down

his fucking face though omg. is it weird that I’m kind of hoping more people ambush him just because I think it’d be funny to see them get their asses kicked like the last bunch

(ETA: or maybe he will just stand there openly not giving a fuck and basically daring them to stab him!! get it together please All Might.)

side note, “anti-hero supporters” is such a strange way of saying “people who hate heroes”, which I’m assuming is what they actually wanted to say?? this makes it sound like it’s a group that really loves antiheroes. “these Hannibal stans have been a real menace lately. time to go deal with them”

ha ha ha, fucking ouch

are you really gonna do it Horikoshi you bastard. are you really going to let that be the final encounter between the two characters whose relationship you once described as the vertical axis of the entire fucking story. are you really gonna?? huh??

huh

you’re telling me you were driving 112 mph and you still didn’t get there in time. you’re losing your touch old man. lol Todo’s ice is almost fully melted already, how late were you

(ETA: so apparently this is taking place after the end of chapter 325, meaning he went to U.A., hung out for a bit, saw the kids come back with his bedraggled half-dead protégé in tow, watched as they shamed the civilians into some long-overdue character development, and then was all “welp, time to go argue with the hero-hating faction or something because I’m feeling useless.” and Edge just let him go, just like that. though to be fair I have to imagine it’s pretty hard to say no to All Fucking Might.)

also belated lol at the fact that the kids were all “yeahhhhhhh we are definitely not gonna touch that thing, let’s just leave it here, he doesn’t need it anyway.” probably the right call to make since they couldn’t get a hazmat team on such short notice

fuck. ha ha ha fucking ouch part two

All Might please put that thing down before you get gangrene. also yeah, you dropped the ball, good for you to acknowledge it. nobody’s perfect and you did your best. but yeah you could have handled a lot of things completely differently. but I still love you

is Horikoshi really putting this flashback here. are you serious. what kind of fucking sadist

look, I swear I’m not one of those people that runs up and down the street shouting “DEATH FLAG!!” at every third panel lol. but this shit screamed Death Flag when we originally got it, and it’s screaming DEATH FLAG!!! even more now. like with the capital letters and exclamation marks and all. and that’s just a fact. I don’t like it but that’s how it is

ffkdjslk

“DID YOU READ THE SIGN??!” Horikoshi asks while zooming in maniacally because he thinks we’re blind or something. lol what

-- though actually, it only just occurred to me that this sign is actually written in English. I never really paid attention up until now and had been assuming it was written in Japanese and translated by the scanlators, but the writing here is clearly part of the original image. anyway so maybe that’s why he’s zooming in?? just to make sure everybody pays attention lol

okay fuck this

see, this is the whole problem right here. once again All Might is all on his own. Deku’s self-destructive angst spiral was fortunately brought to a grinding halt because he actually has support from his friends and family and teachers and classmates. but All Might never had that same kind of support, and it’s made all the difference between the two of them, and not in a good way. Katsuki wasn’t wrong when he said All Might and Deku were both cut from the same cloth. but now when it’s All Might’s turn to go all “I WALK A LONELY ROAD~~” once again, there’s nobody in sight

just, after forty plus years of him carrying this torch, I just wish someone would finally come along to let him know he doesn’t have to. all those things that he wanted to say to Deku are also things that he needs and deserves to hear himself. Aizawa was making a little progress there, but now he’s got his sad zombie cloud boyfriend situation to deal with, and we can’t expect him and his perfect hair to solve all our problems. someone else has gotta step up

oh my god

“you rang?” never mind I take it all back sob

omg why am I laughing. shit

this man truly has the best PR game in the series. we were truly convinced he was gonna suddenly become a good guy and defend All Might against the other villains or some nonsense. as if this wasn’t the same man who decided on a whim that Iida Tensei deserved to be paralyzed, and that his fifteen-year-old brother deserved to die for daring to be upset about it

lol even All Might is all “I genuinely never saw this coming” lmao

just want to say, for the record, I have always harbored a very sensible hatred toward Stain. feeling very vindicated right now. good job Past Me

adsfklwkfsdwgkj

ffffwefjslkg. ghsdlkg. dsfkkkslkjldwkjrg

STAIN: heard you talking shit old man

ME: smh that’s what I thought you’d say you dumb fucking Stain

STAIN: how dare you talk about All Might that way

ME: gljfljgk

(ETA: in hindsight I have no idea how I didn’t clue in sooner that he didn’t recognize him -- or, well, ~didn’t recognize~ him, to be more accurate lol. I think it was the whole “is that a slight against the heroes?” thing that threw me. Viz’s translation makes it much clearer that he’s offended on behalf of All Might specifically, not heroes in general. anyways.)

sob. so All Might is all “yeah I don’t blame you for not recognizing me in this sweet leather jacket”

good thing he still knows how to do this party trick

A+ reflexes on Stain’s part presumably pulling the sword back a few inches to keep this dumbass from impaling himself with his whole pufferfish routine. can you imagine if that was the gruesome death Nighteye foresaw. and he was just too embarrassed to say anything

lol anyways guess I was wrong about Stain everyone

way to fucking go, Past Me. you really biffed this one

oh wait

Stain sure is one wacky rollercoaster ride

oh fuck me lol I forgot how much I did not miss this

(ETA: “this here is the sacred ground where All Might gave up the last of his power and turned into a shriveled old man!! please ignore the part where I admit to knowing all about that, and yet pretend not to recognize said man when he’s standing two feet in front of me.”)

