#yeah its... lmao. clint. baby. ]

[leetotters]

could you do a peter parker x reader where she can control her hair? and it can be any length she wants but prefers the length mid thigh and its and its unbreakable? so like fury asks if anyone in the team knows anyone they could recruit and he suggests her and all the avengers go meet her at a tailors shop she owns while she's cleaning and she shows her powers? please and if you do it, thank you

note: i hope you meant the powers to be reader's hair bc that's what i used it as lmao. also i used the gif because this is kinda how rocket got smacked with your hair. thank you for requesting<3

warnings: kissing, curse words

peter parker x reader

summary: something like request^

The swooshing of the broom and the melody of a random song played through the speakers of your tailor shop while you swept the floor. The small lengths of wool and silk thread tangling on the broom bristles as you scooped it up. The racks and unwanted pieces of cloth laid on the marble floor making you let out a sigh of exhaustion.

A knock on your glass showcase window made you jump. The movement making your hair disentangle from the neat twist plait. You lowly cursed as your hair touched the floor, the belly laugh behind the window noted you that your bestfriend was the person responsible for your little mishap.

"Couldn't you ring the bell like a normal person!" You annoyingly exclaimed, closing your eyes and controlling your hair to stop at mid-thigh length. Your preferred length. You picked your broom up and teasingly shook your head when Peter told you open the door. "I think I'm gonna leave you outside tonight, just for scarring the life out of me and my hair."

You resumed your previous activity, counting the numbers in your head until you heard the lock on your ceiling window open. The sound of Peter's displeased voice and childish complains filling your storage room.

"Can't keep me outside Y/L/N, I'll always find a way." He proudly dusted his shirt, taking the scoop from your hand while you grabbed the racks and placed them in your extra closet.

"Thanks to your super spidey powers." You teased, thanking him when he returned the dustpan. "Anyway, why are you here?" You inquired, curious why your best friend decided to stop by your little, tailor shop.

"Well I- wait," Peter scrunched his brows. "Can I not drop by to visit my bestfriend?" He sassed, hand on his hip giving you a quizzing look.

"Oh please Peter, you only stop by when you need something." You remarked, returning a pointed stare before you began to reorganize the formal wear you were currently adapting. "And that something is usually to stitch those huge ass holes in your spidey suit."

Peter didn't respond immediately, because you were right. He did stop by your shop for you to mend his suit. Because one, he loved your company. And two, you were the only person who knew his secret other than the avengers, Ned and MJ.

"Fine! fine!," He huffed. Not so discreetly looking over his shoulder as if he was giving someone a signal. "You're right-"

"I always am Parker." You boasted, using the ends of your hair to move the sewing machine and pins to there rightful place.

"Yeah- okay, but I really came to tell you life changing news!" Peter amazed, a gasp leaving his lips when he saw the movement of your hair. It never ceased to amaze him how your hair was basically magical. Being able to move stuff with your command, grow at whatever length you wanted, heal others and even be unbreakable. Epic, really.

"And what is this so great news-"

The words didn't leave your lips properly as your tailor shop entry door was suddenly yanked open. Your door handle and lock was surely broken, at the loud eerie sound of a metal crunching noise.

"Get out of my way Tony!" Stephen scowled.

"Shut it wizard dude, I'm the leader here not you." Tony rolled his eyes, removing the pair of expensive shades from his face.

"Since when? Fury sent all of us Tony." Rhodey said, dusting his shoulder.

"I wonder how much she makes in this shop, not much I bet." Steve scrunched his face, eyeing your little shop.

"Did we really have to bring Groot?" Clint groaned, flicking baby Groot off of his shoulder when he tried to grab one of his arrows.

"He's a baby, Clint. We can't leave him at the compound alone." Gamora remarked, tickling Groot's tree stomach as she picked him up.

"Okay if she does joins us, we will have to ask her to design new clothing! Look at this!." Wanda marveled, showing off the mid thigh silk dress.

"I should get this for the recruiting party Tony is planning for her." Natasha thought out loud.

"What the fuck!" You yelled, glaring at the talkative avengers standing before you. Looking mighty and high as always. "I just fixed that lock dude!" You whined, sighing gallingly when you saw the chunk of metal by Thor's feet. "You're repairing my lock, hammer man."

"Ah yes, I will have the Man of Iron restore your brittle lock Lady.."

"Y/N."

"Lady Y/N." Thor smiled.

Peter let out a small chuckle, rubbing the back of his ear and looking at you sheepishly. "Surprise?"

"Surprise my ass Parker! Why are the avengers in my tailor shop and why is this raccoon trying to cut my hair?!" You moved your hair with your mind, smacking the animal avenger with your y/h/c locks.

"Woah, did she just-" Bucky froze, mouth agape.

"Control her hair to hit Rocket, yeah." Peter Quill laughed at his co guardian misfortune.

"Okay her hair is very much un- unbreakable," Rocket coughed out, holding his stomach. "And strong."

"I am Groot." ˢʰᵉ'ˢ ᵃ ᵇᵃᵈᵃˢˢ

"You can not say that word Groot, but I do agree with you." Gamora smirked, finger bumping the cute tree.

You were mad, really fuming. You spent two hours cleaning and by the looks of it you'll have to do it a second time. So yeah, you wanted an explanation.

"Okay don't get upset." Peter spoke calmly. Holding his hand out and gesturing towards the superheroes infront of you, who had the same impressed expression on their fanciable faces.

"This is the life changing thing I was talking about," He paused with a smile. "You're joining the Avengers!"

"What?" You were officially bamboozled, with everything. One minute you were simply tidying your shop and next, half of the avengers are occupying your shop. Quarreling and interfering with your stuff.

And not to ignore the fact that your best friend just blurted out four questionable words to you.

"You're going to be an Avenger, Rapunzel." Tony repeated, strutting to you with short steps. "If you want to of course, sidey here told us your hair power thingy and though I was a little iffy about it at the beginning, it looks like your power is truly powerful." Tony patted your shoulder. Looking over at Rocket, who was being assisted by Drax.

"As much as I would like to say it's an honor to be in your presence," You said. Controlling your hair to grow back at mid-thigh. "Why?" You faced Peter, inquiring him with the plain word.

Peter shrugged, giving you a bashful look. "Fury asked if we knew anyone who could be recruited, and without thought I suggested you." He sighed, feeling completely awful for the situation he put you in.

"And I know, I should've asked you first but I know how much you adore helping others and the money here isn't enough for your college tuition Y/N." Peter ignored the awkward silence in the room that was loud seconds ago before continuing. "I thought this would be a way to assist you."

You physically softened at his words. He was too kind and caring for his own good. You could never be upset with this idiot boy.

"I'm sorry-"

Peter didn't finish. His apology was muffled by your lips pressed deeply to his frowny pink ones. He was slighty awestruck, the feeling of your lips were breathtaking. He swore he could kiss you forever. His hands found your waist pulling you in closer, even including a little tongue movement inside your mouth.

As if reality kicked in, a teasing 'ohhh' sound came from a few avengers. Causing you to shyly pull away from Peter, who loudly groaned at the lost contact of your plump lips.

"Looks like Spidey is getting a little too handsy." Sam quipped, chuckling when Peter told him to shut it and hid his face in the crook of your neck.

"So is this a yes?" Peter hopefully asked.

You feigned ponder. "Yes."

Peter pecked your lips, mumbling a short 'yay' attempting to deepen the kiss.

"That's enough smooching spiderling." Steve uttered, obviously not enjoying the PDA.

A beeping sound came from Tony's watch altering the team about an upcoming mission.

"Looks like we gotta go," Tony spoke with a serious voice before turning to you. "Glad to have you on the team Rapunzel."

"It's Y/N." You corrected.

"Okay, I'll send some people by tomorrow to pick up your stuff. See ya soon, Rapunzel." Tony winked, exiting your tailor shop.

"He's not gonna give that up." Peter laughed, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

"I oddly don't mind." You responded, waving bye to the others. "Thank you Pete."

Peter grinned. "I didn't quite hear that, say it a little louder baby."

"Thank you mister Parker." You kissed his lips, playfully rolling your eyes. But you weren't that distracted to miss Thor stealthily trying to leave your shop.

"Hey hammer God! Don't forget to fix my lock."

"I will have Stark right on it Lady Rapunzel!"

[thecoloursdontshow]

sambucky as parents with a teen bc i love them (alternate title: im projecting again)

they both freak the FUCK out when they their kid is actually growing up and sarah is the only who could deal with them and the fact that her niece is growing up because at this point shes done the like twice now. its also very amusing to watch captain america and the winter soldier have a breakdown because their kid is growing up and sarah is like “yeah thats how that works” but they are not having it because “OH MY GOD SARAH THEY BOUGHT EYELINER???” and sarah needs breaks every hour because oh my god. 

The avenger become aunts and uncles and it is the most wholesome thing ever. Bruce and peter would help them with their homework. Thor and valkyrie tell stories from asguard. Wanda watches sitcoms with them, and they have long talks when either of them are stressed out. Carol and hope teach them how to fight, much to the dismay of sam and bucky. Strange and them team up and try to (and succeed, mind you) prove sam and bucky wrong. (ight its time to be SAD)

Imagine, if you will, they have a daughter, and the daughters name is natasha. She never really knew where she got her name from, only whispers of natasha romanoff. She saw her name, heard her name at school, but never really knew who she was. Why she was named after her. So, one day, she asked sam: “dad, where did my name come from?” and sam sits her down, and slowly, he explains who natasha was. How she led the avengers in a time where no one really knew what was going on. Who she was to sam, and who she was to the world. Sam doesnt go into her past too much, just that it was bad. When sam finishes, his voice is as quiet as a whisper. Natasha smiles softly at him, shuffling closer to him, and wrapped her arms around him. “I promise, i’ll do her name justice.” and sam falls apart. Because sam knows she will. He knows that nat would absolutely love this kid. This kid with warm brown eyes and long, dark brown hair that she so desperately wants to chop off and dye blue. This kid who always has a joke or quick remark on her tongue. This kid who cares so much. This kid who sang in the shower, and sang with her father (even if bucky was forcing her to). This kid who never gave up, who got back up on her own since she was 4 years old. This kid, who sam would give his life for, who sam would never forget. Who natasha would absolutely adore. Now, natasha gets little stories about her namesake from clint, and yelena, and scott, and rhodey, and pepper, and her dads. At first, it hurt. It hurt so bad. But, when yelena started telling a story from when they were kids, and natasha smiled wide, her eyes crinkling up. Her laugh that was so innocent, so pure. And yelena smiled too. And it was okay. 

SORRY ABOUT THAT LMAO. had to get my daily dose of natasha romanoff feels. Anywho. 

Partners. Significant others. Thats when they realize their is grown up. Thats when they realize they dont a million years left with this kid. So they pull out all the stops. Baby photos, videos, old school work from like grade 2. Its glorious. They would be so embarrassing oh my god. 

But its not always like that. Bucky retired as soon as they adopted, but sam couldnt. He couldnt. So, when natasha (im sticking to it) grows up a bit, she only known as captain americas daughter. Only known as the girl with the empty seat beside her apologetic looking father at every play. And shes sick of it. She knows its irrational, but she just wants her dad. Thats all shes really ever wanted. One day, she comes home, her eyes rimmed red, and bucky tries to talk to her, but she races up to her room, slamming her door shut. Bucky freezes. He doesnt know what to do. Sams been gone for a week and a bit, and neither of them are taking it well. After an hour, she doesnt come down from her room. Buckys been pacing for the past our. He makes his way up the stairs, and knocks on her door. “Tash?” he hears a sniffle, and shuffling, and the door opens slowly. Shes red eyed, stuffy nose and bucky cant believe he let her hurt like this. “I just need him here.” is all she says, before crashing into bucky. He wants to break down right there, but he doesnt. He wraps his arms around her, until he decides on a plan. They settle on the couch, the star wars theme playing. They ordered pizza, and natasha fell asleep with her head pressed against buckys metal arm. Sam gets home a few hours later. He takes one look at the scene in front of him and realizes how much time he’d missed. How much of his daughter, of his family he had missed. He vows to make sure hes there. To make sure he doesnt miss anymore of the best part of his life.  

Idk what happened yall. I really dont.

[showrunnerihardlyknowher]

You know how we have pet costumes? Give Jacob one, make him a cute space cowboy😈😈😈

WE'RE BACK BABY

Please enjoy this little ficlet (that was actually my 3rd attempt to write a fluffy ficlet for this universe because all the other ones kept becoming future chapters lmao)

--

“This is humiliating. I look like sheriff Woody or something.”

“Aw, I was thinking more like John Wayne Gacy, you know?”

“The...the clown serial killer…?”

Angie pursed her lips. “Wait, who was the cowboy guy in all the old movies? Like, before Clint Eastwood and whatever.”

“That’s John Wayne. Not John Wayne Gacy,” Jacob tugged at the sleeves of his costume and readjusted his cowhide vest. “And I don’t feel anywhere near as cool as him right now.”

She rolled her eyes and crinkled her nose. “That’s because you’re not cool. You’re a grown man playing dress up with a kindergartener.”

“So are you.”

Angie straightened her Native American headpiece and threw one of her braided pigtails behind her. “Yeah, but I know it’s stupid, so therefore I’m doing it ironically which makes me cool.”

Jacob sighed heavily but didn’t argue further, instead tugging his cowboy hat down further to shield his face that burned with embarrassment. Being forced into having playdates with his captor’s coworker was nothing new. He had spent plenty of time being Mibao’s sole playmate aboard the ship, doing the best he could to keep the six year girl entertained and not too psychologically damaged. Being the youngest in a sibling group of only boys, he was a bit rusty when it came to knowing anything about kids. Thankfully, Mibao was more than happy to take him by the hand and show up all the “fun” things she used to either do back home or what she would now do with her “kitty”.

Today’s game of choice was dress up. Every day felt like dress up when it came to the girl’s ever expanding wardrobe; she was always dressed in an obnoxiously puffy and sparkling princess dress fashioned with ribbons and bows galore and always with a matching crown. Fine, no big deal, he could slap a tiara on his head and call it a day, he’d worn worse at the few fraternity parties he attended during college. Nope, not good enough. Mibao had a very specific game she wanted to play which involved him wearing a cowboy costume of all things. A very realistic and detailed cowboy costume, assless chaps and spurs and all. Again, he could...handle it for the most part. The only thing that really bothered him about it was all the coos and giggles he received from both his and Mibao’s captors when he finally came out in his new outfit.

