#yeah this is a whole shitpost about does she check out his dick

[box5intern]

Every time a friend sees the show I demand to know if Christine Looked Down At It in first lair because guess what Shakespeare said to thine own self be true and I simply —

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 508

I mean, shame on me for allowing myself to get my hopes up that the show might have turned a corner last week. I should know better by now.

At least Young Ian’s back. And Marsali had a nice moment. And that’s about all I have to say about this episode that’s positive. I swear to fuck, this show hates Claire as much as the author of the books does. Where the fuck is the lead protagonist, show? Can she come back? Can she get a story line of her own that’s more than just a random scene every few episodes, please? And can Bree please be given something to fucking do that doesn’t involve Roger, Jemmy or rape? Does Fergus still even live on the Ridge?

But yeah, I guess let’s just all watch the episode twice so our dumb lady!brains can understand that Matt’s stupid silent movie gimmick was actually ~ArT~ and not, you know, a stupidly bad creative choice. Seriously, fuck that guy.

I can’t tell you how much idgaf about watching Roger teach. Also, Bree’s like his students’ age since she was in college too. So really all this bit is doing is to make me skeeved out about their age difference.

“Can you tell me why anyone would go to the trouble of burying one?” he said, condescendingly, like the doucherocket he is. Do not disrespect Young Ian like that, asshat.

“People live and die by their words.” *gestures to the beautiful shitposts on this hellsite* sure jan dot gif.

I already want to fastforward.

Would 100% rather sit through a lecture on suspension bridges than watch silent movies, tbh.

Hate the title card. Hate this whole gimmick.

Hate.

HAAAAATE.

Roger got hanged. Roger was dumb, Buck was an abusive and toxic fuckwad. But still, Roger got hanged and this is how we find out he’s alive and how he was saved?

It should be this big emotional moment. It should make me feel a thing in spite of myself. But nope! Gotta do this fucking silent movie thing. Which is hilariously terrible. And I laughed at it the whole time. In a mean and judgey fashion. What a craptastic creative choice. Whoever’s idea that was is a fucking idiot. *stares at a certain pompous af showrunner*

Ok but for real though, does LJG just like live in North Carolina now? Why is he always around, besides, you know, so we don’t forget he’s a character who exists.

For real though, he lives in Virginia and gets more screen time than fucking Fergus and Marsali who live fucking next door.

At least writing this recap is gonnna be quick and easy since they waste so much time re-showing the stupid silent movie footage.

Yes, I know, they’re trying to show Roger’s PTSD. Which involves flashbacks. And gradually turn it to color once he’s like come to terms with what happened and starts to move forward. But the execution is so bad that the whole arc is wasted because it’s just so poorly done.

Oh hey! A Claire and Bree scene! I love those. Except oh wait, it aggressively fails the Bechdel Test.

I JUST WANT THE FUCKING WOMEN ON THIS SHOW TO HAVE SOMETHING TO DO THAT’S COMPLETELY FUCKING SEPARATE FROM THE MEN. ARGH.

Jocasta singing at Murtz’s cairn is a reminder that everyone should check out MDK’s music.

And her wearing the necklace Murtz gave her makes the existence of show!Duncan even dumber. Like oh hey, new husband, don’t mind me, just mourning my dead boyfriend and wearing his jewelry. But it’s totally normal since my niece-in-law still wears her abusive ex-husband’s ring.

Sorry, show!Duncan, but a more pointless character was never included. Show!Duncan wins the prize for most BeCaUsE tHe BoOk dumbassery.

Repeatedly showing what’s basically a snuff film is...a choice.

LJG has no sense of personal space when it comes to the Frasers. And it’s fucking creepy.

Oh look, another scene where all Claire gets to do is comfort someone about a man.

*BANGS FIST ON TABLE* GIVE CLAIRE BEAUCHAMP THE STORY LINES SHE DESERVES.

Jemmy aged like 3 years in the 3 month time jump.

Ok, I totally get why Roger hadn’t spoken yet. But once he did, the seal was broken. Not talking after he yelled to stop Jemmy, even a little bit, is just a dick move. Not that he’d be magically better. But he like refuses to even take baby steps.

CAN WE PLEASE GET THROUGH AN EPISODE WITHOUT A MUSICAL INTERLUDE. I FUCKING HATE THE CLEMENTINE SONG.

