#yeah it was wild . scariest shit i had happen to me

[fanonimus]

My brother is obsessed with TTG, and I am baffled. We binged it, and I looked around in the... Fandom? I know the show is lighthearted, but I'm a psychology nerd.

Tw: Abuse, neglect, shitty people in general, mind conzrol and trauma. Progress with caution.

Not many people talk about the abuse Robin faces. I don't understand why is there basicaly no angsty content.

I also want to scoop that boy up and hug him and take him away from those people that surround him.

This boy has no positive influence in his life. Get him a therapyst.

He's neglected. I was sick watching this.

WHAT THE HELL DUDE this was genuinely hard to watch, and even the colour coded idiots aknowledge how badly he was treated.

Oh but they don't get away scott free. The little idiots.

They constantly hurt him (which I noticed is a reocurring joke, but it happens to him so constantly that it's not even humour. It's just... painful.)

What the fuck was that prank?

Considering I know his backstory pretty well (look, I watch enough dc), this prank just makes me want to cry. He smiles. His smile broke my heart. I genuinely started crying, alonside Robin. It was not a nice experience.

So they clearly don't have a problem with triggering traumatic responses.

Robin is also almost always the butt of the joke, even tough he is the leader nobody respects him.

Which would be understandable if he didn't try his damn hardest. He's resourceful and can make the best of a situation.

Like the time he got dance powers (which is just amazing, holy shit I want dance powers).

He found great use of an othervise "useless" pover.

Speaking of useless, his "friends" look down on him because he has no powers. Even though he is capable of beating all of them without it.

Yknow, like in the movie.

Oh yeah, nice recall to the movie the one where they competed with the Super Hero Girls team (love that show).

Y'know, where it started like this

And ended like this in like, five seconds.

Abandonment issues go brrr:

He's my angsty boy.

Also, the fact that he answered mind control on the last question, and it wasn't even on the board, broke something in me.

Him being a "control freak" is also played up for jokes, which I personally hate, but you can also go with the route of the Titans just not listening, ever, and Robin, still raised by the batman even if differently than in canon, in a city where if you are not on top you are dead, it's obvious that he developed an instictive need for control. He had gotten used to being on top of every situation, so when he felt that control slip, he grasped it and held on. This behaviour is not good, but he can't help it, and without proper consuling, he won't be able to stop this behaviour. He could, if he just let go of the illusion of control he clings to, a safety net, and we all know one can not simply just do that.

(I was someone people called a "control freak". I worked on myself, and I changed, but it took years after I noticed. Letting go is the hardest thing people like me and him can do because letting go means losing control, and that can be the scariest thing in the world. So I have experience, yes.)

(Yes, I also have experience. No, I am not going to talk about it, but it wasn't physical, don't worry)

For the hitting... Wild hot take and shit: Since Batsy was not a stellar dad, he kept robin in line by means not so family-friendly. (He hit his kids in canon, it's really OOC for him, but we have proof that happened) And it was really effective. Children of abusive parents go a lot of ways, but repeating the parents' mistakes is one of them. So maybe Robin decided that violence might be the thing to keep his teammates in line. (We are circleing back yeah.) But it clearly didn't work.

Edit: Holy shit I just realized that this Robin is all of the worst qualities of the other Robins. Obsessive, Controlling, full of himself, violent, and then throw their insecurities into there too (Abandonment issues, parental issues, anxiety, paranoia). Holy lady.

Edit2: Thank you, Yurki-posts, for pointing out some things my little rant was missing. I shall update it now.

[streaminn]

I caught you JDWicked :)

"Why can't you just accept that people care for you? Is it so hard to think maybe someone could look at you and go "Oh! Maybe they shouldn't fucking die!"?"

"I can take care of myself. I don't need you to care for me."

Helios is taken aback at that. How dare she? She can't stop from yelling.

"DID YOU EVER CONSIDER MAYBE I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU?! THAT I WANT TO? I WATCHED THE HYDRA PUT A HOLE IN YOU AND I- I- I'M SUPPOSED TO JUST NOT CARE? I'M SUPPOSED TO JUST IGNORE YOU WALKING AROUND WITH A GAPING WOUND AND ACT LIKE IT'S ALL FINE AND DANDY AND NOT THE SCARIEST THING I'VE EVER FUCKING SEEN?"

"Don't act like you care, Helios. We both know we just wanted to have a good story for your mother. "The big bad wolf finally coming out?" A perfect story to get her respect." The cool tone might've calmed her down at a different time.

A different place.

A different life.

Helios' muscles feel like someone dropped a lit match into a barrel of gunpower. She can feel the starts of steam just before the first sparks ignites.

And she ignites.

"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!"

She's screaming now. She can feel her voice carry and deflect from the trees and earth and air. She can feel her voice rattle her bones.

She hopes Viper's bones rattle too.

"HOW DARE YOU FUCKING SIT THERE AND ACT ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY AND ALONE? YOU WOULDN'T KNOW ALONE IF IT THREW YOU INTO A DARK CLOSET AND BEAT YOU FOR SPEAKING OUT OF TURN-"

"What-" Viper starts but Helios isn't listening now. She's mad and her anger thrums under her skin like magma.

Her body is a gas filled coal-mine. And Viper is a moronic canary flying in while set ablaze.

"-NO. YOU HAVE HAD THE CHANCE TO TALK, AND TALK, AND TALK, AND I AM DONE. IT'S YOUR TURN TO FUCKING LISTEN. I HAVE WATCHED YOU RUN INTO FIRES AND DANGER AND MONSTERS- I HAVE WATCHED YOU COME BACK TO THE DORMS WITH A FUCKING KNIFE IN YOUR GUT. I-"

She can feel tears push on the back of her eyes. She hates that she sounds caring.

She hates that she is.

"-I FUCKING DARE TO CARE THE SLIGHTEST OUNCE FOR YOU AND WHAT HAPPENS?! YOU TELL ME TO FUCK OFF! TELL ME THAT I'M BEING ANNOYING- BECAUSE HOW COULD I EVER DECIDE TO HAVE SOME FUCKING EMPATHY FOR ANOTHER PERSON?! IS THAT IT? YOU THINK YOU'RE ABOVE EMPATHY?!"

"I-"

"GUESS FUCKING WHAT? YOU AREN'T. YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU- YOU THINK YOU'RE ABOVE YOUR HUMANITY AND FOR FUCKING WHAT? WHAT'S IT ALL FOR?!"

She turns and slams a fist into the tree closest to her. The bark and core collapses under her swing.

She turns back to Viper. She can feel her bones shake from her rage. If she didn't love the shorter woman, she'd be strangling her.

"WHAT IS IT ALL. FUCKING. FOR?!"

"I'M TRYING TO KEEP YOU SAFE, IMBECILE!"

For a brief, brief moment, the world stands still. There's no forest-fire raging, pushing ever closer to them. No monster just beyond the edge of the forest that they can hear the feel the attacks of, even so far into the forest as they are. There's no haunting sense of fleeting time.

They're just 2 scared girls in the woods. 2 scared girls who care for each other, but only one can say it.

And it's here, in their little fragment of frozen time, that 2 scared girls embrace.

Maybe embrace is too graceful a word. It's more of honey and poisoned-glue being smacked together and trapping one another.

They barely have time for frantic "I love you"s and a wild plea for the other to stay safe before they part ways.

Viper to the flames.

Helios to the monster.

Their efforts will be enough to win.

They have to be.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"C-cut!" Comes the shaky call, as the blare of the "End Scene Alarm" rings in the studio.

"Holy shit, are y'all alright? That got so fucking intense."

"I-" Bianca's actress has tears falling down her face in waves. Sin wonders if a siren's body has enough water to cry that much. "Fuck."

"Yeah, I-" Tyler's actor barely speaks through his sobs. "I can't fucking be on this set, I did to go breathe and calm down and not be here for the reshoot, I-" Bianca's actress takes his hand, crying just as hard- harder, maybe- and leads them both off set.

"It.. wasn't that bad? I think you guys got a lil' too invested in it. And yet, we're the actresses." Sin gestures to herself, then Wednesday.

Wednesday says nothing.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Yoko piped up. Sin's only seen her cry when she thought her and Divina had broken up, and yet she's bawling. Sin bear-hugs her, and picks her up.

She grips tightly.

"That's my wife." Wednesday grumbles. She begins walking to her and Sin's little trailer-breakroom. "Do you want tea?"

Sin swings herself and Yoko around to face Wednesday.

"Yes please!"

"Everyo-everyone take 5! or- maybe 10! Jus-just take a break. fuck. I need to go cry."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ya think we over did it? Everyone seemed really upset- Thing stilled hasn't gotten over it!" Enid points at the shaking hand, holding onto the box that held Enid and Wednesday's wedding rings.

"They'll be fine. I think it a compliment- my writing-"

"And our acting."

"-Moved them to tears." Wednesday takes a powdered donut and eats it.

She wipes her sugared fingers on Enid's black sweatpants.

"Hey!"

Wednesday smirks, then takes a drink of her coffee.

"Relax, we'll just tell everyone that it's coke. They'll be understanding."

Enid slaps her arm in scorn.

"Wednesday!"

Wednesday rolls her eyes, then takes Enid's hand.

Kisses it.

"No." Enid reels her arm back in. "No kissies for coke-fiend rumor-spreading girlfriends!"

Wednesday's eyes get glassy. Wet. Enid knows the aren't fully black; they're a very dark brown.

"Wha-"

"No rumors or no kissies!"

Wednesday's eyes get wetter, bigger. Enid wonders if she has any werewolf in her because that's a very good set of puppydog eyes.

"Forever?" She asks, voicing breaking. She looks like she's about to cry.

"What? No, Willa it's just a joke."

"You promise?" Her voice wobbles.

"Yes, yes I promise Babycakes, I promise. I couldn't live without your kissies. Is jus'a joke."

"Not very funny."

Enid sighs and rubs Wednesday's back, soothing circles. She kisses the top of her head.

"Yeah, I got that from you almost fucking crying."

There's a bang on their door, and Enid almost breaks her wife's spine when she flinches and hugs her closer instinctively.

"You're on in 15- and, for the love of god, warn us before you decided to give it your all and make everyone cry. Miss Tanaka still hasn't stopped crying."

Enid rolls her eyes now, takes Wednesday by the arms and kisses her.

"They think that was our best? I pity them."

"We got 15 minutes." Enid stands them both, dramatically steps back, then offer her hand.

"May I have this dance?"

Wednesday crosses her arms, then stares at Enid's hand.

"Remind me why we're married?" She takes the werewolf's hand, setting them into a position to start dancing.

Enid spins them slowly, smoothly. Wednesday taught her to slow dance.

"I'm cute, taller than you and can put up with your bullshit?"

Wednesday scoffs, let's Enid push her out then reel her back in spinning.

She pushes herself to the bulky wall of Enid's body.

"I don't know about cute. I'd say more... seductive. Painfully charming. Impossible to ignore and overlook."

"Careful," Enid whispers into Wednesday's shoulder. She kisses it. Scrapes it with her teeth. "We've only got 9 minutes left."

-Writer Anon. (also Yoko was there for emotional support and free food. She ended up needing the emotional support.)

Omygod writer anon really be coming in for the clutch, thank you again for the really good content

I'll prob shift the Viper books from being rather accurate to what happened in their nevermore years to being inspired and based on it. There's alot of similarities if you knew the source material and the book

It also helps give freedom in writing these types of things 💀

if it helps lycoan curse is where Enid low key skips another semester due to outside reasons. She's taken to smth akin to a camp so she can be tested by these elder wolves (If yknow then yknow) bc her status as a grimwolf has been exposed due to the rumors from sophomore year and they need to know if she's with them or against them

[moonlit-mizukage]

Chapter four: The Deal 

Summary: Y/l/n Y/n, a third year at Sakura High School, is just a girl with a bad attitude towards anyone outside her small circle. When y/n’s younger sister starts first year, she gains a lot of attention. Unfortunately for everyone in school, the Y/l/n household has one rule, No dating till y/n does. Some people become just desperate enough to pay the leader of the “Monsters”, the trouble making group on campus, to date y/n. What will happen when she finds out? (All characters aged up to third year unless otherwise stated)

TW Swearing, mentions of sex, mentions of using women, sexualizing woman, smoking, aggressive behavior, mentions of violence. 

AN: Please let me know if I missed anything in the TW. Sorry this is also almost two hours late. I got super invested in this anime I was watching and forgot to finish it up. 

Taglist Open!! Send an ask or dm to be added! 

Word count: 1k (Just a little over) 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Third Person POV 

Oikawa waited by his locker for his closest friends.

“Where are we going?” Kuroo asked Oikawa.

“You will see when we get there.” He responded with a smirk. The two had waited for the rest to come up to them before he shut his locker. “Ready for mission Mei?” He asked. 

“I’m ready for this whole thing to blow up in your face so I can laugh again shittykawa.” Iwaizumi said. 

“You’re so mean Iwa-chan!” With that the five guys exited the school. Outside the crossed over the field as they approached the bleachers, Bokuto suddenly stopped in the middle of the field, 

“Oikawa, you must be joking.” 

“Who else do you know who isn’t afraid of anything?” He said back with a sly smirk. Bokuto nodded his head to show he agreed with Oikawa’s thought. 

Entering the underneath of the bleachers, Terushima was seen smoking next to Matsukawa. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Matsukawa said, anger dripping from his words. Terushima pulled out his phone and sent off a few short texts. 

“We have a proposition for Terushima.” Oikawa said.  

Before anyone could say anything else, Kyotani busted in and shoved Atsumu out of his way. 

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING HERE! GET THE FUCK OUT ASSHOLES BEFORE I MAKE YOU.” He yelled aggressively, now standing in front of Matsukawa and Terushima like some kind of protective beast. 

“Down dog.” The voice came from behind them as they all turned to see Tendou walking up with Hanamaki behind him. “So why are you bastards in our spot?” He said pulling out a cigarette and lighting it up. 

“We came to make a proposition to Terushima.” Oikawa spoke up again. 

“What kind of proposition?” Terushima asked, looking unamused.  

“I want to take Mei out, but you see I can’t do that without someone dating her older sister.” 

“And how does that concern me?” Terushima asked as sass dripped off his words. 

“Well, you are known as Ladies Monster... so I was thinking you could take out her sister, just like once or twice a week till I get bored or get what I am after.” 

“Who is it?” 

“Y/n.” 

“Ah hell no man! I went into the café she used to work at and she dumped my entire milkshake over my head.” 

“Dude, you grabbed her ass when she set mine down.” Matsukawa butted in. 

“Yeah but any chick who makes me work that much, ain’t it. I like my girls easy. Besides, not like I’d get anything out of it anyways. You’d get sex with her sister and I’d get 50 maybe 70 cups of milkshake on my head fow what? One date and no sex. Hell to the no bro.” You could see gears turn in Oikawa’s eyes. 

“What if I paid you?” He asked Terushima. 

“How much?” Tendou butted in, regaining his interest in what Oikawa was saying once again. 

“$100 a date.”

“For just one date? You know that’s way too low.” Hanamaki now joined the conversation. 

“Okay how about $300?” Oikawa offered. 

“$300 is less than we all make individually in a week.” Matsukawa said. 

“$1000 a week and you have yourself a deal.” Tendou said. 

“And you will be the one to get her to date you?” Oikawa sounded shocked by Tendou’s offer. 

“For $1000, I can. Anything less I don’t see how it’s possible.” 

Oikawa looked back at his friends. 

“Dude $1000 is way too much for a date with someone like Mei.” Iwaizumi said. Oikawa turned back around facing Tendou again. Extending his arm out towards Tendou. 

“Deal.” Tendou gave a sly smirk as he shook his hand to seal the deal. 

“I can write you a cheque now.” He reached down to his pocket for what was thought to be his wallet. Tendou raised his hand to stop him. 

“No. I want cash.” 

“Cash!?!?!” Bokuto yelled up from behind Oikawa. 

“Bring cash tomorrow or the deals off.” 

“See you tomorrow then.” With that Oikawa walked out, followed by his friends. 

“If I knew he’d offer $1000 for one date I would have done it.” Hanamaki said. 

“To bad y/n wouldn’t give you the time of day.” Matsukawa laughed. 

“I wonder what this Mei girl looks like to be worth that kind of cash.” Terushima spoke up. 

“Why don’t we go find out. We can browse the first year locker hall and find her ourselves.” Hanamaki suggested. 

“I’ll come too. I want to scare some people into giving me their lunch money anyways.” Kyotani said. 

“You really are a wild one Mad Monster.” Matsukawa said, as he patted him on the back.

The guys smoked a little more and bothered Tendou what he would do with his new income. After they finished up they headed inside to find this girl worth so much money. Back inside the school already, Oikawa and his friends were standing in the washroom while a few of them splashed water in their faces. 

“That was so scary what Kyotani busted in. I thought I was gonna piss myself.” Bokuto said as he stood fully up from the sink. “Dude he pushed me outta the way. I thought he was going to punch me or some shit.” Atsumu replied back.  

“I think the scariest thing is how Oikawa is about to drop a grand weekly to get pussy.” Kuroo said with a chuckle. 

“It’s not even my full allowance. I don’t think I will need over three weeks at most anyways.” 

“Dude.. That's $3 grand!!” 

“Yeah and that’s just a little over my one weeks allowance.” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. 

“You’re such a spoiled brat Shittykawa.” Oikawa just laughed at him. 

“Don’t be jealous Iwa-chan!” On that note, the group left the bathroom as they walked down to their classes. 

“Hey Shirabu!!” Bokuto yelled, waving at him.

He turned and gave him a disgusted look. 

“I see you already are best friends with him.” Kuroo joked. 

Oikawa felt a hand push him from behind, as he quickly turned he noticed it was y/n.

“Watch where you are going bitch!” He spoke up. 

“Shut the fuck up asshole. You were the one taking over the hallway with your flat assed self.” 

