#ya anyway i love holding gaby's hand

[feyhunter78]

Pink Pastels Pt 21

Description: After your almost disastrous encounter in the O'Hara household, you spend some time debriefing with Janey, and Miguel asks for a second date.

Pt 22

So, you what, jumped out a window?” Janey drawls, her expression both intrigued and unamused, her image freezing for a second as she moves to a part of her apartment with better Wi-Fi.

“No, I hid in his bathroom until he’d convinced Gabi to go play in her room, then sprinted into my own. Janey, it was so embarrassing, I looked like a fucking toaster strudel.”

Janey chokes on her drink. “Not a toaster strudel…”

You bury your face in your hands. “I seriously have a problem, like I need to stay away from him. That cannot happen again, it just can’t.”

A text pops up on your phone, making it vibrate.

Mr. O’Hara: Hey, I’ve been thinking about yesterday and I acted inappropriately, could I take you to dinner tonight, to make up for it? I know a place, it’s a bit out of the way, but there’s no chance anyone from Gabi’s school will see us.

You changed his name back from Miguel to Mr. O’Hara, wanting to remind yourself of the professional boundaries.

“Y/N?” Janey asks, waving her hand, trying to catch your attention.

“Yeah, sorry, anyways, I need to get a handle on myself, I swear I haven’t been this…ya know…in ages.”

Mr. O’Hara: My treat, obviously. I think I make three times what you make.

Mr. O’Hara: Shit, sorry that was rude.

Mr. O’Hara: Anyways let me know.

“I mean, technically there’s nothing in the rules that say you can’t date a parent, it’s just frowned upon.”

Y/N: I’d love to pick me up at six?

Mr. O’Hara: Absolutely, I’ll see you then.

“Yeah, but still.” You glance at the clock, it’s five ten, you definitely need to start getting ready. You pick up your phone and move into your bathroom, continuing to chat with Janey as you get ready.

Six o’clock on the dot, Miguel is at your door. He’s dressed casually, which is a relief because so are you.

He hands you a bouquet of flowers, roses, a bit basic, but beautiful. “Again, my apologies, and I’m glad you’re letting me take you out, I really do like you, y/n, as cheesy as that sounds.”

You take the flowers and quickly put them in a vase before following Miguel down to the parking garage.

It’s a long drive, maybe an hour from your place, but once you arrive you understand.

It’s a small restaurant out of the city, a bit run down, but the neon sign is bright, and you can already smell food.

“This is the best Mexican food in Neuva York and the surrounding area, my mother used to take my brother and I here on our birthdays.” He explains as he opens the door for you.

The restaurant is beautiful, hand painted murals, wood carved booths, warm lighting, and soft music streaming through the speakers hidden amongst the beams that hold up the ceiling.

Once you’re seated and the waitress takes your order, you sip on your water awkwardly. It’s been a while since you’ve been on an actual date.

“Do you like Mexican food?” Miguel asks, looking at the drink menu, his eyes darting to your face every other second.

“Yeah, yeah, my mom is actually from Texas, so we’d get Tex-Mex every time we went to visit her family. I know it’s not the same thing, but…”

“Gabi said your mom has lived in Nueva York her whole life?” Miguel’s eyebrows furrow and you bite your lip.

“Oh umm, so my mother, was born and raised in Nueva York, but my stepmom is from Texas. She married my dad when I was a baby, she’s basically the only mom I’ve actually had. My bio mother sued for joint custody when I was a kid, but I…I didn’t want to live with her. Scheduled visits were enough for me.” You explain, cursing yourself for even mentioning your biological mother to Gabi.

It was a rough day for her, after you learned about her mom from Melissa. You only told her to make her feel better, to let her know she wasn’t alone, but now you were kind of regretting it…

“I don’t talk about her much, she’s—she’s just a lot.” You wave your hand in the air dismissively and plaster on a smile.

“I thought my stepfather was my dad until I went to high school.” Miguel admits, setting down the drink menu.

“Oh?” You’re a little shocked, but hey, you’ve almost fucked multiple times, you’re close enough to share childhood traumas.

“My boss is my father, my mother had an affair with him, I have a half-sister, Monica who is a notorious gossip, but might be my best friend, maybe my only friend? I’ve got coworkers I occasionally get drinks with but…”

You giggle, half at the way he says it, half out of nerves. “Sorry, sorry, please go on.”

He gives you a sheepish smile. “It’s pathetic, I know, a grown man whose best friend is his sister.”

“No, no, I think it’s sweet.” You reassure him.

“And what about you? Siblings? Friends?” Miguel scoops some salsa onto a chip.

“I’ve got a younger brother, he’s a pilot, never around, always sending photos from exotic places, and then Janey, she teaches with me, and she’s my best friend.” You stir the queso in front of you with the spoon provided, watching as the jalapeños sink into the cheese.

Miguel nods. “The tiny black woman with the brightly colored outfits?”

“Everyone is tiny compared to you. But yes, she is short.” You defend Janey playfully, knowing Miguel doesn’t mean anything by it.

“It’s not my fault I was blessed with the stature of a Greek god.” Miguel shrugs, a teasing smile tugging at his lips.

You roll your eyes. “It must be so difficult for you.”

“It is, actually, do you know how many old ladies hit on me?”

You laugh at that, picturing giant, buff Miguel running from grandmothers chasing him down with their canes and walkers. “I am so sorry for your struggle.”

He laughs as well. “I appreciate it.”

“Is your mom still in Neuva York?” You ask, taking a bite of a queso covered chip.

“Yeah, I have her set up in this nice apartment, it’s quiet, she can get her groceries delivered to her if she wants, there’s a pool she and Gabi go swimming in, and she’s on the building’s HOA which is always entertaining.”

“I can’t imagine the stories apartment HOAs have to tell.”

Miguel pitches up his voice, laying on a thick Mexican accent. “Mijo you will never guess, the man upstairs, with the little dogs, a killer, the police came today, took him away. Dios nos salve a todos.”

“That means like God save us, right?” You ask, trying to remember what that Catholic dude from Law and Order: SVU used to say.

“Close, God save us all.” Miguel smiles at you, then the waitress when she sets your food down.

Your waitress’ face tints red, and you feel a wave of jealousy wash over you. You wait until she’s gone, then continue the conversation. “Wait, was he actually a murderer?”

Miguel chuckles. “No, his dogs have been killing birds, squirrels, and other small animals outside the building. He’s been cleaning them up, but apparently disposing of them in the wrong dumpster. Maintenance in the building just wanted to show him the right one to use.”

“Ah, I see.”

“My mother has a wild imagination; I think she gets bored sometimes.” Miguel says. “I should take Gabi to visit her more often but…”

“Being a secret superhero takes up a lot of time?” You joke in a hushed voice, looking around to make sure no one is paying attention.

“Exactly.” He takes a bite of his food, carnitas.

“Sure, keeps you out late, on the street, rooftops, balconies…” You trail off, taking a bite of your quesadilla.

Miguel swallows hard. “I like keeping people safe.”

You nod. “And you’re good at it, I’m glad to have a superhero living in my building.”

“Thank you.” He says softly.

For a moment, you wonder if anyone ever thanks Miguel for what he does. You’re sure people thank him when he saves them, but outside of that? When he’s just patrolling, watching over the city?

“Last time I talked to my mom, she was complaining about my dad keeps the house too cold, and that there’s nothing good on TV anymore.”

“She’s right, there’s nothing good on TV anymore.”

“There’s some good movie though, like that one that came out a bit ago, based on a comic book?” You wrack your brain, but can’t remember what it’s called.

“I only see the movies Gabi wants to see.” Miguel admits sheepishly.

“Well, good thing she’s got good taste.”

You both walk back to Miguel’s car, hands brushing against each other, pinkies almost linking then shying away at the last second.

“Thank you for this, it was nice.” You say, looking up at him, the moon a halo behind his head, dousing him in an ethereal glow.

“No, thank you, I know we’ve kind of gone about things backwards, and that you’re Gabi’s teacher, but I…I really do like you, y/n. I enjoy spending time with you, I like hearing your stories, and telling you mine…”

You take the plunge and link your hand with his. “I like spending time with you too Miguel.”

His fingers interlace with yours. “My work is having a gala in a few weeks, would you come with me? As my date?”

Janey is never going to let you live this down.

“Yeah, sure, sounds like fun.” You tell him, heart skipping a beat when he lifts your hand to his lips and presses a soft kiss to it.

“I’ll give you more details as I get them, but I promise it will be a night to remember, even if all you remember is my coworkers getting drunk off their asses.”

You thank him when he opens the car door for you, then he slides into the driver’s seat.

Miguel walks you to your door, lingering in its frame as you hold each other’s gaze, silly lovesick smiles on your faces.

“I should go to bed.” You say, making no attempt to break away from his gaze.

“Me too.” Miguel echoes, also not moving an inch.

