#yeah those races are gonna happen at like. 6am for me and i will be waking up to a goddamn firestorm

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Big bros and period comforts; Steve Harrington x sister preteen reader

*Author’s note*

And here is yet another request that recently came to me so to the anon who asked for this, I hope you’ll find this in the tags when you go to search this up. Anyways like I said, while I do love seeing some romantic steve fics, I think he deserves some more platonic big bro fics cause let’s face it he may always be the babysitter but he’s sure as HELL one HELL of a damn good one and deserves to be a big brother.

Warnings: period descriptions, swearing, some angst, brotherly fluff, Steve being a good brother.

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things​

@waddles03​

@psychosupernatural​

@queen-paladin​

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels​

@gay-and-ready-to-cry​

___________________________________________________________

I tossed and turned in my bed feeling a cold sweat coming onto my brow.  I have been feeling pain in my lower stomach since last night but I just labeled it to that Big Mac Steve got me last night but there was something in the back of my head that told me it wasn’t just the late night McDonald’s.  I turned to my clock to see that it was just half past 6am.

I got up from my bed and went to the bathroom and when I pulled down my pants, I noticed how they were stained brown.  What the hell?! I took them off and quickly closed and locked the bathroom door.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! This cannot be happening. Not now! Mom’s not even here to help me with this. I don’t know where she keeps her stuff at, hell she could’ve taken all of those stuff since she’s never home! I can’t-I can’t—I can’t do this right now!” I hissed as my lower stomach began to cramp up even more than it had all night.

I quickly sat on the toilet and did my business but I decided to just stay on it cause now my underwear was completely stained just like my pants.

“I can’t believe this is happening now. And why now? I wasn’t prepared for this. I can’t go to school like this. My insides are coming out of my outsides, my stomach is all in knots and cramping every ten seconds, I can’t do this!” I buried my face into my hands and felt tears burning in my eyes.

Great! Now I’m crying! I’m crying at the butt crack of dawn and all because of my stupid period finally decided to make its appearance right here and now with no one to help me through this.

“Hey (Y/n), you okay in there?” oh god no. And to make matters worse, Steve’s gonna find out.  There is no way in hell I’m letting my brother anywhere near me in this state.

“Don’t come in here Steve!”

“I’m not. I just wanna know if you’re alright. You sounded pretty frantic just a bit ago.” Shit I forgot.  Steve’s room is literally right across from the bathroom, he must’ve heard my frantic ranting earlier god why couldn’t I be quieter? Or better yet why can’t we have a soundproof bathroom?!

“I’m fine. Just go away now and don’t use this bathroom.”

“Sorry squirt but you do realize this is our bathroom. Not just yours.”

“You use this bathroom a lot longer than me and that’s just to do your stupid hair!” I snapped.

“First of all, cut the attitude. I get it’s early but there’s no need to throw a fit. Second, it’s not my fault mom and dad made us share a bathroom. And third, my hair is not stupid.”

“Steve just—leave me alone. I’ll be out soon okay, but just get out of here.”

“Fine. But if you’re not out in the next 20 minutes, I’m breaking down the door with my bat. And you know I’ll do it.”

“Yeah, yeah whatever your scary bat with nails. You take on a few Demogorgon’s and a few demodogs and you think you’re Hercules or something.” I said.  I knew Steve probably was flipping me off and I heard the creaks of the floorboards leave the bathroom.

I turned towards my towel and wrapped it around my waist before peeking out the bathroom door just to be sure Steve was really gone. Once I knew he was, I quickly darted back to my bedroom, grabbed a fresh pair of underwear and raced back to the bathroom.  I tried using toilet paper as a base to protect my underwear but it kept falling out or sticking out too far so I just decided to screw it and go bare.

Maybe if I just ignore it, it won’t leak or if I try to squeeze my legs together as tight as I could, maybe that’ll stop it from staining my underwear.  I put on some new sweatpants and went downstairs to see Steve eating his breakfast.

“Finally done hogging the bathroom I see.”

“Haha you’re hilarious. Like I said, if either one of us is hogging the bathroom it’s use and your Farrah Faucet spray.”

“The threat still stands. I don’t care if you’re my little sister, you tell any of your nerdy friends about it, and like Henderson your ass is grass.”

“Whatever.” I said getting the count chocula.  “Hey, do you know when mom’s coming back?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Because I said so now quit being a smartass. Do you or do you not know?” I snapped.

“You know I’m really not liking this sudden attitude (Y/n). You do realize I’m the older sibling around here.”

“Steve I’m serious just tell me when mom’s coming back!”

“I don’t know. You know her, sometimes she doesn’t call or even send us a letter to tell us when she’s staying on her business trips longer. Just like our old man.” I groaned and took my cereal upstairs.  “Where are you going now?! Hey! (Y/n) I’m talking to you!”

“Well I’m through talking to you!”

“Hey!” he grabbed my arm roughly which caused me to drop my bowl of count chocula all over the floor.

“What the fuck Steve!?”

“Don’t turn this on me! Why are you acting like such a spoiled little brat!?”

“It’s none of your damn business!”

“When mom and dad are gone, that makes me in charge therefore what you do is my business!”

“This is basically child abandonment you’re not even 18 yet so you can’t legally watch over me for this period of time!”

“Whether we like it or not, that’s the way things are around here. Believe me I’ve dealt with it longer than you have. Now you have two options; tell me what’s wrong without the attitude, or you can continue to mope while I drag your ass to school.”

“Oh there’s no way I’m going to school today.”

“And why’s that?”

“I just am.”

“That’s not an excuse.”

“People do it all the time.”

“But not you. Your only excuse is if you’re dead, sick or just came out of the hospital for broken bones. And you’re not either of the three.”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“What wouldn’t I understand?”

“You just wouldn’t.”

“Why? Because I’m stupid? Because I’m slow? I may not be as smart as you, but I’ll have you know that I—”

“This has nothing to do with scholastic intelligence Steve! This is because you’re a boy and I’m a girl so please don’t bother even trying to fix this because I know you won’t want to!” I took back my arm and immediately raced upstairs and slammed the bathroom door shut before feeling the tears coming down my face.

I slid down against the door until my butt hit the floor and I wept into my knees as I wrapped my arms around my legs.  My shoulders shaking as I choked on some sobs.

Truthfully I hate fighting with my brother.  We’ve been fighting for years ever since he became ‘King Steve’ and only just recently with the whole Upside down have we’ve tried to rebuild our relationship with each other.

Now thanks to my stupid period and damn hormones, I might’ve fucked everything up.  I didn’t mean to snap at him but I knew he wouldn’t understand this.  No guy would, hell just last year when I got with the guys after our first ever health class (when they separated all the guys and girls to talk about the reproduction stuff and how our bodies change and shit as we get older), Dustin, Mike, Lucas and Will were all pretty scarred from it.  So if they acted like that, how would my own brother act alone when I told him I finally started my period?

Knock. Knock.

“(N/n)?” Steve’s voice said in a more calming manner.  “Did you—what you said back there, did you umm…..you know?” there was the awkwardness in his tone.  He was starting to piece it together.

“What would you’re answer be if I said yes?” I asked as I wiped away my tears.

“Well…..I’d tell you that if you needed, you know the pads. There’s some in the bathroom vanity just above the towels.” Wait what?

“How did—”

“I had seen mom take the last remaining stuff she had before they left. I figured you’d need some just in case it happened now or something.”

“You—bought period pads?”

“Well I wasn’t gonna buy you those tampons. Not even I know how the hell they work. So if you’d think you’d be using those, think again.” I stood up and went over to the vanity closet and just as Steve said, on the shelf above the towels were some pads.

I reached up and took a box down and slowly opened it up. I took a pad out and took off the tape before unfolding it to reveal the pad inside.

“I think you first place it on the—”

“I can manage Steve!” I quickly interrupted him feeling my cheeks flush in embarrassment.  “Don’t listen Steve!”

“Okay, okay my ears are covered.” I heard him say from behind the door.

“You swear it?”

“What was that? I can’t hear you my palms are practically sucking out my brains.” I rolled my eyes at him.  I took the pad out of the sleeve and saw the wings tucked in under the tape.  I placed the pad along the main part of my underwear and then removed the small square tape holding the wings in and then folded them over my underwear to make them stay.  I pulled my underwear back up and then put my pants back on before coming out of the bathroom.  There Steve stood against the right side of the door with his ears covered.

I tapped his elbow and he looked down at me and I motioned for him to uncover his ears.  He did as I told him and he asked me.

“How you feel?”

“Like I got a diaper on.”

“Unfortunately that’s something you’ll have to get used to. Maybe next time we need to do a store run you can come with me and you can pick out—” I stopped him by exclaiming and shaking my head.

“Why are you the one talking about this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh c’mon Steve, don’t pretend. I know you’re trying to pull off the supportive big brother card on the outside but on the inside, I know talking about this stuff is really making you uncomfortable. Squeamish even.” He hummed for a second before saying.

“Not really.”

“Stop lying.”

“I’m not, seriously. You think if I were that squeamish I would’ve bought you those pads in there?” I shrugged.  “Well I’m wasn’t.”

“But didn’t you get weird looks when people saw you buying this stuff?”

“Some douchebag guys did, but when I told them it was for my little sister they shut up. Then next thing I knew, one of the store’s female employees told me to get you that brand of pads for a first time period.”

“That story true?”

“As true as the nose on my face. Listen,” he placed his hands on my shoulders and we looked at each other.  “I know you wish mom were here. She could answer the questions I know that are going through your mind. And she could definitely answer them a lot better than I ever could. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. But you don’t have to be embarrassed about coming to me with these types of things. I had to sit through three years of health class just like I know you are doing right now when they first did it to you guys last year. They still do that thing where they separate you girls and boys and—”

“Yes Steve. They did it last year and we’re supposed to do it again in two weeks.”

“Okay and again they’ll do it when you go into 8th grade. But my point is, it’s biology. You’re not the only girl going through this, and you certainly won’t be the last.”

“I’m sorry I was such a bitch earlier Steve. I was just—scared but also angry and god I don’t even know what other emotions. But I remembered how last year Dustin and the guys came out of that first health class and they had that thousand yard stare. Like they had been to hell and back, and that was before Will had even disappeared into the Upside down. I thought you’d get that same look or be so uncomfortable you wouldn’t even want to be near me.”

“Well unlike your friends, I’ve lived through this with many girls. Plus I’m more mature to handle that type of stuff than they are.” I couldn’t help but laugh and shake my head.  “I’ll allow that just for today. So besides starting your period, anything else bothering you? Cramps? Cold sweat?”

“I’ve been having bad cramps all night, didn’t really sleep well.”

“Okay, so back into bed with you missy. No school for you today.” He said guiding me back to my room.

“I thought you said—”

“Again making an exception. I’ll call the school and tell them you’re sick today.”

“Ahh man!”

“What you have a test or something?”

“No. But Max was gonna teach me some cool moves on her skateboard today.”

“Well she’s gonna have to suck it up and hear your excuse tomorrow. For now, into bed.” He removed the covers and it was then we both saw the stained brown spot on the bed.

“Oh god!” I exclaimed turning embarrassed.

“Hey no worries. Just change the sheets, like I said no big deal.” He tucked away my two main sheets before starting to remove the main bed sheet over my mattress and wadded it up before taking it out of the room. A few minutes passed and he came in with a new bedsheet and asked me, “Care to help me out with this?” I nodded and together we placed the new bed sheet over the mattress before placing my pillows and blankets back on the bed.  “Alright, now that that’s taken care of, into bed.”

I did as he said and he tucked me back into bed.

“Need a heating pad? Nance used to say they always helped whenever her cramps got really bad.”

“Can it really do that?”

“Yeah something about extreme heat helps ease the muscles or something. I really can’t remember, maybe you could ask her next time you’re over at Mike’s.”

“You’d really allow me to talk to your ex-girlfriend?”

“There’s no law that says you can’t talk to her even after our breakup. Plus she did enjoy having you around, I’m sure she’d be happy to give you any advice on this kind of stuff.” I nodded.  “So heating pad? Got any cravings? I’ve seen and heard some girls talk about their cravings for sweets, mainly chocolate. Would you like some?” I nodded.  “Okay, back in a few.” He soon left my room once more.

Even after our intense spat this morning, once he understood what was happening he really was becoming a good big brother in helping out his little sister in her time of need.  Not walking around eggshells or being super awkward about it, he understood and seemed to have everything I needed.

Soon he came back with the heating pad, some Hershey bars and a few bags of M&M’s, as well as some of my favorite movies.

“Okay so put this against your lower abdomen, and I’ll plug it up and switch it onto warm first. Then we’ll see if you want to go hotter or cooler.” He handed me the heating pad and I did as he said while we went over to my desk and plugged it into the socket just underneath my work desk.

He flipped the switch and soon I began to feel the warming sensation starting to come around my lower abdomen.  I moaned in relief as I shut my eyes and held the heating pad closer to me.  I felt something tap my forehead and I saw Steve holding one of the Hersey bars.

“Figured you’d want to eat this now before you pass out.” I took the bar from him and unwrapped it before taking a bite out of it. I don’t know whether it was the hormones or the enhanced senses from my period but this was the absolute, most heavenly thing I’ve ever had in my entire life (and I’ve been eating Hersey bars and kisses for as long as I can remember).

He set the rest of the candy at my bedside and he stroked my hair before telling me.

“I’m gonna quickly call the school and then get your sheets in the washer.”

“Directions are taped to the dryer.” I told him.

“I know, I know. God you let the washer overflow one time.”

“Twice. Remember the first time when mom and dad came early to see soap all across the hallway.”

“Right. But you just get some sleep okay kid?” I nodded. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead gingerly before brushing some of my hair out of my face.  “I’ll check on you in a bit.”

“Thank you Steve.” I whispered before feeling the pull between consciousness and unconsciousness and the urge to sleep gripped tightly on me. And thanks to the heating pad, it was increasing greatly.

“You’re welcome (Y/n). Sleep well.” He then went over to the tv and turned it on and the last thing I heard was the opening to Lady and the Tramp playing in the background.

[ghostiewriter]

prologue | tale of a slightly unstable teen hero

Summary: JJ’s life is thrown upside down after a school trip. Now he just decide what to do about his newly found powers and discover just how much his life has changed.

Warnings: contains strong language, a teeny sliver of sexual references, just the three boys being dumbasses? a small smidge of angst (it barely counts) and some fighting, kinda amateur but he’ll learn eventually

Word Count: 8.2K (I’m so sorry)

A/N: ahhh so here’s the prologue! Hope you guys enjoy, it’s a bit of a mess and it wasn’t meant to be this long but oh well! This is just to kinda set up the world, I promise the chapters won’t be this messy! There will be way more Kiara in the next chapter as well, don’t worry! Like I said, this is just a filler chapter! Also this is unedited and I am kinda unwell so lets hope this makes sense :) feel free to leave any feedback!! 

masterlist // taglist // ao3

JJ prided himself in always loving an adventure. A random trip at 3am when one of his buds felt down? Hell yeah! An exploration through the streets of New York when he decided to ditch his Spanish final? Let’s go, dude! A spontaneous road trip with his boys during summer? JJ was down! But this? This just felt like some sick joke.

Admittedly, JJ wasn’t listening in class when the trip was announced. And as Pope liked to remind him every couple of minutes, this whole situation could have been avoided if he had listened in class. But can you blame the guy? A whole day off school to visit some big corporation uptown where he was getting a free lunch—JJ would be stupid to reject that. Yet, JJ should’ve known there would’ve been some catch, some flaw in this trip. And that flaw was that he had to spend the day walking around Cameron Industries, the biggest nerd fest on the East coast.

JJ was bored out of his mind.

Pope was ecstatic beyond belief.

John B was ready to punch JJ in the face if opened his mouth to complain one more time.

“Why call it a trip when all we do is listen to these dudes in lab coats droning on about some weird gene thing? Like c’mon! A trip is meant for relaxing. Where the fuck am I gonna relax around here, huh? The fucking gift shop—“

“Shut up,” John B hissed at the blonde, smacking JJ’s arm for good measure, to which the blond dramatically whined at. “Just please…shut up. You’ve got one more hour until lunch, alright? Don’t ruin this for him.”

JJ huffed as he glanced over at Pope, who was eagerly questioning every scientist they came across. As much as it pained him to agree with John B, he did have a point. There weren’t enough fingers in the world to count the amount of times JJ had dragged Pope into some anxiety-provoking, impulsive situation. The least he could do is suck it up a little and mope silently as they walk through countless fancy labs that probably each cost more than his apartment complex altogether.

“I don’t know why you’re acting so chuff,” JJ huffed, his fingers twisting the rings that adorned his hands—a force of habit when he was uncomfortable and bored. “You usually back me up on this kinda stuff—“ But JJ didn’t need to finish his question. Oh no, because the answer was right there.

JJ smirked as he turned to John B, one eyebrow raised in question. However, his friend seemed much more content staring at Sarah Cameron from where she stood near the front of the group, smiling towards the tour guide like they were close friends. Which they probably were considering they were standing in the building her father owned.

Ward Cameron. Renowned scientist, billionaire and founder of Cameron Industries. A true inspiration. What started as a hopeless experiment in his high school chemistry lab ended up forging Ward Cameron’s path to success in the biggest multibillion-dollar multinational corporation that held the future for chemical engineering. JJ just thought he was some lucky rich kid that had daddy’s money to support his dream.

And it was for that reason that JJ rolled his eyes, nudging his friend out of his daze. “You do know you don’t stand a chance, right?” JJ commented.

Harsh but true. JJ and the rest of the kids that attended this trip went to Midtown High School. True to its name, it was smack bang in the middle of two very different livelihoods. Uptown Queens: home to the kids who live of old money, designer clothes and trust funds. And Downtown Queens: home to working-middle class who would spend the rest of their lives making a sliver of the uptown folks’ wages.

Take a wild guess which area JJ is from.

However, some old dude in the 60s decided to try and bridge the gap between the classes and thus, the school was born. All it did was let each know how much they resented the other. Yet, John B had fallen into the alluded mind-set of that old geezer and set his eyes on Sarah Cameron, the most uptown chick you’ll get. And of course, JJ was there to remind him of that very fact and push him off that imaginary bridge. It was a fool’s hope to combine the uptown and downtown folk; it was a fool’s hope to try and make them get along. It won’t happen now nor ever.

John B flipped him off. JJ only grinned in response.

Nonetheless, that ended up being the most exciting part of the hour. JJ shuffled along at the back of the group, his eyes constantly wandering around the labs. Did he have any clue what any of it was? Hell no, but he was naturally curious and couldn’t help his hands from wandering. Sue him, he was a teenage boy with ADHD and a knack for getting into trouble—he was bound to do something stupid.

His interest in science perked up a bit when he noticed a small enclosure of what looked like completely normal spiders, yet as their tour guide spoke, they were anything but normal.

“Our team have been working on taking the genetic code of three separate species of arachnids and combining them to form a super-spider. One which can survive and reproduce and live as any other would. It is the first step in the future of genetic engineering and modification. With this technology, we could find cures to diseases that were deemed impossible to cure. We could form a stronger, better human race—“

“Isn’t that unethical?” A voice interrupted. Everyone’s head snapped towards the curly-haired girl that stood by Sarah Cameron’s side. JJ knew very little about her—considering this was honestly the first time he had seen her—and he wasn’t complaining…nor was he actually listening to what she was saying. “I mean, won’t this just introduce a future of designer babies and a superiority of the genetically modified over the natural?”

“I understand your concerns,” The tour guide—a young redhead who honestly didn’t look a day over twenty-two but then again, JJ guessed everyone around here was some sort of genius. “But I can assure you there are a number of protocols behind this research that would prevent such a thing from happening.”

