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shababyj · 6 years ago

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Suicide…The act of ending one’s own life. Such a strange and selfish thing to do on one hand but on the other, who the fuck ever cared in the first place to even make you consider the alternative??? Such a dark and gray area for some people to go, yet some of us live in a constant state of dying alive every-single-day.

Most people often wonder what was going through their mind or what could have been so bad that they had to end it all? Did YOU bother to ask them how THEY were doing? Every time they seemed off or distant, did you ask them if they wanted to go somewhere and talk? Were You really paying attention?

It is never the world’s responsibility to bring you out of your dark black hole and save you. But it helps to have people in your circle have some understanding and knowledge of what mental illness looks like. It’s not always textbook with everyone or like it is in the movies. I think people are being misled by the media on what REALLY happens when you are hit with this disease.

There are so many mental illnesses that lead to suicidal thought and some end in death by suicide or even murder. I know right…scary huh? But it’s the truth! Most of the time people are so engulfed in their own pain that they don’t realize someone else’s pain. But for the most part, that is not the case. Many people are ignored and told to go to a doctor, get some medicine, have a drink, learn to relax, and the most famous of all, just deal with it. Kinda fucked up, ain’t it!

Some people, like myself, deal with people who claim to be victimized but it’s for pity. They find people who make them look better, make them look superior in a way, and then stomp all over their lives one small fraction at a time. It’s no illness but it is sick. They have several different types of a narcissist and most will play the victim card all the while they are abusing the shit out of you. It’s not treatable and it can be corrected only if the person themselves wanted to do so, but they love to cause pain, so they remain the pieces of shit they are. Be aware they claim the victim card all the while they themselves are indeed the abuser. (NOTE: They will only threaten suicide for attention and pity but would never kill themselves because they hold themselves above all other…only they matter)

Depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, bipolar, postpartum depression, trauma, ADHD, schizophrenia, and many others are main causes of suicide. Today, there are many children and teens committing more suicides than adults. It breaks my heart to know that so many young kids decided not to fight another day. I wish I could have saved them all. 😦 Sometimes I wonder if I am ever going to be able to save myself but I keep pushing through all the hell and fire that gets thrown my way.

It seems every single time a celebrity commits suicide, the world notices the sickness that’s spreading. It’s as if it’s contagious in areas where people have more money and fame than they can ask for. But is it all worth it? Sometimes we only see what people want us to see and we forget to ask about the other half we don’t out of fear. The world has been so offended by every damn thing, that even people can’t ask each other if they’re okay without getting offended. You don’t need to know all the details but make sure people know you are there and make sure you damn-well mean it!

Mental pain is brutal, gut-wrenching, and soul-sucking, breaking you down little by little into a person you won’t even recognize. You become edgy and angry at times but other times sad and guilt-stricken. It plagues you with thoughts and emotions that tear away at you piece by piece. You become who the illness creates and feeds; no longer the human you once were.

The sharpness of the pain is suffocating, intoxicating, and makes it hard to breathe. At points in time, it overtakes every ounce of your thoughts and consumes even the greatest parts of your better days. You are manic from the suffering and trying to run away or paranoid with all the voices in your head and they are the only ones who stay. Maybe your eyes are swollen shut from all the pain that melted away only for new hurt to surround you and bring you down once more. Maybe you just can’t escape your own hell.

Suicide to a sick mind and broken soul is a way out for them. An escape to remove the burden they carry and all the baggage they drag around. Coming from personal experience, family and some of your closest friends are often the first to shut you up and turn you away when you need them most. It’s not a secret, but they claim to be tired of hearing about the same shit all the time. But have they ever put themselves in your shoes? Have you ever felt what I felt? Those are questions our people…OUR PEOPLE… need to ask themselves. How would you feel if the roles were reversed???

When no one else will listen to a sick person, they often isolate and disassociate with life and the things they used to enjoy. Happiness doesn’t come by all that often so solitude and disconnect is often the next step. Many times you will still see the laughter here and there but it won’t be the same as before. Hurt people tend to replace joy with other habits such as sleeping a lot, staying locked away from others, not going out with friends, drugs, smoking, and alcohol. Some even form an eating habit.