I can’t wait to take you down a few y/n. Oikawa thought to himself. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Previous | Masterlist | Next 

Taglist: @belongtothewcrld​ @elianetsantana @its-the-aerieljeane @london-quynh @vhskenma @denkithunder @swagdaddycam @ems1des @tendouispretty @senpaisbadass @elephantloser @smolbbgorl @mikeys-thighs @kuroolilchibichan @softesyoongi​ @ouijaeater15

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #387

“today i woke up, & i hate myself”

What common problem have you never experienced? The loss of a close family member (that doesn't include pets). Alternatively, what's an uncommon problem you have experienced? Homelessness. Do you know anyone who opposes marriage equality? I sure do. What was the last thing you got really emotional about? Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty premiering. What's the longest amount of time you've been ill for? I don't really know. I don't get sick a lot at all. Who is your closest male friend? Girt. Do you know anyone who hunts for meat? Sadly. I say "sadly" because it's not like they need it. Have you ever lived with a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes, although I wasn't a technical resident. I was there all the time, though. What do you wash dishes with? Sponge, scrub brush, rag, something else? A sponge. Is there anything you prefer to do the old-fashioned way? There's probably something, but I can't think of anything. Do you put your glasses and mugs right side up or upside down on the cabinet shelf? Upside-down. What was the worst part of your childhood? My parents fighting. Have you ever seen a high school relationship last long-term? (like 10+yrs) Yeah. Do you know any cancer survivors? Quite a few. Leftover pizza for breakfast... yay or nay? Good shit, man. Do you personally know anyone who's a psychopath or sociopath? I don't think so. What is your most used kitchen appliance? Lately, it's been the apple slicer. I've been on a real apple slices + peanut butter kick lately. What is something that you would personally like to be remembered for? For being a caring person towards all living things. Have you ever been diagnosed as clinically depressed before? Yes. Do you like bowling? Yeah, it's fun. Do you own binoculars or nonoculars? What do you use them for? No. Do you ever wish you had a telescope on the roof or attic to stargaze? Yeah, that'd be cool. Have you ever had to deal with someone close to you going off to war? No, thankfully. Who do you feel you have the most in common with? Sara, easily. Who in your life causes you the most stress or negative feelings? My damn self lmao. Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? No. My parents didn't grow up in NC. What’s one thing that people definitely CAN’T count on you for? To remember like... anything. What about something they definitely can count on you for? Someone to listen to encourage them. What’s one food that you want to try but haven’t yet? I've always thought macaroons look good. Do you have anything planned for the summer? No. Do you walk fast or slow? Slow. Would you consider yourself an adrenaline junkie? No. What is a common slang word from where you live? Plural "you" does not exist. It's "y'all," lol. What’s the scariest thing you’ve accidentally found on the internet? *shrug* Probably something as a kid, going on those sketchy websites with loads of games and stuff. Thinking of every Halloween costume you’ve had, which one was the most creative? I don't think I've had any creative costumes for Halloween. What’s one random city you want to visit? It's not exactly "random" as it's a popular location, but anyway, I would love to visit Venice. What subjects do you or did you get the worst grades in? Math. When was the last time you ate cake and what type of cake was it? That's a good question, actually. Maybe my niece's birthday in February? I don't remember what kind of cake it was. Do you have photos to go with all of the contacts in your phone? No; I don't have any. Do you like snowy winter days or do you prefer rainy days? SNOWY! Name 3 things you find most beautiful in nature: Mountains, large waterfalls, and desert dunes in the wind. If you could ask one person one questions and get a completely honest answer who would it be and what would you ask? Jason. I'd ask if he thought I was emotionally abusive. What is your favorite winter activity? Building snowmen. Who is the greatest singer who is no longer living? Freddie Mercury. What is your idea of heaven? I don't know, really... I have to ask myself IS there a heaven in eternity? Living forever just... doesn't appeal to me. "Living" is an odd word to use there, but hopefully you get it. Existing on and on and on and on seems like it'd just be a drag, but at the same time I do like the thought of feeling relentlessly happy and peaceful with my loved ones. I guess that would be my definition of it, if it does exist. What’s one of the scariest things you’ve ever done? ODed. Have you ever watched the Superbowl all the way through? Just once, on my 16th birthday because I was at Jason's place and all of his family was watching it. I had absolutely zero interest, but we wanted to hang with the family. If you had to move to another country, where would you move? Canada. Do you watch American Horror Story? I haven't in years. It was Jason's and my first "show," and the first season was excellent. I lost interest in the second one, honestly. I'd be up for watching other seasons, though. How many relationships have you been in this year? None. What's your favorite cereal? Probably Cinnamon Toast Crunch. That's also the only cereal where I can happily drink the milk afterwards. Twitter or Facebook? Facebook. Do you like to paint your nails? No. What's the coolest place you've ever been to? Disney World, probably. Have you ever punched anyone? No. What's something you wish you knew how to do? Cook. :/ I really need to make an effort to learn. It'd be great to not rely on a microwave for the rest of my life. What's a celebrity that everyone likes but you don't? *shrug* What food do you eat the most? Probably bread in some form or another. That really needs to stop. Green or purple grapes? Either one, but they have to be firm. I cannooooooot with soft grapes. Have you ever cried over a text? Yeah. What's the background of your phone of? My lock screen is this pretty, simplistic periwinkle color with "work on you for you" written on it. It's one I plan on keeping for probably a long time because I connect to it so deeply with my stupid damn head frequently demanding I have to improve "for Jason" to prove him wrong. Which is a very unhealthy mindset to have, I know. My home screen is a cute lil Mark edit someone made with a very similar pale blue background, so my phone is just currently an #aesthetic. Do you have a Snapchat? No. What's your favorite sports team? (if you like sports)? I don't like sports, but I'm biased towards the Carolina Hurricanes hockey team because of my dad. Last thing you ate? I had Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast. Do you take a lot of selfies? Definitely not. I just hate how I look so much; it takes way too much effort for me to get an "acceptable" one. Do you prefer strawberries or cherries? Strawberries. I hate cherries. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Maybe like, three. -_- Our A/C is still out, and it was like, 87 in the house last night. It was impossible to sleep. Do you listen to music daily? Not EVERY day, but usually. Biggest insecurity? My weight. Do you play video games? Not as much as I used to. I'd probably play way more if I actually had a PS4 + the games I'm DYING to have. Do you consider yourself lazy? "Yes, but a lot of it is also health related for my lack of energy and motivation." <<<< This for me as well. What recently made you laugh? I was watching a bit of The Nanny with Mom yesterday. We love that show. Do you like gummy bears? Yep. What was the last song you listened to? I'm randomly hooked on "My Nocturnal Serenade" by YOHIO. Like, I've known the song for a long time, but NOW I'm bingeing it???? Describe your mom with one word. Selfless. What's the biggest turn-off? Probably being misogynistic. But being a cocky ass is definitely high up there, too. What fish scares you the most? Mfkng whale sharks terrify me. How do you feel about snails? They're cuties!!! What's your favorite app? Pokemon GO. Would you rather time travel into the past or future? The future, to see what's coming. I feel like you could come back with some pretty valuable information. What is the saddest song you've ever heard? I think "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade has to come on top. What insect do you hate the most? I was reminded that stag beetles exist last night, and omfg those. Well, "hate" is the wrong word, really, I'm just terrified of them. Would you ever have a wild animal as a pet if possible? I 110% want to rescue an opossum, emphasis on "rescue." I'm not plucking one from the wild or anything like that. I would be in HEAVEN raising one of those angels. Are there any decorations that makes you happy? (lights, candles, plants..) I love those beds decorated with fairy lights, and just Christmas lights in general. Halloween and Christmas decor tend to give me sparks of happiness when I see 'em. Does race matter to you when it comes to dating? Not at all for me. When was the last time you painted something? Not since I was still in school and took a Painting course. When was the last time you really felt alive, and what were you doing? I have NO idea. What is one question you would like an answer to? Why the worst things tend to happen to good people. Name one favorite thing to do with kids while babysitting. I don't babysit, but if I was to be in charge of a kid, I'd love to teach them to play video games from my childhood. Playing Pokemon with my niece and nephew is always a blast, ahhhh. Name one flavor you like. Strawberry is pretty consistent. Name one thing you are hoping for. Venus' new terrarium soon... big sigh. I can't for the life of me find one that's a reasonable price and also adequately sized. I'm willing to put the rest of my cash into it, but Mom is helping, so I can't just buy the first one I see. Then I'd need more substrate, I seriously want a temperature gun and hygrometer, a cool hide, sticks and stuff for cover... It's going to be expensive, but I want Venus to have a truly proper environment she can thrive in. Write the name of one of your imaginary friends from when you were younger. Oddly enough, I can't remember the imaginary wolf that was my "friend." I say "oddly" because his whole idea was important to me as a weird-ass kid. Name one girl's name that starts with a "J" that you like. "Justine." Name one boy's name that starts with a "J" that you like. Maybe "Jaxson." Have you ever been kissed? Yeah. Have you ever feared that you would be killed? It's never been like, a fear I actively worry about. I just acknowledge it's always a possibility for anyone. What is the last great opportunity you missed? This was quite a while ago by now, but I'd say by dropping out of school, I really let photography opportunities slip since I became the newspaper photographer...

[sebbybooks]

Our Vintage Summers(PT3)

Sebastian Stan x Fanfiction

"All I need is to remember

how it was to feel alive."

-Aurora

My eyelids were heavy as I tried to flutter them open. Slowly my vision came back to me as the blurbs of light and shapes began to take on real form. I had to steady my breath careful not to let my nerves takeover because it took me a while to adjust to my surroundings to figure out where I was and how I ended up back in this old bedroom of mine. I stared mindlessly up at the ceiling watching the cracks that formed around the dandelion shaped crystal chandelier that once radiated the most calming ambient light. As I stare at it now I see that it is nothing more than a hideous piece of architecture from my hellish childhood. Memories began to accompany the pain then right on time images of Sebastian fading into nothing flashed through my brain.

I jolted myself forward when realization finally kicked in but my attempt to get of out bed was short lived. I was met with a stabbing pain that shot through my head at full force that made me wince. I squeezed my eyes shut feeling like at any minute I was going to be sick. You would think I took a nasty beating to the skull from how badly it hurt.

I couldn't move the lower half of my body if I wanted to. I was tightly tucked underneath the duvet that I was burning up under. I laid there immobile and in misery. I couldn't call out for anyone all of my energy felt depleted and I was starting to feel dizzy on top of it. The thoughts in my head wouldn't slow down as they danced around taunting me. The only face I wasn't able to escape belonged to the one person that made me feel like I was going completely insane. Hell, maybe I was going a little mad. There was no way what I saw was real. How could I explain seeing a person vanish before my very eyes? The short answer was I couldn't.

Suddenly the door to the bedroom shot opened I was able to lift my head to look to see who had entered. Quickly coming over to the bed I saw out of the corner of my eye it was my sister Anya. The look of concern she wore on her face quickly diminished when she looked down and saw that I was conscious.

"You're awake!" She whispered. Anya's pinched expression was replaced with a toothy smile. "You had us worried sick Sia. Justin just found you face down on the kitchen floor." I could hardly find it in me to speak so I just let out a exasperated sigh in response. She brushed through my hair gently with her hand careful not to press down on my head too hard, brushing my hair away from my face. I was grateful for that because my hair was starting to cling to my skin. It felt like I was getting hotter and hotter by the second I needed a fan or a window to be let open. I feared I might be at risk of passing out again.

"Jesus Sia you are burning up." Anya said finally stating the obvious as she flipped her hand back and forth over my forehead. I used all the energy I had to raise my hand to motion that I needed air. "Let me go get you an ice pack and turn the AC up." She said as she started to turn around to leave.

"Anya." My voice came out like a croak.

"Yeah sis?"

I had to move my tongue around in my mouth a few times to get a bit of moisture flowing. My throat was so incredible hoarse I could hardly understand my own voice. Plus it pained me to even move my jaw in the slightest. I needed to know so I used all that I had to say his name. "Sebastian?"

Her brows furrowed in confusion as she looked back at me like I had a horn coming from the center of my forehead. Thinking she didn't hear me I attempted to utter his name again. This time she reacted as if I was the one confused. "Sia you hit your head pretty hard now you're just saying random names. Maybe Remi was right and we need to call an ambulance."

I began to pull myself up, but again quickly regretted it. "Anya where. . . where did he go?"

Standing in the middle of the doorway. "Where did who go?" I could hear the genuine frustration laced in her tone.

"Sebastian?" I spoke his name like I was unsure of who I was referring to myself.

Defeated she stared back at me with pity and worry in her eyes. "We met a lot of people at grandma's funeral, but we don't know anyone by that name. The only people here with us is Justin, Remi, and Gavin remember? I'm going to give Dr. Thomas a call after all to see if he will come out and look at you just to be sure that you're ok." She huffed out as she pulled her cellphone from her back pocket.

I don't know why but my eyes began to cloud over with tears. "He showed up to the house tonight right as the storm rolled in." Listening to the sound of my own voice it sounded like I had an ugly cold. I could tell she was trying to ignore me. Despite how badly it hurt to talk I kept going. "We met him earlier on the beach Anya, mom introduced him to us. Sebastian told us that he knew our grandmother why aren't you listening to me?" As delusional and pathetic I must've sounded to top it all off I started to sob uncontrollably. It hurt to even puff out a breath of air. Wet hot tears rolled down my face. I was losing it.

"Hello Dr.Thomas this is Anya Foxwood, Nora and Keith's daughter. I am terribly sorry to be disturbing you this late I wouldn't have called if I didn't think it was an emergency." I began to block the sound of my sister as I reclined my tired body back onto the bed.

The rain that continued to pour down from the sky loudly started to pick up and beat against the windowsill. The drumming sound of thunder accompanied it in the background to add to the mix of noises. Teardrops pooled from the corners of my eyes. I was engulfed in an uncomfortable wave of sadness that I myself couldn't even explain. I didn't want to admit it but I swear it felt like my heart was crying out for him. Which was the strangest sensation I didn't even know him! I started to even second guess if he was real. An that all of this was just apart of a cursed day that refused to end.

I sank my body down further into the bed trying to hold on to the last details of Sebastian and I's conversation. I had this gut feeling about him that I had trouble deciphering if was good or bad. Yet, my wild emotions that jumped out in his presence urged me to quell any doubts that I had. Which was an unsafe mindset I found myself trapped in. He was on the verge of telling me something that he so desperately wanted me to know. Then shit went supernatural.

The room fell silent I didn't even notice when Anya stepped away. She closed the door closing off what little air I did receive. It felt like a sauna in here. I could barely catch my breath. I assumed the pain in my head was worsening because it started to feel like I was spinning, despite the fact I was laying completely still. In all honesty at the risk of sounding dramatic I was convinced in this moment I was dying. I've never had a migraine make me feel like my brain was hemorrhaging painfully slow. I wanted to scream out in agony but my throat felt restricted unable to call out for help. I barely could move a muscle and that was the scariest part of it all. I waited for it to get worse so it would finally be over. I had no choice but to accept whatever was to come freeing me from this torment.

Gasping for air at this point I closed my eyes thinking it would help bring me an inkling of comfort to ease my suffering. Almost on an instant my limbs began to feel more relaxed and a sense calmness washed through my body. I could feel rays of sunlight grazing every inch of my skin. Through my closed eyelids the lights grew brighter like I was laying under direct sunlight of some sorts. When I tried turning on my side I felt tiny grains of sand underneath me and that's when my eyelids shot open. Clearly I died or was dreaming. Somehow I ended up back on the beach

As I raised myself from the sand I looked around in confusion as I watched the strangers around me partake in the elements around them. Couples were strolling alongside the water, children were playing in the sand, families were huddled together smiling and laughing. I scanned the area around me all appeared normal, except something was definitely off.

Pushing myself up I had to quickly access my attire it felt like I was nearly naked. I was dressed in a blush pink high waisted polka dot bikini with a swim top that left none to the imagination. It didn't take long for me to pick up on the attention I was attracting. Mothers with their children stared back at me with disdain while their husbands were doing a poor job hiding the fact that they were skeevy. While it was apparent I stuck out like a sore thumb I noticed something about everyone's choice of modest swimwear and style. They all looked like they stepped out of a scene from a Fitzgerald novel.

A loud nervous laugh escaped from me and I quickly clamped my hand across my mouth. I could sense myself starting to panic, clearly I was experiencing a very realistic dream. I felt every sensation like it was happening in real time. Squinting my eyes from the bright sunlight I was slightly terrified to move and explore my new location. What startled me the most was the fact that I recognized exactly where I was. Spinning around on my bare feet in the hot sand the only thing that was familiar to me was seeing that my grandmother's house was still sitting on the sand dune up ahead.

"How in the hell?" I said aloud, my voice trailing off as I tried to screw my head on straight. The Victorian styled beach house was nearly unrecognizable. Its previous cold and uninviting essence on the outside was replaced with a great deal of decadency and warmth. There were no longer old vines that clung to every crevice on the house. Lively blue and violet hydrangeas adorned it instead as they climbed up the structure of the house. The dead shrubbery was replaced with vibrant yellow forsythia plants that lined against the house. On the front lawn children joyfully chased after a rabbit while men and women whose faces I didn't know were scattered across the front of the house engaged in a party. From the looks of it they were having a good time. All the years I've seen that house it never looked more alive.

"HEY LADY WATCH OUT!!" Before I could move fast enough to see who was shouting to get my attention I was taken out by a flying blue frisbee. Thankfully it missed my face but the thick plastic disc went straight to my neck knocking the wind out of me. Doubling over in pain I crouched down trying to stop my uncontrollable coughing attack. I gasped for air right as I noticed two sets of feet quickly pick up that weapon and take off running in a fit of laughter.

"Those little shits are you alright Miss?" By now surely I could recognize that voice which made my heart flip in my chest. I looked up as I brought my hand to massage the area of impact on my neck. "Sia?" Sebastian said my name carefully upon recognition.

I couldn't blink. If I did I was one hundred percent certain he would waste away again. He didn't look like he did when I last saw him in my grandmother's kitchen. Eyeing him I noticed that he was an exact replica of the man I saw in the photo I found. There was a sun kissed tan to him, his hair was shorter and tindruls of curls fell on his forehead. He was even dressed in the same opened buttoned white linen shirt and blue and white swim shorts. The more I noticed that the similarities were exactly the same my knees started to tremble and I was close to falling onto my ass until Sebastian reached out and grabbed me. Slightly tilted off balance he kept his arms arms secured around my waist so that I wouldn't fall down. I gave into my weight trusting that he would hold me steady. I no longer cared to try to rationalize what on earth was happening. I tipped my head back up at him still in utter disbelief , "You remember who I am?"

He looked down at me and I'm sure we mirrored the same shocked expression. "Of course I remember." Sebastian's chest was rising and falling at a fast speed. The grip he had on my frail frame tightened but it wasn't an uncomfortable feeling. He was holding onto me almost as if he was afraid to let go.

His focus never drifted away from my face which caused me to feel bashful underneath his affectionate gaze. For a minute I was concerned that he had gone mute, sensing what I was thinking he positioned me back on my feet backing away to put distance between us. Sebastian looked like he was fighting with himself to come near me again. My hands twitched just to touch any part of him. I was tired of fighting what I couldn't understand.Hiding my disappointment I looked away just long enough to catch my breath stealing a glance of the house once again. "I have been telling myself not to freak out, but I'm starting to fail miserably."

"None of this is going right." His shoulders were tense like he was unable to relax any muscle. It was visible that whatever was bothering him was making him upset. "I'm still trying to make sense myself, but for right now I need you to trust me so we can get you somewhere where she won't be able to find you like this."

.....

(A/N* Hi beautiful creatures! I know it's taken me a while to update this fic, for a minute I was unsure if I wanted to continue writing it. I promise not to take forever to upload the next part! Just an fyi If you had ever asked me to tag you the reason I didn't was only due to the fact it has been such a long time. Therefore I had it in the back of my mind you simply forgot about it (which is fine!). If you want to know when I post the next part just let me know and I'll happily do so! I hope you guys are having a wonderful day or night! If not I promise it'll get better😘)

[theres-no-protocol-for-this]

Magical Artifact

A Murderbot fanfic set in an alternate universe where a guardian is making a concerted effort not get its humans killed. Part IV. 

Note: FlipSpring has been absolutely amazing at beta reading this story (and I can’t thank them enough for it)! So, yeah, now with more clarity because of this wonderful person. :)

This is also available on AO3 for those who prefer reading in order and not hunting around on Tumblr. 

The enormous ballroom had been decorated by people with more money than common sense. Long refreshment tables stood against one wall, overflowing with food I couldn’t identify. Humans mingled in the middle of the wide-open space, surrounded by haphazardly placed tables and chairs. An auctioneer and two of her employees milled around on the stage at the front of the room.

Dr. Mensah and the rest of the investigative team sat at a table toward the back. I lay under it where other humans couldn't readily step on me. They had smuggled me in as Baradwahj's support animal, and I preferred that to dressing up and coming to this "party" as a human.

I wasn't the weirdest creature in the room—one of the guests had a miniature pony—but with any luck, I was the only one with access to dark magical talents. I didn't belong here any more than I had at the restaurant, but at least this qualified as work.

A tall woman in a shimmering dress stepped up to the podium and began introducing the auction. All of the items up for auction tonight came from the collection of some famous, eclectic writer who was now dead. Honestly, I didn't care whose stuff this was or why it was being sold. 

I was more concerned that everyone's perfume made the room smell like a sick interpretation of a meadow. My nose hurt just thinking about it.

Ratthi tried to educate me on how auctions worked—I'd never been to one before. At first, the items on display looked mundane. They sold for a lot of money (in my limited understanding), though, so maybe this writer was amazing or something.

Then, the hosts brought out a tall and worn wooden chair, and instantly the temperature in the room dropped by a couple of degrees. Overhead lights flickered briefly as if they had trouble staying on.

I nuzzled Mensah's foot under the table. 

"I know," she whispered back, shivering.

