#wwa edinburgh

[harryisthelilspoon]

#THIS IS FUCKED UP OF ME BUT CAN HARRY GET SICK MORE OFTEN#BECAUSE LOUIS CAN'T HELP BUT LET HIS PROTECTIVE SIDE COME OUT#LOOK AFTER HARRY#YOU KNOW?!

Another angle of Louis telling Harry where he’s supposed to go +

[hldailyupdate]

Unseen photos of Headband Harry at Murrayfield Stadium during WWA Tour Edinburgh. (3 June 2014)

[behindthesefangirleyes]

Unseen ll Harry and Louis during the WWA Tour in Edinburgh, Scotland on June 3, 2014 (January 16, 2022)

Instagram Stories: mrlewisburton (January 16, 2022)

[andyouknowitis]

Three things.

Today is my birthday.

Today I stood by my Dad's graveside and listened to a song I didn't know I needed.

Today Louis Tomlinson gave me the best gift he could have given me.

I didn't actually intend to listen to Two Of Us for the first time there, it seems all a tad dramatic goth gay after all, what is this, a music video circa 1992? I can almost hear my Dad laughing and going 'Would you ever catch yourself on?', but I think maybe fate and my feet took me to where I needed to be today, at just the right time.

Some errands I had to run earlier in the morning ran long and while I always visit my Dad's grave on my birthday (our birthdays are a week apart and I always go and see him on both days), I had planned to reach there sooner and then head home so I could listen to Louis on the radio and the first play of the song. Time had other ideas.

Last week on Dad's birthday I played him some Adele. It was one of our things. Tattooed on my heart indeed. Ever since he died suddenly at the age of 59 five years ago, whenever there's been new Adele I bring it to him. I played her entire most recent album there when it came out. He never lived to hear it. He should have been 64. He should have been. So I bring him songs. And today Louis brought a song to me.

I think grief is one of the great unifiers of the world. If love is the last shocking act on the planet, then living through grief is one of the most mundane. We're all going to die. And eventually we'll all know someone who dies. And then someone close to us who dies. And part of us will die with them. But what remains of us will find new ways to live.

When my Dad died in the summer of 2014 it came off the back of a couple of the happiest of weeks I'd had in a long time. I was at a good point professionally, I had a great flatshare in a good area, was making great friends, and was meeting lots of interesting people. Both my brother's 18th birthday and Father's Day had been only a week earlier. We'd had a fun party into the late hours and then gone for a meal to soak it all up the next day. 

He gave me his chocolate bar that the restaurant had left on the tables for the Dads that day because he was still ever so slightly hungover. He got gravy on his shirt lapel. We drank lemonade. He was so happy because Man City had won the league two years in a row. We bantered because Arsenal were gonna do it too some day, sure of it. He'd just finished writing a chapter of his long planned book. I proofread his printouts and notes (old school), his handwriting so much more elegant than my untidy scrawl. Left him notes in the margins. He dropped me off at the train station, kissed my cheek and told me he'd see me soon. He left a comment on one of my pictures from the party later, 'Beautiful. Not sure about those graffiti converse things on your feet.' Soon never came.

In the two weeks leading up to those final wonderful forty-eight hours we spent together, I'd just been to see three dates of the WWA tour, 3 countries in 10 days, on a high because I'd made the barrier in Edinburgh and Louis had sang Moments right in front of me, a song that was the very reason I was there. I voted for the band in XF every week, but it was Louis' voice in Moments some time later that made me stay. Words not his own (thanks Ed), but oh his voice. His voice. He tells entire stories in a single inflection. 

I've been here ever since. His voice documenting my life as I live it, even through the times I didn't want to. I've spoken about my grief (one loss became another and another) pretty extensively here. It took me down a dark path. And then I took it back with me and dragged myself back into the land of the living. Because the truth is you don't get over it. You never get over it. You just learn how to carry it better. What starts as you weighed down with heavy bags of rubbish/garbage, dragging it behind you any which way, bits spilling out, tripping you up, all your ugly parts tumbled out, becomes a sturdy backpack with well adjusted straps, fairly well zipped up, with different compartments, with parts you can take out and examine if need be. The weight is still there. It is always there. But getting up and walking with it is easier. So you carry it. You always will.

I've mentioned before here how one of the things I loved most about Just Hold On was that it addressed that element of the mundane. It empowered it. Grief is the world still carrying on with the dull ordinariness of living when you are not. Your grief isn't extraordinary. It's the most ordinary thing in the world. Holding on through it is all you can do. You hold on.

If you hold on long enough you reach days like today. My life is on the precipice of change again. After five long years of extended grief and trauma, I am tightening the straps on my trusty backpack again. The backpack and I found ourselves at the graveside today, headphones in and emotions out. Three and a half minutes. A world can change in less. In a while I'll not be able to visit so often as I'm moving away soon. Old places, new faces, my backpack and I. The passage of time and living this one life puts distance between us. But I will remember today. How it was. How I felt.

Louis' voice gives voice to my feelings. His words breathe life into my words. His grief entangles with my grief. He knows. I know. So many of us know.

Two Of Us is a grief anthem.

That feels like a weird way to describe something so personal, something that resonates with so many of us. But like a bookend to Just Hold On, which is all about surviving that first wave, Two Of Us is about living the life that comes afterwards.

Two Of Us is a grief anthem. It may not even be grief at the loss of a person. Grief takes many forms and leaves all of us in its wake. It unifies us because the joy of our memories mirrors the pain of living with them later.

Louis took his grief and made something beautiful with it. And that is such a wonderful thing.