When all else fails and you have nothing left to pull you out of the darkness because all your cries for help faltered; you succumb to your own self-destruction. You might start cutting yourself (my specialty once) to relieve the emotional pain through physical drainage. It brings relief for a time and leaves a scar that tells your stories painful truth. You might even start to starve yourself thinking it will starve the pain, or feed it and binge feed every single ache and then some may even make themselves vomit. There are so many ways that people deal with pain and it only leads to other illnesses.

At last, no one hears your cries or bothered to help you in your time of need. Hell, maybe some didn’t even believe your pain was real. Some thought it was fake or made up and some thought you were strong enough to handle it. The fact is at some point, every single one of us breaks. We shatter like glass and we struggle like hell if we have to pick up all the pieces…especially alone. How overwhelming for a sick person, right? It becomes too much and they only see the shattered pieces and make a decision to end it all.

No one just decides they want to die just because. No one knows the pain of another but with some strong understanding of human life and the way the mind work, you can potentially save a life. These people are broken individuals that lack something and are tired of pain. Meanwhile, you are parading all the joy you have in your life in front their faces while they are just asking for your time and understanding. Now time is up and you were never there and they are devastated that they have to turn to the only thing that ends it all…the bullet, the knife, the razor blade, the rope, the pills…and most of the time those things are always available and always work correctly in their favor.

There is no coming back from the dead. Someone is suffering in your life and I promise you, even if you think you know them well, they have thought about ending themselves. It’s not uncommon for even the happiest person on a bad day to think about suicide. Sometimes there are no warning signs and we have to pay attention to our people, especially our children and teens. At some point and time, we will all have the blues but not everyone will fall victim to a serious mental illness.

Most men don’t express their feelings well and they are left behind when it comes to suicide prevention. We need to let the men in our lives know that they don’t always have to be the strong one, the tough guy and the rock for everyone. They can break down and cry and have moments of weakness whenever it may be. They are entitled to be an emotional wreck just like us women. It’s okay to be a man and be tough and still know that when it hurts, it hurts, and its okay to express it.

The big thing we fail women on is postpartum depression. I think more a lot of women, that’s where the illness began. We are shamed as fat, not losing enough weight after birth, not having enough energy, not keeping ourselves up, not being the once amazing lover, not having time to do work, not being the good enough mother and wife, and we are exhausted. Someone is always criticizing bottle feeding, breastfeeding, cloth diapers, disposable diapers, pacifiers, and co-sleeping and all that bullshit. Fuck what you and everybody else thinks. So what if your husband’s mother wants this or your mom wants that and his or her sisters thinks that’s not good enough….FUCK THEM ALL!!! You are the momma and that baby is you and your husbands…do it yall way!!!!

The intimidation is causing more women after childbirth to stay in this depression longer than the typical postpardum time. It’s ridiculous that people have to throw so much bullshit at a new mom or dad for that matter. It breaks you down when you need your strength the most. It continues a destructive path because of hormones imbalances and lack of sleep and major life changes. Mothers are ending their life when their children need them most and I believe it all started in this very personally important period. Selfish? Maybe but its all personal opinion.

Photo by NIKOLAY OSMACHKO on Pexels.com

I think we all should help each other in our most vulnerable moments. A hug or a simple talk would most likely help anyone. For the new mom or dad, a new coffee maker or a night out would help. For the person who is being bullied, don’t justify the bully and disable the victim (see narcissism). Always know that someone you run into every single day is tired of living and is waiting for someone to give them some kind of hope. Be paying close attention.

I am 36 years old and I suffer from ADD-ADHD combined type and OCD. I have been diagnosed with manic depression before, now called Bipolar depression, but I am better than I used to be. I have anxiety brought on by my ADHD but on medicine, it is a lot better and manageable. I have PTSD brought on by the trauma of my daughter’s heart defect diagnoses and the events to follow. The thought of facing losing your child is unbearable and seeing what she went through was very traumatic for me. The worst part of it was I was still in the postpartum period even when she had her open heart surgery, which was the most debilitating and painful place in my life I have ever been. I am the victim of narcissist abuse. My husband, myself and my daughter are all victims of these people’s selfishness and even once we are free, damage remains done. But they always lose because playing the victim as a bully for so long only gets you found out about. Keep on playing the games while I keep on laughing and moving forward with my family.

Suicide: Are You Dying Enough Yet? Suicide...The act of ending one's own life. Such a strange and selfish thing to do on one hand but on the other, who the fuck ever cared in the first place to even make you consider the alternative???

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