#yeah that's right I chip away at silly joke comics in between my serious comics about grief and loss

[jesncin]

*Tapes a cute lil flower to the simpfodumping board*

funny you say that!!!

foreshadowing,,,

[about-faces]

The director Joel Schumacher has passed away, and everyone's reactions have boiled down to two topics: 1.) "He was the guy who made the bad Batman films," and 2.) "Hey, he did lots of great films besides the bad Batman films!"

Thing is... I get it. I remember being a teenage comic fan in the 90's. Not just any comics: especially Batman! But ESPECIALLY Bart especially Two-Face. I remember how "Joel Schumacher" was a name that could invoke white-hot rage in myself and everyone in the fandom. He was our modern equivalent of Dr. Fredrick Wertham, the boogyman who had (far as we were concerned) single-handedly destroyed the mainstream credibility of superheroes.

Look at that picture, and try to imagine that this was the face so loathed and mocked by Batman fanboys in the 90′s.

Never mind that Schumacher didn't WRITE the Batman films. The main credit for that goes to Akiva Goldsman, who has gone on to win an Oscar and continues to find A-list success despite ruining other geek properties like Jonah Hex and Dark Tower. Never mind that Schumacher was at the mercy of producers who wanted the movies to be nothing more than merchandise machines and toy commercials. No, Schumacher was the only name associated with the films, and he was cast at the villain.

The fact that he was openly gay played no small part in making him an easy target.

One year after the disastrous release of the infamous Batman & Robin, the beloved fan-favorite cartoon Batman: The Animated Series (then rebranded as The New Batman Adventures on the WB network) produced an episode that featured a pointed jab at Schumacher. The episode was titled "Legends of the Dark Knight," a reworking of a classic 70's Batman tale where a group of kids share their own ideas of what the mysterious Batman is really like.

Halfway through the episode, the kids are overheard by another kid, who shares his own ideas about Batman. The kid, whose name is Joel, has long dirty-blond hair, and works in front of a store which bear the sign "Shoemaker," despite clearly being a department store. He waxes dreamily about the reasons he loves Batman: "All those muscles, the tight rubber armor and that flashy car. I heard it can drive up walls!"

This last line--a reference to a silly bit in Batman Forever--he says as he flamboyantly tosses a pink fur stole around his neck. To drive home the joke, one of the kids dismisses, "Yeah, sure, Joel."

At the time, it seemed like a cathartic joke for us REAL Batman fans. Now, it's clearly just cheap and gross. Instead of any actual criticism about the films, Joel Schumacher was just seen--even if just subconsciously--as the fruit who ruined Batman.

Over time, the hatred for Schumacher lessened. Starting with Blade, X-Men, and Spider-Man, on through to Batman Begins, Iron Man, and onward, superhero movies became huge mainstream successes, with greater fidelity to the source material than most adaptations we saw up to the time that Schumacher "killed" the superhero movie. There was no point in hating him anymore, if there ever was (again, Goldsman more deserves that ire, if you're gonna be angry about anyone. Why does he still get work?! WHY IS HE NOW WRITING FOR STAR TREK?!?!).

But even still, especially among Millennial and Gen-X fans, Schumacher is still--at best--considered a low point for fandom. Even though the same generations have come to appreciate and love some of his other films, such as The Lost Boys, Phone Booth, and the chillingly-prescient Falling Down, there's still this need for people to dismiss the Batman films as embarrassments that are best forgotten in favor of Schumacher's better films. And if they're to be remembered at all, it's to trash them all over again in a tone suggesting that the films are objectively, irredeemably bad.

Except they're not. Oh sure, if you go in looking for a grim and gritty capital-M "Mature" take on Batman, of course you'll hate them, just like you probably also hate the Adam West Batman show. Remember, that show also used to be hated by decades of Batman fans because of how it didn't take the comics seriously.