Past Me, I know we’ve had our ups and downs these past ninety seconds, but I’m really starting to think you were on to something. this dude has always been kind of insufferable. always acting like his high horse is a fucking giraffe when it’s actually a Shetland pony

dammit now he’s got All Might going off on a depressed monologue

oh my god my heart

shit

why the fuck does that hit so hard. he became a hero because he couldn’t bear to just sit back and let bad things happen to people who didn’t deserve it. I mean that’s basically the same as every hero ever, right? so why does it still hit so fucking hard every single time though. what is it about seeing someone so determined to stand up for other people and fight on their behalf. it just never loses its impact no matter how many times I see that determination mirrored in so many of my favorite characters

“I wanted to make the world a better place.” omg. but you did, though. like seriously, I feel like people are always dogging on him for not being 100% perfect, and fandom really doesn’t give him enough credit for everything he still managed to accomplish. this man came of age at a time when Japan was by all accounts a total shitshow, and singlehandedly managed to bring about an era of peace that lasted for four fucking decades. can you imagine having peace for that long?? that’s longer than I’ve been alive. shit

and he gave people hope. he inspired them and protected them and made them feel safe. and no, he couldn’t save everyone, because he’s only one fucking dude (and also because the whole time AFO was also out there desperately working to undermine him so that he could keep preaching his narrative of “heroes are bad actually”). but you know what he did do, is inspire multiple new generations of heroes who, if they can all manage to work together, will finally be able to accomplish everything he never could

so yeah. forty years of peace, and inspired the “that’s how we all became the greatest heroes” generation -- that’s a fucking win in my book. talk about having a net positive impact on the world. lol anyways now I’m all fired up and ready to fight anyone who tries to talk any shit about you, All Might

“but what if I talk shit about myself” okay listen up All Might I’m gonna need you to try just a little bit harder to work with me here okay. please calm down and stop blaming yourself for every single bad thing that’s ever happened in the world. do you remember that time Bakugou was blaming himself for Kamino, and you gave him a hug and told him it wasn’t his fault, and that he was only a boy, and that even though he was strong, even strong people can struggle with the burdens they place on themselves, and that you were sorry for not seeing that earlier? do you remember all of that? that’s what I want someone to tell you too, dammit. anyway please stop breaking my heart please and thanks

wtf

are you dead All Might

um

I don’t even have the slightest idea what’s happening lol

oh snap did he grab him so they could hide??

hold the fucking phone. don’t tell me this person in the background with the umbrella is here to actually do something decent??

oh my godddd

and here come the feels. oh boy. okay don’t mind me, I’m just gonna sit here sobbing over this fictional lady and her simple act of kindness in this weekly shounen manga that I care about way too much

FUCKING DAMMIT AND HERE’S A SECOND HELPING

DON’T MIND ME, I’M JUST GETTING DISPROPORTIONATELY EMOTIONAL OVER THIS WOMAN’S DETERMINATION TO HONOR A MAN WHO SACRIFICED EVERYTHING TO SAVE HER AND COUNTLESS OTHERS. I’M JUST HAVING SOME FEELS OVER HERE ABOUT HER HEARTFELT, DOESN’T-EVEN-KNOW-ANYONE-ELSE-IS-WATCHING FEELINGS OF GRATITUDE THAT COMPELLED HER TO COME OUT HERE AND MAKE THIS SMALL BUT POWERFUL GESTURE. I’M JUST OUT HERE GETTING ALL PROFOUNDLY WORKED UP ABOUT STATUE MAINTENANCE AND THE HUMAN RACE. NEVER MIND. JUST IGNORE ME AND CARRY ON

holy shit. I was not even remotely prepared. you can’t just do that to me. you can’t just leave all these death flags on my lawn and then suddenly shift gears to show me the best of humanity in a chapter where I was expecting the worst. that fucks a person up lol

OH ARE WE STILL GOING

my heart. you see that, All Might. your legacy is so much more powerful and meaningful than you think

...has. has Stain actually been giving All Might a pep talk this entire time

I give up lol. this dude is a fucking enigma

YAYYY

it may just be a metaphor panel, but I’ll take it lol. I missed them. nice to see the traffic light trio front and off-center. I know the whole “this is the story of how we all became the greatest heroes” thing had left some questioning whether certain characters would continue to play a central role in the narrative, and hopefully this will help to ease those concerns just a bit

anyway, so idk if it’s getting a bit chilly down there in hell, but damned if Stain didn’t just give an actual decent fucking speech

I have to say, earlier when I was whining about All Might not having a support squad, I really was not expecting Stain to be the one to come over and pat his head and reassure him that he made the world a better place

-- okay LISTEN

YOU CAN’T JUST COME INTO MY HOUSE AND HIT ME WITH THOSE ALL MIGHT TEARS AGAIN GODDAMMIT THIS ISN’T FAIR. my god. first 317 and now this

holy fucking shit

“I’m just gonna pretend like I haven’t been stalking him for two days and didn’t see the entire Deku bentogate thing go down, and then I’ll give him the whole big speech that I rehearsed, and then I’ll turn around and be all ‘BUT IF YOU’RE A TRUE HERO’, and then I’ll toss him the super-secret AFO wifi password that I stole from Tartarus. god I’m such a badass. fucking give myself chills”

so basically what you’re telling me is that this whole time my “what’s up kids” characterization of Stain from this shitpost has actually been 100% accurate. just want to make sure I’m understanding this right. okay then

