#xirui is so fucking adorable

[lo-cinno]

I want to marry Xirui again please 😭😭 why is he so perfect and so hot and so sexy and so cute and adorable and so hot andndkdkdnkdnd

I will do the dishes and do all the cooking I will become a malewife for him and spoil the fuck out of him cause this man deserves only good

You are so weak for this man, my goodness-

But yes I agree, he deserves love and affection (i look away with all the angst ive put him through and more to come-)

[endlessthoughtsofafangirl]

"Do you want to join me after this?"

"Yes. I'm always on call."

[i-am-just-a-kiddo]

sorry this took a while but for the character ask game: shang xirui from winter begonia, your priest guy from the guest, and lee rang(?) from totnt ^^

Thank you for sending this dear 💖This is gonna be difficult but here we go I guess?

for this Ask Game.

Shang Xirui (Winter Begonia):

Favourite thing about them : his passion for his art and his honesty, the wide depths of his emotions.

Least favourite thing about them : his violent and abusive side. No matter how much sympathy I have for his trauma, it does not excuse some behaviour.

Favourite line : "All of my most valuable things of Shuiyun are in this room. The Founder, my dad, Jiulang's gift, and you." - The way I sobbed at this moment, and the way Cheng Fengtai can't believe that Shang Xirui just called him one of his most valuable things. It's just a very sweet moment and that just shows how much I love the way SXR expresses his feelings.

BrOTP : Chen Renxiang. I love this strange friendship they had going on, of being rivals but also knowing each other so deeply and caring for each other? When they first introduced Chen Renxiang, I did not expect to get invested in their relationship like this. It felt so flawed and yet the affection was real?

OTP: Cheng Fengtai of course, because they are married and in love.

NOTP: hmm. I'm not sure, there must be a ton that wouldn't be my thing. I guess I don't like interpreting his relationship with Xiao Lai as romantic? I absolutely adored the friendship and love that they shared, and I know that she was the only one SXR thought of marrying, but I never saw it as something romantic. They've gone through everything together and she was the one person that SXR trusted unconditionally. They were family.

Random headcanon: Shang Xirui is ace and non-binary, you can fight me on this ✌

unpopular opinion: Idk if it's unpopular, but he's the sexiest Winter Begonia character, hands down.

favourite picture of them: I took it from here x.

Choi Yoon/ Father Matteo (aka. 'my priest guy from The Guest'):

Favourite thing about them : It sounds strange, but maybe his rage? I like seeing him express his emotions, even if it is anger, because he is so closed off from everything, it's nice to see that it bursts out from time to time. I'm glad he has at least that, eventhough that makes him act stupid sometimes.

Least favourite thing about them : The way he expresses worry by trying to shut everyone out? I hated it when he tried to talk down Kang Gilyoung from joining them because it's too dangerous for her. I understand where he's coming from, but he should stop acting like he holds the authority to stop anyone. Also the way he just assumed that Hwa Pyeung could never possibly relate to him, lol what a moron.

Favourite line : Whenever he speaks prayers lol. Okay jk, it might be this: "Lord, I’m trying to save my friend today. I’ll risk my life fighting against my enemy. Please spare my friend." - This just hits me deeply every fucking time I watch it. Also technically it's a prayer too.

BrOTP : Kang Gilyoung. I love how they care about each other and accept that they've gone through similar things. I feel like she became a person that Choi Yoon can comfortably talk to in a way he's never had before? Someone that is his age and knows his pain and simply accepts it, without nagging or too much fuss, eventually at least.

OTP: Yoon Hwa Pyeung. These two disaster men struggle opening up to someone else and they are especially bad when it comes to each other and yet they keep circling each other. So much pent up frustration and raging tension and gay desperation that eventually turns to trust and love. The good shit.

NOTP: Hmm, Kang Gilyoung maybe? I don't mind the OT3 reading of this trio but I prefer it a lot more if Gilyoung is the ace queen of the group stuck with a disaster couple. She is the only one holding all of them afloat lol. And as stated above, I like their friendship as it is without any romantic subtext.

