#wrote this last year but it's the time for spooks so i'm bringing it back

[beanarie]

of course 3/3

1/3

2/3

entire fic on ao3

in which tommy finally admits he should maybe see a therapist.

thanks again to @mooshkat for the original concept

(tw: heart problems, hospitalization, self loathing)

~

Bobby is the next to show up.

"Hi," he says, disconcertingly tall as he stands over Tommy's bed with a small tupperware. "I figured you can't have anything we would normally bring for someone stuck here, but there's this recipe I liked after my heart attack. It's just chickpeas tossed with olive oil and a bit of curry powder."

"That's very thoughtful," Tommy says, touched and confused. He starts tucking in immediately. The food here could be worse, but he never has much appetite when he's unwell. Maybe eating something will make the nurses frown less often. They're very frowny in this unit. Makes sense, as they probably have the highest proportion of deaths in the building, but it's shit for patient morale.

Bobby's still standing, so Tommy tilts his head at the chair and continues eating.

"How are you feeling?" he asks, once Tommy has left the now half-empty container on his tray table.

"Fine? Tired, mostly." Which is probably for the best when the only change of scenery he gets is the regular trips to imaging. All the napping doesn't leave time to develop cabin fever. "You?"

"I'm good. A little concerned."

Shit. So he's just jumping right in. Tommy works on his breathing. "Oh?"

Bobby nods. "Buck is getting released in the next few hours. He'll probably be up here as soon as they hand over the discharge summary."

Tommy doesn't eye the monitors, but he has a brief fantasy about ripping the leads out and smashing everything on the ground. It's been a long time since he's felt this exposed for this long. "That's good."

Bobby puts his hands on the armrests of the chair. "Hen seems to think you don't want to see him, which is interesting since Buck is behaving like you're pretty much back together."

Keep him away. Do it so I don't have to see his face. "I- I'm-"

Bobby looks at him like he's a spooked horse. "I'm not just here for him, okay? I wanna help you get clarity on what you're actually looking for before it blows up in both your faces again."

It's such a brazen offer Tommy can't help but laugh. "You're welcome to try?"

Bobby smiles a little. "Kid's got a heart the size of Alaska, but--or maybe because of it--he's like the La Brea tar pits. Once you're in, that's all she wrote. It's fine, though, great even. If that's your choice."

Tommy tilts his head, reconciling this man with the friendly, new in town captain who had a veil behind his eyes. In the last eight years, everyone at the 118 figured out how to open a vein for each other, and here's Tommy. Out, flying, and only able to meet his own eyes in the mirror half the time. "What if I'm a bomb," he asks. "Or... whatever destroys tar."

"Is that how you want it to be?" Bobby presses gently.

Tommy rubs at the side of his neck. "I'd be a monster and an idiot if I said yes, wouldn't I?"

Bobby spreads his hands. "There's no relationship jail, Tommy. Doesn't matter to me if you're either or both those things. All I ask is that you keep it away from people I care about."

"No. It's-" Tommy shifts his gaze, his vision blurring. "It's not- That's not what I want. But it's not that easy, Bobby."

"Didn't say easy. Didn't even imply it." Bobby moves a box of tissues from the nightstand to the tray table. "You're no stranger to tackling something hard because you thought it would be worth the effort. Maybe give yourself a little credit."

There are oval-shaped bruises in a roughly circular pattern on Evan's forearm, resembling a school of fish. Those weren't there after the crash. Tommy flexes his right hand, which has been stiff and sore for no apparent reason. "I did that," he says.

"Yeah?" Evan frowns in confusion. "You were suffocating. It wasn't on purpose."

It can be an omen if Tommy lets it.

"Tommy?" Evan says.

Omens are stupid. "Hm?"

Evan fidgets with his free hand, pulling at the edge of his sling. "You said of course you love me, like it was easy. Like it was a given. People don't- haven't said it like that."

"How did they say it?"

"Like they were surprised. Like it was the last thing they could've expected."

"I knew it was a possibility the first time I kissed you," Tommy says, tired of choosing between truths.

He looks up. "You did?"

"Evan," Tommy sighs, "you're the fucking sun."

His beautiful eyes widen and get wet at the corners. "I didn't want the first time I said it to be when- when you were dying in my arms." A shadow passes over his features and Tommy's fingers curl, gathering a handful of his blanket. "I wanted- needed to believe that I'd get another chance. I love you, too, Tommy."

Tommy is so grateful this conversation is taking place today, when he's recovered enough to not cause an international incident every time he does anything more stressful than looking at the color green. The specter of the alarm still looms, but he's done okay so far. "I might not have heard you, if you had said it then." Tommy gestures at his chest. "The wheezing, it was very loud."

"You heard some things, though? It felt like you- you were reacting."

"Yes, Evan. You kept me going."

Evan beams. Tommy aches from the inside like someone sprinkled salt in his IV bag.

"I need," he warns, "so much therapy."

Evan shifts forward in his seat, grunting softly in pain. "I can get you some recommendations."

"Of course you can." Tommy smiles.

Evan is inches away, practically falling out of the chair. "Can I touch you?"

"Do you have the slightest idea how many medications I'm on right now?"

He ducks his head and laughs. "You know that's not what I meant."

"Oh, well, show me what you m-"

Evan lays his free hand lightly, ever so lightly, over Tommy's battered heart before leaning forward and pressing their foreheads together. "I'm so proud of you," he whispers. "I asked you not to run, and you stayed."

Right after the alarm goes off, Tommy pulls away just far enough to capture Evan's mouth with his own.

