#writing advice the author gave us so that i can also get people with chaotic neurodivergent brains hyperfixated on MY stories!

[bluescreening]

Practical GCSE Advice

Tips From A New Year 12 Who Somehow Got All 9s

Don’t worry, I’m not becoming a studyblr. I’m writing this on results day as a sort of farewell to GCSEs and to impart some “wisdom” upon the youngsters before I move on to A-levels. I’m going to keep this to specific, practical things you can do to improve, none of that vague nonsense. Subject-specific tips for maths, geography, triple science, language, literature, graphic comms and comp sci under the fold because this is too bloody long already.

General Tips:

Don’t go revision crazy. People will always emphasize revision, but so long as you’re revising effectively (see below) you’re safe to start revising about a month before mocks, and two months before your final exams. In terms of a revision schedule during those months, I worked with one or two hours per day, with a free day on Friday and Sunday. 

Use apps to stay organised. Put your school timetable and exam dates in your calendar of choice with appropriate reminders and colour coding. To keep track of homework and revision, use Adapt - you can put in your GCSEs and it tracks which topics you have covered and how many times, as well as allowing you to input homework and your school timetable. During study time use Forest (free on Android) to lock yourself out of your phone for a certain amount of time.

Pay attention to lessons from the start. From the beginning of Year 10 every lesson is a GCSE lesson, and everything you learn could come up in an exam. Follow along with your teacher, make the best notes you can, do the work and understand the concepts as early as you can. You’ll thank yourself in a year as you watch the rest of your class wonder what a ribosome is when revision time comes.

Revise effectively. Use Adapt or a textbook to keep track of your confidence level on every topic, so when you’re revising you can focus on the ones you don’t understand whatsoever. Also, don’t just read stuff when revising. You have to train your brain to retrieve the information. Memorise vocabulary and basic facts using flashcards, then answer exam questions. Lots and lots of exam questions.

Use your teachers. They want you to succeed because it reflects well on them! If you don’t understand something after a lesson, pop back at break or lunch, or shoot them an email and they will help. Don’t just bank on it not showing up in the test because Sod’s Law dictates that it will. After Christmas in Year 11 they will often start revision sessions or intervention. Attend them for any subjects you’re even slightly shaky on. They’ll boost your grade like nothing else, even if it does take up some of your chill out time.

Buy textbooks and study materials through school. If your school offers you textbooks and workbooks it’s likely that will be the best deal for them, since they’re purchased in bulk. Grab all you can in Year 10 and talk to the school if you can’t afford many - they may be willing to help. If you know any higher-level teachers see if they have any sample study materials from CGP and the like. My English teacher gave me a lovely set of sample CGP Macbeth flashcards that would have proved really useful.

Make flashcards at the end of every topic. Stay on top of them. You want a term on one side and a definition on the other, or a quote and analysis etc. If you don’t like endless bits of card floating around use Quizlet - you might not even need to make them yourself as many people have shared GCSE flashcards there.

And finally - don’t forget you’re a human! Humans need regular sleep, healthy food including breakfasts, hydration, fun and social time. Make time in your day to take care of yourself. Your brain works better when you’re healthy so often an extra hour of sleep will do more for your grade than an extra hour of revision. Hanging out with your friends and keeping up with your hobbies reduces stress. 

Feel free to ask me any questions you may have about any of this stuff, or if you just need advice I’m here too! I’ve done it before, I can help you out.

Subject Specific Tips:

Edexcel Maths:

Use CorbettMaths. All the time. If you haven’t done every one of his worksheets at least once you’re not grinding hard enough. Jk, but seriously this guy used to teach me in real life and he’s awesome. He makes flashcard packs, videos on every aspect of GCSE maths, daily challenges, textbook exercises, practice exam questions... literally everything you could ever need.

Practice everything until you’re sick of it, and then do ten more questions.

You’ll need to memorise some trig identities. Don’t memorise them as a table, that’s hard. Memorise them as these triangles, sketch them out in an exam and work it out on the spot. Easy.

AQA Geography:

Don’t goof off during your fieldwork. Don’t make the same mistake as me. If I ever had to do the fieldwork paper I would not have got a 9. Even though it’s a field trip, even though you’re with your friends, this will directly impact your GCSEs and you need to treat it like an exam.

Memorise vocabulary then move onto exam questions. Geography is very formulaic and exam questions repeat themselves - take advantage of that.

Memorise. Your. Case. Studies.

AQA Biology, Chemistry and Physics:

A l l  h a i l  f r e e s c i e n c e l e s s o n s .

Practice those reading comprehension questions where you’re presented with information and have to answer questions about them. A surprising amount of people get overwhelmed because they haven’t revised it. You can’t! You have to read and understand it within the exam.

Memorise your bloody equations for physics or you will fail. Use Quizlet, learn them all by the end of year 10 even if you don’t know what they’re about yet, practice using them.

Buy the CGP workbooks and complete them! Make sure to buy the answers too, because CGP are scammers.

AQA English Language and Literature:

Identify 10-20 brief quotes from each piece of literature so you have a few for each character and theme. They can overlap! Also, memorise the author’s intentions for each one. With poems (for those of you who have to do them... I’m not salty, I promise) ask your teacher to recommend 5 that match up with the most themes and memorise 3 quotes from each. Remember to analyse the rest of the poems too - any of them could come up so it’s good to have an understanding.

Memorise structures for every question. The examiners will tell you not to use structures. Shut up, I got all 9s. Structures are the best way for slow writers to ensure they get everything they need to in. TETAAC (topic, evidence, terminology, analysis, alternative interpretation, context) works for lit essays and can be modified for every other question. Work out how many paragraphs you can write in 40 minutes and take that into account when planning. Once the plan is done it’s just a matter of making it sound frilly. English: hacked. My normal plan for a lit essay is a one-sentence thesis statement for an intro, 3xTETAAC paragraphs and a conclusion which reiterates everything but better.

Don’t worry if your grade is terrifyingly low to begin with. That’s just how English rolls. You’ll slowly develop the skills you need and start to make 3 or 4 grades of progress throughout year 11.

OCR Art and Design - Graphic Communication:

Think long and hard about whether you want to do graphics or fine art, if your school offers both. Graphics is designing logos, fine art is whatever you want. I should have taken fine art in retrospect.

Make as much work as possible from the very start, even if you haven’t decided on your portfolio project yet. Everything, and I mean everything, can be shoehorned. If you make a lot of work you have some leeway and can leave out your early stuff so your overall portfolio looks better.

Annotate as you go and store all your thoughts digitally. Even if you have no clue what you’re supposed to write in annotations, put down your thought process. It’s easy to tidy up something you wrote a year ago, but it’s really hard to stare at a letter F made out of newspaper and remember where on earth you were going with it.

To make enough work you will need to stay after school often and give up a lot of lunch times. That’s just how it goes. At least with the right crew it can be fun - the combo of my friends and the very chaotic art teachers at my school made my Thursday graphics sessions something to look forward to.

OCR Computer Science:

Use Quizlet flashcards to memorise terms. Being able to correctly define terms is half the battle, literally. You’ll basically get an instant 9 on the first paper if you memorise every term defined in the textbook. Luckily, someone beautiful and generous by the name of sporkified (wink wink) on Quizlet has created two sets with everything you need to know for the entire qualification.

Practice programming in your chosen language before your programming project starts. Learn to do everything mentioned in the textbook and try it out on a sample project. Many will tell you to not bother about the programming project, it doesn’t matter. That’s true to some extent, but excelling in the programming project can tip you up a grade as well as making the algorithm questions on paper 2 easier for you.

Take part in Cyber Discovery. Give it a Google, sign up. It’s really hard if you have no practical computer experience but doing it gave me a real edge with paper 2 which is where you want to focus your energy as it’s weighted more. Also it’s fun.

[amysubmits]

Amy,

I do see domintant traits in my husband but we are venturing into DD to kind of bring that out more as well as bring out my desire to submit to him. My question for you and your partner is, do you have any advice to offer on how to speak (tone wise, words/sentences) that could give him more ideas? Obviously he and I don't want him to he a robot, but just a general idea to get him to understand the importance of phrases and tones. I read one your blogs and I so related to you saying you get off on the tones and words he uses. Sometimes my husband does that and it's nice because it came natural, but I would love more of that.

(ask #2)

I was looking for some advice from you and your partner. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We've struggled with me respecting him because he doesn't normally come across as authoritative. I have seen that side maybe once or twice but I think because of the lack of respect I've shown he really lost confidence in himself which I really hate and blame myself for. I grew up in a pretty chaotic house so arguing comes natural to me. Whereas for some who grew up the same way are intimidated easily and shy away from conflict, as it sounds like is the case for you, which I'm glad you are more naturally submissive. In my heart though, I want to submit to him. We have decided to give DD a trial though and I'm really grateful for that but also feel guilty for even wanting it. I relate so much to some of your posts. For example, just how a phrase or tone can be exciting. Do you and your partner have any suggestions or advice on how a man can come to understand why it's appealing to us? And maybe even some tips on what kind of phrases work. Lol 😆 . I would love if you guys could sit down and think about how your partner came to understand the importance of the words he said and the tone he used when it came to backing up his commitment to this lifestyle. To your boyfriend, do you know the affect you have on Amy when you say certain things? What do you think about having that affect?