“Can you really stop the rich from getting what they want?” Ironic considering she was a rich, uptown chick.

An awkward silence washed over the group before the teacher quickly cleared their throat and directed the tour guide to continue.

JJ—being the foolishly bored teenager he was—made his way over to the unknown girl, standing next to her as they looked at the spiders in the enclosure.

“Poor things.” She sighed sadly. JJ only raised an eyebrow but didn’t question it.

“You know,” He began, his voice smooth and suave—the usual JJ charm he used on girls. “I totally agree with you on all those…ethic…things…” He trailed off, risking a glance towards the girl who only narrowed her eyes at him.

“Really?” She questioned, nodding her head for him to continue.

“Yeah, I mean, save the animals, am I right?” He grinned, nervously scratching the nape of his neck. The girl seemed unamused.

“Uh huh, sure thing, buddy.” She stated before turning to catch up with the group. But JJ’s voice stopped her once again.

“How about I take you out some time? And then you can tell me all about all this ethic stuff.” He proposed, his usual charming smirk on his lips. He was a lady’s man, he knew he was gorgeous and JJ would be a fool if he didn’t use it to his advantage. One small date to charm her before JJ wiggled his way into her bed, then boom—they never have to speak to each other again. Plus, this girl may be one of Sarah Cameron’s wee minions, but JJ didn’t let class get in the way of his ‘love’ life. He just resents the lot of those uptown kids in every other aspect of his life. No harm in fraternizing with the enemy, right? What other people didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. It’s just a little bit of fun.

“Do you even know my name?” She asked him, her arms crossed over her chest. It took a lot of self-control for JJ not to follow the movement. He cleared his throat, leaning one hand against the enclosure.

“Uh…Samantha?”

“Nice try, asshole.” And with that, she turned around to join the group.

JJ stood there, a little dumbfounded by the encounter. He was taken aback not only by the fact she had just rejected him, but with the sass in which she did so. He would be lying if he didn’t say it was a little hot, but he expected it. Uptown kids always thought there were better, superior to the downtown kids.

But JJ didn’t wallow in his rejection for long when he felt a sharp, stinging pain on his hand. He glanced down, seeing a spider on the back of his hand and his instant reaction was to shake it off. “Little shit!” He hissed, looking down at the small bite mark on his skin.

“Hey, dude, you comin’?” He heard John B call out. He glanced around, unable to spot the spider. He shrugged, JJ has had worse than a small spider bite. He’ll survive.

“Yeah, I’m starving, let’s go!”

Little did JJ know that was his last day as a normal, hyperactive teen.

**********

“I’m telling you something is fucking wrong with me!”

Both boys looked at their blond friend with sceptic looks. It was Saturday morning and far too early to deal with JJ nonsense. Especially when they could barely understand what he was going on about. It was around 6am when John B and Pope received a very distressed call from JJ. Neither one was very sure for what reason, all they heard was ‘freaky’ and ‘fuck’ multiple times during the call. But he sounded like he was really going through something so they eventually went over—arriving at JJ’s place at 7:30am. JJ was too on edge to even try and call them out on it.

“Dude, breathe,” Pope muttered, watching JJ run holes in his carpet from how much he was pacing. “Calm down a little—“

“I can’t calm down, Pope!” JJ snapped, looking at his friends who seemed far too calm. “Like I don’t know if I am freaked out or pumped but just—“ He paused, seeing the look of confusion on his friends’ faces. He huffed and pulled his shirt off, looking at them expectedly. They didn’t react.

“JJ, did you really call us down here on SATURDAY MORNING because you have another birthmark that looks like George Clooney because I will literally murder you—“

“No, no!” JJ hissed before pointing down to his abs, and then his arms. Then he began flexing, yet he was met with blank expressions again.

“Dude, as much as I love staring at your abs, what the fuck are we meant to be looking at?” Pope asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“They are different!”

“They are?”

“They are!”

“Uh…how?”

JJ scoffed, as if it were obvious. “They are more defined!”

“…more defined?”

“Clearly!”

John B let out an unattractive snort, pushing his hair back as he leaned back against the wall, all his worry for his friend now gone. He was honestly concerned it was something important. “What’s next? Is your hair too perfect, J? Need a bag to cover how gorgeous you are?” Pope snickered along with him.

“I mean, I am having a good hair day…” JJ trailed off before shaking his head and turning to the two of them again. “But that isn’t all, okay? It gets freakier!”

Both boys looked at JJ with amusement from their spots on his bed.

JJ rolled his eyes before he stretched his hand out, his palm facing the ceiling with his two middle fingers pressed into his palm. Not even seconds later, a THWAP echoed through the now-silent bedroom.

Both teenagers looked down at the string of substance that just existed their friend’s wrist, completely shell-shocked. It was John B who spoke first, looking away from the white substance on JJ’s bed.

“Is that like…the same as…did you just—“ John B points down to his groin area, only for JJ to grimace.

“Dude, no! EW! I didn’t just jizz from my wrist!”

“It looks like you just did.”

Pope quickly kneeled down next to the bed, hesitantly reaching to touch the stuff, ignoring John B’s comments on how disgusting it was. “It feels like…silk,” He murmured in confusion before pulling his hand away, noticing how it stuck to his skin. “And it’s sticky.”

John B gagged in the back, but JJ ignored him. “It’s like glue, a really strong glue! And then after like twenty minutes, it disappears!” He told Pope as he reached for the scissors to help his sticky situation.

“How did you do that though?” Pope’s mind was reeling with the possibilities, the science behind the completely inhumane thing JJ had just done and he had witnessed with his very own eyes.

“I don’t fucking know!”

“Does it have anything to do with that weird-ass bump on your hand?” John B perked up, nodding towards JJ. All three boys’ gazes shifted to his left hand, where in fact there was a small red bump, no bigger than a grape at most.

“Nah, dude, that’s just from the spider bite yesterday.” JJ answered with a shrug. Pope chocked on the air, looking at JJ like he had three heads.

“I—you mean the fucking GENETICALLY MODIFIED SPIDERS FROM THE LAB?!” JJ winced, trying to shush Pope but there was no avail, this boy was going off on a rant. “Are you stupid? Why didn’t you tell anyone yesterday? JJ, those could’ve been poisonous or had long term effects or—“

“Made you some weird mutant with cool powers.” John B added. He quickly shut up when he received the ‘look’ from Pope.

“We have to tell someone at Cameron Industries.” Pope concluded. JJ was quick to pipe up, taking a few steps away from Pope on instinct.

“What, no way! They are gonna stick me under some fancy microscope or inject me with needles full of…stuff! I’m not going back into that geek galore!” JJ stated. Pope looked like he was ready to open his mouth, and start spouting out arguments as to why JJ should head over to the professional scientists over his weird, overnight mutation. But it was actually John B who came to a more mutual conclusion.

“Or we just do our own tests,” John B shrugged, both boys turning to look at him with fairly discombobulated expressions. “C’mon, Pope is basically a scientist and he is smart enough to figure out whatever the hell is going on with you!”

“I don’t have half the equipment they would have—“ Pope tried to argue.

“Look, we aren’t going to find out anything through a microscope. The best way is just go out there and test what he can do. How hard can it be?” John B grinned.

Pope wanted to argue that it was very hard. Though he had read countless papers on the genetically modified spiders, even he didn’t know enough to do a full conclusive examination on JJ and his new state. He didn’t have half the things he needed, but when he looked over at JJ and saw a much more relaxed—and hopeful—expression on his face from when he had suggested returning to the lab, Pope sighed and shook his head a little.

“Just so you both know, I am going to say, ‘I told you so’ when this goes downhill.”

**********

That is how JJ, Pope and John B found themselves standing on the roof of JJ’s apartment complex, the busy streets of New York oblivious to the scientific discovery that is happening above them. JJ couldn’t tear his eyes off the skyline, finding something about it much more relaxing that the potential of just what his new body could do. He was scared—no, scratch that—he was nervous, anxious if you will. JJ couldn’t lie that a part of him was excited. It felt surreal, like something out of one of those comics he used to nick from the uptown kids. Then again, JJ wasn’t very fond of the idea of being some new scientific discovery. It made him feel like he would end up like one of those poor frogs they had to dissect in biology—poor fuckers.

“Okay, so the spiders were made from three separate species to optimize their physical properties—being able to adapt to new environments, heightened senses to avoid predators, enhanced strength and speed, stronger material to create webs for larger prey—all that jazz. No research has been done on the psychological properties though.” Pope rambled, his hands moving wildly whilst both boys stared at him with clueless expressions.

“Which means?”

“JJ could have some really cool powers but could also be going totally insane,” Pope said with a sheepish shrug. “Like I’m talking full Tasmanian devil mode here—“

“Very reassuring, dude.” JJ stated bluntly. He took it all back, he wasn’t excited. He was terrified now. He glanced down at the small bite on his hand, which was slowly deflating as time passed. JJ wasn’t sure if he was relieved or worried that the second the bite disappeared, it could mean something really bad—like him turning into some massive humanoid arachnid that attacks the city. He shivered at the thought. “Right, let’s just get on with this.”

John B clapped a hand on his back, a small smile on his lips. “You’ll be fine, dude, alright? You’re in good hands.” He tried to reassure JJ. And JJ knew that everything Pope was saying was just to help him understand what was going on too, but he couldn’t help but think there was a small part of Pope that enjoyed using JJ as a lab rat. He was a scientist, could you really blame him?

“Yeah, I know.” He said with a curt nod.

“Let’s try the web again, see how far you can shoot it.” Pope piped up, moving to stand on the other side of JJ. “The average spider can shoot a web to about four feet, but these spiders have the DNA of the Darwin Bark Spiders which can shoot webs up to eighty-two feet. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you could reach the same, maybe more.” He then gestured for JJ to try it out, pointing towards the building opposite then, which was only around eight feet away, at most.

JJ took a deep breath before extending his hand out, the THWAP sounding clear despite the ongoing traffic down below. Yet, the web barely shot out a couple of inches before landing on the edge of the roof with a disappointing splat.

“Well then…” John B trailed off, all three boys staring at the failed web shot.

“You clearly weren’t trying, just concentrate!” Pope said with a clap of his hands. He only received a blank stare from JJ.

“I was trying, dumbass! It’s harder than it looks. It…feels weird, man. Like a sneeze…from my wrist!” He huffed, but Pope only nudged his shoulder to try again.

JJ sighed and turned to face the opposite building again. He raised his arm, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he tried to imagine the web shooting out and reaching the opposing roof. He tried to imagine more web fluid being shot out his wrist, he tried to imagine like he actually knew what he was doing. Not even a second later, the THWAP sound was heard and suddenly there was a white rope of silk extending from JJ’s hand onto the next roof over.

“Holy shit!”

JJ grabbed the web, giving the web a light tug. He was expecting for the web to break, for his hand to be covered in web fluid. But instead the web remained, strong and sturdy as though it was bolted onto the roof.

“This is crazy, dude.”

He snapped his hand back, watching the web breakaway from his palm and flop, hanging from the brick wall like a pathetic piece of string. “That was cool as fuck,” He murmured as he glanced down at his wrists in shock. He gently ran his thumb over his wrist, a delightful shiver running down his back. It caused him to smile a little, thinking about just how far he could shoot these webs.

“Dude, you could swing around like Tarzan now.” John B snickered. JJ gave him a deadpan look but he couldn’t help himself from glancing down at his wrists again.

“You think?”

“Only one way to find out.” John B grinned.

Pope’s eyes widened slightly as he quickly began to shake his head. “You don’t know if the web is strong enough to hold his weight, he could hurt himself or—“

“You calling me fat?” JJ gasped with a pout, a hand placed over his heart. “You offend me, Pope. Thought you were better than this.”

“If calling you fat will stop you from swinging off a building like an idiot then yes, I am calling you fat.” He hissed.

JJ grinned, his eyes quickly searching around before he noticed a large satellite pole sticking out from one of the nearby buildings. It was a bit further away, but JJ let the pride of his last success get to his head. “I can do it, bud, don’t worry about it.”

“That’s my boy!”

“Don’t encourage him!”

“He can do it!”

“How the fuck do you know that!?”

“Sixth sense, my dude.”

JJ blocked out the bickering, taking a couple of steps back from the edge of the roof. A running start never hurt anyone, right? He rolled his shoulders, stretching his neck from left to right. Never once did he let his gaze shift away from the satellite pole. He crouched down a little, already feeling the adrenaline build up in him. “Diver down, boys.” He grinned before he began sprinting to the edge of the building. As he reached the edge, he pushed himself off and extended his arm out, imagining the web wrapping around the pole and seconds later it did. He held the web tightly in his grip as he felt himself swinging towards the building. Whoops and cheers could be heard, though JJ wasn’t sure if they were coming from him or the boys back on the roof.

“JJ, THE WALL! LOOK OUT!”

But JJ was a little too pumped up to even comprehend what Pope was screaming until he noticed the brick wall getting closer. ‘Shit, shit, shit.’ The words echoed in his head and he tried to think of a way to slow himself down. But it was useless as he found himself colliding with the wall, his eyes clenched shut on impact.

“Oh, fuck.” He groaned, his limbs sprawled out like a starfish. A part of him thought he was dead, that maybe he hit the wall way too hard, he had a lot of momentum after all. But the muffled screams coming from his friends was enough to tell him that he was very much alive. “I’m alive!” He yelled out, slowly beginning to blink his eyes open, finding himself face to face with a brick wall. “What the…” He trailed off when he glanced at his hands, finding them attached to the brick wall.

His heart was pounding when he looked down, seeing that he was attached to the wall, very far up from the ground, with nothing suspending him. His mind was reeling, almost as though he was waiting for himself to fall and his body to meet the ground. But it never happened.

“You’re like an actual fucking spider, dude!” He heard John B yell, as though he was right beside him, which caused him to wince a little. He glanced over his shoulder, seeing them still very far away on that roof.

JJ shook his head and glanced up, seeing the edge of the roof a couple of feet from where he was stuck on the wall. He took a deep breath before slowly removing one hand, and when he was sure he wasn’t going to fall, he moved it up higher. Slowly, JJ found himself scaling the side of the building, his heart beating wildly even as he pulled himself over the edge, both feet finding the solid ground of the roof. He turned back to look at his friends, both of whom looked shocked beyond belief.

“What the hell…” He could hear Pope whisper, which only caused JJ’s eyebrows to furrow in confusion.

“This is a lot more complicated than I thought.” He muttered to himself, only now realising that the bite mark on his hand was long gone.

**********

JJ winced a little as he heard the bell ring, indicating the end of this period and the start of lunch—his favourite subject. Yet, JJ wasn’t exactly jumping out of his seat as usual. It was now Monday and everyone was back at school. JJ, Pope and John B had spent the better use of the whole weekend to run around, using JJ like some lab rat and seeing just what he could and couldn’t do. And JJ was fucking exhausted. The amount of times he had face-planted into a wall was beyond funny and he had learnt the hard way that the more on edge he was, the more sensitive he was…well, to everything. The sound of the chairs screeching against the floor made him cringe, the bright LED lights made him want to cry and the feeling of his sweater against his skin was scratchy and uncomfortable. JJ sure as hell wasn’t hyped for his newly found powers if this is what the rest of his life is going to be like.

The blond sighed to himself as he shoved his stuff into his backpack, swinging it over his shoulder and heading towards the cafeteria once he left the class. He kept his head down, finding the small shuffles of his vans against the floor were helping him from cussing out every single student that bumped into him, making him honestly want to scream and stay six feet away from everyone. He tried to reassure himself that he was half way through the day, that he only had a couple of hours left and then he could preferably go hide in a hole somewhere for the rest of his life. Okay, that is a little dramatic but a dark hole sounded great to JJ right now.

But here’s the thing, JJ is a Maybank. He has the good ol’ Maybank luck, which means even when he feels shit, the universe is out to make his life worse. And the universe sent that in the form of Rafe Cameron and his loyal little minions, Topper Thornton and Kelce Smith. Midtown High’s own version of the Plastics, some may say.

By some, I mean JJ. But hey, don’t judge. He was forced into watch Mean Girls by one of his flings awhile back and he won’t lie, the movie slaps. But that is besides the point.

“Oi, Maybank!”

JJ inwardly groaned at the sound of Rafe’s voice. He would much rather hear nails on a chalkboard than whatever Rafe had to say. JJ wouldn’t consider them bullies, they were simply the top tier of the uptown kids who had some sort of superiority complex. And JJ had no issue on challenging them, it was far too easy to wind up a bunch of rich kids who weren’t used to being called out on their bullshit. And it just stuck. They would say something stupid to try and provoke him, and most of the time JJ’s words were enough for them to leave him alone. He had the satisfaction of punching Rafe in the face a few times, but usually Pope and John B were quick to hold him back. After all, it would backfire on JJ if he got into trouble with an uptown kid.

“What do you want?” JJ huffed out, glancing up at the trio. The sight of the three of them almost brought a smile to his lips. Uptown kids and their need to follow trends, they wore the same outfit in different variations and it honestly made JJ want to laugh. The classic preppy look with their pastel sweaters and tennis shoes, it made JJ want to gag. But he contained his vomit as Rafe spoke up.

“Aw, c’mon, Maybank. That all you got today? A bit pathetic.” Rafe snickered, the other two laughing along with their leader. JJ rolled his eyes. The funniest thing about them was their outfits.

“As much as I’d love to talk to you little pastel powerpuff girls, I have much better things to do in my life,” JJ said with a sarcastic smile on his lips as he side-stepped the trio, attempting to make his way past them. He really didn’t have the patience to deal with them today. He had happily planned to steal food from Pope and take a nap for the hour. But the second he felt Rafe’s hand on his shoulder, he knew that wasn’t going to be happening.

“Watch your mouth, Maybank.” Rafe spat, his hand tightening on JJ’s shoulder. The act made him want to cringe away and rip off his skin. The feeling of his hand on his shoulder, his thumb brushing that little bit of skin near the neckline of his sweater, it made JJ want to gag. It felt horrible. He wanted that feeling gone.

“Piss off, Cameron.” He scoffed, harshly jerking his shoulder so Rafe’s hand would lose its grip but it only tightened. In an act of desperation, JJ did the only thing that seemed reasonable. He shoved Rafe away. Now normally, it would be enough to have Rafe stumble a few steps so JJ can make a quick exit. But JJ just so happened to have forgotten that this wasn’t like every other normal time. He wasn’t normal anymore. So, his shove was much more than a wee push, it was more like completely winding Rafe. JJ couldn’t help but cringe when he heard the sound of Rafe’s body colliding with the lockers before he slumped to the ground, a dent now evident in the lockers from the collision. Topper and Kelce looked at JJ with mixed looks of confusion and fear before rushing to their friend’s aid.

“Oh my god, Rafe!”

JJ’s head snapped to the end of the hallway where he could see Sarah Cameron, but she wasn’t alone. Beside her was the curly haired girl from the trip. His eyes widened a little when his gaze met hers, but he was only met with a glare from the mysterious beauty.

“What’s your problem?” She hissed at JJ as the two girls got closer, now seeing the full effect of what JJ had done. JJ gulped a little, his fingers tapping the side of his legs as he tried to think this through. What could he say, ‘oh sorry, kinda lost control of my new powers, I’ll be a little more careful next time’. Yeah, that wasn’t going to work.

“He started it!” JJ blurted out, only to mentally smack himself at how childish he sounded. “I barely touched him, he was being dramatic!” He added but the looks of uncertainty didn’t reassure him that they bought it. He was in the lion’s den here, a downtown kid surrounded by the privileged. He was never going to win. So, he did the only sane thing any downtown kid would do. He got out of there as quick as he could.