GRANNIE CLAIRE AND GRANDA JAMIE ARE MY FAVE.

OMFG AN ARROW. THAT CLEARLY MEANS...YOUNG IANNNNN!!!!!

So glad he’s back. So fucking glad. Yes, it means one more character to dilute how much time we can spend with any given person, but it’s a character that I like so hopefully he takes away from some of the time given to ones I don’t like?

Aaand Roger can’t even bring himself to try to talk to the guy who gave himself up in his place. Fuck Roger.

Claire does a better job at first than Jamie at picking up the vibes Young Ian is putting off, but like, for two people who are supposed to be emotionally intelligence, neither of them do a good job at first of really *seeing* Ian.

John Bell is really good in this episode.

Omfg Marsali has tarot cards. She’s like leaning full on into being the white witch’s apprentice and I fucking love her so much.

Also, the Hanged Man card is representative of self-sacrifice and martyrdom rather than like being actually hanged as a punishment. But whatevs.

Ok I think the reason Jenny yelling at Jamie to snap out of it in S3 bugged me where this scene with Bree yelling at Roger doesn’t is because sibling dynamic is completely different than spouses where both of them have gone through something unimaginable.

That he can’t even say anything here. Or give her any kind of sign that he’s still in there is a dick move. He *can* speak. He knows that now. So does everyone else. He’s actively choosing not to. Even to say that he just needs more time to work through his shit. No one’s asking him to be a chatterbox and totally back to normal.

Young Ian just sitting there while everyone else does grace is literally me at every family holiday.

Oh look, a wild Fergus appeared!

Ok, I never got the surveying thing. Wouldn’t the land already be registered? Since they were given the paperwork and shit for it from the governor? I know there was some bit about it in the book about keeping it after the Revolution but like, who the fuck else are they registering it with that would make a difference? The gov’t is still the English gov’t?

“But there are things you keep hidden from others. You and Claire both.” Ok, can he please be talking about time travel? I mean, I know he’s talking about his wife and their miscarriages, but I just want someone else to know about time travel already please and thank you.

HOW THE FUCK IS MARSALI STILL PREGNANT?! SHE’S BEEN PREGNANT FOR LIKE A FUCKTON OF TIME.

Fuck yeah not-Catholic-anymore-Ian. No grace, talking about the creator in a way that isn’t explicitly the christian god. Good job, kid.

My parents called me to say happy easter and I had to be like, uh, you remember that I don’t celebrate that, right?

Happy Zombie!Jeebus Appreciation Day to all the still christian people. And happy chance to have fun with burner zoom accounts named Elijiah to the jewish folks.

Jokes aside, the scene with Young Ian and Marsali was really nice and Marsali remains a fucking saint. It’s nice that Young Ian has someone who like actually gets what it’s like to find a home in a group of strangers.

Oh Claire, think more highly of your assistant. Also, what a clunky fucking way to be like oh hey, one of the emo!bros is gonna try to off themselves.

Ok but with the paper airplane now too, can we please show Young Ian finding out about time travel? Please?

Ok, but Claire automatically jumping to Roger wanting to off himself with her herbs... It’s making me judge both of them a little that neither picked up on just how clearly Young Ian was suffering. Like come the fuck on, y’all. It wasn’t subtle.

Also, can we please have more Adso?

SOMEONE GIVE YOUNG IAN A HUG! NO, NOT YOU, ROGER! SOMEONE GOOD!

Yada yada yes they both have been through something shitty and call me a biased asshole, but I can’t bring myself to feel anything about Roger and I feel all the things about Young Ian.

So Roger won’t talk when his wife begs, but he’ll talk when someone calls him on his bullshit. Cool. Cool cool cool. Nice dude.

NO ONE WAS ASKING FOR THE OLD ROGER, YOU TWATWAFFLE. THEY WERE ASKING FOR *A* ROGER. INSTEAD OF A ZOMBIE.

Again, there’s more to that tarot card than a literal hanged man, but whatever, show.

Oh thank fuck the episode is finally over. Expectations are back down in the gutter for the rest of the season. Please pleasantly surprise me, show, but I will not make the mistake again of thinking you’re actually gonna be consistently good again.

