#ya binch was inspired and also yearning^tm so here we are

[exoploring]

You're the reason for those teardrops on my guitar---

The faint music from the local cafe is cut off by a car door shutting, and with it every noise from the outside world is muted, leaving a long, stretching silence, even as the car engine is turned on and the gps pings, setting its coordinates to the local middle school. It's rare to find a car that is silent these days. Maybe they're filled with loud music, or chewing of food, or the bickering of family members or friends, or any other type of noise. Not just silence - plenty of stretching silence. But that's how Geralt wanted it to be in his car and thats how it stayed, usually.

Sometimes he would turn the radio on to listen to the local news, to hear about the traffic conditions and such. Sometimes there would be conversations between him and Yennefer, his ex-wife-now-bestfriend when he brings her to and fro her office branch when she visits. Sometimes Ciri would have a story about school that just cannot wait to be told so she just goes dad, dad you wont believe what happened today (and no, it doesnt remind Geralt of anyone from his past, no, not at all). And sometimes, he will never admit it to anyone, not even himself, but when hes alone he would hum.

Hum pop songs, 80s rock, country songs, maybe mumble rap a little. Because while he may like silence the world is filled with lots of noise, lots of music and some of them latch on. And sometimes, on those rare occasions when he feels tired to the bone and achingly alone after a long day at the ranch, he would hum songs the public has never heard of. Unreleased versions. Private covers that are, in his memories, sprinkled with laughter. Drafts to hit songs that play on repeat on all the radio stations. Those covers he would always hold dear to his heart, and he saves them for the occasions when he lets himself dream and think of

what if

what if

what if

"DAD !"

"What?"

Geralt is startled out of his deep thinking and he looks at his daughter who he went to pick up from school. His daughter just raises an eyebrow, out of exasperation with just the right tinge of "can we get a move on" (he doesnt know whether she got that from her mom or Geralt, but it works) and he drives his car out of the driveway of the school back home.

There is a shine in Ciri's eyes and he knows that it would be one of those car rides wherein Ciri would not be able to wait until they get home to tell her story over dinner so in the first intersection wherein they have to stop, he says his signature "hmm" to let Ciri know that he is listening (when it comes to Ciri he always tries to) and Ciri immediately begins to talk about her day. Geralt hmms and nods to show that he is still listening to his daughter's story, silently catalouging everything that the girl is saying. And then she gets to talking about her lunch period, and she becomes extra enthusiastic. Geralt's interest is piqued as Ciri's talking speeds up, the way she would usually talk about her favorite things like vloggers and such.

"And everybody's talking about my favorite singer now, especially after the release of his album!"

"Hmm"

"So many people were singing or humming along to the radio, coz his songs are playing everywhere-"

A nod

"And Ive been a dandy, thats the fandom name by the way, for a long time! After all hes been through Im just so proud of Jaskier-"

A large honk interrupts Ciri as the car dangerously swerves. Ciri gasps in shock and Geralt's grip on the steering wheel tightens as his face matches the color of his hair. Really, Geralt doesnt know what his expression must look like, but after muttering a soft apology for spooking Ciri, Ciri remains silent on the ride home while gazing at her father with concern. When they get home Ciri mutters an apology depsite not knowing what made her father react that way, and Geralt dismisses the apology, stating that she didnt do anything bad -he just remembered something, yeah, thats all, i'll call you for supper. With a quick hug Ciri goes to her room to do her homework and Geralt sets to cooking supper for both of them.

Much like car rides, Geralt prefers the kitchen to be silent as he sets about his tasks, cooking a usually therapeutic activity for him, and noises would usually be limited to when Ciri or Yennefer would help him out. Today, he looks at the old radio on the countertop, innocently gleaming under the lights, not at all aware of the storm its causing inside Geralt, of the onslaught of regret and remorse that never really disappeared, just dimmed in the background.

And they did say that emotions make a man act differently, act illogically, and while all signs would say that Geralt should save himself from the pain, from listening to his heart that is both aching to hear that voice and to forget it at the same time, Gearlt still reaches out. The static as he adjusts the radio to a station sounds to his ears like

What if

What if

What if

And he gets to a station and

"From a new rising star in the music industry, here is Jaskier's song 'The Well' from his album 'Sincerely'"

And the song plays on and on and on, and it feels like an eternity and a moment to Geralt, whos clinging to the radio like its a lifeline, a vice he cant quit, and the radio croons

Well I walk the line and I stood by my man

The ring of fire burned me in my hand

Beneath the neon moon I’m in the light

Tell me do I ever cross your mind

No you don’t throw wishes to the well

No you don’t go kissing if you tell

No I won’t come running at the ringing of the bell

No you don’t throw wishes to the well

No you don’t throw wishes to the well

And the last note echoes in the kitchen and Geralt turns off the radio. Again, all is silent in the kitchen. He thinks of coasts, of whispered wishes, of camping nights, of distant church bells. And he allows himself a single tear. And another. And another.

And he cries.