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

Hey, you just posted my request about Reader from the future and medieval Sihtric. And let me tell you, girl, you've exceeded all my expectations. I can't wait for the next part! I'm smitten haha. Love all the changes and touches you added. I have no words but Thank you.

I love how you wrote me this message just in time so I can use it to post the next part. Thank you for your kind words! I once again hope you will enjoy this one until I have the next part ready to publish ;)

Warnings: a little suggestive again, not much else.

Pairing: Sihtric x modern!you (f)

Summary: part two of this request. You try to accept your new reality and Sihtric was always closer than you thought.

Word count: 3k

Note: /

Taglist: @clairacassidy @finanmoghra @uunotheangel @hb8301 @bathedinheat @neonhairspray @anaeve @bubblyabs @travelingmypassion @sylas-the-grim @heimtathurs @bubbles-for-all-of-us @valeskafics

Chapter 2.

'Burn the place.'

*******************

Sihtric had taken you to meet and speak with his lord, Uhtred. Turned out the man really was a Lord, and you had to say you were a little disappointed that your sex dungeon fantasy would not become a reality.

Lord Uhtred was joined by an Irish man called Finan and a monk called Osferth, but the Irish man said the monk's name was 'baby monk'.

After hours of conversation you eventually all agreed and believed that, somehow, you had travelled back in time. You told them what year you came from, to which everyone was a little superstitious of and spooked at for a while, as they had just dealt with some woman called Skade, something to do with a curse, you couldn't remember what exactly they had said, except that Finan said you looked better than the previous witch. It took you a while to convince them that you had no bad intentions and were just as confused as they were.

You made it clear that you really didn't want to be there, and all you wanted was to just go back home as soon as possible. And unbeknownst to you, those words had smashed Sihtric's heart into smithereens. 

Uhtred told you that he had no idea how to bring you back, if that was even possible, but regardless, he said you could stay in Coccham, and you were offered to help the Lady Gisela, Uhtred's wife, who had recently given birth and could use extra help around the house. You felt like you were to become a slave or something, but you had nowhere to go, so you reluctantly agreed before you stormed off.

*****************

Sihtric had followed you quickly, and found you hidden away, curled up in his cloak, next to a small enclosure that held a few sheep and he sat down next to you. He was quietly fidgeting with his rings, looking down at his feet as you wiped your last tears away after the heavy conversation.

'You really wish to leave, my lady?' he asked eventually, his voice soft and hurt.

'I don't belong here, Sihtric,' you shrugged, 'of course I want to go back home.'

He was silent again for a while.

'Is it better where you come from?'

'I wouldn't say it's better,' you scoffed, 'the world is still a shit show in 2023.'

You looked at Sihtric and found him frowning at you with a slight smile.

'A… shit show, lady?' he chuckled.

'Yeah,' you smiled, knowing he probably hadn't heard that term before, 'it means that… there is still a lot of chaos.'

'I understand now,' he said, and his heart was beating with such force upon seeing your smile, he thought he wouldn't live to see another day.

'I'm not saying that it's bad to be here,' you continued, 'but I have nothing here, and no one, really. No home, no friends, no money, I don't even have decent clothes,' you buried your face in your hands out of frustration.

'I- I can,' Sihtric stammered, 'I wish to look after you, lady. I can take care of you.'

'Take care of me?' you frowned, 'I don't need to be taken care of, Sihtric,' you said harshly as you got up. You took off his cloak and threw it into his lap before you walked away, leaving Sihtric behind, completely bewildered for a moment.

Finan had watched the event unfold from a distance and walked over to Sihtric as you walked away. Finan whistled softly as he nudged Sihtric's shoulder with his knee.

'Ye kept all that hidden from us under yer cloak?' the Irish man grinned as he watched you walk away, all fishnet tights and ripped dress.

'Don't even think about it,' Sihtric huffed as he got up, running after you like a little puppy.

You felt a little offended. Back home, you had built a successful jewellery business all by yourself, you didn't need anyone to take care of you, as if you were some helpless little thing. You murmured to yourself while you had no idea where you were walking to, and you glanced over your shoulder when you heard someone rapidly approach. You rolled your eyes at the sight of Sihtric. Yes, he was adorable and meant well, but you were simply overwhelmed by everything. You didn't want to answer any more questions.

'Lady,' Sihtric called behind you, 'lady, wait.' You stopped and turned to him.

'Sihtric, please, I-'

'You shouldn't be out here dressed like that,' Sihtric said shyly, pushing his cloak in your hands again, 'other men,' he hesitated, 'they will look.'

You frowned, 'Yeah, that's another thing men still do in my day. So?' You held his cloak and you fought the urge, but you were freezing, so you quickly hid underneath the warm fur again as he spoke to you.

'I- I don't want them to look at you, lady, not the way I know they will.'

'Isn't it the same way you look at me?' you raised an eyebrow and crossed your arms, which he couldn't even see, as the cloak was way too big for you, covering you entirely, neck to toes.

'Maybe,' Sihtric mumbled, 'but… but I found you. I saw you first, lady,' he showed his adorable smile again.

Found you first? What did that mean? Did he think you belong to him now? Was finding a woman in the woods the medieval olympics and they get to keep you as a price? Was he claiming you? You surely weren't going to be claimed by anyone. You gave him a mean look, but your body betrayed you when you felt yourself blush lightly at his words. He was right in a way, he had found you, and he had been helping you, and… he was still so damn cute.

'You don't want them to see me?' you questioned him again.

'No, lady, not like that,' he said shyly again and looked down at his feet.