[ramblinganthropologist]

Writober 2020 - 20 (Grey)

Summary: An armor test brings up a lot of unanswered questions among the Warden crew... like why the fuck were they called Grey Wardens anyway? Seriously, does anyone know?

(That Dragon Age Actor AU, Dragon Age Origins)

---

“Does this armor make me look more intimidating?”

“You're playing an 18 year old hunter's apprentice. Nothing could do that.”

Nothing like new costumes to bring out the excitement for filming the next season. After weeks of waiting, it was finally time for the four actors known as the Warden crew to try on the armor they would be wearing during the season finale. Today was just a preview – final adjustments would be made after.

Merin pouted a little as he adjusted one of his leggings. “Eli, don't be a dick.”

“That's my job, for I am the bearer of dicks.” Eli crossed his muscled arms over his chest. Since it was just an outfit try on, he had both eyes functioning. Once they had to do it for real, the makeup and contacts would be in to simulate his character's ocular issues. “Though, maybe with the tattoos it would work. You're going to lose some points once they cover Elgar'nan up.”

That only made the elf groan harder as he sat back down. At the moment, his tattoos were on full display, covering half the side of his face in dark blue. They would be covered up the moment he became Cahel again, however. Unlucky for him, the famed apprentice didn't match vallaslin with him. He wasn't Shianni.

“Damn it all, we need to speed it up to Awakening or something.” Merin sighed as he ran a hand through his hair – his undercut was starting to grow in since he was wearing a wig so much. “Remi, you almost done in there or what? We wanna see!”

His question was directed to the curtain they were standing in front of. Their costar had disappeared behind there a few moments prior, citing issues with his breastplate. Judging from how much he was grumbling, he was still having that issue.

No surprises there – idols weren't typically known for being able to get armor on.

“Just...” he started muttering to himself in Orlesian. “There! I got the strap right!”

The curtain parted as he stepped out. Like Eli, Remi had a copy of Warden warrior armor on. It was only fitting, given he was supposed to be playing the future king of Ferelden in his Warden days. The effect was somewhat spoiled due to the fact he was using his actual accent, but he could handle that when it was time to film.

He was pretty good at hiding it. So was the guy who played Loghain...

“Not bad, you make the heavy armor work.” Merin frowned as he stared at the griffin on his costar's breastplate. “Though... serious question. Why the fuck are they the Grey Wardens when they wore silver and blue?”

The question caused both Remi and Eli to look down at their armor and pause. A glance passed among the three men in the room, none of them able give a proper answer. It was one of those things people just... accepted.

But yeah, they didn't really wear grey. What was up with that?

“It's because your skin turns grey before you off yourself in the Deep Roads.”

Their final costar entered on that killer line. Shianni, like Merin, was dressed in rogue armor. Unlike him, she made it look damn good. He cursed that a little as she took Eli's chair, perching on it like some rare bird of prey. Her reaction time was just as good too – he had seen it first hand when they had been in Orzammar.

People were still making gif sets of their group fight. It was kinda endearing.

Merin shook his head at this answer, though. “Nah. That's way too on the nose for these guys. You know they hid the taint thing until it was killing them.”

“Hiding the answer in plain sight is pretty Grey Warden if you ask me.” Shianni sounded almost bored. “Why, what's your bright idea?”

To this, the elf shrugged. “I figured it was a linguistic thing. You know how words change over time. Maybe silver meant grey then or something.”

Truthfully, even he could see that answer fell flat. However, Eli and Remi were quick to remind him of that as they both shook their heads. So, that was another idea shot down by the peanut gallery. Two were still in play, however.

Though... he could tell it was about to get stupid in here.

Remi tapped a gloved finger to his cheek as he thought about it. “Aren't griffin feathers kind of greyish? Maybe it was supposed to represent them.”

“Griffins come in a shit ton of colors, it's only the babies that are all grey and fuzzy.” Merin, ever the ranger, shot that one down pretty quickly. “It's the down.”

Eli rolled his eyes at this. “Only you would know that, Lavellan.”

“Hey, excuse me for doing some research, Rodriguez.”

There was no barb to their words, of course. By now, Eli and Merin were something like friends. It was a natural consequence of having to spend so much time with each other, though it helped the older elf had finally let the stick up his ass go. So he was a necromancer – big deal. It was the digital age, after all. Nobody really minded.

