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joelalorian · 1 year ago

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Tides of Desire - Chapter Three: The Cut of One's Jib

Pairing: Yacht Captain!Joel Miller x f!reader

Series Summary: TLOU no outbreak AU. Joel Miller is a luxury yacht captain running charters in the Caribbean. You join the crew as a deckhand and unexpectedly complicate Joel's peaceful existence. Basically the TLOU bunch on a Below Deck yacht.

Series warnings: 18+ MDNI, adventure, alcohol, injuries, fluff, angst, smut (eventual), slowish burn. Reader is a badass. Smallish age gap (reader is 32 or so, Joel is 40). Additional warnings will be posted with each chapter as needed. No use of y/n.

Series masterlist

Chapter Three: The Cut of One's Jib

Daylight barely made it through the porthole to pierce your eyelids, aggravating the fucking epic hangover you were sporting. Every part of your body ached, but none more so than your head. There must have been several angry little men with jackhammers battering away at your brain, it was the only explanation for the level of pain being inflicted.

Dreading the very thought of getting out of bed, you slunk onto the floor, legs already unable to perform their function. You needed sustenance asap, and no light breakfast would suffice. You needed a full, greasy spread and about a gallon of diet coke to take off the edge of this wretched hangover.

What was it you said to Joel that first day aboard the yacht? You liked to make sure your hangovers were worth it?

Yeah, that was a fucking lie. You had lots of fun last night, but not enough to justify a Stage 5 Hangover like this – what the hell?

It had to be the fucking shots. They were always enough to ruin a fine night out.

Food. No more thinking, you needed food before your aching brain could process much of anything.

Stumbling out of the cabin in rumpled pajamas, hair a wild mess around your head, you headed straight for the fridge in the crew mess and grabbed two cans of Diet Coke, two eggs, bacon, and cheese. Next, you grabbed a large bagel from the bread box, and proceeded to fry up the eggs and bacon. In record time, you were seated at the table devouring your greasy breakfast sandwich – an American staple as far as you were concerned – with a heavy sigh.

Your mouth was full, a bit of grease dripping down your chin, when Joel entered, his eyes raking over you with a furrowed brow. Too hungover to feel embarrassed, you merely nodded your head at him and kept eating.

“Fun night, I take it?” His tone was more clipped than usual while he turned to get a pot of coffee going. He preferred the pot rather than the Keurig, you noticed early on. Something about freshly grinding his own beans and letting the coffee percolate, he told you during a prior conversation.

“Mmhmm,” you replied around another mouthful of food. You swallowed, followed by a large gulp of soda from the can. “Listen, about your offer to guide me – how and when would you like to do this?”

Turning back to you, Joel assessed the view before him, dark eyes cataloguing your current hot mess state. “Well, you’re clearly in no shape to start anythin’ today. I’ll talk to Tommy later – once we pull lines on the next charter, you’ll come up to the bridge to steer us out of the marina. Good?”

Eyes widening, you nodded. “Er, yeah, that sounds spectacular. Thanks, Joel.”

His eyes softened slightly though he remained a tad standoffish compared to prior interactions. You weren’t sure why he was acting that way, but you also did not have the mental capacity to worry about it too much. The food and soda merely took the edge off the massive headache. You needed a shit ton of water and several more hours of sleep.

“Well, I’m heading back to bed to sleep this shit off,” you informed Joel as you grabbed a couple bottles of water and shuffled back to your cabin. He watched you go, face shadowed with a frown.

…………………………….

“Did you enjoy yourself last night?” Tommy’s eyebrows shot upwards at his brother’s tone. It was almost accusatory and left him bewildered. The events of the night before flashed through his mind trying to recall whatever he’d supposedly done to annoy Joel. Aside from getting quite drunk and dancing, mostly with you, he couldn’t think of anything. Unless… wait, was that it?

It was a routine on the yacht for the Millers to gather for breakfast as a family on their off day prior to each new charter and the three of them sat on the flybridge while the rest of the crew relaxed elsewhere. That morning, breakfast was rife with abnormal tension from Joel and Tommy’s hangover had him in a mood. Sarah merely sat watching the two of them with curiosity.

“I did, actually. Not sure why that annoys you though, brother.”

“Hmph,” Joel grunted in return, turning his attention back to the eggs Tess was kind enough to make him.

“You really gonna take that tone with me and not even tell me why?” Tommy growled in annoyance, matching dark eyes clashing as they glared at each other across the table.

“Oh, for the love of…” Sarah sighed, her fork clattering against the empty plate before her. “You two are ridiculous. You know you’re supposed to be grown men yet you both act like sullen little boys fighting over the same toy.”

“’Xcuse you?” Joel muttered, matching Tommy’s sputtered utterance of, “Rude.”

Scooping her fork up, Sarah used it to point at her father, her eyes meeting those of her uncle. “He has a… thing… for England and you were practically all over her last night.”

The scowl returned to Joel’s face – fucking hell, was he really that obvious? – and Tommy’s eyebrows popped up to nearly meet his hairline. “Well, shit,” he sighed at the realization that Joel had the hots for someone, finally. Sucked that it was the same woman he, too, found extremely attractive.

“Yeah, so maybe the two of you could keep it in your pants until the season’s over? She doesn’t need you both perving over her while she’s trying to do her job.” Sarah was only half-serious, having already picked up on the way you react to her father, which was entirely different to how you reacted to Tommy. You clearly had the hots for Joel as well and she thought you would make a nice couple. Knowing her dad as she did, though, Sarah knew that he wouldn’t do anything about it while on the yacht.

“For fuck’s sake, can we put an end to this conversation?” Joel stood, the words coming out of his mouth with a hint of mortification mixed with his obvious annoyance. Before either Sarah or Tommy could respond, he was gone.

Turning back to her uncle, Sarah looked at him pleadingly. “Maybe just chill this season, yeah?” He knew at once that she wanted him to back off from flirting or making a move on you and Tommy agreed. He wasn’t looking for a relationship anyway – seasonal or otherwise – just a bit of fun that he could find elsewhere. Joel was the relationship guy, when he allowed himself the indulgence, and you deserved that kind of treatment.

……………………………………………

Joel’s voice was a deep rumble over the radio calling for Sarah, Tess, and Tommy to meet on the bridge for the preference sheet meeting the next day. It was time for the rundown on the next charter.

“Our next charter is a bachelorette party.” Joel passed out copies of the preference sheets, the announcement drawing groans from Sarah and Tess and a gleeful grin from Tommy. “Eight women in their thirties – I need you to be on your best behavior, Tommy.”

“Why you gotta call me out like that, Joel?” the younger Miller brother grumbled, feathers ruffled.

“Gimme a break, Tommy. We all know you’re a sucker for bachelorette parties and you know the rules on charter.” Joel’s voice was firm, not willing to budge on the rule against fraternization with guests, no matter how attractive and willing they might be.

“Yeah, well, fifty bucks says at least one of them tries to get in the captain’s pants,” Tommy fired back earning himself a piercing glare from his brother.

Focused back on discussing the preference sheets, the department heads reviewed the primary guest’s requests – beach excursion with a barbecue lunch, water activities, a tour of the historic streets of San Juan, and, on the final night, a male review featuring the male crew, including the captain.

The contrast between Tommy’s glee and Joel’s distaste at the final request was comical, Sarah and Tess easily gave in to laughter at their expense. The blazing burn of the glare aimed at them from Joel did little to temper their amusement.

“Zip it already,” Joel grumbled, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he sat back in his seat. “Tess, why don’t you run through their food preferences for us.”

