#y'all are so fucking transparent it's not even funny

[athene-owl]

Whenever some white fandom thing like The Amazing Digital Circus or Dr Who or 911 or literally anything trends on here, I sure hope y'all are going out of your way to accuse people in those tags of not caring about Palestine and condescendingly lecture them about "real" social issues! Or is that attitude reserved for black women discussing Kendrick Lamar? 🤔🤔🤔

[sapphicvqmpires]

❁ཻུ۪۪♡ meet me under the golden tree

Pairing - shuri/black fem!reader

Word Count - 7k (my fics keep getting longer and longer lolll)

Contains - smut (18+), fingering, cunnilingus, soft dom!shuri, sub!reader, angst, fluff, hurt, mentions of character death

Key words - nkosazana (princess), sthandwa (baby), sthandwa sami (my love)

Divider From - @firefly-graphics

Sneak Peak - Her face was puffy, her lips swollen from all her crying but even in this state she was beautiful and everything you could ever ask for. She caresses your face with her thumb, wiping away your tears as she finally brings you in for a kiss. Contrary to popular belief, this was your guys’ first kiss. Your lips press against her swollen ones as you relax into her. The world around you went black and white, the tree and Shuri being the splash of colour in the painted landscape surrounding you

Song Vibes - john redcorn (sir), change (arin ray ft. kehlani), do it well (dvsn), wait (nao)

Tags - @pinkwright @inmyheadimobsessed @heejayy @lustfulbarbie @abenomeiiii @shuriszn @shurislover @shurismainbxtch @naomis-daydream @prettymrswright @gardenof-venus @vys-intentions @tiii-iiiiii @tishszn @myaraines @dominiquesheart @vampzxi @zayswriting

Writers Note: this one has a bit of everything, and I definitely took some stuff from Shuriri fics I already wrote and put onto a03 lol. But yeah, this one’s definitely a lil different from last weeks fic, but enjoy :)

❁ཻུ۪۪♡ You sigh, unable to fess up to Riri’s mocking laughs. You knew she was right, the way she would persistently tease you about your so called “friendship” with the Black Panther. The truth is, you’re head over heels for Shuri, but you could not allow yourself to be persuaded. To give into your feelings meant to be bruised by her constant subtle pushes once things got too close, too intimate. And it hurts you.

“Shut up Ri,” you respond, hoping she’ll actually listen to you this time.

“What? You’re not gonna sit here and tell me you two are ‘just friends’. I know y'all be fucking on the low.”

You start choking on your water as Riri laughs hysterically.

“You’re not funny.”

“Uh huh. What are you all dressed up for anyway? Where are you heading off to looking all pretty?”

You roll your eyes. No answer comes out of your mouth but your body language and facial expressions tell Riri everything she needs to know.

“Mhmm…very interesting indeed,” Riri taunts.

“Riri, I swear to god bro…we’re just friends. For real, leave me alone.” You were transparently annoyed, not even because Riri kept teasing you, but because you knew she wasn’t wrong. You enjoyed Shuri, the way she used her words to pull you back in even if she didn’t fully deserve your company. She was a challenge, and her presence was almost impossible to neglect.

“She’s outside. And you better not still be in my apartment when I get back.”

Riri chuckles under her breath as you get up and make your way out to meet her.

“Don’t get pregnant! We don’t need any little Black Panthers running around!” Riri yells before the door shuts.

“Fuck you, Ri!”

“Love you too, y/n!” You give her the finger before the door completely shuts.

Once you're deeper into the apartment hallways, you begin to smile like a fool. You allow all emotions to be expressed in between the time you leave Riri to meet with Shuri, because you know once you step foot into that car, true feelings must be suppressed.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

There’s a gentle breeze in the air once you step outside, caressing your face and scalp. It’s refreshing, but also a step back into reality. Shuri is leaning on her car, focused on whatever is on her phone. She looks good. She always does and it pisses you off. The olive green of her nike crew neck compliments her rich skin without flaw. Her olive dunks pull the outfit together, lightly covered by the bagginess of her black cargo pants. She wears her favourite gold chain, just subtly hidden underneath her crew neck but the sly detail makes your heart flutter. You run up to her, embracing her warmth as she brings you in for a hug. Shuri chuckles against you, flattered at the way you seep so easily into her arms.

“Missed me that bad, nkosazana?” You exhaled at the sound of her voice. The cute names she constantly called you did nothing to ease your deep desire for her, it was almost tiresome.

“I did,” you answer. You look up at her, noticing the gold layered on her bottom teeth. Your stomach jumped at the sight. The way the gold contrasted against her pearly whites caused your core to warm up, a throbbing sensation between your thighs and you had no choice but to ignore it. “Where are we going, Shuri? You called me late as fuck last night.”

“I just wanted to see my favourite girl today, is that ok?”

Oh she was infuriating. “That’s fine, but you can’t call me at unholy hours like that bro. I’m tryna sleep.”

“My bad, my bad. I was kinda desperate.” Desperate? You breathe in deeply, followed by a smile. You always tried to stay mad at her, but it was a challenge. She was too beautiful. She guides you into her vehicle, closing the door beside you. She takes her place in the driver's seat, and you could never not admire the way she looked handling the road. She always drove with one hand on the wheel, her tattooed hand always rubbing your thigh or playing with her jawline. Both gestures made you wet which usually paved way for your late night thoughts to be filled with deep skin, slender fingers, and curly hair as you touch yourself, her name falling off your lips as you dream of her below you.

“Y/n? You down?” The train of your tactile thoughts brought back to reality as Shuri pulls you in.

“Huh?”

Shuri laughs. “I saaiidd…wanna go to that restaurant down the corner over there? They got a pool table, and I wanna beat you.”

“You’re better than me at everything, Shuri. You’ll easily beat me in pool.”

“Soooo, is that a yes?”

“Yes, it’s a yes.”

Shuri pauses for a second, pondering on what thoughts are dancing through your mind.

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours anyways? You’re always dozing off, I’m starting to worry you don’t enjoy my presence anymore,” Shuri jokes. You slap her shoulder lightly. “Ow.”

“That’s what you get.”

“For what? What’d I do now?”

“You know what.”

Shuri rolls her eyes. “Don’t start with me, nkosazana. The day just started.”

“Fine.”

Everytime you bring up the topic of ‘what are we?’, Shuri would take one step back. She hated the conversation, and she would disappear for days at a time once your arguments were over. You convinced yourself that it was because she just did not feel the same for you like you did for her. It was easier to accept that than the latter; that you were just a crutch, a tool to be used whenever she needed and put away until she decided you were of value again.

You knew Shuri was broken. She’s been through a lot and ever since the mantle was given to her, she seemed to be heavier. She was still ‘Shuri’, the girl with endless jokes up her sleeve and a smile that could ease sadness, but there was now a darkness that endured underneath and she would not let you pierce the surface.

She pulls into the parking lot, unbuckling your seat belt as she rushes to open the door for you. Her arm wrapped around your shoulder, and she pecked a kiss on the top of your head as you walked into the restaurant. You both order what you usually do; Shuri with her spicy chicken wings, and you with your chicken burger. The afternoon is filled with familiar tunes of laughter, as you guys argue over whether drummies or flatties are better. Shuri says drummies are better because there’s more meat and you argue that flatties are better because there’s less bone and cartilage.

“Black folk don’t complain about things like bone and cartilage, y/n.”

“Well this one does,” you chuckle, pointing to yourself. Shuri laughs with you, taking a fry and chugging it at your face.

“Shut up and eat your nasty chicken burger.”

“It’s actually really good, wanna bite?”

Shuri audibly gags and you toss a fry right back at her.

“Don’t make me come over there and bite you.”

“I’d like to see your try.”

“I’d like to see you try,” she mocks. You roll your eyes, chugging another fry at her. Shuri scrunches her face.

“You think you’re so funny huh? You’re lucky we’re not alone, you wouldn’t feel so funny anymore,” she subtly jokes. And it’s stupid half-jokeful threats like that that make your pussy pulse. You cross your legs slowly, desperate to ease the throbbing between your legs. Shuri notices, and lets out a soft chuckle. She knows what she’s doing and it’s driving you insane.

Once you guys are done with your meal, you make your way to the pool tables in the corner of the restaurant.

“Ready to get absolutely destroyed?” Shuri asks.

“Do I have a choice?”

“Nope.”

Shuri was a pro and she laughed hysterically at the way you constantly put the Q-Ball in the hole, but she would let you have another turn anyway because she low-key felt bad. She would grab your hips and maneuvre them, guiding you. You would bend over the pool table with subtle intent, and you could swear she was looking where you wanted her to look. The game was filled with less of the actual game and more of Shuri teasing both your mind and body.

“Stop,” you pleaded into her, knowing full well you did not want her to.

“You know you don’t want me to.”

“Shuri…please.”

She did not listen. She hugged you from behind, her hands lingering right above your pussy and it made you throb. Your mind travelled to that sinful place consumed with unholy thoughts of how you imagined how skillful those hands were. She was a serious flirt, but you had to convince yourself that she did not like you for the sake of your sanity.

“Why can’t we just stay like this??” she whispered into the nape of your neck. You abruptly turned around to face her, submerging yourself in the depth of her brown eyes. Her curls were coiled to perfection, treading down her forehead like a waterfall. Her mouth slightly opened, revealing the gold layered underneath her two-toned lips. You wanted her desperately.

“Why are you so scared of commitment?” you ask. You knew this was not the place, nor the time, but you were tired. Crippled by the way she had such easy access to you without fully giving herself to you and your body. She let go of you so easily, and your heart sank at the crude gesture.

“Why you always do that, huh? Always ruining it with your stupid questions.”

The lump in your throat grows as you bite on your bottom lip. You fight the tears that are itching to pierce through, but you refuse. She did not get to see you like this. She didn’t deserve it.

“Fuck you,” you say through heavy lungs. You begin to make your way out the door, but you're stopped by Shuri’s hands gripping your waist, forcing you to face her. You don’t fight it. There’s no use.

“Is that what this is all about, nkosazana? You wanna fuck me?” her voice is so silky and her words seep through your pores, forcing your body to give into her. “Cuz I will, if that’s what you want. Bend you over the pool table if I have to. Give everyone a show.” She was devious. She knew the dominance her words had over you, and she never failed to use that to her advantage. She toyed with you, knowing you’ll run back without fail.

You look at the space around you. The restaurant is pretty empty for the most part, the people that are there are fairly good at pretending to mind their own business.

“Shuri…let me go,” you gently plead. She obliges, aggressively making her out of the restaurant and back into her vehicle. You follow her. She does not open the door for you this time.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

The car ride is quiet and unfamiliar, her tunes calmly playing in the background being the only thing keeping you from going insane. You have no idea where she’s taking you, and you’re honestly too afraid to ask. You look up at her for a quick second, her jaw is clenched and her eyes are low. She looks tired and you almost feel bad.

“Where are we going?” you ask, breaking the deafening silence.

“You’ll see.”

She pulls into a park, leaving you confused but you let her lead the way. She puts her car in park, and begins to stroll as you try to keep up with her. The park was quite beautiful and secluded. There was no one here, but you can still hear the music of the busy city playing in the distance.

“Shuri…where are we going?”

“I said, you’ll see.”

Shuri continues to stroll, stopping at a pretty open field with trees sprinkled here and there. There is however, one larger tree that overshadows the rest. She makes her way there, sitting on the soft grass that grows beneath. You follow her, doing the same. Shuri stays quiet for a few seconds, basking in the wind that seeps through her curls. It’s a beautiful sight really, the way someone so energetic and full spirit takes the time to bask in what nature has to offer. You wonder what’s going on in that mind of hers, what hides behind the smile she chooses to wear everyday. Finally, she speaks.

“This tree reminds me of home. Not as strong, and nowhere near as tall, but still beautiful nonetheless.”

You smile, noticing the subtle melancholic gaze in her eyes as she admires the strength of its bark.

“This is where I come after every argument I have with you. I sit here, and reminisce on what once was…and think about all the ways I’m hurting you. I don’t mean to but…I just wish I could be better.”

You take her hand, and she lets you. There’s a question stuck in your throat that you so badly want to ask her, yet you fear the reaction she’ll have. Shuri has carried the title of “the Black Panther” for a couple months now, and not once has she truly sat down with you and told you about how she truly felt about holding that mantle. You swallow, before allowing yourself to ask her.

“So…so how does it feel?”

Shuri looks at you in confusion. “How does what feel?”

“To be the Black Panther and hold all that responsibility? I know you Shuri, you’re hurt. The thing about you is you hurt alone.”

Silence.

“Shuri…you have to be able to talk to me about these things. You have people that love you, that want to be there for you…”

Shuri’s face hardens, her usual sarcastic smile fading into one that’s almost unrecognisable. It’s almost like a veil has been lowered, paving way to what really nestled there and your chest grows heavy at the sight. She places her elbows on her knees and sighs. Your smile mirrors hers, fading as the environment around you grows cold, the air becoming thick. For a moment it seems like Shuri is lost in the blades of grass beneath her, staring intensely into the ground. Her head falls forward, as she noticeably gathers the courage to speak over whatever her heart is trying to hold in.

Finally, her heart speaks.

“You know…when my brother died, I also lost a piece of me. It was one of the hardest things to accept knowing I could have saved him had I had the time to come up with some type of scientific cure to his illness. But then he was just…gone. Taken away from me with little warning. Sometimes I regret not being by his side as he took his final breath, but I try not to be too hard on myself. I was trying to save my brother, and I was doing the best I could.”

“Shuri…I--”

“And then when my mom was taken from me…” she pauses and bows her head. Tears gently fall from Shuri’s eyes, like dewdrops. You feel the tears swell in your own eyes and do nothing to hold them in. Of course you knew that Shuri was hurting from her loss, but never did you truly grasp the hurt that came with bearing the weight of being the Black Panther. How could you?

