#wrong i'm a faggot. but like right now i'm a dyke

[t4tstarvingdog]

oh my god i'm a dyke right now

[nerdthatsiriuslylovesteaxx]

Helpless part 74, I'm sorry I’ve been so inconsistent

Jason was sat on the roof of the big house, his head pounded with the pain that had become so common after the war, still he ignored it and drank more of the beer that he'd found. Was it illegal? Sure, but demigods tended to not follow the law too well. He watched the stars, ticking off all the constellations he saw mentally until he found leo, he just stared for who knows how long thinking of the son of Hephaestus. Maybe it wasn't the best life but for a demigod this was as good as it would get, alone and drunk on a rooftop thinking of you're lover while the world fell apart around you, the war may be over but that meant just about nothing. Still the son of Jupiter had tuned out everything around him, things seemed to be looking up, well as much as they could when your best friend is in a coma. He'd gotten a boyfriend, he'd actually talked to someone about camp Jupiter, hell he'd even enrolled in a school, even though he wasn't certain he would live long enough to go. He took another sip before he saw Reyna running, possibly in tears. Something had to have happened but his brain couldn't come up with any sort of answer,

"Reyna! What happened? Are you okay?" He didn't get an answer, but heard the sound of footsteps behind him, turning around he saw the preator of Rome sit down next to him.

"Your fucking sister asked me out." Her head was screaming, she knew it was wrong, it was disgusting. Still in her mind she saw the girls electric blue eyes and wished she could say yes, she told that part to shut up, it was gross, it was... well it was fucking illegal.

"What did you say?"

"NO! Obviously?! I'm not a dyke like her."

"What the fuck did you say?"

"I said I'm not a fucking dyke."

"Don't use that word again, don't call my sister that again or else I'll make you wish you were dead."

"What is wrong with you Jason? It's disgusting."

"Does Nico disgust you then?" She'd never thought twice about accepting the son of Hades, he'd been like her younger brother; but they all said it was bad, every Roman she'd grown up with had said that.

"N-no, of course not."

"What about me? Am I a little faggot that should be hung?" She went still, he couldn't be, but, fuck. She didn't know what she thought anymore, if he hated her she couldn't live with herself. She couldn't say a word, it was as if she'd been frozen in place, she tried to speak but no words would come, she needed to apologise but not a single part of her knew how. "FUCKING ANSWER ME REYNA!"

"No! I'm sorry, I'm really fucking sorry."

"But you're not are you? You're not sorry about every person you watched get hung, you're not sorry about the people you hurt after trying to keep that rule, you're not sorry about everything that happened in camp and I know you're not fucking sorry about my sister."

"I am, I am now, Jason please, don't hate me."

"Why? Why does it matter to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Aren't I just like the rest of the people you would have killed if you'd had the chance?"

"You're my best friend."

"So does that mean you don't care that I'm gay? Is it only wrong when it's someone you don't like?"

"It's- just- it's-" It was wrong because that what they had all told her, her father, Circe, the pirates and camp.

"You don't even know, Reyna tell me what's so wrong about it?"

"It's all I've ever been told! I don't know! I don't have an answer!" He put his arms around her, pulling her closer to himself. She could change, she was a good person, she had to be.

"You remember the hangings? Every day I was scared it would happen to me, I worked myself to death. I hated myself, but I refused to be seen as weak. I wanted to tell you, hundreds of times I had been so close but I never did, even after we changed the rules, I was too scared. I guess I was right for that, but I won't let anyone else go through it."

"I'm sorry, for everything. For giving you a hard time when you changed the rule, for what I've said... just for everything."

"Sorry doesn't cut it, you of all people should know that and there are much more important people to apologise to."

"I'll go and find Thalia."

"In the morning, she would kill you on sight." An awkward silence fell between them, neither of them daring to speak after what had just been said, both lost in thoughts.

"How long have you known you were...?" Finally she spoke unable to hold her tongue any longer,

"Since I was twelve." As much as she wished he'd trusted her she knew it was better she hadn't, she hated herself for that.

"I'm sor-"

"What's done is done Reyna, just make sure the campers have an easier time now than before."

"You have my word; I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing before."

***

[catinasink]

fym "okay" dawg u just dont want to admit ur in the wrong and its embarrassing

look, I call myself a lesbian a lot irl and online. I've identified with the label lesbian and sapphic a lot, mostly sapphic now, and people i know who use the lesbian, sapphic, and bi labels who call themselves a dyke dont mind me saying it as a sapphic person? it's literally just a label, like how queer and faggot are used as labels. I said okay because I really don't want to be arguing about this right now. you can believe what you want to believe and I'll believe what I believe. I'll stop using the label online for myself if it really bothers you that much, is that really not enough for you? do you want me to type a five page essay on how I'm wrong for using the label dyke?

