#wrote my kid’s friend that his ‘heart is broken’ bla bla bla and I’m here getting an eye twitch and biting my tongue

[siriuslyjen-blog]

Can adult white men please learn to handle their emotions? Thx, it’s about damn time.

[hannahscreativethoughts]

Do you remember me? Chapter 5

“They went separate ways, that doesn't mean their paths won't ever cross again.“

Summary: Time flies by. 2 years later. Good friends are important for living a good life. 

Warnings: I don't know. Mourning, maybe sad.

Word count: 1871

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 

A beautiful breeze went over the city of London. The sun was shining and it was unusual warm for the beginning of April. A cold wind blew through the streets, but when the wind stopped, a warm atmosphere was laid around the big city. 

It was a little bit outside of the London centre, but still not that far away. There was a white old car parked in a side street. The woman, which the car belongs to, was walking through the street. Her destination was a graveyard. She had to say goodbye. 

That woman was me.

“Hey, Peg.“, I stood in front of her grave. In my hand some flowers. Her favourite ones. 

“I'm back, like I promised.“, a smile on my face. A thin line of water formed in the lid of my eyes. 

“I'm sorry. It took me a little bit longer. I hope you can forgive me.“, the thin line of water broke and the tears start to rush down my cheeks. The pain in my heart was burning through my chest. I had the feeling that I didn’t tried hard enough, that I could have done something to be with her. 

“The last years weren’t that easy for me.“, a apologising smile appeared on my face. The salty water found its way down my cheek and run directly to the corner of my mouth. I bit my upper lip. The wind and the salty water burned in my eyes, I closed them and took a deep breath. The thought about the last years brought back the pain in my head. The torture, the failure, the loss. Everything came back, everything I tried to suppress all these years found its way back into my mind. 

“I asked myself these years how our lives would have been, if I never attended this mission.“, I gasped for air. The chuckled that left my lips afterwards was more like whine.

I’m happy that I had her in my life, she was the sister I always wanted, she was the family I needed. 

“You know, as I drove through London I passed by your old apartment.“, my voice was broken and full of sorrow, but there was still a smile on my face. I whipped away the tears with the end of the sleeve of my thin sweatshirt. The memory of the great times with her, Steve and Bucky made me always smile. And for a second I could forget the bad times in my past. 

“I still remember the day, when we went to London the first time and you showed me your small apartment. It was so cute and small.“, I inhaled deeply and as the air left my lungs again, a small chuckle left my lips. 

“I fell in love with the city“, I looked down at my hands, the flowers still in my hands. “And you said I could go to London as often as I want. There will always be a place to stay for me.“, the wind was almost gone and the warmth of the sun tickled my skin. I closed my eyes and raised my head up in the air. I inhaled the sweet taste of the spring. The air smelled like flowers and fresh mowed grass. 

“I bought you your favourite flowers.“, I held the flowers up and showed it to her, even when she couldn’t see them. A strong breeze whiffed through the tree and I could hear her laugh in my ear. “You never really liked it, when someone bought you flowers. You found it corny.“, I smiled and looked down at the flowers. 

“Why should someone buy them for you, when you can do it by yourself, right?“, a small laugh found its way out of my mouth. “Right.“, I whispered and placed the flowers in the vase in front of her tombstone. The engraving on her stone was beautifully written, it looked like she wrote it by herself. I drew over the letters with my finger. 

“Happy Birthday, Peggy.“

“I bought her flowers one time.“, a male voice said from behind and I jumped in surprise. I turned around and saw Steve leaning against the tree next to her grave. I sighed in relief and smiled at him. 

“I think she kept them.“, he added and walked next to me. 

“I know.“, I turned around back to her grave. “That was the one time, in the time I know her, that she kept flowers somebody gave her.“, I smiled by the thought of her annoyed rage speech, when someone gave her flowers just to get her attention.

“She really liked you.“, I whispered, the words came out with a short soft laugh, but a sob followed behind that laugh. “I miss her“, were the words between the sobs. The wind was blowing through my hair and the fresh breeze wrapped around my skin. Steve just pulled me in his arms and pressed me tight against his body.

“I should have been there for her. She shouldn’t have been alone!“, I sobbed in his chest.

“Don't say that. You were there for her, when nobody was. In her darkest days, you were her light. You were always there. You never left her!“, his voice was soft. We just stood there for a moment. He embracing me tight in his arms, giving me the support I needed, even when I have the feeling that I don’t deserve it, he was there. Like he always was. 

