#yall i am severely unwell

[wehaveagathering]

Gotta love picture day.

[hurglewurm]

me: we are Not going to worsen our life while in a minor depressive episode

the brain: :/

[squeakadeeks]

moodboard for this past week ❤️

[winterchimez]

hi......yes im alive 😃

i'll be honest i don't really know where to start...so i might as well try my best to give a proper update for everyone on the dash and explain everything as i possibly can

so it's been a month (a little more than that) since i left and to put it simply i was at the lowest point in life, physically and mentally. a lot of irl matters happened; losing close ones and going through a tremendous amount of stress and pain has not made anything better. with that, i was on meds a lot; mentally, i was very unwell, and neither was my physical health any better.

i had to take a step away from all social medias i had, and even shut myself out completely and not talk to anyone, all because i just didn't have the strength and energy to do it. i've lost count on the amount of times i've broke down over the past several months (but May was the worst), and i just couldn't keep going on like this.

so i finally made the huge decision to quit my current job by the end of the year (my job played huge part on my health) so that's finally a huge burden off my chest. though, all of that fatigue and stress are now slowly getting to me (since i've held them in / ignored them for so long) so by the time i'm home i'm beyond exhausted to do anything else.

which also comes to the main point of all of this: writing. it's still a hobby that i absolutely love since a young age till now, and i have so much in store that i can't wait to write them! though with my current condition it's hard to determine when i'll be able to get back into it. i am somewhat working on one or two wips but it's going REAL slow, and i don't even know if they'll eventually see the light of day.

what i can promise though is i'll definitely write when i'm capable & feeling much better. i may or may not drop some fics once in a while, or that might not happen until i quit my current job but we shall see. i'm definitely planning on finishing all of the ongoing series (both here & on my other blog), writing the requests that you guys have sent in, and more collabs to come in the future!

so i humbly ask that you guys be patient with me, and i will be back when i can. i might hop into tumblr to check notifs once in a while, but know that i'm slowly coming back out of my shell so bear with me.

till then, take care yall & see you guys real soon. 🫶🏻💗

~ ally ❄️

[rigginsstreet]

misc. tag game

tagged by @blood-mocha-latte

a band you don’t like that many others do:

maneskin... tried a couple songs, wanted to like them.... cant do it

a childhood memory that you remember vividly:

this costume contest i refused to enter because my costume was boring and i knew i was gonna lose by the adults were like "no just join come on itll be fun" and i was like... already consumed by the darkness at that point lmfao and i sat watching everyone crying. fun! lmfao

least favorite animal and why:

i hate a snake. i respect their role in the ecosystem but dont you ever put one near me. dont put one within 5 miles of me. no. i dont trust anything that slithers bitch aint got no legs! i dont like that. and the striking? dont like that either. i have to stop talking about them now im genuinely uncomfortable

hot fandom take:

steve harrington is not a good character. he is badly written. yall only like him cuz you think joe is hot. thats literally it. the man has literally zero positive qualities. apply this to every other loved st character as well theyre all bad the show sucks i hope everyone dies

do you were any jewelry, if so, what’s your favorite piece:

i wear a friendship bracelet and a rope bracelet i got on a cruise (i forgot what theyre called. sailor bracelets or something?) and thats about the extent of my jewelry wearing

a movie others liked but you didn’t:

i don't think i've ever cognitively watched a movie and thought that i loved it or hated it. i'm usually just like Well That Sure Was A Movie. <- im keeping prevs because thats what wildest thing ive ever read in my life i need to study you lmfao as for my answer, insidious movies are bad. youre next is bad. many movies this website loves i havent even seen but i know they are bad thats why i havent watched them.