The requests amounted to typical yachting delicacies, but Tess knew that a group like this would consume a fuck ton of alcohol and the culinary cravings would likely shift to requests for fried or comfort foods. After making a few notes, Joel called the meeting to an end. The crew spent the rest of the day readying the boat.

The following morning started out with an unexpected squall – high winds and rain battered the marina for a few hours, leaving Joel to stress over the weather radar, hoping for a break in the storm in time for the arrival of the charter guests. If it didn’t, they would be stuck in the marina far longer than he’d prefer and it would affect his ability to have you steer the boat out to sea.

Joel found himself waffling back and forth between excitement to work closer with you and fear of getting too close – he still thought the offer to help you was his dumbest idea yet, but the thought of calling it off left him feeling hollow.

The squall blew through just in time for the guests to unload from their taxi, the ground still wet beneath their high heels. The women were already boisterous, screeches and girlish laughter piercing Joel’s ears as he and the crew lined up to greet them on the aft deck. The co-primaries were the maid of honor, a stunning brunette with impossibly long legs and a touch too much makeup, and the bachelorette herself, a tanned blonde with the prettiest ringlet curls adorning her head.

The women’s attention was instantly piqued at the sight of Joel and Tommy as the two most attractive of the crew, their eyes raking over them with hunger.

“Welcome aboard the Radiance, ladies,” Joel greeted the group once they all had flutes of champagne in hand. “Sarah will give you a tour and take you to your cabins. Please let any of us know if you need anything.”

“Would you join us for dinner this evening, Captain?” the maid of honor, Jessica, questioned before following Sarah to the upper decks, her slender hand sliding down his tanned bicep and forearm. The action left a trail of gooseflesh in its wake and Joel’s lips thinned prior to forcing a closed-mouth smile.

“It would be my honor,” he rasped, subtly stepping back from the woman. Joel’s eyes caught yours in a wide-eyed gaze as he realized you witnessed the interaction. You were gone before he could assess your expression.

………………..

You and Ellie worked the lines on the stern, listening to Tommy call out instructions over the radio as the engines spurred to life. You loved the burn in your shoulders and arms from hauling the lines in, it was an excellent workout. Once they were secured, Ellie turned to you.

“So, this is gonna be an interesting charter.” You grunted in agreement, already uninterested in watching a group of women throw themselves at Joel and Tommy. Before you could add anything of substance to the conversation, Joel radioed, requesting your presence on the bridge.

It was time to have your first lesson with Joel. Ellie’s face lit up, teasing you as you left.

Hands trembling with nervous energy, you made your way up to the bridge. Joel stood at the controls, still clad in his dress whites, the material hugging his broad build, and feet bare. You noticed that Joel loved to walk around the yacht shoeless. You weren’t a foot person, often finding them gross, but even you had to admit that Joel had nice feet – they were large, with long toes, and he clearly took care of them.

Your name was breathed into the room, drawing your attention to the fact that you stood there just staring at the man for however long. “Hi Cap,” you greeted with a bashful smile gracing your lips.

“You ready for your first lesson in being a Captain?” Joel waved you over, stepping aside to allow you to stand in front of the wheel. Instructing you on where to place your hands, he began pointing out the sight lines and various meters and equipment to keep an eye on while the yacht traveled out of the marina.

His deep voice was like velvet washing over you as you absorbed everything like a sponge. Despite your clear attraction and nervous energy, working with Joel felt natural, like you’d done it for years. He was a knowledgeable and patient teacher, and you soaked up his instruction and praise. Once the yacht was out in the open water, the pair of you watched the horizon.

“Thank you for this,” you gestured with your left hand across the bridge, the underside of your wrist catching Joel’s attention. His large hand gently grasped your hand, turning it palm up, and a long, thick finger traced over the pattern of the beautiful compass rose tattoo on your wrist. A delightful chill swept over you leaving gooseflesh in its wake.

“Beautiful,” Joel whispered, his dark gaze caught yours, his large hand still delicately grasping your smaller one. “I never noticed it before. Does it have meaning to you?”

You nodded dazedly, the warmth of his touch against your skin a distraction to clear thinking. “It’s an homage to my grandfather representing our combined love for the sea and it keeps me pointed in the right direction on my adventures.”

“Very fitting.” His voice rumbled from his chest and your hand fell from his grip. Clearing his throat, Joel made idle conversation, wanting you to linger on the bridge a little longer until you had to return to your duties. “Where do you call homebase when you’re not yachting?”

“It varies, I move around a lot, but right now I have an apartment on the gulf coast of Florida. How about you?”

“Sarah, Tommy, and I all live in Austin, Texas during our downtime. I’ve owned a house there since Sarah was born,” Joel explained.

“Is that near the water? Sorry, I don’t know Texas well.” You couldn’t imagine him living too far from sea.

“We have some rivers and lakes nearby, but it’s several hours away from the Gulf. We thought about moving to the coast, but there’s just something about Austin that I don’t want to leave.” Joel’s eyes softened further, likely recalling years of happy memories from back home.

You nodded, a tender smile on your lips. “It must be a nice feeling to have a connection to one place like that. I’ve never known that having shuffled around so much, even when my parents were alive. I guess the closest I’ve come was my grandfather’s cottage in England.”

“Do you have any siblings?” Joel asked suddenly and you shook your head. “No, I’m all alone in this world. I’m an only child and lost my parents about ten years ago, only a few years after my grandfather. They were both only children as well, our family was very small.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” he sighed, thick arms pulling you into a tight hug with your head tucked against his chest. Your arms slid around his waist of their own accord. The hug was warm with just the right amount of pressure – a niggling thought squirmed its way through your mind that hugs from Joel were the closest you’ve ever come to a feeling like ‘home’. The pair of you stood like that for interminable minutes, neither willing to let go, until Tommy called your name over the radio startling you from the peaceful moment.

Feeling vulnerable, you blurted a rushed goodbye and fled back to your duties. Your thoughts remained on Joel the rest of the day as the attraction grew the more time you spent with him.

Joel was in the same boat, pardon the pun, feeling the attraction grow as he learned more and more about you, each new bit of information making him curiouser still. His mind was pre-occupied with thoughts of you later that evening while dressing for dinner with the charter guests. It was something he was not the least bit looking forward to, but he could not turn down a dinner request.

The women were already seated at an elegantly decorated table on the flybridge – he made a mental note to commend Sarah and the other stews on their table décor – when he sidled up, dressed in his black uniform. Joel could feel all eyes on him, it felt like he was a piece of meat as he settled at the head of the table.

“Evening ladies,” he greeted, elbows perched on the table and hands clasped. Joel geared himself up as best he could, but these women were an unknown quantity having been drinking all day. He anticipated this dinner would be… annoying. Joel already sorted out a safe word with Sarah as a signal for her to call him away for some made up emergency if things got out of hand.

Almost immediately, the tipsy women began flirting, fluttering their eyelashes and staring with glassy doe eyes at him. The woman nearest him immediately squeezed his bicep without regard to his discomfort. “Do you work out, Captain?”

Joel grunted out a no, stating that yachting and staying active on the water was often a workout in itself.

“I bet it is,” Jessica, the maid of honor, chimed in from across the table, eyeing him with that hungry gaze again. Yep, he was definitely a piece of meat. “Tell me, Captain, are you single?”

Knowing that question was bound to pop up, Joel groaned internally. He briefly considered lying as thoughts of you flashed through his mind, but he settled for the truth in the end. “Yes. I don’t really have time for dating right now.”

