#y’all are so damn annoying and full of shit that its unbelievable

[pbscore]

The amount of anti-black and anti-indigenous racism that MANY white, non-Americans are exhibiting right now under the guise of ‘uwu we are making fun of the dumb Americans who are protesting to reopen things, not the poor ones lol’ is so egregious and disgusting and I’m tired of seeing it come across my dash.

I’m tired of seeing non-American white people act like they’re completely absolved of their racism just because they aren’t American.

I’m tired of seeing y’all pathologize the insane amount of innocent deaths, that are primarily black and indigenous folks who literally do not have the same access to healthcare that upper class white Americans have, caused by the carelessness of the American government (WHICH AMERICAN POC ALREADY KNOW ABOUT AND HAVE BEEN RIOTING ABOUT FOR YEARS BUT OF COURSE Y’ALL ACT LIKE YOU CAN’T SEE US DOING IT).

I’m tired of y’all trying to use the fact that some dumbass Americans (once again, primarily white Americans) act like absolute monsters towards other countries in their time of need; especially when you consider those SAME Americans are absolute demons to their own countrymen and we, people of color, know that FIRST HAND.

I’m always the first one to call out that gross bullshit because it ain’t right and I don’t support taking one person’s pain as some sorta ‘joke’ just to make me feel better.

I’m tired of seeing non-Americans act like their own countries are free of any sort of racism or xenophobia. As if any of y’all from the UK or Germany or Spain don’t have a history of persecuting folks based on arbitrary beliefs and cultures different from yours.

I’m American and I’m already tired of the bullshit we have to deal with EVERY DAY here, so y’all aren’t tellin’ me anything ‘new’ about my country by acting like absolute jackasses and talking about how ‘uwu Americans are so dumb lol’.

WHITE Americans are the ones who are constantly clamoring for reopening shit and using our, poor folks and people of color, labor for their own gain even if it kills us. We have been rioting and protesting AGAINST these people but y’all don’t wanna talk about that, huh?

Y’all just wanna focus on the ‘uwu dumb Americans’ while indigenous and black folks suffer the consequences of the upper class white folks actions that we have practically NO CONTROL over, if we want to even live to tomorrow.

Black people getting gunned down just because they’re jogging in a public park while white folks are given water bottles and face masks by police is a bit too brutal for y’all to actually engage with because it ain’t a ‘joke’ then, huh?

But what should I expect from folks who see themselves as ‘not American lol’ to be some sort of weird ass flex towards Americans, when their own countries have PLENTY of controversial racist/xenophobic shit going on?

EDIT: Yes, y’all can reblog this but if you clown on this post with some ‘uwu we’re just joking’ bs, I’m blocking you and sending you back to the circus where you belong.

[beyoncesdragon]

title: have a look yourself

× pairing: Jae x f!reader ((I think?)), (established relationship)

× summary: Spending Christmas with Jae sure is entertaining and full of surprises. 

× warnings: none, FLUFF

× wordcount: 1.3k

× a/n: listen, I don’t know? I kinda lost myself there at the end tbh, I never meant for it to go there. Also, I put f!reader because I used the term “wife someone” and I don’t KNOW IF YOU CAN SAY THAT TO A GUY/NON BINARY PERSON I’m sorry. Pls educate me. (also, watch me pretend to know anything about guitars here, lmao bye) Merry Chrism y’all!

main masterlist | day6 masterlist

“Your Christmas gift for me is…my own album?” Jae asked, looking up just slightly confused. You had troubles holding back your laughter as you nodded, trying to muster an innocent expression. How you had waited for today, longed for the moment you could finally give him the gift you’d planned out so carefully. It had taken you months of planning and messaging back and forth with the company, countless nights spent editing in front of your computer.

Jae flipped the red and black box over, suspiciously eyeing the back of it. “Uh…thank you?” you rolled your eyes. “Open it, Jae come on!” he gave you another confused glance, only hesitatingly fumbling with the lid.

“Will it explode? Hey, why are you filming?” you shook you head quickly, motioning him to just finally focus on the task on hand. He sighed, having decided that questioning you or your choice of gift wouldn’t bring him any further now. All that was left was opening the album. With another sigh he flipped the cover open, facing…the completely regular content. There were the preorder-gift polaroids, a bookmark (with Wonpil at that) the lyric cards, photo cards, the photobook and in its back, as Jae knew, would be the CD. Nothing special. Jae was more than confused.

“I’m sorry, did I miss something? Did like, a fairy elevate from it or something?” you only laughed, shaking your head.

“Nope.” Jae sighed, giving you big, very confused eyes. “Jagi, help. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, I just really don’t…get it?” you gave him an innocent smile once again and nodded towards the album.

“Unpack it. Oh come on Jae, have you never unboxed an album before? Do it like me when I get mine in.” he snorted.

“I only make them, what would I unbox them for. And what do you mean, do it like you. Does that mean I’m supposed to squeal over Jackson Wangs face when I see him pop up somewhere?” you threw the discarded wrapping paper at him.

“You’re no fun Jae, seriously. Just go through it, Jesus Christ!” he sighed dramatically before finally, tilting the box so it’s content would fall into his hands. He gave you a quick look and you just nodded, urging him to continue.

“Am I supposed to go through the photobook?” you shrugged. “I mean, what would you do first if you were a fan of yourself and would get this in the mail?” he pursed his lips slightly. “I am a fan of myself. Y/N you’re no help at all.” you only snickered amused. “Jae, you’re a stoic little boy. Hurry up.” He gave you a glare before opening the photobook…and almost dropping it again.

“What the fu-?“ you couldn’t help yourself any longer and burst out laughing. Instead of the group pictures he’d probably expected, there was…something else. Still a group picture, with just the tiny difference that all the members wore Wonpils face. Jae flicked through the pages of the book, scanning over every picture before looking at you with a horrified look on his face. “What did you dooo?” he whimpered, opening the book at the page where he’s supposed to be �� and was – but with Wonpils face montaged over his own. You couldn’t answer just yet, your breath hitching with giggled as you watched Jae stare at this army of Wonpils all over the pages of the book with a look of disgust.

“I’m speechless. How did you even get this done, who helped you. JYP himself?” he ran his fingers over the smooth surface of the pictures, now fighting a small smile.

“The demon, indeed.” Jae mumbled, and a tiny smile started to tug on his lips. You were on floor laughing, more than satisfied with your gift, more than happy with his reaction.

“So you wanna tell me…that you went through all this trouble…all of this…just so I would have a book with Wonpils face?” you nodded, teary eyed, sore throated  but happy. “For my favourite boy. A special edition, only copy that has ever been made. You like it?” he narrowed his eyes.

“C’mere you little minx…” and he leaped towards you. With a shocked squeal you scooted out of reach before getting on your feet as quick as possible and speeding for the kitchen. The chase did not go on forever, actually it ended almost instantly. Jae was faster (also because you wore fluffy Christmas socks which made everything dangerously slippery)  and had you trapped in his arms in no time. He picked you up for half a second maybe, right before he fell backwards onto the sofa, where he took it upon himself to tickle the living hell out of you. Only after a good ten minutes he stopped with it and pulled you into his chest.

“You’re so annoying.” Was all he had to say, the fond smile on his lips betraying him. You only grinned, turning around so you could comfortably rest in his arms. He glanced down at you, a smile dancing over his lips. You reached up to press yours against them, as if to catch the smile before it vanished.

