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stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland · 4 years ago

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There is a light at the end of the tunnel

Hello, Stuck. Sorry, I don’t know your real name.

I wrote this long ass post to bring some light into the fandom and between the CSs, and I hope you can post it? I’m new in the Tumblr world, but not in the 5H fandom. I don’t quite know how it works yet and, for the moment, I only know your blog and those of @emisonme, @karlaswine, @sun-to-my-luna, @underthatimpression, and @mentesimploria because, in one way or another, you’re all connected to each other. I just wanted to tell you guys how much I appreciate every single one of you, the passion you have, and the hope you keep alive among those who, like me, love the girls. Also, the patience you guys have, especially against the haters, is admirable. I love the fact that you keep going. Because this is your sacred place, as it should be.

This is the very first time I’ve ever done anything like this. I’m what can be defined as a ‘silent fan’. I never commented on anything in the girls’ posts, not even on the fan accounts I follow. I don’t have Twitter. I have Facebook but it’s like I don’t have it because I don’t use it. I have Wattpad (obviously). I recently registered here on Tumblr, and I have Instagram. That’s what I use. It’s the only app along with YouTube that I use daily to keep up with the rest of the world. Especially the American part of the world. I’m Italian, but I speak American English well, and I apologize in advance if my lazy ass hasn’t noticed possible grammatical errors. I saw that a lot of you are into this stuff, so I thought I’d add it just because. I’m a Capricorn Sun, Cancer Moon, and Virgo rising.

I’m gonna turn 29 on December 22, and this is a BIG fuck off to all the people who have attacked you lately for your age. This is personal information that I give freely to make ignorant and small-minded people understand that, in this context especially, age is irrelevant. As you, little fucker who hides behind a computer to attack people just to feel stronger, have a life, we have it too. Like you, we have a life, a job, friends, etc. We also have passions. Passions that yes, my dear haters, also include shipping people. I don’t know why in your stupid brain we’re too old to ship people we love and to give opinions about it. I didn’t know it was something reserved only for those who still smell like mommy’s milk. But anyway…

I became aware of 5H existence just before summer 2015 thanks to ‘Worth It’. Being Italian, however, I had no idea who they were, and to be honest, I didn’t go searching for them. Randomly one day then, I ran into Camren on YouTube. I can’t remember which video I was watching, but I know for sure it was about ‘Heya/Brittana’ (Heather Morris and Naya Rivera/Brittany and Santana, my very first hard LGBT ship). And among the suggested videos, there they are. As ridiculous as it sounds, and although I liked them as soon as I saw them, I didn’t go searching for them. I did it when ‘Work from Home’ came out though. From there, I connected that they were the same ‘Worth It’ group and the same two girls I liked from those YouTube videos. I had officially become a fan. I was screwed. Screwed because, I’d officially entered one of the most messed up and yet most beautiful fandoms ever.

As I initially said, this is the very first time I’ve ever done anything like this. But after the recent events, seeing how many people gave up, it made me a little angry and gave me the strength to speak for the first time. I thought the first time would’ve been through the fanfiction I’ve been working on for over two years, but no. Lauren and her beautiful mouth had to terrorize, disappoint, panic, and make angry 80% of CS, thus fueling the hatred of all the other fandom towards us. So I decided to speak now. Maybe, just maybe, this very long ass post of mine is gonna help struggling CS. Maybe, just maybe, it’s gonna make them reason and bring them to their senses.

So. This, as I think you’ve understood, is about Lauren and what she said in the podcast. This is a reminder of the Laucy situation. These are things we already know and that I want to remind you of because apparently, my lovely fellows CS, either you have a short-term memory, or Lauren has the power to create amnesia in people’s minds and I knew nothing about it. Surely this power of hers didn’t work on me and a few others.

Oh and, before starting: 1) You may disagree with me. It’s normal to have different opinions. 2) You can search for information such as dates, easily on the internet. 3) I’m gonna use nicknames on PRs for fun. That doesn’t mean I hate them. I have my reasons for dislike each one of them as people, but I can assure you it has nothing to do with the fact that they were or are the Camren beards. An example to make you understand what I mean is Ty. I’m a huge Ari fan and I’ve been listening to ‘safety net’ non-stop for two days straight. I really dislike Ty as a person, but I separate the art from the artist.

Okay, that said, I can start.

Lauren said: “I knew I was queer because I fell in love with my best friend when I was like 15.” – “Her and I started to have a physical connection when I was 15.”

Lauren and Lucid Vivisectionist met when L moved to Carrollton in 7th grade. Lucille moved back to Puerto Rico in February 2012, returning to visit Miami occasionally (this explains the fetus pictures with Lucy and Camren at L’s house). In February 2012, Lauren was 15, Camila 14, and Lucy 16. And who did Lauren meet when she was 15? Oh yeah, Camila. C and L did the first phase of the audition, the ‘cattle call’, on May 1, 2012 in Greensboro, North Carolina. Audition where Camila took courage to speak at the (“Oh my God that girl is) literally so beautiful” girl from which she felt intimidated by starting that adorable brief conversation “Hi, I like your shirt”, “Thanks. I like your jacket” just before it was her turn to get in for her audition. In May 2012, Lauren and Camila were both 15 years old. Lauren and Camila saw each other again for the first time on July 25th, two months later, in Miami on the first day of boot camp, and it was Lauren herself who went to Camila: “You’re the Cuban girl!”. In July 2012, Lauren was 16 and Camila was 15.

Lauren said: “She came back into my life when I was 18. I was on tour and I was in my room in a hotel somewhere, and she called me.” Let me explain to you why I think this is true.

Lauren and Luxy reconnected with each other after Lucy’s car accident that took place on May 15, 2015. Lauren was really 18 in May 2015, and we can rule out The Reflection Tour dates because it started on February 27, 2015, and ended April 6, 2015. We can also rule out these other show dates that 5H did: April 11 in Jackson Township, New Jersey - April 13 at Live! with Kelly and Michael in New York - April 19 Lauren was at Coachella with Keana, Britt, and other friends - April 22 at the Worldwide Radio Summit in Hollywood - April 25 at Radio Disney Music Awards 2015 in Los Angeles - May 8 at Channel 93.3 Summer Kickoff 2015 in Chula Vista, San Diego - May 9 at Wango Tango 2015 in Carson, Los Angeles (May 9, rumors about Camila and Louis Tomlinson just because paparazzi believed they were together when Louis was actually together with Liam outside the Project Club L.A., and C who was at the club next door) - May 15 at KDWB Radio Show in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

The rest of their program and possible date: May 16 at Kiss Concert 2015 in Mansfield, Massachusetts - May 19 at Dancing with the Stars in Los Angeles - May 30 at G-A-Y in London (rumors about Lauren and Louis Tomlinson this time, born because 5H went to Libertine nightclub with Louis and Niall) - May 31 at Britain’s Got More Talent in London - June 2 at Capital FM in Birmingham, England - June 5 at Good Morning Britain in London - June 6 at Capital FM Summertime Ball 2015 in London - June 12 at Aloha Stadium in Honolulu, Hawaii - June 14 at LA Pride 2015 - June 18 at Jimmy Kimmel Live in Los Angeles - June 20 at B96 Pepsi Summer Bash 2015 in Bridgeview, Illinois - June 23 at San Diego County Fair 2015 - 28 June at Show Of The Summer 2015 in Hershey, Pennsylvania - July 10 at Rockefeller Plaza in New York. July 15, 2015, beginning of Reflection: The Summer Tour.

June 27, 2015 Lauren turned 19, and do you guys remember the events of those days? Because I do.

On June 24, 2015, Lauren celebrated her birthday in advance at the famous sushi restaurant ‘Katsuya’. Among the guests were the girls, her mom Clara, some friends, including Jill (the same Jill/Jillian Gutowitz who worked with Zack Sang and who 5H met on April 22, 2015, at the Worldwide Radio Summit, which lasted for three days but they were present for two: 22 and 23. The same Jill who wrote the article for AfterEllen on January 25, 2016, about her experiences with women who denied their sexuality. Remember the story of Lauren Jordan, right?), and Noah Benardout (may he rest in peace). Still no Lucia, not even on the days when Lauren returned to Miami to celebrate with her family before resuming the program from the 28. As I already said, The Reflection Summer Tour began on July 15, 2015, and Lucy’s first public reappearance took place on one of the tour dates, that is, July 27 at Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

From that moment on, we saw Lucille appear on multiple occasions in hops through time. After the July 27th date, we saw her during the trip to Hawaii with Lauren and Keana in September, followed by the concert that the girls had on October 10 in the Bahamas, where they stayed with their families and friends for a few days. After the Bahamas, the mess happened between 5H because they found out about Camila’s departure from the group which initially should’ve been immediate, but for which they fought and gained another year. That, was also the time when Laucy signed their PR contract. As we know from Lauren herself, that was the worst and darkest time for her. That was the beginning of her numbness.

On October 23, they were on their way to Italy and Lauren wrote on her dark diary, the one shown to us in Episode 8 of her Attunements. On October 24, they arrived in Milan for the MTV Europe Music Awards 2015 occurred on October 25, and on October 28, in Madrid instead, there was the interview with Alyson Eckmann, the journalist Camila flirted with while Lauren was sitting right next to her.

Going forward, in November we have:

- Rumors about Lauren and Julius Dein (his friend who is a YouTube magician).

-The release of IKWYDLS including the rumors about Camila and Shawn and Michael Clifford (who was already in the picture) who were ‘vying for her’.

- Beginning of Lauren’s coming out plan which included: 1) The release of The Vamps’ album on November 23rd, that is, a week after the release of IKWYDLS, and which included the track ‘I Found A Girl’. Joe O'Neill, the manager of The Vamps, liked that famous tweet. Despite the efforts to make us believe that Bleahren (sorry for the Italian pun I made here, but ‘bleah’ in Italian is equivalent to the ‘eww’ to indicate something gross, and therefore Bleah-Ren) Brauren was real and that the girl involved was Lucille and not Camila, they’ve miscalculated since Lauren and Brad ‘dated’ in 2014 when Lucy had not yet returned into Lauren’s life. But since the album and consequently the song came out on November 23, 2015, they tried to manipulate people’s minds as usual. 2) Jill’s article that served to connect and more or less ‘confirm’ the story between this Jordan and her childhood friend, Lauren-Lucy.

- December: completion of the 7/27 album + Dina LaPolt’s entry + renegotiation of the contracts (mostly DNA’s contracts) + FIFTH HARMONY MUSIC, INC. created by LAND on December 21 to prepare for the transfer of the 5H trademark, the FIFTH HARMONY PARTNERSHIP, of which they became owners from April 27, 2016 + change of management from Faculty Management: Jared Paul and Janelle Lopez, to Maverick Management: Larry Rudolph, Dan Dymtrow, and Tara Beikae. [All things that were possible ONLY THANKS to the exit of C from the group]

- January 2016, we have Lauren and Lucrezia who came back from Colombia to then taking a road trip for Lucy’s birthday week.

- Jill’s article came out and coincidentally, by pure chance, exactly two days later, on January 27, 2016, Camila and Dinah were hacked.

- On March 9, 2016, Lauren, Normani, Andrea, Dinah, and Keana went to pierce their ears, or rather, Laurmainah pierced their ears, mama Dre and Keana just accompanied them. During her turn, Lauren asked Keana to take her phone to make a video. In the meantime, Mani was filming Lauren, and again by pure chance, Keana, who was in the heart of the frame, took Lauren’s phone as she’d asked, and both the lock screen and the home screen portrayed a picture of Lucania during a photoshoot. Same picture Lucy herself posted on Instagram on April 10th to leave no doubt.

- April 24, 2016, Coachella together.

- Luciana went with 5H in London, in May, during the promotion of the 7/27 album. (+ Camren video of May 28, 2016)

- She was present during the start of the tour in South America on June 26th (in the evening during the concert, L danced Big Bad Wolf for her, but that’s not the famous video, that was on September 5) and 27th to celebrate L’s birthday together (picture of the 27th of them in Buenos Aires).

- June 27, 2016, on L’s birthday, Jill posted a picture with L from the birthday dinner of the year before, further confirming the story of ‘Jordan’.

- August 1, the national girlfriend day, L posted a picture of her and Lucy.

- From August 12 to 21, Lucy was with them. The night after the concert on the 13th in Rochester Hills, Michigan, videos in which Lucilla appeared during Lauren Fuller’s birthday celebration at the hotel for dinner. On the 14th in Noblesville, Indiana, during Gonna Get Better and Big Bad Wolf Lauren smiled in Lucy’s direction who was in the audience. On the 18th in Virginia Beach, Virginia, a fan met Laucy in a movie theater restroom, taking a selfie with Lauren (C posted a picture of her in the dark with the words of Bad Things “don’t think that I can explain it” the same night).