"Is that the thing?" Arada wanted to know.

"Most likely," Ratthi whispered back, leaning toward Arada to explain. "The Guardian thinks so, too."

I could see the seething dark magic wrapped around the chair pretty clearly, so it was more than just an educated guess. Other than the evil aura, it didn't look all that special otherwise. According to the stuttering auctioneer, the writer had done his best work while sitting on this monstrosity. I could guess why.

Pin-Lee pulled out a tablet and was scrolling through a document. "Go ahead and bid on it, and we'll see if we can do this without causing a scene."

My gut said there was absolutely no way that thing was going to let my humans anywhere near itself. It was a creature of the dark, and the investigators were brimming full of light. As soon as its spreading magical tendrils found us, it would know exactly who and what it was dealing with. 

But whatever. Maybe high society evil had different standards. 

"Remember, the department wants this thing alive," Pin-Lee reminded us.

The bidding began, and I sat up to pay attention. The numbers sounded outrageous—I couldn't understand why anyone would spend money on a chair when there were perfectly good tree stumps outside. Sure, there was a fae creature attached to the artifact (probably the kind that dealt in soul bargains and supported the fine arts), but still... It was a chair.

Suddenly, the magic surrounding the wooden seating implement expanded ten-fold. The lights in the ballroom flickered a few times and then surrendered and went out completely. 

"What the hell," someone muttered at one of the other tables.

I got up and crawled out from under our table because this is usually when shit hits the fan. 

The chair wobbled dramatically—I swear, half the monsters I've encountered have a flair for drama—and then shot up into the air. For a moment, it hung there, building up suspense, and then shattered into a million fucking splinters. Wood rained down on the participants, even though most of them couldn't see much of anything in the dark.

The fae let out a giggle as the humans in the front row  of tables screamed as wooden shards penetrated their skins. 

Mensah let out a yelp, and all of my clients ducked. That was the safe and sane reaction to a suddenly unpredictable situation. It's not what happens in the best adventure novels, but my clients aren't stalwart adventurers. They're a group of paranormal investigators whose magical skills are mostly theoretical. They're not crime fighters; they don't go places to do battle with the forces of evil. 

I changed forms so I could help them get away. "You need to leave," I whispered, "immediately. The door is a couple hundred feet behind you."

"What about—" Ratthi's sentiment was lost in another round of screaming as the fae decided to set part of the stage on fire.

"I got this. You need to get to safety."

"It's you we're worried about," Arada whisper-yelled at me.

I actually paused for a moment because that made no sense. This is my job. This is literally why you brought me here. I didn't say that, though. Instead, I said, "That thing is a high-ranking member of the fae court. It's not safe here."

I was hoping the humans would just listen to me, but I didn't have time to keep arguing. The longer the fae rampaged around here, the more damage it would do. 

I could smell the fucker even as it materialized. It smelled like the forest, actually, like places where I'd lived before, like home.

Right then, it was sitting at a table.

It had tossed a human out of a chair, sat down in the human's place, and was nibbling on appetizers. It saw me and got up, silks floating lazily around it in ribbons.

The creature was about five feet tall, with pointy ears and butterfly wings. And then it opened its mouth and revealed hideously sharp, pointed teeth. This fae looked like it had stepped out of a fairy tale and into my nightmares. 

"You look lost, little wolf," it taunted.

Talking to a member of the high-court fae is just asking for trouble. So, I turned into a wolf and stared at the asshole while around me, humans scrambled to get out of the way. The fae dispelled the magic that made it hard to see for normal humans. As far as it was concerned, no one posed much of a danger to it—it was a master of wild magic and, thus, the scariest thing in the room. 

"You wanna play, puppy?" it laughed.

I growled at it. 

"Looks like you do." It gazed at me with pitiless eyes. "I wonder where your master is, little pup."

I had high hopes that my humans wouldn't reveal themselves, but there was Ratthi with, "It's not a puppy. It's a person."

Fuck me.

The fairy chuckled. “There they are."

I did the thing I usually do when faced with a monster. I got a running start, leaped across a table, and lunged at the fae noble.

[lynnchkn]

Protein, Parrish

Adam Parrish is the newest member of Aglionby University's men's hockey team and for the first time, he feels like he's a part of a family. But Adam's rec league hockey team didn't prepare him for the scariest part of college ice hockey. Checking.

If Adam's going to stay on the team, he's going to need help from the last person he wants to ask, his apathetic captain, Ronan Lynch.

*A TRC Check Please!AU.*

Read it on AO3!

Chapter One

Adam Parrish, a habitual skeptic, believed Cabeswater was magic. As the sun rose past the trees, they cast a haunting shadow over the ice. He’d been awestruck by it when he’d toured the rink, but he still couldn’t believe it was his home.

Technically his home was a 115-square-foot room in Dittley Hall, but he wasn’t interested in splitting hairs.

He hadn’t been on the ice since May, and he hadn’t been at all in his new skates, so he was a little shaky to start. He hovered near the wall to avoid suspicion.

Gansey, who had taken a liking to Adam for some undetermined reason, stuck close to him. It wasn’t that Adam minded. It was just that he was trying to break in new skates without announcing it to the whole team, and Gansey’s persistent hover wasn’t helping.

Gansey trailed off from the story he was telling. “You’re from Virginia too. Right?” Adam nodded. He didn’t want to talk about where he was from, but it wasn’t a secret. “Near Jonesville?”

“Henrietta.” He tried not to spit when he said it.

“Right,” Gansey said. “How could I forget? The cave systems near there are extraordinary. Have you ever had the chance to explore them?”

He could remember a cave on a field trip once when he was a kid, but nothing recreationally. Robert and Sarah Parrish didn’t do family outings.

“Only a little,” he said.

“I haven’t been in probably five or six years.” His enthusiasm was a quiet hum in Adam’s ear. He could see Gansey physically restrain himself from fidgeting. It would have been endearing if the conversation at hand was about anything other than Henrietta. “I’d love to go back sometime. The Welsh influence in the region is fascinating.”

“Gansey,” a voice called from across the ice. Ronan Lynch skated toward them. Adam didn’t let himself flinch, but it was a conscious choice, certainly not what his body’s first instinct would have been. His rigid stance threw off his balance, and he grasped the wall tighter to recover.

Ronan was taller than Adam had imagined, and there was a permanent sneer on his face that warned casual observers off. But after a moment of consideration, the fear relaxed. Not completely. Adam never wholly relaxed, especially not around new people. But Ronan couldn’t be too dangerous if he was going to so much trouble to look it. The people Adam actually feared hid their menace behind layers of polite conversation and neighborly handshakes.

The two fist-bumped casually and what a strange pair the two of them were. Gansey, encased in marble, trapped forever with the face of a teenage scholar, and Ronan, with rough stubble and bags under his eyes that made him look closer to his thirtieth birthday than his twentieth. “Ronan,” Gansey said, turning the attention to him. “This is Adam Parrish.”

Ronan’s stare was unwavering, but Adam was the most stubborn person he knew. He held his chin up and matched the larger, scarier man eye-to-eye. Adam wasn’t scared of some trust-fund legacy player. If he kept thinking that, maybe he could convince himself it was true.

“What’s wrong with your fucking skates?” he asked.

Adam didn’t have a good response. He thought he was hiding his discomfort pretty well.

“Jesus,” Gansey said. “Are those new?”

“Yeah,” he said. There was no point lying when the truth was so obvious.

“You didn’t have time to break them in this summer?” Ronan asked.

“No,” he said. “I promise you my old ones were beyond hope.” Persephone had offered to buy him new ones, but he didn’t feel comfortable with that. He liked his new ones. He could already tell they were going to speed him up. For what they cost him, he sure hoped so. “I’ll be alright. I’ve just gotta break them in.”

Ronan rolled his eyes, an irritating gesture that oozed indifference. Indifference was a privilege Adam had craved his entire life. If Adam didn’t give a shit, he didn’t get shit. He’d only stayed alive as long as he had by caring. By wanting so damn much, it leaked out of his pores. Ambition was a hell of a drug.

“We’ve got ourselves another Virginian on the team,” Gansey said, thumb rubbing anxiously at his lip. “Adam is from Henrietta. That’s near you, right?”

Ronan nodded. “Singer Falls.”

“Really?” Adam said. Another lie, of course. Everyone in the Shenandoah Valley knew the Lynch family.

“Yep,” Ronan said. There was nowhere else for this conversation to go without bringing up Ronan’s background, or worse, Adam’s, so the three of them stood in silence for way too long to be comfortable. Gansey glanced between the two of them like he was waiting for them to make some grand connection, but they continued to stare.

Ronan’s stare was a wild one, meant to scare off opponents. But Adam didn’t shy away from it. He didn’t like conflict, but he was good at it. He’d lived with it since he was born. This was his arena. A little staring competition was nothing.

“Well,” Gansey said, clapping his hands together. He rubbed them anxiously against one another. “Good talk. Ronan, I think Blue wanted to talk to you about something in the equipment room.”

Ronan took a moment to tear his gaze away from Adam, but Adam held it even as he turned to go.

“Sorry about him. He’s not always like this,” Gansey said.

Adam was willing to venture a guess that he probably was.

The first few rounds of warm-ups and drills went better than Adam expected. He was getting more comfortable in his new skates, and while he was struggling to keep up, he wasn’t the worst on the ice like he thought he’d be.

Then they started running plays.

They weren’t overly difficult or complicated. Adam was doing okay for the most part, but there was one thing he’d been dreading since he’d first signed his contract with the team.

Technically, Adam had never been checked before.

In Henrietta, the ice had been the safest place he could be. Persephone used to let him stay for hours after practice, running drills by himself or making penalty shots, or sometimes just sitting around, killing time before he had to go back home.

Here, in Cabeswater, it was going to get violent. He’d known that all along, but he’d hoped it wouldn’t happen during his first practice. He’d hoped he’d have a little time to adjust.

Henry Cheng was not a big guy, no bigger than Adam anyway. It shouldn’t have been scary watching him charge across the ice. But the second their pads collided, Adam went down hard.

His father was leaning over him. He had a tight grip on the front of his sweaty t-shirt. His breath smelled like cheap beer, and Adam couldn’t figure out why that of all things bothered him so much.

“Look at me when I talk to you,” he hissed.

Adam couldn’t get his eyes open. There was dust in them. Dust in his blood, pumping through his veins. It was who he was. It was where he came from, and when he died, he’d turned back to dust. He could only hope it was soon.

“Parrish,” a voice called, softer than his father’s, almost hesitant.

He peeled his eyes open.

He was at center ice. He was lying at center ice at Cabeswater, and the entire Aglionby Men’s Hockey Team was staring at him.

“I promise I didn’t hit him that hard,” Henry said.

“Shut up,” Ronan said. “You gonna survive, Parrish?”

Adam nodded. He pushed himself to his feet. Ronan reached out to help him, but he brushed it off.

“That was impressive,” Noah said. “Do you think we could make a play out of that?”

Adam watched the coaches, gathered at the wall, watching him, expressions concerned. He gathered himself, turning his expression to stone. It was fine. He was fine. He had to show them he was tough enough for this. He couldn’t freak out every time he got checked.

Except once a guy hits the ice in a full-blown panic attack, the team gets a little nervous about hitting him again. He watched them skate around him, slowing down to let him pass. They moved slower, more deliberately. But it wouldn’t work long-term. Other teams weren’t going to leave him alone just because he was scared. He hated them, their pitying looks, their tense smiles. Fuck all of them.

He didn’t stop to talk to anyone when practice was over, not even Gansey.

He let himself take far too long in the shower. He couldn’t remember ever showering without worrying about the water bill, so he let himself enjoy then warmth as it washed over him. Once he was sure everyone else had left, he scrambled for his towel and clothes, changing as quickly as he could before returning to the main part of the locker room. Several of the guys had already left, so it wasn’t hard to avoid stares and questions. He didn’t want to talk to any of them ever again. He’d never been so embarrassed.

In the parking lot, a small crowd had gathered around a shiny, orange Camaro. He wanted to walk away. He wanted to get ahead on the reading for his Sociology class, and he hoped to find time to call Persephone and lie to her about how his first practice went great, and it was going to be a great year. But something drew him in. Whether it be fate or intuition, he wasn’t sure. Persephone used to call him perceptive. Maybe that was it.

Gansey sat in the driver’s seat, hopelessly turning his key in the ignition. A guttural growl came forth, but no signs of actual life. Blue, the team manager, was leaning out the passenger side window, yelling unhelpful instructions at Ronan as he fiddled helpless under the hood. Noah, in the backseat, stretched over the center console, face concerned. “I don’t have a fucking clue, man,” Ronan said. “You’re going to have to call Triple-A.”

“Need any help?” Adam asked.

“That depends,” Gansey said. “Do you happen to know anything about cars?”

“I know a thing or two.”

It turned out to be a faulty spark plug, a stupidly easy fix. Adam finished quickly and soon found himself in the backseat, tucked between Noah and Ronan on his way to Nino’s.

They led Adam straight to a booth at the back of the restaurant. He rushed ahead of Gansey to put his left side against the wall. Gansey slid in beside him, and the other three piled onto the opposite booth.

They ordered a large deep-dish pizza—half avocado and half sausage. Adam didn’t order anything other than water. He had a meal plan and had been taking full advantage of it. But he still couldn’t afford to be blowing what little money he had on pizza.

“You play hockey. You fix cars,” Gansey said. “What can’t you do?”

“Take a hit,” Ronan said.

Blue smacked his shoulder. “Shut the fuck up.” She turned to Adam. “Ignore him. We’re thinking about getting him a shock collar.”

Adam had known this outing was a bad idea. He’d been distracted by the hope of it all, their closeness, the way these guys knew each other better than anyone else. These were uncharted waters for Adam. He’d let them draw him in. But he knew better, and he had to keep reminding himself. He was unknowable. Untouchable. He was a functional machine made of broken pieces, and one day it would all come to a grinding halt. It was better to keep everyone else out of the way of the inevitable crash.

Gansey turned a stern glare to Ronan like he was about to scold a toddler. He opened his mouth to say something, but then shut it in a silent huff. He turned back to Adam. “Any other hobbies?”

Adam knew how to do lots of things, just nothing he’d call a hobby. His father had taught him how to protect his face. His mother had taught him how to lie. But Persephone had taught him how to play hockey. When he’d showed up at the rink, scrawny and hungry, searching for a third job, she’d seen him for what he was. She gave him a job cleaning the stands after games. She’d paid him more than he was worth and bought his equipment. Hockey was his ticket out of Henrietta, but there was one more thing she’d taught him.

“I can bake a mean pie.”

“I beg your pardon?” Gansey’s grin broke through his marble features. It made him look less noble than his previous politician-perfect smile. “Pies?”

He nodded.

“You should come bake at Monmouth,” Noah said. He bounced in his seat, an impatient gesture that shook the whole table.

“That is not a bad idea,” Gansey said. “We never have baked goods.”

“I made brownies last year,” Noah said.

“Those do not count.” Gansey shook a stern finger at Noah. “And you know why.”

When their waitress came back with the pizza, she sat it in the middle of the table and handed plates to each of them. Adam gently pushed his away. He didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.

“I’m sorry, Adam,” Gansey said, eyebrows pulled up in a concerned crease. “We should’ve asked what you wanted. We can order something else if you’d like.” His words said I was wrong, but his eyes said you poor thing. Adam hated pity.

“I’m fine,” he snapped. “I’m just not hungry.”

Ronan leaned over the table, grabbing a slice with sausage on it. It slapped onto the plate, and Ronan slid it forward, just under his face.

“Eat it anyway,” Ronan said. “You could use the fucking protein.”

Fuck Ronan Lynch.

He ate it anyway.

[clairenatural]

As someone who‘s body occasionally does stupid shit - once, when I was doing nothing in particular, I forgot how to breathe. Clearly it didn’t last, as I‘m still kicking, but it was terrifying, familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.

It feels like when you forget how to swallow (familiar), but also like you‘ve forgotten how to be human - a very real sense of existence being only the body you wear - and then there‘s the terror of “I’m not breathing” and what the fuck who tf just forgets how to breathe.

After freaking out and getting quite short of breath, I had to manually breathe for a bit before my body did the “oh yeah, that’s how it works” thing - kinda like after you get a cast taken off a joint and you have to move it manually for a bit before it remembers to move reflexively.

It’s been a decade or so since that happened, and it’s distant enough that it’s just one of those strange things that happened to me. Anyway, your story was most excellent in capturing that sort of feeling. Assuming you didn’t have a reference for that, you did very well putting yourself in those shoes long enough to accurately express how it feels. You have a gift with words.

Also I just realised I’m assuming other people forget how to swallow from time to time. I think that’s a thing? lol what if it isn’t and my body is stupider than I thought 😭

On a less existential note, Living Dead (from Electra Heart. I have interrupted my listening to this album with only an interlude of Snow Patrol’s Wildness) is playing in my ears as I’m typing, so there’s that

Aw thank u :') that sounds terrifying tbh. I've never just stopped breathing in an otherwise fine moment but I was approaching that fic from an anxiety angle–i realize I focused a lot more on the physical sensation that what's goin on inside his head but that's kinda how I experience/conceptualize my own anxiety/panic attacks? Honestly ofc there's more going on but the scariest part for me is when I'm like "ok time to breathe correctly!" and my lungs say "no ❤️" so that's what I went with. I'm glad I managed to accurately portray it!! :')

also forgetting how to swallow isn't just you, I'm pretty sure it's happened to me before 😭 bodies are so weird sometimes

[lovemesomesurveys]

[found at: --rainboweyes--]

When was the last time you did clay work/pottery? I’ve never done that. 

Do you like art, hate it or just not mind it?  I’m not artistic or creative myself, but I enjoy art.

If you had to choose would you prefer dull pain for 12 hours or sharp for 2?  I have chronic pain, sooo.

Koala or Kangaroo?  I’ll go with koalas.  Do you know the words to the national anthem of your country? Yeah.

Is your country ruled by a president, prime minister, queen or other? We have presidents.

Does blue occur in your national flag?  Yep.

Talking of flags. Do you like football/soccer?  I don’t care for sports in general. <<<

If yes, do you play and what position? If not, leave blank.

Would you rather be a Model, Famous Scientist, Singer or Chef? Out of those I’d say singer. I can’t sing, but in this scenario pretend I can.

Would you rather be a pilot, crime scene investigator or estate agent? Crime stuff interests me from a psychology aspect, but I wouldn’t want to be a crime scene investigator, but also I don’t have any interest at all in the other 2 options, sooo.

Does making others happy really make you feel happy?  It’s a good feeling. I don’t feel I make others happy, though. 

What color literally doesn't appear in your wardrobe at all? Brown.

Do you actually read the answers others give to your surveys [I do]?  I keep up with several of you through your surveys.

Did you ever swear at a teacher in school? Why? No.

Have you ever pricked your finger on Holly or another 'sharp' plant? No.

Speaking of Holly, do you adore Christmas or does it bug you?  I absolutely love Christmas.

Have you ever wrote your own short story? Yeah. I used to write short stories all the time when I was like 12/13.

What about a novel? Or perhaps you started and couldn't finish? No.

Either of the above, if this was the case, place short synopsis here: I wrote several.

Do you prefer SciFi/Fantasy/Action/Horror or Rom/Com/RealLife? Are we still talking about books? For the past couple years I’ve read a shit ton of murder mystery/psychological thrillers. I’ve been really into those. I like YA/NA as well.

What do you have a lot of faith in [note: can be anything]?  God.

Think of a material thing you want. Name it here (material, made or bought] I just ordered the book for my next Bible study, a set of nice journaling pens, a new notebook, and white-out tape.

Would $100/$60 be enough for this item? It would.

How about $1000/$600?  Uh, yeah. I’d have a shit ton of money leftover.

Would you rather have a big house, a lot of kids or a high flying job? A big house. It doesn’t have to be mansion big, just big enough to comfortably fit 4 adults and a doggo.