[aswimmy]

Edinburgh, Scotland :: August 2, 2019

After sleeping like the dead and having breakfast, Thomas and I decided to start our first full day off by visiting the Edinburgh Castle, walking down The Royal Mile, and seeing the Palace of Holyroodhouse.

We walked the 1.7 miles up a gradual hill to the Edinburgh Castle, bought tickets and entered. The castle is on an easily defended hill. It is said that tribal leaders had a “fort” here and traded with the Romans. Guess it grew from there!

Flanking the entryway are William Wallace and Robert the Bruce and the Scottish motto between them roughly meaning, “No one messes with me and gets away with it.”

We walked the spiral walkway up to the highest point to start our tour by seeing St. Margaret’s Chapel, Edinburgh’s oldest building (around 1120). Margaret wwas a queen married to Malcolm III.

Stain glass “portrait” of St. Mary.

Next we took in the amazing views to the north. We could see the Forth of Firth (an estuary leading out to sea) and the “New Town” (a part of town built in the 18th century).

Then we waited in line for about 30 minutes to see the Scottish Crown Jewels. No pictures we allowed of the jewels (and honours). But you can probably good it if you want to see them.

First, there is the crown. It was just a gold circlet when Robert the Bruce was crowned in 1306. It was added to over the years by rulers to reflect the aesthetics of the time. The scepter and sword were gifts from the pope around 1500. The Honours (as they are called) were used to crown everyone until Cromwell’s antiroyalist were heard to Edinburgh. It was said some women hide them amping their skirts and possessions and buried them in a church yard until the coast was clear. They were used again for a bit until The Treat of Union was signed taking away Scotland’s independence. They sat in a lock box in the castle for another century intil Sir Walter Scott searched the castle and found them. They’ve been on display since then.

The part that I dug the most was the Stone of Scone (aka The Stone of Destiny). It’s a plain slab of gray sandstone were as far back as the 9th century Scotland’s kings were crowned upon. In 1296, Edward I of England carried it off toWestminster Abbey. For the next seven centuries British kings and queens were crowned sitting in the coronation chair with the Stone of Scone tucked in a compartment underneath.

In 1996, the current queen agreed to let the Stone return to Scotland as long as it was returned to Westminster Abbey for all British coronations.

Next, we did a quick tour of the royal apartments and saw where Mary Queen of Scots gave birth to James IV of Scotland who became King James I of England after Queen Elisabeth I died with no heir. Yes, as an America royal succession boggles my mind. Like, what are the rules for who is next in line if their is no heir and who made these rules??? I even spent some hours in the middle of the night when I was up from jet lag trying to figure the British monarch succession line.

We exited the castle and then walked down The Royal Mile, which is literally a gradual downward slope ending at The Palace of Holyroodhouse. We walked for a bit looking for a place to eat lunch. At this point we were pretty much in “overwhelmed by crowds” mode. The castle had been busy and the first several blocks of the royal mile was insane with tourists and people at the Fringe festival.

Anyways, we found a reasonable place for lunch and then walked the rest of The Royal Mike. It’s lined with restaurants, cafes, pubs and TONS of souvenir shops. As we approached the end we saw the Scottish Parliment building that was built it 1999 when Scotland had their first Parliment since the treaty with the British in the early 1700s. Remember the Scottish Honours (crown, scepter and sword), we they came of for the opening for the first Parliment session and now help open every Scottish Parliment session.

Then we crossed the street to The Palace of Holyroodhouse where the queen stays we she’s in Scotland. You can tour it when she’s not in town, but we were already castled-out. So we took a couple pictures and walked back to our b&b along the perimeter of Holyrood Park.

We spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing in our room. My body is pretty tired from all the walking and traveling. Thomas went for a run and ran up Arthur’s Seat (800 some feet of elevation, while I knitted. :)

Then we walked to a place for dinner and came back to our b&b. Thomas read while I wrote this blog post. Tomorrow, we’ll have another full day in Edinburgh. I’d like to go to the National Museum of Scotland, go up to Arthur’s Seat (by walking, not running) and visit a local yarn shop I found.

Oidhche mhath! (Scottish Gaelic for “good night”)

[hldailyupdate]

Unseen pictures of Harry and Louis for WWA Edinburgh. (6 March 2014)

x/x

[dailydoseofziam]

Singing the end of Don't Forget Where You Belong, WWA Edinburgh, 03/06/14

[slutcasterr]

One Direction performing Happily

my video from the Murrayfield Stadium

[cupcakecashton]

At the concert Harry got our section to sing and he said thank you so much after we did and it makes me cry

[hldailyupdate]

Unseen of Harry and Louis back at the WWA Tour in Edinburgh! (3 June 2014)

[dailydoseofziam]

WWA Edinburgh, 03/06/14

[firstonetobreak]

last night could not have gone ANY better. I was right at the place i wanted to be, at the barrier in blue zone. within the first two minutes Liam walked down the catwalk, stopped in front of me AND WINKED AND POINTED!!!!!! HE THEN LAUGHED BC I STARTED SCREAMING AND CRYING!!!!! 30 seconds later harry came and stood in front of me and i screamed 'I LOVE YOU SO MUCH' AND HE BLEW A KISS. i honestly don't even know how any of this happened. Louis, Zayn, and Niall also smiled at me a few times and i have honestly never been happier. I love everything right now. HARRY ALSO THREW WATER ON ME AND I HAD A CONVERSATION WITH PAUL WHILE HE WAS TALKING TO HARRY IDEK WHATS GOING ON ANYMORE