#writting this is sensory therapy
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I was supposed to work this morning, instead I began another OS for the young Newt series...
And what was supposed to be a short introduction (as the series is centered around Newt and his grandparents, not his parents) is already up to 2K... But I love baby Newt 🤷 (Yes, this is my only defense)
Unfortunately, her husband was right, and Evalyn began seeking Newt, who, of course, didn’t suspect that with the return of summer weather came the inescapable social events. As often always, the showering process turned out to be challenging, and accompanied with disapproval.
“Don’t want a shower Mum… It hurts.”
“Foal, we have to. Your father’s reception begins in one hour. We don’t have time for a bath.” Newt pouted, a sound midway between a grinding and a moan coming out of his throat.
“Love, what about … let me think … we add some aquatic glow-worms to the water ?” asked Evalyn.
She took her wand to gush a few of them, imprisoned in little drops of water. In an instant, the young wizard’s focus redirected to the droplets whose shape changed with the moves of the creatures inside. The latter gleamed with a golden-brown light, which sometimes flickered. The child, flabbergasted, looked at them with his head tilted, as if he wanted to memorize them forever. Fascinated, he raised his hand to one of the magical bulbs made of water, which silently blew to pieces, resulting in a myriad of sparkling particles which deposited on his body, splashing him in the process. In the dimness of the room, only lit up by a few candles, the fragments became flecks, glistening like the bioluminescent phytoplankton described in one of his grandparents' books. If he first pulled his hand back as if he had burnt himself, he began after that to explode several water bubbles in a row.
#fantastic beasts#newt scamander#fantastic beasts and where to find them#a blue woolen ocean#young newt#autistic newt#I went to too many bibliographical references for this one already#also I read FBAWTFT again yesterday#I had forgotten that it was explicitly written that his mother strongly encouraged him#so there we are#writting this is sensory therapy#oupsi#I became crazy again
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I feel a lil bit better today after getting some rest in. I always feel better when I can spend a day at home. I think tomorrow I'll wear my noise cancelling headphones or something so I can chill even more.
...funny how my way to chill is just trying to eliminate all external stimuli
(Pt 1 for description rant)
#diary#personal#i rly wanna book a therapy appointment but im having a rly hard time trying to get myself to do that bc i need to check i can vid call#cuz my computer monitor is broke and havent fixed it yetttt ugh.#i rly feel like researching autism again. idk. i saw a video about communication badges being used at furry conventions#and by god that sounds so fun ;-; like. i really struggle with interaction with others and talking is sometimes really hard.#mainly bc if theres a lot of noise i usually wanna block it out and if i gotta take my earbuds out to comunicate all the time its not fun#idk. i just wish i could go around writting shit out for ppl to read and thats that. no need to speak to clerks or crap.#bc imma be honest. i have a hard time hearing too. like in crowded places. its so overwhelming all the time.#its both a good and a bad thing that im giving myself the permission to be overwhelmed in situations#but its also making it much more difficult to actually be in those situations.#idk. i used to force myself through it. tell myself i like it or whatever. but by god everything just hurts nowadays#like. i dont like leaving my house mostly bc of the sensory overload.#i wonder how things'll change in the future. just how much more accepting will i and society be. i dont know.#but i hope i learn to cope more. bc life is really hard and imma be honest im struggling at best.#idk. i find it so hard to work lately. i love my thoughts. they are so fluid. and just. language doesnt keep up.#everything i say or write isnt quite right. and it bothers me. i sorta wished telepathy existed just soley so i could comunicate#idk maybe someday ill learn sign language. and maybe that could help. but it wouldnt help when im shut down. or having a meltdown#yknow. i find face to face human to human contacr really scary. i worry theyll want to do something and i wont#i worry i wont be able to get across my reasoning as to why. i worry that theyll see just how odd my behaviour can be.#and above all i just sorta worry they wont work with me to meet me halfway. like. im stuck with my family i dont want that with friends too#i hope if i visit them itll be okay. that like. i wont cause a problem or accidentally offend them or something?#idk. i wanna make friends n hang out. but as ive gotten older ive discovered just how much i hate that.#like i saw a rly cool tik tok about how they set up their home for all their autistic friends when they come over.#like. its established you can just stop talking and remove urself if you wanna. and theres stim toys n plushies n shit. and low lighting#and just. that sounds like heaven. i struggle so much in social situations. bc i eventually get tired.#and it makes me feel sorta burnt out/depressed. so itd be nice if i could just remove myself from a stituation whenever.#or just lay my head down on someones lap and silently observe.#i wish i knew what to do when i get overwhelmed in public. bc it happens a lot. and i freeze. and idk what to do.#and ill cry and get overwhelmed and shutdown or meltdown. and i start to aimlessly wander and its sorta dangerous tbh?
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