#y'all fake inclusion out here. i provide it. case closed!

[ddcjas]

「 NIGGAS ONLY CLUB 101 — A COLLECTIVE OF URBAN INDIE ROLEPLAYERS.」

i was gonna say something really witty and stupid to introduce myself, but most of you already know who the fuck i am or have some sort of general idea or concept about my enigmatic dumb ass, so here we go.

for those who may not know me, i’m known as a wonderful princess who goes by the alias raja and i bring you today a list of exclusively urban indie rpers in the community. by exclusive, i mean you SOLELY use the urban indie or indie urban rp tag as a means of posting starters, starter calls, interacting with other rpers and looking for mutuals — and obviously, this is hella important being that it seems that there’s only a few of us and it can feel really lonely sometimes when you feel like you’re excluded in the general indie tag or like you don’t have a place yet in the community. so fear not! below are a list of blogs who are either exclusively urban rpers or frequently use the tag for posting and answering starters — i placed everything under a read-more to condense the post & to keep everyone’s names somewhat confidential, so reblog if you wish to spread it among yourselves. viva la nigga!

ACTIVE ROLEPLAYERS —

these are the muns who are around more often than not, constantly looking for new plots and partners to write with, and are ready and willing to roleplay. includes new and long lasting members.

isolctions — me bitch raja, 18 years old. eastern time zone. formerly known as fcrinas, aspnss & thefcll.

mccdmuzik — fenty, 23 years old. eastern time zone. formerly known as a lot of fucking blogs, so just look for the alias fenty/fentea/musty.

hcncho —  wop, 20 years old. central time zone.

mekhilfiger — diamond, 18 years old. central time zone. currently a single muse, but also known as hennasai.

hiighsadity — eve, 21 years old. eastern time zone.

kcllybundy — tatiyana, 21 years old. eastern time zone.

ofmelancholics — tahira, 18+. eastern time zone. introduction post here.

stcddy — AB, 23 years old. eastern time zone.

xxxtcntvcion — carti, 18+. formerly known as blingblaww.

wcytoohcgh — gi, 23 years old. central time zone.

rcdbonc — key, 19 years old. eastern time zone.

japvnesedenim — 22 years old, eastern time zone.

trappcs — tuffy, 20 years old.

desvclvdo — honey, 26 years old. central time zone.

destructivs — storm, 22 years old. eastern time zone.

scweetie — jae, 20 years old. central time zone.

fcdedlcve — keisha, 24 years old. eastern time zone.

sctivas — m, 20 years old. central time zone. also known as pyrcmids.

sickomcde — icy, 21 years old. eastern time zone.

loveisliquor — anna, 21+. GMT (greenwich mean timezone).

velvetddys — mooch, 23 years old. eastern time zone.

puremcse — tropicana, 23 years old. eastern time zone.

x-kee-x — kee, 23 years old. eastern time zone.

bluetnts — mila, 21 years old. central time zone / eastern time zone.

bewaretheskye — kali, 26 years old. eastern time zone.

SEMI-ACTIVE/INACTIVE ROLEPLAYERS —

these are the muns who are either online periodically, on semi hiatus or on full hiatus, pending return. they still pop in from time to time though, and they’re suuuper chill so feel free to hit them up if you see them on your dash.

altadcna — kija, 22 years old. eastern time zone. formerly known as miillennials and barrymcre.

whoarevibes — 18+, formerly known as heartkiings and hoodspeare.

spilledinkisms — tianna, 22 years old.

ghcstfce — 18+, formerly known as mxtroboomin.

obscvne — linny, 20 years old. eastern time zone. formerly known as pllowtlks, expletiives, & villementvlity.

queenprattwrites — aj, 21 years old. central time zone.

hostilitics — written by raja, single muse account.