Nobody except them when it was time to tease him on it, mind you. After all, they were only sentient.

Remi knew when he was beat at least. He nodded at the information. “Right... I doubt they'd name them after baby griffins. It's not exactly intimidating.”

“They probably picked the name because they all had hard ons for grey morality.” Eli rolled his eyes. “I mean, that whole take who they want no matter what, get the job done even as your rotting in place, no lands or master thing just screams it.”

Shianni snorted at this response. “It be less impressive if you weren't saying that dressed as the berserker.”

Yeah... the whole conversation was just punctuated by the fact they were all standing around in prop armor discussing the history of a name. This was the kind of thing shitposters on the internet did when they were bored. So... maybe they had more in common with their fans than they thought.

Eli's cheeks turned hot at this as he turned away, pulling off a pretty decent impression of his character as he did so. “Who says Miris wasn't a man of philosophy?”

“Uh, he did. A lot. It's in the journals, check page 30, 56, 120...” Merin started counting off his fingers, smirking a little. “I can keep going.”

“Nobody likes a smart ass, Lavellan.” He paused. “Yeah, except Remi I know. You don't need to remind me.”

That just got him a tongue stuck out from the would-be ranger and his boyfriend. He returned it in kind, which meant civil conversation was definitely lost for the moment. Thankfully, before the battle of the tongues could continue, someone stuck their head in.

“Why do the Wardens have their tongues out?” Kaaras was practicing his Sten inflection, probably because he was in costume as well. The rest of him soon entered the room, coming to rest next to his on-screen girlfriend. Off screen, she was gay and he was a father of two. They played it well, though – they had won a few chemistry awards.

Merin pulled his tongue back in before Eli got the chance, though that was mostly because he needed to use it. “Because Eli is being an edge lord.”

“Hey, you're the one who asked the question in the first place.” Eli turned to the new occupant. “How about it, Kaaras. Why do you think the Grey Wardens are called that?”

All eyes turned to the qunari as he stopped to think about it. He tapped his chin a few times, deep in thought as he mused on the subject. Given he was dressed for war, it was a pretty hilarious sight. However, they wanted the answer more than they needed the laugh. So they waited, pins and needles jabbing into them.

He finally shrugged. “Because the Wardens have a thing for qunari I suppose.”

His response was met with a mixture of groans and snickers. That seemed to be what he had wanted in the first place, because he flashed them a very out-of-character thumbs up that shouldn't have been possible with his gloves. Someone in costuming was really earning their paycheck, no doubt about that.

“Should've seen that one coming a mile away.” Shianni shook her head. “Who knows, maybe it was the first Warden's favorite color. For all we know, they had a lover with grey eyes and the name stuck.”

Merin nodded at this, beaming suddenly. “Sounds gay, I'm down.”

That got Eli chuckling, though it was somewhat exasperated. “You're always down when it comes to gay subtext.”

“Hey,  I was in fandom for how long? Gay subtext is my bread and butter.”

Nobody could argue with that fact. Still, it was clear by that point that it could have been any of their suggestions, or a thousand other ones they didn't have the time to think of. The true answer was probably lost to time, as was many things about the Dragon Age and what came before that.

So... maybe they were all right. Or wrong. Who knew?

Kaaras shook his head as he glanced around the room at the assembled fake Wardens. “Anyway, they wanted you guys out to see how the armor fit. Hurry up and get going or you're going to keep Herah here for ages on makeup once that's done.”

Right... they were supposed to be working. Sometimes it was easy to forget that. The Warden crew nodded as they left, ready to handle whatever came next. With any luck, they wouldn't be seeing the head of makeup that day. It was kind of late for that.

Still...  why were they called Grey Wardens anyway? That was going to bother them for a while. Damn it all...

[halfusek]

BATIM SPOILERS AHEAD

SECRET MESSAGES FROM CHAPTERS 1 - 5

With a sort of analysis/shitposting on my side? Yea.

Chapter 1

There is like two walls with these, that’s a lot. Is he... aware from the beginning now? I mean someone’s crossing this and Henry is implied to be leaving these messages so...?

Choose your fighter.

Ok wow harsh.  Haven’t you seen all these cool AUs in his house?

Also can I just point out how... Joey... literally... drew... the Studio...