---------------------------

It’s always hard to know what someone who has read some of my blog posts has envisioned about me/us as a result of reading my posts. So I guess to start with I just want to try to explain how I perceive our relationship to work when it comes to word choice and tone, to make sure we’re on the same page to start?

CD using certain tones of voice, or certain phrases or wording, can definitely have an immediate impact on my headspace. I know I’ve written about being in a bad attitude and him saying something, or using a tone, and it basically being an immediate attitude adjustment. Those things happen sometimes. They’re quite rare, though. They really only happen if I’m out of line to begin with. 

Most of the time, he knows that I will listen to him regardless of how he words things or what tone of voice he uses. More often than not, he uses his regular speaking voice, and just whatever working comes naturally to him when speaking to me. Most of the things he has me to are pretty simple acts of service. Get him a drink, cook dinner, a specific chore around the house, etc. Those are sort of the ‘bread and butter’ of our normal instructing and submitting, day to day. 

I think when it comes to food or drinks, he almost always asks. Would you make me X? Will you bring me a drink? Etc. 

With chores, he sometimes asks but often will just express it as a want. “I’d like you to vacuum the living room today.” for example. 

I say all of this to say, I don’t feel like CD is always speaking to me in a stereotypically authoritative way. He speaks to me quite similarly in front of other people as he does when we are alone, and the way he speaks to me in front of others never turns heads and has never upset anyone. It comes off as socially acceptable, polite, respectful of me, etc. We have a podcast together and while I don’t think he ever gave me any instructions while recording, some of the most common feedback we got from the podcast was that it as really insightful to hear how we talk and interact with each other. We got feedback on both ends of the spectrum, I guess. A couple were upset that I tease him, for example. I think some feel that doesn’t belong in D/s relationships or that it’s not appropriate for a submissive to do, i guess. Others told us we were ‘Sooo obviously’ Dom and sub in the way we speak to each other. So, how it will sound to you..i have no idea. But I think it does show how we talk to each other so that might give you some insight into us that might be helpful for adding context to my relationship, anyway. 

Anyway. At the same time as I say he speaks to me very casually, I feel his authority over me with the way that he speaks to me. Because I know that when he asks me to get him a drink, he fully expects me to get him a drink. It’s worded as a question, but it’s not really a question. But it also just doesn’t seem like a harsh, stern or rude thing. He expects my obedience and my service but not in a harsh way. It’s not...I know you will listen to me because if not...’ it’s just...”i know when i ask you this you will do it because i know you listen to me.” It’s closer to being a compliment than it is to being a threat. But it’s not really either. It’s more of just knowing who we are and how we work. And that takes time, to get comfortable in seeing yourself as dom and sub, in trusting your D/s as far as really believing it’s who you are. 

Gosh I feel like i’m talking in circles. I hope you’re able to follow me, haha. I guess I say all this to say..while I have many anecdotes on my blog about tones CD has used with me, or specific things he’s said...some of those were said casually but still were very powerful on me because of how our relationship works. Others were specific tones. Off the top of my head, I recall one post I shared a non-compliant mood I was in, he was sitting on our bed, I was standing so we were the same height, eye to eye, and he just looked me in the eye and quietly said ‘stop’, and my mood totally flipped. I know i’ve shared others where he uses “Dom Voice” to catch my attention or correct my course. Those types of things happen sometimes, and when they do, I tend to write about them because they feel like a big deal. They aren’t the norm though, and they’re frankly, kinda the result of failures on my part. He only gets authoritative with me when I’m not listening very well to begin with. For us, it wouldn’t be sustainable if he had to always be like that with me to get compliance. Yes, I need him to be stern with me when I get out of line. But that can’t be the norm. If he did have to sort of ‘force’ my submission all the time, it would be putting way too much responsibility for my submission onto him. I have to take responsibility for it first. His sternness is the backup plan. 

The way that CD speaks to me, whether casually or when being more stern, is just how it comes natural to him. I think the authority I Feel from his casual language comes from feeling his assertiveness and confidence, in part? And in part it’s just knowing our D/s and how it works as I said a bit higher up. I think when he’s stern with me that just sort of comes naturally after more casual tone doesn’t work. Not to compare myself to a dog, lol, but if my dog doesn’t listen to me the first time, i’ll change the one of my voice a bit to sound like ‘i mean business’ and I think most people just naturally do that. So he just naturally gets more stern with me if I’m being a turd when he asks nicely. Though I think it somewhat comes back to having confidence in your D/s, too. He has to be confident in his authority over me in order to push for obedience/compliance if I resist a bit at first. I think part of that naturally improves with time as the dominant gains confidence in their position within the dynamic. 

We’ve never discussed the way that CD speaks to me, that I can recall. I just wouldn’t want to have that much say in how CD acts as my Dom, to be honest. I think it’s good to talk openly with each other about what makes you feel submissive or him feel dominant, for sure. If he says something that really made you feel submissive, its great to let him know that. But for me, asking him to speak a certain way or giving him suggested phrases just is too far. I think it would be really tough for a dom to feel dominant if they’re trying to speak in the way that their sub wants them to. I think it would be better to let him find his own tones and wording, etc over time. 

Back to how I have to take responsibility for being submissive even when he isn’t speaking super authoritatively...with you saying that your partner has low self confidence, I think it’s extra important for you to take responsibility for your submission. I think confidence is built when someone feels accepted, appreciated and trusted as they are. So, I think it would be potentially counter-productive to ask him to change how he acts to get more submission or respect from you. I imagine that could easily read as ‘if you want my submission or respect, you have to change’ and that is going to lower his confidence even more. 

I’m not prone to conflict the way you say you are and I know that when you’ve had patterns of behavior since childhood that’s really, really tough to overcome. I think that really is a key way that you’ll show him that you respect his natural Dominace, though. Is to work to overcome your instinct to challenge him when he isn’t being super authoritative. Once he’s able to feel that respect from you, it might increase his confidence in himself in general and in his position as your Dominant to where he will be more comfortable being more overtly authoritative. So in a nutshell, I think you’re sort of looking at it a little bit backwards. Instead of trying to change his way of speaking so that you will respond more submissively, I think what should come first is you respecting his “softer” leadership to build his confidence, so that he can then embrace more of his natural dominance. 

[childofthenight2035]

In Which The Protagonist Is A Dumbass

A/N: i honestly dont know why i wrote this but based off something that happened once upon a time why did i write this it has zero plot anyways

Pairing(?): gn!Reader x Felix (ft. Jisung)

Summary/Prompt: You’re stupid. And you have the same phone as he does.

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: None

-

It wasn’t even summer yet, but it was hot. Too hot.

Finals season. That couple of months at the end of the academic year when kids and teachers alike were stressed as fuck. Kids, because they didn’t know shit, and their teachers, well, for the same reason. Students often forget that teachers depend very much on their pupils’ performance.

Finals season was when you would see the morning buses loaded with kids and their unnecessarily heavy textbooks in one hand as they tried to balance themselves standing up with the other. It was also when you saw those same kids on the bus back home at noon instead of the afternoon because their exams were over.

Finals season was when dorms were quietly chaotic. Tempers ran high, lights were never off at night, and a chilling sort of hush fell over the building after dinnertime, a silence everyone was scared of breaking. People escaped the four walls of their room as much as possible, going up to the roof and explaining to the clouds what antibodies were, or pacing around the block in circles until they got dizzy and found themselves in the warden’s room diagnosed with dehydration. After two similar incidents, none of the students were permitted to spend too much time outdoors. It was simply too hot. Global warming was a real thing.

Following that rule, you chose to spend your time in the study hall next to the coffee shop on campus that shut down during finals, because no one was free to take orders or man the machines. The students had to settle for the cheap instant coffee from the mess hall across the campus.

You had made the table in the corner yours at a particular time every day. Someone was there before you, and someone came after you, but you didn’t mind. Despite not knowing who they were, you found the taking turns system convenient. It also helped that one of the two plugpoints in the entire hall was near your table.

Your exam was tomorrow and you pitied the ones who had theirs in less than two hours. You could see them, sitting on the edges of their seats, grouped together but not interacting much—that point had passed. Occasionally one of them would ask another for an answer, but the time for group study was not now. Now was the time for cramming—each to his own. Their legs bounced up and down, impatient but dreading the exam at the same time. Open books were scattered around them, trying to absorb as much information as they could at once. Their fingers tapped their pens against the tables, but you forgave the annoying sound it made—this would be you tomorrow.

You flipped through the seventh chapter of your biology textbook, wondering if you could possibly finish studying the next fourteen chapters before the next afternoon.  You wished you would have started studying earlier but it was too late to think all that.

You glanced at your phone when it buzzed, alerting you that you had a message from your friend, reminding you to email your chemistry professor to ask him what the answer was to questions 16-28 on page 142, chapter five, because she didn’t know his email id. That’s a task for later, you thought. You wondered why she was so bothered by chem when your biology final was the next day. Oh, right, stupid, she doesn’t take bio. The exam stress was seriously making you lose reason. You pressed your charger deeper into the socket and rechecked that the switch was turned on. You had once gone the whole day without realizing that you hadn’t actually switched the power on so your phone could drink some electricity.