And he knew for a fact they took many, many pictures of him.

It didn’t end there, Mibao still had more requests. Angie needed to join in as well and she was required to be an “indian princess” to partake. Naturally, she was more than happy to agree if it meant getting a break from the absolute nightmare of a captor she had been saddled with. So, now Jacob had to deal with the fact that she would have to watch him play pretend in this ridiculous getup. He could never catch a break with her, it seemed, she always had to catch him when he was in the middle of doing something cringe worthy. She didn’t even look half as uncomfortable as him and she was literally wearing half as much clothing.

Or maybe that was exactly why she was so comfortable as she sauntered up to him, making a finger pistol to tip his hat away from his face. “Cheer up, partner,” she teased. “I think it makes you look cute.”

“I think it makes me look like Owen Wilson from the museum movie,” Jacob replied, hoping the shadow of the brim hid his reddening cheeks.

“Oh my God, you are a tiny little twink cowboy, huh?”

“I’d rather be the gladiator guy.”

“You wish you could pull off being the gladiator guy.”

A rebuttal was on the tip of his tongue when Mibao made her appearance from behind the monitor where she had been changing. This time instead of her usual princess attire, she was dressed...pretty much the same, only this time she had a tiny pair or iridescent fairy wings attached to the back. What a fairy had to do with cowboys and indians, he hadn’t the faintest idea. She stopped when she saw the two of them and stuck out her tongue in childish disgust.

“Eww, stop kissing!” She scolded. “You can kiss the princess later, Jake, it’s time to play!”

Jacob had never been more grateful in his life that the creatures idly watching them couldn’t understand English because he just might have died if they heard. He could feel the heat radiating from his nape to his cheeks, putting his hands up in defense like it could keep Angie away from him.

“Wh-no! We weren’t, we weren’t kissing, Reagan, w-we-!”

Angie only cackled, her amusement stemming more from Jacob’s panicked response than the actual accusation of giving him a kiss. “Yeah, cowboy, you can kiss me later.” She winked and nudged him with her elbow as she walked past to where Mibao was waiting.

He groaned, tugging the hat down as far as it would go even if that meant obscuring his vision somewhat. That was totally fine, he didn’t want to look at anyone right now and he did not want to be perceived either. The child was leading them back over to her designated play area scattered with art supplies and stuffed toys for where they’ll play their game of make believe. Angie was already sitting on her knees by the time he shuffled over and beckoned him with a sly smile to come take a seat on the ground next to her. Jacob obliged, but refused to give her the satisfaction of seeing his beet red face.

As soon as they were settled, Mibao immediately launched into the exposition of the scene they would be putting on, including their roles and superpowers (that only she had because she was a magical fairy queen). Jacob was only half listening; the kid usually forgot half of her own rules in the middle of playing anyways because she wanted to change the story and it wasn’t that hard to follow her game of make believe. Instead, he kept side-eying Angie, who was side-eying him back, and every time they made eye contact she would smile and bump his shoulder with hers.

This was going to be a long playdate.

--

The lab door slid open as Talan walked in, peeling off his bloodied gloves to dispose of them in Ylva’s waste bin. “I need my human back.”

“Aw, why? They’re all having a ball together!” Ylva frowned, gesturing to the miniature trio on her desk. Well, the smallest one and Talan’s pet seemed like they were having a good time, namely at the expense of the other human in a hat. They all seemed to stop at the interruption, his human fixing him with a sneer that he was tempted to match.

“What the fuck is it wearing?” He asked, ignoring all the little protests he got when he grabbed it and plucked the stupid looking feather thing of its head. “I thought you said it’s not nice to torment the humans.”

Edix scoffed at him, though his annoyance was more from Talan being in his general vicinity than anything. “It’s not torment. They were having fun.”

Talan did not look convinced in the slightest, his eyes sweeping over the pup who was pouting at him for taking away its playmate and the other who froze any time he breathed in its direction. Like owner, like pet, he assumed as it seemed to unconsciously inch closer to where Edix’s hand was resting for a better sense of security. Pathetic. At least his pet had a bit more self respect and wasn’t afraid to try and stab him in the hand with his own tools. Of course, it got a sharp flick to the stomach to knock it off, but he could appreciate the gumption.

Talan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, looks like a real party. So sad to have missed it.”

“Like you’ve ever been to a party to know what it looks like.”

“Says the one that only hangs out with plants.”

“Okay,” Ylva interjected, rising from her chair and scooping up her adorable little human. “You’re right, we should probably wrap this up, Mibao’s going to need a nap soon and she likes to fight her naps when she’s excited.”

That was all the excuse Talan needed to dip out without a formal goodbye, though it didn’t escape the corner of his eye how Edix’s human took a half step forward when he left, almost like it wanted to say something. Even if it did, he wouldn’t have cared. As quickly as he had intruded, Talan disappeared back down the main hall of the fauna department to return to his lab.

Edix stood up as well and tucked the data pad he had been keeping busy with under his arm to keep his hands free. He couldn’t help but smile at seeing how much closer his little pet was standing to him, even if it wasn’t by much, even though it was caused by Talan of all bastards. A win was a win in his book. The hand the human had been partly hiding behind curled easily around it to lift it up, immediately cradling it to his chest as usual. It squirmed for a moment but settled quick enough, a clear sign it was also ready to go back to the lab it was accustomed to. For a social species, the little one always seemed so drained after any playdate Ylva arranged for their pets. Fine by him, it usually meant his human was much more quiet and well behaved once it was back in the solitude of Edix’s company, making for an easier work day.

He used his finger to tilt back the wide brimmed hat it had been using to hide its sweet little face a majority of the playdate, earning him a surprised squeak. With the way its baby cheeks were turning an adorable shade of pink, Edix had a fairly good guess as to why it was trying to avoid everyone’s line of sight. Damn, he should have had Ylva take more pictures, this was way too cute for him. It reached up to quickly pull its shield back down and Edix let it with a laugh, cooing as he tugged at its little vest instead which only made it wriggle in distress. Overdramatic little thing.

“Can I keep this costume?” He asked as he followed behind Ylva who was preparing to put her own pup down for a nap. In reality, it meant she was going to have to play with it for at least another half an hour because, much like him, she was a sucker when it came to her human wanting to play. The difference being that Mibao wanted to do anything from coloring to singing to continuing its game of make believe while Edix’s pet always wanted to play chase.

Ylva smiled and shrugged. “Sure, I mean, it’s not like it’s going to fit the baby. It was printed for its measurements specifically, anyways.” Mibao was proving to be difficult in its refusal to relinquish the shiny wings Ylva had designed at its request, something that Ylva quickly made a game out of by setting her pup on the desk and letting it squeal and run while her hands chased after it. That would tire the kid out in no time. She looked back at his human and giggled. “I don’t think it likes it very much, though.”

Oh yeah, that was obvious from the get go, but it didn’t change the fact that it was way too precious for its own good in this type of outfit. Edix actually quite liked the contrast of the dark brown against its pale skin, even more given the fact that it matched the color of its doe eyes perfectly. It was much more appealing than that splotchy green jacket it was inexplicably attached to. He had a feeling it was going to try and strip out of this outfit as soon as it was back in Edix’s lab, provided he gave it its normal suit and jacket to change into. But...maybe he didn’t have to offer it its spare set of clothes right away. Maybe it would just have to hang around in its little boots and hat for a couple hours longer while he finished up his latest report that was just so important to get done. And maybe he would get constantly distracted by how cute it looked while it was definitely pouting at him for not taking off its costume that it took a little longer than usual to finish his work, which meant it spent even longer pouting under its hat.

Decisions, decisions.

Edix waved his hand dismissively. “It’ll learn to love it.”

“Oh, Eddie, don’t be mean to it,” Ylva laughed, not that seemed bothered by the idea of his pet keeping the outfit on for an extended period of time beyond the playdate. “But send pictures if you do.”

[join-the-joywrite]

Pigs might fly

A/N: written for @crushedbyhyperbole​ 200 challenge. This is the first drabble challenge thing I'm doing on Tumblr so like ,,,,, have mercy lmao

Summary: While Tony and Bruce science together, Nick tries his best not to send Clint to daycare -- with duct tape to stop the noise talking.

Warnings: aside from rupturing a lung extreme silliness, we should all be fine

"Whatcha working on, Big Green?"

Bruce looked up from the several sheets of paper in front of him. He stared for a moment before pushing his glasses up. "Big Green is sleeping. Don't wake him up."

Tony widened his eyes and put a finger to his lips. Bruce supposed he was trying to look apologetic, but his amused smile threw it all away. "But seriously," Tony said, setting down two mugs on the table, "what are you working on?"

Bruce shuffled the papers, trying to find some semblance of order among them. "Thor keeps asking why Midgard doesn't have flying pigs. He thinks it's because we're tiny and helpless. I think he wants me to believe that Asgard does have flying pigs and that that's the reason he's having trouble comprehending the phrase."

Tony handed one mug to Bruce and sipped from the other. He came to stand beside Bruce and gazed at the mess. "You do remember what happened the last time you played with genetics, doctor, don't you?"

Bruce shot him an annoyed look.

"Just sayin' . . . Big Green."

Bruce rolled his eyes. He brought his mug to his lips and paused. "What is this?"

"Hot cocoa," Tony said, lifting pages and rearranging the mess.

"Why do I smell booze?"

Tony paused. "No wonder mine was tasting off," he said, swapping their mugs.

"You put booze in hot cocoa?"

"Just a little bit. I'm on babysitting duty and holy mother of all evil, Clint can talk for hours."

Bruce paused for a moment, then nodded. "Fair enough, do continue. And anyway, I'm not going to give a pig wings, that would be absurd."

"Then what are you doing?"

"Waiting for you. I want you to help me create a robot that looks like a semi-realistic pig. And I want a remote control for it. Like, tomorrow."

"Why?" Tony asked slowly, less afraid and more intrigued.

"Thor uses the compound gym on Wednesdays and I wanna make it follow him around for the whole day -- at the very least -- and have him stare into its lifeless eyes and realise that the flying pig is merely a soul-eating creature from the darkest pits of hell aka our combined brain cell."

"You have my full attention, Dr Banner." Tony said after a moment, setting the mug down. He paused briefly. "And my therapist's number -- which I will write down after this."

"Look, I'm just saying--"

"You 'just saying' is speaking it into existence."

"Oh, bullshit, Barton. You're just saying that because you watched the Matrix again this weekend. Where is Stark?"

"Nick, come on. Look me in the eye and tell me with a hundred percent certainty that you honestly think I burned down the kitchen last week.”

Nick stood with his folded arms and half-frown. With his one eye, he fixed a blank stare on Clint. "I, with one hundred percent certainty, believe that you burned down the kitchen -- and I’m just saying I think you did it to deflect attention to the fact that you also put a rip in Rogers’ curtains.”

Clint shrugged. “Okay, fair.”

“Can we please get back to the part where you explain why I had to pull you out of the vents?”

“I already told you!”

“I really do not believe that you were in the vents because you were hiding from Natasha -- because you ate her last animal cracker."

"You gotta hide me," Clint pleaded, "if she finds out I ate them, you're going to be short one agent."

"I fail to see the downside."

Clint clung to Nick's arm. "But I'm your favourite!"

"Where is Stark?" Nick muttered, peeling away from Clint and glancing around. "It's his turn."

Nick Fury was not having a good time. It was early on a Wednesday morning and he'd only visited the compound to see if things were still running smoothly and if Hill was doing all right watching the morons -- the same morons that he may have made the mistake of putting in the same room and team a few years ago. Now, here he was, having to entertain Clint. Nick did believe that Clint ate all the animal crackers, but only because a sugar high seemed like the only plausible explanation.

And goddamnit, where the hell was Tony? This was Tony's week to make sure Clint didn't accidentally set himself on fire again or something of the sort. Nick didn't pray often. In the last hour, he had prayed twice the amount he'd prayed in probably his entire life. Nick was beginning to consider offering to deep clean the entire compound if Tony would just come fetch the child -- agent.

Nick pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to block out Clint explaining the backstory behind exactly how he got stuck in the vents. How the hell did he even get in them in the first place? Nick didn't know and frankly, he didn't care. He just wanted to leave at this point. Pulling Clint out of the vents could have been documented as an extreme sport. Nick thought he might have dislocated his shoulder. It didn't help that when he finally got Clint out, the archer fell straight down and dropped Nick with him.

Now Clint was trying justify his theft of Natasha's biscuits. Something about starving and there being only coffee beans left.

"Wait, go back. Did you eat raw coffee beans? As in, the beans themselves?"

Nick's horrified expression did not affect Clint in the slightest. He nodded earnestly, features twisting as he remembered the disgusting taste. "Yeah, and let me tell you one thing, Nick. Coffee beans are not for eating."

"Everyone knows that! Babies probably know that!"

Clint scoffed. "You've clearly never been hungry, huh?"

"Oh, I've been hungry. Just not dumb enough to eat actual coffee beans."

"I'm tellin' ya, Nick, Natasha was a murderer in a past life."

Great, the topic had changed again. Nick stared at Clint. Did the man have an internal drug system? Did the man have any adult mannerisms at all? Was his memory working, let alone intact? "We are thinking about the same Natasha, right?"

"Why, how many do you know?"

"I -- I can't do this. I don't have the energy for this today. I'm leaving. Go find Stark and get him to keep you company."

"Tony and Bruce have been working together since yesterday."

"Then harrass Rogers."

"He's cooking."

"Natasha."

"She's locked in her room and watching rom-coms."

“Then sit in the corner and count your thumbs,” Nick said, already backing towards the door.

Clint followed. “I’m coming with you. You’re gonna have to keep me company until Natasha cools down.”

Nick scoffed. There was no way he was going to sit through twenty-four hours of the man-child rambling. "Yeah, and pigs might fly."

Any further conversation halted at the unholy scream that ripped through the entire compound. Nick and Clint watched as Thor -- looking strange in the very normal workout clothing instead of his usual armour -- barrelled past them, screaming.

A flying pig followed.

Clint raised his eyebrows at Nick. Before either of them said anything, Tony and Bruce sprinted after Thor and the pig. While the latter held a remote control in his hands, the former held up a video camera. Both were laughing.

Nick left the compound before Clint started asking him about the pig. As the chopper lifted, he caught sight of Thor circling the compound. The flying pig wasn't far behind and sprinting along with loud laughter was Tony and Bruce.

