#writing this with. ambiguous genitals. for both parties | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

antigoddex-a · 3 years ago

Text

GENERAL NSFT NOTES // LAST UPDATED : MAY , 2022

Here is a small nsft art piece I have done for ? in case anyone wants a visual.

? is generally a switch with a small leaning towards being submissive. Xe does like to take upon the dominant position if xe is feeling cheeky or sees the other being a bit too needy for xem and xe wishes to focus on giving them what they want. Xe also loves to be either a power bottom or a service top. Though, at the end of the day, xe leans a bit towards taking the submissive role because xe mostly wants to be the one being taken care of and not have to worry too much about figuring out how to provide pleasure to the other. Xe just wanna get fucked all over all day, all night, and earn the rewards for pleasing the other.

In terms of xyr genitals, xe is usually in a vessel with the anatomy that does not have either strictly male or female sex characteristics, being intersex, so xe generally has a vagina with an enlarged clitoris that resemble a small penis. If xe has the ability to change xyr appearance, xe can change their genital from having either fully male or female sex characteristics, though xe prefers to not to keep xyr genitals strictly aligned to either sex. When it comes to writing nsfw, either through threads or answer prompts, I don’t mind what the other person refer to ?’s genital as I tend to keep it ambiguous ( such as crotch or groin ).

Xyr libido is usually known to be very high as xe often tends to experience sexual thoughts and urges either prompted or at random. Xe engages in sexual activities with the other party or by xemself all of the time, even if the timing isn’t right, though, most urges and thoughts are something that occur as being out of xyr control ( having hypersexuality ) and xe usually have no patience to do it in privacy. Often times, xe is confident enough to try and grind xemself with xyr pants or the corner / edge of anything ( ex. chair xe is sitting on ) to get the frictions, or, rarely, touch xemself when no one is looking or xe is alone in the area.

Xe masturbates a lot and often does not bother to give xemself some privacy and even no shame in doing it when a friend is under the same roof as xem ( in fact, the idea of getting caught does turn xem on ), so a friend may have a chance of stumbling into xem masturbating in their home one day, may it be xem doing it in their room or even such places like the living room or kitchen.

Xe is generally extremely sensitive and easy to be aroused, even the slightest brush on xyr erogenous areas can get xem very aroused and needy. Whines a lot when xe is being teased at for this and just constantly begs the other to give xem what xe wants. Clothed and public sex are something xe engages in a lot as there is something about the idea of being so desperate enough to just be fucked over without caring about anything turns xem on a lot.

Even though ? is usually highly sensitive and is quick to become overstimulated because of this, xe does enjoy receiving multiple simulations as xe have both genital parts fully developed and functional, so when both parts are given equal attention, xe becomes a massive mess right away. Xe loves when at the same time, xe is being eaten out while xe is encouraged to try and fuck through the party’s hand around xyr dick, just as much as when xe is given a blowjob while getting fingered.

Xe is highly vocal to have sex with as xyr volume slowly increases over the time. Xe whimpers and whines a lot at almost everything from being gently touched to not being allowed to come for a certain amount of time. Depending on the situation and who xe is with, xe will sometimes try to quiet xemself by biting xyr hand or the other’s. Xe gets more flustered when first encouraged to be more vocal and shakes xyr head, though with enough encouragement and praises given, xe will become louder. Xe growls a lot when receiving oral and giving / receiving anal, as well as when teasing is the main focus of the moment. Always does xe end up stuttering a lot when xyr organism is near.

Xe begs a lot either being prompted or otherwise. Xe tends to ramble about how good the other is and how well they take care of xem. Xe often says the other’s name as well, loves to keep saying them out loud as if xe is worshipping them. Xe likes when others say xyr name as well, as it makes xem feel very wanted and needed. Dirty talk and praises are what xe extremely enjoys as receiving. Praises get xem very putty in the other’s hands and sometimes get xem emotional. Throughout the duration, xe will randomly ask the other if xe is doing good. Xe loves to please the other party and receive their approval in any shapes or forms as xe is being told that xe is a good boy / girl and how much xe is takingthings so well.