“Thank you, again, for dinner.”

“It’s no problem, I’d like to do it again if you’d let me?” He tilts his head to the side, a soft smile on his face.

“I’d like that.” You tell him before you finally take a step back and into your apartment. “Goodnight Miguel.”

He grabs your wrist, gently, reverently, and presses his lips to your palm, the warmth of his face feels nice of your cold hand, the slight stubble tickles your skin, and his lips are soft. “Goodnight y/n.” Then he releases you and turns to go into his own apartment.

You shut your door, face burning. How was it, that out of everything Miguel’s done, that’s what makes your head spin a thousand miles in every direction imaginable?

He really is something else, huh?

Tag list: @miggyoharaswife, @badbishsblog, @wanderlustingcastaway, @lynn-9703, @sleepyamaya, @erensbbg, @sweetea85, @ilovemiguelohara, @natthernandez, @stxrrielle, @ihateuguys, @jenniferdixon05207, @blep-23, @minimari415, @emerald-09, @violet-19999, @kenchosaikuo, @groovycass, @youcantseem3, @lovefks, @nightshxdex, @dusstory, @munsonssecretblog, @kirke-is-my-name, @starbearieee, @chatoicboy, @needsleep3000, @witchy-lizard, @cxmeiloorun7, @justrandomlolidk, @chimpkinnuggies, @alicefallsintotherabbithole, @loser-alert, @wwwellacom, @ryantryan6969, @lollipopin, @blakeaha, @a-cult-leader, @verexi, @purpleskiesandroses, @they2luv1naia, @sophiaj650, @idolautism, @rheannajrs, @merakiq, @rexs-wife, @sukaretto-n, @twilight-loveer, @f1shb0nez, @callsign-blue , @marcelineormars

[odysseywritings]

The Church

@flashfictionfridayofficial @howdywrites

(tw blood and gore)

The quartet of zombie survivors walked away from the struggle with bloodied wounds barely covered by bandages. They needed a place to hold out and recover and it certainly wasn't going to be out in the open as dusk approached. The bloody red sun overlooking the cruel southwest desert signalled the frozen chill of night creeping in. By serendipity, the sun was toward the direction of a church with lights still on.

"Yay, someone is still alive!" the pink dyed Gabi beamed.

"Finally," the large stetson wearing Rhonda grinned. "Was afraid Tess was gonna fly away with th' wind!"

"Hush it," the tiny, gray flanneled woman said. "This is holy ground, and I don't want y'all talking like heathens while we're finally blessed."

A long haired man wearing denim and brown leather observed the pile of zombies dead and impaled while posed in upside down cross formations.

"I love what they've done with the place," Ken quipped. "Really feeling the love of God here."

Tess groaned, "Lord, forgive them and their foolishness."

Gabi knocked on the door and yelled to say they were in need of a safe house. There was no coherent answer, only some mumbled sighs. She looked at the others who were also confused, yet the chill was grating on their skin, and they chose to enter anyway.

The cobwebs and chipped pews contrasted with the ornate church's stained glass filled with colorful hagiography that felt at home to Gabi and Tess, while Ken was impressed by the artistry, and Rhonda was apathetic to it all. They looked around to find the sound's source, a constant moaning that echoed throughout the building, causing Gabi to shiver and Rhonda to aim her shotgun. Tess found a separate room and found a kneeled woman in a nun's habit sulking.

"Sister? You're alright now. We're not bit."

Gabi stepped in to see the nun and bent down to comfort her, but Tess put her arm out in case it was a trap.

"What's your name?"

With a long exhale, the woman slowly got up and looked at them, and saw Ken and Rhonda enter as she ambled over.

"I am Sister Amanda. I am the only one who has been saved in this great judgement. I hope you four are not the Horsemen come to lay waste to me."

"Hell no," Rhonda barked as Ken raised a brow at the nun's words. "But if we were, I call War, because that's the most badass one!"

"Rhonda," Tess sighed. "Sorry, Sister. We didn't mean to intrude, but night's closing in, and we needed a refuge."

"I understand. But before I let you all stay, you must do me a favor, and that is to confess your sins. It is how I remained safe from this awful plague. I insist you do the same lest the horrible curse outside befalls you all."

Rhonda rolled her eyes while Tess and Gabi obliged with Ken out of sight.

"I don't mind, Sister," Tess said. "I ain't going too private since I'm with company, but... I did a kill a man before all this. A real snake who tried to get more than he deserved."

"I killed a few m'self, ya ain't that special" Rhonda chimed as Tess glared at her. "What? Y'all wanted confessions..."

Gabi twiddled her fingers and stepped up. "I... turned a blind eye to someone being attacked. I was just so scared and didn't know what to do!"

Tess put her hand around Gabi's and Amanda gave a small smile with hands outstretched.

"Thank you all. I know now what people you are all. How un-Christian and sinful you are."

"Excuse me," Tess stared daggers at her. "Then what was all that confession shit for?"

"Call it introspection," Amanda said with a sluggish smile and heavy eyes. "You will need it in this coming Rapture. Murderers and cowards need to be reminded of their guilt if they seek salvation."

"What are you even saying," Gabi cried in confusion. "We messed up but we're doing what we can! How dare you be sanctimonious!"

"I can beat that smugness right out of 'er," Rhonda cracked her knuckles.

"You may say your barbs, but I am protected, for my deeds are only to the evil and soulless you saw before trespassing on this land. You three-"

Her heart dropped and a chill went down her spine.

"Wait, there was a fourth one. A young man. Where did he go?"

"Ladies?" Ken shouted from below, causing the others to be concerned.

Rhonda grabbed Amanda by the arm and escorted her to where Ken was. He found a cellar hidden by tapestry and went down and saw a sight that rendered him speechless and cold. The others followed his path and saw what he discovered.

Bodies of slashed clergy and churchgoers were laid neatly in a row. Many were only recently rotting and three were smaller and younger than the rest.

Ken pointed at the limbs and necks. "No bite marks."

Amanda lost balance and felt her vision distorted and swirling. She retreated to a pew and rested on her side.

"The Lord will forgive me. He always will. He knows what I had to do. They all committed grave sins. To use the apocalypse as an excuse for impure and unholy acts. To abuse all of His love. To abuse all of His laws. To abuse all of His charity."

She rambled on as nightfall pressured them to throw her outside, in her nearly catatonic state, damning her to the outside world come Hell or high water. The group had varying degrees of guilt, with Ken and Rhonda feeling no sympathy for Amanda, Gabi feeling terribly sick, and Tess thinking about their safety in sleeping without a knife around their necks. They didn't hear her as they slept through the night and assumed she met her flock.

[calpicowater]

Day 50/365: February 19th 2017 | Bubble Tea Date 

Woke up next to an angel aka Gaby at 9am. I woke up in the middle of the night at 4am and we just grabbed each other’s hand sjhfsjkh it was cute af :p LOL anyway we didn’t do anything until 4:30pm when we went to NoFrill’s for grocery shopping and Chatime for bubble tea. We basically just ate leftover pizza for breakfast and lunch LOL like 3 meals for two people for only $8!!! I LUV DOMINO’S AND STUDENT DISCOUNT... AND MY FREE GIFT CARD LMFAO! Whenever Gaby and I can’t sit beside each other on the bus, I’d just stare at her face because she’s so pretty (!!!) fhskjdag and she’d just touch my hair hahaha so cute XD. We didn’t spend a lot of time inside NoFrills but grocery shopping has never been more fun! After getting groceries, we went to Chatime, got bubble tea (pearl milk tea for Gaby and lychee yogurt QQ jelly for me), and drank them at the tables while chatting with each other. ^_^ 

Today was so nice!!! I’ve never been happier. ♡♡

[luvtessascott]

SOI Hamilton Part 2/2 Write-Up (Retakes & M&G)

Part 1

The retakes started with Scott and quickly after Tessa coming out for their little speech to past the time while some of the skaters got ready to do a retake. Scott works the crowd with great confidence even better when Tessa got out there. The fake proposal was so cute I was laughing SO hard as was the whole audience. Lots of screaming and laughter. When Scott asked the crowd for something else for them to do, of course half of the crowd started chanting KISS KISS KISS, lol that’s when my second hand embarrassment kicked in hahaa...anyways he talked to an adorbs little girl after and then someone suggested to talk Marie and Patch. Anyways, the video of this whole thing is on my youtube. I also want to add, that I love that Tessa was the one to pull off the joke LIKE YAS give me more T. I also thought their low light, highlight was really funny. The retakes for the Boy’s number was really fun of course Scott when HAM again and chanted on the other boy through the whole number. I’m glad they decided to do the whole number again when really they only had to do part of it.

OKAY MEET AND GREET! So we took our time getting down there, had a quick chat with our friends, had a washroom break, and then took to the line. We were about third last in line but the line moved at a good pace. At no point did I feel like it was taking too long. We talked to some fans in line, I’m always happily surprised to see just how many fans come from the states for our shows. @makeitcountmeggy and I briefly discussed things we really wanted to say to each of the skaters and the general order we wanted to do things for when we got to TS.