- On September 4 and 5 Lucippe returned. On the 5th in Houston, Texas, the famous ‘super HD’ video took place in which Lauren danced Big Bad Wolf for Lucy, even pointing to her during her verse. [On September 6, Midland, Texas, during the Q&A, Lauren wore the same dress that Lucy was wearing to the concert the night before, and at the same time, she sat next to C and got jealous when C complimented a fan by sending her flying kisses. Ahh… The irony]

Now. Let’s move on to the part of the podcast where Lauren explains about the kiss with Lucza at her uncle and aunt’s wedding, how her aunt “super innocently” posted the pictures on Facebook that her “unreal invasive fans” found and posted, how Perez Hilton outed her to the world by posting an article with those pictures, how she did nothing for a week, and that after thinking “Ok, it happened. People know. What am I gonna do?”, she wrote that letter against Trump as her own way of coming out.

On November 4, 2016, Lauren and Lucynda did the ‘famous’ photoshoot in New Orleans called ‘Bare With Me’. Lauren flew to NOLA right after Halloween, got back to Miami to vote, then returned to New Orleans on the 10th along with her family for the wedding. Lucianna was also with her on the 10th for the rehearsal/bowling with all of Lauren’s relatives. Meanwhile Orange Trumpeter was elected on the 8th, and many celebrities were preparing to write a letter through Billboard against him and his supporters. Labels and management saw it as a perfect opportunity to get her to come out also considering how much Lauren has always been vocal on the subject, and THEY contacted Billboard to get her to participate in exchange of the exclusive of her coming out. All that was missing was the evidence to make sure that there had been no connection with Camila, and that was the reason for the kiss at the wedding on the 11th.

On November 13, the wedding photographer posted those pictures on his website, including the one of the kiss. And I’m sorry, Lolo, I love you but, really? Who are you kidding? The pictures didn’t start spreading because her ‘unreal invasive fans’ found them on her aunt’s Facebook page where she’d posted them ‘super innocently’. The pictures started spreading after the photographer posted them! And you know what’s even more funny? That to see those pictures on the website, you needed an access password. So what are you saying here, Lo? That your ‘unreal invasive fans’ were so good, to even have hacked their way into the website for pictures they didn’t even know existed? It wasn’t your team, was it? Oh, okay. My bad.

Sarcasm aside. The pictures started to spread, Perez tweeted about it on the 14th, and in the meantime Lauren had time to write the letter that was approved by the labels and sent to Billboard (on the 14th), who approved it a couple of days after it was sent (on the 16th), and which they then published it in the article two days later (on the 18th). In all of this, on November 15, 2016, the girls all went to Epic’s party. Since we know very well that most of the cases of coming out as bisexual in the industry made by a female celebrity occur in succession with the connection with a guy, that night there was the PR proposal between Typo Dolour Signal and Lauren that he obviously accepted, and in fact, he was there that night at that party too (Picture of C with a tear mark on her cheek).

Now, the icing on the cake of the Laucy’s PR: Nicole Cartolano. Nicole is a friend of Lecy’s with whom she had already worked together and who also posted pictures of Lauren on November 17 and 22, 2016, one on December 31, 2016, together with Marian Hill taken backstage after Lauren’s performance with them on the 30th, the night before, for the Snow Globe Festival in South Lake Tahoe, California, and the one of Laucy (with the piñata) on January 10, taken the same night to celebrate Lucilia’s birthday at midnight and that Lauren also used to post it for wish her a happy birthday. That was the last public interaction between the two. *Slow entry of Tympans Dollhouse Signalized in the picture from January 4, 2017, thanks to that tweet*.

On January 21, 2017, Lauren and Lucy were at the same Women’s March, but separately (single), and we haven’t seen them together anymore. LuBYE. On March 22, 2017, both ‘Bare With Me’ and the interview article Nicole did with MTV News (she confirmed that Laucy had been together by having an on-again, off-again for years and also said a lot of other bullshit like the fact that the girls were nervous because they didn’t know how their parents would’ve responded) came out. On August 13, 2018, Nicole officially apologized to Lucy for being angry with her for posting the pictures and therefore for having outed her and for having taken part in the MTV interview without their permission. There was also the screenplay made by Nicole’s mom to make everything even more true.

Bullshit on bullshit on bullshit. Number 1, Lauren herself confirmed in this podcast that her parents knew about her, and said how much she loved Lucre’s ‘I’m out and proud’ part.

Number 2, Nicole posted a preview of the pictures on March 18, 2017, so if she really wanted to stop her before the publication on the 22nd, she would’ve had time to do so.

Number 3, Lucita came out publicly on her own with that Spanish post on Instagram on November 20, 2016, saying in summary that she was anything but straight because she didn’t want to label herself (she did it years later by saying she was a lesbian).

Number 4, as Lusia also confirmed in that post where Nicole’s mom left that comment, Nicole signed a non-disclosure agreement form. If she had actually violated it without having had a release and written consent form, she would’ve been sued.

Number 5, if Luciferase really wanted to have that conversation in private with Nicole’s mom, she might very well have done so. She could’ve contacted her and answered her IN PRIVATE for real, and not via IG where EVERYONE saw and took the side of poor, poor Luckless.

Number 6, the biggest proof that shows the hypocrisy of all this, Lucasta continued to work with Nicole. Their last work dates back to November 25, 2019.

Okaay, sure… sure, because it was normal for her to continue working with the person who outed her, wasn’t it? People’s lies never cease to amaze me. For that matter, Nicole also posted a picture of their ‘adventure’ as they made their way to the photoshoot location on November 1, 2017, and continued to wish them both a happy birthday with posts every year.

And lastly, on June 6, 2020, we have the Lucerne’s video leaked (+ old pictures and videos of 5H) where she burned pictures of Lauren and of the two of them together in 2017, accompanied by the tweets occurred two days later, in which she explained that she was hacked and that she burned the pictures for a closure. Then, exactly 20 days later, that is on June 26, 2020, the PAPER Magazine article of Lauren’s interview came out. What a coincidence! In that article, Lauren explained, along with other things, that she’d been in love with her best friend for 7 years.

Lauren, honey, the maths, the maths… If according to your words you fell in love with her at 15, got together with her at 18, and broken up at 20, how can these be 7 years? It’s 5 years… And as if it wasn’t enough, still according to your words, after 1 year and 8 months (from mid-May 2015 to mid-January 2017), 2 months of which public because of the wedding pictures, of the relationship you wanted at all costs, “all in” and “now we’re gonna be in this relationship”, you broke up with her because she was really toxic, and after less than a month, you started dating an even more toxic person without the proper time to heal?? How do you expect me to believe you? And I’m putting aside the fact that I know they’re both PR relationships. I’m speaking out of logic. How? How can I believe you? How does this make any sense?

Personally, yes, I believe Lauren and Lucy have a past. Lauren’s first kiss was when she was 13 (8th grade) with her boyfriend at the time, Dominic, but I think Lucy was her first kiss with a girl. And I think it happened when she was 15, but in 2011, so long before Lucy left. Lauren dated Paul Martinez from June 4, 2011, to the end of July (around 23/24). From after Paul, until her very first PR at X-Factor, Keaton Stromberg, she was single. I truly believe that before she met Camila, Lauren and Lucy did everything Lauren said. I really believe Lauren experimented with her in secret, but I don’t believe in anything else she said at all.

This is my opinion. And in my opinion, Lauren always knew she was queer, and Lucy was the first with whom she could experience the attraction and the feelings towards girls she had always felt and concealed deep inside herself. But they were friends. Just friends. Friends who messed around and experimented together in secret given the environment that surrounded them. Lucy then returned to live in Puerto Rico and they simply drifted apart because of the distance and Lauren’s busy schedule with 5H. When she came back into Lauren’s life, they rekindled their friendship. Just that. Also because, Camila, hello? Camila entered Lauren’s heart the same year Lucy left and never get out of it. Not to mention that Lucy had a girlfriend, Sarah Scott Narcise, before getting together with Nicole Marie Rendón in March 2017. I honestly think that Lucy was also giving advice to Lauren about her relationship with Camila, and I also think that now they really aren’t friends anymore for something we don’t know about, even though I have my theories… But anyway. Lauren needed a beard to be able to come out, Lucy needed visibility for her modeling career and, at the time, also for her music which, however, never saw the light of day. The labels approved because they would’ve done anything to keep their chosen one out of the gay light. Camila also approved. Boom, PR.

I don’t believe all the other bullshit she said during the podcast. Because if they’d been true, they would’ve made logical sense. A sense they’ve been trying, and failing, to give for years. If Lauren really didn’t want to come out, she wouldn’t have done a photoshoot with Lucy a week before the wedding with the intention of using that same photoshoot to come out. She would not have kissed Lucy in a public place during the wedding pictures in front of a professional photographer hired for the event, knowing full well that those pictures would eventually have been published by the bride and groom, her aunt and uncle, and the photographer himself. If she wanted so badly a picture of her kissing her girlfriend, drunk or not, she would’ve taken her fucking phone and take selfies. It wasn’t the fans’ or Perez’s fault. It was the management that was following the plan.

And I’m supposed to, what exactly? Forget all these things, things that have been proofed multiple times in the past, because Lauren, or Camila, or management, or labels, or their contracts, must continue with their stupid narrative? Because Camila must continue to look straight and continue to look in love with Shalt Menstruated because the señorito is about to release his documentary and his album? Because Camila’s movie is about to come out? Because Lauren’s own album is about to be released and because the subject matter of her female-pronounced songs must only and exclusively be related to Lucy? (Although I think her album will be out next year. I think a song with female pronunciation is coming out soon. And no, I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s Burning)

Guys, come on…

Think about it. She used Lucy as a shield to tell part of her story with Camila that happened in 2014. It all fits. Even the story told through songs from Camila’s cocky POV, including ‘Like Friends Do’, ‘Eyes on You’, ‘Cleopatra’, ‘Leave for Good’, and a couple from her last album like ‘Should’ve Said It’ and ‘Feel It Twice’.

I understand why many of you have been hurt by this podcast and by Lauren herself. I understand why a lot of you are angry about the things she said. I see you, I understand, I really do. And everyone is free to feel whatever they want, I’m not saying otherwise. But I really don’t understand why you’re hiding or why you’re abandoning the ship. Authors who don’t wanna write anymore. Accounts closed. Names changed. Hope lost. This, all this, makes me angry and hurt. Because you fell for it. And you know why you fell for it? Because Lauren changed her approach. Leaving aside the part just before when she said: “Even when I talk about it, and I don’t talk about it because I’ve learned to just ignore it because-” and there, I swear I had to pause because I burst out laughing, and I was like: “Bitch, you’re the one who pulled this out of your ass out of nowhere right this second, what are you saying?”. She went on by saying, and she knows us so well because of this: “I just chose to ignore it at a certain point because getting angry to them would it mean that it was real and validate it more for them��.

And it’s true. This non-angry approach of hers, worked like a charm. Lauren’s older, she’s more mature than before. Although she was very nervous, she managed to explain everything calmly. The fact that she was emotional and almost cried in many parts, it really gave an extra boost to what she tried to sell. And I’m not saying she faked almost crying. Hell, no. That was super true and hard for her. I’m saying though, that it’s really easy to manipulate people’s minds, and Lauren used her real pain, the real suffering she has gone through over the years to tell this charade. That’s why it seemed so real. And I’m supposed to fall for that shit just because that’s what they’ve wanted for years, right? Convenient much?

Guys, please. You’re smarter than that, use those beautiful brains. For example, the fact that Lauren said: “I was queer, but she was not”, wrong as you want it to be, and “Camila and I were just really good friends at that time”, yeah, sure, Jan. Doesn’t the very fact that she used the past tense make you realize that it was done to completely detach herself from her IN THE PRESENT? Everything she said was for something. Everything had a purpose. And the goal is always the same. Make us stop shipping ‘em. Putting a label on C only served the Shoestoremila purpose, nothing else. And those were words that came out of the mouth of the one who says she doesn’t like labeling people. The same one who was pissed that someone had outed her before she wanted to. Do you really think she’s that hypocritical?

The fact that she put all the CS in the same box, especially when she talked about the Daddy situation, WAS DONE ON PURPOSE. She couldn’t fail to generalize because their purpose is, and will be for a long time to come, to kill Camren. That means the whole fandom. Not just invasive elements. But really all the CS. The purpose was to make us feel guilty. The purpose is to make us accept that it was never real, and since we care about them, to make us continue to support them individually and not as a couple, even though she knows that the real CS do it regardless. This, is called manipulation, guys.

