#writing this was unexpectedly nostalgic

[becca-e-barnes]

The Study

Not only is this the start of my 'Moving In' series, I'm also calling it my birthday piece! I turn 24 on Tuesday and I'm trying hard not to think about the fact I'm overdue a quarter-life crisis.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2.7K (oops)

Warnings: Pleasure Dom!Bucky, sub! reader, spanking, use of a vibrator, forced orgasms, kinda Dom vibes but totally consensual, degradation, safe word system but safe word not used, pet names

Summary: Bucky spends the weekend at your new house and you take him on a tour.

Minors, do not interact

Turning the key in the front door still feels odd. One of the very first changes you made to the house was installing a new locking mechanism on both doors and it hasn't had a chance to stiffen up yet.

The smell of paint is starting to dissipate but it hits you hardest when you open the front door. The hallway was one of the last areas of the house to be redecorated so the smell seems to be most noticeable right at the door.

"Damn, this place is deceptive." Bucky's remark makes you smile to yourself while you hang your jacket up. "It's a whole lot bigger on the inside than I thought."

"It surprised me too. All of the rooms are a nice size."

The house had ticked so many boxes for you. More than two bedrooms in a quiet development, a low maintenance garden, off road parking, a downstairs bathroom and the whole house has plenty of potential. The plan isn't to live here forever, after all. It should be easy enough for you to sell when you decide to move on.

You flick a few lights on in the hallway and toss your keys into the bowl on the hall table before you turn your attention back to Bucky standing in your living room. Despite the fact you hadn't removed your own shoes, he's taken his off, leaving them neatly at the doorway of the living room beside his travel bag.

He's respectful of your space; he always has been but it's nice to just have him in your space. It's nice to have him be part of it.

He walks slowly around the little living room, looking at the few ornaments and picture frames you'd collected. "That's cute." He's looking at a picture of you and your best friend, sitting on the floor of your old kitchen, laughing yourselves to tears over the fact your Christmas tree was three inches tall and cut out from the back of a cereal box. The photo brings a smile to your face every time you see it.

"Are you hungry? You've had a long day." You move over behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist and kissing his back through his clothes while he looks at your pictures on the fireplace. He's had to travel for a few hours just to get here so you imagine he's bound to want something.

"I'm okay for now." You nod at his response, taking in the fact he's actually standing in your home.

The time you have with him is limited. That's how this works but for just less than two days, he's yours. After that, he'll go back home so you've learned to make the most of the time you have with him.

"Help yourself to whatever you like. Kitchen is down the hall." You don't even really want to move but you can't stand like this forever.

He turns in your arms so he's facing you and captures your lips in his. It's a soft, slow, gentle kiss; the kind you've been dreaming of since you last saw him. You need him to feel exactly how much you've missed him without having to tell him.

The kiss lasts for minutes, far beyond its natural end but neither of you care.

After what feels like forever, your lips part but your foreheads stay pressed together, both of you determined not to pull away.

"I still haven't gotten the grand tour." He's got the most beautiful eyes and they're locked on yours to the point that you'd almost forgotten he's never been here before. "But I want to start in your favourite room."

"Well, the study is my favourite. I converted one of the bedrooms into an office space."

"Show me."

You don't protest. Instead you head out of the living room and up the stairs to the furthest end of the hallway, with Bucky following closely behind you.

"These all used to be built-in storage units around a headboard for a bed. I took all the doors off the cabinets and made it into shelving." You'd turned the room into a space that you love. The walls are painted a light shade of cream with houseplants lined up between books on the shelves. Instead of storage around a headboard, you now have book shelves, arching around your desk. The other side of the room has a sofa that converts into a bed for extra guests and there's a beanbag in the corner by the window to read on.

"I see why it's your favourite. Odd mix of books here though." Bucky's eyes flick over the titles, ranging from your collection of political figures' autobiographies, the 'Diary of an Oxygen Thief' trilogy, the selection of books providing commentary on the criminal justice system and a good few classics.

"It is. But I like this room. It'll be cosy in winter once I get some fairy lights and nice and bright in summer. Somewhere to unwind." You're thinking out loud as you reach up to close the window and that's when you feel Bucky step behind you.

"I think we should celebrate." Bucky’s voice is low, his lips trailing up the side of your neck, heading towards the spot just behind your ear that he's always loved to kiss.

"I think..." He stops briefly on his path, taking a second to inhale deeply, determined to slow down. "I think we should make love in every room of your new house this weekend."

Fuck.

"Are you sure you're up for that? Because I can really stretch it out. I'm not sure how we're going to make it work in the pantry or the downstairs bathroom but I'm happy to try."

"Your 'pantry' is a cupboard." Bucky's breath is hot on your neck, and you feel his lips have curled into a smile.

"I know. You promised every room though." You can't help but tease him, although you're half serious. It's not your fault that you're keen. Not when he's kissing down your neck like that and holding your waist so your back is flush against him.

"You're a handful." You feel his fingertips graze the bare skin of your waist and you remember how nice it is to just be touched the way he touches you.

"I might be a handful but I can promise if I have my way, after you leave here on Sunday, you won't even be able to think about cumming again until Thursday at the very earliest."

"Jesus, that's one hell of a promise." He turns you around to face him and you notice his eyes are damn near twinkling with excitement.

You've got all weekend together; there's no need to rush but you can't help the overwhelming need to feel him sliding into you. That's when you feel closest to him and it's the closeness you're craving more than anything.

Your hand cups the side of his face, your thumb tracing across his freshly shaved jawline and you allow yourselves a second to just be together.

He smells familiar. The heat of his body against yours makes you feel safe. He makes you feel safe.

"I want to start with you though. I brought you a little something." He kisses your lips gently and smooths a hand down over your hair before he retreats downstairs to the bag that he'd brought a few changes of clothes in.

He returns with a small cardboard box with the tape on one end already cut.

"I didn't have time to wrap it. It arrived last minute." You're so busy trying to get into the box that you hadn't even noticed.

Inside the box are a few instruction manuals, a thin white cord and a black satin pouch. Inside the pouch is a neon pink toy that's thicker at each end, narrow in the middle and nicely curved.

"I've already charged it and paired it to my phone. This end slips inside you." He points to the thicker end, studying your face to make sure you're okay with this.

And why wouldn't you be? This is pretty damn close to a dream come true.

"Remember what you said last time I saw you? You wanted me to spank you. Maybe we should take it a little further." He's always been hesitant to do anything that would hurt you and that fact is the very reason you want him to. You know how much he wants to protect you and knowing he cares about you has you convinced that he's the right person to explore this with.

"Please." You whisper, beyond excited at the thought of getting everything you've begged him for. "What did you have in mind?"

"I'm thinking about you bent over this desk with this inside you and we'll start off with a couple of light taps to that pretty ass." He presses the button on the narrow part of the toy and it give a short buzz, coming to life in his hands.

Fuck, you're into this man. You're into his hesitation just as much as you're into his willingness to try something new.

"Traffic light safe word system. 'Red' and I'll stop, 'amber' and I'll give you a break, 'green' to keep going." He wants to be fully sure you know you're in control here, not that you ever had any doubt.

You nod and stretch up on your tiptoes to kiss him, this time with as much passion as you can manage. Your hands run through his hair while his trail over your body, your tongue flicking gently against his.

Just being around this man makes you wet, not that you'd ever admit that to him. Even the thought of him has you throbbing with arousal so now that he's here in front of you, your whole body feels like it's buzzing.

He touches you like he can't get enough. He can't get you close enough and it's beyond thrilling to be the subject of his need.

It's almost embarrassing that you get yourself worked up so easily but from the hungry look in his eyes when you undo the button of your jeans, he doesn't seem to mind.

You step out of your jeans and panties and Bucky helps you out of your top and bra, leaving you naked in your study.

"Look at you." Bucky sounds like he's almost in awe, no matter how many times he's seen you naked.

He kisses you again, matching the same passion he'd had earlier, trailing his hands over your soft, warm skin until his fingers are nestled between your thighs.

"Fuck, you're soaked." His fingertips trail between the folds of your sex, gathering the wetness he's responsible for. "Good girls don't get this wet at the thought of being spanked. You know that, don't you?"

You're almost too turned on to even respond to him. "Bend over. I want to see how well you take your toy."

You do as you're told, bending over your desk while Bucky drops to his knees behind you to slip the toy inside you. You feel him trail the thicker end of the toy against your slick cunt, gathering enough wetness to let it slip inside you comfortably.

Within a minute, the toy comes to life inside you and there's no way to stifle the moan that catches in your throat.

Not only is the internal part vibrating at a low, delightful buzz, the other end is pressed right to your clit and is stimulating it at the same strength.

"Did I say you could make a sound?" Bucky quizzes, sounding harsher than ever and when he gets no response, his hand comes down on your ass with so much force that it makes you yelp.

It was a hell of a spank and you can feel heat blooming under the skin of your left cheek, quickly followed by another spank to the right.

"For the record, you can make as much noise as you need to. But only because I've told you that you can. You see the difference?"

You force yourself not to nod and it has the effect you were hoping for. Two more harsh, painful spanks are delivered, one to each cheek, the same as before.

You don't know if you imagined it but the toy inside you feels stronger. You can't be sure if you're just focusing on the pleasure over the pain or if Bucky really has turned it up.

"Does that feel nice, sweetheart?" He needs to know you're enjoying this because a little part of him is surprised at just how much he's into it. He gets to control both your pleasure and your pain because you want him to and the trust alone is enough to get him off.

"Feels amazing, fuck. Making such a mess." Stringing sentences together isn't easy but you swear you're about to cum already. Your nipples rub delightfully against the wooden desk and you swear every sensation is heightened.

"I wish you could see the mess you're making. Looks fucking delicious." He turns the toy up ever so slightly but that's enough to send you spiralling, gripping the edge of the desk as pleasure ripples through your entire body.

You can do nothing but sob, cumming relentlessly because he's refused to turn the toy down. Even after you're done, he keeps it at the same intensity, moving on like nothing happened.