Someone plonked a textbook onto your table, making you jump. As you looked up, a handsome young  man (baby faced young man, are you sure he’s not a high school student?) slid into the seat opposite you.

“Sorry,” he said, pulling out a phone and you leant back in your seat, taken aback by the deep voice issuing from between his pretty lips (waht the fcuk). “It’s just, my phone’s probably gonna die, and I have an exam soon and I can’t plug it anywhere else….”

Oh wow, you thought, mesmerized by the richness of his vocal cords and his soft blonde locks. You could sit here charging your phone forever. I would charge your phone for you. Just keep talking.

Unfortunately, he fell silent, looking at you expectantly. You realized he wanted permission.

“Oh! Yeah, sure,” you offered, gesturing to your charger. “Totally fine.”

He flashed you a grateful smile, carefully unplugging your phone and replacing it with his own. Switching it on, he set his phone beside yours.

“Oh!” He exclaimed, then laughed, pointing at the two phones. “They’re the same!”

You followed his finger to where your phone and his lay side by side. He was right. Your phones were the same. Same size, same brand, same model. A smile broke across your features at that.

“What a coincidence,” you remarked, turning back to your textbook. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to continue talking to this person about the phones, it’s just that you had an exam coming up in less than twenty-four hours and you needed to focus. You heard a muttered ‘right, shit, get to work’ from the boy opposite you.

A moment later, he was frantically turning pages, pen between his teeth, shaking his leg, just like the others in the room that had their exam today. You thought better than to interrupt his uploading of information into brain. He checked his watch with an expression that gradually became more horrified.

You turned your focus back to your book, to the world of tissues and cells. You vaguely saw him shuffling around but you paid no mind.

The tension in the room grew slowly higher and higher. The hour mark had been crossed, and the students were near hysterical.

The study hall supervisor couldn’t seem to stand it either. Within five minutes, she was shouting at the exam students to get up and leave. No use cramming so close to an exam, she said to them. Use this time to calm yourself and recollect what you’ve learned.

Standard teacher advice. The boy opposite you stood up hesitantly, not tearing his eyes away from the book, two of his fingers pressing into his neck.

“Good luck,” you offered. His gaze met yours and the creases in his forehead disappeared.

“Thank you,” he said, still looking nervous as he slowly packed his bag. You stood up as well, deciding to go to the mess hall for some food. As he bent to cram his textbook into his bag, you reached over to remove his phone and take back your charger. You slipped your phone that was lying on the table unplugged into your pocket and handed him his phone. He thanked you again, distractedly.

You patted his shoulder. “It’s going to be okay, just calm down. If you get anxious, you won’t be able to do well. So relax.”

He nodded. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll relax.” He took a deep breath.

With another word of reassurance, you sent him along his way, packing your own stuff and exiting the study hall.

“Ugh, I’m so hungry,” you groaned, wondering if your friend was available to join you. You brought out your phone and turned the screen on.

You stopped in your tracks.

On the screen was a photo of the blondie who had just been sitting opposite you, with another dark-haired boy asleep on his lap.

You cursed out loud, startling some passers-by.

Oh! the boy had said. They’re the same!

You were stupid. You were so stupid.

But wasn’t his phone the one being charged? And yours was unplugged? He must have switched them back once he was satisfied with his phone’s percentage.

But why didn’t you have the basic sense to check if the phone was yours? You could call your own phone, right?

The campus clock chimed one o'clock. His exam must have started. There was no point in trying to reach him now. At least not until four.

You turned the screen on again. This time fixed on the numbers asking you to enter the password. You couldn’t call your own phone even if you wanted to.

You eyed the emergency call button. Did he have the police entered, or a friend’s contact? You shoved the thing back into your pocket, deciding to just wait. You didn’t even know his name. You didn’t know what exam he had. You didn’t know where to find him.

You were screwed. But hey, food.

The macaroni and cheese was crusty and gross as ever, but as you had learned during the year, you don’t say no to food. Gross or not. You never knew when you would get it again. Money is a fickle thing. It never stays with one person their whole life.

A loud, strange sort of music erupted from the device in your pocket. You jumped. His phone was ringing. Hoping against hope that it would be someone you knew, a mutual friend, you took it out and looked at its screen. It said Sungie (^.^). Would this person be able to help? Hesitantly, you pressed answer.

“Yo, Flixie, shouldn’t you be writing an exam? How are you answering your phone?”

“Um…hello?”

You heard a distant ‘what the fuck’. “Hello?”

You didn’t recognize the voice and certainly not the nickname. There must be dozens of people on campus with Sung in their names. “Yeah. Hi.”

“You’re not Felix. Who’s this and why do you have his phone?”

He spoke with such authority that you were sure this was either his best friend, his brother, or someone else very close to him. You weren’t about to get beat up over a mixed up phone. “Listen, I can explain!”

“Please do.”

“You see, the thing is, your friend—Felix?—and I were sitting at the same table in study hall,” you rambled, “and he asked if he could use my charger to charge his phone and I said yes so he plugged it in, but when we both got up to leave, our phones got switched.” You drew in a breath. “It’s my fault. I should’ve checked the phones before I gave it back to him.”

You could hear the person on the other end laughing his face off. You relaxed a bit. “Wow, nice going. So you can’t contact him and neither can he. And I can’t either, huh?”

“I suppose not. Do you know where he’s taking his exam?”

“I think it’s in Hall 3…” he trailed off, thinking.

“So I could just wait there for him, right—“

“…It could also be in Hall 1,” he continued, “or maybe even in Hall 2. Or it could be in the library…”

A sudden thought struck you. You had heard his voice before somewhere. This joking, self-satisfied sort of tone. “You’re Jisung, aren’t you? Han Jisung?”

He abruptly stopped spouting out suggestions. “Uh. Yeah?”

“You won the prize for the Monoact this year, didn’t you?”

“Oh. Huh? That. Yeah, I did? That’s how you know me? Cool.” You could almost hear his head filling up with air. Change the topic.

“Hm. So you don’t know where Felix is?”

In the pause that followed, you understood one thing: he did. He was just not going to make things easier for you. “You know what? Give me your number. I’ll contact you after his exam and tell you where to go.”

You rattled off your number to him reluctantly.

“So, I have your number,” he began, his voice dropping lower, “is the next step asking you out on a—“

“I’m hanging up now.”

You pressed the end call button over his protests.

 .

You tried to focus on your textbook back at the dorm. You really did. That’s why you went to the dorm in the first place. But anxiety was slowly creeping up on you. You were replaying your day, trying to remember what Felix had been studying.

His lockscreen was cute, though. You wondered if the boy asleep on his lap was his boyfriend. Maybe. Maybe not. Since it was his lockscreen, then maybe he was. Either way, whoever it was had a place of honour.

The clock ticked slower and slower, inching to four o'clock.

At three-forty-five, you couldn’t concentrate. You closed your book.

Twenty-five minutes later, his phone rang.

You snatched it up, barely registering the name Sungie (^.^) and sliding the answer button. “Hello?”

“Right. Felix is waiting for you at the mess hall.”

“Oh, okay, tha—“ A beep sounded. You stared at the phone. Okay, that was straight to the point.

You dashed out of your dorm room.

…and you forgot the phone, jeez, Y/N, what the hell?

Take two.

 .

It was too hot to be running to the mess hall again, but at least it had dropped a degree since noon.

You glanced around the large semi-open space, hoping to see a shock of blonde hair that would catch your attention. And one did.

One very sun-kissed young man with neatly combed blonde hair was waving at you. Your heart leapt.

…Obviously not at the sight of him, particularly, but He-Who-Had-Your-Phone.

My generation has succumbed to technology, you thought.

“Hi,” you said awkwardly as you climbed into a seat opposite him. He returned the greeting equally awkward, but managing to smile tiredly. You noticed he had a smattering of freckles across his cheeks and nose. Cute.

“I’m Felix,” he offered, sticking out a hand. You took it.

“I know. I’m Y/N.”

You set his phone on the table and he mimicked the action with yours. The two of you exchanged phones, giggling nervously at the mix-up.

“Sorry,” he started to say, but you shook your head.

“I’m the one who should be sorry, I took your phone thinking it was mine.”

“Well, I don’t blame you,” he assured (whiplash, you forgot how deep his voice was). “I connected your phone to the charger once mine was okay without telling you.”

“We can play this blame game back and forth all day.”

He laughed, his voice lightening for a second. “True.”

You gestured to his phone. “Your wallpaper is really cute. Is that your boyfriend?”

He blushed, snatching up his phone and sliding it into his bag. “No,” he replied a little too quickly, in a tone that told you maybe he was lying. “Speaking of wallpapers,” he continued, tapping your phone, “isn’t that 3racha’s radio promotion poster? Maybe specifically, CB97?”

You could feel the heat rushing to your cheeks. “So? What about it?”

Felix broke into a smile. “You didn’t recognize SpearB from my wallpaper?”

Your mouth fell open. “Wait, that’s him?! I didn’t recognize…”

He nodded. “And you didn’t know J.One? I thought he told you to come over here?”

