#y'all need to look up delusions of grandeur

[lightdancer1]

Just gonna say it:

Social media promoting delusions of grandeur and illusions of control is where its real damage to society lies. I can assure you that an A-list celebrity doesn't care what you do and they don't know you from Adam. A war in another godforsaken worthless stretch of desert will not see a single bullet fail to leave the gun and a single shell fail to leave the cannon because of that.

You are not a revolutionary, you're a poseur who thinks that slacktivism is effective change. Unless you're actually Palestinian or Israeli you have no say at all and they have very little on what Netanyahu and the IDF high command do and what the 101st Chairborne of Hamas are doing in Qatar.

[my-never-ending-nightmare]

So there's this guy I've had added on Facebook for years who's a bit of an e-celeb for all the wrong reasons. And I don't want to say his name here because the dude's mentally ill and doesn't need any more attention or harassment than he already gets… but if I said he was thrust into the spotlight in the late 2010's after making international headlines for being trespassed from an establishment in the Pacific Northwest & subsequently given a lifetime perma-ban from every single one of that multinational company’s locations... some of y'all might know who I'm talking about anyway.

But for those who don’t then think of him as a non-autistic, bi-polar version of Chris Chan (pre-dimensional merge & gender transition) but replace the Love Quest with an even creepier obsession with finding a Gen Z girlfriend combined with the belief that such a woman should want to be with him despite the fact that he’s an unemployed, homeless 39 year old mentally ill man with diabetes and a whole litany of other health problems who has absolutely nothing going for him other than being such a popular lolcow that he can sometimes successfully beg for cashapp donations from his followers.

And maybe I’m contributing to his delusions of grandeur by being yet another spectator of his, but the dude’s like a train wreck or car accident: I just can’t look away. However for the very first time I tried to intervene today in order to save him from making even more of a mess of his life than he already has. Yet all I actually managed to achieve was proving that it doesn’t matter how pure your intentions are or how much sense you’re talking or even how much evidence you present - some people simply cannot be helped and will only ever learn things the hard way.

Like, if you saw a job posting for a work at home job where you’re the “cashier” for an online company and your duties are to receive money transfers to your own bank account, use that money to purchase bitcoin for a wallet that you don’t have access to, and are promised to be paid thousands of dollars after doing this for a month then you probably wouldn’t even be wondering if it was too good to be true - you’d just straight up know that it’s a scam, right?

Well not this guy. He bought it hook line and sinker.

He’s proudly boasting about how he’s no longer unemployed and has the first job of his adult life - and apparently he’s already taken 700USD that was sent to him by this alleged employer and converted into bitcoin for that mystery wallet. So obviously the comment section is full or people telling him that this sounds like a scam - but I decided to take things a step further and figure out exactly what scam he’s fallen for; finding within minutes a news article detailing this exact scam with firsthand accounts of people who lost tens of thousands of dollars after falling victim to it. And - in my very first interaction with this guy ever - I posted that article in the comments and said “I think you should check out this article. Be careful, bro.” And how does he respond? By love reacting my comment and doubling down on his commitment to this “job” by saying that he's neither given them his social security number nor access to his bank account and that therefore it can’t be a scam.

🤦‍♂️

I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that rather than being unwilling to accept advice he had simply just not read the article. So, under a separate comment of his where he assured everyone that this company he thinks he works for has a Facebook page and seems legit, I pointed out that anybody can easily make an account for a fake business on Facebook and then even more easily delete it once they're found out. And then I told him in simple language exactly what scam he's fallen for: They're laundering stolen money through him - and it'll be him on the hook for it, not them. If they’re sending him money from a stolen card or hacked account and he's then using it to buy bitcoin for them then once the bank realizes whats happened they'll see that he was the last one who had the money. And the bank can’t get the bitcoin back - but they can (and will) get the dollars back from him. Even if that means putting his bank balance thousands of dollars into the negative.

How'd he respond to that? By saying that he has this company’s phone number so it must be legit but will "proceed with caution" anyway. Lol. Like, c'mon... it's far too late for that. Caution was abandoned long before he got this far into it.