“You’re still a man with needs that have to be satisfied,” Jessica purred, the rest of the table letting out collective sighs and giggles.

Good lord, Joel thought, this woman was downright predatory. “Sure, yeah.” The first course finally arrived, and Joel met his daughter’s eyes with a pleading look, silently begging her to get him out of this awkwardness.

The incorrigible maid of honor barely waited for the stews to place the plates down before continuing her pursuit of him. “Tell me, do you ever satisfy those needs with charter guests?”

You happened to step out on the flybridge at that moment, gasping with the impertinence of the question. Joel’s eyes shot to yours, wide and mortified. Your gazes remained locked as he replied with a sharp, “No. I don’t partake in nor tolerate that kind of impropriety on my boat.”

Sarah caught the safe word – impropriety – at once and stepped up to her dad’s side, bending to whisper in his ear. “Jesus Christ, dad. Let’s get you out of here before they rip off your uniform and have you for dinner.”

Joel’s face remained stoic as he nodded, gaze finally breaking from yours and turned to those seated at the table. “If you’ll excuse me, ladies, there’s an urgent matter I must deal with on the bridge.”

Shot from his seat like a rocket, Joel stormed past you, waves of anger and embarrassment washing over him. What a fucking disaster.

……………………….

The charter got progressively worse for Joel – Tommy, too – as the women binged on alcohol all day and flirted outrageously with the handsome brothers. Tommy was more tolerant of it, dancing flirtatiously along the edge, giving just enough sass back to keep them entertained without ever crossing the line. On the other hand, Joel had more than enough of the harpies after that first night and did not respond to their efforts beyond valiant attempts at polite, tight-lipped smiles. He kept to himself as much as possible the entire week, trying his best to avoid further embarrassing interactions.

It was all for naught. The maid of honor was relentless, going so far as trying to bribe Ellie into showing her where the captain’s quarters were late one night while she was on anchor watch. You were horrified on Joel’s behalf when Ellie told you the following morning. You were surprised the lecherous woman hadn’t explored the whole ship to hunt him down.

Sarah and her team were running ragged, constantly ‘on’ trying to keep the women entertained enough to distract them from harassing her father further.

Somehow, you all made it to the final night of the charter – the night the guests requested the male review. In all her infinite wisdom – before she realized quite how horrid these guests would be – Sarah ordered special uniforms for the men to wear for the review. They were basically Speedos patterned in the flag of the state or country each man was from. The women on the crew were lost in hysterical laughter when you informed them that your Australian ex-boyfriend always called them ‘budgie smugglers’. That became the crew’s new name for the small strips of fabric and the look on the faces of Bill and Joel when they were shown what they’d have to wear was something you’d never forget.

“What the fuck is this?” Bill barked gruffly, the scrap of fabric dangling from his pointer finger. His bearded face was marred with clear disdain. “I am not wearing this in front of guests. Or at all, for that matter.”

“Oh, come on, Bill!�� Frank chided; his handsome face lit up with glee. Along with Sammy and Tommy, he was far too entertained by the idea of parading around in the tiny swimwear. “It’s all in good fun and will get us a good tip.”

While Frank continued his efforts to persuade Bill to participate, Joel’s eyes were shooting daggers at his daughter. “Sarah, baby girl, you can’t be serious with this shit,” he murmured. “I can’t wear this and only this in front of these women. They’ll eat me alive!”

As much as you would love to see Joel in a budgie smuggler, you were inclined to agree with him that he could not possibly wear one in front of these women, especially when you all knew they would be several sheets to the wind at that point.

Tommy, however, disagreed. “If I have to wear one, then so do you, brother. Man up, Joel.”

“I know, I’m sorry. But I promise, Dad, you will only be in front of them long enough for one song,” Sarah added, “then you can go back to hiding.”

Knowing he couldn’t make his crew do it if he wasn’t also willing – he was a collaborative leader, after all – Joel relented, grumbling under his breath the whole time. On the other hand, Bill adamantly refused to give in and even went so far as to tell Joel to fire him for insubordination. Of course, Joel would never, not for such a ridiculous cause, so he let the gruff man off the hook.

After a decadent dinner of pan-seared monkfish, sea scallops, and a bunch of other delicious-looking food you had no idea how to pronounce, the women were practically vibrating in their seats awaiting the show. The wine flowed along with the hooting and hollering for the male crew to come out once the table was cleared.

With Bill taking anchor watch, the rest of you were allowed to attend the show for the fun of it. You and Ellie stood off to the side with Emmy and Talia while Sarah played the MC. The men didn’t allow any of you to see them in their outfits before the show, so your mouth dropped open in authentic surprise when they each burst through the door to the flybridge, chests bare and bronzed, cocks secured in their budgie smugglers.

Tommy volunteered to be first, always willing to show off in front of the ladies. Your eyes widened at the size of him in the small bit of fabric. He was definitely above average, a thin happy trail leading down his toned stomach, and all of the guests noticed. Frank, Connor, and Sammy followed, each putting on a little show as they danced onto the deck. You were quite impressed with Frank’s moves.

To no one’s surprise, Joel emerged last, posture stiff and unyielding, bare feet practically stomping onto the flybridge. The sight of so much of him bare before your eyes caused your stomach to flip. Broad, tanned chest sparsely peppered with hair. Tummy slightly soft. Arms and legs thick with sinewy muscle. His budgie smuggler was patterned with the Texas state flag, just like Tommy’s, the lone star distorted with the sheer size of the bulge beneath the material. He was fucking huge, putting all of the other men on the boat to shame. Your eyes drank him in, pink tongue darting out to moisten your lips, your heartbeat staccato in your chest, your thighs clenched.

Joel’s scowl was etched in stone until his darting eyes met and held yours. Your reaction to him was visceral and he drank it in, using it to power through the awful experience. There was no doubt in his mind now, you were definitely attracted to him, and his confidence soared. The catcalls from the guests became background noise as he held your gaze, body moving without thought to the beat of the song playing through the speakers.

The song ended, the jeers of the guests the only sound left filling the night air.

“Take it off, Captain! Let us see that thing you’re working with!” the maid of honor exclaimed, practically salivating over the gorgeous man. Her body was already out of her seat trying to get to Joel, a desperate, feral gleam in her eyes.

You could read his lips as his heated gaze broke from yours, that sinful mouth forming the words ‘oh shit’ as the insane woman’s fingertips closed in on his bare chest. With panic in those soulful dark eyes, Joel turned sharply and fled to the safety of his quarters.

………………………………….

It was a relief to everyone when the bachelorette party charter finally departed for destination unknown. That was the strangest charter you ever experienced; the women were downright desperate for the Miller brothers, particularly Joel.

A mix of concern and lust for Joel plagued you all night, leaving you feeling dirty and no better than the women who objectified him the entirety of their charter. Your mind would not let go of the picture it snapped of him standing nervous yet proud in nothing but the budgie smugglers, looking like temptation incarnate. It flashed across your eyelids every time you closed your eyes. It played on repeat in your dreams. It haunted you in the shower in the morning and you caved to the unyielding throb in your core, fingers dipping to strum at your clit until the pressure snapped, teeth piercing your bottom lip nearly hard enough to break the skin in the effort to suppress your moans.

Flaming heat flooded your skin as the shame washed over you, the cold water flowing from the showerhead doing little to temper the burn. How could you face him after this? You really were no better than those desperate women.