The first table had Jeff and Kaetlyn. We walked up and said Hi, we congratulated Kaetlyn on her World title and on the olympics and jeff on a great show. I told Kaetlyn that when she was skating at worlds I used all my data to watch her skate and it was totally worth it. We all laughed and Jeff echoed that it was worth it and Kaetlyn said thank you. She’s very striking in person, maybe it was how her make-up was done but her dark features are so bold. That was my first time meeting both of them. They were really nice.

Next, we moved to Eric and Meghan. Began with the Olympic congrats. We had pre-planned to talk about TSL with Meghan. @makeitcountmeggy started off  by saying that we had discussed it and wanted to tell her that she was the best thing to ever happen to TSL. She laughed and thanked us said that she wanted to put a positive spin and bring some new discussion to the table. I told her that it was refreshing and we really valued her insight. She said thank you so much. I had met them once before in 2015. They’re a little quite but if you bring up topics they’re easy to talk to.

Kaitlyn and Andrew!! Another pre-planned topic was to talk about Nationals in 2018, both of us had attended it. I said that their Je Suis Malade performance at nationals was one of our favourite moments. They both said ‘Awh thank you’. @makeitcountmeggy told them that we were there in person and when the whole audience was willing them on before it started it felt so special. Kaitlyn sighed happily and said she couldn’t believe that happened. After having a rough SD, they were really nervous going into the free and just knowing they had the whole crowd behind them...Andrew cut in and said that it was then a moment of well we need to pull it together and really deliver now. Kaitlyn agreed yeah now that everyone was behind them they had to do it. I said but wasn’t it a relief to do it?! And they both exclaimed yes of course such a big relief. I’ve met Kaitlyn and Andrew twice before in 2015. They’ve gotten much better at talking with fans. They were pretty awkward in 2015, hahaa.

Then we got to Gabi and Javi. We didn’t have much to say to them, just congrats on the olympics Gabi said that she loved our outfits and we looked super cute. We asked them how they were holding up since we were the end of the end. They laughed said they were tired. 

There was a bit of a line for TS obviously fans were talking time with them. So they re-arranged the line and we waited. The girl and boy behind us were super hyped and emotional and shaky so we allowed them to go ahead of us and opted to go last. I’ve mentioned this before but my favourite thing to do for memories is to pop my phone on voice record before a meet and greet and then just lay it on the table so I have the memory later. I have it for this one, I don’t feel comfortable posting because of the now much larger size of the fandom. Message me off anon if you’re really curious and I’ll consider. I’m only going to write my side of the meet and greet to allow @makeitcountmeggy to tell her side if she wishes. Meg went up first and went to Tessa’s side of the table and began talking. I went to Scott’s side and said “HI”. He said, “Hi, nice to see you again!” Tessa repeated as well ‘Good to see you again!’ and I said “yes, great to see you!”. Then Scott opened his arm and said ‘come here.’ And I walked in and gave him a hug. (lol, guys I was so close to the flow.) I stepped back and handed him his present and said “This is for you”. It was in neon green wrapping paper that was a tad see through but I put his card on the front so it blocked for the most part what the gift was. He said “Oh you didn’t have to do that.” He took it into his hands and rubbed his fingers over the wrapping paper and said “Is this what I think it is?” I didn’t respond I was processing just being hugged by Scott guys and he repeated, “Is it?” He had this excited tentative smile on his face almost vibrating and then I said, “What do you think it is?” He said “I don’t want to say it.” And I pushed further, “Say it.” He continues to slip his hands under the paper and he says, “No I don’t want to say it.” So I said, “It’s a record...” He says “YA?” And i repeat “It is a record.” And he said “which one is it?” and I said, “Uhm Apple... I forget what it’s called.” He makes his first tear of the wrapping paper and I said “Yeah open it, go for it.” He makes quick work of the paper revealing the record for ‘Road Apples’ by The Tragically Hip. He gasped and jumped out of his chair and pulled me into him for a hug. I was laughing because it was legit adorable such childlike excitement. He said “You’re the best! I’ve never..I’ve never opened a present before opening a card, that is SOOOO amazing, THAAANK YOU.” I said, “You’re welcome, I’m so glad you like it.” He then said to some of the crew that was hanging around, “it’s awesome eh?” and security said “Road Apple?” and he said, “Yeah, road apple.” He said, “That is the most thoughtful thing, thank you so much.” He hugged me again. Then he sat down and said, “You know Rick (referring to the annoying security guard), was the secuirty guard on tour for the Hip well a lot of times but on that last tour?” And I said ‘oh?” Scott said, “Yeah he’s a big star, he’s a bigger star than us. He’s in that Long Time Running documentary...” Then I turned to Tessa (who had been talking with Meg, I didn’t just ignore her LOL). I said, “Tessa this is for you it’s an early birthday present.”  Handed her a large hot pink sparkly flower gift bag, that had a small box that was wrapped in paper in side. Tessa said, “Oh thank you so much! I Can’t wait to open it.” She peaked inside and said, “Ou I see some chocolate down there.” And I said, “Yeah, always chocolate.” She said, “Thank you so much,” with a smirk and continued, “I’m going to save it so I can open it at home.”

Incase you’re curious, I got Tessa the record for Moulin Rouge but it came in this box so I wrapped the entire box so it fit nicer in the gift bag.

We then slide our prints from Danielle on the table for signing. And they both leaned in to look at the pictures. The pictures were ontop of envelopes where Danielle had written us cute messages and Tessa slide it down and was glancing at them. I said, “Of course Danielle took these.” Then Tessa said, “She’s the best.” Meg said, “She’s awesome.” Tessa said, “That’s so cool, they’re both cool.” They start to sign them and Tessa stared at it for a moment and said “she’s so amazing.” Then we took our picture and said ‘thank you!’ Scott again said, “That is the best [reference to the record], you’ve just inspired a new collection for me.” We said “Bye, thank you!” And headed out.

(Anything from Ts was word for word based off my audio clip)

We basically skipped back to meet Danielle absolutely thrilled. Such a great meet and greet experience we had a ton of fun.

[whatdoyouthinkmyjobis]

Hunters on the Hellmouth

masterlist

first chapter

previous chapter

AN: Here’s a cheat sheet for keeping track of the Potentials.

Chapter 36: Blame

Dean woke up with a kink in his shoulder and a tightness in his lower back that made him feel older than his thirty-two years. In her flurry of activity after Cloé’s suicide, Buffy had worked the Potentials -- and by extension him -- all day. The goal had been for the girls to try to pin larger targets -- him, Sam or Spike. Many of the girls distrusted their bodies, unaware of how to use momentum and weight to their advantage. To Buffy’s disappointment, only half a dozen girls were able to regularly take the men down after three exhausting hours.

After the sparring session, Buffy had surprised Dean by asking him to stay the night, something he hadn’t done in weeks. They spent the night alternating between holding each other and arguing. She was so tied up in knots, the stress once sent her running to the bathroom.

“Food poisoning?’ he’d asked, wearily holding back her hair as she leaned against the toilet.

“No, it’s...God, I’m so stressed.”

“Girly, you can’t wear yourself down like this. I can hear that frog in your throat. How’re you gonna yell at people without a voice?”

He’d hoped to make her laugh, but even in the dim light he could see tears welling in her eyes. “I have to yell. There are things, things I have to do.”

“And you’re great at all of them.” Dean scooped her up in his arms and carried her back to bed. Curled around her, he softly sang until she fell asleep.

Before dawn, Dean stumbled to the kitchen, where the girl who’d discovered Cloé was eating pickles and staring out the window. “See anything nasty out there?” he asked as he filled the coffee pot.

The girl shrugged.

“You eat that for breakfast every morning?” he asked, pointing at her bowl of rice and pickles.

“In America.”

“Well, sweetheart, I’m gonna make you some real American breakfast. Ever had pancakes?”

She shook her head, her bangs falling into her eyes.

“It’s literally cake for breakfast.”

She stuck out her tongue in disgust.

Wook was quiet, but then she’d been quiet before finding a body. She was a lost-in-thought, hiding-behind-her-bangs, one-dark-lipstick-short-of-troubled kind of girl. Dean wasn’t sure how discovering Cloé’s cold body had effected Wook, but he couldn’t go wrong with kindness.

“Come on! What’s not to like?” he asked with a big smile. “Plus bacon, which is like meat candy.”

“Gross.”

“Pickles?” He raised one judgemental eyebrow.

The batter was mixed by the time five Potentials -- Sophia, Maya, Molly, and one of the new arrivals -- stumbled in, rubbing the sleep from their eyes.