“and then I’ll dramatically spin around and be all NOW COME KILL ME BITCH”

it must be so much fun to write Stain. drawing this coked-out maniac who talks like a chatbot that was trained to speak by reading Alan Moore monologues. that must be a trip

anyway so All Might is still crying, the awesome lady from chapter 92 is admiring her handiwork totally oblivious to the batshit insanity going on fifty meters to her right, and it’s finally stopped raining lol

“THE RAIN WAS A METAPHOR YOU SEE” yes, yes, we got it lol. thanks for that Horikoshi. don’t think we needed any help putting the pieces together on that one but I appreciate the effort

so that’s the end! and as I mentioned in another post, I had the count off by one chapter, but next week should be cliffhanger week! so break out your U.A. Traitor bingo cards, friends and fiends. either that or something else happens that I’m completely not expecting at all. which, based on my success rate with Stain predictions, I’d say is more than likely lol

mmm but anyway, so now that the Hug Deku 2021 campaign has finally come to an end, what’s it gonna take to get a hug for my struggling bento-preparing jacket-rocking world-weary death-flag-waving husband who is the worthiest man to ever live and deserves the fucking world, goddammit

[the-bau-quinjet]

Tolerate It

Summary: Reader struggles with feeling like Hotch is growing distant.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x gn!Reader

Category: fluff/angst

Warnings: the reader has thoughts/feelings of inadequacy

Word Count: 3200+

Notes: This is my entry for @railmereid‘s 2k writing challenge! It was inspired by Taylor Swift’s song tolerate it! I think there’s only one direct quote (I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life). 

You met Aaron on accident. It could be said that a lot of people are met on accident, and that’s just how people meet other people. But with Aaron it felt different. It felt as though every little thing that went wrong that day lead you to the accident that would introduce Aaron Hotchner into your life.

After the shit show that was today, all you want to do is get home and sleep. Maybe also eat dinner, but honestly even food is on the backburner of your mind right now. 

Your drive home from work was the first uneventful thing to happen all day, a necessary moment of peace. You made it into your apartment without any trouble, swiftly moving to change into your fluffiest pajamas and sleep.

The second your head hit your pillow, the fire alarm sounded. The blaring alarm screeched in your ears as you groaned. You forced yourself out of bed to comply with the alarm. Without thinking, you put on your slippers, grabbed your keys, and walked out the front door. 

Once you made it to the street, you turned to see the building really was on fire. It looked contained to one patio, but it was big enough for you to give up your plans of sleep. Instead, you chose to turn on your heel and walk down the street to escape the crowd. 

You didn’t have a plan as to where you were going. You just wanted it to be quiet. Before long, you found yourself in a park. Looking around, you spotted an empty bench. Perfect. You can just sit, enjoy the quiet of the park for however long it takes to fix the fire issue. 

You start trekking toward the bench, now walking with a purpose, when you notice a man chasing his child. The child laughs loudly, joy so clear on his face. The man smiles at him, still running behind him. 

His smile is so infectious, it has its own magnetic force pulling you towards him.  Switching directions from the bench, you are now walking toward the grassy area they are playing in, not looking at your surroundings. You’re so captivated by the happiness on display in front of you, you don’t notice the change in terrain. 

You end up tripping on a rock, falling and tumbling down the slight decline to land in a heap at the feet of the very man whose smile distracted you.

To make matters worse, he was not stationary. No, that would have been to simple. He was, in fact, still chasing the child. So, rather than rolling to a stop and looking up at him, you rolled right into him, causing him to lose his balance and fall over you. 

The two of you were a tangled mess of limbs piled on top of each other. Slowly, carefully the two of you separated, gingerly moving arms and legs to avoid further injury. Helping each other rise from the ground, you were both speechless, equal parts amused and horrified at what just happened. 

“Are you okay?” 

You jumped at the sudden intrusion that brought you back to reality. Spinning around, you realized it was the child. 

It took you an embarrassing amount of time to form a response. “Oh, um... yes I’m okay. Thank you.” Turning back to the man, you finally realized what just happened. “Oh my god. I’m so sorry! Are you okay?”

He chuckled, a small smirk appearing on his face before he replied, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Oh, good.” Your relief was short lived as you realized what you were wearing and how you were dressed. “Please tell me you didn’t see me roll all the way down the hill?” You cringed at the thought. 

“I could say it, but it wouldn’t be very honest.”  Again, a small laugh left his lips. 

“Do you think we could pretend?” You took a deep breath as he quirked his eyebrow. “Ya know, that I didn’t just make a complete fool of myself?”

“But that’s not true! Daddy said when something’s not true it’s a lie and lies are bad.” The boy chimed in again, earning a chuckle from both adults. You bent down to talk to him. 

“You are absolutely right, lying is bad.” You nodded along with him, matching his serious expression. 

He took in your expression, as if judging the sincerity of your statement. Slowly, a smile began to form as if he was glad you agreed with him. “Do you want to play tag with us?”

Looking from him to his father, you took the slight smile and nod of his head as an invitation to accept his offer. “I would love to.”