“Now did you like it?” he laughed softly, pulling you tighter for a second. “Sure. Would you be mad if I burned it or something?” you stifled a laugh, intertwining your fingers with his, resting them on his belly.

“I kinda expected you to at least frame a few pages. You could hang it up in the studio, right over your guitar stand. The colours would look great with that deep red Gibson you got.” Jae hummed amused before he snapped up.

“Wait the what?” you bit back a tiny smile. “The deep red Gibson Les Paul Studio, you know that guitar. It would go well with the red aesthetic moment you guys got going on in the album.” You repeated, acting as if nothing was wrong.

“I…I don’t have a red Gibson…? I only have a black one, you know the old one…?”

“Are you sure you don’t have a red one?” he sat up, giving you a weird look. “What are you…”

“Oh come on, you didn’t really think I just got you the Wonpil photobook, did you?” his jaw fell slack.

“You got me a guitar?” you grinned proudly. “Younghyun helped me pick the right kind, since I have less than no knowledge about guitars. It’s waiting for you behind the coats in the hallway…I had to hide it somewhere. Go have a look.” Jae was on his feel faster than a chicken on speed and sprinted towards the clothing racks, slithering coming to a stop in front of them.

“Holy shit.” You laughed. “She’s beautiful! I can’t believe…are you serious?” he brushed carefully over the shinny ebony, placing the guitar in a way where it would rest safely on his lap. You leaned against his shoulder as you watched him brush over a few strings hesitatingly. The dark red fit beautifully into the scenery, the light up Christmas tree and cozy atmosphere, accentuating everything with a more Christmas-sy feel. “Damn. I know I shouldn’t swear on Christmas out of everything but holy shit, she’s beautiful.” you shrugged lightly, shooting him a wink. “Suits you perfectly then!” he clicked his tongue and gave you a slightly unbelieving look.

“Keep that behavior up and I’ll wife you before this year ends.” You huffed amused. “Yeah I mean I would, but I do not have the financial capability to do that, good Sir. You can still wife me, tho.” He shot you a quick grin before diverting his gaze back to the guitar.

“You know, I’m gonna do it anyways so...” Jae mumbled almost absentmindedly, gaze still fixed on the guitar. You looked up surprised, feeling a tingle rise in your chest. 

Was he…serious?

“Oh yeah?” he looked up at you, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “What? Did you think I only got you a box of chocolates and those lame ass concert tickets for Christmas? The ring is in the top drawer of my nightstand, I had to hide it somewhere.” This time, it was your turn to stare at him blankly.

“Shut up Jae, you’re kidding.” He leaned back with a smug grin, shooting you a wink.

“Go have a look yourself, babe.”

— ✩ thank u for reading ✩ —

[zankivich]

If You Cross Her, Then You Cross Me: Werewolf! Shawn x Black Reader

a/n: Hi this is the third part of the In My Blood Series. It could probably be read independent, but its a lot cuter if you read all of them tbh. I just wanted to take the common trope of guy defends girl and make it a little less trash. So I hope I did that. Let me know what you think! 

Warnings: Assault/harassment, a little smutty smut. 

The first time you seen Shawn get angry is an odd experience. Mostly because it comes out of nowhere, and also because it’s not directed at you and yet you feel it deep in your gut. The pack had been running drills more often than usual lately as a result of a new scent that had been picked up that no one recognized. Shawn was a little tense trying to measure whether the scent was a threat or not, so he’d been asking a lot more of everyone. Even you.

“Baby, I need you to let me or one of the guy’s pick you up from work for the next few days.” He broached hesitantly as you were getting ready for bed one night.

And for good reason.

“Excuse me? I don’t need a protector Shawn, I’m a grown ass woman.”  You snorted.

Your latest hairstyle was a plethora of braids that fell all the way down to your waist and were a bitch to put up at night. Shawn appeared behind you and reached for the scarf in your hands to tie it more perfectly stable for you.

“You are a grown ass woman. This is much more for my sanity than yours. I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you.” He murmured playing gently with one of your braids.

He was pointing those dumb big brown eyes at you and looking all downtrodden and sad. It was so annoying how easily it worked on you.

You rolled your eyes. “Why does it have to be one of the guys. Why can’t one of the women come get me?”

“Because they’ll be busy running patrol. I’m not dumb Luna and Jasmine are more ruthless than any of the guys could be. It will probably be me most of the time, as long as I can get away from the shop and make sure things are alright. Please, babe. Humor me?”

You heaved a sigh that was as dramatic as it was loud before letting your head rest back on his chest.

“On one condition.”

He whined, the alpha in him simultaneously displeased at not being immediately obeyed while also itching to serve.

“This weekend I get you all to myself.” You murmured.

His arms wormed around you from behind and he peered at you in the full length mirror.

“Honey…”

“Don’t honey me. Ever since y’all sniffed something in the wind you’ve been out all hours of the night. You’re grouchy and tense all the time. We never just get to lay in bed and relax. I miss you.” You admitted softly.

“I miss you too.” He cooed squeezing at your hips. “But I’m the leader of the pack. I have to make sure everyone is safe.”

You peer up at him with a look that must state you’re not very happy. You can’t help it. You miss the feel of his curls tickling your face when he cuddles into your body. Miss the warmth and the fullness that his love brings to your tummy. You just miss him, and you want him. Is that so bad?

“I’ll do my best, okay? As long as nothing dire is happening, you can have me. I’m yours.”

You smirked softly and turned in his arms to wraps yours around his neck.

“Damn skippy you are. Come here already.”

His lips find yours and you squeal as he pulls your legs up around his waist heading straight for the bed. There is no feeling like the feeling of his hips pushing down against yours. His palms warm and firm on your thighs as his tongue works like heaven in your mouth. He makes you feel like you’re floating, like you are the most important thing in the world and he does it with incredible ease. This is exactly what you were missing.

“Can I?” He whispers all sultriness and lust.

His hands had found their way to cup your breasts through the fabric of your shirt. Shawn was obsessed with most parts of your body, but his fascination with your boobs was in a league of its own. You were helpless to pretend that it didn’t get you going. That the adoration and heat in his eyes didn’t make you feel sexy and wanted. So when his fingers reach for your tanktop you’re more than willing to indulge him.

“Yea.”

He tugged your straps down over your shoulders and pressed kisses to the top of your chest. Your nipples pearled in the cold air and his tongue was immediately there to trace the sensitive skin. Your back arched involuntarily.

You moaned. “Shawn.”

Everything is perfect. His hips nestled between your thighs. The weight of his body keeping you anchored as he does everything in his power to make you squirm. And boy do you squirm.

“Mine.” He grunted, teeth grazing your flesh.

Jesus.

A knock on the door disrupts everything.

“Not now!” Shawn huffed still in your arms.

“Yea uh...trust me when I say I would love to not disturb what’s going on in there! But uh we just got back from patrol and we need to talk.”

That damn super wolf hearing was really beginning to be a nuisance.

“We have got to start staying at my place.” You huffed as he left you like a dead fish on the middle of the bed.

“You, don’t move. I will be right back. We are going to finish. I swear.”

You rolled your eyes letting your hands come up to cover your chest as your legs plopped out on the bed.

“Don’t mind me. I’ll just be here fondling my own titties. No worries!”