Have you ever been to a creepy/haunted/abandoned place? No, but I watch a lot of videos about abandoned places on YouTube. I find stuff like that really interesting.

What did it look like and what were the circumstances? This one channel I watch, BrightSunFilms, has found actual abandoned homes that still have all the stuff in there but no one has lived in in like a decade. It’s wild. They found home videos in one! Like that just boggles my mind. I need to know what happened. What’s the story? Why did they just leave everything behind? They look like whoever lived there had to quickly get away like there was a zombie attack or something. Super weird. This guy has been to abandoned malls, stores, amusement parks, hotels, and other random places. It just always trips me out when stuff is left behind, like photos, paperwork, etc. Like why?? Some of the hotels still have the beds.

What's your favorite dip? I’ve been really into spinach and artichoke dip with sourdough bread lately.

Chocolate Cookies or Fudge Brownies? Oh, fudge brownies all the way. 

I give you a little baby puppy. What do you name him? I’d have to see him first and see what seems fitting. See what vibe I get.

Is crime a big problem in your area? Unfortunately, yes.

What's your town/city most well known for? Nothing good.

Do you know a Jack? What's he like? Nope.

How about a Lisa? What's she like? I don’t know a Lisa.

Are most your friends older, younger or the same age as you? No friends.

Do you subconsciously hang out with those with the same star sign as you or as each other, perhaps due to certain personality traits? Think about it: No. I don’t believe in astrology, but there was only one other Leo in my former friend group. It’s possible there were others at some point, but I didn’t pay attention to that kind of stuff.

Name 5 objects that you don't have but would like right now? Right this moment? I don’t know, it’s almost 5AM I’m not wanting anything really right now.

When you have children, would you like twins?  I don’t want to have children.

Do you know any twins? If so, what are they called? I do; Aleksa and Maci.

If you were given the choice to choose your child’s gender, would you?

What instrument would you love to learn how to play?  I wish I could get into the piano again.

Does the sound of knocking/tapping startle you? Yes. I’m such a jumpy person.

What's the scariest story/urban legend/creepypasta etc you heard?  One that just came to mind is the one where a girl is driving alone at night and a car behind seems to be following her and they flash their headlights and whatnot and the girl is really creeped out. She drives to a police station or somewhere and the person following them gets out and alerts them that they were trying to get their attention because there’s someone in her backseat and skjsklfjkds that always gives me the chills. It was a story in that “Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark” book, which I read as a kid, and it always stuck with me. It was a good lesson to always check your backseat before getting in your car!

Do you miss someone currently? I’ll always miss my loved ones who have passed away.

When was the last time you were in hospital? What for [if comfy saying]? Back in 2012 because I had to have intestinal surgery.

When was the last time you went to the dentist? It’s been awhile. :X

Do you get along well with your family doctor/your doctor? I like my primary and the wound specialist doctor I see, but I have issues with my pain doctor.

What personality trait does nearly everyone in your family seem to have? I think we all have a good sense of humor.

The survey’s ended. I hope you enjoyed it. :) Thanks.

[nomnomsik]

To Catch a Dream - 16 | End

Summary: It’s difficult for Yoongi, who’s completely infatuated with you, to quietly remain your college friend. With a slow appearance of unusual tendencies in him, he realizes what he needs to do to attain his dream. However, jealousy and possession are universal in everyone.

Word Count: 3.4K

A/N: Thank you for this journey. From the bottom of my heart... Thank you.

Trigger warning: yandere themes, unhealthy relationships, profanity, yelling, manipulation, panic attack, mental breakdown, and physical abuse. Please do not read if you are sensitive to these topics.

| 01 || 02 || 03 || 04 || 05 || 06 || 07 || 08 || 09 || 10 || 11 || 12 || 13 || 14 || 15 ||

“Hearts are made to be broken.” ― Oscar Wilde

»»————- ♡ ————-««

Jimin stared at his phone, his fingers tapping against its glass in a rhythm as he stared absentmindedly outside the cafe window. Across from him, the quiet younger boy observed his facial expressions, a cold brew mocha frappuccino in front of him, water droplets flowing down from outside the plastic. 

“Hyung?” 

The older hummed, waking up the screen of his phone to no notifications. He sighed, his fingertips brushing through his hair as he finally gave his attention to the younger in front of him. 

"Hyung, are you alright?" 

“Yes, I think so.” 

“You… think so?” Jungkook repeated, taking a sip of his cold and iced drink. 

“Ye-” Jimin was suddenly interrupted by the vibration of Jungkook’s phone as the younger quickly looked at the screen, placing his cup down onto the table. 

“Oh, it’s Mom.” He muttered, accepting the call and bringing it to his ear. “Hi mom.” 

Jimin quickly took interest as Jungkook’s face contorted into confusion. It was infuriatingly annoying for Jimin as he struggled to pick up the soft words from the other line. He wanted to know what she was saying too… However, the chatter of the cafe and noise from the staff as they quickly worked out drinks, it was nearly impossible. 

“What?!” Jungkook seethed, lowering his head in hopes to keep his voice down. “Ok, ok, ok… Yeah, I will. Mhm...No problem...Okay, bye…” 

Jimin instantly brought his head closer to which Jungkook responded to. 

“Mom said… Something’s wrong?” 

“What?” 

“I don’t know, hyung. She said y/n called her and she was acting strange.” 

Jimin laughed. “Strange? How strange? That’s so vague… Is it serious?” 

“I think so… She sounded serious… She mentioned visiting their new place but Yoongi could barely look at her. His head was down and before she could ask, he suddenly disappeared into the laboratory.” 

“That… doesn’t sound good.” Jimin gulped, standing up from his seat. “Do you think…?” 

“It might, not going to lie.” Jungkook sighed. 

“But… it doesn’t make sense…” Jimin murmured softly. Wasn't it be reversed? 

Yoongi was the one that hurt you. He saw the evidence himself. He even told you when he called you. It was why he followed his gut feeling. It was why he decided to help you out of your horrible relationship. He was betting that you were in a bad relationship from the start, even if he did joke about it. Your family would like him instead, you would cave into him and spill your troubles. He would gain your favor, but of course, in the end, he didn’t need it. 

But now… You were the one that was starting trouble? That didn't make sense! 

“Jungkook,” The boy piped up, looking over his shoulder. “I’ll go check up on them. I’ll let you know if anything happens, okay?” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yup. I think… I think I realized what’s going on. Trust me.” Jimin gave the younger a confident smirk and small wave before running off to his car. 

“Wait, hyung! Give me a ride first! Wait!!!!” The boy whined desperately as Jimin drove off. “Hyung!!!” 

»»————- ♡ ————-««

It made sense. That call, it all made sense. Looking at his phone for the address that you had sent him after your call like you promised, you didn’t know just how helpful it was to have it now. The elevator carried him up to your floor, his feet bringing him as he ran through the hallway, only to find himself overlooking the city, your apartment room at the far end. 

He gave a few hard knocks on the door, waiting outside for an answer. As you opened it, you slightly peaked out, only to find Jimin. 

“Hi.” Jimin smiled, giving you a small wave. Jimin stepped in, leaving his shoes on as he stood in the hallway.

“What do you want?” You grumbled roughly, turning your back on him. Your fingers found the end of your shirt, bunching it as you tightened your grip. 

“Y/n,” Jimin started, hesitancy laced in his voice as he stared at your back. “I needed to talk to you… about Yoongi.” You turned your head to the side, your interest peaked. 

“If I can be blunt, I don’t think your relationship is...healthy. You’re…” His voice trailed off, his eyes looking down at the floor. He gulped, trying to regain his confidence. “You’re hurting him, aren’t you. You’re doing exactly what he did to you… You’re blaming him too, right?"

“Jimin, just leave please,” you spoke in a sigh, ruffling your hair. 

“Y/n, please. You need to understand. This isn’t right.” He insisted, taking a few steps forward. 

"Jimin," you warned. "I said leave. Do you need me to escort you out?" You snapped, shooting a deadly glare. 

"Y/n, you're better than this…"

With a sudden outburst, you finally exploded, dumping out months of stress, fear, and anger that overtook all rational thought.  

“You wouldn’t understand!” You yelled, your face contorted in anguish as you glared at him. “What do you know? You didn’t go through all the shit I went through!”

As your anger built up, the memories resurfaced making your body shake and spasm. The times he had poisoned, tricked, and lashed out at you blurred all reason for your actions. “It made sense!” 

You let out a laugh, hugging yourself. Maybe everything would feel better.

“I’m still normal. I’m absolutely fine. I’ve always been myself!” 

Jimin just stared at you, his face blank, completely void of emotion as he watched you crumble down. He stood over you as you began another breakdown, your body beginning to fail at its basic functions. He watched as your arms rapidly shook and how your body convulsed. You tried to bring your hands up to cradle your head, to somehow ease the pain. 

What was the point?

His eyes wandered to Yoongi’s sprawled out figure on the ground, the collar of his shirt pulled down to display all the red marks that littered his body, bloody and bruised. Yoongi’s eyes were peacefully closed, his breathing normal. Jimin looked at him with pity, wishing he could freeze time so Yoongi could be in this ethereal and peaceful state forever. A moment of time where he no longer had to feel pain. He was truly at peace. 

You got Jimin’s attention back as you tried to stand back up, your legs shaking. He noticed how your hair was disheveled from your constant grabbing and pulling. You dragged your feet, making your way over to Yoongi’s sleeping figure. Pulling him up, you jerked his body, hoping to wake him up. He groaned, his hand coming up to his face. 

“Yoongi,” you cooed, kissing his cheek. “Wake up baby~” He nudged himself into your body, enjoying the warmth you gave him. You embraced him back, your breathing coming back to normal. He hummed, slowly opening his eyes to adjust to the light that seeped into the living room. 

Jimin watched the pair with a frightened look on his face. There’s absolutely no way Yoongi was okay with this, right? Why did he seem like it was the most normal thing in the world?

“Yoongi,” Jimin’s voice broke through, earning the attention of the male. Yoongi looked up at him with curiosity, unsure why he was in his living room. “Are you alright?... Are you truly okay with this?” 

Jimin noticed the way Yoongi’s eyes widened, his body cowering back to you in some sort of fear. Guilt and fear.

“I don’t think he wants to talk about it.” You snapped, rubbing Yoongi’s back as his arms wrapped around your body. 

“Yoongi!” Jimin shouted this time. “Stop being an idiot. You know this is wrong!” 

You furrowed your eyes as Jimin whispered something under his breath, only for you to hear it. 

“Just come with me.” 

He took another step from the hallway, entering the living room. Yoongi looked down in shame, burying his head into your neck. 

Yoongi clenched his hand, shaking his head in refusal. Deep in his heart, there was a feeling of guilt. It was as if he deserved this. After all, considering what he had done to you, this was nothing. 

It was a fitting situation for him. It was a way to make up for his wrongdoings; he needed to accept all the physical and verbal pain you gave him. He did the same thing. All the pain he has dished out was rightfully coming back to him. 

Why does he get the leniency of leaving? 

He increased the intensity as he shook his head rapidly, tightly gripping onto your clothes. His strong hold on you was the scariest.

He was scared of losing you too.

You, on the other hand, had enough of Jimin trying to tear down Yoongi’s trust in you. You had spent months restoring it, and now you had power. 

You wanted power, you wanted it so badly so you would no longer be hurt, so you could use that power to protect yourself. In your mind, it felt like years of living for the dreams of others. 

Every single action you took, it was not because you truly wanted to do it, but it was the seed that was planted in you, disrupting your judgment. You were not about to let Jimin tear all of that down. 

“Jimin. Get. Out.” You seethed, gently supporting Yoongi’s head and leaning him on the back of the couch. Walking towards Jimin, you pushed his chest with all your strength to get him closer to the door. 

“Yoongi!” Jimin shouted. “You don’t owe her anything! I’m not saying what you did to her was right-” Jimin resisted you, firmly planting his foot down.”But treating you like this? Just because you did something awful to her before?!” He rose his voice, resisting your strength. 

“She said herself that you are normal now! So why does she think she can treat you this way? Why does she think it’s okay to stoop down to your level? Huh?! Answer me!” He held his hand onto the wall, his feet trying to dig into the wooden floors even more. 

“Yoongi! Make the right choice!” Jimin yelled again from the hallway. “She doesn’t deserve you. And! She doesn’t respect you!” He roughly pushed you off him, but you resisted, pushing back at him. “Is this the person you wanted to fall in love with? Is this the person you dreamed of spending your life with? Is this the dream you wanted?!”  

“OUT!” You gave Jimin a harsh push, watching as he stumbled and fell onto the ground. You let out a labored breath. 

“I!”

“LOVE!”

“HIM!” 

Jimin grit his teeth as he pushed himself up. “You don’t love him. You call this love?” 

“Just shut up!” You screamed. “What do you know about love? At least I’m not a disgusting manwhore who fools around, cheating on my partner.” 

Jimin’s furrowed his eyes, twitching as he kept his composure. He motioned his hands in the air, gesturing ‘everything’. 

“I’ve learned, y/n!” Jimin shouted back. “I love someone and I’m been trying to be a better person, unlike you!” Jimin took a deep breath before continuing. “How about you? You don’t love him. You’re just too afraid to lose him!”

“What did you just say?!” 

“You only keep Yoongi because he gives you attention. You're a pleaser, only trying to satisfy your parents! Your love is fake. You love Yoongi because he gives you attention! This is the farthest thing from love, y/n!” 

“That’s not true at all!” You shouted back. “What do you know about my relationship?!”

With that, Yoongi suddenly found himself on his feet, his legs weak and shaking. He felt like his body was on fire, your marks and slaps leaving a burned singe every time you hit him. It was as if every step he took, his injuries only burned hotter, sending a sharp sensation up his body. His tired feet carried him into the hallway as he saw Jimin fight you off. 

Jimin’s words struck a chord in his heart, causing tears to roll down his eyes as he buried his face into his hands. 

Yoongi opened his mouth to say something, his lips dry and cracked. Instead, he brought his arms around your body, hugging you and pulling you off Jimin. You yelped in anger, your body struggling against him as you tried to lunge back at your enemy. 

“Y/n, look here.” 

Yoongi’s sweet voice carried itself to your ear, melting your body into him like butter. Although his voice was hoarse because of his own tears, to you it sounded as sweet as it had always been. 

As he looked into your tear-stained eyes, they were evidently bloodshot, your face also covered in tears like him. You looked up at him, your vision completely blurred. 

How you never got tired of looking at him. He was so delicate and beautiful from the way his fringe hung over his forehead. Wrapping your arms around him, you cried into his chest, the warmest feeling in the world.

Yoongi stared at you, his eyes blank. How late was it until he realized he no longer felt this way? 

You were crying in front of him, your arms seeking his comfort. But… He couldn’t find it in himself to pat the top of your head like he always did, reassuring you of the future or any of your fears. 

His love was sucked out of him. He was too tired to treat you how he always did. All his life, you were the one he loved. It was a dream for him to be with you forever. It was cliche, but when you finally accepted him, he never forgot the way his heart finally felt full. It was something that told him to remember that he finally caught it. He secured it with his two hands as he wanted to nurture it, watching and waiting for it to bloom. 

Would have it been better if he had never fallen in love with you? 

He placed a finger on your cheek, gently caressing your skin in a soothing motion. As he stared at you, a flood of memories resurfaced in his mind. He truly loved you, even the you now. He knew. 

When you truly love someone, you want them to be happy. When you truly love someone, you’re willing to sacrifice everything. When you truly love someone, you’re willing to let them go so they could be happier in the end. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, trying to suppress the urge to scream his lungs out and cry out into the sky. “I’m so sorry… so sorry… y/n… I'm so sorry…I’m sorry I couldn’t make you fall in love with me like I thought I could.”

His tears streamed down his face like an uncontrollable torrent, as he wept with his arms around you. He held and squeezed you, torn on whether he could truly let you go. It reminded him of college when he finally had you in his arms after a long day. It reminded him of how he had promised himself to hold you a bit longer each day, afraid that one day you might leave him. 

As he let his arms fall back to his side, he watched as you turned to look at him with confusion. Your eyes widened as you saw Yoongi make small steps away from you. 

Where were you going, Yoongi?

His head was spinning, almost ready to pass out onto the ground. With Jimin’s outstretched hand, Yoongi reached for it, their fingers connecting. Jimin grabbed him, afraid Yoongi would turn back out of overthinking. 

“Y-yoongi?”

In an instant, Yoongi’s head snapped back. Your poor face, full of tears because of him. 

“Let’s go, Yoongi. Yoongi! Quickly!” Jimin whispered, opening the apartment door, his arm leading Yoongi out. Yoongi looked back, his face full of sadness as he looked at you one last time.

“Yoongi… Yoongi! I love you!” You cried out, your whole body sagging. “I love you so much, Yoongi!”

“Y/n… I’m sorry…I wished, I truly wished that this could’ve worked out. I’m so sorry for all the things I’ve done to you. I know you won’t ever forgive me? But I’m sorry.” 

“Yoongi… Yoongi..!” You sobbed. 

“Are you really leaving me?” 

Yoongi’s throat constricted harshly as Jimin gave him a worried look, afraid he’d go back into your dangerous clutches. Jimin tugged his hand, earning his attention and remembering, he had to do the right thing. For himself and for you. 

“Yes. I am.” 

Your eyes widened as you looked at the wooden floors in defeat. He really was leaving. He was leaving you. He didn’t want you anymore.

He lied to you.

With a small whisper, you forced a smile, contrasting the flood of tears that endlessly poured down your face. 

“Please, tell me you love me.” 

“I can’t…” 

“Yoongi!” You screamed at the top of your lungs. “Please, please please, one last time, even if it’s not real! Please, Yoongi. Please!” You cried out as you fell onto your knees with a loud thud. 

“It’ll hurt even more.” He choked out, streams of tears dripping from his chin and onto the ground. 

Jimin looked at the couple in heartache, his heart no longer enraged. He had watched these two since the college days. He had cared for each, and as he watched both of them crumble right before his eyes, sorrow overtook him. He doubted himself for a second, almost letting go of Yoongi’s hand, to let him go back. 

“Please.” You begged.

“Promise me you’ll take care of yourself.”

“I promise. Please, please. Yoongi, I promise!  Just one last time. I feel like I can’t breathe.”

For a second, Yoongi felt pity overcome his body as he stared at your desperate pleas. 

“I love you, y/n.”

With that, the light that poured into the dark apartment was brief, instantly disappearing as the door shut and closed.

The apartment is empty, no longer filled with another life with you. The warmth is gone, nothing left besides the tick of the clock that continually went on as if to mock you to move on. On your knees, you looked at the floor, unable to comprehend what happened. This was all just a terrible dream right? A dream that you were going to wake up from soon? A dream that once you wake up from, you’ll be comforted by Yoongi, his sweet voice dripping with affection as he tells you that you’re alright. 

With great difficulty, you stumbled, picking yourself up as you slowly walked over to the living room. On top of the small table was the small photo frame. You clutched it and immediately brought it to your chest, feeling an emptiness in your body. When you looked back at it, Yoongi was smiling at you as you posed with him to the camera. You fell again onto the ground with a thud, crying without restraint. 

Was this not love? What did Jimin mean that this wasn't love?

If it’s not love, why does my heart hurt so much? If it’s not love, why do I wish I could never have met him. If this wasn’t love, why do I wish I had rejected him in the first place. 

The apartment was full of silence as you collapsed on the floor, your eyes closing as you thought of him. So many broken promises that you’d remember for the rest of your life, hoping to never fall in love again. He had promised to marry you, to always love you, and when you dwelled on these broken promises, you felt you could no longer live. 

You drowned in your guilt, letting vengeance take over as you remembered the sensation as you hit him, unable to satisfy the need to take revenge. For all the pain he caused you, inside, you wanted to dish out the same. And now that you laid there on your knees, you realized how wrong you were. How wrong Yoongi was. How both of you failed.

What was the last kiss like, the last intimate moment in the sheets with Yoongi's sweet words, laced with honey, the last time he looked at you like you were the only thing in the world that mattered? With a final sob, you squeezed your eyes shut, your body falling to the floor. 