You slammed your fist onto the table. “Are you kidding me?”

Felix started laughing.

“So that’s how I know him!” you exclaimed. “It wasn’t the monoact prize, it was this! I’m so stupid!”

He laughed even harder at your pout. “It’s okay, I won’t tell Chris.”

“Please don’t.”

After a minute, in which he held  back his giggles and you pouted harder than ever, he spoke up. “So, hey, let me treat you. I sure am hungry.” He gestured vaguely around. “How about some gross instant coffee?”

-

again why did i write this

[talesoftxt]

TXT Hogwarts AU

So this is my first time publicly sharing my writings and I'm really nervous and also kind of excited. Please bear with me, English isn't my first language however I do try to do my best in my works. Anywhos here's my first post I hope you guy enjoy!

Yeonjun

•Slytherin

•pureblood

•was shunned his whole life due to his parents being deatheaters in the second wizarding war

•raised by his grandmother who he loves to pieces

•don't tell anyone but grandma choi actually raised him muggle style so he's very knowledgable when it comes to them

•his one and only friend is soobin, that is of course before he met the three other boys

•the sorting hat barely even touched his head before it announced "slytherin"

•worked his way up until he became what he is today

•his goal is to erase the stigma of slytherins being evil

•intimidates everyone with his sharp eyes and blank face but don't be fooled, he's as extra and wild as the others

•once dared himself to wrestle with the black lake's giant squid

•always aims to be the best at everything, probably to the point of overworking himself

•as a first year flying had come naturally to him and easily became his favourite subject but was soon replaced by defence against the dark arts

•the boy is a quick thinker and could disarm his opponent in a matter of seconds, though he is good at casting other spells he opts for a defensive style of duelling

•ever since he was young he dreamt of being an auror

•the team captain of slytherin's quidditch team, his swiftness and agility earned him the title "best chaser"

•dubbed as "slytherin's prince" his housemates respect and look up to him

•don't cross him.just don't.

•very cautious when it comes to picking his friends and is very protective of soobin because he's just too damn precious

•gets along with kai really well because theyre both crackheads and kai is too cute not to like

•isn't one to share his feelings but because of his friends he's getting more and more open

•his greatest fear is becoming evil and hurting his friends

•he's really just a tiny bean who loves his friends and would do anything for them

Soobin

•pureblood

•Ravenclaw

•coming from a very traditional pureblood family, he doesn't really understand muggle lifestyle

•a straight A student prefect and athlete, he's the epitome of model student

•doesn't like to break the rules but somehow always finds himself staying up with taehyun or getting dragged to the dark forest by kai

•takes away points by decimals just because he thinks its funny

•can get pretty scary when someone questions his authority

•"out of bed past curfew? 4.23 points from gryffindor" "is that even allowed??"

•he's a responsible prefect and shuts everyone up with one stern look

•number one on the school's boyfriend material list (because c'mon he's like perfect)

•a perfect gentleman who's ready to help with a dimpled smile on his face

•takes muggle studies because he likes muggles and wants to know about them more

•still doesn't know what the function of a rubber duck is

•can cook up a potion even without the help of a guide and can recognize a herb by it's texture alone

•his favourite subjects are potions and herbology

•probably because the two are kind of connected in a way

•literally has a journal where he writes down everything he's learned about muggles

•nearly cried when he received a toaster from taehyun as a gift because he's always wanted one for his bread

•wants to be a healer in the future

•his future career also helps because all his friends can't go a day without injuring themselves

•keeper soobin (you gets?because the boy is such a keeper?hehehehe)

•his tall stature and quick reflexes helps him block quaffles from the opposite team

•recognizes hueningkai as his number one cheerer and never fails to wink at him before the start of every game

•always makes sure taehyun gets enough sleep, beomgyu and kai stay out of trouble and keeps yeonjun from overworking himself

•they always make sure to bring him back little muggle trinkets after they come back from the holidays

•the boys are just really thankful for soobin existance and love him so much

•choi soobin is a lovable and amazing bunny (that's the tea sis)

Beomgyu

•gryffindor

•half-blood

•gets himself into pretty stupid situations just bc he's too damn heroic

•always stirs up trouble but somehow charms himself out of it

•he's like,really charming

•made mcgonagall blush that one time

•he's absolutely cunning,his ability to hide his true intentions behind an angelic smile scares the crap out of the boys

•just don't mess with his friends

•bc of this the sorting hat actually took longer to sort him than usual wondering whether it should put him in slytherin or gryffindor, he had almost been a hatstall but after a silent debate between the two beomgyu had chosen gryffindor bc they had and i quote 'pretty colours'

•had to be physically restrained by soobin and yeonjun after he tried to fight a student who had called taehyun a "mudblood"

•Charms and transfiguration are his areas of expertise

•favourite spell is "accio" and practically uses it for everything

•"accio yeonjun hyung's clothes "beomgyu!"

•"accio taehyun's love of his life" "bold of you to assume i have any I-" "accio taehyun's books" "you little shi-"

•takes muggle studies just for the hell of it and because it's easy

•gryffindor's seeker,this boy could spot a snitch from miles away

•has his own fanclub with members from all four houses

•yes that's how charming he is

•no one really knows how but beomgyu always manages to enter all three other houses' common rooms

•his favourite hang out place would probably be ravenclaw's common room

•annoying taehyun is this guy's favourite past time, he just finds it cute when the younger glares at him

•if he's not annoying taehyun he's probably off pulling pranks and causing trouble all around the castle

•is currently grooming kai to become a prankster like him, he just has to figure out a way to stop the boy from being so goddamn loud everytime they prank someone

•in general he's a chaotic mess but everyone still loves him

Taehyun

•Ravenclaw

•muggleborn

•once something catches his eye he makes it a goal to learn everything about it

•no one really knows what to expect with taehyun probably bc he was so quiet and introverted

•as he gets used to life in the magical world he starts to become more confident and bold

•"why do we still use quills when ballpens literally exists?''

•''are you serious?a letter?kai you have a phone use it''

•his wisdom and good advices remind people why he's in ravenclaw

•his two favourite subjects are transfiguration and history of magic

•transfigured soobin into a bunny once at kai's request (well probably just to shut him up)

•history nerd and draco malfoy enthusiast

•''he was only a child!''

•doesn't even bother to answer the riddles' properly

•"where do vanished objects go?" "somewhere other than where they were vanished from,duh."

•usually found in the common room late at night cramming homeworks he's been putting on hold bc he found something much more interesting to do

•legend says prefect soobin always stays up with him (no one knows if its true or not no one has ever tried to find out in fear of facing choi soobin's wrath if he finds them out of bed)

•an excellent beater, taehyun's one of the best in their team even at such a young age

•rumours are he's one of the candidates for next team captain

•is soobin's source of muggle knowledge, probably bc kai only teaches them memes and popular vines and beomgyu just cant be bothered with

•claims he loses braincells every time kai opens his mouth but deep down he loves the boy like his brother

•looks up to his yeonjun and soobin hyungs

•unbothered king 24/7

Kai

•hufflepuff

• the boy literally dragged taehyun with him and introduced himself to nearly everyone during the train ride

•half-blood

•never fails to say "me dad's a muggle; mam's a witch,bitofanastyshockforhim

whenhefoundout" every time he introduces himself

•and i mean EVERY.SINGLE.TIME

•excels in care of magical creatures (probably bc every single creature falls in love with the boy on sight) and almost always accompanies hagrid to the dark forest

•let's be real ya'll the dark forest probably isn't so dark anymore with the amount of sunshine kai emits

•nearly gave soobin a heart attack when he had dragged the elder into the dark forest

•at the age of 13 the dark forest was just a forest to kai, "wild centaurs?bitch please i braid baby centaurs hair on saturdays"

•idolizes newt scamander and wants to be a magizoologist because he wants to change people's minds about magical creatures and show them how beautiful and precious they actually are

•'pet a dragon's belly' is listed number 1 in his bucket list

• 'ohmygod hueningkai don't you even dare try to rock that mandrake' 'but hyun its so cute!it looks like an ugly baby!'

•takes a liking for divination and unlike others actually appreciates and pays attention in class

•probably because of his close relationship with the forest's centaurs who also use divination in their day to day lives

•is a skilled flyer and was invited to try out for his house's quidditch team but turned it down

•he prefers to cheer for people rather than getting cheered on

•people don't really know who he cheers for most of the time bc he's like present in every game

•mysteriously gets louder and more energetic when ravenclaw plays most people think it's bc his bestfriend taehyun is playing but taehyun knows the truth

•"you did great hyun!" "i literally saw you stare at soobin hyung's ass the entire game"

•no one can hate this guy,it’s physically impossible

•even the meanest kids don’t pick on him,he’s THAT lovable

Anyways that all for today! That's my opinion on the txt's hogwarts houses,don't be shy and tell me what you think! See you later guys!

