#wrong answer. you get friends fight to pay for your sins | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ratskinsuit · 11 months ago

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—𝑀𝑜𝓉𝒽 𝐿𝑒𝒻𝓉 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝐹𝓁𝒶𝓂𝑒 𝐵𝓊𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔—

“You are Vox’a personal assistiant, and recently him and Valentino had a rough fight, leaving Vox a wreck”

Tags/Warning: Dark content, Mentally unstable Vox, Unhealthy behaviors, Unhealthy coping mechanisms, Mentions of unhealthy/toxic relationships,Mental breakdowns, Self harm mentions, Slight assault, Crying, Unhealthy dependency, Abandonment issues, Violence, Manipulation mentions, no use of Y/N, not x reader but can be portrayed that way, implied Valentino x Vox

A/N: I have never written full angst (nad I’m shit at comforting) so I hope that this is okay, PLEASE READ THE TAGS. And enjoy!

You are Vox’s personal assistiant at Vox Tech. You died around 3 years ago in a fatal head-on collision car crash, your airbags had failed and it resulted in you smashing through your front windshield.

You honestly don’t know how you ended up here in hell, you thought you did pretty well in life. I mean yes you messed up a bit, but so hasent? You never did anything that you considered to be completely sinful, such as murder, rape, ect-

Even with your predicament, you knew you went just going to sit there, so you accepted your situation pretty fast. You found a simple abandoned apartment that you spruced up a bit to make it livable, and made your way by scrapping together whatever cash or opportunities you could find. After while of growing adjusted and learning the ways around hell, you decided to try getting a job. Specifically as a computer tech, as it was your job before you died, so you thought it would be a job you could do well.

And of course, the best place you though of what Vox Tech. Even though you heard of the torment that the overlords, the Vees, would put their workers through, but honestly you didn’t mind, you just needed something to live off of. Even if it was temporary, you were going to make sure not to do anything stupid.

So you applied for a position there and hoping that you got the job. But sadly they said you just weren’t quite fit for the position you were applying for, and you guess that the lady felt bad for you, because before you could leave she let you know that the overlord of the part you were applying for, Vox, was looking for a personal assistiant.

Of course you hesitated at first, but ended up accepting the job anyways, mainly because the perks and the pay were pretty great. However before you answered to accept, the hiring personnel said that the last personal assistiant was no longer working here is because they got in the way of Vox after him and Valentino had a fight. Yet, you chose to ignore that fact, planning on this being a temporary job.

So, you started working for him. At first, he treated you like actual shit. He would order you around like a dog, yelling at you anytime you messed up, and even if you didn’t, he would find a reason. He acted as if you weren’t even a human being. Your suprised he didn’t kill hou.

After a while, you grew used to it, somehow keeping yourself from getting killed by learning the boundaries. Making sure to do what he says and keeping away as much as you can.

However one day, you heard that Valentino and Vox had a particularly bad fight. Still, you had to go to work and serve him, so you had headed to his office. When you got there though, you found him sobbing and curled up on the floor in a ball, trembling.

Of course when he saw you he screamed at you to get out, but even though danger was staring at straight at your face, you were a naturally empathetic person.

So you went over to him and asked him what was wrong, and at first he threatened and yelled and screamed at you. But when he found you weren’t leaving, he just broke down.

You spent the next couple hours listening as he rants attentively, and soothing him. After that you two grew closer, still within a boss and worker status, but closer as friends.

You learned all the ways to help him through his breakdowns and comfort him. He would often confide in you and you would listen, making him feel better.

The fights between him and his boyfriend never stopped but you made it much better. He eventually stopped fighting and just let you hold him.

However recently, they had the worst fight they ever have had before. And it ended with Valentino leaving. At first it seemed like Val throwing his normal fist, but he didn’t show after a week, or another, or another. After 3 weeks he showed up but would completely ignore vox, and this honestly broke him.

From what you could tell he’s been burrowing himself in his work, and has been completely emotionless to cope recently, and taht scared you. Because you know that sometime soon, he would break and it would all come crashing down.

So your currrently one your way to his office with a plate of snacks, icecream, and some tea. You heard from your coworkers he hasent been out of his office all day, so your wondering if he finally cracked.

You reach the end of the hallway, landing you infront of Vox’s door. You hesitate, wondering if it was better to know and say something to alert him of your presence, or to just open the door and then have him realize it’s you right away.

After a moment of pondering, you decide it’s easier to go with the latter. Grasping the handle, you turn it and push the door open, making a whooshing sound.

Once open, you take a step in and open your mouth to speak. But before you could, Vox snaps his head to the door, giving a death glare.

“Who the fuck do you think you are, just coming in wit-“ His anger dies down as he recognizes you, and his tense form relaxes a bit.

“Shit, sorry didn’t uh.. realize it was you.,” He mourners, rubbing the back of his neck out of habit. He glances away, resting his hands back his desk, before looking back at you.

You give him a small smile, and glance around the room, a bit suprised at the state of him and his surroundings. His face looks tired and a bit glitchy, small colorful pixels appearing and disappearing on the edge of his screen. His head has some wires sticking out of tear sun places. Other parts are dented and scraped, from what you assume was him banging his head against the seat and scratching at himself.

His jacket is laying on the floor a couple feet away from where he is seated. His bow tie seated next to the dozens of coffee cups that litter his desk. His clothes are wrinkled and messed up. His shirt halfway done and seemily hastily put on.

There is trash all around his desk, strewn about. His trash can is full, papers filling it to the brim. Random wires are hung all around the room, hanging from the ceiling and the floor, some torn and other fully put together. All around his chair and his desk is glass. Broken pieces everywhere, but Vox doesn’t seem to care, as he’s gone back to looking at his cameras.

The most disturbing part being his monitors. All but three are broken. They seem to have been broken by having things thrown at them. You assume he threw the lights, as there are random stage lights on the floor and on his desk with the broken glass. Well at least you know where the glass came from.

On the remaining cameras are three scenes. Alastor’s radio tower, the entrance to the building, and Valentinos room.

Vox stares at the cameras, unblinking and staring up like it’s hypnotizing him, like he’s unable to look away. Not even seeming to notice, or care about you being there. Just stuck, his eyes glued to the screens in-front of him.

You hesitate, taking a deep breath, and then you slowly walk over to where Vox is at his desk, he doesn’t seem to realize or care that your coming over to him until you reach him, and begin to speak .

“Vox.. is everything okay?..” you ask softly, placing a hand on his shoulder and he flinches, glancing at you.

“Yes of course I’m fucking fine, just peachy terrific even.” He says with a glare. “Why would you think otherwise?” He says turning away from you back to the screen, obviously trying to hide it.

You take a deep breath, “You just seem to be a bit ..strung up right now, is…” You hesitate, not wanting to anger him or get him more stressed then he already is. But you don’t want him to stay in this cycle of depression that he gets into occasionally.

It usually is triggered when him and Val would have fights. The would scream at eachother, saying nasty things and throwing random items at eachother. And would usually only end once one of them left, which was almost always Valentino.

For the first hour after the fight, Vox would seem fine. Just a bit more angry and pissy, getting riled up over teh smallest of things. Whether it be someone messing up on some paperwork or their job, pe an employee simply tripping. But during those periods it’s best for the workers to avoid him. You, however, just stay by his side the entire time, waiting for it to all come crashing down.

After a while he would just fall. Once alone he would just start crying, and crying, and crying. You would hold him and comfort him, as he rocked and sobbed in your arms. He would go through stages of being completely silent and unmoving, not wanting to talk, sitting with a blank look on his face. To crying and screaming, calling Valentino over and over again apologizing. To anger, yelling and shouting at anybody that moves, leaving angry voicemails into Val’s inbox.

Of course, you would stay with him the entire time. He may yell, scream, or even try to hurt or threaten you at times. But you knew he coudlent help it, he was in an unstable mindset. So the entire time you would try to comfort him.

So not wanting to throw him into that phase at the moment, you chose your next words carefully. “How are you dealing with… Valentino leaving..? Is everything okay, anything you need? I can get you, or do to he- you begin, but are cut off by Vox snapping his neck to you.

He just stares at you for a moment, maintaining eye contact. The two of you staring at eachother in silence, neither of you breaking eye contact in this silent staring contest.

Suddenly, he breaks out into laughter. He puts a hand against his face, chest bubbling with loud laughter. And not normal laughter, this was hysterical, full of instability. His eyes wide and blown out.

It echos in the room, bouncing against the walls as his chest heaves, while he continues laughing loudly. You stand there, frozen in shock from his sudden outburst. Your going to be honestly, it kind of freaked you out.

After a couple of minutes, he swipes his fingers under his eyes as to wipe away tears. His manic laughter now slowed down to giggles, as he breathed heavily, a wide grin of his face. “I-of course I’m fine, haha… why wouldn’t I be!? I’m perrrfectly okay, heh heh…” He says, his grin widening as you stand there in-front of him unmoving.

“I’m fineeeee, I don’t know what the FUCK your talking about, I’m okay, why? Do I not seem okay!?” He begins, his tone slowly beginning to become more on edge. “Why!? Do you think one thing is fucking wrong with me..!? Why the hell would you think something is wrong with me.!?” He says, beginning to raise his voice as he pushes his chair away from the cameras and stands up suddenly, palms to the desk.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying at all, I just mean that … you tend to get a bit…. Upset when you and Val-“ You try to start, but he interrupts you, anger forming on his face.

“IM NOT UPSET. if- if anything, I’m glad that he’s gone, for once I can actually focus on my work without that dick sucking bitch in my face all the time.” he hisses, starting to stalk over to you, a predatory glint in his eyes, full of malice and anger.

You talk a couple steps back as he starts to get closer. “Why are you backing up? What!? Are you fucking scared??!” He growls lowly, and before you can respond, you blink and he’s in front of you, towering over your form, and you gasp in surprise, not expecting that, stumbling back a bit.

“Why are you scared? Haha, I’m not going to hurt you.” He snickers, looking you up and down. “but Maybe. Maybe I will, havent decided yet “He says, clicking his tongue and tilting his head.

“V…vox you don’t seem to be in the right state of mind right now… why don’t we just sit down and-“ before you finish your slammed into the wall, knocking the breath out of you. Once your burry vision clears you see Vox above you, teeth bared, eyes glaring holes into you as he has you pinned to the wall.

“I.am.fine.!” he says, punctuating each word by pulling you to him and pushing you back into the wall with each word hissed out at you with venom. And you try to prevent your head from bashing against the wall.

You look down fro a moment once he stops, and he suddenly grabs your chin with his fingers, claws digging into your cheeks, drawing blood, and he turns your face to look at him. His eyes blazing into yours. “Don’t you dare fucking look away from me, I’m speaking to you, fucking LOOk AT ME..” He yells, blood getting onto his claws from the gash on your cheek, further smearing it.

You stare at him in terror, realizing that Val really fucked him up. He giggles at the fear in your eyes, smirking. “Awe, are you scar-scared? Hm? That’s fucking hilarious hehe…” he giggles maniacally, eyes wises and blown out as he looks at you.

He stroked your cheek with his thumb as he doesn’t break eye contact. “What to do to you… hm..” he looks at you with hysteria Im his eyes, he’s trembling slightly.

“I could, gut you…” He says, scratching your face with his index finger, leaving a bleeding gash on your face and you gasp, earning you a chuckle. “Hang your intestines alllll across the door like a fucking birthday bash.” He says, grin somehow stretching wider.

“No no, that would kill you ro quick, how about a boy of waterboardung before that? Ha?” He snickers, “oh maybe I could choke you? Or or or, you know what would be fun? Shoving firecrackers down your throat and lighting them.” He says, smiling with sadistic glee as you stare in horror.

If course whenever he goes into these stages, he sometimes threatens to hurt you, but never this gruesome, and honestly, your wondering if coming here this early was a good idea.

“Oh so many posibilityyysss,..!” He sings, grabbing you by your waist and pulling you against him, your arms uncomfortably pushed against his chest. And he leans into your neck whispers into your ear.

“Soo many options…” he hums, giggling lowly as he burys his face into the crook of your neck, soft giggling can be heard from him. You stand there as he mutters to himself, keeping you in his embrace as your terrified of why he will do to you.

After a minute his giggling ceases and you can’t her him murmuring anymore but he’s not letting you go.

You hope that maybe he’s calmed down a bit and you can get him to sit down, but before you can open your mouth you begin to hear soft sniffles coming from him.

You feel wetness begin to run down your shoulder, and it becomes apparent that he’s stated crying. You crane your neck to look at his face, seeing his eyes clenched shut as eas fall from his cheeks.

You sigh, knowing you can’t do anything at the moment to get him out of this state without further digging him deeper.

So instead you go for the safer option as your boss sobs into your neck. You rub soothing circles into his back and shush him as he grips onto you tightly as if your going to lean e him. “Hey hey… your okay.. sh… that’s it let it out..” you sooth and he cries harder.

He begins to let his body go limp, the two on your sliding onto the floor. His sitting inbetween your legs, face still burried into the crook of your neck as you embrace him comfortingly.

“wh-at-zz wrong- mi- with me..” he cries, rocking back in forth in your arms and you just let him, trying to support his weight while not getting crushed.

You slowly push his face away from your shoulder, him looking absolutely wrecked. Tears somehow coming through the screen and dripping down his face. A look of desperation on his features as he scans your face. “Shh… nothing is wrong with you, your just overwealmed that’s all..” you say, putting your hand out and he rests his head in it, sniffling.

“…r-e-eally…?” He asks and you nod, patting his back. You hear him let out shakes breaths as he clings to you, head burried in your neck while you comfort him.

“Don’t worry… I’m not going to leave you..” you say, and he seems to relax a bit more at that statement.

After a couple minutes of sitting like that, him resting against you as you soothe him. You notice he has seemed to calm down a bit, no longer trembling and his beating has evened out. But his fans are still going haywire, trying to cool him down. And his body is overheating h excessively.

So you wait a minute and decide you are going to get him some icepacks and a fan to help him cool off.

So you carefully push him off, and he gives you a confused look. His eyes widening in fear as you stand up. And he goes to acramble afte him but you just motion for him to sit back down. “Don’t worry, I’m just going to get you a fan and some ice packs, your overheating and we need to get your temperature down.” You say.

You turn around, starting to head to the door. And you assume that he is okay with it, because your almost at the door and you hadn’t heard any footsteps.

As you go to step out you are suddenly tackled to the ground, knocking the wind out of you. Your flipped over to see Vox straddling you, teeth bared and eyes widened in anger.

“Why the FUCK are you trying to leave me!?”

A/N: Sorry I’ve been dead 🙃 I have no motivation, and I have been very busy recently. I have like 25 requests to do so I will start working on those soon, but try not to be be too expectant. Also this was kind of just something I thought of randomly, this is just Pt. 1 I have plans for what happens after but idk if i should do a pt 2., what do you all think? Also this has so many grammar and spelling misstated because I just wanted to get it out soon, so I will be coming back later to fix them.

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maxwell-grant · 1 year ago

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If you had your say, what villains would you want featured in future venom movies?

With the stuff they have the rights for and aren't saving for future/solo movies, within Venom characters, who is there to pick from? They did the Future Foundation for the first movie, they got to Carnage in the sequel, they've set up Pat Mulligan/Toxin and we're probably gonna either get that or Knull in the next one. They can't scale down to one of Spidey's billion crimelords or someone like Sin-Eater who at least kinda has something to do with Venom, they've set up world-threatening symbiotes as the baseline. Toxin is just nothing, there's nothing there, the most you can get out of him is by having him be We Have Spider-Man At Home, and they already set him Mulligan as Venom's Javert. Combine those two, pit Eddie against a jerk Spider-Man who goes Carnage sometimes, I guess it's something? Knull is a Thor villain who took the wrong turn at Albuquerque, I can't imagine how they'd do him for these movies without just pulling the trigger on a Venomverse outright, and there's been a lot of talk about how the next movie's gonna set up that, or a multiverse, or the Sonyverse, and I'm boring myself to sleep just talking about this.

They both suck and are big idiot nothings, and none of the prior guys were really good to begin with. Knull is a little more tolerable in my book because Al Ewing and the new game made decent enough soup out of it and Tradd Moore's art sold me on him a little bit, and Woody Harrelson playing Biff Tannen was by default the most entertaining Cletus Kasady has ever been aside from AXIS, but "occasionally amusing" doesn't equal good or even mediocre, and that's the issue with these movies in a nutshell. An occasionally funny schlub protagonist and offscreen promises can't make up for all the crap everything else, and Let There Be Carnage wore my goodwill towards even that real thin. I really did try to like it.

Don't get me wrong, I like that those movies exist. I'm still probably gonna drag my friend into the next one. I hate most Venom comics but I'm incorrigible Venom trash. If we have to put up with those films and a Madame Web every now and then as the price to pay for Sony keeping the rights and keeping Spiderverse and the games just as they are, then by all means keep them coming. But man, I did try, I seriously combed through Venom and the other symbiote's rogues galleries and supporting casts to try and find an answer for this, and all the characters I found were A: dogshit Venom / Spider-anciliary characters that don't have much of anything worth it to them, and B: halfway there Spider-Man leftovers who are better served just not having anything to do with Venom movies, so I guess the option I'd go here is for them to just make new ones. I mean, movie Carlton Drake was basically an original character and he was, okay I don't even remember a thing about that guy but he was probably better than Cletus because it's really not that hard to come up with a better villain than Cletus Kasady (who at his best just elicits a chuckle) and dirtbag CEO with the cops on his side is the kind of thing you want a character like Venom to be fighting so, I guess lean more on that.

I guess I'd put Venom against symbiote tech cops that he can kill and eat without complication and have those follow him around while the actual plot is about some dumb errand or personal conflict he runs, but I don't think the villains are really the missing piece here. Venom is a terrific Spider-Man villain, but as a protagonist he is frequently deeply lacking, and as a movie franchise has like two things going for it, the titular character and the humor of a couple low-stakes absurd comedy scenes like the lobster tank, so I'd take those and throw the source material in the trash and have them go through something like the fake sequels of 22 Jump Street, just put the character in dumb problems that they can try and solve in dumb ways and do their dumb comedy routine in, Venom as a vehicle for dark parody as an extension of what he was made to represent. Treat the movies less like they are steps in a cinematic universe or character pieces and more like genre films that get infected and corrupted by a monstrous violent walking alien apocalypse and the schlubby journalist meathead in a co-dependent relationship with said walking apocalypse.

Venom In Space. Venom Goes to Hollywood. Venom In The Hood. Venom Surfs The Web. Everyvenom Venomwhere All At Venom. Not even joking, if I could make a Venom musical / Little Shop of Venoms I'd do it in a heartbeat, and it would end with similar destruction. Because make no mistake, this is a Laurel and Hardy thing only to them, and to everyone else it's an escalating horror film with some kind of destruction left at the end, because that's what happens when Venom runs rampant and Spider-Man isn't there to stop them or at least keep them in line.

Venom is not just a parody, he is a rot at the heart that never stops growing, and even if Eddie Brock can strive to be a better man and even be a decent one, even if he and the Symbiote can bond as losers trying to be better, neither can escape the nature of what Venom fundamentally is, with a million new Carnages and Riots and Agonies and Screams and Viruses and symbiote cops and serial killers popping up every minute as a reminder. You can't really come up with a Venom-specific villain that's going to be greater than Venom himself already is as a Spider-Man villain, so I'd just lean into that. And then maybe, when and if it's time to finally deliver on that Spider-Man or Sinister Six encounter, they find themselves arriving too late after we've had enough movies to laugh at this idiot schlub and his predatory living cancer buddy while the world they've been protecting has been turning more into this. We put this world not in the hands of Spider-Man, because we have the full rights hope in overcoming hardship to be our better self, but in the claws of Venom, because we are fucking stupid.

#replies tag #marvel #spider man #venom #eddie brock #marvel comics #superheroes #supervillain #comic books #sonyverse

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superloves4 · 1 year ago

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in your eyes the mirror of mercy (ch.3)

Characters: Maglor & (ROP)Galadriel, Gen

Chapters: 3 of 3

Summary: While searching for Sauron after following a lead to the Southlands, Galadriel stumbles onto the last person she expected to ever see again: her cousin, the kinslayer Maglor Fëanorion.

TW: Blood and death is mentioned? Nothing graphic.

A/N: Messed up ROP's timeline a little so that Durin could be there, also, how did this chapter get so out of my control? 6k, how?

Song recommendation: When You Were Mine - Hayd (I love taking romantic songs and making them about complicated family relationships instead) & Black Friday - Team StarKid

Ch.1 Ch.2

Also on AO3

Maglor plucked at the strings of his harp, a song to bide the night farewell as the light of dawn slowly appeared on the horizon. It had been long since he’d played a song for the sake of music alone.

“I know that song!”

He smiled at the young man who looked flustered for revealing that he’d been listening in the whole time, not that he’d hidden much from the ears of an elf but Maglor wasn’t about to tell him.

“Oh, truly?”

The young man felt encouraged by his measured response and beamed “Yeah, it’s very popular, I used to hear it all the time when I was a child and I’d be asleep right after”

“Good to know that one of my compositions is still so used” Maglor couldn’t hide how glad he was that of all that Elros could’ve carried of him, the ones he chose to keep had been his songs. His next note was a lament, it wasn’t supposed to be, but it was nonetheless.

How many people were forever sundered from him now?

But the man was staring at him in awe anyway “You’re one of them, aren’t you? The ones with the light...”

Maglor smiled “You have much yet to see, Isildur, don’t focus too much on what is beyond sight”

“How did you?”

Their talk was interrupted by the arrival of Galadriel who had heard them and as soon as her own conversation with the young Nùmenorian had ended, she asked “Since when do you have sight?”

Maglor continued playing his harp “I don’t”

She just stared at him in doubt “Those were not just words and you know it”

Maglor stared at the water, another melody turned somber, “I don’t, it’s not sight” he answered, a single cord resounding “It’s Song.”

Galadriel remembered then, something she’d been told as a child, that the sea contained the vestiges of the Song of Illùvatar. The idea felt wrong, something he shouldn’t have been able to hear, but the answer was right in front of her, wasn’t it?

“Have you truly been walking the shores all this time?”

Maglor seemed to reflect on that question before chuckling “Are you more willing to believe me now?” he had a small smile, illuminated by the morning sun, Maglor looked utterly tired “I wasn’t lying but I gathered the truth wouldn’t have been enough”

Galadriel shook her head in disbelief “To think that all this time...” he’d been so close to all of them “...You’d been just down by the shore...”

“Everyone was better off without me” Maglor shrugged “I had my sins to pay for and no one to return to”

“We were still there” Maglor had to stop playing and look at her in surprise but she said nothing more. All those years alone, losing family after family, friend after friend, surely he’d see, surely he’d know.

“Ah, yes, because I’m truly that good of a company, I’m sure” he tried to joke but the conversation was over and she left, with no more clarification to give him.

Riding to battle was not something Maglor ever expected to do again, the human spear he’d been loaned was heavier than any elven or dwarven weapon he’d held before but the heaviness of his spirit was greater than ever, there was still much unsaid and much he didn’t trust about himself.

But when he looked at the Nùmenorians riding alongside him he would remind himself who he was fighting for this time around, he remembered the true enemy now and why it mattered.

The survivors of that faithful day would go back and talk about the fire of the elves that fought in the Southlands, and how their light reached the besieged people before the sun could fully rise. After so many years, the voice of Kanafinwë Makalaurë roared on the battlefield again, a sound most on that battlefield couldn’t even know the legacy it carried, and the few that did, could not believe the sound of an era gone by, could still exist.

But he did exist, he was there and he wouldn’t run away anymore.

“Maglor!”

Galadriel had called to her cousin as the orc tried to escape, not that he made it too far away. Having heard her, he’d quickly reached the two and tripped the orc’s horse sending it’s rider flying.

The two cousins descended from their own horses but Maglor had that horrible gut feeling as back in Nùmenor when he looked at Galadriel, it should’ve been normal, she simply looked pleased at capturing the one responsible for the attack in the Southlands and the orc could have information to lead them back to Sauron, but it didn’t settle well with him nonetheless. Her eyes were dark and cold, it terrified him.

They tied him up in a nearby barn, allowing them to truly see the one they’d been fighting the whole day.

“He’ll wake up soon” he commented, seeing the telltale signs of consciousness returning to the rider.

“Let me talk to him,” she asked him but Maglor was still uncertain so she added “Alone”

Maglor looked from the prisoner back to her, but he decided he’d trust Galadriel.

Galadriel looked down at the orc in front of her, heard his words but couldn’t rest, how many of her people had they taken and killed? How many of the second born? The desire to cut his life short was immeasurable, alas, she still needed information.

But disappointment cuts deep.

It was so hard, to keep down that pain in her chest, even as he continued to speak. Sauron wasn’t there. After everything she had done, all the information she’d tracked down, every hurt and every person that had left her alone to the chase, in the end, it still had not been enough.

And he kept talking, about the orcs in his service and about a place for them, the pain felt as if her chest would cave in at any moment, her breath came harder and she struggled to think.

Adar then called for the One, for recognition.

She was brought back to her childhood and Findaràto was there, he was discussing something or the other with someone, the conversation veered towards Ilúvatar and she could remember her brother’s voice. She remembered everything, as clearly as if it had been yesterday.

How dare he?

She threatened him, she wanted to cause all the pain she suffered on the pathetic orc, to see as he regretted his wretched existence and everything she had to see. Who cared if he called her evil? The blood on her blade was black.

