#yeah i'm main tagging sue me.

[autistic-beshelar]

the autistic community seriously has a lot to answer for about the widespread belief that neurodivergence only means autism and ADHD.

it does NOT. it was EXPLICITLY created to be inclusive of anyone that isn't 'neurotypical'. the definition is being butchered by gatekeeping primarily from the autistic community, and it is not okay.

[anundyingfidelity]

I'M A RUIN — Soldier Boy/Ben (Part IV)

Series summary: After the events of the Seven Tower, you present Grace Mallory a new secret project you're working on already to develop a cure to Compound V. The only problem? You need Soldier Boy for that.

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x female reader.

Word count: 2.8k.

Warnings for series: set after S3 (spoilers), some OOC!Ben, some depressed!Ben, angst, hurt/comfort, eventual smut, slow-burn, language, PTSD, reader has Compound V (she's no Vought supe tho), Soldier Boy being an usual asshole, reader is a fucking liar.

Warnings on this chapter: Reader's parents are fucking irresponsible and disgusting people, mentions of a dead parent, Homelander!!!! (he's a fucking warning), sexual assault (touching, kissing, etc.) and some after thoughts, you know the usual questionable stuff on TB universe, Ben's point of view and presence=red flag.

Notes: more about reader's past in here! And just want to add that this is how i imagine her suit on this chapter. I'm also using a lot of inspo from Sue Storm of the Fantastic Four because I love her, so yeah. And thanks so much for reading it means a lot to me! ^^

this fic tags: @k-slla @syrma-sensei @mostlymarvelgirl @cheynovak @drasticemotions @blacknoirr @deans-spinster-witch

☕ if you like my writing, support me with a ko-fi !

get yourself in the taglist!

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | | Part VIII

GEN MASTERLIST! — SERIES MASTERLIST!

Part IV: Countdown

2009

"Spectrum, turn around, please," the lady on the other side of the camera ordered.

You did as she told, turning slowly and showing a complete view of your suit. Made of unstable molecules, the suit was your best creation at the time. It was all white with black details, and finally you had something covering your whole body that'd turn invisible when you commanded. Your boots were the same, specially built to disappear and blend with your powers when needed.

"Great, show us what you can do," the woman said.

You nodded, your heart beating so hard on your chest. You didn't want to fuck it up. Not for your mother. She was the main reason why you were there in the first place. You took a deep breath, with eyes closed you raised your palms at your chest level and created a force field around your figure. The force fields you learnt to make over the years of self training were like gigantic bubbles that allowed you to float around if you said so, and they protected you or anyone or anything they were covering.

The camera, the couch, the table, and any single thing you found in the room were now surrounded by the fields, lifting them up a couple of feet from the surface. And once you thought it was enough, they landed slowly on their place, the fields vanished just like the one around yourself. Though the lady on the other side didn't seem amused or surprised.

"I also turn invisible," you said for the first time after your personal presentation was over.

"Go on," she plainly answered.

And within seconds, you slowly disappeared from her sight. The fabric of the suit faded away.

"I created this special costume to turn invisible without, you know, being naked," you commented.

Still, there was no clear answer on the face of the woman. She was just busy taking notes and filming your audition with the steady camera on the table. She said nothing, her eyes glued to her writing. Disappointed, you made yourself visible again.

"That's impressive!"

You gasped. It was that voice you heard so many times on TV. His steps came closer and he stopped by your side with a smile on his face.

"Homelander," the woman called with a wide, fake grin. "You weren't supposed to be in here."

"Just passing by, wanted to say hi. I'm really amazed by you, darling."

You tried to smile the best you could. But you were so tense and flustered now that he was in front of you. Your childhood hero, coming to see you at your audition. Even before you got a clear response from Vought. It felt like a dream. Any child had dreamt of it at some point.

You grew up with him and the Seven. He was one of the reasons you forgot every single problem and responsibility your dysfunctional, selfish family put you through from a young age. To them, you were just a doll to play with and show off. The perfect daughter. But seeing the Seven was totally different. You wanted to be like them. Too sad this part was also linked to your mother and her self-centered shit. If only...

"Thank you," you barely answered with a soft voice, looking down on your boots.

"I've been out there, hesitating if I should come in, since you created those force fields. Wow!" he praised, making you chuckle. "You left the door open on purpose, didn't you two?"

All you could do was chuckle again, you felt your cheeks burning at his banter. He smiled along with you before turning his eyes to the lady.

"Hey, Greta. Can you leave us alone for a moment?"

"But I have to-"

Homelander chuckled, cutting her words. "Absolutely no, I can continue for you. Remember?"

Greta, as he called her, swallowed thickly and her eyes switched between you and the supe. "Sure, sir."

She lifted herself up from the chair, took her things and went out. You noticed the camera was still in place, that meant it was still rolling.

Once the door closed. "So..." he began, walking a circle around you. "How'd you create this... costume of yours?"

"Well, I like science," you nervously smiled, playing with your glove-covered hands. He passed by your face this time and paced around one more time. "It took me a while to figure out how but I did something with the molecules, created my own patent of the matter and did this complete costume."

Homelander stopped at your back. He hummed. "Smart. Tell me..."

His pause made you answer what he was looking for. "Spectrum."

"Spectrum, why do you want to be part of the Seven so bad?"

Homelander dragged your alias with a dark voice, one that replaced the long warm and welcoming tone he had with you at first. You licked your lips, anxious and out of words. Once behind your figure, he angled himself so close to one of your ears that you felt his hot breath on your skin.

"So? I know you have something to say, dear."

"I- I just want to help others... Do what you guys do..."

The next thing you felt was the supe's strong body pressing on your ass. You gasped loudly as his hands grabbed the sides of your hips forcing you to fall back against his chest.

"Go on," Homelander whispered.

One of his hands roamed over your stomach slowly, right under your breasts, and you were absolutely caged on his grip. You took deep breaths, closing your eyes as he touched you over the suit.

"I- I know science, I told you. Also I can help the team w-with new inventions of my own... Create technology t-to fight very bad threats," you stuttered.

"Mmmh, yeah, I like the sound of that," Homelander chuckled against your neck, his lips tracing soft and unwanted kisses on your skin.

"Please- ah!"

He harshly pushed you against his groin. Your breath caught in your throat at the feel of his crotch. This wasn't what you thought it was. This was not what your mother signed you up for.

"Tell me, did your father know how much of a fucking slut you are?" Homelander hissed, his hand cupping your covered breast.

Something inside you emerged at his question. His touch was disgusting and it was making you sick and the mention of your father, your dead father, made it even worse.

"What do you know about him?" you asked in a dark whisper, still planning your next move.

Deep inside, you were scared of Homelander, it was a new face he had yet to show to the world.

"Just the basics, honey," he said plainly, forcing you to walk with a grip on your arm. The supe sat on the couch and pushed you to his lap. "He was quite the rich man, Edgar knew you'd be a great deal to the company, well, your money of course."

You let out a gasp. "What?"

"Honey, he was one of our most valuable shareholders," he playfully answered, his hands cupping your cheeks.

And it clicked. Your mother supported your dream just because she'd still be getting profits from Vought. The firm was now under her name, and she needed something more to strengthen the relationship between Vought and your father's inheritance. The fucking witch. And then, your father. He was the one financing this piece of shit sitting between your legs. Were all supes like this behind their masks? If so, fucking crap. Everything you believed in was bullshit. A circus. And they clowned you so well. And above all, the sickening man that had been touching you without your permission the past endless minutes...

"Oh, poor thing, you didn't know," Homelander's intense blue eyes widened when he immediately noticed your confused, blank face.

Your eyes filled with tears and still, you refused to cry in front of the asshole you once admired.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of you here with us," he smirked. His fingers on your neck, feeling your pulse. You closed your eyes so hard, your nose wrinkled and you held back a sob when his hand added pressure around your collar. He leaned closer, his lips finding yours in a sloppy kiss as you tried to resist his touch. "So fucking useful," Homelander whispered against your lips. He gave you that mischievous grin of his. You shivered. "I can't wait to ruin you. Every single inch of you."

The same past memory of Homelander haunted you the next day. The way you found out about your father's business with Vought and how the supes showed their real faces was the main reason you were here now.

You remembered you had to hit Homelander as hard as you could to escape from him and use your force field to protect yourself before running away and leaving the tower, fully invisible. Not that it was a great help since Homelander had a lot of abilities with his vision, and he could hear the beating of your heart miles away, but for you, it was worth the try. It was a surprise he didn't follow you that day. Instead, Vought got a new deal with your mother for the budget and you hated that. You cut all communication with what was left of your family after that day, knowing it could've been so much worse.

Homelander and Vought, however, were after you now. And he was a difficult face to forget. Not only because he was faking everything from the public but because Vought was after your father's money. And deciding to step away from all the illegal stuff they did, you left for college. Science was always a part of you and it's what got you here, under Grace Mallory and the CIA, doing different jobs you were not so proud of, but now, you were looking for a cure. It was all that mattered those days, until you found out that your mother had been experimented on during her pregnancy. A fucking lie. That's what your life was. That's why she cheered you to go to that stupid audition and fell into the hands of that monster at twenty-three years old.

The thought of your father supporting the horrid things Vought and the Seven did for decades was unbearable, and since Homelander's visit the night before caused those memories and nightmares to be back. It took a great effort to get out of bed and come to work that day. You'd make sure to compensate yourself for it later. But now, you were in a hurry to your daily session with Soldier Boy. You saved your phone in the pocket of your trousers after checking the time as you walked down the aisle, grabbing tightly the report of your patient with your other hand. Well, thirty minutes late wasn't nothing.

"Doctor!" you heard a female voice running towards you in the halls that made you turn on your heels. It was your young assistant.

"Hey, Bianca. What's wrong?" you asked as you noticed she was a little out of breath.

"We ran another test. The supe survived," she blurted, handing you a tablet that you didn't take. Sometimes the change in the results was minimal.

"That's great. Any significant improvements?"

"Well, just minimal effects. Right now some fever, fatigue, dehydration, and uhm, low pulse."

You sighed after another illusion. "Right. I don't think those are minimal effects, Bianca. Please check our patient and see how the powers are working. Run blood tests, all tests you can and then you can provide me the results. I'm a little busy right now."

She nodded with a shy smile, looking around subtly. "Sure."