“He could be concussed!” Sarah Cameron spoke up for the first time, a frown on her face as she met JJ’s gaze. He could almost feel the judgement oozing from her.

“Maybe he will finally have some brain cells knocked into him!” And with that, JJ ran out of that hallway and didn’t stop running until he was far away from the school.

**********

“I’m sorry what?”

Following the fiasco on Monday, JJ’s week hadn’t been much better. Most of it was spent avoiding the uptown crew whilst simultaneously keeping a low profile, which is very hard for someone like JJ. He was used to being the class clown, milking any attention he got. Now he felt like he was under house arrest or something, trapped to keep to himself and work out what the hell was happening to him. But true to their commitment of being his best friends, John B and Pope were right there beside him. It had been a long and stressful week but they made it through. It was a little exhausting on them but they had each other to lean on. JJ was just glad he wasn’t alone.

But now, sat in Pope’s bedroom on the Saturday night, looking between the two boys with a very concerned look, JJ wasn’t sure his weekend was going to be any more relaxing. He knew the three of them combined weren’t the best combinations. They probably shared a brain cell between them and even then, it mostly resided with Pope and his weird, random facts. They had come up with some really strange, out-there ideas before—like the time they tried to give John B a perm with household products or when they convinced themselves they could do a road trip in John B’s crappy van. But this was the icing on the cake. This was enough for JJ to confirm that his friends had completely lost their mind.

“Think about it!” John B continued, practically rolling on the balls of his feet in excitement. JJ raised an eyebrow but didn’t interrupt him. To be honest, JJ wasn’t even sure where to start with how bad of an idea this was. “You have these super cool powers that are totally useless to everyday life, so why not put them to use? You could be like—the next Batman or something!”

“Batman was a rich dude who made gadgets. He doesn’t even have any powers. How the hell would I be like Batman?”

“Okay, bad example,” Pope piped up. “But just think about it. You could make a difference, be a hero!”

“A really badass superhero!” John B added.

JJ looked at them with a frown on his face. This now just seemed like a deranged joke. He was waiting for them to laugh, to say it was just a silly joke and move on with their usual weekend plans. But they didn’t. They continued.

“I mean, we could be a team! The three of us! You’ll go out and do all the crime fighting, Pope can make crazy gadgets and do all the…tech stuff and I can be your guy in the chair, you know?”

“My guy in the chair?”

“Yeah, you know, the guy in the headset…surrounded by screens…telling you where to go when you need extra help and stuff.”

“What?”

“Like Pope would set it up, but I would be the mastermind behind it! Like you’re stuck in a building and can’t find a way out, I would help you find a route. Your guy in the chair!”

JJ only shook his head, pressing his fingers to his temples to try and not completely lose his temper.

“And like every superhero ever, you’ll need a suit. So, I went looking through some stuff and I found my mum’s sewing machine,” Pope fumbled around in his pocket before he pulled out a small bunch of red fabric. He threw it to JJ, which he easily caught. JJ then realised it was like a ski mask, with two small holes for his eyes. “It’s not much but we can work on it, keep your identity secret and everything.”

“Oh, and you’ll need a badass name! I was thinking like Night Monkey, or—“

“—Spiderling!” Pope interrupted with a grin, clearly proud of it. But JJ had enough.

“Can the both of you just shut up!” He snapped, both boys instantly quieting down, looking at JJ with concerned looks. “Okay, are you out of your mind? Me? A superhero? Hate to fucking break it to you but I am not the superhero type guy, alright? I’m not your friendly neighbourhood nice guy helping old ladies cross the street or getting cats out of the tree! I could give zero fucks about the law cause all its there for is rich idiots to manipulate and use to ruin lives of people like us!” JJ cried out to them, letting go of any hope he had on trying to keep his cool.

“People like us don’t become heroes, alright? We are usually the ones that get locked up. And knowing my luck, I will be thrown straight into some loony house, in a straitjacket because of these powers! You guys have to be absolute fools if you think any of this would work.” JJ huffed as he stood up, shoving the mask into his pocket before making his way to the door. “I don’t care about other people, alright? I care about you guys, my mum and most importantly, myself. Why the hell should I risk my life for a world that won’t appreciate it anyways.” Both boys stood there stunned, looking at JJ with wide eyes and parted lips.

“JJ—“

“No, okay? Superheroes are meant for comic books and movies, not real life, alright? Grow up.” And with that, JJ slammed the door as he left the apartment.

JJ scoffed, muttering to himself as he walked through the dark streets of New York, deciding to take the longer route back home. He needed the time to clear his head, grasp his thoughts. He didn’t know what the boys were thinking, he was definitely not fit to be a hero. Were they out of their minds? Give a guy some abnormal powers and suddenly he should be putting on a cape and preaching morals. That wasn’t JJ, that would never be JJ. He was selfish, arrogant at times and beyond prideful. But he was aware. He knew what he was and he knew he didn’t have what it took to be a hero. Pope and John B needed to stop being ignorant and see that.

He rolled his eyes at the thought and continued his way back to his building complex, hands shoved in his pockets with his right-hand clenching around the fabric of the mask. Small puffs escaped his lips as JJ started regretting taking the long way home. It was October and winter was promising to come early, JJ could tell that much by the stinging cold against his cheeks. The cold was just the cherry on top of his bitter mood.

Yet, as JJ continued to make his way home, he could hear the sound of people talking, causing a frown to form on his face. JJ had walked this way many times, especially during the night, and the chance of passing someone down these streets were fairly rare. Maybe the odd one here or there, but a group of people? Definitely not common.

At first, he ignored it. He had gotten used to the heightened senses over the week, being able to hear things from a distance even when he didn’t try. For all he knew, he could be hearing the muttering of some people a few blocks over. So, he ignored it and carried on walking. But then it started getting louder and clearer. JJ felt his whole body go on alert, the hair on his arm standing up, like his body knew something was off. He could feel it in his gut, a horrible realisation that this wasn’t going to be his usual walk home.

It wasn’t until when JJ turned the corner that he realised just what he had walked into. There stood around five men, all wearing masks that covered the lower half of their faces. They were dressed in all black, probably to draw less attention to themselves, but JJ could see the glint of guns in the light of the lampposts shining down on the street. They stood outside a building, three of them seeming to try and block the view of the other two. It was then when JJ’s brain actually caught up with what he was seeing and realised what the building was. A bank. These guys were trying to rob a bank.

Well shit.

The way JJ saw it, he had two options here. He could turn around, pretend he didn’t see anything and let them get on with what they were doing. Chances were they would either get caught by the police or he would see that the bank had been successfully robbed tomorrow morning on the news. Or JJ could do something about it. He quickly grabbed his phone from his pocket, only to see that it was dead. Of course, it was the good ol’ Maybank luck. He shoved it back into his pocket and looked towards the five men.

Then an idea popped into his head. A stupid, insane idea that was nothing short of self-deprecating and downright dumb. It was short of one of the worst ideas he had ever had. JJ had done a lot of weird stuff in his life but this definitely tops it all. And the worst part was that he was going through with it, because as much as he hated it, it was his only choice right now.

“I’m gonna regret this.” JJ huffed to himself as he snatched the mask out of his pocket and pulled it down over his face, adjusting it so he could see through the small holes Pope had made. He let out a breath, shaking his shoulders a little as he tried to pump himself up, get his adrenaline going.

“You got this, it’s not like they have guns or anything,” JJ muttered to himself as he placed his hands on the wall of the building across from the bank, the one he was currently hiding around so the bank robbers wouldn’t see him, before he began to scale the building. I mean, who would expect the enemy coming from above, right?

He stopped around half way up the building, thanks to the heightened senses he was able to still see the criminals clearly. He watched them closely, seeing only the three men that were on lookout where the one with guns. “Oh, let’s hope this works.” He whispered to himself before extending his arm out.

“What the fuck!” One of them called out as his gun was snatched from his hands in the blink of an eye, his two friends following a similar reaction. JJ wasn’t even thinking about where he was throwing the guns, just as long as they were nowhere near these dudes when he confronted them.

He watched them freak out, yelling at each other as they looked around for the culprit to their missing guns. He heard the half-ass threats they used and tried not to snort before he shot a web to one of the lampposts nearby and swung down, landing gracefully at the top of the lamppost.

“Guys, I hate to break it to you but someone lied, bank doesn’t open until tomorrow morning.” JJ called out to them, giving a small shrug. All five heads snapped up to look at him, and the glares he was receiving was enough to tell him that these guys weren’t big jokesters.

“Piss off, kid, this is none of your business.” One of them replied in a blunt, scruffy voice. It honestly made JJ cringe a little.

“You see,” JJ sighed. “I’ve made it my business so…” He trailed off before snapping his wrist, a web shooting out to stick to the head of the closest criminal and with a firm tug, his head hit the pole before he slumped to the ground.

One of the men growled at JJ, clearly not happy about some weird kid interrupting their wee heist. “You had your warning, kid. Come down and play with the adults.” He taunted before JJ noticed the glimmer of something in the light. A knife. Of-fucking-course the gun wasn’t the only weapon they had on them.

“That’s a bit unfair, isn’t it?” He commented, shooting a web to wrap around the criminal’s wrist, prepared to pull it out of his grasp, only for the robber to tug the web instead, sending JJ flying off the lamppost and falling on his ass to the ground. “Fuck!” He hissed as he quickly jumped to his feet.

“Life is unfair,” The criminal muttered before reaching to punch JJ but he easily dodged it. The speed and agility with which he moved with clearly distracting the criminal long enough for JJ to kick him hard enough that sent him stumbling back into the wall. JJ barely had time to process it before he snapped his hand to the left, stopping a fist that was inches away from his face.

“Nice try, asshole.” He huffed before twisting the criminal’s arm before sending a swift punch to his jaw. There was a satisfying pop sound that told JJ he would be preoccupied for at least a couple of minutes.

He then noticed two of the criminals trying to corner him, and he couldn’t help but smirk a little under the mask at just how cliché it seemed. In seconds, JJ has webs shooting out each wrist, attaching to the chests of each men, before yanking the two towards each other. Groans echoed through the empty street as both men collided with each other.

JJ’s head snapped to the side when he heard an angry battle call as he saw the man with the now dislocated jaw running towards him. JJ crouched down a little before he began running towards the criminal, his arms hooking around his knees. He kept running forwards until JJ felt glass smash around him and the two of them fell through. He quickly got up, wincing at the window he had just broken before turning to the criminal and giving him a good smack in the face—he definitely wasn’t holding back with his strength on that one.

JJ began to work fast, not knowing how long each of the criminals would stay dazed and unconscious for. In no time, he had them piled together, a healthy amount of web fluid keeping them tied together. They wouldn’t be going anywhere—at least for twenty minutes. But it was just JJ’s luck that he didn’t have to worry about that time limit because not even seconds after he finished, he heard the sirens and saw the blue lights flashing down the streets.

Police cars began to surround the bank, creating a semi-circle to prevent any possible escape. Officers began to exit their vehicles, guns set and loaded and now aimed towards JJ. “This is NYPD, keep your hands where we can see them!” One officer called out.

“Shit,” JJ muttered to himself as he raised his hands in the air, watching as officers slowly approached the crime scene.

He watched as a look of confusion washed over their faces as they took in the scene: the smashed window, the five tied up men, the weird silky rope that was binding them together and of course, JJ in his crappy mask.

He watched as they evaluated the situation. Watched as they tried to piece it all together before one officer—the badge telling JJ her name was Captain Peterkin—stopped in front of JJ with raised eyebrows. “Did you do this?”

“Sure did, ma’am.”

“Why?” Another officer perked up, JJ could see his badge said Officer Shoupe.

“They were robbing a bank, what did you want me to do? Sit around making daisy chains until you showed up?” JJ immediately defended, glaring as best as he could with the mask on his face.

Peterkin smiled a little before she cleared her throat, JJ’s attention shifting to her. “Then I guess we owe you a great deal of thanks for your work.”

“All in a day’s work, can I leave now? I’m sure the security cameras will give you all the answers you need.” JJ stated as he already began to take a few steps away from the crime scene, walking backwards.

“Can we at least know your name?” Peterkin asked.

JJ looked down at his wrists before he snapped them up, watching as the web attached to nearby building. He looked at Peterkin and couldn’t help grin under his mask as he answered her question before tugging on the web and swinging away into the night.

“Call me Spider-Man.”

Taglist: @alphinias @popcornhook @loveyatopluto @teamnick @peanutbelley @iccyyyybitch @jiara-maybank @donkey-is-my-spirit-animal @carissarose16 @unspokenfaith @largedenominationsplease @jiaaras @homebody-nobody @smileymikey @hvitstark @shaymq7 @hmspogue @falseungodlyhours @aarchiess @rcsales @raeoffuckingsunshine @jjskiaras @parker-holland-osterfield @thesadprose

[deeperthanloveff]

Chapter 43 (iPad Post)

Robin

“Mmm good morning papi” I moaned as Chris kissed my lips eagerly.

It was currently 6am and Chris was in between my legs greeting me with delicious kisses. He tasted like mint and smelled like Irish spring soap. He rested his naked body on mine and smiled at me “you look sexy with this bed head and fucked good glow you got going on.”

I blushed and wrapped my arms around his neck “what you doing up so early.”

“Well I was going to go to the studio to start rehearsals for this Tidal show in a few days, but then I saw you laying here naked and couldn’t help myself.”

I rolled my eyes and he chuckled before kissing me again “Damn, I love you Melody.”

“Te amo back papi” I said as he buried his face in my neck kissing my sweet spot. My breath caught in my throat and I prayed he wasn’t teasing me. My prayers were answered because I could feel him slowly sliding inside me and I closed my eyes savoring the moment. He grunted and rolled his hips slowly the way he knew I liked it.

“Baby” I whispered as I wrapped my right leg around his waist pulling him deeper.

It hadn’t been all but a few minutes but it took nothing to have me wet for this man like no other. “Look at me” he said as he made sweet love to me.

I gasped as I opened my eyes making eye contact with the man of my dreams. I caressed his flawless freckle filled cheek and dropped my bottom jaw as he hit my g spot repeatedly “mmmm right there.”

He lifted my left leg and ground his hips into me and I earned a sexy grunt followed by “pussy so good baby.”

I bit my lip “it’s all yours.”

I know he was purposely gentle this morning because we normally would tussle in these sheets, but I appreciate the tender love he was showing me. I knew it was his way of letting me know he wasn’t going anywhere. I knew he was showing me how much he loved me, and I knew he was savoring this moment to solidify us. Today was our last day alone and I had no intention for us to leave this house, his rehearsal could wait.

My walls clamped down on him and he groaned “fuck, give it to me Mel. Let that shit talk.”

I began moving my hips to meet him as best I could from beneath him and I dug my nails in his lower back. Chris was currently thrusting himself in and out my core at a deliciously slow and forceful pace. He kissed my neck softly, gently nibbling on it before whispering in my ear “I love you baby, I need you, I can’t be without you. Fuck, it’s so wet. I love this gushy ass pussy.”

His voice was low and husky and it was making my body heat rise like crazy, I felt like my body was on fire “Oh, Chris fuck, ju-ju-jus-just like that papi.”

I looked down at the mess I was making, and it looked delicious. The way his long, thick, shaft was exiting and entering me felt so damn good. He smirked and looked at me “you like that huh?”

I grabbed at the sheets so hard I pulled one corner off the bed, but that didn’t stop my baby from pleasing me. I nodded my head yes as I caressed the sides of his face while his hands were caressing my sides and my ass. I sucked and pulled on his bottom lip as I looked him in his eyes. Chris let out a deep grunt as he stoked me. His dick massaging my walls. I was soaking him up and he was just making me wetter by the way he was rolling his hips into me. My back arched as he went deeper and faster into me. I scratched down his back, moaning in complete pleasure.

He grabbed both my hands, putting each hand in one of his as he intertwined his fingers in mines. My hands were above my head and we were squeezing each others hands so tight. He rocked my body with his mean strokes. The sweat that was on his chest glistened dropping down on me. His body hovering over mines, his dick moving in and out of me so swiftly. My moans were turning into cries of pleasure. My fingers stretching out as he squeezed both of my hands with his.

“Yeah, that’s it cum on my dick baby” he said before kissing my lips.

“Mmmm, mmmm, more” I cried out allowing my hands to run down to his behind.

He knew my body so well and I was indeed in climax mode, but I was trying to hold out as long as I could. Morning sex was like being on cloud 9. This man could make my body do things I didn’t even think possible. After almost 8 years the desire I have for him to be in my bed is still the same. He was currently sucking on my breast and leaving love bites on my chest.

I couldn’t take it anymore I was peaking and fast “I’m cumming, please don’t stop! Don’t ever stop.”

He looked down and groaned as I released all over him creaming his shaft literally “oh fuck, I’m gone bust baby, damn look at that shit you creaming!”

“Quiero que te corras dentro de mí papi” I moaned in his ear as I rode out what felt like the strongest orgasm I’ve ever had and felt him releasing inside me.

He pushed my messy hair from my face and kissed me deeply “Nobody but you baby, ever again ok?”

My eyes filled with tears as I shook my head yes “nobody” I replied as I held onto him and kissed him.

He slowly pulled himself out of me and I arched my back from the sudden movement. He kissed me again before letting me know he was going to get a rag to clean me up. He quickly returned with a warm wash cloth and wiped me clean furrowing his eyebrows with focus. I giggled and he looked up “what?”

“You look so serious like when you’re thinking about what to paint” I said making him laugh.

“My fault baby, I was trying not to hurt you. You sore?”

“Not that much, I’m ok. Come hold me though.”

“You think you slick you want more sex” he said making me laugh.

“I really want you to hold me, but that works too” I said making him chuckle as he proceeded to climb up the bed and pull me close. I rested my head on his chest and threw my leg up over him.

“Baby can I ask you something stupid? It’s really been weighing on my mind” I said circling the tats on his chest.

“Mmm?” He groaned eyes closed enjoying my touch.

“Did you blame me ever for what happened with Kae? A part of me still feels like you love her just as much as when I walked in and saw you guys laughing and kissing at India’s baby shower.”

I knew I was stirring up the pot here, but our therapist said that we needed to communicate. I was always shaky about this, and I knew pretending like it didn’t bother me would cause problems.

Chris

Inside I was searching for the right answer, but the right answer wouldn’t be good enough.

“Um I’m not understanding what you mean exactly. Are you asking if I blame you for our breakup or my son?” I asked opening my eyes when her soothing touch halted.

“Both” she asked nervously.

“Mel I was marrying her whether you want to hear it or not. I took time to build a life with her and I was going to start over. Now yes, I do think that had you not put me on the spot we wouldn’t be here. Do I blame you for the loss of my son, no I blame myself because I let her leave. My son would be just fine if I hadn’t let her walk away from me. But I don’t regret this and us right now at all. I fell in love with you and never fell out to be quite honest. I got you back and I’m not letting you go again, so please don’t let her be the cause of our demise again. I will always love her she’s the mother of my children here and gone, but she doesn’t hold a candle to you.” I said looking her in the eyes.

I could feel her body that was very tense as I spoke relax completely and I knew she heard what she needed to hear from me. People don’t understand it, but Karrueche always kept me from spiraling out of control so I’d run to her. It was easy to put my problems on her because she never told me no or made me feel like I was worthless. I loved her because she had my back. I cheated on my wife with her and felt no remorse behind it because I felt like my wife wasn’t even my wife. I was angry going through so much and selfishly wanted everything to be about me.