Think about everything else too. The inconsistency. The holes in her story. The lack of explanations. And the fact that during the story of how it all happened, she jumped from one theme to another and therefore managed to deflect and not completely finish one before moving on to the other, doesn’t it make you understand that she didn’t want to give too many details? And when does that usually happen? She knew we’d analyze her. She knew she couldn’t say too much. When she talked about Lucy, she knew that WE know she was talking about Camila, and with too many details, it would also have been obvious to the others because WE would’ve pointed it out to everyone. I mean, it’s obvious enough in itself, imagine if she’d fed us more information that we would’ve compared in the timeline.

Please, guys. I know that it feels like something’s changed, but it’s not. It’s really not. I’m appealing to all of you. Open your eyes. Reason. I know many of you still have conflicting emotions and feelings, and that’s okay. If you’re still upset, if you still wanna cry, then cry. Do whatever helps you feel better because, especially after the haters have come to bite your asses, you’re entitled to feel the way you do. But please, please, don’t give up. If you give up, you just play their game. You just do them a favor. You guys had invested so much of your time, so much of your passion, so much of yourselves to just, give up. Think of all we’ve been through, especially those who’ve been in the fandom for years. Think about how happy Camren makes you. They were there for you when you needed them. When you were going through hard times. I know they’ve helped a lotta people.

And think about this too. Lauren herself said at the beginning of the podcast: “The news and the media are constantly spinning narratives for your clicks so they can make money”. And what do you think this podcast was for? It’s always the same shit. Have you not noticed how the very same news and media have ALL talked about them? Didn’t you notice how My Oh My magically returned into the charts? How 50ft surpassed the 9 million streams on Spotify? And you still have doubts?

This is instead for the CS who get often angry about their actions. I personally think it’s pointless to blame Lauren and Camila for every single thing they do that has been PLANNED for them. Especially Camila as far as Shonas is concerned. There’s a pattern here too. Lauren had her light PR with Lucia. Lauren then had her heavy PR with Typic Dole Sight while Camila had a light one with Eatchu. And now Camila’s having a heavy one. C’s one is heavier simply because they’re much more famous than PRen (Tyren) were. So, guys, be patient. There’s really no point in getting angry and blaming them. It’s a waste of energy. It’s useless to blame them if they’re gonna continue to do so over the years to come. They’re just still trying to get past their original contracts and survive in the industry at the same time. Sooner or later, I HOPE, they will be free to tell the truth or the truth will come out on its own.

Well, I’m done. Jeez, that was long, wasn’t it? But I hope it was worth it. I hope I’ve cleared your heads a little bit and instilled some hope again. I also hope I made you smile with all those nicknames and my sarcasm. I especially hope that wherever you are, you’re having a good day, and if not, then I hope it has improved at least a little bit with this post. And thank you so much, Stuck. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to use my voice for the first time publicly/virtually. You, above all, keep on being one of the lights and NEVER let them turn you off. I love you guys. Stay safe. Stay strong. Stay patient. With love, F.

I leave you with these two pearls:

Number 1. Lauren said something else too. She said: “Don’t trust me. Go research. Go look this shit up yourself”. I know she said it for a completely different context, but I found it really funny given the situation.

Number 2. This is a small scene that automatically created itself in my head as soon as I finished listening to Wonder. I titled it: The sad and short story of the making of ‘Wonder’.

Enjoy:

*on the phone*

Shawl Mendicant: “Hey, buddy. I know you were a huge Fifth Harmony fan and I know you love my fake girlfriend, so I was thinking… could you help me? You know, I need her to stay relevant, but to do that, I also need to release music and completely take all the credit from other people because, you know, the most I do is change a sentence or two in my style to make people think that I wrote all my songs.”

Sam Smith: “………okay?”

Shawnita Menorrhagia: “So, I was wondering, can I copy your homework? You can totally refuse if you want to, but I’m hoping to appeal to the love you have for 5H and Camila, and maybe help a friend out?”

Sam Smith: “Yeah, sure, you can copy my homework. Anything for my girls. Just, change it up a bit so it doesn’t sound too obvious you just copied it.”

Shonas Mended: “Don’t worry. I’ve got this. Thanks, man.” - *ends the call*

Sam Smith looking at the phone with an incredulous expression and one hand over his heart: “I came out as a non-binary, you insensitive asshole!”

Shoes Mentionable from the other room: “Cameeela! He said yes!” *reaching then Camila and Lauren in the living room where Lauren is lying with her head resting on Camila’s legs who’s running her fingers through her hair with one hand and holding the book that she’s reading with the other one* “You were right, all I had to do was mention you girls.”

Lauren chuckling and continuing to pet Cleo who’s lying at the foot of the couch with one hand: “Told you”, to then adding: “And please, I know you’re excited because of the news but keep your voice down”, continuing to caress Sofi’s head who’s sleeping on top of her with the other one.

Shapeless Mentality: “Oh, sorry.”

Camila without looking away from her book: “Sam’s really nice. I’m sure they would’ve said yes even without the need of mentioning us.”

Lauren: “Hmm, I’m not so sure about that, babe. Yes, they’re very nice, but we’re powerful in their minds, so it was an added incentive for them to say yes.”

Shaved Mentholated: “Who are they? Weren’t we talking about Sam?”

Camila who was giggling at her girlfriend’s words:

Lauren:

Sinu from the kitchen:

Cleo who was nibbling her toy:

Even Thunder, Leo, and Eugene from outside into the yard:

*the end*

Chon Mendable: ‘Wonder’ - Sam Smith: ‘One Last Song’

____

OMG I am speechless. I’m really still digesting this whole story because it’s amazing but I wanted to start by saying hello to you and telling you my name, my name is Marite. It is a pleasure to meet you dear friend. I don’t want to write too much because your words are much more important than mine but I wanted to thank you for trusting me and my blog to tell me your story. That side of the story that, being new and not having been a harmonizer from the beginning, I never learned. I intended to ask for more information about Laucy’s Timeline but what you have told is a gem. A gem that shows that the bastards of the industry cannot fool the fans because we pay attention to everything and it is not easy for us to fall for their shit. I think the power we fans have is so great that if we all came together, we could bring down this whole fucking fake empire that they have created. That said, Laucy’s story is surprising. As planned and how each person involved had to do their part on the chessboard. Incredible. Now that you tell me that story, I think it fits the one I wrote in my once upon a time post. Sure, yours is true and has everything that mine doesn’t. I have tried to keep this blog open for all who wish to come and air their ideas, their thoughts, their tea. And you dear friend, you have been one of the best so far. You’ve given us that support that the fandom so badly needed and I really appreciate it. I also appreciate your humor, the nicknames have been so hilarious and I’m still laughing. Thank you for daring to tell this part of the story and reopen the can of worms of a PR that right now resurfaces with that Lauren interview. With a purpose, it’s true. And something tells me that we will see much more very soon. Thank you for your support, my friend. And you know, you have my blog at your disposal for whatever you need. And if you need to talk or anything else. I greatly appreciate that we can continue to keep this ship afloat among ourselves. Among a group of intelligent people who have been hurt by someone we have always loved very much even though we know the reason for all that. We can’t give up now because if we do it like you say they will win and I personally don’t plan to indulge them in that. Thank you very much for all dear friend and I hope you have a nice day. I send you a hug and I hope you stay safe.

#submission #laucy timeline #amazing #thanks you buddy #camren #f anon

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duggardata · 4 years ago

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Welcome to The World, Moriah Faith!

Get The Data Here.

On May 17, 2021, at 7:08 PM, Pastor Gene “Paul” + Christina Marie (Hamrick) Caldwell welcomed their 9th Child (and 4th Daughter), Moriah Faith Caldwell, into the world. Moriah joins 3 Older Sisters (Kendra, Lauren, and Olivia) and 5 Older Brothers (Micah, Nathan, Timothy, Jesiah, and Isaiah).

Read on for a full data analysis...

Timing of...

Pregnancy Announcement + Sex Reveal

Paul + Christina announced Pregnancy #9 via Instagram on October 12, 2020. They revealed the sex via Instagram on January 4, 2021. Christina’s Due Date was on or around May 30, 2021... So, here is how far along she was for those reveals—

At Pregnancy Announcement ~50 Days Along (7 Weeks, 1 Day)

At Sex Reveal ~134 Days Along (19 Weeks, 1 Day)

As far as Duggar Data knows, Christina hasn’t done public announcements for any of her prior pregnancies. Thus, we can’t analyze the effect on the data, as there is no other data. Sorry!

Delivery vs. Due Date

Just to be clear, we don’t actually know Christina’s Exact Due Date. But, when she announced, she indicated she was due in “May 2021.” A later IG Post put Christina in Week 17 on Christmas Eve... Based on that, Duggar Data inferred that her Due Date must have been between May 28–June 3, 2021. Given that she was stated to be due in May, we narrowed that down to May 28–31, 2021, and began using the midpoint of that range, rounded up—i.e., May 30, 2021—as her Approximate Due Date.

Using that Approximate Due Date, and Moriah’s Actual DOB of May 17, 2021, Christina delivered ~13 Days Early.

We don’t have full Delivery vs. Due Date Data for Christina; however, we have Approximate Due Dates for 3 Other Pregnancies—

With Kendra On Counting On (9–24–18), “Jinger’s Double Surprise,” Christina revealed that she got into a car wreck while 36 Weeks Along with Kendra. This prompted pre–term labor, but doctors were able to stop it. She ultimately gave birth at 39 Weeks. Based on this, Duggar Data estimates that Kendra was 7 Days Early. (And, it is more–or–less confirmed that she was between 1–7 Days Early.)

With Isaiah Also on “Jinger’s Double Surprise,” it’s said that Christina was 12 Weeks Along with Isaiah while Kendra was 36 Weeks Along with Garrett, and that their babies would be ‘5 Months Apart.’ Kendra’s Due Date with Garrett was June 17, 2018—so, it seems Christina’s Due Date with Isaiah must have been between November 26—December 8, 2018. Since the ‘5 Months Apart’ comment suggests a November Due Date, it makes sense to go with November 26, 2018 as an estimate. Isaiah was born on November 19, so he was ~7 Days Early.

With Jesiah There’s a little bit of Instagram evidence available for this pregnancy. Christina was 30 Weeks Along on November 29, 2014, and 38 Weeks Along on January 6, 2015. Based on this, it appears her Due Date was between February 3–7, 2015. Duggar Data uses the midpoint (February 5) as an Approximate Due Date. Jesiah was actually born on January 27, 2015, so he was ~9 Days Early.

So, yeah... Recognizing that the data is incomplete and slightly sketchy, let’s just go with it. Data from Christina’s 1st, 7th, and 8th Pregnancies suggested that it was ‘typical’ for her to deliver 8 Days Early (7.66667). Factoring in new data from her 9th Pregnancy (Moriah), it’s now ‘typical’ for Christina to deliver ~9 Days Early—or, 1 Day Earlier than before.

Birthweight & Length

At birth, Moriah Faith Caldwell weighed 6 Pounds, 15 Ounces and was 18.75 Inches long.

Again, we don’t have the data for all 9 Caldwell Children. However, I was able to track down one data point. (Yippee!) Apparently, Jesiah Matthew (Caldwell #7) weighed 7 Pounds at birth, and measured 18.75 Inches. Averaging Moriah and Jesiah’s data, it is ‘typical’ for Caldwell Newborns to be born at 6 Pounds, 15.5 Ounces and 18.75 Inches.

Effect on Procreative Pace

We have an exact Wedding Date for Paul + Christina, and exact DOBs for 8 of their 9 Children. (All except Olivia, for whom we have an Estimated DOB, and maybe they’ll give us the Exact DOB next month!) Here’s the list of their Child Spacings—

Wedding to Kendra 206 Days

Kendra to Lauren 650 Days

Lauren to Micah 1,403 Days

Micah to Nathan 1,075 Days

Nathan to Timothy 784 Days

Timothy to Olivia ~437 Days

Olivia to Jesiah ~1,664 Days

Jesiah to Isaiah 1,392 Days

Isaiah to Moriah 910 Days

Pre–Moriah, the Caldwells’ Procreative Pace was 1,058 Days. Now, factoring Moriah in, it’s 1,039 Days (19 Days Faster) (1,039 Days is ~2.84 Years).

Will There Be A Caldwell #10?

Officially, the Predictor says “no.” (Christina is >Age 40, with no maternal data to support a lengthier fertile window.) But, we’ll see! If there is a Caldwell #10, here’s what we can expect in terms of timing—

Baby News August 13, 2023

Sex Reveal November 5, 2023

Due Date March 30, 2024

Projected DOB March 21, 2024

By then, Kendra is expected to have 5 Children. Also, if Christina actually gave birth again as projected above, that would increase Kendra’s Projected Fertility, and translate to 2 More Children for Joe + Kendra.

#welcome to the world #moriah caldwell #paul and christina

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snini-9 · 4 years ago

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*Long sigh*

Alright guys. I’m here with an angry post about this. Please bear with me.

[x] This is a map of the Columbia Watershed. The Snake River is highlighted in yellow, the Columbia in blue.