You smiled back as best as you could. "Anything else?"

"No, it's just- I see you go this way a lot," Bianca pointed to the direction you were heading with her gaze. "That's Soldier Boy, isn't he?"

Your brows furrowed. "Why you ask?"

"Nothing, well, my grandpa used to talk about him all the time," she giggled. "I was just curious, sorry."

"No problem. I get it. But I really have to go, please make sure those results are on my desk by the end of the day," you ordered kindly.

"I will."

"Thanks, Bianca."

With that, you gave a last smile and began your walk again away from her, slower than before. For some reason something was off since you entered the building. It felt different. Totally weird. For the record, since Homelander threatened to have your head off, you paid twice the attention to your surroundings and the people around. You didn't know if there was something big planning right now in front of your nose. You just walked a couple of feet when you felt someone following behind, that was probably watching over you. In a swift movement, you turned on your heels but no one was there. The aisle was empty.

Bianca was already gone and almost no one would wander on this wing of the building, for obvious reasons. With caution you resumed your steps, telling yourself that you were not going insane.

"Robert Singer and I have been hard at work bridging the divide between the human and Superhuman communities. I've seen that divide firsthand in my three years running the FBSA—"

Ben scoffed, taking the TV controller to turn the screen off. "Bullshit."

He stood in the middle of the room with nothing but a towel hanging down his hips after taking a shower, taking the last smoke of his blunt. He grew tired of waiting for you, so he just took a shower and now, everything on the fucking channels was the stupid campaign by Victoria Neuman being supported by Vought and the fucking brat he was supposed to call his son.

With a deep breath, he finished the weed and threw the remains on the ashtray over the new coffee table. His mind started to wander away, realizing he had been a little calm the last couple of days after he almost blew up the fucking place to the ground. Inside, Ben knew your words and actions were a lot of help for the small sense of serenity that started to grow within his chest after that moment. Absolutely that was something he wouldn't admit, ever. But if he was to say, he was actually relieved.

Taking a look around, his place was not that big of a mess. You were certainly used to his clothes around the floor and the sofas, so it wasn't really important. What he found annoying though was you pushing him to read the stupid books and write down his feelings. He wasn't going to do that. If you were there to medicate him, so be it. He wondered why you took so long to do it. Probably he should be stoned enough to not feel anything. That was fucking better.

Just as he started to go over his mental plan to get the hell out of your prison, the door opened. He smirked at your sight. As always, an useless armed man standing behind your figure. You dispatched the guard and stepped inside Soldier Boy's place, the door closing with a loud sound.

You stopped your tracks just a few steps away from him. He noticed your eyes tracing his half bare body in a quick motion, before turning to his face with an arrogant smirk on your lips.

"See something you like, sweetheart?" Ben teased.

With a light chuckle, you held your head high. "Don't be delusional, it's just basic instinct."

"Believe me, I fucking know that," he snarked, taking over your figure with his green eyes the same way you did before. "Basic instinct."

You rolled your eyes. "So," you sat down in your usual place to start the session, making a pile of three of his shirts in the empty space. "Make yourself decent and then we can continue."

Ben took some sweatpants and a shirt from the floor and started to dress himself in front of you, without much care. He smirked as you turned away your gaze to focus on the report lying on your lap.

"You're late," he remarked, taking his own seat once he was done with his clothes.

"Yeah, I had some things to do," you mumbled going through the pages. "But I see we can start now."

He took a deep breath, staring into the distance. "Don't make it boring."

You grimaced, looking back at him. "Can't promise that."

Ben sensed a playfulness coming from you. Could it be that, after recieving your comforting words, he was seeing another side of you? Like the side that would actually trust him, because you still arrived. You were sitting in front of him. You were with him, in the same fucking room where the sun was far from getting. Yeah, you were there but he was too full of ego to bring his walls down again. He wanted to convince himself he wasn't vulnerable. He knew he was more than that. He was Soldier Boy, the man who had to stop Homelander and his fucking kid.

He smirked. "Well, sugar, I can ask you to try."

[kocch]

this is a rambling post no one is gonna read but I GOTTA WRITE IT because i've watched the whole 911 show in the past five months and never really talked about it, so i gotta say some things that are important to me (some might be unpopular opinions idk i don't really know the fandom, i've only checked the tag in the past weeks for s8 and all i can see is mostly annoying fanwars about which ship is better)

my dash could be biased and tumblr itself could be biased for mlm ships BUT WHY DID I NOT KNOW THIS SHOW HAS LESBIANS. like. i'm gonna use the few screencaps i posted here on tumblr while i was binge-watching the show buT

they're everything they're the best they're all i've ever wanted and they're not talked about enough, i don't know if it's because they're a wlw ship and they're a BLACK wlw ship or it's just that they're an enstablished couple and all, but damn i wish i saw them more in my dash and here on the freaking gay website because they have given me so many emotions through the seasons and they're SOLID and i just love them so much :( of course i know karen is not always present because it's a procedural show and sometimes the characters disappear for episodes, but they've solidified 911 in my heart . because damn this show is QUEER and it has been queer since day 1

my top faves are chim maddie hen and buck ok i don't make the rules they're the best but I LOVE THEM ALL and i think one of the best things of this show is the found family concept. you just gotta love them all. even if sometimes they have crazy writing moments through the seasons (like when buck tried to sue 118 or when eddie left 118 jfefhrf)

i love LOVE LOVE 911 because of all the feelings, the found family, how inclusive it feels with all the queer storylines and how diverse the main cast is (but also the case-of-the-day cast too... i'm a fan of another procedural like fringe, it was the 2010 and it was the whitest thing ever, (and the production was racist too) things have changed) BUT IT'S still copaganda. athena grant is a lot of copaganda. the two things can coexist i can love her and despise her story at times ok.

i hope we get a great henren/madney storyline in season 8 because (they're literally my faves) they're the best. i kinda wish for chim and maddie to long for a second children, now that they have mara in their lives? I'm not sure, i just know i need more of them. they're literally . so good to me. they've captivated my heart in s2 and they never left. the potential chim and maddie had was so great, but timing, trauma, depression, many things were keeping them apart, and every win felt EARNED. i just think sometimes straights have rights and that's madney's case.

i love buck like anyone in the fandom, but i think part of the craze on tumblr is due to his bisexual storyline and i gotta say... i do enjoy bucktommy. atm they're cute. being silly and in the honeymoon phase. do i ship buddie? i do, there are so many GREAT things through the seasons that make you feel - wow they could be perfect together - but that doesn't mean i will hate on bucktommy for now (yeah, i know, tommy was horrible in the past, yeah he was closeted and repressed, yeah he could have been better, he was racist and homophobic, i know, but i guess he got better since the characters are ok with him? sometimes we'll never get that resolution on screen) (i think all of them had their bad moments as characters, i mean, i could open a whole file about athena being a bad cop and still she's everyone's faves)

getting back to buck i did love his bisexuality storyline and i love him BEING BISEXUAL, it's not about tommy or about eddie or about anyone it's about him being bisexual. in his early 30s. BUT I gotta say, for how writers have written these characters, for me it made so much more sense for eddie to turn out gay than buck having his bi moment (and it's because of the writing). it makes sense for buck to be bisexual because he has always loved women and he's tried to make his relationships work, unlike eddie, but then he found out he also like men. he had soo many queer hints around him and it's just. fitting. i love him to bits. i wish s7 was longer so we could get things a bit slower, the pace was fast but i loved it. AND DAMN buck was jealous of eddie because of tommy? or of tommy because of eddie? I wonder.

i'm not sure 100% they'll go with buddie for now, but maybe it's just i am not an optimistic per se and i wanna see where they go with eddie's personal growth BUT eddie is gay. he gotta be gay. that man only had one love in his life, shannon, and that love is an idea he has. he thinks they had a great love story, but the truth is that they met when they were young, she got pregnant, he ran away from her for years with the military stuff, then he came back and she ran away, then they got together but still she asked for divorce and then she died. he denies her leaving him because of an idea of something that never really existed. even if he loved her, i'm sure he did love her but, it wasn't something perfect or functioning like bathena henren and madney. eddie is a terrible romantic partner (he's a good dad, but a terrible guy to date lbr) and it's because he's gay. i know everyone in the fandom agrees but i gotta write it down ok. when he's forced to date he feels like he has to perform? he self-sabotage all his relationships with women?? his love stories always end because of him? he had panic attack because of committing to ana??? come on ? the marisol storyline?? That shit is insane if he isn't gay

and that's why i'm asking for eddie to come to terms with who HE REALLY IS without christopher in his life. he's not just chris dad. he gotta stop running away. they have the possibility to make a great storyline for him, after several weird seasons for the poor guy. he gotta understand and accept himself and then maybe he'll work out the things with his son. this is one of the most exciting storylines for s8 and i really hope we get it. if we don't we need a PROPER story that makes sense with all of that tbh.

i'm ok with buddie happening in another season tbh i just want eddie to come to terms with his sexuality. i just love good writing and this show has its great moments with characters and that's why i love it, because it has heart. it has incredible characters i love.

i do love bathena and bobby and athena even if it might not be obvious in this post hahah and i wish we could get back may and henry, i miss athena having actually children

[deliciousangelfestival]

My Problematic Girl - Chapter 4

Character: College!Steve Rogers x Rich!Female Reader

Prologue:  Steve has lived being nobody in this prestigious university. He just wants to graduate and get a job to get more money to pay the bills for his mother's surgery. 

But his life turned upside when a new student attended his class. His quiet and dull life became dangerous and full of surprises.

×××

She exhaled the cigarette smoke from her lips. She still doesn’t care even though he told her he has asthma. 

She looked at Steve and said, “Bark for me.”

Steve felt humiliated, and his pride was crushed. But she held his life and secrets. He had to bury his dignity to the ground, and he murmured, 

“Woof.”

******

I would appreciate any comments and feedback you can give me. 

You can tell me if you want to join the tag list. Don't be shy 😘💖💜💙

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5 , Chapter 6, Chapter 7 ,Chapter 8 , Chapter 9,-

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His body felt weak, and he dropped himself to the floor. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, dreaming he could run away. 

He punched the floor and screamed, "No! I won't do it."

"Don't be that innocent, Steve. Art is always related to money laundry."