I needed a moment to pull myself together. After a while I calmed myself down and I let go of Steve. “Thank you.“, I managed to say. 

“Always, you’re still like a sister to me.“, we exchanged a smile. He was really like a brother to me, he always knew how to cheer me up. 

“So how were the last years for you?“, Steve and I walked down the aisle of the graveyard. 

“It was okay. I was here and there. Changed my hair colour every now and then. What you do when you are searched by the government.“, I shrugged my shoulders. “Aren't you a fugitive too?“, I asked with a chuckle.

Steve laughed. “Yeah. Kind of. It happened a lot in the last years. Wow we haven’t seen each other in a while.“, he stopped for a second and looked at me for a short moment, before he continued walking. 

“Yeah, I tried to hide. Obviously it was successful.“, I joked. 

“Yes.“, he chuckled softly and looked up to the sky. In his chuckle you could hear both, happiness and grief. I glanced over at him.

“You know, I saved a friend and lost a friend.“, he said after a while.

“How are you feeling? How is life for you?“

“The newspaper ripped my reputation apart, I helped one of the most wanted man to escape and I’m not the youngest anymore. But I’m okay. Life will be better.“ 

“I read about it. I tried to avoid these news, but it was somehow not possible. They write so much dumb stuff, it is ridiculous. Most wanted man, most wanted woman. Bla bla.. They don’t even know us, they don’t even know what we’ve been through.“, my tone was annoyed and angry. 

“Yeah, but we cant change a damn thing about it. We have to live this life now.“, he shrugged his shoulder and gave me a innocent smile. It sounded like he knows that this life will end one day and that we maybe have a chance to live our life in a normal way again. 

“Yeah. Unfortunately we have. I should have stayed.“, the look on my face was worried and guilty. Steve tilted his head and looked at me. 

“He is save. You don’t need to feel guilty. You did the right thing. Believe me.“, he said and smiled down at me. 

“Thank you.“, I said silent and returned that smile. 

“You don’t need to thank me, it was my honour to help him and you. He is my best pal since we are little kids. I cant let him down. He always protected me, now it is my time to protect him.“, the way he moves have changed completely. I took in his new look and smiled to myself.  “Whats wrong?“, he asked astonished and glanced at me with raised eyebrows. His appearance was always like a innocent boy, like a young handsome schoolboy, with a unusual muscular body. Always perfect shaved skin and a perfect haircut. But now he started to get rough, his hair got longer and he started to grow a beard. It definitely fits him. He isn’t the little boy from Brooklyn anymore. 

“I just thought about something.“, I answered and thought about Peggy and that she would have liked his new look.

“You changed a lot Rogers.“, I said after a short moment. 

“In a bad way?“, he raised his eyebrows at me again, but a small smirk appeared on his face. 

“No, actually this look fits you. Peggy would have liked it.“, he glanced down at me and a little laugh escaped, “You changed too.“

“In a bad way?“ 

“No, I know someone who would like it.“, I started laughing, Steve joined me.

It was so refreshing to laugh with someone. I have the feeling that I haven’t laughed in years. His delightful laugh was music in my ears and I was happy to be together with an old friend, with someone I could trust. The feeling that our friendship grew even stronger over the years made my heart fill with joy. Real friendship never dies.

The both of us walked out of the graveyard, the laughers died, it was silent, nobody said anything, but it was a comfortable silence.  We walked down the street in the direction of my car.

Steve suddenly stopped and chuckled again, “You know, I promised someone something.“, he announced and smiled at me. I stopped too and looked back at him. 

“Who?“, I asked curious. I had someone in my mind, but I wasn’t sure if my mind wandered in the right direction. I hoped for it, I believed that it was the person I had in my mind. He pulled something out of the pocket of his jacket and cupped it in his hand. I couldn’t see what it was. He opened his hand and looked at it with a huge dorky smile. 

“Here.“, he threw the object over to me. I caught it with both of my hands. I could see as it flew that it was something very small, something round. As I held it in my hands I could feel its smooth skin. Slowly I opened my hand. A smile appeared on my face, when I saw what I was holding.

“A plum.“, I said happy and pressed the plum to my heart. Tears of joy kicked in my eyes and I started laughing. It wasn’t a laugh out of amusement, it was a laugh out of happiness. The though that everything will be alright again, that I will be safe again made me feel like I was in heaven. 

“I promised him, I will find you and keep you safe.“, his smile was soft. 

@slender--spirit