“I did not want to be the Black Panther. That was never my goal in life, nkosazana. Had you told me a couple years ago that I was going to be Black Panther in a few years time, I would’ve laughed in your face…” Shuri lets out a faded smile, combating tears and fighting the swelling in her own throat. “I cut my hair when I lost my brother, as a sign of grieving. It’s a Wakandan practice. And I’m not even a spiritual person but it seemed like the right thing to do…for him.”

You look at Shuri, admiring the dark yet beautiful significance behind Shuri’s short curls that caress the edge of her forehead. For a moment, you remember Shuri with her once braided hair, and you remember the reaction you had when she suddenly cut it off.

“You cut your hair?? But why??”

“What’s wrong? You don’t like it?”

“No, I like it. I really like it…but why the sudden switch up?”

“I don’t know. I just felt like something new.”

And you smiled at her. She looked good.

Your stomach turns as you remember that conversation. You remember the way she looked that day, sadder than usual even if she tried her best to uphold her same, sarcastic self. Her almond eyes were weary, and you were oblivious to the significance behind her short curls.

“I promise you y/n, being Black Panther does not feel good. Not for the reasons I am anyway.”

You close your eyes, allowing the tears to stream without halt. You wanted to grieve alongside Shuri, letting her know she’s not alone.

“I’m sorry…I wasn’t intending to--”

“It’s fine nkosazana…I needed to let that out,” Shuri assures you.

You force out a soft smile, adjusting yourself so you’re sitting on your knees in front of her. You heighten yourself to meet her eye level, cupping her tear stained cheeks as you bravely place a gentle kiss on her forehead. Shuri smiles tenderly, exhaling in relief. She grabs your hands as her own lips meet your knuckles. She’s so beautiful. Even in the midst of her pain and tears, her vulnerability makes you want to pull her in and take her pain away. If you could, you would. But you can’t. Instead, you just allow Shuri this moment of brokenness, evident of what she hides behind the bright sarcastic smile she wears almost everyday.

For the first time in your friendship, you feel like you know her. Truly, truly know her. Beyond her jaded smile, her capability to light up the room, and the hurt that comes after, you finally feel like you see her for who she is. You ponder all of this, making your already complicated relationship with her even more complicated. You loved her, you can admit that now, but you also loved yourself. It was no secret that Shuri was broken, but it often felt like she was slowly but surely breaking you in the process. The way she would lure you in, lead you on, and then leave you with nothing, it hurt. But you knew you couldn’t just leave her, and now you fully understand why.

“I’m sorry I can’t be what you want me to be. I can’t give you what you deserve,” she says, almost like she’s reading your mind.

“And what is it you think I deserve, Shuri?”

She takes a deep breath in, admiring the tree that hugs the both of you, making you feel small.

“You deserve someone who’s gonna make you smile, gonna give you 100 percent. You deserve someone that’s not gonna make you feel like…this.” She holds your hands, just brushing her lips against the crevices of your knuckles.

“Shuri…I don’t need 100 percent. I just need you to be honest with me.”

She continues to look down, her tear stained cheeks gleaming against the sky’s reflection. You place your palm on her cheek, and she buries her face there. You love her. Oh how you love her.

“I want you to know I’m here for you, Shuri. And I love you…but I can’t keep up with this push and pull with you because everytime we get closer, you pull back, and it’s exhausting,” you choke up.

“I know, sthandwa, I know.”

“Then why do you keep doing that? It’s hurtful, but you know I can’t stay away from you, you KNOW how much I like you and being around you makes me feel…incredible. And sometimes it seems like you feel the same but then other times…not so much.”

Finally Shuri’s dark eyes meet yours.

“You know I love you, right?”

“No, actually I don’t know. I know you’re broken and I know you need love, but do you actually love me?”

“I do.”

“Then let me in. Let me be there for you.”

Silence.

“Shuri…please.”

“Don’t leave me,” she pleads.

“I’m not going anywhere, baby. But I NEED to know that you’re not going anywhere either.”

“Everyone I love…dies.”

You sigh. Her hurt is so heavy, it seems like the atmosphere around grows thicker with each tear that’s shed, making it harder to breathe.

“Shuri--”

“No, listen to me y/n. Everyone I love dies. Do you understand that? It’s why I could never allow myself to fully give myself to you, because if I admit that I love you, then what happens? I can’t lose you. I just can’t, I need you, please don’t leave me,” she cries through shattered breaths. She is sobbing, her face buried into your hands as your knuckles collect every tear that streams down. The sight of her in complete and utter surrender to her brokenness forces you to pull her in, her head seeping into your chest as she weeps into the fabric of your shirt. You hold her like your life depends on it, like HER life depends on it.

“Sshhh, baby it’s ok. It’s ok baby, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, you hear me? I’m not going anywhere, I’m right here. It’s ok.” You repeat those words over and over again, as many times as necessary until she believes it. You hold her in your embrace, as her stifling sobs become less and less. Even when her sobs come to a halt, she lingers in your grasp, basking in your scent that she loves dearly. You remind her of home and you wanted to be her home, even if that meant having to deal with the reality of her shattered heart. It didn’t matter to you, because you were more than willing to pick up the pieces along the way and fix it like a 1000-piece puzzle. Shuri clears her throat, wiping the tears off her face as she comes back up to meet your gaze. Her face was puffy, her lips swollen from all her crying but even in this state she was beautiful and everything you could ever ask for. She caresses your face with her thumb, wiping away your tears as she finally brings you in for a kiss. Contrary to popular belief, this was your guys’ first kiss. Your lips press against her swollen ones as you relax into her. The world around you went black and white, the tree and Shuri being the splash of colour in the painted landscape surrounding you. She releases you from the passion of her lips and for the first time, everything was right.

“Let me take you home, yeah?”

“Mhmm.”

You guys kiss once more before leaving the comfort of the tree above.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

The car ride allows Shuri to come back down, her sarcastic self returning after pouring her heart before you. This time, it felt lighter. Because even though you have always loved the part of her that was able to consistently bring laughter to your lips, you love it even more now that she has nothing to hide from you.

When you guys reach your apartment, Shuri continues with her usual gestures; unbuckling your seatbelt and opening the door for you. She follows you into your complex, leaning on the door frame in anticipation. On any other day, she would invite herself in without your permission but not this time.

“Can I come in?”

You chuckle at the question. “Of course you can come in.”

You get comfortable in your satin pink Victoria Secret Pyjama set, shorts with a matching button up top. You slide on your fluffy slippers and walk back out as Shuri is clicking away at netflix. Shuri laughs at the sight of you in your pj’s and you give her the finger.

“What? I think you look cute.”

You roll your eyes, taking your place beside her as she continues searching for a movie.

“I don’t see why everyone raves so much about netflix. There’s nothing good on here anyways,” she teases, setting the night on a good tune. You snatch the remote from her hand, looking for your favourite comfort movie.

“What are you looking for?”

“The Greatest Showman.”

“Say what now?”

You hit her on the shoulder, laughing at the way she bugs you.

“It’s a musical. It’s good.”

“Fuck a musical. Imagine if we actually broke into song in real life, that’s how stupid it looks.”

“You’re insane. Musicals are amazing.”

“Whatever. If you wanna watch it, then I wanna watch it.”

You rest your head on her lap as she caresses the curls on your head. She rudely takes the remote and pauses halfway through the movie.

“The fuck was that for? It’s not done.”

“I know, but I’m done. This is boring.”

You alter your position, the back of your head resting on her thighs as you look directly up at her. She lets out a crooked smile, and your heart trembles at the site of gold shimmering on her bottom teeth.

“Those look good on you. Like, really good on you.”

“Thanks, I made them myself.”

Of course she did.

“Well, what do you want to do then?” you ask, unsure if you’re hinting at something deeper or not.

“I wanna do whatever you wanna do.”

“Bullshit. I wanted to watch The Greatest Showma--”

“You know what I mean, nkosazana,” she cuts you off. “Don’t be difficult.”

There’s a brief moment of silence, as you ponder her words. It was all so much. Normally, she would tease you with just the right amount of sex just enough to get you aroused, making sure her grasp on you is still there, and do nothing to ease your sexual frustrations and it was almost hurtful. You desired her in every way possible, yet she denied you the pleasure of her. Was this time any different?

“Shuri, don’t. Every time you do this, you rile me up, get me wet and then leave me hanging. It’s annoying.”

“I get you wet?” she teases.

“Don’t act oblivious. You know you do and you do it on purpose.”

Shuri chuckles at the way you’re so easy to piss off.

“It’s not funny.”

“It’s kinda funny.”

You remove yourself from her lap, sighing in annoyance as your cunt grows damp…again. Shuri kisses you, and you moan into her mouth at the contact of her grills. You didn’t fully notice them earlier when you shared your first kiss, but now you do and your mind pictures the gold grazing other places, and that’s the end of it. The kissing becomes more and more aggressive, forcing you to straddle Shuri. You hover over her lap as you begin to grind lightly.

“Open your mouth,” Shuri whispers, low and husky in her demand. You obey, as Shuri slips her tongue inside, tasting the way you salivate for her. She grabs your waist, influencing the way you grind into her crotch and it makes your pussy pulse in desperation. She pauses as she admires you. You’re so worn down and tired, not only from the intense day you shared with her but because of the endless war you had between your mind and your heart for Shuri. She notices this, the way you crave her and this time she promises to ease your ache. She slides two of her fingers into the satin of your shorts, and feels the soaking wet arousal through your panties.

“Fuck baby, you’re soaking wet.”

You shut your eyes in embarrassment. Nothing is even happening and yet you feel like you can explode from Shuri’s words alone. It’s almost like this was her plan the whole time, to string you along and play with your emotions so when the time came, you would give in without difficulty. You bite your bottom lip as your light moans start to pool out. Your eyes soften as Shuri’s thumb presses your clit through the material of your panties. You rock into her, needing more.

“It’s ok sthandwa, I’ll take care of you. Here let’s get these off you.” Shuri slips the satin shorts off, continuing her slow and torturous movements over your clit. You tilt your head back a little, your breathing picking up as you softly beg for Shuri to give you more.

“Please Shuri, I need more,” you exhale. Shuri smiles, pulling you in for a kiss. She pushes your panties to the side, exposing your milky cunt. The wetness pulled with the material of your panties, making a mess on Shuri’s fingers.

“Bast y/n, how long have you been wet like this??”

“Since the car ride to the restaurant,” you shamelessly admit, trying to control the pace of your breathing. Your chest is heaving up and down, and Shuri rips the buttons of your shirt, your cleavage pushed into her face.

“I’m sorry for making you wait, sthandwa sami, I’ll make it up to you,” Shuri says, driving you insane. “You’re so beautiful,” Shuri continues, but your mind isn’t even fully there. You just want her, all of her.

“What is it you want from me?” Shuri teases, knowing exactly what you want but she wants to hear it from your own mouth. You’re so timid, but not timid enough to keep yourself from getting what you so clearly need from her.

“I want you inside of me,” you pant.

“Uthixo ntombazana (Good girl).”

Shuri takes her two fingers, wetting them with your pleasure before she slips them inside, pumping in out. She slowly, but surely, picks up the pace as you dig your head into her neck, moaning so closely into her ear as inspiration for her to keep going. You feel it everywhere, your whole body on fire as your pussy is screaming to release itself.

“I’m gonna stop pumping my fingers for a moment, sthwanda. I want you to bounce and ride my fingers, pretend it’s my dick, yeah? Wanna see your tits bounce in my face as you ride me,” Shuri softly demands.

“Ok,” is all you’re able to say in the midst of your pleasure. You start bouncing up and down, appreciating every stroke you feel rubbing up inside you. Your cunt is pulsing, twinging for more. You pick up the pace, your breasts bouncing up and down to the tempo of your movements as Shuri just sits there and watches the way your body trembles at her touch. You’re a moaning mess, every leap brings you that much closer to your release and you can feel it immensely. Shuri takes her thumb and circles your clit, forcing you to clutch onto her shoulders as you ride her out. Your head bucks backwards and your mouth is wide open as Shuri’s name falls out, your body sweating at the impact.

“Shuri…Shuri you feel so good inside of me. I wanna cum so bad in your hand.”

“I’ve got it from here y/n, you did so good,” Shuri assures as she proceeds to finger your cunt, curling them just right to hit the area you terribly needed her most. She quite literally finger fucks you, smiling wickedly at the way you surrender to her touch.

“Shuri I’m gonna cum, I can feel it.”

Shuri slides a third finger in, your pussy expands with ease like it was prepared beforehand. You moan her name unapologetically, dipping your head onto her shoulder as your grasp onto her thick curls. Shuri loves the feeling of your pussy widening as she pushes in and out you, assaulting your walls like your pussy belongs to her.

“I’m so close, baby, so so close. Please don’t stop.” Your mind is in another world, preparing your body for the celestial experience approaching the muscles in your cunt. Shuri slams inside you a few more times, allowing your core to finally release itself. Your eyes shut as tears pool out of your eyes. You moan Shuri’s name with confidence, as you bury your face into her neck once more.

“Oh my god, Shuri. UNH. Shuri…I…”

“I know baby, it’s ok. Let it out. Just let it out, it’s ok.”

“Oh my god, oh my fucking god…”

Shuri lets you ride out your high before she pulls out, your slick running down her hand.

“Again?” you desperately plead.

“What’s that, mama?”

“...again?”

“What do you need me to do, nkosazana?”

You get shy and bury your face into the palm of her hands. Shuri places a kiss on your forehead, easing you of your embarrassment. She unclips your bra, your breasts pooling in her face. She picks you up with her panther strength and lies you on your back.

“It’s ok baby, just tell me what you need.” Shuri pinches one of your hard, erect nipples and takes it into her mouth, caressing and fondling your other breast.

“I want you-”

“Mhmm?”

“I want you to touch me, or lick me, whichever one works, just please…please Shuri I need you.”

“I am touching and licking you.”

You can no longer take the teasing.

“My cunt. Please, fuck my cunt, please.”

Shuri smiles. “Anything for you, nkosazana.”