[minnuet-archive]

about me!

hey! i'm vio.

that's not my real name (by real name, i don't mean dead name - i mean chosen name that i use in real life), but it doesn't mean i chose it at random. viola (vio) is my online name for a reason.

i chose the name viola because even though it's a girl's name, it's also the name of one of shakespeare's most sexually ambiguous characters to exist. vio, while also being a nickname for viola, is it's own name that comes from the word vita, meaning life.

in fact, i want vio to be my middle name once i legally change my name.

✰✰✰

i've kind of come to terms with my good traits and my not-so-good traits. i've been described as charismatic, kind, intelligent, patient, caring, thoughtful, good at giving advice, and funny. but the downside to being (supposedly) charismatic is that i can be manipulative. i also lie a little more than i should because of my anxiety.

✰✰✰

sexuality and gender wise, i'm not someone you can put into labels. i'm equally okay with he/him and they/them pronouns, so i'm perfectly comfortable with either the label trans ftm or nonbinary.

although i'm TECHNICALLY pansexual, I enjoy the term queer because it makes me feel less self conscious about if i'm more straight than gay (or vice versa) and things like that.

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i'm: - a pisces - a slytherin (although i don't support j.k. rowling herself and i don't love the harry potter series either, knowing my house will probably help you get a feel for who i am) - an enfj/infj (it changes a surprising amount) - an 8 (then a 3, then a 5) in the enneagram - chaotic neutral - a son of loki - a son of either hermes or hades (it's been a long internal debate)

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i love: - hunter x hunter (ハンター×ハンター / hantā hantā) - attack on titan (進撃の巨人 / shingeki no kyojin) - my hero academia (僕のヒーローアカデミア / boku no hīrō akademia) - death note (デスノート / desu nōto) - haikyu!! (ハ��キュー!! / haikyū!!) - violet evergarden (ヴァイオレット・エヴァーガーデン / vaioretto evāgāden) - nura: rise of the yokai clan (ぬらりひょんの孫 / nurarihyon no mago / nurarihyon's grandson) - ouran high school host club (桜蘭高校ホスト部 / ōran Kōkō Hosuto Kurabu) - black clover (ブラッククローバー / burakku kurōbā) - yuri!!! on ice (ユーリ!!! on ICE) - westworld - the politician - the haunting of hill house - the good place - good omens - brooklyn nine-nine - on my block - lost in space - many more

i'm a big shipper and it causes me quite a bit of pain considering i mostly ship gay ships and i also mostly watch animes so they'll never happen.

✰✰✰

i used to play basketball and tennis, but now i mainly just use my dad's peloton bike and go on runs. oh, and i also snowboard and surf! i'm pretty good at surfing although i need someone to push me on a wave and i'm getting a lot better at snowboarding (although i'm not GOOD).

✰✰✰

i enjoy cooking too, but don't have enough time or energy for it. i love horror movies and house plants, but i can't take care of them for shit.

✰✰✰

i really like to listen to music!!! it's very hard to describe my musical taste, but my top grneres are modern rock, indie pop, indie, pop, rock, electropop, and dance pop. 

i used to listen to more emo music, but recently i’ve found that it just gets me down, so i try to listen to upbeat/chill music.

my spotify account name is strangecharm if you want to follow me! the playlist currently. has music that rotates as i find my favorite songs, but seventh grade. has all the music i've liked this year! i also really enjoy the playlist chill.

i also like musicals (dear evan hansen, be more chill, heathers, six the musical, and hamilton for the most part), but they're not what i listen to for the most part.

oh! i'm a singer and a pianist! i've always loved singing, but i always hated piano. a while ago, i got significantly better and started playing songs i enjoyed. it gave me this sense of motivation i've never felt when it comes to piano. i've even composed a couple piano pieces at this point!

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another really nerdy thing about me is that i genuinely enjoy philosophy and poetry (particularly from one of my favorites, rumi).

i love: - john green - david levithan - terry pratchett - neil gaiman - tomi adeyemi - rick riordan - jalāl ad-dīn muhammad rūmī (aka rumi; he’s an ancient persian poet, and he’s queer as hell) overall, i don't really read by authors, though. for the most part, when i choose a book, it's because it was recommended to me or is of value to me as an author.

✰✰✰

i'd like to grow up to be an author, but i also want to teach writing so i can share what i know! my (dream) life plan is kind of to go to college in london or, if not, somewhere on the east coast of the united states.

from there, i'd either want to study abroad in japan or get my english abroad permit and teach english in japan.

✰✰✰

i'm re-learning spanish and learning japanese, too! i want to learn them for four main reasons among many: 1) knowing spanish is really helpful in america 2) i can write novels in english, spanish, and japanese! 3) both spanish and japanese are absolutely beautiful languages- way more beautiful than english. 4) i can watch animes and have peace of mind because i won't have to read subtitles that are insanely off from what the voice actors are saying.

✰✰✰

i'm an eclectic witch (although i am particularly drawn to divination and green witchcraft)!

i really love tarot cards! some people think they can tell the future which is okay (i guess), but personally, i just use them to help me recognize themes in my and other people's life/lives from an unbiased perspective and help make things better.

my favorite kind of spells are jar spells and tea spells. if i'm doing spells, they're normally protection spells, self-love spells, or anti-anxiety/depression/bad vibe spells. i don't really believe in trying to use hexes or curses because then you're no better than the person you're cursing.

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i love art, but i'm not very good at it, so for the most part i do abstract art instead of realistic art. abstract art is pretty fun, too!

i'm trying to get better at using proportions and things, though. my favorite method is the loomis method and i love the youtube channel proko.

you can check out my book on wattpad, artistic elixir (i know, cheesy; i thought i was cool and i’m too lazy to rename it), if you want to see some of my art.

✰✰✰

i have a lot of unpopular opinions. some are big and some are small. that's just who i am. my mom's insanely left wing and lgbtq+ herself, but my dad's neither left nor right wing, leaving him hated by both wings. i've become a weird mix where i'm definitely more left wing than right, but i'm also not really either wing.

for example, i think that, if I'm being honest, the amount of labels in LGBTQ+ community has gotten out of hand. i'm not saying that the feelings aren't real. I'm not saying that it's impossible to not want to have sex or feel physical attraction until you get to know someone. but some genders & sexualities sound a lot more like a preference to me. i think that a lot of labels that exist could easily fit into other ones that already did exist. i also feel that you need some kind of dysphoria to be genderqueer and that neopronouns are a bit unnecessary.

basically, the rule of thumb for me is that i don't give a fuck. by saying this, i mean that i both do not give a fuck: 1) in that you can do whatever you want and be whoever you want and don't have to to live by my opinions. i understand and respect that and i’ll love you the same as long as you’re not hurting anyone with your actions. 2) in that i won't tiptoe around you, trying not to hurt you. i will share my opinion, regardless of whether or not it hurts you. i speak my mind; that's how i've always been and always will be.

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i have a pinterest, a wattpad, an archive of our own, a spotify, and, obviously, a tumblr, so just ask me if you want my account on any of them!

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that’s basically all i can think of, but i’ll always answer questions for you guys! just send me an ask or even a pm if you want to ask any other questions, or even just want to talk! i’m always up for making friends!

-vio/viola 

[aylamoenwyb]

In-depth Profile, Ayla Moenwyb

Note:Stolen/taken from @subetei-noykin 

♪Through all the tumult and the strife,I hear its music ringing, It sounds an echo in my soul. How can I keep from singing? ♪

IDENTIFICATION —

·         Full Name: Ayla Moenwyb Solaire

·         Pronunciation: Eye-la

·         Pseudonym: none

·         Nicknames: Moon, Queen, Mistress 

·         Age: Twenty-Five Cycles (Immortal)

·         Name Day: 1st Sun of the 6th Umbral Moon

·         Birthplace: Tumet Winter Tribal grounds, Azim Steppe

·         Guardian: Menphina, the Lover 

·         Residence: Goblet Crewhouse, Lavender Bed Home, Crimson Phoenix

REFERENCES —

·         Motto:  “My Mother had taught me to be nice first, because you can always be mean later, but once you’ve been mean to someone they won’t believe the nice anymore. So be nice, be nice, until it’s time to stop being nice, then destroy them.” –Laurell K Hamilton

·         Theme Song: How can I keep from Singing (linked above)

·         Face Claim: Ayla wasn’t designed to look like anyone specific.  Still, this image overall is roughly her build, look, and aesthetic

STATS —

·         Gender: Female

·         Race: AuRa, Xaela, formerly of the Tumet Tribe

·         Height: 5’3’’

·         Weight: One-hundred and three ponz

·         Eyes: Jade green with Crimson Limnal Rings 

·         Hair: Platinum Blonde with Honey streaks highlighting her face 

·         Skin: Alabaster skin set off against obsidian scaling.

·         Build: A soft, slender athletically curvy frame.  Petite.

·         Scars: She is ‘unmarkable’ due to her vampire regeneration and healing.

·         Tattoos/Marks: A paw shaped brand on the inside of her left ankle that                 only remains due to being burned into her skin during a rare loss of her               vampiric powers.

At First Glance (+5)

A Siren: Her skill with a bow is only triumphed with her beauty and grace upon the stage.  She can weave songs and stories into spells that enchant and entice and has been known to be able to tame even the strongest inner demons and beasts with the power of her voice and dance.  A quick-witted flirt, who isn’t above using her sex appeal to catch the eyes and interest of her next meal…err ‘dinner date.’  Though while both her songstress and vampire sides rely on her ability to enrapture and capture, she is, not predatory by nature.