In rehab Karrueche was there warm and inviting so we had hot cheating sex and I got her pregnant. By that point I had realized I was wrong beyond measure but it was to late I had made my bed. Robin wanted out and no matter what I tried or said it wasn’t working. I had broke her already broken heart again. I wasn’t the guy that saved her from her terrible past anymore I was apart of the pain she was trying to move on from. Years had passed and raising my daughter with Kae allowed me to see things I’d never noticed before and I began to fall for her.

So here I am loving two people confused. If I left Kae I’d just be repeating the cycle so I stayed, got her pregnant again asked her to marry me and treated her the way she needed to be treated. The day of the baby shower I wanted to reach out and beg her not to leave me, but I knew I would never love her the way I did Robin. I also thought that Robin was just doing everything to say she got me, but through all the crazy shit of her trying to get me back I wanted her too. I was just upset, upset she left me in the first place. So now I lay here holding her naked body against mine and I’m not gonna let anything allow her to walk away again. Through everything it’s been her and she is my everything.

“So what are we Chris? I need to know.”

“You’re my woman and I’m your man. You can quote me. I want us to get to know each other again and let what ever happens happen.”

Just as she opened her mouth my phone blared on the nightstand with Trey popping up and I answered “yo bruh what’s good?”

“I know you’re having romantic weekend with ol’girl but Kae is in trouble and you need to get to the hospital now. She overdosed on those painkillers man!”

I instantly got dizzy “wait what?”

“Nigga get up she’s at Cedar’s” he said hanging up.

“Wait is she ok? Robin asked?” when I stared at the phone like I was being punked.

“I don’t even know!” I jumped up and ran to get dressed. Robin being who she was helped me out the door.

“Be careful!”

I jumped in my Aventador and I raced through traffic and got there forty minutes later. Getting her room information wasn’t hard because the nurse couldn’t believe she was looking at Chris Brown. I walked into Kae’s and to my surprise she was up a staring at the ceiling, which led me to believe she hurt herself after I left her yesterday. Her eyes met mine and tears instantly fell from her eyes. I rushed to her side and held her saying nothing. I knew she wanted nothing but my arms to comfort her. She was scared and hurting. I just didn’t understand why she wouldn’t talk to me. She held me back so tightly I was confused.

“It’s ok I’m not going anywhere” I said feeling her relax at my words.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

She held my hands tighter letting know she was scared “I wanted to be with him, you left me and he left me. I should go” she said lowly.

I kissed her forehead “hey I’m here. You can’t leave me and Silver here. You think I can live without you? I can’t don’t say that.”

“No you don’t mean it” she said.

My eyes burned with tears threatening to fall. Why was she doing this shit to herself, to me, to Silver? “No Karrueche I need to you to live. You’re the mother of my children I love you.”

“Not enough to marry me” she said.

I sighed “Kae you gave me the ring back. I didn’t ask for it back baby. Don’t say I don’t love you, I came as soon as you let India tell Trey to call me.”

“I just feel so alone and broken inside, I felt him kick me and he was extremely happy when he heard your voice. I was excited about the life we were going to have and everything just crashed in one day. Just stay please?” She begged making the tears fall from my eyes.

“Ok whatever you need I’m here. I won’t leave you, I’ll never leave you” I said.

We stayed quiet and I held her until she dozed off. At that moment I texted because Robin I knew she was worried.

Me- Hey I’m ok 🙂

Robin Hood 😈💦👅���- Are you sure? Is she ok?

Me- No she’s real fucked up behind the baby and the breakup. She tried to kill herself. My guess is either Erin or India got to her before she could do the deed.

Robin Hood 😈💦👅💚- Stay with her, be what she needs

Me- You sure?

Robin Hood 😈💦👅💚- Yeah, I know where your heart is and she needs you

Me- I love you girl

Robin Hood 😈💦👅💚- I love you so much more papi 😘

I smiled and rested my phone down before gently running my fingers through her long hair. She was at peace now, but I worried what would happen if I left her. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if she hurt herself behind me. The doctor came in to check on her and smiled seeing her finally resting “she’s been up since her friends left her last night.” He said.

“Are you her husband?” The tall blue eyed man asked. I shrugged “something like that, she hates me right now.” He laughed “my wife hates my guts every other day don’t feel left out. Tell you love her, buy her some shoes, and make love to her. She’ll be nice tomorrow.” I chuckled “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“She is high risk, and I’m avoiding putting her upstairs in psych so I’ll continue observing her. She’s rather calm now that you’re here I notice because she’s finally resting, I believe she’s depressed and I’ll be prescribing something to help her.”

I nodded “Thank you doc. I appreciate it.”

“No problem, I’ll be back in a while.” He said before walking out.

I kicked off my sneakers and got comfortable because as much as I thought I should go, I couldn’t leave her here. As I watched her sleep, I felt like I was just the complete reason for everything going wrong for the women around me. I try to be with Kae, Robin falls down the steps. I try to be with Robin, Kae tries to take her life behind that and losing my baby. Maybe I’m better off alone.

Everyone and everything I touch turns to shit. I for the life of me don’t even know why these two women still love me as strongly as they do. Would I love me after all I put them through? I want to fix everything and everyone but I’m incapable it seems. I can’t fix one without hurting the other. I’m here with Kae and I know as much as Robin tells me to stay she’s frightened I’ll allow this to end us. I also know Kae even though she’ll never admit it she wants to wake up from this bad dream and still be my fiancé. I’ve been fucked up and if I would’ve known I could do all this damage I would’ve left Robin in that club, and let Kae go her way years ago. Maybe they would’ve been better off. Shit, maybe they’d be better off now if I just parent my kids and let other men into their lives. I looked at the time and realized a little over an hour had passed and I figured I’d go see about getting Kae moved to a suite so I can get a bed to rest on myself. I didn’t want her to try to hurt herself again or worse they put her in psych so I thought it best I stay most of the day. I still had a surprise for Mel, but all of this was just getting in the way. Just as I tried to moved she grabbed my arm “no don’t leave me.”

I sighed and gently rubbed her forehead “I’m not I was just going to get you transferred to a better room that way we can have a comfortable room to lay in.”

“Come back I’ll beep for the nurse” she said. I chuckled and she smiled thinking she was slick “if you wanted me to just lay here with you so you feel better you know you could just say that.”

She hid her face in my chest as I climbed back into the bed with her allowing her to lay between my legs “I’m sorry I just don’t feel so alone anymore, can you call Trey and check on Silver?”

“I’m so stupid, our daughter could’ve found me. I don’t know how I let myself get so depressed. When you came yesterday I put on such a brave face. I thought I’d be ok. If India hadn’t of showed up like she did I don’t know what would’ve happened. I was literally in the middle of downing the entire bottle of painkillers. She stopped me but I was shaking and breaking down. She had Trey come get Silver and her and Erin brought me here. I’ve been up all night just crying.”

“You’re here now and she’s with Trey & India so you know she’s fine. Besides she obsessed with Indy’s baby girl to the point she asking desperately for another sibling” I said chuckling.

She laughed “we should work on that for her.”

I lightly pinched her “ayeee you gave me my ring back you can’t have no more babies.”

“You told me you didn’t love me like that, what would you have rather I did?”

“I wanted you to trust that I was committed to you Rue. Contrary to what you think I was very happy with you. You held me down, but I get it I needed for you to be the only light in my life. Honestly I would’ve never treated you that way either. Before I got to therapy I was selfish and didn’t understand what more you guys wanted from me honestly.”

“Well I’m glad you get it now, just forget about it though it’s fine now.” I shook my head.

“Nah it’s not, I’m dead wrong leave it at that. Stop downplaying your feelings for me cause you love me. It doesn’t change that I hurt you at all. I got you up here in the hospital suffering from a depression you’ve been dealing with alone. I’m almost never fair to you, I’m sorry baby girl with all I have” I said to her hugging her closer to me.

I knew she was crying I could feel the tears dropping from her face onto my hands “look Karrueche no matter what I love you and want the best for you. I’m done leading you on to no where. I want you to take care of yourself because you have our daughter who loves you more than anything in this world and needs you. I don’t want to raise her without you. I feel your pain. My son was already a huge addition to my world and I never held him yet. I’m broken inside too, but we still have our beautiful baby girl that looks just like you. So don’t get better for me, but for her aight?”

She sniffled “Thank you, and I hear you. I hear everything you’re saying.”

I smiled kissed the top of her head “good.”

I sighed a sigh of relief but shit was still iffy. I still very much so had the same problem I had months ago. Two women vying for the object of my love. No matter what Kae said she still wanted to be with me, and no matter what Robin said she wants our old life back before Kae had my kid. Normally a nigga love the attention but this shit is starting to become way to much. I’m at a lost for what to do and ending every situation with one of these women waking up next to me every morning doesn’t help. I know that Robin waiting for me at home makes me so happy. I can’t wait to push the key and see her there in my t-shirt. I just want Kae to get better and we all move on from this mess because it’s a test of my manhood.

[teamkaiforever]

BETWEEN YOU AND ME

(requested by anon)

Kai Parker x Reader word count: 4 771 / reading time: 17 minutes warnings: mentions of smut (?!) is that even a warning? idk but just to be safe. summary: Mystic Falls is under attack; Kai and Reader are keeping a secret from her friends, though secrets have a way of coming out. *gif by me ________________________________________

Y/N dragged her feet across the floor, left her coffee mug on the desk next to her laptop and glanced at her boyfriend who was currently asleep in their bed. It was barely 6am, the first sunrays were seeping through the semi-closed curtains but none of it seemed to catch her attention. No. That was all Kai, who barely had a sheet covering his bare naked body. There were spots of blood on the pillow and a couple of other places as they had ‘wrestled’ the night before which would be nightmare to clean but none of it bothered her. Instead, just before she pulled her chair to sit down and give her history assignment one last look before sending it in, she tiptoed as quietly as she could and bent over him. Her fingers ran though his messy hair for a moment, her lips touched his briefly and almost instantly he returned the kiss. Before she knew what was happening, Kai had grabbed her and tossed her under him on the bed. His body pressed against hers firmly while their fingers intertwined on either side of her head and he continued to kiss her as if he was starving. For all she knew, he was. It was just how her life with him was. They had gone for not being able to stand each other to not being able to stand being away from each other in a couple of months. Though their romance was still a forbidden love because if her friends caught up on what she had been up to, or the real reason why Kai had softened up the past few months… things would not end well for any of them.

   “Kai—“ she barely managed to whisper, instantly getting lost in his eyes. His lips curled up into a wide smile and he brushed his nose against hers for a second before kissing her briefly again. Y/N used his momentary distraction and rolled on top of him. “Slow down –“

   “Not possible.” he grinned, intertwining his fingers with hers while she held his hands against the soft pillows. “You know, you look so fucking hot in my t-shirt. I’ll never get over it –“

Y/N shook her head smiling. “Yeah, well. You have the best t-shirts. So soft and they smell so nice. Mine are awful. Awful…”

Kai laughed under his breath, sitting up in the bed while her hands hooked around his neck and his slid down her waist. “Why are you up so early?”

   “Cuz –“ she tried to pull away from him but he wouldn’t let her. “—I got school work to finish. You know, some of us are still in high school.” she pushed his hands off her and got to the desk, taking a sip from her coffee as she leaned in against it. Kai braced himself on his elbows, his eyes remained focused on her the entire time, following every curve of her body and something told her he knew she was not wearing underwear… “And because there is a crisis. Remember? Cade? Katherine? Sirens –“

   “And you know I want you as far away from this as possible. It’s not safe –”

Y/N ran her fingers through her hair, folding her hands on her chest right after. A long moment passed in silence and Kai’s eyes pierced into hers. Keeping things from him was her least favorite thing to do, mostly because her boyfriend caught up with her lies and secrets pretty quick. And whenever she didn’t spill the beans on her own, he had his own way of torturing the truth out of her. “That’s kind of hard to do when Sybil is my new history teacher –“

   “What?!” Kai jumped up from the bed. Her gaze instantly drifted down south towards his semi hard lenght. Damn, what wouldn’t she do to freeze time and spend a few decades all alone with Kai. Just the two of them, skin to skin; travelling across the world and just being happy without worrying about any of this. “Why haven’t you told me this before? No, you are not going anywhere today.”

Y/N bit her lip, placing her hand on Kai’s chest while trying not to think what would happen if she were to stay there with him all day long. “I can’t hide. That’s not me and you know it.”

   “It’s too dangerous –”

   “You are out there.” she placed her hands on his shoulders, unconsciously feeling his biceps. Damn, she bit her lip. “You think I don’t worry 24/7 about you? My own friends want you dead –”

   “I can take care of myself and that’s different. You are a human, I’m a heretic.” he argued. “I can easily take all your friends down with a flick of my wrist. Sybil and her weirdo babysitter sis too.”

   “Or she can siren you to –”

   “To what?” he tried to meet her eyes but she kept avoiding his gaze up until the point she tried to push him away. “Y/N?”

Her gaze met with his. “You know what she did to Damon. I don’t – I don’t know what I’d do if she messes with your head and –” her eyes watered a bit and she wiped her nose with the back of her wrist. “Kai, it’s too dangerous not only for me to go out there –”

Kai gripped her wrists and pinned them behind her back, leaning towards her. “You are the most important person in my life, Y/N. Sybil cannot erase you from my head, or my heart or my soul. You are seared on them for good and nothing’s going to change that. Ever.” he gazed longingly into her eyes. “You are my everything… I love you more than you could possibly imagine but you should’ve told me about Sybil. I am your boyfriend –“

 “No.”

 “Excuse me?”

 “You are not my boyfriend.” Her eyes remained focused on his, watching the nervousness grow in them. “You are my soulmate, the love of my life –“ his lips crashed against hers in an instant and she could feel his length rub against her inner thigh. So close, but so far away. “—Kai –“ she took a shallow breath, keeping her eyes closed for a moment longer remembering the feeling of his lips on hers. “I’m gonna be late –“

  “For where?” he nibbled on her earlobe. “The bed is in no hurry, neither is the desk, nor is the wall. I’m going to be your private tutor for the day because there is no way I am letting you out of my sight until this is all over. That’s an order. You do what I say when I say it –”

Y/N’s lips curled up into a smile. “So over protective, and so so fucking hot when you get so bossy. Makes me think all those naughty things –”

Kai’s expression changed between grin and a serious look within seconds. “Oh? No, no. S-stop it with the googly eyes and the lip biting or the first lesson today will be a disciplinary one.”

Y/N raised her eyebrows. “Awh but daddy, if we stay home I will have to be tied up. Otherwise I’d crawl over the desk to my smocking hot teacher and spend the rest of the day learning new high notes in which I can moan his name –”

Kai shook his head interrupted her with a kiss. His mind had been drifting away since the second he had woken up shortly before she had ‘woken’ him up, and a part of him really wanted them to stay at her place and spend the day ‘studying’. The other knew he cannot miss the strategy session at the boarding house –

   “Alright, alright, I am not going to school today.” she muttered, feeling a little out of breath. Kai almost sighed in relief when he noticed her expression flash with something he couldn’t pick up on. There was something else he didn’t know, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. “I am crashing the strategy session at the Salvatore house.”

 “You are?” he grinned. “So, you mean to tell me I get to spend the entire day with you?”

 “Yes –“ she pushed him off her and headed towards the walk in closet. “—and no. You can’t make those eyes at me. You can’t look at me like that and get my heart racing as if I’ve been running a marathon –“

  “Can’t I?” he braced himself against the door, taking in every inch of her body as she got dressed. Y/N grabbed her black ripped in the knees skinny jeans but he shook his head. “Short black skirt? P-please? No underwear… F-for me?” She shook her head smiling and grabbed the skirt instead along with a slightly puffy white buttoned up shirt, getting dressed as quickly as she could. “Perfect.”

Y/N bent over to put on her ankle high Converses. “Kai, I am serious. You can’t let your wondering hands go places. You can’t make comments and you definitely can’t –” she looked up at him, but he had a spaced out look in his eyes. “Malachai!”

  “What?” he said innocently. “Just enjoying the view –“ he caught his t-shirt just as she threw it at him. “I know, I know. A house full of vampires. Gotcha. I’ll behave, promise.” he put the t-shirt on and whooshed himself around the room to get dressed. “I’ll go pack your lunch. Be back in a jiffy –“

Y/N shook her head smiling, fixed her hair and grabbed her laptop before putting it in her back and taking Kai’s phone and hers from the night stand. Her mind spun around at the thought how Kai would be right there by her side all day, struggling to control himself while she would be fighting herself not to steal a heart-eyes glance or get a little taste of his lips, however brief it might be.  Something told her if someone was gonna crack it would be her, though who could blame her.

   “Focus Y/N –“ she muttered to herself, walking in the small kitchen/living room where Kai was already done packing her lunch and two to-go coffee cups. “What are you going to eat?”

Kai spun around and in a flash had her pinned against the doorframe. “You –“ he brushed his fingertips against her cheek, tilting her chin up before his lips collided with hers. His body pressed against hers and for a moment she forgot how to breathe… and whose air she was breathing in the brief seconds she managed to get some air. “Just one –“ he whispered before kissing her again. “—one more kiss.”

  “S-stop –“ she tried to push him off but her heart just wasn’t in it. “Kai, you want to leave me breathless before we leave so you have to give me mouth to mouth every spare second we get alone at the boarding house, don’t you?”

  “No.” he shook his head, his lips curling into a wide smile. “Yes, yes. Okay. You got me addicted to your lips and everything about you. I need you in my bloodstream asap or I might die –“

Y/N gripped his shirt and pulled him down for another kiss before pushing him off her. Quickly she tiptoed to the counter to grab her coffee and lunch bag when she felt him playfully slap her ass. “Hands to yourself.” she scolded him. “No puppy eyes, no quivering lip –“

   “Fine, fine.” he sighed. “Let me just grab my phone and we’ll –“ Y/N pulled his phone from her bag. “You think you are so smart, don’t you?” Y/N shrugged her shoulders, passed him his phone and walked out the door without saying a word, heading towards the elevator with him at her tail. They stood in silence while waiting for the doors to open, stealing glances at the other as usual whenever they were in public.  “So do we carpool or –“

  “Sure, why not.” she took a shallow breath, meeting his eyes. “Saving the planet is always on the agenda, but remember –“ the elevator’s bell interrupted her. Kai gave her a slight nod and they walked in. As soon as the doors closed and it was just the two of them, Kai’s lips and hands were all over her making her forget whose air she was breathing… until the doors opened again and he pulled away as if nothing had happened.  Y/N stared at him and took a shallow breath. “We keep us between you and me. We ran into each other on the way there.”

   “Gotcha –“ Kai smiled innocently at her, holding out the building door for her.

It took them less than 20 minutes to get to the boarding house, all the while during the car ride he wouldn’t let go off her hand. His gaze barely left her during the entire ride and on the few occasions the red light stopped them, he used his opportunity to steal a kiss or two. Though the closer they got to the Salvatore house, the harder things got and by the time he parked the car in front of the house their act had started. Who knew who might be watching out the windows. Y/N ran her fingers through her hair, lifting herself on her toes for a moment to check if there was someone in the living room and rang the bell. Kai stood awkwardly next to her, taking a step away when he heard someone coming towards the door.

   “Hey, Y/N –“ smiled Caroline, opening the door. Y/N smiled her friend, whose smile faded away quickly when she saw Kai was there. “Are you stalking her or something? You keep showing up everywhere she is –“

Kai walked inside without waiting for an invitation. “Relax Clarisse. I ran into her on her way to the Grill. Isn’t your motto ‘All hands on deck.’ No, wait. It was ‘Protect the humans in Mystic Falls’ or something?” he glanced at Y/N, who rolled her eyes and made her way to the sofa. “Can’t let our golden girl die before graduation right?”