[toxicradio]

My brother has been my biggest ally and my biggest bully. One day he's bragging to kids at school about how cool it is that his big sister is bi. One day he's calling me a faggot and a dyke.

We've grown a lot over the years and become close like we were when we were little. But now we are growing apart again. And he's hurting me. He's getting more radically conservative, anti sex Ed, doesn't believe trans people are real men/women, doesn't see why I wanna get married despite being part of a community that had to fight for the right to, and is now thinking divorce should be illegalized except for certain cases.

He threw my abusive relationship in my face today during an argument that started from a "discussion". And when I walked away, I shouted "get fucked". And now I'm apparently in the wrong and I'm not winning any "sister of the year awards." I told him I was hurt by it. And that he has no idea what I went through. And as he's storming out, he throws out "sure just don't talk to me again for 3 years."

I'm losing my brother. And I don't want to talk to him. I don't feel like I can be myself around him. Everything turns into an argument now. No one can say anything right.

There's only 4 of us left. We're falling apart. I don't know what to do. And I'm scared.

[warmbeebosoftbeebo]

I've thought this for a while. It's pretty clear to me that most of these twitter, tumblr, etc accounts that largely revolve around hating B would've been the ones bullying B throughout his teens as a "faggot" 15-22 years ago. What makes this ironic is that these same generally also claim to be pro-lgbt & anti-bullying (largely dependent on if they see the bullied as members of groups they deem as sufficiently oppressed. Also a tendency to think oppression confers virtuousness, nobility, inability to be bad. therefore, sufficiently innocent and not deserving of it).

Bullying has a lot to do with in groups vs outgroups and conformity vs standing out. In these online enclaves, and real life spaces, the in group are those who follow specific politics and rules (that will also likely change within a few years, and previously Right On things will become Forbidden, as some already have). (although diff spaces will follow diff rules based on who forms/leads them, what patterns, thoughts take hold, and there's still broadly much similarity in these, I'm thinking of the ones aligned with these enclaves I'm discussing.) including ones of groupthink (only one way of thinking allowed, only set beliefs allowed, rumour milling), punishment (eg for disagreement, liking the wrong person, not joining pile-ons, having the gall to like or read or listen to something/someone everyone must hate and not engage with in any good faith way), exclusion (often under the banner of being kind, inclusive in the last several years).

It seems to me that these kids (teens, young adults) would be seeking the homophobic, sexist, gender enforcing in group in a homophobic environment when faced with a gender nonconforming, awkward, anxious, attracted to both sexes boy being frequently bullied by others. The others who are the "cool kids", the "in group" they wanted to or felt they had to join.

After all, who wants to be the odd one out when it's met with punishment? Who doesn't want to fit in, find community, bond with others over shared interests and beliefs, even when it is dependent on demeaning, harming those who don't, who are too weird, bad, wrong, gay to be part of the in group? Too the wrong kind of gay/bi. I've repeatedly seen this about B: he's the wrong kind of bi/pan/gay? They they are actually Right On. He is just so x, y, z he is nothing like them, not a non-het worthy of protection let alone simply being left alone, exempt, the hated out group. This is what I think enables them to treat him thusly while proclaiming they are the opposite of homophobic, are actually against bullying (when they don't think it's deserved). It enables them to somehow pretend the shit he got as a teen didn't happen. Seriously, he was even beaten repeatedly by two guys in particular, and physically bullied by others. Or wasn't actually homophobia, or was actually karma happening early. (Provides excuses to the bullied then and now: see, they know he deserved it.) At best, he didn't deserve it then, but he sure does now. And it's totally nothing like homophobia now, even as we call him the wrong kind of gay, and therefore nothing can be wrong. Get him! (Cue fantasies of beatings, even murder...) Righteousness also plays a huge role. If they were in a space where the popular thing, the Right On thing was picking on the "fags", "spazs", "sluts", "homos", "dykes", "sissies," fat girls, poor kids, the kids who couldn't defend themselves, the kids who didn't gender conform, the kids who likely were same sex attracted... that's what they'd be doing, mostly gleefully, eagerly. With a sense of righteousness, of righting wrongs.

Bullying is about conformity, of the bully and the bullied, and I think a desire to conform, to belong (usu through conformity) is what drives it. Conformity, a desire to conform and make others conform too, is often actually profoundly cowardly (even if also often both a response to & a manifestation of authoritarianism).