[x] This is a map of the dams on the Columbia and the Snake. Bonneville, The Dalles, John Day, and McNary are on the Columbia. Ice Harbor, Lower Monumental, Little Goose, and Lower Granite are on the Snake.

On February 6, 2021, Rep. Mike Simpson (R-ID) proposed a " $33 billion infrastructure and community investment strategy that would breach the four lower Snake River dams and reorder much of the fish, energy and commodity transportation systems of the Pacific Northwest.”

[x]

Good news, right?

Yeah, it’s great news until you get to the part about the time frame.

“If turned into legislation, passed and implemented according to Simpson’s timeline, Lower Granite Dam would be breached in the summer of 2030 and the river that was swallowed by slackwater 55 years earlier would reemerge. The breaching of Little Goose, Lower Monumental and Ice Harbor dams would follow and the entire stretch of the river would return to its free-flowing state by 2031.“ That’s NINE YEARS. 9. N-I-N-E. The Southern Residents can barely find enough food now. There’s no way they’ll last 9 years and still be an even barely viable population (not that they’re a strong, viable population at the moment anyways).

Lets go over everyone who died from 2010-2020. 10 years, approximately how many years it will be for the river to be free flowing.

L41 (Mega) Male born 1977 to L11, declared missing January 28, 2020 (age 42)

L84 (Nyssa) Male born 1990 to L51, declared missing August 6, 2019 (age 29)

K25 (Scoter) Male born 1991 to K13, declared missing August 6, 2019 (age 28)

J17 (Princess Angeline) Female born 1977 to J5, her second calf, declared missing August 6, 2019 (age 42)

J50 (Scarlet) Female born December, 2014 to J16 (Slick), her fourth calf, declared missing Sept 13, 2018 (age 3)

L92 (Crewser) Male born 1995 to L60 (Rascal)(who washed up on outer WA coast May 2002 at age 30), declared missing June, 2018 (age 23)

J52 (Sonic) Male born late March, 2015 to J36 (Alki), declared missing Sept. 2017 (age 2)

K13 (Skagit) Female born est. 1972 (mother unknown), missing Winter, 2017 (age 45)

J2 (Granny) Female born approx. 1911, declared missing Jan. 2017 (age est. 105)

J34 (Doublestuf), Male born to J22 (Oreo), her first calf, born 1998, found deceased Dec. 20, 2016 (age 18)

J54 (Dipper) Male born to J28 (Polaris) in December, 2015, her second calf, missing Oct. 2016 (age 10 months)

J28 (Polaris) Female born to J17 (Princess Angeline) in 1993, her first calf, missing Oct. 2016 (age 23)

J14 (Samish) Female born 1974 to J12, missing August, 2016 (age 42)

L95 (Nigel) Male born 1996 to L43 (Jellyroll), found deceased March 30, 2016 (age 20)

J55 unk., born Jan., 2016 to either J14, J37 or J40, missing January 19, 2016 (newborn)

L27 (Ophelia) Female born 1965 (est.), mother unk., missing Summer, 2015 (age est. 50)

J32 (Rhapsody) Female born to J20, 1996; found deceased with fetus Dec. 4, 2014 (age 18)

L120 unk., born to L86, (Surprise!), her second calf, early Sept., 2014, missing Oct. 17, 2014 (age 1 mo.)

L53 (Lulu) Female born 1977 to L7 (Canuck), missing Summer, 2014 (age 37)

L100 (Indigo) Male born 2001 to L54 (Ino), missing Summer, 2014 (age 13)

J8 (Speiden) Female born est. 1933 to ?, missing Fall, 2013 (age est. 80)

L79 (Skana) Male born 1979 to L22 (Spirit), missing Summer, 2013 (age 34)

L26 (Baba) Female born est. 1956 to ?, missing Spring, 2013 (age est. 57)

L2 (Grace) Female born est. 1960 to ?, missing Fall, 2012 (age est. 52)

L78 (Gaia) Male born 1989 to L2 (Grace), missing Summer, 2012 (age 23)

K40 (Raggedy) Female born est. 1963 to suspected K18 (Kiska), missing Spring, 2012 (age est. 49)

L5 (Tanya) Female born est. 1964 to ?, missing Spring, 2012 (age est. 48)

L12 (Alexis) Female born est. 1933 to ?, missing Spring, 2012 (age est. 79)

J30 (Riptide) Male born to to J14 (Samish), missing 2012 (age 16)

Twenty-nine dead. Sixteen of these deaths were under the age of 40. Twelve were males, two were unknown genders, fifteen were females.

Now, lets look at the births that survived within that same time frame (2010-2020).

J58 (Crescent), Gender unknown, born to J41 (Eclipse), her second calf, September, 2020

J57 (Phoenix), Male, born to J35 (Tahlequah), her third calf, September, 2020

J56 (Tofino) Female, born to J31 (Tsuchi), her first calf, May, 2019

L124 (Whistle) Gender unknown, born to L77 (Matia), her third calf, January, 2019

L123 (Lazuli) Male born to L103 (Lapis), her first calf, November, 2015

J53 (Kiki) Female born to J17 (Princess Angeline), her fourth calf, October, 2015

L122 (Magic) Male born to L91 (Muncher), her first calf, September, 2015

L121 (Windsong) Male born to L94 (Calypso), her second calf, February, 2015

J51 (Nova) Male born to J41 (Eclipse), her first calf, February, 2015

J49 (Tilem l’nges) Male born to J37 (Hy'shqa), her first calf, August, 2012

L119 (Joy) Female born to L77 (Matia), her first calf, May, 2012

K44 (Ripple) Male born to K27 (Deadhead), her first calf, July, 2011

L118 (Jade) Female born to L55 (Nugget), her fourth calf, January, 2011

L117 (Keta) Male born to L54 (Ino), her second calf, December, 2010

L116 (Finn) Male born to L82 (Kasatka), her first calf, October, 2010

L115 (Mystic) Male born to L47 (Marina), her third calf, August, 2010

K43 (Saturna) Female born to K12 (Sequim), her third calf, February, 2010

J47 (Notch) Male born to J35 (Tahlequah), her first calf, January, 2010

Eighteen were born and survived (to this point when I’m posting this- February 10, 2021). Eleven are males, two are unknown genders, five are females.

Now, we’ve lost 15 females over the course of 10 years and have only gained FIVE in that same time period.

Now that we’ve looked at the births and deaths, lets look at the current living population, shall we?

J pod has 10 adult females, (2 post-reproductive); 3 young females; 2 adult males; 8 young males; 1 unknown gender.

K pod has 7 adult females (2 post-reproductive); 1 young female; 7 adult males; 2 young males.

L pod has 15 adult females (5 post-reproductive); 3 young females; 6 adult males; 9 young males; 1 unknown gender.

Total Males: 15 adult, 18 juvenile

Total Females: 23 reproductive, 9 post reproductive, 7 juvenile

Total Unknown Genders: 2

Now, that may seem like a good number of females, but we have to keep in mind that they need to produce healthy, living, viable, FEMALE calves to keep this population growing. While all calves are loved and cherished in this population, we need more females. This population is on a downhill trend that can NOT LAST NINE YEARS WITHOUT ENOUGH FOOD. “When the whales starve, their pregnancies fail. Southern Resident females used to give birth once every five years, just like females in other killer whale populations. But their average birth frequency has dropped to about once every ten years.“ [x]

For anyone who still might not be getting the picture, here. I have a picture for you. This is the population census that the Center for Whale Research updates on December 31 and July 1 each year.

[x] Do you see the trend? It’s falling. This population was decimated by the capture era (1960s-1970s) and is now continuing to struggle FIFTY YEARS LATER.

Another point: Reducing whale watching will NOT HELP. Whale watching companies help keep recreational boaters away from the whales and help inform them on the laws. They also report sightings and help keep population tabs. If a whale isn’t looking good, they can report that. If they didn’t see a whale for multiple encounters in a row and the CWR hasn’t been able to get out with them, they can let CWR know. This is a community effort, tracking and monitoring the SRKW. Whale Watch boats also ensure that, when Sound Watch (which mostly operates off the West side of San Juan Island) is not around, that local recreational boaters follow the Be Whale Wise guidelines and keep their distance from the Southern Residents.

“The Southern Residents pulled through the shooting era and pulled through the capture era, but if Ken is right, they will not pull through the conservation era. They are long-lived animals, so they will still be here—yet they will be gone...“We’re at the point—we’re past the point—of no return.”“ [x]

I appreciate Rep. Mike Simpson’s efforts to try to breach the Lower Snake River Dams, but the time to act is now. We are watching extinction happen before our very eyes. Breach the dams in 2021! NO FISH, NO BLACKFISH! “What will we lose if we let the Southern Residents go extinct?” “Our minds.” [x]

#no fish no blackfish #breach the dams #free the snake #breach the dams 2021 #free the snake river 2021 #southern resident killer whales #southern resident orcas #southern resident community #SRKW #we are watching extinction happen before our very eyes

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gigisubsterling · 3 years ago

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Full name? Genevieve Rochelle Sterling

Nicknames? GiGi, Gen, Genny

Date of birth? Age? Zodiac sign? February 5, 1993/Almost 29/Aquarius

Height? Build? 5′3″/Athletic

Hair color? Hair style? Blonde/Medium Length

Eye color? Eye Shape? Glasses or contact lenses? Fluctuating Blue/Slate Gray/Almond Shaped/Glasses for Reading

Which facial feature is most prominent? Which bodily feature is most prominent? Smile or Eyes/Legs

Other distinguishing features? Physically? Not really.

Skin? Hands? What are your feet like? (type of shoes, state of shoes, socks, gloves, pristine, dirty, worn, soft with lotion, calloused, long nails, fake nails, bitten nails, etc) Skin is well taken care of, smooth, and moisturized. Fingernails are kept short, but almost always painted. Toes are always manicured and painted, I cannot stand ugly feet. I wear Converse or flip-flops most of the time. I have a ton of cute slippers too, which I where whenever I can. Occasionally heels, if it’s called for and I feel like it.

Make up? Every day, except the days I don’t feel like it.

Scars? Birthmarks? Tattoos? I have a scar on the back of my left hand, which I got when I slipped trying to open a can when I was like...13? I have a dove tattooed right below my left breast.

Type of clothes? How do you wear your clothes? My style varies, but for the most part I like being comfortable more than anything. Jeans, t-shirts, jackets, hoodies, sweatpants. I do dress up when I need to. Oh, and there’s the dance clothes.

Race/Ethnicity? Does that affect you or how you were raised? How? White, white, white, and more white. It does, yeah. I’m aware of the privilege being Caucasian has afforded me. The privilege it has given me. Combine that with growing up in a family who was always in the spotlight, and I’d say as far as that goes, I’ve been raised like your typical white American.

Mannerisms? Sarcastic, funny, moody, temperamental, but loving and caring...If I know you well enough.

Where were you born? Where were your parents born? Where were your grandparents’ born? How many times have you moved in your life? I was born in Colorado, in Denver actually. That’s where my family was at the time. My parents were born in separate places- My mom is originally from California, and my father is from Illinois. My grandparents were born in the respective states my parents are from, they didn’t move much or very far if they did. In my life? Too many to count. If I had to guess, probably like 8.

What are your family’s values? Do you agree? How does this affect you? (This question is gold! If you don’t answer any other questions, answer this one! You can talk about how your character and their family feels about the Master/slave monster dystopian world politics and I can use this for the group revolution plot!) My family has always been respectful of the way the world and the laws were set up, because they had to be. My parents are both known public figures, well known public figures. But, at home, they taught my siblings and I not to buy into the thought that if we were marked submissive, we were less than or deserved to be treated like that. I’m sure they’d prefer I didn’t act quite like I do, but I’m me and that is something they’ve always appreciated. I don’t know what I think anymore to be honest. Too much has happened and I’m a little jumbled with it all at the moment. I’m thinking things I never thought I would, and reconsidering thoughts I hadn’t before. I guess it affects me in a lot of ways, knowing that I’m supposed to know my place and act a certain way, but also knowing that those expectations don’t always jive with who I am. It has been rough, to say the least.

Are you in good health? Do you have any medical problems? Overall I’m in good health, physically.

Do you have any disabilities? No, I don’t.

What past act are you most ashamed of? What past act are you most proud of? We won’t go there. And...Probably the National Dance Title won before I was sequestered to this hellhole.

What sort of sex do you have? The sexual kind.

Did you attend any kind of trade school before you got here? (So as a minor or in between the ages of 18-21, since it is law that all people go to a BDSM Academy at 21.) Yeah, I did. Kind of. I wouldn’t call it a trade school but, it was a school for dance specifically.