   “We don’t have a motto.” Caroline closed the door, taking a step towards them. Kai poured himself two fingers bourbon and sat on the opposite end of sofa, though his eyes kept drifting towards his girl. “I’ll go get Damon, you stay away from her –“

Kai raised his hands in defence while Y/N pulled her laptop onto her lap and glanced at her friend. “No rush. I have to proof read this history paper for the –“

  “—history teacher from Hell?” interrupted Kai. Y/N pursued her lips to try and hide her smile before glaring at him. “Sorry –“

  “Whatever Sybil is up to at the high school, grades come first. Whitmore or Harvard or Cambridge – they won’t care about the Devil and his minions being let loose on Earth and me being in the middle of it.” muttered Y/N, her gaze drifting towards Caroline who was almost out of the living room in that moment. “Cannot get into law if my grades are flunking –“ she winked at Kai, who scooted a little closer to her. Her finger pressed the power button on the laptop and she mouthed at him ‘Stop looking at me like that.’, glancing back at the screen.

Kai grinned at her and took a sip of his drink, watching her eyes widen the second she glanced at the screen a moment before she closed the lid. “Everything okay?”

Y/N stared at him and turned her laptop towards him, opening the lid before making sure she couldn’t hear footsteps. Not that it mattered seeing how her friends could move faster than the light. “What is this?” she said in a hushed voice, pointing at her desktop wallpaper where instead of a picture of the waterfall near by the Wickery Bridge where was her and Kai’s secret make out spot out of the way, was currently a picture of a shirtless Kai in her bed with barely any fabric covering his –

   “That’s me.” he smiled innocently at her, though his eyes sparkled with fire and mischief. “You like it?

    “I know it’s you—“ she shook her head unsure of she should smile at him, kiss him or slap him for his little surprise. “—but how it got here?”

Kai scooted towards her, whispering in her ear. “I wanted to surprise you when you opened your laptop in the morning. I had no idea you’d end up coming with me here –“

  “Color me surprised.” she pecked his lips. “And to answer your question – I love it. But if I had been at school – you could’ve sent me to the principal’s office. Detention doesn’t look good on college applications.”

Kai grinned at her. “As if I’d let that be a permanent mark in your file.” he leaned in closer. “Chocolate –“ he whispered in her ear. “How do you always smell like chocolate? It’s driving me nuts –“ Y/N turned her head sideways when he whooshed himself away. Her gaze drifted away and as soon as her friends popped up, she slammed her laptop shut. “Damon –“

Caroline glanced between her and Kai. “Everything okay? How’s your paper?”

Y/N looked up confused. “What?”

  “The history paper for the teacher from Hell?” Damon waved his hands before her eyes. “It was such a big deal you had Stefan wrapped up into helping you. It better be good –“

  “Oh, it’s – hot like a supernova. Definitely gonna bang that one later –“ Y/N muttered, catching Kai’s amused look for a second. “Ace it, I mean.” smiled Y/N, putting her laptop back in her bag. “You know me. I am never the one in trouble –“ her glance drifted towards Kai for a split second. “—though someone else is.”

Damon and Caroline glanced at each other and then at Kai and Y/N. “Who?”

   “Sybil.” stated Y/N, glancing at her friends. “Who else?”

Damon poured himself a drink. “Yeah well, after what she almost pulled yesterday our little siren is lucky I haven’t ripped her head off for hurting my favorite little Gilbert.”

Kai glanced at Damon and then at his girl who kept avoiding his glance and somehow found a way to scoot away from him even further on the sofa. “After she pulled what yesterday?” his eyes remained fixed on Y/N. “What happened?”

Y/N brought her knees up to her chest. “Nothing –“

   “I wouldn’t call you almost getting barbecued to the stake like a Salem witch nothing but –“ Damon muttered. Kai’s eyes widened and Y/N jumped up from her seat, taking Damon’s glass from his hand. “Be my guest –“

Kai jumped up right after here. “That’s why you were covered in dirt and ash last night—“ he muttered to himself, gripping her wrist. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

   “Cuz I knew you’d freak.” she yanked her wrist back while Damon stood between them confused. “Plus, I wasn’t hurt –“

   “You weren’t hurt?!” Kai exclaimed. “You could’ve died!!” Caroline and Damon glanced at each other while Y/N ran away from Kai and he kept going after her. “Don’t walk away from me.”

   “I have legs, I can and will walk away –“ she said in a hushed voice. “—because we are not having this conversation here.”

Caroline stepped towards them. “What’s going on?” she turned towards Damon who shrugged his shoulders, squinting his eyes a little. “Why is he so upset?”

    “I don’t know and I don’t like it.” Damon muttered watching Kai and Y/N have a silent starring contest. “You don’t think they –“

   “No, no way.” Caroline’s eyes widened. “Not after he put her sister into a magical coma.”

Y/N ran her fingers through her hair. “Malachai, please –“

Kai shook his head. “You kept this from me. I thought we were done doing that.”

She tried to touch him but he pulled away. “I’m sorry.”

   “You – you are sorry?” he gripped her hand and put it on his chest completely forgetting where they were. “Feel this? The air is being pulled out of my lungs and my heart being slowly torn right out of my chest, by you. Do you even realize what even the thought of me losing you is doing to me?”

Y/N shot him a warning glance but he didn’t seem to care they were in the middle of the Salvatore living room and her friends were there. Not only that but Bonnie just walked in with Matt. “Behave. Keep us between you and me. That’s all I asked.”

   “Doesn’t apply to your safety.” he tucked in a strand of hair behind her ear. “This comes above all else—“

Damon grabbed Kai’s wrist and yanked him back, then turned towards Y/N. “Explain. Now. You got five seconds before he loses his head.”

   “What’s going on here?” Bonnie wondered, dropping her jacket on the sofa. Matt raised his eyebrows, glancing at Kai and Y/N who pushed her way past Damon and took her boyfriend’s hand in hers. “Why are you two holding hands?”

   “Kai and I –“ she glanced at him and sighed. “Last night after the whole incident I went to the Grill to get a drink and ran into Kai. He took me home and… that’s it.”

   “That’s it?” Damon shrugged his shoulders. “What was he talking about then saying –“

   “We kissed.” Kai protectively pushed Y/N a little behind him. 

  “What?!” Bonnie, Caroline, Matt and Damon exclaimed in unison.

 Damon growled.”I’m gonna rip his head off –”

   “I kissed her… because I like her and she likes me. I know you don’t like it or me especially after everything I’ve done. I deserve that, I am not a good person and I own that. But being with her these past few months… It’s something. And under other circumstances this warm and fuzzy feeling I get whenever I’m around her would be absolutely revolting to me, but I love it more than anything.” he sighed, gazing lovingly at her. “I love her –”

Damon started laughing and for a few moments it all seemed perfectly fine up until the point he pushed Kai ten feet away and turned towards Y/N. “Have you lost your mind? You want a boyfriend, I will find you a boyfriend. How about that boy who took you to prom a few months back –“

   “Who? Jake? Y-you know Kai is the one who actually took me to prom and I made Jake up, right?” she said quietly. Damon’s eyes widened and he grabbed her shoulders, pinning her to the wall. Caroline rushed towards them but Kai was faster and pushed Damon off Y/N. “Jesus –“

     “Nope. Just me.” Kai grinned. Y/N mouthed ‘Shut up’.

Caroline pulled Damon back. “Let her explain. Might not be what we think.” she glanced at Bonnie who was currently pouring herself a drink, clearly having a hard time taking in what was happening. “Y/N might be the youngest of all of us, but don’t forget who was the one who outsmarted Katherine –“

    “Youngest, best-est, brightest… Hottest. –” grinned Kai, completely avoiding everyone’s looks. He only had eyes for his girl and her cheeks burned red at his words. “My girl–”

Damon groaned while Caroline closed her eyes, pressing her lips together trying not to comment on Kai’s words. “Tell me you are on vervain –” the vampire asked.

    “You think Kai compelled me to love him?! Are you insane?! You wanna know the truth? Here it is – ” Y/N said, holding tightly onto Kai’s hand. “You vanished, Damon! You and Enzo. Elena was in a sleeping curse, Jeremy is God knows where and everyone was busy looking for you. I lost everything and everyone in a blink of an eye because of Sybil… Except Kai, who was there every time I was alone at the Grill, or when I needed someone to talk to who didn’t mind listening to me ramble for hours. Kai who made sure I got home safely every night and kept me safe from all those guys who kept getting too handsy.”

Kai poked her in the stomach. “Awh, don’t skip on the best part. The first night I followed her home to make sure she got there safely and my little fireball here pulled a knife on me.” he grinned. “I swear I’ve never been more arous—“ he cleared his throat. Everyone except Y/N almost collectively groaned at his words. “—ed than when she gripped my hand behind my back and shoved me face-first against the door, and then put the blade under my chin and tilted my head towards her. Something happened when our eyes met and I just… knew it was her I had been looking for all my life without realizing it.”

    “Awwhh –“ she hugged him with one arm, both of them looking at each other with heart eyes. “You never told me that.”

    “So what?” Bonnie snapped. “Just because he acted like a decent human being for once, you decided he is a good boyfriend material? He is a murderer!”

Y/N sighed quietly and stared at her friends as if to say ‘Really? You are going with that one?’ “He is the man I love –“ she stated, feeling Kai squeeze her hand for a moment before he leaned in towards her, inhaling her scent. Damon growled. “I know you all have complicated history with him, but the Kai I know is not the Kai you see. He is not the same person he was back when he came out of 1994 –”

    “Yes, we remember he turned from an evil caterpillar into a slightly less evil butterfly –” interrupted Damon with his usual snark. “But he still is who he is –”

    “He is not the person he was after 1903 where you left him –“

    “To protect Jo and everyone else!” Bonnie took a step towards her. “He killed his entire family –“

    “And whose fault is that?” Kai said. Y/N kicked him in the shin. “I am just saying, I never would’ve –“

Bonnie shot him a glare that made Y/N’s blood freeze and the second she saw her friend’s hand shoot up, she stood between them. “There is nothing you can do or say to change that. I am old enough to live on my own, old enough to make my own decisions. You hurt him, you hurt me.”

Kai grinned and wrapped his hands around her from behind. “My girl. So fiery.” He pulled her up a little until her feet kicked at the air and he heard her laugh. “Love it.” he kissed her cheek as he let her feet back on the ground. “Love you –“

     “I love you too –“

Damon groaned. “Ugh… my ears are bleeding.” Y/N rolled her eyes and took a step towards him, wrapping her arms around him. There was one thing Damon couldn’t resist – her hugs. Perhaps because in a way it made him feel close to Elena again, or maybe he just didn’t want to break little Gilbert’s heart. “You have lost it. Positively and when you end up dead, and you will, just make sure Elena knows I was against it and tried to make you see reason.”

    “You can’t be okay with this?” Bonnie protested. “What if –?”

    “I’d never hurt her.” Kai said quietly, glancing at every single of his girl’s friends. “I’d die before that happens or before I let anyone else hurt her. I’d gladly sacrifice my life to keep her safe.” He caught Damon’s gaze. “You know I’m telling the truth. You might not trust me about anything else, but trust me about this –“

Damon groaned wrapping his arms around her, studying Kai’s face. “Just… no more kissing and googly eyes and the L word mention around us, okay?” he kissed her head. “Or I might forget and just rip his head off for even daring to breathe the air around you.”

Y/N pulled away with a smile on her face. “Thank you.”

Kai leaned in to whisper in her ear. “What did Sybil do when she messed with his mind? We might need to send her a ‘thank you’ card.”

    “Only thing keeping me from killing you right now is because Elena would never forgive me if I killed her little sister’s… whatever he is, even if he is the one who put her in a coma.” muttered Damon. “Don’t push it.”

________________________________________ MASTERLIST- SMUT ‘17 MASTERLIST- FLUFF ‘17 / MASTERLIST - FLUFF/ANGST ‘18

[keiraknighted]

I’ll Keep Finding You

Summary:  When interdimensional travel goes wrong, Clarke must travel between worlds to get Bellamy back.

AO3 // ff.net

PART ONE: SPLINTER

It’s the perfect night to get drunk, really, in Clarke’s expert opinion. She’s finished all her exams, Raven and Monty are a few tests away from completing their new invention, she’s single and she’s got her four best friends around her. Plus, Bellamy’s leaving tomorrow and she’s doing her best to forget it.

“Okay, so you’re telling me, you just put this Firebird thing around your neck and you can transport into the body of yourself in any other parallel universe?” Octavia slurs from her spot on the floor. Raven and Monty started an impromptu presentation about their joint project about half an hour ago, and despite their drunkenness, it’s actually been quite cohesive.

Jasper and Harper left an hour ago, narrowly missing this lecture. Clarke kind of envies them.

“Exactly,” Monty grins. “Unless you’re dead in that universe. Or don’t exist.”

“Wait so, just because you’re dead in one universe, doesn’t mean you’re dead everywhere?” Octavia sits up.

“Uh, theoretically,” Monty says nervously. Clarke catches Bellamy’s eye. It’s not hard to guess where Octavia’s mind has leapt to. It’s been a year since Lincoln’s death, but they all know how hard Octavia still feels it.

“I want to try it,” Octavia demands.

“Hold your horses, it’s not done yet,” Raven says. “We’re not entirely sure it’s safe to use.”

“There’s still a possibility there’s a risk of uh, splintering,” Monty agrees.

“Splintering? What’s splintering?” Clarke asks. She’s heard her housemates go off on many a tangent about the Firebird over the last four years, but she’s never heard either of them mention splintering before.

“It’s when your soul gets split into pieces and scattered over multiple different universes,” Raven shrugs, like it’s no big deal.

“Fuck no,” Octavia grimaces, taking a sip of her beer before lying back on the ground. Clarke is surprised it was that easy to dissuade her. The five of them fall into an easy silence as they all take a sip from their respective drinks.

“Guys,” Bellamy says. “As much fun as I’m having, I think I need to go to bed. I’ve got a long day tomorrow.”

Clarke’s stomach clenches. She’d almost forgotten about him moving to the other side of the country for a moment there, but with one simple statement, reality comes crashing down. He’s going. She’s not going to wake up to him singing badly while he cooks breakfast. She’s not going to snuggle into his side and watch movies after a long day of classes. They aren’t going to babysit the girl next door together, and tell her mom they gave her vegetables when really, they gave her pizza.

“No,” she says, trying not to sound like a whiny three-year-old. “Don’t go to bed yet.” Morning will come quicker if they go to sleep. Bellamy tilts his head, gives her a sad smile.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” he says. He gets up, and Clarke feels her throat constrict. She wants to cry, but she swallows, managing to keep the tears at bay.

The other give him a chorus of goodnights, and he makes his way to his room.

“Can I crash here tonight?” Octavia asks. “I’m too drunk slash exhausted to go home.”

“Yeah,” Clarke says, standing up. “Here, have the couch. I think I’m going to hit the hay too.” She’s feeling too bummed out to continue drinking with the others anyway, she’ll only bring them down. She hands Raven her half-finished drink and pads down the hall to her bedroom, not bothering to get changed or brush her teeth before collapsing onto her bed. Once her face is buried in her pillow, she lets her tears fall.

She’s not lying there long when her door is pushed open and a stream of light lands on her face. She quickly wipes her tears on the back of her hand. The door closes, and Raven lies down on the bed next to her, spooning her. Clarke can’t stop herself from crying again.

“Why does he have to go?” she whispers.

“I don’t know, Clarke,” Raven says. “Maybe you should ask him that.”

“I can’t,” Clarke says. “He has to think I’m happy for him.”

The girls fall silent for a moment before Raven speaks again.

“You know, he’d stay if you asked him to,” she says softly. Clarke has no idea if Raven is right, but she knows she couldn’t possibly ask him to do that. Whatever it is Bellamy wants, whatever he’s looking for, it’s his life, and he has to make his own decisions, no matter how much Clarke would like to change his mind.

Bellamy comes crashing into her room at 6am, waking her from her slumber. Raven must have disappeared some time during the night, because Clarke finds herself in bed alone.

“Clarke,” he says, sounding tense and on edge. Clarke sits up groggily.

“What is it?” she asks.

“Did Octavia go home last night?”

“She slept on the couch,” Clarke tells him.

“Shit,” he says, rubbing his hand down his face. “Shit. She’s not here.”

“She’s not here?”

“I think she took the Firebird,” Bellamy says, panicking. “I have to go after her.”

Clarke is really awake now.

“Okay, slow down,” she says, getting out of bed. “You don’t know that. She doesn’t know how to use it. Maybe she just went for an early morning run.”

Bellamy nods, but Clarke can tell he doesn’t quite believe it.

“Let’s go and check if both the Firebirds are still there.”

The two of them hurry to Raven and Monty’s lab, also known as the basement, and Clarke pulls open the cabinet where the Firebirds are kept. The cabinet that is usually locked, but now easily swings open. Her stomach drops. This is not a good sign.

Sure enough, there is only one Firebird hanging in the cabinet, the little metal ball mocking her, glinting where it hangs on a silver chain. She stares into the cabinet.

“Well?” Bellamy prompts.

“It’s gone,” Clarke confirms.

“Shit,” Bellamy groans. “What if she got splintered? Give me the other one, I have to go and get her!”

“Just chill out,” Clarke says. “We need to speak to Raven.”

Just as she says the words, Raven appears at the bottom of the stairs. Monty is just behind her.

“Speak to me about what? What are you guys doing down here?” Raven frowns. “And why is that cabinet open?”

“Octavia’s gone,” Bellamy says. “She took the Firebird.”

“What?”

“It’s true,” Clarke confirms.

“Oh no,” Monty groans. “This is bad. This is very very bad.”

“Has she been splintered?” Bellamy asks anxiously. “Is there any way to get her back?”

“We won’t be able to tell if she’s been splintered until we find her,” Raven says, ever the level headed one. “Luckily, Monty and I installed a tracking mode on each of the Firebirds, so they can find each other.”

“So I can go after her,” Bellamy says.

“Bellamy,” Clarke warns him. He can’t just go flying off into another universe. Who knows what might happen to him?

“Clarke, I have to go after my sister. If anything happens to her…”

“You can go after her,” Raven says. “Just let us make sure it really is safe to use. If she is splintered, a little extra time isn’t going to matter. And if she’s not, maybe she’ll come back on her own.”

Bellamy looks pained. He’s tense all over, and Clarke can tell it’s taking all his self-control not to just grab the Firebird and go racing after Octavia. But he nods, and Clarke breathes a sigh of relief.

“Okay,” Raven nods at him. “It should only take a couple of hours.”

She ushers Clarke and Bellamy back upstairs, claiming their presence will be a distraction.

“You okay?” Clarke asks Bellamy.

“I’ll be better once we’ve found Octavia,” he says. “I need some air.”

Clarke nods and lets him go, heading towards her room. She’s still in last nights clothes and she feels like she’s starting to smell. She barely makes it two steps into her room before Raven is calling her, panicked.

Clarke runs back towards the basement, Raven meeting her at the top of the stairs.

“Where’s Bellamy?” she asks urgently, grabbing Clarke by the shoulders.

“He just went outside,” Clarke says. “Why?”

“He took the fucking Firebird.”

“Fuck.”

“Why are those Blakes so fucking reckless?” Raven groans.

“What can we do?”

“We can’t do anything.”

“What do you mean we can’t do anything?”

“We only made two Firebirds. It would take us weeks to build another one, maybe longer. We just have to wait and hope one of them comes back,” Raven says.