The safety of the world rested in the hands of children. Nick had never missed Carol more.

[ghosty-schnibibit]

new graduation liveblog ^u^

i don’t really have much to say to start this off with other than that i’m excited for the new ep, and also that it has an absolutely buckwild title lol. here we go!

what even is this intro wtf travis, what are you doing???

TRAVIS WHAT IS GOING ON

"thank travis for travis studios" i’m dying 

oh fun so this is a little bit of a lunar interlude! fun!

"he was a fan favorite on... critical role" pfffff

this is going to be so chaotic and i am so here for it

yeah no, some of these effects are like wonderland levels of character changing and i cannot wait to see how badly things go sideways

not much for those two, cool cool

"no, none of that" thank you trav lol

nice! some money for the boys :D

i figured the title came first lol

you can only use silver keys in the dungeon you find them in

ooooh i want this map, trav plz

dang that's a pretty good idea honestly

fitzroy my sweet dipshit son i love you so much

i want art of these sweet boys going over the playbook

y'all made the exact same fifty shades joke the first ep of balance

what the fuck firbolg

i am loving this entire exchange so much

oh argo my sweet boy, you finally beefed a roll

from a bird?????

merle was the one immune to poison lol

argo is going to die holy shit

nice! fitz the bird catcher

okay cool, good to know the layout

jesus argo, getting those good rolls in

yes, protect your boy!

it'll help keep the rats away though! that's good!

i love firbolg so much

yep, figured that was what was going on

m̷͉̬̬̅́e̶̮̲̲͑-̶͖͗̓͜o̵̘̣̿ṷ̸̲̍̎̂c̶͎͒͛��h̷̲̉̏

that's some true good dming there trav, admitting your mistakes

pfffff my poor sweet boy, time to un-cat

yes make an intimidation check

oh jesus that's a fun mental image

why do you keep moving away from the mic clint

who would have guessed that between the literal barbarian and the giant firbolg the rouge is the one who does the most physical damage

jesus christ fitzroy is going to die

nice, go firbolg :D

“it mocks you with its presence” ilu so much firbolg

didn't fitz literally just say they needed to keep one alive???

fitz you sarcastic little fucker ilu so much

... is this a goof or is this argo trying to get info on fitz's magic? is this strategic because holy shit if it is i’m screaming

yeah that's probably a good idea

fitzroy my sweet dumb dumb boy who i love so very much, why did you not think to ask if it can speak common first???

what a nasty lil bastard man >:o

argo my sweet baby, always thinking of his friend

fitzroy you dipshit why would you let him go

thank you for investigating my sweet boy

hmmm... so they took something out of the safe?

oh dang, nice dodge argo

thank you kind and benevolent dm

... what was the point of that my sweet boy

????? where was the money zone ?????

fitzroy has turned himself into a hellboy

fitzroy in what world did you think this was going to work

yeah, have you remembered firbolg will die if he lies???

nice! my boy!

S W E E T  R E D  B A B I E S

i do not know how this has gone even this well

if griffin gets to have ten different npcs with brooklyn accents then trav gets to have two npcs sound similar >:T

... did griffin just try to pull out one of the names from cats and bail halfway through???

clint caught it at least lmao

... is that also going to hit- yep, it's gonna hit them all, fuck

yes that is a twenty clint! yay! go argo! :D

jesus argo

YEEEAH GO FITZROY :D

nice! buddies ^u^

"that was four arcs ago!" pfff

i love firbolg so much holy shit

oh yeah, i forgot fitzroy was a glow-stick boy

at least it's not a nat 1 lmao

poor fitzroy just completely beefed it

god damn argo, holy shit, he is the luckiest boy

i don't think the magical equivalent of an electric chair is "gentle" fitz

there's only eight minutes left in this ep, i'm assuming floor two will be saved for next ep then?

ranged attack is the way to go then it seems like

nice! go firbolg buddy :D

"uh... yeah, hold on" that's the sound of a dm who just had some plans foiled lmao

nice! sweet, fitz can fix his poison damage sitch now

i am literally watching the timer go down to 30 seconds, what are we doing here trav

there it is, there's the outro, this was fucking wild

i’m glad we got a bit of a sillier, less high-stakes episode after how many plot-bombs were dropped on us last time. it was also super fun to just see the boys getting to work together outside of a school context! i love them all so much

see you guys again soon!

[margokesses]

ITS WRITTEN BY WHO

Yeah the mcelroy brothers write comics now lmao. But like i don't think they do like actual stories just like mini series. Ik the one called clint did an issue of the recent marvel team up with kamala khan and carol danvers (ms marvel and captain marvel). The one with miles, kate bishop, sebastian druid, etc where they take care of thor's baby sister while the world is ending is called "war of realms: journey into mystery". I think they all collaborated on that one it's like 5 issues i think?? Idk but enjoy!

[numeronubisexualhawkeye]

This One’s For You Steve Irwin

1818 words

(this is complete and utter nonsense but i had fun writing it lmao)

Clint wouldn’t lie and say he had been a little excited when Maria cleared them for this mission. At first he was going to pass it onto someone else or let Natasha handle it on her own this time. He had just come off a month long mission trying to take down an arms dealer in Benin, and was ready for some well deserved rest, but Maria knew how to reel him back in. At first she had just told him that it was in Australia, easy, would probably be up in a week, and he could stay in the country for however long he wanted until they called him back for another mission (the last part sounded too good to be true, but Clint had vacation days saved up and he would use them on the sunshine coast in a heartbeat).

That grabbed enough of his attention to ask just how “easy” this mission was supposed to be. When Maria told him that they had to discreetly take down someone who had been smuggling biological weapons through Australia Zoo, he actually laughed.

“Is the crime world so desperate they’re willing to smear Steve Irwin’s legacy for their evil plan?” he had asked.

Maria just shrugged. “I don’t know. But apparently, they’re doing a sloppy job, because Queensland Police have had multiple tips from staff and tourists reporting suspicious behavior.”

“Then why not let Queensland Police handle it?”

“Because it’s one of ours.” Maria said handing him the file with the mission report.

Clint vaguely remembered the face in the blurry security camera picture. Some cadet who had defected early into training, too tempted by the easy money of some crime lord one of his friends had been running with. Maybe this would be easy, Clint had trained him for a short while, and the young man, Jacob if he remembered correctly, was shrimpy, never ranked high in any of his physical tests. But apparently he was a good enough businessman to have a weapons deal running down under.

He accepted the mission, and three days later, he and Natasha boarded a painstakingly long twenty hour flight. When they finally got to their hotel, Clint sang the praises to every deity he could name off the top of his head.

“You gonna lounge around all day or are we gonna get to work?” Natasha said coyly, tossing a t-shirt on his head.

Clint had been spread out across the bed for several minutes while Natasha was coming out the bathroom from a shower. “Ugh, five more minutes. That flight was the devil.”

“This heat is about to be the devil. I can’t believe we have to stake out a zoo during Australia’s summer.” Natasha said as she brushed out her hair.

“Hey, look on the bright side, we can go to the Crocoseum when we’re done.”

“Hm, that's true.” Natasha laughed. “But seriously, let's get this over with. There's no way that skinny asshole can be that big of a problem.”

But as it turned out, that skinny asshole ended up being a complete problem. Since the calls had been coming in about suspicious behavior, security at the zoo had been tightened. They had to go in without weapons, which they most likely wouldn't have needed, but going in without at least a pistol made Clint feel naked in his khaki shorts and t shirt. The only sort of gear they took in was a radiation monitor that Natasha had smuggled in in her purse.

The tight security also made it that much harder to scope their target out without alerting any of the staff. Sure they were just moderately trained cops and staff, but Clint would have much rather preferred to not have their cover blown (that and he really wanted to see the croc feeding at four).

They didn't stay the entire day, only about two hours. It was crowded and with the security, all they could really do is scout out staff entrances and exists, and keep an eye out for Jacob's face in the crowd.

The second day was a bit more promising. In the crowded cafe, Natasha was able to pick up a reading on the radiation found in the weapon they were looking for.

“West side of the zoo,” she signed to him. He had his hearing aids in, but it was easier to talk about the mission this way.

“Oh goody, looks like we're going to Africa.” Clint signed back as he looked at the map to see where exactly they would be heading.

Once in the African enclosures of the zoo, the crowd had thinned out a little and the security was a little less dense. Clint walked with his arm around Natasha's shoulder, leaning a little too hard into their newlywed cover. But how could he not? The jovial energy of the zoo, the perfect weather, Natasha looking like an angel in her green sundress, ponytail, and New York Giants baseball cap she had nicked from him a few weeks back. It was painfully blissful, and here he was trying to chase down a defunct cadet instead of being able to fully enjoy it.

“I got it.” Natasha signed, walking out from under Clint's arm.

He sighed as the moment ended, duty was always calling. He followed her as she walked along the perimeter of the enclosure, passing rhinos and giraffes as he went. When she stopped and looked up, her gaze went inward to the animals.

“What the,” she started, “that can't be right.”

“What is it?” Clint asked.

Natasha didn't say anything, there was a security guard walking past them. Instead she passed him the monitor. The signal was strong alright, the blip on the radar binging like crazy. Clint looked in the direction the monitor was saying the radiation was strongest; the herd of rhinos.

“Wh-what?” Clint said perplexed.

Natasha nudged him in the ribs with her elbow, the guard passing them had turned around. She laced her fingers in his and faked a laugh, as if she was laughing at Clint's reaction to a bad joke she had just told. The guard turned and walked off.

“Let's go.” Natasha signed.

Back at the hotel, Clint finally blurted out his theory as to what was going on, “He's smuggling the weapons through the animals. Like some drug trafficking type shit.”

Natasha shook her head. “No that'd be too easy to find out. I doubt a rhino would be able to hold down an atomic bomb in its stomach for long.”

Clint raised an eyebrow. “Are you hinting at what I think you are?”

“It's so stupid it's almost amazing, isn't it?” Natasha said.

“Just to be sure, we are both thinking that the animals are the weapons right?”

“Yeah that's totally it.” Natasha answered. He couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not.

That night, they donned their catsuits and gear and headed back to the zoo. Clint felt like he was going to hell for breaking into the zoo. Australia Zoo of all zoos to run a weapons ring, and in the animals themselves? It was already bad enough that it was animal abuse, but the things this would do to Steve Irwin's legacy if it got out? Clint made a note to kick Jacob's ass a little harder when they caught him.

First they took out the security cameras and set off a distraction in the food court. “Sonic arrow should do well enough for a couple minutes right?” Clint signed to Natasha.

They made their way back to the African enclosures but the monitor indicated that wherever the radiation had been coming from had moved.

“Shit, we're too late.” Natasha said.

“No, look over there.” Clint pointed to a small spot of light across the large field. The shape of the truck was almost impossible to make out in the darkness, but someone had left the light on inside.

“We gotta hurry. I really don't wanna disappoint any of the Peta freaks at work.” Natasha said.

They jumped the fence and sprinted across the field, Clint a little wary of the animals around them, but they took a wide path to avoid spooking the herd. But by the time they were halfway across the field, the truck driver had caught sight of them and started the engine.

“Shit. Clint,” Natasha hissed beside him.

“I'm on it!” He whipped an arrow out his quiver and took aim at the truck's tires, but the driver braked in front of them, narrowly avoiding running them over. A man stepped out the driver’s side, Jacob.

“Ha! I guess I finally popped up on Shield’s radar.” he said, sounding impressed, “Guess my little operation is going better than I thought.”

“Dude, you’re using rhinos for some fucked up weapons experiments.” Natasha, irritation dripping from her voice, “That’s not very honorable.”

“And at Steve Irwin’s zoo? The hell’s the matter with you?” Clint followed.

Jacob rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Some jackass in Africa wants souped up baby rhinos, I’m gonna give him souped up baby rhi-” Jacob’s sentence was cut off by one of Clint’s trick shots piercing his shoulder and electrocuting him.

“G-d these guys just can’t pass up a chance to monologue.” he huffed.

Natasha went to apprehend Jacob while Clint went to the bed of the truck and found a baby rhino sedated in the bed. “Hey there fella,” he whispered, rubbing his hand along its side. “We’re gonna get you home to your mom safe and sound.”

The rest of the night went smoothly. They alerted zoo security, and told them about Jacob’s plan. Natasha assured them that all the animals sold through Jacob would be returned as soon as possible, she and Clint both knew it wouldn’t take much to get the young man to crack and tell where he had shipped the poor animals off to. When all was said and done, there was technically five days left in their mission, and Maria had said that Clint could spend however long he wanted in Australia until his next mission. The next morning at the hotel, Clint woke Natasha up early with soft kisses on her cheek.

“Good morning to you too.” she smiled. “Happy to see me?”

“Yes, but there’s also a croc feeding at noon, and I really wanna meet Terri Irwin.” Clint whispered. 

Natasha rolled over and hit him in the head with her pillow. “G-d you only took this mission to come to Australia Zoo, didn’t you?” 

“What? No. I took this mission to honor the late, great Steve Irwin, and go to Australia Zoo.” 

Natasha laughed, and got out of bed. The rest of their stay was as sweet and simple as their newlywed cover had been, and for the time being, Clint couldn’t think of a better job in the world to have. 

[starlight-parkers]

The Report Card (Avengers x Reader) {Chatroom}

Author’s Note(s): I wrote this back in october and forgot about in entirely. I hope you enjoy x

Warning(s): just swearing tbh

Summary: Dogs are great but your dads Steve and Tony don’t agree.

you have created a chatroom

you have named the chat “dear fathers whom I love so very much :)”

you have added Tony

You: hello father who raised me from a yOung one whom to which I love very much :)

Tony: no

You: no???

You: I didn’t say anything ???

Tony: it’s paternal instinct

You: at least hear me out

Tony: nO

You: daAAaaAAD

Tony: (Y/nNnnnNn)

You: I’m gonna tell you anyways

Tony: I had a feeling you would

You: so I got my report card back

Tony: I can already see where this is going

You: and I got all As…

Tony: I was not prepared for this part of parenthood

You: so I was wondering…

Tony: gEt To iT CHILD

You: if I could get a puppy?

Tony: lmao NO

You: fudGe yOU

You: you’re the worst dad ever

Tony: I’m going to pretend that my pride isn’t wounded and say I love you too kiddo :,)

You: I bet Steve would get me a dog.