Shawn pulled the door open to Brian stumbling back to get out of the way. You only have to hear his voice to know his eyes are doing the darkening alpha thing that you might just think was hot if he wasn’t abandoning you mid nipple sucking.

“This better be good.” He gruffed pulling the door shut to leave you alone.

You peered aimlessly up at the ceiling before speaking to literally no one but yourself.

“This was my momma ain’t want me to date a white man. I just know it.”

***

It had been a busy day. Your assistant accidentally double booked you resulting in nonstop appointments all through your lunch hour. When you texted Shawn that you wouldn’t be able to make your usual lunch date at the diner because of it he had sent you a couple dozen heart and kissy face emojis with promises of making something special for dinner. It was sweet, even if it didn’t necessarily curb your hunger in anyway.

You pulled your gloves off and washed your hands after sending Ms. May, one of the older women in town, home with a decongestant.

“Ashley I’m gonna take a break until my 3:30. I’ll be in my office if you need me!”

You pulled your door open only to find your boyfriend with his obnoxiously perfect ass perched on the edge of your desk.

“Surprise?” He grinned.

You smiled tiredly and practically collapsed in his arms.

“What are you doin’ here?” You hummed as he kissed you hello.

“I couldn’t let my baby starve. I brought you lunch.”

“Boy, don’t you know you supposed to lead with that?! I’m sitting here kissing you and there’s some perfectly good food for me to eat?”

He made you a croissant breakfast sandwich at the coffee shop. It was kind of your favorite and he always made it with turkey bacon. You eat together and bask in each other’s company. It didn’t seem to matter how long you were together, you could always find something to talk about, could always find ways to make each other laugh. When he pulled you onto his lap and moved your braids out of the way to press kisses to your neck you turned to goo in his hands. He made you so unbelievably soft.

“I have another little surprise for you.” He hummed between kisses.

“It it one of your cinnamon apple muffins? You know how I feel about those.”

He chuckled. “Not quite, but I’ll make sure to bring one when I pick you up. I was thinking we could get out of town tonight. Go to the city. Maybe catch a movie?”

“I’m sorry? You actually don’t want to sit up all nice pacing and sniffing with your wolf senses while your beautiful girlfriend goes under appreciated?”

“Very funny.” He snorted rolling his eyes. “C’mon. I got Brian and Geoff to take care of things for the night. I just want to spend some time with you. What do you say?”

“You know damn well that’s all I want in the world. Of course I say yes.”

You spend the rest of your lunch break trying not to tip backwards in your spinny office chair while kissing each other senseless. His lips on your neck and jaw...the small spot behind your ear.

“I should get back to work. I need to prep myself on my next client.” You hummed.

You were sitting in his lap, arms and legs wrapped securely around him with zero care in the world to release him back into the world. Neither did he apparently.

“Mmmm, no.” He whined nipping at you jaw.

“Listen here big alpha, I have to be presentable. Can’t have you marking me up. We’ve got tonight for that.”

“What If I want to do it now?”

Honestly this man was beginning to be trouble.

“Ugh i hate you.” You groaned pulling his lips right back to yours.

“You wish.” He grunted hands reaching roughly to tug at your hips.

There’s another knock on the door just when you’re starting to get worked up all over again. Is was like the worst of dejavu in the world.

“Ma’am, your uh three-thirty is here?” Ashley called hesitantly.

You peered down at him where he was staring back at you with that cocky ass grin of his.

“Don’t look at me like that.” You huffed de-straddling his waist.

You turn to find your jacket only for a sharp whack to come across your ass stilling you completely. You turn over to peer at him and you really can decide whether to hit his face or sit on it.

“Too much?”

You snorted. “Not enough. Don’t try slapping this ass until you know what to do with it.”

Shawn got up out of your chair and grabbed his car keys off your desk. He reached for the door handle to prop it open for you like a gentlemen or some shit.

“If there’s one thing we both know is that I most certainly know what to do with it. I’ll pick you up at five thirty.”

That man would surely be the death of you.

****

“Can we get popcorn?” You asked, arms wrapping tightly around his bicep.

“‘Course we can, honey.”

“And nachos?”

“Sure.”

Hmm.

“Annnnnnd a pretzel?”

He smiled at you and kissed your cheek and you damn near swooned.

“Order whatever you want baby. The night is ours.”

“Did you hear that?” You asked directly to the teenager running the food stand that had not a care in the world about your life. “My mans got money.”

“If only we all could be so lucky.” The angsty teen deadpanned.

“She’s a doctor by the way. I just own a coffee shop that people come to because there’s no starbucks in town.” Shawn snorted.

The teen was not very excited by your love. Rude.

“That is truly a harrowing tale. Would you like to order?”

Kids.

The movie was good. You spent your time between snacks and cuddling into Shawn’s side. You couldn’t believe how much you could miss someone , didn’t even know it was possible to feel as full and happy as you did when the two of you were together. And it helped that Shawn was relaxed too. The past few weeks he had paced the length of his room hundreds of times, tension just coming off of him in waves. And when he hadn’t been doing that he’d been running perimeter checks like a mad man. He oftentimes would do them at two or three in the morning, the times he’d never ask the rest of the pack to do. It meant that sometimes you woke up to him not being there, and it would be impossible for you to fall back to sleep until he came home. Hard times for the pack tended to translate to hard time for you. This is what happens when you date a werewolf ladies.

“Can we spend the night at my place?” You asked softly when the movie had ended and you were exiting the theater with his arm wrapped around you.

He frowned. “I don’t know about that, babe. I should really be at the house in case something happens.”

“Yes, but you’re just a call and a couple hop skips away from the house anyway. Maybe we could be together for a change without someone’s super sonic hearing getting in the way.”

“I told you they don’t listen.” He assured you for the umpeenth time.

“And I told you that I am too intelligent to be that naive.” You snorted. “Pleeeeease?”

Shawn might be a wolf but you had some puppy dog eyes of your own on deck. Turns out they were just as irresistible. Go you.

“Let me call and check in, okay? No promises!”

You beam at him and press a kiss to his cheek as he leads you outside. Outside the night air is the perfect temperature. Cool enough, but not cold. It’s not raining, so while Shawn talks boring business with Brian, you walk a few feet away from him just to look up at the sky. You teeter playfully in your heels and just sort of walk aimlessly around still within close proximity to the theater. The sky was so beautiful that you stumbled slightly and almost knocked into a group of guys heading straight for the entrance. One of them catches your arm and makes sure you’re up straight.

You giggled slightly. “My bad. I was just looking up at the sky and didn’t even see where I was going. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re alright, sugar. You okay?” He asked a look in his eyes that had your spidey senses tingling.

You nodded. “Yep. Thank you. Have a nice night.”

The crowd comes to a stop as the guy does and suddenly you’re faced with a group of six or seven men that immediately make you feel uncomfortable.

“What are you doing tonight, baby? Why don’t you come see the movie with us?” He asked hand still on your arm.

You don’t have your mace on you, because werewolf boyfriend tended to trump that nowadays.

“No thank you I’ve already seen my movie.” You smile slightly and tug at his grip.

“What you don’t like white guys or something? We no good for you, baby?”

Well that was just incredibly ironic. A part of you wanted to say, usually, yes, but even you didn’t love to tackle a big group of men in public. It’s maybe a forty-five second conversation, but it feels like hours, and surely any woman could relate. There’s this innate sense to shrink in on yourself, to take up less space, to be anything other than what you are. The survivalist in you is already looking at the space on either side of you that isn’t occupied by a man, tried to figure out how hard it might be to run away. His friends certainly aren’t going to stop him, and you had no clue just the lengths he would go through to make his point.