Oh well. I tried.

But I guess this is sort of the reason I have him added in the first place. If the only way someone is willing to accept that a stove is hot is by touching it then how could I possibly not watch them do it? What if the Germanic blood I have in me just isn’t diluted enough for Schadenfreude to be beneath me? lol

[grimmtaless]

The Soldier & The Spartan

i just wanted to give a shout out to @dyde21 hes sorta motivated me to do this (thanks i guess).  this is my first ever attempt at any kind of story so i hope y'all like it. also i saw this idea as prompt cant remember who posted it, but this story idea wasn't mine from the get go, but i loved the idea so much i had to write it. 

quick summery- jaune is a ww1 solder who’s thrown back to ancient   Greece and meets a demi-god named Pyrrha. war, romance and a beginner attempt at pot awates.

______________________________________________________________

Chapter 1

The Soldier

   Jaune woke to the rhythmic sound of the Birtha guns pounding the German lines. The shelling has been going on all night, but only now had the bombardment moved to his sector. Each shell made a shaking in the ground that could only compared to an earthquake. Every time a shell exploded a little bit of the earth from his low ceiling would sprinkle down onto his face and his mouth.

     Over the last 2 years Jaune had learned to sleep through even the roughest of shelling, but inhaling bits of dirt drove him to wake up in a fit of coughing. When his coughing subsided he realized it was almost time of his watch, so he saw no point of trying to sleep any longer. He  begrudgingly got up and headed out of his small mud-hole he called a bunker. The time he expected was 2 in the morning. He had only slept for about an hour and he guessed he’d only get 1 hour of sleep the next night.

    As he walked down the trench to his post he grabbed the tin cup that he left out the evening before to catch rain water hoping to make tea when he got to his post. He slowly sloshed through the mud, he looked up into the night sky hoping to see the glint of stars or the pale glow of the moon but all he could see was the blackish gray of the rain clouds that persistently covered the sky. He got to his lookout post and he set the cup on a little burner to heat up the water. As Jaune waited for the water to come to a boil he took out a small packet of tea and waited to mix it all together. Once his tea was made he stood at his lookout sipping his tea and contemplating how he had gotten himself into to this pointless and bloody war.

“I just had to defend my homeland” he muttered before sipping some worm tea. Jaune had lived in America all his life but his parents were from France. He had been attending college to major in history with a minor in ancient Greek. When he heard that the Germans had attacked his fatherland he dropped everything and rushed over to Britain to join their expeditionary force going to be shipped off to aid his ancestral homeland. His delusions of grandeur blinded him but he soon realized what war was like. He spent the next two years in various trenches fighting the Germans.

He hated war, he hated killing, he hated every moment in this damn trench. He was fighting for a homeland he’d never lived in, for people he never knew, and for a cause he didn't  even knew. He hated war, but he knew what he was doing was considered honorable and that the side he fought for was the side of “good”, or so everyone he meet said.

“Sgt. Arc” his superior shouted. Jaune could tell captain Winchester was on one of his moods again. Sir Cardin Winchester was a pompis British officer who for some reason had it out for jaune. Every chance the Captain got he would chew Jaune out. Be it for a poorly a shaven face or the poor excuse for tea that Jaune made. Cardin thought their was no place for some American kid in his professional army.

“Yes Cpt” Jaune spat out  as he snapped to attention. He hated having to deal with Cardin he made him feel like a fool.

“WHY THE HELL ARE YOU COOKING. If those bloody Huns see the light from that burner we will catch hell in the form of shelling.”

“Sir I was just making some tea to wake me up…”

“ I don't care what you were doing just blow out that damned flame and keep a sharp eye out. There's been talk of a German attack floating around the line and I don't like it.” As if a god was listening to the exchange a loud screech was heard followed by an ear bursting change in presser. The next thing Jaune knew he was buried in a heap of dirt. His ears ringing, his body aching, and his wits scattered.

He slowly started to dig himself out of the dirt that covered his body. The concussive force that he felt had disoriented him and he had to peace his thoughts together.