Shuri travels her way down your body, leaving nothing untouched. You are breathing heavily, you have quite literally never felt like this before. Shuri’s mouth approaches your thighs, but she stops to spread you open a little more, admiring the glistening pussy in front of her, wet with the desire that she created. She smiled, proud of the power she had on you. She begins placing kisses in between your thighs and you push your cunt forward, signalling your dire need for her mouth on you. Shuri laughs softly at the gesture.

“Don’t worry y/n, I’m getting there.” She plants a kiss on your throbbing clit, taking it into her mouth, sucking and kissing until it’s swollen. You are a mess, your mouth hanging open from the influence of Shuri’s tongue between your pussy lips. The coldness of her grill and the warmth of her tongue combine to create the most seraphic feeling.

“Do you want me to take these out?” Shuri asks, motioning to the gold layered on her bottom teeth.

“No, please don’t. Please, it feels so good, don't stop.”

Shuri obeys, taking her tongue into the flesh of your sex. Your back arches in response as her tongue meets your clit again.

“Shuri that feels so good, fuck.”

“I know, baby.”

“Please-please don’t stop, keep going.”

“Trust me, I’m not stopping anytime soon.”

Shuri lifts her face off, and looks at your swollen cunt. Her mouth glistened with a mixture of her own saliva and your pleasure. She takes two fingers and inserts them into you, forcing you to grip the fabric beneath.

“You’re so beautiful baby shit. I love the way your pussy wraps so tight around my fingers like that. Like you’re molded just for me.”

“Unh, yeah…I like it too,” you struggle to say amongst your pleasure.

Shuri cocks a smile and continues to pump in and out, placing her thumb on your clit once again. Both your eyes and head fall back, the palms of your hands tingle with warmth.You can feel the nerves around your clit tightening and the muscles inside you begin to shudder.

“Look at you baby, you’re a mess. All because of my touch.”

“Shu-Shuri?”

“Yes baby?”

“Can you put your mouth on me again? Your grills feel so good on my pussy, please.”

This makes Shuri wet herself, although she already was. Seeing the power she had on the beautiful goddess beneath her sent her cunt dripping. But her priority is making sure you cum multiple times before she does. It’s the least she can do after everything she’s put you through.

Without hesitation, Shuri lowers herself back down to your brown pussy. She takes her two fingers, using them to spread your labia open, paving way to the fleshy colour that hid beneath. The sheen glaze of your juices reminds Shuri of the way sap seeps out of trees back home.

“Bast y/n, you’re so wet. So wet and puffy for me.”

She sinks her mouth back down, licking and kissing your pussy lips as she continues to pump her fingers in and out. She takes your clit back into her mouth and slightly bites, sending your mind into hysteria. The mixture of pain and pleasure, along with warmth of her tongue is almost enough to send you over the edge right then and there. And the grills. The grills just feel so fucking good grinding against your clit and pussy lips.

“Yes Shuri, that feels so good. Unh, I want to cum please.”

Shuri lifts herself off and removes her fingers, leaving you completely untouched and it’s unbearable. Shuri notices this and reassures you.

“I’m going to make you cum ok? I can feel your pussy throb on my mouth, y/n.” She climbs back up, placing a kiss on your forehead as she caresses your face. “You’re so beautiful, I can’t believe I made you wait this long.”

She makes her way back down, splaying your knees over her shoulders so she can reach depths you didn’t even know you had. She laps away, making strategic movements with her tongue into and around your pussy, making sure her grills are making contact with your enlarged clit. You're digging your hands into Shuri’s curls, trying not to grasp too tightly but you also cannot help it. You ride her face, circling your hips to apply more pressure. Shuri moans into you as the world around you goes silent, with nothing but the sound of raw lust spilling out of your throat mixed in with the wet commotion of Shuri’s tongue against you.

“Shuri? Shuri I have to cum,“ you whimper.

“Try to hold on a bit longer nkosazana, I’m not quite done. You think you can do that for me?”

“Ye--Yeah. I think so.”

“Good girl.”

You pause your circling hip motions, allowing Shuri to just eat you out. It takes every ounce of muscle in your body to not cum at that very moment, and it makes you squirm in anticipation. Shuri continues lapping away, consuming you like she’s starving. The room around you begins to settle somewhere between a blur and a galaxy with all its colours. You were going to cum, your pussy pleading to spill into Shuri’s mouth. You cross your legs around Shuri, basically putting her into a headlock. Her face is completely drowned into your wet cunt, as you proceed to ride her face. You can feel the blood flow between your thighs increase, causing the blood vessels in your pussy to dilate.You hyperfocus on the way Shuri’s grills play with your clit and it sends you over the edge. You feel it everywhere, from the back of your neck all the way down to the soles of your feet. Your eyes roll back as your mouth drops open, moaning in your utmost satisfaction as your heart pulses almost as fast as the nerves in your pussy.

“Oh my, OH MY FUCKING GOD, UNH. Holy fuck…shit Shuri. FUCK.”

You unlock Shuri from your leg grip, as she comes up and kisses you on the mouth making sure you taste your own pleasure that gleams against her dark skin.

“You’re incredible,” she says into your mouth, trying to catch her own breath.

You blush, still attempting to grasp reality as you push through your orgasmic high. She was more than you had ever imagined, surpassing every sexual fantasy you had of her prior to this very moment.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that, y/n.” Shuri helps you put your pyjamas back on, and you’re trying so hard not to fall asleep. Shuri cradles you into her chest, placing kisses all over your head once again.

“So you’re a ‘sleep after sex’ type person? Duly noted,” Shuri teases.

“Shuri?”

“Yes y/n?”

“Stay with me tonight, please.”

Shuri lets out a mellow smile. “I’m not leaving you. Ever.”

She plays with your curls, delicately placing her fingers between each coil.

“I…I just want to say I’m sorry, for all the shit I put you through. You didn’t deserve any of that.”

You look up at her, her brokenness piercing through those brown eyes you love so dearly.

“Shuri, nevermind all that. Just be with me, yeah?”

Shuri lets out a sigh of relief, a single tear escaping her tear duct.

“I love you so, so much,” she says. You know the strength it took for her to say that, to admit the love she carried after losing almost everyone that came before you. You’re so proud of her, so in love with every ounce of her being that it sets your body in an overwhelming fire. But the heat only cleared the path to the love you wanted to give her, the love she deserved after the world ripped everything she ever cared about.

“I love you, Shuri. Always.”

This is it. This is all you need. All you both need. You fall asleep in each other's arms, as you dream about the big tree. This time there was no brokenness, no pain. Nothing but love and genuine happiness as you kissed her underneath the tree’s embrace. ❁ཻུ۪۪♡

[faeriedaez]

I don't know. I do feel better now. Catharsis, I guess! But it's interesting to me, it's always been interesting to me really, how when you walk away you give up any control of the narrative. Feelings will change and inform the memory once you've turned your back.

I've always struggled with the delusion that every situation could have been solved with the right combination of words at the right time. But I really can't shake the feeling. If during those late nights in your room I had told you the kinds of things he was saying to me on a daily basis, how would this story have gone? Or when I had asked you to please reach out and get involved, if I was more forthcoming about how overwhelmed and over my head I was feeling how might we have tackled this together? Or if I had admitted these regrets earlier, how much more human might I seem to you two? An obsession with hindsight, I guess. Like in most cases, it always seems a question of who fires first. Often, that's it. Once they've set the narrative it's an uphill battle to change it. Now I'm the bitch, and even when I sit here begging one of you to tell me what exactly I actually did wrong, I'm told it's clear I'm unwilling to learn from this. It's a bit ironic that I can list more of my own faults in this debacle than you can and still get told that.

It's funny you know, because I did it on purpose. I never wanted to talk about him to you all behind his back. I never wanted to be responsible for changing how you all saw him, the way I felt forced to. (Besides, he never liked me telling folks he hardly knew. Can't imagine he'd have liked me telling y'all.) At the same time, I knew he'd never extend me the same favor. Honestly, I even encouraged him not to. I desperately needed him to have SOMEONE to vent to about me that wasn't ya know... me! By time we had broken up, I was already deep in the sinking feeling of who was getting the two of you in the divorce. After all, me and you never could fix things after the move. If I understand correctly we were both waiting for the other to fix it. Which is pretty classically us, to be honest. As for me and you well, at times it felt like you could hardly tolerate being in the same room as me. I'm not so proud that I can't admit a lot of that was likely just in my head but it was how I felt. Dyke drama is a hell of a drug.

So if I saw this coming, and even sat idly by and let it happen, why then is it such a hard pill for me to swallow? Well for one knowing a train is coming doesn't make it hurt any less when it hits you, even if you could have gotten off the tracks. Secondly, I suppose I always expected you all to have SOME understanding, or at least SOME curiosity, of the other side of the story. Why I might have done what I did. That you all at least might get that I had given up, not because I didn't care about the two of you, but because he needed the two of you more than I did. That we might never be close the way we used to, but there wouldn't be bad blood after I withdrew from the group as a unit. But I know I have always assumed myself more transparent than I am. I'm told that's an autism trait.

I guess, what I really didn't expect was frustrations and emotions I had admitted to him about the greater situation, long before we had broken up, to make their way to the two of you. That much really did take me off guard. It's honestly funny. Hilarious, even. Like really Stephen, you're lucky I'm not playing, because we BOTH know that isn't a game you'd fucking win. But I grew up surrounded by people who played those sorts of games and I lost my taste for them fairly quickly. I learned pretty early on that if it works on someone, then that someone is worthless to me. If even after 8 odd years hearing I had committed the thought-crime of not having enough fun while trying to help hold the group together puts enough bitter in your stomach to write me off as some bitch well then, what would I ever want from you but closure? Closure I can get just as cleanly by making a vaugepost that likely neither of you will see but HE might.

So that's it. I won't pretend I'm not going to miss us and miss you all, but I will keep moving on regardless, hopefully wiser for whatever comes next. It helps I think, that I had mourned this possibility so long ago. Perhaps, that's another way I contributed to this outcome, a defeatist attitude is a self-fulfilling prophecy after all. But believe it or not, before that little spat at pride, I really still thought the 4 of us would all work it out in the end. That someday we'd be playing elf-games, confiding in each other again and this would all be some awkward period we could leave behind us. But that little explosion was the final nail in the coffin of me ever trusting him again, and if I could never be comfortable with him, we would never be the four of us again. That was all I meant by leaving the group chat. I tried to make it clear I wasn't writing ANY of you off by leaving, honestly not even him. The future is a long stretch and someday he and I might one day trust each other again. But whatever the future looked like, it wasn't going to be us four. But hey, who can blame you for shooting the messenger.

peace ✌️

[poppyandzena]

Zena:" The stalkers who claim to be experts on Poppy's story don't even know shit about sexual health. This is just clowning around. I just can't these people seriously. I told Poppy to get testing to protect herself because after someone violates you, they're is zero reason to trust their history."

1.) Literally no one has claimed expertise on Poppy. This is yet another false claim. See, people paid attention to Poppy's behavior and Poppy's words. People are just observing Poppy's publicly abusive meltdown. People are simply tracking a smear campaign. Poppy provides that data. A LOT of data. Poppy continues to incessantly and obsessively make false claims of sexual assault, as if hundreds of people didn't witness Poppy serve us with a linear timeline of rejection. People aren't experts on anyone, that's silly. Poppy put out a fuck ton of information publicly. It's getting difficult for people to silence their own critical thinking. Luckily, there is public access to entire archives documenting Poppy's willfully malicious campaign to destroy another Trans woman. Because of rejection. It's revenge. Thanks to Poppy's unhinged antics across Tumblr and Twitter, people can analyze the data for themselves on their own time. And there-in lies the rub for this sneaky tyrannical goblin -- your arguments are getting more nonsensical. Zena is throwing up diversions. It's getting a bit pitiful.

Zena: "I guess I'm going to be posting sexual health articles to educate these fucks now. Just how much these people know about sex is both astounding and telling. This is a self report on their part."

Zena: "These are just more signs that Poppy's story is actually true AND that she has love and support to help her after this awful shit.

2.) The only link between public discussions on sexual health and Zena's false expertise claims is Poppy's word-vomit. The UTI was splattered all over her TL after having consensual sex & getting rejected. That's it. Zena, this disjointed, bizarre gotchya connection you made with sexual health is not a sign that Poppy's story is true. This deeply goofy statement is almost as bad as me saying, "Oh wow my cat actually has asthma, not a hairball." Then going on to say, "This is a sign why I know my neighbor married a raccoon." Y'all have lost the plot and if all this wasn't so potentially harmful to folks in an already marginalized community, this shit would be funny.

On to the next point the goblin tyrant attempts to slip in subtlety. Folks may have left out the BACTERIAL VAGINOSIS part during sexual health discussions. Hell, some folks might not even know what BV is. NOT knowing what BV is or forgetting to mention BV aren't indicators of a total lack of knowledge on sexual health. Leaving out BV doesn't mean folks need to be educated by this tyrannical goblin Zena. What she's trying to do is divert attention away from Poppy's very transparent attempts to further humiliate Noeh. Everything Poppy puts on her TL centers on smearing Noeh. She literally HAS NOT stopped tweeting @ Noeh since she publicly disclosed her tweets made Noeh uncomfortable when they were partners. It is deeply unsettling that Poppy continues to try to talk to Noeh behind the scenes while routinely @ing Noeh from the YT account. This is all calculated and this community is not dumb. They're catching on. Trust that there are doubts that even her most fervent defenders are experiencing -- OF COURSE they have doubts, but what would happen if they just got brutally honest and disclosed that Poppy is indeed out of control. Poppy has gone against SO many things she advocates in her streams. Rapejacketing and targeting a trans woman is pretty disgusting. Attempting to cut of a homeless trans man's only source of revenue in the middle of winter in MICHIGAN. Shitting all over asexuals because Noeh slipped up and made a controversial statement.

BPD will NEVER be an excuse for abuse. An abuser is actively being coddled to the point where her supporters are enabling more abuse. I think it's pretty clear this therapist has not gotten treatment like DBT for her BPD. This person is a public figure. She is lending more stigma to this diagnosis. There are so many folks with BPD in my life who put in the work and are determined to be well. It is unbelievable what they face and I have so much respect for these survivors. I also feel incredibly protective over them. That impact of these far extending stigmas ACTIVELY cause HARM to people with BPD.

