#yay more Caitlin content!

[m1edemafc]

do you think Mariona is going to definitely move to Arsenal?

i will never believe anything until i see a signed contract, but i think it’s highly unlikely she’s going anywhere other than arsenal at this point. we’re a few weeks away from her contract at barça ending and she hasn’t been linked with any other teams and it's been widely reported on, and there's likely a verbal agreement already in place so if i was a gambler, i’d put my money on mariona being a gunner next season.

now for my many thoughts you didn't ask for.

firstly, i’ve been an arsenal fan for longer so selfishly i will always gladly take a world class player who has won multiple league titles, champions leagues and is a world cup and nations league winner. secondly, in my mind no one will replace viv ever, but mariona brings some of the same great playing qualities viv had (winning mentality, technical and scoring ability, etc) so arguably she helps fill the gap in our squad with viv gone. 

i’m not the best with tactics or in depth playing style analysis so take my thoughts on this with a grain of salt (i’d actually be super keen to hear @lucawrites11’s thoughts on this ngl, i live for their analysis posts)

she is a world class multiple champions league title holder and has won the league for the past five seasons. there wass a lot of discourse on awfc twitter a bit ago calling mariona washed up and old which is actual insanity imo because her and stina are the same age and performing just as well in their own ways?? like pls get a grip, touch some grass etc 

barça magic! going off the fact that two established english league players (keira and lucy) who moved to barcelona have commented on how intense and competitive the barça girls are in training, and the impact it has on their game and also playing styles makes me excited to see what mariona will bring to arsenal. i know codi also played for barça before her move to arsenal, but i do feel like jonas has never given her the time of day to properly shine and i hope that’ll be different if mariona joins us. mariona’s technical abilities are also just astonishing and i feel like we definitely could use more of that as a squad

i hope this means we see better rotation of caitlin foord because honestly i fucking cannot stand that jonas doesn’t regularly rest her when he can, and has multiple players on the bench who can play in her role as a starter or a super sub. foord is more prone to injury because of her high playing time and the regular long haul travel during international breaks, the poor girl never gets a fucking rest because she’s also crucial in the tillies starting line. it’s likely with bringing in a name like mariona she’s been promised regular minutes unlike some of the rest of our forwards bench because i highly doubt she would sign a contract to be treated the same way as some of our players have been by the swedish meatball. anyways, yay for jonas potentially learning how to rotate successfully this season 🤞🏽

finally, the silly reasons why i want mariona at arsenal. 

i. want. better. cellies. 😤😤  i have big expectations for my potential spanish gunner duo and making family fc progress from head taps as goal celebrations. give me all the vamoses and shithousery thanks 

i want to be able to understand all the team media and interviews with mariona unfortunately i understand absolutely no catalan and my spanish skills are currently not being helped much by duolingo so i understand absolutely none of the content the barca team put out with mariona in it. i still watch it all but if i’m able to understand it that’ll be chefs kiss 

mariona x the most important title of all, the mighty cunty (conti) cup enough said honestly 🤪

[plantdad-dante]

Book #125 - Hold Still by Nina LaCour

(first time read, this book is about grief from suicide,  so... caution? content warning? something like that. I also might have less than charming things to say about it.)

I have gone back and forth on whether or not I like this book for about a week now? On the one hand, it's what the reviews plastered all over my copy say - paraphrased: "an effective, moving portrail of grief, especially this particular kind of it". On the other hand... I didn't really like these characters? Any of them?

What glimpses I got of Caitlin outside of her grief were either mean (mostly past!Caitlin) or depressingly mediocre. I mean, yes, she's going through something no one should ever have to go through, and I feel with her, but that's also kind of it? I wouldn't give a shit about her if it wasn't for her dead friend, and maybe that's harsh, but it's not like I can help it.

Dylan probably comes closest to being a character I would like, but in the end, this story wasn't about her, and she was mostly just here to become Caitlin's new friend, so... yay, punk lesbian existed! And that's it.

And the rest are just... boring. Set-dressing. They are the environment in which Caitlin grieves Ingrid, and nothing more than that.

Speaking of Ingrid (this is where I feel like I'm risking saying something spicy that won't land well), we are never given a reason to actually like her. Sympathize, yes, tons. We learn all about how horrible she felt, has always felt, and how her depression and suicidal ideation manifested. And yes, ffs, suicide is always an unnessecary tragedy. As if that wasn't fucking clear.

But would it have hurt so much to give us a reason to like her? Independent of Caitlin's best-friend-bias? All the good memories we get of her are tied to other people or cool places or some kind of achievment. To Caitlin discovering she likes The Cure. We never get one that's just about Ingrid, about her being funny, or smart, or tying her shoes in a really ideosynchratic way.

And in the end, the photograph through-line isn't about how Ingrid saw the world, either, it's about how pretty they are. It's not about how Caitlin remembers her, it's about a photograph Ingird took of her. It's about Caitlin. And on the one hand, I guess that is true of grief, on the other, it made the story feel... strange. Lacking.

I don't know, is this mean to say? Of course I sympathize, this whole book I have done nothing but sympathize, but honestly? If I wanted to make myself feel horrible about traumatic, preventable death, there are easier ways to do that.

I guess I just want more from my stories.

[littleeliza-lotte]

“Spring is coming! Hope is coming! Happy Happy Happy Spring Festival / Lunar New Year / Chinese New Year to all who celebrate!!!” - Stage-Entertainment’s Instagram

[writefightandflightclub]

Me appreciating you for Fanfic Writers’ Appreciation Day, but a day late, because I do everything late. Anyway... yay!

1. PLEASE LOOK DOWN THIS LIST (BELOW THE CUT) UNTIL YOU SPOT AN AUTHOR YOU’RE NOT FAMILIAR WITH

2. GO AND CHECK OUT THEIR STUFF

3. SCREAM AT THEM ABOUT HOW GREAT THEY ARE

4. SIGNAL BOOST THE HELL OUT OF THEIR STUFF

5. REPEAT STEPS ABOVE

Firstly, before we proceed to the list: I will have forgotten people, and for that I am so sorry (not in any way intentional)- I will come back and update if I spot someone I’ve missed. Secondly, for fic authors who weren’t tagged on Fic Writers’ Day, please keep doing what you’re doing! Putting your writing out there takes courage and I’m super proud of you. I’m so pleased we have your unique voice in the fandom, and I appreciate you.

Secondly, if you know an author who perhaps didn’t get as much love as they deserve (and don’t be afraid to self-hype) please send me an ask with a) their/your handle b) which fandom they/you write for (to be relevant to my page pls keep this to SW, Oscar, Pedro, MCU) c) why people should check them/you out and, if you like, which fic to start with, and I’ll do a shout-out.

Finally, if you aren’t a writer yet but you want to be, I believe in you! Please take the plunge! My inbox is always open to any aspiring writers who need encouragement to make that first post or start that first fic. I’ve been in your position, and believe me I’m in your corner. Happy to be your hype girl.

Reccing authors in Star Wars / Oscar / Pedro fandoms:

@okay-hotshot / Celeste is the loveliest human ever. She had me hooked from her first fic, which broke then healed my heart, and I’m so proud of her writing journey so far! Check her page out for Oscar character fics and the most magical, creative, immersive, touching, original Llewyn fic you could dream up: Wait for me.

@mandoplease where do I even start? Becca oozes talent and absolutely floors me every single time. The first fic I read was: The City Lights Can Wait (Santi x reader) and I was just blown away by the writing prowess. Gorgeous prose, mind blowing metaphors and descriptions. A personal fave is the Santi/Frankie threesome fic: Moving Day, but Fight Night also needs a mention. Check her out for Triple Frontier / Narcos / Star Wars characters.

@mylifeliterally Ok, Emma is an absolute gem of a human. Funny, welcoming and so supportive of other writers. Oh, and can be counted on for thots. I often rec the positively artful Triple Frontier gangbang fic (and now series) Team Building Exercise, but don’t overlook her other fics- I especially love: Just for Tonight, a two-part Santi fic. The Triple Frontier Queen, she is slowly dragging everyone into a pit of yearning along with her for every single one of those boys and we’re not even mad. Her writing is flawless and I cannot get enough. P.s. she has a refridgerator husband.

@tintinwrites I’ve already gushed at Caitlin today so I’ll keep it brief. Queen of Poe, and also branching out and excelling with everything she touches in Pedro fandoms too. I think I’ve read near everything on her masterlist and there are no wrong choices, but to pick out only a couple, which is a hard task, imma rec Forbidden Fruit and Fifty Ways to Kiss someone for Po, and Nothing Could be Finer for reader x Frankie x Santi. 

@woakiees again, gushed at Hadley already so I’ll try and keep it chill here. Queen of angst and darkness, and of First Order Poe. Also love that she’s writing for Santi and Din now too. Caitlin says it best when she describes Hadley’s writing as like something from 1843 with a modern twist. Such a unique voice. Imma recommend Sanctified and So ruthless, Darling for Poe.

@iamthe-shadow-on-the-wall Abby! The range! You know I remind you on a bi-monthly basis how much Lonely Nights (Poe x reader) broke my heart and here we go again. You can do it all- fluffy, slow burn series (Call it what you want), heartbreaking angst and smut- your Blue Jones mob boss AU, Darkest Little Paradise? Wowzers. Plus, you’re a sweetie and I love when we scream at each other. 

@darksideofclarke Clarke does so much for us all and just keeps giving. From the Sinful Sunday events to the incredible Follower Celebration, to setting up a whole side blog to extend the character takeovers?! Blessed with content! And Clarke’s fics?! Exquisite, and such a choice of characters from the Oscar fandom. I particularly love Now and Forevermore (Orestes); Bulletproof (Santi); Humbled (Blue); and ‘Til Death Do They Part (Mikael) but I could easily go on. Clarke you’re so talented. And you are a lovely human to boot!

@bluebellhairpin Nemo, you are a joy, and I won’t gush at you too much bc I already did that today, but I love what you’re putting out. You write for so many fandoms, which is so impressive, and you’re a fellow Poe hoe. I adore your series Fight or Flight, Rider, but you have so many cute one-shots and blurbs too e.g. Poe Dameron is an Idiot! Your audios give me life as well.

@spider-starry Carrie is so much fun and has been branching out a lot in her writing recently, which is great to see! I love Carrie’s 100 letter project in particular, for various Oscar characters, as well as this smutty Nathan NSFW Alphabet, which had me all in a tizz.

@aellynera (tag me in your stuff pls?) I love your drunk text series for Santi and Nathan and your Itsy Bitsy Spider headcanons made me howl! I’m so excited to see what you put out next! And I love that you also love Nathan :D

@anetteaneta already gushed at you today so I’ll keep it brief, but I’m so happy you’re sharing your writing! I loved your Sherlock series for Santi so much! And OMG wait, I didn’t see you’d written for Nathan until just now. Must catch-up. (Please tag me in any Oscar stuff you put out?)

@veuliee2 I need to catch-up on a lot of your fics to be fair (please tag me in stuff?) but you write Orestes so wonderfully and with so much heart that it blows me away (New Constellations). So few fics on him on this site and yours are a pleasure. Plus, you’re an all round lovely person! :o)

@thirsty-flygirl I don’t think you believe how good you are which makes me very sad to be honest. Because you’re amazing. You write Poe so spot on, so warm and goofy and a lovable sexy dumbass. Perfect. Your writing and dialogue makes me smile / laugh and you can somehow make it hot and soft all at once. I love your series Idiots in particular. (Please tag me in more of your stuff though as I worry I miss things you put out?). You’re great and I love having you here.