"You say the sluttiest things. That promise of yours to totally drain me. Who says shit like that? So fucking filthy."

"I mean it. I want every drop of cum you can give me. And then more." You know saying something like that will earn you another spank and it does.

"You're not just acting like a slut. You are a slut. You spend your life hiding it from everyone else but you can't hide it from me." A shiver runs down your spine. You almost feel like you've been caught. Like he's figured you out and now you have nothing left to hide. "Say it."

It's a clear instruction but saying it makes it real.

Your hesitation earns you another sharp spank, heat prickling both your face and your ass at the same time.

"Don't make me tell you twice." For someone hesitant to slip into a dominant role, he's absolutely nailing it.

"I'm your slut." Your voice is less steady than you would've hoped but the words at clear at the very least.

"My slut?" He almost sounds like he can't believe what he heard.

"Yours. Your slut." You repeat, wishing you could see his face.

"Oh sweetheart, that's cute." He means it too. He turns the toy up as a reward and even though it's only at half its full strength, you can't help but cum again, pleading your way through another blinding orgasm.

"Such a good girl for me. That's it. Cum nice and hard. Give that slutty little pussy what it needs." He lands one more harsh spank on your ass and you swear it only makes you cum harder, to the point that your legs are shaking.

But all of a sudden, the sensation stops completely.

"B-Bucky?" You ask, turning around to look at him, wondering if something went wrong.

"Don't want to wear you out, sweetheart. I think that'll do for now." You agree that it's probably a good place to stop and you have no problem taking the toy out for a while.

He pulls you in close, resting your head on his chest, letting you catch your breath while he holds you and kisses your forehead.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" His voice is soft, hoping that you'll tell him the truth.

"No. It was perfect." You smile, capturing his lips in yours, hoping to relieve some of his fear. You're almost giddy with excitment. It truly was everything you needed and you fully intend to thank him for it before the weekend is over.

"Good. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would." He's back to the gentle, tender touches that you're so used to from him and it's a blessing that he can flick so effortlessly between both personas.

"How about we order in and stick a movie on?" He suggests, kissing the tip of your nose. "Go put on something comfortable. I'll find a takeout."

[korkro]

.

[faeryarchives]

Hug Me!

gn!reader x malleus draconia

your lover wants to drown you with their affection but doesn't know how, until you beat them to it.

note: ok so it's been a while since i last wrote something i am sorry if it is a bit rusty 😔 and i tried writing in a 2nd point of view let me know what you guys think abt it ^^

Walking down the trail back to the Ramshackle Dorm feels nostalgic after being stuck in the training camp for a while. Finally going back to your own dorm after a week of chaos is such a great feeling. Stretching your arms up in the air, you let the warm breeze welcome you back home.

"Never thought there would be a day that I would miss our precious dorm." While you seemed to be happy being back, Grim on the other hand is on a whole new level of joy, feeling free from everything - eyes sparkling and the fire of his ears start to go brighter.

"My sweet soft bed! No more errands from those professors and students finally I can sleep in peace."

"Grim wait- and there he goes." Before saying another word, the cat monster immediately speed towards their dorm leaving you alone on the trail. '

Silly Grim, I'll make sure that he gets his favorite tuna later.'

The prefect continue walking down the trail enjoying the scenery - birds chirping, tree leaves dancing in the air and a certain dorm leader standing in front of their garden.

Such a wonderful sight brought a smile to your face as you quietly walked behind the person - trying to give them a scare by covering their eyes but then unexpectedly your surprised (eye color) eyes met excited bright green ones.

"Child of man, you are back. You were gone for some time." Malleus muttered, his hands holding your hands together gently as if anytime you are going away for another long time. Seeing how your lover looks like a sad dragon, you find your hand patting his head and gave him a kiss on his hand.

"I missed you too, Mal! Let me tell you what happened during the camp, I wished you were there." The two of you sat together under the tree near the garden, Malleus laying comfortably on your lap as you continuously run your fingers through his hair and horns. From morning till noon, the ravenette listen to all of your story with an unknowing pout on his face.

'It's been a while since I last saw you.' Being away from you for some time made the dragon yearn for your affection and wants to drown you with his own love. 'But you look so happy talking about other humans.'

Hearing stories of you having fun without him makes him a little sad. A sigh escaped his lips making you sneak a glance at Malleus' face. Noticing how his mood changed, you poke his forehead with a finger and let out a giggle when he somehow looked confused with your actions.

"(Nickname) why did you stop?" He sat up and look at you curiously. You crossed your arms in front of your chest and puff your cheeks out - looking the other way with a huff.

"Aren't you forgetting something? I am really hurt." Although you said it as a joke, there are so many thoughts running to the Draconia's mind at the moment. Did you get offended in some way? Or did you read his mind? Did you not like his hair condition?

A laugh cut his brainstorming in a halt and all of his problems were solved the moment you opened your arms wide with a grin.

"You goofy dragon. Hug me!"

Ah, it was so easy. How can he be so foolish? Malleus chuckled at his own dilemma, looking directly to your eyes before engulfing you into a warm hug - burying his head to your neck and let out a soft sigh as if he is in the safest place in this wonderland.

"I am really back home, Mal."

"Welcome home, my love."

and little did they know something will happened in the future *ahem* chapter 7 *ahem* anyways i can't wait for diasomnia's ssr dorm cards like SEBEK'S CARD IS SAUR PRETTY IM SO GLAD I GOT HIM 🥹

as always i hope u guys enjoyed and hopefully i am not shadowbanned?? if i got shadowban i will reblog this over andd over again i need everyone to know abt my malleus fluff before angst agenda 👹

recent fics: adore you & so this is heartache

[radioactivesweet]

hi, hope you’re having a womdering day!

is it ok to have jack the ripper, beelzebub and hermes with a tsundere reader (i hate everyone but you kinda thing) that is also very motherly towards them? if that’s ok?

thank you for your hard work. 🖤

I hope you have a good day too!! I hope you like it^^

off topic but I was listening to Last Night in Soho soundtrack while writing this, which is completely unrelated hahahah, 10/10 would recommend that movie tho, I liked it a lot

Jack is good at recognising people's true natue trough the colours they emanate, so when he once saw you answering rudely to an acquaintance of yours, he was quite confused. There was a clear dissonance between your colour and the way you were acting which intrigued him. Despite how hard it was, he managed, trough his gentleman-like ways, to get you act friendly - even though he was the only one you changed your attitude towards. It was a huge step forward anyway. But the way you behaved when you were with him... it was something never believed he could experience himself. He had heard tales about love, which he stopped believing in after his own mother had betrayed him, but you made him reconsider his beliefs. You were protective of him, showing in your own way your affection. It had some motherly traits too, a reminescence of his childhood, of that apparent love he received from his mother. Yours was genuine though, there was something so innocent in the way you'd caress his head that he would never believe it could be false. The same colour you would towards him only was of the purest shade he had ever seen.

Beelzebub is used to everyone hate nobody but him - so it's quite surprising when you do the exact opposite. He doesn't know how to react at first, are you perhaps trying to use him for some obscure reason? He can't quite grasp it. Yet, somehow, it really looks like you took a liking to him. You don't reply annoyed when he is the one to speak - and actually listen to what he has to say - you ask him how he is and other chit chat, which was unusual of you, and would often seek him out. At first he doesn't really know how to behave: should he act like he does towards anybody else or try to be more friendly too? In the end, despite his first attempt to keep you at a distance, he realised that, after all, he missed someone looking after him. At first, things weren't always easy and sometimes you both would end up snapping at each other - but going back to being on good terms immediately after. Most of the time though, everything went smooth, with you complaining about everything but him. It kinda pleased him. You couldn't tell, since Beelzebub would always mantain the same apathetic expression, but he really was glad to have someone so attached to him. In particular, there were those moments when you would just sit beside him, maybe your head leaning on his shoulder, mostly in silent, sometimes speaking some gentle words, which he loved the most. It made him feel so nostalgic, but loved it anyway.

Hermes is used to act politely towards others, given his status as the messenger of the gods, it kind of is his duty. Even though he often has to deal with tons of unsufferable and rude deities - which, at first, he thought you were too, seeing the way you'd treat those you spoke with. He was ready to ignore any of you remarks if he had to... but you didn't give him the chance, acting unexpectedly nice towards him only. After that surprisingly nice first meeting, you kept being quite friendly during your exchanges with Hermes, which occured more and more often. He didn't really understand why you'd act so differently just to him but didn't ponder about it too much - he just considered himself to be lucky for once, instead of having to deal with another goddess mad at his father because of one of his many affairs. You weren't mad at him, which greatly relieved him. Actually, you were one of the few decent deities he could deal with. Not prone to anger (towards him, at least), amicable and pleasing when you wanted to, ready to comfort him and listen to his complains after a long day of wandering trough the realms and dealing with absurd requests and demands. His life was tiring, but fortunately for him, you were making it much more bearable. Ares is also scared of you, like many other deities, which comes in his favour when he is sick of dealing with them.

[fishwithtitz]

Can you write something about Copia accompanying Reader to their tattoo appointment? I'm a little jittery about mine (even though I really want a tattoo of Copia's cornette/year zero look)

Thank you sm 💙

Your wish is my command, darling.

"Marked"

Summary: You're nervous about your upcoming tattoo appointment. Lucky for you, Papa Copia has agreed to accompany you.

Rating: Teen

Papa Emeritus IV x reader / 1.9k words

Warnings: suggestive language, description of tattooing/needles, mention alcohol, poorly translated Italian

ao3 link

“Tesoro, you are fidgeting.”

Rolling your eyes, you lobbed your head to the right to peer out the car window. It was midday on a Saturday and the roads were unexpectedly clear as you drove towards the city center with Papa Emeritus the fourth to your long awaited tattoo appointment.  

You were hoping that he’d missed your annoyed gesture, but as always, he was ever perceptive. His eyebrow rose and his tone became a little darker, though you were sure you could hear an edge of jest. 