Listen, it's very obvious how Poppy is shitting on survivors of rape and havers of BPD. She's not an imperfect victim. She's a spiteful, vengeful, scorned woman. Zena is also shitting on folks with BPD by enabling Poppy's behavior Her supporters are enabling Poppy's behavior. You are lending to stigma and shitting on other BPD survivors. Coddling this woman while she loudly and publicly continues on with her harmful actions is not a loving act. Enabling is not an act of love. If you truly supported her, you would not lend momentum to her smear campaigns. You'd see that, at this point, Poppy is actually a liability. She is causing REAL harm to your community. Adding insult to injury, she really is out here publicly shitting on y'all, underestimating y'alls knowledge base and ability to recognize lies, abuse, danger, and malice. Some of y'all are leaning into that and at some point, you'll have to come to terms with your choices.

Anyway...

I just want to acknowledge the work and time y'all archivists have put into this. I really do appreciate being able to have access to the information I've needed to form my own opinions. Okay. That is all.

Have a beautiful night, beautiful people.

"Whoops lotsa typos there" 🥴💩

^

[darkside720]

Bunch of people who have never been in the tag before. A bunch of people saying how much they love Izuocha with no post about them on their blogs. Y'all are so fucking transparent its not even funny.

[dylanobrienisbatman]

The main problem with the whole mal vs the darkling thing in regards to being possessive (or really when it comes to any of their traits) is the fact that throughout, the darkling is clearly framed as the villain and his actions reflect that, whereas Mal as supposed to be the good guy and best romantic partner for Alina, and yet he has all these awful character traits and tendencies. So its less about how awful the Bad Guy is (since he's supposed to be), and more about how awful the person that we're supposed to believe is the best option for Alina is. I don't ship either, just my two cents.

Okay well... two things. First, your comment about "its less about how awful the bad guy is, since he's supposed to be", takes every comment I've made about Darkles out of context, which seems fitting since everything Darklina's spout about Mal is out of context. Him being the Bad Guy is fine, and if you like him AS A VILLAIN, and acknowledge all the bad shit he does, then my posts aren't for you. I think he's a very interesting villain, and a lot of the terrible shit he does that I have to keep making posts about make him a good villain, the problem is when the terrible shit the "Bad Guy" does is romanticized and viewed as the reasons why Alina SHOULD have picked him. So, don't assume everyone gets that "hes supposed to be awful". The point my post was making is that Darklina's love to call Mal possessive, but then turn around and act like Darkles literally enslaving her in somehow sexy and romantic. It's fucking not, and it's transparent as hell that y'all romanticize and sexualize the actually possessive character, and then project false character traits onto Mal. It's so transparent, it's almost funny.

But, more importantly, to your second, very wrong point, I wonder how much of the narrative about Mal having "awful character traits and tendencies" is actually a commentary on Mal as a character, or is it just Darklina's lying about things Mal has done and everyone accepting that misinterpretation as canon. Because, if were making a list...

Fuck boy - False! Mal was not a fuck boy! He was an attractive teenager who hooked up with consenting girls his age when he could, and he was not in a relationship during that time. Alina had never told him how she felt, so he is not beholden to her. (Also, nobody seems to have an issue with the fact that Darkles hooked up with Zoya in the show, that doesn't make HIM a fuckboy... interesting) (also also, nobody seems to discuss Darkles literally sexually assaulting Alina, and lying and manipulating her to get her to be physically intimate with him so he can use her... double interesting).

Slut Shames Alina - FALSE! The ever favourite callout line from Darklina's "He's all over you" isn't him slut shaming her. First, he has no idea what their relationship is like at that point, but more importantly, he is making an observation of her status in the little palace and how she has become his tool. He has dressed her up in his colors, made her put on a show for his benefit, and has created a situation where Alina appears to be his. Mal is noting that after months of searching for her, believing she was being hurt, tortured, or worse, when he arrives to save her, she looks like the Darkling's pet. (and, even if he WAS angry because he perceived them to be romantically involved, boy just spent months fighting for his life, lost multiple friends, and almost died to find her, all while coming to the realisation that he was in love with her, and then he shows up, after not hearing from her for months... I'd be pissed as hell too.) Important Note: He even acknowledges that what he said was wrong and tries to apologise, before Alina tells him that he was right. (Shadow and Bone, pg. 286). He also then apologizes, completely unprompted, for what he said. (Shadow and Bone, pg. 297).

Fat Shames Alina - False! This one is particularly laughable to me, because its one of the Darklina arguments that falls apart the second you actually read the scene. They are running for their lives in the forest, and Mal has to hunt and gather to feed them. He is noting that Alina's appetite has increased since he last saw her, and he makes a joke (ya know, how you do with friends) about how it would be easier to keep her fed if she still had her more meager appetite from before. He makes no comment on her weight, or her size, and he is not actually commenting on her appetite in a negative way, he is just acknowledging that it's a lot more work for him now that she eats more. Right before he says the line, the quote even proves that he isn't shaming her or thinking badly of her: "With a bemused expression, he watched as I gobbled down my portion and then sighed, still hungry". He is noting a change in her, and complaining that its made more work for him. If you think thats the same as fat shaming, well... thats a you problem.

Hates Alina's Powers - FALSE!!!! How to begin... do we talk about it was Mal's idea to hunt the stag in S&B, because he knew she needed it to be more powerful so she could stop the darkling? Do we talk about how he vowed to find the firebird for her, even though he was terrified of what all that power would do to her? Do we talk about how he literally died so she could achieve the power she needed to save the world? Or maybe we could talk about how he believed in her power more than anyone else, like when everyone was making bets about her abilities with the Cut and he knew she'd go further and better than anyone else expected her too, or when he tells her that he was never afraid of her powers, only what seeking all that power would do to her (which is literally the theme of the books, that power corrupts and seeking unmatched power can destroy you)? Mal being afraid of what is going to happen to Alina, being protective of her and worrying over her, is not the same as him hating her powers. He exists to help remind Alina of the themes of the story, and to guide her into maintaining her humanity.

Abusive - ... Do I even need to explain this one? Must I deign an explanation as to why this favourite Darklina lie is so fucking stupid, and also totally hypocrisy? No? Because we all know Darkles is actually the abusive one and they're trying to project their own shit onto Mal to further their abuse apologist agenda? Cool. Moving on.

Possessive of Alina - False! Throughout the entire series, Mal is quite literally the opposite of possessive, but yall just cant read. Not only does he quite literally step out of the way and allow Nikolai to court Alina without argument, which is the most direct example of him not being possessive, he also spends two full books believing, and repeatedly saying over and over and over, that they can't be together because he is not good enough for her. Mal believes, fully, that Alina deserves more than him, better than him, because he's just a tracker and a soldier, just a regular man with nothing to offer her but his love and his protection, and she is a Saint and should be a Queen. Possessiveness is the wish to own and control someone, it is literally the opposite of Mal believing that he's not good enough and doing everything he can to ensure that Alina achieves everything and gets everything he believes she is owed. A possessive character would not tell her to tell him to leave because he has nothing he can offer her, no title or land or country or crown. A possessive character would not promise to be the blade in her hand, because he believed he had nothing but the blood he could spill to offer her.

Angry - True! Yeah, omg, you caught us, Mal is ANGRY! Heaven forbid a teenager who is traumatized beyond belief and has to give up everything in his life, his position in the military (he deserted for her), his friends and the job he loved (Mikhail and Dubrov died for him, and he can't be a tracker in the army... because he deserted... for Alina), and, most importantly, he has to give up Alina (she should be Queen, he believes, and he has to give up the future he imagined with the girl he loves, who he was pretty sure loved him back, because she's a saint and queen and he's just a man), and more, is ANGRY. He has to be the one to find the amplifiers that he knows will end up hurting her, because thats what she needs to save the world. He has to sit by while Nikolai treats him like the dirt on his shoe and tries to woo Alina for his own personal gain (because Nikoalai did not love Alina. Maybe he came to care for her, but he proposed and spent all of S&S trying to get her to marry him when it was obvious they were not in love. He straight up says its so that the next King of Ravka can be married to the Sun Summoner. It's a power grab.) and he can't do anything about it. So yeah, Mal is angry. And yeah, sometimes he's even angry at Alina, just like sometimes she's angry at him. But they always find their way back, always apologize and try to be better for each other, and if you think anger is a toxic trait, and not simply a natural human emotion, might I suggest touching some fucking grass?

Idk why you thought I'd stand for Mal slander on my blog, cuz I will not. So, I'm gonna stop there, because I have shit to do today, but I really do wonder how much of Mal's 'toxic' or 'terrible' traits, that make him such a 'bad' love interest for Alina, really comes from Darklina's who refuse to actually read the text critically at all, and instead take everything he does and says out of context to further their agenda that Alina should have ended up as the Darkling's fucking slave forever, because thats the "girl power feminist" ending somehow. Mal supports her, loves her, sacrifices for her at every turn, and does everything he can do, to the point of literally dying for her, to ensure that she can defeat Darkles and save the world. He protects her, and when they end up happy and safe together on the orphange that they've rebuilt to help the children that were victims of Darkles war and genocide, he spends his days bringing her tea and cakes and flowers, kissing her silly under the stairs in the view of all the teachers, and calling her names like beauty, beloved, cherished, my heart for the rest of their ordinary life together, if love can ever be called that.

[theglitterypages]

for your writing prompt, levi with either 14 or 61, your choice <3

Prompts List

Prompt No.14 “Just shut up and kiss me now, will you?”

Title: Secretly a Romantic

Pairings: Levi x fem! reader MODERN AU

Summary: You've always been insecure of your physical appearance and it only became worse when people around you kept on telling you how you gained weight and your boyfriend, Levi Ackerman saves the day.

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1000+

•••••••••••••

“Sweetie have you noticed that you're gaining a lot of weight right now? You're looking so chubby, your Aunts and Uncles have noticed it because of your pictures in social media.” you looked up at your mother with a sigh, you don't have to hear her saying this everyday, honestly you're so fed up with it.

“It's your fault that she's getting bigger like that, you're the Mom and you should look out for her. Look at those baby fats on her belly, looks awful.” Your father appeared from the kitchen and you clenched your fist, tears started forming at the corners of your eyes and you breathed out. “I have to go, I won't come home tonight. I'll sleep at Levi's place.” you simply told them and walked out of your house.

The moment you entered your car, you bursted into tears, you do noticed that you've been gaining a lot of weight, you know it already but people kept on telling you all about this as if you don't know, asking where's the old you, where's the once sexy figure they all adored.

It's exhausting because you don't hated how you gained weight before but because they kept on bugging you about it you started hating it, you started hating seeing what you're seeing on the mirror, your parents aren't helping either, especially your relatives, it's funny how they think this is all fun, how they think that this is just a joke when the truth is it is crushing your confidence.

You wiped away your tears and started the car's engine to drive to your boyfriend's house.

Levi immediately stood up from his couch upon hearing two consecutive knocks on his door. He opened it just to see you with swollen eyes, you don't have to say anything to him, he already knew something was up and he knew that you need him.

He immediately pulled you close to his chest and shut the door behind you two, he leaned against the door as he held you close to him, his hands combing your long hair, the way he cares for you just made you cry more, your boyfriend has always been wonderful to the point that sometimes you think that you don't deserve him.

“Baby, hush...tell me what's our problem, love?”

He gripped on your shoulders and slowly pushed you away from him so he could see your face, he tucked the strands of your hair behind your ear and wiped away the tears in your eyes, Levi was smiling as he do this, he rarely smiles yet he did, just to give you comfort, he leaned in to kiss the tip of your nose and you looked at him with a sad smile.

“Lev, how do I look?”

“Beautiful as always.” he answered sincerely.

You pouted and he sighed, he nipped your chin using his fingers and he pressed his lips on yours gently, when he pulled away he smiled at you. “I love you.” he whispered, he held your hand then and pulled you towards the couch, he made you sit on his lap and you stayed close to his chest. “Tell me what's wrong.” he said as he draw circles on your back, his voice is calm and soothing as if he's singing a lullaby.

“I gained weight, I look awful, Mom and Dad has been fighting a lot about who's responsible for making me fat. They said I look awful.”

Levi stopped drawing circles on your back as his brows met. “They want you to be skinny as fuck than seeing you looking healthy?” he's not the type to make such a big deal in weights or figures, he works out a lot to keep his body in shape but he respects people who doesn't go to gym or people who don't have any diet routine, it's their life, their body and their choice.

“So I really gained weight.” you chuckled bitterly, Levi sighed as he cupped your face gently. “As your boyfriend, I want to offer nothing but my honesty, love and loyalty to you. So yes, baby you did gain weight but I still love you nonetheless.” he rested his hands on your waist then as he pressed his forehead on yours.

“But look at you, you've got a good figure, girls are probably drooling whenever they see you.”

“Baby, you have no idea how other men looks at you. I'm afraid I would get in trouble if I'll do something about their stares.”

Levi could see that the sadness in your eyes is still there even though he's being sincere in everything that he says, your weight doesn't matter to him at all, in fact he likes it this way, because before you two started dating he knew how you're purposely skipping meals so you wouldn't gain weight. He hated it that's why when he had the chance way back, he's purposely giving you snacks or treating you to meals just so he could make sure that you're not skipping meals anymore.

“I'm gonna try to lose weight again, Lev.”

He knew how you take everything you want seriously, that's one of the things that Levi loves in you, the way you have clear goals, the way you are so determined in everything you want and when Levi heard you wanted to lose weight he knew you would really do it.

He reached out for your hand and lifted it up so he could kiss it, he looked at you with a small smile then.

“Is this what you really want?”

“Yes, I want to lose weight.”

“Baby, if you want to do this just because of your parents or because of other person this won't work. Because this is you that we're talking about, you're suppose to live for yourself, not for the others.”