“Nerwen”

Galadriel was thrown back into the present and her breathing returned. The red faded from her vision and the chill of her hate filled her bones. Unlike what she expected, however, Maglor’s eyes weren’t judging her.

Instead, he allowed her to leave, taking care of the prisoner in her place while she remembered how to breathe freely. And she heard them. She heard him.

“There is nothing you could tell me, Son of Fëanor,” was Adar seething “Oh, yes I know who you are, nothing for you to say that the lady hasn’t already”

Maglor sighed.

“You can hardly expect otherwise, there’s too much history between us, no?”

She heard him place some food in front of Adar, she didn’t even notice he had gathered anything.

“Do you think yourself so much higher than us, Calaquendi? Do you believe I don’t know your history or what you’ve done?”

“You seem to have misunderstood my intentions,”

“Have I? You look down on me but before today did you even know if you still bled red? Don’t patronize me, kinslayer.”

“I do not know what it is to feel the enemy on my skin so I cannot speak as truly as another might if you may forgive me for it”

“What are you even talking about?”

There was a pause then a shuffle, it seemed to be Maglor.

“You are more than what Utmno made of you”

His voice was lower, as if on the ground.

“I hope you may remember it before the end, I’ve found it to not be an easy thing to believe in, but it’s all any of us have, no?”

Galadriel braced herself on a rock, adrenaline could no longer carry her and the remaining strength left at last. For so long she had prided herself in her ability to see, to look and know the true heart of someone, ever believing that she had never allowed herself to waver in too harsh or too soft a judgment.

But when the moment arrived she had offered nothing but blood and destruction. Galadriel had believed she had been chasing the light her brother had taught her so long ago, that the dark path she’d threaded had taught her further. But when asked to hope, she had refused.

It had been Maglor, instead. Arrogant, tired, guilty, Maglor. It had been him to reach out and offer mercy.

Her hands were clean but she was heavy. How far had she sunken? For how long had she followed a reflection instead? Galadriel looked at her dagger, her eyes reflected on the blade, would Findaràto truly see his sister if he saw her now?

She silently cried, for how long, she didn’t know, but she did feel when someone sat by her side.

“You were right”

Maglor chuckled and she felt the vibration on her arm where they touched “Oh, my, that is something no one would ever believe happened if I told, you know.” there was some measure of comfort in his voice, she remembered now, Maglor had liked to joke where Maedhros had been more stern in his concern. He’d been an older brother before he’d been her older cousin.

“Celeborn is dead” she began, her voice wistful and pained “I never saw him again, after losing so much of our family to not even have his body to cry over and bury, it was so hard to see forward.”

“Gil-Galad never approved of what I was doing” she explained “He believed I was keeping alive the same evil I had been looking for, perhaps he even believed, knew, I was to become that same evil. That I was marred.” Galadriel felt his stare at her but she could look at him, focusing instead on the object Adar had been trying to escape with “Everyone could see that I had lost myself”

“You know,” he spoke, “these past days you reminded me of someone...”

“Fëanor?”

“Celegorm, actually”

Galadriel scoffed “That’s a low blow even for you”

But Maglor persisted “I know who he is to history, but history didn’t see my brother,” he said firmly “The grief that can overwhelm us and lead us to believe that what we do is correct, that hurt can heal past hurt, but we’re just left with that pain inside, eating at us until we can’t run anymore, there’s nothing my brother can do now but you are here and you’re not him”

Galadriel trembled and her voice struggled “There isn’t a path I can see anymore, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” her whole being shaking “I can’t stop”

“Neither can I”

She looked at her cousin, facing the fear of what she looked like to others now, and in his eyes, she saw reflected that same pain, that same all-consuming desire for vengeance and the flame that hungered for destruction. They had been fighting for so long.

Galadriel gave him a poor smile “You called me Nerwen”

They could survive this, they would find a way.

Maglor laughed and seemed to be about to joke again when his expression changed and he quickly grabbed Adar’s parcel instead. His frantic actions revealed a small axe inside but Galadriel had no idea why it was so important or why Maglor looked horrified.

“We need to run”

“What? Why? We won, what-”

He grabbed her wrist and started pushing her along with him “It’s wrong! It’s all wrong, the sound! The sound! We have to leave!”

“What are you talking about?!”

The ground trembled before the first rocks started to fall but Galadriel couldn’t understand, hadn’t they prevented this? It didn’t matter anymore, Orodruin was erupting and they had to reach the others fast.

Everything seemed to go wrong from then on, at some point she lost track of where Maglor was in the middle of the chaos they found but she dedicated herself to taking as many people to safety as she could even as the world around began to burn. Galadriel thought she heard music in the distance but ash blurred her vision, if her cousin was still nearby she couldn’t tell, and when she was hit by a stray rock she couldn’t tell anything at all.

She woke up to a world of darkness.

It was difficult to not feel it was her fault, when she found her way out of those destroyed lands she’d realize it wasn’t, but in that moment it felt like punishment. Maglor’s words returned to her in the dark and she followed, hoping that the two of them could help others, the human boy in her group in particular, there was too much hurt in Theo that reminded her so much of herself.

They reached the light and things went back into place, Theo found his mother and Arondir, and she got to speak with the Queen and Elendil, learning they planned to return to Nùmenor soon. Everything seemed to correct itself, they had lost much that day and it was exhausting to see their victory turn hollow so quickly.

They would heal.

Galadriel was swiftly enveloped in an unexpected hug.

“You’re safe”

She hugged Maglor back, feeling like a child, truly glad he had survived.

“Did you think you could escape going back to Lindon with me, huh?”

“About that...”

She broke the hug, Maglor was avoiding her eyes, and her arm was bloodied but it wasn’t her blood. The gash at his side was shallower than she feared but Maglor had fought as long as she had, if he knew that such a wound wouldn’t kill him, then why did he look about to leave her his goodbyes?

She shook her head but he smiled.

“Poison” he explained to her silent question “I’m too out of practice it seems, one orc sneaked upon my group” he laughed as if she wasn’t staring at him in horror “I searched the camp, we’ve got nothing and it’s not something I can fix on song alone, I won’t be coming back it seems”

“No,” she refused to see another one of her family die in front of her “No, there’s got to-, Eregion,” she nodded to herself, she could find a way out of this “It’s seven days from here, with the right horses...”

His legs trembled and she held her cousin so he wouldn’t just fall to the ground.

“We’d be lucky if I get three days, let alone seven” he laughed but took her hand “It’s okay, it’s not such a loss, no? I’m still guilty remember”

Of course she did, Galadriel's vision blurred with tears, of course, and that’s why he had to live, that’s why...

“Going soft?” he joked “Hey, it’s more than any of my brothers got, at least I fought for something true no?”

“No, you fought for my revenge, it’s not the same” she sobbed.

Maglor hugged her again but she pushed him away.

“Let me try,” she said “You haven’t fought your true fight yet and you need to be there when I fight mine, Maglor Fëanorion,” her voice cracked “Let me at least try.”

Maglor had liked the idea of dying there, they were close enough to the coast, he could stay there until the poison ran its course, staring at Nùmenor before his long-delayed journey to the Halls called to him. It was way more than he ever thought he’d have.

But Galadriel was crying on his armour and he didn’t want to disappoint her anymore, so he agreed. At least he wouldn’t die alone.

Galadriel had picked the most well-rested horses she could find, faster horses would be best but a horse that covered more ground was better than a fast, tired one that could barely trot right from the beginning. She’d sing of healing and would coerce Maglor to do the same, they might not heal the poison, but if they pushed it back long enough.

“We’ll be there soon, we’re so close to Eregion now” they had stopped for rest and she really didn’t like that Maglor looked to be developing a fever “And when we get there, you’ll be able to see Celebrimbor again”

“Celebrimbor?” she heard him ask, that was good, keep him awake.

Galadriel laughed “Yeah, Celebrimbor, your nephew”

“What are you talking about?”

That made her turn her head “What are you talking about?”

Maglor looked at her seriously, struggling to breathe “Celebrimbor is dead, he died in Nargothrond”

“What? No, he didn’t, he-” she tried to say when it hit her “You didn’t know he wasn’t in Nargothrond when it fell?...”

Maglor seemed slightly delirious at that point “He didn’t-, didn’t return, he stayed, Curufin screamed, he-, he screamed when the news came-”

Galadriel looked at her cousin “All this time you thought he was dead?” but he didn’t answer her so she decided that the time for rest was over.

Elrond grimaced to Celebrimbor and the other grimaced back, the dinner was going worse than they had expected, Durin and Gil-Galad refused to be cordial to each other to everyone’s despair.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t expected this, what with Durin's dislike of elves and Gil-Galad anxieties after Galadriel’s disappearance, but still he had hoped that meeting on the neutral ground of Eregion would allow for better communication. Alas, they played the same tune yet again.

Durin’s attempt at crass insults towards the High King were thankfully interrupted.

“My King, Lord Celebrimbor, it’s the Lady Galadriel, she-”

“Speak faster would you!” was Galadriel’s screech from behind the doors, her steps heavy “Healer! Elrond! Elrond!”

The desperate call for a healer terrified them all and they rushed to reach her but nothing could’ve prepared them for what they saw. Elrond froze.

While, yes, Galadriel was covered in ash and blood, both black and red, it was clear she was well, nothing that would require urgent care or that a bath wouldn’t reveal to be way less in proportions.

No, the one truly at risk was the one she was carrying, black hair caked in the same mix of ash and blood, a frame much thinner than any of them remembered, and a wound with fresh blood at his side.

None of them ever thought they’d ever see Maglor Fëanorion again.

Elrond looked at Galadriel, he wasn’t even sure he knew what he felt at that moment, he had so many questions but he couldn’t even begin any of them, sentences escaped him. The ground had disappeared from his feet.

But Galadriel begged him “Please, Elrond, you’re the only one that can save him”

He swallowed hard, fighting himself he focused on the moment, he could ask all the questions he wanted later, at that moment they were a healer and a patient, that’s all.

He nodded and Maglor was quickly taken to the nearest empty room.

Durin was looking around confused, wondering if it would be best if he left, Celebrimbor had taken refuge in his forges and Galadriel knew that Gil-Galad was glaring daggers at her but she was exhausted enough to not care, she could only wait and hope she hadn’t been too late.

“Just say what you want to say”

He took a deep breath before saying “You,” he hissed “vanished...”

Gil-Galad seemed to her to be trembling with rage, she wasn’t really sure how she’d justify bringing Maglor here, she just didn’t want to lose someone again.

“And then,” the king continued “When you return, without a single letter in all this time I might add, you have a dying kinslayer with you!” his voice getting progressively more aggravated “Did you even think what you were doing? What were you doing at all this time? Why did you think bringing him, of all people, to Elrond, was a good idea?”

That one she could answer “I think we were wrong,” she answered honestly “I don’t think Maglor ever hurt them”

Gil-Galad stared at her as if her head had fallen off her shoulders, it was humiliating a look from someone so much younger than her, so she glared back.

“They destroyed his home, there’s only so much compassion one can have,” Gil-Galad said, crossing his arms.

Galadriel looked away from the judgemental younger man “I think we were wrong”

The king sighed.

Hours later, after Galadriel had told all that happened to the king, Elrond finally emerged from the room and everyone stared at him.

He avoided all of their gazes and answered “I did everything I could, it depends on him to survive the night”

And he left, Durin quickly running after him.

Elrond crumbled to the ground when he was far enough and took a deep, deep, breath. All he had wanted was a good, respectful, dinner to smooth over old enmities, all he thought he would have to deal with was the stubbornness of elves and dwarves. He felt so cold.

“Soooo,” he heard Durin’s voice “What exactly was that? Seemed more than just an injured of yours”

“That,” the dwarf couldn’t tell what the elf was feeling, his voice neutral as he continued “Was Maglor Fëanorion”

The name seemed vaguely familiar to Durin but he hardly ever bothered with elven history so in the end it meant nothing to him. He just stared at Elrond, hoping he’d continue.

Elrond hid his face in the crook of his arm, swaying slightly “He is a criminal, committed one of our greatest sins, kinslaying, thrice over in pursuit of the heirloom of his father, the silmaril”

Durin was not entirely sure why fighting for a heirloom would be bad but he sensed there was more to the story so he didn’t speak, Elrond seemed to need it.

“He...” another deep breath “He destroyed my mother’s home, then destroyed mine, my mother threw herself to the seas for this, he never got the silmaril...”

Oh, so that was why, Durin whistled “And you saved his life? My, I knew you were kind elf, but this?” he nodded impressed.

Elrond clenched his fists on his own clothes “He’s a selfish prick that left two boys barely out of childhood with a cousin they barely knew to pursue that stupid jewel...”

Well, Durin thought, this seems different.

“I thought he was dead”

The dwarf heard a barely-held-back sob and kept silent companionship while Elrond cried through the night.

Maglor woke up to a high, elven, ceiling.

It was so beautifully normal and familiar he knew it had to be wrong. He painfully pushed himself in a sitting position, his wound had been patched perfectly but the side effects of the poison made his body ache with every movement.

“I wouldn’t recommend moving now,” Galadriel laughed at him “Wouldn’t want Elrond’s work to go to waste no?”

“Elrond?” he despaired “You brought me to Elrond?”

“I didn’t,” she defended herself “He was already in Eregion, maybe for a reason”

“He wouldn’t want to see me after all that I did” he struggled to acclimate to the soft pillows, there had been a time when all his pillows had been this soft, now they made him feel insecure.

“You survived,” she told him “It’s the only way we can truly move on, no?”

Maglor laughed and then groaned from the pain in his abdomen “Don’t you think I won’t use the fact that you cried for me against you”

Galadriel smiled, yes, they could find a way out of the fire.

“They are waiting for you”

Maglor needed time before he could confront Elrond, so he searched for Celebrimbor instead. It wasn’t easier, but at least he had known Elrond was alive all this time. He would see his nephew for the first time in so many years...

“HEY! Who’s there?”

Celebrimbor turned the corner and stopped, his face in shock, but Maglor couldn’t even respond. There he was. His little nephew.

He had this vivid memory, they had all gathered to wait for Curufin's arrival and then the doors opened, his brother came out holding what seemed to Maglor as the smallest elfling he’d ever seen, even the Ambarussa had been bigger.

He had been so small, Maglor had held him in his arms, sung him to sleep.

And there he was now, a grown man, it didn’t matter if he rejected his foolish uncle, to see him again had been enough.

“How did you get here?” Celebrimbor asked cautiously.

“I-” Maglor smiled awkwardly “Believe it or not, I know my way in a forge... we all knew...” he trailed off, he felt the push of song but refused it, he needed to be present now, he owed them as much.

Celebrimbor nodded, more to himself than as an answer “I’m glad you’re alive?”

Maglor laughed “Usually, it’s not a question”

Celebrimbor sighed “I, it’s just, we all thought you died after Eönwë’s camp, to see you now... I don’t even know what to say”

“You don’t need to say anything Tyelpë” Maglor wanted to commit his vision to memory “I’m sorry, for everything that we failed you for, and for everything you had to endure after we weren’t here”

Maglor thought his nephew was still too kind when Tyelpë got closer and with all the sincerity in the world, asked him “Are you all right, uncle? Do I need to call a healer?”

“We thought you died in Nargothrond” Maglor told him, unable to keep himself from reaching to stroke his nephew’s head, how funny that Curufin who had been smaller than Maglor had a child that now stood taller than he did, the caress just a little awkward as a result.

“What...?”

Telperinquar knew he hadn’t sent letters but somehow the idea of his father lying on the floor of Doriath, thinking he had long died, moved something in him. Had his father thought of him then? Did he want for his father to have thought of him?

“Did my father?...”

“...Yes”

Maglor removed his hand “He thought much of you, if it matters anything, I understand if you do not wish to hear of him”

Tyelpë looked at his uncle, he still looked terribly smaller than the great elf of his memories and the poison had left him looking deathly pale, like a gust of wind would send him tumbling down the stairs. No one was sure what to do with him, Galadriel herself had brought him back and asked for his salvation, where did that leave that tired kinslayer? And who was he to Telperinquar?

“I was hurting,” Tyelpë began, trying to find the words, those had always come easier to his father “I saw my family betray everything I believed in, father had always promised I’d be safe with family, but my family wasn’t safe from themselves” he walked towards one of the benches “I never wanted for you to believe me dead... but I also believed you dead, for all these years...”

“I-, I know what that looks like, I just-” Maglor struggled to explain, desperation tugging at his heart “I never wanted to impose on you, if you wish me gone, I will.”

But Tyelpë simply held something up to his face.

Maglor stared at it in disbelief “That’s father’s hammer...” he couldn’t help but snort “You took it from Curufin’s things?” he laughed, shaking his head. Curufin had been desperate to find it, searched the entirety of Himring, and instead, the whole time... Maglor was rather proud he had to admit “I’m so glad to see you well, Tyelpë.”

The man in front of him smiled “If you are to stay, then you better prove it. I’d hate to lose my uncle again.”

Maglor smiled back. After all those years, he finally got to hug his nephew, and he knew he’d gladly spend any time proving whatever was asked of him.

“Is something wrong, Tyelpë?”

A voice Maglor didn’t recognize asked, but unlike his skepticism, Celebrimbor seemed delighted.

“Oh! Annatar! Please, come meet my uncle!”

The moment the man stepped forward Maglor knew he wasn’t an elf, but neither was he a human. Certainly a handsome person but there was something unnatural about his beauty, something uncanny about the splendour of his blonde hair, it seemed as if one had attempted to recreate the way treelight would illuminate people in Valinor. But he didn’t think Celebrimbor would remember, he’d been so young when they left.

“I salute you, son of Fëanor, I am Annatar Aulendil” the man introduced himself, his smile was almost too serene.

Celebrimbor beamed “He is a maia of Aulë, he was sent by the Valar to help us” he seemed so proud of himself, Maglor felt bad for his reticence, they just reconnected he didn’t want to go back on his words, it was just that...

“Why would the Valar send someone to the House of Fëanor?” he asked. Maglor firmly believed that he’d never met a maiar named Annatar in Aulë’s halls.

The man looked at him and without a beat answered “Why wouldn’t they? Is Celebrimbor not innocent? And aren’t the Valar merciful?” he tilted his head, still smiling in that strangely perfect way “Why wouldn’t we embrace the house that betrayed us? Thus bringing them back to our embrace”

Celebrimbor laughed “He is not wrong, we have much to atone for, I have many hopes for this”

It pained Maglor’s heart to hear it, Celebrimbor should’ve never been the one to stand for them. He tried to speak, to remind his nephew that he didn’t owe them anything but was interrupted by the maia.

“Is it not what you wish for yourself, son of Fëanor? Redemption?”

Maglor bristled but kept it hidden, not wanting to upset Celebrimbor “Nothing so grand, there is no redemption for myself,” it wasn’t a sad thought, just something he’d live with “I merely wish for healing now.”

The man stared at him for an unsettling amount of time “A noble desire, I suppose” he finally said “There is much I heard about Maglor Fëanorion, about your music in particular, is it true that you are even better than our great late king, Finrod Felagund?”

Maglor took a step back, not liking the question “We never had any need to know” he responded curtly.

Annatar hummed, he never stopped smiling.

“How unfortunate”

He might have said something back but Celebrimbor grabbed his hand “I believe I can create something, Uncle, not to capture but to heal, Annatar has been a great help in achieving such ideal, I wish for us to get along”

Whatever that Annatar had wrong, Celebrimbor was looking at him so hopeful that Maglor didn’t have the heart to refuse him anything.

Maglor stayed long with his nephew, leaving him felt painful, the feeling that Tyelpë would be gone the moment he took his eyes off of him would likely never truly leave him.

But he still had one more person he needed to meet.

The one he had the most to apologize for.

He found Elrond looking blankly into a crystal goblet from the night before and Maglor had no doubt he was the cause of his heavy heart. To have to save someone that hurt him so deeply, Maglor didn’t even begin to know how to atone.

Maybe his death would be the requirement.

But Maglor didn’t want to die anymore.

“I-”

“So, it seems I’m last,” Elrond hummed, not turning to look at him “I should not have imagined differently, huh”

“I thought you wouldn’t want to see me so soon”

Elrond scoffed “Because the last time I saw you wasn’t hundreds of years ago, am I wrong?”

“I know I hurt you, I want to apologize”

Elrond jumped from his seat, putting more distance between him and Maglor “Of course, because that will fix everything”

Maglor sighed “You don’t need to forgive me, I just thought you deserved to hear me say that I am truly sorry” and walked back to the door, he knew he should leave now, Elrond clearly didn’t want anything to do with him anymore, it was only right to not bother the peace he’d found for himself.

“There’s a bow by that corner,” Maglor turned to look and indeed Elrond was telling the truth “If you leave this room now, I will shoot you”

“Elrond!”

“Don’t!” Elrond screamed back, finally looking at him, his eyes were red, swollen, and Maglor could see the tear trails on his face now “Don’t you dare reprimand me for anything! You don’t deserve it!”

“Of course I don’t Elrond!” Maglor exclaimed, hoping to make him understand “I’m not trying to forget what happened, I’m not asking you to forgive me! You don’t need to look at me ever again!”

“Then why are here? Why do you always arrive just to leave again?” Elrond shouted “You keep repeating yourself! You think you can correct what you did by for caring for us, but leave us with Gil-Galad instead, then you think you can correct everything by just disappearing with no letters, we thought you were dead! How am I to believe you won’t just vanish tomorrow, find an excuse about making amends and we never see you again? We-, no, I never see you again.”

“I should’ve come sooner, I just-, I thought that was what you wanted.” Maglor avoided Elrond’s gaze, he never expected this whenever he imagined how meeting his ward again would be.

“You have no idea what I want,” Elrond threw at him, cornering Maglor “You just do things and put inside your head that everyone wants you gone because leaving is easier than realizing that you changed, that there was more than the path you took when you arrived in Beleriand, that you could do something”

“I’m sorry! I truly am, I spent so long thinking about what I should’ve done better, but everything I did,” Maglor tried desperately to make him see “I did because I thought was the greater good, for you, for Elros, I should’ve never taken you two, you deserved far more than who I was, I should’ve never hurt you as I did, but leaving was the only correct choice”

Elrond scoffed again “You are still doing it! You put in your head this image of what happened and you don’t stop to think what we wanted!” he was crying now and Maglor felt his heart break, Elrond should not be crying, he should never have to cry.

“For the greater good?” Elrond questioned, his voice shaking “Father left for the greater good, Mother left for the greater good, Elros left for the greater good,” his head drooped and he let himself lean on Maglor’s chest, like a child looking for comfort “But you... You were selfish, you should’ve stayed, there was nothing you could truly do to fix what you had done, we wanted you to stay, you should’ve been selfish...”

“Elrond...”

Maglor took him in his arms, he had grown much since he last saw him, but in his arms, Elrond was just that scared child again. He had been so wrong.

“I’m tired, of being left,” Elrond sobbed “So, if you plan to leave, then leave, I’ll pretend you died as you wanted...”

“No,” Maglor kissed his head “I’m not leaving, I’ll stay to the breaking of the world if it’s what you want, I’m sorry Elrond, I’m sorry I didn’t realize it in time to see Elros,” Maglor continued to stroke his back, letting the sobs dwindle “I’ve been there you know, I saw Nùmenor, I saw his heirs, they built so much and they are so strong, I will be here to see what you will build”

Elrond could help the new sobs, feeling at least a little more full, even when and if he saw his parents again, he had lost Elros, and probably would lose others along the way, there would never be a him who was whole. But people could come back, some could still return to him. It was flawed but it was his family. And that was enough.

“I missed you...”

“I missed you, too”

Galadriel looked over that reunion from above, she had never meant to eavesdrop, it was too important a moment for her to do so, but the screams had attracted more attention than the two had meant and she had ended up witnessing the end of that confrontation. She was happy for them.

Everything was shaky and fragile, they still had much to work to do and Maglor’s fate was uncertain, her own decisions were still to show their consequences.

But they weren’t alone anymore. They could heal now.

The End

7 notes · View notes

mcki · 2 years ago

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hello! same anon that asked for sns fics<3 thank you so much for being so open!

i really have no preference for length but i think it looking for (heavy) angst…. i don’t mind crying!!!

i also don’t mind fics that don’t involve canon storylines so long as the characters are in character if that makes sense? unfortunately i can’t continue fics if the characters’ dialogue don’t sound like smth their canon characters would say😭

i hope this isn’t too picky! thank you so much again for your recs!!!<33

hey sorry it took me this long to get back to you. i started going through the fics, got distracted and compeltely forgot why i was even doing that in the first place.

but anyways! here's the list. (put under read more cause it's... well you'll see)

everything is tagged ao3 style so you know what you'll be getting into and i even added some personal comments at the bottom.

happy reading!

Long Lost by CanineKitten | E | Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, Brief Uzumaki Naruto/Hyuuga Hinata | Post-Canon, Canon Divergence | 90k

“Sasuke wanted Naruto to catch the drift for once and leave him alone, but instead he leaned closer. Maybe Sasuke should have caught on when he saw the determination in Naruto's eyes. Maybe he should have realized that Naruto was about to do something stupid. But he didn’t. So when Naruto kissed him, he was too shocked to even be indignant.”In which Naruto and Sasuke skirt around their feelings for each other until they run out of excuses.

Can't go wrong with a CanineKitten fic. You're gonna see a lot more of them in this list. This one's a perfect blend of angst, fluff and smut.