“Am I going to have to pull this car over, hmm?”

At this, you couldn’t help but smirk. You turned to face him and saw a similar look engrain his own features, his green eye peering at you from across the vehicle. Reaching over, you slapped at his thigh playfully in retort. 

“Don’t tempt me,” he all but growled, waggling his eyebrows playfully before his face took on a more serious demeanor. “Why do you fidget, eh?” He returned his gaze to the road. “You’ve done this before. You know what to expect.”

You bit your lip. “I know, Papa. I jus —” Letting out a sigh, you ran the palms of your hands over your black leggings. “I’m working myself up, I suppose.”

Papa looked over at you briefly with a warm smile and a hint of mischief. Damn that man. “Well, none of that. That is my job, sì?”

The irritating part was that he was right. You did know exactly what to expect. It wasn’t as if you were afraid of the pain — pain you could handle. Besides, you knew that given the placement, it wouldn’t be all that painful. No, it was the idea of something permanent. Something quite literally etched into your skin by someone else. And as an artist yourself, letting go of the creative control to allow someone to mark you was an act of vulnerability, of trust. 

A quiet calm washed over the car and you did your best not to shift in your seat or wiggle your leg. The only sound was the soft rumbling of “Darling Nikki” playing over the car’s speakers and Papa’s fingertips tapping to the beat against the steering wheel. A love of music was something that the both of you shared, and when he’d offered to throw the artist formerly known as Prince on while you drove to your appointment, you nodded with urgency at the nostalgic comfort you knew that His Royal Badness would bring. 

At about the time that the song ended, Copia pulled into the parking lot of the tattoo parlor and put the car into park. He killed the engine and clicked off his seatbelt before turning to you. 

“Do you want me to be supportive or incoraggiante?” He said, eyes peering at you with sincerity.

You snorted. “Is there really a difference?”

He cast a slightly annoyed look at you and again your eyes took a somersault. “Fine. Supportive.”

He nodded. “No one is making you do this, dolcezza. You know this. No one will judge you if you decide not to go through with it—”

“—I know, Papa. I want this. Free will and all that.” You made a circular motion with your wrist in the air as you said it, punctuating your sentence with your hand in sarcastic reference to the key tenet of the church your boyfriend led. Talking with your hands was something you’d picked up a few months into your relationship with Copia, though to be honest, it was something you didn’t even realize you did. You hesitated a moment before continuing. “I’m just nervous, is all.”

The older man leaned over the center console and brushed a loose strand of hair from your eyes. You felt your stomach melt into your ribs at the satiny feel of his leather gloves as they stroked your cheek. 

“I will be by your side the whole time.”

You threw a look of gratitude to him and nuzzled your cheek against his fingertips for good measure. After a beat, you unbuckled your own seatbelt, and moved to exit the car. Papa rounded the vehicle and slipped his hand into yours, giving it a light squeeze as you both made your way through the chiming door of the tattoo parlor. 

Immediately, a distant buzzing sound tickled your ears and you felt the pattering of your heart begin to uptick in your chest again. Your tattoo artist sat at the front desk seemingly waiting for your arrival. As he looked up, a confused look imprinted into his otherwise rough-looking mug. You assumed this was at Papa’s appearance. It wasn’t every day that most people were privy to seeing a man in full skull paint wearing a poet shirt and cravat with impossibly tight jeans. But then again, it was something you loved about your Copia. 

The artist was chosen with purpose. You’d spent months researching someone local who could specialize in the specific style you were looking to get: a woodcut design that emulated block printmaking from centuries prior. To your relief, you noticed that the artist was able to quickly hide his momentary surprise at Papa and a professional façade took over as he greeted you and led you to his station in the back.

With every footstep, your heart thumped loud enough to quake seismic shockwaves. Your nerves seemed to be peaking, now, and you did your best to ignore it as you sunk down into the black pleather seat.

After a brief discussion of your desired design and a quick examination of the stencil the artist had prepared for you, you settled into the backrest of the chair. You barely registered as your arm was cleaned and prepped (although had you looked to your side, you would have seen Copia’s expression contort into one of confusion as the artist ghosted over your skin with a disposable razor to remove the peach fuzz). Your dissociative reverie was broken when the tattooist asked you to confirm the stencil placement. A fleeting look in the side mirror accompanied by a meek “looks great” was all you had in you to respond. 

Papa sat next to you, calm and gentile, and reached over to grasp at your hand lovingly. Normally, he would attempt to make small talk with the artist and end up causing awkward conversation, but he could tell you were already overstimulated enough by the bright light and noises of the shop, so he kept his lips sealed. The moment that the needle pressed against your skin, you sunk into the padding of the chair and closed your eyes. It felt just as you remembered: a scratching feeling, a slight sting, but not unbearable. 

You could feel Copia’s presence over you and you opened an eye to see him loom over your body to get a better look at the machine. You held back a giggle. The man was insanely curious and completely uncouth about hiding his childlike wonderment of how things worked. What you weren’t expecting, however, was the color to begin to drain from what little flesh peeked out from around his meticulously placed paints. Copia leaned back and all but cemented into his own chair. 

You’d forgotten about his fear of needles. 

“You okay, champ?” You teased, although a slight undertone of seriousness laced your words. 

“Me? Oh- sì, yes, I am just fine. It’s just the eh, ehm…” the painted anti-pope cleared his throat awkwardly and looked down, a hand moving up to scratch the back of his neck, “needles.”

“Copia, you have a tattoo,” you shot back with a contested look on your face. 

“Pah,” he replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. You could tell he was trying to appear more stoic despite his obvious discomfort with the tattoo gun. “Don’t remember getting it. I was uh…sbronzato. Too much sambuca.” 

“Salute,” the artist quipped. It was the first time he’d said anything since starting the tattoo, and his timing made it hard for you to hold back your giggles. 

A blanket of comfortable silence followed. You leaned back once more in the reclined chair and allowed for your eyes to flutter closed again. The drumming hum of the tattoo gun as it scoured the precise lines into your skin acted as a kind of white noise that threw you into a trance. 

Time passed at a moderate pace, and before you knew it, the tattoo gun was clicked off and its absence created a temporary void in your eardrums. You felt a wet pressure as a sterile towel was wiped over the design, clearing it of any ink remnants still clinging to the surface of your skin. 

“We’re all finished, if you’d like to take a look,” the artist said, wheeling back on his stool to give you some room to stand. 

You rose, feet a little unsteady from sitting for so long, but eventually made your way to the full length mirror perpendicular to the artist’s station. Turning, you hiked your arm up a bit to get a better view of the final piece. 

It would be an understatement to say that you were in awe. The subject matter you chose —an occult-themed portrait — was beautifully captured in a medieval woodcut style. A smattering of precisely hatched lines varying in thickness danced across your upper arm in a way that seemed like they were always meant to be there. The contrast was beautifully evident and your skin served as some sort of divine light on the value scale. Your lips curled in a smile that bled kismet. 

You didn’t even notice that Copia had slunk up behind you until you felt his infernal eye boring into your reflection. His hands came to rest on your stomach and lower back, gaze moving to rake over the stylized design on your brachium. 

You watched as his irises slowly scanned your reddened skin in wonderment. His own lips, which had been perpetually pursed as a side effect of his trypanophobia, were now relaxed and barely parted in awed, focused study. He must have realized this, because it lasted only seconds before a small smile crept across his painted features. 

Later on, during the car ride home, it was nearly silent. The stereo was switched off and the only sound audible was the tires rotating against the asphalt below. You held your hands in your lap as you rested your temple against the cool glass of the window. 

Papa was the first to break the silence. “I’m proud of you, tesoro.”

He reached over to squeeze at your left hand with tenderness obvious to avoid shifting your now sore arm. 

“It’s not like I did anything that brave. It’s just a tattoo,” you murmured. Immediately, you bit your lip as you realized how your response must have sounded. You’d always had trouble taking a compliment. “ —But thank you, mio cuore.” you added, removing your head from the window to brandish a blush and an upturned corner of your lip.

He licked the black pigment coating his own. “You were bellissima before, ovviamente, but there’s something about your tatuaggio that just—” A light groan emanated from deep within his chest. You felt your own tighten inside your ribs and flames licked through your limbs. 

“Although,” he added a second later, “I wouldn’t mind leaving some marks of my own.” His hand snaked down from your own to brush at the tight black polyester covering your thigh, trailing up its expanse ever so slowly before kneading at it with his gloved grasp.

The motion (along with his husky tone) made your flip flopping titillation take a sudden nosedive straight into your core. The dull ache of your arm was replaced with one building in your abdomen. And as your mind filled with the possibilities of the bites and bruises that could pepper your skin later that evening, suddenly you were open to an entirely different form of artwork.

image credit: pinterest, reddit

[isagrimorie]

Concept writing for a potential April Ludgate/Jen Barkley story…

But I can’t just start Jen and April off as falling into some relationship because it won’t be true to April’s character. April truly loves Andy… Their relationship is one cornerstone of Parks and Rec.

But Jen Barkley is exactly the type April Ludgate would Stan, and that we didn’t see them interact on Parks and Rec is a crime!

I know Parks and Rec closed the book on the entire gang with happy endings but as I’ve mentioned again and again; I hated how April gave in to Andy’s wish to have kids when she’s been vocal for several years on the show that she doesn’t want any kids.

Anyway, just trying this out as a concept writing.

---

Eight months after the Halloween dinner with Leslie and Ben, April decided to divorce Andy.

It wasn’t a decision April came to lightly. She loved Andy more than air. She can’t remember a time when she hasn’t been in love with Andy.

But Andy wanted kids and every year that ticked by, it felt like his desire to be a father was a sharp wedge between them that April couldn’t climb.

She even had a talk with Leslie. April hoped that Leslie’s pep talk would help and maybe it did a little because April did like teams and being on the winning team.