... except it did. The show was VERY faithful to the Batman comics of the 50's, which often out-weirded and out-sillied its TV counterpart. If anything, the show made some of those stories even more entertaining with camp value and jokes that added different levels of enjoyment to the adults watching. Comic fans resented how Batman became a pop culture joke, and increasingly fought against anything that was colorful and campy (which makes me wonder if this might also be related to latent homophobia). Whether or not they admitted/realized it, the Batman fans of the 70's and 80's carried a chip on their shoulder about a show that DARED to make Batman FUN.

And really... how is that any different than Schumacher's two films?

You don't have to agree, but I think Schumacher's films are fun. I think Batman Forever is highly entertaining, that Tommy Lee Jones and Jim Carrey are bringing their hammy A-games as much respected actors like Burgess Meredith and Caesar Romero brought to their roles. Same goes for Arnold and especially Uma in Batman and Robin. They KNOW what movies they're in, and they're all having a blast.

(How many of us remember the exact line Eddie says at this moment? I bet you probably do too, which should tell you something about how memorable this movie is)

Now, BF and particularly B&A are by no means GOOD movies, but you can't tell me that you couldn't have a blast putting the latter on at a party and riffing it with friends. It's not a pretentious, ponderous, self-serious slog like, say, the shit Zack Snyder cranked out (apologies to the one or two cool Snyder fans here, I just find his films interminable). Even besides the many things I could say to defend Schumacher's Batman films (that's a whole other essay), you can't say they were boring. They were entertaining, even if on a level of making fun of the film, and that is NOT as easy as it looks.

Let me put it to you this way: Batman Forever has, objectively, one of the worst takes on Two-Face I've ever seen. He's one-note, he's kind of a rehash of Nicholson's Joker, he gets completely overshadowed by the Riddler, he gets killed by Batman in a way that completely betrays the whole “DON’T KILL HARVEY” arc with Robin, and worst of all, he CHEATS on the coin toss. That alone would be enough for me to condemn this depiction in any other Two-Face story.

And yet, even I--the most passionate, opinionated, and picky Two-Face fan you will EVER know--still have a soft spot for Tommy Lee Jones' take on ol' Harv. He’s just too fun, too flamboyant, too damn extra not to love. If only all bad takes on Two-Face could be this fun!

But that’s the thing: it’s not because the script was good. Oh god no. I've read the script, and if it were put on the page like a comic, I would have hated it just like any other bad Two-Face comic. I have to imagine that, as director, Joel Schumacher deserves the bulk of the credit for pushing the restrained and laconic Tommy Lee Jones into that oversized performance, and making it a delight to watch despite everything it does wrong.

I'm rare for my generation to have learned how to stop worrying and love Schumacher's Batman. But the younger generation, the up-and-coming Gen-Zs getting into Batman, don't share the same grudges we did. There's a genuine, shame-free enjoyment of those films among The Kids, many of whom are LGBTQA+, who love the jokes, the silliness, the camp, the Freeze puns, the swag of Uma Thurman, and the homoerotic subtext between Two-Face and the Riddler. Maybe it's just a reaction to so much GRIM, SERIOUS shit that DC and their fanboys are trying desperately to push even today.

But comics--especially Batman--have a long history of colorful, stupid, fun shit. Schumacher's films carried on in that tradition, and they should be appreciated on their own merits by those of us who aren't limited by narrow ideas of what Batman "should" be, and who still remember how to have fun.

Schumacher's Batman films should no longer be seen as embarrassments. They didn't ruin superheroes. They didn't ruin Batman. They didn't even ruin Two-Face. Nor should they be disregarded in favor of Falling Down, like losers in a respectability competition. They're fun. They're entertaining. And they didn't pretend to be anything else.

And if you still think they're bad... I mean, objectively, you're not wrong! But be mindful of the reasons WHY you think they're bad, because on another subjective level, you may not be right either. And it's certainly not worth holding a geek-grudge over after twenty-five years.

