#xixi i luv u

[000-pawz]

i don't even know where to start with this. like i'm actually typing this through tears >< xixi, you are so amazing, genuinely. i wish i was more eloquent because words can't describe my gratitude for you. this hit so close to home and you must have some kind of super power, magic brain, fairy hands to be able to write and convey this so well. for the longest, i think i've really felt invisible and isolated in this experience, but this provided me with so much comfort, it's unimaginable. just....!!! i can't thank you enough <3333

you wrote jaehyun so well and he's such a comforting presence >< i really do look up to him in terms of his passion and love for people in general, and i couldn't help but get butterflies the whole way through!!! especially the cuddling hehe i love him!!! ^___^ thank you for such a consoling fic. you're literally an angel and deserve all the good things in the world 🤍🪽 i'll definitely be returning to this often <3 my new comfort fic!!! i'm such a lucky girl to have such a sweet, lovely, admirable mutual like you!!! <333

gently, by your side | jaehyun

members: myung jaehyun x gender neutral reader

genre: college au, angst, comfort, best friends! to ???, more platonic stuff in this one

tags/warnings: extensive discussions of mental health and chronic/mental illness, y/n is not okay. :(

summary: jaehyun finds you after a bad week.

wc: 2.7k

a/n: this fic’s title comes from this lovely song. as someone who’s struggled with both chronic and mental illness, it really takes someone strong and amazing to keep on going, despite everything. most of the dialogue in this comes from my own musings and experiences with mental health. i wrote this for a dear mutual of mine! i hope better days will come for you soon, whenever that may be. meanwhile, i hope this gives you comfort when things are tough! sending lots of love <3 

𓉞⋆｡˚☁︎｡⋆

5 days ago 1:28 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

(y/n) we haven’t seen each other in such a loooong time imy :(( i mean i KNOW it’s just been a couple of days since we last hung out but still!!!!!!! when are we seeing each other again !!!! tell me ur schedule QUICK !!!!

4 days ago 6:33 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

heeeeyyyyyyyyy (with the intention to hang out) heeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy heeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy reply to meeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! tell me when ur free pls i miss u :((

3 days ago 11:58 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

hey i didn’t see u at the party today i thought u said u were going last week!!!  also i asked around and people said they haven’t seen u around recently??? and they don’t know what ur up to

2 days ago 2:05 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

heeeyyyy ?????????? did i do smth?????  or are u just really busy w school and work idk either way pls just let me know :(( i won’t bother u if ur rlllyyy busy

10:35 PM sorry if i’m being annoying btw

Yesterday  11:32 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

ok i thought about it reaaaaaallly hard and i don’t think i’ve done anything to make u mad or upset w me??? well aside from that time last last week that u got mad at me for accidentally messing w ur computer and deleting ur work files WHICH IM LIKE REALLY SORRY FOR but i fixed it!!!!! i thought we were good alrd!!! are u still mad at me 4 that ?

1:00 AM (y/n)?

1:28 AM idk  i thought i was ur best friend :(( did smth change???

2:47 AM pls pls reply :(( i know we can talk this out i don’t want us to not be ok

Today  3:00 PM 🐶 cutie puppy i’m coming over.

𓉞⋆｡˚☁︎｡⋆

Sitting up from your bed, your heart thuds in anxiety as you quickly scroll through your chat history with Jaehyun. Your eyes hurt and your brain feels especially foggy, like you’re looking at the world through a particularly cloudy lens. How long did you sleep? The last thing you recall was working on your assignments last night, then choosing to sleep instead when you got overwhelmed. Even then, you slept fitfully. You remember setting an alarm at 9 AM today to continue working, but even as you sat at your desk, you couldn’t type a single sentence on your laptop. Everything felt muddled and it was as if you couldn’t understand anything at all. Even the cups of coffee you drank in desperation was of no use keeping you alert; all it did was make you palpitate.

Then you gave up, went back to bed, and you’re here now. Checking the chat timestamps, you realize you haven’t replied to Jaehyun’s messages in almost a week, which has never happened before—you talk almost everyday, even multiple times a day. Jaehyun’s last message was at 3 PM, when he said he’d come over. One look at your screen shows you it’s already 3:20. If you’ve memorized his schedule right, it takes your best friend thirty minutes to get to your dorm from his Fundamental Maths class. That means you have ten more minutes to get your shit together and clean your mess of a room. 