Unburied & Examined by furorem | E | Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto | Post-Canon | 16k

"I asked you…" Sasuke muttered, quietly, his eyes averted as if to hide something. "I asked you, what I am to you. And you said a friend. Over and over…" Finally, his eyes snapped up to meet Naruto’s. He was devastating, all hard angles and splintered bones, sharp edges Naruto could and would cut himself on. He wanted him. He wanted him so fucking much it made his heart ache.Realising you’re irrevocably in love with your best friend is one thing, confessing your love is quite another.

Idiots in love. Idiots pining. Idiots learning how to communicate.

the sins you pay for by kayeeyooblue | E | Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto | Post-Canon, Canon Divergence | +100k

the walls of sasuke uchiha's apartment are dripping with layers of paint. it seems the only colors he knows how to use are red and black. sometimes, naruto wonders if sasuke has ever known any other color, or if his life has only ever consisted of blood and death. but he can't ask, and there is no answer, so he sits and watches the paint dry and waits for sasuke to begin again.

ANGST. Goes into very heavy stuff (depression, bpd, suicidal thoughts etc). If you get uncomfortable with this kind of thing please don’t read it. But I hope you do cause oh my god this fic is so good. Cried a lot.

Kizuna Hikari by YoungAndOverIntelligent | M | Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto | Post-Canon, Canon Divergence | +200k

The only reason Sasuke keeps coming back to Konoha is because of that mattress. The bed is his only respite. And perhaps the dumbass who owns said bed might be worth it, too.Or, another canon divergence 699 that showers Sasuke with too much (deserved) love and attention that we all need for these unprecedented times.

One of my all time favorite sns fics. A must read for everyone in the fandom.

should I tear my eyes out now? by weeb_grass | M | Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto | idek what this'd count as? post canon ig | +3k

The battle against the Elders is lost. Sasuke is locked away for life. After twelve years of fighting the system, Naruto frees the man he loves in the only way he knows how: "Just to reiterate: how long will it take for the cyanide to stop my heart?" Naruto keeps his face blank as he replies with: "Three minutes. Four at the most."

PURE ANGST. HURT/ NO FUCKING COMFORT. HEED THE TAGS.

Free Falling by CanineKitten | E | Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto | Post-Canon, Canon Divergence | +45k

After being reinstated as a shinobi, Sasuke takes on what is supposed to be a standard mission together with Naruto. But the mission soon spirals out of control when they get involved in a conflict that isn't theirs. Eventually they end up in the wilderness, lost and without any other help but a strange map that lives its own life, and it only gets weirder from there on... At least they get to spend a lot of time together and learn to know each other better than they ever could have dreamed of.

Great plot. Great smut. Great characterization. Just great.

Soup's On by OfFansAndFlames | E | Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, Side Pairing: Suigetsu/Karin | Modern Setting | +350k

After a bloody altercation at school, the courts sentence Sasuke to one hundred hours of community service. Sasuke takes employment at Saint Magdalene's soup kitchen, where he meets a headstrong vagrant who will change the course of his life.

Another one of my favorites. This was reccomended to me by a friend a while ago and OH BOY. I don't ever really read Modern AUs but this fic DELIVERED. Angst, smut, fluff, crack, it literally has everything. 10/10 would reccomend.

If You Let Me by roguelovers | E | Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto | Post-Canon, Canon Divergence | +11k

Naruto leaves with Sasuke after the war. There are knots to untangle.

Pretty much what the summary says. Sasuke's characterization is on point. Some angst.

Something To Remember Me By by heimai | E | Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto | Modern Setting | +82k

Every summer, Naruto visits the sleepy beach town of Oceanview. Easily the best part of the trip is the carnival, set up for three days at the end of August. As summers pass, Naruto finds himself coming back again and again to see the boy at the end of the boardwalk. First, he wants to win the game the boy runs, but it turns into wanting to win Sasuke's heart instead. For some reason, Naruto just can't get him out of his head.

Really cute fic. But SAD. You've been warned.

A World of Truth by luchia | E | Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito/Rin | Canon Divergence | 23k

The world is trapped in an illusion which removes anger, hate, and death. It's paradise, giving everyone everything they've ever wanted and reviving anyone they've ever lost. Nearly two years into the illusion, Sasuke snaps back to his senses and must decide whether to keep the world in false bliss, or return it to war-torn reality.

This one is a lot more AU than a regular canon divergence fic i'd say.

Restore My Faith by onepieceofharry | E | Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto | Genin-Era, Canon Divergence | +100k and cont.

Sasuke was consumed with hatred because his family was killed. His entire family, not a single person left alive except him and their killer. It was enough to drive someone insane, or into the arms of the first maniac promising him enough power for revenge. Instead Sasuke finds a little baby Uchiha on a meaningless mission and leaves Konoha for a vastly different reason.

The plot is really interesting, very different than what you usually read. onepieceofharry is always so creative with their fics tho, so no surprises here. All in all great fic, can't wait to see where it goes.

btw since it's not an sns fic i didn't include it in the list but if you end up enjoying this, you have to read a theory of justice by the same author cause it's insanely good.

A Crown of Peonies and Primrose by shinigami714 | M | Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto | Canon Divergence | 85k

Sasuke had never excelled when it came to handling his emotions. All his life he’d tried to push them aside. They made him weak, or so he thought. But all it took was one man to ignite such strange feelings within him, to force him to come to terms with them, accept them, and acknowledge that sometimes emotions weren’t a weakness at all, but rather one’s greatest strength. Sometimes the greatest happiness was found simply by following your heart.

Nice fic. Not much else to say about it. Classic SNS.

So I Can Stay With You by saucekays | M | Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto | Canon Divergence | 67K

After the War, Sasuke is struggling: with the past, with Konoha, and with himself. He decides to go on a journey, one he hopes will bring him redemption and maybe some peace of mind.Naruto isn't willing to let him go so easily, so he does the obvious: invite himself along.While traveling across the lands, Naruto and Sasuke are forced to confront what lies between them. They make a lot of discoveries about themselves, their past, and their true feelings for each other.

Very slow burn but the wait is so worth it. The pining, the yearning... Love it.

Aftermath by CanineKitten | E | Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto | Canon Divergence | +58k

Naruto is tired of seeing Sasuke leave again and again. This time he’s going with him.

Another travel fic! A very good one too.

+ The rest of the list is not angsty but i stil included them cause they're favorites and it's good to read some light crack after so much heavy stuff.

Collecting Memories by venussnow | E | Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto | Boruto Era-ish | +180k and continuing

One minute Sasuke was sleeping outside and the next he's waking up in a comfortable bed in a world where there is no chakra. Only Naruto can help him find his way back home, but Naruto's convinced that a demon has possessed Sasuke's body. Meanwhile, another dimension's Sasuke woke up in a panic, without chakra, in a world where every nightmare he has ever had came to life and where everyone he loves is either dead, smelly, or downright terrifying. And don't even get him started on having a kid.

The Sasuke we know stuck in the modern world and ModernAu Sasuke is stuck in Konoha. Really funny and incredibly clever. I love this one a lot. No angst whatsoever (i mean there is drama but it's nothing compared to some of the fics in this list). I really hope you'll give this one a go cause, man, I had(still have) a blast reading this.

We Deserved A Better Ending, My Love by narutophobia | M | Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto | Modern AU but not really, Reincarnation i guess? | +100k

Ever since Naruto was little, he has been plagued by memories from a life that was not his own.And then he sees Sasuke.

Kinda angsty, kinda fluffy. Again a really fun fic to read but a little more serious than the other 'fun' ones on the list.

Mirror, Mirror by sowell | E | Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto | Canon Divergence | 16k

A jutsu gone wrong brings Sasuke home in a way Naruto never expected.

Really funny. Had a blast reading this. Kinda crack but not really? 'Crack treated seriously' i guess.

That's What Best Friends Are For by heimai | E | Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto | Modern Setting | 26k

In the same way Icarus had flown too close to the sun and plummeted to his death, Sasuke Uchiha now had a vibrator stuck in his ass.

Might be the funniest shit i've ever read. But also really sexy? With fluff? Idk how the author managed to keep the boys so in character while writing about, you know, a vibrator getting stuck in one of them. 10/10.

No Different by Asuka Kureru (Askerian) | E | Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto | Canon Divergence | +2k

The boys compare the size of their curse seals. Amongst other things.

Pure smut. Enjoy.

#feel free to add to the list #long post #answered

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koneko-pi · 2 years ago

Note

!!! oo Can I get Eros 3, Agape 1, Ludus 1 & 5, and Philautia 1 please? (If you don't want to answer all of them for any reason, feel free to leave it out! ^^ )

Thank you for asking!! I'll do them for Briar of course :')

Eros 3

How do they feel about public displays of romantic affection? Does it make them uncomfortable? How do they feel if a romantic partner kisses them in public?

Public displays of affection are one of the easiest ways to catch Briar off guard. Not only does she not expect them but does not actively seek this kind of love language out. While she would be grateful to them for showing off their love for her, she would be flustered and a little irritated it had happened. They'd get an ear full of her embarrassed ranting in private, but if they kept doing it she wouldn't fight them, as she knows they love her. They just better be ready for a lot of scolding.

Agape 1

Does your OC wish to make the world a better place? How far do they see that as being their responsibility? What lengths would they go to in order to help achieve this?

Once upon a time Briar fought hard for something she believed would better the future, going as far as to putting down her own family members when she thought it was the right thing to do. And although she did end up getting what she wanted, after watching where her choices have gotten her, and others, she has become a much more bitter person who doesn't like opening up to people. She still struggles a lot with the decisions she made in the past, feeling haunted by the result of them. She fights with herself sometimes wondering, if she was given the chance, if she would change the past.

Ludus 1

Does your OC have any particular favourite chat up lines? If not for themselves then perhaps ones they have suggested to a friend? How effective do these tend to be?

Flirting is something Briar is very bad at. Maybe in her younger years when she was more springy and energetic you'd catch her cat calling or whistling at men she found attractive. But as an adult she has to much on her plate to even think about how to court someone. So things like pickup lines are something she hasn't even thought about, though it can be amusing watching others give her advice. as she doesn't know how to take it; embarrassingly trying to pay attention and remember what people tell her as she tries to repeat the line.

Ludus 5

What seduction techniques are most likely to be effective when it comes to your OC? Are there some things guaranteed to get them going? Or are they immune to such things?

This is unfortunately one of Briar's weakest traits. She finds muscular people to be incredibly attractive, and so just revealing a little chest or arms tends to have a strong affect on her. She feels a little ashamed of being so shallow though and does her best to hide it, going out of her way to avoid people sometimes even. It's something I like to think about privately, as she grows as a better person she begins to see the things attractive in other people outside of their body type. It's one of the reasons I love her relationship with Nozel, she learned to love him for who he is, despite not being her "type".

Philautia 1

Does your OC have a healthy sense of their own worth and value? Or do they see themselves as failing to live up to their original potential? Perhaps they are convinced of their own sinful or inadequate nature?

This could be the fundamental question of Briars journey. From a young age Briar had to much put upon her shoulders be it expectations or work. She was given orders and she intern would follow them, thinking she was doing the right thing. But as she got older she began to question everything she knew, which created a deep rift inside her.

She absolutely feels like a failure because of things that she did or did not do in the past; she could save people, or got rid of the wrong people. Did she chose the wrong side in a time of fighting? Despite her many skills and looking impressive in the eyes of others Briar has very little self worth and often wonders why she, of all the people she knew, was the one who was still around. She often wishes she could just go to sleep and never wake up, but something inside her keeps her going, and she doesn't even know what that is.

#black clover #black clover oc #oc ask game #oc: briar rose #crimson lion queen #thoughtfullyrainynightmare

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bonny-kookoo · 4 years ago

Text

Rabbit Boy | JJK x Reader | 🔞

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Wordcount: 10.3k (Long)

Genre: Romance, Friends/strangers to lovers, Smut, BDSM because I'm making that a genre now

Tags/Warnings: BDSM themes (please I'm begging you stop reading my shit if it makes you uncumfortable), mentions of restrainment, light shibari, edging, orgasm denial (very mild), Subspace, Domspace because yes thats a thing, Dom/sub dynamics, Biting, Oral (m and f receiving), riding, and not the horseback kind if you know what I mean, protected sex yes, we love an organized household, there's just so much sweet filth istg

Summary: Jungkook is wild, untamed, and doesn't really commit to anyone for long. But maybe, you're his only exception in this world. Maybe, you're really that perfect partner he's been looking for.

Jungkook likes to think of himself as an artist.

Sure, if people knew exactly what the young man does in his freetime (or as a side job, don't judge, we all want to make money out of our hobbies stop lying to yourself), they would surely look at him differently.

But he's an artist, nonetheless.

Technically, Jungkook also doesn't need to do what he does simply for the money. No, his main job pays very well- considering that he's one of the top elite in his genre of games. He doesn't just merely play and win a game; Jungkook, just like most things he touches, claims complete ownership of the match he's fighting. It's a well known fact that he's someone who likes things for himself. He loves control, craves to lead, and hates to be belittled.

Oh and yeah- financially, investing in an indie-game three years back had also done his bank account some good.

Now, at an age where he can be fully considered a man, and not a boy anymore, he craves control in different aspects of life- and love.

Jungkook has a problem however.

He's wild.

Not in the way one might think he is (although several people could argue that yes, that's also the case in bed..) but generally. He loves to control- but he hates to be tied down.

And a mindset like that doesn't work well with relationships.

He's had them before, don't get him wrong. He's had numerous in the past, but they all either broke apart because he would hold that particular desire back, making him antsy and moody, or he would welcome his partners into his world, and become uncomfortable with the way things would progress.

No, he doesn't want to experiment. He knows exactly what he wants, and if that means he's 'close-minded' and a bad person, then so be it for him.

He never liked the constant company in his apartment anyways.

"Ah, I've seen her before. She's usually a regular for Yoongi though." Taehyung says, checking a name for Jungkook, who's doodling on a napkin while he waits for his new appointment to show up. "I see. I forgot that Yoongi took some days off recently- that's probably why she's now under your hand." He explains, and Jungkook huffs, his blonde hair tickling his cheek.

"So I'll have to adjust? I mean, Yoongi's style is pretty different from mine." The young man says, not looking up. He simply continues his little sketch of braided hair, while the lanky guy behind the counter clicks away on his laptop.

"Probably? I can't check the logs since they're private, but from what I know Yoongi only did the usual with her." he explains, shrugging as he looks at his friend and colleague. "I can re-schedule her to Hoseok if you want?" He asks, and Jungkook, after finishing his drawing, lets the pen fall and stretches.

"Yeah, that would probably be best. Wouldn't know what to do if she drops- rather not have him rip my head off, thanks." He says, before he gets up.

"Ah- you're still coming over tonight right? Y/N said she's gonna cook for us." He says, and Jungkooks body shivers a little.

Your name is nothing new to him, but the reaction to it most certainly was. You're a friend of Yoongi and Hoseok, having joined in on their gaming nights a few months ago after Yoongi had insisted you couldn't stay alone on a christmas day. Jungkook had never really asked why you were alone in the first place, but he had never really cared much for it either. Sure, you were an absolute gem to look at; technically absolutely his type, but he had early on decided not to pursue anything at all with you. He knew friendship wouldn't stay friendship with you, his own hunger way too large to simply be satiated by platonic gestures-

and he was also sure you wouldn't be able to handle him, truly. The conversation with Jimin, one of your best friends, had changed nothing about that. Because he didn't know you well enough to quite know if you were only bark and no bite- or if you were genuinely craving the same things he did.

But most recently, there had been a change in his opinion on you. Because he had seen you, come out of this place, out of Yoongis studio.

You knew about all of this- and you were still around.

Nothing had changed.

Now, of course he had instantly poked holes into the poor guy about if he had ever played with you before- and the answer he had gotten, had made him even more interested and antsy to get closer to you.

Because while you trusted Yoongi with everything you had, he had never done anything with you. You had simply been interested in watching a scene unfold- and had told him that you were definitely interested in participating. The reason Jungkook couldn't ask you directly was a clear one-

You were majorly intimidated by him, to the point of, he had never really had a proper conversation with you. Partially, he had to admit, because he himself didn't want to involve himself too much with you.

He’d always asked himself; wouldn’t you be even more distant and reserved with him if you knew this side of him? Sure, you always joked around that he probably tied his girls up and edged them until they cried- but did you know that he genuinely enjoyed these things?

Relationships for him were mere covers to call the arrangements he had with the girls that came and went in his life in a constant changing matter. Deep down, no one night stand could satisfy his most carnal desires, and he was very well aware of that. But he rather took what he could get and lived a fever dream for a few moments than stay on his own simply because his idea of pleasure and sex was not the norm.

No, he refused to deny himself that.

Maybe it was because he’d always lived a rather lavish life- with his parents well off and his own career skyrocketing he never really had any worries like you have had in the past. For some odd reason, while looking at the soft red rope in his hands, his thoughts suddenly went astray; he knew he could give you the stability you oh so craved, in every way shape and form. You were a diamond simply waiting to be perfected- you had so much potential, knowing that you were secretly wandering around the same paths as he did made him even more frustrated.

The hints were there, they were obvious; from the way you had sighed out in bliss when he’d teasingly pulled your hair just hours ago, to the sinful confessions he’d heard that night when he overheard you and jimin by accident. Of course he’d maybe wasted a thought or two of you underneath him to humor him once or twice- but now with the rope in his hands, his mind immediately began painting pictures of it against your skin. Would you enjoy it? And what if he took your sight, or only bound your hands? What if he denied you to cum, or if he took you from behind, grabbing your hair and pushing down your spine to make it arch so prettily- never with the intend to hurt, of course. He knew he’d have to tame you first, make you submit, but then again, he loved the challenge.

You made even the idea of touching fun.

He wouldn't even have to undress you to fully get himself worked up, he was sure of that. Only seeing you bow to his very command would be enough to satisfy him. Of course, over the course of time he would lead you deeper and deeper into his rabbit hole, but he would take it slow for you.

So, with a smile, and a wave of his hand, he walked past the girl he knew had been his appointment- grinning at Taehyung. "Of course I'll be there."

He wouldn't dare miss a night with you.

You were stressing. A little.

Maybe.

Maybe a lot.

Everything would've been fine if they guys would've all come over. But due to the bad weather, and Taehyungs bad habit of never properly fixing his god-forsaken dumpster of a car, only one of them would be able to make it. And of course the one had to be Jeon Jungkook.

Just great.

Now, it wasn't like you didn't like the guy, no way. The problem was more, that he was on the exact opposite of that spectrum. You had a major crush on him, which felt like the plot to a really bad drama show you would watch drunk at night- and in a way, it really felt like one too. Because you were pretty sure, he didn't even know your name.

But oh well- apparently he knew more than that. More specifically, your phone number. And it had scared the shit out of you at first to receive a message from him because how the hell did he get your number, but then again you remembered that one of your connections was Kim Taehyung- and everyone knew what he knew.

It was the doorbell that ripped you out of your skin almost.

You didn't even change, deciding any effort would be too late anyways; and you were still heavily confused in the first place why the fuck he would come over alone, even though you two had never exchanged much more than a friendly hello and goodbye. But there he was, as you opened the door- soft, white hoodie and ripped jeans, a bit damp from the rain outside as you let him inside.

He didn't move.

"Uh-" You started, but he just looked at you, friendly as ever, although a teasing glint in his eye made you frown a bit.

He thought it was cute.

"You didn't tell me to come in." He said, and you blinked once, twice, before your brain had properly restarted.

"Oh uh- come in?" You said, again, moving a bit to the side so he could walk in- which he still didn't. "Jungkook come on now its fucking cold-!" You whined, and he laughed, finally stepping inside. Had he always been like that? Could very well be the case, after all, you had never truly paid much attention to his behavior before.

"Thanks for letting me come over." He said, and you watched him as he untied his boots. "I had nothing else to do- and also, I didn't want you to waste any food, considering Tae said you cooked for us." He explained, before he got up again from his half kneeling position, boots now standing next to your significantly smaller shoes.

"Ah, it would've been fine, you guys don't have to feel bad." You waved off, smiling. "I was about to stop cooking anyways when Jimin had texted me, but well, then you did and uhm.." You drifted off, noticing how you were suddenly waiting for him to lead the way.

In your own apartment.

What the hell?

If he noticed however, he didn't show it. He simply smiled, and moved his hands inside the front pocket of his hoodie. "Ah, thanks. I appreciate it, really." He said, and you smiled at him as well, walking towards the main area of your apartment. It was small, very small compared to his own, but he enjoyed the feeling of it. Everything around him reminded him of you, in a way; from the pictures taped to the walls, to the stickers on your fridge. It all held a piece of you in it. "Your apartment is really nice, by the way." He commented, and you turned around, before getting plates and cutlery to bring inside the living room.

"Ah, right, it's your first time here." You said. "Thanks- the living room is right around the corner there, you can just sit down and I'll bring everything there." You explained, and he smiled, nodding without arguing.

You liked that.

Typically, there would've been this awkward 'oh no let me help you', but Jungkook didn't seem to dwell on it much, letting you do your thing instead of butting in and making things weird. He simply walked where you had directed him, sitting down on the couch as he went to place a blanket to the side. His fingers moved over the fabric for a moment, noticing how everything on the couch, including the pillows, were made of that same, soft material.

Interesting.

"Oh- you can just put that to the side, sorry I forgot to clean that up." You said, putting the food onto the table as he just smiles again. He waits for you to sit down as well before you turn up the TV volume a little, nerves finally setting in as you notice there's almost nothing you can talk to him about. "This is awkward." You comment, and he chuckles at that swallowing his bite as he looks at you.

"Doesn't have to be." He states, before he turns his body a bit more into your direction; a visible sign that he wants a conversation. "Tae has never mentioned what you do for a living." He states, an unasked question of his. He lets you decide if you want to take it as one or leave it as a statement- it makes you feel nice, in a way.

"Ah uh.. it's really boring, so I guess I never really talk about it either.." You say, and he tilts his head a little, a silent urging for you to continue. You feel insignificant next o him and his job however. He's superior to you in any way, and you don't want him to feel pity or laugh at you for your job. "I uh.. I'm a programmer for a.. pretty unknown game studio." You say, body almost shrinking in on itself as you wait for his reaction. Much to your surprise however, he makes a sound that's purely surprise, as he swallows his bite with a bit of urgency.

"Fuck really?! That's so cool though!" He argues, brows furrowed a bit as he playfully accuses you with his next words. "Indie or not, a programmer is the main force of any game. Did you work on any games I might know of?" He asks, eyes sparkling as he realizes he had finally found something to bond with you over.

"Uh.. 'Rabbit Boy' was our best hit until now.." You say, still a bit shy, but you're also a tad more confident now. His reaction is either well-staged, or he's genuinely interested in what you do.

"I played it I think. It was a bit short, but I loved the mechanics." He says, and before he can quite stop himself, his hand has already reached out to you, running over your hair as he praises you like second nature. "Wuah, so smart!" He says, before he gets a reaction he wouldn't have thought he'd get from shy-you.

Because you playfully shove him, your socked feet pushed against the side of his thigh as you giggle at him.

Interesting, again.

Now, Jimin has actually told him about this before. How you were anything but the shy girl when you were around people you knew and trusted. He had believed it- to an extend- because he had also thought that maybe you were like that to prove your spot between those guys. As the only girl, you easily got thrown under the bus, so you had to somehow own your spot in the midst of your circle of friends.

However, it seemed like you were truly just a brat, hiding behind that innocent facade of yours. A barking dog, with every intent to bite if needed.

And Jungkook knew, he'd love to tame you, show you your spot, and make you his prey.

The trashy movie your watching bores you, in a way. Jungkook has noticed this already, having taken note of your feet wiggling around, your teeth nibbling on the inside of your cheek, as you rest your cheek on your hand, elbow resting on the side of the couch.

“I don’t know why she’s so hesitant.” You mutter, pouting as you slump into the couch- uncaring that the side of your body now leans against his own. He feels your warmth- and for some reason it brings him comfort to notice that you’re seemingly growing more at ease. “I mean, it’s what she’s into, right?” You say, brows furrowed as you watch the screen.

“It’s not that simple.” Jungkook explains, trying to not make it obvious that he’s not necessarily talking about the movie. “Some men like to you know.. fight for a partner. Impress them. Win them over.” He explains, and he can feel you shift a little- until your head raises a bit, watching him as he watches you; gazes locked, and you can’t look away. You’re shy, you’re growing restless, but his eyes are like magnets; there’s no way you can avert your gaze.

“And.. you?” You ask, voice not loud at all, as if you don’t even notice you’re saying it. He loves that- loves the fact that you’re slowly letting him closer- not only physically.

“I like to earn my spot in their lives.” He states, and your mind suddenly begins to spin. You’ve always seen him as someone who doesn’t care much about emotions or feelings, or relationships for that matter. And maybe he doesn’t- maybe he just says this because he knows your weak spots. But the way his words fall into your ears makes you believe him. “I like to see my partner thrive; I love to see them grow. And..” he says, boldly deciding to slowly reach out his hand that was placed on the back of the couch- his fingers running through your hair, only brushing through, never pulling (no matter how much you’re craving it secretly). “I love to see them let go.” He humms out, and there’s a sudden shiver down your back, one that he definitely notices.

This is it. This is where you’ll let him touch you, let him wreck you, let him ruin you. You lean in closer, and so does he, but just when your lips are about to touch, he smiles gently- a warm affectionate gesture that you’ve never seen from him. And with it being directed at you, it’s even more meaningful- but it’s all about his next move, the way his inked fingers trace your cheek, before he speaks.