The feeling didn’t last long. The next time Andy expressed his wish to have a kid it ended with April staring at the ceiling, staring at one spot, feeling like the walls were closing in.

April didn’t like who she was becoming whenever the topic came up. Angry and biting. She liked being angry, but she didn’t like being angry with Andy. She didn’t like the resentment that was slowly building in her chest or the sick feeling she had at the pit of her stomach she’s beginning to have at the sight of Andy.

Unexpectedly, it was Ann who finally pushed April off the cliff. They all promised to attend an event Gerry was throwing for their old Parks department, and of course, Leslie roped April into helping organize the party. April didn’t mind, she was feeling nostalgic for the old days.

Oliver Traeger and Leslie’s Triplets ran around with Andy chasing them.

“They look so happy,” Ann observed.

April rolled her eyes. “Of course they are, Ann. Andy’s the best.”

“Andy would make a wonderful dad.”

One kid dropped and rolled, Andy stopped to check, but that was a ruse and Oliver tripped Andy into crashing. April watched the kids pummel Andy.

���April, is something wrong? You look… angrier than normal?”

“Do you remember what I told you about my gut?”

It was years ago, but April expected that Ann would remember the few times April ever spoke to her. Ann didn’t disappoint because she answered uncertainly, “That your gut was always right?”

“I’m going to correct that because my gut is killing me. My gut’s being an asshole.”

“Wait, are you sick?”

April glowered at Ann. “No.” And then she crossed her arms. “Did you regret following my advice about your gut?”

There was a thoughtful expression on Ann’s face, and April didn’t like it. “No, I think that was one of the best advice I ever got from you.” Ann’s eyes darted behind her and back to April. “Is there something you want to talk about?”

“No.”

And then April walked away to get some booze.

But she also had her answer, and she hated it.

Two weeks after that, April told Andy she wanted a divorce.

The entire night was… terrible and April never wants to live through that again. She called Ron and Ben and told them that Andy needed their help. April didn’t tell them what for but made sure she wasn’t anywhere when they arrived.

April took an assignment that would take her out of the country. Donna appeared the day the news got out. She knew when it did when she received wave after wave of messages and calls from Leslie. She ignored them all.

But Donna knew her itinerary since she helped April book her rental in Puerto Rico. Donna flew out — “I’m only here for the day. Joe and I are heading out for our South American extravaganza.”

“Donna…”

Donna took out a tequila bottle and began pouring them into the hotel glasses. “Drink. I invested in this Tequila company, and it’s fire.”

April did what she was told and drank the burn of the alcohol going down her throat was amazing. “Blaaah.”

“I get it,” Donna said, after things calmed down. She was pouring them another round. “Leslie doesn’t understand why, but I get it.”

True to her word, Donna was just there for a day, she left April her third Fuego tequila bottle and a truly stupendous hangover.

Leslie blew up her phone, asking to meet her, but April shut it. April was back in DC and she knew it was only a matter of time before Leslie found her. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

April cringed but opted for the truth. “Because I thought you’d talk me out of it.”

“That’s fair. I probably would have,” Leslie said with some chagrin, but then her face softened. “I told you, whatever you decide, Ben and I will support you.”

“Okay,” April could feel her face crumple."You can go now.”

Leslie ignored the goodbye, as usual, and then hugged her. “Stop,” April ordered, but even her arms didn’t listen and she found herself leaning into Leslie’s hug.

She’s never cried so hard. She felt empty. But, a good kind of empty.

“I promise you, no matter what happens, April. You’re never alone, we’ll be here for you. Team April is great.”

That was a stupid thing to promise.

“I hate being a grown-up.”

“Yeah, me too.”

--/--

tbc, Part 2

[figgrrr0]

oh gosh i love ur writing can you do headcanons about non sexual things about reader that turn on thoma?

PLEASEEE 😭 This posted earlier and I didn't notice... if anyone has already read this, there's an extra section added now!

Thoma's non-sexual turn-ons

Reader: Gn // Genre: Smut (suggestive) // No Cw

Considering how widespread his job duties really are, some days Thoma has to stay later at the Kamisato Estate than others. And while he does enjoy the work, that doesn't stop him from wishing he was home with you.

So, when you unexpectedly show up in the doorway of the kitchen, wearing an apron and insisting to help out... Well, who is he to deny?

You pass by each other easily, him giving you instructions on what to prepare while taking quick glances at you every now and then. A warm smile overtakes his face in moments like these; he just can't help but think that he's lucky to have you.

You're so considerate to him, coming in to his work and helping him to finish off the day just that little bit faster. Playfully chiding him when he forgets to take care of himself in favor of completing his tasks. And when he actually steps back to take in the situation, he can't help but realise how domestic the scene is playing out to be.

And oh, that warms his heart just a bit. But then, that warmth turns into a small shiver down his back, the heat settling uncomfortably in the space between his legs. At first, Thoma's confused. After all, he didn't think of anything particularly provocative! That's why he doesn't even realise that he's half hard until he looks down a few moments later, just to check.

With a nervous hiss, Thoma pushes himself to focus more intently on preparing the food on the counter in front of him. Even just the presence of you bustling behind him is setting him off. When you notice his sudden silence, he laughs it off, promising you don't have to worry about him, and he's grateful that you don't push it further, even though you know he's not saying what he wants.

He just has to get this over with, and then you can both go home together. But until then, Thoma's thoughts will painstakingly revolve around how he can best repay you for helping him get home faster tonight. After all, he does have the whole night to show you his gratitude...

Regardless of the style of clothing of you wear, Thoma will be admiring you nonetheless.

If you wear more comfortable and flowy clothing like from Mondstadt, he can't help but get nostalgic. He doesn't get particularly home-sick, for he appreciates the difference in cultures that Inazuma offers. However, he can't help but take comfort in the familiar feel of the fabrics, and the residual smell of dandelions that follow all that meet the winds of the City of Freedom.

Or, if you wear the light, traditional wear of Inazuma, he's inspecting the design and comparing it to your other outfits. Thoma likes finding similarities in the displays at stores, and trying to find some that are similar to what he knows you already like. It isn't uncommon for Thoma to bring you something new to wear, and it does get him a little riled up to see you in something that he bought for you. To him, it feels like a way of subtly marking you.

He'll be smoothing his fingers over the material of your clothing, hands absentmindedly travelling over your arms, or your back, or your hips. And as soon as he accidentally makes contact with your skin between the layers, the clothing you wear is long forgotten. He's worshipping each inch of your exposed body, only moving your clothes out of the way when the need becomes too much for both of you.

Thoma excells in taking care of people. It's in his nature to be caring towards others, and this certainly doesn't stop when he's resting at home with you.

If you're focused, be it work or a hobby, Thoma will be popping in and out periodically to deliver you something that he thinks you'll need: a cup of coffee/tea, a blanket in case you're feeling cold, maybe even a massage. Each time, he makes sure not to make too much noise, only going as far as a low "Anything you need?". The volume with which he spoke is halfway between a whisper and his regular speaking pitch, so it awkwardly cuts between the two, which gives you a quick respite and leaves ample room for Thoma to convince you to take a break.

It's the space between these check-ins that Thoma starts to feel different. As he walks back and forth, collecting anything you ask for, he starts to realise that he likes taking these orders from you, as mundane as they are. And it's not the usual burst of happiness that he gets when he helps someone during his work with the Kamisatos. No, this is different...

Maybe it's the directness of your tone, one that he doesn't normally hear from you, one that makes him want to hear it more. Makes him want you to give him orders that are harder to complete, just for you to then get harsher when he makes a mistake.

Or, maybe it's how intently focused you are in general. The pinch in your brow and the words that you mutter in annoyance, which leave him hanging on to every word he can catch. Every one of your actions show that you're getting increasingly stressed. And now, it's up to Thoma...

Should he make you take a break, and help you to relax? Or should he submit further, and let you take out your stresses on him? By the time he strides through your door the next time, his jacket and belt already long gone, his mind is definitely made up.

Want to send a request/brainrot with me? Check my rules!

Thank you for reading! 🩷

[sloppysequinz]

hiii glitz [cool new nickname for you]

i was wondering if you could speak on your writing process? all your stories are so good and as someone who veeery occasionally writes i'm curious how you go about doing it? thanks !

[definitly not drunk-girl shh]

Ok definitely not @drunk-girl! I've been dwelling on this ask for quite a while. I really appreciated the question a lot :) This answer ended up being kind of long so I put it under a read more for courtesy. Also I loooove the nickname glitz <3

So generally my writing process starts with a little seed of an idea. It could be a text post or a photo I see on here, something that happens across my mind while I'm out and about, it could be a suggestion from a friend. Baby's First House Party came from being in a town where I used to go to school and feeling nostalgic about house parties, Step-Mom came from a story with drunken wetting on here that I just found unexpectedly hot, Meet Cute came from memories of when I lived in a place with a screen door that had a view of my whole living room. The idea just has to spark some kind of interest in me. Sometimes I recognize it right away, sometimes it takes a little bit.

Then I usually spend some time fleshing it out, just in my mind. For me, this usually happens right when I'm falling asleep. I tend to daydream about horny stuff in bed anyway, so it kinda comes naturally. I just spend some time figuring out character dynamics, what the "core" scene or scenario I'm getting at, and to be crude, what turns me on. I follow the turn on down the rabbit hole and let it take the wheel. Sometimes I don't realize I have a good idea until I'm lying in bed fantasizing about something I hadn't thought about before. Sometimes I think I have a good idea, but if I cant generate organic fantasies about it, it won't make a good story.

Usually by the time I sit down to write, I have a good idea of what the characters are, the key thing I want to get to, and how I'm going to get there. For characters, I don't necessarily have names, but a general personality and archetype. When I say key "thing", that's usually whatever I find hottest in the imagined scenario that I want to frame in the center. For Step-mom, this was the scene of her drooling on the table and grabbing her own tits while pissing. For Meet Cute, this was Mel staring in awe as Yvette chugged a whole can of beer. For the first Mona and Lacy story, it was Lacy drunkenly begging Mona to drink while calling her mommy. I have a rough idea of how I'm getting those characters to that big scene.