Have you had any jobs? What are your career goals? (The laws on this are the same as the real world so minors generally need a work permit BUT you can also work with the family business without anyone questioning at just about any age. And just like the real world, a lot of families put a lot of pressure on their children to follow in their footsteps.) I taught dance to the toddler classes when I was a teenager. I’m licensed to teach now, actually. So, I guess I’ll do something like that when I get out of here. Maybe I’ll open my own studio. I can do that now, if I want.

What places have you visited on vacation? Pretty much all 50 states- or, 52, technically. Also France, England, Germany, Japan, Australia, and China.

Who is your favorite actor? Who is an actor you can’t stand? My favorite actor is Melissa McCarthy, but I can’t stand Emma Roberts.

What is your favorite movie? Which movies do you absolutely hate? My favorite movie is Dirty Dancing- call me basic, I’ll fight. I hate a lot of movies, too many to list really. My least favorite is probably The ABCs of Death.

What is your favorite color? What is your favorite book? What is your favorite food? Mint Green/The Truth About Forever/Chicken and Apple Sausage

How often do you exercise? What are your exercise goals? Daily, both with and without dance. I don’t really have goals, I just kind of go with the flow.

Do you enjoy hot weather, or do you prefer colder temperatures? Give me all the heat.

What do you think is the meaning of life? To find life’s meaning.

If you could describe yourself in one sentence, what would you say? I exist.

#task002 #tga:development #content:genevieve

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fangirlinsweden · 4 years ago

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Nexus part 5

Part 5: The Truth and Apologizing

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Secrets, talk about death and loss (think that is all)

Word Count: About 3200 words

Summary: Y/N is a pain in the ass according to Steve. She is brought on to missions sometimes by Fury when they need help, but she is wild and does not listen to orders. She does what she wants. Now Fury has given her a place in the Avengers. And Steve is not liking it. Having to deal with her every day. He hates her. Or does he? And what is Y/N relationship with Bucky? They seem to get closer and closer.

A/N: This takes place after Avengers: Endgame, but Steve never left. Tony and Nat are still alive.

This is written for Gab’s @buckysmischief Birthday Challenge. My prompt is: “Did you bring us here to die?” “Obviously.” “I really can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.”

English is not my native language and I am doing the best I can when it comes to writing.

“I see you,” Steve smirked. “And the way you are acting with Bucky. If you think Hydra will get their Winter Soldier back you are wrong. Bucky is never ever going back to Hydra” You fisted your hands. “You are not even going to listen to me explain this?” you growled already knowing the answer. “Why listen to more of your lies?” Steve looks you up and down. “I know that you lived across from me in Brooklyn to get close to me, but that backfired when I thought you were spying on me for S.H.I.E.L.D. when you, in fact, were spying for HYDRA. Then you lost Bucky and you had to find a way to get close to him.” You are so mad at that point that you almost hit him. But the sentence where he thought you were spying on him explains why he started avoiding you all those years before. “Joining the team is the perfect cover to get close to Bucky. And now that the two of you are together you think that flirting with me would make me blind to what you are doing.” Steve gives you one final look before he storms out. Apparently finding pictures has been enough proof that Steve needed it. His mind was set and there was nothing you could do at this point. When you walk over to your box you see that Steve had taken two of your favorite photos with him. You want to run after him and get the photos back, but all your energy drains and you end up sitting on the floor. A tear runs down your face and drops down on your hand with your grandmother's ring. It hurt that a man you had seen as a hero your entire childhood up until now thought you were Hydra. At least Bucky knew the truth and deep inside you hoped that that would be enough. To get back from eating breakfast and finding Steve looking through your private things had not been who you had thought this day would be. Apparently yesterday's mission scared Bucky, so he wanted to come clean about the two of you to the entire team. He just wanted to tell Steve first, in private. Bucky had probably been looking for Steve while Steve was looking through your photos. Looking around your room, you did no longer feel at home. You feel violated. Maybe you should move back to your apartment? A picture of your grandmother and grandfather in Central Park caught your eye. You picked it up and knew exactly what to do. After packing up all the pictures and letters Steve had tossed out you closed the lid of the box and walked out of your room.

One hour later you walked over to the two gravestones that were put up for the four most important people in your life. “Hello Mom and Dad you said to the gravestone on the left that read:

‘Mary Williamson Y/L/N Born July 9, 1955 Died November 8, 2004 “A life of beauty and service”

‘James Steven Y/L/N Born April 4, 1952 Died August 29, 2007 “Brave in spirit, Strong in love”’

“Hello Grandpa and Grandma” you said to the gravestone to the right that read:

‘Lewis Y/L/N Born May 4, 1920 Died February 5, 2008. "If I could do it all again, I wouldn't change a thing."’

‘Rebecca “Becca” Barnes Y/L/N Born September 21, 1922 Died January 10, 2011 "I hate to leave you all behind, but we'll meet again one day."’

You sat down in front of the two graves and felt a kind of peace. “It all went to hell and I don’t know what to do,” you whisper and feel the tears in your eyes. “I miss you more than you will ever know.” And then you let it all out.

At the compound Steve had gone to his room for a while before talking to Bucky. Seeing Y/N’s face when he told her he knew she was a member Hydra had put some doubt in his mind, but at the same time there could be no other truth. She had to be Hydra. After a few minutes of peace he went to find Bucky, still holding two of Y/N pictures. Eventually he finds Bucky in the Gym working out. Bucky is spotting Sam who is lifting weights. “Hey, I was looking for you before,” Bucky started to say and was planing on continuing, but something about the look on Steve’s face stopped him. “We need to talk,” Steve says with his arms crossed over his chest and a face that showed no emotions. “So talk,” Bucky says and looked at Sam. “Not here,” Steve tries. “Why not?” Sam wonders looking at Steve. “We need to talk about Y/N” Steve is still holding the pictures behind his back. “Whatever you have to say about her you can say here,” Bucky insists and Steve groans. He feels himself get riled up and there is no way to contain the words that he needs to get out. “Y/N is Hydra,” Steve almost yells. There are several bangs around the gym and Sam stands up and crosses his arms. Bucky’s eyes are big. “What did you say?” Sam glares at Steve. “She is Hydra,” Steve gets out again, a bit lower this time. “I have proof.” He hands Bucky the photo’s. Sam pears over at the photos and just shakes his head. “She is not HYDRA,” Bucky roars and Steve takes a step back. He makes a gesture to the pictures in Bucky’s hand. “Your absolute idiot,” Sam shakes his head at Steve. Nat, Wanda, Clint and Tony are walking towards them in the gym looking everything but happy. Steve swallows. “Y/N is my family,” Bucky shoves Steve. “Just because she has lured you into falling in love with her does..” Steve is interrupted by Nat slapping him in the face. Bucky is read in the face. “I am not in love with Y/N. She is Becca’s granddaughter,” Bucky yells. Steve feels all blood leave his face. What had he done? And why had he not seen that. That explains so many things. Not all, but so much. Bucky drops the photos on the floor and moves towards Steve. “What did you do?” Bucky is standing nose to nose with Steve. The rest is surrounding him. “And how did you get these photos?” Nat wonders as she picks them up. Steve swallows. “I saw the wooden box in her room and opened it,” Steve whispers. “She found me looking through them and I told her what I thought about her.” Bucky pushes Steve away from him and runs out of the gym. Steve looked after him. “You are an asshole,” Wanda shakes her head. “I could hit you again,” Nat’s eyes are almost black now. Clint has his hand on her shoulder and it is like that is the only thing that is keeping her from hurting him. “You should have come to me,” Tony sighs. “I have known who she is the entire time.” “Then why did you not say anything?” Steve demanded to know. “Because it was her secret,” Tony crossed his arms over his chest. “It is her life and she has to decide when she was ready to share it.” “Exactly,” Sam agrees. “Wait, how many of you knew the truth,” Steve looked at his teammates. “Only Nat and Tony. But the rest of us had our guesses,” Wanda looked at the other who nodded. “So nobody more than me thought Bucky and Y/N were in a relationship,” Steve was starting to feel more and more bad. “Or that she could be Hydra.” “Nope,” Sam answered. “And you do know that she is friends with about every hero in at least 1000 miles radius?” “Mmmhh,” Steve mutters. That was not something that was on his mind right now. He needed to talk with Bucky and apologize to Y/N. He scratched his neck. “You do realise that most of those people will want to kick you ass when they find out about this,” Sam smirks. Steve swallows and looks around. “Shit,” He crocs out. Tony nods and walks away. Nat and Wanda walk away as well, but not before Nat give’s Steve one more of her killer stares. Steve looked at Sam. He had no idea how he would solve things or if he even could solve it.

You hear someone coming up behind you. It puts you on alert until you hear his voice. “Y/N,” Bucky almost whispers. “Hey, Bucky,” you turn around and look at him. “You remembered.” Bucky sat down beside you looking at the grave of his sister and her husband and the grave of his nephew with his wife. You had told Bucky that you went to the cemetery when you needed someone to talk to. Even if you were just talking and never got answered it was as you had your parents and grandparents there beside you. “Yeah,” Bucky scratched his neck. “I should have brought flowers.” “Next time,” you leaned your head against his shoulder. Bucky clears his throat. You knew what was coming next. “Steve..” Bucky started but you lifted a hand. “I know what he told you,” You whispered and felt the tears threatening to start falling again. “I don’t want to talk about it.” “I set him straight,” Bucky put his arm around your shoulder. “I still can’t believe my best friend would think something like that.” “Bucky, I really don’t want to talk about this,” You sigh and play with your grandmother's ring. “Sweetheart, we need to talk about it,” Bucky kissed your forehead. “No, we really do not,” you say firmly. “This is my fault,” Bucky sigh. “No, it’s not. This is Steve’s fault,” You stand up and start pacing. “He could just have asked, not accused. He has been treating me like shit for years now. Just because he had made some assumptions and never got them checked out. This is just the icing on the cake.” Bucky looked up at you and let you rant. Then he tilted his head. “You have feelings for him,” Bucky blurted out. That made you stop and look down at the ground. Not really knowing what to say. “No comment,” was all you could come up with and it made Bucky cuckle. “Sweetheart,” Bucky stood up and took a hold of your left hand. “I understand if all of this makes you want to stop being an Avenger.” “Stop being an Avenger,” you snort. “No chance in hell will Steve’s behaviour make me want to stop that. I am stronger, smarter and wiser than letting a man chase me away from my life.” Bucky nods and smiles. “Atta girl,” Bucky pulled you close and hugged you. “Let’s get back to the compound.” You nodded, closed the lid on your wooden box and lifted it. Bucky nodded towards the box and when you nodded he took it under one arm and he put the other arm around you. “Where is your car?” Bucky wondered. “I got a ride from a friend, so no car,” you said and Bucky lifted a brow. You smiled at him, but did not elaborate. “Then you can ride back with me,” Bucky concluded and walked over to black BMW. A car you know that Tony owned. You hoped into the front seat and Bucky secured your wooden box in the back seat, before he took the driver seat. “I know you don’t want to talk about it,” Bucky admitted. “But you know that you will have to face Steve at some point.” You sink a bit further down your seat. “I know,” you sighed. “But I will deal with it.” “Good,” Bucky reached over and took your hand. “Just know I am on your side in this.” That made you smile, then frown. “Whatever he did,” you sit up a bit straighter when the compound came into view. “He is still your best friend and like a brother to you. I don’t want to do anything to destroy that.” Bucky looked down at your hands for a quick look. “What he did and said to you is not easily forgiven,” Bucky sighed. “Even if I know I will forgive him eventually, does not mean you are less important to me. You are still my family and I want you in my life.” This brings tears to your eyes. Bucky saw you as family. A warm feeling spreads in your body and it makes you smile. Bucky parked the car in the garage and went out of the car. You sit there for a minute taking a deep breath. Bucky opens your car door and holds out his hand, under the other arm he has your wooden box. “Ready?” his smile makes you feel confident. “Yeah,” You say and take his hand. Together you walk to the living quarters of the compound.