You decided to taunt him, probably your coping mechanism coming out, by sticking out your fishnet covered leg from underneath his cloak, 'You mean… you don't want any other man to see this?' you fluttered your eyelashes as you slowly pulled the cloak higher up your thigh. 

Sihtric's eyes grew wide upon seeing your uncovered leg and he swallowed hard as his cheeks coloured. That boy definitely had a leg kink, you chuckled lightly to yourself.

'Or... do you not want to see this?' smiled playfully, pretending to drop the cloak back over your leg, but you stopped your movement when Sihtric began to speak.

'No, I- I do, I… I mean, no, I-' Sihtric couldn't bring out much more, his mind was simply clouded with all the things he'd do for you, just so you'd allow him to kiss your legs up and down completely. Gods, he was desperate for your legs.

'So you are allowed to see it, but no one else is? I understand now,' you grinned and fully covered yourself again. 

Sihtric shifted uncomfortably and couldn't look you in the eyes right now. And as he looked down at his feet again, he told you it's best to go to the Lady Gisela, she will have clean and warm clothes for you. He pointed you in the right direction before he shuffled away, awkwardly wishing you a good day and apologising if he had offended you today.

****************

Lady Gisela was pleasantly kind. Uhtred had informed her about you already and she never questioned you or your appearance, instead, she immediately gave you a few of her own dresses you could keep. You cleaned yourself up while a servant made you some food. You had to laugh when you remembered that the food you were given, bread, cheese and some wine, was considered peasant food in your day, while you actually loved it. You felt a little better after everything and enjoyed Gisela's company. 

You asked her where you were supposed to stay, and she told you that Uhtred already arranged a small but cosy house for you to stay at. It was across the town, and as it was already dark out, Gisela asked Clapa to walk you to your new home. Clapa was a huge man of little words, but friendly nonetheless.

After a short walk you found your house. And it was small, yes, but it had a bed, buckets to get water to wash yourself with, a table, some chairs, a little kitchen with a cooking pot and a bunch of furs in front of the fire pit. A fire pit! What a luxury. You didn't even have a fire pit back home, which you always wanted. 

The place had everything you needed, and for a moment you felt like you were on holiday. But that feeling quickly faded when you instinctively reached for your backpocket, which Gisela's dress obviously didn't have, to find your phone, which you also didn't have. 

And you hated to admit it, but you cried yourself to sleep that night, feeling scared, lost, confused and very lonely. And you secretly wished that Sihtric, the sweet boy he was, had been by your side at that moment.

***************

You woke up at the crack of fucking dawn when a rooster woke up the entire Burh. You had no idea what time it was, as clocks weren't a thing and neither were phones. You sighed when you realised it wasn't all a dream and you were still stuck in Coccham. But you decided to try and make the best of it. You got up and picked one of Gisela's pretty dresses to wear.

You wanted to wash your face before you went over to Gisela, to assist her with her newborn. When you looked outside, it seemed as if it was still freezing and you remembered you still had Sihtric's cloak, which you wrapped yourself in before you grabbed the large bucket and went to find a water source. 

As you closed your front door and turned to walk away you immediately saw Sihtric. A sudden adrenaline rushed through your body and you felt flustered. He was still cute this early in the morning, whereas you probably looked like a goblin. Nevertheless, Sihtric's face lit up as soon as he saw you.

'Lady,' he smiled widely as he came over, 'you live there?'

'Eh, yeah, I suppose I do now,' you chuckled, awkwardly carrying the large bucket with you, 'why?'

'I- I live here,' the boy pointed to the house behind him, which was, of course, right across from yours. You could literally look into each other's windows if you pulled away the fabrics that made for curtains.

'Oh,' you said, not unpleasantly surprised, 'well, that's… close.'

'I know,' Sihtric smiled, 'so, i-if you ever need anything-'

'I'll know where to find you, yes,' you smiled back, 'thank you.'

'How did you sleep?'

'I slept… a little.'

'It's something,' he said, 'do you need help with that?' Sihtric pointed at the empty bucket.

'I just wanted to get some water, is there a well somewhere?'

'There is,' Sihtric said, 'but it's frozen.'

'Oh.'

'You'll have to go to the river.'

'How far is the river?'

'The whole journey? Half a day's walk.'

'What?'

'Half a day-'

'Yeah, I heard you,' you said, stunned, 'I don't have time for that. Gisela expects me soon.'

'I still have some water left,' Sihtric said quickly, 'you can use what I have, I will take my horse and fetch more water later. For you as well, if you wish?'

'Are you sure?'

'Of course, lady.' And his sweet smile appeared again before he disappeared inside his house. 

You waited, a little flustered still, until he soon came back out and handed you the bucket with clean water. Your fingers brushed against his as you took the bucket out of his hands, and for a moment you feared you'd spill the water all over your dress, but luckily, you managed to compose yourself in time. You thanked him and made your way inside, fixing yourself up as best as you could before you went to the Lady Gisela.

****************

Your day with Gisela was nice but quite uneventful. You helped her with the baby, not that you had any experience, but the Lady didn't seem to notice that and gladly handed you the little child as she took care of her own tasks. You were basically a medieval babysitter. And before you left, Gisela told you to have dinner with her and Uhtred. You had pleasant conversations with them, especially with Gisela, who was not very focused on the fact you came from the future. She just wanted to get to know you, as a person, and she didn't seem to judge. You felt Gisela was a very free spirited woman, which surprised you, seeing the year you were in. 

After dinner, Uhtred gave you one coin of silver, which you thanked him for, having no idea what to do with it.