As ? is generally known to be a collector, it is no surprise to think xe loves to collect all sorts of dildos and masturbators, especially, the more fantasy based, like the ones from the Bad Dragon store. Though xyr general favourite sex toy is definitely, in no doubt, a dildo in rainbow coloured, or the kind that can glow in the dark. Xe often uses the rainbow coloured dildo and sometimes love to play a fun game of how quick xe can come just by fucking xemself only at a certain inch ( or “ colour “ ), basically making xemself come seven times, if not more as xe is desperate for the rush, in a single go. Xe also love to use the squirter dildos, knot dildos, and vibrators a lot for xemself and others.

Xe have a massive oral fixation and is extremely good at giving blowjobs. Xe always know what to do to give the other party that perfect amount of pleasure. Every time the other comes, xe will always give the head a small lick and then a kiss on it. Xe is very much into cock warming, receiving and especially giving, so xe loves to keep the other’s cock in them, mainly their mouth, for hours while the other does something else. Xe may play with the head and veins of the cock or simply let it rest in xyr mouth. Xe enjoys having people’s finger(s) in xyr mouth and sucks them, but even then, xe loves to do that outside of sexual scenarios..

Xe also tends to love sleeping with a cock and / or dildo inside of xem while xe sleeps. If someone sleeps with their dick in xem, in the next morning, there is a chance that xe would quickly turn into a moaning mess after xe realizes the positions both of the are in.

Does definitely enjoy starting the morning with sex and ending the night with so.

Xe is extremely adventurous on bed and is more than willing and eager to try out anything with the other or by xemself. Xe is too easy to be sexually pleased, so even the more out there kinks, such as oviposition, knotting, prey / predator, and breeding, are something xe is fine with getting into. Xe loves the idea of engaging sex in a gangbang and just the concept of “ being used “ by multiple people at once, as well as the concept of being recorded while engaging in sex when xe loves to see xemself and the other party having sex with the lust and desperation in their recorded selves.

Xe is somewhat into the pain, mainly though knife play, as xe likes to use it along with the blood shed to help xem be reminded that xe is perfectly alive and real. Although xe is EXTREMELY selective with who xe lets someone engage in the more extreme elements of sex because of past unpleasant experiences. Even with the lesser extreme forms of pain ( with the exception of biting / being bitten ), such as hair pulling, spanking, etcetera, xe will kick the other off of the bed if they do it on impulse and not tell xem about them having these kinks.

Anything restraining such as ropes and handcuffs will usually have ? confused because as generally a lover of magic, xe can not help but think they are there for xem to do magic tricks, so xe loves to see the other’s reaction of them removing the retrains of xemself or other and have that “ta-da!” moment in sheer excitement.

Xe loves to solve a puzzle toy or play on a gaming console while xe is having sex, keeping xemself and xyr hands busy as xe gets into pleassure.

Xe really does not mind having sex anywhere, indoor or outdoor, there having low chance of getting caught or high— xe have very little to no control over xyr sexual urges that can occur anytime, anywhere, and as stated before, xe usually have no patience to wait to enjoy xemself in privacy. The only place that gets the most reaction of an eyebrow raise is the beach because xyr skin is usually highly sensitive and the thought of sands being on them and especially xyr genital parts isn’t very appealing to xem.

Xe is known to infodump to the other often while engaging in sexual activities together, either while xe is getting a handjob and / or fingered or, if xe can, being penetrated. It is definitely one of the quickest ways to have xem feel more comfortable and happier with the other when it comes to sex. Having to make everything with it serious and straight to the point all of the time isn’t something xe likes, and having to force xem to save the fun details for afterward will make xem be very displeased and feel less inclined to be with them in general, especially if it is a thing that they do let xem infodump anytime except for during sexual moments.

Xe loves the feeling of come in them, as the idea of so turns xem on so much, so xe often begs the other to plug xem afterward or especially have their dick kept inside of xem for a while. Xe also loves to be fucked in all holes, so while xe is being penetrated in one hole, xe will often get a plug or dildo to keep xemself entirely full and not empty at all for the extra simulation.

Biting and being bitten is a thing xe extremely loves and is easy to come when receiving many marks under a short amount of time, as xe enjoys the concept of “ claiming “ or “ being claimed “. Xe finds fascination in the marks that xe makes on the other and enjoy getting them, so xe will give xyr partner many bite marks and soothe them with little kisses or licks, admiring them so much.