Y/N exhaled another smoke. "I knew a drug cartel who hung two Picasso's in his bathroom."

'Oh God, she knows a drug cartel now.' Steve's hand ran down his face. 

"You need the money, Steve. Drawing hentai comics and the salary of a part-time waitress and cashier is not enough to pay for your mother's surgery."

"And your father's debts."

How did she know that? That's the painful past he always pretends never happened. They have to move several times to avoid the debt collector.

He lifted his head to look up at her. "You do a background check on me?" 

Then it hit him. "You choose me because I'm poor!!!"

She didn't deny it, and it seems like she admits it. 

Y/N know Steve is a man with a strong sense of pride. 

That's why she wanted to break him. He became easy prey because he didn't have any money. 

"Steve, I'm offering you a shortcut to get quick money."

"Or do you want to build a startup that could give you more debt or join a Ponzi scheme like your father?"

Steve gritted his teeth. "You're evil."

Y/N let out laughter wounded like a warning from a beast. "Not just evil but also greedy. I learned this the hard way to survive."

'Survive? What does she mean by that?'

She offered her hand to him. "If you doubt me, I have written a contract for this. In that contract, you get all the benefits. If you have disadvantages, you can sue me."

He clenched his fist. What does she want from him? Please make her stop. It felt like he was stuck in a shipping ship. 

"You need this, Steve. Aren't you tired of being humiliated because you have no money?" 

Steve saw Y/N with two horns, bat wings, and a tail. She offered him a dangerous deal. 

But deep down, even though he knew this was wrong, he needed that money. 

He's tired of drawing that comic, different part-time jobs, and hiding from debt collectors; he wants to move out of that ugly apartment and needs money for his mother's surgery. 

He threw away his morals. 'Forgive me, Mother, this son of yours will be a partner in crime.'

He grabbed her hand, and she helped him to stand up. He doesn't speak, but it's a silent yes.

Y/N smiled, "That wasn't difficult right?"

She dragged his hand, but Steve's body wouldn't move. "Where are we going?"

"Just get into the car."

He let her drag his hand; when he finally got inside the car and put on his seat belt, he asked, "Now we're inside; where are we going?"

"Saint Barbara Hospital."

Steve almost jolted his eyes. "This is low Y/N !!! You're going to use my mom to blackmail me?"

This is also the first he screamed at her. That place is where his mother got admitted. 

Y/N gasped, "Wow, I will never use that method."

He scoffed, "Yeah, right."

She stirred the wheel and started to drive. "You are free to hate me. But I'm the only solution you got. Besides, I'm visiting someone too."

Steve remembered something, and it made him wonder. "Before you said, evil and greed are needed to survive. What do you mean by that?"

There's no answer. Steve saw Y/N's right hand tremble; she had to put her left hand to calm it down. Then she immediately turned on the car autopilot. 

She lowered her head while massaging her hand. 

"I learned it the hard way; being kind is useless. That's why I'm intrigued by you."

Steve pointed to himself. "Me?"

"You aren't offended when your classmates mock you; you weren't greedy when I gave you the deposit money for the drawing. And I liked how you looked at me for the first time."

She was silent for a second, then said "You despised me."

"..."

Steve rubbed his forehead; he is dealing with a crazy person. "You're crazy."

She laughed and said, "I know."

When the car arrived, the hospital security opened the car, and she handed him the key. 

Steve always gets here by bus but never sees a valet service. 

"I didn't know this hospital offered a valet service."

"They don't."

Both of them walked together into the lift. Y/N pressed the 2nd floor. Steve always came to this hospital; he knew that floor was for physiotherapy. 

Without looking at him, she said, "I'm going this way without looking at him. See you tomorrow."

Steve finally could breathe when she left. When the lift door slide opened, he went straight to a patient room where his mother stayed. 

There he saw his mother already in the wheelchair. 

She smiled at him because she knew his son would come. "Let's go outside. The weather is nice." 

Steve couldn't say no to this fantastic woman. Sarah Rogers. She has sacrificed so much, and he is always grateful for having a strong mother like her. 

But her kidney got worse. Because his father failed at business, he ran away and left the debt to Steve and Sarah. One day his mother had to sell her kidney so they could survive. 

Steve still felt guilty until this day. But she never blames anyone, even her husband, and keeps smiling.

Steve brought her to the hospital park. On the way to the park, Sarah greeted everyone. She stayed in the hospital for so long that made her know everyone.

When he found a perfect spot to sit, Sarah pointed at someone.

"Oh, that's Lilly."

Steve looked in the direction she pointed. An older woman in a wheelchair and being pushed by…

Y/N??? 

"Mom, you know her?"

"Lilly, of course. She used to be our neighbour. She's a piano teacher."

"And the person who is behind her?"

"Ooh, you mean Y/N? She's a nice kid."

'Nice? She's far from that.' Steve wants to tell his mother the truth. 

"She used to live around our neighbourhood too. But she moved after her father remarried"

Steve raises his eyebrows. Y/N used to live near their apartment. She didn't grow up in an elite neighbourhood?

"Y/n is Lilly's only student who keeps coming to check on her. And she paid for her surgery."

"Student?"

"Lilly told me Y/N is a prodigy, but she stopped playing the piano after an accident."

Sarah sighed. "That poor girl, Lilly, always in tears when she mentioned it. Y/N's fingers got hurt because of the accident, and she can't play the piano anymore."

Steve remembered Y/N were shaking. 

Did something happen in her childhood? Trauma?

He doesn't know he starts to sympathise with Y/N. He shook his head. It's not just her who went through a hard life. 

Even if she has trauma, at least she has money. 

After he visited his mother, Steve went home and started painting. If he could complete his work, he could end the deal with Y/N immediately. 

'Bzzt.'

Hmm? Another call from Bucky. Steve answered the phone. 

"Hello?"

"Uhm, the girl you mentioned yesterday reminded me of a famous kid from my university."

Steve sighed and said, "Y/N L/N." That name reminded him of tobacco since she smoked a lot. 

"Ahh, that's her name !! She is admitted into your faculty?"

"Yeah."

"That's unrelated to her law degree."

So she's graduated. "Then what is she doing in Stark?"

"Uhm, I heard a rumour from my team. It was hot gossip."

"What is it?"

"Y/N, after she graduated and joined her father's law firm, she exposed the Imperial University admission scandal."

Steve gasped when he heard that info. He heard about that scandal, but the news stopped talking about it.  

"You know what's crazy? Her step-grandfather is the biggest donor of this campus."

How did Bucky know that? 

"I think she went to Stark to make her stay out of trouble."

'That's why she said this is her punishment.'

"Did she make trouble there?" 

"Always. We called her Mad Dog. Some people don't agree with her method, but she defends weak students."

That's hard to believe. Wait, she defends him from Luke. He saw her as a good person before she turned into a crime lord. 

"I think she got kicked out from the family because she almost tarnished her father's law firm."

"And her sugar daddy Tonny helped her."

"What?!! No!!! That's disgusting. Tony is her godfather."

"How did you know?" 

"When she graduated, her father didn't come, and Tony replaced him. Tony was so proud of her perfect GPA and told everyone that he's Y/N godfather."

"What is her father's name?"

"Brian Solomon."

'Brian. That name sounds familiar.'

"Why does she have a different last name?"

"Her father took his wife's name after he got remarried. If you go here, you will know everything about her. Her family is basically like a royal family. "

'Crash'. 

"Steve, what's wrong?"

"My hand slipped. I break the glass. Sorry Bucky, I'll hang up."

Steve put down his phone and picks up the shattered glass. 

L/N.

Lawyer Brian L/N. Steve remembered that name. 

That person is the lawyer who defends the people who introduce the Ponzi Scheme to a bunch of people like Steve's father. 

The victim who invested their money lost everything. While the mastermind didn't get punished. 

"Uurgh." This info triggered his asthma. Steve took his inhaler to breathe.

What kind of crazy coincidence is this? 

Y/N is Brian L/N's daughter.

Like father and daughter, both of them are evil and greedy. 

Thank you for reading. I hope you like it.

You can tell me if you want to join the tag list. Don't be shy 😘💖💜💙

I will always be grateful for those who reblog. Thank you so much.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5 , Chapter 6, Chapter 7 , Chapter 8, Chapter 9,-

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[bad-gimmick-thief]

first order of business: stealing @gimmick-thief's gimmick. except i do it really terribly.

yeah so that's basically this blog

stolen gimmicks have the tag "stolen gimmick"

anything else has "imagine keeping your gimmick"

main account is @sweetaplle

please don't sue me

lore post (for now)

minor. don't even try me. i'm fine with friendly interactions with no ulterior motives though :)

[andydrysdalerogers]

To The Limit ~ Six

F1 Racer Johnny Storm x OFC Maya Levinson

Summary: He's been away from the sport for 2 years. He has 24 races to prove he belongs here. There are two things that could derail this: his family and her.

She's the one thing he is willing to push to the limit for.

This a sequel to my original story, "Following Team Orders" If you want to get caught up in my Formula One world, you can find it HERE

The tag list is open!

Future Warnings: references to a partner's death, cheating (but not by the MCs,) alcohol consumption, SMUT!, angst, racing incidents, language, grief, etc.

A/N: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm Sorry....

Moon Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Car divider and Banners by me!

Previous Chapter: Three

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I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS. Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated

Johnny 

Two Years Ago - December 

“You’re pregnant?” 

I stared at the girl who ghosted me, who left me in bed after a phenomenal date and unearthly sex. I asked about her in the Red Bull garage, but Liv told me she had a family emergency and wouldn’t be back. Molly was gone and I felt like I lost the chance at something great.  

“Yeah, about 10 weeks,” she said quietly. “I hadn’t been with anyone else in a long time before and since so my only conclusion is that you are the father.”  

This cannot be happening.  I just lost my job, hadn’t found another one and now I was going to be a father.  My own father had walked away from my mom, Susie and I when we were four. I had nothing to base how to be a father and now I was going to be one.  It’s like jumping off a cliff without a parachute.  

“Johnny? Are you still with me?” Molly’s indigo eyes were full of concern.  

I shook my head. “Sorry, I think I just panicked in my head all by myself.  Umm...” I looked at Molly and saw she was just as freaked out as I was. She wasn’t planning this.  She wasn’t trying to set me up.  She was genuinely scared that I would reject her, abandon her, leave her to raise a baby all by herself. “Molly, what do you want to do? Whatever you want, you have my full support.”  