By the time you went home it was dark once again, so Clapa escorted you back. It was winter, so the light made place for darkness rather early, but you still had no idea what time it was and it felt incredibly disorientating. It made you dizzy when you thought about it for too long.

You shivered at the harsh winter cold and you suddenly felt bad about still having Sihtric's cloak, he must be cold too and you didn't know if he had a spare. When you arrived at your house, you saw there was a faint glow shining through Sihtric's curtains, and you decided to return his cloak once Clapa couldn't see you anymore.

Your 2023 brain made you search for a doorbell, but when you remembered that those things didn't exist, you knocked. After a few long seconds Sihtric opened the door, surprised but happy to see you. You told him you felt bad about his cloak and handed it back to him, which he initially didn't want to accept, but you simply insisted. He then told you he had fetched you water, and the bucket was next to your door, it would be frozen now so he told you to bring it inside and place it near the fire pit. You thank him for his advice and you felt yourself smile as you walked into your own home.

After a few hours of warming yourself near the fire, you went to bed. Only to be awoken at some point by a weird scratching sound. You thought you had imagined it and tried to fall back asleep, until the sound occurred again, louder this time. You jumped up and lit a few candles as fast as you could. You really wished you had a flashlight right now, but alas. You took the one candle and followed the scratching sound. It led you to your little kitchen, under the kitchen to be more specific, and suddenly you laid eyes upon a huge, round, brown rat. And the scream that left your mouth was demonic. You almost dropped the candle as you ran over to your bed. You jumped up on it, panicked, not knowing how to rid your home of that creature. Until you remembered Sihtric. He lived across and had told you that if you needed anything… and you needed something now. In all your panic you didn't even get properly dressed and you ran outside in your halloween dress, which you used to sleep in now, and you rapidly knocked on his door.

It took a moment before Sihtric opened the door, and when he did, you were greeted by his sleepy face, his messy hair along with his shirtless and very muscular torso. And it may have been winter, but your body temperature went up to the Bahamas summer heat at the sight of him.

'Lady?' his voice was raspy from sleep, which did not help you cool off.

'There- t- there is a- a,' you stammered, 'a rat! In my home! There is a rat!'

'A rat?' Sihtric asked, a little confused.

'I need you to get rid of it!'

'What?'

'Sihtric, please! I am terrified. It needs to leave!'

Sihtric blinked rapidly a few times and groaned lightly, 'y-yeah, okay. I, uh, let me grab my boots.'

It wasn't much later until you followed closely behind Sihtric as he inspected your house, holding a candle. Luckily, he saw the rat too, and agreed it was a large one. As he was about to try and chase it away, you suddenly saw another rat appear, to which you screamed and clung onto Sihtric's broad shoulders, which he didn't seem to mind much.

'Oh, god! Another one!' you cried. Sihtric couldn't help but chuckle at your fear, and he made it worse by saying you probably have a nest in your home somewhere.

'Burn the place.'

'What?'

'Burn it!' you said, 'all of it! The whole house!'

'Lady,' Sihtric smiled, 'you can't just burn your house because of some rats.'

'I am not staying here! I- I am leaving.'

'Where to?' he frowned, clearly amused.

'I-,' you paused, 'I don't know. To Gisela!'

'They don't have room for another person after their newborn,' Sihtric smiled.

'Oh, god! I don't know, I just have to go!' you exclaimed and ran out the door.

Sihtric was quick to follow and grabbed your hand, pulling you back towards him with a little force, causing your hands to settle on his bare chest. And what a feeling that was.

'Listen, little goddess,' Sihtric spoke softly, and your insides completely melted, 'calm down,' he hushed you as his hands settled on your upper arms, 'I guess, if you want… you can sleep over at my place for the night. Tomorrow, when there's more light, I will rid your home of the rats. Okay?'

'O-okay,' you mumbled. 

You just wanted to get away from the nasty creatures, you had no intention of staying over with him, but you didn't mind it at all. That is also why you were a little disappointed when you realised Sihtric would not sleep in his bed with you. He was to sleep on the floor, while you took his bed. You thought it was sweet, and not the kind of behaviour you were used to by men. And for a moment you thought maybe living here wasn't that bad afterall. Except, you really wouldn't have minded if he had tried to fuck you that night. But he didn't, causing you to lie awake for hours, a little frustrated.

The next morning when that damn rooster woke you up again, you noticed Sihtric was gone. And as you peeked through his curtains, you saw he was in your home, getting rid of the rats. And when he returned to you, he confirmed there had been a nest living under your kitchen, but he also reassured you that they were all gone now, to which you joked that he should add a few new lines onto his fingers, which he thought was funny, and made him adore you even more.

You thanked him with a quick kiss on his cheek before you ran off to the Lady Gisela. You didn't want to be late. And you left Sihtric behind with red cheeks, trembling hands and a huge smile on his face.

[diamondshapedcat]

Unicorn HRT Diary - 1 year epilogue

One year ago I was trapped in every sense of the word. Stuck in the middle of nowhere, doing graveyard shifts, having no friends and residing in a body that felt more like a prison than a body.

Now I'm living in a city surrounded by all the wonders of life! A thriving community of animal people, opportunities I wouldn't have ever dreamed of and best of all the woman I love so so much who makes the best breakfast waffles ever!

It took a while but Comet found this cheap flat not too far from the train station where she works. Sure the noise of the night trains keeps us up sometimes but I don't care. I would choose to live in a dumpster as long as Comet was there with me. Nothing in this world is powerful enough to tear us apart and I'm so strong now that only the foolish would even dare think it now!