Steve has joined the chat

Steve: no he wouldn’t

You: pleaSe dad?

Steve: nope

You: how can anyone call you the man of dreams? Freedom? Liberation?

You: you’re both the worst

Steve: correction…Tony is the worst. Who makes you cap’s shield shaped sandwiches everyday?

You: you do…

Steve: damn right I do

Tony: hey I mean I totally don’t pay your phone bill… not at all… please do continue to insult me as if I’m not here.

You: you know what fudge you both, I’m asking peter.

Tony: oh god no not the kid

Tony: you know I can’t say no to him

You: exactly ;)

You have added Peter

Peter: Hey everyone!

You: hi Petey <3

Tony: hey underoos

Steve: hello

Peter: what can I do for you?

You: oh y'know

You: we just need you to settle a family disagreement

Peter: oh… okay, what seems to be the problem?

Steve: (Y/N) got all As in her report card

Peter: Aw well done baby! :)

Tony: I am resisting the urge to throw up (:

You: and I want a puppy as a reward but AnthonY and SteVeN wont let me get one.

Peter: well that’s a shame

Steve: it sure is…

You: shuT UP Steve

Steve: thE DISrESPECT

Tony: asjajaja

You: anyways I need you to convince them that I should get a puppy

Peter: uHhhh

Steve: I’d chose my words wisely kid.

Tony: or don’t say anything at all, y'know.

Peter: umm

You: if you don’t help me convince them I won’t let you do my homework for a month

Peter: I…shouldn’t…be doing… your homework… anyway?

You: shut up you know you enjoy it

Peter: I do :(

Tony: what…just…happened?

Steve: I don’t know but is this how dating works nowadays?

Clint has joined the chat

Tony: oh no

Clint has added Natasha, Bruce, Thor, T'challa, Bucky, Sam, Wanda, Scott and Vision.

Clint: we heard talk of a dog

Steve: well you heard wrong

Sam: how can anyone call you the man of dreams? Freedom? Liberation?

You: I SAID THAT

Thor: I FOR ONE AM IN FAVOUR OF SMALL AND FEROCIOUS BEAST RUNNING AROUND THE TOWER!! IT SHALL BE MOST ENJOYABLE :) :) :)

Natasha: Thor, caps lock sweetie.

Thor: *whispers* oh yes, I apologise widow of black :) :) :)

Peter: is bad that I actually heard him yelling from the other side of the tower or?

Peter: and are we just going to ignore the fact that he added in *whispers* ?

Clint: LeT hIm LiVe pETer

Bucky: yeah! Sit down you little asshole

Peter: I… am…confused.

Sam: oh somebody get him a juice box, little Peter is confused.

Peter: w h y  a re  y o u                       a t t a c k i n g  m e ?

Sam: oh shit someone’s having a tantrum.

Natasha: go sit in a corner sam, you’re being uneccesary.

Sam: stfu woman come back when you can spell unnecessary.

Bucky: #ROASTED

You: WE ARE GETTING OFF TOPIC

Wanda: what were we talking about again?

Tony has cleared the chat

Tony: I think were talking about getting pancakes for breakfast today

Steve: oh yes, Tony’s treat :)

Tony: of course it’s my treat I’m the only one with money.

Scott: I’m down for pancakes

Bucky: yeah I could go for some too

T'challa: if Tony’s paying

Thor: I TOO WOULD ENJOY THE CAKE OF THE PAN.

Natasha: as mentioned before, only if Tony’s paying.

Wanda: same

Steve: then its settled, pancakes at 10

Clint: WHAT ARE YOU TAPKING ABOUT

Clint: WE WERE TALKING ABOUT GETTING A DOG YOU FOOLS  

You: T H A N K  Y O U

Tony: fuck yOu clint

Steve: LANGUAGE TONY

Steve: there are children present

You: all in favour of getting a dog say aye

Scott: aye

Wanda: aye

Bucky: aye

Sam: aye

Peter: aye

Clint: AYE FUCKING AYE CAPTAIN

Bucky: too much Clint too much

Clint: sorry

Peter: well it’s decided,  I guess we’re getting a dog

Tony: Vision, T'Challa, Bruce and Natasha haven’t voted yet.

Steve: not to mention Pietro

Pietro has joined the chat

Pietro: I vote for the dog, they’re better than people and I hate everyone.

Pietro has left the chat

Wanda: sorry about that, he’s still salty because we invited Scott to the Civil War and not him.

Scott: how were we supposed to know? he’s meant to be dead

Clint: RIP that speedy guy 2k15, you shall not be missed

You:  I am physically sobBiNg

Bucky: she’s not kidding, I am three floors down and I can still hear her.

Scott : it sounds like she’s dying

Peter: then it’s nothing new.

Bruce: ARE WE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU HAD A CIVIL WAR?

Bruce: I THOUGHT WE WENT THROUGH THIS

Tony: no brucie, we’re talking about the possibility of (Y/N) having a demon spawn to call their own

Bruce: I hate all of you

T'Challa: I agree, you are all beneath me

Sam: sit yo ass down and drink some milk, cat man

Bucky: #LIGHTLYBURNT

Wanda: IM WHEEZING

Scott: you guys gotta stop roasting each other, (Y/N) is going to D I E of laughter.

Peter: let her  

Tony: what

Peter: f r e e  m e

Steve: moving on…

Thor: yes…please proceed.

Steve: Bruce? Natasha? Thoughts on the dog.

Natasha: I’m against it

You: WHY?? YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE THE AWESOME AUNT NOT THE ASSHOLE AUNT

Natasha: cats are cooler

Clint: Natasha we can no longer be friends

Natasha: fine by me

Bucky: #CHARED

Tony: science bro?

Bruce: I’m also in favour of a cat, they’re more peaceful and less…like you guys.

T'Challa: I agree

Bucky: leave cat man

T'Challa: call me that again and pietro won’t be the only avenger to have died

T'Challa has left the chat

You: well then…

Peter: I don’t know what to say

Thor: what about brother vision? He has yet to cast his vote.

Wanda: I’ll admit Vis has been very quiet.

Vision: I apologise profusely for my lack of presence.

You: HE JUST PHASED INTO THE COMMON ROOM AS HE TYPED THAT IM W H E E Z I N G

Tony: Steve is your child asthmatic

Steve: she’s  not my child, she’s yours

You: wow what a loving family I have

Thor: indeed, much like my own, at least you are not a murderous pathetic excuse for a villain :)

Wanda: is it me or does the smiley face make it worse ?

Natasha: it’s the smiley face.

Tony: anywho vis, vision, partial creation of mine

Tony: what do you think about getting a dog?

Vision: by my calculations getting a dog would perhaps increase the physical activity of (Y/N) as we have come to realise, She only moves to retrieve a food source before returning to her room. Having a dog would lead to (Y/N) leaving the compound more, in order to walk the animal.

You: I’m sorry I didn’t know asking for a dog would include roasting me

Bucky: #BARBECUED

Peter: what’s with all these hashtags ?

Bucky: I’m running out of synonyms for roasted

Vision: Additionally, having a dog would decrease the stress levels of the team and perhaps everyone’s mutual hatred towards Mr Stark.

Tony: you all hate me?

Steve: its less of hatred and more like a preference for avoiding you :) nothing to worry about.

Tony: oh okay then :)

Clint: how did that go over his head?

Bruce: I have no idea

Vision: to conclude getting a puppy would be most beneficial.

You: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY

You: HAHAHA SUCK IT STEVEN IM GETTING A DOG

Bruce: (Y/N) is definitely Stark’s child.

Thor: aye

Natasha: no doubt about it

Loki has joined the chat

Clint: ew who invited him

Wanda: why so salty Clint?

Clint: he tried to take over my mind with some voodoo shit

Sam: VOODOO SHIT IM SCREAMING

Peter: he actually is

Peter: it’s very loud

Loki: you foolish midguardians. I always said that you would be responsible for your own demise.

Scott: what are you on about reindeer games?

Loki: I’m sorry who are you?

Bucky: #OVERCOOKED

Bruce: these hashtags are getting out of hand.

Peter: remind me to teach him how to use them properly.

Thor: brother! :D

Loki: NOT NOW YOU BLONDE HEADED FOOL

Thor:  D:

Wanda: yikes

Loki: I HAVE COME TO WARN YOU.

You: warn us of your presence? Because none of us actually like you.

Thor: I do

Thor: just a bit

Loki: purchasing the vile beast known as man’s best friend will only result in the destruction of the Avengers. We all know (Y/N) would betray us. She would raise this animal, to become a beast. Multiply it and use it to destroy us from the inside.

Steve: is Loki… afraid…of dogs

You: oh my god

Loki: NO YOU IMBECILE I AM HERE TO SAVE YOU

Natasha: Loki? Saving us ?

Vision: in all my years on earth I have never heard such an entertaining tale

Peter: sit the fuck down bish you’re like 2 years old

Bruce: peter omg

Sam: THERE ARE  T E A R S FLOWING FROM MY EYES

Thor: please send help it sounds like he’s choking

Bucky:  l e t  h i m

Steve: what is it with everyone and wanting to kill each other?

You: don’t act like you haven’t wanted to kill any of us, you golden child

Steve: …

Steve: proceed.

Bucky: #

Scott: don’t even start I beg

Bucky: D:

Loki: you mortals will all perish

Tony: so I think we’ve established that Loki is afraid of dogs, and since none of us like him I propose we get one.

Steve: agreed

Loki: NO YOU DENSE HEADED INFERIORS

Tony: all in favour of a dog say aye

Steve: aye

You: aye

Thor: aye

Peter: aye

Scott: aye

Wanda: aye

Vision: aye

Natasha: aye

Bucky: aye

Bruce: aye

Sam: aye

Clint: AYE MOTHER FUCKING AYE BITCHES

Bucky: Clint pls

Natasha: you are an embarrassment to this team, no wonder pietro is always running away from you.

Natasha has left the chat

Clint: damn

Bucky: #SCORCHED

Peter: well now that this has come to end, Let’s go Bucky, I gotta teach you the ways of the hashtag

Sam: oh I have got to see this

Scott: I’m definitely filming this

Bucky has left the chat

Peter has left the chat

Sam has left the chat

Scott has left the chat

Loki: you will all die

Loki has left the chat

Thor: it appears that Loki is having a tantrum

Thor: I must tend to my brother, his feelings have been hurt.

Tony: lolol I don’t care

Steve: same tbh

You: SE E YOU ARE NOT SUCH A PURE GOOD WILLING PERSON AFTER ALL

You: SUCK IT STEVEN

Tony: why do you have such a disrespectful child Steve?

Steve: biologically she’s your creation, you do the math

Clint: LMAOOO

Bruce: brb I’m totally not sobbing with laughter

Thor: I must depart from you friends (: goodbye

You: bye (:

Thor: (:

You: (:

Thor: (:

You: (:

Thor: (:

You: (:

Thor: (:

Clint: ISTG JUST LEAVE

Thor: be careful who you yell at brother Clinton. I am always watching.

Thor has left the chat

Bruce: well then

Tony: moving swiftly on

Clint: AHAHAA

You: im finally getting a dog WHOO

Clint: WHOOO

You: WHOOO

Steve: why are you both simultaneously yelling ‘whoo’ whilst typing it at the same time?

You: it’s for effect

Bruce: looool

Tony: anyways since you’re getting this dog, they least you could do is name it after your favourite dad

Steve: I agree, this debate has gone on for too long

Steve: which one of us do you like best?

You: sure why not

Bruce: this is going to get interesting

Clint: I’m ready to take screenshots

You: I’m naming my dog peter

Steve: why?

You: because he’s my favourite daddy

You: duh

(Y/N) has left the chat

Tony: what

Steve: pardon

Bruce: AJAJAJA IM SCREAMING AND WHEEZING AT THE SAME TIME I CANT

Clint: OH MY GOD BYE

Bruce has been disconnected

Clint: I’m totally… going to… see if he’s okay… and not laugh about this

Clint has left the chat

Steve: I can’t believe this

Tony: …

Steve: you have your suit right?

Tony: already putting it on

Steve: the shield?

Tony: it’s right where you left it

Steve: it’s time to go squash a spider

Steve has left the chat

Tony has left the chat

[real-goblin-kris]

LIVE REACTIONS TO ENDGAME FOR THE FIRST TIME

Oh fuck man... my boy Hawkeye...

Nice song for the title card tbh.

Tony and Nebula??? PURE. I love this.

Man Tony... oh fuck... my boy...

I’ll dream about you... ohhhh fuck my heart...

It’s really pretty seeing Tony among the stars but like holy shit...

Poor Tony just wanted a nap and what’s he get? Explosions and shit.

OH FUCK THATS NOT AN EXPLOSION ITS BRIE LARSON

Baby face Cap. I like it.

Would die for Captain Marvel now.

THEYRE MAKING UP?! AND PEPPER?? ROCKET AND NEBULA?!!

Shuri... Parker... Eric...

I thought you were a build a Bear.

Oh they’re not making up it’s a fight again goddamn this is too much...

Rhodey is the real hero.

Tony... oh hell.

Where you going? To kill Thanos. Uhhh duh?

That’s cute Thanos has a retirement plan

Thor be like mmmm fuck this

Before, you didn’t have me. Carol what the fuck bruh

I like this one. Oh Thor...

LANGUAGE CAPTAIN

Thor is not practicing seatbelt safety.

Who here has NOT been to space?

Cheap... why bring up fucking Peggy now she’s already dead

Armor scarecrow. Big farmer man.

Seeing Thanos in a T-shirt is... jarring and uncomfortable.

Hey asshole, take 2!

Lmao the stones are gone

Just fucking kill the asshole please

I used the stones to destroy the stones. Wow.

I am inevitable. Bitch that’s... uhhh...

YAY DECAPITATE THE FUCKER

I went for the head. Yes baebey I’m proud of you.

What a wasteland... wow.

Support Group Steve Rogers, that’s poetic.

LOVE OF YOUR LIFE MY ASS ROGERS

Oh hi Scott

Howdy bro why all my shit gone

Fuck my shit where’s my WIFE

AWWWW FUCK IM CRYING HIS DAUGHTER YOURE SO BIG

We handle it by NOT handling it.

PB&J and some serious drama.

My babey... mom Rogers is my dude...

Nat is... my depressed self...

She... called them family... oh wow I feel Nat so much right now...