Random headcanon: Maybe you can count my queer reading of him as a headcanon, but I won't leave it at that. I don't know if it's necessarily a headcanon, but I read him as someone who is deeply traumatised by religion (his abusive parents, his possessed priest brother who tried to kill him, the abuse he suffers in his priesthood) and yet he hasn't lost his faith. I know he said that he became an exorcist to find his brother, aka find the demon who did it, but I do believe that he genuinely is deeply religious, which simultaneously gives him comfort and even more pain.

unpopular opinion: I don't know any popular opinions in this fandom? So I can't think of anything

favourite picture of them: I think this one because i love to see him suffer >:) taken from here x.

Lee Rang ( Tale of the Nine-Tailed):

Favourite thing about them : His longing for family and being loved. Also his IDGAF attitude while giving way too many fucks.

Least favourite thing about them : his fixation on his big brother because it will be his downfall. but it also makes his character so I can't say I don't like it. He just deserves better.

Favourite line : ugh I had to scroll through tumblr for a bit so I find smth and there is not really one that stuck but I like: "I won't give my heart to something like that ever again. Never again..." - after finding the little boy that is his reincarnated puppy? Because he tries so badly to be detached from affection and emotion and yet he simply can't stop himself. He is so afraid of love while he craves it like air.

BrOTP : Ugh, I don't like saying it but Lee Yeon. Honestly, maybe I'm Lee Rang-biased but I hate how fixated he is on Lee Yeon while Lee Yeon is just out there doing his shit and being this hero and just. I hated it but it also broke me into a million pieces. I guess I have to call them an BroTP, just because their storyline just made me cry so badly. I don't like it though. Maybe I'm just annoyed by Lee Yeon. Do you see why Lee Rang is my favourite?

OTP: Not really an OTP but the found family he has with Yuri and Shinjoo is just 😭😭 Everything. I don't really know to what extend I ship this little family romantically but gosh, if Lee Rang isn't at least a lil bit in love with the both of them I will eat a shoe.

NOTP: I guess Nam Jiah? I don't really remember what their interactions where ( I forgot most of this show lol) but I remember being scared that they make Lee Rang being interested in his brother's girlfriend? I honestly can't remember what they did in the show but if they did that, I blocked it from my mind lol. I just wanted to hear nothing about it.

Random headcanon: He is secretely obsessed with soft fluffy things and is full of joy when the little boy gives him and excuse to play/buy/ surround himself with such stuff.

unpopular opinion: Uhm once again I don't know any, sorry.

favourite picture of them: He is 600 years old. from here x.

Thanks again for asking!! It took ages to get here, I'm sorry.

[endlessthoughtsofafangirl]

"You're comparing me to a cat?!"

[endlessthoughtsofafangirl]

"If we don't head out soon, there may not be enough time for him to get his makeup done. Should we wake him?"

"No. He'll definitely get upset if you do!"

[endlessthoughtsofafangirl]

"Guess what it is."

"Aiya, I can't! Second Master, just tell me!"

[i-am-just-a-kiddo]

2020 content creator review

i was tagged by @vishcount as usual, thank you  💕  i answered the questions below the cut, and everyone that is tagged is there too, if you just wanna skip my ramblings and go straight down there.  (also gosh i hope all the links work rip)

1. first creation and most recent creation of 2020: 

this lan wangji oneshot, apparently. i can’t remember when i actually wrote it, but my ao3 tells me i posted it in january 2020. i remember i just wanted to explore lwj’s time of mourning and dive into his mind of that time, even if it made me eternally sad?

my most recent 2020 creation that is public, is the second chapter to this casmund/edmund character study fic i started writing in 2016. i did not expect to return to that but rewatching the narnia movies did that to me. i guess it’s one of those ever-returning fandoms

2. one of your favorite creations from 2020: 

my niemo (nie huaisang/mo xuanyu) fic, no question. diving into this, i fully knew that this pairing probably has a tiny audience and honestly, i did not expect to churn out 30k for them. god. am still suffering because why the fuck did i do that to myself (and everyone reading). thank you vishie for standing by me all the time.