“You’re not ready yet.”

And with that, he turns back to the TV.

You huff, and it's the first time you know exactly what you're doing. You knew from Yoongi what Jungkook did in his freetime- you knew that this stuff was his expertise. Defeated, you looked down towards your knees, as your thoughts start to grow more and more frustrated. He probably didn't even see you like that, having only visited you out of pity, and not because he wanted to see you.

You were probably already friendzoned, and he was too nice to outright say it into your face. It made your emotions turn sour as the situation grew more and more awkward for you.

"What're you thinking about?" He asks, and you don't answer. What was there to say anyways? You really didn't want to have this weird conversation where he would tell you that oh yeah you're a nice girl, but he's not the right guy, the usual stuff you've already heard time and time again. "Y/N." He says, his voice dropping a little, but you only chew on the inside of your cheek again, eyes moving towards the TV screen. You didn't want to talk- you just hoped he would now sigh and get up, leaving so you could forget about all of this. You could maybe fake being sick for the next week or so to avoid him, yeah, that would be enough time to gloss over this entire situation. But he only clicks his tongue, hands suddenly moving your legs as he moves your body to face him.

Looking at his face is your first mistake.

His eyes are dark and almost angry, irritated as he looks as you. His jaw is clenched, and his hands stay on your knees for a moment, before he's sure enough that he has your attention. Only then does he speak, his voice nowhere near as soft and light as it had been before. "I know what you're thinking, and I don't like it." He says, and that's when you make your second mistake.

"Can we not right now? You don't know shit." You say, and he stares you down for a moment, until his head tilts a slight bit, eyes growing predatory as the corners of his lips tilt upwards. It resembles a small smile, yes, but it's not meant to be one. No, the first thing you have to think about is a wolf snarling at you, ready to put his packmate into their place for acting out.

It makes your spine tingle.

"Hm, maybe, but we can be classy about it, no?" He asks, and you scoff, trying to move your legs away from him, as he scans you.

At this point, he can see clearly that you're testing him.

So he gets up promptly, moving you around so you're standing in front of him. His inked hand finds your hair, gripping without mercy as he pulls your head back, your gaze now forced to stay on his as he calmly speaks. "You think I'm not into you like that- and you're as wrong as you could ever get." He says, biting his tongue as to not let a petname slip. He'd love to use them, but he knows that it's not yet time. That would be foul play, in a way; he doesn't want to seduce you.

He wants to make you understand.

"Trust me when I say I'd love to just throw you over my legs to spank that attitude out of you right now." He explains, and you whine- not in pain, but simply as a reaction to his confession. "But you don't know what you're getting yourself into." He continues, and pulls a bit to interrupt your next words. You know that you can get free any second you want to- but for some reason, there's no urge to do so. "You think of this as some game to play, you think of yourself as someone who can take all of it at once, but you don't even get the simplest and most important things about this entire thing." You swallow, as you stay still, finally giving up your fight as he relaxes the grip he still has on you. "Even now, it's not me controlling this situation. Its you." He says, letting go of you as his hands rest on your cheeks, eyes searching for any clues of discomfort. Only when he finds none, does he continue. "I will only ever have as much control over you as you're willing to give to me." He smiles again, this time, warm and comforting. "If you're really willing to do this, we will do this right. You'll have to trust me first, and I'll have to get to know you fully first, before anything else happens. Understood?" He asks.

And you nod.

"Do you know what you just agreed to?" He chuckles, and, shyly, you shake your head.

"See?" He grins, breaking skincontact with you. "You're not ready yet."

His brows furrow when he sees you sitting on the counter, Taehyung talking to you. "What're you doing here?" He asks, and you pout, as Taehyung moves away, not wanting to get involved into anything this time. "Stop that face. We talked about this last week, why're you here now?" He asks, and you tilt your head innocently.

"Maybe I'm here for Yoongi?" You say, and his eyes grow darker for a second, before he composes himself.

"Good try, but he's still off work." He states, and you deflate a bit.

"I just.. wanted to see, I guess." You say, and he smiles a bit impishly.

"Oh? I mean, I have a scene in twenty minutes.." He asks, and internally, you cringe. No, you don't want to see him screw or even touch another woman in the ways you secretly want him to touch you instead. No, you're technically here to maybe talk him into show you at least a little bit. But it doesn't seem like he'll cave in anytime soon, so you sigh out.

"Okay, okay, I'll see you around, I guess." You say, hopping down from the counter before you take a step towards the exit.

"Ah well, I'll drive you home then." He states, and you grow confused as he leans against the counter. "Seeing as my scheduled appointment wants to leave, I have time off." He states, and you skin tingles. "Come on now, before I change my mind." He states, as he walks you outside again, leading you towards his car.

"I didn't mean to turn up so.. I don't know. Sorry." You said, and he gets into the drivers seat, shaking his head.

"I can understand you, trust me." He says, as he starts the engine and drives off. "If you're okay with it, I'd like to get something from my apartment, and then drive to yours." He says, and you tilt your head.

"Why not to the studio, or your place?" You ask, and he nods.

"While those are places I feel comfortable, they're unfamiliar to you. It's best if we start in a place that's comforting and gives you a sense of security." He states, and you nod.

Jungkook, in your eyes, never really seemed as mature as he's acting in those moments. It's as if he switches every time you two change topics; any time this particular one comes up, his mood changing into a serious one. Now, you're not stupid, you know the risks- and of course you had somewhat done your research online about the damages that could occur during all of this. And there's also the not too little chance it really isn't something for you after all- and in a way, that scares you. Because you want jungkook, but what if you don't want.. this?

Instead of voicing that out, you simply keep quiet as he gets out the car, and inside again after fetching what looks like an overnight bag. "You're staying over?" You ask, and he simply throws it on to the backseat.

"Maybe. We'll see." He says, and you don't question him as he drives. "Let's get something to eat. What're you craving?" He asks, as he keeps his attention on the road. He notices how you seem to think, already able to practically see the gears turning inside your head. "Don't think about what I could want. I asked what you want." He says, calmly, and so soft, that you simply let your words out.

"Tae usually get's me food.." You start, and Jungkook nods, as if understanding. You watch him smile a little.

"Let's get some junk food and eat it in the car." He simply states, and you nod, happy that he seemingly really did get what you were trying to say. For you, things like these were almost like rituals- like you and tae getting random icecream just to hurry home every time to not have it melt.

Maybe this would become a memory only for you and Jungkook.

"You're nervous." Jungkook says, speaking out what's obvious. You don't know what he'll do, you're confused whats in his bag- you're nervous, just like he said. "Why is that?" He asks, casually sitting on your bed with you. He had earlier told you not to panic-clean it; he was not there to be impressed. He was simply a visitor for now, nothing more, nothing less. You shrugged. There were a lot of reasons you were nervous. "If you want this to work, I need to have proper communication with you. Guessing will get me nowhere." He says, but his voice is not upset. He's simply informing you.

"I.. don't know what you'll do?" You say, and He smiles, sitting more comfortably, as he shows you his open hands.

"I'm not gonna do anything for the moment." He tells you, and you shrug.

"But wasn't that the plan?" You ask him.

"What would you want me to do then?" He asks instead, not answering your question. He's testing you, he want's to know if you really are aware of everything. He's also not only asking you about what you want him to do to you- but with you, as well. He was unsure if you wanted to romantically involve yourself with him, or simply explore something new at his side.

He's afraid he'd be okay with either, just because its you.

"Are you going to tie me up?" You ask, and Jungkook grins, before he laughs. You're growing shy, unsure, and he instantly makes sure you know he's simply laughing about what you said, not about you. His hand holds yours- and it's weirdly reassuring.

"No, although I can imagine you looking very pretty in that position." He says. "No, come here." He says, lays down on the bed, and you stay where you are, with reasonable distance between you two. "I want you to come as close to me as you feel comfortable. Don't force it- take your time. I'm not expecting anything, please remember that." He tells you calmly, not looking at you to give you mental distance from him as well. His eyes are actually closed, his body relaxed.

You don't move for a moment. You want to test how long he can really play this patient role- but after around five or ten minutes, he's still not moving. He's not even saying anything, and you're unsure if he's asleep or not.

There's only one way to find out.

You carefully lay down a little away from him, on your side, simply looking at him. It's weird to see him like that; you've always imagined him to be a very dominant and demanding person, from what you've heard and seen of him. But Jungkook doesn't feel like any of the guys you've been with; he also doesn't feel like Taehyung, or Yoongi, or Hoseok.. Jungkook, weirdly enough, feels comfortable. He's relaxed, and laid back, and still has that slight glint of power over you.

You move closer, your curiosity getting the best of you as scenes and pictures of him holding you fill your head. Is he even a cuddler? You can't imagine him being all soft and sweet for gestures like that, but then again, you didn't really think you'd ever be in a situation like this either. Maybe you were judging a book by its cover.

He smells nice- that's one of the first things you notice once you get closer. One of his arms is stretched out to the side- his tattooes visible, but partially hidden by his sweater sleeve. You want to look at them, so you test the waters- by touching his arm, just a small poke with your finger. You can see the corners of his lips twitch; he's definitely awake. You move his arm a little, inside facing you as you get a detailed look at his artworks. They're detailed, they fit him, the dark Ink a stark contrast to his skin.

His sweater seems soft.

You slowly lay down again, your head resting on his biceps as you simply lay for a moment.

This is nice.

You feel more and more bold with every minute that passes, not even minding the way he sometimes moves around. You're growing at ease, so much so, that you simply throw all hesitation out of the window, and cuddle up to him. one of your hands is on his chest, while your head rests ontop of the inside of his shoulder.

This is really nice.

"Are you falling asleep?" He asks, voice not loud at all, as his arm moves, palm resting on your forearm as he holds you. You don't mind it- you feel relaxed enough to really actually do fall asleep- so you nod. "That's good." He tells you.

"But didn't you bring stuff to try?" you ask, and Jungkook nods.

"We got time. A small nap is always a good idea." He tells you, and you simply nod- making him smile.

He's glad.

Because by falling asleep on him like that, you don't even know how much you've complimented him at all. You're relaxed enough around him, comfortable enough to let him close to you in a vulnerable state such as sleep. It makes him wonder how far you'd let him go- would you let anyone get so close so quickly? A sudden rush of protectiveness curses through his body, fills him up, as he swears he can't let you go now. No, what if someone else gets you like this? What if someone takes advantage of your open mind like that? He doesn't even want to imagine.

Jungkook really has it bad.

You slowly wake up to a bit of weight on your face. "jungkook what're you doing?" you giggle, and he chuckles as well as he takes the hand away from over your eyes. He looks well rested, with his eyes still not fully open.

"Nothing." He says. "Just teasing." He says, but of course, nothing he does is just random teasing. Everything he does is calculated- it's to test you, to study you, to make sure he gets to know you. "Are you hungry?" He asks instead.

"Not for food."

He has to let that process for a moment, until he laughs. He's really got it with you, he thinks, as he suddenly moves, eyes dark, while he's now ontop of you, his hands holding your wrists. Expecting you to look surprised, he finds none of that however. It intrigues him, the way you don't seem to be nervous or fearful at all. It makes him wonder what you'd really do to him if he was to advance in ways he wanted to. "Careful, sweetheart." He says, and your eyes sparkle with a silent challenge.

"Or what?"

His grip gets a bit tighter at that, eyes a bit darker. "Someone's eager." He says lowly. "Don't you think you're biting off more than you can chew right now?" He asks, before he clicks his tongue, slowly falling into his own headspace. He knows however not to let himself slip. "Give me a random word." He asks, demands, and you say whatever finds your mind in that moment.

"Bunny." You say.

He raises his eyebrow for a second, but doesn't question it. "I want you to say that, loud and clear, as soon as you feel uncomfortable." He lectures you seriously. "It doesn't matter what it is. Physically, or mentally, or if you simply don't want me to continue because. I need you to tell me that you will say it." His gaze is intense, and you nod. "I promise you; I'll never get mad, or upset, or angry, or disappointed with you. My ego isn't worth your safety." He humms out at the end, and your eyes soften.

He notices it instantly, and it affects him more than he'd like to admit.

"I promise I'll say it if I need to." You tell him, and he grows comfortable again.

"Can I touch you?" He asks, softly, and you nod, before verbally answering him with a yes. "Remember; I'll only ever have as much power and control over you as you will give me." He mumbles, head now dipped down to ghost his lips over the skin of your neck. "But once you give it to me-" He says, his knee situating itself in between your legs to spread them in a silent command. "-I won't give it back." He growls, before he bites down, releasing the skin after hearing your delicate mewl, kissing the spot as if to apologize.

He's not sorry.

"Let me ask you.." He says, feeling you rut against his leg that's pressed against your center. "what do you really want from me?" He asks, and you open your eyes, movements slowly coming to a halt as you notice the way he looks at you.

He almost looks uncertain.

"I.." You want him. You know that- you want all of his bad habits and weird quirks. You want to get to know him and everything that comes with it. Hell, he was the main reason you even got into the entire scene in the first place. "You." You say, deciding its best to practice honesty.

"Me?" He asks, genuinely a little confused.

You nod. "Yeah. You." You say. It's a little weird, the whole situation, but you don't mind it. Your hands slowly slip out of his grasp, before they instead intertwine their fingers with his. He feels weirdly caught off guard by the gesture- his past encounters and relationships never having included things like these. So much so, that Jungkook genuinely believed those things to be simple movie-gestures. Overdone, and not realistic. "Like uhm.. if you want to. If you just want to, you know, I.. guess I'd be okay with that too-" You say, looking away, as Jungkook answers.

"I want you too." He answers, eyes searching yours for any glimmer of dishonesty. But he doesn't find it- there is none. There's just you. "I really want you too." He murmurs out, getting closer, before he lets himself loose, his lips finding yours.

He's never been a fan of kissing, but he can very much already imagine kissing you for hours.

Its not just you letting go in that moment, its him too.

Because unbeknownst to you, he's not just opening you a door to his world of unspoken fantasies-

He's also opening his heart as well.

Your first time together is slow and comfortable.

It happens just a day after you had both decided to pursue an actual relationship with one another. He's gentle, careful, but not hesitant. He's exploring.

Inside of his head, he notes down every noise and every twitch of muscle. You sigh as he eats you out, the small ponytail of his unable to hold onto all of his hair as his eyes are partially hidden behind the blonde strands. He's watching you, his fingers having already stretched you out, but then he sits up. You whine, with him having stolen your release for a second time. "Let's play a little, yeah?" He says with an amused yet calm tone. You're already unable to do much about your position; your wrists bound to your bed over your head, carefully tied knots comfortable against your skin, as long as you don't pull. "Legs open." He calls out as you try and close them, and you whine again; testing his patience as you still go ahead and disobey his command. He watches, moves forward, before he pulls them apart again. "You want to cum, no?" He asks, and you nod, frustratedly so. "I wonder what made you think you've earned that reward from me." He tells you, eyes scanning your form as you pull on your restraints a little. He's not fully into his own headspace yet- he's still very much on high alert to notice any signs of discomfort coming from you.

He has to learn just as much as you do.

"You're lucky you're so sweet." He says, before he crawls closer again, his hand on your center, as he enters you with two fingers. Its not enough, but then his thumb draws circles on your clit- and you're approaching, quickly. "Hm? Won't you cum?" And then you say it.

"Can I?"

It's so desperate, so needy, so submissive, that it sends a chill down his spine. He moves closer, kisses your neck, as he can't help but let the rush of it get to him. He is, after all, just as desperate for release. No matter if its his, or yours.

"Such a good girl, of course you can." He tells you. "What a sweet one, such good manners.." He teases playfully, and you tug at your restraints as you come undone under his hands. He unties your wrists and you're holding onto him as soon as you're free, and he lets you hold onto him in your post orgasmic bliss.

Its after a moment that you realize it.

"Wait-" You say, sitting up to look at him. "You- I mean, you didn't get to-" You start, but Jungkook waves it off.

"Its fine, really." He tells you, and you know he's serious. "I'll just wait until it goes down, or take care of it in your bathroom if thats okay with you." He says, patting the side next to him to lay down on. "Come here." He asks, and you comply, before you speak again.

"You.." You start, not looking at him. "Could just take care of it here." You say. "Or I could.." you start, and he looks at you.

"Do you want that, or do you only feel like you have to?" He asks, and you shrug. You take some time, before you answer.

You've seen most of Jungkook until now. From his strong arms, his back, his inked skin, to his thighs and legs. You have seen all- but that. And you've never really considered giving anything back in that way to anyone because of one single embarrassing moment- but with Jungkook, for some reason, you wanted to try.

"I want to." You say, and he nods. "But I don't know how.." You say, and he smiles reassuringly.

"I'll guide you." He tells you, before he scans your face. He's never really felt that desired- at least not in the way he does in that moment with you. "You can take it out for starters." He says, and you nod, before you hesitate a little.

Jungkook is nice, when it comes to that. He's patient, always lets you do the pacing for now, until you trust him enough. This is only the start, after all. You stay cuddled up to his side, but your hand ventures towards his sweats, where you can see his prominent erection still waiting. Slowly, you push the fabric down, both his sweats and boxers underneath- his hips lifting a bit to make it easier for you, until he's freed from his clothes.

You've never really thought much about looks when it came to that department, but Jungkook was, in each and every way, highly attractive. Now you knew, that there was literally nothing about him you didn't desire.

Your first touches are a little hesitant, testing the waters, and Jungkook tries not to react too much to it to give you time. Its when you start to move your hand however, that he closes his eyes, head now completely resting on the pillows beneath as he just decides to enjoy what you might give him. His hips twitch upwards a little after you'd run your thumb over the head, precum glistening while your hand uses it as lubricant to move more smoothly.

He sighs out.

And you grow bold at that, moving to sit up and escape out of his embrace, before you dip down to feed your curiosity. As your tongue touches his skin, his muscles contract, the action not expected since he didn't look what you were doing. You've been told once before that you're not.. the best at this- but Jungkook made you want to try. If you would've looked, you would've spotted the intense stare that Jungkook had been sending your way; mesmerized by the way you tucked your hair behind your ear oh so sweetly, before you let a drop of saliva escape from between your lips, taking him in soon after it had dropped onto his awaiting length.

You really were something else.

He'd gotten head time and time before, and it was never something he didn't like- but he'd also rarely ever cared that much emotionally about the person giving it to him. It's weird, how an emotional connection can make you so much more sensitive to things- such as in that moment, as your tongue moved over his skin while inside your warm mouth, lips heavenly on his cock.

He couldn't imagine what it would be like to be inside you.

There's nothing he could teach you, nothing he could tell you to do, as you moved, sucked and licked. He was breathing heavily already, his hand finding yours as you hold onto it. He sits up, can't help it, has to somehow touch you while you're not letting go of your task. His palm escapes your hand, rests on your head instead, runs through your hair before it grips a little. You moan, vibrations making him throw his head back as he groans out, feeling his end coming closer. "If you don't want to swallow, let go." He grits out, but you suck harder instead, and its when your hand finds his balls that he lets himself fall back onto the mattress beneath, shooting his load into your mouth as you swallow it down.

He's on cloud nine.

You're thoughtful enough to pull his underwear and pants back up, laying on your stomach next to him, waiting, watching, with impish eyes. He looks so radiant, so relaxed, so at ease. It fills you with a weird sense of pride; since in a way, its your doing. "Why did you tell me you don't know how to do that." He comments, rather than asks, slowly calming his breathing back down. His eyes open, hand pushing some hair out of your face. "Thank you. That was amazing." He says, and you shrug.

"Thanks for the compliment." You say, looking at him.

"I have a request." He says, and you nod. "Not like that." He teases, making you blush. "No, but seriously." Jungkook knows that you've been with other people before. It scares him to know that some of your experiences might not have been good- he knows some absolute horror stories Taehyung had told him. "I want you to take all that you've experienced with your former partners.. all those moments, emotions, bad memories, all of it." He tells you, hand now resting on your cheek- a gesture in which you lean into. "And throw them away. Forget them." He tells you.

"This is a new start, for both of us."

"How many clients have you been with?" You ask, casually sitting on the kitchen counter as Jungkook washes the dishes. Its your first night in his apartment, and you're more comfortable than you thought you'd be.

"None." He tells you, and you're ready to snort out a laugh, but he doesn't look at all like he's joking. Seeing your confusion, he continues while scrubbing a plate. "None of us actually have sex with our clients. Some only come to talk, really- others come to let go." He explains, and you nod. "I've never touched, nor been with someone intimately during a scene." He tells you.

"So you had scenes with your partners then?" You ask, and he shrugs.

"In the beginning, yeah." He admits, shrugging. "But I eventually gave up on it. It's not something a lot of people find very appealing. It all looks great in theory, but when practiced, most find its not for them." Draining the sink, he dries his hands on the dish towel, before putting it in its proper place.

"Could you.. imagine a relationship without it?" You ask, and he sighs, shaking his head.

"Not really." He looks at you after a moment. "Its who I am, and its how I love. I can't change that." He tells you, and you nod. Its understandable really, and you like that he has clear lines he likes to follow. It's weirdly comforting to know that he has his life so under control- its all you've ever wanted really.

It's something Jungkook might be able to give you.

It was weird, the feeling of the rope against your skin. He’d been right about it earlier; it wasn’t rough or itchy at all. But maybe that was just because it was him doing it. Maybe he was simply fogging up your senses.

It would make sense.

“Okay?” He humms out, voice gentle and calm while he stops his hands for a moment, palm on your shoulder where it warms up your skin. You’re unsure what okay really means- okay like, he’s finished? Or is he asking if you’re okay? Or is he asking for permission? “Speak to me- don’t just think.” He says, eyes watching you in such a manner that made your slightly trembling body calm down.

“I’m not sure what- what you mean by, okay.” You say, and he smiles, eyes roaming over your body for a moment, but surprisingly not in a way that would make you feel exposed. You’re almost naked, after all- only your most private parts hidden from his sight. You can see the very evident tent in his pants; but he doesn’t seem like he’s frustrated or fazed about it.

“Good Job telling me.” He says first and foremost, and you start to feel warm inside. “I was asking if you were okay. Do you remember your colors?” He asks, and you nod, before verbally answering him with a ‘yes’. He nods again, a hand running over your head, fingers running through your hair affectionately. “Good. I’ll finish the last knots now- remember you can stop at any time. Don’t hesitate.” He says, and you nod.

He grabs the rope again; the tiny fact that he’d chosen one in your favorite color making you feel.. well, you didn’t know. You could feel your nose sting, before it shot into your eyes, making them water; something that Jungkook immediately noticed. “Color?” He asks, and you shake your head.

“Green, Green, I’m okay-“ you say, but you can’t stop the tears. He’s quick to sit down in front of you after tying the last knot- and it’s the first time you quietly look at them. They’re so delicate, so well done, but there’s no time to dwell on it as he lifts you chin gently.

“Talk to me.” He says, hands on your shoulders to give you some sense of stability. You’re safe, you don’t feel bad, but just..

“I don’t know. There’s so much-“ you begin, and he softly smiles, as if you’re not currently completely bound with no chance of proper movement. You take a deep breath, holding it before you release again, silently following the advices he’d given you prior. “Why do I feel so.. comfortable? I feel safe even though I’m in such a dangerous situation- I’m.. this is weird isn’t it, I should be.. I don’t know. Why’re you not doing anything? Wasn’t this supposed to be like, a sex session or something I don’t get it-“ you babble, and he lets you, before he speaks.

“You still don’t quite get it, do you?” He asks, and your glistening eyes stare up at him. “I don’t need something as simple as sex to feel satisfied.” He explains, and you nod, even though you don't quite understand. "I feel euphoric right now, even though you probably won't quite believe me." He says, his smile evident as his fingers trace the knots on your skin. It's there that you see it; the glimmer in his eyes, something you've never seen before with someone else. "The fact that you let me do this, it's all I need." He humms out. He looks at you, a silent question, and you take a deep breath.

You don't quite know what you're doing. Its weird- but seeing him like that makes you feel weightless. It happens slowly, you don't quite grasp what it is, but the feeling is nice. It's like letting go- like standing on the highest platform of the universe and just jumping down. And when you open your eyes, all you see is him.

He can't take his eyes off of you.

He's seen it often enough to spot it, knows what it looks like, but it still holds such a deep meaning to him to see you fall into your subspace for the very first time. You're so beautiful like that, so ethereal and enchanting as you lean forward to get closer to him. He's careful you dont accidentally hurt yourself with the big scissors on the bed close by- emergency equipment to release you asap if needed.

He knows escape is the furthest thing on your mind right now.

Able to do anything he'd want with you, he's not like that however. He's responsible enough to let you float for a moment, before he speaks to you again. "Baby?" He asks, and you nod, nuzzling his shoulder as he holds you close. "You're doing so good. Can you do something for me baby?" He questions again, and you nod, not parting from him however before he talks again. "Can you sit straight for a moment? Just like that, good girl." He praises as you instantly follow his command. "I got you, okay? I got you, you're safe." He repeats, as he slowly unties your body. It's careful reassuring and slow movements that make it possible to untie you- too quickly could make you drop; a state of sudden shift in mental state, that could send you straight into distress. Jungkook doesn't ever want to be the cause of that for you.

You're underneath him, and he's careful, as he undresses after placing the scissors onto the bedside table where it cant lead to any accidents. He also reaches inside the table, pulling out a condom from a box safely stored, before he gets himself ready.