*honorable mention: luminarylore — alix/alex, 18+, pacific time zone. formerly known as too many goddamn blogs that she abandoned. while she’s not exclusively urban, she DOES write with virtually anyone and will absolutely, without a doubt, 100% love you and your muses. she’s also just an all around positive angel and amazing person to talk to and will hype you up all the time. again, she’s around often and isn’t exclusive, but i can’t NOT mention her crybaby cancer ass.

these are the blogs in full that i can think of and consider as urban indie writers. if i forgot to mention you or you missed out on the original post and consider yourself apart of this list, please let me know and i’ll edit you in!! keep in mind that some are more selective than others, but a simple IM and a conversation can go a long way. plotting isn’t the only end game here — strike up a conversation with these people too!! a lot of them are super nice and really great to just talk to & headcanon with for hours on end, and the best part of rping is often the closeness you have with partners you can also consider your friends. it also makes things go along much easier, and helps to make people a lot more comfortable when it comes down to writing. with that being said, i genuinely do hope this list helps a lot of you, especially new writers coming from group rps or who simply haven’t tried anything like this, feel more welcome and adjust well to indie. 

and while i can’t control what some of y’all do, please keep this in mind if you are NOT apart of this collective and happen to stumble upon this list: just because we consider ourselves as urban writers, doesn’t mean you can elicit some sort of fantasy or view us as some sort of stereotype. meaning, don’t hit up these blogs if you only want a black muse as your arm candy or to steal ideas from us/appropriate any cultural references you see being used/whatever the fuck you weirdos do. do not interact with these blogs if you only see the writers and their muses as “hood writers”. if you do, y’all can go fuck off and choke. thanks.

[rainbowdoom32]

So I'm going to start identifying myself as aspec. Previously I identified as a bisexual aromantic but upon furthur consideration I might be asexual.

I'm posting about this b/c 1) it puts it out there and makes the lable feel more real and tangible

2) I know some of y'all IRL or on a personal enough basis that I feel you should know

3) A queers need more visibilty in gen

4) cause I want to talk abouy it

So Idk how to do a read more and am on mobile so if you dont want to hear about what being aspec means to me start scrolling now

So. In the aspec community (do we have a better word?) theres an overwhelming discourse about sexual and romantic repulsion. For those of you who dont know thats when the idea of sex , sexual content, sex itself, the idea of romance, romantic gestures, and/or romantic content acts as a squick for you it creates some spectrum of a revulsion in you to be confronted with one or more of these things. Its an overwhelming discourse for many reasons but the one I want to talk about is that it makes it obvious that your ace or aro if your repulsed by sex or romance. The process for discovering your aspec identity is easier in a way, specifically in a way it isnt for me.

See I dont experience sexual or romantic repulsion. I like romance stories and porn. I actively seek these things out. I'm not put off by discussions of others romantic or sexual lives (specific aspects may repulse me but in general I'm interested in these especially when coming from people I care about). So naturally as a teenager I never considered myself as aspec. i considered myself bisexual almost immediatly (there was a thing where I thought I was tricking myself into thinking I liked women to be included in the queer community. More on that later) it took two very short very middle school esque (one took place my sophmore year) relationships and an accidental internet encounter with the concept of aromantisim for me to realise that the reason this wasnt working for me was because I didnt really want it.

The more I thought of myself as aro the more things made sense. At the slumber parties as a kid I never had a crush to confess. Those two failed relationshios? Guy friends I'd gotten real close to and thought my new stronger friendship feelings must be what romantic attraction feels like. Also the real sticker, I dont get jealousy in romance at all. Like that one goes over my head. I dont understand why cheating is the worst thing someone can do in a relationship to the point that people who've been sucked into a cycle of abuse and have become convinced everything is their fault will snap when they discover they were cheated on. That is absolutly mind boggling for me.

The point of that is I never got that ew ick romance feeling. As a reult the road to discovering I was aromantic was long and and full of doubt. Doubt that went along the lines of "Maybe I just havent found the right person". Which also happens to be the exact thing my mum says to me everytime I try to explain that Im aromantic to her. Bisexuality she understands and accepts. This she doesnt. So even though I know intellectually theres no right person for me that niggling doubt remains andit haunts me.