three things you love about yourself:

my hair is getting real cute lately. i am a huge bitch. i stare at my butt a lot i think its fun

a place you hope to visit in the future and why:

italyyyy i want to trace my roots

an actor that gets on your nerves and why:

idk if theres actors i have beef with for their personality lmao several i dont like because they are overhyped and im sick of seeing them. ariana grande she counts as an actress i cant stand her lmfao the vibes are rancid also stop dating married (taken) men its gross its weird

things you’re excited for in the nearby future?:

for my dog to finally be healed from her surgery cuz god its a lot of working making sure she dont pop her stitches

least favorite ship in a fandom you’re in:

if stancy is endgame im setting fires to buildings i want you all to know this. also fuck a steddie and a ronance but that goes without saying

what’s the most toxic fandom you’ve been in?:

stranger things. riverdales a close second but stranger things... you are all genuinely mentally unwell i would like to speak to your therapists and tell them shit aint working

list three things you find beautiful about life:

the ocean my best friend the ocean. animals just be out here looking for pets... brings a tear to my eye. im really struggling for a third life is bad lmfao my best friend? thats it.

any dreams for the future?

i try not to think about the future it gives me panic attacks

how are you really feeling today?

sleepy

tagging (no pressure): @panickedpenguin @avalonlights @ihaveacorgi @imsodishy

[14hithardfr]

Shitty Ass Depression Standarts

TW: mention of suicide and depression (past time)

Decided to start some kind of journal here to share my personal experiences with ongoing depression.

I am not good at giving backstories, so I will provide some simple details that need to be mentioned before starting. I've struggled with depression since 8th grade and have been diagnosed and taking psychiatric support since 9th. I've attempted several times before and the last one was 8 months ago. Since then I've also been taking therapy and it has made me slightly better.

But the issue here is, even though therapy made me more conscious about my feelings and myself I am still on and off depressed, which seems very corny to write right now because I am uncomfortable sharing my experiences with people I do not know. I think that is because I am not seemingly depressed: I eat, sleep enough, buy stuff for myself sometimes, make an effort to get ready when I wake up, go out with my friends, and talk about my problems with my close ones... If you knew my standards you definitely wouldn't think I am depressed. However I am not even able to go to school and when I go, I skip classes. I think this is the shittiest part. When you are feeling unwell because you cannot reach the "normal" standards a person should have in their life, such as maintaining healthy relationships or going to school and paying attention to your lessons, you still have to fit some other standards so that people can see you are not alright and need a break or special treatment. And probably most of yall will be like "Nobody is thinking like that" Yeah not on here or not when you are taking treatment (mostly) but other people who do not struggle with mental health have this perception about depression that when you are depressed, your room needs to be messy, or you shouldn't be taking care of yourself.

Of course, more and more people are getting educated about this every day, especially teachers but still if someone came up to you and underestimated your problems you would feel bad enough to fall into a worse mental state, even if it is your next door neighbor who does not have any hair in his head. And the distress that comes from hearing this from your close circle such as your relatives or friends...

I know this is something a lot of people are probably dealing with. So I was thinking and said why not write it here :p Love yall I promise it will get better for all of us <3

[fridakahloblvd]

just want all my followers out there to know that i am truly mentally unwell ;) im the messiest person i know :) i am severely undisciplined. i hope yall know that. i also talk really fast and cant hear very well. would you send my profile to your favorite single people? i am very willing to lose any and all virginities ;) i do not disassociate during sexy times and i always know when something funny is happening. i’ll wear a babydoll teddy or A silk robe with feathers if you send me money. my address is gaylord usa hope that helps ;)

i will not cum and i will require fan edits of nightcrawler and wolverine or Barou Shohei to get me into the mood. if i fart do not say anything or ill cry

[shkspr]

tagged by @babyyodablackwood to post my wip titles and then yall send asks for ones you would like me to elaborate upon !!

my wip folder is a mess i have another folder inside there called active wips but im gonna post all of the titles bc thats more fun. these are from several fandoms and also some orig fic 😊