You were quiet and atypically reserved as you joined Connor, Ellie, and Tommy in docking the boat, silently following Tommy’s callouts over the radio and nodding to Connor to respond when needed. You avoided gazes while hefting the guests’ luggage off the yacht. You hid at the tail end when the crew lined up, as far from Joel as you could possibly get on the aft deck. Forced smiles and false well wishes sounded down the line as the women thanked the crew, fawning over Tommy and Joel one last time, the maid of honor bold enough to slip her number into Joel’s pocket despite his scowl and complete rebuttal of her advances.

First to return to the deck crew duties, you missed seeing Joel discard the slip of paper in the nearest bin. The next couple of hours were spent sweating out your frustrations as you scrubbed and hosed down every inch of the decks. Once again, you were mentally and physically exhausted by the time Joel called for the tip meeting.

The crew was especially chatty when they gathered in the main salon, conversation about the outrageous charter guests flowing. You remained quiet, sunk down in the plush leather cushions in the corner of the sectional.

Ever observant, Sarah leant over from her spot next you, concern marring her smooth skin. “You okay? You seem… off.” Her voice was little more than breath in the air, not wanting to draw attention, though Tess’s observant eyes were surveying you from her spot. The older woman quirked a brow, silently asking the same question.

How could you explain to Sarah the thoughts you’ve had about her father? You couldn’t and guilt pulsed through you once more. You couldn’t even explain to yourself why this was affecting you so much, how could you even try to make it make sense to someone else?

“I’m alright, love. Just need to sleep for a week, I think.” That was the best you could offer in terms of a response. It was the truth anyway – a deep sleep without any dreams plaguing you was exactly what you needed.

Sarah looked like she wanted to pry, not entirely convinced that was all that bothered you, but Joel entered the salon and called the room to order.

Cheeks already flaming, Joel cleared his throat a few times. “This was obviously a challenging charter and I want to thank you all for the way you handled yourselves. You represented Radiance well despite the circumstances.” His right hand came up to rub at the back of his neck. “They, uh, left us a pretty good tip…”

He broke down the numbers and personally passed out everyone’s share, his deep brown eyes lingering on you when he stopped in front of you last. He longed to see your beautiful eyes meet his gaze now that it was clear to him you were equally attracted to him as he was to you, but you kept your chin tipped down, looking only at the pile of bills held out toward you.

“Thanks,” you muttered after too long a beat, eyes finally flashing upward to meet his for the briefest moment before looking away.

The resulting heavy sigh from Joel as he stepped away caught you off guard. Fuck, why were you making things so awkward?

“Provided your duties have been completed, you’re all free until Monday mid-day,” Joel called over his shoulder, departing for the bridge.

“Cocktails anyone?” Tommy asked, ready to blow off some steam. The rest of the crew seemed interested, even Bill and Frank, but you declined, opting for a shower and a long nap instead.

The afternoon hours passed in peaceful slumber, the soft tones of instrumental music playing through the earbuds you popped in before drifting off. You never budged when Tess came in to get ready that evening – the crew was going out for dinner and drinks to blow off steam.

“Hey, hun,” Tess murmured with a gentle nudge to your shoulder. “Are you sure you don’t want to join us?”

You rolled over with a little grumble, the earbuds slipping from your ears. “No, thanks. I just need a night in to relax. I can’t take another hangover like last week. Have fun without me!”

Tess nodded, knowing that would be your answer. “Thought so. I left you some dinner in the fridge to heat up. Make sure you eat, okay?”

You could hear the crew down the hall, already ramped up from day drinking. You knew you made the right decision when you didn’t feel an ounce of FOMO as they left.

The nap having refreshed body and soul, your mood was lighter when you rose, changing into a bikini for a dip in the hot tub. Padding through the crew mess with a towel slung over your shoulder, you grabbed a bottle of Pinot Noir and a glass before heading to the flybridge.

The boat was silent, gently swaying in its slip, and it felt like you had the entire thing to yourself. The sun dipped lower toward the horizon as you connected your phone to the sound system, selecting more instrumental music to play before you climbed into the bubbling water of the hot tub. A contented sigh slipped from your lips; head tilted back to rest against the padding with eyes closed. Stretching out, the jets soothed your aching muscles after five straight days of laborious work.

“May I join you?”

Your eyes shot open at the simple, soft request. Joel stood before you in just a pair of board shorts, bottle of wine and stemmed glass in hand – he clearly had the same idea as you.

Your eyes raked over his bare chest and arms before realizing you needed to respond. “Of course,” you breathed.

One corner of Joel’s mouth quirked up. “Do you want me to open this?” he asked holding up the bottle of wine.

“Y-yes, please,” you stuttered, quickly clearing your throat.

It was like a scene out of one of your dreams, watching Joel pour the wine and perch the glasses on the rim of the hot tub before climbing in. He sat a respectful distance from you, but he was just so broad and tall that it felt like he was everywhere. Your legs brushed against one another as they stretched out before you.

Joel’s gaze was heated as he stared at you, the burn of it like a laser on your skin. You sipped at the wine, wracking your mind for something to say. You were so overwhelmed with your attraction to the man, and you had no idea how or what to do about it.

“That was some charter, huh?” You immediately cringed internally. For fucks sake, that was the best you came up with. Pathetic.

The resulting chuckle that boomed from his chest soothed you. “It was certainly something, sweetheart. I’m glad to be done with those women.”

Your insides were melting, not from the heat of the hot tub, but from him calling you sweetheart. “Yeah, they were intense and, dare I say, rather… desperate and obnoxious.”

“Agreed,” Joel rumbled, the skin of his neck flushing. “I, uh, it was really embarrassin’ the way they were actin’. I never wanted to jump overboard in my life until this charter.”

The pair of you shared a few laughs at the charter guests’ expense before moving on to other topics. You talked about any- and everything under the sun, the flow of it easy and natural between you. The guilt and misgivings from earlier were long gone, easily explained away as being overtired and overwrought.

A second bottle of wine was opened after the sunset and the stars started to sparkle in the night sky. With each glass, you and Joel moved closer to each other until you were sitting right next to one another, bodies touching from shoulder to knee as the water bubbled around you.

“I shouldn’t say this, not while we still have more of the season left before us than behind us, but… I, uh, really like you… getting to know you, I mean… though I like how beautiful you are, too.” Joel seemed as surprised by his admission as you were, but you flashed him a dazzling smile.

“I feel the same way, Joel.” The words fell from your lush lips without effort or regret.

#joel miller #joel x reader #joel x female reader #yacht captain!joel miller #tlou #the last of us #pedro pascal #fanfic

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bearbluebooks · 1 year ago

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Chapter 4 - God in a Captain's Shirt

Red-headed charter guests with fire in their veins, protective Azriel and badass Gwyn. This is my favorite chapter yet, I think it shows Gwynriel dynamic well. Enjoy!

Start here or if you're all caught up read the new chapter here or under the cut.

TW: soft bdsm, sexual harrasment.

Gwyn POV

The familiar monotone humming of the engines signaled home- at least for now. After the absolute dream of an evening last night, reality quickly set in as their next charter began- and it would be a long one. This charter was all male, which in Gwyn’s experience meant all trouble.

Something about the sea brought out some primal sense of freedom. Nothing was off limits once land was out of vision, and the sky was the limit- no alcohol was too much, and no ass too forbidden.

The boundary between hospitality and hostility was a fine line that Gwyn still did not know how to navigate. One last whiskey could turn into ‘just one touch’. To make matters worse, saying yes was part of her job description and how often she said the opposite, greatly affected the collective tip.

Azriel- or captain because they were on charter again- informed them beforehand what to expect. For the next three days, the Vanserra family would use their services. The main charter guest was a celebrity, especially in the yachting world. Beron Vanserra was the vice president of the biggest oil company in the country. His oldest son, Eris, was a famous politician, but the other red-headed males she didn’t recognize.