3. a new style you tried this year and a gifset edit that uses it: 

my historical taegi AU set in silla korea - i don’t think it’s actually a new style writing-wise, but it was an entirely different process of creating. i did a week of only research, diving into amounts of academic texts and sources to figure out my frame and setting. it was so much fun and in the end, with everything i learned, it felt like the fic was only just the ‘by-product’ of my research. though i must say, writing the story itself was challenging in a very different way, by that i mean that the characters made me furious and yet i had to write it like that cause i like to suffer :) 

as for gifset, am not sure? i can’t think of any so i am just linking the daechwita mv cause it’s iconic. i guess this mv is more joseon inspired, while my setting was silla somewhere between the end of 7th and beginning of 8th century; but it was the final straw to finally make me write that historical taegi au i always wanted to write with hwarang tae. also this mv inspired me to have yoongi as a tyrannical king cause why not amirite?

4. a creation to be proud of: 

my wei wuxian oneshot during burial mounds; i had a lot of fun writing him and projecting all my nightmares onto him. i went in without a plan and ended up with something i am actually quite proud of? it gave me so much space and room to just...pour out my words and not worry too much about anything else. 

5. a creation that took forever: 

my post-canon wangxian adventure or qinghe chaos, as i lovingly call it. i think i started writing it in november 2019? not entirely sure about that, i only know it took ages. i wanted to create a whole new political environment, as it takes place somewhere around 70 years after canon (they wanna be immortal, shut up) and it was fun thinking of new challenges and new obstacles that face the new generation of cultivators. unfortunately i did not have the capacity to write a full blown political conflict. that’s why i never really incorporated all my thoughts into the story itself, but hey, if anyone has questions i have notes (and vishie, once again, is the most blessed person to plot with me, ily)

6. your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: 

am gonna measure this by kudos on ao3 in that case, which would be the aforementioned lwj oneshot Cold Moon, Long Nights Moon. I feel incredibly fond of it and i’m really happy that people liked it. it feels special somehow and i just want to thank everyone who read that and liked it.

7. a creation you think deserved more notes: 

oh i wrote many fics that year for smaller fandoms, which makes me grateful for every single feedback i received. i think i had hoped my previously mentioned historical AU would receive more, but it’s okay because i still loved it. 

another one is this princess sook myung/ah roh fic that i wrote for my ‘make hwarang gay again’ series. i finally finished this show and it furstrated me so much - the gay potential that went to waste, the horrendous writing for female characters. i liked the chemistry between ah roh and the princess, and yes i get it, it’s a rare pair and this fandom is kinda dead, but. the girls deserve their shine and love (though still, i am grateful for every single kudos i receive and i am still proud of it)

8. a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: 

i joined many new fandoms this year for which i wrote, but i want to mention my shang xirui character study for winter begonia, because it was very interesting to explore that? and i had fun too, it was one of the first things i properly wrote after my hiatus, so i felt quite proud. also once again, this fandom has way too little content and the show is underrated. 

9. a creation you made that breaks your heart: 

i wanna mention two here. first is this wen ning & song lan oneshot that was a pure joy and also very sad to write. i just love these two so much, and i love them together even more. i have many thoughts how much comfort they could give each other and believe me, i have many more that i want to explore in the future. 

the second one is the mu nihuang & xiao jingyan oneshot i wrote for the nirvana in fire gift exchange 2020. it broke my heart, but at the same time it felt like something was healing too? it hurt at the pain both characters go through, but i also felt fond that maybe, they were not alone.

10. a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: 

hmm there are a few, i mostly want to mention my fei liu character study? it has no plot or anything, it is just an exploration of his mind and thoughts, which was an absolute joy to write and somehow so easy. 

i also quite like the yyy series i started - maybe i can write more for these two because they somehow give me the feels.

11. a favorite creation created by someone else: 

alright here we go folks:

first i want to mention my dearest @vishcount because newsflash!!! i am the biggest fan. of course i need to mention your wondeful, stunning, breathtaking masterpiece that is your xicheng novel (and yes it is a novel, i say so). it is still ongoing and you started it in 2019, but i need to mention it here because it truly is something that is lifechanging. i feel so blessed that i get the front seats and vip access to all the updates, to all your thoughts and ideas. you go through a lot with it and i am never not proud of you ❤️ another one i want to mention is this wei wuxian & mo xuanyu oneshot you wrote for me because i am still crying about it. i have no words.  honourable mentions: your easter islanders (lan wangji and jiang cheng) and this xicheng soulmate au 

another creator i want to mention is @the-cloud-whisperer and their nirvana in fire fic Heroic Woman（烈婦） , which is absolutely wonderful.  i found you through your ATLA fics (which i adore) and saw you posting about nirvana in fire and this year, finally, i watched the show and was blown away. i love your other NIF fics too, but this one feels very special because i always thought li yang’s character was so incredibly fascinating. thank you for writing this 💕

for more other creations just look at my bookmarks on ao3, there is the untamed, nirvana in fire, yyy the series, hwarang, winter begonia and original sin (from 2020 and many more if you scroll further) please give everyone i mentioned love!!!!!

