#yeah i'm autistic but i barely ever stim at all.. and can look people in the eyes

[lawfulspawnofthedevil]

anyone else feel like they never really fit into "x community" because they refuse to lean into stereotypes

[sapphosvioletts]

Only Yours

Part 2

Natasha Romanoff x Autistic Daughter reader

(+ Melina and Yelena)

Part 1

Summary:

Natasha met her daughter in the Red Room when they were paired together. They've been extremely close ever since. When Natasha comes back from her mission to find her sister, and taking down the Red Room in the process, her daughter has to try and be okay with the fact that there are now two new people she has to share her mom with, Melina and Yelena

Word count: 1,137

Warnings: description of meltdown

Note: Not every autistic person experiences autism the same. I'm autistic and I am writing from my perspective of how I personally experience autism, but not everyone feels the same as me or has the same perspective as I do.

.oOo.

It's been about a week since Yelena and Melina arrived with my mom. They are all out of the medbay, each getting their own room on our floor. Ever since my mom has been back and sleeping in her room, I've been joining her. I missed her, and sleeping with her always seems to keep my anxiety at bay.

I selfishly am glad that Yelena and Melina are out of the medbay because it means I have my mom back. I've spent almost every second so far attached to her side, refusing to be separated again.

Yelena and Melina have been nothing but kind to me, but I still can't help but resent them. It makes me feel incredibly guilty because they have been so sweet, and I still feel this way about them. Of course, I don't show my resentment to them, I have a hard time being mean to people, which at times can work against me since I won't stand up for myself.

I have barely talked to them, only muttering occasional single words. But I try not to come off as rude, like by giving them small smiles.

.oOo.

I frown when I walk into the kitchen and see my mom handing over one of my stim toys to Yelena, showing her how it works and what it does. I don't like other people touching my things, I only let people I entirely trust touch them. I'm attached to many things, even objects, and I get so worried that people will break or ruin them. It's scary when someone else touches them. Only my mom is allowed to touch them, and no one else.

I turn on my heel and run back to my room, feeling incredibly frustrated. I close my door and slot myself into the small area between my desk and wall, needing to be somewhere small and comforting.

I rock back and forth and hug my knees to my chest, feeling just about ready to scream. It feels like there's just too much going on inside of me, with no way to express or get rid of it, it's almost painful. I bang my feet on the hard floor in anger, until my heels hurt too much I can't take it anymore.

I dig my fingernails into my legs, squeezing as tight as I possibly can. I let my shoulder bump against the wall with every rock, needing more sensory stimulation. This goes on for a couple more minutes, until I've thoroughly exhausted myself. My sobs have died down to only tears, and my breathing was heavy, but not hyperventilating. I lean to the side against the wall tiredly, my whole body feeling heavy now.

I jump when there's a knock on the door, and then the familiar red head pops her head in. She furrows her brows when she doesn't see me, but her face quickly turns into a frown when she finally spots me. She closes the door behind her and makes her way towards me.

She sits in front of me, laying a gentle hand on my knee. She takes note of the imprints left on my leg from my fingernails, some which had small droplets of blood coming from them. She noticed the bruises already starting to form my heels and ankles as well.

"Oh honey, did you have a meltdown." I nod, not making eye contact. I pull my hands out and hold them out, she immediately holds them in hers. "Can you speak?" She asks gently. "Yeah" I mutter in response.

She looks down and sighs for a moment, before looking back up at me. "Honey... I can tell that something is going on and making you feel bad, can you please tell me so I can help you." I rest my chin on my knees and start running my fingers along her wrist, enjoying the repetitive feeling as a stim.

After a couple more seconds, I nod. She gives me a small, encouraging smile. "Here let's start with how you're feeling right now. What are you feeling right now?" She knows that I sometimes have a hard time starting, with answers or tasks or anything really, so she tries her best to help.

"I... I don't know." I huff out, stomping my feet against the ground in frustration. I don't know what I'm feeling, and I hate it. "Okay, that's alright honey." She takes a deep breathe before speaking. "Is it Yelena and Melina? I know that I've been spending a lot of time with them recently, and them moving in is a really big change. It's probably really overwhelming for you, yeah?" I feel my eyes water, mostly in relief, because she understands.

"You... you're my mama. You're mine. And now I have to share you with two people I just met. And I feel guilty for it because Yelena and Melina are so kind, and you have still taken care of me and been there for me through everything, but I still can't help but resent them. Cause you're mine!" I say the last part almost angrily, stomping again.