But right when you’ve mustered the energy to stand up, you hear a series of knocks on your door. That can’t be— “(Y/n), open up, I know you’re in there!” Jaehyun’s voice echoes from outside the door. “I asked your dormmate and she said you haven’t left your room since yesterday, so there’s no use pretending!” Shit, shit, shit! You immediately spring up and hastily fold your blankets and organize your desk, throwing away stray food wrappers and plastic cups. You open your blinds to let some air in, and the bright sunlight makes your head throb even more. 

On your way to the door, you spot yourself in the mirror. There’s no other word for it—you look like utter shit. Your eyebags are dark and prominent, your hair disheveled from tossing and turning in your sleep. You look horrendous, but Jaehyun is persistently knocking on your door, so you have no choice but to fix yourself up as fast as you can. You splash water on your face and smoothen down your hair and open the door—then there’s Jaehyun in all his glory. Your heart clenches seeing him; he looks as handsome as always, his bangs fluffy and soft and his letterman jacket fashionably oversized. He looks nothing like you in your ratty T-shirt with coffee stains and pajama shorts. His hand is halfway raised, positioned to knock at your door (he could and would probably do it all day if he had to). Upon seeing you, he blurts out: “Did I do something?”

Instead of answering him, you open your door wider as an invitation, and Jaehyun takes the hint, stepping into your dorm. Once the door is shut, Jaehyun peers at your messy room and remarks, “Wow. When was the last time you cleaned up? You’re usually not like this.”

You know he didn’t mean it like that, but his comment stings at you all the same. “Sorry, Jaehyun,” you snap, “not everyone can be at 200% energy all the time like you.” At his hurt expression, you backtrack. “Sorry, that was really rude of me.”

“It-It’s fine,” Jaehyun replies confusedly. Then he looks straight at you, eyes pleading. He’s picking at the stray thread hanging from his jacket, a habit you’ve come to known is something he does when he’s nervous. “You know what, I thought about it. For days, really, if I did anything that would make you mad and ignore me. But I couldn’t come up with anything at all. I was really worried when you didn’t reply to me for days on end, especially when we talk everyday. So if I did something, can—can you just tell me? I just want us to be okay.”

Your throat closes up and your heart pounds even faster, making you feel dizzy. You have no idea how to answer him, when all he’s ever seen of you is the perfect student who does everything right, who’s smart and good at what they do without any flaws or exceptions. How would he react if he saw you for who you really were?

The words can’t form in your mouth, and out of frustration at yourself, you tear up. Jaehyun notices this, eyes widening in worry, “(y/n), baby, no, no,” and pulls you into his arms. Almost instantly, the tears cascade down your face and sobs wrack your body. You feel pathetic crying in your best friend’s arms, but Jaehyun just soothes a hand up and down your back as you break down. His other arm is wrapped around your shoulders, and it feels like your anchor when you’re drowning in all your troubles. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he says in a hushed tone, “let it all out.” You grip his jacket even tighter as you bury your face in his chest. 

When was the last time you’ve ever been hugged like this? The last time you’ve ever been truly vulnerable to anyone without that mask of perfection you often don? The last time you felt safe just being yourself? You have no idea. All you know that is in the circle of Jaehyun’s arms, you want to be small and imperfect and yourself just this once.

After your cries die down, Jaehyun clears his throat. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I don’t know what it is I did, but I’m so sorry for hurting you.”

“It’s not you, Jaehyun,” your voice is muffled by both your sniffles and Jaehyun’s chest. You don’t want Jaehyun to get the wrong idea that he’s hurt you in some way because of how broken he sounds thinking he’s done something to make you sad. “It’s just. Me.”

“You? What do you mean?” Jaehyun leads you into your room from the doorway. He’s holding your hand and doesn’t let go even when you both settle at the edge of your bed. His palm is warm and his grip loose enough in case you want to let go; you don’t. While you muster up the courage to speak, your best friend just sits there, waiting patiently. “It’s okay, whatever you say, I’m not going anywhere.” You don’t know that for sure, but him saying that makes you want to be truthful just this once, damn the consequences.

You take a deep breath, focusing on your intertwined fingers. You’re too scared to look at his face because you don’t want to see his reaction. “Jaehyun, what kind of person do you think people see me as?”

“Well…” He takes a moment to think about it. “Someone smart, talented, and who gets stuff done?”