@twomoonstwosuns​ I really need to catch-up on your Poe series, Back to You but I really enjoyed the chapters I’ve read! (Please tag me in future Poe stuff?) You’re a star! 

@absurdthirst I’m newish in the Pedro fandoms so still getting to grips with it, but have loved what I’ve seen so far and look forward to delving deeper (and there’s plenty to get stuck into!)!Most recently read the Ezra fic Healing which was beautifully and sensitively written (cw: for prior assault).

@damerondjarin Taylor is multi-talented and blesses us, tbh, with GIFs and writing. She’s currently in tumblr jail, but I strongly advise you check out all her stuff. I came for Santi fics and they did not disappoint (I can’t link to it but the latest Santi fic killed me and was a wonderul take on the “there’s only one bed” trope.

@damndamer0n you have a gift, Ty. I’m in awe and I don’t know how you do what you do. Your way with words is really something special. I bow. Gonna recommend Just Friends for Poe because this is such a warm and immersive (and hot) fic and so in character. But honestly all your stuff is perfect. I’ve read things for characters I’ve never heard of before because of you and have loved each and every one. (Like, really, what are your secrets, tell us?). Also gonna shout-out to your Ezra fic, Sunlight, beacuse the world-building and mood-building was lovely. Really memorable!

@mssr-cellophane I found your work recently through FinnPoe week and your glorious take on the The Jacket prompt (links to A03). Looking forward to reading more of your stuff (please feel free to tag me!) and surprised by how much I vibe with all your posts haha. Happy to follow you! :)

@yougottakeeponkeepinon AMANDA? Where do I begin and how do I stop? You’re such an important part of this site for me. I think you’re wonderful as a person and I love your writing too. Miscommunication (First Order! Poe) is off the scale brilliant, and then you blew me away with your latest Santi fic, Eavesdropping, but honestly, I’ve never read anything of yours I didn’t love, from goofy Poe to soft soft Llewyn (I love Away from the Sun). I WANNA YELL AT YOU YOU’RE JUST THE BEST.

@poesflygirl Nat is a ball of energy and that comes across in her writing. Nat, you write with such verve and energy and defo have a unique voice. You write the angstiest angst and fluffiest fluff and you also write action and dialogue so well. Your fics have a ton of unexpected turns and are unpredictable, and you have loads of unique ideas which are really fresh and different to read. You don’t seem to believe how good you are, which makes me sad tbqh. I love when I see a tag pop up and get to read something new from you! In particular love your Poe series, You and Paging a Heart, and these Poe one-shots: Just another Benduday Night and Truth or Dare.

@starryeyedstories NOVA. You are pure sunshine. You spread so much positivity and you’re the loveliest human. Your are the Queen of softness and fluff and for comforting and beautifully written fics. Your series, Across the Hall,has taken us all on such a wonderful journey and I don’t want it to ever end. It’s like my happy place! Each chapter is practically a hug with words. Your Din one-shot All of Me is so romantic as well!

@softpedropascal I’m newish in Pedro fandoms but softpedropascal writes wonderfully for Frankie. The dedication to the character is evident, and characterisation wonderful- I can’t wait to read more: Masterlist

@rzrcrst okay, you may know rzrcrst for Pedro fics (which are wonderful) but she also recently started writing for Tony Stark and I’m so happy! ����🧡 (Fun fact- her url is also the reason I couldn’t spell Razor Crest properly when I finally started writing for Din). She’s currently taking a well-earned tumblr break but fics are still up on Ao3- linked in profile.

@writefasttalkevenfaster​ Please tag me in any of your Star Wars stuff as I swear I keep missing things and I don’t mean to! Masterlist

@galaxy-of-stories​ Maddie, I keep missing things you post but you’re lovely and your writing is awesome. I love your Poe series Over and Over and I think I’ve just spotted a new chapter to catch-up on so lucky me! :D

@who-talks-first Billie, my lovely friend! You’re wonderful to have around on this hellsite. Your dedication to supporting writers in these fandoms is unparelled and you’re an absolute sweatheart, as well as super fun to chat to and thirst with. You have certainly made my experience on this site so much better! And also, your writing? Excuse me? So good. Your Poe fic, The Torture of Small Talk With Someone You Used to Love? Sublime! And the Poe, Naked, Dripping, Locked? So funny! You definitely have a unique style and your writing can be simultaneously edgy, poetic, and moving. ILY!

@xxidontwikeitxx Hope you don’t mind being included, as you haven’t posted your work, but you ARE a writer, and I’m so happy you’ve recently started creating! Again, hope you don’t mind me saying, but I had the pleasure of reading your Marcus Pike blurb, and it’s was so soft and lovely. I really hope - when/if you’re comfortable- you decide share your work, and if not, I hope you keep enjoying the process! Would leave to read more from you in the future!

@shakespeareanwannabe is writing such a heartfelt Santi x OC story (find it here) with sublime characterisation of both Santi and Frankie, AS WELL AS seriously well-rounded and compelling OCs / supporting cast. This series is a key contributor for me falling down a Frankie rabbit role, and my First Dates fic likely wouldn’t exist without it! So excited for more!

Also shoutout to @ollypopp @milleniumvalcon @justrunamok @yourbucky084 who are delightful beings and whose writing I need to catch-up on!I look forward to it!

[thinkdragonage]

Tevinter Nights

Some mild spoilers within my thoughts on the stories below the cut. I also speculate about what characters I think we might see in DA4.

1. “Three Trees to Midnight” by Patrick Weekes

An odd couple sort of story featuring a Dalish elf and a Tevinter mage (not magister!) trying to escape the Qunari. I imagine we might see the Huntmaster again. I enjoyed it. 

2. “Down Among the Dead Men” by Sylvia Feketekuty

Nevarra is fucking creepy! Maybe we’ll see Myrna again, I don’t know. I had a bit of trouble really getting into this one, and I’m not sure why. 

3. “The Horror of Hormak” by John Epler

WHAT THE FUCK. Ok, I’m glad that I didn’t read any of the WTF reactions about this story before I actually read it, because I imagine that this one might suffer from outsized expectations given a lot of the reaction to it. But coming at it unaware... man did this mess with my head. WHAT THE HELL JOHN EPLER. Has definite and dire implications for the world of DA4, so if you read just one story from this collection, perhaps make it this one. (Actually, I wrote this before I finished and now I think the last story is probably the most essential. But if you read only TWO read this one and that other one.) Also, maybe we’ll meet Ramesh again.

4. “Callback” by Lukas Kristjanson

Skyhold! Sutherland! Solas adjacent content! I don’t know if it’s ‘must read’ but I certainly enjoyed it. I enjoyed the Sutherland story line in Inquisition so it was nice seeing this ‘callback’ (and interesting to see what’s happening with Skyhold post-Inquisition).

5. “Luck in the Gardens” by Sylvia Feketekuty

Lords of Fortune - thieves from Rivain, basically, are definitely going to feature heavily in DA4 if the stories in this collection are any sign. And it’s fun to read a first person story told with such character AND ALSO YAY DORIAN PAVUS! Also some really creepy shit in this one, and a cute kid.

6. “Hunger” by Brianne Battye

Oh god I fell so in love with the two wardens in this story. Do you ship them? I ship them. This felt very much like a DA: Origins tale... like it could have happened to Alistair and the Warden easily. We didn’t really learn anything groundbreaking lore-wise (aside from the Wardens all fucking off to Weisshaupt now, but I think we knew that already) but it was still a charming read.

7. “Murder” by Death Mages by Caitlin Sullivan Kelly

Sidony!! I absolutely adored all of the Multi-Player characters so it was a pleasant surprise to see one appear here, and she’s AMAZINGLY GRUMPY. I love her. And yes, DA4 will be filled with Wardens, Lords of Fortune and Mortalitasi (probably companions of all flavors).

8. “The Streets of Minrathous” by Brainne Battye

This one felt like a crime procedural with incompetent Templars taking the place of incompetent cops. (Only they’re not as bad as cops, somehow). It had a very DA2 vibe to it, aside from taking place in Minrathous. A good yarn, but not as memorable as some of the others.

9. “The Wigmaker Job” by Courtney Woods

SPEAKING OF MEMORABLE. This one is just about as horrifying as the Horror of Hormak, though with slightly less lore implications. Oh and yeah, I forgot to mention CROWS. We are definitely getting a Crow companion in DA4 and I’m going to call it now: his name is Lucanis Dellamorte and I’m going to romance the fuck out of him.

10. “Genitivi Dies in the End” by Lukas Kristjanson

One of the very best stories in the lot! An adventuring party made up of some of Thedas’ most famous writers (excluding Tethras, though he does get a mention) goes searching for secrets related to the Dread Wolf. They reveal precious little of actual lore in this story, but I’m sure we’ll hear about their discoveries in the next game. Oh and we will definitely definitely meet Rasaan, the qunari who pursues them, again, though likely as an adversary and not a companion.

11. “Herold Had the Plan” by Ryan Cormier

Just a good yarn with great characters that could have been set in any fantasy world but just happens to be in Thedas. Maybe we’ll get Bharv as a companion but I kind of hope we don’t. 

12. “An Old Crow’s Old Trick’s” by Arone Le Bray

GIVE US LESSEF OF THE ANTIVAN CROWS AS A COMPANION YOU COWARDS. Best Crow ever? I know, I know... Zevran... but Lessef is an old lady! She’s amazing! I love her. Great story.

13. “Eight Little Talons” by Courtney Woods

Another favorite. Someone called this story the horniest of the lot and well... it is about a group of high level Antivan Crows. I’d be disappointed if it wasn’t horny. I’m sure we’ll see some of these folks again once we recruit Lucanis (especially his grandfather). This felt like a classic Agatha Christie tale, so I was bound to love it.

14. “Half Up Front” by John Epler

Oh god I LOVED THIS ONE. Mage and her hot elven girlfriend save a whole town... it’s just great. Oh yeah, have I mentioned the Qunari and the whole rogue Antaam attacks? Definitely going to be a big part of DA4. So many big parts. 

15. “The Dread Wolf Take You” by Patrick Weekes

Holy crap, this one probably has the most clues as to what we’ll be dealing with in DA4. I just finished it and still need to digest it, but I think it was executed really well with the nameless characters and three different narrators. And that ending. Ugh! Also, I love Charter.

Overall, this might be my favorite Dragon Age book yet. Felt like we got a wealth of information and characters to mull over in the coming YEARS while we wait for the next game, more so than just a standalone regular novel would give. 

My only regret is getting a physical copy instead of the kindle version, because you know what? I know I’m going to want to reread sections and that’ll be easier on my old ass eyes on a kindle :P (Also, can search for words/phrases, that kind of shit.) So I might buy it again on Kindle b/c I’m a big sucker. Does anyone want my copy? Assuming you’re in the US please.

[geekingtaketwo]

Flash Season 3 thoughts:

Flashpoint! This kinda makes me sad :(( I love seeing Barry with his parents but it just reminds me how he has to go back.

Sadness aside, Kid Flash!! Yesss we love seeing Wally as a speedster, truly iconic. (Def helps that I love Keiynan Lonsdale)

Okay but Caitlin with powers! I’m still trying to figure out if she truly got her powers from when Barry reset the timeline bc I know she actually got them from her dad but that’s future info that I’m not supposed to have so ¯(ツ)/¯

Cisco learning how to Vibe is great

Julian Albert!! Tom Felton is a gem, his presence during this season is great, especially after they figure out he’s Alchemy and he joins Team Flash.

H.R. Wells! That entire scene of them picking out a new Wells is so funny to me “you can’t trust a mime”

Harry lowkey being jealous of other Wells, yes thank.