“Morning, handsome. Whatcha’ makin’?” asked the new one. Blonde curls. Freckles. Margo? She’d arrived only days before the massacre and seemed to be in complete denial that anything horrible had happened. She was older than most of the girls and possibly more experienced in burying the bullshit.

“Pancakes for the pickle-eater.” He gestured at Wook who waved at them with her spoon.

“Any for us?” asked Molly, quietly. Dean’s heart broke whenever he saw her tugging on her sleeves to cover her burned arms. She’d arrived with innocent, wide-eyed excitement.

Dean lifted the giant bowl of batter beside him. “Want some Mickey Mouse ones, Pigtails?”

For a split second, she grinned. She always grinned when he called her Pigtails.

But Molly wasn’t the only shell shocked girl. Sophia and Maya leaned into the counter as if they needed support. Sophia had big blue eyes that always looked like she was on the verge of tears. She was one of the three survivors of a Bringer attack in Europe where her Watcher had been murdered in front of her.

Grace came in, waving sleepily at the girls. She hugged Sophia, and they whispered. Then Grace gave Wook’s shoulder a quick squeeze. “Dean, no coffee?” she asked with a small smile as she filled the pot with water. “I thought that was why you stayed here, no? To make food?”

“Haha.” But he smiled anyway. Grace -- kind, serene, and take-no-shit all at once -- was one of his favorites.

“Grace, you’re a saint,” said Margo, tumbling off of her stool in pursuit of coffee.

Maya, her dark hair slipping out of her ponytail, looked like she hadn’t slept in days. For every girl like Molly who had arrived viewing the Summers’ house as an adventure camp, there was a girl like Maya who was not happy to leave her life behind. Maya was one of those girls who had chosen her college before she hit puberty. She wanted to change the world, she’d confessed, by becoming Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. She loved order and process and plans, not the instinct and improvisation required of a Slayer.

Dean piled pancakes high on a platter as fast as the girls ate them. After so much bad news, hunger was a good sign.

Maya reminded Dean of Sam -- driven, smart, angry. Over a month ago, when they’d sat down with Buffy, Giles and Xander to decide which girls were moving where, Dean had asked for Maya. Buffy had disagreed, pointing to Sam’s fluency in Spanish and the translators on their phones as reason enough to keep a native English speaker at her place. They’d argued. He’d dropped it.

Betje shuffled into the kitchen, her short blue hair pointing in all directions, mascara smudged under her eyes. Giles, already dressed, wasn’t too far behind.

Betje, a survivor of the train massacre with Sophia, glanced at the pancakes before pouring herself some black coffee. After a couple sips, she pulled out a cigarette.

“Oi, Betje, do that outside or Buffy will kill ya!” said Molly.

Betje raised one eyebrow and looked outside. They didn’t really patrol much any more. The city was half empty, and Lucifer sent vampires every night to spy on the house. Their training squads never needed to go far for a kill. But the sky was getting light. At this hour, any vamps still outside would be in a hurry to get away before the sun broke over the horizon.

Betje pushed the cigarette back in the pack and grabbed a sweater hanging by the back door.

Giles looked up from his mug. “Betje, we can’t be too careful right now.”

She picked up a stake from a crock on the counter. “Anyone else feel like a morning kill?”

Grace rolled her eyes. “I will go with you for practice. Not so you can smoke.”

Betje shrugged and went out into the dim light. Dean and Giles watched the girls from the window, but nothing came for them before the sun appeared. The girls moved into its beam.

“Where did she hide the aspirin?” asked Maya. After Cloé’s suicide, Buffy had locked all the medicine in Willow’s bedroom before working the girls all day until they collapsed around sunset.

“I can get you some in a bit,” Dean offered.

The girl nodded and poked at the pancake on her plate. After a minute, Maya muttered, “Cloé, Gabi, Jabulela, Lys, Naomi.”

“Don’t forget Annabelle and Astrid,” said Molly, who’d seen what remained of both girls.

“And all the girls who didn’t get this far,” said Sophia, rubbing a chill off her arms.

Tears welled up in Maya’s dark eyes. “I can’t even mourn them.” Her voice was a raw wound. “I knew about the vampires and the stupid crosses and holy water. I knew The First was out there looking for us, but I wasn’t prepared for some bullshit Christian angel to hunt us down.”

Sophia laid a hand on Maya’s shoulder, but the girl batted it away, her face twisted with rage. “I don’t want your comfort! Don’t you see? He’s taking everything. Even my Gods.”

“Let’s not jump to any hasty conclusions,” Giles encouraged.

“Lucifer being real doesn’t mean your gods aren’t,” Dean said. “Gods run on worship, so maybe your gods are livin’ the high life in places they’re most worshiped?”

“How would you know?” Maya asked in a hoarse sob.

Years ago, Dean had scoffed at his baby brother for praying, for believing in anything other than what they could see. By the time Sam met angels, he was crushed. Something about watching the faith drain from Sam -- the same look Maya had now -- stirred up his own latent desire for something bigger than himself. For something holy. “What religion are you?”

“Hindu.” She took a tissue someone handed her and blew her nose. “I’m not even a good Hindu, but it still means something to me. It’s part of me and my parents. It goes back and back connecting me to my whole family. Literally. My mum even tells me I’m the reincarnation of her aunt.”

Dean nodded. “‘K, so I been doing this since I was a kid. Monster bait. Shooting ghosts. Whole nine. Met a few gods in my time too.”

“Bullshit!” declared Margo.

Sophia held her cross to her chest and nearly stopped breathing.

“Sure as shit,” Dean said.

“Like Jesus an’ Buddha an’ stuff?” asked Pigtails.

“Buddhists don’t worship Buddha,” Maya clarified.

Dean resumed making pancakes. “No big fish. These were old European pagan gods. Back in the day, fields of people would be sacrificed to them. Now, they’re hobblin’ along and tricking people to survive. They were weak enough, Sam an’ I could take ‘em.”

The girls gazed at him with a spectrum of skepticism and awe. Giles tried to hide his eye roll behind his coffee mug.

But Maya wasn’t reassured. “Are you telling me you want to kill Kali, because I don’t see that happening.”

“I believe what Dean is trying to say,” Giles interjected, “is that your worship gives your gods strength. You speak their names. You give them offerings. As such, Kali would be more likely to be found near one of her temples rather than in, say, rural Indiana.”

Maya shook her head. “That makes Kali sound so small, so needy. I cannot keep her alive.”

“Does that mean we’re fighting Lucifer because of some damn Satanists?” asked Margo around a big bite of pancake, “‘Cause I always thought that was Halloween nonsense,”

Dean shrugged and added four more pancakes to the platter on the island. “Above my pay grade. I know he ain’t hurtin’ for lackeys.”

Sophia sighed heavily and stared at the food. “God abandoned us to the Devil. How can we fight him if we keep losing girls?” Hope drained from her watery eyes. Wook patted her back.

For a moment, Dean toyed with telling them everything was going to be alright. They’d hit rock bottom, and were on their way up. No more deaths. No more tears. But he didn’t. “Listen, this whole Slayer thing is bullshit. One girl against all the evil in the world is a stacked deck, and I’m sorry fate or destiny or whatever dragged you into this. But just ‘cause the deck is stacked against you doesn’t mean you fold. Now’s when you show those evil sons a bitches what you’re made of, and I plan to go down swingin’.”

“Easy for you to say,” said Maya roughly pushing away from the island. “You’re old. You’ve lived your life. I’m only seventeen!” She dashed into the backyard, Giles on her heels.

Dean turned off the stove and leaned against the counter watching as Maya buckled to her knees, sobbing. Turning back to the breakfast crew, equally engrossed in Maya’s despair, he explained, “Both of my parents were murdered by a demon that worshipped Lucifer. Good people who helped raise me an’ my brother were killed by another one, Meg. Couple months before we moved here, we were going after Lucifer when Meg comes outta nowhere, kills a couple friends of ours, Jo and Ellen. Now, I have two options. I can hide. Hope they can’t find me. Maybe grow old with the ghosts of the dead keeping me up at night. Or I can load for bear and go after it. Second option does better by the dead.”

There was a clamor of feet down the stairs and yelling in the living room.

“Up! Up! Up! Get dressed! We’re going for a run!” Loud groans of protest followed Buffy into the kitchen. “What are you doing?” she asked with fury, as if she’d caught him making out with a mermaid.

“Breakfast,” said Margo, taking another bite.

“You all need to be dressed and in the front yard in five minutes.” Buffy’s voice was icy.

Other than dirty looks and one sigh, the girls shuffled out.

Her burning gaze settled on Dean. “What the hell, Dean?! Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“Uh, because you were up all night?” -- yelling at me.

“That doesn’t matter! The Slayer doesn’t need as much sleep as everyone else, and what is that?” she asked, pointing at a plate of fresh pancakes.

“What does it look like? It’s breakfast? You want the kids to die from exhaustion first or starvation?”