You bit your lower lip and sighed. You just wanted the insecurities to go away, you hated it when everyone in school kept on saying that you gained weight, you hated that your clothes are getting tighter, how you can't wear crop tops now because of your belly, you started tearing up and Levi pulled you close to his chest, letting you cry for a while as he caress your back in a comforting manner.

“Shh, stop crying. It's fine, nothing's wrong about gaining some weight. Look at me,” Levi ordered and you looked up with swollen eyes, his hand made his way on your nape and he gently pulled you towards him so he could kiss you, the kiss was nothing but pure passion and love, he was talking to you through that kiss, he didn't have to say the words but the way he held you close, the way his lips brushes against yours, he reassured you that he loves all of you.

“If you really want to lose weight no skipping meals, we'll be working out at home.”

“Why not on the gym?”

“You want me to kill the bastards who would look at you? I can't be a murderer right now but maybe after I become a lawyer.” you laughed and playfully hit his chest before you raked your hands on his raven hair. “Kidding aside, if you wanna do this, I'm not against it.i If working out to lose weight would make my baby feel better, I'm cool with it but if you changed your mind and decided not to do this I'd still support you.” that's the least he could do as a boyfriend, whenever you want to achieve something, he wanted to help you in every possible ways, he wants to do everything in his power to make you feel better, just so he could see that sweet smile of yours.

“Thank you.” you hugged him and buried your face on his neck, Levi sighed in contentment and hugged you back, his fingers combing your long hair as he keeps you close. “I don't think that's how you say I love you.” he chuckled.

“I love you Levi.” you told him before pulling away to cup his cheeks as you look into his silver eyes, it amazes you how you can look into his soul with those eyes, the way his feelings becomes transparent to you because of his eyes never cease to amaze you up to now.

“I love you too. I'll always be your boyfriend and your best friend alright? So I want you to stay like this forever, whenever something's wrong or something happened to you, good or bad just tell me.”

You had to admit that his words make your heart melt, Levi has always been the sweetest boyfriend, even before you two dated he's always been caring towards you even though he's always cold towards others. “You're secretly a romantic do you know that?” you teased.

He smirked as he bit the insides of his cheek as his silver eyes looked straight into yours, a hint of amusement visibly seen on it. “A romantic just for you.” he replied. Levi never imagined that he would fall so deeply like this, he had always believed that he wouldn't be whipped for anyone until he met you, the only woman who didn't hesitate to shot back sarcastic remarks when he teased you.

You're a fighter, always been a fighter and he loves how your brows would met when you're upset because of something, he loves the small pout and the way your voice sounds, it calms his nerves.

“You were a jerk to me before and here you are...”

“Just shut up and kiss me now will you?”

He didn't wait for you to reply, he immediately mold his lips on yours as he lovingly caress every parts of your body, silently telling you how in love he is in every part of you.

••••

A/N: I really hope everyone's having a nice day, if you guys are experiencing something similar to this, you should know that what's important is how we see ourselves.“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” always remember that :>

I just made this one based on prompt 14 and to cheer myself up and the other darlings who's experiencing this kind of scenarios. Love y'all😘

[nightswithkookmin]

RE JIMIN'S LOVE LANGUAGE

This is in response to questions I've received in my message box following my recent post on Jimin's love language. Ignore this if you've read my main post on this same topic- Or maybe not.

Also, I'm sorry about the Asks. I accidentally turned it off- AGAIN. Thanks for drawing my attention to it. I purple y'all.

What I meant by my last post was that, for us to understandJimin or even the rest of the members' love language, it is important we make a distinction between what is uniquely Jimin/the individual members' love language and what is their culture's or even the established and accepted practices within their group.

And on that, I said skinship is a cultural practice but also one of the group's adopted love languages. It is their way of achieving intimacy and bonding with eachother and as such they do not associate romantic connotations with it.

Thus, when they touch eachother in any way, provocative as it may seem to us, to them there is nothing romantic about it at all. So when Taekook, Jikook, Yoonmin or any of these pairs touch eachother, it is not with romantic intentions.

Why then does Jimlous and Jeonlous exist? For a myriad of reasons other than that skinship is romantic! Lol

I've explained previously, that JK and Jimin's discomfort with each other's skinship with the others often has to do with the lack of boundaries that is inherent in skinship rather than that they are actually jealous or see skinship as romantic. This is often true for Jimin.

With JK, his possessive nature very often amplifies his discomfort with the lack of boundaries but also because, out of the seven, he is the only one that had had a problem accepting and participating in the skinship culture within the group- well, him and Suga. It's taking them some getting used to.

But that wasn't because he was viewing skinship as romantic but rather because he was uncomfortable with affections and the overt expressions of it as is required of skinship.

That's not to say they do not or have not implied romantic intentions with their touches- there is nothing platonic about boners. Lol.

And any skinship that results in a visible sexual tension or arousal can no longer be deemed skinship- it's foreplay.

Jikook does skinship all the time like everyone else in the band, but often too some of those skinship crosses the platonic threshold into sexual foreplay- they ain't slick.

You just have to see the look on Tae's face when he noticed, through the view finder, Jimin caressing JK's thumb to comprehend that not all their touches are mere skinship.

That's one of the differences between Jikook and the other ships; Jikook presents a mutual sexual attraction towards eachother beyond the pubescent hormonal teen frenzy that marked their early formative days- god, those boys were so horny they could hump a tree to death. Bless them.

Mind you, I disregard any sexual innuendos that was present in Jikook's dynamics as well as any other ship's dynamics, if ever there was one, during that hormonal teen period of their lives. It was all something but nothing at the same time. They were all just being horny and gross teenage boys- Hashtag, war of hormones for real for real. Lol

All that that timeline taught me was, Jikook are freaky af and certainly don't see each other as brothers. CERTAINLY.

That being said, for a better understanding of Jimin's love language, a distinction must be made between love language and sexual interest. It will make sense in a bit.

Because Jimin's father is an affectionate person and this is the love language he has taught to Jimin, Jimin interprets any affectionate and kind act as a loving gesture. It is how he gives love, it is how he receives love.

He values kindness and compassion, selflessness, vulnerability, transparency, fairness etc.

Thus to show his love for you he will be kind to you, vulnerable with you, transparent with you, supportive of you and nurturing of you.

We see him being like this with all the members, even the staff and dancers too at times but more so with Tae and JK.

The question then is, how does Jimin receive love? What actions does he interpret as love? Easy, sexual attraction. Hear me out.

You see, because Jimin is a natural nurturer and he sees nurturing as a universal love language that everyone speaks or ought to speak, he requires his romantic love interest to distinguish between their platonic love interest and their romantic love interest.

To fulfill him emotionally, you would have to make him feel special, treat him differently from your friends, and let him know that you want him and only him.

Sexual interest is one way of distinguishing between platonic interests and romantic interests, and it flows from this that he not only requires grand gestures, or special treatment but that you flirt with him as well.

Hence his emphasis on flirting. He likes to flirt. He enjoys it. He's mastered it. He's a fucking pro at it- give him his medal.

Just to be clear, even though flirting is part of his love language, he has also adopted flirting as part of his idol persona and often when he is flirting overtly he is only doing it for the 'fan service.'

But that doesn't mean all of that is fan service. Sometimes it's blatant foreplay as I've explained above and if you can't tell the difference between his foreplay and fanservice- chileee, I can't help you.

I'm still traumatized by that Bon V 4 moment. Sweet Jesus, save me if they should keep this energy up!

It's important, at this point, to note that because Jimin is a nurturer, every decent human being can easily be compatible with him. I have said several times over my blog that Jimin is ship compatible with anyone and everyone- I ain't mad at that.

What it comes down to then is whom he prefers and whom he is choosing to make him happy and to fulfill him. I explained that choice and being able to be in charge of decision making and to make his own decisions is very important to Jimin because on his background.

And when it comes to love, it's no secret who Jimin wants. He wants JK and that's on Periodttt.

I explained that in the early days during Rookie King, he felt he needed to get emotionally closer to JK when he had an opportunity to talk and heal as a group- his personal was important to him.

In that JinJikook VLive when Jin was eating a lollipop in a provocative way he asked him to stop immediately but couldn't, for the love of god, tear his eyes off JK when JK ate his lollipop in a- I can't. Jikook!

Unless he is in his fan service mood or is being his slytherin slash whore of babylon self- bless him, often he would reject any attempt by anyone to flirt with him except JK.

And I keep reiterating this, flirting isn't JK's thing. It's Jimin's thing. The last time JK tried to this flirty- he cried. Lmho

Take that interview where the host moved closer to Jimin in a flirty way for example. Jimin leaned back away from him. In the popular words of Jimin- don't do that.

Then in this airport scene right here, where Suga and Tae tried to protect JM from getting mobbed (if video is missing check bottom of this post. I hate tumblr)

You could see Jimin moving towards JK. Now some may argue he was trying to protect the JK who seemed oblivious to what was going on but I beg to differ.

I just think Jimin was moving towards JK because that's his safe haven. That's the person he feels the most safe with. 'Jk will protect' 'JK is strong.' He felt threatened and his instincts was to fin that person whom he feels would and should protect him- and that person usually isn't very far away.

And no, I'm not being biased. It's just I can't in good conscience theorize and make wild assumptions about Jimin's emotional needs the way I would the other's because unlike the others, Jimin keeps showing us what he wants. Y'all are just not listening.

It is why I said, JK on paper seemed like the last person to meet Jimin's emotional needs. He didn't strike me as the ambitious type or the daring type the way Yoongi presented himself in early days. It is why I shipped Yoonmin or even Vmin.

And even in those ships, I didn't believe they were real. Suga was too emotional closed off and wouldn't

And as I explained, having been denied his ambitions, it's not a stretch to assume, Jimin desires an ambitious partner. One who loves the stage, loves their career.

But I feel, most people including myself underestimated Jungkook. As much as JK may not appear as ambitious career wise, he is one of the most passionate members of group.

His decision to join BTS was driven purely by passion, his decision to start GCF, get a tattoo and every other endeavor he's embarked has been driven purely by his passion. And passion is a variant of ambition.

Jimin pursues his ambitious and JK pursues his passions- they are the same in the same way. And I see why Jimin will tell JK they are one and the same. They are more alike than we think they are.

So yes, Jimin needs an ambitious partner but a passionate partner equally suffices.

What equally suffices is a supportive partner. One willing to sacrifice their ambitions or needs when it comes to it, to accommodate Jimin's needs. Jimin is very competitive in nature and hates to lose, we've been told.

And nobody lets Jimin win the way JK does. Nobody. It's funny, because VMin's dumpling fight took days/weeks to resolve. And Jikook's raining dat fight took a few hours.

What hit me about that tale as told by Jikook was JK going to Jimin to resolve their fight- another instance he let Jimin win. Tae loves Jimin but I don't see him sacrificing his ego and pride the way JK would for Jimin. I don't see any member doing that for Jimin quite frankly.

It is one way I see JK nurturing Jimin. Jk can be hard headed but there is a softness and a tenderness to him that's speaks to Jimin's love language.

I can go on and on about this topic, you know? Lol

Signed,

GOLDY

[princesskuragina]

In no order whatsoever (actually it's the order I think the pictures look best in lmao) here's the results of my little contest! Full image transcripts under the cut but thank u to @mybeautifulexistentialcrises @morning-and-melancholia @merrilycompany and everyone else who submitted u are now the proud winners of absolutely nothing except my respect. Feel free to brag about this to anyone who will listen.

(honorable mention to the not one but two mutuals that sent me war and peace fanfiction you guys are doing the fucking lord's work)

That's all folks! Editing this post was a nightmare idk how y'all writeblrs do it. If yours didn't get picked, don't worry about it, I'm literally the furthest thing from an authority there is, and besides mayhaps I'll do another one of these in the future? Idk but this was fun. Again there are transcripts under the cut. Thanks again for playing!

[image transcripts]

to love a villain

n.a (mybeautifulexistentialcrises)

The girl is the most beautiful thing 

You have ever seen, oh she gleams like the knife that 

Your dai used to cut up the lambs on eid e ghorban with, would you 

Sacrifice yourself when she asked you to? 

You can remember your grandmother's voice telling you 

Stories older than you will ever be , but remember that the girl is no Abraham, 

And you are not her son, but sometimes you wonder 

How quickly she would agree to give you up for 

Something greater, something more like God,

Is it a crime? She asks you, 

And you don’t have the heart to tell her yes, 

If that is red on the floor then 

Everyday with her is Christmas, you start locking the door 

And checking it, just in case, tell me, 

Do you think she’d stop if you had told her yes? 

Is it not murder to love so deeply, to 

Kill our wants over and over again 

For the smile on someone else’s face?

The longer you spend with her the more you wonder

If you have been the villain all along. 

Is it not a crime to believe so deeply 

That your devotion turns into conditional sin? 

There is red on your hands again & for once 

You can’t explain it to yourself or to them, 

They look back at you with something akin to pity and

You look back at them with defiance in your eyes

Don’t you dare judge me. 

Not for this. 

Not for love. 

Your mother always told you, azizam, it is is not a gift

To care so much for everyone you come across

Your mouth is full of your own heart 

Chewed up and spit back into you.

Do you think it is too late to listen to her now?

The girl is transcendent and she is terrible and she tells you, 

Darling, we’re going to be on top of the world. 

You accept the champagne glass with the same smile 

There is something in her eyes that you’ve only seen in false prophets

And real gods and for a second you understand 

Why the angels in the scripture tell humans 

To be not afraid when they witness their true form, 

You link your arms together,

And your fingers rub over her red knuckles,

Like how your grandmother used to count 

Her rosary. 

You loved a villain. 

  You couldn’t make her good.

You loved a villain 

And the problem with that is 

The hero always wins.

I’ll be your ghost if you want me to.

Tasia Edwards (morning-and-melancholia)

I’ll be the loveliest of ghosts even. My eyes will glow in the dim light of the bar’s hallway and there’ll be something hazy in my transparency. I’ll smile at you, flashing my teeth, and let you borrow a cigarette - the taste of it will be the only thing left of me in the morning. 