Quantum physics for conversation! Cute.

Is that anybody’s sandwich? I’m starving.

Yeah... like a time machine.

I get emails from a raccoon. Trash panda!

I would DIE FOR MORGAN STARK. RIGHT NOW.

Back to the Future references!

I adore Morgan. I literally adore her.

I’m SO CONFUSED...

I love Hulk??

DAB!!!! HULK DABS!!!!!!!

Oh... Tony and Peter...

Did... Tony Stark invent time travel?

Morgan says shit????????

I got some important shit goin on!

That’s EXTORTION.

I love you 3000... that’s the cutest goddamn thing...

Oh the put a pin in it...

Lol hulk is the BOY.

You’re right. I do, Captain America.

It’s a baby. Scott! As a BABY!

Somebody peed my pants and I don’t know if it was baby me or old me... or... me me...

Oh tony drives an Audi

Sup bitch it’s ya boy tony

Thor.exe has stopped responding.

Oh wow Thor...

I worry for Fat Thor

There’s beer on the ship. What kind?

Why the fuck is GENJI IN THIS MOVIE

Whom the fuck

What the fuck

BARTON?!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t give me hope. Wow fuck I felt that.

Oh Thor...

Oh my god. Wow.

So back to the future’s a bunch of BULLSHIT?

Oh wow...

Thor, what do you know? Is he asleep?

No, I’d like a Bloody Mary.

You wanna go to space? You wanna go to space puppy?

Not it (on Vormir)

Pleeeeeeease tell me Thor gets to see Jane again...

I think it’s gratuitous but whatever...

The Ancient One is a Pain in the Ass

LOKIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh no... I heard Jane... I’ll cry...

FRIGGA...

My poor baby has PTSD over this.

CAN I PLEASE HUG THOR?????

It’s a long way from Budapest.

Sister drama? Jeez.

What the fuck is that bigass sword Thanos?

Abusive shitbag thanos.

Lookin at AMERICA’S ASS!

Flick me.

Take the stairs. HATE THE STAIRS.

HAIL HYDRA?!!!! BIIIIIIIITCH

RRRRRGH SO MANY STAIRS

Is that... Axe body spray??? Oh fuck Tony...

OH HELL LOKI

lmaooooo cap thinks he’s Loki

Yeah I KNOW... I know...

THAT IS AMERICA’S ASS!

Oof this is crazy shit my head hurts bc of this time travel drama

The Ancient One stresses me out.

Squidward is back.

FRIGGA... oh... I’m gonna cry... mommy...

The feels of old Asgard ok... what a mom moment...

THOOOOOOOR! I GOT IT!!!!!!

IM STILL WORTHY IM SO SAD NOW GOODBYE MOM SWEET FUCKING JESUS HOLD ME

oh I love the opening scene for guardians

oh... shit... Nat...

oh my fuck I don’t have words.

I always knew Bruce loved Nat but man this is hard

This is a MESS WHAT THE FUCK

THANOS BOMBED THE COMPOUND WHAT

I love Barton so much right now who’s the baddest bitch?? CLEARLY CLINT

I’m gonna fuckin wait here like the dickwad I am duh

That’s my man. You lose this again, I’m keeping it. Ohoho I missed avengers banter.

Ew, it’s a dick with a big sword.

Aww, look! Fat Thor got a lil braid in his beard.

Eat a fresh, hot asshole Thanos. You’re obviously fucking stupid.

SHRED THE UNIVERSE AND REMAKE IT??? Someone fucking sounds like he read too much Pokemon Diamond and Pearl manga, you sound like Cyrus you little bitch

Clint “Bad Bitch” Barton yeets out of trouble

Thor plays tennis with Mjolnir.

STEVE WITH THE HAMMER FUCK YEAHHHHHHH

DID THANOS GO FOR THE DICK?!

PETER!!!!! THE HUG!!!!!

Oh shit GAMORA

Peter Parker is VALID AND IMPORTANT AND SO PURE

Yeahhhh CAROLLLLLLLL

Thanos looks so sad Alexa play All Star

SHES GOT HELP HELL YES MY WOMEN ARE BAD BITCHES

Scarlet Witch is everything. EVERYTHING. I would DIE FOR WANDA MAXIMOFF.

Headbutts Carol “bitch do I LOOK AMUSED”

TONy

I AM IRON MAN

Oh FUCK

MY HEART

Get fucking WRECKED BALLSACK FACE

This reminds me of when Voldemort went cornflakes

I’m crying so fucking much oh god

BABY STARK

Was that Harley I can’t see there’s too many tears

MORGAN AND HAPPY

I thought I was gonna hate Falcon Cap but I really can’t when it’s like this

I still want Stucky and will ship it forever but I can’t really hate this ending scene.

Final Thoughts: Endgame has officially ruined my life and I’m okay with it. My face hurts from crying. I need a hug. And to go see FFH again.

[panicatthekogane]

Things Keith’s parents definitely did while they were expecting him

~took turns throwing darts at a map to figure out where to have the birth so the baby isn’t documented and doesn’t get a birth certificate

~made a nursery with black walls, no windows, lots of lava lamps and neon signs, and a crib made out of cow bones

~made baby clothes out of leather and old paper bags

“Why dresses?”

“it could be a girl”

“yeah but what if it’s a boy??”

“babies don’t understand or give a shit about the concept of gender norms”

~*cuddling on the couch*

“I hope it has your eyes 💜 :)”

“I hope it has yours! 💛”

“I hope it gets your skin color”

“I hope it gets your ears”

~mom, holding her blade to dad’s neck: “ur damn fuccin rite it’s gonna get my ears”

~Mom got insatiable cravings for weird shit, at unpredictable moments:

Tuna chunks in cool whip at 3am on a sunday

Glowstick liquid and gunpowder during Netflix and Chill

Sheep eyes, Hawaiian pizza, and Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup at a rodeo

“sweetie, I’m not ordering rum and coke, it’ll give the baby defects”

“if you don’t order the goddamn alcohol I’ll give you defects”

~bought “baby toys” (wrenches, rubber mallets, 2x4s, miscellaneous doorknobs and lightswitches) from Home Depot

~used one of those pregnancy speakers to play Five Finger Death Punch and Cotton Eyed Joe Gregorian Chant Nightcore Hard-core Dubstep Remix

~argued over whether the baby should have a flock of seagulls haircut, a beehive, scene hair, mullet or bowl cut

~“Kolivan, what do you think the gestation period is for a guman/halra hybrid???”

“fuck if I know lmao good luck figuring it out tho, Thace is sending a fruit basket”

~on more than one occasion mom thought the baby’s kicks were contractions

~Dad broke out his six generation heirloom 1001 Dad Jokes and practiced on the dogs until they bit his ankles

~He also started eating his own weight in hostess cakes and wearing a fanny pack:

“this is the ideal dad bod. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like”

~their list of names included Akira, Gerald, Steven, Brick, Joan of Arc, Dagger, Gunner, WWII, Mustard Gas, and Clint Eastwood

~“Sweetheart, I just really want its name to rhyme with Teeth”

“?¿?”

“ think about it… Teeth are… they’re sharp… and sexy…”

~had a baby shower except it was a group of confused women having a cheeky, literal showering session at the local gym

~Mom, waking up in a cold sweat: what if it looks like Lotor?

~Mom, three seconds later: “babe? Wake up, it’s important. I think the baby should have your ugly ears”

[ifdragonscouldtalk]

What happens when reioka and I talk

reioka: For real?! Tony's tiny, not person sized?! ifdragonscouldtalk: No XD hes person sized in the fic But it would make it funny Imagine bruce trying to find a needle small enough to get a blood sample reioka: I mean... ask a bird vet probably ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony hanging off Steve's pinky finger by his tail reioka: The idea is very adorable, if impracticle ifdragonscouldtalk: Bucky has a cat. The cat likes little tony. Tony does NOT LIKE the cat reioka: Awww. Wait like like "dinner" or like like "person!" ifdragonscouldtalk: We dont know. Tony screams when Cat gets within 3 feet. Steve keeps Cat out of the room now. reioka: Aw poor kitty lol Poor Tony "It's big! It's get sharps everywhere! EVERYTHING IS SHARP!" ifdragonscouldtalk: Bruce puts a filter in the tank. Tony doesnt like the filter. It swirls the water around and blows him away. Tony launches a war with the filter. Bruce is Not Happy. reioka: Smol Tony building tools with the rocks at the bottom of the tank, sacrificing one of his pieces of seaweed to tie them all together to fling into the filter and cause it to jam ifdragonscouldtalk: Hes smug af cuz he clearly Won until he sees Bruce's face o h s h i t reioka: Lmao does he even understand WHY he needs a filter Does he want to swim in his own excrement ifdragonscouldtalk: He lived in the ocean before reioka All he knows is before the waters were still and now they are Not He probably doesnt notice XD reioka: Lmao the waters were never still you water horse you were just too far down to notice