 Maternal: Wife of a seafaring Captain with a crew filled with powerful pirates ranging from succubus to void mages to monster inside me types, it is seldom quiet around their home or group hangouts.  Someone has to be the voice of reason, the mediator. And so while she wants typically nothing to do with brawling or scraping or stepping in between two raging xaelic men, someone has to and often the responsibility to maintain the peace falls upon her. On the other side of the coin, she is often the most informed member of the crew, and the one they are most often willing to pull aside for a soft heartfelt conversation or advice.  She’s quick to give a hug or verbal lashing in equal measure.  

 Vampire: As a young, naive new actress, she fell in love with the company’s tall, dark and handsome bodyguard.  Over time, they would marry, and to spare him the pain of watching her grow old and one day die as he remained ageless, she agreed to be turned.  A vampire she became.  But unlike so many of her contemporaries, her pure-hearted reasons for turning, and her lack of power lust in general did not create in her a dark, predatory killing machine.  Yes, she still needs to drink blood to feed, avoid the sun and other typically vampire like things, but her power and over charged aether, instead of being transferred into might or destructive power, is instead used to cast potent healing spells, time and escape magic.  She is protective, and while she has killed some victims in her feeding, she now has the control and self-assuredness to simply incapacitate them, take what she needs and then leave them with a hell of a headache to wake to the next morning.

 Healer: Combining her Song-weaving skills with the surplus of aether she gains from feeding, she is a potent and skilled healer.  Her caring and soft-hearted nature also lend to being concerned about the well-being and safety of others.  Because she is immortal and hard to truly kill, she has been known to sacrifice her own well-being and safety to take a shot or blow or risk for someone else.  She also has skill and knowledge of the stars, alchemy, and plants from her tribal and nomadic upbringing.

 Insular/Private: She married probably one of the most gregarious and charismatic men one could meet in her Captain.  And in doing so, and her constant presence at his side, she has been pulled out of her shade and shadows literally into his orbit and sun. Sometimes, errr often, it gets too loud and noisy for her there and she has to rush off to one of her spots of solitude where she can unwind, think and create and find her focus.  Most people who meet her, see her performance persona or her authorities shades she needs to don to share her craft or stand at her Captain’s side, assisting with the running of a large crew.  She can be forceful, and loud and domineering, but it’s out of character for her naturally and drains her quickly.  Still, people thinking she is bossy and proud works in her favor as she’s not one to quickly speak of her own personal concerns, focusing instead on those of the people around her and their needs.  Being invited to chat with her over port and snacks in front of her fire is a rare invitation indeed.  

FACTS —

♪They tell me he’s poor.

They tell me he’s young.

I tell them all, to hold their tongue.

If they could part the sand from sea,

They ne’er could part, my love from me. ♪

·         Occupation:”Queen” Right hand of the Goldbrand,                                              Songstress/Performer, Musician, Healer

·         Specialties: Healing, Archery, Escape, Listening, Music, Storytelling,                  Soothing, Bunny Magic

·         Skills: Singing, Storytelling, Instrumentalist, Medicine, Natural Healing 

PROFICIENCY —

·         Education: Her Tribe (Tumet), Adoptive Mother, Self-taught

·         Favored Weapon(s): Her wit. Bow.

·         Secondary Weapon(s): Bite

·         Magic Abilities: Healing, Time Magic, Escape Magic

·         Magic Strengths: Healing

RELATIONS —

·         Sexual Preference: Bi-sexual with a preference for men

·         Romantic Identification: Loyal

·         Relationship Status: Mated

·         Sweet on: Kuro

·         Alignment: Chaotic Good

·         Allies: Goldbrand, Spies in different Grand Companies, Mercenaries,                  Tavern Owners, Patrons.

·         Enemies: Vampire Hunters, Rival Pirates

FAMILY —

·         Maternal: Her adoptive mother, Byldalona, a Roegadyn woman who                    rescued her when her tribal trial went awry.

·         Parental: Shona and Batu were her birth parents. She was born a                        member of the Tumet tribe, part of the ‘Rose’ Clan.  Her birth father and              mother are but distant memories to her now, but she carries still the tribal            dagger her father gave her.  

·         Mentor: Her adoptive mother, Byldalona, and her husband and Captain,              Kuro Soliare.   

·         Associates: People of the Alliance with the Goldbrand and Contacts.

          Kuro Soliare (Husband, Lover, Protector, Mentor, Adored)

          Crew(Friends)

���Easy silence that you make for me It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me And the peaceful quiet you create for me And the way you keep the world at bay for me The way you keep the world at bay♪

MENTALITY —

·         Social Level: Exotic, Charming, Seductive, Witty, Mentor, Soft, Sensitive

·         Optimistic View(s): We all have the power to make the world around us              a  little prettier.   

·         Pessimistic View(s): We are often heard but seldom listened to.

·         One  Positive Personality Trait: She speaks truthfully….even the truths            we don’t wish to hear.

·         One Negative Personality Trait: Her straightforward nature and need to            keep others in good health and spirits can be mistaken as pushy and                    overbearing.  She can be relentless. .

·         ·One Personality Warning: Threatening her Captain’s Safety (so crew                 typically by default here too) or her sister’s. She’s also defensive of those             she keeps in her care.  

·         Random Quirk: She often bites her lip. It happens for various reasons,                but commonly, amusement, shyness, unsureness, worry or pain can lead            to catching her biting her lip.  

·         Hobbies: Writing, Singing, Studying and learning, Collecting rare herbs              and flowers.

·         Addictions: Blood-aether.

·         Habits: Lip biting, fleeing if pressured. Hiding in the Shadows.

·         Pleasures: Port wine, Cuddles by the fire, fine music, dancing, Captain,              Knowledge, Cool Starlit Groves, heart-felt gestures

Appreciates (List 5+)

Port Wine Discipline Flowers especially Sakurasou Flowers and Roses Pets Wildlife Bunny’s Stuffies  Praise Culture Lions Love  Music Learning/Knowledge  Teaching  Companionship  Order Mysticism Magic Poetry Rules

 Dislikes (List 5+) Arrogance Discrimination Loneliness Harm to Loved Ones Threats Mice

Strengths (List 5+)

Immortal Kindhearted Honest and Loyal Focused Supportive Resilient Kuro

Weaknesses (List 5+)

Relentless Opinionated Sunlight Kuro Maahes Self-doubt Emotional Flight Risk

Fears (List 5+)

Losing Kuro or his ‘real’ death.   Harm to Saya or another in her protection Not being able to bear a pain that would cause Maahes to be harmed. A naked honeymoon on a deserted treeless isle ;) Sha, the Lurker Champion kidnapping and torturing her once again. Mice

FAVORITES ––

·         Favorite Food(s): Captain Crunch ;) Port Wine, Chocolate, Berries,                    Steak, Whipped Cream.

·         Favorite Drink(s): Blood, Port.

·         Favorite Scent(s): Flowers, the woods after it rains, Campfires, her                    Captain when he returns from sea.  

·         Favorite Colors: Red, Black, Silver, White, Pink.  

TRIVIA - - None currently.

OOC -

Server: Balmung

Timezone: EST

Mun: Female

Experience: Roleplay Experience of 1.5years Writes in any format, matches length and complexity where possible. Will scene In-Game (When possible), Discord and other mediums as requested. I also am irl an actress and performer and teacher/mentor.  

Type of RP: Any/All, Mature and R-Rated themes included. Long-term Story-lines or One-shot scenes. Enjoys interacting with Canon and OC alike.

Looking for:

 Friends, Partners, Employers, Brothers or Sisters in Arms, Privateers and Pirates, Rivals or Antagonists. Performers, Bards, Entertainment Venues.

Tagging: @bryterbythenight @captainkurosolaire @renni-razormane @ayane-mayuzuma @shinji-calar @smolcatte 

-Or anyone.

[taku-yamada]

Lekker met Nederland！ vol.3 (元Dr.コトーの蘭学手記)

English：italic 

更新が1ヶ月遅くなり申し訳ございません。 言わずもがな、COVID-19(新型コロナウイルス )感染症で世界は混沌としているタイミングでのブログ更新となります。 ここオランダでも引き続き厳戒態勢が続いています(オランダの現在の状況についてはまた別途記事で書かせて頂きます)。

Here I update my third blog, even under the chaotic situation due to COVID-19 (corona virus) in the world. I will write about the quarantine in the Netherlands in another article.

今回のテーマは「オランダの家庭医」です！ The topic of this blog is about ‘General practitioner in the Netherlands’(‘Huisarts in Nederland’).

-そもそも家庭医とは？- What is General practitioner?