“I want to see you again...I want to go back and fix everything… I just want to love you again.” 

[ Epilogue ] 

[takaraphoenix]

Disney for the ask game

Thanks for playing! I’m gonna go ahead and assume animated movies only. xD”

Top 5 favourite characters: Aurora, Fa Mulan, Flynn Rider, Hades, Hiro Hamada

Other characters you like: Marie (Aristocats), Bagheera, Tod (The Fox and th Hound), Tinkerbell, Judy Hopps

Least favourite characters:E L S A

Otps: Maleficent/Aurora, Shere Khan/Bagheera, Moana Waialiki/Merida, Fa Mulan/Aurora, Copper/Tod (The Fox and the Hound), Eugene Fitzherbert/Rapunzel, Tarzan/Jane, Tiana/Charlotte LaBouff

Notps: Jack Frost/Elsa, Nick Wilde/Judy Hopps, honestly probably a lot of others too but nothing I can think of right now or may not even be aware of - though generally, I am very on board with canon Disney ships, surprisingly enough

Favourite friendships: Tiana and Charlotte are great, I love Bagheera and Baloo, Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps too!

Favourite family: Clearly the found family of Lilo & Stitch - Nani, Lilo, Stitch, David, Jumba and Pleakley!

Favourite episodes: mmmh doesn’t really apply here

Favourite season/book/movie: damn, you can’t just ask my favorite. When it comes to Disney movies, it’s more of a tie than a clear Top Five that can be sorted, because all are equally good to me, in different aspects. Sleeping Beauty, Mulan, Lilo & Stitch and Hercules

Favourite quotes:sooo not a quotes kinda gal

Best musical moment: ...why would you do this to me? *distressed sounds* Okay, so, this doesn’t ask best musical number but best musical moment. Now, do bear in mind that I’m German and watch these movies in German. So do not ask me what the English names of things are. But Hercules when Hercules had that moment of wanting to prove himself, like that song was the antheme of my childhood, I still feel that song vibrating in my heart. There are a whole lot of strong, good musical moments in the long history of Disney movies, but this one is just so very dear to me and speaks to me hard...

Moment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest: I MEAN SHIT CLEARLY WHEN ALL OF CHINA KNELT BEFORE MULAN LIKE, THAT IS THE BEST

When it really disappointed you:when they said “fuck creativity, gimme that nostalgia money��� and dialed back on original movies in favor of lame shallow live-action remakes of animated classics YOU CAN STILL WATCH. You can LITERALLY just put that Cinderella in and watch it, no need for that horrendous remake (I swear, these fucking hyper-realistic mice with those gigantic cartoon eyes are terrifying and were a not good decision)

Saddest moment: Mufasa’s death, hands down

Most well done character death:...Mufasa’s death, hands down xD”

Favourite guest star: yeah no this is asking too much of me and let’s be real this is gonna be useless to y’all non-Germans even if I know the answer xD

Favourite cast member: seriously I am not good with voice actors and remembering names of those; actors, when I actually get to see faces, sure, but voice-actors...

Character you wish was still alive: SO MANY MOTHERS. Seriously, they killed off so many moms to have Single Dads take care of their daughters... -_-

One thing you hope really happens: I wished they would go back to making fairy tale adaptations. But... I mean ACTUAL adaptations. Not that shit they pulled with Frozen where they took the Snow Queen out of The Snow Queen and literally only kept that one around and changed EVERY SINGLE ASPECT of the story. And it’s not even the first offender; Tangled had barely anything to do with Rapunzel at all. Princess and the Frog was at least up-front about it with the book and the comparison. But let’s... let’s go back to when Disney actually adapted fairy tales and gave half a shit about said fairy tales? Because otherwise, you could just make ORIGINAL MOVIES! :D”““

Most shocking twist: uuuuuuuuuh I got nothing

When did you start watching/reading?: I mean... when I was a tiny kiddo? xD

Best animal/creature: Bagheera! *^*

Favourite location: Atlantica?

Trope you wish they would stop using: killed off mom :D”

One thing this show/book/film does better than others:I does great story-telling usually and it’s beautiful animation most of the time?

Funniest moments: there are a lot; I don’t really have a favorite

Couple you would like to see: I... I am past the point of wanting to see a gay Disney couple, tbh. They showed how little they care about the community and how cringey and offensive their version of ““representation”“ is so... I got nothing

Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: again; would be useless to you and I don’t really know anyway xD”

Favourite outfit: AURORA’S DRESS *^*

Favourite item: uuuhm Triton’s trident?

Do you own anything related to this show/book/film?: lol too many things, yes xD” I have a large variety of Disney figures! ^-^

What house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in?: I would be a Flounder-like fearful sidekick xD

Most boring plotline: recent sequels - Incredibles 2 and Finding Dory - because old sequels sure were cringey and weird but shit happened. These new sequels are literally just the exact same shit reheated... =_=

Most laughably bad moment:Pocahontas II going “you know what this needs? This needs a sequel where she goes to England to fall in love with a whole different male character and forcibly try to be an English Lady!”... It was so cringey that the thought someone thought this was a good idea is downright funny??

Best flashback/flashfoward if any: Let’s translate that to prequel/sequel, okay? Then I’d go with Rescuers Down Under - I love that movie. The only case of “sequel is actually better than OG movie”

Most layered character: This may actually be asking too much, tbh. There are just too many characters to judge that...

Most one dimensional character: Probably a whole lot, considering how many characters there ARE...

Scariest moment: the whole entire fucking Nightmare Before Christmas. Damn that thing haunted me for months and I watched it for the first time when I was sixteen (...it’s mainly because stopmotion is my absolute Kryptonite...)

Grossest moment: Fart jokes

Best looking male: Eugene Fitzherbert? xD

Best looking female: Maleficent! *^*

Who you’re crushing on (if any): I mean. Maleficent. But please do note ANIMATED NOT THAT SHITTY CRAP REMAKE. Not because Angelina Joulie isn’t absolutely gorgeous but THEY DIDN’T EVEN GIVE HER GREEN SKIN

Favourite cast moment: Don’t know any of that ^^°

Favourite transportation: The flying carpet?

Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): The opening of The Lion King is so incredibly stunning *^*

Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you:oh Frozen left me with a lot of those. But definitely not enough to put myself through that sequel and also that shit shoulda been explained in the first movie so there is that :D”

Best promo: ahahaha *weeping* when they claimed that Maleficent was going to take my favorite villainess and give her the Wicked treatment. You... You REALLY had me fooled there and got my cinema going money to see that pathetic excuse of a “woman was abused by man and turns evil” crap like holy shit this has nothing to do with Wicked get that away from me, Mal had SO MUCH potential and you did nothing with it ;-;

At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: I mean, as a little kid. Probably around The Lion King?

IN DEPTH FANDOM QUESTIONS

[nomimits7]

Undecided Chapter 1...

Title: Undecided Pt 1

Genre: Investigation, murder, masked behaviour.

Warnings: murder, psychotic behaviour, might be triggering.

Members: Detective OT7 x Forensic scientist Reader

Note: Phrases like this are just add-ins to help with the story line… If they confuse you, feel free to ask!

Summary: Moving overseas for a once in a lifetime job offer was one of the scariest things Y/N ever did. That was until she got stuck in a twisted investigation of random murders, all with one link but no leads. Closing in on the culprit(s) Y/N doesn’t realize the danger she’s getting into. With no family or friends, can Y/N dare to trust those seven closest to her with her life?

Thanks Geek for being the best beta reader ever!! @feed-my-geek-soul 

Prologue 

•♡•

Death: The personification of the power that destroys life, often represented in art and literature as a skeleton or an old man holding a scythe.

•♡•

“Who do we have here...?” 

 Most people are not given the privilege to choose between life or death, the choice is made for them. Most people would choose life if they were ever given the chance, but you? You were different.  

Death has always fascinated you. You used to binge watch documentaries on serial killers, read hundreds if not thousands of books on murder, even your school speeches all revolved around the minds of these criminals. This is something you slowly fell in love with. The mystery, the way they think, but most of all the way they always got caught for their unholy crimes. It was during one of these moments you realized YOU wanted to be the one bringing their fantasies and creepy fetishes to an end. The idea of taking something away from someone that took a life, was like your own personal high.

After completing school, you followed your dreams and studied to become a Forensic scientist. After only 4 years you had your Honours degree and ready to take on the big bad world out there. This proved to be way much more difficult than you initially thought it would be. Finding a decent job as a female forensic scientist was nearly impossible. Most companies only wanted males or more experienced females. They always found some or other excuse to not hire you, to afraid of the risk.

“We’re sorry to inform you that the position requires someone a bit more experienced Miss Y/N”

It’s not you, it’s the system. You knew you were one of the best out there, but clearly being born without a third leg dangling uselessly in between your sturdier legs was a problem. A big problem.

Your country, well they’re still getting use to the whole ‘Women are equal to men’ thing. The chance of you finding a job even as an intern was next to nothing. Again, the risk was just to big.

“I just don’t get it… I can do an even better job than anyone of those three-legged idiots they call men,” you said before pouting into your coffee. Your best friend Lusai just sat there and patiently listened to your mumbling. He was always the best at giving advice on life problems, especially yours. This man you have known for almost 15 years. This man knew you better than you knew yourself.

“Lusai, what should I do?” You whined as his silence became too much to bear. “Come on, you know me better than I know myself. What’s next for Y/N?”

The red-headed, green eyed male stared directly into your eyes. Your best friend was handsome. Red heads being the rare species, he was a well-known ladies’ man. Alongside his green eyes, he even made you swoon from time to time. Clearly, he was doing something right, you see your dear Lusai wasn’t the thinnest or ‘muscle mania’ type of man, no, he was a solid, tall guy that picked up girls like it was a daily trip to the local supermarket.

“Y/N” he sighed. “You know dam well what to do! Just keep looking. Take a breath and keep going. Somewhere someone will see your talents.”

Wise words always seem to leave his mouth. Either that or you were just way to desperate. Even though he was the definition of a fuckboy, he was a smart fuckboy. Both in life and sex.

“See, that’s why I always come to you first!” you said as a smile spread across his plump pink lips.

“Yeah, I was your first everything” He retorted with a smirk.

It’s true. Your best friend was your first everything. Maybe being best friends with your ‘first crush’, ‘first kiss’, ‘first make out’ and ‘first sexual contact’ wasn’t the best idea ever. But hey, the idiot crept into your heart and well, he’s stuck there now. You still love the guy to death, but you always learn from your mistakes. Him, being a painful reminder of that.

“Whatever.” You bite back.

A comfortable silence settles in between you as you slowly sipped the rest of your drink. You loved how you could sit in complete silence and still share so much with someone. The rest of the day consisted of interviews and shopping.

In summary… it was fruitless.

Nonetheless you chose to take Lusai’s advice and keep trying. Somewhere out there, someone will see that you are worth the risk. You are passionate about your work and that’s what makes you different from the rest.

It wasn’t long until you found yourself in the same coffee shop, at the same table, sitting across the same person, drinking the same dam coffee. You were in need of something stronger than coffee. Unfortunately, you hate alcohol as much as you hate rejection. Your hope of finding that dream job was slowly fading. Lusai was a smart boy, and so he did what most smart people would do if a friend was on the brink of depression and self-pity, he made a horrible joke.

“So, the other day I bought a bottle of still water.” He began.

With confused eyes you looked at him expectantly.

“I bought that bottle and threw the water down the drain.” He said as he took a sip of his drink.

“Why did you buy water just to throw it out again?” you asked a little annoyed.

“I wanted to set the water free” he was now staring at you, his face void of any emotion. A beat went by as you sat there, dumbfounded, only to burst out into a fit of laughter.

“There we go! There’s the Y/N I know” he said with a chuckle.

“I hate you, you know that right?” You said as you attempted to punch the speed devil.

He simply shook his head as silence once again took a hold of the atmosphere. You must be doing something wrong. Your studies included practical practice, yet you are seen as inexperienced. You got lost in your jumble of thoughts until Lusai cleared his throat across from you. You turned your attention back to him as his worried eyes made contact with yours.

“Y/N” he began with a shaky breath. “Maybe, just maybe you shouldn’t limit yourself to our country. I mean, you always wanted to travel. Maybe this is just a sign that you should search overseas.” He carefully added. Examining your face as he waited for your reply. Like most people out there, packing up and leaving everyone and everything you ever knew behind scared the living shit out of you. It has been one of your many dreams to see the world yes, but leaving completely without certainty of returning? That scared you.

“I- We’ll see” was all you could say. What more can a scared brave girl say when you had no right to show your weak side? Even though Lusai knew you, you never allowed him the opportunity to see you as a weak woman. And now was no exception.

His words definitely stuck with you. That very evening you began your wild search into the great unknown pages called the internet. You found hundreds of opportunities, but none of them struck your interest. Either it was just an office job (which was a big no, you needed to be out there and not locked up behind a creaking old desk signing papers) or they were just simple internships with little to no pay. None screamed your name, until you came across a rather unusual advertisement.

 Z private Investigators.

Needed: Forensic Scientist.

No skills needed nor any experience. We have enough staff to help with the basics.

Status of request: Urgent.

Contact Mr Kim if you are interested. 08**-9634-09**or Zinvertigators@crimelab.co

Well, this should be interesting. It was as if this advertisement was made just for you. You clicked on the link and that’s how you delved into this company’s history.

“It’s located in South Korea, some place called Busan at the moment. But its almost like a company on wheels. They move around a lot to different cities. At the moment there’s seven employees, all men. There were unfortunately no photos whatsoever.” You explained to Lusai over the phone as you sat crossed legged on your bed still scrolling through their homepage.

“Well? What are you waiting for? Apply Y/N. Working with seven men can’t be that bad. And you’ll get to travel! Maybe this is what you have been waiting for, the worst that can happen is receiving a no.” Lusai said

After hanging up you got started on your email:

Good day Mr Kim,

My name is Y/N. I have recently Graduated with my honour’s degree in Forensic science. I’m 20 years old. I know I am way to young, but I was home schooled. Attached is my resume.

I hope to hear from you soon

Kind regards,

Y/N

And just like that you found yourself a mere week later, on your way to the airport for a personal interview. Mr Kim had responded with the exact words: ‘For a 20-year-old your resume is sure impressive. You sound like a very intriguing girl, I can’t wait to meet you. We don’t believe in interviews over the phone. How soon can you fly out?’ Now here you are saying goodbye to your closest relatives on your way to the great unknown.

The flight was probably the scariest part of the whole ordeal. The shaking of the plane as turbulence took over for what seemed like an eternity, definitely made you thankful for every blessing you have received. The fact that you were alone on a man-made bird and the fact that you were sitting next to a creep, his hand kept ‘accidentally’ touch your left thigh, wasn’t helping. When the plane landed some 20 hours later you were more than happy to get the hell off the overgrown chunk of metal.

Walking out of the plane you saw a masked man standing near the window with your name scribbled on a paper. This guy was completely dressed in black. He had long, defined legs (in skinny jeans that did wonders for his thighs, if you were being completely honest), broad shoulders covered in a very loose fitted black hoodie, completed with a face mask and fishers hat hiding his hair completely. His eyes though, big brown ones, they were calculating.

As you walked over to this black ninja looking assassin you gave yourself the most needed pep talk.

“Just breathe, no one knows you other than Mr Kim. Fact they don’t even know what you look like. You are fine, just peachy. Oooh shit I’m getting closer. Shut it! you got this girl. Just bre-“

“H-Hi, I’m Y/N.” You said as you came face to face with this mystery man in black denim, and really good-looking thighs. You could see him smile under his mask. He nodded to you and turned around. Awkwardly you followed him to a big black SUV. Without a word he ushered you inside and off you went. The ride was silent as you stared out the window. You had no idea where you were going but soon the van left the city and entered a quieter scene of houses and apartments. Slowly your eyes got heavier as sleep overtook you. So many questions haunted your dreams, so many.

You woke with a small gasp as you felt someone’s hands on your thighs. Looking up you came face to face with, yet another, masked man in all black. This was someone else. Someone with soft yet dangerous eyes. This time, though, the unknown man removed his mysterious mask.

Time stopped as you came face to face with heaven. This man had brown almost almond coloured hair, his soft deep almost black orbs stared straight at you. He gave you a boxy grin as he saw you taking his god-like features in. His deep voice startled you as you got lost in those mysterious orbs for eyes.

“Hi Y/N, Welcome to Busan. My name is Kim Taehyung. Or Mr Kim, whichever you prefer. This is the place you will be staying, I do hope it’s to your liking. We’ll give you a day or two to adjust. I’ll let you know when your interview will be. I’m so sorry for leaving you alone like this but we have some business to attend to. Have a peaceful evening Y/N.” Taehyung said as he stood up. He helped you out of the van and before long you found yourself, yet again, alone.

That evening after packing away your stuff and making yourself at home with a bottle of wine and a Domino’s pizza, you couldn’t help but let your mind drift back to the almond haired man you met. Taehyung. Those eyes made your skin tingle, and not in an arousing way. There lurked a sense of danger behind them, a danger that perked your senses with curiosity.

As you sat on the couch your curiosity got the best of you. Seeing as you were too tired to take in your surroundings, you decided to do your own little research on the boss before you go for your interview. Pulling out your laptop you opened Naver and began your escapade into the life of Mr Kim.

“Huh? He… he doesn’t exist? How does someone not exist on the internet?” Even you can be found with a simple search of your name. Hell, your whole life’s history could be found through a simple search and a click or two. Interesting, interesting indeed.

That evening you went to bed with even more questions than answers.

 Oh, if only you knew what you were getting into…

Chapter 2

And there you have the first chapter... I hope you enjoyed it. Don’t be shy to ask if something is unclear... Love you <3 

Tag list: @gukptune @theweirdkidsontheblock @sugasheart @sugashaye @bulletproof-fanfics @carirosesg @crazy-fangirl-10 @waitingforanangel @deafeningstudentdreamergoth @slimou13 @autumnboo126 @chaechaebean217 @littlepinknightmare @sugasheart @kimmieann @nvghtlytae @part-time-patronus @ohmyspook69 @girlwith-thecinder-blockgarden @allayna24 @mikaelaaaaaaa713 @shyfox101 @djumbreon @bangtanwifey14 @honeydewseoks

If you want to be tagged in the next chapter, like this chapter !

p.s. Some names tumblr refuse to tag... I am so sorry, I did try

[lets-talk-appella]

i’m nobody’s but yours

Chapter 11/25 - Beca

Summary: Beca is straight as an arrow. 100%, totally, completely straight. Except for one problem that 100%, totally, completely changes everything: Chloe Beale.

Title borrowed from Calum Scott’s “If Our Love Is Wrong.”

Word Count: 7k

Rating: M (for dark themes, homophobia, masturbation, and eventual smut in later chapters)

AO3, FFN, and below.

In retrospect, going to her first gay bar on the day gay marriage was legalized in all fifty states was perhaps not Beca’s brightest idea. She really should have guessed how crowded it would be. Then again, the others had made it sound like it would be a lot of fun, and she had wanted to experience something new as part of her “becoming comfortable with herself and her own sexuality” thing.

Overall, it hadn’t been terrible, not by any means. It had been actually pretty cool to see all the people in the bar. The people who, presumably, are something other than straight. In other words, people with whom she had something in common. To see them all there, celebrating together the marriage equality law (and free alcohol) had been one of her best experiences so far as a recently out person.

The music, though, left a lot to be desired. Who the hell thinks ABBA is acceptable dance music? If she ever goes back to the bar, she fully intends to bully the DJ into using one of her mixes to show these people what real music sounds like.

Not that she’s really planning on going back. It had been one thing to be surrounded by people she identifies with in some way, but it was an entirely different experience to be hit on by three different girls in less than half an hour.

It hadn’t been bad – it had pretty flattering, actually – but it was a lot. She’s not exactly sure when the idea had occurred to her, but somewhere amid conversation with the very first blonde – Brianna? Becky? – she’d decided to use Chloe as a scapegoat.

