#yall are NUTS at how much you HATE the idea of him having an ID

[engagemythrusters]

yknow. I'm gonna say it.

What is so wrong about Wrecker potentially not being smart? What is so wrong about someone being "dumb?" Every single goddamn post I have seen about this just... looks down on people who aren't conventionally smart. Like. What in fucks name is that about?

I'm not saying turn him into a goddamn baby like some people do. But I'm saying it's just fucking fine if he's ""dumb."" He doesn't have to be intelligent.

Also. Some of these posts just come across really fucking ableist btw. It's not a bad thing to have an intellectual disability... why are you all acting like it's such a crime if he did have one? Christ almighty you all are just as bad as people who fucking baby him. You don't fucking HAVE to put down intellecutal disabilities just because you don't like one idea.

[tianshanz]

What's your favorite anime? And why?

heyo!! thanks for the ask because holy damn, and this specific question is a good one for me because i could go on and on about this anime

my favorite anime of all time, and one of my favorite mangas, is durarara!! for many many reasons, but let me go over a few of them.

POST CONTAINS SPOILERS

first of all, lets go back to when i was 11 or 12 years old and id just heard of durarara from a friend of mine. thought it would be boring, and honestly, in the beginning i did. i thought that the first few episodes were slow, so i put it down for a while. but when i returned i realized WHY the first few episodes are slow. because once you get past them, the story progresses like a gunshot and everything goes crazy. which i absolutely loved.

i watched the dub, which to this day i stand by, loving the durarara dub. and johnny yong bosch’s voice for izaya is one of my biggest inspirations for wanting to become a voice actress.

so lets get into the full reasons why i love this anime so much. we have to start on the animation, the art style. of course i was way into the manga art style, and went absolutely fuckin nuts when i saw the second series was going to have an art style more similar to the manga. the characters are drawn in a way that makes them unique, especially in the manga the facial expressions were so vivid and, in izayas case, absolutely terrifying.

so that brings me to my favorite part of the series. the characters. in anime you tend to get the cliche characters-- the protag, the tsundere, the loli, things like that, but durarara was never like that for me.

it was the first time i ever saw a creature like celty in an anime, id never seen a dullahan or even heard of one, so props to narita for including that. there was never a character made to specifically fit into a cliche. even walker and erika, who on the surface seem like typical otakus, are nothing at all just “typical otakus”

and oh god, the dynamic between shizuo and izaya. lemme tell ya. this isnt a shizaya stan post but man am i a slut for some shizaya. but canon shizuo and izaya discourse was so interesting. the dynamic between them was nothing like a typical enemies or rivals situation id seen. these two genuinely wanted to see the other suffer, and why was this?

because izaya was a sadist and shizuo had a bad feeling about him.

of course there was stuff after that, fueling the rage and hatred between them, but there was such a genuine desire to kill each other and it was so cool to see (plus their fight scenes were glorious).

mikado was one of the most interesting characters in the series to me, aside from izaya. he starts out as an innocent guy who fears everything but we learn that not only is he the leader and founder of the dollars, but he has a side of him that is willing to hurt and kill and destroy for his own gain.

izaya orihara is almost the opposite in this sense. in volume 13 of the light novels, shinra says this about izaya.  

"He may seem cold-blooded, but he is more human, and his heart more brittle than anybody else, so much so that if you filled it with human love or betrayal, it would break easily, which is why, I think, he chose from the start to avoid it all, to love humanity, you understand? Not to accept, not to face it, to avoid it." 

as opposed to mikados idea to act innocent to hide a darker side of himself, izaya opts to darken his personality and exterior to hide his inner turmoil. and thats what makes every one of his decisions so much more interesting. if only to protect his own heart, he pushes everyone away with his manipulations and his schemes. also, with my own interest in psychology and human observation, i relate to him a little bit.

lastly, i wanted to take a part of this to talk about how this series had a huge focus on companionship, love, and obsession. 

when it comes to companionship, there was a huge focus on the friendship between anri, mikado, and masaomi. the three of them were close from the beginning, but all the drama and violence brought them even closer than they ever could be without it. mikado was so distraught over the way he hurt others he was scared to hurt his real friends, leading him to attempt suicide. 

and despite his own injuries, masaomi ignored his own pain to try and talk mikado out of it. in his own, special way (in the dub he called mikado a pussy lol). but they all got out okay, thankfully, and in the end there was a focus on them being together, safe and sound, away from the chaos and hatred.

when it comes to love, there was a huge focus on shinra and celty. i think ive never seen a couple as wholesome as those two (as pervy as shinra is). shinra casted away all humans, finding them uninteresting. makes sense his first and only love would be a supernatural creature.

the two had such a genuine love, shinra would do anything for celty, even going to the extent to destroy her head in the end so she would stay in ikebukuro with him. as strange as it sounds, he knew she would need that push to stay where she truly wanted to be. and celty would do anything for shinra, the reason she was leaving ikebukuro was to protect him.

and obsession, oh boy was there a lot of themes of obsession. aside from the obvious choice of talking about haruna niekawa, lets go for something less but still obvious. shizuo and izayas rivalry.