“Wait?” Clarke repeats incredulously. “No. Start building.”

“Clarke,” Raven starts, exasperated.

“What if neither of them comes back, Raven? What then?” Clarke presses. Raven chews her lip. “Please,” Clarke begs.

“Fine,” Raven agrees. She heads back downstairs, while Clarke makes her way to the front yard. Just in case Bellamy hasn’t gone. Maybe he’s reconsidered.

She finds the yard empty though.

“Bellamy!” she calls, the wind catching her voice. No response. She feels sick to her stomach. What if he never comes back?

“Clarke?” a voice says, and Clarke looks to her right to see the girl next door poking her head over the fence.

“Hey, Madi,” Clarke says. “Have you seen Bellamy?”

“No, sorry,” the girl shakes her head. “Isn’t he leaving today?”

“Yeah,” Clarke says, a lump forming in her throat.

“You gonna tell him you’re in love with him?”

“I’m not in love with him.”

“Whatever you say, Clarke.”

Raven and Monty work tirelessly all day, and halfway through the night. Clarke wants to tell them not to stop. But then she sees their tired, worried faces, and she realises they’re doing the best they can. She pulls each of them into a hug before they head to their separate rooms to crash.

Clarke lies awake for hours, finally drifting off around 5am, only to be woken three hours later by someone shaking her awake.

“Bellamy?” she asks groggily. Light filters in through the gaps in the blind. Clarke blinks, trying to get her eyes to adjust.  

“Close. It’s Octavia.”

Clarke sits bolt upright. “Octavia?”

“I just wanted to let you know I’m back. I went to Bell’s room but he’s not there.”

Clarke wants to strangle her. “That’s because he went after you!” Clarke snaps. “Didn’t he find you?”

Octavia shakes her head slowly. “He came after me?”

“Of course he did! What did you think he was going to do?”

Octavia shrugs. “Maybe he’ll come back when he realises I’m not there.”

Maybe, Clarke thinks. Or maybe he’s been splintered and can’t come back. Or maybe he likes it better in some other universe and doesn’t want to come back.

“I just wanted to see Lincoln one last time,” Octavia whispers. “Just once.”

Clarke softens, noticing for the first time Octavia’s red eyes and blotchy face. She’s obviously been crying. “I know,” Clarke says. “Give me the Firebird and go and get some rest.”

Octavia hands the necklace over, and makes for the door. She turns back. “Good luck,” she says, shutting the door on her way out.

Clarke looks at the silver ball, turning it over in her hand. It looks just like an ordinary necklace, the tiny buttons glittering like little white jewels. Each is labelled in tiny print. Finding the button that says TRACK, Clarke puts the chain around her neck and presses the button.

She lurches forward, her head spinning. She swallows, straightening, the momentary dizziness fading.

“Clarke? Are you okay?” someone asks. It’s Raven. Not her Raven, of course. This universe’s Raven. Only, as Clarke begins to get her bearings, she realises this universe can’t be too different to her own. She’s standing in a hallway at her university, the one she attends back in her own universe. Sunlight streams through the glass roof. Clarke has always loved the openness of the buildings on campus.

“I’m fine,” Clarke says. “What were you saying?”

“I was saying since we’ll both be done with exams today, we should invite some people over for drinks tonight,” Raven says.

“Yeah, sounds good,” Clarke agrees. “Um, what time is my exam again?”

Raven looks at her strangely. “10am. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Positive,” Clarke says. She looks down at her watch. Her father’s watch. So he’s still dead in this timeline. It doesn’t matter, she reminds herself, you’re here for Bellamy. The time reads 8:03am. She still has a couple of hours before the exam. If she can find Bellamy and get out of here by then, the real Clarke of this universe can do the exam, and she can return to her own body.

“Hey, I need to talk to Bellamy,” Clarke says to Raven. “Do you know where he is?”

“Bellamy Blake?” Raven says incredulously. “What do you need to talk to him for?”

The way she says it makes Clarke’s stomach clench. Is it strange for her to want to talk to Bellamy? Are they not friends in this universe? How can she explain to this Raven why she wants to talk to Bellamy when she has no idea what the relationship between this Clarke and this Bellamy is?

She has a thought then. Perhaps this Raven is also building an interdimensional travel device.

“Raven,” Clarke says. “What is it that you and Monty are working on together again?”

“The Firebird?”

“Yes! The Firebird!” Clarke says gleefully. “It lets you travel between universes, right?”

“Do you ever listen to anything I say? It’s time travel,” Raven huffs. Clarke sighs in disappointment. “And it’s nowhere near being done.”

“Do you know where Bellamy is or not?”

“Probably in the library, where he works,” Raven says, as if Clarke should already know this. “But I still don’t know why—”

“I’ll explain later!” Clarke calls, already running off in the direction of the library. She won’t explain later, but it’s easier to say that than to try and explain now. Now to just hope the library is in the same spot in this universe as it is in her own.

Thankfully, the university layout appears to be identical in both universities, and Clarke finds the library easily. She stops in the doorway, her heart skittering when she sees Bellamy working the front desk. He’s smiling as he scans a few books for a student, chatting with the young freshman. She looks absolutely dazzled by him. Clarke smiles to herself.

Someone walks into her from behind and Clarke remembers why she’s there.

“Don’t stand in doorways,” the guy grumbles as he pushes past her and into the library.

“Sorry,” Clarke mutters. She walks towards the front desk and stands behind the freshman who’s trying to flirt with Bellamy.

“Okay, see you next time, Fox,” Bellamy winks, and the girl blushes as she takes her books and heads towards the exit. Clarke steps up to the counter and Bellamy’s face immediately turns into a scowl.

“Bellamy, it’s me,” she says. But she already knows this isn’t her Bellamy. Her Bellamy would never look at her with such disgust. She wonders what this Clarke could possibly have done to make him hate her so much.

“Princess Griffin,” Bellamy spits. “What do you want?”

The venom in his voice stings, even though she knows it’s not really him.

“Nothing,” she says. Perhaps the real Bellamy is already back home. She’s about to leave when she spots a glint of silver hanging around his neck. She reaches out and grabs it. The Firebird. She feels like she might be sick.

“Hey! What are you doing?”

She yanks the chain from around his neck, snapping it in two.

“What is that?” Bellamy asks in confusion.

“Never mind,” Clarke says softly. He’s been splintered. That’s the only explanation. She has to get back to Raven and Monty so they can tell her how to fix this, how to get him back. She gives him one last look before disappearing into the rows of books. She finds a secluded corner and studies the pendant around her neck until she finds a button that says HOME. This Clarke is going to be confused as hell in a few seconds. She presses the button.

She’s sitting on her bed, exactly as she was before she left, only now she has two Firebirds. The one around her neck, and the broken one she took from Bellamy. She throws back the covers and jumps out of bed.

“Raven! Monty!” she yells, hurrying out of her room.

“Clarke!” Monty calls back. He, Raven and Octavia rush upstairs from the basement, meeting her in the living room. “Octavia told us you went after Bellamy.”

“Everyone in this house needs to stop being so goddamn reckless,” Raven scolds, as if she’s never done anything reckless in her life.

“Did you find him?” Octavia asks.

“He’s been splintered,” Clarke holds out her hand, revealing the broken Firebird. Raven immediately snatches it from her hand. “Raven,” Clarke says. Her voice wobbles. She can’t cry. She has to remain level headed so she can get Bellamy back. “Tell me what I need to do.”

Raven sets up the Firebird for her, the working one. She fiddles around with the broken one for a few hours, getting as much information from it as she can.

“Okay,” Raven says, handing Clarke the working Firebird. They stand around the work table in the lab, Monty and Octavia watching on anxiously. “From what Monty and I could gather, he’s been split into five parts. That’s manageable. You already know where the first part is. All you have to do to collect the piece of Bellamy’s soul is press the Firebird against his skin, and squeeze. It will give him a slight shock, but the piece of our Bellamy will be stored in your Firebird.”

“How do I find the other four Bellamys?”

“I’ve already programmed in the coordinates for the other four universes. The Firebird may not work properly, but at least it still stores all the information like it’s supposed to,” Raven says. “All you need to do to go to the next one is press the go button.” She points to it on the Firebird. “But you can’t go backwards. You can only go to the next one, so make sure you’ve got him before you go.”

Clarke nods. Raven pulls her into a hug. “Good luck,” she whispers. Monty hugs Clarke next, and then Octavia, both wishing her luck.

“We’ll try and fix the broken one while you’re gone,” Monty says. Clarke nods and smiles, not trusting herself to actually speak. She holds her thumb over the go button. Taking a deep breath, she presses.

The dizziness hits her again, but at least this time she’s sitting down. She looks down in front of her. Fuck. The exam. She looks up at the clock. 10:51am. She’s still got an hour left, if her exams here run for the same time as her exams back home. She could just leave and go and find Bellamy, but as much as she’s desperate to have him back, she’s also not so heartless as to mess up her alternate self’s life by running out on her final exam. She’ll just have to do it.

Reading through the questions, she realises, somehow, that this exam is almost exactly the same as she’s already done, and the Clarke of this world has already completed half of them. She finishes the exam in record time and hands it in, hoping it’s good enough to pass. Now just to find Bellamy.

She heads back towards the library. It’s only been a few hours, he’ll probably still be working there. Halfway there, she’s startled by her jacket pocket vibrating and playing a song she’s never heard before. She stops, tentatively pulling a phone out of her pocket. Presumably hers.

Her stomach drops. Lexa’s face stares back at her, smiling. There’s a heart emoji after her name. Once upon a time there was a heart emoji next to Lexa’s face in Clarke’s own phone. Now her number isn’t even in there. Clarke drags her thumb across the screen and puts the phone to her ear.

“Hello?” she says.

“Hey, good, you’re done with your exam. I need you to come and help me study for mine,” Lexa says. No, how did your exam go? No, nice to hear your voice. No pleasantries at all. The real Lexa had been much the same.

“Okay,” Clarke says. “I just have to drop something off at the library and then I’ll be right there.”

Lexa ends the call without so much as a goodbye, and Clarke shoves the phone back into her pocket. She continues on to the library. Bellamy isn’t at the front desk anymore, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t here. She starts searching the aisles for him, and finds him re-shelving books about three rows in.

“Bellamy,” she says as she approaches. He looks up, frowning when he sees her.

“You again?” He goes back to putting books on shelves. “What do you want?”

“I need to show you something,” she says. He eyes her suspiciously.

“Why are you even talking to me?” Bellamy scowls. “Normally you don’t give me the time of day.”

Clarke winces. She gets the feeling she wouldn’t like this version of herself very much.

“Bellamy, can I ask you something?”

“You’re going to anyway.”

“Am I… a snob?” She braces herself for his answer. “Is that why you hate me?” He snorts in laughter.

“That’s putting it lightly. Remember how you wrote that article saying it isn’t fair that disadvantaged kids get given opportunities based on their background?”

Bellamy watches her for a second while she processes the information. “Also, you got my sister expelled because you helped her with an essay and then told her professor she plagiarised it from you. Ring any bells?”

Clarke sucks in a breath.

“Is that all you wanted?” Bellamy says bitterly.

Clarke shakes her head. “Give me your hand.” There isn’t anything she can do for this Clarke. She can only hope that one day she’ll wake up and realise that she’s a terrible person.

“My hand? No!” Bellamy says.

“Please, Bellamy,” she says desperately. And maybe it’s the piece of her own Bellamy in him, or maybe he’s just a good person, but concern flickers in his eyes.

“What’s going on, Clarke?”

“I wish I could tell you.”

She pulls the firebird from around her neck. His eyes flash in recognition.

“That’s the thing you took from me this morning. What is it?”

“A gateway to another dimension?”

“Fuck. You’re completely insane.”

“Probably.” She lunges for his hand, pressing the Firebird against it and squeezing. Bellamy yelps and pulls his hand away. Clarke glances at the Firebird. The crystals glow orange for a second before returning to their white colour. She has what she needs.

“What the hell was that?”

Clarke puts the Firebird around her neck.

“Bellamy, I’m so sorry for everything I’ve put you through,” she says. “In a few seconds I’m probably going to be very confused about what just happened here. But I know somewhere inside me there’s good. So please don’t give up on me yet.”

Bellamy opens his mouth to speak, a confused expression on his face. Clarke presses the go button before he can say anything, and then she’s hurtling through time and space and into a completely unknown dimension.

[sturmxundxdrang]

So, the day where I’ll finally spill out everything that happened when I went to see Rammstein is finally here. I do warn you, that this is gonna be an extremely long journey, if you decide that this is worth a reading. So, yeah, buckle up and prepare yourself for tons of details (I’m a writer, if I don’t put details here, I’ll die haha) and me rambling. It’s under read more ‘cause not everyone wants a huge post on Rammstein in their dashboard :p (plus a few pictures attached)

Inspired by Paulie x.

Just so this won’t be longer than it already is going to be, I’ll make things short that I have been a fan since 2011 or something, and the last time they had been in Brazil was 2010, I believe. Ever since I started listening to them, I was sure I wanted to see them live, but to me, I always thought I’d have to wait like a long time because either they wouldn’t come back that soon, or I wouldn’t be able to go, for some reason. 

It was mid 2015, my last year in high school, when the news spread that Rammstein would come in 2016. Just rumors, but I started saving right away. So, I had a friend in school that, for the sake of me, would put up with my nonstop talk about the six german men I loved so much. She’d fangirl over Richard with me, sing Du Hast the whole damn class, and even said she’d go to the concert with me if they really came. So I had in mind that I’d have at least someone to go with me, but I was wrong. As soon as it was confirmed that they would really come to the Maximus Festival, she stepped back, saying she couldn’t go. Now I had two more friends that were willing to go, but in the end, none of them could. And plus there was Hel, who would of course go with me, but for bigger reasons, she couldn’t make it. So, I was alone in the end and there was no way my mother would let me travel alone to a music festival. The first plan was for her to go with me, but when they started selling the tickets, it was too expensive to buy two for us, so I started looking out for someone else. I did buy one ticket right when they started selling, just so it wouldn’t sell out, and I had in mind that if there was no one going with me, I didn’t really care, I would go by myself.

One month before the show, I met this guy through a friend, and invited him to come with me, to which he said yes. Now I had him coming, and plus a cousin that lives in Sao Paulo. I kept on talking to him, to get to know him and all, because, hell, he’d spend one of the most important days in my life with me so I might as well get a friend out of this, right? Okay, we became friends, and on September 6, at noon, we took a bus to Sao Paulo. Five damn hours, I was extremely excited, hoping not to have a panic attack and shit, and we needed to make it before night so we still had the time to go pick up the tickets. I never had been alone in Sao Paulo, didn’t know shit, but me and my buddy had to figure it out how to make it to my cousin’s home because he wouldn’t come pick us up, like what was originally planned. Long story short, my cellphone died, we waited for hours at the train station near my cousin’s house so he could come pick us up, we had to pick up the tickets before the show next morning, and we barely had any sleep (not that I would sleep anyway, as soon as I laid down in that bed I just started rambling to my friend about how excited I was haha).

At night, we planned on waking up at 6am, because it was a damn long way to the arena, and of course we wanted to be there early, right? In the end, we woke up at 9, my cousin convinced his mom to let him drive us there, and after we picked up a friend of his, we left. It was a damn huge walk to get to where we would get the Maximus bracelet (I guess that’s the therm) because dumb us parked way too far. We arrived at noon and got inside like... After 1pm. The place was huge, themed with Mad Max stuff, and it was just... Amazing! I had never been to a music festival before so you guess how damn happy I was that in my first festival, I was about to see my favorite band in the world. I’m gonna attach a few pictures that my friend took, because I took my father’s phone instead of mine and the camera was terrible lol

So this is us (you can see who is me haha) my friend beside me in plaid, and my cousin with the Anthrax shirt. (the girl beside me is my cousin’s friend, who is with me the next day - you’ll know if you decide it’s worth reading everything). This is the damn entrance guys, over those barrels, there was fire. Fire! Like, shit, this is my place to be. 

I was stunned at how big and amazing it was, everything had fire coming out of it, it was damn awesome.

Here are the stages. Rammstein would play at night in the one in the right, the Maximus Stage. So, you guess where I aimed to be during the whole day. 

When we arrived, Shinedown was playing, but we walked around a bit to get to know the place, then my cousin and his friends left to their own and me and my friend stopped at the Maximus Stage and saw HellYeah. It was insane, the first time I ever saw them, and honestly, it was damn great. After that, we went to grab something to eat, and some water for me, and so I said ‘here’s the deal, I’m gonna be in that crowd the rest of the day’ ‘cause obviously I wanted to be as close to the stage as I possibly could. So, me and friend done that and agreed on meeting at the locker room thingy if we got lost of each other. Smart me, knew I would eventually get lost in the crowd, because as I fought my way inside, he kind got left behind. And honestly, I couldn’t look out for both of us, so, had to leave him there.

Fast forward a bit, after Halestorm, Bullet For My Valentine and all, there was Disturbed (pic above but you can’t really see them :p I was a lot closer than this). I absolutely adore Disturbed, have known them for as long as I know Rammstein, and I was so fucking happy that I got to see them that night as well, and I was going crazy, singing the whole songs, jumping, all that stuff. People around me kind stared, because everyone standing that close to the stage was obviously waiting for Rammstein :p but yeah. Also, I cried real tears when they made a cover of Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For. Next, was Marilyn Manson. I so regret not paying full attention to his gig, honestly. But there was a reason: there was a guy behind me, who kept pressing himself closer and closer. Like, I understand I’m in a fucking crowd and all, but there’s a difference between not having enough space and trying to press yourself to someone’s body. I said nothing, didn’t move. Up until he literally came closer to my ear, asking me if I wanted to leave with him. Like, dude, what the fuck, I paid to see my gods, I paid to see the hot German dudes, I paid to be here and yell at them how I love them, not to leave with a damn random guy from the crowd that I’ve never seen in my life ?? so, okay, I say no, start looking at the huge screen trying to focus on Marilyn Manson. Now, I never felt attracted to him in no way, but I have to mention this little part. As soon as I saw him in the big screen, my first thought was: damn, he doesn’t look bad at all. (And that was the beginning of my fall because for the next month I went crazy over Manson :p). At that point, dude behind me was pressing his things on me, and I was uncomfortable, of course. Every time I moved away, he moved closer. I had to think fast, so yeah, I saw these people beside me talking. A small girl older than me, a very tall guy with her that looked as nice as a puppy, a guy and a girl my age (that saved my number to send me the pics she took during Rammstein but never really sent me anything :p), and an older guy in front of them. They were chatting about Manson, so for the damn first time in my life I joined a conversation I wasn’t invited in. Then, after talking a bit, I looked over at the guy my age and asked him if he could switch places with me because the guy behind me was being a jerk. He said of course and I was so damn happy I could have hugged him (plus the older dude standing in front of us stared at the guy behind me for a good few minutes). We proceeded to start talking again, sharing where we were all from, they told me they had been at the hotel and met the guys and how they were sweethearts (specially Flake) and we were all begging Manson to be over soon (it’s not like he was bad, but he kept pausing for like 5 minutes in between the songs, stuff like that, and let’s be honest, we wanted to see Rammstein, right?). I remember feeling like I’d fall down anytime, because I had been standing there for hours, and for a few seconds I thought that I wouldn’t make it, like, seriously, I thought I’d faint and they would take me away.