“Oh, sorry, it was nice to meet you, but I’m actually here with my girlfriend,” she’d said, pointing surreptitiously over to where Chloe had been dancing with Stacie.

She’d used the same line on the second blonde, whose name she doesn’t think she ever caught, and then again with the red-haired girl. It had felt a little weird to lie about being in a relationship with Chloe, though they’ve done it countless times before at bars whenever a weird guy would hit on one of them.

(Why Beca didn’t just tell those guys she was dating Jesse, she doesn’t know.)

It wasn’t until the redhead kept pushing, even giving her her number and leaning in to whisper in her ear, that Beca realized that the lie she was telling all these girls had started to feel a little too comfortable.

She knows why. She’d be an idiot not to. It’s because Chloe is the only person she can ever see herself being with. Not just the only girl, but the only person. The distinction suddenly seems very important.

She’d been trying to get rid of her feelings for Chloe since she first realized them at the retreat. It hadn’t even come close to working, so she gave up on that strategy days ago. She’s not sure if it’s because feelings don’t work like that, or because she’s felt that way toward Chloe for much, much longer than just the retreat. A part of her wonders if it’s been even since the Activities Fair.

“Excuse me,” Beca had cut off the redhead mid-lean, easing past her to get to Chloe, who’d been talking to Flo.

She got Chloe’s attention, and a few moments later, to Beca’s intense relief, they’d headed toward the exit. Some blonde glared at them on the way out, and it took Beca a second to realize she was one of the ones who’d hit on her earlier. Brittney? Beth? Whatever.

A second later, they were outside and around the side of the building. Beca had been relieved the Bellas didn’t follow right away; she’d needed some space and didn’t want an audience for what she’d known she had to do.

Which is what she struggles with now, leaning against the side of the building with her eyes closed. She knows what she wants to do. It’s just finding the courage to do it that’s the hard part.

“You okay?”

Beca reopens her eyes, finding Chloe’s. “Yeah, just… it was kind of a lot.”

“You mentioned,” Chloe smiles, and instantly it makes Beca feel better.

Chloe has that effect on her. Has always had that effect.

Something is scratching at her chest. Oh, yeah, the paper with that girl’s number. God. Who even does that? Just slides a number under someone’s bra like that. It’s gross.

Beca fishes it out and looks at it for second, thinking about what the girl had said to her after she’d put the number in her shirt. If that girlfriend of yours stops making you happy, give me a call.

Beca crumples the scrap and throws it in the garbage; she’ll never need it.

Chloe will never stop making her happy.

Nerves churn Beca’s stomach and her mouth goes dry. If Chloe doesn’t feel the same way, this is going to complicate things between them. The nerves in her stomach change to nausea, and she wonders if perhaps she should lean over the garbage can; it’s there for a reason.

She almost changes her mind. She almost doesn’t do it.

But when she looks up and sees Chloe watching her so carefully, it settles something deep within her. If she doesn’t ask now, she never will. And that’s intolerable.

“Chloe? Will you go out with me, please?”

It’s the scariest thing she’s ever done. Way, way worse than coming out. A million times worse. It maybe shouldn’t be, but it is.

As soon as the words leave her mouth, Beca freezes, waiting for Chloe to do something. Anything.

Chloe seems just as frozen as Beca feels, her eyes wide and lips parted.

Oh, god. She’d been wrong to ask. It wasn’t what Chloe wanted, and now she’s going to reject Beca and everything is ruined between them forever. She has to fix this, now.

Beca’s brain stutters and stalls, until she chokes out “Shit, I –”

“Did you say what I think you said?” Chloe cuts her off. Her tone gives nothing away.

Beca has half a mind to laugh it off and claim she’d said something else. For a wild second, she thinks it might actually work, but knows that she can’t do that. Chloe knows what she’s said, and besides, she’d regret it later.

“I… asked you out?”

Chloe nods at her slowly, biting her lower lip. Her fingers tap at her thighs, a nervous habit Beca doubts she even knows she has. Beca isn’t sure what the nod means.

“Will you go out with me?” Beca asks again, her heart about a second away from throwing itself from her throat.

Chloe looks down at the litter-covered pavement. She inhales slowly.

“Chloe? What –”

“No.”

The ground lurches from under Beca’s feet.

“No?” a stranger with her voice croaks out.

“No,” Chloe repeats. “I won’t go out with you.”

Beca can’t get enough air. The world swims dangerously.

Chloe won’t stop looking at the ground.

“You… I… why?” Beca knows it’s childish to ask. She should say, “Okay,” and move on like an adult, but she can’t.

“Beca, I…” Chloe tells the concrete, “there’s just –”

“Look at me!” Beca interrupts, anger flaring through her unexpectedly.

Chloe flinches at the volume and tone. It sends a pang through Beca’s chest and she softens.

“At least look at me,” she pleads, more gently. “Please.”

Chloe hesitates, but raises her eyes. Beca inhales sharply and takes a step back automatically; Chloe looks at her with so much pain that Beca feels it in her own chest, burning away the air in her lungs.

“Chlo…” she manages, utterly at a loss.

“I can’t go out with you,” Chloe whispers, her eyes watering and chin trembling. She tilts her face to the sky, as if trying to keep the tears from falling. “It’s not fair,” her voice cracks.

“What? Why not?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t –”

Chloe turns away. Instantly, Beca reaches and grabs her arm, stopping her.

“No way,” she says through gritted teeth. “Running is my thing. Chloe, talk to me. Please,” she adds when Chloe doesn’t turn. “If it’s – if you’re not attracted to me, or you don’t like me like that, then it’s – it’s fine, but talk to me.”

Chloe flinches again, her arm twitching in Beca’s grip, but she doesn’t pull away.

“Please,” Beca whispers. “Don’t run. Please.”

Five seconds pass. Then ten. Fifteen.

“Chl –”

“I like you too much,” Chloe says without turning around.

And it floors Beca, absolutely stops her heart in her chest because Chloe just said those words, Chloe said she likes her, and yet Chloe’s still not even looking at her and she’d said no and –

“And all this – wanting to date girls – it’s so new for you. I’m worried… I’m scared it’s too early. I’m scared I’m not what you…” Chloe trails off, then turns to face Beca, breaking the grip on her arm. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are wide and scared. “I’ve seen this happen before, Bec. Where friends get so caught up that they’re both gay, or – or whatever… they date on a whim, and it blows up and they never speak again. I can’t do that if that’s what this is. I like you too much,” she finishes, wiping at her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Beca stares, shaken, unable to comprehend the words coming from Chloe’s mouth.

Chloe smiles at her sadly and starts to turn away again, and it snaps Beca’s brain back into focus.

“That’s – no, that’s – I really like you too!” she blurts out.

Chloe pauses. “Beca, it’s –”

“No! Listen!” Beca urges, her hands lacing behind her neck. “It’s not like that! I’ve liked you for – for a long time. Since the beginning, maybe, I just… I was stupid, and scared, and I didn’t think it was ever an option for me!”

She’s rambling now, but this seems like her one chance to maybe be with Chloe, and there’s no way she’s giving up without a fight.

“Look, do you know how I figured out – all this about myself?” she asks.

Chloe hesitates, then shakes her head slowly. “Kommissar?” she shrugs.

Beca’s eyebrows shoot up. “Really? Her? No!” Beca insists. “She made me question, maybe, but it was because of you! It was all you, Chlo.” Chloe’s mouth pops open in surprise, but Beca keeps going. “I was just – I didn’t know what to do with that! I’ve always lo – liked you so, so much. This isn’t some fling, it’s – Chloe, I’ve liked you for years, and I want to date you,” Beca finishes loudly, breathing hard.

Chloe stares at her, stunned. After a moment, she blinks. “Are you – really?” she asks, sounding amazed.

“Yes!” Beca half-yells back. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but please don’t. I know what I want, and I want to be with you.”

Chloe’s shaking her head before she’s even finished her sentence. Beca’s heart sinks, and she’s positive Chloe’s going to reject her. Her eyes sting preemptively, and Chloe’s opening her mouth and Beca steels herself, ready for the worst.

“Beca… do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to go out with you?”

“No, I – what?”

Chloe laughs shakily. “I’ve always liked you too. From the beginning.”

“Oh, that’s –”

“Shush,” Chloe cuts her off, but with a smile to soften it. “How could you ever think I’m not attracted to you, when being with you is all I’ve been thinking about since – since you came out. I really, really like you too, and that…” Chloe shrugs. “Yes. I want to go out with you.”

Beca feels into a smile so wide she feels her face might actually crack from the strain. Chloe mirrors it, and in that moment, Beca is so happy she doesn’t know what to say beyond, “Cool.”

Chloe just smiles even more widely. “Very cool,” she says, and then looks down, her fingers again tapping at her thighs. “And, listen, for earlier… I didn’t want to say no, it actually kind of killed me, I just thought – well, this is new for you and for us and I didn’t want to take advantage and –”

“It’s okay,” Beca cuts her off quickly. “Really. I understand. You were trying to protect me,” she shrugs.

“Yeah,” Chloe breathes, looking relieved. “Maybe it’s dumb, but I wanted to make sure,” she shrugs apologetically.

Beca nods, understanding. “It’s okay,” she repeats.

Chloe shifts her weight. “And... that girl? With the red hair? It’s none of my business, but did you two...” she trials off, gesturing in the air.

“Oh!” Beca laughs in surprise; she’d forgotten all about the girl. “No, nothing happened. She gave me her number and, uh, said to call her,” she replies.

Chloe nods, looking relieved. “Sorry, I just…”

“It’s chill,” Beca says, rubbing the back of her neck. “Um. So, date?”

“Yeah!” Chloe enthuses, actually bouncing up on her tiptoes a little. “When did you have in mind?”

Beca makes a show of checking the time on her phone, excitement kindling in her chest. “Well,” she hedges, “it’s only like 1:30. Maybe… tonight?”

“Oh, totes,” Chloe nods, her eyes bright. “I didn’t want to wait, either.”

Beca smiles hugely, happiness filling her chest like a balloon. “Perfect. I’ll pick you up at 7?” she jokes with a wink.

“Awes,” Chloe beams back.

Beca isn’t sure what to do then – do they hug? shake hands? – but is saved by the loud scuffling and mingled swearing that announces the presence of the rest of the Bellas, having left the bar.

“Ouch, shit! Oh, there’s Bhloe,” Amy says when she spots them. “What’re you doing out here?”

“Yeah,” Flo says loudly. “What –”

She cuts herself off, stopping dead to stare at them. They all stare, actually – Stacie, Amy, Jessica, Ashley, Flo, and Cynthia Rose. Stacie’s mouth hangs open. It’s more than a little unnerving.

“What?” Beca asks, paranoid. “Do I have something on my face?”

“No, but you guys look… different,” Stacie says, her words slurring slightly.

The scrutiny sends Beca into a sudden panic; she doesn’t want the others to know about her and Chloe yet. It’s too soon to tell anyone anything. Besides, what if they think it’s weird or what if she and Chloe go on the one singular date and it ends horribly and the Bellas feel like they have to pick a side? Beca opens her mouth to come up with some excuse, but Chloe cuts her off.

“It’s nothing,” Chloe assures them calmly. “You’re all just drunk.”

“Well, we had to cash in those free drinks,” Stacie insists, “whether you two wanted to leave or not.”

“Right! Wasn’t this a great idea?!” Cynthia Rose adds. She is very enthusiastically drunk.

“Uh huh,” Beca deadpans. “I guess I’m driving us home.”

“I’m fine!” Ashley insists, stepping forward and tripping on the flat sidewalk.

Chloe catches her, holding her upright. “Yep, you’re driving,” she says to Beca.

“Right,” Beca grumbles, grabbing the keys from Ashley’s pocket.

It’s not all bad, though; as they make their way as a group to Ashley’s minivan, Beca catches Chloe’s eye and they share a quick, secret smile.

***************

“I’m not graduating.”

Beca stares at Chloe in shock. “Again?” slips out before she can stop it.

Chloe’s expression shifts, becoming guarded, and Beca immediately backtracks.

“No, I mean… I thought you felt really good about graduating this year,” she says, not wanting to offend her best friend.

Chloe half-shrugs, her expression back to normal. “Yeah, but I decided to stay. Your junior year will be a hard one, and I don’t want you to have to captain the Bellas alone.”

“Chlo…” Beca sighs, “that’s really nice of you, and I appreciate it, but don’t you want to –”

“No,” Chloe cuts her off. “I want to stay with y – the Bellas. You guys are my family.”

Beca never could resist Chloe’s pout.

(Besides, she’s happier than she cares to admit at the thought of a third year with Chloe at her side.)

She nods eventually and grins at her co-captain. “So, is it too early to start thinking about next year’s set?”

Chloe beams back, her eyes filled with something Beca can’t quite identify.

“No. Not too early at all.”

***************

As soon as they walk through the front door of the Bella house, Amy shouts, “The party starts now, aca-bitches!”

Seconds later, everyone has congregated in the kitchen to watch Amy rifle through their extensive liquor cabinet.

“Welcome back!” Emily squeals as soon as she sees Beca. “How was it?”

“It was different!” Beca replies, fighting to maintain a poker face while Chloe winks at her from behind Emily. “Very... unexpected.”

“Really?” Stacie snorts, holding a bottle of raspberry vodka. “You mean you weren’t expecting to have about a million girls throw themselves at you?”

“What?” Emily gasps so loudly it makes Beca flinch. “Spill!”

“Uh, actually, I have to go shopping,” Beca says, her face warming.

Emily looks disappointed, but before she can comment, Amy barrels between them, a bottle of what might be Everclear clutched in her hand.

“What?” Amy stares at Beca. “You can’t miss the party,” she protests.

“Sorry, Amy, but I really do need to go shopping.”

It’s true; if she’s going to pull off her plan for a first date with Chloe, she needs to hit the grocery store.

“Why?” Amy squints at her. “You gotta get ice cream for Chloe again?”

At the sound of her name, Chloe glances up from where she’s trying to keep Lilly from setting fire to whatever alcohol is in her shot glass.

“Uh, yeah, that’s – yep,” Beca rolls with it, figuring it’s the easiest way out.

Amy grins and makes an obnoxiously loud whip-cracking sound; it’s all Beca can do to keep from strangling her.

“Amy, can you help Flo with the Jungle Juice?” Chloe calls. “She might need help.”

At that, Flo looks up, irritated, and mutters something in Spanish; still, she allows Amy to wander over and assist with organizing the growing pile of alcohol and fruit on the counter.

Beca flashes Chloe a grateful smile, mouthing silently, “Pick you up at 7!”

Chloe merely grins back and nods, then makes a shooing motion with her hand. Beca spins on the spot, heading out the front door. She still has Ashley’s keys, so she hops in the driver’s seat of her minivan and starts it, already composing a mental list of what she needs to buy. She backs out of the driveway carefully, her entire body lighting up with excitement at the thought of the date.

She’s known for weeks what a first date with Chloe Beale would look like, should she be the one to plan it. She knows Chloe loves picnics, so a quiet picnic in a corner of the park in town sounds absolutely perfect for a first date. It’ll give them room to talk and hang out with minimal risk of the Bellas interrupting or anyone else seeing them.

Maybe it’s silly, but she doesn’t want other people to see them. She may be becoming increasingly comfortable with her own sexuality, but that doesn’t mean she needs to broadcast it to the rest of the world. Marriage equality passing or not, Beca hasn’t forgotten that the vote was alarmingly close. Thinking back to what Cynthia Rose had said about slurs she and her fiancée have been called, Beca doesn’t really feel a need to put herself or Chloe at more risk than necessary. Maybe it shouldn’t bother her – maybe she shouldn’t care so much about what other people think – but she does care, and it does bother her.

So, at least for now, Beca is okay keeping their dates relatively private. Eventually, she wants to take Chloe to the movies or to a restaurant or out dancing; Chloe deserves that. It’s just. That’ll come later.

Later.

Which implies a passage of time. Beca swallows hard, pulling into the parking lot of the grocery store.

It’s the end of June. Their lease ends on August 15th.

Less than two months away.

Beca parks the car and turns it off, noting the slight tremor in her hands. Two months is nothing.

She’s already applied for two music production jobs with positions starting in September: one in New Orleans and one in Tallahassee. She plans on applying for several more across the country.

And Chloe? Chloe’s got to be applying for teaching jobs, right? Does she have to go get more schooling for that? Beca’s stunned to realize she doesn’t even know what Chloe’s doing after the summer. She hasn’t asked; since the retreat, she’s been so inwardly focused that it had slipped her mind.

God. What will happen when they all move away? She’s not sure she can handle a long-distance relationship with Chloe – the need to be close to her now is almost overwhelming. But then what? Do they just… end?

The thought sends fear shooting down Beca’s spine like ice. If they go their separate ways after August, then there’s no point for this date now. There’s no point in getting to know Chloe like that if it’s just going to end with them ripped apart from each other.

Or.

On the other hand, dating in general might go so horribly that they break up, and then when they move, they never see each other again.

Beca’s breathing turns erratic.

Imagined scenarios flash in Beca’s mind, one after the other like a twisted movie reel of misery, images of her and Chloe fighting, screaming at each other, utterly ruining their relationship and friendship. Then she sees worse images of them getting closer and closer, only to be ripped apart by the distance in the end.

What’s the point, then?

Before Beca fully registers what she’s doing, she’s gasping for air, fumbling for her bag and extracting her phone. She taps on the first name she thinks of, without considering it hasn’t been long enough yet or how it’s utterly unfair for her to do so; all she can think about is what it would feel like to lose Chloe, and how the massive hole that would form in her chest at the loss would never heal.

“Hello?”

She almost cries in relief at the sound of Jesse’s voice, far away in LA.

“Beca?” he asks when she doesn’t answer right away. “Everything okay?”

“No, it’s not, I –”

She cuts off at the realization of what she’s about to say, and at how selfish it had been to call him.

“What?” he asks, concerned now.

“I – I asked Chloe out on a date,” Beca says in a rush, squeezing her eyes closed in anticipation of his anger.

A deafening silence fills the line. She nibbles at her lower lip, waiting, wanting him to be able to talk first.

“When did that happen?” he asks eventually, his voice careful and controlled.

“Today. Like. An hour ago.”

“Was it… did the news have anything to do with that? Congrats, by the way. It’s about time.”

She re-opens her eyes in surprise. He’d never been one to pay attention to the news, and they’d never really discussed the marriage equality issue before.

“What did she say?” Jesse asks, bringing her back to the present.

“She – she said yes,” says Beca, hearing the thinly veiled excitement in her own voice and wincing.

Again, silence. Outside in the parking lot, an older man gives her a strange look as he returns his cart at the collection stall across from her parked car.

“Jess?”

“I… good for you, Beca,” he says, and she’s relieved at just how normal he sounds. “I mean that. Really, I’m – I hope it goes well.”

She hesitates, then asks, “You’re not mad?”

“No. I’m not,” Jesse answers in a way that she can tell is honest. “You know, I’m surprised you took this long.”

Even from across the country, she can hear the amusement in his voice and pictures him smiling into the phone.

“So, what are you freaking out about?” he continues.

Beca sighs, running a hand through her hair and resting her forehead against the steering wheel with a soft thud. “It’s – it’s everything!” she exclaims. “What if we break up and we’re not friends anymore? Or what if we don’t, and we have to live across the country in September? I’m applying for jobs, and she is too, and we have no business starting anything like this now!” She’s breathing hard again, the reality of their situation setting in with every word.

“Woah!” Jesse interrupts, “Here’s where I’m gonna stop you, and you need to listen.”

She chokes on her words, taken aback.

“Okay, so,” Jesse says, the connection crackling a little when he sighs into the phone. “First, you can’t go into any relationship thinking about the ending. That’s just bad practice. There’s too much you can’t control here.”

She opens her mouth, ready to argue, but he must sense it because he only speaks louder.