At first you don’t even see Shawn. The only thing you see is the flash of red from his buttoned up shirt as he steps in to easily break the hold on the guy’s hand. You don’t feel nearly as bad about the ease of it knowing the whole super-not exactly human strength thing. The relief when he’s there is immediate and infinite. Your stomach had dropped and your throat had thickened. But, with Shawn there you knew nothing would ever happen to you. He wouldn’t let it.

“Excuse me? I don’t think she wants to be touched by you.” Shawn spat. “So, why don’t you back the fuck up.”

“Aye man we were just talking! What are you her fucking bodyguard?”

“Doesn’t matter who I am, now does it? A piece of shit like you puts his hands on someone when they don’t want it, I’m the guy who asks you to move on before I kick your ass.”

Said piece of shit felt much more confident with his group of friends around. He stepped to Shawn with at least three inches of height difference and not nearly the muscle mass. And that’s before you got to the fact that he was kind of an alpha.

“Bro why don’t you get your own bitch and stop--”

Shawn’s eyes flashed red immediately. Bright red. And before you’re even aware of it, he lifts the guy off his feet by his throat and sends him flying into his friends. You’ve never seen anything like it. Shawn turns to you and hands you his car keys and he looks livid, he looks...not completely human.

“Baby go get in the car.” He murmured, jaw clenched.

The group of guys are all collectively shitting themselves though and Shawn looks like he might not let the guy leave on anything but a stretcher.

“Hey, c’mon. Let’s go. I don’t need you to defend my honor.” You murmured tugging on his arm. “Please?”

“No one is ever going to speak about you like that in front of me. Ever.”

He turned, hell bent on doing damage, when you grabbed at the back of his shirt to pull him back to you.

“Please! I wanna go home, okay? Now!” You yelled.

He peered at you, his nostrils flared and his eyes were still red. But, it was you. So, he took a deep breath and another before he turned calmly back to the guy. You watched him squat down where the guy was clutching at his neck and coughing, which seemed just a bit dramatic in your estimation.

“If I ever see you again? If you ever think a negative thought about her again? I will rip your throat out with my teeth? K? K.”

He patted him on the leg and then reached for your hand, finally going back to the safety of the car. You hand him the keys and Shawn starts to drive you home, the events previously leaving you quiet and in a daze. Shawn peers back and forth between you and the road. When his hand comes to rest on your leg, you flinch and it sends a look of hurt across his face.

“You’re afraid of me.” He mumbled, pulling his hand back.

Shawn’s worst fear in the world was you being afraid of him. He constantly tried to not get too worked up, to not appear angry, or anything too strictly on the wolf side of him. He never talked about it, but you had a feeling it had to do with the fact that you were human,and that he was terrified of hurting you. You also kind of thought he might still think there was something that could make you run away from him. It would take time to prove him wrong.

“No.” You assured him reaching to pull his warm palm between both of yours. “I swear I’m not. I’m just still a little spooked by the situation.”

“You promise?”

You pressed your lips to his fingers and brought his palm up to your face.

“I promise.”

He frowned over at you. “I’m so sorry.  I was on the phone with Brian and I didn’t even notice. I should have been there sooner, and it never would have happened.”

“There’s nothing for you to apologize for. You shouldn’t have to be with me every waking second so that a man shouldn’t feel the need to harass me. That’s on him. Not us.”

Shawn drives the rest of the way home. You couldn’t help but notice that when he arrived at the house he pulled into the driveway instead of parking on the street, a telltale sign that he was spending the night.

You peered over at him with wide eyes.

“You’re staying?”

He turned the key to the off position and leaned against the middle console to press his lips to yours.

“Of course, I am.”

There’s a bit of a routine that the two of you follow. Shawn brushes his teeth while you put your head scarf on to keep your braids tucked away. He tugs off his clothes and puts them in the hamper by the door, because you see each other so often now that clothes are bound to end up split between places. He uses your face wash because you both have combination skin and you were nothing if not willing to share. You crawl into the right side of the bed and he crawls into the left. It’s perfect.

When you reach to crawl into his lap like normal, hell bent on “you time” before bed though, he presses you softly to the sheets. He kisses you with delicate pressings of his lips, hands rubbing up and down your sides. He won’t even bite your lip tonight, and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why.

“Nothing rough tonight, honey. Just want to worship you tonight. Wanna take care of you.” He hummed against your throat.

Who are you to tell him no?

His hands brush from your calves all the way up to your thighs and to your hips, propping them around him the way he wants. His lips are searching your body like he’s looking for any signs of damage, any reason to go back to that guy in the parking lot. But it’s also like he’s searching for something for him to heal.He’s so tender and slow that night that you think you took what making love could feel like for granted. There’s something special about the way that he kisses you as he moves within you, the way that he cradles your head in his palm, the way that he groans into your skin as if you could absorb the feeling of his own pleasure. It is just as intense as any time that he touches you, and yet it feels more potent somehow. More overwhelming.

“You’re so beautiful.” He huffed into your neck, hips spiraling out of control. “You feel incredible.”

Your arms are around his neck and he everytime he pulls out even the slightest amount your hips can’t help but cant up towards him. You need him right.

“Please. Please.” You whimpered.

“What do you want? Use your words baby girl.”

He tugged at your bottom lip with his thumb and you nibbled playfully at his digit before sucking it into your mouth. His hips falter and your thighs tighten in response.

“I want--want you to take me from behind. It’s always deeper that way.”

He groaned softly and kissed you till you were breathless, till your head was practically spinning and all you could think about was the taste of him.

“Only if you look back at me while I do it. Need to see these pretty eyes of yours” He hummed.

“Ok, ok. Just do it, please.”

He flips you so fast you’re left breathless, back arching and ass presented to him clear like a present. He rubs himself against you and taps incessantly at your clit with his dick. You almost cry. And then he’s pushing into you and it just goes exactly where you need it to, to the point where you’re moaning, high pitched and breathy into the air.

His hands tense on your waist.

“Jesus Christ the sounds you make.” He grunted. “Baby, I’m trying to take it slow tonight.”

You whined softly into your sheets peering back at him innocently.  “Can’t help it. Just want you in me.”

His hands followed the curve of your body, gripping and squeezing you in all the right ways. He took a deep breath and pressed his body against yours. Your fingers intertwined and his hips nestled against you as he filled you up beautifully. You could feel his large, unnecessarily muscular thighs bracketing either side of your ass and his lips on your neck as he pushed into you so deep your toes curled. His hands came up to grip your boobs, fingers soft and warm. It felt so good you couldn’t stand it.

“Oh my god! Baby!”

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” He hummed sucking a mark into your neck. “God, I love you.”

His hips piston in and out in rugged overwhelming lunges. He’s brushing against that part in you that makes your back arch, makes it feel like you can’t even breathe because it  feels so good. You reach for his wrist just to stabilize yourself, but none of it matters when he’s hitting it like this. It’s love and it’s romantic and it’s beautiful but it’s still the greatest sex you’ve ever had. So when your leg starts to shake and his fingers are pulling your hips against him so good, you can only try not to shatter across the entire room as your orgasm takes you. And something magical happens when he bites into your shoulder and reaches his own high at the same time. It’s ecstasy. Pure fucking magic.