Usually I just sit down and start writing from the beginning, describing the scene as I see it in my head and writing any dialogue I've thought of that seems hot or in character. Sometimes the characters will surprise me and say something I'm not expecting. Sometimes I have enough momentum to just write the whole thing from start to finish and be done, but not usually. Usually I'll write the opening, then I'll just jot down bullet points for the rest of the story. As an example, I pulled this from a draft of a sequel to Meet Cute that I'm still working on:

Yvette's a little forgetful but lets her in

Mel has brought more beer and a bucket of fried chicken

Yvette has two of the 12 beers left and half a pizza

Wants Mel's help to finish the pizza

"Come sit."

Once I have a rough outline of all the events I want to happen, I go back and slowly flesh them out. Depending on how much time I've spent dwelling on the idea, I may take some time here to workshop what works and what doesn't, what's hot and what isn't. Also, sometimes I start with the juice scene I want to get to, then do bullets for both before and after.

Once I've gotten it all written down, I save it as a draft and leave it alone. I come back a day or two later and proofread it. Once I'm done tinkering, I tag it and hit post (sometimes I realize there are typos or mistakes and I'll just edit the post if I have to).

In general though, the strength of my writing comes from the fact that I am a 30 year old woman who writes for my job. My work writing is a very different kind of writing (which makes this a fun break), but all the same, I have a LOT of practice. On top of that, I have multiple academic degrees that required a lot of writing to get. I also love to read and have read a lot of books. My advice if you're looking to get better at writing is just to do a LOT of it, and to read a lot of books. When I first got into intox kink at 21, I couldn't even figure out how to write down my fantasies, and now I just can't stop.

[thefeastandthefast]

Since I promised Mr. Feast I wouldn't watch ahead of him and he's slowly catching up, I've taken a pause in my gleeful binge of 一念关山 A Journey to Love to jot down a few of the disorganized thoughts I have about my best beloved favorite girl Yang Ying in the wonderful first eighteen episodes of this drama.

MILD SPOILERS BEYOND.

I cannot wait to see little pocket sized wolf cub Princess Yang Ying do her thing in the next half of the show. Honestly feel so blessed to have this character; there’s no one else like her in cdrama or American TV for that matter!

One of the themes I enjoy in stories about royal power struggles are narrative arcs for female characters who transition from naive to knowing, usually borne out of experiencing the inescapability of their femaleness in a treacherous sexist environment and consequently the limited array of tarnished tools at their disposal and the ways these tools are then deployed. I enjoy that type of story- Book Sansa Stark, my nostalgic fave! Zhen Huan! Minglan, even, in a way. As for historical examples, Empress Matilda! Isabella of France!

But I'm also absolutely relishing this twist on the familiar theme in A Journey to Love.

Because Yang Ying is a royal woman being explicitly trained to grasp the duties and wield the power of a prince, not the oblique power of a princess. The success of the mission, and the lives/fates of the Wu emperor, her subjects, and her now beloved friends in the delegation, depend on her ability to convincingly wear the mantle of princely responsibility, power, and prerogative and to physically and mentally embody this role. And for a child who is as malleable as she is in the beginning of the show, this incredibly formative AND transformative extended roleplay will inevitably become forever entrenched in her conception of self and her sense of possibility.

The kind of limited power she might have been able to achieve as an impoverished minor princess requires a very different skillset from the one she's acquiring. It would only be a contingent and conditional power, a la her sister-in-law the Empress of Wu or the Noble Consort Chu or Chuyue, the tomboy princess from the state of An, who perfectly demonstrates how a clever, capable, wealthy, beautiful royal woman with a powerful family is still a blunted sword.

What would be fascinating to explore, beyond her triumph as Prince Li of Wu (which, to reiterate, I'm SO EXCITED FOR), is the inevitable friction of what she would feel and do after mastering and embodying princely power but then must contend with the expectations and limitations of the identity she has long outgrown but will still be expected to perform once the mission is complete.

I don't think the drama will have time to cover this- after all, she is a supporting character and it would be a thematic tangent. But I suppose that's what fic is for! Maybe I will once again be inspired to write fic, depending on how they end Yang Ying's story...

Stories and characters that reveal emotional truth through pretense will always be my jam. In addition to the unexpectedly delightful Ren Ruyi/Ning Yuanzhou, I love this show so much for giving me Yang Ying.

[f1-giuki]

Ao3 Masterlist:

Hello readers *in James May's voice* and welcome to the masterlist of the fics I wrote/ I am writing! There are playlists and song recommendations for each fic!

I hope this post will be understandable and not too ugly!

1. A Sunday Kind of Love series: an ongoing series of fics set in the Emilia Romagna countryside, tons of fluff. They can be read alone. playlist.

1.1 Hearts of Gold : 9.4k words, summer fic. playlist. fic post.

Plot: One late afternoon in August Charles sat on a very pretty round bale, eating a slice of watermelon, white sunscreen on his face, cursing himself for having stained his last clean white t-shirt. He was having an unexpectedly good summer break, for someone with his bad luck (his fiat panda was holding on for dear life under the sun, much like his Ferrari F1-75, so this might be a stretch). To be honest, being on holiday in the Emilian countryside shouldn't have been his first choice of vacation, but he needed something different, something unusual that could take his mind off of racing for a while. But he needed a distraction, not a way to forget, so he chose to stay close to Maranello, his second home, but just in another province.

And something different he found indeed, someone rather than something. Someone with blue eyes and the constant need of sunscreen.

1.2 Moka Pot Mondays : 4k words, blurbs and slice of life. soundtrack.

Plot: The Italian countryside is the setting, Summer break the time and Lestappen are our main characters.

1.3 Cosa Sarà? : 9.2k words, end of summer break AU. playlist.

Plot: Charles sat on the side of the dry canal, in the field opposite to that which held his first kiss with Max. He would have sat with the Dutch in front of their field, but a tractor harvested it one afternoon and now only pointy golden thorns populated that lonely field. It felt like a prelude to a new chapter. Life goes on, like that song says.

And so Charles turned around and watched the alfalfa field and smelled the little purple flowers from a distance, complicit with the wind. The Monegasque was a nostalgic and a romantic person, the Regency era would have loved him dearly, and that field contained all the shades of the memories he held dear during his holiday. From the green of his old bike to the different shades of purples that tinted the fresh fruits he ate, passing from the blue of his lover's eyes.

That little field was going to be embroidered in his heart, like the hand on the small of his back, or the mischievous grin on Max's lips.

1.4 September : 8.5k words, set during the September European triple header. playlist.

Plot: August came to an end, some say sipped away like a bottle of wine, and with it ended the summer break. The Formula 1 season got back on track, for the last European races. This however didn't stop Max from tightly planning confessions, weird coming out moments and some unfortunately needed therapy sessions.

Luckily for him Charles Leclerc, his stubborn Charles, had other plans, such as casual homoerotic times in hotel rooms surrounded by fans, getaway cars to eat sandwiches and sheepish heart-eyes.

And maybe, with a lot of food, support from their stupid friends and some ABBA songs, maybe the two idiots will be able to finally say those three little gigantic words.

1.5 you're as beautiful as my home : 8.1k words, the fall and winter vibes are finally here friends, playlist.

Plot: The 2022 F1 season ended and Charles couldn’t stand the loneliness of his flat without Max or the flights to Italy inside grey clouds bringing rain around. So he decided to keep himself busy, having fun in Max's plane, causing the Formula One world to wonder if he could be a queer icon during podcast interviews and buying a house in Italy.

Max is right there by his side, befriending old people, providing perfectly timed songs, unwanted opinions about paint colours and homemade French fries and cakes, mostly enjoying the colourful chaos of Charles’s mind, with his cheeks red from Daniel’s teasing.

Or a set of stupidly romantic episodes starting from the 2022 Japanese GP

1.6 I would never take my eyes off of yours : 25.2k words, the April break au, playlist.

Plot: Max doesn’t exactly love spring. Well, we should say he doesn’t like certain aspects of it, like the insane amount of pollen flowing around in the air, next to bees, flies and all the other insects that exchange the blond mop of his hair for a flower bush.

What he loves about spring, though, is the warm sun, the spotless blue sky, cut only by the white traces of planes, and trees in full bloom. He also loves when Charles drags him to countryside festivals and dinners, when he composes new things on the piano, when Charles fights him after suggesting he should bleach his hair and especially when he gets on his knees.

Max should really change his mind about spring... 

2. Homeward Bound : 74.4k words, 12 chapters, completed, Magic/Urban Fantasy AU. each chapter has a playlist, c1, c2, c3, c4, c5, c6, c7, c8, c9, c10, c11, c12.

Plot: Max Verstappen liked many things, like playing the piano, jazz music, Star Wars (Mark Hamill, comrades, say no more), his new flat in New York City, Daniel's cuisine and Charles Leclerc, the cute ghost that flies in his living room. He didn't know if that made him a necrophile or something (Sebastian says it doesn't, it's just a confirmation of his being a bisexual disaster).

Max moved to New York to follow his dream of being a jazz pianist but he would have never imagined that such a transatlantic move would imply the discovery of a magical world he always lived in but always ignored. Or that he needed to fight people with an enchanted sword to stop the fucking Apocalypse and being able to date Charles, but yeah, another day in the New York City life.

3. The Sting series: what happens when top-tier Interpol detective Charles Leclerc and world-class thief Max Verstappen (or as he's known in the field: The Dutch Baron) cross paths?

3.1 You could hang it in the Louvre : 10k words, one shot, art theft AU. soundtrack + bonus. ficpost

Plot: Charles, a young Monegasque, is one of the top detectives for stolen artworks in the Interpol organisation and hates with a borderline homoerotic passion the Dutch Baron, an art thief who keeps on ruining his career plans.