「家庭医」という言葉はまだあまり馴染みのない言葉だと思います。例えば、内科は体の各臓器にまつわる病気、小児科は子供の病気、外科は怪我や手術、など一般的には疾患の種類や体の部位、年齢や性別などで専門科目を分類します。

しかし家庭医の場合、ある地域やコミュニティの場において、年齢や性別は勿論のこと、疾患の種類やその有無に関わらず、健康についてのあらゆる相談に気軽に乗れる、持続的に患者(やその家族など)と関わりながら健康を支えていく、日々の「健康の相談役」です。勿論、相談だけではなく診察や検査、治療も行い、より専門性の高い検査や治療が必要な際は適切な専門医療機関への紹介や連携を行います。

言わば、地域住民が何か困ったらまず相談できる「かかりつけ」の医療専門家として家庭医は存在しています。私も日本では実はそんな一介の家庭医です。

I think the word "general practitioners (or family physicians)" is still not very familiar to some people. As a general practitioner, I explain their role. For example, internal medicine is for diseases related to various organs of the body, pediatrics is for children's diseases, and surgery is for injuries and surgeries, etc. In general, specialties are classified according to the type of disease, part of the body, or age & gender. In the case of a family physician, however, he or she is a daily "health consultant" who is available to consult with patients (and their families) about any kind of health issues, regardless of age, gender, or type of disease. In addition to consultation, we also provide consultation, examination, and treatment, when more specialized examination or treatment is needed, they refer patients to an appropriate specialized medical institution. They are also in charge of home visits, terminal care. You can also consult with mental or even marriage issues as well. 

In other words, general practitioners have a close bond with their patients as the first medical experts. 

-オランダの家庭医- 

General practitioners in the Netherlands

オランダでも「家庭医」本来の役割は日本と同様で地域の健康の相談役です。但し、こちらでは医療制度の関係上その社会的認知と役割は非常に重要となっています。

前回のブログでもお話しましたが、日本のように診療科を問わず開��医から市中病院や大学病院まで患者の希望で受診ができる「フリーアクセス」とは異なり、オランダの医療アクセスは全て自分の住む地域で登録された「家庭医(Huisarts)」を受診することから始まります。そしてオランダ国民(そしてオランダに在住する者)皆が、自宅から車で15分圏内の家庭医クリニック(Huisartsenpraktijk)に登録する義務があります。

家庭医は1人あたり2500-3500人程の地域住民を対象としており住民も家族単位で同じ家庭医を登録しています。オランダ国内には現在約7000人の家庭医がいます(国民総人口は1700万人)。 また、クリニックには医師の他に電話対応のオペレーター、ナース、プラクティスナース(医師の管理下で慢性疾患などを中心に独立して診察できる看護師)などがいます 家庭医の受診にかかる費用は既に国民が加入した基本医療保険(Blog vol.2参照)でカバーされるのでクリニックでの支払いは原則ありません。 このような家庭医制度の医療システムはヨーロッパでは他にデンマークやイギリスで同様に登録義務制、ドイツでは選択性の登録制となっております。 因みに家庭医になるためには日本と同様に大学医学部で6年間の医学教育の後医師免許を取得し、更に3年間の家庭医療専門医教育やその後の様々な生涯研修を終える必要があります(外国人医師がオランダで働く方法はまた別のブログでお話します)。

In the Netherlands, the role of the "general practitioners(GP)" is the same as in Japan, and they basically provide an advice on the health of the community. However, its social recognition and role is very important due to the Dutch health care system. As I mentioned in my previous blog, unlike "free access" in Japan, where patients can visit any department, from GP to city hospitals and university hospitals according to their wishes, all healthcare access in the Netherlands starts with a visit to a general practitioner (Huisarts) registered in the area where you live. And every Dutch citizen (and anyone living in the Netherlands) is obliged to register with a family GP’s clinic (Huisartsenpraktijk) within a 15-minute drive from their home.

Each GP serves about 2,500 to 3,500 local residents, and residents are registered with the same GP on a family basis. There are currently about 7000 GPs in the Netherlands (the total national population is 17 million). In addition to physicians, the clinic also has a telephone operator, a nurse, and a practice nurse (a nurse who is under the supervision of a physician and who can see patients independently, especially those with chronic diseases). The cost of visiting GP is covered by the basic medical insurance (see Blog vol.2), so in principle there is no charge at the clinic. Other European medical systems such as that of Denmark or  the United Kingdom have a mandatory registration system, while that of Germany has an elective registration system. Incidentally, to become a GP, you need to obtain a medical license after 6 years of medical education at a university (department of medicine), followed by 3 years of education specialized in GP and various lifelong training after that  (I'll talk about how foreign doctors work in the Netherlands in another blog).

-診療の流れ- Process of medical consultation

・患者は住民登録の時点で住所から担当となる家庭医に登録をします。

・基本的に予約診療制になっており、患者はクリニックに電話もしくはウェブサイトで診療予約を取ります。

・診療は平日の日中8:00-17:00の診療であることが多く、一日の平均患者人数は家庭医一人あたり大体30人前後になります。勿論、家庭医は全ての診療科について担当します。

(※平日時間外(夜間)や土日についての緊急受診はHuisartsenpostと呼ばれる時間外担当の家庭医が勤務する近隣の総合病院が診療を担当します。)

・家庭医から処方薬が出た場合は薬局(Apotheek)に行きます。この時も基本的には自宅住所から最寄りの薬局を家庭医が「かかりつけ薬局」として登録し、患者は登録された薬局で薬を処方してもらいます。

・専門診療科の受診は家庭医の紹介を得て市中病院の各科専門医へ連携します。専門医療機関へ紹介・診療中であっても家庭医は常に専門医と患者の情報共有を行います。 ・患者の情報や検査結果については紹介状なども含め、全て電子データのみでのやり取りとなっており、家庭医にその情報の全てが集まります(国が管理する特殊なデータベースソフトを使用。スマートフォンのアプリなどで見ることもできます)。

1.Patients register with their GP from their address at the time of registration. 2.Patients can call the clinic or visit the website to make an appointment. 3.The average number of patients per day is about 30 per GP, and clinic hour is often from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. on weekdays. Of course, the GP will be in charge of all medical departments. (* For emergency consultations after hours on weekdays (at night) and on weekends, a special  GP called’ Huisartsenpost’ will be in charge of the treatment at a nearby general hospital.) 4.Go to the pharmacy (Apotheek) if you have a prescription from your GP. Basically, GP registers the nearest pharmacy from the home address as the "family pharmacy", and the patient is asked to prescribe the medicine at the registered pharmacy.

If necessary, Patients will get a referral from a GP to a specialist in each department of the city hospital. GP will always share information about patients between specialists, even while referring to and treating a specialty medical institution. All information on patients and test results, including referral letters, are exchanged only electronically, and all of the information is collected by GP (certain database software authorized by the government is used. They can also watch it on their mobile devices such as smartphone with app).

-家庭医の実際- My experience in GP clinic

前回のブログでも話しましたがこの度、実際に家庭医クリニックを訪問することができたのでそこでの感想を少しお伝えします！

今回見学したクリニックはオランダのフリスランド(Friesland)と呼ばれる北部の州にあるDrachtenという小さな町にあります。

写真：Leiden(筆者の住む街)とDrachten(クリニックのある町) Photo: Leiden (the city where I live) and Drachten (the town where the clinic is located)

今回受けれて下さったWim Brunninkhuis医師��地元で30年近く家庭医をされておりFrieslandのBest doctorにも選ばれたことのある地域住民からの信頼も厚い大御所のドクターです。北部訛りのオランダ語と笑顔が印象的で、あとオランダ人らしく身長も非常に高い(2m！)方です。笑 診療スタイルですが、患者が部屋に入るや否や、Wim先生が握手やハグをしてまるで友人に会うかのような非常にフレンドリーな雰囲気で始まります。 どの患者も医師とは10年単位での長い付き合いため、先生から問診すると言うよりも患者のストーリー(受診に至るまでの話)をじっくり聞き、それに先生がコメントするような流れでした。患者もWim先生に信頼を置いているためか、全く緊張はしておらず寧ろ感情に素直で、気前よく話す人もいれば、途中で涙したり興奮する患者さんもいました。しかしながらそれぞれの患者のペースに合わせながら対話を続け、最後はまたお互い笑顔で握手やハグをして帰るという和やかな雰囲気が終始漂っていました。 午後はWim先生とともに訪問診療に同行し、認知症のある高齢者の方や怪我で足を痛め自宅療養中の患者さんなどの診療を行いました。その際も患者さんと目線の高さを合わせながら時に手を握るなど家族や友人のような接し方が印象的でした。

As I mentioned in previous blogs, I visited a GP's clinic, so I'll tell you a little bit about my impressions there! The clinic is located in a small town called Drachten in a northern province called Friesland in the Netherlands.

Dr. Wim Brunninkhuis has been a GP in his hometown for nearly 30 years and has been voted the best doctor in Friesland. He always smiled, was so kind, and he is very tall (2m!) like a typical Dutchman. In his practice, every time as soon as patients entered the room, he began to shake hands and gave hugs in a very friendly way, as if he were meeting a friend. Every patient has a long relationship with the doctor for decades, so patients were not nervous at all, perhaps because they put their trust in Dr. Brunninkhuis. He also listened carefully to the patient's story (the reason that brought them to his consultation) and commented on it, rather than asking them as medical interviews.In his consultation, patientes were open to their emotions, and some of them spoke generously, while others cried or got upset in the middle. At the end of the day, each patient smiled, shook hands, gave hugs, and left. In the afternoon, I accompanied  on his home visits to treat elderly woman with dementia and a patient who stayed home due to injuries to his leg. I was impressed by the way he treated patients like family and friends at their home, sometimes holding their hands while keeping his eye level with them.