“Roll over baby please?” He whines when you both have the ability to breathe again.

You let him maneuver you onto your back. Even try not to throw a fit when he has to pitch the condom. And then he’s back. Wrapping your bodies in the blankets and nestling into you so soft and warm. His fingers cup your jaw, his eyes pore into you, and your stomach just fucking flutters away like the first time. Like it’s always the first time.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on.” He whispered. “Making love to you is like the greatest pleasure I’ve ever known.”

You bit your lip and snuggled closer just to kiss him, just so you could hide your face for a few seconds from how overwhelmed he seemed to be able to make you feel. His arms wrapped around you have never made you feel safer, more protected, more loved.

“I love you.” You sighed. “No one could make me feel the way that you do. I just...I’m glad I found you.”

He hummed.

“Me too sweetheart. Me too.”

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 13-14

Chapter 13

We’re in yet another flashback/past timeline, 4 years ago from present time and in Dex’s point of view. 

He’s 17, which means he’s 21 in the present, so jot that down. 

Anywhoo, he’s just recently become a Guardian and he’s on his first bounty hunt on some planed called Uulveca, where we all know he found Andi. Apparently, completed bounties mean that he gets to add another star constellation tattoo to his body, which is apparently a status symbol among Guardians ...

That’s inconvenient. What if somebody doesn’t want tattoos? And why constellations (aside from them being appropriately cheesy and deep for Shinsay)? What decides which constellation goes where? Or do you just get to pick randomly? What’s stopping someone from just adding a bunch at random? Will they forcefully remove them? What if they don’t want constellations but something else?

Dex is here to prove himself and catch some dirty dirty criminals. He’s hunting some ... creature, that’s been suspected of doing shady business, but runs into Andi instead as she tries to steal his money.

They have what I can only describe as the most cliché-filled and boring first meeting, complete with rolling around in the mud all sexily while exchanging threatening quips. Whatever you can imagine them saying is probably close enough, so I won’t even show you any of it.

Well, have this, I spose:

Her wrists were wrapped in thick cloth and tied with leather strips. Dark stains, possibly blood, stained the material.

She was too old to be a street rat, and too filthy to be working for a pleasure palace. The palace owners on Uulveca liked to keep their workers clean and enticing.

Dark stains stained the material, huh?

And why do they call it “pleasure palace?” What’s wrong with “brothel?” Too R-rated for you there, Shinsay? I get wanting to come up with your own terms for things but you’re reinventing the wheel here.

Andi reveals that she knows about the guy Dex is hunting, but in return for the information she wants a week’s worth of meals and half of Dex’s money. 

He agrees and says that he’ll kill her if he finds out she’s been lying.

“That’s the funny thing.” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I’m already dead.”

In case you didn’t believe me when I said that this while exchange is just a billion clichés slapped together.

Chapter 14

We’re in Androma’s POV, back in the present, and it’s been a day since last time. Andi is annoyed with Dex, and tbh I can’t blame her. He’s apparently been following her around just to annoy her, and this is what he says after checking out Andi’s ... electronic calendar? Which is full of super hot models? 

Fuck, I was going to post the quote here but now I’m just confused by that entire concept.

“So this is what you like, Androma?” he’d asked, waggling his dark brows suggestively. “I guess I understand why you left me.”

WAGGLING HIS DARK BROWS SUGGESTIVELY

You mean like this?

Remember, he’s supposed to be sexy.

Dex wanted to talk at some point, but Andi’s HEART JUST CAN’T HANDLE IT. 

She did try to murder him, but I guess she still loves him and just can’t admit it to herself. 

Andi is planning their approach, I guess, by looking over the planets in the Olen System, where Xen Ptera is.

The Junkyard was the perfect place for the Marauder to disappear.

Well, you’re not wrong.

Gilly was preoccupied with eating a chunk of bread from dinner. If she had the chance, Andi thought, Gilly would eat all our food stores. Andi often wondered if her stomach was a bottomless pit. The thirteen-year-old was growing fast and had an appetite to match her growth spurt.

Thanks for that info, Shinsay. It’s absolutely vital to my understanding of Gilly as a character and the impact of this personality trait on the overall plot.

The ship’s system, Memory, beeped overhead.

WE KNOW WHAT ITS NAME IS. JUST SAY ‘MEMORY’ AND WE’LL GET IT.

It’s like Shinsay believes that the reader is so fucking braindead that they have to remind them where they are every five pages. Then again, you’d have to be to enjoy this book.

[The general had] already rejected several plans, which seemed to defeat the purpose of hiring Andi and her crew to do a job that he lacked the experience to carry out himself.

Andi you dumb bitch.

1. He doesn’t lack experience, he’s a general. You dipshits were chosen to do this not because you were “experienced” (which you very evidently are not), but because you were pirates and supposedly “impartial.”

2. Again, he’s a general. I’m pretty sure he’s rejecting your plans because they’re idiotic, because you’re a bunch of kids playing with guns who don’t know shit about anything, not because he’s just too inexperienced to know better.

3. Though I am going to blame Cortas here, also. The only reason he picked Andi was because she supposedly doesn’t have any affiliation with neither his side nor the side of his enemy. Which means there’s a billion other, more experienced mercenaries out there who could’ve done the same job had he just given them the proper instructions.

4. And why didn’t Cortas give them instructions? Why are they making up plans now instead of right away? None of this makes any damn sense.

5. If he hates Andi so much, and if she killed his daughter, why the fuck is he trusting her to save his son? If he thinks that Andi is an asshole and he was the one who had sentenced her to death, why does he think that she won’t just grab Valen herself and demand a ransom? Or does he think Dex will keep her in check? Is that really a gamble he’d want to make with his son’s life on the table?

6. Why didn’t he just send a few of his own men disguised as a pirate ship? There won’t be any difference once Valen is safe anyway, Xen Ptera will figure out they got into their territory once Valen is back to his father’s side.

Anywho, Dex fucks off and Andi asks why Lira hasn’t been able to keep him occupied like she’d promised to. 

“Dextro is a man with many talents, the most obnoxious of which is that he knows this ship inside and out.”

That’s a talent now, huh? 

I guess Shinsay follow the footsteps of their kween SJM, which means that any basic thing a man does is actually amazing and should be respected as such.

They joke about locking Alfie and Dex away in the “waste bay.”

This was how it should be, just her and the girls making plans to strike it big. Without a self-righteous, Krev-worshipping man on board.

Yeah. Girl power. 

I’m cackling.

This book is peak white feminism.

The Marauder was currently hidden within the large husk of a fallen warship. If anyone happened to come through this area, their ship would easily be mistaken as a piece of the larger one. That had been Lira’s bright idea, and the exterior damage the Marauder had recently sustained was helpful camouflage.

And I guess the fact that y’all are visible through its walls don’t make no difference?

Or is it opaque now that it’s convenient?

And why does this imply that they could only be found visually? How small is this Junkyard that they think people will be able to see them from space. We already know they have scanning and tracking technology, so whether or not they’re visible shouldn’t even matter.

Anywhoo, they go over their vague-ass plan and it’s really boring. Lira isn’t pleased that she won’t get to join Andi and Dex on the actual rescue mission, and Andi is forced to admit that she and Dex work great together.

Because of course.