Now im going to devolve a bit here and I know what this sounds like but im seriously not trying to be offensive just explain something

See I read a fanfic recently. I dont remeber how I found it but it was a Stony fic and the story and the set up were very romantic cliche. Basically Steve was Tony's booty call it evolves to friends with benefits Steve falls in love. Textbook stuff. But see theres a wrench because the author identifies as aromantic is with the definition we have aromantic. They write their identity onto Tony. Thats something we do in fanfic and in writing. But the problem I ran into is this: the author identifies as aromantic because they experience romantic repulsion(yes they told me this) so in the fic Tony is in love with Steve but experiences romantic repulsion. The idea of romance of romantic commitment makes him anxious and sick. This is how the author feels FWB allows them to experience intimacy without triggering their repulsion. Identifying as atomantic makes them feel not broken. This so good right? This is why we have labels

Except. When I read this part of the story it hurt me. Directly. See Tong Stark has Daddy Issues. Ehen the author wrote about Tony's romantic repulsion narritevly they tied it into Tony's not nice childhood. I dont know specifically why it wasnt part of thwir explanation when I told them their story hurt me. I didnt ask. But this narritive decision made what was essentially was an author expressing their experience as an aromantic in a story feel like a personal attack against my aromantic identity.

See when I read that what I read was "Tony Stark cant commit to an actual relationship with Steve Rogers because Howard Starks Grade A parenting fucked up his ability to recieve expressions of love and his ability to commit. Tony Stark is in romantic love with Steve Rogers but his childhood trauma prevents him from expresing it in the traditional manner this is what being aromantic is"

That hurt. Because it hit that little doubt in my head about not having met the "right person" and mixed it up with some childhood trauma made you a broken person. It also hit me while I felt safe. Romance stories are my escapism. Their like an extra element of fantasy in a story for me. I specifically seek out romantic stories as a comforting mechanism. Fanfics in particular because of their inclusivity. I was in my safe space, and I was whammed in a sore spot.

The problem is though the author has a right to that story and that label and to express themselves. We usually draw the line at self expression where it hurts other people but thats not what happened here. What happened here was definitial confusion. The author and I were using "aromantic" to describe two different but similar romantic orientations. In doing so we hurt each other ironically in the same way. We both said to each other "Your identity is wrong and toxic you hurt people and yourself by expressing it the way you do". (I left a comment saying how her story affected me)

When I say I'm aromantic I mean I experience no romantic feelings. None nada zilch. The idea that I might one day experience a type of romantic feeling is an aggression against me. The same way the idea that gay people can choose to be straight is an aggression against being gay.

But I can't invalidate someone else to protect myself. What do I do? I dont want to hurt myself and I dont want to hurt other people? Idk

And now to why I no longer identify as bisexual.

I'm a virgin. Because most peoples first time is with someone their in a romantic relationship with. And we'll I dont do that. Im also a socially anxious person. I have no idea how to instogate a sexual encounter and honeslty I wouldnt feel comftorable dping it with someone I couldnt trust or alternatively someone I'm friends with and would have to continue being juat friends with in post we had sex awkwardness. So ive never had an opportunity to have sex.

But I also havent sought them out. And I dont feel particularly driven to. These are reasons to think your asexual but I'm sure it's also the experience of many introverted and secually awkawrd people. And it's not like I couldnt have sex at some future point. Even now if an opportunity arose I might say yes, of only to confirm my asexuality.

The thing that has made me actually consider if I'm ace tho is a weird quirk of mine. I cant get off to prom videos. I use lit erotica. Why? Cause the idea that those are real live people puts me off. Porn stars and amateur porn makers know people get off watching their videos. Theyre okay with that. But I'm not. At all. Thats a big ol nope for me.

See I'm a ciswoman. Which means I have a clitoris. An organ whose only purpose is to provide pleasure. As everyone knows reciving pleasure via the clit requires no participation by a second person. The fact that my clitiros functions as intended and that I use it isnt sexual attraction.

Thats a new idea for me. But it's true isnt it? Sexual attraction is about other people. And sure I can appreciate other people's hotness. But just because I think a horse is pretty doesnt mean I want to fuck it. Remeber that thing about thinking I was faking bisexuality?? I was right. I wasnt sexually attracted to women. But what I hadnt bothered to consider because of heteronormativity was that I wasnt sexually attracted to men either.

Other fun fact in case you might be an ace person who's read this far (why? Also hi Katie and possibly Sadie but definelty Nishat. No im not implying any of you are ace) I dont have sex dreams. But I do have dreams in which I masturbate. So stick that jn your pipe and smoke it.

Anyways these are all experinces that I have that I feel neccessry to share to make it so the repulsion story isnt the only one out there. And also to start a discourse about how experiencing and not experiencing repulsion affect aspec experience. Thanks for reading!