Harry coming back after being kidnapped by Grodd and saying the team has their own genius to help and everyone is just like, “uhhh actually you were right and he’s a fraud but it’s okay bc we still love him and he’s part of the team”

I remember more of this season than I did with season 2 so I’m here patiently waiting for Savitar to be revealed as the Future Flash, as they cleverly make him say, “I am the future, Flash” like okay I see u

The crossover ep! My first thought was “Snart is ded" :(( I’m mad he didn’t even get to live long enough to be a part of the first big crossover. But yesss good content in the Speed Force

!!! Them going to get Kara from Earth-38 reminded me of how/when her and Barry met. There was this scene in season 2 where Barry is running super fast with the tachyon enhancer and he goes so fast that he opens up a breach and the only thing that is said about where he goes is him being like “I’m back how long was I gone?!?!” Amazing. Being able to put these things together gives me life (I didn’t really watch Supergirl until way later)

Wally getting powers and beating Barry’s records from when he was learning is * chefs kiss * I don’t know why I didn’t remember Wally being as fast as he is? As I’m getting more into learning about the diff speedsters and knowing that Wally is the fastest, I’m living for me actually noticing how fast he is in the beginning.

Cecile and Joe!! Yay! Finally, I’ve been waiting for her to make a bigger appearance and I’m v happy about it.

When they started talking about the prophecy of “one will betray you,” all I could think of is the office meme where they are all pointing guns at each other and I’m just like “it’s Barry!!!!”

Barry not having his memory for a bit was so much fun. Everyone seeing how much weight Barry (sorry, Bart ) carries on his shoulders when he was naive is great.

Overall, good season, definitely a big part of Barry's character development and gave me a lot of things to cry about haha

[lycanhood]

DCTV Crossover: Crisis on Earth -X Part 1 & 2

Hi, I’m going to be watching the whole crossover today and tomorrow, but I’ll only do two liveblogs (one for each night, instead of four for each show)

Supergirl 3x08

James vs Ollie, interesting considering Ollie stole Jimmy’s girl in Smallville

Whoa, okay, not cool with this Nazi killing a black guy on my screen

Sara looks amazing in this Robin Hood getup, but then again she always looks amazing

Ugh, Mon-El is here

“Of course, she is. She’s Supergirl!” thank you, Alex

YAY sisters night!!

Um, Kara can’t put on break-up weight haha

I’m just not sure a wedding is the best way to get over the breakup blues, guys

Um, Iris, maybe the fact that Mon-El isn’t here should have been a clue that you shouldn’t bring him up

Keratin ha

Barry seeing Oliver in a suit and saying “Damn” is mood

What’s with the Darth Vader voice? Stop it

So Stein is totally gonna die. I can tell because he’s super excited about the future

Who is Alex hugging? She doesn’t know anyone on this Earth

“Her” Haha Sara’s face! Agent Canary looks like a very real possibility

Spider juice, yuck

“You can stick to things!” hahaha Good Ol Stein

Nice, Joe, reminding everyone of the awkward sibling thing WA has going on

ITS HAPPENING!!!!! Alex and Sara are making out!! Holy shit, I hoped I really did, but I somehow thought that was a pipe dream, but its really HAPPENING!!!!

Olicity is so bad at this. WTF are they doing? Wow that was embarrassing

Oh wow what did I do to deserve this Agent Canary content?

Wait...wtf did Mick sleep with Stein’s daughter? Surely not

“Out doing what?” Sara. She was doing Sara

“Do you know what I did?” “No, not the specifics, no.” Oh I am LIVING for this!!! The Danvers sisters are my life

Who is this waitress? She looks very familiar to me, and she’s acting weird. Is she a super fan of the flash? Is she from the future?

Aw this song :)

OMG! The minister!

#IhateNazis

Why are they not more alarmed that a guy was just vaporized!?!

Haha really enjoying the new and improved KillerFrost/Catlin. Caitlin rolled her eyes like damn I didn’t want to invite that bitch

Nooo not the heat vision stand off! That’s DUMB!

Have Oliver and Cisco done this breaching move before? They must have practiced right?

I’m not sure what I like more Sara and Alex fighting together or Sara and Alex sleeping together. Lucky for me this crossover has both.

I wonder if Nazi Supergirl and Nazi Oliver are like...a thing

So like are you married now or...oh I guess not

Aren’t you not suppose to let concussed people sleep?

Joe has to leave but Iris gets to stay?

Oooo the Trump dragging is back, nice

Let Alex at him, we all remember Exodus am I right?

Are you not also Kryptonian, Nazi Supergirl?

Wait shouldn’t Nazi Reverse Flash be Eobard Thawne?

Arrow 6x08

Oh shit they’re hitting Ollie right in the feels, bringing Tommy into this

Those did not look like 1945 outfits, guys

Just want to point out that there should probably be more than 52 earths, there should be like an infinite number of alternate universes

“...And Rory.” aw thats mean Barry

Um, Ollie, that’s not how Dopplgangers work

There we go making promises we can’t keep

Oh, Nazi Tommy is evil. I for one am #shocked

So he could have killed himself before, but instead he waited to make his terrifying speech

These three seem to work really well together

Haha “10% less brooding” a valid request

Yeah, anti-Kara/Ollie are definitely a thing. Weird

Yeach, fuck dopplegangers

Alot has changed since Ivy Town, Ollie

That was two years ago!

Please respect her on this, damn.

Is Cisco okay? Boy still sleepin?

“It’s not about you.” haha That’s what I’m always thinking about Wells. Get him the fuck out

Jazx, don’t make him feel bad for wanting to be with his famil

Awkward!Alex. It’s totally gonna be a thing

Aw :( That’s a real bummer on the Agent Canary front. We miss Maggie too, Alex

I love Maggie and I love Sanvers and I’m super sad they broke up. But even if they had stayed together forever and gotten married, I think that would have also been a bit problematic on a few levels. Because Alex just came out and it seems strange to me that she would fall madly in love with and live happily ever after with the first woman she dates. Like I love them, but that’s not very realistic to me. If maybe a season or two down the road they could bring Maggie back and they could somehow work through the whole “kids” issue that would be great. Maybe Alex could even have a smaller scale love interest in the meantime (not necessarily Sara and) not like right now, but maybe next season

Iris looks so good in this...sweater? Sweatshirt? Idk but she looks great

Hahaha poor Ollie on his motorcycle

Well, at least Barry isn’t a Nazi

So that is Eobard Thawne. Got it

Kara is so pissed about Nazi Supergirl

“Ew, gross! No offense.”

Uh oh, Ollie has some explaining to do

Now both the Karas are pissed!

Villians are always knocking things over to distract heroes, fucking cowards

Alex being a brilliant scientist!!! GIVE ME MORE!!!

Interesting how anti-Kara is the levelheaded sort of emotionless one and anti-Oliver is the overly sentimental one. I wonder if meeting anti-Kara is going to finally turn Kara off this whole “I’m not human, I shouldn’t feel these things” phase

Is Cisco still asleep? Is anyone checking on him?

Alex, Felicity, and Catlin looking good while they work

Hahah Mick wanting to bring KillerFrost out to play

What do you mean you can’t believe he’s back? He was just fucking with the Legends a few months ago, this shouldn’t be that shocking. People rarely seem to stay dead with you guys

Aaaand now I have that High School Musical song stuck in my head, thanks alot

Alex suiting up with the rest of the heroes!!!!

“Wall to wall Nazis” is never a sentence I wanted to hear

Alex forgot to bring her alien gun? Bummer

Where is our Supergirl? Is our Supergirl going to fight their Arrow? Sounds unfair, but okay

He didn’t check the fridge for mustard? The fuck?

I thought anti-Ollie was about to kill Wells and I wasn’t unhappy about it :/

Ok, but like anti-Supergirl hitting Ollie probably should have killed him

Mick is KillerFrost’s #1 fan

Uh! KillerFrost just freeze him! BE BETTER!

Aw Barry caught Alex

Well, fuck

What the fuck is wrong with anti-Kara? Foreboding

Protective!Alex!!!

Wait her sister? Did anti-Kara have an anti-Alex or is she talking about some Kryptonian sorta sister?

[seriestrash]

You Me Her

1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 

Chapter Eight: Adam

Word Count: 2759

↠ ♥ ↞

Two weeks after Kade’s party, where Riley kissed Caitlin, the brunette lightly skips down the halls of school in pursuit of her two best friends, Kai and Noah. Riley finds them on the bench seat by the hole, the two Juniors sit shoulder to shoulder, a laptop resting on Kai’s knee as they both huddle together watching something. Laughter drifting towards Riley as she approaches. 

The two weren't overdosing in PDA by any means but they looked so happy and content. Both teens lift their gazes once they notice Riley’s presence. 

“You look extra smiley today, Sunshine.” Noah highlights with a grin of his own.

“Any reason in particular?” Kai pats the space beside him on the bench. 

With a soft smile Riley takes the seat and simply states, “I think I'm ready to date." 

Kai's face lights up like a kid on Christmas morning. Excitement pulses through his body and he literally feels like he's going to pass out because he's so overwhelmed. Noah was also happy to hear this having seen first hand some of the stresses Rileys faced the previous year.  Since Kai was too overwhelmed to string together a sentence, Noah speaks up. "Anyone special you have in mind?" 

“Nope.” Riley pops the P. “I’m just open to it, ya know?” 

"I could have six dates set up for you by the end of the day!" Kai finally bursts. 

"Calm down, babe." Noah gently strokes his boyfriends arm with a light chuckle.

Riley laughs nervously at his excitement. “That’s not necessary, thank you.” 

“What sparked this sudden change?” Noah questions. “I mean you’ve been very anti-dating since, well, you know...” 

Riley does know and for the first time it didn’t actually bother her when they brought it up.  "I see you two and I think I'm ready for my own slice of happiness." 

"Sunshine," Noah coaxes his head with a soft smile, "I'm so proud of you." 

"Are you sure you don't want me to set you up with someone?" Kai asks, still giddy with excitement. "Just one little date?" 

“I think I just want this to happen naturally,” Riley rises as the bell rings. “But thank you anyway.”  

By the end of the day Riley already has a date organised for the weekend. She was quite surprised when Adam, a Senior on the baseball team, chased her down in the hall but she still accepts.

That afternoon Riley arrives at Topanga's to work and Kai and Noah approach the counter and both take a stool. 

"So interesting thing happened to me after school.." Riley eyes Kai suspiciously. 

"Do tell," Kai pricks up a brow. 

"Adam Palmer asked me on a date." Riley watches his reaction.   

"The Senior?" Kai’s face shows genuine surprise.  

"Wait. You didn't put him up to it?" Riley grows confused.  

"No, he's not one of the guys I'd pick!" Kai says defensively. 

"Well then who..." Riley starts but both her and Kai turn to Noah who's wearing a look of guilt. 

"Noah!" They both say in unison. 

"I'm sorry!" Noah frowns. "I was talking to Kade about it at lunch, he might have told Adam, or someone else on the baseball team...” 

"Worst secret keeper ever." Riley laughs at her friend. 

"I didn't know it was a secret!" Noah says defensively. "I just thought that you didn't want to be set up." 

Riley shakes it off, it's very Noah to slip things into conversations. It's not that he can't be trusted with secrets because Riley knew he could but you have to really stress that it's a secret or orherwise he nervously slips it into conversations with people. 

"So what did you say?" Kai leans forward on the counter. 

"We have a date on Saturday." Riley says casually. 

"Wait you said yes?" Kai gasps. 

"Yes.. I'm open to dating remember?" Riley nervously fidgets. “Turning people down doesn’t seem very open...”  