She rubbed her temples and spoke in the low, measured voice of adult to irritating child. “Go to Xander’s. Get the girls packed and moved back here. Call Sam. Tell him the same. The neighbors all left, so we might as well save some driving.”

Dean nodded. “Good idea.”

Buffy glanced up at him, longing in her eyes. Slowly, he approached her. To his surprise, she didn’t push him away. She fell into his arms, her head resting on his chest. Holding her felt like holding the whole beautiful, heavy world.

“We’ll be okay,” he said.

“We won’t,” she whispered.

Dean kissed the top of her head. “I love you, Buffy.”

She pulled away, her face pained. “Now? Now is when you feel like you can say it?” And she walked out of the room.

Spike sat on the lawn, the still-odd sensation of sun on his skin, while he flipped through the Potentials’ dossiers. In theory, he was resting. Buffy had used him again this morning as a target for the girls. After he’d been dragged to the ground by Sophia, Betje, and Lara successively, he’d cried uncle. He healed fast, but not vampire fast.

In reality, he was watching Buffy as she barked at the girls. There was tension in her face and nothing in her eyes. He knew that look. It was the same look she wore when she came back from Heaven, absent of desire or care. She’d given up.

He turned back to the trainees. Keisha had only been training as a Slayer for a few months before coming to Sunnydale. From the outside, she seemed perfectly average. Average height. Average grades. The mid-range cuteness most girls settle into. A little heavy, but in full possession of her muscles and weight. In fact, her understanding of how her body moved exceeded that of most of the girls. Coupled with her hard work, she had grown into one of the most capable Potentials, killing four vampires during her three months in town.

She had won the last three rounds, successfully forcing the small but more experienced Ju, then the athletic but inexperienced Steph out of the circle crudely painted on the lawn. Displacing Dani, a win that caused the crowd to cheer, had taken longer. Keisha was winded, her hair sticking to the sweat on her cheeks.

“Get in there, Kate,” Buffy ordered.

Keisha held up her hand. “Give me a moment, a’ight?”

“Kate, go!” Buffy barked. In seconds, untrained Kate had Keisha on her back.

“What the hell’s the matter with you?!” Keisha shouted, her usually calm voice hot. “I said. I needed. A breather.”

“You don’t get a breather in a fight. Rona, get in there with Kate!” Buffy shouted as Keisha slinked away.

Kate Spike knew. She was a mouthy, sarcastic and pessimistic. She had known nothing of the supernatural before Giles brought her to town from Ireland, and she hated every moment of training. Spike liked her.

Rona he did not know. Tall and well-muscled in camo pants and a cut-off tee, she stayed just out of reach to Kate’s right, forcing the smaller girl to constantly turn and use her energy in pursuit. Eventually, Rona grabbed Kate when she lunged and tossed her from the circle.

“Ladies, why did Rona win?” Buffy asked.

“Because she’s trained,” Kate complained.

“Pfft! Brawling ain’t training for vampire shit,” Rona scoffed. Her file said she was from Flint, Michigan, which meant nothing to Spike. Clearly, he needed to learn more about Michigan.

“Kate kept doing same thing. Grab. Miss. Grab. Miss. Rona use to her advantage,” Lara explained.

“Remember, girls, if something doesn’t work, don’t keep trying it. That gets you killed. Lara, since you’re in the know, see if you can knock Rona out.”

Lara’s grin was dark and hungry. Her dossier said she’d been training for two years. She was there when the Bringers killed her Watcher and was still injured from the brawl. Spike pitied Rona for the rage Lara needed to work out.

In seconds, Lara had dropped to the ground and swept her leg under Rona who fell out of the circle.

“Rona, you didn’t even try!” By some miracle, Buffy looked more mad than she had before.

“Why? She got years on me. Kinda like those vampires you’s ‘spectin’ me to fight.” The girl waved Buffy off and headed inside.

“Grace, go get her,” Buffy commanded. Grace did as she was told.

Spike’s body popped in protest as he got up. He leaned into Buffy, speaking low so the girls wouldn’t hear. “It’s after one. How about lunch? Most of the girls didn’t eat break--”

“You want to call it quits, go ahead. We have training to do.” Eyes steady on the circle, she didn’t even look at him. “Molly, you’re up!”

Molly, who was a decent fighter, lasted less than ten seconds before Lara had thrown her out of the circle by her pigtails. “Oi! That ain’t fair!”

“The object is to throw your opponent out of the circle. I don’t care how,” Buffy said. “Julia, you’re next!”

Sam added two more suitcases to the pile that blocked the sidewalk, not that anyone was casually strolling around Sunnydale anymore. The news of the slaughter at St. Agnes’ had spurred most of the remaining families to flee the town. Robin Wood had closed the high school.

At least the buses were free now, and within and hour Wood would be arriving with one to transport all of the girls and their luggage back to Buffy’s. If they ever got the rest of the apartment packed.

Christ, the girls have a lot of shit!

Lili emerged from the building, two bags in hand. Upon seeing Sam, she quickly moved to hide one behind her back. Lili, an orphan from Estonia, was one of the only girls who had thrived since arriving. Her eyes and skin were brighter now that she ate and slept regularly. Her habit of stealing had not made her any friends; although, Kimberly had attempted to make her some clothes. She should have two bags now.

So why hide?

Sam leaned past her to hold the door. “Lemme help you with that.” He smiled at her as he lifted the bag from her hand. It was heavy. Laptop heavy.

He pulled out his phone and turned on the translator. “You know we’re just going back to Buffy’s?”

“Are you going to pack?” she asked, smugly. “The girls are handling your books and other stuff.”

Sam nodded. “That’s nice of them.” She knew he knew. That was enough. Besides, she’d get tired of trying to bypass the passwords after a while.

“Hey, did you happen to find Dean’s stash of candy?”

“No.” Lili looked interested. At least he thought she did. She was hard to read.

Sam smiled. “I’m going to check on the girls. Make sure that candy gets packed.”

Lili almost smiled.

Something tugged at his heart when he knocked on the door of Jada’s old apartment. He took a deep breath. Told his heart not to flutter.

“Andate, vampiro!” A laugh echoed in the apartment when Maria opened the door.

Sam was glad they could laugh after everything that had happened. It kept them human. “How’s packing going?” he asked in Spanish.

The girl shrugged. “Do you know how many curling irons we have? Everyone’s arguing over what belongs to who.”

“That doesn’t matter. We just have to move everything to Buffy’s. Sort it out later. Put what you have in the hall, okay? We can always come back if anyone’s forgotten anything.”

As soon as Sam opened the door to his own apartment, a couple voices fell silent. The girls who didn’t speak English continued chattering away, casting suspicious or worried glances his way. He didn’t like to turn on the translator on his phone unless they asked. Let them complain in peace. Dean’s call this morning about moving everyone back to Buffy’s had only caused a surge in grumbling.

Stepping around cots and clothes, Sam headed to the kitchen, where some girls were working on packing up the food. The moment she saw him, Nitika poked Shakti and unleashed a flurry of Marathi.

Shakti sighed. She was tall and slim, pretty in that awkward, alien way a model is pretty, and very, very rich. Servants rich. Summer home rich. Private jet rich. And now she was sleeping on a cot, acting as translator to another girl from Mumbai, one far below her social rank. It goaded her, but like the leader-in-training she was, she bit her lip and soldiered on. Now, the shorter, bespectacled girl had a question for him that she needed to present.

“Nitika wants to know,” was how Shakti usually began, wanting to make it clear the words weren’t hers, “if we still have to train today or if we can attend to laundry.” Nitika was one of many girls who had arrived with one suitcase. Shakti had at least four, and Sam was fairly certain she sent all of their clothes to a cleaner anyway. At least when one had been available.

“Excellent plan!” said Kimberly, slapping the counter. Though certainly not rich, she had also arrived with several suitcases and changed her clothes with her mood. ���Spraying sweaters with perfume only goes so far.”

Sam shook his head. “Sorry, Buffy’s orders are moving then training.”

A groan rose from the group in waves as the update was translated from language to language.

“This is a good plan.” He was kicking himself already. He knew some of them didn’t like Buffy, but all of their reasons were shallow. Complicating the issue, most of them were homesick. There wasn’t much to reason with at this point. Still he continued. “It takes how many trips to get you all back and forth to Buffy’s every day? Plus, there’s strength in numbers.”

“Deux filles sont mortes là-bas,” Eva said over the crowd. Two girls have died there.

A stillness settled over the room. What could he say? That they shouldn’t have gone outside? Been alone? That their futures would be clinging to Buffy’s skirts?

He didn’t have to answer the girls. The door banged open and Dean, his cheeks flushed from activity, joined them. “I got Lili and those million bags packed in the Impala. Should be back in forty for another round.”

“No need. Robin is coming with a school bus.”

Dean drew back in surprise. “Robin? Wouldn’t have expected that dickbag to raise a finger.”