There was an explosion...did a shell hit us?… It was close to me… I got to move i have to get ready for an attack.!

He quickened his pace and was soon free from his prison of dirt and mud. He stood up and surveyed the surrounding land. The little trench that he stood in was now a curator. His original lookout pit had only been a few yards away from the blast and somehow he’d been flung into the dirt by the shear force of the explosion.

As Jaune stood in awe of his miraculous survival he was spun around by Cpt Winchester who was as covered in filth and blood. He was shouting at him and saying something but the only thing Jaune could hear was an intense ringing noise. Thankfully Jaune slowly started to recover his hearing.

“GET READY FOR AN ATTA…” juanes hearing was fading in and out of ringing “THEIR LAUNCHING FLAI…” his hearing went out once more before he heard the last order his superior barked “JAUNE LISTEN, GRAB YOUR RIFLE AND COVER THIS AREA” with his last orders given Winchester turned and limped off down the trench barking orders and grabbing a revolver.

Jaune now fully aware of himself and his surroundings; realized what was going on and feverishly started to look for his Enfield rifle. He dug through the mud and grim looking for his lifeline and his only way to fight the incoming Germans. He soon found what he was looking for. A rifle with a worn beech wood stock that held in it his key to survival. He picked it up; the whole rifle was covered in a fresh coating of mud. He pulled the bolt back and made sure the bore was unobstructed by mud or debris once he was satisfied he pushed the bolt forward and chambered a new round.

He ran to part of the trench that wasn't destroyed and got in a position to repel the enemy. He waited for a line of soldiers to appear. He waited for what seemed like hours. He could tell the Germans had started to shell their lines lucky he was never the target. His heart pounded in his chest. His sweat dripping off his chin and brow. His mind racing and preparing himself for the fast approaching fight.

This was not his first battle. He had gone through the motions before. He knew to expect the sound of his friends dying, the sound of rifle fire, and explosions of grenades and bombs. He knew the pain of being shoot, he had received a round to the shoulder during his first encounter with the enemy 2 years earlier. He knew it was ether him or the poor sap marching towards him.. He knew he had to kill again.

Killing was something Jaune appold and wished he never had to do. Every time he took a life part of his soul would die with the soldier that he killed. He remembered the exact number of men that fell to his rifle. He was up to 22 a number he constantly prayed would never increase. Sadly he knew it had to if he wished to see the dawn of the next day.

Soon he saw the line of German soldiers calmly walking in his direction. They were no more than 100 yards out. Their gray uniforms illuminated by the steady stream of flairs. Jaune shouldered his rifle ready to fire. He set his sight on a young conscript directly in front of him, however before he could fire he heard the sound of a vickers gun and the young sap that his rifle was ready to kill fell along with 5 other of his comrades. As if the sound of the vickers was an order to charge the Germans surged forward shouting.

Jaune started to fire his rifle at whatever he could get his sights on. Each time his sights got close to a figure clad in gray he squeezed the trigger. The recoil jolted through his body and he chambered another round. He soon exhausted all the ammunition in his magazine. He crouched behind cover of the trench so that he could reload. The pulled out 2 stripper clips from a punch at his waist and loaded his gun. He soon popped back up and fired off a round. This time his aim was true and a gray figure fell to the ground.

As the fighting carried on Jaune could tell the defenses were faltering. Every German hun they fell another one would take his place. Jaune himself had already killed another 5 solders. But as the Germans crept closer it became harder to find an opening. Every time he reviled himself to fire another round the Germans would pepper the land around him with bullets forcing Jaune to take cover again.    

Some time had passed since the assault had commenced. He was tired and sore. He had used all his backup ammo all that remained was the ten rounds in his rifle. Jaune could tell his actions were useless and that he should pull back when he heard “ARC..ARC” over the sound of bullets and explosions. Cpt WInchester was calling him from down the trench. Jaune guessed that Cardin was near the Machine gun nest.

“ARC GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE. MAKE IT QUICK” the urgency in his voice grabbed Jaunes attention and he quickly started heading down the trench towards the sound of his Cpts voice.