ifdragonscouldtalk: But ok tony getting so excited he flails around in the water and winds up tangled in seaweed He does Not Appreciate pepper taking a picture reioka: "Pepper I am suffering. This is abuse. I'm going to die here." "You are not going to die you dumb seahorse I won't let you." "*choking sound*" "...Are you crying--" Tony ducks further into the seaweed and mumbles no ifdragonscouldtalk: Bucky and steve storming in from opposite doors shouting whO MADE HIM CRY WHY "I'm not crying!" reioka: Lmao just the idea of them trying to threaten Pepper tho Like... what a death wish ifdragonscouldtalk: Im sobbing imagine some intern giving tony little barbie tools and shit and he gets so frustrated because "I know these are fake! They're plastic!" reioka: He lets go and they float to the top of the tank and he is at the bottom just glaring up at them like... "You've all betrayed me. I know they're plastic and I hate you." ifdragonscouldtalk: Im a g ine someone buying Real Seahorses and putting them in the tank and tony is so territorial and ends up actually just wrestling a bunch of them reioka: I just snorted water out my nose omg "MY tank. MINE. GET OUT." ifdragonscouldtalk: And the actual seahorses are just so curious about this Strange Seahorse They think hes just trying to bump bellies until he grabs ones snout and then theyre Angery reioka: OH NO What does an angry seahorse do [ifdragonscouldtalk sends a screenshot of seahorses fighting with their tails] ifdragonscouldtalk: Seahorses punch Tony with their tails. Tony wails. Theyre meanies. reioka: Wtf Tony you've got actual fists HIT 'EM BACK ALSO A TAIL What a whiny baby I love him ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony eventually emerges victorious They find them the next morning with the others cowering in the corner and the water very slightly pink Bruce is Not Happy reioka: Just name the entire series Bruce is Not Happy because that will probably always be his reaction to everything. ifdragonscouldtalk: Series starts Bucky -- hey yo stevie look at this weird fuckin fish i found Steve -- screams reioka: *snort* Everyone debates on whether or not he's technically a fish and he's just sitting there like "I'm a seahorse" but are you a FISH? "A seahorse." ifdragonscouldtalk: "What is your species" "Awesome" reioka: "What do you call yourselves?" "Our names? I'm Tony, in case you've forgotten." "No, I mean, as a group?" "A family? *gasp* Do you guys not have families, is that why you don't know?" An intern is crying in the background from the effort it takes not to laugh because Tony looks honestly distraught that they've never heard of a family. ifdragonscouldtalk: Oh my g od Good reioka: Finally "Tony. Tony. Are you a fish?" "I'm a seahorse." "Seahorses are fish." "Then I gotta be a fish." Bruce screams in frustration in the background. They've been at this for hours. God damn it. ifdragonscouldtalk: Shoulda just googled it Tony compliments Bruce's singing because he's a gentleman But secretly wtf sort of singing is that reioka: LMAO if the real seahorses are still in the tank, just whispering to them "Did you hear that? Do they draw mates with that? Horrifying." ifdragonscouldtalk: The seahorses just look at him Bruce screams again reioka: Bonus if Betty is there for some reason and comes to see what happened and Tony gasps. "It worked!" ifdragonscouldtalk: Im crYING Whenever pep walks in the room now tony screams reioka: Bonus points: Pepper knows why and one time she screams back and Tony ducks back under the water, covering his blushing face. God I wish I could draw Just seahorse Tony covering his face and Pepper laughing good-naturedly in the background ifdragonscouldtalk: Bucky and Steve spend the whole day trying to figure out why tony keeps blushing and why hes making a "mating hut" reioka: HAHAHA I wonder if Pepper feels bad for "leading him on" because come on, they don't--even have compatible parts, not even talking about the size difference ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony scoffs and says he knows and he was only joking and then literally just turns around and starts crying. Shes still standing there. TONY. reioka: TONY THE ENTIRE TANK IS SEE-THROUGH Aw now I feel really bad for him haha ifdragonscouldtalk: He'll be fiiiiiiine, natasha challenges pep to a fight on his behalf The fight pretty much entails nat biting and kicking peps hand with her tail, but w/e tony loves it reioka: "I will protect Tony's honor," Natasha tells everyone and then BITE BITE BITE Pepper pretends it hurts more than it does tbh Natasha beating the shit out of Pepper's hand Pepper wrapping it in bandages longer than strictly necessary because every time Natasha sees it she puffs up proudly and Tony looks pleased ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony still kisses all the band aids tho Cuz hes a whiny sweetheart reioka: Aw Natasha grudgingly tells Pepper she was a worthy opponent and Pepper glows for hours. ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony starts screaming at steve ans bucky instead reioka: One time when the humans go out for drinks Pepper gets sloppy drunk and cries and the others are like "What's wrong" and she's just like "God I just love these stupid fish so much" YEEE Are they smart enough to scream back or do they just get nervous because they think they've done something wrong ifdragonscouldtalk: Oh my God pep I bet bucky screams back just for the heck of it and steve shrieks cuz hes startled but tones takes it for a scream. Tony glows "I got /two/ human mates nat" She screams at hill just because she likes a challenge and human women are Cute reioka: Natasha is daunted but if they hurt Tony she's gonna fight 'em anyway lol Lmao does Hill scream back OH Hill doesn't scream back but Natasha's just like "aw yisssss motha fuckin challenge" Tony supports Natasha's endeavors even when he thinks she's out of her mind ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony is a Good Bro Tonys new mating house tho Its glorious Nat helps him with it Bruces like "what are you doing" and tonys like "showing off for my mates" "Who?" "Bucky and Steve. They didn't say?" Bruce is Not Happy reioka: It's a good thing Bruce doesn't have Hulk powers because I assume literally everything we've said so far would make him turn into the jolly green giant. ifdragonscouldtalk: "You guys cant fuck the seahorse. It is physically impossible to fuck the seahorse." Steve actually chokes ifdragonscouldtalk: Real question: is clint a seahorse or a human Because i can see him accidentally almost killing Tony and Nat on a weekly basis and them loving it but i can also see him convincing Tony to do stupid shit with him like rock their tank off the table Bruce comes in and screams so loudly and tony looks at clint and goes "wow he really loves you" reioka: On one hand: "You wanna try coffee?" *pours coffee directly into tank. Everyone hates him. Tony and Natasha have not stopped vibrating for hours. They could have died. "MORE COFFEE! MORE COFFEE!" they chant, banging on the glass. Everyone HATES him. On the other hand: "That box they brought in looks interesting do you think you can throw me at it." Tony puts his engineering cap on and Bruce walks in just in time to watch Clint fly out of the tank, screaming, and lands on a pizza box with a splat. ifdragonscouldtalk: Im vibrating desperately as i try not to laugh Clint: puts an entire bar of chocolate in the tank, its gone in two hours, Tony and Nat are simultaneously in immense pain and doing theur best to tear the tank apart Or Clint: challenges natasha to a fight and sends everyone running when he screams because "SHE WAS GONNA RIP MY TAIL OFF" reioka: Lmao beautiful "She wouldn't have ripped your tail off," Tony tells him soothingly as Natasha gives Tony her best wtf face and mouths "yeah I would." ifdragonscouldtalk: Either way bruce screams and tony thinks theyre mates. reioka: Tony, whispering: Bruce must really like you, he screams an awful lot. Clint, thoughtful: ...We could make it work. Natasha: I dunno he screams at a lot of people? Maybe he's not monogamous. Bruce: *notices all three of them staring intensely and is somewhat uncomfortable* ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony: maybe he's what the humans call a player! Clint and Nat: *gasp* Bruce: why tf are they glaring at me what are they planning now ifdragonscouldtalk: Imagine someone trying to explain to them that screaming =/= mating reioka: Tony: It worked for me??? In both cases??? Pepper's just not ready for children but I am and I understand that. Pepper: *spews coffee* Tony: But Bucky and Steve like me! :D Natasha: *smug* Maria likes me. *everyone turns to look at Hill* Hill: ...I have paperwork to do. ifdragonscouldtalk: Bucky and Steve nearly have a heart attack when bruce askes when they were planning to tell him about the children reioka: Steve: Tony, we... can't have children. Tony: D: you... you don't want children with me? Bucky: That's not it! We, uh... we're physically incapable of. Conceiving. With you. Tony: ...WELL. You can't help that you're barren. Steve and Bucky: *bug-eyed* Tony: Maybe I could talk to Natasha. The fry wouldn't be your biologically but it's the love that matters. Bruce finds Steve and Bucky crying later and he doesn't want to ask but he does anyway. "It's the love that matters," Steve sobs, and Bucky adds, "That's so beautiful, holy shit." ifdragonscouldtalk: Oh my g od If they did have children only one ends up having a normal name because bucky and steve are never quick enough to imprint on the fry reioka: Lmao LOL THE PREGNANCY Steve: So how many kids are we lookin' at, Bruce? Bruce: At least two dozen. Bucky: *faints* Bruce: Probably more. Steve: ...Can I afford that many children Bruce: GET OUT OF MY LAB. ifdragonscouldtalk: OH MY VGOD Pepper buys another bigger tank Clint and Nat start hissing at anyone who tries to touch tones except his mates reioka: Aw, little tiny ultrasound on Tony's belly! Bruce endures Clint and Natasha's biting with aplomb. ifdragonscouldtalk: Steve and Bucky both pass out minutes into the labor and continue to pass out every time they wake up till its over By the time they wake up the last time theyre already named - dummy, you, cutie, friday, toast, stan Nat names one Hill and Hill is her Best Niece reioka: Lmao "Why Toast" "Why not Toast? Do you not like it? Well it's too late her name is Toast." ifdragonscouldtalk: Steve and Bucky are crying. The seahorses think it's joy. Pep and Bruce are just patting their shoulders. Pepper thinks they shouldve seen it coming Clint names one Hawk just to piss ppl off reioka: Lmao Tony introducing all the fry to Steve and Bucky, "Children, these are your fathers. Steve, Bucky, this is" long list of names. They're never going to remember them all, they're terrible parents. Eventually Tony orders his children to tell them who they're speaking to because when they misbehave he wants to yell at the right one. "That's fair," the fry agree, and then start doing it for everyone except Pepper and Hill. reioka: Pepper: Isn't it... kinda cruel? Natasha: I heard a seahorse gave birth to fifty kids once. Some of them drift away because they're idiots that won't listen. One time my mom called me every name but mine. ifdragonscouldtalk: Imagine how much Trouble clint gets them into reioka: Clint: Do you think with all these seahorses we could tip the tank Tony: Do not tip the tank. Clint: I bet we could. Natasha: Do NOT Fry: *cheerfully* TIP THE TANK! TIP THE TANK! Tony: STEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEE CATCH THE TAAAAAAAAAAANK ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony and Natasha actually screeching Bucky and Steve catch the tank but tony is sobbing and panicking because his cHILDREN ARE GOING TO DIE LIKE IDIOTS reioka: Steve: *angry* DON'T DO THAT TO YOUR MOTHER. Bucky: Steve, you shouldn't yell at the kids. CLINT YOU LITTLE SHIT. Tony: *sobbing, gathering the fry to him frantically* Fry: *feel terrible* ifdragonscouldtalk: Imagine them all going to the beach and all of them are hanging off Buckys hair and Steve is makin sure none of them drift away Tony is actually screeching in joy because a c t u a l s a n d Toast would prefer to be near Steve so she hangs on to his drawstring of his swimsuit Nat teaches Hill how to train and ride hermit crabs reioka: Tony: *cries* Look at my beautiful family. Bucky: Aw, doll. :) You don't have to-- Tony: MY FAMILY KICKS EVERY OTHER FAMILY'S ASS. Bucky: ...Doll. Steve: *laughs, chokes on sea water* ifdragonscouldtalk: Clint.... Challenges a blue crab,, to a fight Bruce has to save him reioka: Okay so hear me out -- Bruce and Betty are together but Clint just kind of gets inserted into their relationship because "I'm pretty sure he's lowkey trying to die" Bruce says and then Betty has a baby and Clint was like "Holy shit this thing is huge. I love her. She's mine now." Betty's amused. Bruce just sighs. ifdragonscouldtalk: G O O D Clint trying to get the baby to challege a crab to a fight reioka: Baby sitting on it and crushing it with her diaper. Clint: ...That works. Bruce: Stop trying to get our child to fight everything bigger than you, Clint! Clint: *starts crying* Bruce: Oh God what did I do Betty: *snorting, trying to get the crab to let go of the baby's diaper* You called her 'our' baby and he's included in the 'our' and he's happy you idiot. Bruce: Oh ifdragonscouldtalk: Natasha rides past on a hermit crab and clint starts blabbering to her and shes just like yeah? Can YOUR kid race hermit crabs Clint looks at Bruce and Betty. Bruce: No, our kid cannot- Betty: if you can find one big enough Bruce: BeTTY reioka: Betty: Oh my God Bruce he's never going to find a crab big enough. Bruce: I don't believe that. I believe he could find one. He regularly gets himself thrown out of the tank to steal my pizza. Betty: He's so tiny how much could he eat? Bruce: *stony silence* Betty: D: ifdragonscouldtalk: Ok but Bucky with seahorses just hanging onto his hair. Theyre everywhere. He looks like a seahorse tree. reioka: Pepper takes lots of pictures. Bucky loves them. He'd thought about cutting his hair at one point but now that he has become the seahorse tree he vows to only have it trimmed. ifdragonscouldtalk: A horseshoe crab scares one of the kids and Tony's just like im gONNA FITE IT and Steve is like nO reioka: Tony manages to knock it upside down but it's so distressed by it that he gets Steve to turn it back over and it scuttles away in the opposite direction ifdragonscouldtalk: Ok but also Clint and Tony and Natasha forcing pep to help them set up a 'human date' for Nat and Hill because yes reioka: Clint and Tony vibrating when they see Hill coming back with Natasha, ready to interrogate her on whether the date went well, but then Hill leans down and presses a kiss to Natasha's cheek (Well, her entire side of her head, but they intention is still there) and they squeal and then slap at each other to shut up because NATASHA IS BLUSHING OH MY KRILL ifdragonscouldtalk: G O O D Natasha is smug like "She's definitely my mate. She just hasn't done the ritual yet." Hill going to Coulson like "a fish is courting me" reioka: Coulson: Stranger things have happened. Hill: Not to ME ifdragonscouldtalk: Wwheezesx justin hammer,,, stealing them reioka: NOOOOO Can you imagine Tony, Natasha, and Clint trying to protect all the fry Trying so hard, but they all get taken anyway, and they know they couldn't really do anything against a human but they feel like they SHOULD HAVE ifdragonscouldtalk: Can you imagine,, tony breaking down,,, and justin trying to get them to breed. Cuz m e r m a i ds. And tony just telling him that if he touched the kids his mates would kill him reioka: Justin would probably curse himself for missing two seahorses But NAY TWO SUPER SOLDIERS ifdragonscouldtalk: ScReech can u imagine justin putting a little glowy tracking device in tonys chest reioka: Honestly I'm just imagining them all being so scared that their tails clutch at each other until they're just a big ball of trembling, teary seahorses WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT I love it ifdragonscouldtalk: When they finally do come it's actually Maria who gets there first and she scoops up hill and nat and holds them desperately Just nuzzling them Bruce finds clint actually sobbing Steve and bucky beat justin mostly dead reioka: GOOD He deserves it ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony clings to steves fingers and cries while bucky gets the kids reioka: Steve presses desperate kisses all over Tony's body but his lips glance over whether the tracker is and Tony wails in pain and Steve is horrified because oh God what did Hammer DO Bruce physically stops Steve from walking over and crushing Hammer's skull under his boot because he needs to know everything Hammer did

[captnbarnesrogers]

Children Don’t Do The Things I Do

Pairing: Bucky x younger Reader

Warnings: SMUT GOOD LORD, lil bit of sir!kink, spanking, hair pulling, swearing, orgasm denial, reader dresses like a little girl (idk what that’s called lmao)

Summary: Reader is much younger than Bucky. The youngest Avenger at that. They come home from grocery shooping just to overhear Bucky, Tony, Clint, and Steve talking about her and her childishness.

Word Count: 1,994

 A/N: Reader is 18+ and i literally know nothing about anything hahahah

You returned home with bags of food, shapeshifting back to yourself and then placing the bags near the kitchen. You were making your way to greet your boyfriend and everyone in the lounge room but caught them in mid conversation so decided to leave their conversation uninterrupted. Until you heard your name.

 "So, Y/N?" it was Steve speaking, you heard Bucky laugh,

"What about her?" 

"How's everything going? That's all I wanted to ask." 

"It's great, she's great," you smiled, you felt like he was showing you off even though you weren't there,

"But?" Tony asks, 

"But what?" 

"There's a but in there, I can feel it," no there's not Tony, don't be a dick, you thought,  "There's no but," tell em, baby, you thought, smirking to yourself,

"There is," Clint laughs, 

"Fine! Okay! You got me..." fuck!

 You were the youngest Avenger, it was an accident really, unexpected. No one, except your best friend and your family knew about your powers, they, including yourself, were afraid of you being used or killed. You were a shapeshifter who fought with skills like the Black Widow and always carried your Katana, shielding it under your clothes, ready to fight when needed. 

 There was trouble in the city, it was being invaded and so far, you'd killed about 5 of the creatures that were entering the city. As you swung your Katana right in the middle of the spiked creature, it fell down in defeat. You touched its head and your skin changed immediately into a black, spiked shell. 

 'God, I'm so ugly right now' you thought.

 You made your way through the city, slashing the heads off the creatures. Just as you slash the head off of another, you feel yourself being hit with something hard and cold. 

 "FUCK!" you groaned, falling forward, being hit again. You turn yourself so you're on your back. 

"WAIT, WAIT! PLEASE!" You swing your Katana to stop the shield, your voice struggles. 'Holy. Fuck. Captain America.' 

 "Why?" 

"I speak English, goddamn it! I'm not one of them! I'm a shapeshifter!" You show your face to him, proving what you were trying to say, 

"What the hell are you doing out here!?" 

"Helping!" 

"Don't! We've got this."

"Du'nt look like it, pal," you smile sarcastically, he huffs in defeat, 

"Don't get yourself killed." 

"I never do, Cap."

 Soon after, you'd met The Avengers and the others who helped out and fought alongside them. Bucky had caught your eye. Bucky was quiet, with a dry sense of humour at first but softened up to you just after a few short weeks. You spent time with him, almost inseparable. You felt him become protective over you, it didn't matter how or where he protected you, his main goal was to protect you. Whether it'd be out on the field or when the others were to flirt with you, he was there for you. 

 "So, what's the but?" you heard Bucky sigh hesitantly, "C'mon man, she's not here, 's not like we're gonna tell her! Men to men, what's up?" 

 "I guess... I just- She's young-"

"Yeah she is!" Tony teases, 

"Shut up!" Bucky laughs, "Anyway, she's young and I- I get it... But... I don't know, sometimes she can get a bit childish..."

 Your eyes widen and you felt as if steams of anger were blowing out of your ears and throughout your body. 'Childish? Are you fucking serious?' 

You were quickly able shapeshift into Natasha to get across to your shared bedroom with Bucky. 

 "Hey, Nat, how was the fight?" asked Clint, 

"It was great, babe," you smiled, leaning down to kiss Clint on the cheek, staring at Bucky, obviously making him uncomfortable, "I'll see you later." 

 You went into the bathroom, shapeshifted back to yourself and carefully and quietly made your way to the bedroom. 'Childish huh? I'll show you a child.'

 ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

'That was weird.' he thought, soon after his quick zone out, Natasha walks into the room, 'What- oh fuck!' 

He'd realise quickly what had happened, obviously forgetting what his girlfriend could do. 

 "Nat, how was the- Hey, didn't we just have thi-," realising what was happening, Clint looks at Bucky, "Shit, Buck, you better go fix that before her katana winds up in your ass..."