Sam smirked. “I may have said something about him being less useful than Spike. Besides, school is closed. If I play my cards right, he may take up in one of the empty houses by Buffy’s.”

Dean smiled and patted his brother on the shoulder.

“Okay, ladies,” Dean bellowed, “I got room in my car for one more. Quicker we get to Buffy’s the happier she’ll be.”

Solange, an army recruit from Armenia, pointed at Sam.

He knew what she wanted. He got out his phone to slowly recount for her why Dean was there. Unfortunately, Armenian was not one of the translator’s better languages.

The girl stared at him, her large, expressive eyes showing a mix of confusion and disgust. “Why to serve her?”

“Serve? Buffy?” Sam asked.

“She is not a good officer.”

“Whoa, wait a second!” Dean surveyed the room, getting a feel for the tension he’d walked into. “Buffy is the best Slayer to ever live. Bar none.”

“For a lot of stuff, totally,” said Vi. She continued wadding up clothes and shoving them in her duffle. “Buffy beat The Master. She killed, like, a million vampires. She died beating Glory. There there’s all the demons and ghosts and stuff. Buffy’s cool. But The First isn’t any of that. It’s an archangel.”

“Life’s full of firsts,” Dean said.

Eva asked a question in French. The translator squawked, “Why aren’t you in charge? Or Sam?”

“Because we’re not the Slayer.”

“Who was chosen at random,” said Shakti. A wave of agreement rolled through the girls as she continued. “History tells of many Slayers who did not last a week. Buffy was not even trained when she was called. It is nothing short of a miracle that she has become such a legend.”

“See!” said Dean with a smile. “Buffy knows what’s up.”

“But being a survivor is not the same being a leader,” Shakti said, cooly.

Dean clenched his teeth. “You want to say that to her face? Do any of you want to tell the woman who took you in to keep you safe that she’s doing a shit job?”

No one made eye contact.

“Enjoy your damn bus,” he said before storming out.

God, there’s too much blood.

The house felt quiet at this hour. It had been two weeks since Buffy had spread the Potentials into the neighboring abandoned houses. That had caused the unending stream of bathroom traffic to ease up, which meant Willow wasn’t constantly waking up to the sound of flushing or vomiting.

Instead, the nightmares had woken her. The same nightmare Willow had been having for weeks. She was herself. She was beside herself. Behind herself. She was young. She was old. She was angry, her veins black, shooting out a power she could not control. She was setting Sam Winchester on fire.

Willow took another sip before refilling her glass. The cold water ran down her throat, reminding her she was awake. It hadn’t been real. She was Willow Rosenberg. Powerful witch. Total nerd. The Slayer’s best friend. Friend to Sam Winchester.

As Willow headed back to her room, something outside caught her eye. She grabbed someone’s hoodie by the door and stepped onto the porch.

“Buffy?” she asked, nervously reaching out. Her pounding heart relieved when her fingers brushed her friend’s shoulder.

“I didn’t know insomnia was contagious,” Buffy said. She was trying to make a joke, but the sadness in her eyes wasn’t selling it. A plaid shirt peeked out from under her sweatshirt. She’d been crying.

“Buffy, it’s four in the morning.” Willow sat on the porch beside her.

Her friend nodded. “That makes sense. An hour ago, it was three.”

They sat in silence for a while. Willow breathed a little spell to keep the chill away. Should have grabbed a blanket. She didn’t want to leave her friend, but she wasn’t sure where to start either.

Buffy got up and stalked across the street. She ripped a branch off a bush in front of the neighboring house and disappeared behind the palm. There was a cry and a poof of dust. She slowly walked back to the porch.

“How many vampires have you killed tonight?” Willow asked.

Buffy shrugged. “Six? They just watch. It’s kinda gross.”

“That’s gross? I mean, the vampire scale is sort of tipped heavy on grossness and evil.”

“They’re up to something.” Buffy’s voice was hard. “Probably reporting back to Lucifer.”

By now, Lucifer had to know that they’d spread into neighboring houses. No more driving between Xander’s or the Winchesters’. Even Principal Wood had agreed to serve as a den parent. Trouble was, the houses the guys had taken up in weren’t their homes. They’d warded them against angels and demons. Garlic and crosses hung everywhere. Willow had done a few protection spells with her little coven before Buffy pulled the girls off of all witchcraft studies.

“Do you think they’re looking for weak spots?” Willow asked. “What if they got in one of houses?”

Buffy shook her head. “These are spies. Not soldiers.”

“Never been a fan of the war metaphors.”

“Not a metaphor,” Buffy said, darkly. Her words hung heavy in the air.

“What did you do to get blacklisted by the Sandman?” Buffy asked.

“It’s just PMS,” Willow lied. “You?”

Buffy sighed. “Giles called a couple hours ago. He needed a ride. I asked Xander to go.”

Xander’s Potential house was across the street, which explained why Buffy was up and watching. But Giles usually rented a car to drive himself and the newest Potentials home. “Did he say anything else?”

Buffy shook her head.

“We’re not going to win,” Buffy said.

“Don’t say that.”

“This is beyond everything.”

“We beat Glory.”

“I died,” Buffy said. Her face was disturbingly calm. “Let’s say we defeat the Devil -- who we still don’t know how to kill -- not everyone is going home. I promised these girls I’d keep them safe. I can’t. I can’t keep them safe, or you or Dawn or Sam. People I love are going to die, no matter what I do.

“I keep…” Buffy stared at her hands. “I’ve been sitting here in the dark imagining you dead. You. Giles. Dawn. Dean. Everyone. We have to keep going, keep fighting. It’s us or the whole world. But I have to prepare myself. We’re not all going to make it to the end.”

Deep down, Willow feared the same thing. She leaned over, and hugged her friend.

They waited.

Eventually, Willow went inside for coffee and blankets. They waited some more.

Just past dawn, Xander pulled into the driveway. Giles had his arm in a sling. They were the only people in the car.

“What happened?”

Giles sighed. It looked as if he’d aged ten years. He spoke in a flat voice of someone recalling an accident. “When I got there, they were all dead. There was a Bringer though. Now he’s dead.

“I’m tired,” he stated, heading inside to sleep.

“Are you coming in?” Willow asked Buffy.

The Slayer kept her eyes on the rising sun. “Why?”

Cut scene from this chapter

next chapter

[julystorms]

The men in power were from the old government. They were the ones running the world. But now look at who holds the highest authority, Historia, oh and guess what she's a woman. Eren and Reiner who both hold the title of protagonist didn't make number one Mikasa did, oh and she's a woman and pretty much stronger than half the males there. Also as the other anon stated Maria, Rose and sina. So I doubt Isayama is as sexist as you make him out to be.

Dude, separation of writer and text, thanks. I stated that in another post earlier today. Whether or not Isayama is sexist has nothing to do with the fact that his world is sexist. I try not to include writer opinions in my interpretation of a text; it’s not always relevant. (Yes, you can choose to interpret these things with the author’s intention (or author’s opinions, however unconsciously they exist) in mind if you want to, but I actively choose not to.)

Moving on. I want to address your comments re: SnK as a sexist (or not) world.

1.) Historia is a puppet queen. She has no real power. I’ve discussed this before. Darius Zackly is the one who was actually in charge the last time we checked and God knows how many cronies he has working for him.

2.) One female character who ranks #1 in a class of badassery does NOT mean that all women are equal in the world. I mean, for fuck’s sake, she’s an Ackerman: a science project born with special talents. If Levi wasn’t in the story at all, I’d maybe give him a few points for Mikasa being a badass and not needing a male counterpart to balance her strength but nope, she can’t just be strong on her own merit alone or the only special female character. (Not that fandom wouldn’t call her a Mary Sue if she wasn’t balanced out by Levi anyway but ya know. Fuck fandom.) For a real life example how about the US women’s soccer team? 

3.) Legendary/mythical/important women are great but they don’t make the world somehow less sexist just because they exist. I have two things to talk about in regards to this:

The first is the Bible. You don’t think there aren’t a lot of women in the Bible? You don’t think every good little Christian learns about prominent figures like the (Virgin) Mary and (Other) Mary and Elizabeth and Deborah and Sarah and Anna and all of the other women who appear in the Bible and mean something? Play important roles? You don’t think little Christian girls latch onto those women ‘cause it’s the only positive representation they get? You don’t think those SAME LITTLE GIRLS (and boys!!) aren’t taught to be sexisT AS FUCK THROUGH the use of women like Delilah and Jezebel? Taught to hate women like that? Shown them as Bad Evil examples of What Not to Be? Hell, even Rahab is used as an example that Wicked Women Can Change Their Ways and Gain Favor with God–not by helping Joshua’s spies and doing what she feels in her heart is the right thing* but by changing her career (whether or not Rahab ever had a choice is never discussed). Oh, and don’t forget Lot’s wife who turned into a pillar of salt. Boy howdy Christianity has lots of ladies!!! But it’s also a religion that has by default rooted itself so goddamn deep into the patriarchy and sexism that it’s become more toxic than I can even parse properly.