Loves to wear a dress or especially skirt in sexual situations or in moments where xe have the opportunity to tease the other by flashing to them or have xyr body be positioned in a certain way, such as spreading xyr legs wider while sitting.

The Goddex of aftercare, to be honest, like, you want cuddles? Snacks? A shoulder to cry on? All and more? ? got your back, babyyyyy!!!!!

#nsft cw #[ ? 🤝 I terribly hypersexual and kinky as fuck ya ya ]#[ I had to re-edit the whole thing with the pronouns and nickname changes and --- wrow sdnJBSFNK ]#[ this is legit quite of a Package to deal with so... have fun with this @ those who looks into this orz ]#✧ ೃ༄*ੈ✩ 57UDY .•ˎˊ˗˖°࿐

9 notes · View notes

ollyarchive · 4 years ago

Photo

Olly Alexander: ‘I want to make the community proud. I don’t know if I've always got it right’

David Levesley

As Ritchie Tozer in Russell T Davies’ devastating 1980s-set drama It's A Sin, Olly Alexander told a story from a tragically formative decade in gay history. As himself and as frontman of synthpop trio Years & Years, he contributes to a new narrative. But, as he reveals here, the insecurities and anxieties written into minority identities are not just a personal challenge: they can shape stories told by, for and about all his peers

It is the afternoon before It’s A Sin is broadcast to the nation and its star, 30-year-old musician and actor Olly Alexander, is buying a cat cushion. “It’s for a friend!” he says, mortified to be caught in the act of buying a plush feline.

Where once being the star of a primetime Channel 4 drama might mean greenrooms, watch parties and a celebratory afters, this is January 2021, so a flame-haired Alexander is sitting in his kitchen, drinking a smoothie the exact same lilac as his top.

“I’ve had a lot of restless energy,�� he says, having binge-watched The Real Housewives Of New York City in between doing lots of squats and “watching homoerotic YouTube workout videos”. It’s not quite the normal build-up to a game-changing drama, but is there a better way to remember peacetime than watching a show filled with period pieces such as “friends drink indoors” or “strangers have guiltless sex at a house party”? It’s A Sin is both a masterpiece and a reminder that someday we will, once again, be able to be eaten out by hot men. “You’re so welcome,” Alexander says, laughing. “If I can bring anything to the British public, it’s a lesson in anal hygiene.”

Anal hygiene are two words we have probably never published together in GQ, but, more importantly, are probably not the subject of many – if any! – scenes in a piece of media not uploaded to OnlyFans. They are, however, the subject of a crucial scene in the first episode of It’s A Sin, in which Alexander’s character – an 18-year-old fledgling queer from the Isle Of Wight called Ritchie Tozer – gets rimmed by his campus crush, Ash Mukherjee (Nathaniel Curtis). No gay men watching came out of that scene not feeling seen and, like all the other sex scenes in It’s A Sin, it feels deeply realistic and fantastically homosexual.

“I can tell you I’ll never forget being practically butt-naked with my arse in the air in front of colleagues,” says Alexander, laughing. But by that point, he says, he had done so many sex scenes that it felt somewhat rote. “‘Ritchie’s got a dirty bum! Stick that arse in the air and look disappointed!’” What was interesting, he says, was the dynamic of trying to produce the most authentically gay experiences possible on camera.

‘WE UNDERSTOOD THESE CHARACTERS WITH A KIND OF SHORTHAND THAT GAY PEOPLE UNDERSTAND’

They were working with Ita O’Brien – a movement director and arguably the OG intimacy coordinator – but, for her sins, not a gay man. So while everyone would have an input in how a sex scene would be best shot, “There came a point when they would say, ‘Please tell us, because we’re not gay men.’” So then the writer, the performers, the director and O’Brien’s team would come to a consensus on how to make a threesome look like three men shagging, yet also make it look the best it could on camera and make sure “you never touch each other’s genitals, basically”.