Max, a young Dutch, is one of the most wanted thieves on the globe and Charles’s archnemesis. He’s kind of an idiot, hence the idiotic nickname he chose for himself after his first big heist, the Dutch Baron.

What happens when Max’s new and biggest heist goes let’s-say-not-exactly-well and Charles sees his face for the first time?

3.2 Late night devil, put your hands on me: art theft AU, 6 chapters, completed. soundtrack, fic post.

"Do you want to know what is more incredible?" Max asks, staring at Charles' full and round pecs without any shame.

"What?" Charles asks, enjoying how Max's cheeks get redder and redder as he licks clean the fork.

"Stealing the Nine Pieces of Eight, with me," Max says and Charles drops his fork in the plate.

"The Nine pieces of eight? Isn't that like a legend? The owner of those artworks is unknown…" The Monegasque asks, furrowing his brows.

Max grins and rolls his eyes.

"I know a guy..." Max says, pulling Charles close by the elastic band of his boxers.

or: World-class thief Max Verstappen asks Interpol Detective Charles Leclerc out on a date (to put on the world's most complicated heist ever conceived) but things never go as planned.

4. Red, White & Orange-Nassau : 54.9k words, 9 chapters completed, Royalty AU. fic post.

Plot: Diplomatic accidents don’t necessarily happen because of political feuds, sometimes they happen because a certain rockstar can’t shut his mouth at a royal wedding and the Crown Prince feels the need to obliterate his idiotic face, with those gentle green eyes and that stupid dark eyeshadow he always wears.

Said European crisis, as the New York Times put it, is more likely to happen if those in the room fighting are Charles Leclerc, frontman of rock band Moonlight, and Dutch Prince Max Emilian van Orange-Nassau Verstappen, the two eternal mediatic rivals.

But what if the fight ruins the short streak of good press the Dutch Royal Family got, what if suddenly the Dutch public opinion stopped liking Max, what if Charles’s reputation starts cracking too and with it his chances to win a Grammy?

What if this leads to a fake public truce and an equally fake friendship? Could this be the start of something at court or just the beginning of the end?

5. Fast and loose (and all that jazz) : 2.2k words, one shot, older sugar daddy Max, young sugar baby Charles.

plot: Max comes home from work and Charles, his sugar baby/young boyfriend, has a surprise waiting for him, a surprise made of red lace and dirty talk.

6. When I kissed the teacher (under the mistletoe) : 23.2k words, one shot, kid fic, uni professor Max, young dilf Charles. playlist, fic post.

plot: The Monegasque waits for a second before inhaling roughly and speaking.

"No, but I need two favours, actually, Professor," Charles says, keeping his head on the desk.

"Uhm, yeah?" Max asks, scratching his head.

"Could I call you Max just for my next question?" Charles asks.

"Uhm, a little unorthodox, but if it's relevant to your point, yes, you may, Charles," The Dutchman answers, his pitch raised just a bit.

Charles bangs his head against the desk once again, nearly cursing before speaking again.

"What I wanted, Jesus, sorry, what I wanted to ask you, Max, was if you'd like to go out, on a date, with me?" Charles asks and he doesn't dare look at Max to see his reaction.

7. If you'd have been there (if you'd have seen it) : 3k words, one shot, sugar daddy Max, sugar baby Charles. Christmas special! fic post.

plot: Max comes home after yet another problematic situation at work and Charles, his sugar baby/young boyfriend, has prepared a very kinky and tight Christmas gift for him.

8. Something to give each other : 6k words, two chapters, completed, lestappen rule 63, landoscar, friends to lovers. Valentine's special! fic post.

plot: "You know, you should just talk to her, Max, you’d be surprised how a conversation can solve things!” Oscar repeats for the fifteenth time that day. He’s chopping some tomatoes up for his famous tomato soup. 

Max huffs on the couch, sadly hugging her stupidly big IKEA bear. They named it Carlos, just because Lando thought the IKEA employee at the register was called Carlos and was hot.

“That's rich, coming from you, Mr I pretend to be straight instead of telling Lando I'm bi because then I fear he'll friendzone me intentionally!” Max points out.

9. Evil under the blossoms : 11.6k words, one shot, lestappen, florist Max, detective Charles, fluff. playlist, fic post.

plot: Max shows Charles the way to the plants lab. 

"That's where I think the robbery happened. These are the shelves where I keep the single flowers, this morning the tansies spot was empty. That is the greenhouse, but there are no missing plants in it. Then the rest of the lab here is a mixture of trees and different plants, the bushes that disappeared were there. I track in the register everything I sell, and I never miss a day, I'm-

"A plant nerd?" Charles jokes with a teasing smile. 

"A plant nerd, yeah..." Max answers blushing. 

or 

Max is a florist and one day flowers start disappearing for his shop. He calls Charles Leclerc, private investigator and childhood crush, to help him solve the case.

10. Prepare for trouble (and make it double!) : 19k words, 2/5 chapters, lestappen 1970s tennis au, interview format, playlist, fic post.

plot: The Davis Cup has always been the most important international tennis competition for national teams, but from 1970 to 1980 the tournament was renamed "International Cup" and moved on a continental-basis. For half of that decade, the European team was the team to beat.

These four iconic players, Charles Leclerc, Max Verstappen, George Russell, Esteban Ocon, under the guidance of Austrian tennis legend Torger ‘Toto’ Wolff, wrote one of the most epic pages of global sport.

After all those years, they have no more qualms in revealing the secrets and the stories of their time in the funky and undisciplined Dream Team (alongside an incredible amount of gossip concerning Verstappen and Leclerc).

This interview tells their story and the story of the strongest tennis team in the world.

11. Brat Summer : 3.5k words, one shot, spideypool lestappen, deadpool max and spiderman charles, smut, playlist, fic post.

plot: “You mean to tell me that Sebastian Vettel, Iron Man, the guy who just saved the universe, was worried about me? And asked me to go on a mission with fucking Deadpool for my safety? I call bullshit!” Charles shrieks, nearly crying, the Avengers consider him a baby, he might as well behave like one.

12. First Impressions : 38.2k words, 3 chapters, completed, pride and prejudice lestappen au, girl!charles au, eventual smut, fic post.

plot: Miss Charles Leclerc, the daughter of a country gentleman, meets Mr Verstappen, a rich gentleman who owns land, at a ball in a nearby town.

At first, Charles is resolved to hate him, thinking him proud and full of prejudices against the people of her rank, but, as her life erupts in is various turmoils, her feelings start to change.

13: I was in your wet dream (driving in my car) series: Oscar and his ever growing harem of sexy men and kinky sex tales.

13.1. Dripping wet : 5.8k words, one shot, maxoscar, misuse of grindr, pwp, fic post.

plot: Oscar's bathroom sink is leaking and he needs a flathead screwdriver to fix it. Luckily for him he found a nice makeshift plumber on Grindr under the name of 'Max'.

13.2. Wanna know what I got goin' on down there? : 4.7k words, one shot, maxoscar, pwp, Max has a dick piercing, playlist, fic post.

plot: "He got it, Lando," Oscar says, blushing and making a face.

"What? Motherfucker disease?" Lando asks, raising an eyebrow.

“A piercing...” Oscar tries to explain, taking a steadying breath. This is the moment where Lando will call Carlos to ask for the number of a good exorcist.

“Max has several of those, Oscar, be more specific,” Lando complains.

"He got it there..." Oscar whispers, turning around, as if afraid of someone listening to him, making Lando's face light up with laughter.

13.3. Are you thinkin' 'bout me? (I'm kinda thinkin' you are) : 4.4k words, one shot, lestapstri threesome, pwp, Max gets a tongue piercing, fic post.

plot: Charles Leclerc is in his hotel room, sending him borderline erotic pictures of his boyfriend. He didn’t know his dirtiest fantasy was just waiting for him in his hotel room.

14. you're always there (so don't overthink): oscar piastri/jannik sinner, one shot, fluff, meet cute, barista!Oscar, introvert x introvert, playlist, osctober day 16! ficpost!

plot: “Sweet potato pie, the base is made with protein-rich chocolate cookies and evo oil, the filling with the potatoes, hazelnut milk and potato starch, all homemade by Lando. Complex carbs are good for recovery after training,” Oscar says, standing in front of Jannik with a little plate with a beautiful orange slice of pie.

Jannik looks at him astounded, with probably a milk moustache and his eyes too wide and comically soft. Neither of them speaks, or moves, for a second, before he comes to his senses and thanks Oscar blushing. Oscar passes him the plate and their fingers touch.

Jannik feels a bit silly and very much lovestruck.

15. Prompts : tell me a song you love at the moment, an f1 pairing you like (whatever pairing!!!), and if you want fluff, smut or angst and I'll write you a blurb inspired by the song!!

[bookcub]

Books I Read for My SFF Class Rated from Worst to Best

clearly this is the most objective list ever obviously (jk this is based on how much I got from reading the text to how useful it was in context)

also while this syllabus included movies and tv shows, I am focusing on the books cause this is a book blog

19. Islands at the End of the World by Austin Aslan- The worst of the worst. Contains racist ideology and a magic system that makes no sense. This is a book clearly written by a white outsider about Hawai'i. I am also far too old for dystopias. One upside is that there were no random romances and it was about familial love.

18. Survive the Dome by Kosoko Jackson- Despite agreeing with the ideology of this book, this was truly a horrible reading experience. Poorly written, annoying and bland characters, and very inconsistent.

17. Blazewrath Games by - You wouldn't guess that a book that's essentially The World Cup with Dragons could be boring, but you'd be wrong. Nothing significant in this text rip.

16. Peter Pan by J M Barrie- Unfortunately, this book makes sense being included in this context of children's SFF so I can’t say it shouldn't be included, but this book was agonizing to read. Beautiful writing. And yet, some of the most racist and sexist content I have ever read in my life!

15. Charlotte's Web by EB White- Pretty painless to read and interesting to discuss in the context of sff literature cause uh, not generally a book I would categorize as such. I didn’t think our discussions were particularly notable and I would have preferred another text.