12. your favorite content creators and blogs that you appreciate: 

oh boy here we go. once again @vishcount, @the-cloud-whisperer, @intyalote, @sassyassassy, @isabellaofparma, @passionpeachy, @finny-red, @guzhuangheaven  @honeyiling, @holmesandwhatson  @bloody-bee-tea, @leoyunxi, @gusucloud, @ohsehuns and many many more that must slip my mind.

all of you, consider yourself tagged in this game and even if we never spoke to each other, i greatly appreciate all of you and i want to give some love. if you feel like doing this, i hope you can have fun!  💕

[i-am-just-a-kiddo]

2020 Creator Wrap: Favorite Works

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works.

thank you @vishcount for tagging me! 💞 this is really interesting! though i was hesitant to do this here, i just said fuck it. i guess am usually more private with my work (or, as private as i can be when i link my blog on my ao3 fghjk)  but yes.   i honestly just want to tag ppl so here i go: @the-cloud-whisperer , @isabellaofparma , @scarlett-the-seachild , @honeyiling , @bloody-bee-tea, @passionpeachy , @half-of-the-story , @intyalote - i know i have literally never spoken to most of you but i want to show my appreciation for all the amazing things you create!   My list is below the cut in specific order: 

ink stained nights, fingers, hearts - Mo Xuanyu/Nie Huaisang (The Untamed) i poured my heart and soul into this work. i don’t know how to describe what i went through with that one. it’s everything to me and at the same time i feel like it has permamently changed something in me - all in all it was a lot.

blackened skies - Taehyung/Yoongi (BTS), Historical AU  similar like the one above, i feel like i burned myself out with this one. creating this was the most fun i had while writing a story; for the first time i mostly focused on historical research while the fic turned out to be more the ‘by-product’. it was tough to write and difficult to figure out, but at the same time i learned so much about silla. during the summer i missed my uni alot so this felt a little bit like a substitute (though this story scarred me and am still not okay :) ) 

cassia in the clouds - Mu Nihuang & Xiao Jingyan (Nirvana in Fire), Pre-Canon this is the work i created for @intyalote during the NIF exchange that took place october-november 2020. i am quite proud of this one because i went through incredibly difficult times during that, and yet i still managed to create something that i am quite happy with. it was also my first time participating in an event like this so i had a lot of fun! (also the work i received was so lovely as well) 

two rivers, clouded by mist - Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji (The Untamed), Post Canon it feels like ages since i wrote this (i think i started it around this time last year?) it took me a while to shape its form and it also gave me quite a headache but it was also very exciting. i had the most fun talking with @vishcount about all the ideas we have (thank you for sharing a sister universe with me) and this fic also birthed the monster that is niemo (referenced above)  

illusions seeking illusions - Shang Xirui (Winter Begonia), Character Study i watched this show only recently and i think it’s the one that is the hardest to wrap my head around. i loved it, i cried so much, and yet i feel a little bit torn about it. either way, it was an amazing, wonderful experience and shang xirui’s character grew from one i did not like to one that i absolutely adore. i think it’s been quite a while since i have last seen a character that is so interesting and touching? i just wanted to explore him a bit more, i miss him tbh (thank you @the-cloud-whisperer for keeping me updated on your watch because this way i don’t miss him too much 💞 )

lock all the sadness away - Fei Liu (Nirvana in Fire), Character Study  i just put this here as a bonus because this was somehow so easy to write - it’s incredibly short but i enjoyed exploring a different kind of character and it just poured out of me. also he is my son, protect him (eventho he would probably protect me lol) 

to finish this, i just wanna mention @vishcount (again) because most of these would not exist without their support ❤️ thank you