#xym? xem? I don’t think I’ve ever asked actually

[heisttheblackflag]

been thinking abt platynotedchaos again. Mebs this is your fault

[goatbi]

doubt

There was someone talking to him, but Bubby wasn’t really paying attention at this point. He paced, chewing on the cuticle of his thumb, trying to find loose skin to tear off to ease the nerves building up in his chest. He couldn’t do this. He wanted to, oh did he want to, but did Harold? 

“Bubby!” He nearly ran right into Gordon’s chest, and that shock of that allowed Gordon to take a gentle hold of his wrist, pulling it away from his mouth. His eyes darted to his hand-no blood luckily, since he really didn’t want to deal with that right now-then back to Gordon’s face, catching the furrowed eyebrows, the way his forehead creased in worry, and Bubby sighed, leaning down a bit to thump his head into Gordon’s chest. 

“I can’t do this.” He murmured, and Gordon hummed, rubbing his back carefully with the metal hand, which, while a bit uncomfortable, was appreciated, especially since Gordon still had a hold of his wrist to stop him from chewing on his fingers. 

“Yes you can. You’ve wanted this for nearly a year now, Bubby.” 

Bubby whined softly, trying to figure out how to word his thoughts, and Gordon hummed back at him again, the same tune of Benrey’s blue ‘calm down’ sweet voice, and, even without the actual affect of it, Bubby calmed a bit. Pavlov’s dog, he was sure, but still. Helpful nonetheless. 

They sat like that in silence for a moment, Gordon holding onto Bubby’s wrist and slowly rubbing Bubby’s back, humming a single note as Bubby kept his forehead pressed against Gordon’s chest, despite his back protesting the position, before Bubby finally sighed. 

“Does... Harold... Want this?” He mumbled, frowning. “Am I just... tying him to me... whatever the hell I am... when he doesn’t want that?” 

“Bubby, has Dr. Coomer ever said yes to something he didn’t want to do?” 

Bubby huffed. “Hate logic.” He muttered, shaking his head a bit, trying to clear it of his thoughts, trying to push past it to see today how he wanted to see it, perfect and full of love, and yet, there was that doubt still sitting in the back of his mind. 

Gordon sighed again, finally letting go of Bubby’s wrist to pull back, bringing both hands to the sides of xyr face and lifting xyr head up, forcing xym to look at him. “I told Coomer I wasn’t going to tell you this unless I absolutely had to, and I think this counts.” 

“Wha-” 

“Shush. Let me speak.” 

Bubby frowned at him, but obligingly went silent, staring at Gordon, still a bit hunched over, which was still uncomfortable, but he wasn’t going to move, in case he had to thump his head back into Gordon’s chest to hide again. 

“Two days after you proposed to him, Dr. Coomer came over to my house in tears. It was after you had gone to bed, and I was preparing to go to bed as well, but when he knocked on my door, and I opened it to see him like that, I couldn’t just turn him away.” 

This was news to Bubby. He hadn’t even known Harold had left that day. 

“So I brought him in, made him some hot chocolate, extra whipped cream and sprinkles, just to see if I could get a smile out of him, and it worked, for a second, before Dr. Coomer looked at me and said ‘I don’t know if I can do this.’.” 

Bubby’s heart sank, but Gordon wasn’t finished. 

“Of course, I asked him what he meant. The entire time I have known you two, you have been disgustingly in love, and he had called me that day you proposed to him, so excited, and I was confused. I didn’t understand how his mood could change that fast. He looked at me and told me ‘I am broken, Gordon. He deserves better.’ 

“’He deserves so much better than me, just made up of broken parts and barely able to stand being alone in a room for a few minutes before I start to think it’s not real again. He deserves someone who can take him up to the stars where he belongs, and I don’t know if I’m that person.’ He said this all to me with whipped cream on his nose, cup shaking in his hands.” 

Bubby’s hands came up, clinging onto Gordon’s wrists, barely feeling Gordon’s thumb drag across his cheek to chase away a tear. 

“So I did the same exact thing I’m doing now. I told him about when you came to my house to ask me advice on how to propose, and how you took me out shopping for that ring so you wouldn’t mess it up, because you were so sure you were going to, and when you talked about him, how you got the same shining look in your eyes like when you talked about the stars, and I told him exactly what you told me on the ride back from the jeweler.” 

Bubby remembered that drive, hands clenched tight on the wheel, ring box sitting heavy in xyr pocket, when xe had sat and told Gordon ‘he is my stars. If I were to never see the night sky again, it would be worth it to stay with him.’ Xe sniffled softly, and Gordon let xyr face drop back into his chest, wrapping his arms around xem carefully. 

“So don’t think for a minute that Coomer doesn’t want this, alright? I know both of you, you two love each other more than I think I’ve ever seen someone love someone else. He is tying himself to you because he loves you, Bubby. Completely, with his entire heart. Don’t doubt that, alright, and if you do, I’m still right here to remind you of that fact if you think you can’t turn to him.” 

He was quiet for a moment, before nodding slightly, pulling away from Gordon to dry his eyes, letting out a careful breath. Relax. He looked to Gordon, and smiled, just barely, but Gordon grinned back at him, holding out a hand. “Ready to get married?” 

Bubby grinned, all sharp teeth, the only evidence of his tears the redness around his eyes, and took Gordon’s hand. “Ready.”