14. The Marrow Thieves by Cherie Dimaline- *sighs* There are some incredibly important concepts in this text but woof. Again, I am too old for dystopias but unexpectedly I had a real problem with the way women were written in this.

13. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L Frank Baum- Again, this is helpful in context of a children's fantasy class and it was fun to read in context as a Wicked fan. If I didn't know it from related media, this would be super forgettable.

12. Bunnicula by Deborah Howe and James Howe- Fun, and a fantastic audio but there wasn't much to talk about here in our class but there's potential. Very funny.

11. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by JK Rowling- I am dreading the class on this but I am very excited for the critical readings and it was exciting to re examine the text as an adult with the knowledge I have now. I do think that we could have done a magic school section with books responding to HP instead. Again, interesting in the context of the genre.

10. The Devil's Arithmetic by Jane Yolen- One of my classmates had a lot of issues with the portrayal of Judaism in this text, so ideally this would be replaced with a text written by an author who did more research.

9. Feed by MT Anderson- I did NOT like this but incredibly relevant and scary to think this was written about 20 years ago. Good for the syllabus, not good for me!

8. The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien- I didn't mind listening to this and it was another sensible inclusion. Occasionally boring but I'm supportive.

7. Haroun and the Sea of Stories by - I liked the perspective this book provided and it was a pretty fun read. I think this would work best as a readaloud text. It was also beneficial to read a book written by an author who wasn't American or British for comparison to the other texts.

6. A Wrinkle in Time by - Another classic that makes a lot of sense in its inclusion in the syllabus. Sparked really good conversations about the definition of genre. I enjoyed resisting this text as well, incredibly nostalgic for me.

5. Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Cordova- A lot of fun! I love portal fantasies and this had a classic adventure but didn't feel trite at all. I actually enjoyed the love triangle and will consider reading the books later in the series.

4. American Born Chinese by Gene Luan Yang- This was a difficult book to read but it was incredibly rewarding. I had to sit with it a lot to process and I think the author asks really interesting questions. I would recommend this to most people.

3. Family Lore by Elizabeth Acevedo- Shockingly, the adult novel ranks 3 on my list. .. hmmm . . this was largely both because I loved it and hated many of the other books. Absolutely stunning as a novel, engaging, and downright magical. I love books centering family and slowly finding how much I enjoy multigenerational novels. However, it is interesting considering this class is about children's lit. . . I would highly recommend this to readers who want a story that isn't afraid to challenge normal.

2. Kindred (graphic novel) by Octavia Butler- I love Kindred and if this was the novel and not the graphic, it would be #1. An amazing book that does not stray from intense topics and makes history very accessible. The only time travel book I love. I adored presenting on this book and still believe Kindred is one of the best books I have read. Such a good inclusion on this syllabus.

1. Nimona by ND Stevenson- NIMONA MY BELOVED what is there to say. This is perfect for this class. It is certainly marketed to young adults, and uses elements of scifi and fantasy masterfully. Challenges conventions of the genre, asks the age old question of who is a monster and who is human. . .beautiful found family. . .funny as hell. Perfect.

[scorbleeo]

Drama Review: Oh No! Here Comes Trouble (不良執念清除師)

Source: Google Images

Pu Yi Yong is a typical high school student. When he unexpectedly gains superpowers after waking up from a car accident, his previously uneventful life is suddenly not so ordinary anymore.

Source: MyDramaList (2023)

I've Missed Loving Taiwan Dramas

Not gonna lie, I watched Oh No! Here Comes Trouble for the two main male leads, that 'it's not BL but the bromance is strong' bit. I began the drama right as the final episode dropped and I really did not have high hopes for it (I haven't had high hopes in Taiwan dramas in recent years). As I literally picked this drama up only for the reason I mentioned earlier, I had no idea what I was getting into. Yes, I knew it had supernatural elements but that was all.

So imagine my delighted surprise when I was placed on one of the most emotional roller coaster ride throughout all 12 episodes of Oh No! Here Comes Trouble. I can be creeped out one second and laughing at the next second. Or, I could be laughing and tearing up sadly at the same time. Dramas that can bring me on such a wild emotional journey have a very special place in my heart, they automatically become better in my eyes because the mood/energy/vibe is not stagnant.

It isn't just the writing that wowed me. I have watched plenty of dramas or TV shows with similar concept like portraying sub-stories as the plot-catalyst for the show as a whole. The stories in Oh No! Here Comes Trouble are not earth-shattering nor gut wrenching or the best lessons one will learn. They touch on obsession and very often, the media does not focus on this side of obsession so despite the simplicity, the stories were beautifully crafted and executed.

Of course, I cannot write this review and not talk about the acting. We all know Tseng Jing Hua and Vivian Sung's (though she has only taken very average roles for now) acting is top tier so I am not going to go on about them. As a matter of fact, the entire cast consisted of familiar veteran faces, obviously the acting would be good. It was Peng Cian You that really pulled me into the drama. All three main leads perfectly portrayed their characters but because I did not know Peng initially, his performance stunned me so much especially during the CPR scene – that was not an actor playing the role of Cao Guang Yan, it was Guang Yan embodying Peng completely.

I grew up watching Taiwan dramas and for years now, I haven't had hope for them at all. Sure, I still give some a chance but I was always disappointed. Watching Oh No! Here Comes Trouble gives me hope for future Taiwan dramas but I'm a realist so I know one show will not save the whole country's industry. It's just, if you know how Taiwan drama humour was like 15 to 20 years ago, you will be able to see it in this drama. Oh No! Here Comes Trouble is not exactly nostalgic but it can bring on a new wave and I am here for it.

P.S.: Season 2 when?

Rating: ★★★★★

[cursed-man-prayers]

Lost in Your Current Like a Priceless Wine

A queer analysis of wine mentions in Taylor Swift’s discography (folklore and evermore)

Rose’ flowing with your chosen family.

Chosen family is a very queer concept. Rose as a lighter version of red wine (literally), and also that it’s casually flowing refers to how this person (who was not “the one”) is able to freely express queerness around their chosen family, whereas Taylor is still digging up the grave another time. We’ll come back to this when I analyze Maroon (your roommate’s cheap-ass screw-top rose). 

August sipped away like a bottle of wine.

God this fucking song. I saw someone say that, since the song is from August's perspective (I know Taylor said "Augustine" but i think August is a prettier name), she’s saying that she herself was sipped away like a bottle of wine, carelessly. When you get to the end of a bottle of wine, you’re drunk and surprised that the bottle is already empty. The song as a whole is about a relationship that was unexpected, wrong, desperate, secret. “Are you sure?” “I’ve never done this before.” (Never have I ever as a teenage party game paired with “seven years in heaven” on happiness.) 

August is a retrospective. It’s nostalgic in lyrics and production. “Wanting was enough, for me it was enough” harkens back to False God and the desperation to stay for the sake of wanting each other. August remembers; she wonders if her former lover does to “do you remember when I pulled up and said get in the car…” The repetition of the outro reminds me of All Too Well 10 Minute Version. It was rare, I was there, I remember it all. Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it. Wine is so fleeting but it leaves a permanent stain, as we first saw in Clean. 

“Meet me behind the mall” implies a youthful secrecy. August as a part of the cardigan/betty lore solidifies it as a song themed around adolescence. I want to write more on this later, but I believe the queer concept of “second adolescence” plays heavily into folklore, whereas evermore is the end of that adolescence.

Lost in your current like a priceless wine.

I think I’ll do a full queer analysis of willow someday, because the lyrics are actually devastating. The set-up for the song is that this person came into the narrator’s life unexpectedly and derailed her plans dramatically. We have secrecy (“wait for the signal and I’ll meet you after dark”),  the lover feeling exceptional from others (“as if you were a mythical thing”), and desperation for the lover to stay as they’re leaving  (“Wherever you stray, I”ll follow; I’m begging for you to take my hand”).

Here in the first verse, Taylor says she’s “lost in your current.” She didn’t mean to fall, but it’s “like a priceless wine,” the most meaningful love she’s had. The most meaningful, but once the bottle is open, that wine gets sipped away. It’s the best thing that’s ever been hers, and it’s almost gone. The rest of the album is about loss and endings.

And drink my husband’s wine.

Ivy is almost universally believed to be sapphic (though non-gaylors will call it fictional). It’s very Emily Dickinson (I watched all of Dickinson on Apple TV+ to get to the moment this song plays). Ivy is about an extremely risky affair, one that will inevitably end in fire and destruction, but one that is beautiful. There are so many queer themes included in the lyrics. What is more “magnificently cursed” than being queer and forced to hide it?

In ivy, to “drink my husband’s wine” means drinking it both secretly and in a way that takes from said husband. This wine is supposed to be the husband’s, but now it represents what the illicit lover can’t have. (i’ll mention here that I also think wine could also be a metaphor for pussy. tried to find a more delicate way to say it but u get it.) If wine represents sexuality, the context of it being her “husband’s wine” implies that, while they may continue to be together in secret, there will always be the shadow of this man looming over them. They’ll never truly belong to each other as long as the narrator is forced to stay in a heteronormative relationship.

Summary: here, wine is used in the context of loss. The end of the bottle is the end of the relationship. What was once full and beautiful and light has become sour and empty.

[ellewritesandrants]

What about a modern Harringrove ABO AU with Alpha Musician! Steve who ends up a nepotism baby so he leaves behind the small town of Hawkins and an unexpected child that Omega! Billy doesn’t tell him about so that Steve can pursue his dreams?

Fast forward a few years after a few world tours and Steve feels burnt out and uninsipired for his next album. He also feel nostalgic and he misses the place he used to call home and simple life he lived before he took a chance at fame so he makes the trip back to Hawkins without telling anyone.

He’s surprised to find out that not only has Billy basically adopted all of his pack and finished college but that he also had twins while Steve was gone which made his heart ache because even if the breakup had been his idea, Steve had always held onto the fantasy of coming back for his omega. He mopes and pouts until his manager, Robin points out that Billy doesn’t have a mating mark on his neck and she suggests he get to know Billy’s kids.