That series of accidents led you to where you are now, though. A year and a half later you are sitting in your shared home, watching Aaron Hotchner do paperwork for what feels like the millionth night in a row. More realistically, it is the ninth night in a row, but you’re feeling lonely and dramatic. Those nine nights have been spread out over the past month, interrupted by nights he spends away from home.

You yearn to be closer to him. All it would take is for you to cross the room, but it feels as though the distance from the couch you are lounging on to the desk he is working at is too far, like there is some impassible divide preventing you from interrupting him. 

So you just keep watching. It has been 36 minutes since you started your observing. If he sticks to his pattern, he’ll pause in nine minutes to stretch, giving him the opportunity to notice your eyes on him.  You’re hopeful that this time he’ll smile when he sees you. 

So you wait. You watch him read. You notice the way his head dips just a bit lower as he tries to focus tired eyes on the smudged handwriting of a fellow agent. You notice how his hand squeezes the pen tighter than before, turning the once smooth glide of ink across the page into rushed, jagged strokes of letters. You notice the barely there wince as he flips the page, the result of the familiar feeling of a paper cut he’s grown all too used to. You notice everything he does. Which is why you’re not surprised when he speaks. 

“You’re staring.” 

Glancing at your phone, you note the time. Nine minutes later. Right on schedule. The smile you hoped for is noticeably missing, replaced by a curious tilt of his head.

“I’m basking in your presence.” 

If he wanted to, he could figure out how lonely and dramatic you are feeling. But with the majority of his energy still directed towards the many reports on his desk, he only notices the surface level. Tired, slightly miffed, but enjoying that he is home.

There was once a time when he would have noticed it all though. A time when he noticed everything about you, sometimes before you had even noticed it about yourself. You’ve learned how to hide it though, to save him the energy that would be expended to profile you. 

“You should consider a new career path. Comedy could really be for you.”

His deadpan joke doesn’t surprise you, but him rising from his desk chair does. For a minute, you expect him to come to you. To attempt to cross the impassible divide you’ve built in your head. Instead, he turns into the kitchen. He pauses at the island, drinking from the glass he never brings to his desk to prevent anything from ruining his files. 

When he returns to his desk, squandering any lingering hope that he may have been done for the night, you rise. Unwilling to do what you had hoped of him, you turn away from his desk and move toward the stairs. Just before you lose sight of him, you turn back. 

“Don’t forget to sleep tonight.” 

Your tone is soft, emphasizing your concern to cover up the lingering loneliness. 

“I’ll be up soon.”

You respond with a slight nod of your head, another thing unnoticed by Aaron as his eyes never left the files. 

You flitter through the second level as you complete your routine to prepare yourself to sleep for the night. 

You can’t help but notice the cold sheets on the empty side of the bed as you wait for Aaron, knowing you’ll likely be asleep before he comes to bed. 

--

You’re surprised to wake up the next morning with Aaron still in bed next to you. You watch his chest rise and fall with the steady in and out of his breath. His face is fully relaxed, a sight you so rarely get to see. 

You’re not sure how long you watch him sleep, but you notice when his rhythmic breathing changes pattern indicating he’s waking up. His eyes flutter open slowly, allowing you to see the exact moment he notices you. 

“You’re staring again.” 

The smile you are still hoping for is again absent from his face, too used to the frown that has taken over his features near permanently for the past month.  

“I’m still basking in your presence.”

You notice the beginnings of a grin forming on his face. The twinkle in his eyes. The slight twitch of his lips. It’s nearly there when the moment is interrupted by the distinct, shrill ringtone indicating a call from the bureau. 

You watch as he sits up to answer the phone with his typical “Hotchner”. If you hadn’t spent the last year noticing everything you could about the man, you would doubt that he had been asleep less than three minutes ago. 

His brows furrow, his body leaning forward to sit a little straighter as he takes in the information from whoever is on the other end of the phone. His eyes trace the pattern of your comforter, up until he throws the blanket off of himself to rise to his feet. He’s changing into his suit before hanging up. Without even hearing his responses, you can tell where this is headed. 

After he hangs up, you speak before he has the chance. 

“I take it you won’t be here for dinner with my parents tonight? I’ll try to reschedule it.” 

The question should express your loneliness, but you do well to hide the full truth. It’s easy to sound understanding because you are. You do understand, which is why you never plan to tell him how you feel. 

The grim expression is enough for you to know you’re right, you don’t need the verbal confirmation. You nod your head, a smile on your face that doesn’t meet your eyes as he walks out of your bedroom. 

--

While Aaron was away, you did everything you could to keep yourself busy outside of your typical 9 to 5 workday. Aside from the typical reading, cleaning, and TV watching you normally do you; you successfully navigated another conversation with your parents about why it was necessary to reschedule dinner a second time and played action figures with Jack, always in agreement about how his daddy is a hero. 

Every night you found yourself staring at the door, hoping it would swing open and reveal him on the other side. Every night you grew less hopeful and more discouraged than the one previous. 

--

Five days after he left, Aaron returned to your shared home. Despite the late hour, you waited for him on the couch. Knowing he probably hadn’t eaten dinner, you kept some food warm for him. 

When the door swung open, you were in front of it in seconds. You pulled him into a hug, one he was too exhausted to reciprocate, and kissed his cheek. 

Moving farther into the house, he dropped his files on his desk swiftly turning to head upstairs. 

“I kept dinner warm for you.”

Your words stalled him at the bottom of the stairs. He turned around slowly, barely looking at you.

“I actually ate with the team tonight.”