(titles with asterisks are nsfw 😳)

l-rd preserve me im back on my bullshit

you are just mad bc you are horny*

i am ~mentally unwell~

martin is a saint literally a saint*

incurable poemtree disorder

jewish martin dot pepe silvia

maybe in a year*

now is all that matters*

g-d is a dyke

moffat syndrome but make it good

absolutely no sense of workplace decorum*

scheming

in space no one can hear you scream*

one pea and three cups

what if we mutually pined for each other and we were both [redacted]

crossy stars

rosemary for remembrance

i think this kid's just gay

vices

a helping hand (but only if it's yours)

apocalypse but make it pretentious pontification

this ship ain't big enough for both our egos*

i suck at tagging people but if we are mutuals and you are willing to share then you can say i tagged you bc i would like to see it 💛

[wingedhq]

I don’t think you should be that hard on people who are inactive. Yes unfollow them, but try not to be rude about it. You have no idea what’s happening in their lives. People also leave bc they don’t have muse. I’m not trying to be mean. But they arent inactive because they are trying to hurt or personally attack you. As an admin, you should try to be careful with what you say. (It’s obvi not a huge thing, but for some who are not mentally okay, being attacked in any way shape or form hurts.)

as someone who has been severely mentally unwell and as someone who has suffered from lifelong anxiety and social stressors, i genuinely want to apologize if i’ve enabled the negative progression of someone’s illness or unrest. it was never my intention to hurt anyone, but i was coming from a place of hurt myself because both laila and i poured so much of our time and energy and happiness into this rp and were more than disheartened to see a whopping EIGHT people just poof into the air. i get that some may have left for mental health reasons, but a ‘please unfollow :(’ has not and never will be something unfathomably difficult. if it is, then you are 110% excused for my disappointment and can come back and ask for your spot without ANY fears of being shut down. i get it, both of us do, because we’ve been there and we know that not everything is black and white and everyone experiences things differently. just understand that we want this to last, and going inactive for three+ days is inexcusable. mental health is a valid and more than understandable excuse to leave, but it is not an excuse to make a promise to commit yourself to anything and leave people hanging without a word. that negative action is detrimental to everyone’s mental health and it becomes this vicious cycle of unhappiness and demotivation. i’m not trying to trivialize anyone’s intimate and personal struggles when i say that i’m upset that these people ghosted, but what i am trying to say is that every app is a promise to be here and to be dedicated and to be willing to inform us of a hiatus or setback. i do not feel like they were like ‘aye yo lemme ghost on this gal heneen i never liked her anyway,’ i’m saying that i wanted this to work out better than it did because this is something you were supposed to commit to and it is something we are all invested in. it was not an attack, not on me nor the inactives, but it is immature and we should all know better. if you’re hurt, i’m sorry and i didn’t mean it to be hurtful to you, but i was incredibly worried that this rp would die and, thankfully, it didn’t, but people ghosting has and always will decimate the activity in a roleplay. having a light, ‘its okay we’re cool w yall just poppin for a day and basically killin the rp!!’ approach will make this roleplay literally croak. i’ve seen it happen within a day. we’re not letting that happen, and if a ‘you should know better, you’re adults’ is too much, then i don’t know what else i could do? just know that i am sorry if i hurt any individual, but i am not sorry for wanting this rp to last and taking something i worked hard on, just as admin laila has, to be taken for granted. we are willing to welcome EVERYONE with open arms, but we are not a pit stop along the way. you, similarly, are not a hitch-hiker or a tourist here, and i have no intentions of treating you like a stranger or lesser. you matter, and your health matters, so please understand yourself and your capabilities as an individual before investing your time and our time into other people and a generally greater environment around. if you need time away for mental health, then you can have all the time in the world. if any of y’all feel personally belittled, please come to me off anon and i will send you every apology in the book and mean every word because i wasn’t that tight dw.. that aggravated stuff was directed at those who left and knew exactly what they were doing — not to those who left because of their mental health. i’m sorry if i hurt you, and i never, ever meant to negatively impact someone’s mental health. i was merely voicing that they negatively impacted my rp and something i was really dedicated about. again, all the love and all the apology, if it applies. - admin heneen ♥