The first time he gets close, he immediately recognizes the mix of his and Billy’s scents and he realized what happened. The kids hold him back from confronting Billy in his anger and they get him to see Billy’s point of view of things. They also add a bit more to the story of how Billy became their pack Omega. They manage to calm Steve down enough to the point where he could talk to Billy as an adult.

Billy doesn’t regret letting Steve live out his dream of being a musician but Steve reminds Billy of his dream to have a big family, a pack and how he doesn’t want to give up that dream for his other dream. He asks Billy if he still has a chance because truthfully, he was never able to get over Billy and he still loved him. Billy still loves him too so they take it slow, especially in integrating him with the twins’ lives but Steve manages to work out a deal to spend a few months here writing in a home studio he’d construct before heading back to California.

Steve manages to spend a little more than half a year with his pack surrounding him and he loves every second of it, enough to pull some strings so he could get his California mansion redesigned for the large pack he would work on convincing to move out West with him. Steve had long since strongarmed his Omega into allowing him to provide for his pack and they’d recently moved in with him in the old house he had in Loch Nora.

He’d also took a work trip back to California to pull the ring he’d bought for Billy years and years ago out of his memories box so that he could finally give it to its rightful owner. Steve had long since convinced the younger members of his pack to study on the West Coast using his money so it was only really the Byer-Hoppers and Billy that he had to convince.

Surprisingly, Joyce and Hopper had already had plans to move out west since Jonathan had become a celebrity photographer with Steve’s help and since Will and El were due to start college in California, their parents wanted to be somewhat close to all of their kids. Billy had long since planned to go back to California but he didn’t want to leave behind the pack he’d formed. It had been the only reason he had initially said no to Steve’s proposal even if the twins had long since realized he was their dad. Thankfully, after correcting Billy’s misunderstandings, Steve proposed again to a hearty yes from the Omega.

They eventually moved across states, slightly rushed since Billy had unexpectedly become pregnant again after their engagement festivities and Steve was able to get Joyce’s help in planning their bonding ceremony, eventually using the footage from his wedding as the video for the first single of his latest album. Of course, it tops the charts and he shares his and Billy’s story to the rest of the world. Steve eventually gets his six little nuggets to add to the pups he’d adopted into his pack and he’s never been happier with his life than when finally had Billy by his side again.

PS. I kind of want to explore this more later so let me know if you want the more in depth version of this.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fluff (7) Masterlist

part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part six

all of these small things (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: It’s Dan’s first day back from his American tour, and Phil can’t believe how much he’s missed him.

and the house becomes a home again (ao3) - BLUEGREYKIM

Summary: Dan’s plane lands at one-thirty-two AM (he’s been tracking the flight since it took off, and his stomach’s been flipping with jitters since Dan’s phone switched to aeroplane mode and his texts stopped going through).

Two and a half months, since Dan's been home, and Phil has been going crazy.

(also known as the dan comes home fic)

banging on a heart of tin (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: Dan has a little crush.

(Spoiler: It's on his boyfriend of thirteen years.)

Charmed (ao3) - hygge

Summary: Dan doesn’t understand Valentine’s Day. That is until he’s given an anonymous card with someone’s phone number in it. It takes months of talking with this anonymous person to learn who they are, and it ends up being the person that Dan least expects.

flicking through the pages (i’ve written in my memory) (ao3) - happy_endings15

Summary: Dan and Phil return to Manchester for a nostalgia-filled day before heading off on their world tour.

Fluff (ao3) - winstonlives

Dan and Phil adopt a dog.

Forever Ain’t Half the Time… (ao3) - QueenKatelynTheAristocrat

Summary: “October would always have a special place in Phil Lester’s heart. And not just because of the seasonal drinks at Starbucks and the general spooky atmosphere.

The main reason was that he would always associate October – and Fall in general, to be honest – with Daniel Howell. The changing of the leaves would always remind him of the first (and only) time he’d ever fallen in love.“

Also known as: pure nostalgic fluff dedicated to and inspired by Dan and Phil’s ten year anniversary, and everything they’ve meant to each other and to all of us for those ten years.

Forever And Always - dxnhowell

Summary: Dan proposes to Phil on the beach. 

Forever By Your Side (ao3) - scifi

Summary: Five times Dan proposed to Phil and one time he said yes.

he kept tulips in the kitchen (ao3) - gremlinhours

Summary: dan doesn’t know if he’ll ever be enough for anyone, but in the meantime, he tends to his garden, unminding of the world.

phil works at his favourite flowershop.

In a Strange Room With a New Last Name (ao3) - yellowlampshade

Summary: The first thing Dan did after accepting the proposal was write to Chris.

Just days after turning eighteen, Dan is forced by his parents to accept a marriage proposal from an Alpha he's never met.

“Daniel? Daniel, wait, you don’t have to…” Philip was behind him, his hand on Dan’s to stop him from undressing, and he couldn’t be numb anymore. Every feeling hit him at once and suddenly he was crying and couldn’t stop. He brought his hands to his face to muffle his sobs, and this wasn’t how this was supposed to happen, it was so much better when he felt nothing because now everything hurt. He missed his room and his friends and his brother and Chris and he was so afraid of this.

jigsaw falling into place (ao3) - awrfhi

Summary: when phil accidentally takes dan's suitcase instead of his own after a flight, their lives are suddenly and unexpectedly thrown together. but can something that started out of an accident become something more?

June's good, but October... (ao3) - winstonlives

Summary: Phil really lets it all out for Dan's birthday present, literally and figuratively.

Little Black Box (ao3) - hygge

Summary: While packing up their apartment before they move into their new home, Dan finds something hiding in Phil's suitcase that makes him question what he wants out of their relationship.

Midnight Fluff (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Phil wants to sleep but Dan wants to cuddle. Therefore he must poke and pester Phil until he wakes up.

(Not) Knowing What's Best (ao3) - DryCereal

Summary: So what DO you do when your boyfriend refuses to tell his family he's 1; ill, 2; in hospital and 3; having surgery in the morning? Phil doesn't know either.

OR:

Phil's POV of that time Dan had surgery.

Pride (ao3) - bluewho

Summary: Dan and Phil meet for the first time as strangers at Pride.

Say The Word, Back To You (ao3) - cafephan

Summary: During their third Japan trip, Dan and Phil reflect on a notebook of things to complete together, written in 2009.

Warning: Extreme Fluff (ao3) - Do_it_with_the_Howell_Lesters

A very short snapshot of morning cuddles at the end of Dan and Phil's honeymoon. Extremely fluffy, you have been warned.

Welcome home! (never leave that long again) (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Dan comes home from tour and stumbles right into Phil’s arms. He is more touch starved than he’d realised.

[thatgordongirl]

Hey Tumblr, I need some advice. 

About a week ago, I broke things off with a guy. We only went out a handful of times over a week itself, so it wasn’t that grand or extensive of a relationship. Nevertheless, the whole ordeal feels like it’s completely altered my thinking, and it’s disrupting my life. 

He asked me out quite unexpectedly, I had no idea he was interested. I was excited, all those giddy things, even if I haven’t been in a relationship in ages. On the third sort of ‘date’ thing we went on, he kissed me. I thought we were moving quick, but I didn’t really step back and think about it. I figured I’d just get used to it and all that. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it was by no means how I wanted to be kissed, or at a point in the relationship that it felt appropriate. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t think it bothered me all that much, and things were new, so I thought I’d grow to like it.

Even at the start I felt he was more invested than I was, but I was excited and wanted to give things a go. I kind of liked him, but I’d buried it while we were friends.

The next/last time we met up, he told me he loved me. We’d been seeing each other for four days. I panicked and said it back, but really my head had gone into overdrive. The kissing was okay? I guess? But I didn’t feel that excitement and giddiness that I did before all of it. I felt like a serious relationship was smacking me in the face, and at this point I started considering ending it.

It was probably presumptuous to consider that so quickly, so I put it off for a day. I thought about it, asked other people. I still enjoyed his company, but it was with this air of expectancy almost? He never pressured me, he was kind and thoughtful, and everything I voice an opinion about, he took on board. I don’t know, if felt like it had been ruined before I could fix it. I didn’t know I’d even need to set the boundary of kissing or ‘I love you’s because I didn’t think they’d be happening yet! It all caught me completely off guard. I was so confused, and I kept flipping between wanting to be with him and not. 

I broke things off a week in, citing that I wasn’t ready for a relationship. We talked it out and parted amicably. I figure I’m not if this whole situation overwhelmed me so much. It was all I could think about all day, constantly, it took over everything else. And I just didn’t know what else to do. It felt so relieving to break things off, so I guess that’s what I wanted. 

But now I’m miserable. I mean, I was already feeling pretty down, but I’m worse now. I can’t stop thinking about him - I feel guilty, I feel nostalgic and wanting to get back together, I feel anxious because I know I’d feel trapped again if we stayed together. My friends said it was better that I ended it early and that I thought of my feelings, but truthfully, I just wish I didn’t hurt him. I keep having dreams where I fix it, three days in a row, and it’s exhausting.

I can’t focus on anything. I’m already a little depressed, I think? I have depressive episodes. I can’t read, write, or do anything without thinking of him. It’s been a week since I ended things and I’m only slightly less miserable. Things feel unresolved for some reason, but I can’t talk to him so soon because he’ll still be emotionally hurting too. I feel like a horrible human being taking his love and just rejecting it so abruptly when I can’t even decide whether I want this or not. I can’t make a decision on this at all, it’s pissing me off.

I keep flipping between multiple options: Staying apart, begging to try again, messaging him, not messaging him. I cannot enjoy anything, things related to him or not. I can’t focus on me, I don’t really want to, but I can’t regardless. I don’t know what to do, all my friends are busy or I’ve already talked about it once or twice with them, so I can’t bring it up anymore. I have nobody to talk to - not him, not my friends, nobody. 

I don’t know what to do.