She heard stories of the infamous Beron, the charismatic ladies’ man and devout husband. She wondered which persona she would see on this trip, she prepared for both, just in case.

The boat was filled with more red-headed people than she had seen in her life, she felt oddly at home.

The sun made its entrance in the background, as the charter guests slowly made their way toward the breakfast table. Gwyn was about to ask the guests what they would like to drink when Poppy whispered in her ear, “Chief… I made a mistake.”

Oh no.

Gwyn quickly made a hierarchy of problems in her mind before coming up with appropriate damage control- maybe a guest went overboard, or the laundry machine broke. Maybe one of the guests already crossed the treacherous line of hospitality. Based on that last thought, she hoped it was a guest that went overboard.

“I will be right back for your orders.” She reassured the guests before she guided Poppy towards the pantry.

“I love to see you walk away, take your time.” One of the brothers said to her back. A shiver of disgust ran up her body- an impulse she quickly suppressed. Tips, tips, tips, she reminded herself.

Last night another brother, Morrin, already introduced her to his intentions when his eyes never left hers- or her ass. Lingering looks quickly evolved into words, “You are too pretty to be a stew”, she could feel his desire turn into action. Luckily, his youngest brother Lucien seemed to hold him in check, putting him in place with the occasional “watch yourself” or the even stronger “back the fuck off Morrin, leave her alone.”

She wondered what went wrong (or right) in his upbringing, seeing as his dad seemed to have a similar obsession with her ass.

Once Poppy and Gwyn safely made it to the pantry they had the privacy needed for the conversation. The space was cramped enough to have no personal space, but it provided immediate notice of wandering eyes or ears.

“What happened?” she asked in a tone that hopefully signaled she wasn’t in trouble.

“It’s the captain’s shirt… I used the wrong temperature and now it’s-“ Tears started to form in her eyes. Poor thing was so distraught by the incident she almost cried, so she said “Poppy, don’t worry. Make sure the guests get their drinks and I’ll take care of the rest.”

Accidents happen, especially in such a chaotic, high-pressure work environment. With one last reassurance, Poppy regained some color back in her face and resumed her work.

Next stop, laundry room. Time for damage control.

The even smaller door in the pantry led her straight to the laundry room where multiple machines were already running.

Gwyn had not missed that sound.

When she scanned the room for the ‘mistake’, she quickly found the children-sized captain’s shirt. As soon as she held it in her hands she couldn’t contain the belly laugh that escaped her mouth before she picked up the radio and contacted the not child-sized Azriel.

“Captain, we have a slight problem” Gwyn’s voice confessed over the radio. “Could you come down to the laundry cabin?”

“Two minutes,” Azriel's baritone voice informed. How she loved that sound, she couldn’t wait to hear it in person.

With her back turned towards the door, Gwyn took up the work left behind in the laundry room. She hated sitting still.

Completely lost in the work, she did not hear the heavy footsteps, or see the imposing presence. She did feel the hands on her hips before she heard the words “If you wanted to see me you could have just asked.”

Before she could answer he added, “Was it one of the brothers? Did they do something? I will-“

She interrupted him before he could finish that threat, “No they haven’t.”

She didn’t want to lie, never to him, so she added “Nothing I can’t handle.”

He hesitated to say “I don’t like the way they look at you.”

With a hand on his chest, she hoped to convey all the appreciation she felt. “Trust me, Azriel. I can handle them.”

She could see the wheels turning in his beautiful mind- the choice between trust, and control. “I do,” he said with some difficulty.

The slight annoyance must have shone through her eyes, because he quickly corrected himself, “I do, Gwyn, I just don’t trustthem.”

He had a point.

“I know, me neither. But I’ve handled these kinds of people for a long time, and I will survive this time too.” A heavy feeling sank in her stomach. It sucked that this was a part of her job. Their behavior had become so normal that she hadn’t thought about it much until he brought it up.

But the world wouldn’t change in one charter, and all she had control over was this moment, so with a smirk on her face she turned around to show him the shirt. Shock colored his hazel eyes before a smile took over his face. “I know you prefer to see me naked, but I need my captain’s shirt at work.”

“I think you need to check your attitude,” she said as she hit him in the chest. One of his scarred hands embraced the sudden closeness when he placed it on top of hers to stop it from exiting his orbit.

“Why don’t you do it for me?” he suggested.

“Make me,” She ordered as she placed her other hand on the growing bulge in his pants.

In response, one of his hands moved towards her back, where he ran his fingers lower to touch as much of her as he could in the limited time they were allowed. His mouth found hers in seconds when he placed a desperate kiss on her lips.

With two strong hands he cupped her ass and carried her towards the ironing board, “not here” she softly ordered. They would break it in seconds and that would definitely raise attention.

With hurried determination, he found a new destination- the counter. In one swift movement, he pushed all the towels off the surface before he softly deposited her on the stone expanse. A shiver ran up her body as her naked legs touched the cold material. “Are you cold?” he inquired. “Let me warm you up, love.”

With closed eyes, she felt his mouth move south toward her neck where he placed frantic kisses on every unclaimed spot. His strong hands moved to open the buttons of her dress which exposed the lace bra she wore for one pair of eyes.

Hungrily and desperately he opened the mesh confinement to reveal her already hardened nipples. No force could contain the quickness with which he took one of them in his mouth before he lavishly sucked on it and sent a shiver directly down Gwyn’s spine.

For extra strength, she wrapped her legs around his torso, and with every new stroke of his tongue, her legs tightened. A moan escaped her mouth when the sensation made her feel light-headed.

Continuing his downward path he moved towards her skirt.

Gwyn was never unprepared, and when she saw his eyes light up as he found her next surprise- matching lace underwear- she felt a pang of pride. “Fuck” he groaned into her thigh, where he softly bit the inside in pretend anguish.

She smiled at the reaction, but her mouth quickly closed in surprise as his tongue found her already wet core. He lavishly sucked every drop before he removed the last barrier in one swift movement.

When she dared to look down, she saw a god in a captain’s uniform and she wondered how many people were blessed with a similar sight- a thought she quickly pushed away as possessiveness threatened to take over pleasure.

With strong arms he pulled her legs to sit at the top of the counter, giving him perfect access to his goal. With a sense of urgency and desperation, his tongue pushed inside her core. In tortuous movements, he glided in and out, in and out. She couldn’t help the moan that escaped her mouth, “Azriel.”

Two of her hands moved to his hair. She needed more, she needed to feel him, to touch him. Closer. Her breath hitched as she begged “More.”

With a smile, he removed his tongue and moved it towards where she needed him most, the bundle of nerves that begged for release. Two fingers replaced his tongue, as they pushed inside her in a rhythmic movement that pushed her up that familiar hill of arousal.

“Not yet” he ordered in between strokes.

Everybody could walk in at any second, but the more pleasure she felt, the less she cared. All thoughts became dominated by a single goal- release. She moved a hand towards her mouth before she whined “Azriel, please.”

One more finger joined her already full center, as his tongue sucked even more rapidly. In a similar tempo, his tongue and fingers moved in tandem. Pushing her farther up that hill, until her release felt like a spring coiling tighter, tighter, tighter, until he said “now” and her vision faded to black as the earth shattered around her.

No other partner ever had that effect on her, she couldn’t help it when the words pushed her over the edge and his hand moved to cover her mouth as she screamed her release.

That was one of the best orgasms of her life. The sensation was so intense that shockwaves of pleasure rocked her hips, and she turned soft in his arms.

