#y'all i dont usually trust online shopping
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antmanandthewasp · 7 years ago
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@sephora... you are... tempting me
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wings-of-indigo · 5 years ago
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A Note on Relationships (that shouldn't be controversial but probably will be)
At work the other day, I got asked by one of my coworkers if I was single. On this particular occasion, that coworker was male. However, before everyone thinks this is another post about misogyny and the assumptions men make about women's availability in the workplace, let me note that I have been asked this question before by several female coworkers of various ages, but all near or over thirty.
And Everytime, when I reply that I am currently single and generally happy to be so(and go on to explain my reasons for this rare state of single happiness) I've gotten a combination of Looks.
There's the 'ooookaaaay' Look, the 'you're weird' Look, the 'You're wasting your youth' Look, and the 'You'll regret that later' Look. (Just to name a few). I've gotten used to it.
In the interests of full and unbragging disclosure, I know that I can be considered 'attractive' for a female (And wow that was hard to say outside my head. But the difficulties female assertiveness about appearance will be saved for another date). Dancing all the time keeps my relatively skinny by non dance world standards (I'm 5'3.5", usually within 5lbs of 130 lbs and I generally wear an upscale size 4), and while I'm definitely not the archetypal model thin ballerina, the fact that I fit a small size 4 (occasionally cursing and swearing) states my point quite neatly. I fit into conventional standards of female beauty.
Here's the thing though, about those Looks I mentioned earlier. I didn't date in high school, and I generally don't date now. Sure, if I get lonely or drunk enough I'll window shop OkCupid at one in the morning, but rarely do I have the inclination to follow through once recovered. And for a lot of people my age, that seems to be weird. In our society Single people arent supposed to be happy about it. Especially women.
And that's just stupid.
Most people agree that a single-by-choice man, even a confirmed I-dont-ever-want-romance man, batts no eyes in any context. A woman of the same, however, is immediately assumed to have something wrong with her. Either she is traumatized from some past experience, or she is simply defective and frigid. Even a woman who has previously proved her 'correctness' with marriage, even children, is not immune. If that woman does not want to enter another romantic relationship (and I'm including the full spectrum of queer identities as possible partners whenever I say marriage, partner, or romantic) after a time, then she is Wrong and Broken. Even if she has been abused by her partner and doesn't feel comfortable or capable of exposing herself like that again. Even if she has lost her long term 'soul mate' and does not want anything or anyone else after their loss. One of our media's favorite romantic tropes is The Woman who Learns to Overcome her Tragic Past and find Happiness in the (99% male) Protagonist's Romantic and Sexual Intrest. Little girls are brought up to dream and plan their future wedding from the time they know what a wedding IS (which, spoiler alert: is pretty damn young. I first remember playing 'wedding' when I was about five and got a box of dress up costumes for Christmas).
So, it makes sense that a woman or girl, especially young not engaging or desiring to engage in Romantic Ventures hits some socially ingrained trigger points. It's still stupid.
Here's some reasons why (for me, y'all night have your own valid reasons). While not at intensive like I am now, I am holding down a full time job while doing anywhere from 15-20 hours of dance classes in studio, not counting any supplemental physical training and gym time I put in outside of class, while finishing an unrelated Bachelors Degree online, trying to shop for and cook dance supporting meals on a strict budget, do laundry, get a healthy amount of sleep, go to acting and singing coaching, and find funding for an upcoming dance program should pass auditions. I really, really don't have the time or emotional availability for a relationship.
And that is key here. People seem to underestimate the importance of emotional labor on both sides in a healthy relationship- you can't just show up to date night or activities together and make small talk. There's a reason people talk about 'emotional avaliabilty', and in most traditional 1950s style relationships it's the woman's job to avaliable for whichever man she's involved with. Unfortunately, the vast majority of men still seem to carry an unconscious bias towards this kind of relationship.
And, I'm sorry (not), but Im really not interested in That. I'm reminded of a tumblr post about cat ladies, and why men seem to think that's an insult to woman rather than themselves- that they're so unappealing they can't get a man. Leaving aside the sexist assumption a womans ambition ahould be to 'get a man'- Dude, if I wanted a man, I could get one. Any girl off the street could get one easier than ordering takeout when she's too tired to cook.