Andi says that all they need now is a map of the prison, because I guess the prison moon isn’t guarded and has literally zero security measures, since they don’t even mention getting past any of that crap.

Maybe that’s a later stage of the plan, we’ll see.

“I know I’m not the most experienced at this stuff,” Gilly said from across the table as she polished her golden gun, “but it all seems a little too easy. How do you know we can even trust this so-called informant Dex has?”

Gilly? Saying good shit, for once? Unbelievable.

Also WE KNOW HER GUN IS GOLDEN.

They establish that they can’t trust any bitch and luckily, Andi has a backup plan! 

What is the backup plan? 

I have no clue. The chapter ends. 

Thrilling!

[dustinaarondewenn-blog]

Story One - The Yellow House

“It’s been too-oo hard living! But I’m afra-aid to di-i-ie, cause I don’t know what’s up the-re-re-re, beyo-ond the sky-y.” Jerrica’s coarse but soulful singing carried the lyrics to Sam Cooke’s “A Change is Gonna Come” over the harsh winds of early March. The white flowers on the dogwood that stood in her front yard shivered in the thirty-six-degree weather, but not Jerrica. She didn’t mind the cold when she felt like she did. All she needed was her bag of sunflower seeds and a cell phone, literally. She was butt ass naked. Her clothes, an oversized gray t-shirt with bleach stains and a green pair of jeans, made a pile in the dirt with her black thong as the cherry.  While holding the phone’s speaker to her ear with one hand, and dumping sunflower seeds in her mouth between melodies with the other, she howled to the heavens with her knees in the dirt.

The sun always illuminated her one-story, two-bedroom home right before sunset. Its pale-yellow shingles glowed bright, allowing it to blossom among the brick houses that neighbored each side. The door, battered and abused, splintered through its dark-brown coat of paint. Security bars covered each of the five windows. There was a purple 1992 Ford Taurus L sitting in the driveway, where the concrete was cracked. The property was a perfect square, outlined by a chain-linked fence. Honeysuckles overtook the left side, spreading their sweet smell across the yard.

Suddenly, the front door flung open and Darnell stood in its place. “Jerrica!” he hollered over the roar of the wind.

“Then I go-o-o to my-y-y brother, and I say brother, help me plea-ea-ease.” She was focused on the music; she didn’t notice Darnell stampeding toward her.

“The hell you doing!?” He clutched Jerrica’s tiny arm so tight that it felt like her bone was ready to snap. He snatched the phone out of her hand and yanked her up, until her eyes were level with his chest.

“Dammit, Darnell! You’re hurting me!” She cried.

“Why the fuck you out here naked!?”

She let out a delusional laugh as she squirmed her way out of his grasp. “This breeze is everything!” She pranced around happily while her matted black hair shifted stiffly in the wind.

Darnell shuttered as the wind cut through his basketball shorts and white Hanes tank-top. In that second, he thought about how fucked up it was that he was doomed to playing care taker to a thirty-two-year-old drug fiend. He was only twenty-one, so he really didn’t even know shit about taking care of himself. But, in that very next second, he remembered how fucked up his life actually was, and it suddenly didn’t seem all that unbelievable. “Bring your junkie ass in the house, J-Jerrica,” he commanded with his teeth chattering.

She didn’t. Instead she stopped, dropped her bag of sunflower seeds, and inhaled deeply through her nose. “You smell that?”

“Jerrica!”

She looked over at Darnell and a grin flashed across her face, exposing her crooked smile. “Honeysuckles!” She galloped over to the bush and picked a few of the small yellow flowers. “We gotta get the honey out of ‘em, like when I was little!” Bringing them to her nose, she inhaled deeply again, then stuffed them all in her mouth. She coughed as she spat them out.

Darnell noticed that a few of the neighbors were outside, all of them holding their phones, recording.

“Woorrldstarr!” A sixteen-year-old boy, wielding an iPhone, antagonized them from across the street.

Darnell sucked his teeth. “I can’t stand this muhfucka,” he muttered to himself. “Aye, lil nigga! Tell yo’ freak ass momma Darnell said come through so I can get that sloppy ass top again!” he yelled back with a flick of his middle finger.

“Yeah, aight. Tell yo’ crackhead ass sister to stop fucking niggas in high school for they lunch money and I got you, big homie!” the sixteen-year-old responded with satirical sincerity.

Darnell clenched his fists, his face grew hot.

“Had that bitch like, ‘Oohh, DeMonte, you fuck me like a grown ass man!’” DeMonte, the sixteen-year-old, mimicked Jerrica’s voice almost perfectly. “She was about to throw the neck but her trifling ass had sunflower seed shells all in her teeth!”

In her own little world, Jerrica tried to stuff honeysuckles into Darnell’s mouth.

Darnell grabbed Jerrica and threw her to the ground. He stared down at her with his jaw clenched, breathing heavily through his nose, nostrils flared.

“Stop it, Darnell!” she pleaded.

DeMonte’s obnoxious laugh could be heard from across the street. “Go easy on her, Little Brother!”

Without a word, Darnell grabbed her by the arm, even tighter than before, and dragged her into the house.

The living room was junky. Envelopes with red stamps covered the coffee table, unopened. A surgical needle, a spoon, and a piece of plastic, ripped from a Ziploc bag, laid among them. An off-white residue was smeared into the wood. The air was thick with the smell of burnt grease. Smoke fumed from the pan on the stove.

Darnell shoved Jerrica to the side and bolted into the tiny kitchen.

Jerrica stumbled and fell to the floor.

“Look at this bull-shit!” Darnell grabbed the pan. With the grease still popping, he stood over Jerrica and waved the charred pork chop in her face. “Look what you made me do! The fuck we gonna eat tonight!?”

She was sitting on the creaky hardwood floor with her back leaning against the door, still naked. She was completely out of it, covered in dirt, staring off into an imaginary reality.

Darnell stepped back, looked at her, and his expression softened. He dumped the charred chop in the trash, put the pan in the sink, and helped his sister to her feet.

***

The next morning, Jerrica woke up to the smell of a Black & Mild, wine flavored, with the wood tip. The hum of voices vibrated through the thin walls. When she opened her eyes, a figurine of White Jesus was hanging on the wall beside the bed, smiling down on her.

“Thank you for waking me up this morning, Lord,” she prayed as she climbed from under the covers. Darnell had dressed her in gray sweatpants and a black “Virginia DARE” t-shirt before he helped her into bed the night before. She squinted as she pulled open her thick curtains, sunlight flooded in through the window. The breeze was calm and the birds were chirping. Three red cardinals fluttered back and forth on the branches of the dogwood that stood in her front yard.

Her room was disgusting. Sunflower seed shells were spat all over the floor. There were dirty plates piled on the dresser, a fork and a steak knife laid on top of them. Her dirty clothes were everywhere, besides inside the laundry basket that was full of random shit, tucked in the corner. There was a weird odor lingering in the air.

The only thing that was in order was her bookshelf. It was a children’s bookshelf that was as old as she was. It had been painted pink, her favorite color, but the brown wood showed where the paint had chipped away. All the books were lined up in perfect alphabetical order, besides the Bible that sat alone on the top shelf. She had books about addiction, several on self-help, a couple that examined religion, and about a dozen that explored love. She’d read every single one of them, more than once.