“I have an appointment in a couple of days in London to get checked out.” She chewed her lip, and I tugged it free. I cupped her cheek and nodded, encouraging her to finish. “Will you come with me?” 

“Of course.”  

Three days later, I found myself sitting in a doctor’s office, looking at poster of the reproductive system of a woman and how childbirth works.  “Ok, just for the record, this room is freaking me out.”  

Molly giggled. “Me too.  Like I remember the process from school, but this is a different reminder of that.”  

I turned to her. We had been talking every day and getting to know each other.  “So... you live in London?” 

“Yes, my flat is near central London. You?” 

“I did live near Maranello, because of the factory, a flat in Monaco, a penthouse in New York and a flat here in London as well.”  I didn’t realize how entitled I sounded until I saw her face, “Sorry, I’m not trying bragging.”  

“No, it's fine.” Molly looks at her hands. “I know you are a driver, but I didn’t realize...”  

I know what she means.  She knows I’m rich but not exactly how rich. Sue me for liking the odd watch or dinner at a nice restaurant.  I scratch at my head. I guess those days are over. I look over at her and think about the future nights in and spending time with Molly. Maybe giving up expensive dinners would be good for me if I could have her.  

“Hey, don’t worry about that stuff,” I tell her, cupping her cheek. “I’ll be wherever you are.”  

Her responding smile make my heart flip a little. I just want to feel those on me. On my lips and... other places. I really need to get a grip on myself.  The doctor comes in, asking questions before we do the scan.  I guess when the baby is still small, they don’t do it the way you see in movies.  I’m intimidated by the piece of machinery that is used on Molly. The shit women have to go through makes what I have dealt with look like nothing.  

“Well, looks like baby is about 11 weeks along. The next scan will be the traditional method. Go ahead and get dressed and I’ll have some pictures upfront for you.”  The tech left the room, and I turned around to give Molly privacy. 

“Should we get some lunch?” I asked as I continued to look at the wall.  It was silent for a moment. “Molly?” A sniffle made me turn around and I watched as she wiped a tear away from cheek. “Molly, are you ok? Do you need to me get the doctor?” 

She shook her head. “How can you look at me when I’ve messed up your whole life?”  

I cup her cheek and tilt her head up to look at me. “Ask me what I was thinking about?” 

She took a deep breath. “What were you thinking about?” 

“I was thinking about which place would be better for us to raise our kid and which place I would need to sell. I was thinking if it was too early for you to move in with me so I can take care of you and the baby. I was thinking how much I want to kiss you, Molly.” I kiss her forehead.” I was thinking about you.  I have been for the last two months.”  

She nodded as more tears spilled down her cheeks. “I was wondering if you hated me.”  

“You couldn’t be more wrong, sweetheart. Can I kiss you?” She nodded and I placed a gentle kiss on her lips. “I want to do this with you Molly, if you’ll let me.”  

16 Weeks - February 

Reed, Charles and I were moving the last of Molly’s boxes into my London flat. Molly had decided to move in with me. I sold the flat in Maranello and leased out the flat in Monaco.  I wouldn't be there until after the baby was born so I leased it to a couple of friends.  

I had decided to take the season off this year. There were no open spots since Ferrari left this so late, it basically screwed me.  Thankfully, I am not a complete idiot, as most thought of me. I saved, invested and could support a family for a long time. But I love my job. I wanted to keep doing my job. My mind had run through every team. Except for Ferrari, every seat was taken the next year. I could stay as a reserved driver. That thought made me grimace. Not a Formula One driver and better than Formula Two, a reserve driver is just in limbo, waiting for a driver to fail or be injured. It's a morbid thought to want you team mate to fail. 

The decision was made. Molly would still work, if she wanted, and I would stay home with the baby after she had given birth.  That way, if I decided to go back to racing, the baby would be about four months. I asked Molly to come with me once I was back in the game. She was still on the fence about traveling with a baby, but I told her we had plenty of time. It was only the beginning of February and baby wasn’t due until August.  

Molly walked into our bedroom with a basket of clothes.  I rushed to take it from her. She shouldn’t be carrying heavy things.  “Johnny, I can carry a basket.”  

“But I am here at your service to do your bidding.” I mocked a bow to her, and she giggled. “How are you feeling?”  

“Good. I like your flat.  It's close to everything and has good natural light.  I think me and Baby will like it here.” She smiles for me, that beautiful smile that captured me. “Thank you.”  

“For what, sweetheart?”  

“For wanting to take care of me and the baby.” She chews on her bottom lip, hesitating in saying what’s on her mind.  

I smiled softly at her. “You can tell me anything, Molly. I promise, I won’t get mad.”  

She takes my hand and squeezes. “I think I’m in love with you, Johnny.”  

I stare at her for a moment. Then bow my head.  

“Oh, thank fuck because I’m pretty sure I love you, Molls.” I raise my eyes to hers. “I think I’ve been in love with you since that first night.”  

She flings her arms around me, and I hold her and my child as tight as I can. They are my family, and I feel complete.  

24 weeks - April 

“Johnny!” 

“What the fuck did I do now?” I grumble as I get myself out of my SIM and head to the kitchen. Molly has been on this kick about cooking and storing food for after the baby.  I mention one time that the pea soup she had made tasted sandy, and I spent a week on the couch. Pregnant women, as it turns out, are more sensitive. My back hasn’t recovered yet as I pad into the kitchen. “What do...” the words die in my mouth.  

A candle lit table is waiting for me. I look to see a roast and all the trimmings. My jaw falls open. “Molls?” 

“I wanted to say sorry for getting mad about the soup and making you sleep away from me.  I hated it and I don’t want to do that again.”  I can see the tears forming in her eyes.  

“Oh, sweetheart, its ok.” I cup her face and wipe away the tears. I kiss her forehead. “I’m not mad and I’m sorry for being a jerk.”  

“You weren’t. You were just being honest.” She sniffles. “How’s your back?” 

“Better. How’s yours?” 

“Your child keeps kicking me in the kidney,” she said.  

“I like how it's my child when they are being bad but your child when everyone comments how cute they are in the sonogram.” I took a bite of the roast she made. “Damm, this is so good.”  

“Thank you, honey. I made a tart as well for dessert.”  

I stopped mid bite. “Apple?” She smiled and nodded. “Ok, what do you want?” I now knew she was buttering me up for something. “Back rub? Feet rub?” 

“No, I was just being nice and saying sorry.” Molly leaned over to kiss me on the cheek, but I hold her by the neck and kiss her harder.  

“I love you,” I whisper against her lips. 

“I love you.” She kisses me once more and I release her. We eat in silence for a bit.  

My mind is wandering. I don’t want Molly to feel like she can’t get mad at me if I’ve done something wrong. I don’t want her to think I will walk away. I want her to know how committed I am to her. My mouth speaks before I can stop it.  

“Let’s get married.”  

28 Weeks - May 

Susie is adjusting my tie with her lips slightly pursed. “What?” 

“Nothing.” She pats my lapels, and I can see all the words she wants to say.  

“Susie, you understand that I am your twin, and I can read all the words you aren’t saying.” I give her an amused smile.”  

She signs. “Are you rushing into this?” 

My smile falls a little and I shrug. “Maybe. But I love her, and she loves me, and we are going to be a family anyways so why not make it official. Besides, I already had this argument with her parents.”  

That was a headache.  Her parents were not happy that she was rushing into marriage. They wanted us to wait until the baby was born so they could do a big wedding and invite everyone they’ve ever known. I know Molly and I knew she didn’t want that.  My girl doesn’t want the spotlight. It's the reason she hasn’t agreed to join me when I get back to Formula One. And she said just that.  

“Mom, it's too much. I want the baby to be born with his parents married and happy. And I am happy, so happy with Johnny and the life he wants to provide us.”  

Her dad grumbled and looked at me like I had stolen a precious gem. I guess I had. I needed to make this ok for everyone. “Tell you what,” I started, “we found a cute little chapel just outside of Paris that we want to get married at.  Just immediate family and a few friends.” I showed a picture to her parents. “Molly fell in love with this place, and I want to make all of her dreams come true.  But, after the baby is born, we’ll host a big reception for everyone.”  

“What about getting married again in our church?” Her mother sniffed.  

I looked at Molly and she gave me a small smile.  “If Molly wants that, then I will give it to her.  

This is how I am standing outside the small chapel about to walk in to marry my girl. I walk up to the front of the chapel and see all the important people to me here. Liv and Steve, Bucky and Nat, Andy Barber, Frank Adler, Tony Stark, Sam Wilson, Susie and Reed, my mother, her mother, Molly’s best friend Jess and her brother. These were the people we wanted to share our special day.  Charles is standing next to me as my best man. The doors open and Molly’s sister walks in as her maid of honor. And then she’s there, on her father’s arm.  

She’s an angel. Her dress showcases her small bump in floaty fabric.  There is a crown of white flowers in her hair. She hangs onto her dad as she walks on the uneven stones.  But my chest constricts. She’s everything I never knew I wanted. I bend in a squat as I try and stop the tears that are threatening to fall. I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up to see Charles smiling and encouraging me to stand. I finally do and he whispers, “she is beautiful, and you are a lucky son of bitch.”  

“I know I am,” I whisper back. I keep watching as she walks to me, and I can see the glittering of unshed tears in her eyes.  She finally makes it to me. I shake her father’s hand, and I take her hand in mine. “Hi beautiful.”  

“Hey handsome.” She reaches up to wipe a tear that fell. “Ready?” 

“Ready.”  

She gasps as she holds her stomach. I put my hand on her bump and feel my child kicking. “I think they are ready too.”  

33 weeks – June 

My pregnant wife is radiant as she sits and sips her tea during her baby shower. Our flat is covered with flowers and balloons. Liv, Molly’s sister and best friend commandeered our flat and promptly kicked me out. I had handed my card to Liv and said whatever she wants. Now as I walk back in, I smile at the joy on her face.  I had surprised her and had her friends from the States flown in for the weekend.  

“How’s it going, baby?” I lean over her from behind and kiss her crown.  

“It's good. So many cute little clothes. Look at this one.” She pulls out a red onesie with the words, “My Uncle is Faster than You.”  

