#yaz: you dont have stds do you

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

lulu is good and i might still use it sometime but honestly basil is sweet too

[married-world-blog]

UMageba uqobo lwakhe

Nathi did not come home last night. I’m not angry but I am a bit hurt. From the day that we got into this marriage, I’ve never gone to sleep with him not being home. I feel so lonely and so confused… I’m not sure if I should make breakfast or not. He probably went home with Pay-Pay. They are probably fixing things. I’m glad I left. I have been more humiliated in my life. Nathi must never invite me to anything with his friends. I’m almost ready for class. I’m just preparing my lunchbox for the day… Gluten-free bread with lettuce, cucumber, tomato, cheese, and a burger. I pack biltong to snack with. I pack bottled water, and some mango juice. I pack my handbag and school bag and go put them in the car. As I attempt to walk out, the intercom goes off.

I answer, “Hello”

“Makoti yithi sisi. Please open”, my mother-in-law responds.

Jesu. Where am I going to say their son is? I open for them to come in. I try to dial Nathi but his phone is off. This guy mara.

His parents walk into our little townhouse. “Sawuboni makoti wami omuhle” my mother-in-law greets me. I look at them and smile. I greet them and tell them to take a seat while I make them a cup of tea. They excitedly cooperate. I notice that I’m not wearing my maxi dress or skirt and am not covering my head… that’s coz I’m on my way to school but I guess that’s none of their business. After i serve them tea, I excuse myself to go and dress up appropriately.

“Awu kahle makoti, before you go… uphi uNkosinathi?” My father-in-law enquired. I feared this question.

“Uyasabenza baba”, that’s the quickest thing I can come up with.

“Uyasebenza? Hai bo. It’s not even 7am yet. What time did he have breakfast if he is already at work?” He asks. These people are asking me difficult questions and no o e has given me a memo on how to answer these questions.

“The medicine world is very unpredictable baba'” I try again.

“There’s something that you are not telling us makoti”, baba says. I excuse myself one more time to get dressed and this time, they let me go.

I get to the bedroom and dial Nathi again. This time, the phone rings. He answers after three rings sounding very exhausted. I hear Patience in the background screaming and yelling for Nathi to hang up the phone or she will kill herself.

“Nkosikazi”, he answers his phone deflated.

“Nkosinathi your parents are here” I say.

“Shit”, he says.

“Please just get here”, I say.

“I’m on my way”, he says.

I hear Pay-Pay screaming “You are not going anywhere Nkosinathi”. I hang up. I change.

…

I am preparing a meal in the kitchen while Nathi’s parents are in the TV room waiting for Nathi as if they will beat him up with a belt the minute he walks in.

He walks in…

Shirt torn and full of blood…

Eye swollen…

Lip busted…

Pants torn…

No shoes.

Yho, bamuqhudile lo lapho ephuma khona.

I am actually worried about him. I want to help him get clean. I take a step towards him because I’m the only person he is looking at.

“Nkosinathi awusalali endlini nomkakho?” His father barks. Yho, I take a step back. Nkosinathi is silent.

“I asked you a question!” The father barks louder. “Yini le oyisebenzayo kuze kube yilesikhathi?” His mother asks. Why are they treating him like a child?

Yho, and then Nkosinathi pulls white-kid tendencies and walks out of the room while the parents are still yelling at him. His parents are shocked. Nkosinathi shuts the door. “Please excuse me” I ask his parents and then follow him into the master bedroom where he is. I walk in, close the door, and lock it.

“Did you call them?” He asks me. I guess that’s a fair question.

“No” I tell him. There is silence between us.

“You want to talk about what happened?” I ask him.

“I tried to break up with Patience an she did this to me” he says.

“Let me help you get into the shower. Let’s hear your parents out and then we can talk later”, I say. He let’s me help him undress. It is uncomfortable but he has seen me naked so now we are even. He is not even moved. He gets into the shower and I put his clothes in a bag with the intention to burn them tonight. I go get him a new outfit in the room he sleeps in. I catch his mother furiously cooking in the kitchen. I get him one of his tracksuits, underwear, and a white t-shirt. He is lotioning himself when I get back. I hand him his clothes. I want to sleep with him. Seeing him naked is foreign to me. I’ve never seen a naked man before. I look away. And then I think about the fact that his dick has been inside of Pay-Pay, and I dread the STDs he could be carrying. He gets dressed and then throws his arm around me, leading me to the TV room where his parents are now eating. Must be nice. We sit next to each other.

“Nkosinathi, you busy running around with cheap Joburg prostitutes while we found you a decent wife? Is that why she is not pregnant yet? You busy impregnating other loose skanks and hoping I’ll accept those illegitimate bastards as grandsons?” His mother. She’s got me thinking though… what if Nkosinathi has a child somewhere out there with one of the Pay-Pay’s of the world?

“Nkosinathi, kwalaphi ngane yami? Ubukhosi cannot end with the two of you. The legacy must live on. Why must you ways take years to understand your duty as inkosana yakwaButhelezi?” The dad. Nkosinathi is not even invested in this conversation. He is actually falling asleep next to me.

“Nkosinathi, ulalele or are we talking to the walls?” His mom. Now he is out. I shake him trying to wake him up, but he doesn’t respond. I dont think he is sleeping. I think he has a concussion. I ask his parents to help me get him to hospital. His dad carries him to the car and I drive to the hospital. We left his mom at home.

We get to the hospital and his dad carries him to reception. He is attended to immediately. Everyone notices and announces that its Dr.Buthelezi so the hospital jumps. I beg to come with but Dr.Moagi asks me to let them do their job. This is Khosi’s husband, Tshepo. I am comforted. He tells one of the nurses to give me water with sugar to calm me down. I sit next to baba.