My Unicorn body is perfect now, Long horn with a silvery shimmer, fabulous locks to die for, Muscles huge enough to crush watermelons (A party trick Comet enjoys very much) and Hooves to keep me all grounded. In our room there's this big mirror that was one of the first things we bought for our new home. At first I wasn't sure why we needed it but I have to admit, seeing my reflection every day brings me a certain kind of euphoria that really resonates with my inner self. Comet loves it too, seeing the effects of 9 months fox juice working their magic. Is there such a thing as too floofy? If there is I don't want to know as fluffy hugs from her are the best (Then again everything from her is the best!)

Despite everything starting to settle down, the surprises keep coming. I recently got a package delivered to me from the lawyers sorting through my departed dad's stuff. I opened the door and I couldn't believe who was waiting for me on the other side. She was a bunny girl biker decked out in leathers who I had seen before a long time ago. In a different life. Somehow this bunny had appeared in my life again to give me another gift.

I think I spooked her out with the look on my face but once I explained everything she just opened up and started laughing at the serendipity of it all. Ember is her name and she runs her own motorbike courier service. It's something she started after getting turned away from too many jobs for being a bunny. I'll never forget the way she lit up when I said she was the inspiration that set me free!

The reason it had taken so long for this package to get to me was that with me changing my name and sleeping on sofas, I had dropped off the grid as far as the system was concerned. The postal service was chasing after a ghost of someone who didn't exist anymore. The package itself was just a small box containing a few photos, some legal documents, a old jacket and a letter.

''Dear (deadname)

I'm sorry for lashing out at you last night. I was drunk, I got angry and said some things without thinking them through. I attacked you at a time when you were weak and needed help. I went too far.

There's so much I don't understand and I don't want to lose you. I don't want my son to disappear and I'm scared that is what's happening right now. As a father I feel like I need to protect you from hurting yourself but if you really think this is the best path that you can take then I will do my best to support you. I'm going to make mistakes and you're going to have to be very patient with me but I want to do my best to help you. If you like maybe we could find someone to talk about this before you do something dangerous?

Dad''

That was the last thing he wrote before he died and I don't know what to feel about it. I can kinda tell he hoped to talk me out of it but a fumbled apology is still an apology even if he didn't really understand anything. Would he have made the effort to learn and support me or would he have fallen back on the twisted rhetoric of us destroying ourselves? Ever way I'll never know now. He's gone but he tried to say sorry and I guess that's the only part that really matters.

To end things on a happier note, Me and Comet were out shopping at an open air market recently and as we were packing things up I saw a cashier with this look in his eye. That look of being dissatisfied with life, looking for a way out of a invisible prison and longing for something he couldn't put his finger on. The same look that I had all those months ago.

I told him to let go of the fear and follow his dreams no matter what. He defintley perked up at that and I think I saw a little colour return to to his eyes as he started to realise what he was missing. Then a gust of wind cut through our conversation as a low flying red dragon swooped past us and I could very subtly hear the cashier whisper to themself 'I wish I could be like them'

Wonder what kind of beautiful beast he'll turn into?

END

Start/Prev

[overhorsed]

so I never actually wrote about our outing last weekend!

floating - F loaded really well leaving home, was a bit trickier coming back but we got there. with two people it would have been easy but with just me he backs off when I move to shut the bum bar.

it was meant to be a showjumping training day and my most basic goal was to at least ride around in the warmup with other horses which... did not really happen because only one other person was there.

arrival - he was a bit prancy when I first unloaded him and walked him around but he was well-mannered and he stood well at the float and ate his hay net. easy to tack up.

riding - by the time I had him tacked up someone else had arrived but parked out of sight, and there was no clear warmup area so I trotted him a couple of circles on the long lead rope make sure he wasn't too spicy and hopped on. he didn't want to walk out of the car park because there was damp ground at the gate 😂

went up the arena and went in because there was no one else around. he jacked up a bit at the gate (because this was his first time in an indoor arena ever in his life) but walked in with no leaps or theatrics eventually. first couple of laps he was twitching at everything from the drag marks to the sound of the footing hitting the boards, but he didn't do anything stupid and after a few laps and trying a trot we did our round of tiny crossrails.

it was a mixture of actual jumps and treating them like trot poles, but I was really pleased with how he focused and didn't spook at anything.

(comment from the venue owner "he's much nicer when he has a job to do!")

walked him around a bit more, then the other person came up and did her round while we practiced waiting patiently (not entirely successful).

she asked if I was happy to go up to 45cm and I was but then immediately started doubting myself because we haven't done much higher than that at home and stupidly I imagined there would still be some crossrails, but it was all either verticals or oxers (nearly half the course was oxers) which again we haven't done very much. also the other girl nominated me to go first, which, thanks.

ANYWAY F whacked the absolute shit out of the first jump but somehow didn't bring it down and that woke him up for the rest of the course. coming in to some jumps (especially the oxers) I could feel him asking "are you sure?" but when I put my leg on he just went "ok then!" and powered over them without ever feeling like he was going to refuse. champion.

(his steering did get a bit wobbly at a couple of points where he went to go the complete opposite way to the course/me so I need to remember to steer more clearly post-jump)

completely missed one distance but it didn't seem to put him off. this was also his first time seeing a combination and he wanted to run out at the second element but we fumbled through and he got better each time.

the other girl went through, then I went back in just to do select fences. I wanted to practice approaching at a canter (which... took a bit to establish with him wanting to be a little wild) so we did a vertical, and oxer, and then the vertical to double line again. no hesitation again and the owner commented that it looked much smoother even though it felt a bit hairy.

hopped off and walked him around for a bit, the other girl went up to 60cm but we called it a day. part of me wanted to try at least one jump at 60cm but he'd been so good the whole day that I didn't want to push too far and ruin it. better to end on a good note.

firsts: time on a float in over a year (oops), time at this venue, time in an indoor arena, full course of jumps, proper jumps with stripes and wings, oxer under saddle (? maybe), combination.

what a trier. I'm so proud of him and how he handled everything.