[reaping-cain]

Doppelgänger Lavellan

Dedicated to @slothquisitor who has to contend with end of semester stress and obligations. I wanted to write fluff but this silly idea came to mind instead so I hope shenanigans works to lift your spirits. I hope you don’t mind that I borrowed your lovely Mara. Alternate modern AU where Kaeran and Mara meet. Also Sera’s involved because I love her too. 1430 words.

“So when are ya gonna tell me the naughty bits about yer date?”

Kaeran huffed, not even taking her eyes off the book she was assessing. She already had one book wedged to her chest and though she could get away with buying one more book, it was a foolish to think that she’d leave the bookstore with two books. Three if she restrained herself, at worst, maybe six or seven. She tried to ignore her bank account and reread the back of the book. She hoped Sera backed off.

“Soooooooo….” Her companion pushed the book out of her hands. So rude.

“So what?” Kaeran sighed, bending over to pick up the book, fearing that one of the employees might see the offense. Maybe if she pretended to not know her friend, Sera might be forced to leave the place; on second thought, probably not the best idea. Sera held grudges for a frightening long time. There was no use begging, she would only stop when it pleased her.

Kaeran shelved the book. It wasn’t as intriguing anyway. From the corner of her eye she can see Sera bouncing from one foot to the other, clearly vibrating with excitement.

“You like him,” she said. Sera screwed up her face and made a disgusted noise loud enough to ruffle the feathers of another patron. Kaeran snorted, “OK, OK. I didn’t mean it that way. To be honest, I’m actually surprised that you know someone like him.”

“Wot ya mean?”

“I don’t know…he doesn’t strike me as someone who you’d have in your very eclectic circle of friends.”

Sera snorted this time. “Yeah, that’s a fancy way of puttin’ it. I don’t know, he sort of gets my humour, get him sloshed and he can tell a few dirty jokes. One time I laughed so hard, I had beer comin’ out my nose. Bloody hurt but couldn’t stay mad at ‘im, it was a good joke.”

“Really?”

“Seems impossible, ‘ight? Him looking serious and all, but he’s funny in his way even though he’s so Ferelden-y.”

Kaeran smiles fondly at Sera’s openness. It’s obvious that she looks up to the guy, somewhere between a confidant and a brother. Kaeran didn’t realize that she was lost in thought until Sera grinned widely, like a cat that ate a canary or three.

“You liiiike him,” she singsonged.

Kaeran spared a side-glance at her friend before moving to the next aisle over. Just because that last book wasn’t interesting didn’t mean that her search was over. About five minutes of relative silence passed, Sera poked her arm repeatedly to grab her attention.

“Ugh, Sera! If you’re so desperate for details—“

“Nevermin’ that! Look!” It wasn’t enough for Sera to be gawking, she had to also point at the person across the bookstore, arm fully extended and wagging her index for added emphasis.

Kaeran smacked her arm down; the sound was violent and the action even had another nearby patron audibly gasp. Kaeran internally groaned. This was the absolute last time that she was going to bring Sera to a bookstore. She looked at the blonde that Sera pointed out but could only make out that it was a woman about their age and had pointed ears. She couldn’t see what was so particularly special about this particular patron, not with the way her face was downturned and very much engrossed in a book she was holding.

“Really, Sera? Another elf in a bookstore, not a rare sight.”  

“No,” she emphasized by grabbing Kaeran’s shoulders and shaking her with some restraint, “it’s her! That doppel-thingy I keep telling you about!”

“Doppelgänger?…oh!” It finally dawned on her. Apparently Sera kept on seeing the mysterious woman and constantly confused her for Kaeran.

Curious, Kaeran began to walk down an aisle towards her supposed doppelgänger. Sera pulled her to the side.

“’Ey! Wot’re you doin’?” she hissed.

“What you think? You’ve been going on about this double-me you keep seeing and now she’s here, wouldn’t hurt to get a closer look.”

She’s about to get closer when Sera pulls her back yet again, a scrunched up look on her face.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I’m thinkin’…” Sera said, “isn’t it bad luck or somethin’?”