Steve saw Bucky driving the car into the grounds at the compound and that Y/N was with him. He knew that he needed to talk to them. After a while he heard their voices coming toward him and he got ready to talk to the two of them. He had a whole speech ready to go. But when it was only Y/N that came into the kitchen, no Bucky. She stopped the moment she saw him there, but then she walked over to the fridge and took out two water bottles, without as much as look at him again. Steve cleared his throat but still no reaction from Y/N. “Y/N,” Steve started and his mind was blank. His speech had been to both Bucky and Y/N and now that she was standing here in front of him he had no words. She did not turn but started to look through the pantry. “Y/N,” Steve tried again, but she took out a bar of chocolate and placed it on the counter. It made him irritated that she did not care that he was trying to talk with her. How was he supposed to apologize if she did not even look at him? Before he knew what he was doing he had walked over there and tapped her against the counter. She turned to look at him with a stone face. “I am trying to talk with you,” Steve almost growled. “I don’t care what you have to say to me,” Y/N snarled at him. “I think you said enough a couple of hours ago.” “Y/N,” Steve growled this time. Y/N yawned. “Do you really think this caveman behaviour will get me to listen to anything you have to say,” Y/N looked down at her nails. Steve felt himself lose control. “I am the leader of this team,” He bellowed. “You will listen to me.” “All I see is a toddler having a tantrum because he can’t get what he wants,” Y/N sassed and stood on her toes so she was almost eye to eye with the angry Steve. “What the hell is going on in here?” Bucky shouted when he walked into the room. “Steve!” That made Steve take a step back and Y/N took the water and the chocolate and walked over to Bucky. “Y/N, I am trying to apologize,” Steve got out. Y/N looked at him. “No you are not,” She shook her head. “You are trying to bully me into talking to you and forgiving what you said.” With that she walked away. Steve started to walk after her but Bucky stopped her. “Leave her alone,” Bucky demanded. “I am her Captain,” Steve grunted. “I can’t leave her alone. We need to sort this out so I know she can be professional out in the field.” “I have the utmost respect for her ability to compartmentalise and be an asset out in the field.” Bucky snorted. “And if there is anyone who needs to check his professionalism it is you going through her room and acting like a jerk.” Bucky turned around and walked away. Steve stood there looking after his best friend. “Fuck,” Steve sighed at the same time as Tony walked into the kitchen. “Did you just say a bad word?” Tony smirked but when he saw Steve’s face the smirk disappeared. “I take it the conversation with Y/N and Bucky did not work so well,” Tony patted Steve’s back. “No,” Steve hung his head. “I think I made it worse.” Tony took out a water bottle from the fridge. “You know,” Tony started then stopped. Steve looked over at him. “My father once told me that an apology needs to be as loud as the disrespect was.” Then he left the room. “How am I going to be able to do that?” Steve said to the room, but since there was nobody there the only answer he got was silence. Steve goes to his room hoping a good night sleep will give him the answers.

The next morning Steve is not sleepy even a minute and he still has no idea how to fix things. His last resort is to google it. And there it is. The best apology in the world. Flowers. He tried to think of a flower that could help him. Red roses felt wrong, those were romantic and apologizing was not romantic. Sunflowers came to mind. Sunny and happy. Steve ran out of his room and took a car to the nearest flower shop and ordered a large bouquet of sunflowers. Then he hurried back to the compound and walked right up to Y/N door and started to knock. He heard movement inside and then the door opened to Y/N standing there in only a pair of pj shorts and a tank-top. “What the hell are you doing here?” She grumbles and Steve just hands her the flowers. “I wanted to apologize,” Steve scratch his neck. “The flowers are a part of my apology. So hmm.. I am sorry.” She starts to laugh and shake hear head. Steve just looks at her. What is happening? Why is she laughing?

There was a frenetic knocking on your door. You wish that it would just go away, but it seemed to only get louder. Sighing you stand up and walk over to the door. The sight outside your door was not what you had ever thought you would see. Steve in crumpled cloths and a big bouquet of sunflowers. “What the hell are you doing here?” You ask even if you don’t really want to know. All you wanted to do was yell at him for waking you up. It had been a late night the day before since Bucky and you had ended up going through all of the pictures in your box and you had told him everything that he had missed that included your family. Steve handed you the bouquet. “I wanted to apologize,” Steve said, but he did not really look apologetic. He looked nervous. “The flowers are a part of my apology. So hmm.. I am sorry.” The look on his face and the flowers, it just got to much. You started to laugh. Was he fucking serious? He thought that could be taken as an sincere apology and flowers.. Nope. You handed the flowers back. “Take those before I stick them somewhere the sun does not shine,” you sass at him and close the door in his face. It was oddly satisfying and you crawl down in your bed again.

Steve stood there with his moth hanging open and the flowers back in his arms. What had just happened? He hears a chuckles from the vent over him. “Barton, get down here,” Steve sighs. Clint jumps down beside hi and pat him on his back. “Thank you for today's laugh,” Clint smirked and start to walk away. “What did I do wrong?” Steve wondered and Clint shrugs and walk away. “Clint, please,” Steve walked after him. “Do you really think that sunflowers is a worthy apology for going through someones personal things and accusing someone of being a member of Hydra?” Clint left Steve standing there. Steve looked down at the flowers in his arms, maybe he needed something more expensive. Something more. Steve could not find the words for what he needed, but he knew where to find it. Google. That sight seemed to have every answer.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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nerianasims · 4 years ago

Text

Billboard #1s 1984

Under the cut.

Yes -- "Owner of a Lonely Heart" -- January 21, 1984

The full version of this song is way too long. Not surprising from a former prog rock band. The music is good and interesting, but it loses me before the end even in the shorter single version. There's too much stuff. As for the lyrics, maybe that prog rock gloss made people think they were profound, but they look like self-help. Some incredibly 80s Reagan-era individualism, better to be alone than to be hurt, you're the only one you can count on, blah blah blah. Not for me. 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Culture Club -- "Karma Chameleon" -- February 4, 1984

The video to this song has nothing to do with it, unless there's supposed to be a connection between the con artist on the fantasy world 19th century steamboat and the guy who keeps coming and going whom Boy George is singing to. And I didn't fully realize the "you come and go" double entendre until just now. I like the video, anyway. And I like the song quite a bit. It's a very cheerful-sounding song about being strung along by some asshole.

Van Halen -- "Jump" -- February 25, 1984

Van Halen was something boys were into. It's weird how we delineate these things. At least back in 1984, if it got coded as a boy thing, then if you were a girl and also found it interesting, you'd damn well better hide it or certain other more socially powerful kids would tear you to shreds. That was my experience, anyway. (And if other girls were into it and you were not, you were also in serious trouble.) So though when I heard Van Halen songs I thought, "hm, I'm intrigued," I did not dare pursue that interest. Except for this song. This one was allowed. It's fun.

Kenny Loggins -- "Footloose" -- March 31, 1984

Footloose is a pretty good movie. At least I remember it being so when I eventually saw it in college in the 90s. Anything that stands against censorship, and for art and people having fun, already has an in with me. Also Kevin Bacon's great. The song isn't about the movie particularly; it's just about how dancing is wonderful. Though there is a hint at the movie: "You're playing so cool/ Obeying every rule/ Deep way down in your heart/ You're burning yearning for some/ Somebody to tell you/ That life ain't passing you by/ I'm trying to tell you/ It will if you don't even try." Yeah. Agatha Christie at one point lamented that young people in the 1950s were far too serious and self-righteous, and really needed to go dance in fountains. I feel the same now as she did then. Though wait until after the covid vaccine's been widely taken. Anyway, this is a good dance song.

Phil Collins -- "Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)" -- April 21, 1984

It's a lament about being dumped. Apparently, Collins wrote it about his wife leaving him out of the blue, taking the kids and the dog with her. Ouch. There's a great drum part, which keeps the song from being too boring, but I still don't like it. Phil Collins' serious love/heartbreak songs don't do it for me. I find this one depressing without being cathartic.

Lionel Richie -- "Hello" -- May 12, 1984

I remember this video from when it was on the air. Mostly because of the Lionel Richie clay head. But also because I was like... is she his student? Isn't that a bad thing? Even though she's an adult in college, I still thought you weren't supposed to do that? I've had a major squick against teacher/student relationships, even in fiction, since I was a kid. Possibly this is because I come from a family of professors. (I didn't get a PhD and am therefore the black sheep.) Without reference to the video, the song is terrible. The lyrics are just repetitive cheese, whatever, but the song is so slow and blah and I don't like Lionel Richie's singing.

Deniece Williams -- "Let's Hear It For the Boy" -- May 26, 1984

I keep being surprised that there are people who think someone is worthless if they don't have a lot of money and don't dress fashionably. In this song, the titular boy also can't dance, but is that a thing that people get dinged for in reality? I don't know, maybe. This song was in Footloose, and it's the same sentiment as "My Guy"; her boy isn't some smooth-talking rich brat, but "he's my lovin' one-man show." He's like Edward Ferrars, not Willoughby. It's a fun song.

Cyndi Lauper -- "Time After Time" -- June 9, 1984

This is one of the greatest songs ever. Not just pop songs. Any song, of any type.

Duran Duran -- "The Reflex" -- June 23, 1984

These lyrics make no sense. That doesn't matter for this song much, which is all about the music. Which is not the best of Duran Duran's music. For all the many, many, MANY different musical ideas in it, it's actually kinda boring. They'd have done better to simplify. I imagine this sounds something like cocaine feels, though drinking way too many Mountain Dews to pull an all-nighter's my only comparison. Duran Duran were never my favorite, but I do enjoy many of their songs. This one, meh.

Prince -- "When Doves Cry" -- July 7, 1984

Prince only two songs after Cyndi Lauper? Is it my birthday? The song's lyrics start out being about the amazing chemistry between the narrator and "you." That establishes why they're together. Then Prince moves on to how they "scream at each other," and it's what it sounds like "when doves cry." He's accusatory -- "How could you just leave me standing/ Alone in a world so cold?" But then he goes right into thinking maybe it's his fault: "Maybe I'm just too demanding" etc. It's a sexy, thoughtful, and anguished song about a relationship in trouble. I like to think they'll overcome their problems and stop screaming at each other. Trust me, it's very possible. Also the music is great.

Ray Parker Jr. -- "Ghostbusters" -- August 11, 1984

Um. I have no idea how to evaluate this one. I heard it first in the theatre when I saw the movie, but I heard it years after every week when I watched the cartoon. It just... is.

Tina Turner -- "What's Love Got To Do With It" -- September 1, 1984

I have an overwhelming memory of hearing this song when I was alone in the grocery store as a teenager. I have no idea why the memory's so strong. Maybe it was the first time I went to the grocery store by myself? Maybe I ran into a guy I had a huge crush on, though I don't remember that? (If I was 16, that could have been one of any three guys... Romance is my secondary aspiration, after all.) In any case, it's a good song. The attempt to pretend love is a bunch of chemicals and doesn't truly matter is a pretty common one for the broken-hearted. And Tina Turner's great as always.

John Waite -- "Missing You" -- September 22, 1984

Two songs in a row about being in denial over matters of love. Interesting. This isn't the most fascinating song ever, but it's a good solid song about heartbreak that isn't gloopy at all. In the main vocals, Waite keeps insisting "I ain't missing you," but in the background is a soft voice that sings "missing you" over and over. That's a smart artistic move.

Prince and the Revolution -- "Let's Go Crazy" -- September 29, 1984

I liked a lot of pop music when I was 7, but I didn't get Prince. His songs sort of slid out of my brain as a "thing for grownups," and who could understand grownups? He was short and wore fancy outfits, and that's about all that registered. When I hit puberty, though... yeah. This song is more adult than that, though, and I don't mean sexually, though there is plenty of sex in this song. "You better live now/ Before the grim reaper come knocking on your door." The song is about sex, partying, and death. Also Prince was an astonishing guitarist, along with everything else. It's not one of my favorite Prince songs, because the lyrics are pretty depressing and it's super loud, but it's still great.

Stevie Wonder -- "I Just Called To Say I Love You" -- October 13, 1984

I never really listened to the background beep-de-boops in this song before. I've wondered before why this song, with its simple lyrics and melody, didn't bore me. It's the beep-de-boops. They, along with Stevie Wonder's perfect delivery, make this song musically complex. And the simple lyrics, with the more complex musical counterpoints, absolutely work. It helps that this is the kind of thing people really do.

Billy Ocean -- "Caribbean Queen" -- November 3, 1984

That heavy breathing after the line "I get so excited just from her perfume" is unfortunate. Otherwise, it's a song about how he met this "Caribbean Queen" on vacation and she "tamed" him so he's no longer looking for "love on the run." Sure, why not. I'd like a little more story to it, but that's me. It's got a good beat though, and is enjoyable enough as-is.

Wham! -- "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" -- November 17, 1984

I just realized I don't like this song. The beat and hook are sort of irresistible, and as a dance song the music absolutely works. But there's too much nostalgia about stuff that George Michael actually wasn't old enough to be nostalgic about. He was only 21 at the time, born in 1963, and yet he was singing about Doris Day. You can homage anything at any age, but... meh. And speaking of age, it's kind of a childish song and George Michael's voice was always more on the mature end, even if he was young at the time. For me, it hits a jarring note.

Daryl Hall & John Oates -- "Out of Touch" -- December 8, 1984

The beginning makes it sound like this is gonna be a relatively hard rock song, but that ends after a pretty short time. It's still really loud, with huge drums, and Hall pretty much shouts the song. Hall & Oates were great when they stripped stuff down. All this noise doesn't work for them. There are neat parts when all the noise suddenly stops and there's total silence, but then it goes right back to the rather uninteresting loudness. Not for me.