“Second, has it occurred to you to apply for jobs in the same cities? And even if you do end up splitting, well, we broke up and we’re still friends! Plus, you never know. Dating her might be really good for you both.” He pauses, and then says, “Okay, now you can talk.”

She really wishes he could see her roll her eyes.

“I hate when you’re so logical,” she groans, sitting upright in the seat and leaning her head against the headrest.

“You called me, remember,” he teases, his voice light again.

She smiles in spite of herself. “Yeah, I was freaking out a little. It’s just... God, Jesse, why didn’t I do this sooner? I had four years and now it’s down to two months and I –”

She stops instantly, realizing what she’s just said. He doesn’t say anything, and Beca wants to kick herself.

“I’m sorry,” she says softly. “I didn’t think.”

Jesse sighs, sounding tired. “It’s okay, Beca. We talked about this already,” he reminds her gently. “It’s okay. And it’s not too late for you two, I promise.

She cringes. He was always too nice. “Are you sure it’s okay?”

“Yes, as long as I get eternal ‘I told you so’ bragging rights.”

“Mphf. Maybe.”

That makes him laugh, and she smiles at the sound of it. She’s missed him more than she knew.

“How’s LA?” she asks, both to change the subject and also because she’s actually curious.

“You know, I love it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he replies, sounding happier than she’s heard him in a while. “I’ve had a couple people call about renting the room, so that’s good.” Then, possibly to prevent her from feeling guilty about bailing on rent with him, he adds in a rush, “Now, get off the phone with me and go get your girl!”

She glances at the clock in the car; it’s almost 3:30 already.

“Oh yeah! I – yes! Bye!” and then, because she hasn’t told him in a while, she says, “Love you, nerd.”

It’s so much easier to say it now that they both know what kind of love it is.

“Love you too, Bec. Call whenever. And congrats again!”

She hangs up with a smile on her face.

At 6:50, Beca finishes the final touches on her appearance, adding one spritz of the perfume she knows Chloe likes. She’s nervous, but more excited than anything.

The food for their picnic waits in the kitchen, ready to be loaded into Chloe’s car. Beca had bought champagne and wine, but also some regular apple juice because in the store she’d blanked on whether Chloe actually likes champagne or not. (She does – Beca remembered as soon as she’d gotten home.)

She also had prepared grapes, strawberries, some carrots, dark chocolates, and had made sandwiches for them both. She’d packed all the food into a large picnic basket she’d bought for the occasion and had borrowed the red-checkered tablecloth belonging to the Bella house at large. She’s got a playlist created on her phone, and one of her several Bluetooth speakers. She remembered the bug spray and water bottles, a flashlight just in case, an umbrella even though the skies are supposed to be clear, and a few extra blankets.

She might be overprepared.

Beca looks at the digital clock on her nightstand. 6:55. Showtime.

With a final deep breath and glance in the mirror – she’d gone with her usual skinny jeans, a gray tank, and the purple plaid shirt Chloe had once complimented her on – she steps down the stairs from her attic room to the second floor landing.

Outside Chloe’s door, Beca only hesitates long enough to try to get her heart to calm down. When it doesn’t really work, she gives up and knocks on the door. It opens almost instantly, and she has to hold back a gasp; Chloe looks amazing in the same patterned blue dress Beca had first met her in at the Activities Fair. Her hair is curled gently and her makeup is done perfectly. She steals Beca’s breath from her lungs instantly.

“You’re early,” Chloe teases with a smile.

Beca shrugs. “Yeah, sorry, I left early in case traffic was a bitch.”

It’s a lame line, but it makes Chloe laugh, and that’s all Beca really cares about. Chloe steps out into the hallway, closing her bedroom door behind her. Together, they walk down the stairs to the main floor.

“So, where are we going?” Chloe asks.

“I thought we’d have a picnic,” Beca replies, knowing she’d made the right decision by the way Chloe’s entire face lights up. “I already got the food and stuff ready, so we just have to load it.”

Chloe nods, lifting a finger to her lips to quiet Beca when they reach the ground floor so the other Bellas won’t hear them. Though it quickly becomes apparent that they don’t need to worry about that; the ground floor looks like a war zone. It’s early in the evening but considering that most of the house had started drinking at noon, Beca isn’t overly surprised to see bodies sprawled across the kitchen, sitting room, and hallway.

Almost everyone is already asleep; on the couch, Ashley cuddles a jar of peanuts, while Stacie and Jessica are slumped into each other’s sides, fast asleep. The kitchen is witness to a similar massacre, with Cynthia Rose, Amy, and Flo slumped in their chairs, leaning onto the table. Lilly lies flat on the table’s surface. She picks up her head to stare at Beca and Chloe as they walk by.

Nonplussed, Beca waves at her. Lilly lifts the index finger of her left hand, bends it twice in a sort of wave, and drops her arm back to her side.

“Oookayyy,” Beca draws out, while Chloe giggles. “I just gotta grab…”

She scoops the basket and tablecloth up into her arms, and Chloe grabs the Bluetooth speaker. Everything else is already in Chloe’s car.

They close the front door quietly behind them and shuffle over to the car.

“Guess that takes care of them,” Beca snorts, shaking her head.

“At least we didn’t have to make something up,” Chloe says, placing the speaker in the backseat next to where Beca drops the picnic basket and cloth.

Beca glances up at her. “Um, I know it’s your car,” she says, “but is it chill if I drive? I just – I know where we’re going.”

“Yep!” chirps Chloe, sliding into the passenger seat gracefully.

A second later, Beca takes her place behind the wheel, and then they’re off. The drive passes quickly; the park is only 15 minutes away from their house. Chloe turns on the radio and hums along to “Pocketful of Sunshine” as she stares out the window. The whole thing is so normal and so Chloe that it puts Beca at ease, as if this is just a normal road trip for them rather than a date.

Once at the park, they lift everything out from the back seat, and Beca leads the way to a quiet little clearing near the top of a hill. Chloe looks at her a little funny when, on the way there, Beca steers them out of their way to go wide around a larger group of people sprawled on the grass, but she doesn’t comment on that or on the secluded little spot.

Beca opens the tablecloth and settles it over the grass, then places the picnic basket in the middle while Chloe unfolds the blankets. Beca pulls out the champagne, wine, juice, and the rest of the food, and sets up her Bluetooth speaker to play her prepared For Chloe playlist.

Once it’s all set up, she takes a moment to survey everything to make sure it looks okay.

“Bec,” Chloe whispers, closer to Beca than she’d thought. “This is perfect. Thank you so, so much for this.”

“Yeah, well,” Beca rubs the back of her neck. “Don’t thank me until you’ve tried the sandwiches.”

Chloe merely smiles at her sweetly. “I’m sure they’re perfect.”

They settle down on the tablecloth, and Beca starts to load her plate. Except…

“I forgot plates,” she realizes, face warming. “And, uh, forks. And glasses. Um. Sorry,” she apologizes, feeling like a total idiot.

Chloe reaches out and places her hand on top of Beca’s. “Bec, it’s just me. It’s okay. There’s nothing wrong… with any of this.”

The way she says soothes Beca instantly and makes her think Chloe is referring to more than their lack of plates and utensils.

“Look,” Chloe says, popping open the champagne with practiced ease. Once the foam settles, she takes a sip directly from the bottle and passes it to Beca. “And everything else we can just… eat.”

Beca nods, grateful, and takes a sip of the champagne. Ugh. Maybe she’s the one who doesn’t like champagne.

They start on the sandwiches and fruit, alternating sips of champagne and the juice Beca brought; the wine lies forgotten.

“So… where are you applying to teach?” Beca asks after a few minutes. It’s easier to bring up when they’re both focused on eating.

Chloe pauses, picking at the crust of her sandwich absentmindedly. “Uh, well,” she starts, “the more I think about it, the more I’m leaning toward being a vet.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I think I want to apply for some animal medicine internships.”

“Dude, that’s so cool!” Beca says sincerely. “Like, really. I can totally see you doing that.”

The way Chloe smiles at her, full of surprised happiness, tells Beca she’d said the right thing. “Yeah, I’m applying a few places.”

Beca’s stomach squirms uncomfortably. “Where at, do you think?” she asks, hoping she sounds nonchalant but knowing she probably doesn’t.

“Um, New York, mainly. Their program is really good. Maybe a few others, uh, Nashville, Chicago, Santa Barbara. We’ll see.”

“Got it,” Beca says, her mind spinning.

Chloe looks at her strangely but doesn’t say anything. She finishes her sandwich, her eyes falling back to the checkered tablecloth underneath them. As Beca finishes her own food, she finds herself wishing she could read minds.

After a moment. Chloe clears her throat. “So, do you think we should mention this to the Bellas?”

Beca takes a sip of her juice, thankful for the subject change. “Well,” she says slowly, “I suppose… if we continue… we’ll have to?” she phrases it as a question, giving Chloe the option to back out.

Chloe smiles and says, “Oh, this is definitely going to continue.”

Beca grins back, happiness filling her chest. “Good. In that case, we’ll have to eventually. I just don’t want things to get…”

“Weird?” Chloe suggests when Beca trails off, and Beca nods, relieved Chloe had understood.

“I don’t think it’ll be weird,” Chloe muses. “It’s going to be like it was before, Bec, just with… more.”

At that, a pink tinge climbs up Chloe’s neck. Beca’s mouth drops open at the rare sight and the implication, even though it makes her stomach flutter nervously.

“More?! Miss Beale!” she teases in a dramatic voice. “Are you trying to seduce me?”

“That depends,” Chloe purrs, leaning forward until her face is only inches from Beca’s. She glances down, then looks up through her eyelashes. “Is it working?”

Beca sputters, her brain short-circuiting. “I – you – it –”

She’s not sure if she’s fully ready for more.

Chloe winks at her playfully, pulling away. “More can be anything you want it to be,” she says. “We’ll go slow.”

Even though her tone is light, Beca knows she’s serious. Chloe’s holding back to give Beca the time she needs. It’s so thoughtful and caring that it makes Beca wonder how exactly she found such an amazing person.

A soft, golden glow ignites the air around them; Beca glances around and sees that the sun is starting to set. They have the perfect view of it from where they sit on top of the hill.

“Look,” she tells Chloe, pointing toward the horizon.

“Oh, that’s gorgeous,” Chloe sighs appreciatively, adjusting so she’s sitting at Beca’s side rather than facing her.

It’s cheesy. It’s so, so cheesy and corny and lame that it makes Beca want to die. And yet, she can’t help looking at Chloe, her face illuminated by the soft glow, the color of the sunset complementing her hair perfectly and making her eyes even brighter.

“Yeah,” Beca agrees absently, her eyes fixed on Chloe. “Gorgeous.”

The sunset is a spectacular one, pinks and golds and reds exploding across the sky in a wondrous display. Soft music still permeates the air around them, rising from the Bluetooth to cover them in a symphony of beats and overlays, created by Beca for Chloe. It’s pretty much perfect, and exactly how Beca wanted the first date to go.

She’s painfully aware of how close Chloe is sitting.

Slowly, and in a way that she hopes seems casual, Beca drops her right hand from her lap to rest on the cloth below them. Beside her, Chloe does the same with her left hand. Beca keeps her eyes locked forward onto the sunset, though she isn’t really seeing it anymore as she slowly, tentatively inches her hand further toward Chloe’s, inch by torturous inch. It helps that Chloe’s hand is doing the same.

Beca can feel it, in the instant before they touch; a warm current of electricity running between them, filling the gap between their hands with sparking energy. Then, with a final, barely-there nudge of fingers, Chloe’s pinky finger meets Beca’s, wrapping around it. Another small adjustment, and suddenly, Chloe’s hand is in hers, their fingers intertwined.

They’ve held hands before, but never like this. This makes Beca’s skin jump and twitch; this makes her whole arm feel like it’s burning, but in the best way.

This makes Beca want more.

“Do you want to lie down?” Chloe asks softly. It’s like she reads Beca’s mind.

Beca nods, and she extends her legs, scooting a little awkwardly. She doesn’t want to let go of Chloe’s hand, but she has to while they get comfortable. Chloe mimics her, until Beca sprawls on her side, facing the sunset, and Chloe’s body delicately fits itself against her back. Still, Chloe moves slowly; first, legs slide up behind Beca’s, then hips, and finally, what are unmistakably breasts press lightly into her upper back as Chloe relaxes behind her. Chloe’s arm comes to rest around her waist, her hand seeking out Beca’s, again intertwining their fingers. Beca leans back into her cautiously, making sure Chloe can still see at least most of the sunset.

They’ve hugged before, sure, and Chloe has hugged her from behind before, but never like this.

Pure, unfiltered contentment washes over Beca. It’s as close to bliss as she can remember ever feeling. The fact that simply being with Chloe like this, watching a sunset on a first date, makes her feel like this is almost overwhelming.

“What are you thinking?” Chloe whispers against her shoulder.

“I’m thinking… that if this – if what we have – is supposed to be wrong… then why does this feel so right?”

Chloe squeezes her tighter and moves somehow even closer. “That’s because it is right,” she breathes into the back of Beca’s neck, her lips just barely brushing skin.

Beca hums and lets her eyes close. She could get used to this.

They don’t talk after that, preferring to watch the sun sink slowly, dipping below the horizon until all that’s left is a sliver of gold above the dark surface of the land. Lights flick on in the distance, and Beca knows that soon, the Atlanta light pollution will take over for the sun’s work. She burrows still further backward into Chloe, finding home in the soft, warm embrace.

She wonders how many different music production jobs there are in New York, and if the sunsets there are just as nice.

[lousimusician]

I Was Awake

Part 2 of If Only You Were Awake

Pairing: Mob!Tom x Reader

Summary: You tell Tom you heard his confession

Warnings: Implied smut (cuz actual smut is hard to write)

A/N: So, I have considered making this a series but I wasn't sure anyone would like it. But if you liked these two fics let me know if you would like to see this turned into an actual series.

----

You sat across from your best friend Belle in the kitchen as you both ate your breakfasts quietly.

You had bags under your eyes completely exhausted. The rest of the night that followed Tom's confession had been restless. You didn't sleep well, your mind running wild. Tom liked you. The scariest mob boss in all of London liked you. Of course you liked him back, it was hard not to. You loved how powerful and intimidating he was, and you also loved how sweet and charming he could be underneath his cold exterior.

You felt so many emotions. You were flustered, excited, turned on...

Hearing him call you princess and pretty girl made your heart race. The nicknames he usually called you were darling and sweetheart, which would already make you blush and stutter. But the new ones made you weak in a way you couldn't explain. And all you could do was imagine him calling you princess as he fucked you.

"Hey (N/N)." You were snapped from your daydream. "You okay? You just got really red." Belle said.

You cleared your throat, "I'm fine, just tired." You sighed.

"Were you up late with Tom again?" She teased.

You rolled your eyes at her, "Shut up, and no that's not what happened."

Belle raised her eyebrow, "Oh so that means something did happen then. Is it about Tom?"

"No?" 

"Oh my god, something happened! Did he hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable cause if he did I'm not afraid to beat his ass." Belle exclaimed.

She had been the only other person you could talk to in Tom's mansion, so you had told her everything that happened between you and Tom. Belle supported it, she saw how you came out of your shell and how Tom seemed to be happier ever since the two of you started talking. But Belle was terrified Tom would screw it up, you were so innocent and kind she was scared that he might end up hurting you.

You rolled your eyes again, "Calm down, that's not it."

"Then what is it?"

You shifted in your seat uncomfortably, "Well uh, I stayed up late last night waiting for Tom but I fell asleep on the couch in the TV room. He came back really late and I guess he heard the TV because he walked in. I woke up by his footsteps and I was about to get up, but then he started saying all these things."

Belle was completely intrigued, "What kind of things?"

"Um, some nice things... and then some dirty things." You said looking down at your tea.

"No way! I need to know everything he said!" She yelled.

Your face turned red, "No! Oh my god, I don't wanna repeat the things he said!"

"You have to now, I need to know."

"...Ugh, fineee." You whined, "He came in and said I was driving him crazy and that he wished I was his so he could love me." You said paraphrasing.

"And then..." Belle urged.

"And then... he said he wished I was his so he could also... fuck me." You stated awkwardly. "And uh... then he said something about the noises I'd make and he bet that he could have me screaming his name in seconds."

"Holy shit, did he say anything else?"

"No, after that he just carried me to bed." You shrugged.

"And he had no clue you were awake?" 

You shrugged again, "I guess not."

"Well you gotta tell him you heard him!"

"W-what!? No! I can't do that." You refused. 

"C'monnn." She whined. "I'm tired of you guys just hanging out and flirting with each other. Make a move, you know he likes you."

"Yes, but c'mon Belle he's the leader of a freakin mob." This had been something you've been worried about. You knew what he did, he'd come home with bruised knuckles and blood on his shirt. And it scared you. Personally Tom never scared you but knowing some of the things that happened behind closed doors at his job, freaked you out.

"(N/N), I grew up around all this mob stuff, so I know first hand how hard it can be. But I think you can handle it, you've got Tom and you've got me. So I think you should go for it."

"...I-I'll think about it."

~

The rest of the day progressed as it normally did. You hung out with Belle, screwing around in the mansion. It also proved to be hard getting Tom off your mind, but that also may have been because you weren't trying. You wanted him and the more you thought about it the less his job seemed to matter. And as by the end of the day, you came to the conclusion that you wanted to talk about what happened. Belle had been very excited about the prospect.

It was hard to predict when Tom would return, but he always came back late. You had accidentally fallen asleep again, it seemed these days he would come back later and later. It had been 2 in the morning when you woke up. 

Your nerves instantly returned when you saw the time. Taking a shaky breath you got off of your bed and went to check if Tom was back. The answer was confirmed once you saw the light peaking out from under his bedroom door. 

'Well here goes nothing'

You knocked on the door, bouncing on the balls of your feet. The door opened, revealing Tom with messy curls, wearing only sweatpants. You bit your lip as you looked at his chest, looking at his muscle. Realizing you had been staring you tore your eyes away and looked up at his face, which held a smug smirk. "Did you need something, darling?" He asked.

"Um, uh y-yeah. I w-wanted to talk to y-you about something." You said, silently cursing yourself for acting so nervous.

"Alright, come in." He held the door wider for you, once you entered, he closed the door. It hadn't been the first time you were in his room, sometimes you'd fall asleep next to him in his bed when you had a nightmare or felt lonely. So, being behind closed doors with him had never put you on edge, but tonight it did. He walked around you and sat on the edge of his bed. "Alright, darling, go ahead."

You ran your fingers through your hair and started pacing back and forth. "Okay, so I-I don't really know how to j-just come out and say this, c-cause I-I'm not very g-good wi-"

"Darling." Tom said cutting you off and you stopped pacing. He stood up and walked towards you. He brought his hand up and held your chin, tilting your face up to look at him. Your breath got caught in your throat. "Relax, just tell me what's on your mind sweetheart."

You took in a shaky breath and nodded your head. "I was... I was awake." 

It took Tom a second to understand what you meant. Once he realized what you were referring to he was taken aback and he let go of your chin to run that hand through his hair, backing up. "You were?" You nodded your head. "So, you heard everything I said?"

You nodded again. "E-every word."

Tom looked at the ground. "Well then... how do you feel?" Tom would never admit it, but he was nervous. He had never been in love and had never felt rejection and if he lost you he would most likely become the bitter man he was before. 

"I- I want to be yours." You said softly. "... so you can show me how I should be loved... a-and how I should be fucked." 

You whispered the last part but Tom heard it clearly. He looked up making eye contact with you. The atmosphere in the room became tense and you both felt the buried feelings you held for each other rising to the surface. And just like that Tom's nerves disappeared and was replaced with power, which he was all too familiar with. 

The only girl he ever fell in love with just told him she wanted him to love her and fuck her. You noticed the change, he stood up a little straighter, his eyes became darker and held something in them that sent your heart racing. 

"Is that right, princess?" He asked rhetorically, his voice lower, as he stalked towards you slowly.