Azriel didn’t move an inch, as he sucked up all of her juices before he released her from his grip and took in exactly the effect he had on her. His eyes never left hers as he hungrily sucked all of her wetness from his fingers, when he added “I can’t get enough of your taste.”

His eyes looked at her lips when she challenged “Kiss me”. He smiled as he slowly moved closer to her, and gave her a tender kiss that didn’t match his absolute destruction of her ability to stand. She surprisingly enjoyed the taste of her arousal in his mouth and felt completely lost in the sensation before the urge to have a taste of him filled her mind.

Without words, she jumped off the counter, but she misjudged the time it would take for the feeling to return to her legs, as she fell into the strong arms that were always ready to catch her.

“Careful,” he said with a confidence that wasn’t entirely misplaced- something she wouldn’t share just yet. The male had enough ego as it was.

“I want to taste you too,” she said as her hand moved towards the belt that stood in the way of her destination.

“Tonight,” he promised. They were already on borrowed time. Given their track record, it surprised her that nobody walked in on them yet, so she begrudgingly agreed.

With one last kiss, he reminded her of what she would be craving all day, until the radio interrupted their carefully crafted peace, “Captain. You are needed in the bridge.”

With a groan, Azriel slowly backed away but didn’t leave until he gave her one last passionate kiss that took all her breath away. With closed eyes, she cherished the feeling, and accidentally didn’t see him walk away, with what she was sure was a very smug look.

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Azriel POV

When he walked out of the laundry room he had to adjust his pants to accommodate the hardest cock he had in his life- he could still see her come undone under his ministrations, and he could hear her scream as she came because of his mouth. It gave him a sense of pride he had never felt before, that he was the reason she came so hard she couldn’t even stand.

It all played on repeat in his mind, which, combined with the taste of her on his tongue only made his dick grow harder.

“Are you all right, brother?” Cassian said as he bumped into him walking towards the bridge, “Where in the hell were you? You smell like…”

“None of your business”, he replied stead-fast, hoping to stop all further questions. Even though Cassian knew about their relationship, what just happened in the pantry was a huge violation of every rule he set for himself- and every rulebook on captaincy. What happened in their private time was one thing, but sex on charter was a fireable offense. He needed to be smarter about this, but whenever he saw Gwyn all thoughts made way for feelings- pure and undiluted hunger he had never felt before.

He loved rules. Rules gave control, something to follow amid chaos, but whenever he was around Gwyn nothing else existed except for her. And he had never been happier in his life.

As they walked over to the bridge in silence, they encountered Balthazar whom he greeted with a nod.

Before he could enter the solitary peace of the bridge, he needed to cross the deck where all the guests were gathered for breakfast.

He didn’t know how but Gwyn beat him to it. Before he could smile, he saw how one of the brothers looked at her- with equal possession and desire. He wanted to punch it off his face for even thinking about it.

What happened next transcended every feeling of rage he had felt in his life, when Morran grabbed Gwyn’s ass and said “Why don’t you come to my room after breakfast.” Then he looked her up and down with condescension and desire, and added “You know where it is.”

With a step fueled by pure rage, he was ready to lose it all- his captaincy, all respect from his crew, his credibility, and his authority. He didn’t care. Nobody touched Gwyn. His Gwyn. The Gwyn that brought him so much happiness he still didn’t believe was possible. The Gwyn whose teal eyes saw straight through every defense he spent his whole life building. The Gwyn that made him believe he deserved to be loved. The Gwyn that he-

And that asshole touched her? The whole world stopped as red took over his vision, not because of their hair, but because of their words.

His fists balled on instinct, and with one more step, he would have punched that smug face with all the anger he felt taking over his body.

A hand on his shoulder stopped him from getting closer. With a strong pull, he released himself only the words “Wait. Watch,” made him pause long enough for the next moment to play out.

“Despite what you believe, not everything is for sale. And I am not included in the rental of this boat.” To which the redhead had the nerve to counter “Your services are.”

A new hand on his shoulder tightened. “I know you probably have to pay for affection”, she continued as she looked him up and down with something akin to pity, “but the sort of service you are looking for is not part of my job description.” As she started to walk away she added one final punch “I can arrange for someone to come to this boat, for affection. Just say the word.” Then she leaned down to whisper something in his ear he couldn’t quite hear, before she walked away with an extra sway in her step. As if to show him exactly what he couldn’t have.

The anger hadn’t left his body, but some space was freed in favor of the pride that blossomed in his chest. His Gwyn.

With one maneuver he freed himself from Cassian’s grip to walk after Gwyn.

She wasn’t in the pantry or the kitchen. With more desperate strides he walked towards the laundry room, which was right beside the crew bedrooms. As he neared he could hear soft cries from Gwyn and Nesta’s bedroom.

When he came closer, he saw Gwyn on the bottom bed with Nesta next to her telling her all the things he wanted to say, “He’s an asshole. I will kill him, just say the word.”

He didn’t want to interrupt but he also desperately needed to hold her in his arms. One more step revealed his presence. Tearstained eyes looked up before she jumped up from the bed and into his arms.

With one look at Nesta, he silently said Thank you for being there for her. I got it from here.

He held her as close as their bodies allowed, rubbing reassuring circles on her back. He didn’t know what to say except “I know baby. I’m sorry.” Silently he wished he could hurt everybody who ever hurt Gwyn.

Her breathing started to increase and he felt her entire body tense. With a small step back, he forced her to look into his eyes “Hey” he urged “Breathe, breathe for me baby.”

“Look at me- look at me.”

“In and out. Breathe with me?” He needed to bring her back to this world, he had his fair share of panic attacks, and breathing normally was the first step to bringing her back.

“Keep your eyes on me- just focus on me.” He tried to keep as much of his fear from his eyes. Only reassurance.

“You’re going to be okay. We’re going to be okay. I got you.”

“I got you” he repeated as her breathing steadied. Next, he grabbed her into his arms so tightly he needed to remind himself she just got air back into her lungs.

He would do anything Gwyn needed. Anything.

When she started to talk, his breath hitched in his throat “It reminded me of what happened in… in that hotel room. When Lucky almost…”

He held her tighter as if nothing could happen as long as he held her safely in his arms. “It feels as if I always have to be aware- of my surroundings, of people. As if I can’t ever fully trust someone or they will take advantage of me.”

“As if I constantly have to create my own safety.”

“I can handle him. But I hate that I need to.”

With one hand he lightly brushed some of her hair out of her eyes as he whispered, “I know baby, I know. I’m sorry.” He couldn’t imagine what it must be like to function as a female in the industry. More money meant more privilege, and where those lines stopped often blurred at sea.

His hands itched for release, and his whole body urged him to find both males who hurt her and remind them exactly where that line was.

First, he needed Gwyn to be okay. To know that she was safe.

With one more breath, she reassured him, “I am okay. I am… I will be.”

Sadness left her voice when she added, “I’m going to check on Poppy, she has never done evening service by herself and I would hate for her to deal with them alone.”

With two of his scarred hands, he took his world in his hands, to look into her eyes one last time, her words could conceal what her eyes couldn’t. What he saw was sadness and determination- a terrible combination.

“Are you sure?”

“I am. I’ll see you tonight okay?”

“If you need anything radio me and I’ll be there in seconds.”

With a forced smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes, she gave him one last kiss on his cheek before she left to join Poppy upstairs.

When he was sure she was gone, he walked towards the guest's quarters. Dinner was almost over.