The problem lies not in the getting, but with the shopping. While I identify as bisexual and happily enjoy fun times of the erotic bent, one of my personal quirks is that I Can't Do One Nights. This is not misplaced slut shaming- I am fully aware and bear no disapproval towards pursuing casual sexual attraction. Your body, your choice. I just know myself, and that any sexual interaction with a stranger would be exceedingly unpleasant for me in an emotional sense.
I tend to be extroverted, and I love people. But I also grew up in an alcoholic household with a very dysfunctional and fraught marriage. My mother never beat us, but she's still controlling and can still make me feel like shit, and my dad still tends to be an emotional leech with terrifyingly destructive rages. (Yes, those are mental health issues, and I still love them-distantly- but it's not my job as their child to fix them or get them help.)
As a result, It takes me a while to trust someone, especially emotionally. And, as a female, sex is a huge act of trust and emotional investment.
I would love to create the loving marriages and relationships I see my friends having. It's one of my future fantasies- creating a home with a life partner, sharing dinner and cuddles and movies and giving each other good sex.
But here's the thing. I can give myself satisfying sex. And I, quite frankly, have other dreams too, ones that are going to demand a superhuman level of work. Getting back to the 'shopping' anology- the sad fact is that it is going to be very difficult to find a man who doesn't expect his partner to place him and his dreams above her own, and just as difficult to train one out of that mindset. (And girlfriends for girls are about as common as rainbow unicorns).
Having grown up as I did, I might have ridiculously high standards for romance. But I made a vow to never be my parents, and frankly I see no point in taking time away from what I want more than anything in order to appease an archaic societal preference.
Love does not mean the surrendering of self, and I am not going to devote myself anything less than something extraordinary.
So that's why I'm single, and I'm fine with that. Suck it.
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survivor-ingary · 3 years ago
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Episode 2 - "I DON'T WANT THE MYSTERY MOUSE-CA-TOOL BESTIE" - Ellie
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At the tribal, Ping was voted out of the Pendragon Tribe nearly unamimously. Tribal immunity for this round is Pictionary.
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I bet all these bitches know i voted for Keith and now they are going to come kill me in my sleep if i die i blame dylan
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yass round 2 i either think im in the best position on this tribe or theyre all secretly coming for me thats all
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Tribal went as well as I expected it to go. No major drama. It seems like Keith is in real trouble if we do go to tribal again though which would put me in a very tricky spot. For now, though, I will be trying my best in the upcoming challenge. The problem is, however, timezones and schedules. Jon is going to be our drawer, but he can only do it tonight or in the early afternoon tomorrow which I will not be there for. Additionally, Keith is asleep so we have no idea what his schedule is going to be so we basically had to schedule the challenge without him. And Nya could only do right before the deadline tomorrow which Jon cannot do. I hate this for us, truly. I just hope that Moth and I can rub our brain cells together for this one so that we can pull out a win. OR somehow the other tribes fail horribly. On the bright side, I am finally starting to catch up on Duolingo exercises. They're a lot easier than I thought, but it is still going to be tedious af to save up enough coins for some of the higher end products at the shop. As a final note, I am going to work with Nya in the long term as we promised each other to. Hopefully that actually works out. Time to actually be loyal and be a hero this time around. Need to try something different.
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If we lose this challenge, I will be very upset. We went so hard on this challenge!!! I believe that we can at least get second place, but I don't know how crazy the other tribes are. So, let's see what goes on
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Ayyyyy soooooooo looks like the four, Colin, me, Ava, and Brayden are officially in an alliance!? I’m really hyped to be working with everybody and already have sights on who should go if we have to go to tribal 👀 but like I’m gonna feel so bad if we go to tribal and I orchestrate a whole plan to take someone out I gotta do it when I’m not in my feels and the planets aren’t fucking with my emotions too heavy. But go alliance ! This means I’ll be able to stay safe until hopefully a merge and hopefully we can avoid a tribe swap till then which I get those vibe from it !! But I’ll be here to survive two more tribals just in case which is pretty rad. Other then that hopefully me offering to draw doesn’t end us up in the bottom and we can keep killing ! But anyways that is it as off know hopefully I have a lot more coins tomorrow morning and I get hit the hat shop bright and motherfucking early.
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Just got asked to be apart of an alliance <33333 the besties in the group trust me which maybe ain't the right move but for now we gotta love the bonding. exciting!!!