There was the nickname again. Princess. How a simple word could send your heart racing was beyond you. He noticed a shiver run down your spine and how you let out an almost inaudible whimper at the nickname.

He had reached you and placed his hands on your hips pulling you close. Your hands flew to rest on his chest and you looked up at his face that hovered inches from yours. Your breaths mixing together. "Y'like that sweetheart?" He teased. "You like it when I call you princess?"

You nodded your head. "Y-yeah." You said breathless your eyes wide and innocent.

Tom loved your innocence, it was so different from what he saw everyday. He moved his lips by your ear. "I love how fucking innocent you are, pretty girl. It makes me think dirty things about you." He growled lowly and started to leave open mouthed kisses down your neck

"L-like what?" You whimpered.

"Like picturing you... writhing underneath me... as I fuck you into the matress." He said in between kisses and your moans. "Or... having you bent over my desk... while you scream my name... would you like that princess?"

"Mmhmm." You hummed, not trusting your voice.

"Be a good girl for me, use your words." He demanded, your knees going weak at his dominance

You opened your mouth, letting out a loud moan as he bit and kissed a certain spot on your neck, "Ah~ F-fuck yes."

His lips left your neck and hovered over yours and he whispered, "God, I fucking love you." and crashed his lips against yours, swallowing your moans and kissing you for the first time. He tasted like cigars and there was a hint of whiskey, but also a sweetness you couldn't quite place. He was intoxicating and you felt completely consumed by him. Your breaths labored as you tried to keep up with his pace. It was passionate and rough, expressing all the feelings he developed these past five months that he got to know you. He held you flush to his body, gripping your hips tightly as you ran your fingers through his hair, tugging at the brown curls making him groan into the kiss. 

You both pulled away and panted as you stared into each others eyes. "I love you too." You whispered and he smiled.

You bit your lip and took a deep breath, "I w-want you t-to show me how I should be fucked."

His smile turned into a smirk.

"As you wish, princess."

-----

Tags: @delicately-written @musical-whovian @red-roses-are-gonna-shine

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #295

i’m not listening to music so am blanking on lyrics to put here lol

Who’s your favorite rapper? And your favorite song by this rapper? Eminem. "Cinderella Man" is probably my favorite, or "Space Bound." How about your favorite band? And your favorite song by this band? Ozzy Osbourne, if I had to pick solely one. God, picking a favorite song, though... idk, maybe "Trap Door," but it's almost impossible for me to decide. Have you ever had the cops called on you? For what? No. Would you rather be home alone, or have people with you? Why? I'd rather have people home, but alone in my room. I just feel less lonely. Have you ever dropped a class in school? Which class, and why did it suck? I dropped some class in college that I can't remember the name of... I completely misjudged what it would be like. I had absolutely zero interest. I feel like I've dropped another, too? Have you ever taken someone back, who ended up just hurting you again? No. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Nicole. What was the last thing you printed? Is there even ink in your printer? Something for school, I'm sure. Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? Who were you with? Yeah, my driving instructor in HS. Have you ever been in handcuffs? Why, exactly? Yeah, to be transported from the ER to psych hospitals, as well as handcuffs among other restraints when going to court to explain why I was eligible for an earlier discharge from the hospital. That's one of the scariest experiences of my life, feeling like a bound lunatic. Have you ever had to be put to sleep at a hospital? Why? Yeah, for two surgeries. Do you actually have a calendar on your wall? What are the pictures of? I have two old meerkat ones that are just for decoration. Have you ever been on a cruise? How many? Where did they go? No. Do you have a favorite author? No. Does your significant other boss you around a lot? I don't have one, but I wouldn't tolerate that shit. Do you know anyone who has overdosed? Me, but I obviously lived. I think I've loosely or distantly known people who weren't so lucky. Are you a fan of PDA (public displays of affection)? As long as it's not too intense, I think it's sweet. It's beautiful to see love expressed. When was the last time you went bowling? A few years ago for Girt and my first date. Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? I do. Have you ever written anything longer than 10 pages? Yes, for school essays. I think my longest was about toxic masculinity. I'm actually really proud of it; I think my instructor used it as an example for her next semester's students, given that I was notified of an influx of views on it. Do you have any names picked out for your future children? What are they? Hypothetically speaking, if I had a daughter, Alessandra is her name, period, lol. I would like to name my never-happening son Damien, but I'd be more open to suggestions from my partner. Have you ever been given a lapdance by an actual stripper? Oh yikes, no thank you. Do you have/want any piercings? I have a good number and seriously want more. What side of the bed do you sleep on? More towards the left. Who is the last person you told a secret to? Nicole, about Misty coming down here for a visit. Have you ever been on an island? Yes, just off the NC coast during a 4th grade school vacation. It was amazing and even had wild horses. What's your favorite job you've ever had? I guess GameStop was the best, since I was actually interested in what I worked with. Do you have any vacations planned? No. Do you enjoy getting manicures/pedicures? How often do you get them? I mean it's nice I guess, but it's not something I'd spend money on. Have you yelled at anyone today, and why? No. Do you own anything with your state or providence's name on it? No. Do you like the Paranormal Activity movies? Yeah. Paranormal is my favorite subgenre of horror. What's your favorite way to eat peanut butter? On waffles, haha. Do you like bows? Yeah, they're cute. Have you ever made a 'haul' YouTube video? No. Has a boyfriend ever made you breakfast? Yeah, that was quite ordinary with Jason since his original intention was to be a chef. What do you gather your change in? My wallet. Do you like to play Angry Birds? I never have. The movie was cute, tho. Do you like Cheez-Its? Oh GOD. I looooove Cheez-Its and they need to be kept away from me to avoid bingeing on them. Have you ever been pulled aside for a random bag search at an airport? I don't think so, no. What’s your favorite flavor of Jell-O? Watermelon, I think? Or strawberry? Do you have any games on your computer? Which ones? On my personal laptop, I have World of Warcraft, Alien: Isolation, Resident Evil 6, and both Amnesia games. I think that's it. What's a musical instrument you think sounds really beautiful? Violins. Do you have a favorite type of pasta? (like a shape of noodles, not dish) I'm not particular about this, really. What's the coolest natural event you've ever witnessed? Maybe the blood moon. Are there any waterfalls near where you live? No, just dams. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? I know people who have had smaller works published, but calling them an "author" feels odd since it's not their actual career or anything. Is that rude? Do you own a polaroid camera? No, but that'd be cool. Do you think you’ll ever end up in rehab? No. Who’s your favorite Kardashian sister? I don't have an opinion. Is there someone you absolutely cannot stand but have to tolerate? My sister's husband. "Absolutely cannot stand" might be a bit strong, but... Do you want to go to pregnancy classes? If I was to ever be pregnant, no. My mom would be able to answer all things related to this, haha. Do you ever cringe at the thought of living in a disgusting house? Yes. What color are your bathroom towels? We have a variety. How often do you let cleavage show? I'm not very revealing, but I'm also not self-conscious of allowing some. Does vintage stuff appeal to you? Yes! Where do you want to go? I'd love to visit Sara again, but not so long as Covid hangs around. Have you ever had feelings for two people at the same time? Something like that with Jason and Juan before I chose Jason. I don't even really know if I like-liked Juan versus just being flattered by him. Would you ever throw out or give away something an ex gave you? I mean, what's the item in question? And are we on good terms (not that that would always matter)? What's the biggest annoyance in your life right now? Right now, Covid. I know, surprising I didn't say "not having a job," but so long Covid is an issue, I don't think I would be comfortable having one. I can't bring that shit home to my weak mother. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Mom. What do you want right this second? To actually be skinny again. It's hard to believe in my teens I thought I wasn't. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? I'm actually quite the opposite... It's sad, I know I'd have less trouble losing weight if I could just stop drinking it regularly. Have you ever been afraid to get up and go to the bathroom? ... No...? Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership? I don't believe so, no. Who’d you last see in a tux? Hm. Probably when I shot a wedding. Out of everyone you know, who has the most heart? Uhhhh I dunno. Who’s the bravest person you know? Probably my mom. Who would you want to have your back if things got tough? Again, my mother. Have you ever dated someone who was really sporty? Nah. Are you any good at writing? I think so. What’s your favorite form of writing? I don't know if it counts as a "form" as much as it is a subject, but RP. Writing with characters you yourself have created and actually engaging with other's inventions is very fun. Have you ever done something terrible, but took forever to feel bad? Yes, over things I'd said to Jason following the breakup. It literally took years because I was so convinced it was all justified. What did you dream about last night? I don't remember. Sure feels great though that my nightmares are chilling out. What profession do you admire the most? That's tough, but probably those that put their lives on the line for others, like firefighters. I also have massive respect for people like doctors, given all the time and work they put into their education to become one and help others. Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? No. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Well, seeing as I was an initial homophobe that eventually realized I was bisexualllll... Do you have a garden at your house? No. Do you like making puppet figures with your shadow? When I was a kid, sure. Have you ever played strip poker or would you ever? No, but I won't say absolutely never if I was just with my s/o. It's not something I'm actually interested in doing, though. Would you date someone who didn’t want to have sex until they were married? Yep. Would you date someone who went to church on a regular basis? To be totally honest, I don't know if me and a person that actively religious would work out, but I'd try it, ig. What is your favorite curse word? I say "fuck" way too much lmao. It's an intense word and I'm a passionate person, lol. What movie do you know just about every line from? None. Do you prefer cupcakes or muffins? Cupcakes. What are the three “nevers” of your life? To name just a few that I'm absolutely certain about, I'd never do hard drugs, commit murder (unless in self-defense, but is that even "murder?"), or abuse somebody. Last board game you played? I think it was "Sorry!" when I was babysitting Ryder. Last card game you played? Christ, Uno. My niece went through a phase of like obsessively playing it with me because I would let her win. Last thing you got for free? Christmas gifts. How long have you been tattooed? If you’re not, do you want to get tattooed? I got my first tat the day I turned 18. Last baby shower? My sister's last year. Last wedding? A repeat photography client's. Her family is lovely. Last funeral? I don't think I've been to a funeral (not wake) since I was maybe a preteen and my childhood babysitter died... It's sad that I didn't go to my grandmother's, but I didn't really have that choice. What is your band’s name? Or fantasy band ;)? Haha, my Rock Band one was "Bullets and Butterflies." How many different strip clubs have you been to? None. Do you have any nieces/nephews? Technically a lot, but only three are regular parts of my life. How many cars have you ever owned? Me personally, none. Can you do math in your head well? ABSOLUTELY not. Who is your favorite Star Wars character? I only care about the Ewoks ok. I'm not a fan of the franchise. Have you ever been to a bachelor/bachelorette party? No. Have you ever bailed anyone out of jail? No. Have you ever given someone a fake phone number? No. Do you have any bumper stickers on your car? N/A Have you ever gone golfing? Only mini-golfing as a kid. Well, and on an anniversary date with Jason. Actual golfing doesn't interest me. If you became famous for something, what would it be? To be entirely realistic versus idealistic, probably something I wrote. How many friends do you have that are married? A whole lot. Do you still have your wisdom teeth? Yes. When you were a kid, were you ever afraid of cooties? No, it was just a playful joke. Do you ever go Christmas caroling in December? No. Do you like mango? Mango flavored stuff, oh yes. I don't like actual mangos; they're too mushy. What was the last thing you got falsely accused of? I don't know. Have you ever been kicked out of a store? No. What does caffeine do to you? Nothing, really. I think I'm too accustomed to it being in my system. Would other people describe you as creative? Very. Would you rather paint or carve a pumpkin? Hm, maybe paint. Names of best friends you've had: Brianna, Kimberly, Jenna, Megan, Mini, Sara... I don't remember them all. Were you one of the smartest in your class? Through most of my school experience, yes. Will you let your kids have a YouTube channel, do you think? If I wanted kids, it would depend on their age and what they were making. Have you ever owned a designer purse? No. Do you like the taste of Tums? Taste, yes. Chalky texture, fuck no. I like the chewy ones, though. Are you currently learning a new language? No. What culture are you most interested in learning about? Maybe Indian? Do you own anything skull print? Oh, loads of stuff. Who are the three people you consider yourself closest to? Mom, Sara, and uh... Dad. Do you like crackers with your soup? Soggy crackers are gross. I don't really like soup, anyway. Which ex of yours means the most to you? Sara. What is something that never fails to make you feel accomplished? Cleaning. Do wooded areas freak you out in the evening or night? No, I love 'em. Have you ever ridden on the back of a motorcycle? No, I'm not comfortable with the idea of riding one. Do you iron any of your clothes? No. Do you think long, straight hair is pretty? Yes, if it's healthy. Do you have a fireplace in your home? Yes. Did you have a class pet in grade school? No. Have you ever owned an aquarium? No. Do you prefer mints or gum? I'd say gum. Popsicles or fudgesicles? Ohhh, fudgesicles. What is your favorite flavor of hot pockets? I only even moderately enjoy the ham and cheese ones. Do you like apple juice? Yeah, but there's definitely better juices.

[drewandhardy]

#cluecrewquestionnaire             

1. What is your favorite Nancy Drew game and why? Ghost of Thornton Hall! My Nancy Drew Holy Grail. This game just does everything right. The backstory of the Thornton family is beautiful and terrible and is the backbone of this game. The cast of characters are amazing. Clara, Wade, Harper -- all tragically complex and interesting. I’ll even throw Frat Boy Colton a bone here and say he added something to the story. Harper is straight up modeled after Helena Bohnem Carter in every role ever (though she most closely resembles Bellatrix Lestrange, probably). I absolutely loved hunting through the graveyard and reading old books to find out more about this family, their past, and this bizarre little southern island they live on. (Side note: Do tiny pieces of real estate like this exist off the coast of Georgia? Okay, I have consulted GoogleMaps and it appears they do. Making a note to visit.) The setting is just gorgeous, in the dreary, creepy way you would expect it to be. It reminded me of the abandoned town of Spectre from Big Fish. In fact, the whole thing has an eerie but beautiful Tim Burton-esque vibe to me. You have some amazing spaces to explore, including locked doors and hidden tunnels to boot. Puzzles are on point. Every puzzle in this game is going to help you advance the plot; nothing is sending you on benign errands. This was just seriously an awesome game. It’s the first ND game I’ve played in the Blahunka era, and it really opened a door to some of my other series favorites.

FIN, DDI, SPY, and TRT probably round of my top 5. 

2. Have you played all 32 games in the series? If not, which ones haven’t you played? If yes, which one did you play first? I played MHM first, back in the day. Nothing like a little Abby seance to turn you on to a series. 

Though I’ve been play since I was a wee baby jr. sleuth, I really rediscovered the series about 3 years ago. Still haven’t hit some of the more clunky sounding ones: White Wolf, Venice, Twister, Ransom, Medallion (started it but I can’t get through this gd game). I also still haven’t played DED or ASH but definitely looking forward to those. 

3. What is your favorite line from any character in the series? Because I’m fresh off of SPY, I’m going to say “Be good. Be a little bad.” 

4. If you could change the ending to any game, which one would it be (no spoilers, though)? Less jet packs.

5. Which game is your least favorite, and why? I mean, SCK is obviously not the biggest thrill, but damn I really hated fucking Castle Malloy. I thought I was going to love this concept: An upcoming wedding at a dilapidated castle in Ireland, where the groom suddenly goes missing?! SIGN ME UP, I SAY. But I really ate my words. This game is such a tedious slog to get through. Kyler, the bride in question, sits on her ass reading her damn book while you go on a wild goose chase for her husband. (Wild goose chase is hardly even figurative: there’s a damn chase-sheep-give-them-mohawks puzzle for christ sake.) The puzzles are long, and you frequently have to hunt down several missing pieces before you can even start said puzzles. The ending has to be some of the most bizarro, half-baked writing the Nancy Drew series has ever seen. Not to mention, the final sequence was one of the most infuriating things I’ve ever experienced (and I’m not even certain that this is hyperbole). I blew myself up approximately 35 times before - in a fit of rage - I Googled what nuanced methodology I needed to master in order to simply lift a bottle. 

6. Which character is your favorite? Why? Oy, probably Dagny. But give me dem Hardy Boys any day. Also, Hilda Swenson. And Renate (CAP). And Viv (DOG). I tend to enjoy the old eccentric ladies. 

7. Which character is your least favorite? Why? I’m pretty sure Holt Scotto (DDI) is part of the alt-right, so.

8. How do you feel about the whole Nancy/Ned vs. Nancy/Frank situation? Do you ship her with someone else? Who, and why? Patiently waiting for Nancy and Frank’s love story to arise in MID. 

9. Do you have any fun headcanons about any of the games or characters? DAN is based off of The Devils Wears Prada. 

10. If you could visit any of the locations of the games, which ones would they be and why?

That absolutely wild underworld set in LIE (someone explain why you build an elaborate set UNDER the stage instead of on it...)

Dry Creek (SHA)

Thornton’s bouge island

All the cool Pacific Northwest locations in DDI -- lighthouse, island, whale cave, etc

Wickford Castle

Royal Palladium 

The Train

11. Did you read any of the original Nancy Drew books? If yes, do you like them? If no, would you consider reading one? I have not! But absolutely. Someone recommend the best one to me!

12. What is one thing any good detective can’t live without? Locked shit.

13. Which game had the best soundtrack? I really liked the Irish-y jig music in DDI and HAU. 

14. What is one thing you wish HER would’ve included in any of the games (a conversation, interaction, location, feature, etc.)? I want a decent explanation of what happened in past-Germany in CUR. As in, we know who’s responsible for the monster games in present day, but they sure as shit weren’t alive in the olden days. 

15. Do you have any ideas for a future game? What is it? Maybe a game base around the witch trials or something?

16. How long does it take you to finish a game from start to finish? Depends! Replays I can usually do in a single sitting, but first plays will take me a few days. 

17. Did any of the games scare you? If yes, which ones? If no, why? Hell yeah, MHM scared the shit out of me when I was little. That “I see you” is like straight out of the Chamber of Secrets. Now that I’m an adult, some of my scariest thoughts are routed in my family falling apart. GTH and SAW and SPY definitely get to me in a psychological way. Thanks Blahunka, you twisted human.

18. Why did you join the Nancy Drew fandom here on tumblr? I have no real-life humans to talk these things through with, so thank you for being my internet humans. 

19. What is your favorite Nancy Drew joke (from in-game or even floating around the internet)? In game, it’s gotta be the mom jeans shade from SPY. On the internet, all of the “It’s Locked” puns. 

20. Who is someone in the clue crew you’ve always wanted to get to know? All of ya!

21. What are three unpopular opinions you hold about the games? 1. CUR is overrated. 2. LIE is underrated.�� 3. Lukas > Jane Penvellyn any damn day. I love playing Monster and hate playing damn “Go Dig.” 

22. Do you have any fun theories about any of the games? I really think that if Blahunka stayed on, we would have gotten a Nancy/Ned break up at some point, and then a Nancy/Frank relationship later on. 

23. Who was your favorite animal character featured in the games? Whale friend from DDI. 

24. Do other people in your life know about your love for Nancy Drew? Yes! I’m constantly trying to get others to play!

25. How long have you been playing these games? Since about 2001. 

26. What’s your favorite in-game backstory/history?

Ballad of Dirk Valentine and Francis Humbert; it’s truly the beating heart of SHA and the greatest love story in the series history. 

The random hilarity of all Jake Hurley’s famous friends in TRN (he’s basically Tahani). Like, they seriously worked the Lincoln Assassination into this shit?? It’s amazing. 

TRT, but more for the Wickford story than for the Marie Antoinette story. (When I played this as a child, I became obsessed with Marie Antoinette as a result of this game. I was too young to realize how ridiculous it is that Marie Antoinette’s tower was mysteriously in Wisconsin. I’m now too old to see through that ridiculously convenient pothole.)

Mickey Malone, his bombass girlfriend Vivienne, and his cool speakeasy. 

Everything about the history of the Thorntons. 

27. What is your favorite cut scene? Oh my god that damn junk shop in CRY. WHY WHY WHY.