#xantalks
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the irony of seeing this certification on your boss' LI page after months of dealing with inconsistent feedback, insults, and backhanded compliments
#i felt it in my gut last summer that i should look for a new job but i was not only afraid/in denial#but i kept hoping things would get better#i'm not a Good Fit for the culture anymore and i'm so unhappy and feel so unwanted#baby's first job breakup#i also dont enjoy the work anymore. i'm tired of this. i'm tired of having a boss that dwells on every word i say and picks things apart.#xantalks
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i need to start making content that i actually wanna make HDJKSGHDKS i always make what others wanna see bc i feel bad otherwise tumblr do u have advice for me
also /unr i have just made the realisation that on computer u can move tags around and my entire world has turned upside down
#/genq#kind of a vent#should i make a tag for when i speak#like#xantalks or smth#xanchats#there we go i like xanchats#what abt a vent tag#xanvents#that makes me seem like im from amogus kms /j#me venting vs my brain going silly after everything i say GO !!!
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anyway re: lrb people who say v*rian should have gotten the stone bc he was arbitrarily given a blue highlight in his hair my beloathed
#i hate that fucking feature i always HC it out or pretend he just has a white stripe from a lab accident or somethn#go take your fucking twink and get the fuck out of here#'Oh hE'S cONnEcTeD to tHe DK' please you would not gaf about Qu*irin if he wasnt his dad lmfao.#i'm in a bad mood i'm done bitching about my boss time to move onto lower-stakes items for tonight lmfao.#seeing people punch down at c*ss to justify v*rian getting more screentime is an instant bark bark bark#xantalks#fandom bitterblogging
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im in a good mood but i feel like being a hater for a second the fanfare around arc*ne vikt*r annoys me so much b/c you know damn well there'd be crickets if he was a Female Character
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this is going to sound like a humblebrag and i dont mean it to be. whatever, who cares, anyway, okay-- i can type 150+ wpm and watching people typing responses in sl/ack can be so frustrating to me b/c i just want an answer now. im cycling between 15 email threads and 84 tabs pleaaaaase hurry it up.
#allowing myself 1 whiny baby moment today ty#i only know 1 other person who types this fast - a childhood friend#and we'd race each other in middle school computer class lmao#iirc my friends average around 60-88 wpm? idk what the averages are i never looked them up. this is my 1 skill.#xantalks
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I keep praying that things will work out. I stress puked again this morning and I just hope that I’ll find a new job soon. I don’t have the luxury of just quitting. Spoke to a recruiter and he said I did a good job of quantifying activity on my resume, and just suggested to consolidate a couple sections, but I still don’t feel too confident bc of how often my manager’s taken a sledgehammer to my self-esteem lmao. I used to be the little golden child here and I feel like my manager’s sabotaged me and poisoned the well w my peers.
The good news is, is that I’ll be puppysitting my friend’s dog tomorrow, and I’ll be seeing my l*w school friends on Thursday night for dinner, and my other friends on Sunday for a queer social. I love them all 😭❤️🩹 I’m grateful I can see them - like I’ve been spiraling a lot but they’re able to pull me out of it.
#it’s baby’s first job breakup be patient w me#been here for almost 5 years and my manager of 6 months has tilted me beyond all reason#im really hoping i can move more into project mgmt roles or even compliance.#xantalks
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he not only constantly tries to reassert his authority but i know he didnt like that i referred to myself as a manager, b/c he's said more than once that i'm not management material and i can tell he's trying to find all the reasons why we shouldn't formally have that in my title despite me taking on that role for years and being introduced as the tr*ining manager in previous client calls. unreal!!
#i cant wait to be free of this guy. twice my age and acting surprised i'm not excelling when he dismisses my work and competency every week.#i know he's fishing for reactions from me. like he's waiting for me to lash out so he can fire me. its nuts.#ive been pushing for a title change for more than a year like the disrespect.#xantalks
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boss is unhinged, omfg. client call earlier. discuss handoff + a project bc the current client mgr's last day is tomorrow. obvs, we get into introductions. when it's my turn, i introduce myself - all the normal stuff/pleasantries. then my boss goes, "Hi, I'm [Boss], the Director of XYZ Department. [Xan] works for me." i didnt react externally but inside i was like what the hELLL LMFAOOO who says that!! thats so petty and unprofessional dkjfsldfj
#one of my friends was like why he is so obsessed w you LMAO#like i already have to deal with his bizarre/cruel behavior in our 1:1s but man you're really gonna be this passive-aggressive in front of#cliENTS?? our cliENTS????#like i've been introduced on client calls by prev managers b4 and they say '[Xan] is on our team' or some variation of that#yk. like a normal person would LMFAO.#xantalks
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realizing that i dont need to be in corp training/l&d has been so freeing. ive expressed to managers in the past that i'm interested in more client-facing work/developing project and/or program management skills, but they kept funneling me into staying in cc training bc we literally had no other trainers for years lol. cannot wait to be free.
#v excited for this fucking job to not be taking 95% of my mental real estate anymore#im tired of thinking about it and talking about it but holy shit i hate this job now#to everyone who's been supportive re my current job hunt/bad boss woes: ty 💙#xantalks
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i did have a fuck it moment yesterday and told my boss i found c*ll c*nter training to be mundane (and i'm already burned out ((sick)) of it) and i guess he's dwelled on it. he brought it up again today and was fishing for me to elaborate on it, and i just deflected. i'm just sick of whatever our relationship's devolved to.
#like should i have said that probably no i wouldnt dream of saying that a year ago but i'm over it now#this guy's said so many fucked up/unprofessional things to me that i'm just kinda like. i dont care for his approval anymore.#he dismissed my value again today and his only response when called out is 'i'm just being honest'#well i'm honestly sick of you har har#xantalks
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if you’ve tagged me in anything recently and I didn’t respond yet I’m sorry - it’s been rough lately and I’m not around as much orz
#I’m going to bed around like 9-9:30 pm most nights now which isn’t typical for me#but btwn issues at Work and Other things I’m just super stretched thin and tired#xantalks
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#tbc we've been safe so far but it is windy af#been staying in touch w friends and family#if you can donate clothes or other resources to LA/SFV community members/groups pls do#xantalks
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thought about drawing today
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i mean i wasnt wrong
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other than one of my grandmas needing to be taken to the hospital (i genuinely feel bad for her, she needs to be seen, but she'll be fine) and one of my uncles getting drunk and telling me to go back to l*w school it was an ok new year. happy new year.
#'go take the bar' my good sir putting how absolutely miserable i was during those 2 years aside#i'd need to retake the L$AT and go through the admissions process all the way from the beginning. it's simply been too long to bother.#'go. take the bar.' lmfao what! what!!! one cannot simply just 'take the bar!!'#but would you like to pay off my student loan debt instead of guilting me?#xantalks
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smthn very special about having friends you could tell the same stories with over and over again and all still be laughing about it like it was the first time
#xantalks#had dinner tonight w some friends from l*w school#and us knowing each other for 7 years feels like both a fast blur and a lifetime at the same time#'omg remember that one time--' 'yeah!! and then you--' and you can barely finish your sentences bc youre laughing too hard ;;#very grateful for them ;3;
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