*don’t get me started on the canaan land y’all.

So cool, let’s go back to SnK. SnK has three walls (objects, hello) named after women that are kind of like goddesses of a religion that is scoffed and laughed at by most of the population within the walls. The wall cult is crazy, they say. HELL, THEY CALL IT A CULT for fuck’s sake. It’s also a religion that isn’t real? It’s a front for the fact tHAT THERE ARE TITANS IN THE WALLS. Don’t damage the walls it’s our religion lol (but really we don’t want the titans to get out.) Pastor Nick knew this (and notice that it was a man privy to this secret, not a female religious leader).

Also, I mean, there have been lots of historical queens. It didn’t make their countries or people any less sexist. HM. WONDER WHY.

Literally every person in this series with REAL POWER or control over others? Is a man.

I’m not talkin’ Team Leader Nanaba here; she has very little power. 

I’m talkin’ actual power. I’m talkin’ can make a big order and have people follow it under penalty of being accused of treason or worse, or has the kind of money to make a difference. I’m talkin’ Dot Pixis, Erwin Smith, Nile Dok. I’m talkin’ Darius Zackly, whom these men all answer to. I’m talkin’ the noblemen that we see who supposedly were abusing their positions (and yet no noblewomen talked about or even, iirc, in the throne room when Erwin’s about to be hung). I’m talkin’ a fake king and Rod Reiss. I’m talkin’ Reeves. I’m talkin’ Magath and all the men in Marley at their big important meetings. I’m talkin’ about the fact that every council meeting we see, every military meeting we see, we’re LUCKY if we see even one woman in the room, and many times we don’t see a single one. When Eibringer walks into a room to play cards and smoke/drink and hands his duty over to Marlowe, he goes into a room full of other men. When all the bigwigs are in meetings? Again, men. 

Who cares if Marley has Pieck, Gabi, Annie, Zophia? They have no power. They’re all being used. They’re little more than slaves, and we don’t even know how many of them volunteered for the job or were forced into it via coercion or otherwise.

And who cares if Paradis has Mikasa graduate her li’l class at #1? Has Nanaba in a team leader position? Gives us Rico (who is also an elite team leader)? Rico takes orders from Kitz who takes orders from someone who takes orders from Pixis who takes orders from Zackly. Nanaba takes orders from Mike who takes orders from Erwin who takes orders from Zackly. And hey, they gave us Marlene, who served no real purpose except, idk, to die; she doesn’t even count. She was made to tease Hange and die horribly. That’s not power.

Mikasa is physically strong. She’s an awesome female character who has seen some lovely character development in this series. But…where is her power? Her ability to influence thousands of other people? It’s not there. She’s strong, and she can make a difference, but she lacks that influential power–the kind men have in this series. Women don’t rule this world. Men do. 

Women are not equal to men in SnK. If they were, you’d see a 50/50 split of women in the trainee corps, women in roles of power, women as merchants. You’d see stay at home dads. You’d see women wearing pants and skirts as casual wear in equal measure. Notice that you don’t. Notice that every shot of random characters is almost entirely random men. Think about it. It’s not equal.

And Mikasa’s existence in the series doesn’t balance out the fact that she lives in a sexist world. She shines because she chooses to, not because she lives in an equal-opportunity world where women and men are treated exactly the same.

[broodingsoul]

84 Random Things About This Week’s So You Think You Can Dance (S14E8)

1.  Time to reveal the Top 10!

2.  Every season, it’s a struggle to get through the Vegas—excuse me, “Academy”—episodes and then suddenly, we’re competing.

3.  Group Performance - All-Stars “Knocking on Heaven’s Door” This was just really beautiful, and perfectly showed why these dancers are All-Stars.  Only 4 of them are contemporary dancers, but they all dance it so beautifully.  The choreography is lovely; I think my favorite movements are the little wrist-flicks that occasionally happen to “knock-knock-knocking.”  Also, literally every time I see Robert dance I get really teary-eyed because, y’know, he almost died.  And then he was told he might never dance again.  Just overall, absolutely beautiful.

4.  And I guarantee you it was a Travis Wall number.

5.  Well fuck me in the ass, it was Mandy Moore.

6.  I don’t know if you know this, but she was the choreographer for the Academy Award nominated movie La La Land.

7.  I don’t know if you heard of that movie.

8.  It’s called La La Land.

9.  Also, just so you know, Mandy Moore choreographed it.  The show doesn’t like to brag about it much.

10.  So You Think You Can Dance choreographer Mandy Moore did the choreography for La La Land.

11.  Twitch and Allison are literally the most adorable thing to exist, and you can’t convince me otherwise.

12.  The only thing I care about when it comes to who’s in the Top 10 is whether or not Dassy made it, because she is My Everything (by Ariana Grande).

13.  Cat just said “Rama Lama” and I got chills.  No group number will ever beat that dance.

14.  WADE ROBSON HAD A KID?!

15.  Wade Robson is straight?

16.  Oh fuck, I completely forgot about Vanessa Hudgens.

17.  Oh Mary.  Oh Mary, what are these bubble sleeves?  It looks like a 6-year old designed their ideal wedding dress.

18.  Come on, Fik-Shun, don’t let me down.  Pick Dassy.  Choose Dassy.

19.  YAS BITCH DASSY YAS!

20.  Daisy & All-Star Fik-Shun “Shake Your Pants” - Hip-hop, choreographed by Poppin Pete Watching Dassy dance just makes me smile so much.  She just looks like she’s having so much fun and it draws my eye to her.  Fid-Shun is probably one of the most talented and likable dancers on this series and I can’t even watch him right now, because Dassy’s energy completely steals the show.  I don’t really care for this routine, but it doesn’t matter, because they look like they’re having fun, so it makes me feel like I”m having fun.

21.  Vanessa Hudgens just had a full judging moment that didn’t make me want to roll my eyes.  Good job, V!

22.  I really hope Allison chose Logan. There was something about his audition for the All-Stars that made me just keep gasping.

23.  Well I’m 2 for 2 for picks.  Let’s see if I can keep this up.  Which means I just shot myself in the foot.

24.  Logan & All-Star Audrey (of whom I have NO knowledge whatsoever because I didn’t watch Season 9) “Protocol” - Contemporary, choreographed by Tyce Diorio I know Allison was concerned about Logan only being 18, but he honestly dances beyond his years.  He has a maturity about him in this routine where he’s just…in charge.  Sometimes his hands get a little weak, like the moves don’t quite reach all the way through his arms.  And I honestly didn’t watch Audrey at all, sorry ‘bout it girl.  BUT I think this is one of my favorite routines Tyce has ever done—really sexy, really dangerous—and I wish so much I could’ve seen Allison dance it with Logan.

25.  I have no idea who Audrey is, but major props to her for learning this routine literally HOURS before the performance.

26.  And Zachary got picked up to play Mr. Mestophales in Cats, which just shows that some things are meant to be, and some are not, and he should be very proud of himself.

27.  I want Jenna to have chosen Kiki because I think he’s sexy as fuck, and also because I feel like Concrete kind of gave up and that’s a big red flag.

28.  YES!  KIKI!  Three for three.

29.  Kiki and All-Star Jenna “There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back” - Cha-Cha, choreographed by Dmitry Chaplin First of all:  Kiki is sexy as fuuuuuuuuuuuc, holy shit.  Second of all, a Shawn Mendes song for a cha-cha?  At least it’s not that friendzone bullshit “Treat You Better.”  ANYWAY.  Kiki is an extremely good dancer when it comes to technique, but this cha-cha mostly lacks a lot of sex appeal from him (apparently I find him sexy because he’s a hot dork and not because of his dancing).  There’s only one moment where i really believe him as Jenna’s partner, and it’s when she kicks back into a développé and he has a moment of sexual chemistry with her.  Otherwise, it feels like he’s just there as a prop.  And it sucks because goddammit, Jenna is sexy as shit right now (secretly I really love her shh don’t tell) and I just keep looking at her because she’s stealing the show, simply by connecting to the style and tone of the dance.  His partner work is great, but I just need a little more OOMPH from him to really care about him as a competitor.

30.  But as long as Kiki keeps his shirt open like that, I’m good.

31.  “I’d like to dance a paso doble with him, I tell ya” is still my all-time favorite Mary Murphy moment.

32.  “It was very tough on Kiki because I found it very difficult to take my eyes off you…I just worry that the audience is not going to see a lot of your incredible world class style.”  There we go.  Nigel nailed it for me.  Kiki is a sexy dancer, but Jenna is just in this stratosphere where Kiki is going to have to WORK just to enter it.

33.  I care less about whom Cyrus chose as a partner than I do about Cyrus, which is to say very little.

34.  OH!  I do care about whom Cyrus chose, because I really want Kaylee to be on this show.  I loved her audition in a way that I loved Melanie Moore’s audition in Season 8.