Oh, my bad.

He drew STUDIOS. Because the damn thing keeps happening over and over again.

Oh fuck if that’s the case then that is clever. I made puns about him drawing the studio before, wish I did something with it before Chapter 5 dropped, that would be hilarious to look back at fvdfjkvnfkj

That’s just depressing. But like... yeah...

Wow Henry you must be a proud mom now

Hey remember when DAGames played Chapter 4 and was interrupting Alice Angel’s monologue by telling her to stop watch him poop

It spells “There never was a choice.” (never underlined)

Those messages are either hilarious or straight up depressing.

It’s... kinda sweet how Henry from the past (pasts) helps his future self (selfs). And encourages.

I’m pretty sure she’s got many hearts in her stock.

STOP WATCHING ME POOP

Henry what the fuck

The falling human made out of the two Ls, the Y and the splatters above it-

Fuck.

GASPS NO WAY

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He is not the creator of the cartoons. He is the creator OF THIS WHOLE FUCKING STUDIO AND EVERYONE IN IT. Like it’s maybe a sort of obvious thought but when you let it sink in... damn

Rest of the chapters under the cut because it’s really long

Chapter 2

ARE THOSE IRL BODIES? YES? NO? SYMBOLS OF THEIR SOULS BEING TRAPPED HERE? WHAT???

Do you remember that? Or only slightly? Oh man. “I should have warned him” thoughts and then you get a pissed off boy in Chapter 5.

COME ON NOW

Ok. How. How did you write anything there. When. The only time he’s aware would be right after Sammy hits him with the dustpan. So is he like fainting and writing it? So he wouldn’t be able to write anything else like SAMMY IS GOING TO KNOCK YOU OUT WITH A FUCKING DUST PAN because yeah he’s passing out so it’s just... OUCH! Also to confirm this he is facing the way he’s facing when he’s on the floor. God that’s both shitposty and depressing. Nice.

Henry don’t be a dick

So you do sing 👀

I wonder how Henry figured out walking backwards to not trigger the Demon here and write this specific message. Also is Joey behind those closed doors because there’s the whistling.

Is he cooking

Chapter 3

Oh, hi.

Excuse me what

Henry is a Jacksepticeye fan confirmed

Joey is a man of ideas... and only ideas.

Which is why he created a studio, an OC based on a person he has a one sided crush on (me) from who he stole and claimed their OC as his, also made that stolen OC a thing and then made both of the OCs fight in an infinite loop in the massive studio which is behind his kitchen.

This both has a literal meaning but is also like a deeper general thought Henry do you want Joey to create a therapist OC you seem to have some problems

Why do these coffins hurt so much

Who are you asking Henry because Alice sure won’t fucking read that And why won’t you just write it with regular ink why you gotta do it like this

Why does he keep this thing secret? Did he make it? Probably since he’s the one leaving the messages Hmm

I fucking wheezed.

But also imagine Alice just giving her speech and Henry writing something on the wall with his finger Unless he doesn’t write that in a literal sense but like... spiritually Huh

THEY HAD DRINKS TOGETHER AND JOEY WAS PAYING FOR THEM AWW

He’s so fucking gay I swear to fucking gods.

Let’s hop on the existential crisis train, choo, choo.

How can you be kind to people who try to murder you

But this. This. Is such a good fucking work/life thought like damn. I love this game for those.

But are those just some thoughts Henry wanted to get out of his head or does it have something to do with the game because I’m kinda getting pacifist/neutral/genocide route vibes from this. But it it’s not the case it’s still pretty neat, we do meet them, we just don’t have the choice to treat them in some way most of the times.

It’s on level 14 and damn you game damn you yet again. I guess it can also be applied to that moment when The Projectionist is reaching out for Henry who is hidden in the Miracle Station? Like we don’t know what to expect of him because he had that small moment of realisation of... something. And he is also one of Henry’s “old friends”.

Is Is Ink Demon killing The Projectionist a symbol of Joey’s jealousness like Norman: *reaching out in curiosity, maybe to help* Joey: >:( my fren

Chapter 4

Thanks. Roll credits. So Chapter 4 is intentionally pointless in the terms of Henry trying to save Boris. THAT’S FUCKING SAD STOP IT

NOT. MY. DOG. YOU. BITCH.