She grabbed her Bible and opened it to expose its hollowed-out pages. Inside was a small bag of heroin and a pink lighter. She rolled her eyes when she realized that her spoon and needle were on the coffee table. Pulling out a wedgie, from the front, she stumbled into the living room.

With an exhale of rolling white clouds of tobacco, Darnell passed the Black back to the guy who was sitting on the couch across from him. Next to him was an Asian guy, Japanese, who scrolled through Twitter while he sank down into the sofa.

“Who the hell is this you got in my house at eight in the damn morning?” Jerrica interrogated, looking crazy in the face.

“Don’t come out here bugging n’shit, Jerrica.” Darnell waved his hand, shooing her.

“Nigga, and what if I do?! This my house now, Dar-nell,” she snapped back.

Darnell sucked his teeth and pointed to the Asian kid, who still didn’t look up from his phone. “This is Ethan, I work with him at that pizza place over on CVU’s campus.” Coastal Virginia University was just a few blocks away. The yellow house was located right where the neighborhood full of college kids collided with the hood. Darnell looked over at the other guy and hesitated slightly before he spoke, “and this is Julius.” Both Ethan and Julius were around Darnell’s age.

With a condescending smile, Julius nodded his head before he exhaled his last hit. “Hey, how you doing?” he asked, nonchalantly.

Ethan kept scrolling.

“Hello, Julius.” Jerrica’s tone matched Julius’s smile. “Why y’all two lil niggas in my house, at eight in the damn morning?”

“Ma’am, we’re-” Julius started.

“Don’t ‘ma’am’ me, lil boy. I’m Jerrica.”

“Oh okay, sorry Jerrica.” Julius corrected himself, with a hint of sarcasm.

Ethan snickered, but still didn’t look away from his phone.

Then there was a silence.

“Don’t get quiet now! Y’all was being all talkative n’shit when I was in there tryna sleep.” Jerrica reminded, standing there with her arms folded.

“Aye, we was talking business. Some shit about to change around here.” Darnell stated, annoyed.

Julius immediately shot him a look that said, shut the fuck up.

“Yeah, what ‘business’ y’all talking? You deliver pizza, Darnell. You deliver pizza in that raggedy ass purple car,” Jerrica mocked. As she spoke, she noticed that there was a bookbag at Julius’s feet. She thought she put two and two together. “Y’all sell drugs?” She pointed to the bookbag then turned her full attention to Darnell, “Oh, so you gonna go off and be a drug dealer?” she accused. Her concern for her brother over powered the urge to find out what kind of drugs were in the bookbag, but it was definitely an uphill battle.

Darnell hesitated to speak and glanced over at Julius.

“Me and Ethan both go to CVU,” Julius stated confidently. “We’re tryna promote change by bridging a gap between the local and college communities after the recent shootings.” He reached in the bookbag, pulled out a binder, and handed it to Jerrica.

She opened it and saw things like “Community Outreach” and “Volunteer Work” which made her lose interest, immediately, so she passed the binder back to Julius.

“I’d have you come out to an event but junkies usually scare the kids.” Julius remarked unapologetically as he tucked the binder back into the bookbag.

Jerrica’s heart skipped a beat. She became flustered as she thought about how far away kids would always stay from her, it’s the one thing that bothered her the most during her addiction. “Oh nah, your lil friends gotta go,” she choked out.

“Aye bruh, you can’t be disrespecting my sister.” Darnell spoke up, timidly.

Holding the Black between his fingers, Julius lifted his open palms and bowed his head as he exhaled smoke. “It’s all love, fam. Ain’t no disrespect,” he apologized. He took another hit, stared Jerrica in the eyes, and blew a billowing cloud of nicotine in her direction.

Jerrica had been eyeballing the Black the whole time.

“Wanna tap this?” Julius asked, offering it to her with an insincere innocence.

She almost tried not to, but she grabbed it anyway. The room was quiet, besides the popping of burning tobacco in the tiny flame that fueled the end of the Black. With her eyes closed, she sucked in the smoke like it was the first fresh breath she’d taken in a long time.

Julius watched her with a menacing grin.

Darnell watched her with an awkward shame.

“Woorrldstarr!” DeMonte’s voice could be heard coming from Ethan’s phone, breaking the silence. He squinted as he brought the phone closer to his face. “Oh no-o-o,” he sat upright and laughed as his eyes lit up with amusement. “Julius, look at this shit bro.” He handed Julius the phone.

“Yeah, aight. Tell your crackhead ass sister to stop fucking niggas in high scho-”

“Aight, c’mon fam. Turn that shit off.” Darnell spoke up again. He was starting to get angry but tried his best not to show it.

Julius passed the phone back to Ethan, holding back what he wanted to say with a muffled chuckle. He covered his mouth with his hand and turned his face into the couch, his shoulders bounced while he laughed, silently.

“Five-thousand retweets since last night?” Ethan finally looked up, stupefied. His eyes were low and red, he’d been high as fuck the whole time. “Wow, you’re famous! Congratulations!” Ethan exclaimed to Jerrica.

Jerrica tried her best to appear unbothered, but tears had begun to run down her cheeks. She wiped them away as she went into her room, slamming the door behind her, with the Black still in hand. The thin walls trembled from the impact.

“Y’all should probably bounce,” Darnell suggested, staring at the door to Jerrica’s room uneasily.

Julius reached back into the bookbag, pulled out a brown paper bag that was stuffed with a pound of tree, and tossed it over to Darnell. “Flip that,” Julius commanded, “I’ll be back in like a week or two. Have the money ready and we can talk about putting you on for real.” He fumbled around in the bookbag as he spoke.

“A week or two?” Darnell asked.

Julius shrugged, “Yeah, whenever I get a chance.” He leaned forward and looked up at Darnell, a fake sense of concern in his eyes. “But look, my nigga. Whenever I come you gotta have my money ready. I really don’t like wasting my fucking time. You feel me?”

Darnell was slightly shook, “Yeah, I feel you. I got you, bro.”

Julius relaxed again, sitting back on the couch. “And it’s not a good idea to let your junkie-ass relatives know you push. That’s how all my shit is gonna end up disappearing,” he explained as he zipped up the bookbag.

“Yeah, or they end up ‘Ice’ing’ your ass,” Ethan added. “You don’t have a little brother, do you?”

Julius laughed, “Face ass! You watched Paid in Full one time and-”

Then there was a loud boom, Jerrica had burst out of her room. Tears covered her cheeks and snot was smeared on her top lip. She was holding a steak knife, pointing it at Julius and Ethan. She was taking slow, controlled, deep breaths. “Y’all are not gonna sit in my house and disrespect me,” she said with a calmed anger.

Both Julius and Ethan stood to their feet, slowly.

Julius slid the bookbag onto his back, “Aight, we’re lea-”

“GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT!” Jerrica finally snapped, rushing towards them.

Darnell hopped up and grabbed her.

Julius and Ethan scurried their way out the front door.

“Jerrica, they’re gone! It’s okay.” Darnell spoke reassuringly to his sister.

Sobbing, she let go of the knife, almost dropping it on Darnell’s bare foot before he yanked it out the way. Her sadness crippled her and she collapsed into Darnell’s arms.

“It’s okay.” Darnell rubbed her back as he held her.

Jerrica wept.

***

Later that day, right before sunset, Jerrica sat in a rusty metal chair that she dragged from the kitchen table out into the shade of the dogwood. It was a cool seventy-one degrees, and somebody down the street was washing a car in their driveway. “Killing Me Softly,” by The Fugees, blared from the radio. Jerrica was smoking the Black that she’d finessed from Julius. Behind her she heard the front door creak open.