Later, you’ll remember the way my laugh echoed through sleepy wet streets and you’ll remember that I was close but never enough to touch. You’ll remember that I was saying something maybe pretentious about poetry or art or philosophy or all of it together. You’ll remember my hair starting to curl from humidity and the flush on my cheeks and that I looked alive. 

But still, you won’t be able to recall my name or the exact features of my face or the tone of my voice. What kind of cigarettes we smoked and what exactly I was saying and what I seemed to think or to feel. You’ll remember many things except one and it will be the only thing that counts. 

You’ll remember the ghost, the character, the idea - but you won’t remember the person.

leaf

em (merrilycompany)

stop for a moment. look down. see the dead leaves? it doesn’t matter what kind or what season or what place. there’s always dead leaves on the sidewalk. people don’t think about them that often. the more ubiquitous a presence, the less it demands to be thought about. but i urge you, think about those leaves. look at them. pick one up. feel the fragility between your fingers, so frail that a single touch could cause it to tear. it’s funny isn’t it? how dead things become stiff, frozen in a single moment, static. take a moment and unfreeze your leaf, imagine how it looked when it was alive. trace the veins and think about water and nutrients and life flowing through them. visualize a whole spectrum of green hues warmed by the light of the sun. conjure the scent of new life growing and new things beginning.

go home. look in the mirror. feel the lines that run down your face. they are there even if you can’t see them. squint and maybe you can see age carving canyons as a river does over millions of years. age is a funny beast. it creeps up lazily on the soul and rests there, content as a cat in a sunbeam. age is unmoving like this. you cannot escape it. age is mobile like this. you cannot escape it. time is inevitable. a somnolence sinks over the mind. slowly the years flow away, leaving nothing but brittle bone. are you so different from the dead leaves lying in the street? look at your reflection again. does the sun still shine behind your eyes? ask yourself, are you dead or alive?

the sun sets to rise again. a leaf dies so a new one can take its place. the cycle continues.

[electro-elemena]

Random thoughts I just had about death note

this is very stream of consciousness and was written in google notes, so sorry for the format and grammar but I just need this to be out there. Also if some parts sound like they're spoken out loud it's because they were lmao

- media needs to be interesting (check)

- if you disagree with me go look at Ryuk and then come back

- love the concept of death note. Very *chef's kiss*

- tickles the part of my brain that likes unlikely and outlandish theories and scenarios

- however enjoyable media also has to be:

- not insufferable... Sufferable you could say

- OR insufferable enough to make it funny

- death note accomplishes the condition of the second

- never finished it, realized i was running out of fucks to give and looked for a reason to give more fucks or stop giving fucks

- spoiled the ending for myself, if you've seen the ending you know why

- spoiler alert for an old ass piece of media... Y'all have your reasons and if this bit doesn't fervently convince you to watch it then it will do whatever the opposite of that is

- misa dies too. Which is unfair

- she's a boss ass bitch and a whole model??? Like

- okay tangent

- light is not a good protagonist

- I'll take a potato chip... And eat it

- he's supposed to be one of those gradual unreliable narrators

- but past the first episode you immediately realize that he is in fact a horrible person

- you could argue that the capacity to kill people without consequence given to a teenage boy was destined to corrupt him

- and that's a cynical and bleh boring take

- (but likely)

- but tbh it takes a dormant god complex in the first place for him to turn out the way he did. He obviously already thought he was better than others

- loners are only loners if everyone thinks they're worse than everyone else or they think they're better than everyone else

- chicken or the egg first sometimes y'know

- so like if you have the death note to a kind person they'd like write down Jeff bezos or something and then hand it back

- or! They could be like "i don't trust you with this" to ryuk and just keep it (but secretly be like saving it for later in case they want to kill someone else with no consequences)

- or maybe they're just in love with ryuk. Which like. I'll squint at you, and judge you silently for, but won't say anything, because I'm a nice person and not because you possess the ability to kill me without consequences whenever

- anyways so he's a bad protagonist and objectively evil

- i say this even though I usually like the villains. I love the hero but I like the villains too

- i won't condone their actions but I'll think they're hot or cool or something

- cuz i always side with the protagonist, when they're not insufferable (wonder who that could be)

- but mass genocide is one of those rare things that's not "oh this is good but it could be gray if done for the wrong reasons" or "oh this is bad but it could be gray if done for the wrong reasons" it's very "no. This is not ambiguous. Throw the whole person away"

- far less forgivable than mass genocide, however, is how he's not down bad for misa

- like??? The only reasons I can think of for him to have been written like this are

- 1) he's gay or ace and they wrote him like that as queer coding and secret representation

- cuz i know that there are many characters like that and you will never KNOW if he is or isn't

- unless like the mangaka... What's his name... Comes out on Twitter and says so

Mini tangent

- i can not for the life of me remember asian names

- i was practically raised by anime and i still can not remember them

- does not matter how much I love the character or person. I will forget it at least once or twice

- every time someone mentions a mangaka i have to check the database

- i think it's mainly because I haven't learned any asian languages, and that's the only reason I'm referring to them as asian and not specifying, because asian languages have a lot of common denominators that they don't share with western ones

- anyways I can't pronounce them so I can't remember them

- or i think I can pronounce them and then the real pronunciation is just waiting to pounce on me and make me feel like an idiot

- had that ever happened to you? I mispronounced the word cicada until I was... 17

- i was walking with my best friend outside

- which never happened because we were hermits and we never left the cave

- and I'm like "oh you can hear the ciSAHdas"

- and he was like "..."

- "you can hear the what?"

- and it's funny that out of the two of us, the AP student was the one that didn't know how to pronounce ciSAHdas

- did i just say that right? Fuck

- ciKEIdas

- anyways Carson did not do well in school, because he's the type of person that, if he does not give a fuck, he simply will not do whatever you ask

- no matter what reason you have

- so the old ass institution that "educated--

- mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell!

- "educated" millions of people crumbled at his feet, like the true being of chaos that he is

- although you could argue that it didn't do me any favors either, since, well, here i am

- and at least he knew how to pronounce cicadas! Damn!

Death note (ctd)

- anyways back to death note because we weren't FINISHED

- so he's gay or ace. My vote is for gay because of his relationship with L

- and L was another character that was treated poorly, he's way better than the early death that he got because he decided to be kind and less suspicious and i HATE that they did him like that

- for a show called death note they really did get death wrong

- funny how everyone around light ends up dying horribly

- you could argue that's because of the death not but I like to think it's because he's just that shitty of a person

- so back to light and how he's super fruity, there's actually a scene where misa is throwing herself on him as usual

- and i don't remember what she's saying, like i can't remember most of her lines

- and i don't know if that means I like her more or less than i would have

- anyways she's saying something suggestive to him looking hot as usual and he starts thinking about L

- like LMAO

- bestie, the closet is made of GLASS

- it is transparent. We can all tell

- 2) reason he could be written to treat misa like that is because it's a ha ha funny that he can't be bothered to give her the time of day, when she's a model

- he's murder sexual. He wants world domination, not pussy

- this is also a reason he could be considered ace but I just think an enemies to lovers with L is more interesting so that's my personal favorite

- anyways there's another scene where she's once again chasing after this toxic ass man

- which. Her main flaw is her absolute dog water taste in men

- so she's trying to get him to like her

- and he thinks

- LMAO

- he thinks "never before have I been provoked to HIT a woman"

- and he says it exactly like that

- which is hilarious for many reasons

- first of all

- i don't BELIEVE you

- you mean to tell me?? That with HIS PERSONALITY?? no woman had ever pissed him off as much as one being in love with him

- which, by the way, gay

- i would like to think this is possible not because of the previously mentioned "maybe he was a good person before given this power" bleh bullshit

- but because all the women had understood he was a fuckwad before interacting with him

- like they sent it to the group chat. The group chat? Yeah the group chat

- they were like bro. This dude? Bad news

- walk parallel to him at all times. Do NOT intersect

- cross the street if you see him walking towards you

- this is also why i like to think incels exist

- like they were already going to be bad and women just knew that and avoided them

- an alternative theory to the group chat phenomenon is that women instinctively knew. Like an edm... That's not the right word

- i know the word and that's not the right word

- e d... e p...

- like the thing you throw out as like a pokeball and it just makes all the electronics stop working

- like they take a break

- electromagnetic... Pulse... EMP!

- so that was sent to every woman's brain instinctively and they just avoided him

[dirhwangdaseul-archived]

one more thing: white fans continuously saying “pocs” is so funny to me like just say BLACK you cowards, almost every character of color in this show has been black so far even the villainous characters AND the good characters

I know like jfc or just say coloreds y'all damn racists

It’s transparent as fuck that they do the exact same thing that networks do, which is to cast actors of color in horrid roles, or minor ones and then pat themselves in the back for it, while they start murdering them off, BUT HEY THEY WERE THERE SO NOW STFU POCS

[maddgarbagemonkey]

DEAR EVAN HANSEN 2018 TOUR THINGS THAT MADE ME CRY

Yep. Back at it again with this nonsense. I saw this show back in November and needed to frantically rant about how much of a MASTERPIECE it is and how in love I am with every single tour cast member. Buckle-up dorks and get ready to read a novel. Its gonna get pretty out of order so yeah, and obviously, SPOILERS for Dear Evan Hansen ahead. :)

So it opens and a bunch of live feed from multiple social media accounts appear on the monitors and screens surrounding Evan's bed and they make little beeping noises whenever there's something new and it was super cool and immersive.

I took like 2000 pictures of Evan's red bed and all of them turned out blurry but I will cherish every single one of them.

The classic Evan rant about sweaty hands and ordering food will forever be my eternal monologue. Ben also said that line so fast I was amazed that he didn't lose his breath and suffocate!

"Ohhh... Good." B A B Y

Heidi (Jessica Phillips) is my M O M. I love her and Cynthia's harmonies were superb.

Ok fam. Real talk. Ben Levi Ross. Best human 2019. Superior to every other person on this planet and I am unafraid of saying so.

I think a lot of people, including me, went into the touring show thinking "That Ben Levi Ross is cute, but I don't see how he could possibly compare to Ben Platt" STOP! STOP THAT NOW! THAT'S NOT OKAY! Because I can swear to you that his performance was one of the greatest things I've ever witnessed in my entire life and I cried so so very hard whenever he opened his mouth.

Not only should actors NEVER be compared to one another (as they are all their own people with their own incredible talent) but Ben's singing and performing was BEYOND WORDS! You could tell immediately how much of himself he put into Evan and did not doubt for a second that he should be up there instead of anyone else. His singing was so powerful and moving that I physically began shaking and did not stop until I left the theater, which Ben himself even acknowledged but more on that later. He was so incredibly talented it was unreal and I just wanted to take a second and say that he deserved every single moment of applause and cheering times a million. I need a recording of him singing Waving right now. BEN LEVI ROSS, GUYS!!!1!!!

oof, anyways his "Waving Through a Window" killed me. I'm dead. Gorgeous boy. Beautiful.

The way everyone's harmonies mix together and hit you in that song are phenomenal.

Jared, played by Jared Goldsmith, had such a squeaky highschooler voice and the biggest, doofy-est smile which made his stupid comments so much better. I loved him a lot. 10/10. Classic Jared.

Also, I would die for Marrick Smith.

Marrick, A.K.A. Connor was so good at being a broken teenager it hurt! I loved him a lot.

It also opened my eyes because... how do I say this without sounding weird... BOI HE THICK!

Marrick was so tall and swol and gorgeous and sweet and I love him and that's my TedTalk. It also created such a strong physical contrast between Connor, who was tall and strong and scary who processed his emotions through anger outbursts, with Evan, who was skinny and small and shrunk into himself and processed his emotions through hiding or running away, in a way that Ben Platt and Mike Faist couldn't really do. It was different in a good way and I really liked it! :)

Y'all can take Stronk Connor and Skinny Twink Evan out of my cold, dead hands.

In the cast signing scene, Connor was overly friendly and smiley which made the point where it all slowly fades into anger at "You wrote this because you knew that I would find it" so much worse.

The little tug on Ev's arm followed by a subtle "Ow" before signing. <3

"I LoVE JaZZ!"

I love the way Evan sits in chairs by taking up as little space as possible! Its such a cool detail to demonstrate Evan's social anxiety and his need and want to not take up too much space.

I just need to take a second to squeal about Phoebe Koyabe, who played Alana, because she had gorgeous pink hair and I was just all around in love with her voice and her quirky little Alana characteristics.

Here's where things are a bit out of order and blurred because I wrote down my favorite things and then instantly lost the paper so... this is all from what I rewrote later on.

During that line where Alana retaliates to Evan accusing her of using the Connor project for her college application, she became completely hysterical and began crying. That "because I know how it feels to be forgotten" will always be my weak point.

"Connor was OBSESSED with trees!"

"We were partners for our Literature class while reading Huck Finn. He was so funny! He came up with this funny joke where he'd say, well, instead of Huck Finn.... nobody else in our class thought of that!"

OH MY GOD ZOE!

Zoe, played by Maggie Mckenna, was so incredible and loveable it was insane.

Her voice was so deep and melodic that just listening to her speak made you want to curl up with a blanket and just be comfortable. She was also so expressive and good at delivering her lines that you felt and understood exactly what she was going through whenever she spoke. I loved her so much and can relate with Evan's sentiments in "If I could tell her!"

"That's just what you do when you're rich and don't have a job, you get crazy!"

That entire scene before "If I could tell her" was so good! She was so snarky and sarcastic with every line and I fell way more in love with Zoe. I love when she's not played as the angel love interest and more of a real character with flaws and feelings and emotions and Maggie's portrayal really solidified that for me! I love this little Jazz band brat!

I also need a recording of Maggie's requiem, it was beautiful!

There was this heartbreaking moment in that song where Zoe looked at and read through Connor's emails and held them close, but at "That you were not the monster," she crumbled it up into a ball and let it fall to the ground, covering up all her sadness with anger and it hurt me.