Not even for a second is his attention not on you however.

"Hands up baby." He commands, and you do as he wants, already squirming as he advances towards you, fingers stretching you out as you grow huffy at the prospect of being edged again. He's quick to catch on though. "Hm, I'm not gonna be mean baby." He tells your fuzzy mind. "But I gotta get you ready, no?" Fingers steadily helping you relax, he waits until he deems you ready.

You struggle to keep your hands up as he enters you, but your mind is adamant on keeping his command. He groans out, kisses your neck, as he slowly begins to move lazily. It's enough for pleasure- but not enough to make you cum. "Good fucking girl. Look at you. My baby." He chants, and something inside you stirs at the last words.

His Baby.

You're his.

He wants you.

It makes you whine as he chuckles, nipping at your skin. "You can touch me baby, good job." He says, and your hands are instantly around his neck. You're mumbling something, but its not words. It's not coming out the way you think it does, and Jungkook doesn't mind, doesn't care. Its another one of those things fueling him up, urging him on.

You're his perfect puzzle piece.

He lets go.

"Turn around princess." He says breathless, and you follow his instructions eagerly. His hand rests on the back of your neck for a moment, leaves its place for a second to move your hair away from your face, before he gently pushes down. He's inside in a heartbeat, this time thrusting with more strength.

Something overcomes him that hasn't happened before.

Usually, this position is what he loves most- and yet, it's not what he wants. He wants you, he wants you close, he cant touch you enough. His arms snake around your torso, just underneath the bottom of your breasts, as he pulls you towards him. Your back arches so prettily, and he gasps out, breathing heavy as he continues his attack on your neck. "You're mine." He growls out, can't keep it inside anymore, his grip on you tightening. "Mine." His thrusts stutter, his hand reaches for your center, desperate fingers helping you find your release. It coats your thighs, stains the bed, and he pushes himself as deep as he can once he finishes himself.

He's breathing heavily, he's out of his mind, running on autopilot as his hands still hold you. He pulls out after a moment, a whine from you getting reassured by his own voice, before he leaves the bed, getting a warm damp washcloth ready for you. He's careful, gentle, seems to caress your skin more than clean it, places kisses every now and then and sends praises your way.

"How do you feel?" He asks, voice low and caring as he continues his aftercare.

"Like you love me a lot." You sleepily say, eyes still foggy, and he smiles.

"Good." He tells you, reaching out to kiss your lips, still high on his own afterglow. "That's how you're always supposed to feel like."

"I've quit." He tells you one night on the couch, as you sit close to him. You'd asked him about his sidejob at Yoongi's- and this was his answer. Instantly, you sit up straight, fearing that he might've felt obligated because of you. "Before you start, yes, it was because of you." He says, and you already have the whine in your throat- but it doesn't make it out, as his fingers lazily trace your collarbone peaking out from his shirt you're wearing. "But it was also my decision. I just didn't enjoy it anymore- and you're more I could ever want really." He says, shrugging as you stare at him.

It was still new to you.

Although you knew that he was probably more than just a wild loverboy collecting partners and gaming all day, you never would've thought of him like this. He's a kid at heart still, teasing and playfighting every now and then- but he's mostly a strong shoulder to lean on for you. He really is the security and safety you'd always searched for. "What're you thinking about?" He asks, pulling you closer as he continues watching the TV show.

"You." You say, and he chuckles.

"Cute." He answers. He looks at you for a moment, TV long forgotten, before you crawl over his lap, shirt rising enough to give him free view of your thighs and panties. You've skipped the pants tonight- a habit of yours he enjoys a lot. His palms instantly find the soft skin, running along the outside of your thighs before they find your behind, squeezing, before he slaps it playfully. He grins as you squeal, admiring the way the very tips of your ears turn red. "You're really precious, you know that?" He tells you, and you shrug. "You are." He confirms, and you smile shyly.

"May I kiss you?" You ask, and he smiles warmly.

"We're not in a scene baby, do as you wish." He tells you, and you nod, leaning forward to capture his lips with yours. Its a feeling you can't quite get enough of, and it seems like he enjoys it equally as much. His inked hands find their way underneath your shirt, running over your back and spine as you shudder. He doesn't find what he seeks, your underwear long gone and left in the bedroom, and he loves it, instantly moves to your chest where he finds the soft flesh, his thumb running over one of your nipples teasingly. You're arching your back already, moving around as if you can't sit still. "My baby." He mumbles out, "If you can be so kind and get me a condom, you can ride me if you want to." He tells you, and you nod.

By now you easily know your way around his apartment.

So its no wonder you quickly return from your now shared bedroom, condom in hand as you approach him again, settling onto his lap. You're not shy with him nor his body anymore, eagerly taking the condom out of the package for him to roll it down onto his length. "You good?" He asks, and you nod, pulling your panties aside as you slowly sink down on him.

He lets his head rest back on the couch, and you lean into him, for a change returning the favor of kissing his neck. He's grinning, throughoutly enjoying things, and you love watching him. It's a visual reminder to yourself that this is your doing. You're making him feel that way, and no one else. It makes you confident, and it makes you feel cherished in ways you haven't felt before.

Once you start to move, Jungkooks hands help you along. Its slow and lazy, not at all hurried. There's no real goal; you probably wouldn't even mind not cumming at all. This was just being close- a way of feeling connected in the most intimate of ways. Connected like only lovers could be.

You love him.

And it slips out as a tiny 'I love you' in between your sighs and gasps, and he hears it so clearly, he can't help himself but speed up the pace.

"I love you too." He chants out, kissing the side of your head as you rest against his chest, head on his shoulder. "I love you so much." He says, almost inaudible, his arms holding you as close as he can.

Jeon Jungkook doesn't need sex to feel satisfied.

But he will most certainly need you for now and forever.

And he's totally fine with that.

(c)Bonny-Kookoo. You know the drill. I know where you live. I don't. But still. Be scared. Boo.

#bts imagine #bts #bts fanfic #jungkook imagine #bts fic #bts smut #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts reactions #Rabbit Boy AU

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yesimwriting · 4 years ago

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Searing Starlight (chapter one)

SERIES SUMMARY: the most powerful inferni alive, raised to see herself as a god-in-the-making, the bastard of the barrel and his team, and a shadow summoner with a common goal. What could go wrong? The giant mass of darkness known as the shadow fold and y/n’s sense of humor.

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Y/n is sent to hustle the Crow Club. Technically it’s not cheating, but Kaz Brekker isn’t the type to let people off on technicalities alone. Especially when the one that committed the offense could help him earn 1 million kruge.

a/n just a little something based on the show bc IM OBSESSED :)) --I’m planning on making this a series so if you want to be tagged let me know :)

The candles flicker as Kenya's palm makes contact with my face. I used to cry after he hit me; I used to run to Anya’s room for comfort and my energy would became so irritated I snuffed out all the candles in the church. Now, I just stand there. You get punished worse for showing fear. Gods fear nothing, and that’s what he wants from us--to turn into Gods so that the heavens will owe him.

“You risk us again and again!”

The yelling is worse than the stinging of the slap. I make a point of keeping my palms flat; the candles of the room flicker as if feeling my restraint. “Watch yourself or the tidemaker you’re so fond of will feel my wrath instead of you. At least when I bruise his face it doesn’t cost me a night of revenue.”

I want to point out that the men I trick in the pleasure district don’t care about bruises, but the reminder of Jace has me frozen in place. Jace is good. He doesn’t deserve this treatment. “It won’t happen again, Father Kenya.”

He nods once, unsatisfied but growing bored. “Disappear from my sight before my flesh wins and I forget to show you mercy.” Kenya turns sharply, watching Anya’s stoic expression. “Anya--we’re in need of funding, take these coins and triple it by morning.”

Anya’s lips part; I shake my head once, a subtle plea for her silence. “Father Kenya, y/n’s the most talented card player we have--if she comes with us we can bring five times what you’re going to give us.”

The promise Anya makes is that of a fool, but I know I’m capable of it. People are easy to read when they’re drunk, they’re easy to trick and lie to. And drunk people exude the clearest energy, something about their bluffing is as tangible as fog to me.

Kenya squeezes the drawstring bag between his violent fingers. He loathes me more than the others. He expects more from me. He’d lock me in the cellar if he could afford to. But he can’t--he knows what I’m capable of.

“Go somewhere in the Barrel--somewhere that doesn’t ask questions if the money is good.” Kenya looks at me, the bruises on my arms and cheeks. “Clean yourself up beforehand.”

I nod once, stomach rolling at the thought of going out and knotting at the thought of staying here. I keep my steps even as I approach Anya, grateful for the excuse to disappear behind the chapel’s doors.

----

This club is louder than most, boisterous men drinking constantly, slurring their words and leaning over bars. I only smile when someone’s looking, tugging on the dress Anya picked for me subconsciously.

“Relax, y/n,” Anya hums, “Men don’t understand they’re being hustled when someone pretty is the one swindling them, and you look hot.”

A particularly drunk man walks by slowly, eyes reflecting no shame as he blatantly rakes his gaze down my form. I shift uneasily. “That might be the problem.”

She tilts her head back, gaze focusing on the crow marking etched into the back wall of the club. A very strange and consistent crow theme in here. “Maybe you should keep the dress on until you run into Jace.”

The mention of Jace in that context leaves my face warm. “Wha--what?” Great. I’m sputtering. “Shut up!”

She laughs easily, “I’m only teasing--he’d probably ta--”

“Anya!”

Again, her laugh is loud and bright. “Kidding!” Before I can scorch her, she nods her head towards a gambling table. “An open seat--go, you know Kenya’ll have our heads if we don’t multiply this,” she tosses me the drawstring bag, I catch it awkwardly, “By five.”

There are a lot of things I’ve ruined--but I never mess up when it comes to gambling. We’re all entitled to our talents and mine are destruction and trickery. “I’ll have six times this amount before midnight.”

A little cocky, but it’s well deserved. I stroll up to the table easily, comforted by the fact that Anya’s only a few feet away.

“You’re playing this round?”

I smile politely, used to this kind of hesitance. “I think I’d like to try it.” The mock-hesitance in my voice burns coming up, but the dumber I seem the faster I make up my money. The rest of the participants snicker. Expected. I’m going to enjoy taking their money. “I can pay if that’s the issue.”

The sound of me fishing through the small bag of golden coins silences the men at a table. The man closest to me, the one with smooth brown skin and a smile I imagine has convinced many people to play into sins for him, leans forward slightly. I let him peek at the coins, the more they want my money the more they’ll believe my lies.

“How much to enter?”

A tall man snorts. I fight back the urge to glare.

“Three of those coins should do.” The boy next to me is decent enough to answer. I’ll steal from him least. “I’m Jesper.”

I’ve been to enough clubs to know when a man is attempting to find company for the night. I hope the playful niceness I see in him is real. “Kamil.” My sister’s name is salt water on my tongue.

The first game is easy enough to throw. The second, I have to work at a little more--their smugness is killing me. I pretend to be ready to step away from the table.

“Where are you going?”

I shrug at the stranger. “I shouldn’t lose any more money, my father won’t be happy with me as it is.”

The stranger leans forward, glancing at his chips. “We don’t want a girl like you in trouble at home--why don’t we up the stakes? You win this next hand, and you’ll win double what I did.” He pauses, eyeing my drawstring bag, “Of course--you’ll have to be willing to risk a matching sum.”

Awful odds. “Deep odds,” Jesper mumbles, “Consider cutting your losses.”

Jesper is a better person than the other men here. I almost feel bad he’s going to be losing any money. “One more game won’t kill me,” I smile as politely as I can manage, “Besides--my luck could be about to change and I’d never know.”

I hand the coins over to the dealer. I watch as the money is shuffled onto the center of the table, suppressing the grin of someone about to release her killshot. Ten minutes later, I’ve doubled what I’ve lost. The man who upped the bet is gaping, Jesper’s expression has shifted entirely, and everyone’s staring at me like I’ve shifted into another person entirely.

“Wow--luck really does change quickly here.” I’ve hooked them. They’ll want to play again, to prove that my victory was a fluke. “Do you guys want to play again? It only seems fair I give you a chance to win back everything you just lost since you did the same for me.”

Everyone’s quick to agree, but I’m quicker to win the second round. Some men look murderous, some look ready to play again, their egos incapable of handling defeat at my hands.

“You came in with a surprising amount of coins,” Jesper muses, reaching over to pick up a piece of gold that rolled towards him, “I hate to accuse you of counterfeiting, but one has to wonder.”

Typical. “I swear my money’s real.”

“Real money can take a bullet…” Is he going to shoot it...in doors? Jesper tosses the coin easily, letting it flip in the air before taking out a pistol and shooting it dead center in a movement so casually fluid and deadly I’m taken back.

The coin clatters onto the table, the bullet embedded into the precious metal. I eye it cautiously, beyond relieved that Kenya at least doesn’t lie. “T-told you.”

His eyebrows narrow as he reholsters his pistol. “About that, I guess you did.”

Jesper’s skepticism is a red flag. I need to get out of here before my winnings are taken from me and Kenya kills me or Jace for my failure. “I didn’t take you for such a sore loser.”

Before Jesper can respond, something black raps against the table once. “What did I tell you about loud noises at the table?”

Jesper’s gaze leaves mine immediately. “Sorry boss, just checking a swindler.”

He--he knows. I blink twice, forcing surprise to color my features. “Swindler?” I look between him and the man he called his boss. “N--no, it was just--luck. I played a hand, I lost some money, I played again and I won some money. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work?”

“You only started winning after the stakes were raised--I’ve seen that tactic before and it’s not appreciated here.”

I swallow once, a pinch of dread making its way through my stomach. He had shot that coin with no hesitation--I didn’t even see him click off the safety. How dangerous is the man at my table? How dangerous is his boss? Everyone seemed to straighten at the sight of the stranger with the cane.

“There was no tactic--it was a game.”

The man I don’t know tears his gaze away from Jesper. “Someone like you shouldn’t even be here.”

He has a point--my demeanor doesn’t exactly scream someone who frequents establishments at the Barrel during the night. “I’m only here to keep my friend out of trouble.” A fair enough response. “And I played a game and someone can’t handle a loss.”

“You should have seen her bluff, I’ve met professional thieves that lie less fluently than her.”

At Jesper’s words, the stranger’s grip around his cane tightens. I imagine that beneath his gloves, the color of marred souls, his knuckles are white. “Who do you work for? Who sent a girl to invade my business?”

Who do I work for? No one that has any business with him. “What?” How self absorbed can one man be?

“If playing the fool didn’t get you through a card game--don’t think it will get you through this.”

What? Before I can question him, Anya grabs my shoulder, pulling me so that there’s a safer distance between me and the man.

“You’re an idiot,” her whisper is pointed, directed solely at me. “Of course you’d find trouble with Dirtyhands.” Did I hear that correctly? Dirtyhands--as in the Dirtyhands? I stare at her, eyes wide. How had I been so stupid? I should have recognized him from his gloves alone. Anya turns her head towards them. “We don’t want any trouble--forgive my friend, she’s not a spy she’s just an oblivious idiot.”

“Rude.”

She throws me a glare. “But she did win.” The money isn’t worth the trouble we’ll find trying to keep it but Kenya’s words follow us wherever we go. “We’ll take what we earned and never come back.”

“I don’t concede often.”

I reach for Anya’s arm, brushing her forearm in hopes of telling her things will be okay. Kaz Brekker may be feared, but we’re gods in the making. “Neither do we.”

He seems to want to play at an odd, power-filled standstill, but Anya and I are more desperate than him. Anya leans forward, ready to take the money from the table, but the unidentified man who upped the stakes earlier is quick to grab her forearm.

“I don’t take losses, little girl.”

Anya. I can only imagine the horror she feels when a strange man touches her. Screw precaution. “Is that money worth burning for?”

“Y/n.” Anya’s warning comes out low; Jesper raises an eyebrow. I guess being Kamil was short lived.

“Excuse me?”

The man will not intimidate me. Fear is a crutch men use to keep women in check. “You heard my question.” I hold up my hand, releasing enough energy to develop a flame in my palm. “And if your answer is ‘no’, I suggest you release my friend before your body is nothing more than a pile of ash your own mother wouldn’t even be able to identify.”

The stranger blinks, touches the gun on his hip, and then releases Anya’s arm.

“You can’t come into my club, hustle money away from my men, and walk away unscathed because you’re a grisha.”

Words cannot express how badly I do not want to speak to Kaz Brekker at any point in my life. His grip on his cane is a silent warning--a threat. But what is a man’s threat to a girl that’s meant to be a god? “You can kill me but I’ll use my dying breath to burn this entire building.” I’ve publicly backed him into a corner--I’m insane.

Dirtyhands opens his mouth to reply, anyone within earshot holding on for his next words. Anya yanks me back as the sound of something explosive interrupts the room. A bullet flies past directly where I was standing and strikes the wall behind me. Anya just saved my life. Someone just shot at me.

“Y/n, do you think it’s--”

“No.” It can’t be. There’s no way a soldier found me again. “It can’t be--we were--we’ve been careful--and Kenya said they wouldn’t look for me--that he purchased me fully.”

A man is moving through the crowd. A blue kefta. No. No.

Not here. Not now.

And why are they shooting at me? “Anya,” I breathe out as cautiously as possible, “Run and no matter what don’t turn around.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

Anya. Always the older sister. “They don’t want you--they want me.”

“You’re not a real Sun Summoner--it’s suicide for you.”

I don’t have the heart to tell Anya I don’t particularly care about my life. It’s never truly been mine anyway. “I’ll make it out.”

“You’re an inferni, not a miracle worker.”

My lips pull into an odd sort of grimace. The gentle kind one hopes is mistaken for a smile. “I thought we were meant to be gods.”

“A god can’t do what they want from you.” She mumbles. “So you’re capable of producing more fire than most--it’s not the same as creating light. It doesn’t matter how many drugs they pump into you it’s--”

I shake my head once, “Anya--go.”

“They want you to play Sun Summoner.” Dirtyhand’s tone is too smooth to trust. I know when someone’s trying to sell dreams that don’t exist. “The way they’ll have you do it will cost you, but the way I’ll have you do it will be practically painless.”

Is he always this confusing? “What?”

The question is an irritation, that’s apparent in the cold tint that takes over his practically blank expression. “I need a Sun Summoner for a business deal--and lucky for you I’m out of time.”

“You don’t want to work with me.”

“No,” his voice is dismissive, he didn’t understand I meant that as a warning, “But I need to have some form of mass light before sunrise.”

“The man I’m indentured to will never go for it.” Proposing such an idea would leave me with a broken rib again.

Dirtyhands nods once, a vague acknowledgement. “That’s not your problem.” I keep my jaw set, scanning at the crowd for a flash of that blue kefta. “After all, it wasn’t his problem when he hurt you.”

I had been careful to hide the bruises. The reminders of my humanity. My weaknesses, my failures, written onto my skin in purple and blue ink. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I didn’t until I got that reaction.” I’ve never so quickly felt the need to loathe someone. “It was easy enough to assume--young girl, desperate for money, a grisha powerful enough to be hunted down.”

Is that supposed to be some sort of consolation? “My freedom would never come so easily.”

“It wouldn’t be freedom--you’d owe me more than you already do for the kruge scam.”

I swallow before I can make the mistake of telling him I’d consider any escape from Kenya freedom. “Close enough.”

The grisha’s closer now, the light blue kefta so easy to spot amongst a sea of darkness. “You’re running out of time.”

“Can you get my friend out?”

“Y/n.” She can be mad for the rest of her life if she wants.

He nods his head once. “She’ll be out the back before anyone knows she was even here.”

“And she can take the money I won.” Maybe the income will be enough to spare her from Kenya’s wrath. “That’s a dealbreaker.”

Kaz Brekker hesitates. It’s such a normal pause I almost think it’s a trap. “If she takes it there will be no way out for you--you will do what I ask even if it endangers your life.”

“Y/n, it’s not worth it.”

I don’t look at Anya. “You have my word.”

“Y/n, I’m not taking anything and I’m not leaving you.”

I finally turn. “Don’t be a self-sacrificing idiot--it’s not in your nature and frankly it doesn’t suit you.” Acts of goodness towards me have always left me feeling raw. Too raw. Like I’m bleeding out. “Sorry, I just…” Anya’s eyes are soft. She knows. She always knows. “I’ll get through whatever it is he’s planning and I’ll come back.” I swallow once, nerve draining from my body slowly. “Take the money--Kenya will be angry enough as is.”

Anya drops her gaze as she collects from the table. It takes me a moment longer than it should to recognize this is shameful for her. I consider telling her that she’s doing the right thing, but that would burn her heart more.

“You’re my sister,” Anya’s voice is lower than it’s ever been, “I should have stopped him.”

Her guilt hurts more than the bruises. “You were as hurt as me--you have nothing to feel guilty about.”

This is already more emotion than we’re used to expressing when alone let alone around others. Anya stretches out an arm, squeezes my shoulder once, and then takes a step back. “I’ll see you again.”

“Yes,” I nod once.

“Jesper, take the girl out the back.” Turning forward blankly, Kaz begins to speak to me, “Hide behind the bar--my wraith will find you and take you somewhere else.”

“Y--you have a wraith?” And I thought Kenya was weird. He lets out a sigh. “Sorry. Not the time.”

“Desperation leads to bad decisions.”

Dramatic. “I agree.”

His gaze falls on me, taking in my narrow-eyed glare. There’s a moment in which I think the left corner of his mouth twitches upwards, but then he turns his head again. A trick of the light. “Go before you’re found and I’m out the money I let your friend take.”

Yes. I’m not exactly safe right now, but Kaz Brekker needs me for something. That means I will not be leaving this building. By force or willingly.

Silently, I turn, melting into those in the crowd that are either oblivious or don’t care enough to react to the cat and mouse game I’m currently in. When I reach the bar, I’m quick to duck behind it, pressing my back against shelves of alcohol.

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shintin · 3 years ago

Text

Forget Me Not: Chapter 16 (Deepest Fear)

↳ Gojo Satoru x Female Reader

Description: Imagine that from the moment you opened your eyes into this world, you had no choice but to kill and shed the blood of others, that you had to fight alongside Toji Fushiguru and die with him.

What would you do when they force you to do something you don't like? When the torment of conscience presses on your throat, will you give up? Now think about a day that life gives you another chance; how would you use it?

This is the story of a murderer who seeks salvation. Will she find it in the arms of Satoru Gojo? Or will pain find her sooner than redemption and drive her out of heaven forever?

Genre: heavy angst, sad love story, maybe tragedy, violence, lonely hearts, broken souls, +18.

Tags/Warnings: nothing but love.

Author Note: Okay, I know this was a short chapter, but I promise you the next chapter is a long one. Also, I love sad Gojo. I think in the manga, he is like a lonely little boy. Being the strongest doesn't mean you'll also have a blessed life.

Song Recommendation: Damien Rice - Sleep Don't Weep

Chapter index -> Next chapter

Year: 2018

Satoru opened the door to his room and sat on the corner of the bed without paying attention to the woman. He turned his back and rested his hands on his knees.

'How could everything go wrong at once?' He thought to himself while staring at the ground with a numb mind.

Meanwhile, the redheaded woman walked slowly past Satoru, unbuttoning her trench coat. Her cloth slid lightly over her shoulders and fell to the ground in front of him, hiding nothing but her naked body under it.

Satoru raised his head with hollow eyes and looked at the naked woman in front of him. The playful smile on her lips made him sick.

It is why unlike usual, Satoru didn't smile back. He didn't get up. He didn't move his hands to pull the red-haired woman towards himself. Instead, he gazed upon Riba, questioning her acts.

"Did you miss me, baby?" The woman laughed seductively and sat down in front of Satoru.

He didn't answer and continued to follow her movements with his eyes.

The red-haired woman was getting nervous. She faked a smile again and rubbed her hand between his legs. Then, as she wet her lips with her tongue, she reached for the belt of his pants to unbuckle it. She wanted his attention and was desperate to have it.

Satoru suddenly came to his senses, grabbed Riba tightly by the wrist, and grabbed her chin.

"What do you think you are doing?" There was no emotion in his tone. It was the exact Satoru Gojo who had no mercy for those who dared to cross his lines.

"So, you still love it rough, huh? How do you want to get your birthday blowjob?" The woman said flirtatiously. She had no idea, or was she good at acting?

"Did I ask you to come here?" The calm before the storm was visible in his ocean eyes.

"Come on Satoru, don't ruin my surprise~" And she leaned towards him until her breasts hit his knees.

Satoru didn't react. "I'm not your boyfriend, friend, family member, colleague or anything! Why did it occur to you that you should surprise me?!" Little by little, anger was heard in his voice.

"But I thought that ...."

"Riba, I talked to you a few weeks ago that we are not going to see each other anymore. I never was your boyfriend! You accepted too, but it seems like you didn't listen well!" Satoru removed his hand from her chin and rubbed his forehead. His head was about to go off. He had other priorities to think about than wasting time with this woman.

'Is she in her room? Is she upset with me?' He was only worried about Y/N. He raised his head and looked at the door, thinking about going after her, but what did he want to say? 'Excuse me because I'm a manwhore and my sins have followed me all the way here?'

"You can't break up with me just like that, Satoru!" The woman retorted.

Satoru sighed, turned his head, got up, lifted her trench coat off the ground, and took the coat towards her without looking at Riba's face. He said in a cold tone, "we were not together to begin with. We were just fuck buddies, woman! I had explained to you that I don't want to be in a relationship!"