In turn, you let out an resigned exhale. “Well, that’s the image I project. Of someone who’s perfect… someone who does things effortlessly. People think it comes easy to me. But it doesn’t. When people tell me that I didn’t need much effort to get to where I am now, I feel undermined. When I express I’m having a hard time, people brush it off and think I’m just overreacting. Because they think I’m perfect all the time. But honestly…? That’s the farthest thing from the truth."

Glancing up from your hands, you scan your room—your desk is a mess of papers and assignments that you have yet to get to. You can’t tell when the last time you spent time being actually productive when what you’ve been is fatigued out of your mind. When you try to sit at your desk and work, all you feel is difficulty concentrating and processing work and readings. Sleep has also proven to be elusive—no matter how long you lie in bed, you never feel well-rested. Simple actions and decisions require so much energy from you that you undeniably lack. You also constantly compare yourself to others, whom things like these come natural to them. But you’ve kept these feelings of yours secret for a long time—you’re utterly terrified that you’d be undermined for being useless and overly sensitive.   

“(Y/n)?” Jaehyun squeezes your hand, and you turn to meet his eyes. His eyes are sincere and kind. “I-I know I may not be the most empathic person, but I promise I’ll hear you out without judging you. I want to be here for you… and I hope you’ll let me. Please?” 

At this, you spill everything you’ve been feeling the past weeks—months, even—to Jaehyun. You stumble over your words and your breath gets caught in your throat, but he’s there to pat your back and to encourage you to keep going. Without you knowing, tears make their way down your face once again, and Jaehyun uses his other hand to gently brush them away. “It just gets so hard that I want to just. Give everything up. I don’t know what the use of trying so hard is when I see how other people don’t need this much effort to do even the most basic of tasks. It’s just so… unfair.”

When you’re finished with your rant, you don’t know what to expect from Jaehyun—but you’re stunned to see him crying. He’s sniffling and wiping at his eyes furiously. “Why…” You have no idea what he’s about to say, but you brace yourself for the worst. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” he whispers brokenly. “I didn’t know you were having such a difficult time. I feel like such a shitty friend for not even noticing. I’m sorry, (y/n).” Jaehyun’s eyes fill with tears and he starts “I… I thought we were best friends.” The best friends tell each other everything goes unsaid, but you know exactly what he meant.

“I…” You feel awful now for making Jaehyun cry. “You’re just. You just naturally have all this limitless energy. You’re…” Normal. Not like me. “I don’t know how if you were going to take me seriously if I told you what I was going through… There were times I’d see you, and I’d be so disappointed in myself for not being like you. And I was so scared that if I did tell you, I’d be letting you down.”

Jaehyun’s expression grows more miserable at this. “I-I’m sorry, (y/n), I never meant to make you feel unheard. And I never meant for it to feel like you couldn’t tell me about these things.” 

“It-It’s not your fault, Jaehyun,” you protest, but he shakes his head, obviously disappointed in himself.

“No, (y/n), I’m supposed to be your best friend. How stupid can I be if I can’t notice when you’re having a hard time? I didn’t even stop to ask how you’ve been doing because you seemed to be doing fine. But I should’ve known better. I shouldn’t have taken things at face value. I’m such an idiot,” Jaehyun berates himself. “I’m so, so sorry.” 

At his sincere apology, you can’t help but admit it to yourself—you desperately needed Jaehyun’s support as your best friend, but you were too scared to ask for it. And honestly? You felt immensely lonely without his words and presence to comfort you. 

“(Y/n), I hope you know that I see how hard you work. I know your sleepless nights and how much effort you put into every single thing you do. Despite everything you’re going through, you’re always trying to be better than the person you were yesterday, and it’s something I truly admire about you. But I hope you know it’s okay to be imperfect and flawed and to not be okay. I want to be here on your good and bad days. I just wish I could’ve been more vocal about this earlier… I’ve really taken you for granted, huh?” Jaehyun sighs wetly, taking your hand in both of his. He’s still crying; you both are, actually. What a silly pair the two of you make. 

“Thank you for trusting me and sharing all of this. It literally means the world to me,” Jaehyun rambles. “I promise I’ll be a better friend to you, someone you feel safe opening up to about anything, whether that be your achievements or your struggles. And (y/n), if it’s not too much to ask… Could I ask you to be more honest with me in the future?” He stares at you imploringly. “I don’t want you to think you have to go through all of this alone. I want to be here for you the same way you’ve always been there for me… Okay?”