"You're so smart!" Bucky says sarcastically. 

 He walked quietly through the hall before finally reaching the door to your bedroom. His heart sank. The things he said had probably broken your poor heart and in the moment he hoped that you didn't hear any of it. He'd expected to find you crying or slicing things in half with your Katana, bottling in some torturous anger but maybe you didn't hear him. He loved you and he wouldn't purposely upset you, he didn't mean to make up cry (if you were). He opens the door, his head down, not wanting to look at you. 

 "Y-Y/N please let me explain?" 

 "Explain what... Sir?" he could feel his heartbeat quicken at your words and the way your voice had sounded – small and innocent. He looks up at you to find a breathtaking sight; you were wearing a white crop top with a short skirt, you hair in pigtails. 

 "Oh Y/N... What are you doing?"

"I am who you think I am" 

"What?" he huffs as you crawl forward to the end of the bed, getting up on your knees to face his tall figure,

 "I'm a child, Bucky, just like you said," you look up innocently at him, you hand travelling up to cup his face, you stared into the blue, darkened eyes as you say, "But the thing is, Buck, children don't do the things I can do." You kiss him as your hand leaves his face and traces down to the zipper of his pants.

 "Fuck, baby, please!"

"What's wrong, sir?" you teased, your hand now gripping his thick cock, stroking slowly. You take his pants off and bent down to take in the head of his throbbing cock.

"Jesus Christ Y/N!" you slid him easily into your mouth but you stop as his hand snake their way into your hair, 

"No touching." 

"You're not exactly in the position to say, doll," he suddenly flips you over, now on your hands and knees. You feel him lift up your skirt and thwack your ass, 

"Fuck!" You scream, "Again." 

"Ask properly, doll."

"How do I ask? I don't know how to!" you say playfully, 

"You don't?" you nodded, "I think you know how..."

"Nuh-uh," he caresses his hand over your ass as you sigh heavily at the feeling. You could feel yourself giving in as his hand slid down in between your thighs, touching you lightly where you needed him most, 

"Wet... So goddamn wet..." his pointer finger circling your deprived hole, "God, if you just said the words, my mouth would be all over this pretty little pussy"

"Sir?" you say with a small, quivering voice, 

"Mm?"

"Can you please?" putting you hand over his and bringing it up to your mouth to suck off your wetness, 

"Can I please what?" 

"I need your mouth on me, please!" he mutters a quick praise before kneeling down to lick a slow stripe on your pussy, placing your legs on his shoulders, "Jesus fuckin' Christ!"

You arched yourself into him, holding on to his thick head of hair, wanting it deeper, harder, anything. You wanted to be fucked, to be wrecked. His hands wondering all over your body before one settled on your boobs and the other holding you down to keep you still. You could feel him smirk against you. 

"Fuck you, Bucky!" you screamed, "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" 

"You will baby girl, you will" 

You could feel yourself tipping to the edge, you were about to explode just by his skilful tongue. There was really nothing more you wanted than to cum all over his strong-jawed face. His stubbled jaw had added to the friction as his tongue lapped up your pussy. You were there.

"JAMES! OH FUCK BABY!" and before you knew it, he'd pulled away, shaking his head that was just between your thighs a few seconds ago, "WHAT THE FUCK!?" 

"I just don't think you deserve it..." 

"Me? I don't deserve it?" You looked him straight in the eyes before pulling him to the bed and grabbing his fully hard cock, "you don't deserve it, you deserve to be ruined, this," you say straddling his shaft, "should be ruined" you spread the lips of your pussy and begin to rub your throbbing clit against him. His moans were torturously gorgeous but you wanted nothing more than to ruin his orgasm.

You rubbed on him harder, your fingernails scratching the skin of his well-toned chest. You smirked as his moans became desperate and needy, fully knowing that he was about to lose all his control and it's just what you needed. 

"Fuck this." he huffs before lifting you up on to his cock and pushing you down, making you scream, "You're so fucking tight and perfect and so fucking beautiful, FUCK" his hand metal arm snakes its way around you, flipping you roughly to your hands and knees, "This is better, ass up in the air, perfect for me to just-" *THWACK*

"FUCK- SIR!" he thrusts roughly into your dripping core as you screamed his name over and over like it was the only thing you were knowledgeable for, “JAMES! JA- B-BUCKY FUCK!”

“Fuck I’m gonna cum!”

“Cum baby, cum! I’m so fucking close!”

“Ladies first.” He growls, holding in his bliss,

“FUCK, JAMES, FUCK!” you scream as your mouth forms a perfect ‘O’ and your legs quivering from the pleasure he’d just given you.

He releases everything he has into you as he chants you name and how much he loves you. He holds you close, as tightly as he could. You knew that soon enough the bruises of his blissfully playful yet failed unspoken apology would appear upon your soft skin.

You both roll over from exhaustion, his eyes landing on the ceiling and yours to your side, deciding not to face him. He notices that you’re not clinging onto him after your sweaty, physical activity, not like you always do. Just like that, he begins to miss your small fingers tracing shapes on his chest as you lay your head just beside the hand that was tracing shapes, to listen to his heartbeat. You would tell him that if you both ever had a week off of this life, you would use one day to marry him and the rest to play house as much as you both could. All of a sudden Bucky feels the warmth of you beside him as you sit up and put your white silk robe on. He takes into account that you’re still mad and you most probably just had some angry sex.

“Fucking hell, Buck, don’t screw this up!” he scolds himself. He gets up from his spot and follows you into the bathroom. He finds you standing in the shower taking in the heat and the steam, he slips in with you, engulfing you into an embrace.

She felt his cold metal arm snake its way around her waist and she sighs.

“I’m- I- I’m sorry I can’t be as mature as you want,” wiping away the water from her eyes, “I’m trying. I really am.” You try to look away but he catches your cheek in his hands, gently directing your gaze to him,

“Hey, hey, don’t apologise, doll! I don’t want you to say you’re sorry for my stupidity-“

“But I-“

“No Y/N, I love you and I’m sorry for what I said, it was stupid and I was just under the influence of those idiots!” he laughs,

“I’m sorry for kissing Clint.” You smile,

“Hey, at least it was on the cheek and nowhere else!” you kiss him, softly,

“I love you, James.”

“I love you too, doll, always.”

[cumonbucky]

Fool

Request: Hi can I make a request where the girl is new to the team and she's shy and really likes Bucky but he pushes her away and is rude to her cause he doesn't want to like believe he likes her but then when she gets Kidnapped on a mission he realizes how much he cares for her?? It would mean a lot because you're such an amazing writer and ilysm <3 you are my absolute favorite account on tumblr.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: angst(?) fluffy

A/N: I guess I tell you guys about my life through these author notes now lol. Anyways, my guy best friend came over to my house today but only to tell me hi because he says I always complain about how he never does (which I really do lmao) and then he tells me that he left his siblings at home, alone, just to come say hi to me. That guy I swear. Anyways, continue on :) also, I’ll fix any mistakes when I wake up, I’ve been writing this for like 3-4 hours and it’s laaateeeee.

You had not even been there for 3 weeks when you realized you had taken a liking towards a specific metal armed soldier. He was absolutely gorgeous, not doubt about that.

When you arrived at the Avengers Tower, you were scared. You feared that they wouldn’t accept you or like you. You’re a shy girl and keep to yourself mostly which made you think why Tony would ever want you on the team in the first place.

It’s your powers. Your ability to turn invisible and to create some sort of force field. You were in hiding, not wanting the monsters that killed your parents to find you when both Steve and Tony saved you from them.

Now your here, the new recruit to the team. Everyone adored you and quickly caught on that you were a very shy person. You wouldn't talk much to the team unless you were on a mission and you thank the lord above that everyone understood and wouldn’t push you to talk.

3 weeks you had been there and developed a crush on Bucky. Now a month passes by and those feelings have only grown more. The only ones who could tell that you had a crush on Bucky was Natasha and Wanda. Bucky was the main person you tried talking to the most but he would never give you the time of day which hurt.

“Hey,” Natasha’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts. “What are ya doing, buttercup?”

You look up at her before taking in your surroundings. You were in the living room with some show playing on tv. Behind you was the kitchen which was where Steve, Tony, Sam and Bucky were, talking amongst themselves. You look back at Natasha when she began speaking again.

“You kind of zoned out while we were watching Criminal Minds.” she says. “And you were right, that show is amazing, I love it already.”

You only nod your head and she sticks her hand out for you to take. When the both of you are standing up, she pulls you with her. On your way out, Sam, Tony and Steve acknowledge you, saying a friendly ‘hi Y/N.’ to which you respond with a small wave. Your gaze turns to Bucky who was looking at you like the others were. With a deep breath, you smile and wave to Bucky.

“Hi Bucky.” your voice was so small, hard for some people to hear you but everyone did and they turn to Bucky to see what he would do. Nothing. He did absolutely nothing but turn away from you and you sigh, closing your eyes and becoming invisible to everyone around you.

You always did that when Bucky brushed you aside. It made you feel less embarrassed. Steve began to ask why Bucky continued to ignore you like that (he did that all the time) while you and Natasha exited the room. Once you were far enough from them, you became visible again.

Natasha frowned. “He doesn’t mean to be-”

“I know, Nat.” you cut her off. She would always make up an excuse for him, saying he’s had a bad day or he ignores everyone from time to time and the reason she would tell you this was because she didn't want your feelings to get hurt.

The two of you make it to Wanda’s room where she was cuddled up in her blanket, sitting on a bean bag chair and scooping ice cream in her mouth while watching One Small Hitch. Yeah, it was one of those days.

Upon hearing her door open and shut, Wanda turns her head, smiling when she sees you and Nat. “My wife is finally here!” she throws her hands up in the air.

Quickly, she moves the tub of ice cream off her lap and onto the floor next to her before reaching her hands out to you. “C’mere.”

A smile found its way to your lips and you walk towards her only to have her pull you down on her lap and snuggle you close to her. Wanda wraps her blanket around you two before pressing an overdramatic kiss to your cheek.

Seeing your downed state, she frowns. “Was it Bucky again?” she questioned, already knowing the answer to it.

All you do is curl up to her which leaves Natasha to tell what had happened. “As usual, she tried speaking to Bucky but he ignored her, like always.”

Wanda scoffed, holding you close to her. “Men are insufferable.”

“You got that right, sweetheart.” Natasha joined in, now beside you and Wanda on the floor, eating the ice cream.

Missions were damn near draining which was funny because all you had to do was look out for your teammates and dodge the enemies.

“I can’t hold them all off!” Clint shouted through the earpiece.

“I’m on my way!” you respond before looking at Nat. “You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah,” she nods, bringing an agent down. “Go help Clint.”

You nod and rush over to Clint who was getting swarmed by agents. You come up next to him, holding your hands out and allowing a force field to protect Clint from any agents that were behind him. If they so happen to even graze the protective shield you’ve created, they’d be shocked badly.

“Thanks kid.” Clint says, still taking down agents. You nod. When the area was clear you step into the building, eyes widening when you see an agent choking Bucky with his gun.

With a frown you force yourself to turn invisible and when you do, you come up to the agent, throwing the gun down to the floor. “What the-” he didn’t have time to say much after you forcefully hit his head on the wall behind him, knocking him out cold.

Bucky began to breathe steadily again as you made yourself visible to him. He looks over at you with a frown before stalking off somewhere else. You watch him go with a sad look. Why did he always do this? It’s like he wants nothing to do with you. All you’re trying to do is be nice.

While in your thoughts, you didn’t hear someone come up from behind you. You didn’t know anyone else was in the hallway until a hand clasped around your mouth, preventing you from being heard. The person dragged you into a room as you screamed against his hand and kicked and twisted around, trying to get free but you couldn’t. You were screwed.

“We’ve got the files.” Wanda announced.

“Good, everyone, meet up at the quinjet.” Steve replied.

Everyone did as they were told and Wanda handed Steve the files before sitting down next to Nat. As Bucky walked up to the quinjet, he didn’t see you anywhere and he began to panic.

“Steve, where’s Y/N?” he asked his friend quietly as to not panic the others; especially Natasha and Wanda.

“She’s right-” he turns around but he doesn’t see you. “Bucky, where’s Y/N?”

Worry is written all over the blonde’s face and now Bucky is really scared. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, where is she? Do you think she’s hurt? What if she’s still in there? Steve I’ve got to-”

Before Bucky could speak another word, your screams could be heard through his earpiece. Through everyone’s earpiece.

“Please let me go.” you whimpered and Bucky’s heart clenched.

“Not until you tell me where your little friends ran off with my files.” a mans voice could be heard and that fueled Bucky’s anger.

This guy had the audacity to make you scream bloody murder which meant that he had hurt you and when Bucky found you, he’d make the guy pay. How dare he touch you.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” you stutter. You were protecting your teammates, your friends.

“Don’t lie to me!” the man yelled before you scream again. That about does it for Bucky. He grabs a gun and steps off the quinjet when Steve spoke up.

“Where are you going?”

“To get Y/N.” Bucky huffed.

“Without backup? No way, let me grab my shield-”

“I’m not gonna sit here and hear her scream in pain, Steve. I’m gonna go find her.” the brunette spat. Steve doesn’t say another word and Bucky takes this moment to leave but not before Wanda grabs his attention.

“Bucky!” she exclaimed, causing the super soldier to look her way. Her and Natasha were holding each other. “Bring back my wife in one piece.”

“Yeah, hurt the asshole who’s hurting my buttercup.” Nat added.

Bucky nods and runs off towards the building. He listens closely and carefully as he walked through the empty hallway before finding you in a room at the end of the hall. You were pushed down on a small bed, crying and shouting.  The man, whoever he was, was about to make another slice at your shoulder when Bucky pulled the trigger, no hesitation what-so-ever. You let out a sob, the pain coursing through you and Bucky lifted you off the bed.

“You’re gonna be okay, doll.” Bucky spoke to you in a soft tone. “Don’t think about the pain, okay? We’re almost to the jet and Bruce is gonna patch you up.”

Those were the first words he had ever said to you.

Feeling the unwanted sting in your shoulder and the right side of your stomach, you hiss, a small sob escaping your parted lips. You weren’t even in there for 20 minutes and the man was already hurting you.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay baby, you’re safe now. I got you. No one’s gonna hurt you.” Bucky murmured.