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YAY FOR ROUND 2! Okay, so I meet once again with the Hat Shop and... third times the charm! Except,,, the charm is getting nothing AGAIN lmao I'm not complaining though, still got that extra vote :P I stayed up at 1 AM for this challenge, and I honestly think our team popped off. Anastasia was guessing a ton, and Riley was amazing at drawing real quick! I have a relatively good feeling about our performance, so I hope I wake up to the news of our tribe being immune :D
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so yesterday I set myself on a mission to get an alliance. I wanted Ava + Brayden + Toph + me as a majority alliance. it was our day off from tribal so I thought it was the perfect day to do it!! I talked to Brayden about it first because he's the person I feel the most comfortable with, and then after a lot of coordination and careful communication I was able to pull it together!! I think the most important thing when making alliances is making everyone feel like they're a big part in it. So I was careful to ask each person how they feel about the others, about the game, and made a point to say that I wanted to work with them specifically. Some may call that a little manipulative, but I wanna make sure that I'm an essential part of the alliance!! i need everyone to feel like they need/want me there.
all of this happening so soon into the game is a testament to how aggressive I'm playing this time around. I usually like to lay low and just rely solely on my social game in the start, but I'm trying this out to establish myself early on! I wanted to play the tribe leader and I think I'm doing that in a smart and subtle way!!
so yes now we have a 4 person majority alliance named "duolingo owl hate club" because fuck that guy. I think we're the 4 most active and present people on the tribe so it's only natural for us to work together, but I think it's definitely worth noting that I was the one that was pulling the strings here.
We just did the pictionary challenge, I have a good feeling about it!! Toph was an amazing artist, and if we win, all credit rightfully goes to him!! I think the guessers also did great of course, but like come on, the artist has to be the mvp. I'm really hoping we pull through!! I don't mind going to tribal, but I genuinely don't wanna vote anyone out yet. I'm fine just playing the game in a precautionary way. I know I'm in a great position if we do go to tribal, but it's always preferred that we don't go.
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Everyone else on my tribe: doing the challenge and kicking ass
Me: I’m sleep
Riley (Tumblr has once again chosen violence so only the first 10 get banners 🥲)
I think our challenge went pretty well! My team were good guessers. Feeling like I've established some Integrity now. Hope it keeps me safe later!
Toph Soooooo we finished the challenge with 32 points and like wig !! I was a quick as drawer for 32pts expect when my internet lagged, but still ! I think we whooped some ass and if we do go to tribal I know it won’t be me going, thanks to Duolingo owl hate club but I’m also worried same could have and advantage because they seem pretty kean on learning a lot in like 3 hours and then tried to cover that statement to not seem so threatening but like babs s a huge threat too apparently they love Duolingo and know 5 laugnes ? This is from brayden but If so go babs ! That’s absolutely iconic for real Life but fucking scary in this game ! I gotta be buddy buddy with them so hopefully if they do have something it won’t be them going home first and it will be Ava. But I’m thinking we might get second place again unless someone is a fucking wizard at this.
Dennis hmm i think we did well enough in the challenge to not see tribal tomorrow but who knows i guess we shall find out tn
the way ellie was so on top of stuff yesterday only to oversleep the challenge makes me giggle maybe shes freaking out about it which makes me also giggle but i dont think its really a big deal
anastasia asked me to call yesterday and i was like sure lets talk but it is damn near impossible to hold a conversation with her idk i tried BUT she did tell me “yeah i just got off a call with ellie” im like i see. she says shes down to work with ellie but that quickly switched from ellie being ~experienced~ but good to know ellie is also playing hard. anastasia also mentioned that she talks to riley a fair amount who i still have yet to connect to well. but dat makes me think ellie is def talking to riley too miss debate team is definitely a talker. but good on her for the social game i guess
kenneth keeps being like haha we’re the same person and im like yeah👁 i bet we are👁
i just wanna win and not think about tribal just keep it slow and chill for now keep learnin my welsh i guess
Ava Second challenge was Pictionary and I had a ton of fun playing. The tea is: toph did a great job. He was pretty vocal about not being a great artist but really I think he did great. However, Babs was super inactive yesterday and ~too late~ said they were a great artist and should've been picked to draw. It was kind of like.... k babs thanks for the belated "help". They did do great guessing which scored a point in my book. Brayden was supposed to play but last minute logged off without saying anything so we did the challenge without him :/ sorta a bummer. Anyway the lack of participation from Sam is kind of popping off so we'll see where that leads them... Overall a fun game and fingers crossed we did well!