"But he's on the baseball team..." Kai says cautiously, he lowers his voice to a whisper, “With Lucas...”  

“If I base every decision around a boy that I never even officially dated then how am I ever going to grow as a person?” A clear irritation present in her voice. 

“Sorry.” Kai apologies like a wounded puppy. He lifts his gaze back up to hers cautiously. “Baseball team or not, are you sure about Adam?” 

“I’m open.” Riley is beginning to feel like a broken record. 

“It’s just that he’s a Senior.” Kai communicates a great deal of concern with his tone. 

“Open.” Riley says more firmly. When Kai’s worried expression doesn’t falter, Riley let's out a heavy sigh. "And if it doesn't work out with Adam you can set me up on one date. One." 

"Yay!" Kai claps his hands together and both Riley and Noah exchange glances at how silly their mutual love is.

Come Saturday, Adam has a baseball game mid morning and Riley covers an early shift at the bakery where Adam show up afterwards to escort Riley to their date. The brunette liked the idea of a daytime date. It was different to the usual movie first date she’d almost been on with Lucas and the one she went on with Charlie. 

Adam took her to the Central Park Zoo and afterwards they had ice cream. It could not have been a more perfect date for Riley. The brunette really enjoyed herself, it took a little while to overcome her nerves but once she did the pair fell into a comfortable patten with each other. 

Their first date branched into a second, third, fourth date and a month down the track Riley sits in her bay window nervously cooing to Kai about having her first boyfriend.

Six months worth of dating saw Riley going through a lot of personal development. Riley is known to be standoffish and shy when it comes to the romantic side of things. She was always preparing herself for inevitable heartache and only half inserting herself in things as a protective measure. But, Riley did make a conscious effort to give Adam the chance she never gave Charlie. She didn’t compare him to Lucas.

With this new attitude towards romance, things moved nicely for the brunette. She warmed up to the hand holding, kissing and other sweet pleasantries of dating. Riley definitely still took things slow but she was certainly enjoying the company of Adam.

Riley was happy. Genuinely happy. A huge concern for Riley early on in their relationship was with Adam’s age and experience. Even though she knew one year older was nothing it still worried Riley because this was her first relationship and she knew there was a lot she wouldn’t be ready for, for a while. Although her concerns faded quickly as Adam seemed to be genuinely sweet towards her and recognised all her worries, he validated her concerns and he also made her feel safe about it all. 

Bliss would be the word Riley used to describe those six months but then everything changed. One Sunday morning Riley sits at her desk finishing a book report for English when she’s startled by a knock on the window behind her. Riley turns her head and shock waves over her instantly. A nervous looking Maya waits behind the glass. It takes Riley a moment to react but eventually she stands and walks over to her. Quickly, she lifts the glass and gives Maya access to her room.

“Sorry for showing up unannounced.” Maya shifts anxiously on her feet. “I know we’re not friends or whatever…”

Riley tries not to outwardly wince at her last statement.  “Is everything alright?” Riley asks with a hint of panic in her voice.

“Something happened last night,” Maya sits herself in the bay window seat and Riley hesitates a moment before joining her.

“Maya, are you okay?” Riley asks again.

“I’m fine, I promise.” Maya says quickly but genuinely. “It’s about Adam.”

“As in my boyfriend Adam?” Riley knits her brows together, her voice has that sweet tone of innocence she gets when she’s surprised but also emotionally preparing herself for the pain.

“I was at a party last night with Zay, I needed some fresh air…” Maya releases a heavy sigh. “Long story short, I caught Adam making out Brianna Taylor on the balcony.”

“Oh.” Riley says softly as she lowers her gaze to her lap.

“I’m sorry.” Maya says weakly. “I didn’t know if I should say anything, I mean if it was me-” 

“Thank you.” Riley gives her old best friend a small smile.

The two sit awkwardly for a moment. Maya didn’t know if she should try and console Riley and Riley didn’t know if she just wanted Maya to leave.

“I guess I should probably call Adam.” Riley says as if she was unsure. “Break up with him..” 

“Show him no mercy.” Maya wears a weak smile. “You’re the last person in the world that deserves to be treated like this.” 

Maya’s statement sent a pang of longing for the friendship Riley once had with the girl. 

Not long after, Maya gets up to leave Riley deal with things however she decided. But watching Maya exit the bay window, the two girls exchanging sheepish smiles before she left, made Riley have a tiny glimmer of hope that things might be different for them one day and by different she meant familiar, like how they were before the triangle. 

Riley thought about calling Adam because she felt that may be easier but she decided to be brave and do it in person. She confronted him, he confirmed it and they broke up. Adam did look genuinely hurt by Riley wanting to end things but she couldn’t understand how he could claim to care deeply for her but also hurt her so easily. 

That afternoon Riley sits in a back booth at the bakery, milkshakes all around. Noah and Kai on one side of the table and Caitlin and Riley across from them. Everyone offering up ‘what a jerk’ and ‘I never liked him anyway’ type remarks. Riley shuts it down very quickly. Her heart definitely hurt but she didn’t want to go verbally bashing Adam for it. What’s done was done, she didn’t want to spend months dwelling on things like she did the last time romance let her down.

Everyone’s phone beeps simultaneously. Noah is the first one to check his notification. Riley watches as both he and Kai look at whatever it was with wide eyes. Kai quickly tries to stop Riley from looking at her own notification by snatching her cell right out of her grip. 

“Hey,” Riley frowns. 

“You don’t want to see.” Kai says holding her cell close to his chest. 

“You can’t shield her from these kind of things forever.” Caitlin says bluntly to the two boys. 

“Shield me from what?” Riley looks around at everyone for answers. 

Caitlin is the first one to show Riley what they were all gawking at. Kai sends her a mild glare for not even trying to hide it from Riley. Riley looks at the screen and chews on her bottom lip. It was mass text sent around to presumably most of the students at AA High. The attachment was a picture of two people kissing. The guy was quite clearly Adam and the raven haired girl looked a lot like Brianna Taylor. 

“At least I found out about it before the pictures went viral.” Riley says, not fooling anyone with her positive spin on things. 

The following morning Riley returns to school, single. Her head hung a little lower than usual as she approaches Noah and Kai. The two boys were whispering and giving each other strange looks as Riley reached them. Hushing each other the moment she got too close. 

“So, what’s up with you two?” Riley asks dubiously. 

“Nothing.” Kai says firmly. 

“Kai...” Noah gives his boyfriend a funny look. 

Before Riley could press further, Maya walks by with Zay, the blonde sports a cold stare to Riley as she continues on. Thus crushing Riley’s hopes that maybe things were changing for them. 

“What was that about?” Riley peals her gaze away from Maya with a frown. 

“Well-” 

“Noah!” Kai cuts him off. 

“You can’t shield me from the truth forever, right?” Riley sighs. “What happened now?”

“Lucas got suspended.” Kai finally gives in. 

“What?” Shock takes over her. “Why?”

“This morning there was an optional bootcamp class in the gym for any of the school athletes that wanted to join.” Noah begins, “Adam was there, he tried to say something to me but I just ignored him. Anyway, I wasn’t there when it all kicked off but I got to the locker room as a few of the other guys were breaking up the fight.” 

“Between who?” Riley raises a brow. 

“Adam and Lucas.” Noah answers. Riley’s eyes grow wide with surprise and confusion. 

“Why were they fighting?” Riley tries to make sense of it. 

No one offers her an answer, if they did know they were shielding her from the truth once again. 

The stares and whispers all day drove Riley insane. That and the nagging curiosity about the reason behind Lucas’ fight with Adam. From what Riley knew of her now ex-boyfriend, Adam he was never violent, he was actually ridiculously laid back and Lucas, well Lucas had a temper but he hadn’t been in a physical alteration since he lived in Texas. 

Riley hated that it bothered her so much not knowing. Normally she’d just ignore something like this, pretend like everything was rosy until it was at least something resembling rosy. Riley silently theorised all day, the most logical thing she came up with was that Adam heard Maya ratted him out and maybe he said something about her that set Lucas off. 

 By the end of the day Riley’s curiosity would be answered and she’d wish it hadn't. As Riley left the school grounds that day she bumped into Adam. Riley lowered her gaze to the floor and prepared herself to keep walking past him but heckling from a few of his friends saw her not being able to pass. 

“Just let her go.” Adam says with a tightly clenched jaw. 

His friends continued to chuckle along at whatever remark they said. Riley meets Adam’s gaze with a sadness in her eyes, a tiny piece of her was still hoping he cared enough to protect her from their harsh comments. Riley notices the reddish purple bruise around his left eye. It made her wince imagining how much it hurt. Even with everything that’s happened over the past twenty-four hours, Riley finds herself lifting her hand up towards his injury, her hand rests on the side of his face but she’d careful not to press on the sore spot. Adam turns his head away and gently pushes Riley’s hand down. 

“He sucker punched me,” Adam tenses up. 

“Why?” Riley whispers as more of a thought said aloud than an actual question. 

Although her voice was quiet everyone still heard it, her question seemed to spark amused murmurs between Adam’s friends. One slaps him forcefully on the shoulder and chuckles, “Go on, tell her what you told everyone this morning.” 

“Shut up,” Adam snaps. 

“Go on, tell me.” Riley says with a hint of defeat present in her voice. 

“I told them the truth,” Adam says and his whole presence screams ‘lie’. Riley knew whatever harsh thing he was about to say was for his friends benefit and that he was just trying to be cool but still that was no excuse and Riley braced herself. 

“And what’s the truth?” Riley coaxes her head. 

Adam’s expression shifts to a colder one, like he knew there was no going back now. “That I asked you out to prove if you were a lesbian or just frigid.” 

“Then Lucas clocked him right in the eye.” One of the others says with a huge smirk. “Classic.”  

Without another word Riley turns to leave. Adam stops her. “Riley wait.” She doesn’t stop until he grabs her backpack forcing her to turn around. 

“What?” Riley asks trying her best to fight tears. 

“I’m sorry,” He whispers. His friends a few steps behind watching on like a soap opera. 

“Don’t apologise,” Riley says with half a smile as she looks at the other boys and then back to Adam. “You’ve been the perfect cliche.” 

“Riley-” 

“Let’s not do this again sometime, kay?” Riley sucks back a breath and breaks away before the tears came.

End Notes: Poor Bby Riley. At least she was open to the whole experience right??? We enter senior year next chapter!! Some deja vu!! So R x L !! Some confessions!!! Some WTF !!! Then the chapter after that is the dance that this whole story was based off in my drunker Riley one shot ! 

[pensurfing]

Caitlin’s Three Things List

Okay, so moments (probably hours by the time I finish this) ago I wrote a goals list that I think is good for self-evaluation. (Keyword: This is what I think. results may vary depending on what you’re looking for.)

I’m going to hop to it and answer some of these that I laid out in hopes of having a better idea of what I want to accomplish. 

The Three Things Lists!

1) Three things that went well this year.

* Audience growth

So once upon a time, I grew a pretty decent following due to creating an Inktober Prompt list. My expectations: Maybe two of my friends would do this, maybe. And then one stranger that has followed me for a while. (There are a few followers I recognize their username because if I post something they always like it and for some reason that keeps me going.)

But because of this prompt, I was exposed to MANY new creators and illustrators that I now enjoy chatting with and following! Instagram had the biggest maintained growth. I’m excited to create for an audience that actually expects me to create and not just for friends who see my things “whenever they aren’t busy”. (Not to bash them or anything, just there are a lot where unless I tell them, they don’t see the posts I make.)