His words hit you like a bus, but you turned to hide it. He didn’t eat with the team often, so you never blamed him when he stayed with them a bit longer than usual. 

“Oh, okay. I’ll just put it in a container for tomorrow then. Did you want to talk about the case?”

You’ve always been willing to help him carry the weight of his job, but you’ve been trying harder to get him to open up this past month. Typically he brushes you off, tells you he’s fine, and then buries himself in paperwork. 

He surprised you this time. Maybe he could tell you were upset, or maybe he was just too far in his head. Either way, rather than continuing on his path up the stairs, he moved to sit in the kitchen while you put the food away. 

You listened as he ranted about the local officers withholding information about the case. You listened as he complained about the poor weather. You listened to every word, slowly washing and drying the dishes until they were sparkling. You listened until you were practically asleep, leaning against the sink. You didn’t dare to interrupt in fear he would shut down again. Or maybe it was you shutting down, but that’s a thought for another time. 

When he finished talking, he rose from his chair, too worked up to sleep now, he sat down at his desk. 

You watched, noticing everything you could. 

--

Your weeks repeated much the same for the next few months. Your loneliness morphed into something new with each night you spent watching Aaron work. 

It’s one such night when everything changes. You were trying to watch him work, but your thoughts drifted away from his actions as you lost yourself in your memories. 

The first case Aaron went on after you moved in with him and Jack was the hardest for you. After a straight week of seeing him so often around the house, it felt like a slap in the face to come home and not have him there. Somehow you made it through, and you were clingier than usual when he came home. 

He noticed how it affected you. That was before you started hiding your feelings from him. He told you he thought about you in every spare moment. That he wanted to solve the case even more than usual just so he could come home to see you even just a few minutes sooner.

He calmed all of your fears, protecting you from your own intrusive thoughts about holding him back when he was working. 

You couldn’t help but think about every time he recognized how you were feeling and did what he could to help. How he would reassure you that he wanted to be with you, bringing you little key chains or stuffed animals from the cities he travelled to. How he would smile when he saw you. Where was that man now? 

You thought back to the first day you met Aaron. It was like he saved you from a terrible day, bringing a smile to your face after hours upon hours of crap. 

“Do you think we could pretend?” You laugh lightly to yourself at the memory of Jack telling you not to lie.  Not realizing you spoke the words out loud, you’re surprised to hear Aaron from across the room.

“Pretend what?” The confusion is clear in his voice and the furrow of his brows. 

“Hmm? Oh, um. I was just thinking about the first day we met.” Tears begin to brim your eyes as you think about how much everything has seemed to change. “And how you became my whole world and now I feel like I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life.” The tears are now freely falling down your face. 

Aaron looks even more confused now. “What?” He’s frozen at his desk, pen in hand, reports on the surface in front of him. 

“I’m so sorry. I just feel like I’m taking up so much of your time and you have such important things to do! God, I’m so selfish. I’ve tried so hard to hide it though, so you can focus on people who actually need your help.” The panic in your voice grows as you speak, along with the tears falling from your eyes. 

“Y/N...” Suddenly, Aaron is on his feet, easily crossing the imaginary divide you’ve built in between the couch and his desk. He slows down, moving gently as he pulls you into him on the couch, moving your legs across his lap so he could pull you into his chest. “Sweetheart, you could never take up too much of my time.” He speaks slowly, so as not to start another round of sobbing. 

“What?” Your confusion is clearly communicated with the one word question, but you’re on a roll with your feelings so why stop now. “Are you saying it’s all in my head? Bu-, but, but you’ve been so busy every time you’ve been home! I’ve barely seen you, and I’ve tried so hard to not let it bother me because I know how important what you do is! I do, I understand it all so much. I could never be mad at you for working so hard. I just feel like you’re tolerating me being here when you have so many more important things to do.” 

Now breathless, your rant ends with more tears forming in your eyes. Aaron is quick to wipe them away as they fall. “You’re right. I have been busy.” His voice is full of concern and regret as he thinks about the past few months. “But please don’t ever doubt for a second that you are the most important thing in the world to me.” He pauses for a second before continuing. “Well, other than Jack.” This earns him a slight chuckle from you before you reply. 

“Jack is the most important to me too.” Your clear your throat, hesitant to voice your next question. “You’re not mad at me?”

Aaron looks so taken aback, you would laugh if you weren’t so nervous. “I could never be mad at you. Especially not for having completely valid feelings. I’m so sorry I haven’t been as present as I should’ve been. I love you so much, Y/N. More than I could ever put into words, and I will be doing a better job of showing you just how much you mean to me from now on.” There’s a slight edge to his voice, as though he’s annoyed with himself for you feeling this way. “Please, don’t ever hide your feelings from me. I never want to lose you.” His own voice is cracking, slight tears in his eyes at the idea of you not being in his life. 

“I promise.” You lean up to kiss him, trying to convey just how much you’ve missed him. 

“Let’s go to bed.” He lifts you up from the couch, carrying you toward the stairs. 

You shriek, clinging to him even more. “It’s only 9:15!” You laugh at his antics. “What about your reports?”

“I have more important things to do right now.” He smirks at you, quickly moving into the bedroom to show you just how much he cares about you. 

permanent tag list:

@mac99martin @goldeng1rl8 @measure-in-pain

[completeoveranalysis]

~

Warning! This post contains spoilers up to chapter 170 of Tsubasa (and Chapter 71 of xxxHolic). Please skip this if you have not read that far.