Alexander says O’Brien’s input was a “lifesaver” for him on set. Although by the end he felt comfortable, he was at first intimidated by just how exposing this would be. “I had a bit of a hysterical breakdown. I was really worried I couldn’t do it. I just didn’t feel safe.” This was interesting to hear from Alexander, the proudly queer frontman of the band Years & Years, who “spent four years on the road performing and finding this character that I do feel sexy in”. It was then that O’Brien and the team asked him to bring whatever made him feel comfortable on stage into the room before the cameras rolled. “So I would sing before the takes, be a little bit of Olly on stage,” he says, laughing. “That was my way of tricking my brain and thinking it was a character. Which, of course, it was.”

Before he was Olly Alexander, consummate gamine artiste, Olly Alexander Thornton was a singled-out kid at a primary school in Gloucestershire (where his mother ran a music festival). He was, like many other gay kids growing up, bullied and harassed for being something “other”, which everyone is able to see long before you can define it yourself. “I remember being in primary school and I had long hair and people would call me a girl,” he says, and the wound still feels raw when he recounts it.

“I knew that was bad for boys. I didn’t like the things that other boys liked: I just wanted to play with the girls and watch Disney movies. Which obviously straight boys do as well,” he mentions, always making sure to provide caveats to include all facets of the human experience. Although the bullying began to subside by secondary school in Monmouthshire, he still stood out: he had big curly hair – “I was trying to hide my ears” – and would wear make-up or a choker sometimes on nonuniform days. “I think I was trying to figure out who I was,” he says. “Imagine getting to discover your own sexuality without any preconceived ideas! I mean, maybe that’s impossible. But it would be nice, right? Why should people bullying you be your first brush with your own sexuality?”

Like Ritchie Tozer, Alexander moved to London at 18 to pursue acting, but he also had designs on becoming a musician. “Because when you’re writing a song, you’re the director, the star, the producer, the writer. I wanted all of that! I needed that to be able to express myself,” he proclaims with faux hysteria. For years he found success as an actor in a diverse selection of roles: he appeared in Gaspar Noé’s Enter The Void, costarred with seemingly every other white British actor in The Riot Club and also in God Help The Girl, a musical film written by Belle And Sebastian’s Stuart Murdoch. “Then Years & Years just got to a place where it was going to take over and needed my full time,” Alexander says. So his focus moved to the music.

‘IMAGINE DISCOVERING YOUR SEXUALITY WITHOUT ANY PRECONCEIVED IDEAS!’

It was on their third single, “Real” – released in 2014 – that Alexander first felt his art and his sexuality really intermingle. “It was the first time I put in a male pronoun – I say ‘Do it, boy’ – and it’s quite subtle, but it was a big deal for me at the time.” This was when Years & Years were trying to get signed to a major label, so doing something so consciously queer felt like a risk (the band went on to sign with Polydor later that year).

While pop music has long had an element of queerness about it – you need only look at the artists featured in It’s A Sin to see how gay 1980s pop was – Alexander has long been frank that sexuality and success are not always seen as natural bedfellows. At a Stonewall event in 2018 he recounted being told during his media training, “Maybe it’s better not to say anything about your sexuality at all.” In the same year, he told NME there had been progress, but that “I just know there are people who are hiding their sexuality, so it’s still not gone completely”.

Alexander doubled down on it with the music video – featuring his Bright Star costar Ben Whishaw – where he “purposefully made it gay. There’s a cruising element to the very beginning. It’s slightly ambiguous, though, because back then I wasn’t quite ready to launch into being the gay crusader I think I am now.” In 2015 the band won the BBC’s Sound Of 2015 poll, releasing their first album, Communion, the same year. It became 2015’s fastest-selling debut album from a UK-signed band.

‘I JUST WATCHED LIAM PAYNE TAKE HIS TOP OFF, BUT NOW I’M NOT ALLOWED TO?’

But despite the success, and the realisation that audiences were either supportive of – or simply unfazed by – the queerness of Years & Years’ music, there is always an anxiety for Alexander about just how accepting people are willing to be. “I’ll tell you for real,” says Alexander, “I go out on stage – even if it’s for our own audience – and I’m like, ‘What if some of them don’t like me? What if some of them have an issue with me today?’ I always feel like I’m going to try a bit harder next time, try to do a bit more.”