Another surge of growth in my audience was due to tabling at conventions this year. I was terrified to show my work let alone attempt to sell it to someone. Tabling at cons not only boosted my confidence but also quieted one of my ever going demons. “YoU sUcK aT dRaWiNg CaItLiN.” “How do you have a degree? oh right, you just barely passed.” I can’t say this is the case, there is an audience that genuinely enjoys my scribbles. So I am forever thankful to Atlanta Comic Con for giving me that chance. It honestly opened a few doors for me.

**Process

I’ve gotten more comfortable with showing my process. It can be messy, crisp, and illogical. But turns out the people who enjoy my content enjoy my scrambled thoughts. It’s something about not being alone in this sort of sense that calms the nerves.

So I can say with chest poked out that sharing process has gotten MUCH better. I can thank a self-help book I bought this year that was a FANTASTIC BUY. Austin Kleon has [two] (currently? If he has more then I’m buying it like people buy a name brand.) books that helped me see that it is GREAT to share not only the process but advice. “Show Your Work” is the book I’m talking about for now. Great tips, the outline is on the back of the book. So if you’re like me, I need to clearly see what I might be getting into, you might have a ball.

And finally, (not calling myself out on this but other) If you’re going to respond to people when they ask you “how do you___?” do not answer “Google it”. That is the rudest thing I’ve seen some of even my FAVORITE illustrators do; that response can burn in hell. PERIODT. (my one typo allowed.)

*** Art Style Exploration

For those who think college will help you establish an art style that you’ll enjoy or help nourish the one you currently have.... Let me save you over 80K.... No, the fuck it won’t.

That was the biggest thought I had going into art school. If anything, it confused me more and utterly destroyed what little confidence I had in my drawing style. After graduating, I had a huge swing from how I used to draw to how my art currently looks. I stopped trying to please the one professor who stood between me and my degree and started drawing to please my tastes. And guess what? That did something. And that something WORKED. I love what I draw now; I see why I chose this as my career path. I’m genuinely happy with how my pieces turn out versus in college just wanting to turn the damn thing in and hoping it isn’t an F.

2) Three things you could have handled better.

* The loss of a good paying client.

Now hear me out when I say this: A good paying client DOES NOT EQUAL a good client. Say that three times and then exhale.

Back earlier this year, I had the opportunity to work with a writer who gave me hell and back. And even that is an understatement. I dealt with her because in school you were taught “if they pay on time, finish the work and get the exposure.” 

I’m here to tell you my lesson learned: A good paying client DOES NOT EQUAL good exposure, good pay, a good client. 

I was doing the work of three for the price of one and a half. (And was always told I charged too much.) She tried abusing this power with friends of mine, with other illustrators. When things turned out bad, she tried saying it was my fault. She read my contract and then tried telling me I changed the wording, I purposely did this thing, another thing was my fault. I could go on with this story.

The part that I wish I handled better?

How I treated myself afterward. I’m so used to people telling me, “Cait, this is what you do wrong. This is how you fix it.” that I don’t consider my own feelings, and when I bring my feelings into the scenario they no longer matter. Because they tell me they don’t matter. In this case, I wish I had treated me better, because my feelings, my mental health, DOES matter.

**My Patience Getting Into Conventions.

Pretty self-explanatory. I got into one, finished one, and wanted to do eight more in a week. But this sort of thing just takes time and I need to accept that.

***My losses

I had to listen to a Little Mix song to actually learn this one. The context of the song is nowhere near the topic at hand. But a verse from Power feat Stomzy really packs a punch after this year: 

“ You look him in the eye and say, "I know I'm not a guy But see there's power in my losses and there's power in my wins" “

I had to look one of my demons in the face, and state something similar. My loses mean I’m trying. My loses piling shows I’m not willing to give up easily, and that is something that took a while to be content with.

3) Three things artistically you want to improve on.

*Composition

It’s not awful, but it can be better.

**Color

I told this BOLDLY if I might add while critiquing someone else’s portfolio; “Your color palette is boring. All your [things] look as if they are from the same universe, during the same time of day, with the same kind of mood. After three photos it’s bland, boring, and understood you have a preference.” 

Can you say damn Cait? The statement was, in fact, true, but I certainly could not talk. My color palette is mainly bright, pop, and happy. In order to tell a story, I KNOW it is best told with color. And I failed myself this year. But I sure won’t next year.

***My Damn Tag

Okay, alright. Why is it well-established artists have their tag figured out? Even some who’s art style is so recognizable (I’m looking HEAVILY at you Gabriel Piccolo.) we know it’s theirs, seem to have a tag that suits them and works for them. But more importantly, they put it in A VERY DECENT SPOT. SOMEONE SHARE THIS SCIENCE WITH ME? CAUSE APPARENTLY I DON’T GET IT.

4) Three things you want to focus on trying.

*More backgrounds.

As much as it pains me, I need to improve on backgrounds and perspective. When I do make backgrounds, I’m told I make great pieces. That I should look into becoming a background artist. And don’t get me wrong, I like them. But I don’t like them.

I feel as though I need to improve in that region so that way I don’t feel as though it’s a weakness of mine. My backgrounds are nice, but they aren’t nice to my standards.

**More designs

I love character designs, but let’s be real. If you were to scroll down my site or my Instagram page, or even this Tumblr archive, could you tell? 

I draw characters a lot sure, but none are designs. No process, no sheets, no turnarounds, none of that. So that’s a huge goal of mine for 2019.

***Scheduling posting

At one point I was pretty good at this. Live stream in Instagram and Twitter, cool. Videos on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Cool. Everywhere gets a photo, everywhere gets a silly one-liner. Yay. I’m not leaving anything out.

Well by the end of this year that totally crumbled. 

SO I want to try getting better at that thing there. Because having attempted this at the end of the year was cool, but it still wasn’t enough apparently.

5) Three positive things to tell yourself.

* You are an inspiration. That’s all you wanted to be in life, you did it. I’m proud of you.

**You didn’t kill yourself like you tried to; you opened up about it for once and used that pint up anger creatively. That is very hard to do, trust. I’m proud of you.

***You moved on, matured, and let it go. Even when the goddess inside you told you these peasants didn’t deserve your light, your friendship, your greatness. I’m proud of you.

I’m just proud of me for not snapping when I had every right to; not everything deserves a reaction.

6) Three negative things you want to leave for 2018.

*Comparisons 

Oh boy. I am extremely guilty for this: I’ll compare myself to a well-known illustrator my age. I’ll compare myself to friends who are in the field having a blast and getting work; I’ll compare myself to friends who aren’t in the field and they struggle at getting work. I’ll compare myself to the kid I graduated high school with who is traveling the world, is able to eat, come home to his dog and relax because he doesn’t have tuition to pay. I’ll compare myself to these goddamn baby boomers who keep repeating “We didn’t have it hard, you’re just being stupid. Millennials aka our children deserve to starve. We’ll just put our faith in our grandchildren because screw the kids we raised and refuse to pay accordingly. $7 an hour worked in my day, they need to make it work now.” I’ll compare myself to fake people I created in my head and purposely made scenarios and wonder why I’m not like them, said creations I made because I was pretty low for ten minutes...

I just compare myself too much. To any damn body. It’s draining, obnoxious and most of all pointless. My new motto for next year is: “Unless it is helping you grow yourself, your brand, your spirituality, don’t do it.”

I’m not comparing my chapter two to someone’s chapter thirty-five. I’m not even comparing my chapter two to someone else’s chapter two. I need to stop doing that PERIOD! My journey is different, unique, and worth seeing through.

**Listening to negative others.

A couple of years ago, I lost a close friend around the time my aunt passed away. During this time I was hypersensitive to any and everything done or said; I also kept many walls up to hide my mourning. He caught the crossfire of all of that. I kept secrets from him I was too prideful of admitting and lashed out because of the emotional turmoil I kept suppressed. While in the midst of packing his things and leaving my life, he mentioned that I was a failure because I was unemployed and artistically speaking I hadn’t accomplished anything; that I would remain that way because that’s just the person I deserved to be. Now mind you, I graduated college that year; he was a flunk out. I changed my art style dramatically compared to when I started school to pass; he thought just posting crappy pictures of lukewarm sketches were equivalent. I started attempting trends and all he could do was copy. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t to bash my old friend. If he were to come back into my life and move on like nothing had happened I’d do the same. (With some limitations.)

It’s just while typing out this scenario, of our four-year friendship I can’t think of one nice thing/compliment/gesture he has said to me. That’s my problem.

I can be praised, admired, and look highly upon for years straight. But my problem is I let others negative thinking and comments marinate with me for a long while. Too long of a while.

Another example is my mother’s friend. (My mom has many friends that do this shit, but this one stung more.) 

This friend always roots for me; treats me like a person, and encourages my artistic journey. I consider her family before my actual relatives. 

We went over for some barbeque the family was having and I was ready. Black Hallmark Cookouts, laughing, good food, good music, shit talking others teams. She asked me a harmless question of when was I going to quit my day job. Seemed like nothing at first, until the added gest of what she continued with. “All I’m saying is you can’t do [your day job] forever. That will get old. If the art thing doesn’t work out next year what’s plan b?”

I’m not a calm person (usually). Normal Caitlin would have cursed her out and mentioned how just because she chose a job to settle and be miserable at for most of her life doesn’t mean I have to follow suit. But again, of all the nice encouraging things she has done, said, and showed, for a while, I couldn’t think of it. 

So I pray I let go of this nasty behavior in 2018; it’s going to be hard but it is dire.

***Saying I’m Not Enough

Alright, now put the combination of the two above in a bowl and what do you get? A Caitlin who struggles in interviews and applying for jobs because I let comparisons and negative comments rule my thoughts. This stopped me from applying to jobs I would have been perfect for; internships that could have helped me; posting art online.

We (including me) have to stop thinking that in order to be an illustrator means we have to pass a certain threshold of struggle, success, and a huge number of followers. That isn’t the job description. NO JOB DESCRIPTION has ”must have at least 10K followers on Instagram or Twitter.” nOnE. 

So we (including me) need to stop treating ourselves this way. Period.

7) Three things you’re looking forward to in 2019.

*Going to move conventions.

**Adding pieces to my portfolio to try again at job hunting.

***Becoming content with the fact that my current situation isn’t my permanent situation. Unless I laze around and make it so.

Alright, so this was basically me calling myself out on my noise. Lashing out my demons and putting it in writing what I want to accomplish. I hope this inspires you to write yours, even if you keep it private. I hope it guides you and maintains your vision.

I’ll see you in 2019

A new wave

Caitlin xx

[samuelmmarcus]

Kitchen Inspiration Design

  Beautifully designed by Cantley & Company, this kitchen design should leave you inspired today. This is a new house in a fabulous old neighborhood located 10 minutes outside of Birmingham. The designer has done several kitchens for the family over the years and now that their four children are grown they decided to downsize and created a kitchen with a large eating area and a kitchen island. They usually use the island to eat their meals everyday and the breakfast room when all of the kids come back home.

Take notes on all sources shared by the interior designer and feel free to pin your favorite kitchen pictures!

  Kitchen Inspiration

The kitchen ceiling is Tongue and Groove with Driftwood stain. Isn’t it stunning?

Lighting: Wayfair (affordable! Yay!

– Linear Chandelier: Here – also on sale!!!

Bench Counterstools: Here – similar here & here.

Breakfast Room

The kitchen features black windows above the breakfast room’s banquette. The window mullions are painted in Benjamin Moore Bronze Tone.

Beautiful Dining Tables & Chairs:

!function(d,s,id){var e, p = /^http:/.test(d.location) ? 'http' : 'https';if(!d.getElementById(id)) {e = d.createElement(s);e.id = id;e.src = p + '://' + 'widgets.rewardstyle.com' + '/js/shopthepost.js';d.body.appendChild(e);}if(typeof window.__stp === 'object') if(d.readyState === 'complete') {window.__stp.init();}}(document, 'script', 'shopthepost-script');

JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.