Madonna -- "Like A Virgin" -- December 22, 1984

And so it begins. Backstory: Madonna went to the same high school as my mother. She was friends (maybe more? he won't talk) with one of my uncles. When my grandmother saw the Like A Virgin album on the rack at the store, she said, "I'm so glad [he] didn't marry that girl." When my mother told me that, my reaction was "Are you kidding? We'd be rich!" But my family cares about PhDs and not money. My uncle ran wild in high school, but eventually became a successful career diplomat (and stopped being a jackass) after the woman he was in love with told him he'd better shape up or else. Also he looks a lot like Guy Ritchie, so that was weird for a while. I'd be in the grocery store and for a second think, "Why's my uncle on The Enquirer with Madonna?"

So anyway, the song. The way Madonna sang it in later iterations, I like it. I can't stand the version that became a #1 hit. The Betty Boop voice is just ugh. I love a lot of Madonna's music, and she would be something of an inspiration to me in later days, with her unapologetic persona as a woman who liked and wanted sex -- and enjoyed shocking the censorious -- but I was 8 at the time. I didn't get any of it, I just knew she sounded squeaky in this song and it bugged me.

BEST OF 1984: "Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper. WORST OF 1984: "Hello" by Lionel Richie

#billboard number ones

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ashleybenlove · 5 years ago

Text

Title: Linchpin

Prompt: NA

Fandom: How To Train Your Dragon

Pairing: Hiccup/Astrid/Fishlegs/Snotlout/Ruffnut/Tuffnut (polyamorous gang)

Word Count: 1368

Rating: General

Warnings: None

Disclaimer: I don’t own the source material in this fanfic. That’s to whatever company or person owns it. I would never claim to own it.

Notes: There are probable influences from fandom and whatnot in this story. I wrote this because yeah, it’s Hiccup’s birthday, per the books. Also, because of this 2016 Vox article by Michelle Hackman (as told to her by Phil Haney) I decided that Hiccup was a 28ther. The use of the word ‘linchpin’ (both in the story itself and the title) is inspired by the Bones season 6 episode The Mastodon in the Room which also uses similar phrasing to ultimately describe the character Caroline Julian. The sentence in which Hiccup calls Toothless ‘rascal’ is from/a reference to 101 Dalmatians (the 1961 one) (I only changed the character names). This takes place during Race to the Edge. This is also on AO3.

And it is under the read more.

Hiccup turned twenty on Dragon’s Edge. He was born on February 29, and while yes, that date came only once every four years, he typically celebrated the day before, in the actual month of his birth. Those closest to him (his Dads, Toothless, his Riders) knew his preferences.

He wasn’t quite sure what to expect from them.

The five of them had been seen putting their heads together and talking in low voices about whatever plans they must have had.

Having Toothless spy on them was not quite helpful because Toothless wasn’t telling him and in fact put his tailfins in front of his face when asked.

The dragon knew something.

And the dragon was licking his face awake.

Well, that’s fun. Dragon spit on his face.

Toothless cooed at him and nudged Hiccup with his head, before laying his head on Hiccup’s chest.

“Hey, bud, morning to you, too,” Hiccup murmured. He immediately started to pet Toothless’s face. “I’m twenty,” he added, softly.

Toothless licked him again.

“Are you wishing me Happy Birthday?” Hiccup asked, looking at Toothless.

Toothless cooed again and Hiccup took that at as a yes.

“Did you want to cuddle with me before we headed to the Clubhouse?” Hiccup asked.

Toothless roared happily and immediately laid down on his stone bed. Hiccup hopped out of bed and headed towards the stone bed.

He was snuggling against Toothless when he heard the Thunder Ear horn go off and heard Tuffnut yell into the horn: “Good Morning, Dragon’s Edge!”

After announcing who was doing their morning show (the twins and Chicken), Tuffnut said, “It is February 29! Which means that our fearless leader and quite handsome friend Hiccup Haddock has turned twenty! Happy Birthday, Hiccup!”

Hiccup smiled and spent a little longer cuddling one of his best friends and listening to two of his best friends. A good way to start his day.

When the two of them were finally ready to head to the Clubhouse for breakfast, Hiccup was not really surprised but also kind of surprised to see his dads there as well.

“Dads!” Hiccup exclaimed.

“Happy Birthday, Son!” Stoick exclaimed.

“Happy Birthday, Lad!” Gobber exclaimed.

Toothless beat Hiccup to his Dads by galloping over to them and nuzzling them. They both gave Toothless the pats that he craved.

Stoick showered Hiccup in a warm, tight hug and then kissed his son’s forehead. Hiccup snuggled into his father’s embrace.

“I love you,” Stoick told him, tenderly.

“I love you, too, Dad,” Hiccup said.

After Stoick let Hiccup go from the hug, Gobber pulled Hiccup into a hug, which Hiccup immediately reciprocated. Gobber also kissed him on the forehead and Hiccup snuggled into Gobber’s embrace, this man who was as much his father as Stoick was.

“You’re a wonderful lad,” Gobber told him. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, Gobber,” Hiccup said.

“Lad, I think your friends want to give you love too, so I’m gonna let you go for now,” Gobber announced, before he let Hiccup go from the hug.

Hiccup’s friends had been standing near the table in the Clubhouse clustered together watching Hiccup with his dads.

His Dragon Riders exclaimed, “Happy Birthday! We love you!” at the same time.

He was then wrapped into the arms of five people who he loved dearly, and each gave him a soft and loving kiss on his lips. He was quite content to just let them hold onto him for a long time.

The six of them ended up sitting on the floor. He was happy surrounded by Astrid, Fishlegs, Snotlout, Ruffnut, and Tuffnut. Five of his best friends and partners.

“Gang, we have mixed company. Public Displays of Affection,” Hiccup said, after being kissed on the cheek for the… he kind of lost count.

“Your dads know we love you,” Snotlout said.

Hiccup saw his dads nod.

And then one-by-one, each of them took his hands. Astrid, Ruffnut, and Tuffnut took his left hand and Snotlout and Fishlegs took his right hand. Considering the fact that Hiccup’s hands were near one another, they were, in a sense, doing their six-person handhold

Hiccup sighed happily, feeling quite loved by them.

“We want you to feel like we love you, all the time. Always,” Fishlegs said. Hiccup could hear the emotion in his voice. Like, he was so close to crying.

“Because of you and Toothless Night Fury over there,” Tuffnut began.

Toothless made a sound in response to Tuffnut, from where he stood near the dads.

“We have this great thing where we’re Dragon Riders and are part of awesome tightknit group and you’re the linchpin,” Ruffnut finished.

“And it exploded into this wonderful poly situation we have,” Snotlout added.

“And, so, the five of us,” Astrid started.

“Really, eight, if you count the Dads and Toothless,” Ruffnut said.

Fishlegs shushed her.

“We thought about it, and decided on something,” Astrid said. “The five of us, if you want this, want you to be our husband.”

“We’re asking you to marry us, dude,” Snotlout added.

Hiccup felt five loving hands squeeze his two, which pulled him from the shock of what just happened.

Wow.

He just had a five-person marriage proposal.

He heard his father clear his throat and saw his father holding a sheet of parchment. He held it out for Hiccup to read.

“This is your birthday gift from me,” Stoick said. His father’s voice sounded thick.

Hiccup’s eyes focused on the parchment which read: “Chiefly Order On the Subject of Polygamous Marriage: Allowed. Any parties who wish to enter into a polygamous marriage, regardless of gender of participants or configuration of relationships within the marriage can do so.”

“So, if that’s what you wish… you can accept their proposal without worry of not being allowed to marry them,” Stoick said. “You have a choice.”

Stoick moved the parchment out of Hiccup’s face to see his green eyes shining with tears.

“Thank you,” Hiccup whispered.

“Hiccup, honey,” Astrid said. “We want you to know that no matter your decision, whether you accept it or don’t, we are with you. Always.”

Hiccup sniffed.

“So much to take in!” Hiccup exclaimed. “Yes, of course. The answer is yes, of course, I’ll marry the five of you!”

He let out a happy little sob.

“We’re going to kiss you now, okay?” Fishlegs asked.

“Yes, yes, let’s kiss!” Hiccup exclaimed.

One by one, he exchanged very happy kisses with his five newly engaged partners, their love for him and his love for them being expressed very soundly and deeply. He couldn’t help but cup their cheeks as he kissed them.

After he had finished kissing them, he paused, and then said, “Hey, are you guys marrying each other?”

“Of course!” Snotlout exclaimed at the same time Ruffnut exclaimed “Duh!”

“Good, good,” Hiccup said.

Hiccup wiped his eyes.

Toothless walked over to them, cooed at Hiccup, and then gave him a lick.

“Did you know they were planning this?” Hiccup asked.

Toothless gave a little roar that Hiccup knew to mean “Yes!”

“Oh, Toothless, you old rascal!” Hiccup exclaimed. He gave Toothless’s snout a pat.

“Yeah, we let Toothless in on the secret, and talked to your dads about our plans for your birthday,” Astrid said. “How we planned on proposing to you and how we’d actually like to follow through with it.”

“Didn’t take much for your old man to cave,” Gobber said, with a grin.

Hiccup chuckled at the mildly annoyed look on his father’s face at Gobber.

“I did it for love,” Stoick said simply.

“After all,” Stoick added, patting Toothless pointedly. “It was love that brought you six together in the first place.”

Hiccup smiled broadly at his father.

“In case it’s not clear, son, both of us are very proud of the man you’ve become,” Stoick said, gesturing to Gobber.

“Thanks, dads,” Hiccup said, continuing to smile.

A quiet moment passed and then, Snotlout said, “Hey, what’s for breakfast? I’m hungry. Aren’t you all?”

Hiccup smiled. “Yeah, I’m hungry, too. Let’s have breakfast, eh?” Hiccup stood up, as did the rest of the gang.

“Breakfast sounds like a grand idea,” Stoick said, smiling. “We have so much to celebrate.”

#how to train your dragon #Race to the Edge #hiccup #Hiccup and the Gang #astrid #fishlegs #snotlout #ruffnut #tuffnut #ot6: we’re fast we’re fearless and we ride dragons #ot6: where hiccup goes we go #ashleybenlove fanfic #toothless #stoick #gobber #february 29 #fanfic #hiccup's birthday

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iatasbcl · 5 years ago

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You Were Born

Pairing: Deviant!Connor x Reader

Summary: It’s Connor’s birthday and the two of you take a trip down memory lane.

A/N: I didn’t feel motivated enough to write on the 15th so here is a late birthday fic for my boy!! Prepare yourself for some tooth-rooting fluff and shitty references, Enjoy!

W.C: 2K? I think

Monday, August 15, 2039

The first thing Connor noticed was how abnormal the silence surrounding the Andersson household was. His home wasn’t one known for quietness nor peacefulness, it disconcerted him how he couldn’t even hear Sumo’s familiar barking that he heard every time he came back from work. The lights were out too.

The atmosphere sent him spiraling into the worst possibilities, was everyone attacked? Were you hurt?

The thoughts terrified him, but he moved towards the door nonetheless, he knocked once, twice, thrice. He touched the doorknob and it turned with ease, the door let out long creaks as he tried his best to look in the dark, he, unfortunately, was not equipped with night-vision optical units.

Something was wrong, something was wrong, something was wrong —

“Surprise!”

As soon as the word hit him, the lights were on and his eyes immediately adjusted. The inner decor was covered with birthday decorations, a big ‘HAPPY ACTIVATIᵛᵃᵗᶦᵒⁿ ᵈᵃʸ’ sign hung between the living room and the kitchen. It was your font; you probably didn’t take the size of the banner into account.

Most of the people he knew were there; Hank, Sumo, Nines, his friends from Jericho, and even Gavin. And you, who was smiling at him with the adorable smile he loved so much.

You closed in on him and pulled him into a tight hug, your lips pecked his cheek and you whispered, “Happy birthday.” Into his ear.

—

The party wasn’t over the top, as most of the people here were exhausted from another tiring Monday.

“It was ____’s idea.” Said Hank with some blue whipped cream covering his mustache, “They managed to gather everyone today, took a whole lot of convincing bring that rat-man.” Connor now knew that was Gavin’s nickname.

He appreciated it, you gathered everyone he loved in one room for him on a weekday, nonetheless. You and Hank made him cake shaped like a cartoonish robot with blue frosting, it was a bit messy, but it looked perfect to him. He appreciated the sentiment behind it even though he couldn’t taste it.

—

“Then I yelled ‘Fuck da police’” Said a weirdly drunk Gavin, Connor wondered where he got enough booze to become this intoxicated. He locked everything away for Hank’s sake.

“Detective, you work for the police.” Was Nines’ coolly response.

“Yeah… Fuck ‘em.”

“Nice,” You interjected, taking a sip of your drink “So, you’re saying where you were 15 you stole a car, crashed it, stole another car and yelled ‘fuck da police’ in the face of the office that was arresting you?”