Most people had a routine, wake up, scroll on their phone, work, sleep, repeat. Charter guests were similarly predictable. He made sure to know every routine on board, including Morrin’s. With one look at his watch, he said “Jacuzzi.”

Interception was easy, especially on a boat with not many ways to go. Just as he was about to open the door to his cabin, Azriel stepped out of the shadows to put his much larger hand on his. “Touch her and I will kill you.”

Morrin was not special. No matter what his mother told him every day. He knew these sorts of guys. He grew with them. He knew exactly which thoughts floated around their disgusting brains. All the rules they thought didn’t apply to them. Which crimes their dad could buy them out of. He felt no remorse as he said “Did I stutter?”

All the time in the navy was useful for learning how to navigate the seas, and some less traditional knowledge, he wasn’t lying when he warned, “I know fifty ways to kill a man. Perhaps you haven’t noticed in your drunken haze, but we’re in the middle of the ocean. I’ll drop your worthless body overboard and I will make sure you’ll never be seen again.”

With one more step, his much larger body hovered over his pathetic excuse of existence, “I’ll repeat. Look at her the wrong way, touch her with one finger, and I. Will. Kill. You.”

“Knod if you understand, you worthless piece of shit.”

Never in his life had he uttered those words, he had thought them, but he had never cared enough to say them into reality. Something deep inside him twisted at the possibility of hurt caused to Gwyn, and he would do everything in his power to never let that happen.

With pure hatred in his eyes, he stared down the cowering male in front of him, until his shaking head showed the sign of agreement. And Azriel could turn around to not have to look at his miserable face anymore.

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Gwyn POV

Getting back into the routine of working helped get some of the awful feelings out of her head. With rougher movements, she cleaned the leftover plates.

Outside of her thoughts, there was a serene peace in the kitchen- which was a rare occurrence on the always busy ship. The kitchen was spotless, the black and white checkered floor looked brand new, and the metal countertops gleaned in the harsh light. You could eat off every surface, except for the small space at the kitchen sink she currently occupied.

A black shape moved in the corner of her eye, was that… shadow? With a smile on her face, she thought about the best male she knew, the one she always felt safe around, Azriel.

As if she summoned him by thinking of him, the cedar smell found her before his hands did. With one featherlight brush over her hand, he signaled his presence. When she turned around, desperate for a calming kiss amongst the chaos in her mind, Mor entered the cramped space just before she made a career-ending mistake.

Azriel quickly salvaged the situation by offering “Can I help you with something?” Proving once again that man had nerves of steel.

In a teasing tone Mor responded “Ohhh, you have changed. The captain is helping?”

“Do you want to head to bed or not?” he responded.

“You got me there” she smiled. With a soft grab she pulled Gwyn to the side, to ask in a soft tone “Are you okay sweetie? I heard what happened at dinner, I’m so sorry. They are assholes. Do you want me to put poison in their drinks?”

With a smile, she replied, “Let’s see how tonight goes?”

Gwyn couldn’t imagine a better crew. Situations like these were worsened or salvaged by your surroundings, and in this case, it was definitely the latter.

With a smile, she reassured her “I’m fine. Really. Go to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow at eight.”

“I’ll sleep like the dead, those people were ex-hau-sting,” she said as she walked down the stairs.

And then there were two.

Desire hung in the air every time he was near- she could not smell anything else, see anything else, or hear anything else.

Still, fear was mixed with desire.

That was close. Too close. She doubted Mor would say anything, but she had to be more careful. Her ass was still on the line.

Even though her job had some less fun parts, she still loved it and didn’t want to lose it.

As soon as the door downstairs closed, Azriel came closer again, as if she was a magnet he couldn’t help but be pulled towards. He stood so close they shared a breath. His forehead rested against hers for a moment before he pulled her flush with his body into a tight embrace.

They remained like that for a while- silent and utterly content in their closeness, until he hesitantly asked, “Are you afraid of me too?”

“I am a male too, and I know-“With one finger on his mouth she stopped him from continuing, “Don’t think for one second you are anything like those guys.”

Her feelings were clear, but her brain didn’t seem to find the words to tell them. “Azriel-“

“It’s okay if-

“There is nobody in this world I feel safer with. My heart eases when you are near. And I-“

“I feel safe with you Azriel. Always.”

With one hand on his cheek, she repeated, “Always.”

Without thinking, she kissed him with all the love she felt. In an instant, he granted her access, and with each stroke of her tongue, fear of being caught left her body.

As if she’d done it a thousand times before, she jumped into his arms, as he deposited her onto the counter. With a laugh, she paused the kiss, “I still need to finish the work.”

Which he answered, “Let’s go then.”

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Quicker than should be possible, but not as fast as she wanted, they finished all the work in just under an hour. Everybody else was sound asleep, but not them, their beds would be used for other things tonight.

Standing behind her he suddenly asked, “What did you whisper to him?”

With a smile, she whispered into his ear, “That I did know where he stayed, and that I would cut off his prized possession if he ever touched me or any other stew again.”

As she removed her face from his ear, she looked into his eyes where pride replaced initial shock.

With two strong hands on her waist, he urged her to jump into his arms again. Their faces were so close they shared a breath as he said, “You continue to surprise me, Gwyneth.” He didn’t use her full name often but when he did, Gods, her entire body stood aflame.

Towering over him in his embrace, she had a vantage point to play with his hair. Normally she was too short to reach, so she took the opportunity gladly. In something that closely resembled a moan, she said “I love your hair.”

She swore she could feel a shiver run up his spine. An effect she could not discern in his voice when he asked “What else do you love about me?”

Everything. But she wasn’t quite ready to tell him that yet, she still feared rejection, instead, she said “Your voice, the way you treat your crew. Your arms aren’t bad to look at either.”

He smiled so broadly she could see his dimples, “this” she said as she touched one of them. With the same finger, she traced the black swirls slightly coming out of his white captain’s shirt “I love these.”

“The way you look at me.”

The air turned heavier, and silence filled the space. With a slow movement, she created a little bit of distance to look into his eyes where she saw fear. Did she go too far? Maybe he didn’t feel the same way and her big mouth made things too serious again.

Shit. Then she remembered. They shouldn’t be doing this. When would she learn? When she lost her job?

With hesitant moves, she started to leave the safety of his embrace for the safety of better choices, before he tightened his grasp and said with more sincerity than she ever heard in his words “Gwyn.”

“I-“

“I love you.”

“You have my whole heart if you want it.”

Instead of answering him, she kissed him with all the love she felt in her soul. Her being belonged to him. As did her heart and soul.

She had felt it that first night. That’s why it hurt so much when she thought he had left. Every part of her felt safe in his arms. In the calmness that felt like home every time he entered her space. In the way, her entire nervous system was set aflame by the way he looked at her. In the way, he looked at her like she was his entire world. Like nothing else existed outside her. She knew that look because that was how she looked at him too.

So she said “I love you too,” against his mouth.

“I am yours,” she added.

“Say that again”, he ordered or begged she couldn’t be sure. With one look into his eyes, she said “I am yours.”

“You are mine.” He almost growled in response, the sound went straight to her core.

“And you are mine” she answered.

In desperate strides he took her to the bridge, his arms never releasing her from his embrace.

As soon as she saw that door, she lowered her hand slightly to open it.

Her desperate kisses moved to his neck, where she lavishly sucked on the bare skin just below his collar, “mine” she emphasized. She made sure to suck hard enough to leave a little mark where it would be covered by his collar.

“Azriel,” she said in between kisses, “Yes, love.”

With a teasing smile, she said “I think it’s time for somebody else to be in charge tonight.”