Please also make no comments about what happens after that point in either manga.

~

OK SO HERE IS SPOOKY KUROFAI MARRIAGE PORTRAIT

The splash text reads: Shed blood and tears, without forgetting them, turn them into an existence.

Here is a link to my original post if you need the full context.

But here is the thing I said that just made me want to scream here in 2021, specifically in regards to that splash text:

"Incredibly motivating. It’s like the optimistic view of how things are when things are tough. The tough times are unavoidable a lot of the time, but you can and will get through them. You just have to make the choice to pick up the pieces and use them to construct a new future - which is never easy, but it’s the only way forward. For the dads, it’s both their past and their future. Kurogane has already gone through this; his life shattered and he used the pieces to forge a new identity and found new things to live for. For Fai, this is something he still needs to work on. He’s so used to running from his tragedy that he hasn’t yet figured out who he is beyond it. The “without forgetting them” is sort of a call out for him in that respect. You can’t grow by pretending they didn’t happen, or by pretending you’re a different person. Once he’s faced the pain and accepted that he’s alive and can continue living in a way that can make himself and others happy, then he’ll finally be moving forward."

IN WHICH.

LIKE.

I have no idea how anyone even reads this liveblog armed with knowledge of what happens next because APPARENTLY I JUST SAY THINGS that are VASTLY UNJUST and now I wilt away with the memory of what I thought of Fai back then.

I don't mean to give myself any undue credit here - I predicted none of Fai’s backstory. I had something completely different in mind when writing this, entirely based around the knowledge of Fai fleeing from Ashura with no context whatsoever about who Fai really was.

When you know where Fai came from? Oh my god.

Oh my god.

The words just toss my intended meaning out the window and dance around with the actual truth right in your face. Especially the “pretending you’re a different person” bit - I could never have predicted that Fai was using his brother’s namesake both as a way to eliminate himself from the world and to devote his life towards resurrecting his brother in his place. But HOT DAMN do these words ice skate in all the correct patterns without any knowledge of what the heck they could possibly mean in the end.

Also I'm in physical pain from the phrase: “without forgetting them” is sort of a call out for him in that respect." I know that past!me was thinking purely about Fai running away from confrontation with Ashura and pretending that he was fine and that everything was fine and that he could stay away from it all as long as possible. Things I did not know: That Fai's memories had been deliberately changed by two separate people to control the direction of his life. "Without forgetting them" is NOT a callout for Fai - Fai had no choice in that whatsoever (but they could still be a callout for ME for forgetting any of this plotline had ever happened oh my god). Fai was only ever running from Ashura with good intentions (ie, to NOT murder someone), and there was no way he could have known that his past had been rewritten to such a massive degree that it shaped the core of his personality for his entire life. And just as the splash text implies, it's only when he gets the CORRECT memories back that he can use them to forge a healthier and more accurate life moving forward.

A call out for Fai. Imagine. Past!me has so much to answer for.

I also want to revisit the bit where I said “once he’s faced the pain and accepted that he’s alive he can continue living in a way that can make himself and others happy, then he’ll finally be moving forward”, because this comes off entirely flippant now that I’m looking back on it.

My expectation for Fai’s potential trauma was somehow barely a tenth of what it really was in the end. And like, the idea I was getting at? Technically correct! But also only correct on the surface level. Fai didn’t need to just “confront his problems”. He needed to be completely stripped of the version of himself he had constructed from his false memories, worn down to the very core through reliving the worst parts of his life - and then shown how he was wrong about them. He was lied to his entire life, and so the goals he based his life around were aimed toward an abstracted version of reality. He was never going to be able to resurrect his brother, but he never could have known that without knowing that Ashura and Evil Wolverine had manipulated him and his memories every step of the way.

It's only when he can decipher this for himself that he can course correct - and it was only in taking the Original Fai completely out of the equation that Our Fai could finally begin to comprehend the idea of living for himself, and others, instead for fixing a mistake he never actually made in the first place.

So, yeah. “Once he’s faced the pain (of his past) and accepted that HE’S alive (and he’s allowed to be, because he never killed his brother) he can continue living in a way that can make himself and others happy” IS ACTUALLY ACCIDENTALLY CORRECT IN THE END.

I also want to point out that in the initial liveblog I never really discussed how Fai’s expression was relevant to this image, because I didn’t know exactly.

He’s smiling.

It's a small, gentle smile, but CLAMP really draw attention to it with the way he's looking off centre. Kurogane looks directly at the camera, but he's off centre - Fai is in the middle of the frame and he's vaguely looking elsewhere, head tilted in the wrong direction, as if he were looking towards Kurogane but seeing something else entirely.

The image itself was part of a series of splash pages where CLAMP were depicting the current state of the relationships between all of the main cast throughout the Infinity Arc (and it was glorious) and while I absolutely caught the fact that the relationship between Fai and Kurogane was intimate but strained, I didn’t know the context of Fai’s smile. His backstory shows us that Fai smiles as a way to make other people happy, because deep down he thinks this is the only possible value he can bring them - a smile is his only way of improving the world for the people around him, and his smile is the only thing he’s worth.