The two of you made it back to the quinjet and Bruce started patching you up. Bucky watched, his hand holding yours with no intention of letting go. He had almost lost you.

Hearing you scream, begging the man to let you go made something in Bucky’s head snap. He never wanted to hear you scream like that again. As he watched you get patched up, he noticed how beautiful you were despite the fact that you were utterly exhausted, ready to pass out at any moment.

And then it hit him; he liked you.

A/N: I hope you guys liked this! I may write a part 2 where Bucky admits his feelings but I’m not too sure yet.

Tags:

@your-puddin @heismyhunter @jas94kullar @buchananbarnestrash @live-in-the-now10 @jcb2k16 @plumqueenbucky @thefandomplace @chocolatereignz @blueberry-pens @professionally-crazed @idk-something-amazing-i-guess @almondbuttercup @janetgenea @buckysmetallicstump @flowercrownsandmetallicarms @marvel-and-dc-shit @ouatalways @winterboobaer @thyotakukimkim @hattnco @millaraysuyai @themercurialmadhatter @miss-jessi29 @snakesgoethe @helloitsgrc @welcometothecasmofsar @aboxinthestars @feelthemusicfuckwhatheyresaying @fandommaniacx @hatterripper31 @coffeeismylife28

[terminallycheesecake]

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

I do honestly #dissociation is anyone real

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

2? I’m pretty good at getting myself to not freak out with logic, or if all else fails, a good protection charm.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

4. What is your favorite word?

simultaneously 

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

mmmm I’m not sure,, a willow tree?

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

oh god i picked at the skin on my nose last night and now i have a big red scab there its so noticeable

7. What shirt are you wearing?

a black tanktop that says “EVERYTHING HURTS AND IM DYING” 

8. What do you label yourself as?

A transdude, a witchling, a homestuck, a furry, gay, pan, fickin, brother, idk akdlsjf

9. Bright room or dark room?

dark room, but some bright rooms can be good too?

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

honestly I think I fell asleep before then, which is kind of unusual.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

Probably now tbh? 17

12. Who told you they loved you last?

My amazing bf we tell each other this legit every time we open up the same chat i mean.

13. Your worst enemy?

I dont think I really have one? maybe like “my inner critic” or something edgy like that.

14. What is your current desktop picture?

this venty art thing that actually is really aesthetic that my moirail made.

15. Do you like someone?

my moirail, my bf, my friends, all the cats in the world, etc

16. The last song you listened to?

Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

my dad lmao. but when he isn’t home like ew the mess.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

my dad.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

my brother has to fucking clean the fucking toilet ok he pisses fucking everywhere guys.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

fuck idk. alot of people say they really admire my jawline? but i never have thought of it as anything special lskdjf. I think my eyes maybe? 

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

taking this as in genitalia lmao if i had a dick for a day. idfk omg

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

im. idk i can type faster than the average person? fuckifiknow

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

eyes. like. in the dark, just seeing a pair of eyes.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

a pizza. but shaped like a sandwhich.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

add it to the collection of money in my wallet that im too afraid to spend until i find the perfect shit online. 

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

Canada. Right to my bf’s doorstep, so I can fuckin see him ok. @skelepunny

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

I’ll find out what is most popular and sell it off to people.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Only lgbt++++++++++ no cishets allowed. 

29. What is your favorite expletive?

i want to say fuck just because i say it most, but thats boring so like. 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

onee thing can that like qualify as ONE trashbag filled with all of my favorite posessions? 

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

can i erase my dad from my entire memory

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

canada. to my bf. this is all. 

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

idk can i give that choice to someone who needs it more? I didnt really know anyone well who’s died in my family.

34. What was your last dream about?

I met andrew hussie and gave him a whistle, he called me a filthy kankri fan and that kankri was his least favorite character.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

This question doesnt work because I am not good at anything.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

No. 

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

literally theyre basically all solid black

39. What type of music do you like?

mm alternative- hipstery sort of music

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

i dont like milkshakes? theyre too thicc

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

Arkansas Razorbacks, since basically ur fuckin born into supporting a team 

43. Do you have any scars?

lots and lots

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

A concept artist? I mean I want to persue animation but its just not as big of a desire to me as being like a character designer and concept artist.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

can i just be able to pass as male pl e a  s e

46. Are you reliable?

mm im not sure. I mean most of the time yes, but man you never know when those depressive episodes hit and you cant do fuckin anything

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

are u living w/tav r u happy pls tell me im scare

48. Do you hold grudges?

nah not really. I’m a pretty laid back dude? 

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a cat-ferret like a fucking noodle cat thats cute as fuck and idk man

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

every conversation with my moirail

51. Are you a good liar?

to my parents yes, but i cant lie to my friends id feel too guilty.

52. How long could you go without talking?

forever omg i never fucking talk at school anyways.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

i had a bob once when i was like 7 years old. fuck that shit.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

maybe? probably? 

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

i can do an english accent,, southern,, a bad mock canadian accent to tease my bf, lksdf

56. What do you like on your toast?

butter

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

a sphinx cat lady for my dnd campaign

58. What would be you dream car?

a vholkswagon bug

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

no i dont, because i did as a kid and my parents made fun of me for it so never again

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yeah

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

not too often but i stumble across that stuff occassionally

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

G. because. Greyne. and my given name is rlly special to me.its me.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons by far fuckin fire breathing flying lizards.

64. What do you think about babies?

disgusting worms but sometimes ute as long as im at a far distance and they are happy

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

ehh 

[ghosty-schnibibit]

new graduation liveblog! ^o^

i legit didn’t remember it was right thursday until about 10 am this morning and luckily didn’t see any spoilers lol. let’s go!

i forgot they leveled up! i can't wait to see what the boys get at lvl 3

i love these dumb boys

did he add the humming in post??? that is so good

yay! more rainier, my favorite girl :D

oh fun, this sounds cool as hell

"so accounting is not just a good apparently" mood griffin

travis i am not good at math there is no way i will be able to keep up with this in media res

i am so with justin in this moment, i was super into the entire scenario but the minute the word "credit" was used my eyes glazed over

okay, clint's got it, we’re good

justin ilu

hold on i have the players handbook next to me... at second level argo got cunning action and at third he gets to pick his rogue archetype! that's not nothing! that’s a lot of cool things!

yes please griffin i need to know it

that is not in the players handbook wtf, i need to look that up

"rakish audacity" i am loving this holy shit

on to fitz!

oh right, this is the thing grififn mentioned, fun

he's a lil glow worm

i'm torn between looking up what those are and not knowing for the sake of suspense

poor justin lmao

of all of them druid is the class i'm most familiar with

fitzroy you dumb shit

he's doing so good

skdlhlahslkhsdk fitzroy has turned into papyrus

i liked bud

d r . m u s h r o o m s

i was about to say it was the same lol

fungi!!!

y'all've done it before lol

oooooh new music! so chill and nice

BARNS AND NOBLES

oh nice! so this is the fantasy costco equivalent, cool

"i'm in there like swimwear" i love this so much lol

THERE ARE MOUSE-FOLK??? travis you have made my life

now travis controls the garfield cameo lmao

trav killing it with the npc voices as usual

don't dip into the elmo voice lol

the cloak of what??? oh classy

fitzroy there is no need to be rude to this npc what are you doing

nice, can't wait to see art of fitz's luxurious calves lol

"you can call me jerry" T R A V I S

justin joining clint the plane-walker

the mouse voice is just slipping lower and lower

maybe don't do that

"why would you make the math, oh god" mood

... why does he want glasses, i love this mental image but... w h y

why has he bought glue?????

"i love this reality" me too argo, me too

they have notebooks of farspeech, i love this

argo why would you

T H E Y  A R E  A L L  G A R Y

ilu clint

i have some references for what dnd weapons look like, i'm gonna pull that up real quick... yeah that is just a big stumpy hammer alright

justin dropping some good wisdom

didn't he say sister before? are there multiple mouse people over there or is jerry genderfluid? i am happy with either option

yay for new candlenights ep! ^u^

oooh, nice name

oh fun, a familiar buddy

i would die for snippers

i find it suspicious that she hasn't turned around yet

"kambucha please" i am so torn between my desire for this to go well for the pcs and my desire to know what fitz is like drunk

what the fuck are you saying fitz

f i t z r o y

travis sounds so broken lol

she sounds very distrustful

the skeletons are cheerful and sweet tho :|

pfffff poor juice lol

oh it's a seeing eye hawk! that's so cool! :D

can i just say real quick i am so proud of travis for including so much disability rep so seamlessly into his world, i'm loving the "this fantasy setting, of course it has tons of cool magical accommodations for people who need them" flavor of world building he keeps peppering in

do not try to have your baby crab fight the hawk fitzroy

ilu justin

i've never seen the prequels griffin i don't know what that means

"what is wrong with you" argo loves his limes

except people who are allergic to peanuts

ilu argo holy shit

someone like fitzroy lol

oh fun, they've unearthed a balrog

... so its a goron

♪♫♬ statefarm is there ♪♫♬

i am also deeply into this plan, this sounds like an exciting quest :D

you're a fucking druid how do you have no pluses???

argo is my smart boy and i love him to bits

a xorn? oh jesus fuck that's a gnarlly looking motherfucker

oh sweet dr. mushroom, ilu

i love the strange absurdity of this world

... that was a long ass pause, i thought i accidentally paused it

xorn xorn

just one of the npcs pay it fitz it doesn't need to be this complicated 

thank you justin holy shit

"i'm a rogue!" "okay" i love argo keene with my whole heart

f y e l p

leon is a sweet shy boy

"we are suing the tooth monster!" i am in love with this set-up

argo my sweet baby what is the grift with the mints

just a good natured mint goof

it's a lil magma dude :o

cliffhanger!!!!!

another really great episode! i’m so happy with the way the plot is progressing, and i’m loving the continuing world-building! also, even though i love all of the pcs this season, four episodes in i think i can say argo is definitely my favorite.

see you guys with new taz in the new year ^u^

[ghosty-schnibibit]

SO HOW ABOUT THAT AMNESTY EP GUYS

spent the afternoon watching coraline and catching up on laundry, i think i'm ready for some creepy quell shit. also it's currently raining its ass off r/n and my power may go out at any second. let's go!

i fuckin forgot woodbridge existed lmao

can't wait to see wtf is up with the interpreter

damn this is cool

oh wait what the fuck

oh shit this is the shapeshifter planet!!!

god i love minerva so much

well this is spooky as shit

are they in sylvain already?

"guys! gals! peoples!" thank u for being inclusive thacker

hmm, interesting!

eww, ew ew ew, griffin why

CENTIPEDE

bless you clint lmao

"that's a tricky question" griffin i am afraid

"weird cloud full of centipedes" GRIFFIN I AM AFRAID

... so it was invisible, and somehow thacker could see it?

i legit cannot remember what the plan was once they got to sylvain beside fuck up the quell

NICE! go duck! :D

"did your hero duck newton level up?" he deserves to for the brilliant radio fumble last ep

oh no, this battle is going to be so bad for thacker D:

EWWWWW

oh god i forgot he stabbed a dude's hand holy shit

cool! good call

oh fuck that's not great

lovely folley there trav

oh thank god she has so many bonuses

that's a beautiful mental image lol

they’ve turned it into shiny jello

l i l  q u e l l

oh god it's like the fuckin steak from poltergeist

barclay i love you holy shit

a what justin???? oh its a ff thing, okay

thacker and mama are such cute friends, i love them

"she's highly flammable" bless

stern you fuckin dork

duck w h y

aww pigeon ; _ ;

goddammit griffin you are making me cry

WELCOME TO CHICAGO DIPSHITS

well this is ominous as hell

yes she does! :D

aubrey you are precious and i love you

IT'S THE LITTLE INTERPRETER

... wait did she say she'd a fraud???

OH NO, OH NO, THEY'RE ALL DEAD, OH NO

GRIFFIN I AM AFRAID

justin continuing to play super dexterous characters lol

NICE! go thacker

kick! that! hand!

was it trying to turn her???

oh no please tell me vincent is still alive

yeah maybe do that duck

... oh no, that's vincent isn't it

gotta love them good finale rolls

e a t  m y  w h o l e  a s s

oh no, spooky bad music, oh no oh no oh no

CALLED IT! NOT FUCKING HAPPY I CALLED IT BUT I CALLED IT!

thacker what are you doing

FUCK YEAH CLINT

oh damn, digging this music

OH HOLY SHIT IT'S THE QUELL

i love this voice effect so much but i'm terrified

HE SAVED HIM! THACKER SAVED HIM :D

oh poor vincent :'(

duck do not pawn off your slim jims on this poor goat man

"that is bracing" bless you vincent holy shit

oooooh no, this is going to end badly

OH WHAT THE FUCK

only two more episodes!!! fuck!!!!!

take your time griffin, you have proven time and again that delays from you only mean better quality in the long run

OH FUCK THAT MUSIC

OH NO MUFFY

oh my fucking god that was so surreal, jesus fuck

oh no this could be really bad

i forgot woodbridge was a ghost, the voice griffin gives him makes me think of the tootsie pop owl

aubrey i fucking love you so much

NICE! go janelle

THE WEE BABEY

he got his chosen power back also, which is good

does vincent have a crush on duck

m e a t  m e t h

aubrey you cannot be this nonchalant about these things

... she didn't know. that wasn't a cry for help, she didn't know aubrey could hear her, what did she mean about being a fraud?

that's a fun new word clint

oop, hello there music

... IT'S BECAUSE AUBREY IS THERE

i am both concerned and terrified

there are nine minutes left in the episode griffin what is going on here

god i cannot fucking wait to see art of this

YEAAAH GO DANI

YEAAAAAH GO INDRID

I'M GONNA FUCKING CRYYY

OH NO, OH NO, DO NOT KILL MY GIRL GRIFFIN

WAIT WHAT??? IS THIS NOT JAKE?????

DHFADGLSSJDGLSJLHDFLJKDDKJADGKJ WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

NO GRIFFN, GO BACK TO WHAT EVER THE FUCK THAT WAS, WHAT THE FLYING FUCK

aubrey my baby ilu

AUBREY IS SYLVAIN CONFIRMED

FUCK! DR. HARRIS BONKERS IS A SYLPH NOW, THAT’S WHY HE TRANSFORMED, FUCK!!!

oh my god this music is so perfect

SO YEAH, ALL OF THAT JUST HAPPENED. SEE YA’LL IN SEPTEMBER, HOLY SHIT.