“Yeah… it was awesome” He slurred.

“I feel like I should be surprised but I’m not.” You nodded to yourself.

—

“Hey, Markus?” Connor noticed the alcohol in your body slightly increased as you swayed next to him, “Is it true? Is Warren an android?”

Markus blinked at your sudden question; Connor gave him an apologetic smile.

“I can’t confirm nor deny that.” He chuckled.

“That’s a yes, Gavin you own me 20 dollars.” You ran to where the said man was.

—

Everyone had left as it got late, Nines accompanied Gavin to his home, Markus and the rest of Jericho went to the airport to catch their flight and a rather tired Hank retreated to his room.

It was just the two of you know, he did what you advised him to do if you slipped and drank too much. He made you coffee and gave you water, it didn’t take that long for you to begin to sober up.

“I am dating a one-year-old.” You muttered to yourself, sobering you liked questioning your life choices.

“I am technically designed to be in my late twenties or early thirties.” He corrected and you groaned, “Yeah, yeah.”

For the first time in the last hours, it was quiet. But this felt pleasant.

“Do you… wanna open your presents?”

Presents were a common part of birthday parties, given in celebration of the person’s birthday. He did receive gifts and cards from the attendees that he was curious to see.

And so, he did. He and you sat next to each other on the comfy couch and began to open the gifts.

The first one was a physical copy of the book ‘I, Robot’ by Isaac Asimov. He was surprised to see it was from Gavin, of all people. “Aw, he really loves that book,” you said, “Do you think you noticed you reading a lot in the precinct?”

Reading was another hobby he picked up, he enjoyed how relaxing it was.

The second one was from Nines, it was a mug with a Saint Bernard on it, it looked just liked Sumo. He smiled; he was going to use it for his thirium.

You were smiling too, like you felt happy for how loved he felt right now.

The third one was from Markus; it was a portrait of him. His Art always managed to take Connor’s breath away. “Damn, we gotta hang that over the fireplace.”

North gave him a custom-made knife; Josh wrote a birthday card that thanked him for his help with their cause and Simon gifted him a little cactus.

Hank’s gift would’ve knocked the air out of his lungs if he had to breath. Most wouldn’t call it a spectacular gift, but it meant a lot to Connor. It was an antique coin, similar to his dear one he lost a while ago. He flicked it into his other hand, testing the waters as they say. He knew how Hank found his habit irritating and yet he got him a new coin, a beautiful one too.

“Okay, show off. C’mon open mine.” You ushered and he noticed how you started to look anxious, “Are you alright?”

“Yes, of course, just open the thing.” You pushed the wrapped box towards him, and he nodded.

It was a scrapbook, made of polaroid pictures of him and the people around you. The first page was from the first time you met, the Carlos Ortiz crime scene. He remembered how Hank scolded you for taking a picture of this piece of shit instead of working. You did not care at all.

Friday, November 5, 2038

-Welcome to the team, Mr. the android sent by cyberlife

The next page included a picture of him and Hank in the car while you drove to Kamski’s place, he remembered it being rather… dull. You didn’t talk much nor did Hank.

Tuesday, November 9, 2038

-Going to visit Mr. I live in the mountains while the whole world burns, this should be great. Also, Connor is listening to heavy metal lol

He did mean it when he said he would like to listen to music, heavy metal has been one of his favorite genres ever since. His grin only grew wider when he saw the next picture. It was taken in Hank’s house, a shot of the TV displayed him standing behind Markus and the thousands of androids in front of them.

Friday, November 12, 2038

-This dork literally joined a revolution and won… what a power move

also hank is tearing up but he threatened to break my camera if I took a photo ):

“Hank cried?” He asked and you immediately nodded, “I told you he’s a softie… he was happy you were alright.” Right, he was almost killed beforehand by his ‘evil twin’ as you said, it made sense for him to worry.

He flipped the page and a wave of happier memories hit him. Things were still hectic since the revolution ‘ended’. Many evacuated the city despite the peaceful approach that Markus took, their fear was irrational yet understandable. This meant most of the resident of Detroit were androids.

It wasn’t bad but the evacuation only meant many humans still refused to acknowledge the fact that androids were alive and in time would be their equals in the eyes of law. It lowered his spirit a bit.

Hank wasn’t having it, at all. He decided to take out the old Christmas decorations he had and invited you over to help decorate the house. It wasn’t even December, yet you rushed here.

This one was of Hank scolding him and his counterpart while they tried to put the star on the tree.

Monday, November 29, 2038

-Life is great, Connor and Nines just tried to put Sumo on the amazing (decorated by me) Christmas tree

Androids really are superior to us

He chuckled at your comment and continued. The photo was of him in a ‘casual’ suit that hank gave him. It was your first date since you asked him out. You were going to watch movies at your place.

Tuesday, February 14, 2039

-Taking this one because Connor looks nervous… and cute.

You snickered, “Do you remember how nervous you were? It was so adorable.” He shook his head, “Yes, my stress level was a bit high. You failed to mention the date would be in your apartment and not out before I borrowed this from Hank. I didn’t want him to feel bad about it and I ended up looking overdressed.”

You chuckled, again. “Well, you still looked perfect.” Your loved complimenting him and it always made his face heat up, he bit his lip and proceeded.

The next one was of him standing in Hank’s bathroom with his LED gone for the first time since his activation, it took a lot of courage to be able to let go of what he was made for, be it that little spinning device. You and Hank were with him every step of the way.

Sunday, April 3, 2039 -My boy is accepting himself

He teared up a bit, the support he got from you and the others was heart-warming, to say the least. He held your hand and gave it a quick peck.

The following one featured a hug between him and Hank. He had received gifts from both Connor and Nines, the former gave him a card with a heartfelt message while the latter gave him one that simply said, ‘You are an efficient parental figure.’ It was impressive since it came from Nines, who still struggled with his lack of a social program.

Saturday, June 19, 2039

-Father’s Day with our fav grumpy old man.

After that was him in shorts and a tank top from last month. He stood next to Sumo with a box of fireworks in his hands. He didn’t participate with the celebration since he wanted to make sure Sumo would be okay, you stayed with him.

Monday, July 4, 2039

-Happy 4th of July! Connor, your legs were made for these shorts- god bless Cyberlife.

That night did end up being… Interesting because of his choice in clothing. He did end up wearing them a bit more since then.

He flipped the page and realized the rest of them were empty. “I didn’t realize this was why you insisted on taking pictures of me with your polaroid camera.” You shrugged.

“It wasn’t in the beginning but… I wanted to capture those moments you know? Keep them with us forever.” You moved closer and snuggled with him, “You can fill it up if you want. I know you can see any memory you want anytime but… I guess this is just a sappy way of doing it.”

“No,” he interjected, “I appreciate your gift and the meaning behind it. I also wish to have many more pleasant memories with you and those around us.” You hummed with a smile then yawned. You put your head against his shoulder and soon drifted off.

He noticed your Camera on the table next to him, how convenient. He slowly reached for it and used it to take a picture of the two of you. You looked breath-taking to him, with your peaceful face and soft snoring.

Something about this felt… right. He felt like he finally belonged. Like he found his place, his family, his love. This was ‘it’ as some would say.

Monday, August 15, 2039 -I am happy.

#happy birthday connor #Connor x reader #Rk800 x reader #connor imagine #dbh #dbh imagine

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piilokarsastus · 4 years ago

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Question time!

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? because life is hard and i just don’t understand what i’m doing wrong but everyone else seems to know

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? nope. and to be fair, i would be sleeping anyway

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? if it’s like an actual thing for them that they do regularly, i’d probably be a bit concerned, but i don’t see anything wrong with trying things out for fun. if you’re just a straight up pothead, we wouldn’t be dating in the first place

4: Do you find it easy to trust others? i guess

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? filling in another pointless question post on tumblr, funny that you should ask

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? unlikely scenario, but i’m gonna say my friends from uni

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? probably spend the next few years thinking about it, unable to trust anyone again

8: Are you close with your dad? not as close as with my mum but still reasonably close

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? i’m curious as to what kind of life you think i’m living because this is not it

10: What are you listening to? the soothing hum of my laptop fan

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? woter:)

12: Do you like hickeys? i don’t exactly understand the point

13: What time do you go to bed? going to bed and falling asleep are two very different things but usually around 2-4

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? me. it’s me.

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? definitely not

16: Do you always answer your texts? sooner or later, yes

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? no

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? not that long ago

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? all of my friends

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? aight imma head out

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? no

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? in a sense i do

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? i feel like i was, yeah

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? well there’s nothing to “fix” per se, i just wish things went differently

25: In the past week, have you cried? yes

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? red

27: Do people ever call you by your last name? my aunt often does, weirdly enough

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? only every single one of the 4 people i’ve messaged on tinder recently. which makes me feel really great

29: Do you have a best friend? there’s someone i could perhaps call my best friend but i don’t think i have a “true” best friend at the moment like those i’ve had before

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? no i’m completely neutral towards her

31: Who was your last call from? my friend tried to call me yesterday but i couldn’t answer

32: Are you mad at anyone? no

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? marginally, yes

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? honestly i don’t know?? i don’t remember when she was born exactly but i feel like we were born in the same year at least, so i’m guessing either 21 or 22

35: How many more days until your birthday? 329

36: Do you have any summer plans yet? summer literally just ended so no

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? not exactly a fan of the word opposite in this context but i get what you mean. so yeah, most of my friends are of the “opposite” sex

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? nothing that would be their business to know

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? i guess i do.

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? i haven’t kissed nearly enough people for there to be any regrets. soo... would you like to be my first regret? haha just kidding... unless...

41: Do you think age matters in relationships? not going to write the essay that the wording of this question warrants but basically yes but only to some extent; what’s more important is that you’re in a similar phase in life and have similar expectations about the relationship. age can be a large factor in those things as well as your “maturity” but it isn’t the only factor.

42: Are you available? yeah bitch hmu

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? two

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? well i guess it’d have to be a septum, then

45: Do you believe exes can be friends? yes, in fact that’s my life philosophy

46: Do you regret anything? :)) i don’t think about it as much as i used to but i’ve never fully forgiven myself for confessing my feelings to someone who wasn’t interested in me. this is known as the february 2019 incident

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? tiddies

48: Did you ever lose a best friend? yeah, not to death but to life

49: Was your last kiss a mistake? no

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? i don’t quite like anyone at the moment and it’s gonna take a long time until i’m ever going to have the courage to make a move on anyone i’m interested in because of the aforementioned incident

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? no

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? no, like there’s nothing negative between us and we’d say hello if we met on the street but we just don’t talk

53: What was the last thing you ate? pancake:)

54: Did you get any compliments today? haven’t really interacted with anyone today so no

55: Where are you going on your next vacation? bich this is my vacation, i’m going nowhere except to bed

56: Do you own anything from other countries? yes. like i’m a bit amused by this question like where on this planet can you even live where at least some of your stuff hasn’t been made in China etc. (well, i guess that would be China). but even if you’re referring to souvenirs from trips etc, still yes

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? girls

58: Where have you lived most of your life? in Oulu, Finland

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? a few months ago, but i wasn’t the one driving

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? yes, also known as the game where my friends try to find out who i have a crush on

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? i had to google what TPing means and i’m more and more scared of americans every day

62: Who do you text the most? honestly my social life is at a point where my most common recurring interaction is exchanging cat videos with my mum (apart from group chats)

63: What was the last movie you saw? the matrix

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? yeah as if i have one

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2010? 2010?? damn i was literally 10

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? we were around the same age

67: Do you curse around your parents? for comedic effect

68: Are you happy with where you live? not my dream apartment but it’s okay

69: Do you collect anything? my tiktok seems to have become a collection of about 250 cute lgbt folks, but other than that, no

70: What’s your favourite colour? a kind of deep, ultramarine blue

71: Does the last song you listened to remind you of anyone? not in particular

72: Has anyone ever cheated on you? no

73: What are your plans for tomorrow? make some music

74: Do you have siblings over the age of twenty-one? i don’t have any

75: Does your last ex have a job? not that i know of

76: What would you do if you found out your most recent ex was in a relationship? she is and i’m happy for her, or as happy as i can be while being painfully aware of the fact that my love life hasn’t gone anywhere in the past two years

77: Where is your cellphone? on the floor, charging

78: What colour is your cellphone? black and bronze

79: What did you dream of last night? it was something fairly nsfw and extremely hot and i lterally had to pause for a second when i woke up because damn it’s been so fucking long since i’ve experienced that irl and it left me with a bad case of yearning

80: Are you atheist? yes

81: Will you change your name when you get married? no

82: Are you ready for autumn weather? would be a bit too late if i wasn’t

83: Have you had any big storms recently? there was one that was rumoured to be really big but tbh i barely noticed it

84: What kind of bottoms are you wearing? just my comfy pajamas

#Random info about me

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