. As he ran through the trenches he could fully see the extent of their losses. Bodies scattered the narrow passageway. Men were still screaming in pain as they clutched the part of their body that was bleeding while the rest were dead and would only serve as food for the buzzards. Only a few soldiers were still standing all whom were starting to retreat down various passageways.

Soon he made it to the dug out and found his commanding officer sitting at on the wall with his hands  covering his chest.

“Jaune” his voice was calm reassuring  “I've called for our line to pull back but we need to provide some cover for them. I would do myself but it looks like my tickets been punched” as he stated this he lifted his hands to reveal a massive cavity that presented his entrails to the open air. Cardin started to laugh as he laid his hands over his wound

“Jaune you have to do this; everyone else is either dead or has already left, it's up to you to ensure they get back alive” Jaune was in complete shock. He knew that their defenses were being hammered but he didn't expect the line to be virtually wiped out.

“Cpt if I stay I will die”

“Yea… yea you will, but in doing so you will save the lives of our allies. Oh and don't worry I'm going to be right here dying right along with you” with the new weight on Jaunes shoulders he knew he must do as his superior said. He crawled up to the massive gun. The 2 original operators lay dead at the base. Jaune looked at the bodies and recognized the figure beside the gun as Pvt Russell. He moved Russell’s and the gunners body aside and took up the gun and started to fire short bursts into the advancing horde of Huns.

As he fired he could tell he had slowed the advance. His enemies were crouching behind what ever cover they could find to protect them from the new threat. They only popped out to take potshots at Juanes little bunker. Each round Jaune could hear hit the sandbags or the earth behind him

“ ILS NE PASSERONT PAS” Jaune shouted out in his parents tongue. His gun fired another burst into the field of Germans. As he prepared to fire another burst he felt the familiar pain of a bullet ripping into his flesh. He fell back onto the ground as he gripped his left shoulder while blood poured out of the thumb sized hole.

“Shit Jaune you still alive”  Winchester leaned over not being able to crawl over to Jaune.

“Yea I'm fine” Jaune was able to sputter out as he got back up to the gun and fired another burst. Every few shots Jaune would look behind him to ensure no German had snuck up behind them.

“Hey blonde I’ll cover the back just focus on what's in front” Cardin sputtered out. He then revealed his revolver being kept under his leg. He raised it and kept up pointed at the entrance. With the new insurance of not being shot in the back Jaune upped his firing rate. Soon heard the click of the gun indicating that there was a jam. As Jaune leaned forward to cycle the gun another round found its mark in his right arm.

Blood sprang from his arm as he screamed in pain. The pain was something he had never experienced before. It was different from when he was shot in the shoulder the pain was more intense. It burned like hell and bleed profusely. In a desperate attempt to slow the bleeding grasped the base of his forearm but it did little to stop the pain or the flow of blood.

He quickly gathered his wits and grabbed the bolt of the gun to free up the jam, but when he attempted to pull it back, the bolt stuck tight. He looked down to see the bullet that had shredded his arm had buried itself inside the Vickers gun. His machine-gun was gone, his Cpt was fading fast, and Jaune knew he was going to die.

“Oi Cpt you still alive” Jaune shouted as he drug himself to his superiors position on the wall.

“Yea but I'm not going to last much longer how about yourself”

“I'm doing better than you” Jaune posed then asked a question that had burned in him sense he met Cardin.

“Why do you hate me” it was an odd question especially when both men were facing their mortality.

“A young idiot like yourself has no right to be out on this killing-field. You should be at school learning how to prevent shit like this from ever happening. I mean come on you only a ki…” he was interrupted as a German charged through the door. Cardin dropped the intruder with a quick pull of the trigger but was too slow to prevent  another German from following his comrade in. the German soldier quickly shot Cardin finally ending his suffering,

Jaune shot, falling the enemy. He was now alone there was no one left. He was surrounded by the enemy. With only a rifle and a pistol. Soon he could hear the Germans outsides, he knew he was going to die soon. Another German soldier charged in but Jaune was ready he put 2 in his attackers chest.