Moth I think we did okay at the challenge. Today I am dying from the heatwave so I’m not thinking too straight! Stay cool everyone
Ellie So yesterday Anastasia and I called for about an hour!!! I’d say we’re definitely way closer, she’s someone I really wanna work with although the idea of her and Brayden eventually being on the same tribe is kinda scary cause I know how close they are. Still she’s so fun to talk to and I just love her energy so much!
Pictionary challenge results: Jenkins Tribe wins with Penadragon second, Hatter Tribe has to go to tribal council on the following day.
Ava Well well well seems our bob ross, toph, didn't pull through (y'all think babs would've pulled it out for us or slept through our challenge like they said they almost did?) I can't wait for tribal. I'm in it for the drama. I'm hashtag voting Sam off - didn't even bother to be apart of our challenge and not too sure they've even been online for a full 24 hours. Weed out the weak.....
Anastasia
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Brayden https://imgur.com/n60Lz0c
guys i dont know what to do someone help me out
Dennis i hope damn brayden gets the boot
Raffy Woo! We don't have to go to tribal again! We stan!
Ellie So I figured I’d go idol hunting today cause the shop was about to close and I just wanted to see what had been bought and what possible hats there were, I see that there’s a hat I have enough for that hasn’t been bought and I decide fuck it let’s get it
APPARENTLY ITS SOMETHING THAT IM NOT ALLOWED TO KNOW WHAT IT IS OR HOW TO USE IT YET???? THEY SAID ILL FIND OUT ABOUT IT LATER
I DONT WANT THE MYSTERY MOUSE-CA-TOOL BESTIE
Sam Well you see. I like all my tribe people. And I think we did real good on that music video! So, I think rather than voting anyone else off, I think I should just vote myself off if that is possible! Ahhh
Babs So sad to see Sam not only go but go through what they're going through :( same w Toph :( they all seem so lovely
Keith Not sure if i submitted a confession after the last tribal. But if I didnt here it is.
Happy I made it out of that tribal. I had raffy backing me with whom I played. Last time we played. We were at odds. We didnt work together but whats worse that we were against each other. It was either him or me goin out. Hopefully thats the past n we can work together. I jus need to keep things calm n show that Im not here itching to make big moves. So they dont feel threatened by me. N its easy cause right now. I havnt made that kind og bond with anyone on my tribe. To even think of such moves. Lets see what round two holds for me.
Colin so uh
we lost! :(
I was really bummed tbh. Like I thought we did well but circumstances with the challenge were just really unfortunate, from conflict about who wanted to be the artist to people disappearing the moment the challenge started, I think we did well despite all of that. Except we did kinda get stomped anyway. Oh well!! The game moves on. Tribal has to happen.
Initially I was gonna push for Babs, just because I feel like I don't wanna attach myself to them too early on. I've seen how much of a bitter player they can be, and lets just say I'm not the most loyal ally to have. however! 9 minutes after we lost, Ava announces to our alliance that she's voting Sam. I wasn't surprised, Sam has been the one not really pulling their weight. But I had some good connections with her!! we both did colorguard and shes so sweet and easy to talk to. I was really conflicted for a little bit, debating on whether or not to actually push for Babs. I think brayden sensed my hesitance but we both knew there was nothing really I could do to stop Sam from being the vote. At first tribal, the initial name always spreads like wildfire.
However, my mess was stopped abruptly by Sam asking to be voted out. welp!! okay then!! babs stays i guess!! i'm not too bothered. I'll never turn down an easy vote hehe.
Pretty sure there's a swap tonight. I'm kinda scared of that
uwu
Brayden
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i almost forgot to upload this but dont worry i just remembered
Colin screams
Toph So we’re going to tribal in 20 and all I have to say right now is if there is a tribe swap after I’m gonna so scared but I ducking called I had a vibe and it was right that’s what is gonna win me this game trusting my intuition. I’m holding on now and gonna be the biggest comp beast next challenge in case I get fucked on this swap !!!! Or at least if it is a swap 🤔
Riley I don't know what this announcement's gonna be I'm worriedddd... Ginny said it probably means we're swapping teams but I don't wannaaaa I like our team.
Toph Sam self sacrificing made this the easiest vote ever and me being safe is a plus I guess 😎
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