“....Okay. Okay, I’ll try,” you respond softly. “Thank you, Jaehyun. I… I’ve never told anyone about this before. But thank you so much for just listening, and not judging, and accepting me for me…” While you appreciate Jaehyun’s presence at this moment, a new wave of fatigue washes over you with all this emotional vulnerability and talking. “Jaehyun… I’m still feeling really tired, so I might go back to sleep. Sorry, I know you came all the way here to see me, but here I am being shit company,” you apologize regretfully.

“Oh! That’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Jaehyun stands up from your bed to leave. When your fingers slip from each other, you feel an acute loss of warmth—both in your hands and in your heart. He makes his way to the door, slipping on his shoes, and your heart sinks. There’s something you badly want to ask of Jaehyun, but you’re too much of a coward to tell him what you truly want. You don’t want to be on your own right now, but you’d probably be asking too much of him. Accepting your fate, you settle in bed, attempting to take a nap so restless you’re sure will be of no help to your exhaustion.

However, Jaehyun himself stops in the doorway. He turns back around, a distraught look on his face. “(Y/n)... I don’t want to assume, but are you sure you want to be alone right now?” he begins. “I mean, we just had this really heavy talk. Can… Can I keep you company? I promise I’m great at cuddles—that’s what all my other friends say anyway when I annoy them with my hugs.”

When you nod, that’s all it takes for Jaehyun to shuck off his shoes, strip his jacket, and climb into bed with you. With your ear against his steady heartbeat and his comforting arm around you, you’re asleep in no time. It’s the best you’ve ever slept in months.

[neuvistar]

RYSEEEE THE THEME OMGOMGOMG!!:?? standing ovation, tears falling down my eyes. 'S SO PRETTI I LUV IT TEACH MI UR WAYS ! ᐢᗜᐢ

HI XIXI :33 THANK YOU SO MUCH OMFG ENOUGH🫵😭😭😭😭

i’m so thrilled that u like it.. AND THANK U FOR HELPING ME DECIDE WHICH CHARACTER MY THEME SHOULD BE BASED OFF OF!!! 💓💓🙈 ++ teach u my ways… HMMM.. i will try my best 2 wxplain a few things… HMMM what would u like 2 know??? <3

[cubffections]

halloo ! ᐢᗜᐢ welcome to the sesh ! ! thanku soo much fur stoppin' by, so let's all get along shall we ? but first, here is sum stuff fur uu to kno !

# BYF !

* ᧔o᧓ 𖥔 numba one. there 's no set fandom 4 this safe so come n gush wif me abt all uf your luvz ! ꒰ xi's personal favs r : hsr 、blue lock 、genshin 、knb、bleach、mashle、tokyrevs、& jjk but i love many more ! ꒱ howevr it's important tht you r 18+ to enter + i do not interact with any homophobia、racism、ableism and other normal dni criteria, i ask u pretti please respect this.

* ᧔o᧓ 𖥔 numba two. i luv luv luvv to ramble as much as i luv luv luvv to write, so dn't be shy & come n chat wif me ! my mail is always open, just don't come with negativity and discourse! u will js be deleted.

* ᧔o᧓ 𖥔 numba three. anything i may write will alwys have the character & reader written as an adult ! also if anything on m'blog bothers you go ahead and block me ! i also ask you to not spam like !

* ᧔o᧓ 𖥔 numba four. 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝔀𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮 : drabbles, fluff, angst (with/without happy ending), smut, switch! fem reader and most kinks ! 𝔀𝓸𝓷'𝓽 𝔀𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮 : vore, blood / scat / cannibalism / piss kinks, non-con, grooming, vomit, shota / loli.

# TAGS !

𐔌 . 𝒸𝓊𝒷 ⊹ 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈 ‎◜ᵕ ◝˶و : xixi ramblin !

ꪆ 、𝓈𝓌𝑒𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂 . ꒱ྀི : all my wrks !

◟꒰ 𝓷𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 ‪‪‪‪❤︎‬‪ 𝓼𝓴𝓲𝓮𝓼 ꒱◞: reblogs !

𐔌◞ ◟𑂴 𝓍𝒾𝓍𝒾𝒷𝑒𝒶𝓇 ּ : xincore, my aesthetics!

ㅤㅤㅤ‎ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𐔌ᵔ 𝓼𝓱𝓸𝓳𝓸 𝓫ㅤᡣ𐭩ㅤㅤ𝔂 ‎ ‎᭢९ ׄ : my beloved knight !