[getoutofthewater]

[Simarkus Fanfic] Blackbird Braille

Rating: T

Warnings: None

Chapters: 9/9 | Words: 33,982 [AO3]

Notes: Paranormal shenanigans, slight murder, vague 80's setting.

Summary: Highschool student Simon Palmer is trying his best to rebuild a normal life for himself with the help of his friends when a bizarre murder and strange phenomena strike their small Michigan town.

                                                     CHAPTER 1

It all started with Josh’s car accident the year they turned seventeen, or it may have started even before that, the summer they met when they were thirteen. Josh called it chance, Markus was inclined to elevate it to luck, Simon thought it was predestination, how else could four people so different end up being so close?. He had told as much to North once; she had scoffed and called it nonsense to his face, but now, as Josh picked her up from detention in his ridiculously ancient Volkswagen Beetle so she wouldn’t have to walk home in the snow, she thought maybe she would call it a timely fluke.

Josh and North met first. Fate must have worked overtime to keep them together until Simon, ever their peacemaker, could get to them. Back then, after many court cases and a lot of bad blood that would never go under any bridges, North had been legally adopted by her aunt, Dr. Lucy Kline. They had left everything behind, moved back to the small town Lucy had grown up in; she wanted to give North a fair chance, a complete fresh start. At thirteen not unlike at seventeen North’s anger was ever smoldering, but at thirteen unlike at seventeen she had thought rage was all she would ever feel.

She was too proud and too self sufficient to ever admit she really didn’t know how that rage would have molded her without the three stupid dorks she had collected.

“Someone owes me a fiver” Josh said with a smile as they drove away from the school

“Don’t feel so smug” she scoffed, dropping a five in the glove compartment regardless

“Should we up the bet? 10 next?”

“I’m not a child, you can’t coerce me into good behavior by taking my allowance away”

“Oh no, no, my bets are for self serving purposes only. Either, you don’t get yourself into detention so I don’t have to come back to school to pick you up, or I win easy cash, a win/win” he said with an annoying grin “What was it this time anyway?”

She shrugged reaching for Simon’s jacket in the back seat, searching the pockets until she found a cereal bar. After she had defended his honor couldn’t Simon at least have better snacks?

“They were talking shit so I gave them something else to talk about” She bit into the bar, scrunched her nose, cinnamon was her least favorite flavor but it was the one Markus liked best and there you were.

Josh left it at that, knowing from her tone and her actually eating a cinnamon bar that he wasn’t going to get anything else right now.

Even as a little kid Josh had been aware that being brilliant was not enough, he didn’t have Markus’ money or status, but he had just as many plans. He simply couldn’t afford getting tangled in North’s anger. He had known that since the day he had met her, when he had caught her trying to set a trashcan on fire, which she had achieved with tremendous success.

Josh hadn’t slept that night sure Gavin Reed was going to come for him. Other kids were afraid of monsters under their beds, Josh’s bogeyman was quite real and lived only a block away. He still remembered the dread he had felt when Sheriff Anderson had knocked at their door the next morning. North had told them- All the nightmares from the night before crashed on him, had she told them he had started the fire? Were they going to take him away?

North, caught in her little try at arson, had told them how Josh had managed to put the fire out all on his own.

“Good job, son” Hank Anderson had said with a gruff nod and a pat on his shoulder. “If you come across any more fires call an adult to help you out, understood?”

And now here he was, picking The Fire up from detention as he had done at least a hundred times before, with time he had learned how to weather it and he could stand very close to it and it wouldn’t burn him, not too often at least. He liked The Fire, life would be dull without it. He desperately hoped The Fire wouldn’t get herself in bigger trouble. He hoped she wouldn’t need him to bail her out in the very near future, at least not more than 3 times- 7 times tops. Anyway, Markus was a trust fund child so they could probably afford a few more.

“Drive safe, dork!” North said as she climbed out of the car, knocking softly on the hood of the beetle twice.

“See you tomorrow!” Josh said as he watched her go inside her house, in a tone that meant ‘try not to get in trouble in the next 12 hours’

On his way back home it started snowing again, he would appreciate it much more if it weren’t for the ice, but there was a very distinct feeling he got driving just as it was getting dark, the snow fluttering in front of his headlights while he was comfortable and warm inside his car. When he was a child he liked to imagine he could see all sorts of spooks in evenings like this, any moment now he’d see one on the side of the road, maybe a lady dressed all in white, or an animal that didn’t look quite right.

That was when he noticed the hitchhiker and his heart skipped a beat in apprehension and fear, like he had seen something unsettling he shouldn’t have, so much so he didn’t slow down. One second later he was laughing at himself, he was seventeen and he still managed to scare himself, he was glad North wasn’t there to see it or she wouldn’t ever let him live it down.

Josh was just considering going back to pick him up, it was getting darker and the snow was getting worse. He was calculating his U-turn, looking into his rear-view mirror when it, incomprehensibly, shattered. Mirror chips fell all over Simon’s jacket which North had left in the front seat. He looked back at the road, already somewhat shaken, when he noticed the familiar figure standing right in the middle of it, so close to him his brain couldn’t comprehend how he had missed it before.

