#yeah its fun to flirt but idg why when we're not flirting he acts like im ruining his day by being in his presence

[cigaretterry]

i just... i really hate men.

theres this guy i hooked up with like a fucking year ago now and it went... its so complicated to explain but just it didnt go well and the fall out after was rlly bad and emotional and he treated me rlly shitty.

anyway we ended up talking about it and apologized to each other and agreed to move on (multiple times... bc we, but especially him, seem to be unable to fully let it go smh). we agreed to just forget it and act like it never happened, again multiple times. and the last time we talked about it we said THIS was gonna be the last time we're done putting it to rest we're fully going to be normal w each other and he said he wanted to be friends.

but he just still... cant treat me like a normal person. hes either flirting with me, or avoiding me and acting awkward. im just so tired of it being weird. ive tried rlly hard to forgive him for the past and feel like i finally have now and try rlly hard to be normal and friendly and get along, but i feel like he keeps us in this cycle of weirdness.

one thing that irritates me (but also flatters me ngl) is that he acts jealous anytime he perceives me to be flirting with another man. a couple months ago i, according to him, said "hi" to another guy in a "flirty tone" and it turned into him accusing me of wanting to fuck that guy IN FRONT OF HIM. we started arguing in front of this poor dude 😭 which is is just so ridiculous i cant even wrap my mind around it.

last week im talking to the same guy he accused me of wanting to have sex with, and the guy i hooked up with walks into the bar we're at. hes just glaring at us from one seat over and the guy tried to say hi to him, but he was extremely rude and just kept glaring at us and making nasty faces. the guy asked him to come say hey and he said "no." and just kept glaring and making nasty faces in a super obvious manor. the guy i was talking with said "this is weird... im feeling rlly uncomfortable." then got up and left. then the guy i hooked up w came over to me and hugged me and asked if that guy and i had been talking shit about him (like girl why tf would we be talking about you) and proceeded to hit on me the rest of the night.

yesterday he came into my job and i went to give him a goodbye hug when he was leaving (which we almost always do when we see each other) and he made a screwed up face and said "you and your hugs..." but not in a joking manor he seemed genuinely disgusted and annoyed and then gave me the most reluctant hug in history as if he isnt the one initiating the hugging half, if not most, of the time. like. okay.