While the character of “Olly Alexander, Years & Years frontman” is one that bespangles its performer with confidence, being queer in the music industry isn’t always an easy thing to navigate. He remembers seeing a tweet from someone who said Alexander’s sexuality was a ruse to try to attract the pink pound – a term for the spending power of gay men – “And it had an impact on me, because I’ve consciously tried to [be openly gay] in a lot of circumstances where I wouldn’t normally. And then for someone...” He tries to think of how to put it and comes up short. “It can chip away at you.”

He wouldn’t change a thing about his success, he says, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t times when it isn’t hard to be out and proud while also getting your foot in the door. “When we’re playing a pop music festival, I’m looking at the other acts in the lineup and there aren’t that many gay people on them,” he says. “You see how quickly your show isn’t family friendly any more because I want to take my top off and I’m like, ‘Well, I just watched Jason Derulo and Liam Payne take their tops off and have all these women in underwear, but now I’m not allowed?’ What do you do with that?”

It’s A Sin marks a return to acting but, also, a chance to refresh Alexander’s musical batteries too. Following Years & Years’ second album – 2018’s Palo Santo – the third album was proving hard to pin down. “I’ve been trying to make this album for about 18 months at this point, stopping and starting, listening to all the songs and... it’s just not feeling relevant any more.” Alexander had always loved Russell T Davies’ work, so when he heard Davies was making a new TV show he “had to be in it. I would just jump at the chance to work with him. And that was before I read the script.” Years & Years had just finished touring Palo Santo and, to Alexander, it felt like the stars had aligned.

While the anxiety of performing queer sex scenes might have been particularly exposing for a gay man like Alexander, there were huge benefits for him being in a cast and crew that were predominantly LGBTQ+. “It was a revelation. I’ve never been on a set with so many queer people. I’ve never even worked with a gay director, so it was a completely new experience.” Plus, being asked to play part of a group of gay best friends, portrayed predominantly by gay actors, meant the chemistry came very quickly: “We understood these characters [with a] kind of shorthand that gay people understand.”

An inclusive, comfortable environment was beneficial for more than just sex scenes and simulating a decade of friendship. It’s A Sin also required its cast to grapple with the issue of HIV and aids, not just as a part of the furniture – as we do in the 21st century, with our knowledge of viral loads, sleeping with undetectable partners and new medications such as Prep – but really putting a forgotten part of British queer history under the lens, who it affected and how it changed the LGBTQ+ community irrevocably. “It’s an issue that is deeply surrounded by stigma and there’s a lot of trauma there and a lot of fear,” Alexander explains. “I know, personally, it was an area that I was scared to really engage with.”

He mentions that just before filming he made friends with an older gay couple at his gym and in talking about the show with them he was offered a rare opportunity to hear about personal experiences of the aids crisis. “It can be so difficult as a gay person to feel like you have intergenerational support,” says Alexander. “Elders are so important in our community. You can get so much from the people who have gone through so much before and fought that fight.”

For Alexander and the cast, It’s A Sin was a rare opportunity: a chance to be brought together with a whole group of men and women who were there at the time and who were willing to share their experiences with them. “I feel so lucky that I got to engage with that and keep learning. I was just scratching the surface and there are so many stories you can tell from this period. It’s impacted us all the way until now and it will in the future.”

Starring in It’s A Sin has also changed what Years & Years’ third album is going to sound like. After the initial writer’s block, Alexander says, he focused instead on the music of the show (Bronski Beat, Kelly Marie, the titular song by Pet Shop Boys) “and it really took my mind back to the club” – especially in the midst of a pandemic, when the queer nightlife venues that are the backbone of our community are so desperately missed.

“All the music I wanted to listen to in lockdown was high energy. It was dance floor. It was club music.” This was the music that had played such a huge role in his early life in London, had inspired the first Years & Years album and a genre that owes a great debt to the LGBTQ+ community. “I think at their heart, lots of these songs are about joy despite crushing pain. I just thought, ‘God, imagine hearing “I Feel Love” on the dance floor for the first time.’ What a transcendent experience that would be.”