35.  THANK YOU, Cyrus.  You finally did something right.  Also, 4/4.

36.  Kaylee & All-Star Cyrus “Clown” - Contemporary, choreographed by Tessandra Chavez Stunning choreography that somehow incorporates contemporary, hip-hop, and ballroom.  I don’t always love Kaylee’s face, in a way that I can’t explain.  I think her face over-acts, maybe?  But she dances the routine BEAUTIFULLY.  Her body tells the story that her face is trying too hard to tell.

37.  I’m not in the slightest bit surprised to find that Vanessa Hudgens has been in a fight where she threw shoes at someone, or at least, that she wished she had thrown shoes at someone and is just pretending she did.

38.  Honestly, if Gaby didn’t choose Lex, she’d be a moron.  I’ve had him pegged for Top 10 from his first audition.

39.  Fuck, I’ve had him pegged as Top 4 since his first audition.

40.  Good choice, Gabs.  5/5

41.  Lex & All-Star Gaby “More” - Tap, choreographed by Anthony Morigerato Lex seems really relaxed, and in a performance pocket that you only find by letting go and just being in it and feeling the groove.  This isn’t my favorite tap routine on this show, but I love it for how classically performative it is, like, the very essence of 30s/40s dancing.  It’s making me really happy because both Gaby and Lex are having fun with it.  I still think Lex has the power to make it to Top Four, especially after seeing him let go with a routine like this.

42.  “There was a really sweet, bashful, charming thing about you!”  Hudgens kind of just pointed it out:  I think Lex probably always felt like he had to be this super serious adult and no one ever let him be a kid, until Sonya and Gaby finally gave him permission.

43.  “There’s only one form of transportation on this show and it’s the HOT TAMALE TRAIN WOO-WOOOOOO!”  There was a time when I absolutely hated the Hot Tamale Train, but now I love how it’s, like, quintessential SYTYCD material.

44.  It’s like that one aunt you always thought was super over-the-top, but then you grew up and realized that she just likes to have fun and not take things too seriously.

45.  COMFORT.  MARK WAS THE FIRST AUDITIONED THIS SEASON AND HIS AUDITION HEALED ME.  PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PICK HIM.

46.  COMFORT YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF MY FAVORITES AND YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE THANK YOU SO MUCH.

47.  ALSO 6/6 I AM DOING SO GOOD.

48.  Mark & All-Star Comfort “REDMERCEDES” - Hip-Hop, choreographed by Luther Brown Y’all.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but this routine ended and I just BURST into tears.  There is something about this man that just makes my life so GOOD when I watch him dance.  It just makes everything feel better.  OKAY:  Mark has swag.  That seems like a weird thing to say, but he came out with swag and humor, and he kept up with Comfort in a style where she could easily overpower him (*cough*Kiki*cough*), but he Kept. Up.  This is definitely a routine I’d go back to watch again and again, because it was so entertaining, in both choreography and execution.

49.  “Do you know who Rufio is?”  “Yeah, bangarang, baby!”  Mark, I already want to marry you, you didn’t have to do that.

50.  “You just lit. It. Up. out there on the floor.”  File under: Things I Never Thought I’d Hear Mary Say

51.  Now that we’ve seen Mark be a complete and total ham (and apparently needing to be censored), it’ll be interesting to see if he can ever pull some sort of restraint.

52.  Remember how I love Marko?  Fuck, I love Marko.  “Turn to Stone” is still my all-time favorite routine this show has ever produced.

53.  I honestly don’t remember either of Marko’s team members, but let’s say he chooses Koine.

54.  Oh look, he chose Koine!  7/7.

55.  Koine & All-Star Marko “Memories” - Contemporary, choreographed by Stacey Tookey (so you know she was like, “This routine is about love, and a connection between two people who have very strong feelings, and just an overall sense of humanity” I mean the song is called fucking MEMORIES for God’s sake, I fucking hate Stacey Tookey but I won’t hold it against Koine and Marko) Koine’s extension is unbelievable.  Her lines are so crisp and clean and so well completed that it’s like she becomes a dull three feet longer than she is.  There’s a great moment where the combination of choreography, music, and lighting design gave me tingles, when the lights flashed like stars and suddenly everything was golden.  And just as I was about to pan Stacey fucking Tookey for this polaroid moment at the end, I Got the routine, and cry-gasped.  Fuck you, Tookey, you win this time.

56.  Goddammit, Marko is so beautiful?  Like?  I can’t?

57.  I’m going to have to go back and watch this one.  It really was magical, Stacey.

58.  And the word “magical” is not one I like to use to describe performances.

59.  But like?  Marko’s face?  It’s just?  So Beautiful?

60.  Other people I don’t remember:  Paul’s team.

61.  I 100% even forgot that Paul was one of the all-stars.

62.  He grew up into a fine-ass man, tho.  Like, damn.

63.  Let’s say he goes with Sydney, because why not?

64.  OH HE CHOSE SYDNEY!  8/8

65.  Sydney & All-Star Paul “All Stars” - Ballroom, choreographed by Val Chmerkovisky This honestly feels so much like a “Dancing With The Stars” routine.  I hate it.  I hate it so much.  I don’t care about Sydney at all, and this is the worst ballroom routine I’ve ever seen Paul do.  Like, Sydney has great legs?  And she seems to be doing everything well enough?  But Paul is super-showy, and I don’t see a connection between the two of them at all.  I blame the choreography, which I absolutely hate, like, wtf Val.

66.  Oh, right, Val is a DWTS choreographer.  ‘Nuff said.

67.  “What beautiful ankles you have” is a compliment you’d only hear on a show like this, and I love it.

68.  Sydney really does have great ankles though.

69.  MY BOYFRIEND ROBERT ROLDAN IS ABOUT TO DANCE A TRAVIS WALL ROUTINE NOBODY LOOK AT ME.

70.  I don’t remember Jonathan or Taylor, but to be honest, I don’t remember a lot of this season’s auditions.

71.  I kind of hope Robert chooses Jonathan just so I can see two guys dance together this, but I’m gonna say he chose Taylor.

72.  Oh look, I’m 9/9.

73.  I just realized Cat Deeley’s outfit looks like the dress version of Britney Spears red leather jumpsuit from the “Oops” video.

74.  Taylor & All-Star Robert “Change is Everything” - Contemporary, choreographed by Travis Wall Stunning body control from both of them.  Beautiful shapes.  This choreography is ridiculous.  Really elegant but animalistic at the same time.  This routine is A Story that 100 people could interpret 100 different ways, and Robert and Taylor are Telling It.  It ends with this great forward drop from Taylor and Robert stiff-arm catching her, and I just went, “Oh!”  Absolutely amazing.  I’m speechless.

75.  Also, Travis, here’s your next Emmy nomination. I’m going to watch this 700 times to catch all 700 stories, especially considering the lyrical play on words “This moment, change is everything” “This moment changes everything.”

76.  And you guys, Robert was supposed to have NEVER DANCED AGAIN I AM A MESS.

77.  Nigel hasn’t remembered any of the dancers I haven’t remembered, and that makes me feel very, very worried.

78.  Okay, Jasmine.  Let’s round it out with 100%.

79.  I don’t remember her team either, fuck.

80.  I’m gonna say Robert.

81.  Holy shit, I just went 10/10 choosing the Top 10.  ALSO HE LOOKS SO HAPPY TO BE IN THE TOP TEN GOOD CHOICE JASMINE.

82. Robert & All-Star Jasmine “Perm” - Hip-hop, choreographed by Chris Scott Robert is a total showman.  He might not have the technique or be the best dancer, but he goes out and lays it all out there, and just has a shit ton of fun.  He knows how to work choreography and the crowd to make it a good time for all.  Halfway thru, the choreography gets kinda “meh” for me, which happens with a lot of Chris Scott routines for me (he’s the Ryan Murphy of dance), but it’s saved by Jasmine and Robert having the attitude to sell it.

83.  The fact that Jasmine was one of Beyonce’s dancers makes me so fucking happy and inappropriately proud.

84.  Group Performance - All Performers “This Time” - Jazz, choreographed by Wade & Amanda Robson, and Tony Testa I feel like the routine built up to a moment that didn’t happen at the end, and it was no Rama Lama, but who cares.  It was a fucking mind-bend to watch.

My Top Three 1.  Taylor & All-Star Robert - “Change Is Everything” 2.  Mark & All-Star Comfort - “REDMERCEDES” 3.  Koine & All-Star Marko - “Memories”

My Bottom Three 3.  Kaylee & All-Star Cyrus - “Clown”:  When I thought back on the routines, I didn’t remember this one. 2.  Kiki & All-Star Jenna - “There’s Nothing Holding Me Back”:  Jenna sold it, but Kiki is the competitor and he didn’t shine 1.  Sydney & All-Star Paul - “All Star”:  I hated everything about this performance