Riba angrily snatched her trench coat from his hand. "You didn't even get hard with my touch! Is all this because of that girl? What does she have that I don't have? Is she tighter than me? Does she suck you up better than me? Is she your new whor...."

Before she could finish, Satoru interrupted her. "Stop it, don't go on. Don't cross my lines. I'm asking you nicely to leave my room!" He closed his eyes and exhaled angrily, trying his best not to yell.

The woman's eyes got wet with tears. She took a few steps towards him, but Satoru pulled himself back. She was pushing his buttons. "Get-out-of-my-room!" His index finger pointed to the door.

The woman ran to the door while crying, opened it, and ran past two teenagers in the hallway as tears were flowing from her eyes.

Nobara and Yuji looked at the woman in surprise, then at the open door of their Sensei's room. They exchanged glances while silently passing by his room. They saw him sitting on a chair, his head down and his hands locked behind his neck. He didn't even notice the two. Six eyes were occupied in reviewing the disaster.

Neither of them had ever seen Satoru angry. Nobara gently pulled Yuji's sleeve and motioned him not to go inside. Yuji wanted to protest, but she pinched his arm and made him follow her.

Now that Satoru was alone, his brain could better assess the chain of events. If he hadn't posted that photo, maybe he would be with Y/N, probably hugging her, leaving his skin to absorb all of her soothing touches. Perhaps he would bury his face in her shoulders, feeling the warmth of her body. Maybe Y/N would wrap her arms around his head, making trails of kisses on his forehead, cheek, lips, scars, and cuddle the shit out of him... but none of these could happen now.

He and his lifestyle and his meaningless relationships had cost him a lot.

Rainwater was still dripping from Satoru's hair onto the floor. He laughed bitterly; just an hour ago, the two were holding hands in the rain. How soon could it be too late?

Satoru turned his head in despair to the shared wall of his room with Y/N's.

I guess she hates me, doesn't she? Can't blame her even.' Satoru sighed, put his hand on his knee, and got up. Suddenly fear filled his whole being. He looked again. Nope, He couldn't feel Y/N's cursed energy.

'Could it be that Y/N has hidden her energy again? No, the hotel is full of people. She would never make that choice. What if....'

"You can be free in the sea. You can disappear into the sea and no one will find you," Y/N's voice echoed in his ear.

Without thinking, Satoru hurried out of his room and stood in front of her room. He knocked on the door. "Y/N? Are you there? I need to talk to you."

Satoru knocked on the door a few more times. "Are you alright? Are you there? I'm worried about you. Can you just say yes, or no?" He asked desperately. When no sound was heard, concern ran through all of his veins. He looked around, clasped his hands, and warped in Y/N's room. The room was dark. Satoru looked around the room in a panic. Her phone was on her bed, and the balcony door was open.

Satoru's brain froze. "No, don't think about it, this is not possible." He repeated to himself, but in his mind, Y/N's voice was repeated: "You can be free, you can disappear, and no one will find you."

Satoru shook his head. 'She won't go anywhere. She cares about Yuji. She won't leave him alone.'

Y/N wasn't a weak person, he knew that, but he also knew that people drowning in grief alone for a long time could engage in unpredictable behaviors. This was what exactly happened to his friend, Suguro Geto, and he didn't want this for Y/N, for himself, again.

And at that moment, without warning, the fear of losing Y/N filled his heart.

Satoru looked at his trembling hands while a cold sweat broke out on his forehead. He quickly clenched his fists and ran to the lobby. No, she wasn't there. His footsteps moved outside in desperate search of any trace of the cursed energy of Y/N.

Satoru's heart calmed down when he reached the hotel's back. His eyes fell on Y/N, who was walking next to Megumi. She was there, safe, alive with a faint smile on her lips, and it was enough for him. She hadn't disappeared. She hadn't vanished. She hadn't left him alone. She hadn't turned her back on him. She hadn't abandoned him like Suguru and others.

Y/N was there, breathing, walking, and that was enough for him.

He was aware of the hell he was stepping into. She had shed the blood of many, perhaps she had been the most sinful angel on earth, but none of this mattered to him. What mattered to Satoru was that Y/N still had chosen to stay there, with them. She could run away, but she was there to pay the atonement of her sins. The sins that she didn't want to commit in the first place.

He sighed deeply. Could he fix this mess? Because he was willing to do anything to hear her laughter again.

Satoru stood there in his wet clothes for a long time and watched Y/N, talking to Megumi, who knows about what. She was moving her hands in the air, describing a thing maybe, tucking her hair behind her ear several times, being nervous surely, pressing her nail into the palms of her hands, hiding her emotions perfectly. His six eyes knew her.

Suddenly Satoru's phone rang. Caller ID indicated the call was from the Mansion of the Gojo family. He put the phone to his ear:

"Young Master, please get here quickly. Your mother is not well, and she wants to see you" Then a continuous beep sound was heard.

Satoru's breath was trapped in his chest for a moment. He raised his head and looked at Y/N again for the last time. Then he turned his head to return to his childhood home.

Fate was full of strange ironies. He would lose his mother on the day that his mother had given him life.

Tag list for Forget Me Not: @wobblewobble822 @imaginationisme @itsmekalou @yukianzaiii @halveablock @selahna @grade1sorcerer @yehet-moi-ohorat @crazyotakugal @cheezybell @insoukesboarmask @gojothealaskaboyph @their1andonly @dabithetouya @whyispistashanuttaken @marbleii @godtieruwu @chippyroh @where-are-you-everywhere @sirynbitch @hijiki-heichou @megumirose @ob-levi-on @appleseed-zahyou @nikajoyceinwonderland @icejifish @makiinin @julianat555 @skiwalkers @syll08 @aceofhermes @nemcxis @hiimahuman @tokoshojibestotp @gojoesatire @alicekaiba @your-nerd-is-showing @yosanoaki @ritsuuuyouu @4l-3x @meriem04 @blacklione15 @spookyboogyuniverse @jcssy @someonenoteveryone @kurushiisaboss @boredcatsyndrome @quevivalafresafrijolita @freefestivalherringdean @bloomed-in-starlight @dibz00 @hypercementosis @shaylove418 @lalazyboi @djxrin @mikusailor @elenaazz @gojoscumslut @directioer4dayz @deadflowerd @pearlstiare @teodooram @enesitamor @martiniilemonada @spookyboogyuniverse @someonenoteveryone @meriem04 @jcssy

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disasterofastory · 4 years ago

Text

Married to Vikings Part 3 (Ubbe x Reader x Torvi)

Married to Vikings Part 3 Ubbe x Reader x Torvi Warnings: none

Y/N spends time with Torvi and Ubbe.

The gif is not mine.

Your life in Kattegat starts with shopping. Torvi comes with you to the market. You need warmer clothes than you brought with you. She speaks with the traders and helps you with the seamstress. You focus on their words while Torvi assists when you forget something, or you say them wrong. You enjoy your day together. The Viking woman is much different than you or any other woman you ever met, and it’s refreshing. She is not afraid to say what she thinks, but at the same time, she patient with you and your questions. She shows you around the village, helping you to remember where everything is. The Viking woman even chooses a few daggers for you. “Are you sure I need them?” You ask her uncertainly. “You need to learn how to fight,” she says, examining the weapons. “Of course, we won’t send you into battles, but you need to know how to protect yourself.” “Okay,” you murmur, watching her buying the right ones. At the back of your mind, you already think about how you could learn to fight. You're nothing like a shieldmaiden. You are not strong enough and definitely not brave enough. “Um, can I ask you something?” You ask her after a while as you wander around the market.

It's very different from what you're used to. The traders are from different cultures with lots of exotic spices and fruits and trinkets you never saw before. Their words are heavy with an accent as they bargain with others. “Of course,” Torvi nods, looking at you from a stall. “Why are you nice to me?” You ask her. Torvi was nice to you from the beginning. You glanced at her a lot, waiting for any disapproval showing on her face because you are the second wife. “What do you mean?” “Well… I don’t know how I would feel if my husband married another woman beside me.” “It’s not that strange here,” she explains, paying for the fruits she picked out. “If a man wealthy enough, he can have as many wives as he wants.” “But still,” you insist. “I just don’t want you to hate me, and I don’t know how to act because of it.” “You shouldn’t worry about it,” she smiles at you, pulling you along. “I must admit,” she continues. “I spied on you a little bit before the wedding.” “What?” You look at her, surprised.

Yeah, that’s true. Torvi needed to make sure you are a good choice for them. She didn’t want an uptight woman who does nothing but praying the whole day. When she first saw you, you were with your sister in the gardens. You talked and laughed. You were lively and pretty.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “But I wanted to know who Alfred’s choice was.” “No, don’t be sorry,” you tell her. “I understand. If I had a chance, I would have done it too. And… so what are we to each other?” You ask her. This question jumps around in your head since last night. “For now, we are friends,” she says with a nod to herself. “For now?” You ask back, puzzled. “Have you ever been with a woman before?” She asks you suddenly. The blood flows up to your face in seconds. “O-of course not,” you shake your head. “And you don’t find women attractive?” The question makes you stop. Every part of your beliefs says that the answer is no. It’s sinful. But if you want to be honest… you find Torvi attractive. She radiates confidence and bravery. And she is beautiful with her blonde, almost white hair and her big, green eyes. She smiles knowingly, amused at your embarrassment. “You are pretty, Y/N,” she says. “And you don’t have to be afraid of my disapproval. If I had opposed this marriage, you wouldn't be here.”

With new, warm clothes you can start to learn about the farm. Torvi shows you around the animals and the way how to take care of them. They have chickens and goats and a few horses. And to your biggest surprise, you are good with them. You enjoy taking care of them even when you are dirty and tired at the end of the day.

Ubbe and Torvi are happy to see you adjusting to their world. They are amused at your Christianity and your naivety but impressed at your working tolerance. You crawl around the mud without a second thought if it’s needed. You don’t complain, but you tell them if something is wrong. You are still shy and a little bit distant, but it’s understandable. The Viking world is still new to you, and you can’t get used to it in a few weeks. “What do you think about her?” Ubbe asks his wife, sitting at the table with a slice of apple pie in his hand as he watches you through the opened door. “She is great,” she says, following Ubbe’s eyes. You scatter food around the chickens, chuckling at their enthusiasm. “She still has a lot to learn, but she is eager.” “Did you talked about… me?” He asks, glancing at Torvi. “No,” she answers, a mocking smile forms on her lips. “But I know she likes me.” “Do you bragging?” He asks, biting into the slice. “Are you jealous?” Torvi asks back teasingly. “A little,” Ubbe admits with a shrug. “You should talk to her more,” Torvi advises her husband. “I will meet with Lagertha. This is your chance.”

You are so engrossed feeding the animals you don’t notice Torvi’s departure and Ubbe’s standing form at the door, watching you. The Viking man finds himself enjoying your focused expression and your curves in the pants you wear. “Y/N,” he says your name after a while. You look up at him, surprised. “I will go hunting,” he continues. “Do you want to come with me?” “Sure,” you nod, but your voice is uncertain. Being alone with Ubbe is still new to you, and you always try to be with Torvi. The man never showed you any hostility, and you know he was attentive the first night you spent together. Other men would have continued their movements, but he made sure he gave you as little pain as possible. “Did you ever hunted?” He asks, and you answer him with a ‘what do you think?’ expression. He smiles at your reaction, giving you your furs before he grabs his weapons.

The walk into the woods is quiet but not awkward. He makes sure you can keep up with him while you are too busy watching everything. You enjoy nature. You've never been this close to it, and now everything looks new and intriguing. You feel like a child again with new experiences. “How are you feeling here?” He asks you after a while. “Torvi told me you adjust well.” “Yes, I guess,” you answer, moving closer to him when you step into the woods. “I know I still have a lot to learn, and it annoys me when I don’t understand what others say, but I never thought I would… enjoy it.” “Are you enjoy being a heathen?” He asks teasingly. “I...’m not,” you want to argue with him, but you pause. Since you are here, you didn’t really think about your God. At first, you tried to pray every day, but soon you became too busy or too tired. You tried to reassure yourself that God probably understands your lack of prayers, you are in a new place in different circumstances, but as the weeks passed, you didn't even care about it anymore. Ubbe watches you amused. He is having fun seeing your uncertainty. Of course, if you choose to remain a Christian, he will respect it, but if he has the opportunity to change your beliefs, he will. You have much more chance to survive in their world if you follow their rules and traditions. “Did you ever used a bow before?” He questions you again, changing the topic. “No,” you shake your head, looking at the weapon in his hands. “Try it,” he says, pushing it into your hands. You look at him, shocked, not knowing how you should use it. “I’ll help you,” he says, stepping behind you adjusting your hand and arm the right way before he gives you an arrow. You feel small before him, feeling his movements around you. He leans over you, explaining everything you need to know, and you really try to listen to him, but you are too busy with his close presence. His voice is deep and gentle next to your ear, his breath is warm, and his touch is calloused on your skin. He places his hand over yours, pulling on the string till it stretches enough. The arrow flies out from its place, hitting a tree not far before you. You look up to Ubbe behind you, smiling with joy, but you know it was not your work. Ubbe’s led your every move. Without him, the arrow would probably have fallen out of your hand. “You should be worried,” you say to him teasingly. “Maybe I will be even better than you.” “We will see,” he says, moving back from you to continue your way deeper into the woods. The afternoon you spend with Ubbe is pleasant. You enjoy your walk among the trees, listening to animals, and trying to stay still when he says. He tells you about his family, and he asks about your past. He is teasing and easygoing. You laugh at his jokes and banter with him when it’s needed. When you step out of the woods, it’s already dark and cold. You pull the furs closer to you to keep yourself warm. “Did you have fun?” He asks you, dead rabbits hang over his shoulder. “It was good,” you nod. “Thank you.” He smiles at your politeness, pulling you closer to himself by your shoulder. He had his own insecurities about this marriage between you and him. Firstly, he wasn’t sure about Torvi’s acceptance, no matter how many times she said to him that it’s okay and he didn’t know how you would adjust in their lives either. He imagined a pompous, fussy woman who can’t do anything on her own, and you were a pleasant surprise. But now, especially after this day with you, he can see a well-balanced relationship between the three of you. You are clever in your own way, and you complete them just the right way. “There will be a feast in a few days,” he says. “It will be a little bit different. Do you think you are ready for it?” “Are you going to sacrifice me?” You ask him, and you don’t know you mean it as a joke or not. “No,” he laughs. “You will be safe.” “Okay then,” you nod. “And soon you should meet with the children,” he adds, looking at you for your reaction. “Okay,” you nod more confidently. You saw their children from afar a few times since you are here. Torvi talked about them a lot to you, and you are excited to get to know them.

When you get home, Torvi is already waiting for you, and soon you two cook the rabbits for dinner. You tell her about your day with Ubbe while the man skins the animals. You feel content under the dim lights of the fireplace and candles with your husband… and wife. This is the feeling you always imagined as a child when you imagined your marriage and… well, love.

Tags: @ritual-unions-gotme @mystic-shadows42

#ubbe x reader #ubbe imagine #ubbe ragnarsson x reader #ubbe x torvi #Ubbe x Reader x Torvi #torvi x reader #vikings imagine #vikings x reader

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ughwhateveridek · 2 years ago

Text

Blog 2

Karma

"A boomerang returns back to the person that throws it."

-Vera Nazarian

In today's world, this word gets thrown around a lot. Does anyone even know what it truly means?

Karma is the sum of a person's actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate in future existences. In simple words, it's good or bad luck, viewed as resulting from one's actions.

But people don't get this. Most people just use this word when their own sadistic desires get fulfilled.

People who use this word way too often are definitely a lot, but the people who actually understand its meaning and believe in it are very few.

It is also often confused with 'destiny'. Karma isn't necessarily the same as destiny; but it can be seen as a part of it.

Karma is also defined as 'the law of cause and effect', in the sense that every action brings about a corresponding reaction.

The ENDLESS KNOT is a famous symbol that represents 'Karma'. They symbolize the interlinking of cause and effect, a Karmic cycle that continues eternally.

But, all this leads to one major question arising, IS KARMA REAL OR JUST A MYTH?

I feel the answer to this question is subjective. A lot of people believe in Karma because they have experienced instances where, when they'd lost all hope, "Karma" came through for them. While on the other hand, people could just as easily argue that the concept is stupid and all the things that happen are mere coincidences because it makes people feel, for even just one second, that the world isn't all unfair; there is still some sense of justice.

I personally believe in it, maybe because it reinforces that there is still fairness in this unjust world, or maybe because something like this has happened to me, or maybe for some reason I just do.

A few years ago, my then best friend and I had a major fight because of a guy she brought into our life. The guy wasn't even someone she was romantically interested in, he was just a little more than an acquaintance. Yet she distanced herself from me for him. All our other friends saw this; asked both of us to make amends. I was ready to forgive her, she just never apologized. The fight was never resolved. She later ended up dating the guy. At that point it had been more than 6 months since we last talked. Their relationship went on for a good 2-3 years. A few months ago I found out the guy dumped her for someone else and for old times sake I reached out to her, asking her if she was okay or not. She ended up apologizing and we're on talking terms now.

What was that? Karma? Coincidence? Something else? I don't know. I only know that my faith in some God-ly things was restored that day and suddenly I was a believer.

Karma is also said to have linkages to past lives. A lot of people don't believe in past lives or rebirth, but I do.

I know someone who's scared of bobby pins, yes the not-at-all-dangerous pins people put in their hair. She'd been scared of them for as long as I can remember. A while back she got really into meditation and I don't know how true the next part is, but apparently in meditation when you reach a certain level, you can see visions of your past/future life (past life regression). She ended up seeing one such vision where she was killed in her previous life by nails being nailed into her head. Awful, right? But suddenly her fear of bobby pins started making a lot of sense…

"Why does this always happen to me?", "Why do I always suffer?", are some questions that a lot of us wonder about quite often. You're this wonderful person and who always thinks about others yet you still get tested so much, yet things always seem to go wrong. Why is it so? Maybe it's your past life? Maybe you're paying for the sins you committed in that life? Nobody knows for sure. But still, why not be good? Why not help people around you? Why not always be kind? Because no matter whether you believe in Karma or not, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being altruistic (to a limit, of course) and personally the smile you get afterwards is bigger than any reward you can possibly imagine.

#universe #universe and its ways #blog writers #blog writing #writeblogging #writeblr #writing #karma

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smellsfaintlyofvanilla · 4 years ago

Note

can i request a childhood friends to lovers with annie and gn reader? :)

Of course!

Also sorry if you wanted a fic, this just worked out a lot easier in headcanon form haha

Also also, I also accidentally wrote some implied fem reader but it’s a little too late to take it out now, whoops. It’s still 90% GN though hahaaa

Annie with a childhood friend S/O: HCs

AU: Canon

Warnings: Season 4 spoilers

It had all started with the fall of Wall Maria

You lived with your parents inside of Wall Rose your whole life, so the sudden influx of people following the attack on Shinganshina was a bit to get used to

But then you met Annie

She was twelve, the same age as you

She didn’t talk much, and especially not about her life before the attack, but you did know that she was supposedly orphaned in the chaos

When you talked to her at first, you had felt pity for her

After all, she had lost her home, her parents, and was now abandoned in the middle of the overcrowded and overpopulated cities

And even though she remained mostly emotionless, there was a slight tug on her features that made her look quite... sad

So, with much convincing from you, your parents agreed to let you take the poor girl in for a few weeks, until the panic had died down and an orphanage would take her in

You weren’t exactly abundant with food, shelter, money, or really anything, but you made it work

And Annie, though dedicated to her cause, couldn’t help but find herself indulging in your presence

Even with Reiner and Bertholdt, she truly longed for a close friend that she didn’t associate with through the Warrior Program

So, even after Annie was eventually taken in to an orphanage, you two remained friends

You would always walk up to the front door of the building she stayed at, and the second the lady would answer, you would ask for Annie

Nearly every day the two of you would hang out

You’d take her with you as you ran out to get groceries for your parents, and you would always buy an extra loaf of bread behind your parents’ backs to give to Annie—since you knew the kids at the orphanage were never fed enough

You’d talk to her excitedly about whatever was on your mind, and even though she seldom talked much, she’d listen patiently to every word you said

And, whenever some kids started to pick on you, they’d be on the ground in a flash, noses bloody and crying out obnoxiously

Even though you appreciated the sentiment, you’d usually have to pull her off them so she wouldn’t go too far

And, after the first few incidents, you were practically invincible. Nobody wanted to touch you in fear of retaliation from Annie

Slowly, as the two of you grew closer, she told you more about herself.

Her father was the one who taught her to fight like she did, and she strived to one day make him proud

It made you quite sad, to see her talk about family with such a sad smile, whilst you had a perfectly healthy and intact family

In the very rare instances where she would vent and cry to you, you’d hold her and reassure her that her parents love her no matter what, and that you’d always be there for her

You swore that the two of you would do everything together.

So, when Annie signed up for the military to get revenge for her parents, you signed up too, to follow her and keep her safe

She paled when you told her, telling you to stay home where you’d be safe, and that she promised she’d visit you whenever you could

But you just smiled and told her that you promised to stay with her no matter what, and that you weren’t gonna leave her alone

It was there, fifteen years old, that she realized she had fallen for you

Being in the Cadet Corps together only further strengthened the bond between you two

Not only did it give you the chance to meet Bertholdt and Reiner, who were her other best friends she met in the orphanage

But, by some miracle, you and Annie were selected to share a bunk, much to your delight

It took a few days of convincing her, but eventually she started sleeping in the same bed as you

You had told her, “We’re just friends, it isn’t weird!”

And you were right—partially

It wasn’t weird when you were twelve and oblivious, but now that she was hard crushing on you, it was much different to her

When it came to daily life and training, the routine was almost always the same

You’d wake up and get breakfast with Annie, sitting with her in silence since you were usually too sleepy to make conversation, but sitting close to her nonetheless

Occasionally, you’d be so tired that you’d lean your head on her shoulder and take a quick nap before practice

She tried to look indifferent, but her red cheeks always betrayed her

Then you’d go out and train for hours with your assigned training partner, Mikasa

She’d almost always destroyed you in combat, but you learned a lot from her, and came to befriend her over the months

Annie would always get jealous of yours and Mikasa’s friendship, so you’d occasionally have to talk to her about it in one of your many late night talks

You’d see her facing away from you—opposite of what she’d usually do—and you’d know something was wrong

You’d tap her shoulder, and when she turned to face you, you could always tell something was wrong

So, you’d ask her what it was, and once she finally spit it out that she thought you and Mikasa were getting really close, really fast, you’d be quick to reassure her

You’d grab her hand and pull her closer to you, always causing her to blush, but you’d thankfully never noticed it due to the dark lighting

“Annie, I know how you feel. I get it. I’m close with Mikasa, yes, but she’s nowhere near your level. No matter what, I’ll always be your closest friend.”

And it always felt so bittersweet to her.

She was glad you held her so dear in your heart, but the word “friend” was like an arrow to her heart

She treasured you so dearly, your friendship alone already filled her life with joy and fulfillment

But she wanted to be closer to you

Even if it compromised her mission

Which is something that came up more than once with Reiner and Bertholdt

They could tell she was crushing on you, and were less than pleased

Bertholdt tried to reason with her, to coax her out of it gently by telling her how getting close to her would only end up in pain. Because, in her own words, she was a traitor, someone who’s done such unforgivable sins that they’ve become unlovable

Reiner, though, has a much harsher approach. He knew how protective she was of you and your wellbeing, so he often threatened your safety if Annie ever tried to get closer

Once, in an argument, he suggested “getting rid of her permanently,” but the terrifying glare she sent him proved that that option was completely off the table, unless he wanted to face a furious and grief induced Titan shifter

Which, he didn’t. So, he never brought it up again

Despite all this, she was very hesitant to confess to you. Bluntly put, she didn’t think you liked her back.

You acted the same as you did when you were child, and she was the same as she had always been to you—a close friend, but nothing further

Of course, you always loved her, but how was she supposed to know that?

Still, as time went on, it became more and more obstructive

Her thoughts and insecurities kept her up at night, yearning to love you while you lay sleeping mere inches away from her

It ended getting so distracting that she just decided she didn’t care if you reciprocated or not, she needed to get it off her chest

Even if there was a tugging feeling at the back of her mind that you would say no, and the friendship would be ruined

Still, she couldn’t bear to hide her feelings, so she came up to you one day after breakfast and shyly asked to meet her behind the barracks after afternoon training had finished

You casually mentioned this while training with Mikasa, but she only laughed

She knew Annie had a crush on you—it was obvious to anyone who was paying attention to how she acted around you, really—but decided to keep quiet, encouraging you to see what she wanted

So you did

When you walked around to the meeting spot, you saw her leaning against the wall biting her nails, a habit that only came out when she was really stressed

She didn’t seem to notice you at first, so you called out her name and smiled and waved when she saw you

“So what is it you wanted to talk about?”

She clammed up at first, staring at the ground nervously

You found this behavior really odd for her, considering she always appeared so confident and put together

And here she was, blushing and fidgeting like a schoolgirl

In an effort to ease whatever her concern may be, you grabbed her hand in your own, running your thumb over it

“It’s fine, Annie. You can tell me anything.” You smiled warmly

It gave her the final little confidence boost she needed to confess

“I... Y/n, I’ve always treasured our friendship no matter what. I feel like no matter what happens, you’re always there for me, and I couldn’t be more grateful for that, for having a friend like you.”