Here in the image Fai is partially draped over Kurogane but his distant look shows that he isn’t fully committed to the scenario - because before Seresu he could never be. As much as he liked Kurogane and allowed himself to get close to him, it was always always with the intention of him trading his life away for his brother’s at the end of the day. This is what caused the tension between them in the first place - when Kurogane made choices in Fai’s stead to keep him alive (in Acid Tokyo), he threatened Fai’s chance to trade his life for his brother’s, and so Fai distanced himself from Kurogane. Even if they fixed what they had between them, anything he had going with Kurogane could only ever be temporary until Fai could trade places with the real Fai.

And so Fai smiles - because any happiness he can give Kurogane and the others is all he’ll ever be worth. It's a temporary happiness that was never supposed to last or even exist in the first place.

And it’s not until we get OUT of Seresu that Fai finally has the opportunity to build himself from the ground up and start living for himself. For his own happiness and those around him.

And finally commit to the idea of being able to (and being WORTHY OF) making Kurogane happy in the long term.

Which is where we then get the punching scene in Nihon. And it’s perfect.

But OH BOY did past!me say some things that sounded correct but were utterly and completely wrong at every level.

[angellbarnes]

Forgotten Love - part three: lions and tigers and secrets, oh my

series summary: You’re new to the Avengers. In joining the team, there’s a lot that no one yet knows about you. And there’s some unusual tension between you and a certain brunet. Under a pseudonym and with completely fresh start, and background, you hope for a chance at a new life. A better life. But how long will it last before someone figures out the life you’ve hidden away?

chapter summary: Quite some first mission. And some close calls, too.

pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

words: 1.9k

warnings: only killing those hydra goons

A/N: Ooooh I’m actually really happy with this chapter. Hope you all like! As always, likes, comments and reblogs are much appreciated☺️

series masterlist

The jet speeds off to an unknown location. FRIDAY is left in charge, of course. Everyone else either sits at the sides or is preparing for when you land. You get up from your seat and walk to the middle of the jet, where Tony, Steve and Nat are all looking at a hologram of some sort of concrete building.

“Hydra base.” Nat states.

“We’ve gained intel to a specific experiment they’ve got going on. They’ve been trying to recreate more of the supersoldier serum. We can’t let that happen.” Steve informs you, in his patriotic, ‘I’m Captain America’ voice he likes to use.

“Right.”

“Fury’s informed us that they may be closer to recreating it than we thought. He’s picked up some new radiation that’s coming from this building.” Your gaze falls from Steve back down to the hologram. With a flick of his fingers it spins, giving you a 360 view of the place. The sight makes you feel uneasy, in a way unknown to the team.

“If you haven’t guessed already, our job is to get rid of whoever and whatever is causing this.” Tony adds. “We take out the bad guys, steal their shit, and boom. Avengers win.”

“Always so serious.” Nat jokes. You smile at her and head to the weapons area, grabbing a few knives and a handgun, and slotting them into various places on your suit. Bucky is also there, picking a few similar knives but a much larger gun.

“This is your first mission, right?” He asks, not even glancing at you. You think for a moment, not quite sure how to answer.

“Yeah. It’s my first.”

“Don’t sweat it. We’ll be in and out in no time. It usually goes according to plan.” He finally looks at you, smirking, and gives you a wink as he walks away, leaving you with more conflicting feelings.

“5 minutes to landing.” FRIDAY announces.

“We’ll head down now to scope out the area.” Rhodey says. The back of the jet opens and he heads off in his War Machine suit, followed by Sam, followed by Tony using his nanotech and jumping out before he’s fully suited.

“Looks like you’re rubbing off on him.” You hear Bucky say to Steve.

The jet lands in the clearing of a nearby forest, leaving the rest of you to venture through it to the base, undetected under the cover of the night.

“Ready?” Steve asks as you head out.

“So ready.” You reply.

You, Nat, Steve and Bucky all head through the trees and it’s not long before you reach the large, grey building. As you approach the facility, you would have guessed it was abandoned by now if it wasn’t for what Fury had reported.

“Emily, we’ll head through the front and you boys can go around the back.” Nat orders.

“Yes ma’am.” Steve salutes her with a smirk and you head off in your different directions.

You and Nat find a small side door where the front of the building is and to your surprise, it’s unlocked. Both of your guns are up at the ready as you sneak down the eerie corridor. Only dim ceiling lights cast any glow amidst the darkness, the kind that are always flickering in horror movies. You come up to a split in the corridor and push Nat up against the wall with you when you sense an unwanted presence.

You close your eyes, concentrating on the way this person is moving. Though the footsteps are inaudible, you can feel it: the vibrations through the floor, of a male, walking with the rhythm of a robot. Patrolling the grounds. The vibrations get stronger as he nears. When he reaches the corner is when you pounce, catching him in a headlock and choking him silently unconscious, until he falls limp in your arms. You snap his neck. One swift motion and you lay him down on the ground, letting the logo on his uniform get to you more than it should have.

“Damn, Quinn, you sure have some surprising moves up your sleeve, don’t you?” Nat comments, stepping over the agent’s body. “A force to be reckoned with.”

“Buck, come on.” Steve picks up a jog as the pair head through from the opposite side of the premises, but Bucky is still looking over his shoulder every 2 seconds.

“Sorry.” He mumbles, and picks up his pace to match Steve’s.

They head further into the maze and, after taking out a few HYDRA heads, they find themselves in a corridor with a single door on the left hand side, reading ‘WS room 1’

“Winter Soldier.” Bucky speaks softly. “That’s what it stands for. Winter Soldier.” He takes a stammered breath. “This is one of the places they tortured me.”