It tugs a little, that I am not there with Charles, Liv, Steve and Bucky. But I smile because this is not about my lost career.  “It's cute. Charles sent that?” 

“Of course he did.” Molly giggles. She gives me a kiss.  “Ready to tell them?” 

“Yeah, baby. Let’s do it.”  I grab the bag I got for Molly and hand it to her. She looks at me curiously. “I wanted to get you something to commemorate.”  

“Ooh, Molly what is it?” Jess asks.  I have all the women’s attention and my friends who were with me for a drink.  Molly pulls it out and gasps.  

Sitting in a platinum ring are blue sapphires that wrap around.  “Look inside,” I whisper.  She leans the ring.  

In love with you and our boy 

“Johnny,” she cries as she hugs me hard. “Tell them, love,” I whisper to her, but she shakes her head.  

As I slip the ring on her finger, she’s wiping away at her tears and I look to the crowd.   

“We’re having a boy.”  

39 weeks – August 

London is in the middle of the worst heatwave that they have seen in years.  Molly has been uncomfortable, but I had the forethought to have air conditioning added to the apartment so it's only on her walks where she is overheating. But now, she sleeps. She still likes it when I hold her, so I have an arm around her, holding her and my son. Suddenly, she cries out in her sleep. “Molly, baby?” 

I think I just had a big contraction. She rubs at her stomach. Molly had been feelings some pains on and off for the last day or so, but we assumed it was Braxton Hicks.  We wait a few minutes but nothing else happens.  I help her get up to go to the restroom. Then I hear “Johnny!” 

I race into the bathroom. I see her nightgown is soaked and the floor has a puddle. “Let me guess, your water just broke?” She nods and gives a sheepish smile. “It’s alright babe; let’s get you into some dry clothes and get to the hospital.” I glance at the clock. 2:51 AM.  August 8th.  

We get to the hospital in record time. Granted there was no traffic at this time of night but it makes my stress level of getting my girl to the hospital quickly low at the moment.  She’s all checked in and hooked up when the doctor comes in.  “Molly, Johnny, ready to welcome your baby into the world?” 

“Ready as ever Doc.” I reply. “Got the paint in the nursery done last week.”  

“Alright some routine questions before I do a check.” She asks about how long she’s been contracting and when her water broke. Then she does the exam.  “Well, you’re about six centimeters along. Baby is in position and has a strong heartbeat.  I guess we have a few hours left.  Did you want to have the epidural?” 

Molly looks at me. “It's your call, sweetheart.” She chews her lip.  “Hey, no one is going to judge if you want to, okay? You know your body and what it can take.” I kiss her knuckles. “I’m right here.  

Molly nods and looks at the doctor.  “Yes, I want it.”  

Ever seen someone get stabbed in the back with a needle? It's not for the faint of heart. I didn’t watch but I squatted in front of Molly, coaching her to breathe. Once it was in, and the catheter was in, now it was just a waiting game. 

Four hours later, Molly was trying to push, ready to welcome our son in the world. I was seated behind her, holding her tired body up, her hands in mine. “You got this Molls. You can do anything baby. Give me one more,” I talk lowly in her ear.  

“I can’t Johnny, I’m so tired.” She was breathing hard. And her head was leaning back on my shoulder.  

“I know, baby, but you cooked him long enough and he wants to meet his momma. One more, okay and I promise you can rest. C’mon baby, do it for our son.”  

Molly is a rock star. She nods at me and on her next contraction, she gives an almighty push. “The head is out,” the doctor calls. “Just a little more Molly.” And then we hear it. 

The cry of my son.  

They place the baby on Molly’s chest, and she cries. “He’s here,” she gasps. “Johnny, he’s here.”  

I wipe at my eyes and stare at my boy, my baby boy who is angry at the world for ripping him away from his cozy home inside momma. “Molly, you did it. He’s perfect.”  

“He is,” she sobs as she kisses his head. I kiss hers before I whisper, “I love you, thank you.”  

They take our baby to get him weighed and measured as Molly delivers the after birth and gets cleaned up.  I watch them like a hawk, handling my son. “Seven pounds 12 oz and 20 inches long,” a nurse announces.  She puts a blue cap on his head and looks at me.  “Ready to hold him, daddy?” 

“Fuck, yes,” I breathed. They had told me ahead of time that I would get to carry him for skin to skin, so I whipped off my shirt and sat in the armchair.  Molly stared at me with sleepy, happy eyes as the laid my son on my chest. I felt his fragile little body next to mine and he calmed as he laid on me.  

“Do you have a name?” Another nurse asked us.  

I look at my beautiful, sleepy wife. “Molls?” 

“Matthew,” she replied, “after my dad.”  

“And Charles,” for my best friend.   

Matthew Charles Storm.  

I finally give up Mattie to Molly and she tries to breast feed.  The nurse coaches her for a bit before we’re alone for what they call the golden hour.  It's just us and our baby.  He feeds and then is asleep on Molly’s chest. “He is beautiful Molly. You cooked him really good.”  

“I can’t believe he’s here. I kept dreaming about him.” She runs her hand along his back. She sighs but looks exhausted. And pale.

“Sweetheart, are you ok?” 

“I just got dizzy right now.  Can you take him? I’m scared I might drop him."  I gently take Mattie in my arms as Molly tries to reach for the juice. She misses and groans and I see her eyes flutter. A machine starts to frantically beep.  

“Molly? Molls? Molly, wake up. C’mon baby, open your eyes.”  I hit the call button as I hold onto my son. “Molly!” 

A nurse comes running in as another machine in the room starts to wail.  “She’s crashing!” the nurse yells out.  

“Molly!” I hold my son, and I’m pushed back with my son to give the medical staff some room. “Molly! What’s happening?”  

A nurse guides me out of the room and into the hallway, “Mr. Storm, your wife’s vital have dropped. We are doing everything we can to help her.” She waves at another nurse. “Can you find a place for Mr. Storm and the baby to be for right now.”  

“No, please, let me see my wife.” But I’m pushed into another room where I can sit with my son. Its agony. I don’t know what’s happening to her.  I can’t lose her. I can’t do this without her. My Molly. I look at my son, the greatest gift she’s every given me.  

“Johnny?” I look up to see Charles, Liv and Susie in the doorway. Right then, I can’t stop the tears from running down my face. “Oh, Johnny,” Susie says before wrapping me in her arms.  

“They kicked me out and I don’t... I don’t know anything.” Mattie shifts in my arms so I lay him on my chest like before. He settles and I look at my family. “Molly did great and then she got dizzy and looked pale. She closed her eyes and...” 

“I’m sure she’s going to be ok,” Liv said. She peeks over my shoulder. “And who is this?” 

“This is Mattie, Molly’s son.” I can’t hold in the sob anymore.  “This is Molly’s perfect baby boy. Matthew Charles Storm.” I rattle off his statistics and look at my best friend. “You look stunned.”  

“I am honored, Johnny.” Charles came and sat next to me. He peeks under his little cap to show off some blonde curls. “He looks like you, poor kid,” he quipped. I sputtered a laugh and kissed the top of Mattie’s head. I let Susie hold him first while I called Molly’s parents. I asked them to come down as soon as possible. They said they would board the next flight. I didn’t tell them about Molly but just said for them to come as soon as possible.  

Twenty minutes later, a doctor came in. “Mr. Storm?” I stood up with my son back in my arms. “Molly’s blood pressure rapidly dropped, which is a sign on bleeding. When we started to work on her, we noticed she was bleeding internally. We rushed her into emergency surgery. She had a previously undetected blood clot.” 

“What does that mean? Is she ok?” 

I heard Liv start to sob in Charles’s shoulder as Susie stood right next to me so I could feel the weight of her.  

“I’m sorry Mr. Storm. Molly is in a medically induced coma, but her brain function is low. The blood clot traveled during our efforts to save her, and we didn’t catch it in time.” 

My brain is not computing what he is saying. “But it’ll come back, right?  You cleared the clot and she just needs time to heal.”  

“Maybe. But the likelihood of that happening is very low. We're talking about a 3 percent chance.”  

“What are you saying? Just spell it out for me.” I was annoyed with the run around he was giving me.  

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Storm. Molly is brain dead. The machines are keeping her alive but now you would have to decide if you would like to keep her on life support.”  

My brain is blank. I can’t comprehend what he is telling me. Molly is dead. She can’t be. She just gave birth to Mattie. She’s a mom. I don’t feel Susie taking my son from my arms. I just feel the world tilt. Charles caught me and the doctor looks at me. “Mr. Storm, are you with us?” 

“She can’t be dead,” I say. “She was just here.”  

“I’m so sorry. We’ll wait until he has recovered a little bit. Is her family here?” 

“No,” I hear Susie say. “They are on their way from America. Would it be possible to wait to do anything before they get here?” 

“Yes, of course. I’ll send a nurse to get some fluids into Mr. Storm and also come and take the baby to the nursery.” 

That snaps me out of the fog.  “No, my son stays with me. I’ll feed him and do whatever. You can’t take him.”  

Charles stops me from lunging at the doctor. “No one is taking him, Johnny. Breathe, he’s right here with us.”  

I grasp at his arms. “Charles, is she gone?” 

The broken look on his face should have told me but nothing was comprehending. He looked me right in the eyes. “Yes, Johnny, Molly is gone.”  

6 hours later 

I’m sitting with my son, feeding him a bottle.  It feels wrong to do this. Isn’t he supposed to only be breast fed? All of the reading I had done before was out the window. I can’t think about stupid books that don’t explain how your healthy pregnant wife could die an hour after your son is born.  I’ve been to visit Molly in her room.  The machines tell me she is alive, technically, but one machine where there are no waves, that’s her brain. 

Charles and Liv watched my son as I cried over his mother’s body with Susie. I took her hand and begged her to wake up and come back to us.  

The doors open as Mattie is finishing his bottle. Molly’s parents are in the doorway. “Johnny,” Matthew says, “where is my daughter?” 

I kiss Mattie’s forehead and hand him to Charles. I stand up and look the man straight. “She’s in the ICU. Have you talked to the doctor yet?”  He shakes his head. I guess it's my duty now.  “Molly threw a blood clot after birth. They didn’t catch it in time. They are waiting for us to decide if we take her off of life support. She’s,” my voice cracks because I can’t say it.  I don’t want to say it. My face crumples and her mom pull me into her arms. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen,” I cry in her arms.  