  Countertop

Beautiful White Paint Color for Kitchen Cabinets: China White by Benjamin Moore.

Backsplash: Subway Tile.

Faucet: Rohl – Bar Faucet & Kitchen Faucet.

Beautiful Kitchen Runners: Here, Here, Here, Here, Here, Here, Here, Here & Here.  Can’t get enough of them!

Island Paint Color

Kitchen Island Cabinet Paint Color: Benjamin Moore HC-168 Chelsea Gray.

Countertop: Alabama White Marble.

Cabinetry Style: English Inset with Cantley Door and Drawer.

Hardware: Bouvet – similar here.

Walls

The kitchen wall paint color is also Benjamin Moore China White PM-20.

Island Dimensions – 42” x 120”

Backless Counterstools: Here, Here, Here & Here.

  Interiors: Cantley & Company (Instagram).

Photography: Jean Allsopp.

  Summer Best Deals!

Thank you for shopping through Home Bunch. I would be happy to assist you if you have any questions or are looking for something in particular. Feel free to contact me and always make sure to check dimensions before ordering. Happy shopping!

Wayfair: Black Friday in July! Up to 70% OFF – Huge Sales on Decor, Furniture & Rugs!!

Joss & Main: Flash Deals! Up to 75% Off!!!

Serena & Lily: The Upholstery Event: Enjoy 20% OFF!

Pottery Barn: New Arrivals!!! Up to 70% Off!

West Elm: Mega Sale – 70% Off sales!

Caitlin Wilson: Beautiful Rugs & Pillows.

Anthropologie: Extra 40% Off Sale Plus 20% Off Furniture + Decor.

Urban Outfitters: Hip & Affordable Home Decor – Big Summer Sales!!!

Horchow: Flash Sale: Up to 55% Off!!!

One Kings Lane: Save Up to 70% OFF! Free Standard Shipping on Orders over $99!

Williams & Sonoma: Spring Clearance: Up to 75% OFF!.

Nordstrom: Up to 40% OFF!

Neiman Marcus: Designer Sale: Up to 40% OFF.

Pier 1: Biggest Memorial Day Sale: Up to 50% Off!

JCPenny: Final Hours of Huge Sale.

Posts of the Week:

Kitchen and Mudroom Gut Renovation Ideas.

  Santa Barbara Beach Home Design.

  Interior Design Ideas Coastal Florida Home.

  Georgian Home Design Ideas.

Palm Beach, Florida Dream Home.

Interior Design Ideas: California Coastal Home.

Custom Home with Artisan Craftsmanship Interiors.

Interior Design Ideas: Colorful Interiors.

New-Construction Modern Farmhouse Inspiration.

Beautiful Homes of Instagram: Andrea McQueen Design.

Texas Gulf Coast Beach House.

Beautiful Homes of Instagram: California Beach House.

New-Construction Home for First-time Home Buyer.

California Beach House with Beautiful Coastal Interiors.

Grey Kitchen Paint Colors.

You can follow my pins here: Pinterest/HomeBunch

See more Inspiring Interior Design Ideas in my Archives.

Popular Paint Color Posts: The Best Benjamin Moore Paint Colors

2016 Paint Color Ideas for your Home

Interior Paint Color and Color Palette Pictures

Interior Paint Color and Color Palette Ideas

Inspiring Interior Paint Color Ideas

Interior Paint Color and Color Palette

New 2015 Paint Color Ideas

Interior Paint Color Ideas

Interior Design Ideas: Paint Color

Interior Ideas: Paint Color

More Paint Color Ideas

“Dear God,

If I am wrong, right me. If I am lost, guide me. If I start to give-up, keep me going.

Lead me in Light and Love”.

Have a wonderful day, my friends and we’ll talk again tomorrow.”

with Love,

Luciane from HomeBunch.com

Interior Design Services within Your Budget

Come Follow me on

Come Follow me on

Get Home Bunch Posts Via Email

Contact Luciane

“For your shopping convenience, this post might contain links to retailers where you can purchase the products (or similar) featured. I make a small commission if you use these links to make your purchase so thank you for your support!”

from Home http://www.homebunch.com/kitchen-inspiration/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[dawnjeman]

Kitchen Inspiration Design

  Beautifully designed by Cantley & Company, this kitchen design should leave you inspired today. This is a new house in a fabulous old neighborhood located 10 minutes outside of Birmingham. The designer has done several kitchens for the family over the years and now that their four children are grown they decided to downsize and created a kitchen with a large eating area and a kitchen island. They usually use the island to eat their meals everyday and the breakfast room when all of the kids come back home.

Take notes on all sources shared by the interior designer and feel free to pin your favorite kitchen pictures!

  Kitchen Inspiration

The kitchen ceiling is Tongue and Groove with Driftwood stain. Isn’t it stunning?

Lighting: Wayfair (affordable! Yay!

– Linear Chandelier: Here – also on sale!!!

Bench Counterstools: Here – similar here & here.

Breakfast Room

The kitchen features black windows above the breakfast room’s banquette. The window mullions are painted in Benjamin Moore Bronze Tone.

Beautiful Dining Tables & Chairs:

!function(d,s,id){var e, p = /^http:/.test(d.location) ? 'http' : 'https';if(!d.getElementById(id)) {e = d.createElement(s);e.id = id;e.src = p + '://' + 'widgets.rewardstyle.com' + '/js/shopthepost.js';d.body.appendChild(e);}if(typeof window.__stp === 'object') if(d.readyState === 'complete') {window.__stp.init();}}(document, 'script', 'shopthepost-script');

JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.

  Countertop

Beautiful White Paint Color for Kitchen Cabinets: China White by Benjamin Moore.

Backsplash: Subway Tile.

Faucet: Rohl – Bar Faucet & Kitchen Faucet.

Beautiful Kitchen Runners: Here, Here, Here, Here, Here, Here, Here, Here & Here.  Can’t get enough of them!

Island Paint Color

Kitchen Island Cabinet Paint Color: Benjamin Moore HC-168 Chelsea Gray.

Countertop: Alabama White Marble.

Cabinetry Style: English Inset with Cantley Door and Drawer.

Hardware: Bouvet – similar here.

Walls

The kitchen wall paint color is also Benjamin Moore China White PM-20.

Island Dimensions – 42” x 120”

Backless Counterstools: Here, Here, Here & Here.

  Interiors: Cantley & Company (Instagram).

Photography: Jean Allsopp.

  Summer Best Deals!

Thank you for shopping through Home Bunch. I would be happy to assist you if you have any questions or are looking for something in particular. Feel free to contact me and always make sure to check dimensions before ordering. Happy shopping!

Wayfair: Black Friday in July! Up to 70% OFF – Huge Sales on Decor, Furniture & Rugs!!

Joss & Main: Flash Deals! Up to 75% Off!!!

Serena & Lily: The Upholstery Event: Enjoy 20% OFF!

Pottery Barn: New Arrivals!!! Up to 70% Off!

West Elm: Mega Sale – 70% Off sales!

Caitlin Wilson: Beautiful Rugs & Pillows.

Anthropologie: Extra 40% Off Sale Plus 20% Off Furniture + Decor.

Urban Outfitters: Hip & Affordable Home Decor – Big Summer Sales!!!

Horchow: Flash Sale: Up to 55% Off!!!

One Kings Lane: Save Up to 70% OFF! Free Standard Shipping on Orders over $99!

Williams & Sonoma: Spring Clearance: Up to 75% OFF!.

Nordstrom: Up to 40% OFF!

Neiman Marcus: Designer Sale: Up to 40% OFF.

Pier 1: Biggest Memorial Day Sale: Up to 50% Off!

JCPenny: Final Hours of Huge Sale.

Posts of the Week:

Kitchen and Mudroom Gut Renovation Ideas.

  Santa Barbara Beach Home Design.

  Interior Design Ideas Coastal Florida Home.

  Georgian Home Design Ideas.

Palm Beach, Florida Dream Home.

Interior Design Ideas: California Coastal Home.

Custom Home with Artisan Craftsmanship Interiors.

Interior Design Ideas: Colorful Interiors.

New-Construction Modern Farmhouse Inspiration.

Beautiful Homes of Instagram: Andrea McQueen Design.

Texas Gulf Coast Beach House.

Beautiful Homes of Instagram: California Beach House.

New-Construction Home for First-time Home Buyer.

California Beach House with Beautiful Coastal Interiors.

Grey Kitchen Paint Colors.

You can follow my pins here: Pinterest/HomeBunch

See more Inspiring Interior Design Ideas in my Archives.

Popular Paint Color Posts: The Best Benjamin Moore Paint Colors

2016 Paint Color Ideas for your Home

Interior Paint Color and Color Palette Pictures

Interior Paint Color and Color Palette Ideas

Inspiring Interior Paint Color Ideas

Interior Paint Color and Color Palette

New 2015 Paint Color Ideas

Interior Paint Color Ideas

Interior Design Ideas: Paint Color

Interior Ideas: Paint Color

More Paint Color Ideas

“Dear God,

If I am wrong, right me. If I am lost, guide me. If I start to give-up, keep me going.

Lead me in Light and Love”.

Have a wonderful day, my friends and we’ll talk again tomorrow.”

with Love,

Luciane from HomeBunch.com

Interior Design Services within Your Budget

Come Follow me on

Come Follow me on

Get Home Bunch Posts Via Email

Contact Luciane

“For your shopping convenience, this post might contain links to retailers where you can purchase the products (or similar) featured. I make a small commission if you use these links to make your purchase so thank you for your support!”

from Home http://www.homebunch.com/kitchen-inspiration/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[once-upon-an-imagine]

Cold Coffee - Cisco Ramon

A/N: aaaahhh xD this is my first Cisco Ramon imagine and I’m honestly so excited I cannot contain it! I am in love with this beautiful cinnamon roll and I think he doesn’t get nearly as much love as he deserves! :D so here it goes, hope you dearies like it :D so, here it is :D enjoy! also thank you  @dov-zii for this amazing video 

Request - anonymous asked: *cracks knuckles* (that was much more badass in my mind) YOU ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE! You’re an ice!metahuman that Team Flash takes in to teach how to control their powers but refuse to open up about your past until one night Cisco finds you crying in the pipeline and you tell him about how your mother and siblings died at the hands of your step father that had you locked in a meat freezer the night the explosion happened (I know it’s dark but it’s been prodding my mind for a while now) 

Warning: angst! abusive stepfather and reader’s family death… so yeah, kind of dark in some parts :/ but happy ending, yay! 

Disclaimer: I don’t own The Flash :) gif isn't mine :)  

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Cold Coffee

Tell me if I'm wrong, tell me if I'm right Tell me if you need a loving hand to help you fall asleep tonight

"Hey, there's my favorite girl" Cisco said as you entered the cortex with everyone's coffee from Jitters.

"What do you want?" you asked suspiciously as you gave everyone what they asked for.

"What? Why would you think I'd want something just because-" he started but you raised your eyebrow at him. "Okay, here's the thing. You know how we need to try these shields to see if they can resist Captain Cold's gun?" he said sweetly. "I was thinking I could maybe try it with... your... powers... you know?"

"I thought you were working on another gun that resembled Captain Cold's" you said not really content about having to use your powers since you were still managing to learn how to use them.

"Glad you asked" he said grabbing his coffee from your tray. "I did do that but Joe wants to make sure his people are gonna be completely fine and well, we all know that you are as cold as it gets, am I right?" he said with a small laugh but you didn't even smile. "Please?"