Steve pays his friend a sympathetic glance. Bucky halfheartedly smiles but resolves to staring at the floor. He walks up to the door and takes a look through the small square window. Through it, there’s a small room, encased by glass, with computers and other equipment as such. Ready to make notes. Observations. Beyond that is a larger room with a stand consisting of various panels and buttons and a lever, which is attached to the large-framed chair beside it. The mere sight of it causes Bucky’s skin to crawl with the pain of the past. It almost makes him jump when Steve places a hand on his shoulder, signalling the time to head off again.

“Uh, guys, you might wanna check this out.” Tony’s voice crackles through the coms. “Get to where I am right the fuck now.”

You and Nat start running down the halls now, checking Tony’s location using the new tracking device he installed into everyone’s suits. Taking out numerous faceless HYDRA agents on the way, you make it to a door, a huge metal door, where two agents lay dead either side. Bucky and Steve arrive just as you do.

Steve opens the door.

With a loud creak, a blue glow emits from within the room, and standing in the middle is Tony, surrounded by viles and viles and bottles and machines. Paperwork is piled up messily throughout the place. You all head inside, slowly making your way around, taking notice of all the colours in various glass beakers, tubes and containers, some smoking, some not. Glancing at all the scribbles on the paper scattered around, and on the walls, it’s clear that this is the testing room for their serum. And by the look of the fridge in the corner, filled with bright blue viles, they succeeded.

“Wait, have they already figured it out?” Steve questions.

“No!” Bucky slams his fist on the table, angered by the despairing truth.

“They did it. They actually did it. And God knows how long they’ve had this. For all we know, there could be dozens of newly created supersoldiers walking among us.” Tony says, taking out a vile and holding it up to the light. You take a sharp inhale and turn away from the rest of the group, suddenly feeling light-headed. As you focus your breath and lean against the workspace, you also focus on the paperwork in front of you. It’s a file. Your soul leaves your body as you stare at the black folder, a blood red HYDRA logo stamped to the front. Underneath, some writing:

‘CONFIDENTIAL - SS test subjects 1-12’

SS. Supersoldier.

You hesitantly open it. Nameless faces are enclosed, reduced to nothing but numbers. All have red stamps over their files, labelling ‘FAILED’ in red. Every one is the same; a face, a name, ‘FAILED’.

Until you reach number 12.

You slam the file shut and jolt back upright.

“Emily? You okay?” Nat asks. You spin to face everyone, who now looks slightly concerned by your sudden outburst. You release the breath you were holding in.

“Yeah. Sorry. Seeing this just makes me so angry, you know? How they just want to create monsters with this stuff. No matter the cost.”

“Tell me about it.” Bucky comments. Everyone gets back to what they were doing before.

You sigh in relief, as if you were expecting them not to believe you. You discreetly slide page 9 out of the folder and fold it up small enough to fit into a pocket in your suit.

“This seems too easy.” Bucky says, as he looks over a page of scribbled formulae. You all gather round and look through what seems to be the final renditions of their recreated serum. As you read through, trying to make sense of the cacography, an overwhelming sense washes over you. You shut your eyes, trying to focus the feeling, pinpoint the source of it.

“Guys,” You open your eyes wide. “we need to get out of here. Right now. It’s everywhere. Let’s go, come on!” You yell at everyone as you feel the heat rise beneath you. You run, and the others follow. Nat grabs a load of HYDRA’s work, taking whatever looks important enough, and heads out with the rest of you.

You make it out of the building and keep running towards the forest. Rhodey and Sam meet you from where they were on lookout outside.

“Get down!” You shout, and everyone covers.

The facility is blown to smithereens, the sound of it erupting through the dawn’s serenity. Bright orange fills the sky, melting into the sunrise.

“Let’s get the hell out of here.” Sam urges, to which everyone gets up and heads back, exhausted, to the quinjet.

You let yourself fall onto a seat, leaning your head back against the wall and releasing a long-awaited breath.

“Thank God we have you on our team, Quinn, otherwise we would have been barbecued.”

“Glad to be here, Stark.” You manage to push yourself up, gathering with everyone around the table, where the team is examining what Nat managed to pick up. You scan what’s in front, and your heart falters.

“Where did you get that?”

“Grabbed it on the way out.” She replies. “Looked important.”

“Well, yeah, files with huge capitals that say ‘CONFIDENTIAL’ usually are.” Sam remarks.

You’re tense the whole flight back, biting your nails and lip as you all go through the papers. And when you land, you’re the first one off the jet.

“How did it go?” Wanda asks when you’re back in the compound.

“You want the good news or bad news first?” Tony pours himself a drink.

“Tony, it’s like 7AM.” Steve states.

“Well done, Cap. You can tell the time.” Tony carries on pouring and takes a large swig, holding his glass up to Steve as he swallows.

You rush to your room in silence before anyone starts recounting the mission and passing round that file.

You shut and lock your door, sliding down it and letting your face fall into your hands. You reach for the piece of paper you took and unfold it. You can hardly bear to look at it, feeling sick to your stomach. You barely recognise yourself.

~~~

“Did they all make it out?”

“Unfortunately.”

“And her?”

“She’s with them now.”

“We will have her back. She can’t hide from us. Number 12 will be back with us soon.”