‘ELDERS ARE SO IMPORTANT IN OUR COMMUNITY. YOU CAN GET SO MUCH FROM THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE FOUGHT THAT FIGHT’

And so Alexander went into the studio – as soon as it was safe to do so – and created a bunch of new songs. Is it easy to find collaborators behind the scenes who get it when he says, “I want it to feel like Britney meets Rihanna meets Hot Chip via New Order”?

“It can be a challenge to find someone that really understands,” admits Alexander. He recalled being sent round the songwriters and producers in Los Angeles that all artists are sent round at a certain point, “And some of those people are amazing – some amazing queer people as well – but predominantly... You know, they’re straight, so it can be quite challenging.”

Feeling safe with his collaborators hasn’t been an easy journey, but now he’s in a good place for it. He also pointed out that it’s not just queers who can understand his vision: his bandmates are straight, he points out – “I really believe in working with straight people! Some of my best friends are straight!” – and his frequent collaborator, the producer Mark Ralph, “is a real ally to us gays”, who was always willing to vibe along to Paris Hilton singles with him.

A new sound – a queerer sound – isn’t just a risk in a world where Alexander’s performances are held to double standards and the linchpins of queer culture can still be seen as synonymous with perversion. The impossible standards queer work is held to don’t just come from the straight world: gay men can be terrible recipients of work designed for them too.

Russell T Davies has dealt with it his entire career: “There’s the problem of lack of representation, but there’s the problem that when you are represented, it’s just not seen,” he explained when I spoke to him recently. “You just learn to cope. I worry about it. I probably worry about it more than I say here, but at the end of the day it’s never stopped me writing the next thing.” But he gets it because he, too, is a gay man who consumes art and he sees the same biases coming out when he watches other queer-centric work.

Yet he was amazed that artists younger than him are still dealing with the same crises: “It’s what comes with being a minority. It’s what comes of oppression and you kind of expect this to pass. But then you talk to young people like Olly, who’s a different generation from me, and you find them thinking the same things,” Davies said. “I was lucky to have my training during an age when you’d be lucky to get one review in the Times. Now you live in a world of reviewers.”

When I ask Alexander if he worries how gay men will respond to a gay artist’s work, it is no easier for him to respond than it was for Davies. “Oh, God, you’re making my heart race now,” he says, breathless. “I should be careful, because I don’t want to demonise anybody. But I tried to really unpack this myself and... I’ll just sort of say it.” It is clear that this is intense for him: his eyes are looking watery as he tries to phrase it delicately.

“I have this – I think irrational – anxiety about gay men tearing me down. And I tried to interrogate that within myself and I think it’s complicated, because a lot of it has to do with internalised phobias and shame, about how I see myself versus how other people see me.” He begins to cry. “What I do know is that I want them to not hate me. And I want to make the community proud. It’s been at the heart of pretty much every decision I’ve ever made. And I don’t know if I’ve always got it right.”

‘I HAVE THIS – I THINK IRRATIONAL – ANXIETY ABOUT GAY MEN TEARING ME DOWN’

It’s tough being an actor asked to shed light and humanity on a complex phase in British LGBTQ+ history; it’s just as tough to be a gay man trying to make pop music that speaks to the queer experience. But Alexander is doing both and, what’s more, he’s being unapologetically queer in the public eye. There aren’t many LGBTQ+ people in the position Alexander is in and it must be exhausting, I suggest, to be expected to speak for the needs and fears of an entire spectrum of sexual and gender identities. After all, he’s just one man who wants to be proud of who he is. “Sometimes, when I feel the most anxious, I have a voice in my head that goes, ‘Oh, Olly, why on earth did you put yourself in this position? You really are not the strong person people think you are.’” But, he says, he is learning he can’t speak for everyone, even if people expect it of him.

Instead, he’s focusing on being proud of what he’s done – the visibility, the audacity, the bravery – rather than the critique of his anxieties or Twitter trolls. “I’m always thinking about me as a teenager and how I’m creating the person I wanted to be in the world. I’m actually doing it! Holy fuck!”

#olly alexander #years & years #yearsandyears #years and years #gq #interviews #fashion #magazines #acting #its a sin #boys #articles #queer #lgbtq #lgbtq+#issues #aids #hiv #music

8 notes · View notes