“Bye Darnell, baby.” A woman with a sweet and seductive voice spoke behind Jerrica.

Jerrica, in deep thought, didn’t even bother to turn and see who it was.

“Aight now, Porsha. You know where to find me,” Darnell said as he tapped her on the ass, which poked prominently through her jeans before she walked through the gate and back across the street.

“Don’t forget to give DeMonte that money!” Darnell yelled to remind her as he sat on the ground next to his sister.

“I won’t!” Porsha hollered back, glancing over her shoulder with a smirk.

“Why you giving out money like we not about to get evicted?” Jerrica asked without looking at him.

“I wanted to show that lil nigga that you don’t need his lunch money,” Darnell said before a smug smile crept across his face, “and he’s gonna be mad as fuck when he realize where his momma been for the past two hours.”

Jerrica took another hit and exhaled. “You needa leave that alone, Darnell.”

“Leave what alone?” He asked.

“That whole situation. You argue back and forth with that boy like y’all the same damn age. And she a grown ass woman humping a twenty-one-year-old. Something ain’t right with that shit.” She explained.

Darnell looked at her like, you got some fucking nerve. “I know the hell you not talking, Jerrica.” Darnell dismissed her as he reached out his hand.

Without a word, she passed him the Black and they sat in silence as he took the last couple of hits before tossing the wood tip out into the street.

“That Julius ain’t no good.” Jerrica said as she continued to stare off.

“Don’t worry about me.” Darnell argued.

She finally looked over at him. “Trust me, those little college kids don’t know what the fuck they doing. They gonna get you hemmed up out here,” she elaborated.

Darnell noticed the glow of the house, it was sunset. “Aye, whassup with you? I ain’t seen you sober at sunset since I’ve been back.”

“I quit.”

“You quit?” Darnell got excited, then remembered that he knew better. “Shut your lying ass up.”

Jerrica looked down at the ground and shifted through the dirt with her foot, “I wanted to be a teacher. You ain’t know that, did you?”

“Hell nah.” Darnell was caught off guard. “For real?”

“Yupp, wanted to teach elementary school kids, just like mommy.” She let out a sigh of self-pity, “After yesterday that shit’s never gonna happen.”

“I’m sure that ship sailed way before yesterday.” Darnell added insensitively.

Rage started to swell in Jerrica’s throat but she held it back with a scoff. “You’ll never understand why I ended up like this. You don’t know the kind of person I used to be…” she trailed off.        

Darnell sucked his teeth. “See, you always say that shit, but you forget we grew up in the same damn house. Shit, Pops used to do me worse than he did you for real, for real. He used to whoop my ass. He’d just yell at you and you’d start crying cause your ‘feelings were hurt.’ Soft ass.” He’d had enough of his sister constantly playing the victim. “That man was an abusive alcoholic and there ain’t shit either of us could have done to change it.”

Jerrica was quiet for a moment before she spoke, holding back what she really wanted to say. “Mommy was so beautiful,” she reminisced instead.

Instantly, a sadness swept over Darnell’s face. He didn’t speak.

“She had a beautiful garden too,” said Jerrica, “right on the left side of the house where the honeysuckles are. I always loved going out there with her and helping pull the weeds.” Jerrica looked down at her hands. They were scrawny, ashy, and calloused, but she saw them as small and untouched as they were when she was only eleven. “The way the dirt would run between my fingers was therapeutic.”    

“I really wish I could have met her.” Darnell mustered up his words through the cries that had been lodged in his chest long before that moment.

Jerrica cut him a look, but still she held her tongue from speaking what was on her mind. “One day we was out there and I was helping mommy pick the sunflower seeds, the same way we did every year. She always glazed them perfectly in honey before she put them in the oven.”

Darnell glanced over at the half-empty bag of sunflower seeds that still lay in the yard from yesterday.

“Then daddy came home from work,” she continued, “he walked over to the garden and gave mommy that same passionate kiss that I’d seen him give her over and over for eleven years, every single day. I never had to question what true love looked like. What happiness felt like.”

Darnell had never heard about this side of his father, the cries in his chest grew louder.

“Then we went inside,” Jerrica smirked, “and I remember begging for a piece of candy, so daddy reached on top of the refrigerator and grabbed the candy jar. He let me have a whole big handful,” the smirk slid from her lips and was replaced by a solemn scowl. “They had to keep it up there because, ‘once you get started with that candy your lil butt don’t know how to stop.’”

Darnell assumed she was mimicking their parents.

“So, while I’m sitting there, stuffing my face with Fun Dip and Pop Rocks, they stood over me, but I ain’t pay them no mind. All the sudden I heard mommy say, ‘It’s a boy.’”

The cries in Darnell’s chest screamed so loud that they pushed their way up to his throat. “Stop it,” he hissed.

Jerrica looked over at him, with a look as cold as ice. “You took both of my parents away from me, Darnell. Everything is your fault.” Jerrica felt a giant weight lift off her shoulders.

Darnell stood to his feet and raised his hand as if he were about to smack the dog shit out of her, but he stopped himself. Tears collected in the corners of his eyes.

“Go ahead and hit me. HIT ME!” Jerrica stood up, leaning in with her cheek, tempting him. “You a pussy, Darnell! Always so quick to beat on your drugged-out sister but let these niggas in the street run all over you! And you wanna sell drugs?” She laughed in his face.

Darnell clenched his fists and ran into the house, Jerrica was right behind him.

“Leave me the fuck alone, Jerrica!” he yelled.

“Oh nah, hell nah! I’ve been waiting twenty-one years to let this shit out!” She yelled back, flailing her arms. She walked up on Darnell and stared up into his eyes. “You said you dropped out of school to help me after daddy died. That was two years ago, now look at this fucking place. Look at me!” She stepped back with her arms outstretched. “The pain never stops around this gahdamn yellow house!”

“You think I killed her on purpose, Jerrica!? It’s not my fault I got stuck! It’s not my fault she couldn’t push anymore!” Darnell defended himself through his tears.

Jerrica rolled her eyes, “All I know is, if you was never born, mommy would still be here and daddy woulda never drank himself to death.”

“Shut the FUCK up!” he screamed.

“Come make me, pussy boy!” Jerrica instigated.

That was it. Something inside of Darnell snapped. His inner demons were playing an aggressive game of ping pong with his mind. There was yelling, and crashing, some glass broke, then there was a gruesome thud and everything stopped.

When Darnell snapped out of his fit, he was standing over Jerrica. Her head had cracked against the sharp corner of the wooden coffee table. Blood seeped from the wound.

“Fuck. No… no, no, no.” Darnell dropped to his knees and cradled her head in his lap. Blood smeared into his clothes and across his skin. All he saw was red.

Jerrica looked up at him, unable to speak. Her eyes were wide, wild with fear. Her heart was racing. Then it slowed. Then it stopped.

Darnell wept.

***

Late that night, Darnell climbed into the passenger seat of a black 2017 Dodge Charger. He’d changed his clothes and carried a small duffle bag with him. “I really appreciate this, I ain’t know who else to turn to,” he admitted to the driver.

Julius turned to him with a slight grin before he grabbed Darnell’s shoulder, reassuringly, “It’s all good. I got you, bro.”