So Henry is catching up. Joey does regret all that shit he did. I wonder how exactly does it tie here, with Bertie. Maybe that theory I had about Bendy Land being Hell for Bendy? :0c I don’t really think so but that’s a thought.

I’m losing my shit.

Okay that seems like another woke thought.

Henry can’t change not being able to save Boris.

Joey can’t change all of his mistakes. But Joey is the one making it happen over and over again so it might be slightly pointed at him?

Like, pal. Stop dwelling on your mistakes. Move on. Let me the fuck out.

This game is really heavy with this problem:

Move towards your goal, hope, believe, dream, don’t give up. Well actually do if it’s like super hard.

????? This is such a deep uuhhh analysis of this like one of most basics functions of how we people fucking work and live, what keeps us going. Holy shit I am IN LOVE with that.

But oof yeah Henry was and IS the one good at pushing Joey to do the right thing. Man...

Instead of trying to cheer you up lemme just write this message you can’t read real quick.

THAT WHOLE FUCKING THING WAS POINTLESS AND I’M LOWKEY MAD

;_; holy lord sweet baby jesus

Can Henry like be fine fun concept Meatly please

I suggest giving this a read if you as I weren’t familiar with that expression https://quoteinvestigator.com/2014/09/23/heels/

Of course it’s a pun on “Time heals all wounds” expression. The word “heels” there refers to contemptible people. Earliest citation: 1934 and it got more popular around that time till something around the 50s-60s according to that website at least. Neat.

That is interesting. I guess we can associate the door with Joey as well since Henry warns himself not to go through them? And the Demon drags Projectionist’s corpse through them. Sorta against his will, heeeeeeh.

They look like they could be interactive but I dunno :0c

Oh, yeah. That two-faced motherfucker. That’s my bitch.

HE GAVE THEM FUCKING NAMES

Chapter 5

I feel like it was kinda exaggerated. Henry they like saved your life twice or so, how salty can you be

OKAY LET ME TELL YOU ONE FUCKING THING

AT FIRST WHILE PLAYING I THOUGHT JOEY WROTE THOSE BECAUSE

I mean why the fuck would they drop this star outta nowhere AND HE IS EXTRA LIKE THIS

But then again there’s this “Don’t go through the door”

Unless Joey did contact him through this as well? But I’m assuming it only because of the stars vfnjksd Idk I like when symbols actualy uhhh symbolise something

ALSO YOU KNOW WHAT’S INTERESTING

This is pointing at ANOTHER way. Without the boat. Possibly the Valued Employee (take the long walk) achievement?

I would check it right fucking now but my saves are fucked and I would have to replay everything again and I’m just too tired hhhh

Also Valued Employee does sound like someone who listens to their boss right?

And I’m getting the impression it’s not all Henry’s writing because it seems as if there is a different personality present? Idk

That sounds like sort of both of them. Joey is cheering for Henry, even if he’s planning to make him go through all of this again. Does he... have to make him go through it? That’s a bit odd. Joey nani the fuck.

I like the idea of Joey saying this ok lemme dream vskjvnskjvs

But it could be Henry (past/present/whatever) trying to cheer himself up like he did with the “Don’t be scared” message (if that was also him)

Oh, Henry...

Once people That implies that real people got somehow affected, right?

I love the halo and the bone, also you can see the bone only if you give it to Boris in Chapter 3

Wait It is The whole fucking Ink Machine Is inside Holy

A cooking gay.

Ink Demon/Joey parallel implication. I don’t think he is Bendy in a straight up sense though. He is/was a soulless boss, just how soulless Bendy was/is. I wonder if there is a studio version of him or HHHHHH complicated stuff

Is it like When people create something good but they just don't know when to stop it eventually ends up really bad And the Demon took The End so his cartoon couldn't be finished and it all had to keep going, Joey had to keep going Hm?

So like there is no message on Henry’s second desk

But it does trigger the same dialogue AND IT HURTS

Actually a lot of people missed the arrows so just so you know

But I thought we don’t like doors

Also it’s the last hidden message so I do believe it has a special meaning

CONCLUSION get Henry outta here and give him loads of therapy

Is his fucking last name Stein because he made monsters via the Ink Machine by powering it goddamnit Joey don’t trick people into creating that shit