yall cant tell me there wasnt a degree of obsession in their relationship. shizuo and izaya were absolutely obsessed with each other, but as much as crazy shizaya stans will wanna convince you, this was not a romantic obsession. not even a sexual obsession, the two were just genuinely obsessed with hurting each other. for the adrenaline, for revenge, for fun, whatever part it was, there was a heavy blanket of obsession between the two of them.

i mean seriously, these two were so obsessed with killing each other that they were essentially killing themselves. its amazing to see that much dedication, and it was all because they hated each other. no normal person would go to such an extent for someone they were not desperately obsessed with. obviously, obsession doesnt always have to do with sex or love, let izaya and shizuo be your examples on that bit of info.

this post was a mess, and it was all over the place, but i tried my best to convey my thoughts and feelings for this show into words. its hard for me, because this show means so much to me, and a lot of it i cant really explain, its a deep rooted love that i dont think ill ever let go of. this has been my favorite anime for 6 years, and most likely will continue to be my favorite anime throughout the years to come.

[tamiddyinyourcity]

12:40pm, I woke up exhausted.

Good news is I successfully had an orgasm today! Clit machine no longer broke, yall!

And.... yall know the opposite of the good news.

Subpar news: got a date today.

Not sure how I feel about it.

I kinda hate the idea of a nonserious relationship, but cringe at the idea of "taking it slow" for a real one... I find it pointless.

I guess that's why me and Patrick spent the whole first date talking politically, then the 2nd date, I was his first time, so.... yeah, things moved fast. I like it better that way.

(I kinda loathe the idea of holding back from sex for the sake of "keeping someone"..... If its the right person, they'll adore me whether or not they've had their dick in me for six seconds? Since well, even when the nut is gone, the good ass personality stays, only a dickhead would lose interest that fast.)

Yay, no wonder I had low self esteem for years. Kept having dudes with the "once i nut, why stick around" mentality with girls. I wonder why Patrick stayed? I guess he did have a genuine crush, back then. Plus, I imagine that being the first time factored potentially into emotions? I dunno.

Then again, Ethan went from "wow, ive never talked to someone like this before, never this deeply and personal", had his first time with me, and still went "id probably never date you though", and laughing, despite holding my hand and having his arm around me????? What is wrong with men???? You can't have your cake and eat it too, I hate niggas that do that.

...

Anyways.

Gonnna get gelato with Calvin. It'll be amusing seeing him, considering the last few times I saw him:

We got into a shouting fight in a chinese restaurant over me passively asking him to sit up straight when he talks. (He was ironically talking about how he wanted to appear more confident..... fucking dweeb.)

I sent him a very, very lengthy, thought piece on how I thought he was "bitch-made".

I told him about Patrick #1, which pissed him off. (Not that I was seeing someone else, that i described the someone else as "more confident than you".)

Then I saw him at the same Halloween Party I went with Patrick #2 to. (The party where I definitely realized I liked Patrick a lot, since he was starting to click with me way easier.) Calvin saw me, half-tipsy and Joker'd up, and instantly dipped. It was amusing.

Nice.

Random good memory: Patrick holding my hand across the table at a party, and for some reason, we were doing the best Belle Delphine faces possible..... was oddly hot.

And then the party ended, and we just kinda sat in his car with the intent of falling asleep till me and him sobered up. He still wasn't suave, so despite me looking at him and going, "Oh, he's trying to hint that he's horny", (every guy makes a specific face when they wanna fuck,) so he just blatantly said, "I really wanna kiss you right now". Cue steamed windows, somehow all the clown makeup on my face being removed, aaaaaaaaaand a very new side of him that I hadn't seen before.... Hot!

I've had lots of "laying down half asleep with a Drunk Patrick" moments, now that I think about it.... I miss that. :/

Extremely cramped and cold car, but it was funny, the conversations we had. And being borderline contortionists, trying to find ways to fit our scrawny asses in one car seat to cuddle, instead of just... going to the back seat.... or sleeping in two separate seats.

Another random good memory: his head would gravitate towards mine whenever I showed him something on my phone.

A normal person would stand shoulder to shoulder.

But a guy who's attracted to you, will instantly lean into you and rest his forehead against yours, like a magnet stuck to another magnet. To see whats on your phone.

Its amazing.

It was, at least.... oh well.

Random not good memory: Patrick letting a man spit in my face and try to attack me. What's the point of dating a person that can't defend his girlfriend? And of course if he shies away at that, I don't know why I expected to so much as tell a toxic friend, "if you plan to start a problem, dont show up".

I still really hate him for that day. It was so simple. She would've either not shown up, but still been your friend anyway and gotten over it, since why throw away a long term friendship over some girl you dont like?

Or, she would've shown up and not started shit.

Easy peasy.

But oh, sure, Patrick, choose the method of uninviting your significant other, and then thinking that was enough to end the relationship. How amazing.

.....

I need more time from him. When I can get to the point where I don't think about how he got a night of laughs with his friends without me, and enjoyed it enough to no longer wanna date me.....

Then, I've healed enough.

For now, I'm not gonna hang with him unless I'm bored or desperate enough.

And I got a date to get ready for.

Gelato, Calvin, and a good time.

Maybe I'll finally remove my new decade virginity. I haven't had sex in 17 days, so, lets hope this is good.