She paused and took a deep breath before continuing

“I don’t wanna make anything weird between the two of us, but this has been weighing down on me for ages. Fuck it... I love you Y/n. And I— I know you don’t like me back, that’s okay, I just want—!”

“Annie.” You spoke calmly, cutting off her panicked mumbling

Her flustered-ness was adorable, you thought, and you couldn’t help but giggle a little bit

And Annie’s heart dropped

Poor girl thought you were about to reject her

But, after a moment, you spoke

“I love you too, Annie.”

And those were the best five words anyone had ever spoken to her.

Although it wasn’t apparent on her face, she was absolutely overjoyed that you returned her feelings

She felt like, for just that moment, no matter what happened, she would be happy because she was with you

She immediately jumped onto you, wrapping her arms around your neck and lifting her feet off the ground, nuzzling her face in your shoulder

You returned the affection, moving one hand to her lower back, and the other one tangling in her golden blonde hair, undoing the messy bun she always kept it in

After that, the dynamic certainly changed between you two

In a good way, of course

She no longer felt weird about cuddling closer to you at night, waiting until you had gone asleep to press her chest against your back and spoon you

At mealtimes, whenever you went to nap on her, she would always carry you to bed instead, and claim you weren’t feeling well when Shadis asked her

And she’d totally share some of her food with you if you were feeling extra hungry

You two technically were keeping your relationship a secret, but everyone knew anyway

Especially because, every morning, you two were always the last to get up, so all the other girls could see the two of you cuddling and sleeping together so comfortably

So when the two of you eventually announced your relationship on your three-month anniversary, everyone was just kinda like “was it supposed to be a secret?”

But the two of you spent your years as Cadets together, and the both of you couldn’t have been happier

Then, one day, it came time to pick a regiment

Since you both made the top ten, Annie tried to convince you to join the Military Police with her

You two could live peacefully together inside of Wall Sina, safe from all the titans, and paid handsomely enough to live comfortably

But you were hell-bent on joining the Scouts

You said that you were gonna help protect society from the titans, and now that you had Eren on your side, saving humanity actually seemed possible

She was horrified when you told her, however

The Survey Corps had such a high, high mortality rate, and the chances of you being dead within a year of joining were alarmingly high

She almost considered joining the Scouts with you, to keep you safe

But she knew she had a mission to carry out, and that mission couldn’t progress without her joining the Military Police

So, she swore that she would write letters and visit whenever she could, but she was going to join the Military Police

It was hard for both of you, at first

Neither you nor her had slept without the other in well over four years, so the sudden shift was incredibly lonely

You’d always spent time together during your days off, though

You’d go back to your hometown and visit your parents for the day, courtesy of the horses provided by the Scout regiment

Hitch would also constantly tease Annie about constantly writing letters to you, but Annie would always snap back “At least I have a partner.”

And it always shut her up

When the time came, and she had to shift into a titan to attack the Scout regiment, per Reiner’s instructions, she was terrified

She knew you’d be one of the little soldiers out there, and she doubted she could tell you apart at a glance

If she accidentally hurt you, or god forbid, killed you, she wouldn’t know what to do with herself

Still, she had to go on with it

She never had a chance to check whether any of the countless bodies that day were you, so you can imagine the pure relief she felt when she received another letter from you in the mail

But upon reading the contents of the letter, her heart dropped a little bit

Sure enough, the “abnormal titan” you had encountered was all over it

You detailed seeing it up close, and watching helplessly as she crushed your comrades left and right, and how lucky you were that the titan skipped over you

A twinge of panic came over here on realizing that she was this close to accidentally killing you

But, she bit the bullet and wrote back, the letter reeking of faux concern

But, when the day came that the idea of Annie being the Female Titan was brought up, you were distraught

They made a good point, though. The titan looked quite like her, for starters

When you had first seen the titan, chasing behind you, you recognized the icy blue eyes right away

You pushed the thought to the backburner of your mind, but you couldn’t deny that when you looked at the titan, the first thing you saw was Annie

They brought up other things too, such as fighting style, her apparent absence that day, and others

All overwhelming evidence of her being a traitor

But you argued

Of course you argued

Why wouldn’t you argue?

Annie was your everything, she was there for you for years

You had known her from the day she was a lost, lonely orphan, spirit trampled just like the walls themselves

She was always so loyal to you, she would do just about anything to keep you, and her friends, safe

But, the responsibility fell on you to corner her

Hange had given you an ultimatum that day

“If you truly believe she is innocent, then you should have no problem helping us investigate, no? Lure her into a corner, and we’ll see if she truly is a titan.”

At first, you weren’t sure what to do

Part of you was appalled by the idea

Incriminating your lover? Out of the question. On the very very slight chance that she was a titan, you weren’t gonna be the one to pull the trigger

But the other part of you was filled with blind faith in her

She would never do something like that. There’s no problem in clearing her name

So, you agreed, and one day, you pulled her aside from her Military Police duties and told her to take the day off with you

She agreed in an instant, following you around town to the “destination” you had in mind

But she froze when you tried to lead her down the tunnel

A small seed of doubt planted itself in her mind

‘Is Y/n... trying to lead me somewhere where I can’t transform?”

So, she stalled, trying to make up her mind whilst spouting out excuses of being scared of the dark

But then a sound rang out

A shout, or a whistle of sorts

And all of the sudden, countless soldiers ran towards her at all angles, holding her arms behind her back and putting a cloth gag in her mouth

She didn’t piece it together right away—or rather, she didn’t want to piece it together—that you had, in fact, set her up

It wasn’t until you stood on the steps to the tunnel, staring into her eyes

And you didn’t move to help her

You had promised, back when the two of you were little, that you would always follow her and always protect her, no matter what

She realized at that moment that you weren’t there to save her

You were there to trick her

So, she pulled out the spike on her ring finger and cut a small gash in her finger, and lighting sparked and materialized out from her, before a puff of smoke and flesh manifested

Your mouth was agape the whole time

So she was the Female Titan...

A traitor...

You had known her for so long, and this is what she really was?

You couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that the sweet little lost girl was truly a heartless murderer

But the evidence of that fact was standing right in front of you, 15 meters tall

You were frozen in place, still standing on the stairwell

You expected to be squashed like a bug without hesitation

You couldn’t imagine Annie ever doing that, but at the same time, you couldn’t imagine Annie being any bit of what she was right now

But, to your surprise, she didn’t

She kneeled down as delicately as she could, given the confined space of the street

And brought her thumb to your back, rubbing it gently a couple times in a comforting matter, almost like she was trying to say “It’s okay, don’t worry.”

But another quick flash of lightning brought her attention away from you

Another shifter

Eren.

You watched in shocked horror as the two of them wrecked through Stohess district

They fought, and fought, and fought, destroying buildings and sending wreckage everywhere

But, at the end of it all, she was reduced to a mere doll stuck in a crystalline prison

You were able to recognize one thing, though

Her face, mere moments before crystallizing

She was crying

You longed so horribly to reach out and stroke the tears from her face, yet two feet of impenetrable glass separated her from you

You visited her crystal every day

Waiting for something, someone, anything, to break her free and return her to you

You were so sick and tired of the war, of the fighting, of the heartbreak

But the universe showed no signs of giving you a break, though, as you were always called upon to fight again and again

To fight the titans, and then to fight the other traitors, Reiner and Bertholdt, and to fight Marley, watching in horror as Paradis repeated the actions the Warriors had done to Shinganshina so long ago

Yet, still, you visited Annie through it all

Checking up on her, updating her on your adventures and how the story was unfolding

And you knew it was mostly pointless—after all, she couldn’t hear you at all

But you stayed and talked, waiting indefinitely for her to wake up

Because, all those years ago, you had promised to be by her side and protect her no matter what.

#aot #snk #attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyojin x reader #annie leonhart #annie leonhart x reader #annie x reader

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kira-bitz · 4 years ago

Photo

Edd was already fed up with his situation. How had it come to this? Well, the events have not happened long ago, they were still fresh in his memory.

And it was that his parents didn't saw with good eyes that, as he grew up, Edd developed a greater interest in cartoons and comics. Even traditional arts like painting and sculpture were alternatives they were willing to accept for their oldest son, but comics? Animations? He wasn't even talented enough to stand out from the crowd and have a promising future. This is how, when Edd mentioned his intention to study animation after finishing his studies at school, his father didn't hesitate to give him an ultimatum:

- Either you choose a traditional career as how it has to be, or you finance them by your own.

Edd already saw that answer coming, so he wasn't discouraged by his father's words. In a way he understood his fear, but that wasn't going to stop him, he would prove to them that he could fulfill his dream with or without their help. He had already planned what to do in advance, because due to the great income of money from his family, he knew that the loan or grant options wouldn't allow him to cover much of the cost of his studies if he continued living with them, so he was already focused in finding a part-time job. On the other hand, his friends Matt and Tom told him about their intentions to share a flat, in order to live in a more central place. Nothing could go wrong.

But there he was a year later, exhausted from the fifth merchandise landing of the night at the supermarket. Too tired to get home and get on with his college projects, he just wanted a shower and sleep. Wasn't there another type of work that drained less of his energy? A job that didn't take up so many hours of his day?

This is how Edd began to investigate in different places, increasingly corrupt sites, until in one of them reached at his ears the information of a certain business that was done in a night pool club, where in exchange for "requests" of clients a good sum of money was paid. Edd hesitated to try after seeing what kind of requests there were, but one in particular caught his eye.

“A guy on my campus constantly harasses me. I have denounced him repeatedly, but I haven't received a response from the authorities since he has not physically attacked me. I just want to give him the scare of his life so he can leave me alone. I'm scared."

Edd thought about it for a moment as he looked at the contact number attached to the application and the amount to be received for said service. He was tall, maybe not the most muscular boy, but he had knowledge of fights from his most rebellious school years. Plus, he had a pretty convincing dummy gun. Maybe... he could try.

When the day came, Edd took one last look at the photo of a blond young man to confirm that it was the same one he was watching casually walking down the sidewalk in front of him. He crossed the street while pulling on his hood and shoved the boy shorter than him into the alley, away from the public view. He grabbed him by the neck almost lifting him off the ground as the guy emitted little screams of terror:

- I know you, George Smith. I know where you live, your boring schedule, and that you were now on your way to see your friends Tyler and Henry at the place a few blocks from here. Too bad I'll have to spoil your fun.

Wide-eyed in sheer terror, the smaller guy watched as Edd took his gun from his back pocket, pulled the hammer and aimed it at George's head.

- If I see you near Miss Emily Brown again, I will come for you again, and I will not be alone.

Between screeches and gasps from George from the tight grip, Edd slammed his knee into his stomach, completely knocking the air out of his lungs. Finally, before George could catch his breath, and with one swift movement, Edd hit George over the head with his gun, knocking him out instantly.

The tallest one looked at the scene for a second and felt the adrenaline rush inside him. He has never felt something like this. It reminded him a bit of the school fights of yesteryear but with a much greater intensity. He felt control and uncontrolled at the same time. He liked it.

Slowly, Edd began to take more and more requests from people he called "in a situation of need for not acting of the law" sometimes allying with others like him when the service required more than one individual, and even going so far as to buy a real gun and learn how to use it to take less risk. With this new inflow of money, he could leave his other job since in less hours he was earning much more, he could pay for his studies without problem, improve his work team and pay the rent for his home.

And so he did, the day his new computer and drawing tablet arrived was the happiest day of his life. Tom and Matt were undoubtedly happy for him and when he finally had everything set up he called them over to see his latest model equipment. Edd didn't expect them to come into his room filming and celebrating the fruit of so much hard work. Between congratulations they took one last photo to keep for the memory.

- Thanks guys. You are the best.

Finally, already in the darkness of the night, an Edd could be seen without being able to sleep. Since, although in a couple of years he should no longer have the need to continue with this work, something had awakened in his being that said that what began as a need, was turning into an obsession.

---

Well here I brought the first promised backstory of the boys in the EW Lone Digger AU. I hope you like it! Please remember that this is fiction and that threatening people is bad, carrying weapons is bad, illegality is bad, etc asdfg.

And there is a small cameo of Ghost Friends since I will be part of the team of the first episode as character designer and that makes me happy 💖.

I take this opportunity to comment it is very likely that next week I will open commissions again, but I must adjust the prices and it will be probably 5 slots only for now.

Y para mi gente hispanohablante, abajo del Seguir Leyendo se encuentra la versión en español 😘

Edd ya estaba harto de su situación. ¿Cómo había llegado a esto? Bueno, los sucesos no habían ocurrido hace mucho, aún seguían frescos en su memoria.

Y es que sus padres no vieron con buenos ojos que, a medida que crecía, Edd desarrollaba un interés mayor por las caricaturas e historietas. Incluso artes tradicionales como pintura y escultura eran alternativas que estaban dispuestos a aceptar para su hijo mayor, pero ¿comics? ¿animaciones? Ni siquiera tenía tanto talento como para destacar del montón y tener un futuro prometedor. Así fue como, cuando Edd les mencionó sus intenciones de estudiar animación al terminar sus estudios en el colegio, su padre no dudó en darle un ultimátum:

- O eliges una carrera tradicional como corresponde, o la financias por tu cuenta.

Edd ya veía venir esa respuesta, por lo no se desanimó con las palabras de su padre. De cierta forma entendía su temor, pero eso no iba a detenerlo, les probaría que podía cumplir su sueño con o sin su ayuda. Ya tenía planificado qué hacer de antemano, pues debido a la gran entrada de dinero de su familia, sabía que las opciones de préstamos o subvenciones no le permitirían cubrir gran parte del valor de sus estudios si seguía viviendo con ellos, así que ya estaba mentalizado en encontrar un trabajo de medio tiempo. Por otra parte, sus amigos Matt y Tom le habían comentado sus intenciones de compartir un piso, para de esta forma vivir en un lugar más céntrico. Nada podría salir mal.

Pero ahí estaba un año después, agotado por del quinto desembarque de mercadería de la noche en el supermercado. Muy cansado como para llegar a casa y avanzar en sus proyectos universitarios, solo quería una ducha y dormir. ¿No existía otro tipo de trabajo que drenara menos de su energía? ¿Un trabajo que no ocupara tantas horas de su día?

Así fue como Edd se dedicó a investigar en diferentes sitios, sitios cada vez más corruptos, hasta que en uno de ellos llegó a sus oídos la información de cierto negocio que se hacía en un club de pool nocturno, donde a cambio de “solicitudes” de clientes se pagaba una buena suma de dinero. Edd, al ver el tipo de solicitudes que se habían dudó en intentarlo, pero uno en particular le llamó la atención.

“Un sujeto del campus me acosa constantemente. Lo he denunciado en reiteradas ocasiones, pero no he tenido respuesta de las autoridades ya que no me ha agredido físicamente. Solo quiero que le den el susto de su vida para que me deje en paz. Tengo miedo.”

Edd lo pensó un momento mientras observaba el número de contacto adjunto a la solicitud y el monto a recibir por dicho servicio. Él era grande, tal vez no el chico más musculoso, pero tenía conocimiento en peleas de su etapa escolar más rebelde. Además, tenía un arma falsa bastante convincente. Quizás… podría intentarlo.

Llegado el día, Edd miró por última vez la foto de un joven rubio para corroborar que era el mismo al que estaba observando caminar despreocupadamente por la vereda de en frente. Cruzó la calle mientras se colocaba la capucha y empujó al chico más pequeño que él al callejón, alejándolos de la vista pública. Lo sujetó del cuello casi levantándolo del suelo mientras el chico emitía pequeños chillidos de terror. Sacó su arma y apuntó a su cabeza:

- Te conozco, George Smith. Sé dónde vives, tu aburrido horario y que ahora te dirigías a ver a tus amigos Tyler y Henry en el local a unas cuadras de aquí. Lástima que tendré que arruinar tu diversión.

Con los ojos abiertos de puro terror, el chico más pequeño vió cómo Edd tomaba su arma del bolsillo trasero, jalaba el percutor y apuntaba a la cabeza de George.

- Si te vuelvo a ver cerca de la señorita Emily Brown vendré nuevamente por ti, y no estaré solo.

Entre chillidos y sonidos ahogados de George por el fuerte agarre, Edd le propinó un golpe seco con la rodilla a su estómago, sacándole completamente el aire de los pulmones. Finalmente, antes de que George pudiera recuperar el aliento, y con un rápido movimiento, Edd golpeó a George en la cabeza con su arma, noqueándolo instantáneamente.

El más alto miró por un segundo la escena y sintió cómo la adrenalina corría en su interior. Nunca había sentido algo así. Le recordó un poco a las peleas escolares de antaño pero con una intensidad mucho mayor. Sintió control y descontrol a la vez. Le gustó.

Poco a poco, Edd empezó a tomar cada vez más solicitudes de gente que él llamaba “en situación de necesidad por el no actuar de la ley”, a veces aliándose con otros como él cuando el servicio requería más de un individuo, e incluso llegando a comprar un arma real y aprender a usarla para correr menos riesgos. Con esta nueva entrada de dinero podría dejar su otro trabajo ya que en menos horas ganaba mucho más, podría pagar sus estudios sin problema, mejorar su equipo de trabajo y pagar la renta de su hogar.

Y así lo hizo, el día que llegó su nuevo computador y tableta gráfica fue el día más alegre de su vida. Tom y Matt estaban indudablemente felices por él y cuando por fin tuvo todo instalado los llamó para que vieran su equipamiento último modelo. Edd no esperaba que entraran a su habitación grabando y festejando el fruto de tanto trabajo duro. Entre felicitaciones tomaron una última foto para guardar para el recuerdo.

- Gracias chicos. Son los mejores.

Finalmente, ya en la oscuridad de la noche, se pudo ver a un Edd sin poder conciliar el sueño. Puesto que, aunque en un par de años ya no tendría la necesidad de seguir con este trabajo, algo había despertado en su ser que le decía que lo que empezó como una necesidad, se estaba convirtiendo en una obsesión.

#Eddsworld #EW Lone Digger AU #Eddsworld Edd #Eddsworld Tom #Eddsworld Matt #EW Edd #EW Tom #EW Matt #Ghost Friends #KiraBitzArt #Eddsworld KiraBitz #EW Lone Digger AU KiraBitz

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amor-immortalem · 3 years ago

Text

I Think I'm OKAY

genre: Angst, hurt comfort

length: two parter

warning(s): Feelings of abandonment, self-depreciating thoughts, suicidal thoughts (briefly), feelings of not being good enough, feelings of being unneeded and unloved

A/N: its just been a day guys. And Ive been think about this all day so I just wrote to get tge thoughs out of my head.

this takes place a few months after the epilogue of Everything Undesired where Azalea is still coming to grips with the fact that she's not her father's heir like she always thought she had been. Mammon and Arella really did try to make time for her but things just never worked out in their favor and it ended up giving their daughter abandonment issues.

She’s lost. Not physically but mentally- Azalea doesn’t know where to go or what her purpose is. Ever since her older brother returned from where ever the hell he’s been her whole life, she’s felt more alone than ever before. From her parents being busier than ever helping Cyrus readjust to life here in the Devildom to her twin brother being curious enough about their new older brother to spend all his time trying to get to know him, no one has time for Azalea any more.

Whenever she tries to reach out to either her parents or her brother she gets blown off. It’s always ‘I’m sorry, I couldn’t make it.’ or ‘I’m sorry, I forgot that was today.’ Forgot? How does one just forget about their child? And Azalea is sorry too. She’s sorry for existing. Maybe everyone is just tired of her. Maybe they didn’t need her anymore? After all, she was just her father’s back up plan. A back up plan. Yeah, it sounded as bad as it hurt- to think that’s the only reason he kept her around all this time. Despite how she might try, all she could ever do is fuck up. Why would her parents ever need a child like that?

She feels abandoned, unneeded. All she ever wanted was to make them proud- she pushed herself to maintain the perfect grades just for their praise. Hell, she’d even forced herself to take advanced placement and honors courses just for their approval but they hadn’t even noticed. And it’s not like she hadn’t tried to show them. The last report card she got in her last year of middle school had a note attached to it stating that when she entered RAD, she’d be welcomed into the advanced courses but of course they had been too busy to even look. Both of her parents assumed nothing had changed so they just didn’t need to see something they had seen hundreds of times already.

Why did they stop loving me? The half-demon thinks to herself, Was it all the fights? Was I not good enough for them? I wish I could make them happy the way my brothers do. I wish I was perfect like them, maybe then they wouldn’t have forgotten about me. Maybe I would still belong. What did I do wrong? Azalea can feel the tears dripping down her face. I’m crying? Again? Pathetic. People like me don’t cry.

She hurriedly wipes them away as she looks up at the stars that dot the night sky of the Devildom. She’s pretty high up on a rooftop. She wonders if a fall from this height might kill her or would it just leave her badly injured- the idea’s tempting. She’d come up here to clear her mind and sort out her feelings with how things had changed- how everything she thought she was meant to be had been ripped away from her, but it had just made things worse. She thought she was okay with all this change but after trying for months to find something new to do with the rest of forever, she found out the only thing she was ever any good at was getting into fights. Sure, she’d taken up sports on her uncle Beel’s suggestion but that led to even more pain when time after time, neither of her parents could be bothered show up.

Her phone lights up with a text from her father.

Dad:

Why weren’t ya at dinner today?

Azalea:

Why weren’t you and Mum at my meet today? Ya know like you promised ya would be?

Dad:

‘Zay c’mon don’t be like that. We said we were sorry but something important came up and we couldn’t make it

Azalea:

Sure whatever you say old man

Its what you always say

It's always something more important ain’t it?

Something more important than me.

Dad:

Azalea

Azalea:

Shove it old man. I don’t wanna hear it right now.

She always gets the short end of the stick. For parents that claim they care about her, they sure had a shitty way of showing it. As the family’s resident trouble maker, she’s not good enough for them. Whatever, she doesn’t even need them anyway. She deserves better than a family that doesn’t care. A family she no longer has a place in. And that was fine by her. Now that she’d finally admitted it to herself, she found it would be easier to ignore her entire family and live life depending on only herself.

With a shuddering huff, the girl shuts her D.D.D off and shoves it in her jacket pocket. She leaves the roof top, still in tears headed for the House of Lamentation.

------------------------------------------------------

“Arella, I have to go and find our daughter.” Mammon sighs as he gets his jacket on.

“She’s still upset about the track meet, isn’t she?” The black-haired human frowns “If you’ll give me a moment, I can ask Aurelius if he’ll watch Mahlon and I’ll go with you. This is something we should address together.”

“I don’t think we got the time to waste, Hon. She stopped respondin’ ta my texts and isn’t answerin’ her phone. If I don’t go now, she might so something to herself. I’ll be able to cover more ground quicker if I fly since she could be anywhere- even up high where we wouldn’t be able to see her that easily.”

“Then go on, I’ll talk to her when she gets home.” Arella nods as her husband leaves.

------------------------------------------------------

She enters her room through the garage door entrance. She really didn’t need to considering Azalea was the only one home currently. She knew Aurelius and Zulima would be gone for the rest of the weekend but still she locked her door to prevent any unwanted visitors- mainly her parents as she knew they’d probably come looking for her after the message she’d sent to her father earlier.

She looked over at the stack of unopened akuzon boxes- all gifts sent to her by her parents as ‘apologies’ for various things. Yeah sure, gifts were nice when they were for things like birthdays or Christmas but not when they were used as a way to placate her feelings when her parents missed things like track meets or science fairs or school functions that they promised they would be there for. It felt like a shallow apology so Azalea never opened any of them. They were starting to collect dust now.

Just because greed is her sin doesn’t mean its satisfied by material objects alone. There was more to it than that. Her sin specifically manifests with being greedy for healthy interpersonal relationships- things like money or material objects only did the bare minimum to help keep it under control and satisfied. She wanted her parents’ attention and only that so when they failed to keep their promises, it hurts her deeper than either of them understands- Azalea doesn’t even have the words to describe how it hurts her.

As she plops down on her sectional and flips on the projection of stars and constellations from the human world to calm herself down, she thinks about the way her greed is eating her alive as she turns on some music- a song her friend from the human world showed her called ‘I Think I’m Okay’. It was a song she really related to for some reason. As the song plays on loop, she thinks about how when she was younger- before her youngest brother was born- she was always of healthy weight and body condition. Nowadays with the lack of ability to satisfy her sin, she was just skin and bone. Despite eating constantly, she always feels like she’s starving and she’d be lucky if she weighed in at 90 pounds soaking wet- all of it coming from the weight of her bones and muscle. Her body is just burning through everything too fast and at this point Azalea doesn’t know whether or not she even has the energy to waste to transform into her demon form anymore.

The half-demon hears a faint knock at the door. Maybe if she doesn’t answer then whoever it is will get the hint and go away. As she watches the door open, a scowl appears on her face. Of course her father would pick the lock on her door. She doesn’t know why she’s even surprised right now. He never knows when to leave well enough alone.

“We need to talk...” Mammon says as he sits down on the couch next to her.

“I don’t wanna. Get lost.” the teenager rolls on to her side away from her father.

“Too bad. I’m not leavin’ until we do.”

“Then prepare ta die in here cuz I refuse.” She can’t let him fool her into accepting his apology when she knows full well he doesn’t mean it.

“You really are just like your ma sometimes- stubborn as all get out.” He sighs. “I see ya never opened yer packages. Why?”

She continued to ignore him. How can she get out of this? Maybe if she closed her eyes, she could fool him into thinking she was asleep.