"I'm not even that good at controlling them yet" you said still unsure.

"Well, we're training in a bit" Barry reminded you. "So maybe you can try after that?"

"Fine" you said sighing as you took your seat at your desk.

"Hey, am I reading this wrong, or is tomorrow your birthday?" Caitlin asked excitedly and you felt yourself tense a little.

"Uh- I um- y-yeah tomorrow's my birthday" you said quietly knowing there was no way you were getting out of this.

"What? Why didn't you say anything?" Barry asked.

"Yeah, we have to celebrate" Cisco said excitedly.

"Oh, n-no that's really not necessary. I don't feel like doing anything-"

"Come on, it's been pretty chill lately and it's on a Saturday. Downtime leads to increased productivity, ergo we need to have fun" he said rolling his chair towards you. You simply eyed him with a serious expression on your face not responding. "And the best way to have fun is for us to go out to the club" he suggested. "Am I right, Team Flash? LET'S GET TURNT!"

"Yeah, that's not happening" you said getting back to work.

"Come on, Elsa-"

"Stop calling me Elsa" you said glaring at him.

"Loosen up a little. It's your birthday and we all need a break" Cisco tried to convince you. "Come to think of it, I don't think you've ever hung out with us outside of S.T.A.R. Labs" he said.

"Cisco" Caitlin warned him knowing he was slowly walking into dangerous territory. You were a really reserved person and they all knew that.

"What does that have to do with anything?" you asked looking at Cisco.

"Well, nothing, just that you've been here for months now and you're still sort of an enigma" he replied.

"Cisco" Barry tried but he still ignored them.

"There's not much to know" you said shrugging your shoulders. "You all know my name, I have 'ice powers', as you said, and-"

"And that's pretty much everything we know about you" Cisco complained. For the longest time, he had tried to know something, anything else about you. The minute he had laid eyes on you he thought you were incredibly beautiful and when he got to know you, well, as little as it was, he couldn't help but feel captivated by you. The only problem was; you were probably the most reserved person he'd known. They knew as little as possible about you and he wanted to know more. He wanted to break down that wall that you had up against everyone. "We don't know anything about you, like your favorite color, what movies you like, books, food. I mean, if it wasn't for Caitlin we wouldn't even have known your birthday was tomorrow-"

"Well, maybe that's because I didn't want you guys to know my birthday was tomorrow because I don't want to make a big fuss about it" you said trying to get back to work but Cisco wasn't letting you off that easy.

"But we can even have your favorite cake. If we knew what it was. Wait, don't tell me. Ice cream cake, duh" he said laughing trying to make you laugh too. You turned to look at him and smiled a little.

"You are so funny, Cisco" you said using a fake laugh before you placed your hand at the bottom of Cisco's coffee cup, and he slowly felt it freeze until it got ice cold so he stopped laughing. You smiled sweetly at him before you turned around and left the cortex.

"Come on, for real?" he said annoyed.

"She's getting better at that" Caitlin pointed out and Barry nodded while Cisco glared at them.

"That was completely uncalled for" he said throwing his coffee in the trash.

"You kind of asked for it, man" Barry said with a small chuckle. "You know she's very private when it comes to her personal life" he reminded him.

"But that's exactly why she needs to know that she can trust us" Cisco argued.

"Cisco she will do that in her own time. You need to respect that" Caitlin told him.

"I just... wish she wasn't as cold as her powers are" he said disappointed.

Unbeknownst to all of them, you were just outside the door listening to everything they said. You felt a single tear rolling down your cheek. You wanted nothing more than to open up to them; especially Cisco. They had been the best people you'd ever met, and Cisco was particularly sweet towards you; which made you develop a small crush on him. But you couldn't let yourself out again. Not with the baggage you carried. You were better off alone. You quickly wiped the tear away before you went to the basement to get ready for your training with Barry.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Okay, you're doing great! Try again" Barry said gently.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. You slowly put your hands up and tried to concentrate. You felt your hands getting colder and the ice slowly emerging from them. You opened your eyes and concentrated on your target. Your hands then started getting a soft light of blue as you managed to create ice and you threw it directly at your target. You then started turning around and hitting every moving target that Cisco had created for you to train, successfully destroying every one of them without much difficulty.

"Yeah, now you're getting it, girl" you heard Cisco's voice through the intercom.

"Your progress is really amazing!" you heard Caitlin as you kept hitting every target coming your way.

"Um, thanks" you said kindly once you were done.

"See? I told you, you can be out there helping me in no time" Barry said placing his hand on your shoulder.

"Um, I don't know about that, Barry" you said, nervously. It was one thing to practice at this elaborated training lab Cisco built for you. It was a completely different thing to be out there. With people. People that you could hurt.

"Come on, why not? You're basically ready" Barry said as Cisco and Caitlin came in, both with jackets on.

"Wow, you're making it snow in here" Cisco said excitedly. "We can even build a snowman" he said smiling at you.

"Would you please stop referencing that movie?" you said annoyed.

"You're still avoiding the subject" Barry intervened. "I think you're ready" he told you.

"No, I'm not" you said unsure.

"I think you are. Your progress is remarkably good" Caitlin said showing you the charts on her iPad. "And you seem to be very in control of your powers" she established.

"I'm still not sure about this, guys" you said, feeling uneasy. "I mean, it's different out there and under all of that pressure and-"

"Well, you won't know if you don't get out there" Barry suggested.

"Yeah, but-"

"But what?" Cisco asked a little upset. "You have been ready for weeks, actually, and you always come up with a new excuse to not get out there and help Barry" he pointed out. "You came here months ago, looking for our help-"

"I never said I wanted to help Barry" you defended yourself. "I just needed you to help me control my powers so I wouldn't hurt anyone" you fired back.

"Great, and so far, you haven't" Cisco told you. "So why not use that to your advantage and help us?"

"Because I can't, Cisco, okay?" you said wanting to get out of there when you felt your hands turning blue again. Just like they did whenever you were anxious and putting your guard up. "I can help in other ways, but not like that!"

"Guys, really we can discuss this another time" Barry said trying to ease the tension.

"No" Cisco said not letting it go. "I think you at least owe us that. We helped you control your powers, now just tell us why you won't help us back?"

"Because I can't!" you snapped before you tried walking out of the basement.

"That is not an answer!" Cisco yelled after you and you stopped at the door but Caitlin noticed you were breathing heavily.

"Cisco" Caitlin warned him again.

"Come on, you can't possibly have a heart that cold" he said without really thinking.

"STOP IT, CISCO!" you snapped as you turned around and, without meaning to, a sharp icicle left your right hand aiming towards Cisco. Barry was quick enough to push Cisco out of the way but the sharp object struck him on his left arm, leaving a deep cut on it. The room went silent and everyone turned to look at you as you placed your shaking hands on your chest. As if you didn't want to hurt anyone but yourself. "Oh my God!" you whispered trembling. "Oh my God! I'm sorry! Barry, I'm so sorry!"

"It's alright" Barry said wincing in pain. "Is not that deep" he assured you.

"We should take a look at that" Caitlin quickly said rushing Barry out of the basement. Cisco's eyes never left you. He was still looking lost in space at the distraught girl.

"Uh-"

"Don't" you said hugging herself with your freezing hands. "Don't come near me" you said making Cisco feel even worse. You sounded broken. "I don't want to hurt you too" you said before you ran out of the basement.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Hey" Cisco said softly finding you sitting by yourself in the pipeline. You jumped a little in surprise at his voice. Cisco's heart broke when he noticed you were crying. He quickly went over to sit down next to you. "What are you doing here?"

"This is where I should be" you said sadly. "Somewhere I can't hurt people" you said looking at your hands.

"What happened back there was an accident and Barry is gonna be fine" he assured you but you just kept on crying silently. "I'm really sorry about-"

"Don't" you said sadly looking down. "D-don't worry about it" you managed to say as you wiped more tears from your eyes but new ones just kept on coming.

"B-but you're crying-"

"Is not that" you replied quietly. "I m-mean it sort of is b-but" you said taking a deep breath. "It doesn't matter" you said pulling your knees to her chest.

"It does" Cisco said softly turning to you. "You're upset, you're crying and I want to know what to do to make you feel better" he said sweetly. He carefully placed his hand on yours, relieved when you didn't pull away but he instantly. "Jesus, your hands are-"

"Cold, I know" you said without any emotion. They were ice cold. "Sorry" you said as Cisco slowly placed his hand on top of yours. "You know, I always have cold hands" you told him. "Even before the particle accelerator" you said looking at him with the tiniest smile Cisco had ever seen on someone. "My mom always used to say that it didn't matter if I had cold hands because it meant that I had a warm heart" you said before new tears ran down your cheeks.

"You do" Cisco assured you with a small smile.

"No, I don't" you said wiping away some tears with your free hand, not really wanting to let go of Cisco. "Not anymore" you said with a small sigh. It was time. You couldn't keep all of this to yourself forever, otherwise, you were going to end up alone for the rest of your life and that's really the last thing you wanted. "Not since that night" you whispered.

"The night the... particle accelerator exploded?" Cisco said not wanting to upset you more and you only nodded.

"You know, when I was five years old, my dad died in a car accident" you told him.

"I'm sorry" he said holding your hand in his even if it was still freezing.

"My mom got married again when I was about twelve years old" you continued. Cisco didn't dare to say anything. This was the first time you had ever talked about something from your personal life so he was going to listen. "To a really bad guy" you finished making Cisco's heart drop. "They had two kids together" you said with a sad smile. "I had a little brother and a little sister" you continued. "My stepfather he- uh" you stopped when a sob escaped your mouth. Cisco got closer to you and squeezed your hand making you gain the energy your needed to finish your story. "He used to hit my mom" you said making Cisco clench his other fist. "A lot" you added. "I tried to get her to leave but she always said it was the last time and that he didn't mean it and he was sorry and all of that" you continued. "But then, one day he yelled at my sister for breaking a glass and he scared her so, I snapped back at him and he- he hit me" you said with a small sigh. "So that day my mom finally decided to leave" you explained. "But he got home before we left" you continued while tears streamed down your face. "H-he wouldn't let us leave" you said. "And he told my mother that if she wasn't going to be with him then, she couldn't be with anyone and he grabbed a knife a-and-" you said before breaking down and Cisco quickly wrapped his arms around you.

"Hey, shh, it's okay" he whispered softly. "You're okay. I've got you" he said stroking you back with his hand.

"I tried to stop him" you continued. "I told my brother and my sister to get out of there but he- he grabbed me and he locked me on this- m-meat freezer he had in the basement" you said between sobs. "I heard how he killed my mother and then- he k-killed my b-brother a-and he killed my little s-sister" you said burying her head in Cisco's chest. Cisco felt sick to his stomach. He had no idea how someone could do something like that. To his own children. "I think I w-was going to b-be next b-but then... the particle accelerator exploded" you finished quietly after you had calmed down a little. "I m-managed to get out a-and I saw that his tools shelf fell on top of him and he was dead" you whispered. "A-and I went upstairs to s-see my m-mom and my brother and my sister" you said looking down and sounding defeated. "They were dead a-and I was left with these things" you said looking at your cold hands. "I was s-supposed to defend them! And I couldn't even do that!"

"Hey, no, look at me" Cisco said lifting your face so you could look at his big brown concerned eyes. "What your stepfather did was beyond horrible" he said in a serious tone. "But it was in no way your fault" he assured you.

"But how is that fair, Cisco?! Why did I get to live and they didn't?! My brother was ten years old! And my sister was seven! She was only seven and I couldn't protect her! How does Barry want me to help him take care of this city when I couldn't even save them?" you asked making Cisco's heart ache with every broken word that came out of your mouth and feeling a few tears escaping his eyes.