The outside erupted with shouts and then all was quiet. Jaune did not know what was about to happen but he could guess it wasn't going to be good. He was right.

“British soldier come out with your hands up” a German shouted with a heavy accent

“Come and get me you pigs” Jaune spat. He raised his rifle and fired 3 rounds through the open door to get his point across. After a few seconds of silence 2 more soldiers cropped to the door but were killed by juane and his last rifle rounds. He dropped his Enfield and drew his revolver and readied himself for the next assault.

Instead of a straight on attack the German soldiers fired freely into room from a safe distance. 2 more rounds hit Jaune. 1 in his thigh and the other hit his helmet knocking hit off his head revealing the moppy golden locks of hair.  

“Come on you Flachwichser is that the best you can do, I'm still alive” Jaune could barely say anything the pain consumed his entire being. The pain in his shoulder had turned to being a dull and numb feeling while his arm and leg burned with a new intensity. He knew he was near death, there was no way he could hold them off any longer. He thought might as well get them to due their last attack but nothing came.

An eerie calm settled. It remained that way for a few precious seconds then Jaune saw the grenade that was thrown into the little room. It seemed the Germans no longer wanted to charge in guns blazing. Jaune saw the flat gray steel clump land at his outstretched feet. he closed his eyes accepting his fate and waiting for his life to end. He had now killed 45 men (he thought) and he knew this was his retribution. He was calm. Then the blast and all went black.

Jaune knew he had died or at least he thought he had. He actually couldn't tell, should he be able to feel his heart pumping, should he feel the rise and fall of his chest. Certainly he should not feel all if this if he had died. However, his shoulder was no longer numb and the areas where the bullets had struck him no longer burned. It felt like he had never been shot in the first place only in death should one feel the pain of the mortal world. Jaune was stumped he could not tell if he’d died or not. His body was no longer cold his body was warm and felt like he was basking under a worm sun. Then he realized his eyes were shut.

As Jaune opened his eyes, his retinas were flooded with a bright sunny sky.

“I'm most definitely dead” he mumbled to himself there was no way that the hell hole he was once in had turned to a worm sunny field over the span of a black out. Finally, when he had finished concluding that he was in fact dead he realized there was a large spear tip pressed against his neck.

_______________________________________________________

so yea that my first chapter more is on its way but it will take a while. yea i know it was sorta dark but i promise that it will get more light hearted as we go. if you saw any grammatical mistakes feel free to msg and tell where i f’ed up at( that would really help)

next chapters about a curtain red spartan .

[untitledacrylic]

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I got a lot goin on in this post so bear with me if its scattered. Apologies in advance

Lets just fuck around and talk about my physiological state. Consistently having hot flashes. Stressed or is it just July in Texas, we’ll never know. Got a fuckin lump in my throat, Yknow, the kind you get before you cry? So here's the fucking issue, I cannot cry. I have not been able to for months I will not allow myself to have the feelings.

I have developed these ungodly delusions of grandeur relating myself. What are they you ask well lets rattle them off!

- every time someone asks me if I want something from them and the answer is yes I still say no because I deserve nothing B)

but Claire! surely you have human wants and desires! yes! I have so many! I just only want to give every ounce of myself to other people and accept nothing ni return because I am trying to waste away and die and at least if I never accept anything from others they 

- People keep needing my emotional energy/effort so I no longer have time to have any feelings of my own because I'm too busy stressing about someone else’s problems

now you might saying “Claire just don't answer! just ignore them!’ GOD I WOULD LOVE TO. Too bad I was built to carry guilt the size of the Vatican, and I simply feel bad if I read someones Text and know they're having a bad time. If I even read the fucking TEXT I will not be able to stop thinking about it so honestly just fuck me. you might also be asking well Claire, how is that a grandiose delusion? BECAUSE THESE BITCHES DON’T NEED ME HOLY FUCK. 