I didn't even realize I had just spilled everything to her, but it does make me feel slightly better at getting it all out. I gulp nervously as I look up at her hesitantly, slightly scared of her reaction. I know she would never get angry at me, but that fear has just always been instilled in me from the Red Room.

"Oh honey. I'm so sorry. I'll always be yours, no matter what. I know that it might be hard to have to share me now, I understand that you attach yourself to things or people, and that I am one of those people. So I know how hard this is for you, and I'm really sorry for not addressing it sooner."

I crawl into her lap at her words, just so happy that she's at least not angry with me. She holds onto me tightly, hugging me with just the right amount of pressure. After another minute or two or just holding each other, she finally continues.

"I know that it's hard, but unfortunately you're going to have share me. But I promise you, I'm only your mama, no one else gets to share mama, I'm only yours, forever. You may have to share Natasha, but I promise you that mama will always be yours, and only yours."

I cry harder at her words, nuzzling closer to her. She rubs my back and holds me close. Those were exactly the words I needed to hear. Of course, it doesn't make everything better or take any of my feelings away completely, but they provide a lot of comfort.

"My mama..." I parrot back. She sadly smiles and nods. "Only yours."

[solarcitymelodies]

Wowza sorry y'all about the random massive Rockafire spam, I'm pretty sure ??most?? People on here? know me for just Knight Rider because that's the only thing I've ever REALLY posted about--

but I Do Not Care it's RAE hours right now so uhhh here's some headcannons that probably aren't Canon compliant very much because I just got into RAE like last week

So like. I feel like Mitzi is a Good Amount younger than the rest of the band like she was in highschool when she joined, the rest of em were all Adults™ and she was a little bit nervous about it because...... ADULTS™

She was just lookin for a place to get her singing voice out there, because ya girl REALLY wanted to perform, and showbiz happened to have a slot open, but she did not expect all of the members to be older than her (although looking back, she realized she probably should have expected that)

It was intimidating at first but Billy Bob and Fatz were just the absolute sweetest and they introduced her properly to the rest of the band because she was like "oh I barely talk to them because I get nervous :(" and the resident dads p much said "aight we can do all the talking for you then, how about that?" And badabing badaboom she's now attached to these two and like honestly who isn't or maybe that's just me but ANYWAYS I feel like the band would become a second home/safe space for her

Yeah fr some reason I have BIG long headcannon for her joining the band but the rest of them? Nobody knows how they got there for all I know they just Showed Up One Day

Also I came across this

https://youtu.be/UU7BeUWQBDI

Which got me thinkin about what my headcannons were as far as sexuality/gender stuff

And I find the concept of Billy Bob being Very Much Straight And Ignorant but trying his hardest to be a good ally SO funny like if someone came out to him he'd probably be like "oh!! I don't understand why you would choose that lifestyle but I respect you!!" not realizing how incredibly stupid he sounds sjkrjh like I don't think he can very easily wrap his head around how people are just. not cishet. so he's like "OH then it must be a choice, right? like you can choose to be gay but you're born straight. Right?" and everyone just shakes their heads in the background but he does earnestly try his best and my man would rather DIE than disrespect someone's pronouns I know this for sure

Fatz is pretty similar, straight ally and a lil confused but he's got the spirit, you know? He still least knows being gay (as well as,,, m o s t sexualities that aren't straight, although some he doesn't get/know about at all) isn't a choice but he hasn't quite grasped that being trans is also not a choice. He will respect your pronouns to hell and back but by god he doesn't get it,,, he's trying though and he feels very accomplished in himself that he's starting to get the hang of using they/them even though he slips up a lot

The rest of the band encourages the HELL out of these two because they're. Trying their best and making an honest effort which is more than a pretty good chunk of people would give

Rolfe, Earl, and Dook are the reasons Billy Bob and Fatz are trying so hard to understand it lmao

Rolfe took it upon himself to hang up a MASSIVE gay pride flag backstage, being the flaming homosexual that he is, and the rest of the squad quickly realized "oh he's GAY gay he wasn't kidding" because at first they literally thought he was joking as he was actually just being openly and obnoxiously a raging mlm (and like I mean no shade to him this isn't me tryna to make fun of it because my dumb sapphic ass almost crashed my car once because I saw a pretty girl walk down the street. And by "once" I mean. Yesterday.) Anyways yeah that's when the rest of em Realized and were like "OH" but after the massive pride flag was hung up that prompted Dook to come out and they were all like "???? YOU TOO????"