Tldr: the accounts focused on the online in thing of hating Brendon, most of whom also claim to be pro-lgbt & pro-social justice & anti-bullying, would've been bullying Brendon for homophobic, gender enforcing reasons because he was a picked on weird gender nonconforming "faggot", as that was the in thing through his teens.

(Has fandom forgotten or never learned about how mostly other boys treated him in his teens? How commonly he was called homophobic slurs? The beatings? Maybe the not knowing also helps them feel righteous. Helps in demonizing him.)

[sapphic-queen-pauline]

About @asexualpower

Disclaimer: I do not support harassing anyone mentioned in this post, despite my strong negative feelings towards them.

If you are familiar with ace discourse on this hellsite, then it is highly likely that you have run across this blog

The man running the blog claims that all he is doing is trying to spread ace positivity, however, in doing that, he is actively shitting on members of the LGBT community.

First things first, you may have noticed that in his bio, he lists "AGBTQIA+".

"Where is the L?" I hear you say. Well, I'm sorry to break it to you all, but in this guy's mind, lesbians don't exist!

Yes, this guy genuinely believes that lesbians don't exist. I'm not making this shit up.

Also in his bio, he states that he is cisgender, herero/demiromantic asexual. To put it simply, he is a cisgender, straight man who only experiences romantic attraction to the opposite sex, only when he has developed some sort of strong bond or connection with that person.

There is nothing wrong with being cisgender, asexual, heteroromantic/sexual, or anything like that, however, there is several things wrong with

Shoehorning yourself into a community that straight up doesn't include you. (The acronym is LGBT. That's it.)

"Reclaiming" slurs that were never yours to reclaim to begin with. Ex. queer, dyke, and faggot.

and 3. Trying to claim that lesbians don't exist

Let's break these three points down.

This is pretty self-explanitory. asexualpower is a straight cisgender man who is trying to shoehorn himself into a community that just isn't for him. Also, even if asexuality WAS inherently part of the LGBT community, I still wouldn't want him to be part of it because of his raging lesbophobia.

As demonstrated in the screenshot above, asexualpower thinks that he has the right to reclaim slurs. He does not. Gay men have the right to reclaim faggot. Lesbian women have the right to reclaim dyke. asexualpower is neither of those, therefore he does not have the right to reclaim either of those slurs. As for the word queer, anyone within the LGBT community, (lesbian, gay, bi, or trans) can reclaim it. HOWEVER, it is never okay to refer to the entire LGBT community is queer, nor is it okay to refer to all gays and lesbians as queer like asexual power does.

A straight man trying to claim that lesbians don't exist? Wow that's really homophobic, ain't it! Lesbians do exist, and there is a large, rich history of lesbians. Lesbians have also done so much for the LGBT community, especially during the 1980's AIDs crisis. It's no surprise asexualpower doesn't know this, though, since his head is too far up his own ass.

That's all I have to say for now. If anyone would like to add on, please feel free to do so.

[gatheringbones]

["Ethan ZImmerman is a binational, multigendered transfag attracted to boys of both sexes. His fiction has appeared in Queer View Mirror 2, Myths, Beginnings, Awakening the Virgin, and Batteries Not Included.

A bar conversation: Drunk: Hey, what the hell are you anyway? Me: A tranny. D: What's a transie? Me: I said tranny. D: A transie? M: Right, I'm a cross between a pansy and a transexual.

Things people say: Are you a he or a she? Are you a girl or a boy? You're a he/she, aren't you? What sex are you? How can you be a faggot? You must be confused. Why don't you like women? You must hate your own body. Why do you want to get your tits cut off? It sounds awfully painful. It must cost a lot of money. Why don't you just go to therapy? If you like men, then why aren't you straight? Excuse me, ladies, you're in the wrong bathroom. Can I help you, ma'am? He, she, it, or whatever you are. You're still a girl to me. You'll always be a girl on the inside. You don't really look much like a guy. Have you started hormones? Why don't you take hormones? You should take hormones before surgery. You should definitely take hormones after surgery. You haven't started transitioning yet, have you? I like your old name better. Yeah, right, you're a fag. You have to have a dick to be a fag. Fags will never ask you out. What kind of plumbing do you have? Does your boyfriend have a penis? I don't care what sex you are. It would be freaky dating you. You look kind of like my brother. Is this official now? Can I see your scars after you have surgery? You'll look a lot better after it's over. But you look OK now. What does your driver's license say? Does your mother know she has a son now? Are you going to grow a beard? But your voice is still so high. I've never thought of you as a girl anyway. I'll love you no matter what sex you are.