That song just hurt a lot all around. Cynthia, Larry, Zoe. Just all of it, all of their God-tier harmonies. All.

You'd also be glad to know that Zoe's star-covered jeans were in full view the whole time along with the ones on her sneakers.

There was this adorable moment in the scene before "Only Us" where Evan freaks out because he thinks Zoe's gonna break up with him and he screams and promises he won't start breaking things and Zoe just has to stop him like "no, you tree-loving twink, I'm not breaking up with you!" And Evan just stands there for a second and then does this sweet thing where he awkwardly bends down and grabs her hands and shakes them with a little "thank you." Then Zo copies his little hand thing as responds "Don't mention it!" They're so cute together and lovable it hurts! Hopefully nothing bad happens between them...

During Disappear, Connor started jumping on Evan's bed during "And even if you've always been-" and it was glorious and Evan just regarded it as a normal occurrence.

They also did this thing where they ran on opposite sides of the stage and then rejoined in the middle where Connor helps Evan put on his backpack and then just puts his hands on his shoulders in a moment of bro trust and admiration and then yeets out of existence at "when you're falling in a forest."

BEN'S YOU WILL BE FOUND WILL LIVE ON IN INFAMY!

During the panic attack before the song began, starting when Evan dropped his notecards, you can feel it radiating off of him so vividly that everyone in the theater was holding their breath.

First when he fell to pick the cards up you could see the tears swell up and hear his breath quicken and feel the panic swell like "no no no, this can't happen. Not now. Don't do this!" And the second you think he might be able to pull it together and stand up, he slips and hits his elbow so hard on the floor, we all jump. He lets out the most heartbreaking yelp and clutches his arm, abandoning his cards and the speech and all hope of recovering. The tears finally start to fall down his face and they don't stop.

Still holding his arm, Evan pushes his body out of the spotlight and holds himself in the fetal position, refusing to look up and just all around shutting hinself away from everyone watching. AND YOU CAN FEEL IT! You can feel Evan's shame and horror and fear and anger and it's awful. You almost have to look away because the emotions being displayed are so real and raw. More real than any recording or bootleg out there. And that's why Ben Levi Ross was so incredibly perfect in my eyes, because he could so accurately depict and portray Evan and what he's going through to the point where you have to look away to avoid the risk of being pulled under with him and losing yourself to your own habits and its heartbreakingly brilliant! Again, Ben. Fucking. Levi. Ross.

During "You Will be Found" they also display all these younger and baby pictures of Marrick along with present day ones to show little Connor, which was adorable. But then Larry, played by Aaron Lazar, looks up and sees little baby Connor on the screen and instantly breaks down sobbing, the first time ever since Connor died as we hear Zoe say earlier that "he didn't even cry at Connor's funeral." Cynthia has to come over and hold him to prevent him from instantly falling apart.

Evan and Jared also have this awkward high five at that part and its very uncomfortable and great.

There's another just horrible moment in the middle of words fail where one by one the Murphys all run off stage horrified at the news that Evan was lying. First, it's Zoe with Cynthia following after, frantically trying to grasp what happened with tears falling everywhere. Then Larry, who looks disapprovingly at Evan before solemnly following the others. Then, lastly, in what could just be described as the worst thing ever, one of the screens become transparent to reveal CONNOR, looking in dismay at what has happened, tears in his eyes, before also walking away from Evan back into the nothingness. Awful. Beautifully, beautifully awful.

Evan snuggles into Heidi and stays there for what seems like forever during "So Big, So Small" then, he finally lets go and Heidi rides away on the couch, reaching for him.

Okay, fam. That was all the specific things I wanted to scream about during the actual show, but then I had the pleasure of meeting them at the stage door which led to some great hijinks!

I said something really stupid to Jessica Phillips/Heidi when she signed my playbill probably along the lines of like "You were so amazing I might faint. Please catch me" and she SQUEALED! It was the best sound on the planet.

When Marrick Smith/ Connor came out, I was frozen in shock because, not only was he shorter than I thought and his cool hair was tied in a man bun and he was wearing a cool beanie and some hair feel into his eyes like a Myspace profile picture, I was so amazed that he was real and was standing so close to me. I was so amazed that I stood there like an idiot just staring at him and shaking while he smiled at me, an awkward little baby, until my Mom had to physically nudge me towards him to which he responded by giggling and saying "Aw! Don't be scared! I don't bite!" I... I. How? How do I live after that. He signed by his picture and, get this, also doodled a little mustache on Aaron Lazar/ Larry's picture. I am also proud to say that I saw his slightly chipped black nail polish up close in true Connor fashion. Then he thanked me for coming and waved at me. He was SO incredibly sweet and I couldn't stop smiling after that.

When Phoebe Koyabe/Alana came out with her gorgeous pink hair I squealed and told her she was gorgeous to which she kindly smiled and complemented my dress and signed my Playbill. She was a goddess and I love her so much.

Right before Aaron Lazar came out, My Mom without thinking just called out "Daddy" to which my sister and I were horrified.

Lastly, Ben Levi Ross, wearing the best sweater ever, came out and signed my Playbill. At this point my legs were absolute jelly and I was shaking so bad I almost dropped everything, but he was so SO NICE and, as a response to seeing me dying upon seeing him, said "Oh no! Don't shake! You're okay! Everything's fine!" He was so unbelievably chill and sweet and upon my family showering him with all of the complements he deserved was so down to earth and appreciative. It was so incredible to get to meet him and tell him how amazing he was!

In conclusion, I knew Dear Evan Hansen was incredible and loved it before, but actually seeing it made me feel so many feelings that I didn't know existed. Its such a genius musical and I 1000% recommend! There was not a weak link in the cast! They were all so sweet and talented and just absolutely PHENOMENAL! I would die for all of them! :)

[thatssonanii]

Todd

Bloodline Family Series

Roman sat in Haleigh’s bedroom scrolling through the comments on Haleigh’s live from a few hours earlier, waiting to get word. He had her go live from her room at Milo's house in California before going out. She was there with Carlito while Ardian filmed. Kandice and the triplets were in Georgia with Apryl, Simba, Trinity and the twins. This was the perfect time to handle his business.

During her live Haleigh mentioned that she was house sitting for her parents alone and how bored she was as he told her to do. Roman knew hearing that would draw Todd to the house for her, it's what he was counting on.

A guy Roman grew up with was a police officer and was able to get Todd's information and whereabouts for him. Having that Roman asked Joe to follow Todd to make sure he would take the bait. Tama hid in the brush on the side of the house to send the signal that Todd had arrived. Jey and Jimmy were waiting in the kitchen.

The plan was for Todd to get inside the dark house, knowing he'd follow the only noise in the house to Haleigh’s bedroom and go from there. It was late night and Todd clearly felt more comfortable at this time a night.

Roman’s phone buzzed, Joe's name showed on the illuminated screen.

"Yeah?"

"He's in your neighborhood. I'll circle around and wait at the front," Joe said with a sinister tone.

"Alright. By the time you pull around, we'll be out."

Roman and Joe disconnected the call. Just as he pulled the phone away from his ear, it lit up again with a text from Tama. A simple emoji. Locking his phone, Roman pushed it into the pocket of his black joggers then got under Haleigh’s comforter.

Todd cept through the house from the back sliding door. He'd saw Haleigh’s live and planned to surprise her. He also wanted to apologize for what he did. Assaulting her wasn't in his plans, she just messed up his plans by rejecting him. He now stood outside her door, straightening his shirt and checking his breath. But he was too preoccupied with himself and his thoughts that he didn't hear Jey and Jimmy follow behind him up the stairs.

Todd eased her door open, smiling when he saw, who he thought to be, Haleigh lying in the bed. When he pulled the covers back he jumped back startled, his hand on his chest as he stared at the large figure before him. The television only lit the large room so much, but Todd saw enough to know it wasn't Haleigh.

Then, there was light.

Todd looked up then down into the eyes of Roman.

Roman didn't say a word. His hands opened and closed at his sides as he stepped closer to the considerably smaller man.

"I..uh.. sir," Todd stuttered stepping backwards.

Roman brought his hands in front of him, cracking his knuckles, ignoring Todd's stuttering. He jumped at him making Todd turn to run away, only to run into the twins and fell on his ass. Todd stared at the three large men as they stood around him with fear in his eyes.

Jey snatched Todd up from the floor then Roman sent a punch to his temple, knocking him out cold. He slumped over in Jey's arms. The cousins laughed.

"Let's get his ass downstairs," Roman said picking up his legs.

Jimmy followed behind them cutting the television and lights off. "Should've rolled his ass down the stairs," Jimmy snickered when they got to the door.

Tama was standing on the porch waiting, Joe in the forest green SUV.

"Got his keys," Tama asked in a hushed tone.

Jimmy searched Todd's pockets for his keys then tossed them to Tama, who them jogged off the porch to Todds's mustang. After throwing him in the back, Jimmy, Jey and Roman climbed into the SUV and Joe cruised out of the neighborhood not wanting screeching tires not wanting to disturb the sleeping neighborhood and bring unwanted attention.

Cold water splashed over Todd's face, making him sputter and gasp for air. He moved backwards on the cold, hard ground.

"What," he gasped trying to breathing, "What the hell is going on?"

"Oh not sir this time," Jimmy asked standing behind him

Todd started to feel the pain in his head and remembered Roman punching him. "What do you people want with me? I didn't do anything."

"You didn't do anything," Tama repeated loudly.

Looking around, Todd realized he was inside a large, concrete warehouse and knew this wouldn't be good.

"Okay, okay," he begged, "I did it but I didn't mean to. It wasn't my fault."

Jey squatted down to Todd's level, baring his gold fronts. "So you sayin' it's my nice fault? Cause if it's not your fault then it's gotta be hers."

"N-n-no. Its...its," he stuttered staring between the men.

Jey slapped him across his face before standing to his full height. "Spit that shit out!"

Joe and Roman stood back watching Tama and the twins antagonize the smaller man. They took turns beating him, tagging in and out, making jokes as usual. Roman was trying to calm down some but he couldn't. Seeing Todd made him angry, it made him murderous.

"I'm gonna step out for a second," Roman spoke loud enough for them all to hear him, "When I get back though, I want y'all to leave us for a few. It won't take long."

They all agreed. Joe stepped towards Todd with a slight smirk on his face.

Roman called the only person he knew could help him.

"Hey, handsome," she cooed sleepily into the phone making him crack a smile.

"What's up, beautiful," he asked leaning against the SUV.

"Nothin, pinned under your circus acts," she laughed softly.

"Better you than me. Y'all having fun?"

"Yeah. The kids loved the aquarium, we gotta go back before we come home or they'll have a fit."

Roman smiled hearing about his children and nephews. "Even Simba's mean ass?"

"Even him," she laughed, "When we were getting the twins and trips some stuff from the gift shop, he tried to sneak and buy Kennedie these cute little penguin couple stuffed animals and the matching snow globe."

"Really? Guess he's not as mean as we thought."

They laughed for a few seconds until it died down. Nothing but the trips' light snores could be heard.

"I'm doing the right thing. Right, Kandi?" He asked softly. "The way I feel is normal, isn't it?"

"She's your baby, Roman. I think any father would feel the way you do. This rage is normal. Can you live with it?"

"Yeah, Kandi. Fuck him, I just don't want Princess to be mad at me," he sighed finally getting his thought out.

Kandice knew that's what was bothering him. His kids and what they think of him mean everything to him.

"Haleigh knows how much you love her and how far that love will go. You just make sure you're as honest and transparent with her as she needs you to be. Okay?"

He nodded like she could see him. "Yeah, I got you."

"You must've heard your daddy," Kandice laughed, "You hear Melly, Ro? Calling for you. She staring at the phone smiling, eyes still closed. I'll put the phone to her ear."

"Go back to sleep, Babygirl. Daddy loves you, okay?"

Melody mumbled back making Kandice and Roman laugh. "She's sleep again. I love you, Ro. Call me when you get home."

Roman put his phone away then stepped back into the warehouse. Tama and the twins stood around watching Joe choke Todd out, they moved back when they heard him approaching. Joe dropped him from his hold. Jey let him know they would be outside when he was finished.

"As much as you say you love my daughter on her Instagram, on her Facebook, on her Twitter, you couldn't possibly love her as much as I do. When you came after her, you didn't think about her father. Her father that's willing to kill and be killed for her," Roman spoke standing over him. "You know what I've always taught her? I taught her that love doesn't hurt so she knows that what you did wasn't out of love. That was anger. But your anger is nothing compared to mine."

"I am so sorry, Mr. Reigns. I came to your house to apologize to her for what I did, sir."

"You came to apologize with condoms and two knives in your pockets? Cause that's one hell of a apology. There was rope, cuffs, and a camera in your car too," Roman chuckled. "You're that close to death and won't tell the truth. You're not a man, you're a coward. The coward I knew you were when I saw how battered you left my daughter."

"This was all a mistake," Todd cried. He stood on his knees, pleading with Roman.

"No!" Roman roared. "You fought my five foot, maybe 120 lb daughter like she was a man so you get your ass up and fight me! Get up!" Roman pulled the small man up to his feet and pushed his chest roughly.

Todd shook his head extending his hands in front of him. "Please, I don't wanna fight. Please don't do this."

Roman laughed again at him but there was nothing funny. "Please don't do this? That's the exact same thing my daughter said to you. I heard the 911 call, she screamed in pain for ten minutes begging you to stop. But did you?"

"N-n-no, sir."

"So fight me. You can fight her, you can fight me."

Todd attempted to tussle with the larger man hoping that would satisfy the large man but it didn't. Roman tossed him to the floor and knelt over him, delivering blow after blow to Todd's face. He blacked out. The only thing he could see was how Haleigh looked in the hospital bed, how she cried seeing the damage done to her face, the mirrors she'd broken, the nights she sat up in his arms crying terrified that Todd would come back.

"That's it, Uce. That's it. Back up," Jey whispered placing a hand on Roman’s shoulder. "Look at him. That's it."