Kaeran rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry, I won’t touch her if that’s what has you concerned. Wouldn’t want to have our reality collapse if she’s another me from a different timeline.”

“I hate you,” Sera huffed.

“Aww, no you don’t. You looove me.”

“Excuse me, sorry,” said a third voice.

Both Kaeran and Sera froze, their eyes locked on the supposed doppelgänger. The woman looked at them, unsure what was going on and why they were looking at her so strangely. Though the woman looked similar to Kaeran at a glance: their hair styled similarly and blonde as well as matching in height, the likeness ended there. Kaeran’s eyes were blue while the woman’s were green, noses were similar but the former’s bridge was slightly wider while the latter’s had a more delicate button nose. Again, Kaeran’s features were wider than the other woman’s, including thicker brows and a more pronounced jawline in contrast to the fine brows, sharp cheekbones and rounded chin.  She can see how Sera could make such a mistake at a glance but was also relieved that the woman wasn’t an exact mirror image of her. The whole absurdity of the situation was comical and she couldn’t help but laugh.

“Oh come on, Sera! You’ve got to be kidding me! You need your eyes checked.”

“I do not!”

The woman seemed uneasy and perhaps even slightly annoyed with them. She came to the bookstore with a purpose and it wasn’t so that two strangers can ridicule her.

“Um, not sure what’s going on, but you’re standing in front of an author I’m looking for. If you wouldn’t mind?” The poor woman was more confused about the exchange and absolutely didn’t need two strangers to be gawking at her, although, the blonde with the uneven hair looked familiar.

Sera and Kaeran apologized and moved aside to let the third woman through.

After a moment, Kaeran couldn’t resist gently tapping the woman on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry to disturb you, it’s just my friend keeps seeing you around and always thinks you’re me.”

The woman looked at Kaeran and then Sera, recognition lighting up her face.

“Oh, yeah! I remember you,” she said.

Sera flushed, actually flushed a pretty shade. Kaeran thought nothing fazed Sera. Apparently not.

“Y-yeah, sorry about that time,” Sera mumbled.

“What happened?”

“Your friend ran at me and yelled ‘catch me’ really loud,” the woman deadpanned.

“Oh, Sera, dear.”

“…while I was holding my morning coffee.”

Kaeran whipped her head at Sera, horror on her face. “You ran off, didn’t you?”

She began to shake her head before contradicting with a couple of nods, “…yeah.”

“Did you even apologize?” Kaeran asked.

“To be fair,” the not-so doppelgänger replied, “she did shout a very long ‘sorry’ while running away.”

“Oh, well then,” Kaeran was at a bit of a loss. She didn’t want to waste any more of the not-doppelgänger’s time but thought it weird not knowing her name.

“I’m Kaeran, by the way, and if it’s not totally weird, maybe I can buy you a coffee? To make up for Sera’s silly mistake, I feel sort of responsible even though it’s obvious that my friend’s eyesight is clearly failing her.”

Sera made a couple of scoffing sounds before crossing her arms over her chest. Kaeran was definitely going to pay for that one later but it was still worth it.

The woman seemed to hesitate for a moment before she gave a small smile and nodded, “I’m Mara, it’s nice to meet my quasi-doppelgänger. I have some time for a coffee but I don’t want to take too much of your time.”

“It’s no trouble at all,” Kaeran assured her. “If you don’t mind me asking, which author were you looking for?”

Before Mara had the chance to reply, Sera took her cue and began to walk backwards towards the café section of the bookstore. “Right, you bookworms have fun, I’ll save us a table an’ Kaeran, ya owe me a nice big choc’late chip cookie. No raisins, blegh!”

Both remaining women stared at Sera’s retreat with mild amusement.

Mara returns her attention to the shelf, skimming her fingers across the spines of the softcovers. “So, what are the chances that Sera will confuse me as you again?”

Kaeran lets out a long breath, “Pretty high, unfortunately.”

“Damn.”