He jammed his foot on the breaks, his car skidding on the treacherous black ice. As everything slowed down, the last thing he saw were the bits of mirror glinting as they mixed with Markus’ pastels and scattered all over the car. The last thing he remembered thinking was that it was funny how only the blue ones were worn down to snubs. Could you buy the colors separately or did you have to get a full set when one shade ran out?

Then he hit the tree.

[kurosstuff]

Summary: Hela goes into rampage after finding reader dying

A/N: kinda in Helas pov in a way idk short I wrote this half asleep oops, idk if I wrote her well??

Taglist: @the-obscurity

Warning(s): death(readers), violence(fighting, Hela k words someone). Unhealthy coping, ANGST. Fluffish to angst. Kinda in detail gore?

Hela x reader: Raging Grief

Just this morning, everything was perfect, your smiling face curled into her side, as you woke up as usual, sleepy face, a quick peck and you both got ready for the day.

The normal walk, hand in hand down the hallway into the throne room, an extra seat made beside her own, fit for her heart. Her love. Oh how she wish she had the power to turn back time

Where did it go wrong? Why now? So soon after just marrying

"..no My love" Hela's usually strong practically sarcastic tone turned into a heartwrenching broken voice, "please no" the once powerful women sat broken clutching the smaller person in her arms, a large hole in their stomach gushing out. The one being keeping her from destroying everything in her path was you, as always

"Hela." You gasped out bringing a bloodied hand to hers, "it's ok" speaking became much harder, sluggish even, if you weren't bleeding out she would have assumed you were drunk by your speech. "You'll be fine. Be safe. Be ok" she will be safe, but she will be ok that's for sure.

"I will Not. Be ok, y-" a sob cut her off clinging onto you and your warmth started to go faster "you're dying leaving me. You said you would be ok- you have to stand please. Stop getting colder" she begged, for the first time in years, something she knew had to happen she dreaded.

Hela goddess of death herself begged for a life to live. But as fate should have it. She would lose this fight no matter what she did, almost a sick play on how she once vowed all would perish before her. "I love you. I'll always be with you" was the last thing she heard before you took your last breath, then all was silent. A deafening silence hitting all around her. She would no longer hear the laughter, the stories you'd tell, nothing. Setting you down gently, she slid the golden ring off your hand gently placing it in her pocket. She grabbed the sword you held by your side at all times, the very sword she had crafted for you herself. The green emerald carved into the handle gleemed red dripping with the very blood it was created to protect-that it failed

A roar of rage and grief escaped her lips. She would have that pathetic mans head, if he thought for even a second he or any one of them would get away with this very devastating loss. They were surely mistaken.

Its inhuman how she stormed up to one of the one outlaw she wanted most, ripping into him like an animal viciously digging into their pray, a broken laugh escaped her as she beat the very person who killed you, took you. No stole you away, but then stopped after he finished gargling. No.. this isn't the one. They all did this. All his people he gathered to take her down is at fault.

Gripping the handle harsher it could almost break from her hands, she started her hunt. Sprinting down the halls she could hear you, telling her to calm down, telling her to stop and think, but she won't- can't stop. You didn't deserve to die like that, they don't deserve to live, breath the air you once did after what they did. Taking away the very thing she could feel human with?

Yells were heard, screams echoed the halls as she tore through, to her main goal. It was deafening towards her, bashing away each betrayer away like flies flinging from the fly swatter, her jaw clenched-hurting, finally locking eyes with the Male-who at first was smug but became fearful once he saw her flying through as it his men were mere bugs- and to her they were

Yeah, that's right. Turning to face the men holding weapons up to her, some shaking, some not. Blood dripping from her face, her eyes grew even darker. "You will all pay." Standing upward she pointed your sword to the people, the ones who betrayed her-you. "For this SIN"

-

"Hela my poor daughter" Odin spoke softly to not spook the women, slowly he walked to the grieving women clutching onto their lover "what happened my child?"

"DO NOT. Act like you don't know" Hela sobbed yet, no more tears came. All she felt was-sorrow, rage. Odin sighed reaching towards the body, "DON'T TOUCH THEM" Hela yelled harshly making him retract his hand from her late spouse

"I'll" swallowing dryly he stood tall, turning to walk out the door "I'll arrange a funeral." Before he closed it he looked back at his broken daughter- never seeing her like this even once "I'm sorry for your loss" before he closed the door, no light shining in the room, the once joyous room, the room you both shared, she wanted to destroy the throne room. Wanted to do something. But she couldn't.

She hope's one day she'll see you again. Maybe when she the goddess of death falls to death itself she may. One day.

[jaskiersvalley]

I'm thriving on the angsty things you write. Especially with the Cahir/Eskel/Lambert trio. Especially the uncertainty of Cahir being alright or even alive in most situations. I wonder if you have more things with that kind of stuff, I mean, is there a piece where one of them clinically died for some time? And the others were uncertain about this one's fate?

You know how to break my heart Nonnie. Usually I wouldn’t touch a prompt dealing with death. As a general rule, character death prompts get deleted immediately. But it’s a new year, I’m in a very odd funk (all I will say is: fuck you melon in the fridge, fuck you) so, you know. I wrote this. I cried. Eskel cried. Lambert cried. Cahir cried. And one of them died.

CW: Major Character Death

Just because love had magically found them didn’t mean that they could slack off. All three of Lambert, Eskel and Cahir had their roles in the world, tunes they had to march to even if their hearts called to each other. However, they could compromise and pick times and places where they could just so happen to meet. They were few and far between but that made their shared moments that much more precious. Usually, they picked quite out of the way places that they knew to be Witcher tolerant. Having one Witcher in an inn made people nervous, to have two easily turned them hostile. It meant it was usually a little further for Cahir to travel but he always maintained it was worth it.