"I know it's not fair, what happened to you. And you didn't deserve it. Neither did your mom and your siblings, but I can assure you that they loved you very much and that they would want for you to take this as an opportunity to do something good with what you've got. And you can do that. I've seen what you can do" he said wiping the remaining of your tears with his thumb. "And the most important part that you need to know is that you don't have to go through this alone" he said in a serious tone. "We are all here for you. This team... we're not only colleagues or friends... we're all we've got" he said softly. "We're family. And you are part of that family now" he said stroking your cheek with his thumb. He then took out a handkerchief out of his pocket and gave it to her. "Here" he said with a sweet smile.

"Wow" you said, taking it. "A guy with a handkerchief. I didn't know they made those anymore" you said with a small smile.

"Well, we are a very rare limited edition" he said managing to get you to let out a tiny laugh.

"Thank you" you said softly. "I'm sorry for... you know being so um- guarded all this time" you said looking down.

"You don't need to apologize for anything" he said lifting your chin with his finger. "I just don't want you to feel like there's nobody here for you. I am" he said. "W-we, we all are" he corrected. You smiled sweetly at him before you leaned to kiss his cheek.

"Thank you, Cisco."

"Are you gonna be okay?" he asked and you nodded.

"I think I will be" you said quietly. Cisco stood up and then leaned down to kiss your forehead.

"Come on, I'll give you a ride home" he said offering you his hand to stand up and you gladly took it. None of you complaining when you never let go. "Are you hungry?"

"Starving, actually" you admitted.

"Great then we can go to Big Belly Burger first and we can have dinner" he suggested.

"That sounds... perfect" you said smiling up at him.

After the big meal you had, you suggested watching a movie. You were quickly getting comfortable with the idea of having Cisco around and he didn't seem to be complaining. He looked through your extensive movie collection and was impressed to find out you owned many of his favorites including... "No way! You have The Princess Bride?"

"Uh, yeah" you said shyly. "That's my favorite movie" you admitted.

"What? No way!"

"Yeah" you said confused.

"That's my favorite movie!" Cisco said excitedly. "Oh, we are so watching this!" he said putting it on the DVD player before he walked back to the couch. He grabbed a blanket and covered both of you. It wasn't long before you were cuddled up against him and fast asleep. He smiled looking down at you and placed a gentle kiss on your temple, promising at that moment that he would never let you be alone.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

The next day, you opened your eyes and found yourself on your bed. You frowned in confusion trying to remember how you got there. You got out of bed and opened the door to reveal a fast-asleep Cisco on the couch. You smiled at his sleeping figure and quickly made your way to the kitchen to start making breakfast. Cisco woke up to the smell of pancakes and bacon. He stretched his tired body and walked to the kitchen only to find you cooking and singing to yourself. He leaned against the doorframe and simply watched you. He had never seen you being so carefree and... happy.

"Are you singing You'll Be In My Heart from Tarzan?" he asked making you stop and turn to look at him as you felt your cheeks burning.

"Oh my God! Did I wake you up? I'm sorry I uh-"

"No, it's fine" he said sweetly. "The smell woke me up" he admitted and you smiled. "Uh, I hope you don't mind that I crashed on your couch" he said as he walked closer to you. "I uh- didn't really want you to wake up alone on your birthday" he admitted, blushing a little.

You smiled sweetly up at him and placed your hand on his cheek. "That is one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me" you told him before you stood on your toes to kiss his cheek.

"Happy birthday" he said opening his arms for a hug. You smiled again and gave into the hug letting yourself be wrapped by Cisco's arms.

"Thank you" you whispered.

"You're welcome" he said kissing you head as you let go. "How are you feeling?"

"Um, weird" you admitted as you went back to the pancakes. "But not bad" you said making him smile again.

"Do you need help with anything?"

"No. This is sort of my way of thanking you for last night" you told him. "You can just get the juice out of the fridge if you want" you said. Cisco did as he was told and when he closed the door he noticed something.

"Uh, is this... them?" he asked pointing at the picture of a little boy and a little girl with you. You turned around to see what he was referring to and quickly went back to cooking.

"Yeah" you said quietly.

"Your sister looks a lot like you" he said with a smile. "And your brother has the same eyes" he said making you smile to yourself as he looked through the pictures attached to the fridge. "Hold on a second, no way!" he said grabbing one from the fridge. "You're dressed as Elsa!"

You quickly felt your cheeks burning again and ran towards him. "Hey! Give me that!" you said trying to get it away from him but Cisco put his hand up high so you couldn't reach it. "Cisco!"

"No, I think you look really good" he said looking at the picture. "Do you have any idea how cool this actually is?!"

"Give it" you said jumping and managing to get the picture from him. "If you must know, my sister loved Frozen" you said placing it back on the fridge. Cisco could feel that your tone turned a little sad. "She used to say that she was Anna and I... was..." you said looking sadly at the picture before letting out a sigh.

"Elsa" he finished for you. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I had no idea, I honestly thought you didn't like it because you didn't like the movie, I wouldn't have-"

"It's okay" you replied with a sad smile. "You didn't know. And it's not that I didn't like it, it just... reminded me of her" you said getting back to making the pancakes. "She would've gone nuts about this, you know?" you said with a sad chuckle. "So would my brother" you pointed out.

"Is he dressed up as Hiro from Big Hero 6?" Cisco asked excitedly and you nodded.

"Yes. He made me do that costume for him. That was his favorite movie" you informed him. "I think he wanted to be like Hiro. He loved building stuff and he was really smart. You would've actually liked him and he probably would've loved you" you said sadly as you finished breakfast and placed it on the table.

"I'm sure I would've loved them too" he said with a soft smile. "They sound like really great kids" he said placing his hand on yours.

"They were" you said feeling your eyes getting teary again but quickly wiping them away. "I uh- used to sing You'll Be in My Heart to them whenever they couldn't sleep" you said, looking down. "I hadn't sung it since... well, you know" you said awkwardly.

"You were a really great big sister, did you know that?" he said genuinely making one single tear roll down your cheek and he quickly wiped it away.

You looked up to see Cisco's face really close to you and you could feel your heart racing every second. You slowly felt yourself leaning in towards him and before you knew it you felt his lips press gently against yours. You felt something that you were sure you hadn't felt in a very long time. Happiness. When you pulled apart, Cisco rested his forehead against yours for a moment and stroked your cheek with his thumb.

"I'm sorry" he said looking down and you frowned your eyebrows in confusion. "I'm sorry if that was out of line, I just- uh well, I've been dying to do that for a long time now, and well, I-"

You cut him off with a quick peck on the lips. "Cisco, if that would've been out of line, I would've burned your cheek with my hand" you said with a small smirk and making Cisco let out a sigh of relief. "I would actually be lying if I said I didn't..." you said looking away, making Cisco's grin grow even wider.

"So... uh, chocolate chip pancakes?" he said trying to leave the awkwardness aside. "Looks great."

"That's my favorite food. Just so you know" you said with a small smile.

"Well, it is your day today. So we can do whatever you want to do" he told you.

"Actually I would love to just... stay here and eat junk food and watch movies, if you're up for it" you said hopefully.

"Girl, you just described my perfect day" he said smiling before he leaned in for another quick kiss. "One condition, though. I'm still getting you your favorite cake for later-"

"You don't have to-"

"I want to" he insisted. "So what is it?"

You bit your lip to prevent the smile that was coming but it quickly turned into a laugh. "Uh- you're not gonna believe me" you said looking away.

"It's ice cream cake, isn't?" he said trying not to laugh too, and you just nodded. "I knew it!"

The End

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

A/N: aaahh xD there it is! I have more Cisco imagines coming up, along with other characters so stay tuned :D and let me know what you think :) also, check out this awesome video by the lovely  @dov-zii

[roseanespark]

💋💋 yay congrats on 1k laura, you totally deserve it (and more!!!)

Thanks baby girl!!

FOLLOWING: no but I love you | yes | always | forever and ever

ICON: 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | BETTY COOPER

URL: 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | WINSTON BISHOP

THEME: 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | CAITLIN SNOW

MOBILE THEME: 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | CHANDLER BING

CONTENT: 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | CHERYL BLOSSOM

OVERALL: 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | FELICITY SMOAK

QUICK COMPLIMENT: Your blog is a beauty icon, sarah! You’re so dedicated and you always make everything look so pretty!

Want one?

[ghostsrvys]

May 14 2019, 12:59am.

Which would be more meaningful to you: I love you a lot, I love you so much? I love you so much.

When you find pretty feathers on the ground, do you keep them? no lol.

If I say “psycho”, who is the first person that comes to your mind? Pedro.

Does seeing girls with fried hair make you worry about using your straightener?

I dont really use my straightner anymore because I was the girl with the fried hair lmao.

Does it piss you off that stupid sixth graders think they’re in love? lmao of course it’s so cringe. but I remember what that’s like at that age.

Do you like when people play with your hair? oh yes

When was the last time you completely broke down? saturday night at work. yay me.

Is there a specific moment you can replay in your mind perfectly? of course

Who was the last person to call you and why? Caitlin. on facetime.

Do you think lil wayne is the best rapper alive? he was at one time.

Would you ever try being a vegetarian? I feel like I could.

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow? not as much cause I work at 2.

Do you have a piggy bank that’s actually shaped like a pig? I have a piggy bank that’s shaped like a pirate skull.

What’s something you really want right now, be honest? I really want a giant cold bottle of poland spring lmao.

Without naming names, say what you want to say to someone: I dont feel like it lmao. Have you ever regretted letting someone go? lmao bingo.

A week from today, will you be in a relationship? if i can continue having this self control then no.

Are you a jealous person? not too much. sometimes.

When is the last time you said “I love you” to your number 1 on your top? I MISS MYSPACE

You have just been given a whole bottle of vodka, what are you doing? Giving it to someone else cause I hate vodka lmao.

Do you know anyone with such a terribly annoying voice that you can’t even stand? Probably just people I find terribly annoying and

Would you rather dye your hair or go tanning? i’d like to go layout in the sun?.

What was the first thing you thought of this morning? how i really don’t want to get up.

Do you have a condom in your room? nah.

You caught your best friend smoking weed in the school bathroom, how do you react? glad we’re 25.

What’s more important to you: good grades or having fun? balance of both.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/ girlfriend drinks? not really, unless it’s excessive. then it’s an issue.

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you? no, i’m content with who i know likes me right now.

Ever jumped/ fallen/ been pushed in a pool with your clothes on? I dont think I have actually.

Have you ever kissed under fireworks? yes.

Do you think there are circumstances when it’s okay to wait for someone? yes.

Would you cry if you found out one of your friends were pregnant? if she cried i’d cry with her.

When was the last time you had a Gatorade? maybe a month ago. Are you single/ taken/ heartbroken/ confused? single and always confused lmao.

Name three feelings you’re feeling right now: tired, anxious, hopeful.

Have you heard of the band The Maine? yas

Your best friend tells you they’re gay; how do you react? cooo0ol same

Last big hug? last night.

When is the next time you’ll see your closest friend? June 3rd yaaas

How many dogs do you have? one.

Listening to anything? Jane the virgin.

Where is your phone? next to me on the pillow.

Last time you talked to your number two? bring back myspace

Last person who told you they love you? Bekka

Do you find piercings attractive? sometimes.

Do you hate it when people tYp3 lYk3 Dii$? if you type like this is 2019 you do crack. Has anyone upset you in the last week? oh yeah

Do you miss anyone? yes a few people.