After everything that happened, her body craved control and she had a feeling with all the responsibility of Azriel’s daily occupation, he craved release.

The smile on his face and the hunger in his eyes told her everything she needed to know.

“Lie down” she ordered.

Without uttering a single word, he turned around so his back was to the bed with her still in his arms, when he slowly sat down on the bed.

With a slow suck on his earlobe, she was close enough to whisper “I still need to taste you.”

A trail of goosebumps erupted from her touch.

With practiced ease, he started to remove his white shirt by carefully loosening all buttons one by one. Gwyn felt more urgency and lifted his shirt over his head in one swift pull- she was in control after all.

In an instant, the perfect expanse of his chest was revealed. All obsidian swirls were visible for her eyes to worship, so she did what she had been wanting to do for quite some time now. “Close your eyes”, she instructed before soft strokes of her tongue traced each black piece of art.

Soft groans told her he might be enjoying it as much as she was.

When she gave every tattoo equal attention, she slowly removed herself from the bed. The first time she entered his bed chamber, she spotted the piece of rope on his desk. Part of being a crew member on a yacht was extensive knot knowledge. It was good practice to clear her head, and it didn’t hurt in the bedroom either- at least, not if you did it right.

She saw one of his eyes open slightly so she ordered “Keep them closed!” Azriel was utterly responsive to her words because he quickly closed them.

This was going to be fun.

“Move further back on the bed” she whispered into his ear. When he successfully did she gave him his next order “Move your hands to the bedpost.”

“What are you doing?” he questioned.

Even though she wasn’t going to take it too far tonight, it was good to have a safe word just in case. It would help her relax too, if she knew he had a way out would he need it.

“If you want to stop for any reason, say-“ she glanced around the room quickly “Books.”

She knew he craved control as much as she did so she added, “trust me.” It was as much a question as an order.

“I do,” he said solemnly.

“Good.”

In one swift move, she bound both hands to separate bedposts in two perfectly made bowline knots. Every time she finished the knot, she placed a soft kiss on the area.

With one last tug, she inspected if it was tight enough to contain him, but not tight enough to hurt him.

A silk navy blue shawl was part of her stew uniform, it was a nice accessory and in special circumstances a useful blindfold.

When he was completely under her power, she licked his lips asking for entrance. His shocked reaction told her the blindfold worked perfectly.

With a soft bite on his lower lip, he opened his mouth. Their tongues found each other in their shared desperation to get closer. He tasted like… home.

With soft sweeps of her tongue, she explored everything she wanted to. The sensation awakened a part of her soul that shut out the rest of the world completely. She became lost in the pure sensation of their mouths meeting, until roving hands found her ass in seconds and gripped it tightly to pull her closer towards him.

The possessiveness in his touch sent pleasure straight to her core and brought her back to both heaven and earth. She needed more. On instinct, she rolled her hips over his groin, and in rhythmic movements, she chased to achieve the friction she desperately needed.

“Hmm… Gwyn. I need…”

He didn’t need to say it. She felt it too, the huge bulge in his pants that pushed into her core more and more with each movement of her hips.

One of her hands moved towards the place where he needed her most. With slow rubs, she teased all that was to come. Alternating between featherlight touches, and more desperate heavy strokes.

She felt it, she knew it, but she needed to hear it so she ordered “Tell me how much you want me.”

“Gwyn. I need you.”

Even better.

Without delay, she moved further back on the bed. With desperate hands, she removed his shoes before she unbuckled his belt and slid off his pants in hasty pulls. She allowed herself one moment to look at the work of art lying before her on the bed. The obscenely muscular, enormous male, wearing nothing but black briefs- completely at her mercy.

The sight left her feeling dazed. She still couldn’t believe he was hers. And she was his.

She couldn’t wait any longer. She needed to taste him.

In preparation for later, she removed her clothes until she was only wearing her white lace bra and matching white lace slip.

With one finger she traced a path from his calve to his inner thigh. Her mouth replaced her finger when she placed soft kisses on both thighs before she traced the black streak of hair leading toward her destination.

The sudden nearness made him buck up his hips. She responded by placing a soft kiss on his cock- as punishment or reward.

With one strong pull, she removed the last barrier between them. As soon as the fabric left his body, she could see the effect she had on him, as his huge, thick cock sprang free from its confinement. Would she ever get used to the sheer size of it?

With languid strokes, she dispersed the wetness all along his cock. She knew he liked it slightly rough, so she made sure to use a little bit of nails in her rhythmic strokes.

She desperately wanted to have his taste in her mouth again, so she quickly replaced her hands with her mouth. To give a little bit of warning she softly blew on the front of his tip before she licked from his underside to his shaft.

To make sure he knew exactly how much she liked it too, she moaned as soon as she put his huge cock in her mouth. Soft trembles of his hips told her she was doing well.

This already went better than last time, when she could barely fit him in her mouth. She made sure to relax her gag reflex as she took him deeper and deeper. Soft gurgling noises told her she was almost there, then she felt the soft black hairs she had kissed moments ago. That meant… she had his entire cock in her mouth, and a sense of pride shot through her. With one finger she traced his upper thigh whilst she moved his cock in and out of her mouth, alternating between soft movements and more roughness by slightly using her teeth.

He loved pain mixed with pleasure, as proven by the twitching of his cock in her mouth, he was close.

Too close.

With one quick movement, she took him out of her mouth.

Let’s increase the pain a little bit.

With the elegance of a panther moving in on her prey, she slid her body over his to bring up his blindfold. She took up a seat just in front of his cock- which was so huge it must be aching. Without losing eye contact she moved her hand to her clit.

The power she had over him turned her on more than she ever held possible combined with the way he looked at her with pure possession and awe, shivers travelled up her spine.

She was already close but she needed more.

With soft flicks she played with her clit before she moved one finger inside her, pretending it was his. In and out, in and out, she was already so wet. But it wasn’t enough.

She needed more, she needed him.

Anticipation marked his gaze.

What would she do next?

Never leaving his eyes, she slowly moved back, just enough to-

“FUCK” he groaned as she lowered herself onto his cock.

She was still not used to his size, there was some resistance, even though she was so wet already. With soft movements, she slowly adjusted to his cock. Her breathing hitched as she finally reached the point she just had in her mouth.

“Hmmm,” she moaned. Completely lost in the sensation. With closed eyes she rode him like her life depended on it, drowning in pleasure.

With two hands on his chest she moved her hips in circles, and to make him lose his mind she squeezed her center with every new movement. “Evil” he forced out of his mouth.

He was close too. One hand moved towards her clit to bring herself just as close, when she increased the movement of her hips to a torturously fast speed. “I’m clo-“ he was about to say when she covered his mouth with a hungry kiss.

With one more roll of her hips, all thoughts left her brain as every nerve ending lit up in pure ecstasy. All air left her lungs and all that was left was him. In her arms, in her core, in her mouth, in her soul. It was him. Only him.

He joined her seconds later when he groaned his relief into her mouth.

Still riding the high of her climax she whispered onto his mouth, “I love you”.

Somehow those words caused a vision to appear in her mind, of him in the kitchen, playing with red-haired children as Shadow darted in between his legs and she felt at peace.

She didn’t think she could feel any better until he responded “I love you too.”

The crackling of the radio brought her back to earth. “Captain, you are needed on the bridge.”

Both their gazes swept to the floor where the radio was deposited in a haze. “NOW” another voice boomed through the radio.

“Who is that?” Gwyn asked worriedly.

“My brother.”

“Cassian?” She could have sworn the first voice was Cassian’s.

“Rhysand.”

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