Dook is a non-binary ICON he's a demiboy and goes by both he/him and they/them and probably would have a bunch of pride pins I think,,, I'm not really sure of his sexuality though!! honestly he kinda gives me bisexual vibes but Who Knows . Not me. He has a HELL of a time trying to explain his gender to the rest of the band (except for Rolfe because like. He's a part of the community so he knows) and basically he was met with "so you're just a dude but ✨spicy✨?" and it was like, "no, but I have no idea how to explain it in a way that will make sense to you, so. yes?" And that explanation seemed to suffice for most of them

Mitzi went in knowing NOTHING about what being non-binary was so she asked a l o t of questions about it, which Dook just kinda dealt with answering (he's heard most of it before, and it gets tiring after a while. if you're nb or trans or honestly any part of LGBTQ+ you know what I mean) but he thought it was really sweet of her to be so determined to learn about it and eventually she did get a grasp on it ish, so she was able to understand why it wasn't just ✨spicy male✨ (the conversation pretty much went "well if i was just male, don't you think I would label myself that way instead?" "....oH TRUE!!!") and she ended up a VERY passionate ally, and she'll ask occasionally about how to be better at it, bein a queen as she is 👉👉 also definitely started questioning her sexuality after a while and just went with "maybe bicurious" and Rolfe, Dook, and Earl were all like "ONE OF US, ONE OF US"

Earl has never once spoken about his sexuality in his life, because 1. He's very aware that's an awkward conversation to have with a puppet, and 2. He's aroace anyways, which is basically what people assume even if they don't realize it just for their own peace of mind, because seriously, puppets and any identity that ISN'T aroace creates a really uncomfortable mental image for... Most people, pretty much. So it's not like he ever needed to say anything about it, which is convenient for him because he wouldn't want to say anything either way. not worth the risk of embarrassing himself and making everyone feel awkward

(side note ish though Rolfe 100% came out to Earl first and was met with "I already knew that but okay." Rolfe was mildly offended)

And spEAKING OF EARL he's VERY much sentient but he can't say he's particularly enthusiastic about it because Rolfe has to carry him around everywhere

He can move on his own but it's limited and generally annoying to maneuver around with his tiny body so he just says screw it half the time and stays on Rolfe's arm or hitch a ride on Random Object, but like... Yeah, the majority of the time Rolfe just has to deal with only having one arm available and a puppet directly next to him making fun of him at every possible chance

They high-key have chaotic and unorganized college roommate vibes (like they're actually roommates because... Where tf is Earl supposed to go?? So Rolfe took him in) and idk if this is really like a part of my headcannons or if I just think it's funny so I keep entertaining the idea of it but I think it would be Fantastic if Rolfe had no idea how to cook but Earl somehow did so this idiot is trying to take instructions from a puppet, who can't physically show him what to do, and it's like Hell's Kitchen live featuring a furry and a sentient stuffed animal

Aaaaamd going off of my Rolfe and Earl headcannons still Rolfe for SURE has some sort of executive dysfunction issue. ADD or ADHD I'm not sure (probably ADHD) but he definitely has it also this totally isn't just me projecting how dare you accuse me of that

And!!! More about Dook!!!! I don't know how or why I thought up of this but I cannot possibly imagine him any other way now-- he's autistic and space is his Big Huge special interest, and if you ever ask him about it you have to be prepared to get infodumped or possibly even shown a PowerPoint presentation, because GOD he loves space!!! He wants everyone to know all about it!! He knows not everyone thinks it's as cool as he does so he tries to keep his mouth shut but when someone asks about it he can't help himself and will infodump a LOT, also haha drumming stims go brrrr, playing the drums isn't really a stim but he likes to just take his drumsticks and whack em around in the air and get that good ol Wavy Arm Action (wavy arms is best stim change my mind you can't it's GOOD)

Also i bbbbelieve earlier I reposted somethin about someone else headcannoning that he has echolalia, which I don't really know enough about to say anything on it?? But even if he doesn't have echolalia he'd probably repeat phrases over and over until he gets tired of them (which is,,, something I do lmao, it's either memes I get stuck in my head or things I've heard from various medias I like the inflections in (like one tiktokker I saw was talking about their tourettes and their vocal tics and one of them was "uh oh! How unfortunate!" and now I CAN'T STOP SAYING IT)) but like uhhh yeah :))) repeating phrases that get stuck in your head for various reasons for the win

This is already really long so I'm just gonna vibe out thanks for coming to my Ted talk feel free to ask questions I probably won't be able to answer a lot of em though because my headcannons are a Mess hehe >:)