Knowing what they did of each other’s travelling habits, Eskel was usually first to arrive. He liked to get a room as big as possible, claiming his size warranted a few nights of luxury in a bed he could fit in. Second to arrive was Cahir, always keen not to be late which made him almost early. Despite his best intentions, he had a habit of finding trouble wherever he went, which meant he rarely did get to their meeting point before Eskel, even it that was his plan. Last but not least, Lambert would saunter in, loving the fact that everything was ready, he didn’t have to make nice with the local and beg them to take an unfair portion of his coin for subpar board and food.

Only, this time when he arrived, it was only Eskel there to greet him. Unusual as it was, they knew Cahir attracted trouble by just existing. It wouldn’t be a surprise to have him turn up, bruise and battered but with a somewhat proud smile at having managed to either save the day or outwit some fool who tried to cross him. The sun set, Lambert and Eskel curled up in bed. Just because Cahir wasn’t there didn’t mean they couldn’t enjoy each other’s company. They’d have plenty of love and energy for when Cahir arrived.

The next day was equally empty of Cahir. Slowly, Lambert and Eskel began to worry. A day late was fine but this was now three days later than usual. Not only was Cahir late but their room was only paid for one more day. Over breakfast the next morning, Eskel made some enquiries.

“There’s rumours of a beast on the southern road. Been upending carts and spooking horses. Your contact may have run afoul of it.”

Asking around in the village, it was rapidly becoming apparent that there was indeed something haunting the road. The silver lining was that the mayor offered a handful of coin if Eskel took care of it. It wasn’t like they could linger any longer, Lambert left a message for Cahir if he made it that they missed him and were heading south for a contract.

“It’s likely a noon wraith,” Eskel said as he led Scorpion out of the stall. “I hate those so much.”

“You cast yrden and I’ll do the rest. Work to our strengths and all that shit Vesemir banged on about.”

Swords coated in wraith oil, Eskel left Scorpion in the shade when he began to get skittish. It meant the wraith was nearby. Sure enough, there was an otherworldly screech and something buffeted past them, giving them angry shoves but nothing more. Probably a newly created wraith then, still with some memories intact. Eskel threw his hand up as the wraith rounded on them again and cast yrden. Instantly Lambert was throwing himself into the fray, sword raised. Only, he didn’t bring it down in a maiming blow. With an alarmed cry, he took a step back and promptly fell on his backside. It was usually a death sentence for a Witcher to be so clumsy. Yet the wraith didn’t attack. In fact, it slowed down and morphed into a flickering image of what it had once been.

“Lambert?” Hollow, crackling voiced, the wraith loomed over Lambert. “Why did you try to hurt me Lambert?”

Eskel’s sign flickered and failed as he watched Cahir’s spirit waver above Lambert. There was no hiding the gasp of a sob that ripped from his throat. Immediately Cahir’s attention was on him.

“You’re crying. I’ve never seen you cry before.” Cahir floated closer to Eskel, a ghostly hand reaching to try and wipe the tears. It was like being touched by fire and ice at the same time as Cahir’s hand brushed not over but through his scars. The tear’s path down Eskel’s cheek remained unchanged.

Behind them, Lambert picked himself up, looking stricken. He couldn’t do it. The hundreds of wraiths he’d dealt with before had been impersonal. They were malicious echoes left behind by a violent death. None of them had been Cahir who he’d seen laugh, cry and everything in between. His watery eyes met Eskel’s. They knew what had to be done. But they were too weak.

Reaching for the tear again, Cahir watched his hand pass through Eskel’s cheek. His lips formed a soft ‘oh’ and he pulled his hand back.

“I’m dead, aren’t I?”

Lips quivering, Eskel nodded.

“They killed me.” Cahir looked towards a copse of trees and Lambert knew where they were going to have to go once Cahir’s spirit moved on. “Six bandits-” His hand drifted to his throat subconsciously. “-they wanted my money. I only had a handful of florens but they didn’t think it was enough. They wanted my horse and then they- they-” Moving his hand away from his throat, Eskel could see the bruises forming as the memories came back.

Looking over his shoulder, Cahir twisted to look at Lambert. Taking pity on him, Eskel moved to stand next to his partner so they could both see Cahir.

“What do I do?” Cahir looked so lost and young all of a sudden.

Voice nothing more than a croak, Lambert replied. “You move on. You have to.”

Unable to hold himself back, Eskel reached for Cahir, held his hand in a mimicry of cupping his cheek. “I don’t want to let you go.”

Tears were flowing down his cheek, his nostrils flared with each sniff. It didn’t get easier to watch as Cahir reached up, hand hovering over his while the other reached for Lambert.

“You’ll always be with us,” Lambert promised, his hand clenching over static filled air. “We won’t forget you.”

Cahir offered a wobbly smile of his own. “Our history will always carry our shared footprints.”

A gust of wind scattered ghostly ashes that faded in the grass. Eskel dropped to his knees, sobbing, hands scrabbling to keep even a single speck of it. Not that Lambert was much better. His lips were pressed into a tight, white line and he leaned over, braced on his knees, trying to hold back his sobs. There was nothing left though. Nothing of the man they had loved, only a body they were going to have to retrieve. The only thing left was to build a Witcher’s funeral pyre. Cahir may not have been a Witcher himself, but he’d had two Witchers’ hearts to call his own.