“You didn’t,” he says now holding his wife as she sobs. “You were the best man I could have asked for. You had her here and did everything right.”  

A baby’s cry rings out and I move towards my son. Charles passes him to me and turn to her parents. “She left us the best gift,” I say with a wobble. “Meet Matthew Charles Storm, our son.”  

I let him meet his grandparents as we wait for the doctor to come in. I watch him like a hawk. Nothing can happen to him because he is all I have of her. When the doctor does come in and speak to her parents, he’s in my arms again.  

We decide to let Molly go. Her sister and best friend had made it. I left my son with Liv and Charles so we could go say goodbye to her. I watched as her sister, best friend and parents fall apart and say goodbye. Then it was my turn. I went back to her bedside. She had to take off her rings before delivering so I held them in my hand while I held hers. “This was the best adventure of my life, Molls. I can never thank you enough for the best gift ever. I love you so much.” I kiss her forehead, “I promise, nothing will happen to Mattie.  He’s my world, just like you are.”  

I looked up at the clock. It was almost three in the afternoon. In twelve hours, my entire world changed.  

And it was just him and I, against the world.  

One Week later  

I don’t remember much of the service and burial. I just know that Mattie is with me, asleep in my arms for most of it. He is such a good baby. Decisions are made fast. Her parents wanted her to be buried in North Carolina. I’m fine with that. We would be visiting a lot anyways. But I make the decision to move back to New York to be closer to my family. Susie and Reed had taken my penthouse but there is still plenty of room. Susie wants to help me. 

And for the next 15 months, Mattie is my sole focus.  

Because I promised his mother that he would be my world.  

NEXT

Taglist:

@patzammit

@texmexdarling

@slutforchrisjamalevans

@firephotogrl74

@tinkerbelle67

@before-we-get-started

@bunnyforhim

@alexakeyloveloki

@sunnyhummingbee

@whiskeytangofoxtrot555

@peaceinourtime82

@saucy-sassy-sparkly

@kmc1989

@kandis-mom

@lokislady82

@raven-blue3000

[maddgical-boy]

remakin my pinned post bc i love spending hours on fun formats. anyways

⸝⸝⊂➜﹒it's me! ⊃⸝⸝

mark/vinny ☆ he/him ☆ minor (strictly 18+ only blogs block me)

hello all! here i post about all things daydreaming-related, as well as some self insert stuff since there is big overlap there for me.

i have mainly fictparacosms (paracosms of existing fictional media). i'm kinda shy about them so i don't discuss them as much but please be respectful when i do. they do not always line up with canon and i just want to be happy and have a fun time.

❤️ this blog is a safe space for all madders/iders and whatever you daydream about. even if it's considered really dark nasty shit, and even if it's willingly! fiction is fiction my friends. ❤️

feel free to send asks about my paracosms or about yours! tumblr is buggy and i am chronically ill so i may not get to it right away, but rest easy knowing each ask is treasured in my heart <3 i'm shy but i want to interact with you all.

no dni or anything, i make big use of the block button if i don't like your vibes or even if we just don't agree about stuff. unfortunately my block barrier from my main doesn't extend to sideblogs and i have to block separately from here, which i sometimes forget to do. so blanket statement for all my blogs and socials:

🚫 TERFS AND ZIONISTS/PRO-ISRAEL PEOPLE GTFO 🚫

and hey! if you can spare some money check out the #palestine gfms tag on my main! 🇵🇸❤️

if you want to see more of my silly self talking about other random things, my main is @kissthenova!

below are paracosms & tags!

paracosms ☁︎‎‎‧₊˚*𖦹

these fluctuate in and out of how relevant they are to me, especially because god cursed my interests to wholly take over my life and then suddenly evaporate like sweat. this is also why i have random mini paracosms that only come out of hibernation if my hyperfixation does too! lmao

───-> ORIGINAL

■ queerer things still — five teens learn of the magical secret realms on earth and travel through them to uncover the main para (enya liao)'s mysterious past. all of them have magical powers and all of them have emotional baggage that they are eventually forced to deal with by fighting monsters that target their greatest weaknesses. everything is weird and also everything is queer (hence the name).

───-> FICTPARACOSMS

■ arrows of shield — big crossover between marvel's agents of shield and the cw's arrowverse. at the center of it all is me, because i am awesome. the only other teenagers (and original paras) are cicero (an entity meant to deal with all emotional and physical pains) and jessop jiang (a boy from the typical 60s american suburb who accidentally killed his mother).

■ the super happy life of akemi ōtani — a blanket paracosm for all daydreams involving any of koei's musou warriors games (that i have played, which is dw8, sw2, 4, 4ii, and 5, and wo4). the name is from one of my two samurai warriors ocs, as she has a very normal, happy life with her dad and sister that is absolutely not besieged by period-typical war. (also my icon on this blog is of nō, who is a character from sw5! she's in her dlc outfit. i love her)

■ yttd paracosm 2 — i don't have a name for this one yet shhh. anyway have you ever theorized that shunsuke hayasaka is sue miley's mysterious fiancé and then made a yttd sona that has become separate from you and is also their adopted child and is also dating ranmaru kageyama and then spent way too much time rewriting the lore of the game to fit this change? that's what this is. (my first yttd paracosm is asunaroland which isn't as major anymore but yeah. i have 2 of these fuckers)

tags i'll use ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

i love using tags i love organizing i love formatting i love archiving ＼(^▽^＠)ノ ☆ヾ(*´▽｀)ﾉ ~(≧◇≦)/ﾞﾞﾞ

my original posts -> #mark stops daydreaming for a sec.txt

answering asks -> #mark answers asks, #ask game answers | feel free to send in something from my ask game!

vents about madd -> #madd vent, #intrusive daydreaming | all of these are ok to rb

positivity about daydreaming -> #positivity <3

my art -> #martk | other art is on my toyhouse and instagram! | want me to draw your paras? commission me!

useful madd-related things -> #useful

anything not daydreaming-related, for whatever reason -> #not madd

...and probably other tags i'm forgetting! yayyy!!

all paracosms and paras are tagged #like this* to avoid anything (like fictpara stuff) showing up in big public tags because i am Scared

dividers: animatedglittergraphics-n-more

[alexandraisyes]

God I'm so sorry about the biased confession blog. I honestly couldn't stand them just from first glance, and this just makes it worse- all they do is spread negativity. At least the main confession blog is just to get frustration out, and the rp blogs are to have fun. No, the biased blog is quite literally just about people who agree with them and their hateful opinions- its frustrating

Anyway, I hope things get better and people are nicer to you. I'm sending you good luck rn.

Im drawing something for sue rn, but after im done i think im going to draw Nora and Ash! (and watch eaps finally tomorrow so I can draw scenes of them-)

I hope you have a good rest of your day/night!!! (idk what time it is there, its nine here-)

Yeah, I had bad vibes about them from the start. I made a post about it, but took it down when they implied that anyone who was public about disliking them wouldn’t have the right to have harassment taken down on their blog. But now that they’ve declined my appeal even though I followed all their rules, I DONT GIVE A FUCK! THEY SUCK! THEIR BLOG IS A CESSPOOL OF ROT AND HATRED! I hope their pillow is warm tonight.

The rp confessionverse is great! Their lore is really interesting and all of the mods are genuinely sweethearts. It has been such a pleasure to work with them as an artist, and they’re having so much fun over there. Literally, only two of them actually care about confessions, and they’re keeping it a really positive environment. If you haven’t checked them out, do it! Because the lore fucking slaps!

I appreciate the good wishes, and omg Nora and ash my babies 🥺. Tag me if you do draw them please 🥺.

It’s currently evening! You have a good night too!

[mischief-and-tea-by-the-sea]

10 Questions for Writers

10 Questions for Writers tagged by @sunnysideprincess

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

156, but two or three of those are Round Robins I participated in, and two are collabfics. The rest are all mine, though.

2. what’s your total AO3 word count?

902,447

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Marvel is my main squeeze fandom, but I've got one Stranger Things fic up and I want to write a few more. I've got a tiny Hannibal fic up, one solitary M*A*S*H that had been a request of one of my besties (and that was definitely enough and I love that show), and there's a Contrarywise/Trickster's Touch ficlet up. Oh yeah, and I have a few Bill and Ted fics up and some other random old stuff that I finally stuck on my AO3 (Lost Boys, From Hell)

4. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

Always. First off, it's so rare these days to get comments because of all the reasons/excuses people give for not leaving comments on fics that to get comments is such a treasure and joy, so of course, I'm going to comment back. Second, if some of those reasons/excuses are true (shyness, anxiety, awkwardness) then I'm doubly grateful for the people who do comment - esp if they are commenting while anxious/shy/awkward - that I want to make sure they realize that their comments are appreciated and that they are not bothering me with their comments. Though I still don't understand that concern. If a writer doesn't want comments on their fics, they'll set it up so that no one will comment. If we've got our comments open, we want comments and you're never bothering us with them.

5. have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so. Given how wildly unpopular I seem to be as a writer, I can't imagine anyone wanting to steal what I've written.

6. have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yep. I've got two collabfics up on AO3 that I wrote with @scottxlogan, and we've got two more in the wings just needing to be finished so I can post them up.

7. what’s your all-time favorite ship?

No. I don't have one all-time favorite ship. I have many favorite ships - Loki/Tony Stark, Loki/Bucky Barnes, Loki/Steve Rogers, Loki/Emma Frost, Loki/Justin Hammer (don't give me that look, they're fun), Tony/Bucky, Tony/Steve, Tony/Scott Summers, Tony/Emma Frost, Steve/Bucky, Steve/Scott Summers, Steve/Emma, Scott/Logan, Scott/Bobby, Scott/Kurt... I mean, that's just the Marvel list, and it's not even a complete one. There's also Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson, and so many others from other fandoms that I may not write for but I like to read.

8. what are your writing strengths?

Apparently humor, Easter Eggs, dialogue, fluff, sexy times, and making people hungry by including food into so many fics.

9. what are your writing weaknesses?

World building if I'm having to create a world from scratch. I can do it, but it's a lot of work and then I get stressed. I used to world-build in rp writing with my former roommate, and when we quit writing, I thought I might take some of our old rps and turn them into og fiction, but there are some that are so wildly extensive in the world building that I will probably stick to re-reading them and not actually trying to re-write them into og fiction.