Things they don't say: "She" doesn't know what she's doing. She's just being trendy. It's just a phase. She must hate women. She was such a pretty girl. Why does she want to alienate herself like this? Anything to be different. I hate that she's doing this to her mother. So she's a he now, I suppose. But she's so feminine— how could she be a boy? Being a tomboy is one thing, but this is something else. This time she's gone too far. I don't think she should be allowed on womyn-only land. I'm so angry with her for making this decision. She should just stay a she. I don't get her. I don't get this whole transexual thing. Didn't she used to be a model? Does she like to be fucked? It must suck to hate your own body. She does hate her body, doesn't she? She doesn't know what gender she is. Who's going to want to date her now? I'm glad I'm not that fucked up. Things I say to myself: What will my mother think? Was I born this way? Why do I like to suck dick so much? How come I never liked being a lesbian? Why am I less angry now that I've figured out who I really am? Did my father abuse me as a child? Have I always felt this way? How do I feel? Am I feeling anything yet? Do I deserve to be here? Why are people so afraid of me? Sometimes I wish I were dead. No one will ever understand me. Thank God I found other people like me. I can't wait to get chest surgery. Will I ever want to get bottom surgery? I guess I can't go to the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival anymore. Can I still have sex with bar-dykes and call myself a fag? Will I get caught if I try to give a guy a blow job in a public restroom? Is it freaky to be in this body or what? I like being fucked in the cunt, so I must not be a real transexual. The Benjamin Standards suck. It's great that I am figuring all this stuff out. I'm tired of thinking about all this stuff. How come my only dating options are straight men who see me as a girl and fags who don't quite see me as a boy? If I had a real dick, I'd be happy. If I had a real dick, I'd be a fag who is sometimes sad.

Things I tell people: Don't worry, I'm still the same on the inside. It's not catching. I don't really feel like a man. I don't really feel like a woman. Will you please refer to me as he? It makes me feel a lot better. I'm sorry this is so hard for you. I still love you. I've always felt this way. I've never felt this way before. I really need your support. I can't wait for you to touch my chest after surgery. I can't take my shirt off during sex. What do you mean, I haven't started transitioning yet? My new name does so fit me. Thanks for coming to my naming party. You're cute, wanna dance? I'm just a different kind of fag. I love my new name too. My dick comes in all sizes. Yes, my boyfriend has a dick and it's pointing at me. No, I didn't see the Sally Jessy Raphael show yesterday. Don't worry, honey, you're in the right washroom. The binary gender system sucks. If I wanted augmentation I wouldn't need a damn letter from a behavioral scientist. I don't want to be a man; I just want to feel more like me. But I don't enjoy sleeping with femmes. I don't think I was abused as a child. What does that have to do with it anyway? Everything.

How I feel: Happy that my world is making more sense every day, crazy because I'm sure at least once a day that no one else could possibly understand how I feel, disjointed, excited about my new chest, angry that the world can be such a shitty place to people who don't fit in, confused, scared, sexy, freakish, relieved, lucky to have my trans community, thankful to modern medicine, pissed off at being born in the wrong body, scared to do hormones, glad I have a boyfriend who is transgendered like me, afraid that someone will try to kill one of us one day, afraid to travel alone, to use public restrooms, to smile at the wrong person, to let myself be afraid, anxious to be free of the bits of flesh that sit on my male chest, afraid that it will hurt my mother when she finds out that she has a son and not a daughter, grateful that I've met my brother Marcel, scared that I've made the wrong decision, guilty that I don't mind the plumbing that I have, sad that the world hates us and won't even try to see who we are, horny when I think about fucking men, especially daddy figures, especially Henry Rollins, especially that cute older fag who cruises me at my work, especially other trannies like my boy Jackson. Like I did when I was 10 years old.

How I survive: By writing and dancing, by talking to people who get it, by screaming into my pillow, by crying when I can't take it anymore, by reading reaffirming words by other gender warriors, by fantasizing that I have a huge dick, a flat chest, and a deep voice, by reminding myself that I felt like a boy as a child and it didn't feel freaky or weird, by spending time with brother Marcel, by kissing my boy on his flat chest and telling him how sexy he is, by telling the truth, by imagining how sexy I'm going to feel after chest surgery, by listening to other people's stories, by not taking on other people's bullshit, by calling people on their prejudices, by keeping a sense of humor, by hugging my cat who has loved me through any gender expression, by running and feeling my boy body move, by honoring other people's gender expressions, by learning when to be open and when not to, by attending the womyn's festival anyway— no matter what they think about male privilege, by believing my friends when they tell me they love me, by trying to love the girl parts of me I can't get rid of. By being me."]

Ethan Zimmerman, Transie, from Genderqueer: Voices From Beyond The Binary, edited by Joan Nestle, Clare Howell, and Riki Wilchins, Alyson Books, 2002