I have Made myself such an accessible resource for my friends to just fucking ravage and that is completely my own doing. Why did I do it? Because I wholeheartedly believe if I am not providing a service to my friends that I am useless because I am also convinced I have no other redeeming qualities.

people seem to like me a lot but I don’t really care, because they like my customer service personality. I won't say “I am” because some of you little shit bags who read my blog disagree, but I SEE MYSELF as nothing more than a multitool? 

aaaaaand jumping to another thought rn but I sent my friend a video explaining a sad piece of art I made and they replied “ma’am do you need assistance?” and I replied with “no I will never need assistance from anyone because I am not plagued by the same disgusting mortal issues that you emotional fools are” and lets just unpack alllll of that for a second

1. I am not god. I am a stupid fucking idiot who makes so many mistakes

2. viewing myself as a god is the reason I can't feel normal emotions anymore. I told myself too many times “you don't deserve to be sad your life it good” so now every time I am sad, no im not. it just, goes down ... down.... down down down down down and now I just feel nothing

3. #2 also applies to desire. I want something? no I don't. I am utterly incapable of asking for anything now for fear of being perceived as someone who needs things or help. I don't need either. I can do everything on my own and if I can't I will simply fucking die.

I forgot where I was going so now im moving on if you don't like it, mail me Adderall so I can focus.

anyway I have another weird problem where sometimes im sad or I have a negative feeling and I want to tell someone about it and I will open up the text conversation with all of my friends, type a message, decide nobody wants to hear it, delete it, try again with another friend, delete it, and repeat that process untilI have tried everyone. In which case, I will fuck my way over to this website and start writing. 

I think I can't talk to my friends because someone them come to me with so many things and its honesty really annoying. I don't care what I tell my friends about always being there to help them because right now im putting all of my problems on the back burner to deal with theirs so that I can maintain my friendships. I am so tired of everyone and I wish they would leave me alone. I have tiers of friendship because I genuinely can't handle being close to so many people but GOD it feels like in SAO when they were climbing the world tree to get to Asuna. In this scenario, my friendship is Asuna, my mental stability is the world tree and my GOD y'all are chopping that bitch down. Is there even a polite way to tell someone “you are getting to close to me and I don't like it so can you please back the fuck off and stop trying to know me? please go back to the acquaintance zone until I am ready for you”

I stared at the tv for too long so now its time to tell you all that I think max and Emma are my only friends who are valid and matter. They are the only people who'd have the gall to read my blog. I love you stupid fucks. You are the only 2 people to recognize my extreme disdain for sharing my feelings. I am incredibly appreciative of you both, I love that I don’t feel like I have to talk to you every day to maintain our friendship, I love that you guys open up to me at your own pace, I love that when I tell y'all disgustingly personal things you don't get all serious and “hey, you can always talk to me :( im here for you :(” I already know you bitvhes are. Thank you for being the only two people who don't drive me absolutely insane every day. except the you didn't tell us you were dating Michael. I’m over it but no free passes (I would add a silly and quizzical emoji here but im on my laptop so please re read the last sentence with a tone of a lighthearted and friendly bully)

I will now talk about Everett. There are no issues but I am still entirely unable to be vulnerable with him. its a problem I would like to get over. I can't ask him for anything either. Idk why I just don’t like to. I don't like to ask anyone for anything but idk I thought id be able to open up to my own boyfriend? He is obviously caring and understanding I just feel like. The second I’m vulnerable with one person like. I’m known. id be perceived? He knows im depressed fuck I just feel like I have so many more negative traits that im hiding? I don't even know what they are I just feel like they’re bad and I want to hide them.  I feel like hell think less of me or idk just get disappointed over time.

Im definitely projecting issues from my last relationship. Im keeping them to myself as much as I can but fuck its kinda hard? rowan was also super infatuated with me and thought I was great and amazing and supportive and look how we ended up. I love the high-rise but im worried I won't be able to keep living up to it. So the hard part now is just

do I continue playing god?

or do I let someone see that I’m human

ok im not ending on that cliche fucking note so uh. ill probably keep playing god because I still can't feel anything. I feel to a small degree but its just so buried I don't even know what to do anymore. Maybe ill just die lol