So, as soon as Manson’s show was over, the crowd was all pressed towards the stage, and lucky me, got closer :p I was standing like very damn close to the stage now and I couldn’t be happier. It took them a good 10 minutes, and man, we were all going crazy. As soon as the damn countdown started, there was this energy and everyone screaming and like... Dude, we were one right there. I remember the small girl beside me (she was such a sweetheart) saying she wouldn’t count down, and I said ‘I’m too excited, I can’t count right now’ but as soon as it got to ten, the two of us were counting together lol but like seriously, it seemed to take ages to that countdown to end.

Then finally, the curtain fell down and I never felt my heart beat so fast (although it’s racing right now as I type down these words), and I stopped in my tracks, staring at the stage with the biggest smile on my face and already crying of joy. I feel so damn blessed that besides being so close, I was standing right in front of Richard. God, I was seeing this man I loved so much right in front of me... I couldn’t take my eyes off of him for the most time. I remember looking at Till when he walked in and thinking ‘my God, they are fucking real. Till Lindemann is fucking real!’ and started crying again. By that time my leg was no longer hurting, because I was so damn excited that I forgot everything. At the moment everything I could think about was the six men on that stage, and only that.

There was this one guy standing in front of me that looked back, realized I was struggling to see the stage properly (I’m smol what can I do), then he looked back at Richard, then back at me, and stepped aside, before smiling at me. I’m so damn thankful for this man, because when I was crying I kinda pressed my arms against his back, resting my chin on it, I didn’t even realize for a good few minutes, so I just kinda apologized for that, and he chuckled and said it was okay (I’m pretty sure I saw him at the airport next day but idk the man I thought to be him kinda stared at me as well, so who knows). Bless him. Here in this pic below you can kinda see where my friend was standing. I was closer than that, I still can’t believe dude. It still feels so fucking unreal.

Now, little fun thing: there was two times where Till grabbed a bottle of water, took a long sip, and then threw it at the crowd. Guess who the fuck got blessed with that water? Yes, me. Both damn times. 

Like, I think I never cried that much of joy ever. It was tears and tears from beginning to the ending, and I sang so damn loud that when I tried screaming ‘ich liebe dich Richard’ my voice wouldn’t come out hahaha I would laugh now and then at the dumb little things they did on stage and I’d feel so damn complete, y’know? Like... Right there I was the happiest I had ever been. It was a pure form of joy, of love. During that concert I knew true happiness, and I know I sound crazy by saying that but if you love something so much... Standing near them is just the most precious thing in the world. And it is such a great and pure bonding between the whole damn crowd and them... It’s like we are one, y’know? There was this pure energy coming from them to us, and flowing back from us to them... It’s just too good to even try to explain.

Now, here’s the kind bad part of me: whenever I experience great feelings (bad or good) I start dissociating. Like, I fly out of myself and it’s like I’m watching from afar, or I feel like that isn’t real. With all these great feelings inside of me, this damn thing was starting to happen, but you know, when the fire started, the heat would hit me in the face and wake me up from this dissociation and I’d think to myself ‘it’s happening, it’s real’. And I just love fire so much and their effects, seeing it live was the greatest experience I ever fucking had. 

We sang all of the songs so damn loud, that I could see their proud faces now and then when Till would stop singing to hear us. We would even hum the melodies, y’know? And Richard just looked at us with this big smile... Goddamn, I love him haha. There was this one time that Till tried saying ‘raise your hands’ in portuguese but ended up with ‘raise your moms’ and that was so cute I wanted to hug him. Me being so small, I barely could see Paul, the only time I got to see him properly was when he went to Richard’s place and Richard to his. With Ollie and Doom too, I sometimes couldn’t see them most of the time (specially because they’re a bit far and I need glasses to see that far :/) but, yeah, just seeing them a couple of times was enough to fill my heart with joy <3 now there was Flake. I would laugh at him dancing all the damn time and he’s such a sweetheart tbh damn... Y’all know how it goes, they thank us, leave, and then come back to sing a few more songs (I can’t remember the right order tbh so I apologize). 

I don’t think I ever been more happy than when I got to see the Engel wings and sing so loud that Gott weiss ich will kein Engel sein, like seriously. During Engel, my friend called me telling me to go back to the locker room because we wouldn’t be able to leave when the show was over and I literally went ‘what?! are you crazy?? I can’t leave now, wait-” and lowered the cellphone just to yell the lyrics ahaha he hung up and I didn’t leave, obviously. So, they left the stage again, but Flake was there for a few more seconds, and everyone went silent for some reason. That’s when I yelled ‘FLAKE!’ so loud and the girl beside me did the same. He damn heard us!!!!! He looked back at us and even waved <3 of course he didn’t know where it was coming from, but he waved <333333 

As soon as he left the stage as well, everyone started yelling ‘Te Quiero Puta!’ and we didn’t stop until the lights went on again and they got back to the stage. But, the thing is: before Till even started singing, we did in such a loud chorus, that the six of them just watched us for almost the whole song. Till was so proud, Richard was so proud (they were the ones I could see from omg), and it made me so damn happy. Man, I truly hope that they could feel the love coming from all of us and how important they are to us, y’know? I just really hope they know that. This time they all got in line to say their final thanks, and Till whispered ‘it was a pleasure being here’ in portuguese, but like, he began so low that all most of us could hear was ‘being here’ and some people even said ‘what?’ and I was like ‘HE’S SO FUCKING CUTE !!!!!!!!!1′ like, I kid you not hahah

Okay, so, the concert part is over now. After that I walked to the locker room (I literally couldn’t walk properly nor feel my legs) to meet my friend, and we started walking to where we agreed to meet my cousin. I met this girl that I knew online, and it was so crazy that I saw her there, like, we didn’t even plan haha I just saw her and yelled her name and it was her lol. Anyways, the plan was the following: as soon as we got out of the gig, we would drive right to the hotel to wait for them. But, my jerk of cousin stepped back and didn’t wanna go. I was like so pissed at him, but y’know, I just had the best time in my life, so yeah. And then his friend told me she’d go the next day to the hotel to try to see Manson and all, and since he was staying at the same hotel as Rammstein, she asked if me and my friend wanted to go. I was like ‘obviously!!!!’, so I got her number and we went home. 

Here’s the sad part, if you don’t wanna hear how I got my heart broken trying to meet my idols, you’re allowed to stop here :p 

I said we had to wake up early to get early to the concert, right? We also had to wake up early to get the train and bus (plus a 10 minute walk) to get to the hotel, and they were leaving at 9am or so. We had to wake up at 6, at least, and be at the metro by 7. It turns out, we left at 8:30, and got there like 10-ish. We got a taxi, and as soon as we stopped in front of the hotel, the security opened the door for me and I honestly thought ‘he’s gonna send us away omg’, but he’s supposed to do it with everyone they’re receiving lol so yeah, he asks me ‘are you guys here for the band?’ and as soon as he said that, I knew it. My heart crushed. I said yes. ‘They left ten minutes ago’ (or fifteen, I can’t recall, I was hurt lol). I had no idea what to fucking do, all I knew is that I had to try everything to go see them. I ask him which airport, and right away the taxi driver says ‘I can take you there for 100′. Like, damn there was no way we could pay all that. I had 50, my friend had 50, and we had already spent like 35 to get there, because we were paying for the two of us, plus my cousins friend (my jerk of a cousin didn’t want to drive us there, if he did, I would have made it in time - I’ll never forgive him). So, I say no, he lowers it to 80, and I decline again. But right away I remembered Uber was less expensive and I had a code that would take out 35. The girl called an Uber, and what was supposed to be 65, lowered down to 30. It was a damn long trip, we were in the car for almost 50 minutes, here’s the map:

So, you wanna know what I did in these 50 minutes? First, I was having a panic attack through the whole trip. Second, my mom knew I was going to the hotel to see them, so she messaged me and all I said was ‘I’m in a cab, going to the airport’ and she went crazy bc obviously, she knew I had no money to come back. We had like 35, and from the airport to my cousin’s house, we’d need to take the train, and a bus. Obviously, it wasn’t even close to what we needed so the three of us could make it back home. So, she was freaking out, saying she would never ever let me go out alone like that and as soon as I came back home I’d hear from her and my dad. Like, at the moment I didn’t even care, all I wanted was to see the guys. Whatever if I can’t make it back to my cousin’s, I’d give it a way, y’know? I had two friends that lived at least a bit close to the airport, but I only managed to contact one and he offered to lend me some money to go back (I think that’s what happened, I don’t remember everything in details because of the panic attack I was having. Lucah, if you ever read this, I love you so fucking much and I don’t know what would have I done that day if you weren’t there and talked to me tbh, you’re one of the most precious people in my life), but I didn’t want money borrowed, because I felt it wasn’t right. My cousin’s parents wouldn’t allow him to go pick us up (like, seriously, they just did not) and we were all freaking out already. (A few weeks ago my brother told me that my mom was so nervous that she was crying and saying she’d slap me when I got back ahahah man I feel terrible that she had to be that nervous, but I had to do it). Long story short, we were going to the airport and we had no money to come back.

So, there were three gates. The driver asked us which one he should leave us, and we were like ??? ‘cause we legit didn’t know, so he left us in gate 1 (or A, I can’t recall). Turns out, it was the wrong one, we had to take this bus to 2 (or B) and then, I saw a guy with a LIFAD t shirt, and I rushed up to him asking if the guys were still there. His answer? ‘they got in literally 5 minutes ago, in gates 3 (or C)’. Goddamn it I never hated time so fucking much!!!!! But still, me, my friend and my cousin’s friend (who I consider now my friend because she’s been with me that day) literally ran all the way to gate 3. We got to the check in area, and I rushed up to this lady, where they get in the little room before going to the plane (I have no idea about the therms in English so cope with me). My friend asked her if she saw a band walk in, and I explained ‘six guys, y’know, big, one of them small’ and she goes ‘oh! they’re famous? no one was here when they arrived’ AND LIKE FUCK GUYS NO ONE WAS THERE TO TAKE PICS???? but I said nothing and then she chuckled and said ‘they were really nice. One of them had to go back to check in because his ticket wasn’t working. I helped him out and he came back saying thank you a billion times’ and that’s when it hit me. They had been there for real. I look at her and ask ‘how did he look like?’ so she smiles ‘he was very tall, had a beard’ I SWEAR TO GOD I LOOKED BACK AT MY FRIENDS WITH MY HEART BEING SHATTERED TO PIECES AND TRYING NOT TO CRY BUT I BET MY EYES WERE ALL RED AND ALL I MANAGED TO DO WAS A FAINT WHISPER SAYING ‘IT’S OLLIE’ (I’m trying not to cry now, it still kinda hurts :p). The lady realized I was about to cry and said they were probably in a different room now, separated from the others, waiting for the plane and all, and sadly she couldn’t do anything for me.

So then I look back, and there’s this one dude beside me and he asks if I’m there to see Rammstein and I nod yes and say they left already. He looks just as sad as me, and he says he’ll try to find someone to get in there and just try to convince them to go out there again (impossible, right? but we wanted to believe that it was possible). So I go around the airport following this dude, while my mom calls me at least five times. First she’s all mad, then I assure her that someone’s gonna pick us up (I actually didn’t really know nor cared how we would get out of the airport) and it was okay, I had talked to my friend. She calms down, and I, trying not to cry, ask her to wait because I’m trying to see if I can talk to them. Five minutes later she calls again asking if I’m gonna talk to them in English (she finds it wonderful that I learned how to speak English by myself so whenever I have a chance to talk to someone she’s literally throwing me at the opportunity lmfao), so I swallow back my tears and say that yeah, if I make it I will talk to them in English, she’s all happy by now, probably thinking that I’m about to meet them, so she hung up. I’m still after that dude that is trying to find us a way, and she calls again. This time she asks if I met them already and I just couldn’t speak because if I said one word, I would break down in tears, so I just whisper, with a knot in my throat, that I didn’t, and again, all happy she asks if I will, but all I can tell her is ‘mom, I’ll talk to you later, okay?’ and she wishes me good luck. 

At this point I had no more hopes, the guy was still talking to everyone he could, trying to get someone in there to talk to them and all, and my friends wanted to go outside, so I followed them and sat down. There were these two guys waiting for Disturbed, and they offered us a ride to the bus stop, which would save us a lot of money so we could eat, because we were already starving. We went to get something to eat, and while they counted the money and how much they could spend, I was zoning out, wanting to cry, I felt like a fail ‘cause I had that thing planned for months and nothing went like I planned and shit. The two of them got something for us to eat, I don’t know what is the therm in English but it’s this little bread thing with cheese that is very popular over here but I swear I hate it because I used to eat a lot. Just the thought of it makes me feel disgusted somehow, but at the time I was so out of myself and so upset that ended up eating without even realizing. After that we went to meet the guy again, and he told me he got a guy from the airport to go talk to the band. He would go out again at 2pm and bring us news, film a video or something like that. So we all sat down while me and the guy talked, he said he had met the guys before and how Flake was adorable, how Richard was amazingly nice to him and even talked to him for a while... I was still sad, but just talking to someone about them made me a little better. I remember telling him ‘I feel like shit because the men of my life are standing under the same roof and I can’t even see them, y’know?’ and I knew that he felt exactly like me, so it was like... I don’t know, it meant a lot that someone knew how it was for me. 

At 2pm, the guy from the airport comes looking from us. We were all excited again, and he just says ‘I’m sorry, they got in the plane already’ and showed a video of him all excited asking someone about the band and this person saying ‘they got in the plane already’. He was sad for us as well, apologized and left. The fan guy talked about his band (I have him on facebook now), said he’s sorry and we should try again next time and left. So, now we were the three of us alone, didn’t meet Rammstein, I was still so upset I couldn’t think straight, no money, and the two guys who offered us a ride had to leave because Disturbed wasn’t coming until 4pm and they had to leave way before that. 

We sat down outside, then walked through the whole damn airport for a good two hours, then met this one dude with a camera in hands saying that Halestorm was inside. We were like ???? but got inside and there they were. They were all very nice, Lzzy hugged me, told me and my friend we were pretty, just as well as her brother (I think it’s her brother? I don’t know much about Halestorm) and took the pic with us. Here:

Then I saw the guys from Shinedown walking in, and they looked in a hurry so I didn’t know if I should ask for a picture or not? They kept staring at us, and it seemed like they were waiting for us to approach them, so in the end I asked Zach if he was okay with taking a pic with me, and he said sure and straight away pulled me closer for the pic and I was happy at how nice he was. The other guys had already rushed to check in.

(Look at him, cute lil bean + forgive my face, I was still trying not to cry). So, after that, the guy with the camera followed us around, and he told us that Disturbed would be there in a while, which made me feel a bit better, ‘cause yeah, at least I would meet a band that I really like, right? So, as we waited, the guy with the camera gave me a pen and a paper to get autographs and all, and we sat outside, staring at every van that stopped there, waiting for Disturbed. We saw most of the bands that played at the festival, but most of them we didn’t know, so we were scared we’d end up confusing the crew with the band members, so we didn’t dare asking for pics and all hahaha 

Also, a girl wearing a Rammstein shirt with her father sat down near us, and it literally broke my heart to tell her that Rammstein had left already (it was almost like 4:30pm by the time) and to see her just as sad as I was. Her father sighed, smiled at her and said they would try again next time, and honestly, I just wanted to hug her ‘cause I knew exactly how it was :/

When we saw the Disturbed van arrive, we rushed inside just to watch them get into the check in area. A security guard told us to wait until they checked in, and they would take pics and all (he was kinda rude, we wouldn’t go crazy yelling or anything, we were pretty chill) so we said alright and waited by the line. John Moyer and Mike Wengren gave me the autograph there, and I was shaking a bit so when I went to hand the pen to Mike it fell and I said ‘opa’ which is like ‘oops’ lmfao so after the two of them autographed, we went to the end of the line to wait for them, and Dave is so small omg (ok he’s taller than me) he was leaning on the counter and it was so fucking cute I wanted to squeeze him haha as soon as they were done, Dan walked us with this gigantic smile (he’s such a big guy but he’s so nice) and I felt so happy, dude. I was the first, handed him the paper and he signed down his name and wrote ‘Disturbed’, smiled at me as I thanked him and gave my friend a hug. 

Then I went to Dave, and I wanted to tell him that I love Indestructible, and ever since I was 13 years old I wanted to use it as my wrestling theme song, and that he's inspiration to a very important character in my novel, but I was kinda nervous and all I managed to say was 'can I hug you?' to which he chuckled and said sure, before opening his arms and pulling me for a hug. I took the picture with him and just looked at them while they took pics with the other fans over there. 

One guy was talking to my friend and filming, asking what Disturbed meant for him, I suppose they're gonna make a documentary and I'm still waiting to see it and look at my nervous ass in the background ahahha (I will definitely share it here lol)

So, Disturbed was the last band and then it hit the three of us that we had to find a way to go back to my cousin’s house. We didn't have money and no one to pick us up. The girl called her mother, that worked until 7pm in a hospital near the area, so she told us she would go pick us up. My cellphone was dead, we had nothing to do and we had walked around the airport too much already, and let's face it, none of us had slept properly that night, so we were extremely tired and sad. We still had like two hours to wait, so we sat down for a while, not talking because no one felt like it. My friend was worried because he had to get back home that day (our original plan was to go to the hotel during the morning, come back to my cousin's for lunch and then take the bus home at the afternoon. We didn't know we would be that crazy and do all that lol), I was extremely upset, and the girl was tired.

We ended up going to the bookstore, wandered around a little, and then found an empty place to sit. It had lots of benches, and each of us sat in one. I remember laying down and telling them 'no one can sleep ok' but guess who fell asleep? Me. I remember having a weird dream and then someone said 'she's dead' and I jumped awake lmfao turns out they were trying to wake me up for a good few minutes and my friend said I was dead and that's when I woke up ahahha I literally jumped up and started walking and almost fell down, he held me as the girl told me to calm down lmfao

We went to the entrance, where her mom would pick us up, and it was so cold omg she thought her mom would be mad at her but she laughed at us for being crazy and going after a band lol she took us back to my cousins house, I put my phone to charge and cried my eyes out before going to sleep lol

Next morning, 6am, my cousin’s father took us to the subway, and then we took the bus home. I slept all the way back, and when I arrived, my mom picked me up and said nothing until we arrived home. I was supposed to go to work but asked her if I could stay home (I work with my dad) and they let me (because obv they saw in my face that something was wrong). My mom was staying home for a while as well, so I sat down to tell her what had happened during those two days (damn I'm legit gonna cry) and as soon as I got to the part where I missed seeing them for 20 fucking minutes, I literally broke down. I couldn't stop crying, it was hard to talk because I was sobbing. My mom rarely sees me cry, (in fact, I never really cry in front of anyone), so at that point she knew how much it meant for me, and she started crying with me. I told her how I felt so cheated on by myself because I had everything to make it work, but I just failed, y’know? Like I was about to reach something, but I was pulled away. She hugged me, assuring me that next time they came she would drive me there to make sure I was gonna see them, no matter what (she even suggested staying at the same hotel, just to make me feel better haha). She always said I was overreacting when I told her I wanted to meet them, but when she saw me crying, I think she understood how important it was for me. Now when I talk about Rammstein, she doesn’t wrinkle her nose like I’m being dumb, she just listens and nods along. She even watched Engel live with me (which turns out is her favorite song now lol) and said how amazing it was that Till had wings during the live version. 

Okay, guys, so that is it. This is my whole experience where I been in a roller coaster of feelings during two days, how I saw the men I love more than anything, and how I almost met them. I feel that the airport day hurt me a lot, and I still get sad now and then but I would definitely do it all over again.

I just scrolled the page and realized it was gigantic, and I don’t think anyone will ever read it, but whatever lmfao I’ll come back to read it myself every other day because I don’t ever want to forget. 