An hour passes…

Another hour passes…

Khosi arrives. “Hey girl” she says as she lays her hand on my shoulder.

“Hey”, I respond. I introduce her to baba. Baba dismisses her. Wow.

“Any news?” She asks me.

“Not yet”, I say. And then I cry. I don’t know why, I just do.

Another hour passes by.

Khensani walks in with her husband and Pay-Pay. I start breathing heavily.

“What did you do?” I ask Pay-Pay.

“Uska tlong phaphela wena.” I don’t even know what she’s saying but I can feel myself lose my shit.

“WHAT DID YOU DO?!” Now I’m loud and angry. She is quiet and scared.

“What makes you think you can talk to me?” She finally says back to me.

“Have you forgotten who you are talking to? I don’t care what you have with my husband, but his last name is next to my name. I am Nkosinathi’s wife. It is very clear to me that you are the one who has forgotten why you are talking to”, I say.

“You are his wife by some ancient arrangement. It does not give you the right to involve yourself in my relationship with Nkosinathi”, she says.

“Yaz uyamangaza. You are disrespectful like the side trash that you are, but you are so stupid. Side trashes are usually smart and they usually know their place. I don’t know what happened with you kodwa they usually know when to walk away. You did all of this because he broke up with you?” I throw their details in her face. Now we will see who knows more truth between her and I.

“We had a misunderstanding, we didn’t break up. I don’t expect you to know or understand what that feels like because your marriage is something out of a kindergarten storybook”, her.

“That’s another thing… side trash usually know the details of the marriage, the schedule of the man, and all the wife’s insecurities. Wena, zicimile nje izibani. Are you sure you were in a relationship? Or were you just scratching an itch and now he is done with you?” I say. Her silence… I feed off of it and I feel so powerful doing so.

“Yaz Patience, you have dismally failed at being the next option. You were supposed to be the one that brought back fire and fight in my marriage. But all you did was put my husband in hospital. I am disappointed, I must say. I thought that at the very least, you would have been the second wife. Kodwa ke, uhlulekile. Let him go”, I reaffirm my position. All the friends surrounding us are shocked. They are at a loss for words. They feel sorry for Pay-Pay, but nobody felt sorry for me when she bullied in front of them yesterday. Actually, they can all eat dust.

“I am not going anywhere, uNkosinathi indoda yami”, Pay-Pay informs me.

“I will tell you where you are going – to prison”, I say. The effect of this is that movie moment when a sudden tambourine sound comes out of nowhere to indicate that the game has changed, and shit can only go down from this point. Pay-Pay is now teary – shit scared. The friends – shit scared and nervous. Yes, Nkosinathi’s wife has arrived. “Nkosinathi would never let that happen”, Pay-Pay still has the balls to say to me.

“Patience, uNkosinathi is lying in some ward surrounded by medical professionals so that he can talk to us again – thanks to you. What you have done is called assault with intent to cause grievous harm. There are probably more legal terms to describe what you have done but when I get a lawyer, they will fill me in on those terms, and that will get you a good four or five years in jail – AT LEAST. Nkosinathi cannot protect, he couldn’t even protect himself. Guess who will be making that decision in his behalf? His wife… Mrs Buthelezi. Yim lo!” I say as I point at myself. I continue, “The doctors will bring me results that explain the extent of the damage that you have caused to my husband, and then we will throw you in a cell with all the other animals that are just like you… and then we call it even”, I conclude. I am probably bull-shitting my way through law right now but she is so scared, she does not challenge one thing that I am saying. Khosi rubs my back, I assume trying to calm me down.

“Patience, do not mistaken my kindness and calmness for stupidity. I may be a lady, but I am still a Zulu woman. NginguMageba uqobo lwakhe. And if that means nothing to you, go watch a re-run of Shaka Zulu and you will be able to see the kind of blood that runs in my veins. Do not test me. Uzobona unyoko”, I conclude. Dr Moagi finally comes out of wherever he disappeared to. He is also taken aback by the scene before him. I look at him. He is not sure who to address.

“Yes doctor”, I grab his attention.

“Can we speak in private?” he requests. I call baba who has been on the phone with mama, and we disappear with Dr Moagi, leaving behind Pay-Pay and the crew.

“He is going to be okay. There was some slight hit on his brain and that is why it was taking so long for us to work on him. But I will have to keep him here for a few days”, he says.

“Thank you. Can I see him?” Me.

“Yes, but before you do…” Dr Moagi. Baba and I look at each other. “We have to report what happened to the police as an assault case”, he says.

“Then do it”, I say.

“Thandeka, he loves Patience. He will never be okay with her going to jail”, he tells me.

“Nayi ingulube yasinonela bo. Uzokhuluma ngothando likmakhwapeni kwinkosikazi yendodana yami? Iphi inhlonipho wena mfana? Uyasangana yini?” Baba barks. Thank you baba, I thought I was the only one who picked up something wrong with that statement.

“Baba, ngenkulu inhlonipho…” Dr Moagi tries but baba cuts him saying “Vala loyo mlomo wakho sdididi sendoda ndini. Yiko ingane iyisiyoyoyo kangaka. He keeps iziyoyoyo as friends. Uyathanda wena ukuthi lo mngani wakho othi uyam’thanda ashayiwe umfazi? Umagosha nje waseGoli? Bophisa le ngane uhlukane nathi wena. Futhi suka endleleni yethu. Asambe makoti”, baba pushes Dr Moagi out of the way and we make our way out. I stop, turn around, look at him and say, “If you do not do your job, I will not only report her to law enforcement myself, but I will also report you to the powers that be for failing to carry out an instruction as instructed by law and policies in medicine”.