10. first fandom you wrote for?

If we're talking the first time I ever wrote fanfiction without knowing that fanfiction was a word, that'd be the Children of the Corn fanfic I wrote when I was 12-13. It was in pencil, and it was big time Mary Sue, and I don't even have it anymore because over many decades, the pencil faded/smudged, and I'm pretty sure I tossed it into the trash. (It was sooooooooooooooooooo bad.) The first fandom I was in once I knew what fanfiction was - Jay and Silent Bob. Yes, I still have those fics, and no they aren't posted anywhere, and they won't be. With the exception of a Loki series fic I wrote that has a tiny crossover with Dogma (that was called a therapy fic), I won't go back to that fandom.

Thanks for the tag!

Tagging: @mistressofmuses, @stormxpadme, @soliloquent-stark, @whinysteve, @kleenexwoman, @mcfiddlestan, @chaotic-hypnotic-erotic, @chaoticgardenbread, and anyone else who wants to play!

[zephsthings]

intro post !!!

hi! i'm zeph (a.k.a. zephie//zephania star), i'm 20 and a brit (unfortunately my irish heritage is not strong enough to count as fully irish lol :< UPDATE TURNS OUT I AM ACTUALLY HALF IRISH!!!)

my pronouns are she/they/them, and now also star/astra/starfae !!! i'm a genderfluid/demigirl, (i vibe with both those labels) and a panromantic demisexual :3

these are the fandoms i most like to dip in and out of:

waterparks (the band)

httyd

transformers

b99

psych

the dragon prince

the mentalist

bones (tv)

probably some others i cannot think of atm (will add later haha)

i love to draw, write, read, (i'm an english nerd, sue me - literally studying english lit & creative writing hahaha) and i cannot survive a single day without listening to music :D

more info under the cut ->

i also really really really love space. please send me space stuff. it is my main special interest at the moment - yes, i am autistic !!! there are many other Things Wrong With Me (OCD, ADD, tRaUmA & cPTSD, insomnia, etc... yippee jackpot) chronically ill and disabled girlies rise !!! <3

feel free to send me asks or just chat to me! i'm very friendly :3 ask me about space, about my interests, music, OR MY BLORBOS !!! i am also always happy to talk about writing, whether that be yours or mine !!! i write both original stuff and fanfic ;)

i don't really have a DNI but if you piss me off best believe i will be using that block button :))) obviously this works both ways ;)))

i do vent a lot. sometimes in writing (poems, stories) sometimes in drawings, sometimes more explicitly. i am in recovery. i go to therapy. i have support, so PLEASE don't worry about me, i am FINE i am just DRAMATIC (it's the tortured poet within me) -- if this is not something u want to see, block me !!! it's okay, no hard feelings - your mental health is important <3

so yeah, that's all for now! have fun on my blog and stay safe online babies love u <3

am i the (gloom) boy you dreamed of?

(( my ramblings are always tagged "zeph just stfu", and friend tags are "[name] shenanigans" <3 ))

[suzy-queued]

Weekly Tag Wednesdayyyyyyy ✨

This week's tag game is a mishmash, a ragbag, a hodgepodge -if you will - of questions from the group. Thanks for the tag, @jrooc and @energievie

🔠 Name: Deena

🌀How do you pronounce your own Tumblr handle in your head? Sue Z Q D. Because the "D" is for my name.

🪟 When you look out the window right now what do you see? A light blue sky with a few wispy clouds. Bare tree branches and a rooftop.

💼 What is the most unusual profession someone in your family was in? My uncle was one of those guys who trained the chimps to go into space.

🎨 What hobby were you really into as a kid? Calligraphy and writing different alphabets.

🔍 First autofill google result when you type 'How can I...?' How can I ... go to space? (I think Google knows my uncle)

🎶 If you were the main character in a sitcom, what song would be playing during the opening credits? "Island in the Sun" by Weezer. The "hip-hip" part feels like ME personified.

🎬 What's the last movie you watched? Did you enjoy it? What genre is it? Nimona. I adored it! It's fantasy/adventure/futurism.

🎥 What is your favourite movie genre? This is tough, because I don't watch as many movies these days. Probably romance.

What movie would you recommend? Have you seen The Happiness of the Katakuris? Do you feel like getting your mind blown with pure chaos?

👯‍♂️ Do your IRL humans know about your fandom life? If you're a creator, do they know you create? Yeah! I'm not shy about it. They don't all get it, but I tell people. They know I create, as well.

🚣🏼‍♀️If you could do one activity with your pocket/fandom friends what would it be? Rent a mountain cottage for the weekend and roast marshmallows around a campfire.

I'll tag ... @sweetbee78 @creepkinginc @michellemisfit @deedala @juliakayyy @tsuga-of-mars @look-i-love-u @mmmichyyy @callivich

[earthtodora]

63 and 64

thanks for the ask anon!!

63. Something you hate to see in smut.

smut or not smut, i don't like it when the characters are too OOC. it's fine to exaggerate a little and have a bit of fun with it, but it throws me off if a character's personality and voice is drastically different from what's established in the main narrative. of course, aging the characters up suggests they would act differently, but even then, there's usually a few consistencies (like a certain mannerism, or the way they talk) that can still be there, it's just that it's expressed a different way.

also, it's not something i hate per se, but in smut fics, i find it a bit annoying when the tags don't mention top/bottom dynamics (and, before i get jumped again, i won't not read a fic just because it doesn't fit my tastes, but sometimes a girl can be in a specific mood, y'know?). that being said, no one is forcing you to tag that way. i'm just talking about myself and my personal tastes.

64. Something you love to see in smut.

honestly, anything i'm into is fair game, but if i had to choose, i love to make them yap. the more, the merrier. also, i'm weak for the contrast between soft, tender moments and rough, fast-paced sex. sue me.

the quality of the writing helps a lot too. like, whenever someone uses their vocabulary to their advantage, i'm a happy camper (i'm still working on this aspect in my own writing, so this is something that makes me appreciate a fic all the more).

and!! HUMOR IN SMUT FICS IS SO GREAT!!! like, yeah, i want you to make me feel things, but it's a plus if you can make me laugh while you're doing it. plus, my secret weapon for alleviating the awkwardness of writing sex scenes is making their internal monologue and thoughts a complete mess.

[valentinaonthemoon]

Last night I analysed the Peaceful Property trailer because apparently I cannot be normal when it comes to a TayNew series, so here's my livetweeting of it:

It seems like the general plot of the show changed from what it was initially. I'm curious to know why! I was looking forward to meet spoiled brat heir Home, but he'll be fun as a real-estate agent, I'm sure!

This editing is so fun. It still doesn't really show much about the series, lmao. It shows that it's going to be pretty and pretty fun, but you can see the little cuts here and there that prevent you to see the whole scene. Sneaky, but fair.

Very tiny glimpse @ 0:11 of a scene that looks like the one almost at the end, where the main group and Perth's character are looking at a figure of a person on a wall. Could be the beginning of an episode and later some kind of resolution?

Oh! So Pang, Peach and [Perth's character]* are all part of Pang's supernatural vlogs! [*still do not know his name + don't know if they've mentioned it.]

Love how they cut this part of the trailer. Who is this man kicking the door open? Does he work for Home, since Home is seen in the same place later? Or is he from a completely different scene? Maybe someone else is looking for Peach to use his abilities?

I cannot wait to hear what quip Home will have as a response to "What do you want us to do? Ghostbusting?" because for sure it isn't "Cool" LMAO. That's a yet again different scene (and yet again I'm very curious about it)!

The 1% scene is hilarious, no notes. I love them all.

Really curious about Peach. He wants to be a cook, but he can't because he sees ghosts. Perth* asks if it's because he's sick, and that might be when Peach tells him about his ability. What I am curious about is how or why he acquired that ability! 👀

Also apparently both Home and Peach find themselves in a hospital with some kind of head injury, according to New's pictures from some time ago and this scene.

Gun wanting to sue some ghosts is so unserious, very unlike her at first glance. Can't wait to know more about her.

Oh my goodness, Pang and Home will be The Most Chaotic duo of the group. I need to see a whole episode of their shenanigans.

Also I'm pretty sure that the scene with Pang applauding will mean that Home will make a speech to the group (or to Peach in particular) and that's pretty fun! I wonder if it's a motivational one.

Next we have several scenes of them ghost-hunting, and I wonder if they're set in different episode as a "monster-of-the-week" type of show, or if there will be some montages of them as well.

Also, at one point not only Peach will be seeing ghosts, apparently. The police officer running away and Gun seeing the ghost in the mirror are interesting to see. 👀

"Ghosts aren't the reason your hands won't stop shaking" yeah babe, that's the anxiety/trauma. Go to a therapist, idk. Get a found family, fight your fears and move on <3

I wonder if Peach says "Thanks for dragging me out here to face my fear" to Home like everyone is saying, or to his sister Pang.

I love this shot. Love the silly (sweary) way "Cocktail Lounge" is lit. Love how domestic it feels. I'm curious to know who that other person is, sitting on the right, though. This looks like it could be at least a middle of the series type of scene.

I have so many questions about the blood, and then about how many times New had to scream in this series. And also why is it always funny when he does it.

Very fun, can't wait to see it in two weeks and a half and have fun with it: I am sure it's going to be a blast!

End of livetweet, but let me say a few more things about it.

I've seen somebody was confused about the hashtag to use or its title: don't be! The English title is still "Peaceful Property", #PeacefulPropertySeries on twitter, but I will just be using the title to tag it on my blog. The Thai title means "Haunted House On Sale", with "on sale" being in English.

It's difficult to see the English title in the logos, but it's there! Can't wait to see the found family gifsets when we'll come to it 😊

[lovejustforaday]

2023 Year End List - #2

Ooh Rap I Ya - George Clanton

Main genres: Baggy, Chillwave

A decent sampling of: Trip Hop, Dream Pop, Synth Pop, Vaporwave, Breakbeat

Okay okay so yeah I'm very late to the whole George Clanton thing. Look you guyz, vaporwave and its adjacent scenes have never really been my cup of tea due to the general over-saturation of super amateur "vibes" artists with no songwriting chops. The gratuitous Japanese has also always reeked of pretentiousness to me. But there's almost always at least one diamond in the rough.