Tagging because I was asked to: @srt-iero @thunder-lightning-strike (I’m sorry about the gigantic wall of text lol)

[bangtannoon]

Tutor Love (Chapter 7)

Words: 1752

Pairing: taehyung x jimin x reader

Genre: fluff

Summary: You are a writer, Taehyung’s a math magician. He is forced to tutor you and things get a little crazy throughout the sessions. You find yourself falling for someone you never thought you’d fall for in a million years.

Chapter 1  Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

AN: Sorry for the short chapter, I just got home from a trip and I’m pretty sick right now but I wanted to put out this chapter for you guys anyway. Trust me, it’s going to get hectic soon ;)

Tear stained pillow. Magazines and books that once had their home on the table were now homeless lying on the floor. Socks half on and half off from moving around under the blanket. The TV blasting from pressure being out on the remote. Darkness fills the room both literally and metaphorically as you pick yourself off the couch and place your feet on the fuzzy carpet beneath you. Your vision still blurry from tears filling them up hours before. Your head throbbing from the pressure being brought to it. You look around and see everything behind you in the exact place it was set before the storm happened. You hear a crash come from upstairs. You grip onto your blanket that was now wrapped around your shoulders and walk over to the kitchen grabbing a knife out the drawer and walking upstairs ready to annihilate someone or something. As you make your way upstairs, muffled sounds that you once heard became clear and words started to form into your mind. You turn the corner into your room and see a tall figure leaned over looking through your bedside table.

“Tae?” 

You say lowering the knife from your defensive stance. The figure jerks up throwing whatever he had in his hand all over the room.

“Y/N, I thought you were asleep.” Taehyung says picking up his mess.

“What are you doing here, if jimin…”

“Jimin came to my house furious about a fight you two had. I came over to make sure you were okay.” Taehyung says interrupting you. Why the hell does he care? He didn’t seem like he cared much about you when he was texting that girl.

“Why are you in my room?” You say wrapping your blanket around you more from the sudden cold air that hit your unshaven legs.

“I was gonna leave a note but there was no paper, so I came searching for paper.” Taehyung says showing you some of your old empty journals you had left over from when you wrote during your mom’s episodes. One of the journals you used to write in was open on the bed as if he was reading it.

“Why is that here?” You say leaping towards the journal to close it shut and throw it at the wall. Taehyung jumps out of his skin as he hears a loud bang.

“I told you, I was looking for paper.” He says quietly.

“Doesn’t give you the right to go through people’s belongings!” You yell at him feeling the familiar anger you once had with him rise again.

“Look I’m sorry, it was a mistake. I didn’t even read that much.” He says backing away from the bed.

“A mistake?! It was just a mistake to open someone’s private journal and just read it without their permission let alone even knowing the person well enough.” You scream. You had had enough with all the drama going on in your life and you just wanted it to end. You wanted to completely forget you and taehyung ever met, you wished Jimin had never entered your life. You wanted it all to go away.

“I know you’re mad, but it’s okay, I can help.” He says walking closer to you reaching an arm out.

“You think you know me after reading that?!,” You say feeling the tears start to flow down your cheek and hit the ground below you, “you think you have the cure to whatever pain I feel. You don’t. No one does. I’ve gotten all the help in the entire world but nothing can take away the pain I have inside of me. It will forever be there and I finally found some decent happiness in my life until you came along and had to ruin it all for me.” You scream until you throat hurts, but those last words made more than your throat hurt. Seeing the reaction on Taehyung’s face go from worried to heartbroken broke you heart. You didn’t mean what you said but it all just came out at once because you were so upset and angry.

“Tae..”

“No, no, it’s okay. I understand. Sorn is waiting for me outside.” He says interrupting you. He walks out of your room without a single look into you eyes. You hear the front door slam and instantly feel yourself break down. You drop to the floor not having any energy to even hold yourself up.

“Why did this have to happen to me?” You think to yourself. You thought all the hardship and pain would’ve been over with after your mother died, thinking the universe was going to give you a break from all of this. But it didn’t. It only grew worse. You didn’t get up from your position until about 6am when your alarm for school went off. You took your phone out from your pocket, turn off the alarm and throw it across the room. You crawl up onto your bed and pass out as soon as your head hits the pillow.

*Later*

“Honey, are you okay?” Your dad says on the other line. The school called him because you hadn’t shown up in almost two weeks.

“I’m fine dad, I just needed to take a break for awhile.” You say trying to hold tears back.

“A break from what?” He says.

“A lot has happened.” You say. The line goes silent for awhile signaling to you that your dad was with someone because you heard muffled sounds on the other line.

“Do I need to come back home?” He says in a worried tone.

“No, it’s okay, grandma needs you more.” You say.

“Okay sweetie, get better and go back to school, I love you.” You dad says causing the tears to finally fall from your eyes.

“I love you too.” You say hanging up on him. You hadn’t left your bed since the night Tae came. You couldn’t. You body wouldn’t let you. It’s like all your energy left your body and it’s been gone for awhile.

Nobody called, no one texted, you got nothing. You thought at least Jimin would text or call you but nothing. It was back to how it was before. You swing your legs around and place them on the ground for the first time in a week. You us all your strength to pull yourself off of the bed causing you to fall on the floor as soon as you stand up. The doorbell rings and your heart races. You pull yourself off of the ground and hold onto the railing for support the entire way down. Finally at the door you open it to reveal a someone holding stuffed animal and flowers.

“Jimin?” You could tell it was him because of the cheesiness of “I’m sorry” gifts. He lowers the bear and flowers to be able to look you into the eyes. He can see how red and bloodshot they were and how you were wearing the same outfit you wore the night of your fight.

“Have you slept in those clothes all week?” Jimin says dropping his smile into a frown.

“What are you doing here?” You say not wanting to see him.

“I’m sorry for the way I acted, I was just jealous because you were spending all that time with Taehyung and I could tell he liked you and I just got angry because I thought you were going to leave me for him. Then when i went home i realized that I made a promise to you that I wouldn’t leave again and i’m determined to keep that promise.” Jimin said. Before, the fact that Jimin told you that Taehyung liked you would’ve made your heart flutter but after he invaded your privacy, you could care less about him.

“I don’t want to hear his name.” You said. Jimin’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion but accepted your request.

“Can I come in?” He says. You step to the side allowing him in. He walks over to the kitchen and places the flowers and bear on the counter with a smile.

“You think just an apology and gifts is going to allow me to forgive you?” You say having enough of whatever these boys were doing to you.

“Well yeah, isn’t that what boyfriends do when the other is upset?” Jimin says walking towards you.

“You left me once Jimin, I allowed you back in when you came back. Now, you left me for a second time, if you knew me, you’d know i don’t give second chances.” You say feeling anger and sadness rise in your body causing you to grow weak and get a headache because your body doesn’t know what to do or how to react to your emotions.

“What do you mean?” Jimin says placing his hands on your arms. You throw his arms off of yours and step behind you.

“I mean i’m not allowing you back into my life.” You say seeing Jimin completely heartbroken. His eyes turn glossy and his face turns a bright red.

“What?” He says as tears fall down onto his cheeks.

“This past week i’ve realized that I was perfectly okay with my life before you and Taehyung came into it. Since you two have been here, it’s been hell. It’s only been a short period in my life but i want it to be over. The last time I felt this much pain was when mom died. I don’t want this to continue, I want to get better and to get better I need to get rid of some things in my life.” You say feeling a huge weight lift off your shoulder. But for Jimin, a huge weight was placed on him.

“Is this really what you want?” Jimin says as his face is now full of tears. You hated seeing him upset but you had to do something for yourself.

“It is, it’s time for me to start focusing on myself and not on other people.” You say feeling heartbroken that you had to do this to Jimin but you did really need to focus on yourself. Jimin doesn’t say a word as he walks out the door and slams it behind him. You suddenly feel empty just as you did before all of this happened. You take a deep breathe and tell yourself that this was meant to be and it was all going to be okay. Everything was going to fall into place in the future.

[20qs20somethings]

Phil, 25

1. Would you describe yourself as a millennial? Why? Yeah. Millennials fit into a specific age demographic. But I would say I fit into it both by definition and by the way I act. 

2. Can you use three to five words to describe our generation? Passionate, Opinionated, Under-employed

3. Talk about a person or an experience that has helped shape you into the person you are today? One I would say would be back in high school. Around Junior or Senior year you start thinking about what school you want to go to and you have these questions about who you're gonna be. I struggled with a few subjects in high school, particularly math. I was really down on myself about what I could excel at or what I could become and I had an English teacher at the time who gave me the time of day, worked with me, sat down with me, and helped me really excel. He helped me realize that language, writing, editing, and all that stuff in that field was something that I guess I was not just good at, but helped me believe in the art and importance of it. 

4. Talk about your relationship with social media? Love/hate I guess. There are times when I am enamored by the power of it and I view it as an incredible tool. It gives you a truly profound experience and it kind of makes our world in some ways a little smaller and reminds you that we’re all having this human experience together. At the same time, I think we can get a little too wrapped up in it and end up in the zombie scroll of existence but like most things, moderation is key. 

5. Do you believe in love? Yes, definitely. It’s one of the things that I think is unique for everyone and it’s basically indescribable. Love comes in many shapes, sizes, and moments, sometimes the least opportune moments. I think it truly exists and it’s something more profound than we can put into words. 

6. Fill in the blank: “Happiness is _______” An unforced smile, a natural laugh.

7. What are your thoughts on race? It’s something we need to talk about. I see that happening now and it makes me happy that we are having conversations now more than ever. Because for a  while and I think it’s still the case, the rhetoric has largely been “get past it, get over, we’re past that, so we don’t need to discuss these things anymore.” There are still real disturbing issues going on in this country. So I completely disagree with the mantra that we talk about it too much. We in this country have such a deep, detailed, and disturbing history with race that the only way to confront it is to talk about it.

8. How did you feel after November 8th? It was hard to realize the impact of the election. I was actually working overnight helping the newsroom and I didn’t get out until 6am and as I was going home, a lot of people were going the other direction and going into work. I have to say I saw more than a handful worth of women openly crying because of the results of the election. That shook me a little bit to realize the potential impact of who we put in power and what it means to other people who are not myself and other groups who are not white men. 

9. Would you rather have security or fulfillment in your work? I’ll go with fulfillment recognizing that I’m privileged to be able to say fulfillment. I’m in a position where let’s say I got laid off or fired, it wouldn’t be the end of the world for me. I’d either be able to fall on resources I’ve saved up or work some contacts or find something. I’d say fulfillment fully understanding that I’m privileged and other people don’t have that option. 

10. What are your thoughts on marriage?

I think it’s a beautiful step. It’s one I’m not overly convinced on but that’s coming from the perspective of a single 20-something and who knows how I’m gonna feel 5-10 years down the line. It seems like our generation is avoiding it a little bit more and I respect that a lot about our generation. You hear people as recent as our parents regretfully jumping into things without knowing how they truly felt, without experiencing the world or figuring themselves out and who they are. I can’t imagine jumping into a commitment like that, the devotion for someone else without who you are truly. I think the healthy first step is figuring yourself out. So I think it’s great, it’s great for people who are married and who are getting married and kudos to you but I appreciate that our generation seems a little more careful. 

11. Do you think there's a certain pressure to live a certain life online? Yeah I would say so. Social media is by far the best fear of missing out machine. One of the worst sides of it is that you see this constant flow of people’s vacations, people’s seemingly amazing and flawless lives too. So there’s this weird sugarcoated existence that people participate in online. It’s unfortunate because it’s not real and I feel for people who get wrapped up in thinking it’s real and I’ve even fallen in pitfalls like that so there definitely is pressure.

12. What would you say is your biggest character flaw? Sometimes I can be too much of a people pleaser. I’ve had this realization sometimes at social gatherings where I’ll have this desire to talk to everyone at once and kind of float from conversation to conversation. As a result, not really absorbing anyone to the fullest extent that I could’ve. So feeling overwhelmed and trying to please everyone at once and maybe to my own detriment. 

13. What’s something that makes you angry? Turning your nose up at knowledge and learning. There seems to be this wave and I don’t know anyone like this personally, but there seems to be this wave against learning and education and tuning everything out unless it agrees and conforms with you and not allowing these challenging ideas into your sphere and that lately makes me irate - people unwilling to learn and unwilling to listen.

14. Do you think our generation is too focused on being politically correct? I think we’ve just reached a point where there are certain things that used to slide in the past and we’re just evolving and creating a new social structure. A lot of that involves not being able to ridicule, make fun of, and ostracize certain groups of people anymore just for your enjoyment. I don’t buy into that we’re being too PC or that our generation is too offended. Some of the same people who espouse that we’re too easily offended I’ve seen get offended at the most trivial, mundane things. So I think everyone gets offended and I think we’re simply doing a better job than ever before about caring about minority groups and people who have never had a voice before. 

15. How do you want to be remembered? As someone who cared what people had to say and as someone who was willing to listen. 

16. What are qualities that you value? Honesty, Integrity, Compassion, Openness, Friendliness

17. How would you describe what it’s like to navigate your 20s? It’s like being fairly drunk at a crowded, loud bar and your friends are across the bar and you have to get to them. But there’s this myriad of loud and confusing things around you, distractions, pretty people, flashes, and all these things that you have to walk through until you get on the other side of the bar. 

18. What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned so far? To be humble and to realize that not everyone’s worldly experience is the same as your own and everyone has been through a different path than yours.

19. Do you have faith in people to do the right thing? Ultimately, yes. A lot of people tend to have a cynical outlook that people are only self motivated or self interested. There are a lot of terrible people out there, there’s no doubting that, But ultimately, humans have a sense from right and wrong, they have a sense of not treating others poorly and I think that’s the vast majority of people. 

20. What is the best piece of advice you want to leave the world with? Don’t shut yourself out. From people, perspectives, ideas, experiences. Don’t let those things fly by because it’s too fucking short. 

[lovboo-remade]

get to know me tag !!

i was tagged by my boy @nochujr​ ty !!!!! 💗💓💘

THE LAST 1. drink: .... milk 2. call: my dad 3. text message: from my dad: "Ok, gött.” dsjksdjkskjdkj 4. song I listened to: somebody to love by queen 💓 5. time I cried: i don’t rly remember ,,,, 

HAVE YOU 6. dated someone twice: skdkds no 7. kissed someone and regretted it: “kiss” lmao i was 8 but , i mean i regret it now bc apparently he’s a sverigedemokrat now YIK ES  8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: my grandparents on my dad’s side and my grandma’s husband ): 10. been depressed: yeah lmao 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no dude skdjkjd i’m a child of God 12-14. list three favorite colors: different shades of blue, pink and like ,, white ???? let’s not start the “is white a shade or a color”-discourse

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU 15. Made new friends: yeah :o 16. fallen out of love: my love for yoongi is still going strong my dude 17. laughed until you cried: listen that happens like every week,,, not bc things are funny but bc my eyes are SO sensitive i guess like if i smile brightly for too long i get teary eyed...........  18. found out someone was talking about you: i don’t think so ?? :o 19. met someone who changed you: can’t rly think of any  20. found out who were your real friends: ,,,,, idk in a way but also . idk 21. Kissed someone on your facebook list: lmaooo no

GENERAL 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them  23. do you have any pets: no ): 24. do you want to change your name: i mean ?? i guess ??? like i probably won’t change it juridically (??) but i mean ,,,, ashton isn’t my birth name sooooooo 25. what did you do for your last birthday: i don’t remember if it was on my actual birthday but my relatives were here n my mom had gotten me a pokemon go cake . thx mom 26. what time do you wake up: if i have school then usually 6am ,, otherwise around 9 .. i usually ask my mom to wake me up bc i don’t like waking up late :O 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: trying to sleep sdjksk 28. name something that you can’t wait for: anything bts will do 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: today 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: lmao um ???? well one thing is n** b* f****** w*** o** o* m* f****** LMAO  31. what are you listening to right now: sleepyhead by passion pit 32. have you ever talked to someone named tom: from what i remember only one of my classmate’s little brother in like . 3rd grade 33. something that is getting on your nerves: sdkjsdj see number 30 /: 34. most visited website: tumblr ,,, rip  35. moles: yeah a few :O also do like small dots count as moles ???? cuz i have those 36. marks: stretch marks on my hips ,, nd like i have this circle thing on my hand where there’s more pigment so it’s a lil darker ?? it’s more prominent when i’ve gotten a little tanned ,, also i have a bruise on my shin but idk how i got that 38. Hair color: kinda like . light blonde w dark blonde roots ?? 39. long or short hair: short ,, w an undercut that grows out p fast 40. do you have a crush on anyone: yoongs ): irl i don’t have any like Big crushes but first off there’s so many pretty girls in my class so ,,,,, also in my spanish class there was this girl who is literally sooooo beautiful ever since day 1 i was like ....... woah ............ but idk if she’s gonna be in my spanish class next term )::::: 41. what do you like about yourself: lmao ,, my . kindhearted ,,,,, heart jksdjk ??? it’s a shame that i sometimes don’t know what to Do with it 42. piercings: my ears are pierced but i haven’t worn any earrings in ages so  43. blood type: no clue 44. nickname: ash :’) 45. relationship status: my bf yoongi 😤  46. zodiac sign: leo ,, i don’t think i’m anything like one tho 47. pronouns: they/them 48. favorite tv show: atm it’s rupaul’s drag race it’s GREAT 49. tattoos: no :O  50. right or left hand: right handed 51. surgery: no 52. hair dyed: it’s bleached so now i have roots,, and i’ve dyed it brown, another kind of blonde nd like a grey/purple thing before 53. sport: nah i wish i liked it cuz i want Abs but ): 55. vacation: ? i’ve been to several places :o my fav was probably paris 56. pair of trainers: i have some black n white nike ones they’re p nice

MORE GENERAL 57. eating: nothing atm 58. drinking: nothing atm 59. I’m about to: browse through different websites ,,,,,  61. I’m waiting for: my soulmate 😤 ): 62. want: ~~~~~happiness~~~~~ 63. get married: i mean not really ?? but mayb i guess 64. career: dude idk ):

WHICH IS BETTER 65. hugs or kisses: hugs ,, i’m soft ): 66. lips or eyes: both but probably eyes 67. shorter or taller: probably slightly taller 68. older or younger: as long as the age difference isn’t more than like 1-2 years then i don’t think it matters ?? idk tho probably slightly older idk 70. nice arms or nice stomach: what is “nice” anyways......... 71. sensitive or loud: sensitive lmao 72. hookup or relationship: relationship 73. troublemaker or hesitant: idk if i would get along w a troublemaker dskjsdkjsk i guess it depends how troublemakery they are sdjksdkj but hesitant i guess ???

HAVE YOU EVER 74. kissed a stranger: nooo 75. drank hard liquor: do i seem like the kind of person who drinks .........  76. lost glasses/contacts: don’t wear either 77. turned someone down: romantically ?? no don’t think so ,,  78. sex on the first date: dude!!!!!!!! i’m a virgin !!!!!!!!!!!!!! KJSDKJSDJKSDJK 79. broken someone’s heart: i mean don’t know but i don’t think so ?? 80. had your heart broken: not . really 81. been arrested: why tf would i ........ 82. cried when someone died: i cried at my grandma’s funeral 83. fallen for a friend: nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN 84. yourself: SJKDKJSD BI TCNH NO 85. miracles: in what sense ?? idk 86. love at first sight: not ,, really ,, 87. santa claus: no 88. kiss on the first date: sure 89. angels: my mutuals ....... bts ........ svt .......... astro ............. everyone else i love..............

OTHER 90. current best friend’s name: yoongi :-) 91. eye color: blue something 92. favorite movie: don’t think i have one ????