Roman’s nostrils glared as he stared at each of his cousins then down at what used to be Todd. His face beaten in, barely recognizable. Roman’s breathing started to slow when he realized Todd was no longer breathing.

Joe put a strong hand on Roman’s other shoulder. "Come on, man. Let's go. Jey well take you home, we got this."

Roman took one last look at Todd before leaving the warehouse. He didn't feel guilty, he didn't feel any remorse. He felt vindicated, he felt free. He hoped Haleigh would feel the same way.

[weed-cat]

if you don't mind me asking, what happened with your partner? you totally don't have to answer if you're not comfortable.

It's okay, I'm already so transparent with my followers on here. Y'all know, like, all of my secrets at this point.

So I have a boyfriend. Or maybe had at this point, I don't know if he still wants me. He's probably the best thing that's every happened to me. He's kind and funny and beautiful and likes the same things as me. He help me get through some of the hardest shit that I ever have.

In January, I decided that I wanted to go off my mood stabilizers, I don't even know why, I just did. So, I did. I went off of them, but I have a chronic serotonin deficiency, and the only thing that can actually fix it is my meds.

Naturally, I got really depressed again, and kind of stopped feeling emotions, because that's what happens. That also meant that my relationship got all fucked up, too. I basically iced him out, because I was scared, because I had such strong feelings for him and suddenly they were just gone, and he was still expressing those feelings for me, and it was overwhelming. I just kind of slowly stopped talking to him.

Recently I had a pretty severe relapse into one of my target behaviors, and I realized that I NEED my meds to function like a human, and have a feel range of healthy emotion. So I'm back on them, and recently realized how deplorable I've been to him.

That's what it took, as well as a terrible dream I had about him moving on, and how absolutely devistated I was, because I still love him. I love him so much it hurts.

I hate myself so so much rn because I know that I hurt him and I need him in my life so badly and my entire heart hurts and that's the story of me.

[whiteanti]

this is honestly such a big issue within our communities, the "reclamation" of slurs. and i hate it so much esp when white passing ppl do it like hello? i dont like it when they call themselves people of color either bc they dont fucking know the struggle of being racialized, they only know how to whine abt not being white enough for the whites n poc for the poc. i wish we had another term to call ourselves bc white passing weirdos and spicy whites took the term poc and fucking ran with it

(1) lmao theres this person whos url is [redacted] whos south n se asian but is like ¼ chinese and and made ch*nk jokes then ppl confronted them on anon n they said its just whites trying to police their “pocness”… and what bugs me about ppl like this is how they dont reclaim slurs they just use them to be edgy online. it doesnt matter how much % dna u have of an ethnicity if ur not racialized as it dont fucking use slurs u know u’ll never be called they have literal worms for brains

ok sorry for reformatting like this I’m just already anxious as hell bc of exams rn so I rlly can’t deal w getting into fights w ppl like that but anyways ik who ur talking abt and its the same person as I was but I don’t have any receipts and I haven’t interacted for the past couple of years so I’m not gonna assume u know. also idk if these r the same anon but these r kinda similar so I’m gonna out them together. my reply got rlly fucking long so its under the cut 😛

anyways I feel like a lot of ppl esp on tumblr ‘reclaim’ slurs for the edginess of it bc they’re teenagers in a white society trying to figure out how to b a poc in a way that isn’t acceptable to white ppl and/or they think its CoolTM bc all their mutuals r doing it. like to a certain extent I get it bc when I was 13/14 I was like that as well. I called myself a chink bitch and all that shit but also I was a fucking dumbass kid who was doing both of the above. but ppl who r 17/18/19/20+ who carry on doing these crazy fucking jokes and tell kids who r impressionable and young that this is a good and healthy way to reclaim their identity? wack. the way ppl treat each other and the way ppl have normalised treating themselves w absolutely no respect in the name of activism or whatever is….. just crazy. calling urself slurs to degrade urself isn’t funny reclaiming shit ur just making urself feel worse. theres literally nothing positive abt it ur making no impact, ur doing positive for ‘the cause’ or urself either. so thats my thoughts on most of the ‘slur reclamation’ that happens on tumblr. 

onto what ur actually saying sdkjfhs I basically agree 100%. ppl who r white passing shouldn’t b able to reclaim slurs bc they’re never gonna have the slurs used against them if they’re white passing? bc like being able to reclaim a slur basically has 2 parts a) was the slur targeted at u (e.g. a butch lesbian can’t reclaim f*g even if its used against them bc it’s meant for gay men and they’re just being mistaken to b a gay man) and b) are u ever actually gonna get targeted by the slur (e.g. a white passing person is never gonna get called a racial slur in the street bc they look white). if u fit both them congrats u can reclaim the slur! but generally I find it rlly iffy if ppl just start throwing around slurs or calling other ppl that slur esp if its not widely reclaimed in the community (big example: YELLOW) 

but also if ur white passing and u decide that ur gonna reclaim a slur ok thats fine bc technically ur a poc but u literally can’t get angry at poc who freak out when u say it bc??? u look white??? what do u want us to do look up ur fucking family tree before u start throwing slurs around??? like anyways I’ve always had a whole mess of issues w white passing ppl and tbh mixed white poc to a certain extent esp when y'all act like the shit u get from poc is just as bad as racism…. like getting ‘rejected’ by a poc culture aint as bad as literal racism but anyways. white passing poc r like….. what u want me to do……. feel sorry for u?? apologise??

like white passing ppl have a unique place in society to b able to stand up against racism in white spaces bc y'all do know what its like to b a poc to a certain extent and obviously have access to white spaces as well. white ppl trust u as an ‘ambassador’ for poc bc u look white but every time I interact w u guys either irl or online u side w white ppl/racism bc its so nice to benefit from appearing white but not so nice to have to stand up for poc. like this is so many ppl ESPECIALLY white passing e asians u guys r transparent as hell. obviously not every white passing person is like this but from all the white passing ppl I’ve interacted w like shits the same bruh. 

ok like 50th anyways but ANYWAYS like I identify myself a lot as a poc online bc theres a lot more solidarity politics(? idk if thats the right term but lmao) on here than irl. the internet is a good way to connect w different ppl that u wouldn’t otherwise meet irl so thats why. its a hard issue bc a lot of the time ‘poc’ merges ALL of our experiences together whether ur rich, poor, white passing, an immigrant, black, asian, etc, etc, etc and we all obviously have different experiences of racism and how we interact w our race/ethnicity and as I’ve said before whilst ‘poc’ is a kinda useful term sometimes for solidarity and talking abt racism generally but its overused a lot. theres no harm in being specific abt the kind of racism u face if its specific to a certain race or ethnicity or group or whatever. 

also tbh a term for non-white passing poc would b useful that doesn’t surround the idea of white passing ppl being the norm. (something like visible poc? idk) but anyways this has gotten so long I’m just ranting/rambling at this point so I’m sorry for answering ur asks so weirdly?

[myndopeus]

y'all did it

well, we reached the goal, so i am slightly mortified to present:

YA ES HORA IS GAY: AN ESSAY

(under a readmore because its literally 1.5k and i’m not an asshole. but i might be posting from mobile so if it doesn’t work i apologize)

there’s no context to this, i literally was just so mind-blown and shook that i ended up actually analyzing the whole video for plot subtext. this is probably more literary than y’all are expecting, but apparently you wanted it. citation is of @bisexualpowerranger.

At this point, I’m sure we are all aware of the Ya Es Hora video, whether it be through watching it yourself or listening to your wlw friends nutting over it. The video is practically overflowing with gay subtext, to the point where only the most oblivious cishet would be able to say that it’s just “Gals being Pals”. But even though the gay aura is clearly visible from space, it is also presented with some conflicting implications of hetero nonsense. Thankfully, this is just to throw the straights off, and serves to enhance the gay factor if you look close enough. On the surface, the plot might be easily interpreted as a classic story of a man cheating on two women, who then unite and become close with each other, dumping the fuckboy in unison. It’s a classic plot in both hetero- and homo- literature, but this video adds an intensely Sapphic spin on the trope, proving once again that Our Lord and Savior Becky G truly is one of the Gays. Rather than having the focus on some irrelevant man who is called out on being a blight and parasite to society, this retelling focuses on the bond of two women, and the attraction between them, with the presence of whats-his-face merely acting as a catalyst for them to act on their feelings for one another. How Iconic.

Given that Becky G technically just features on this track, we can safely say that Ana Mena can be considered the “protagonist” of our story. This is reinforced by how she has the widest variety of settings, from poolside view to weird glass room to living room to strange countertop shot. We are given the most insight to her life, so to speak. Her interactions with the other two “characters”, aka De La Ghetto and Becky G, are heavily skewed to aid the point of this interpretation. She only ever communicates with “DeLa” over text, while she shares like, half the damn video with Becky. This is our first clue that the connection between the two women is more important, but this could also be brushed under the bed as friendship. Fortunately, they gave the gays everything we could want, in the form of symbolism. The shots of Ana Mena and Becky G feature them in two rooms that are only separated by a glass wall as thin and transparent as this metaphor is. The décor of the two rooms tells us all we need to know about these two. Ana Mena’s side of the room is covered in posters and artwork on the walls, with lamps and fluorescent lighting giving it a nice purple and pink shading, which is like trying to smother someone with the bisexual flag, but anyways. This implies a more lived-in state, kind of like a teenager’s bedroom or something. Teenagers are notorious for beginning to explore outside of their comfort zones and beginning to branch out past the world that they are accustomed to. Key word being ‘explore’, as we turn to Becky G’s side of the room, which is legit just a fucking indoor jungle. While Ana Mena’s room represents a more controlled area, this jungle represents something exciting and undiscovered. A word used in the lyrics that seems appropriate is “adventure”. This connection indicates that the “adventure” referenced in the sexually charged lyrics is a woman. What we can surmise from this is that Ana Mena is a young woman beginning to question her sexuality because of the absolute snack that is Becky G, a known Bicon. If we were to get literary about this shit, jungles are commonly used to symbolize the heart (Shay R[edacted], 2018). Contrast this with the artificial lighting of the other side of the room, and you get the classic head vs. heart dilemma. I don’t know about you guys, but so far I am loving this.

 But wait! There’s more! If you, like me, are an adept user of Google Translate, all it takes is a few simple clicks to get a relatively inaccurate translation of what they’re actually saying. As far as I could make out, the lyrics carry a theme of two people who are clearly very interested and attracted to each other, but for whatever reason have not been able to meet in person. Thus, most of their communication and flirting is carried out through text, pictures, and voice messages. Although he does communicate with both girls individually through text, De La Ghetto is only ever shown in solo shots. In contrast, Becky G and Ana Mena are separated by that glass wall, which is clearly a better representation of the tension that comes from flirting over text, but not being able to actually see or be near the other person. The lyrics are referencing the pull that the two women feel towards each other. De La Ghetto is irrelevant. He’s so irrelevant that I didn’t even bother to look up the translation for his rap. Because who cares. The lyrics talk about sending photos and voice messages, which both Ana Mena and Becky G are seen doing. What’s interesting about those parts of the video is that the other person is never shown responding to the picture/message. In other shots, the color of the respondent’s text message shows that they are messaging De La Ghetto, but it is left suspiciously ambiguous with the pictures and voice messages. Thus, it is not out of reason to suspect, or even conclude, that those pictures and messages weren’t being sent to De La Ghetto, but were being exchanged between the two women. This makes even more sense when you note how the shots of them sending voice messages are consecutive.  Therefore, what we have so far is two women carrying an online flirtation with each other, while simultaneously juggling a man in the offhand.

And now we get to the part everyone’s been waiting for, where they ditch the man and get together. De La Ghetto sends Ana Mena a text message saying that he can’t meet her at 7 like they planned, not giving a reason. She is clearly upset by this, and we later find out that he is ditching her to meet up with Becky G. What’s super gay about this detail is that when Becky G gets the message from him, she isn’t even looking at her phone. She’s gazing off into the distance like Sappho herself just descended from heaven and roundhouse kicked her in the head. So we definitely know at this point that Becky is so over whats-his-face, and that she’s got it bad for Ana Mena, but Ana Mena is still concerned with men for some reason, so she hasn’t reciprocated yet. Becky is probably waiting for Ana Mena to make the first move. A possible interpretation in line with common tropes is that Becky is already comfortable with her sexuality and attraction, while Ana Mena is struggling with the new feelings of being attracted to women. One way this is shown is in the pictures they send (see above paragraph for further reference); Becky is the first one to send a picture, god bless, and when Ana Mena later sends one, it is in almost the exact same pose. In a very wholesome turn of events, Becky waits for Ana Mena to make the first move confirming their relationship, which she does in a very dramatic and thinly-veiled metaphor for sex by shattering the glass wall, leading to a shot of Becky G that gives off such strong bottom vibes that I was shocked and had to pause the video for a few moments. They spend the rest of the video dancing suggestively with each other while De La Ghetto looks down at his phone and is as shook as we all feel.

The concluding paragraph of an essay is essentially a tl;dr, so here’s a summary of the Hidden Meaning of the Ya Es Hora video: a young woman, Ana Mena, finds herself caught between the physical relationship she has with a man, and the exciting but unknown venture of an online flirtationship with a woman that is clearly progressing rather quickly. The other woman, Becky G, is not pressuring her or pushing boundaries, while the man is pretty much blowing her off. Coming to her senses, Ana Mena realizes that women are amazing, and she goes off and basically has sex with Becky G, and they lived happily ever after. One entertaining tidbit of detail that was not strong enough to support the overarching interpretation, but is still funny, is that in the tail end of the video there is a Parental Advisory sign in Becky’s side of the room. Indeed, she is such a bad influence, turning all the women gay and scattering glass all over the damn place. Also her jawline is sharp enough to kill a man. The moral of this story is that I’m pretty sure Becky G is literally on the verge of coming out, and if you haven’t seen this gay-ass music video then what are you doing with your life. Go watch it, and make sure to bring a glass of water, because the thirst is real.

References

R[edacted], S. (2018) Jungles are usually used to represent the heart. Discord DMs.