And I know that Clanton is really more regarded as a chillwave artist, and I know that there's a meaningful distinction between these genres, especially since the term 'chillwave' is at least a year or two older. But I guess in my own mind I just kinda put him in with the former, so he wasn't particularly high on my list of things to check out.

That is, until I saw those peculiar genre tags on his latest record and the general praise it got on my favourite insufferable hipster website rateyourmusic.com (sue me bitch). Baggy and chillwave together? Now THAT was something I had to hear.

And it just so happened to turn out that his stuff blew me away completely. Even upon my first listen, this LP had basically already skyrocketed to the number 2 spot on my year end list and managed to hold on for the rest of the year.

Every note off of Ooh Rap I Ya is drenched in a multicoloured neon slush that tastes like pure fifth gen console nostalgia (yes that's the only thing I can recall about the 90s tyvm). A portal to a dimension floating in a solution of sheer serotonin, with groovy baggy rhythms and gooey, acid-y synths. Layers upon layers of unabashed awesomeness condensed into thirty eight minutes that feel like hours of non-stop raving that still somehow ends all too soon.

There's been way more than enough homages in the 21st century paying tribute to 80s synth pop and its related genres. I'm glad that someone out there finally decided that the early 90s British baggy scene and its related "Madchester" club culture deserved a work of similar celebratory fondness. Not that I'm honestly too well-versed in it myself, though hearing this certainly makes me feel like taking that genre deep dive next year.

But like all good throwback revivalism, this record doesn't just rehash the era that it's paying tribute to. There's a lot of contemporary production techniques and ideas being applied here, and it's all filtered through a very post-internet 2.0 chillwave online aesthetics lens. And while sonically it feels incredibly optimistic, the lyrics have definitely been injected with some of the generational existentialism of its time.

Moreover, this basically just kicks ass more than 98% of anything else released this year. The songwriting is tight, the riffs are infectious to no end, the sound design is simply godlike, and Clanton's trippy pretty boy vocal styling blends seamlessly into this genre. It's just some good fucking timeless music that happens to be heavily influenced by a very time-and-place sound.

"Justify Your Life" has a very particular vibe, as though it was written from that headspace you get when it's 2:00 am and you should be tired, but instead your mind is hyper awake and you're up just kinda reflecting on everything over the last six months. The whole thing rides on the wave of a breezy looped guitar feedback sample, taking little plunges into deep plasmatic psychedelics during the chorus. Very chill and daydreamy, but also a little agitated and melancholy.

The torrential, churning feel-good chaos of "Punching Down" is almost enough to make me feel sick. So sugary and whimsical, you'd be totally forgiven if you missed George's lyrics dissing on the subject of the song, who might just probably be himself. The combination of rubbery arcade synths and a blown out drum machine pattern absolutely buries this song in a totally orgasmic collage. Someone shook the soda can and let it spray all over the damn place. Makes my brain go all fuzzy.

"I Been Young" is a quarter life crisis anthem that's musically somewhere halfway between INXS and Chapterhouse. Very boy band meets neo-psychedelia. The lyrics are poignant in a way I think all of us are destined to feel at some point. But there's also a kind of bittersweet, triumphant silver lining at play here, as in "yeah, life is pretty fucked, but look how far you've come!". Clanton does the great big beautiful chorus thing in a way that I've heard very few artists really manage to pull off so cool and effortlessly. Those colossal piano chords are purely divine. No other song this year comes quite so close to the sentimental, end-credits energy that this song manages to emanate from its very core. Insanely potent, and plainly one of the greatest songs of the decade so far.

"You Hold The Key And I Found It" has me swimming downwards in slow motion. This is for the point of the night at the rave for when you're beyond blasted, and you're kind of just absorbing your surroundings, with every second being its own little eternity. More vaporwave than anything else off the record, but this is a brilliant example of the genre's potential when the songs have the right amount of pulse to them.

"Ooh Rap I Ya" glows like little flourescent fishies swimming in an aquarium. Little bit of a new jack swing meets trip hop vibe on the beat here which makes it extra comfy and danceable. Those "ooh rap I ya"s during the bridge that give the album its title are just so sexy and snappy; I believe I've caught myself singing it at random at least a dozen times in the last month alone.

The sluggish closer "For You, I Will" is insane. This. Song. Is. Massive. I can't get over how utterly consuming it sounds, like impenetrable walls being erected towards the sky that obscure the nature of reality. This one simply must be heard on headphones to get the full experience. George Clanton employed the help of Hatchie 💖 to do the backing vocals on this, which I personally thought was a really cute addition seeing as how her 2022 record Giving The World Away was basically the only other prominent LP of the last few years (or decades, more likely) to pay a lot of homage to the 90s baggy sound.

For as consistently brilliant as the album sounds to my ears, I do admit I have one gripe with this record that I just couldn't look past to give it a 10.

The gripe is that "F.U.M.L." to me is just a weaker, simpler take on "I Been Young". I guess the whole ultra-teenage upbeat pop punk "let's chant gleefully about being edgy and depressed" has never really been my thing either (Looking at you Wheatus, grrrrr), no matter how many layers of nostalgia or even irony you try to bury it under. Maybe an uncharitable take, it's still a pretty decent song and production-wise it's excellent, but I have basically no fondness for it when compared to anything else on the LP.

But anyhow, shut the fuck up already Bradley cuz this record is goddamn amazing. Ooh Rap I Ya has very quickly become one of my favourites of the decade - heavily grounded in the psychedelic baggy sounds it derives from, while managing to be so incredibly forward thinking in its maximalist production and songwriting. George Clanton just landed himself at the top of my list of artists to be on the look out for new releases in the next few coming years.

9/10

Highlights: "I Been Young", "Punching Down", "For You, I Will", "You Hold The Key And I Found It", "Ooh Rap I Ya", "Justify Your Life", "Everything I Want"

[averinna]

What's disappointing about realizing why you'll never be understood is that it's no amount of trying will change anything

It doesn't matter that I write faster or have a better English. By essence I am different. It's why none of my first fics took off. People saw ocs and assumed mary sue, people saw no romance and assumed it was worthless

Because what is ocs but a way to self insert? What are fanfic but about your otp kissing?

What else could it be. Nobody care.

Isekai are popular recently and I see people hating on it on there and yeah no wonder it's self insert fantasies.

But this website do the same since a while now. Now the fiction which work are those that explicitly want the reader to imagine themselves with Christian Grey #85. Authors don't even have to try, it'll work out anyway.

JJK is nothing but this because people don't even care about the characters, but just their appearance. That's all there is to it.

Fiction doesn't reflect what people really feel about our society but then I wonder why people don't use fiction to have a reality free of what oppress them

Instead I see fiction for women primarily about being treated worst than we are irl but since the guy doing it it's hot. It's a "power fantasy" to be with a guy who have full control over your life but he love you. Lol.

I tried to understand that to accept it since I can't go anywhere in the jjk fandom withiut shit like this and that we keep repeating that cringe culture is dead but it's no use.

It make me cringe and I wish it wasn't as present and that this fandom wasn't known for fangirls using Gojo's figure as a dildo or creating t shirt where they call themselves Toji's hole or asking around which sexymen they would let abuse them

And I think wow so it's why ocs aren't as present anymore? You guys never cared about creating a character or about the character's personality of the one you claim to like? It's just about recreating what society does already?

But yeah. I do write what I want to see because nobody else will write it otherwise. Because fiction is just about that for many of you.

You can't accept a whole fandom for sure. I was just doing good in the past because it was a forum, a little community where we were all friends.

Then fandom in general became bigger and more insufferable.

I don't think this mindset will go even if I go on another one. Fandom define themselves only through amatonormativity and a fake support of aspec to not look bad.

I'm better off cutting tie and not sharing my posts in the main tag anymore, to not give me the illusion that anyone give a damn about what I do.

I just need to stop sharing and wanting to connect so bad.

I will never feel at my place here.

[violetfairydust]

I was tagged by @dear-massacre !

This is from my ongoing WIP Message in a Bottle. It's Teen Wolf in the point of view of Allison. It's an AU where instead of liking Scott, she likes Jackson because I'm Jallison trash, but everything in the show stays the same.

At this point she doesn't know his first name, so she either refers to him as McCall because that's what Coach called him or Starey because he stares at her all the time.

-

He pet the dog gently. “So... It looks like she’s gonna live. And I’m pretty sure she’ll even let you pet her now, if you want.”

“Oh, I don’t think so.” She began to back away.

“Oh, come on. You don’t want her to sue. I hear this breed it very litigious.”

Yep. Doesn’t take no for an answer. And tries to make you feel bad about him being creepy. Allison reached out to get it over with so she could get home. The dog seemed calm and didn’t snarl at her once.

“You see? She likes you.”

He stared at her again. She decided to stare back. Maybe he’d back down.

“What?”

“Uh. Sorry. You have an eyelash on your cheek.”

“Oh... from the crying.” She wiped at her cheek. She must have missed since he reached out to brush the eyelash off her cheek, as he would see it, or as touching her creepily, as she would see it.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah.”

She started to leave and he followed her. Can I get rid of this guy? She ignored him and went to the driver’s side and tossed her wet shirt into the passenger seat.

“So, um... I was wondering... I mean... Is it really family night on Friday, or do you think maybe you’d like to go to that party with me?”

Oh. Okay. So now he’s listening into my conversations. Beautiful. Precious.

But another thought came to Allison as she was going to reject the offer. She wasn’t getting any younger. She could only use her parents as an excuse as a limited time offer. Her aunt was coming to visit soon, could she use Kate as an excuse? Allison remembered the invitation. It wasn’t Lydia who invited her. It was Jackson. She smiled automatically.

“Family night was a total lie.”

“So, is that a yes? You’ll go?”

He was cute, but he was taken. By the girly girl. The one she wasn’t like. If she went just for the guy who had a girlfriend that wouldn’t make her any better than Starey, would it? But the thought of seeing him made the decision for her.

“Definitely yes.”

She got in the car and started the engine. The smile she wore faded as she pulled onto the main street.

“First I hit a dog with my car, then I go to a party to stare at some other girl’s boyfriend all while leading on the guy I still don’t know the name of. Way to go, Allison, you’re going to hell.”