ㅤㅤ᧔ৎㅤ ּᅟᅟּ〝 𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝓎𝓈. : my precious mooties !!

𐔌՞ 𝓁𝓊𝓋 ‪ꨄ 𝓅𝑜𝑒𝓂𝓈 : asks frm m' mailbox !

౨᭪ 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓻 ✩ 𝓳𝓪𝓻 。 : my recommendations !

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𐔌ᵔ ܸ ◞ ◟ᵔ꣓ㅤ 🐾 ౿ : tbr !

𐔌՞⁔ 𝓶'𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽𝓼 𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓲𝓻𝓮 : manhwas / mangas i read !

𑄸 ₊ ࣪ ㅤ 𝒹𝑒𝒶𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝑔𝒶𝓂𝒷𝓁𝑒𝓇 ꒱ : abt a certain stoneheart !

𝓋 𖦹‎ 𝓇 𝓉 𝑒 𝓍 ‪。: things pertaining to m'blog !

໒꒰ྀི -᷅ ⤙ -᷄ ꒱ྀི১ . . 𝓉𝒽𝓉 𝒹𝒶𝓂𝓃 𝑒𝑔𝑜𝒾𝓈𝓉 ! : abt the luv of my life !!

thankchu dearly for readin ! :3 heres a glass of sweet tea ! 🍹

[kayime]

boys being boys

maybe someone already said dis,i read some too. but m just gonna get dis out of my chest

so lets begin

c d similarity? yep.

m gonna talk bout deir dynamic.some said dat He tianxMomo are unhealthy/toxic kind of relationship.

so please, be kind n do c d panels!

what tian did zhanxi also did it.. i dont mean to sound permissive,but as u can all c what tian or zhanxi do just some kind of communication.

boys r really rowdy n combative creatures.i grew up with bunch of dem_in my childhood ders no girls born in d neighborhood except on my fam.so i grew up as a boy.

believe me dat we (boys) speak with our fists.likes everyday meal.we just like some battle royale in real time without d killin, but accident happened_dat doesnt mean someone died or somethin(tanks God)

remember?!

dis doesn't mean dat momo is a psycho or murder wannabes. he just feels corner n need somethin to subdue what his brain conjure as hazardous.

who don't have shares of youth mistake? i got mine tho, stitch to d head,scuffles n then a biscuits tin some random kid thrown to my head end d game.d initiator now is my bestie_sometimes dey kiss my head right on d bold spot where d wound used tobe.

so what i wanna say is boys speaks with fists n sometimes d inevitable hit the universe,so deal with it.

like jian yi n xixi did,forgive n forget.momo also did d same to some of he tian's mischievousness.n d four of dem really trying deir best to connect..c how from stranger-enemy-friend-to lover.

so enjoy d ride n luv dem dearly❤️

[karinamdabigi]

Belakangan ini, ngerasa puber lagi.

Yang jerawatan. Badan melebar. Tapi alhamdulillah ga pake moody-an. I totally enjoy my body.

Sempet dikatain 'jelek' karena jerawat lagi merah merona, alhamdulillah bisa ngejawab dengan cengengesan. Well, karna yang ngatain 'kayaknya' emang cuma becanda doang sih. Wkwk.

Orang rumah juga sama, tetangga juga iya, temen sma sampe temen kuliah juga pada ikutan heran, kok sekarang jerawatan?

Tapi ya gapapa, i really love my self for kept being happy with the acnes and didn't feel disturbing with any hatespeech. Luv u sowww much, Karin.

Eh tapi soal 'lebaran' sempet kezel sih. Wkwk. Efek yang ngatain ga pake liat situasi dan kondisi. But ya sekali lagi, gapapa. Alhamdulillah setelahnya ga pake drama, ga pake ngomel juga.

Dulu pas kurusan aja dikatain cungkring ato ga tulang berjalan. Eh giliran berisi, dibilangnya lebaran. Orang emang ga bakal ada habisnya kasih komentar.

Atau positive thinking-nya, mereka sesugguhnya sedang kasih pujian kali ya? Kalo iya, Sungguh mulia sekali mereka wkwk.

Fyi, malah sekarang itu berat badan impianku. Sebuah rekor berharga sepanjang kehidupan seorang Karina. *prokprok

Cuma ya emang perlu olahraga sih. Magerannya udah mulai kelewatan ini. Xixi.