Just get frustrated and leave already. It’s what ya always do when I won’t talk to ya.

She waits an hour, two, three but still he doesn’t leave.

Man is this getting annoying! Why won’t he just give up and go home already?

“Well, since ya won’t talk, I will. Ya know, Mom and I really are sorry we couldn’t be there this afternoon... I know you’re upset about it but we got called to an emergency meeting at the castle and we... kinda... forgot what time it was by time we were done. I know we don’t have a lot of time to spend with ya anymore but things are just so crazy right now... it’s difficult and when ya act like a brat like this it doesn’t make things any easier.” And Mammon realizes too late that he’s said the wrong thing and put his foot in his mouth.

“Right... cuz that’s all I am is a spoiled brat...” Azalea can’t help the way her voice quakes. “I’m a brat because I asked for you and mum to pay attention to me over the boys just this once and you two let me down and now, I’m getting blamed for being as upset as I am. Yeah, that makes perfect sense.”

“Azalea, that’s not what I meant and you know that,” Mammon places his hand on her shoulder to turn her over and is shocked when all he feels is bone and muscles that are beginning to atrophy. “What are you doing to yourself? Yer nothin’ but skin an’ bone, Baby.”

“I’M NOT THE ONE WHOSE DOING THIS TO ME!” she roars as she hops up from the couch. “IT’S YOU TWO. YOU’RE THE ONES DOING THIS TO ME!” and then her voice suddenly drops. “But you would notice that if you spent more than five seconds with me. My greed is eating me alive and it’s your fault. I’ve tried for months to get you or Mum to spend time with me and I get forgotten about every time because something ‘more important’ comes up or you also make plans with Aurelius or Cyrus and choose to do that over spending time with me. It’s either that or you both choose Mahlon over me and it’s literally killing me. I get that they all need you guys too and I’m not more important than them but it feels like they’re more important to you than me. And I hate it because...” She lets out a sob as she sinks to her knees, “Because you two are the most important people to me.”

Mammon looks at his daughter with a horrified look on his face. His only daughter feels like she’s not important to them but she was right in a way. Both he and Arella had been choosing her brothers over her- not intentionally but he can see why she would come to that conclusion. This was a very crucial time in her life having had everything she thought she was taken away and she was lost with no clue where to go. He and her mother should have been right by her side, helping her find a new path in life this whole time but instead they got so wrapped up in work and other things that now their daughter was suffering the consequences.

“No, baby that’s not true.” The demon says as he wraps his little girl up in his arms. “You are so important to us too.” He rubs her back as he rocks her back and forth, “We love you so much and I’m so sorry we haven’t made ya feel like that. We’re gonna do better from now on. I promise, okay?”

Azalea is hesitant to nod. How many times had she heard the word promise and then had that promise broken but even now as she’s wrapped up in her father’s arms, she’s starting to feel the overwhelming weight of her sin slowly start to go away. She just rests her head against his chest as her puffy teary blue to gold eyes start to slip closed ever so slowly.

“Sweet dreams, Princess.” He says as he runs he hand through her hair and places a kiss to the top of her head.

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Find more on my masterlist

#obey me next gen #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me swd #obey me! shall we date?#obey me angst #obey me mammon #mammon angst #om! mammon #obey me oc #arella #azalea

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sincerelystranger · 4 years ago

Note

Omg!! I love your new piece, it depicts grief more realistically. Lwj of course cannot be the same and happily forgets 13 years of grief. I can’t wait to read the finished piece. And if your muse strikes, please write a fluffy, funny modern au piece of wangxian to see how lwj’s love changes or deepens or evolves without grief.

Thank you so much, and I’m sorry it took me forever to answer this! First, I want to preface this by saying that I don’t think that there is wangxian for me without grief. I think grief played a pivotal role in LWJ’s feelings towards WWX and if he hadn’t experienced true loss, he probably would have been content to be WWX’s best buddy for the rest of his life lol

That being said, I did write something stupid because I thought it seemed like a good idea in my dream:

Wangji isn’t eavesdropping.

He isn’t.

His stupid classmates are just talking loudly. He can’t help but to hear them.

He can’t.

A small crowd of boys are gathered around Wei Ying’s desk - because Wei Ying is bright and fun and popular - and Wangji is sitting alone, revising his notes and definitely not paying attention to their conversation, because he doesn’t care.

He doesn’t.

“I heard Nie Huaisang from class 2A is gay,” one of the boys says. The other boys around him snicker and elbow each other.

“You think that’s true?” one of them asks, he shivers dramatically, “I guess I should steer clear of him.”

The boys all laugh, and Wangji sneaks a peak behind him to see if Wei Ying is laughing as well. He’s relieved to find that he’s not. Wei Ying looks bored, his face in his hands, staring blankly out the window.

Wangji is relieved that Wei Ying isn’t laughing and he doesn’t know why. But he is. Relieved.

“The Nie’s are freaking rich though,” another boy says, “I’d totally do him if he let me drive one of his cars - did you see what he rolled up in today!?”

“Gross,” another boy laughs, “What if he wanted to do you?”

“Ew, no way!”

They all laugh again, and Wangji looks back again to make sure Wei Ying isn’t laughing too. He doesn’t quite understand why it’s so important to him, but he feels unspeakably relieved to see that Wei Ying isn’t laughing along with the others.

Wei Ying stands up suddenly and kicks his chair in. The force knocks the laughing boy off his desk.

“What do you think Wei Wuxian?” one of the boys asks, still snickering.

Wangji isn’t eavesdropping. He’s not, he’s not, he’s not. And he doesn’t care what Wei Ying says. He doesn’t.

“Mm, I think Nie Huaisang is rich and handsome and way more fun than you lot,” Wei Ying says easily, walking towards the door.

“Wait where are you going?” the boys ask.

“To talk to Huisang’s brother!” Wei Ying responds brightly, a huge smile on his face. “I’ll let him know that you guys will apologize to Huaisang, okay? Hopefully he goes easy on you.”

With that he walks out of the classroom, whistling a song that makes the tips of Wangji’s ears go hot.

The boys dumbly stare at each other, still crowded around a now-empty desk.

“Wait who’s Huaisang’s brother?” one of them asks.

“Nie... Nie...”

“Nie Mingjue.”

There’s a split second of silence before they all start running out of the classroom, falling over themselves comically.

“Wei Wuxian!” they yell out desperately, limbs flailing in their rush to catch Wei Ying. “Please - we were just! Please! Wei Wuxian!!”

---

Wangji isn’t waiting for Wei Ying at the gate.

He’s just standing there to admire the view... of the houses across their school. They’re nice houses. It’s nice to admire them.

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying says, throwing an arm across Wangji’s shoulders. “You ignore me all day at school but here you are, waiting for me! I’m getting mixed signals here, Lan Zhan.”

Wei Ying laughs delightedly and his breath is warm against Wangji’s cheek.

“I do not... ignore you,” Wangji says, desperately hoping that Wei Ying thinks that the redness of his ears is from the cold.

“You totally do,” Wei Ying says, “But it’s okay. I’ll forgive you since you wait for me.” He removes his arm from Wangji’s shoulders and Wangji pretends he doesn’t miss the warmth.

They start walking, side by side, and Wangji doesn’t count how many times their arms brush together - he doesn’t.

“Did you really talk to Nie Mingjue?” Wangji asks lightly. Just to make conversation - not because he cares.

“You heard that?” Wei Ying asks. He sighs and shakes his head. “Idiots - all of them. I can’t wait to graduate this stupid school.”

They are idiots, but Wangji isn’t in any hurry to graduate. Wei Ying has big dreams. He’ll probably leave their city after they graduate and only come back for holidays and...

Well, Wangji isn’t in any hurry. He likes walking home with Wei Ying after school. Even if he has to deal with idiots all day.

“I didn’t talk to Mingjue,” Wei Ying continues, “But they did apologize to Huaisang.” He smacks Wangji on his arm and laughs brightly. “You should have seen Huaisang’s face, Lan Zhan! He was so confused!”

Wei Ying’s laugh and bright and beautiful and Wangji gives himself a honest moment to admire it. His fingers tingle strangely and he has this sudden desire to press his thumb against the corner of Wei Ying’s lips and...

“You should be careful,” Wangji says, trying to reign himself back down to reality. “They’re idiots but they can be... cruel.”

Wangji remembers what those idiots had been like before Wei Ying came to their school. Quiet and shy Wen Ning, whose only defender was his ninety pound older sister and whose only sin was that he was poor and timid.

Wangji had known what the boys were doing was wrong - and he had told them. But the school administration had done nothing and it was against the rules to fight, so what could Wangji do?

It was against the rules.

It was against the rules and Wangji had been content with that until Wei Ying had transferred to their school.

Wei Ying, smart and charismatic and more than ready to break every rule. He had been the bane of Wangji’s existence at first. An annoyance Wangji could not understand. The rules were simple. Why was Wei Ying so eager to break them?

Wangji didn’t understand - and if he’s honest, he barely understands now. But Wei Ying had taken one look at Wen Ning, had seen Wen Ning being pushed around only one time, and decided enough was enough.

Wangji can still remember how Wei Ying’s jaw felt in the palm of his hand, as Wangji dabbed medicine on his cheeks and the corner of his lips. Can still remember the way Wei Ying’s fingers felt in his hand as Wangji dabbed ointment on his bloody knuckles.

“You’ll be suspended,” Wangji had said softly, afraid to say what he really felt. Afraid to admit that he was sorry that he didn’t join Wei Ying in his fight.

Wei Ying had smiled at Wangji then, and maybe that was the moment Wangji had...

“Will you miss me, Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying had asked mischievously.

And Lan Zhan didn’t answer then, because it was against the rules to lie.

Wei Ying had been suspended, and those idiots had been hospitalized. Wangji had been nervous when they all came back, but maybe it was because those idiots were true idiots, or maybe it was because Wei Ying was handsome and charismatic and undeniable, but after they all came back to school, the idiots began following Wei Ying around like some stupid fan club.

It surprised Wangji how quickly the opinions of those idiots changed, but he was grateful for it then.

Remembering it now makes a strange nervousness creep up in his stomach.

If those idiots can change their mind so quickly... Their current good opinion of Wei Ying might...

“Ehh, what do I care about those idiots. They have fewer brain cells than I have fingers,” Wei Ying says. He knocks his shoulder to Wangji’s. “You worried about me, Lan Zhan?”

Wangji resolutely looks forward and does not answer because lying is against the rules.

Wei Ying snickers and knocks his shoulder against Wangji’s again. “We’re not at school, Lan Zhan, you’re not allowed to ignore me.”

“I do not ignore you,” Wangji answers instead.

“Then eat lunch with me tomorrow. I’m tired of eating with those idiots.”

Lunch? With Wei Ying?

But...

“They... do not like me,” Wangji says stiltedly, feeling awkward and uncool and everything Wei Ying isn’t.

“We don’t have to eat with them! We can eat together - just us. Or maybe with Wen Ning too, if I can find him,” Wei Ying says excitedly.

It really isn’t a good idea and Wangji really should say no. It’s enough that Wei Ying walks with him after school. It’s enough that their houses are close enough together that they can even walk to school together. It’s enough. It’s enough.

Wei Ying’s reputation might... suffer, if he’s known to be close friends with Wangji... who is uppity and a known rule follower and no fun at all to be with...

“I use my lunch time to revise my notes,” Wangji says, and it isn’t a lie. He does revise his notes...

Wei Ying wilts dramatically, puffing his cheeks and pouting his lips like a child. Wangji doesn’t find it at all adorable. He doesn’t.

They’re almost home now and Wangji has to consciously move his feet so that they don’t slow down.

They stop in front of the gate to Wangji’s house, Wei Ying turns to face him.

“Should I open the gate for you, young master?” Wei Ying asks playfully.

“Boring,” Wangji replies. It’s not cute. It’s not.

Wei Ying smiles widely up at him and Wangji has to remind his hands to remain at his side. They’re not allowed to grab Wei Ying’s perfect face and bring it close to Wangji’s. They’re not.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying says.

“Tomorrow,” Wangji nods, trying his best not to sound too eager.

“Try to revise all your notes today so you can eat lunch with me tomorrow, okay?”

Wangji turns and opens the gate instead of replying.

“Try, okay!?” Wei Ying yells after him.

Wangji walks up the steps to his door and only then does he allow himself to turn and watch Wei Ying walk away.

Tomorrow.

He doesn’t plan to eat lunch with Wei Ying tomorrow but...

But he does revise all of his notes.

#wangxian #the untamed #tw homophobia #modern au #mdzs

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xo-cuteplosion-xo · 4 years ago

Text

A god's key to victory | Fyodor x Reader |

I got this idea whilst talking with another Fyodor simp. May mercy be spared on me for this piece.

A god's key to victory | Fyodor x reality-warping reader |

Disclaimers/ Warnings: Definitely a ton of mental manipulation. Obsessive themes. Depictions of abuse, controlling actions, violence, dystopia.

The moon shone elegantly, glimmering through the glass pane of your room. Off in the distance, there was life. Outside the glimmering stone walls of this cell-like room. The golden ring on your finger brought nothing but torment. At one point this choice had been easy. He’d finally broken you into submission. Even as the world submitted to his views, there lay a single person who could undo everything. If he touched you with a single finger, all of this would be gone. Fyodor had no room for the human emotion of love. Even though he did love you in his twisted way. He gave you everything, from jewels to fine silks. He teaches you his language and lets you see his rare moments of compassion.

This world was perfect, yet here you were broken. When had it happened? When had he stripped you of your free will? Your joy? Your liveliness? The smile he had no explanation for loving? The fight that made him fall evermore for you? He was a god now, a true god who dictated the crime and the punishment of this city. That had been it, hadn't it? The moment you used your ability so widely. The day he stripped this world of its filth. The day you became the goddess by his side. He had strained you too far. You seemed so numb now. Yet, it didn’t stop him from holding you on his lap and leaving pecks around your neck. You were all he needed in this world. If somebody touched you, he'd simply kill them. There were moments where your light returned, moments where he saw that glimmer of fight and joy.

It had started years ago, when you were naive and worked alongside the scum of this world. He’d met you in a cafe. He found the meeting rather... cliche. You had to work multiple jobs to pay for your place and support your life. He’d watched the way you avoided eye-contact with others. The way you so easily switched between personalities dependent on whom you were serving. You read through people so easily it was interesting to him. Nobody else seemed to notice that it wasn’t the real you. When you get to his table your eyes fell cold and distant. He had given you a mere smirk. You only needed one look to know how to warp his view. Your ability allowed you to push what you wanted onto anybody else. It warped the very fabric of the space you were around. He understood that within moments. He was after all a highly intelligent man.

When you begin to act smug and cold just how he was, he could only chuckle. You amused him. That alone was a dangerous feat; Gaining the interest of a man who thought of himself as a god. From then on he became a regular. He memorized what days you worked and the time. He’d sit there until your shift ended. With each of those passing days, he would find a way to talk to you. He observed the way you acted. Your eyes were the giveaway to it all. To almost everybody, you could pass for anybody. Yet, when he looked into your eyes, he found the light of a scared and naive child. He found it a fun game to change what he wanted each day. The confusion that passed your face, even if it only lasted a tenth of a second, filled his pride. You stumbled over what facade to act on.

It took a month for him to completely figure you out. When that happened you were doomed. He would begin his manipulation. He wanted you on his side. The things your ability could do for him were too enticing to pass up. He whispered soft words filled with false emotions. At least, that was what he called them at first. He never admitted it to himself, and so that’s what it was. It was all just a facade to gain your trust and snatch you away. To him, you were not a sinner like the others. You were something pure and unaware of the world's terror.

When he found you worked with the very agency that continued to stunt his plans, he became agitated. It was a minor setback. The one person he knows rivals his intelligence sat among that agency. His name was Dazai and to his luck, the two of you seemed rather… close. He would joke around with you a lot. That pink tint he had grown accustomed to forcing onto your cheeks would pass at his words. It grew an emotion he hated. This emotion wanted you for himself.

So, the next time he saw you, he began to ask you about your views on this world. Just as he had predicted you were nothing but innocent. You never noticed how you showed the real version of yourself to him. Laughing after work hours. He had started as a stranger, but now you trusted him enough to go drinking. You held up a glass with a rather bright smile. Still, unaware of his complex. He’d watch you drink and memorize your reactions to every little movement he made. “What do you think about the world?” he would need this sliver of information before he began his little game of cat and mouse. How far would he have to change your views to align with his?

“My views? Huh, I guess I haven't thought about it before.” you would laugh looking over to him. It was the first time you made real eye-contact. It felt so warm despite how cold his eyes looked. It sent an unfamiliar shiver down your spine. It shouted he was dangerous, yet you didn’t look away and continued to answer him. “I guess, I see the world as a scale. A world with evil and good? I think as the world is now. The scale is tipped in the darkness.” Fyodor would nod as if he were agreeing with you. Even if he didn’t, he wanted to make you feel safe and comfortable in his arms.

People are easier to control when they trust the person who is trying to gain control. If you opened up, he could sway and twist your own words to fit his own needs. “Then what is your ideal world?” he would often ask this question.

You would think for a moment before smiling with a hopeful glint in your eyes. “A world without suffering and pain! A world that’s just a bit less violent. It would be even on the scale. Enough evil to keep order but enough good to keep the peace. Things like the seven sins would be needed but, things like violence would be less frequent. People would feel safe walking in the night. Murders would be 1 in a million of chance. I want a peaceful world.” you would answer him honestly, and he’d hide his smirk. It would be so easy to twist your thoughts. The Armed Detective Agency stood in his way though. You believed being there would help the world; Even though that agency was filled with vile scum.

He’d begun to show you the truth, his truth. At first, he’d only suggest it. The suggestion that this violence was brought on by ability users. At first, you'd stick your tongue out and point out how you were one. When he made the assumption it was too early to begin that part of his mind game, he set his sights on bringing you closer. He wanted a step up from friends. He wanted to be able to touch you. So he slowly began to make his role in your life more prominent. “Your work, do you have a thing for anybody?” he would not be subtle with this.

When you told him you appreciate your friends there but, found you could never really love them because nobody else knew this you. He had thought you acted like this around your co-workers. Dazai could see through your ability, but it appeared that was not enough. You didn’t need an ability to pretend. That pulled his interest more. By now there was no going back. He had you in his grasp, and he would never let you go. “I don’t like anybody in that way.” when those words left your lips he would wrap his arms around you and lift your chin with a smug smirk. He’d let go immediately to watch your confusion. He would leave the bar to make sure that the moment kept its hold on you.

Just as he predicted you were distracted at work. And within the next two months, you began to trust him. Your co-workers knew nothing about this man. He had asked you to keep him from people he didn’t know. He lied about what he did for a living. He told you his work involved the government and telling anybody you knew him put himself and you in danger. So you were vague when your friends called you out on daydreaming or letting your attention drift. They asked, but you shrugged it off. When it got too much you simply came out with it. “I think I fell in love.” These words shocked even yourself. The faces of your coworkers were distant as you smiled to yourself.

He would only smirk, waiting for you that night at the bar, as if he knew nothing. He’d tease you. His body growing too close for comfort. He’d wrap strands of your hair in his fingers. Whisper little things that made you question yourself and your relationship with him. It took two months before he noticed even the smallest eye-contact would turn your face into that beautiful shade of rose. He’d lean down and finally give you what you had been wishing for. A soft peck on the lips. When you squealed in response he would snicker. “Something wrong, little mouse?” he would ask you the question waiting for your reaction. When you grew more embarrassed and attempted to hide your face, his dominance slipped from the facade he had been using around you. The glow of his eyes shaking you to your core. “It’s only natural to be so… adoring over a god.” That was the first time you had heard Fyodor call himself a god. If he did that in the start you'd have completely tossed him aside. Yet it was hypnotizing now that you had already fallen into his grasps. He always got what he wanted. Right now that was you and your ability.

The next step began in hints and murmurs. He would bring up your ideal world and put the question into your head. “What do you think makes that scale tip into evil?” when you respond with violence he’d nod and act like he was thinking. He was tricking you with terrifying ease. “This violence? Who causes it?” you would tilt your head before the answer peeked in. The one time he had mentioned abilities being at fault consuming your reason. You would argue in your mind until the answer you normally went for came to you.

“Violence is made from suffering.” you would smile and shift in your seat. You never initiated contact with him. You were too nervous too. He would hold back his agitation and nod understandingly. His hand cupping your chin to pull you to his lips. He was always rough with you; He knew how it affected you.

You kept it a secret from the agency for a while. Dazai eventually figured it out and asked if you were seeing somebody. You had only nodded and walked out to leave for the night.

It took a handful of weeks, but he did crack your mind eventually. It took some nudges, but he got you to start taking in his views. He would run a thumb over your hand and whisper things about the mafia. Like how if they didn’t have the powerful ability users they had, the crimes they committed would be punished. It would drive you to rethink your views. “So without abilities violence would be less? No, violence would be punished easier? That would lead to a decrease in crime from fear of being caught.” you would mumble your thoughts aloud unknowingly. He got pleasure from seeing you drift towards what he believed.

The next obstacle came ripping you from your current living style. You hadn’t noticed how your every free hour was spent by him. He did his work with you so sneakily, you didn’t see how you no longer had control of your life. He could get you to stay from work with a simple strand of words. He pulled you to his home one night. It was rather large compared to what you had thought. He began to show you sides of himself you haven't noticed. The sides that would have repulsed you now dragged you into him. Once you made a permanent residence in his home he began to talk about his views. You took them in and listened. Your chats were normally short. You took care of him. He smirked at how your dependence on him began to grow. You came home exhausted, and he’d plant you on his lap. His hand massaging your tired muscles.

He had to work rather hard to get you to leave the agency, but it happened. Now that you viewed ability users in the same light he did, all he had to do was show you the darker sides of your friends. Dazai’s past seemed to shatter you. You were betrayed and hurt. Fyodor did not waste a moment, he rebuilt your shattered heart around himself. He whispered how you only needed him and nobody else. You fell, trapped in that web.

At some point, you began to see him as your savior. He was the only person you trusted and didn't feel revolted by. You had stopped interacting with the outside world. There were times when you got annoyed with him and would scold him for forgetting to take meds, or stay warm. You found yourself smiling and laughing at his side. He showed you his co-workers eventually. When he had to go on trips he made sure they kept an eye on you. You could always call him if you felt down without him.

A year into this he made the move to make you permanently his. A ring on your finger. Something that made you smile with joy whenever you looked down at it. He began calling you his goddess from then on. You felt like you meant something to this world. For the first time, you were yourself without any insecurities.

He would never admit it, but that smile sent an unfamiliar flutter in his chest. He never laid a hand on you, but his words did enough. He so easily controlled you. If you displeased him he only needed to ignore you or give you a stern and cold glare. Those actions would have you on your knees, tears falling, and pleas for forgiveness leaving your lips. You never noticed how abusive this was. It may not be physically abusive, but this thing you had with your husband was most definitely mental abuse. Yet, you turned a blind eye. You never noticed. You were so starved for his love. You did anything for him.

So, when the fateful day came you pushed yourself just to achieve that perfect world. You were the key to his ascension. The key to a perfect world. The people who you once called friends came into your home threatening to take away the life that made you happy. They called you a traitor, yet Dazai took pity on how easily you had been manipulated. He could have prevented this had he seen through you. It was too late now and you’d need to be in rehab once they caught Fyodor. When those sounds reached your ears you could only panic.

Your heart raced as you ran to Fyodor. You clung onto him like a life-line. When they saw this everybody shook their heads in a clear disappointment. With riffles targeting you, Fyodor could only smirk. He looked down at you, leaning down, he kissed your cheek and whispered. “Warp this city to paradise. Can you do that for me, my little goddess?” he spoke with a false softness in his voice.

You looked to Dazai with fear, but when you blinked he saw no difference. The aim lights that had been on you and your husband shifted onto the agency. You had used your ability. Dazai knew he had to touch you to fix this. Fyodor also knew that so, he placed you behind him. Pulling a knife from his pocket, he merely smirked. “How do you plan to get over here Dazai?” he taunted before warning shots echoed and the agency members dropped to their knees. “We win.” he gave a final kick to dazai’s face. When they were cuffed and pulled away, Fyodor finally turned back to you.

You shook with fear and confusion, but the moment he wrapped you in his arms you were safe. You held onto him snuggling into his chest.

It took you two days to completely envelope Yokohama in your ability. Anybody who entered would fall victim. When you were done you fell, exhausted.

Even as the realization of what you had done enveloped you, there was no reaction. Fyodor found it upsetting at times. You were numb so often yet, in those fleeting moments where life poked in, he adored it.

This world looked perfect even though it was far from it. If anything this paradise you had made was a nightmare. There was peace and comfort; People were safe and pure. The only true evil that balanced the good of this scale were Fyodor, the demon, and his fallen angel; The god and goddess of this new paradise. He had most of the ability users wiped out, but the few who had held positions before your ability was used were kept alive.

“Look at our world, isn’t it beautiful?” he asked, whilst holding you on his lap. You merely nodded a soft, joyful glimmer appearing in your eyes before it left, just as suddenly as it appeared.

“I love you.” you would whisper the words, hoping to hear it back from his lips.

This once he thought, he’d say it just this once. “I love you too, my little mouse turned goddess.” that brought a smile to your lips. A real smile, one he hadn’t seen in ages.

#fyodor #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #bsd #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #fyodor x reader #fyodor x y/n #fyodor x you #bsd fyodor #x reader #angst

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