写真：Wim先生との一枚 Photo: author with Dr. Wim Brunninkhuis

-沖縄での経験との共通点- Common characteristics between clinical experiences in Okinawa

今回の家庭医クリニックの見学を通して感じたのは、自分が離島で行なっていた診療の記憶の強いフラッシュバックでした。

オランダの家庭医が一つの地域で3000人前後を一人で担当するように、振り返れば私も2年間、沖縄の八重山諸島にある小浜島(人口約700人)で一人医師(Dr.コトー)として診療所で働かせてもらいました。

その時に経験した島民の皆さんと同じ島で暮らし、同じ行事で喜怒哀楽を共有し、診察室やご自宅でじっくり話を聞きながら診療した非常に緊密な距離感をふと思い出し、訪問診療で長身のWim先生がしゃがみながらベッド脇に座る認知症のおばあちゃんに冗談を交えながら笑顔で語りかけているシーンでは思わず、自分が島で診ていた認知症のオバァ(おばあちゃん)と話す瞬間と重なり、何とも言えない既視感を抱きました。

オランダの家庭医と沖縄の離島診療・・国や人種や文化、そして医療制度も全く異なりますが、一つの地域で同じ住民を見守り、気軽に何でも相談できるような深い信頼関係があるという点では見事に両者は一致しており、何か「医療」の本質のようなものを感じることができました。

What I felt throughout my visit to the GP clinic was a strong flashback to my own experiences of the clinic on a remote island. I used to work as a lone doctor in a clinic on Kohama Island (with population about 700 people) in the Yaeyama Islands of Okinawa for two years, just as a Dutch family doctor is in charge of about 3,000 people in one area by himself. In the scene where Dr. Brunninkhuis was talking to an old lady with dementia with a smile and a joke while squatting down and sitting by the bedside, it overlapped in my mind with the moment I was talking to an old lady with dementia on the island, just like “déjà vu”. General practitioner in the Netherlands and the remote island doctor in Okinawa... The country, race, culture, and medical system are completely different from each other, but there is a deep relationship in terms of a close bond and trust between local people, and a clinical style to look after the same residents in one area with casual consult. I felt something “fundamental” in medicine, from this similarity.

写真：小浜診療所勤務の頃(看護師さんと事務さんと一緒に) Photo: the period when I worked in Kohama island, with my nurse and clerk.

もう一つ、Wim先生と話したオランダの家庭医診療の特徴として、「患者さんの健康をどのように捉えるか」という視点が挙がりました。 今までの「健康」の考え方といえば、病気や怪我にならないことであったり、医療者から言われて「皆が目指すべき状態」ということで治療の目標だったりしました。 しかしその「健康」の定義自体をもっと患者本位で一緒に考えよう、という考えがあるオランダ人家庭医から始まり、この健康に対する新しい捉え方は「ポジティブヘルス(positieve gezondheid)」と名付けられ、後にオランダ中の家庭医に広がりました。 さて、日本でも最近では少しずつ名が知られてきたこの「ポジティブヘルス」について、次回のブログで詳しく述べたいと思います。

Another characteristic of GP in the Netherlands that I discussed with Dr. Brunninkhuis was a perspective of "how we view the patient's health". Usually, the idea of "health" has been often regarded as “neither sickness nor injury”, but one Dutch GP started to claim that health should be defined in more patient-centered way. This new view of health was named "positive health" (positieve gezondheid) and later spread to many GP throughout this country. I'll talk more about the "positive health" in my next blog.

今回も皆さん、最後までお読み頂きありがとうございました。 Thank you for your reading all !

-School life in Leiden-

I will report it in the blog of “quarantine time”. Lol

-Today’s Dutch Lesson-

‘Lekker’

This word has actually lots of meanings. The most used meaning is “delicious/tasty” in English, or “美味しい” in Japanese, but you can also use it for “pleasant feeling” or “comfortableness”, or “気持ちいい/快適な” in Japanese.

Example (1):

Nederland: De Nederlandse pannenkoeken is heel lekker! English: The Dutch pancake is very tasty! 日本語：オランダのパンケーキはとても美味しい！

Example (2)

Nederland: Het is vandaag lekker weertje! English: It is (sunny) warm weather today! 日本語：今日は��気がいい(日が当たって暖かい)！

There are too many kind of cases for using “Lekker” according to situations in Dutch, but it reflects how Dutch people love this word at the same time. The title of my blog is “Lekker met Nederland” and it comes from the title of the Dutch song called “Lekker met meiden”, which means “something typical(familiar) to woman”. I like the flexibility of “Lekker” and I put the word in the title with a wish of introducing something fun about the Netherlands in my blog. When you travel to the Netherlands, why don’t you use “lekker” for good foods, or good mood, then people would reply to you with saying “Ja, lekker!”

[violetsystems]

#personal

If you haven’t really noticed already I’m a creature of habit and schedule.  Which is probably why I’m back here writing this morning.  Mostly because I feel like I have some constructive things to talk and open up about.  Emotions aside they can be too easily manipulated sometimes.  Everything I put out there gets manipulated in some way or another.  It’s whether or not you feel you are respected or not.  And lashing out at one thing can suffocate the atmosphere in other realms.  That’s a long difficult talk that I’ve had over and over again on here for years.  How I have to keep an open channel but it gets jammed frequently.  It’s been a lot more quiet lately.  There have been some changes in my life in the last couple of weeks on vacation.  More money for one but less at the same time.  I live inside of a monthly spreadsheet for personal finances so none of it really matters.  I have goals.  I spend a lot less but I budget everything out I need.  I think with the stability I’ve carved out for myself I worry less about the future in that regard.  I have a job.  It sucks sometimes.  This city can be a beast but it’s far less confrontational than New York.  My dad often says that the same problems you find in a job you will find anywhere.  He also kind of gave me the advice to stay the course and keep doing what I am doing.  I’m already prepared for the bullshit here.  I already know where I want to be.  Neither of my parents know specifically what my plans or dreams are.  They know I travel to New York now instead of overseas.  But the specifics are frustratingly hazy.  They never pry too deeply.  Which is why i love them both.  I took my mom out for lunch yesterday in Chinatown.  She took the train and I met her at the stop.  We ate roujiamo at the usual spot.  I told her if I ever travelled alone again internationally it would be to China.  She replied that I could also visit Hong Kong and say hello to my cousin.  I told her I’d rather stay away from the drama even though it’s still China all the same.  I would probably hit up Shanghai and Macau.  The only two places I’ve been in China alone for any period of time.  I spent a day in Macau once.  I ate Indian food at this restaurant alone just before hopping the ferry back to Hong Kong.  The owner sent the server over to invite me to join her and her son at the table.  It’s a moment of kindness that sticks with me to this day.  I was in a tank top covered with tattoos.  Knowing where you are valued for just being you and knowing where you fit in is a sanctuary in and of itself.  Lately I feel like I finally do have a reason to stay in Chicago.  Even if it’s just to paint the walls of my apartment which hasn’t been touched for over a decade.  Kind of like my personal life.  

For the record I’ve spent my time alone getting my shit together.  Chicago is cheaper in the long run.  You wouldn’t know it from the taxes.  I was in line at the dispensary and this guy behind me was remarking how shitty the experience was for him.  I couldn’t tell if he was an op or an undercover.  That’s why I always stay measured and positive in my responses to people i don’t know in public.  I said Chicago as a city made 3.2 million in sales the first day.  Colorado as a state in 2014 made 1 million in taxable revenue.  There aren’t very many places to purchase right now.  So if you believe in taxation with representation I think the future looks bright.  The medical dispensary does not sell flower right now to reserve for its medical patients.  I believe that’s fair.  I also believe it’s not a good idea to abuse the medical system when recreational is getting its feet on the ground.  I also know big Marijuana exists and lives in a mansion outside of the city.  Illinois has been fairly good about being mindful of the social justice aspect of the transition.  But things are still a bit messy and deceptively capitalist.  I bought a small jar of candies to try.  You could only buy one.  It doesn’t really change much in my situation.  It does give me options.  It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t act responsibly.  The ambiguity is still there.  It’s in running distance.  It’s in a weird industrial medical district about a mile from my house.  I run past the FBI building to get there.  I flicked the sign off yesterday without a second thought.  They should already know where I live by now.  I’ve been on the same schedule for years.  And frankly I’m through taking shit from anyone from here on forward.  I’m sure there’s no hard feelings.  Just hard candy.  Life in Chicago for me has been harder than normal.  I stop complaining and started living it.  I don’t go out and yet everyone knows who I am.  I should rephrase it that I don’t go out to clubs.  I don’t drink anymore.  New Year’s was pretty quiet.  Most of my friends spent them with their significant others.  I spent New Year’s day throwing out trash.  People keep saying my space feels larger than it did.  I bought another larger litter box for my cat.  She hops out of it now like a princess.  If someone were to show up at my door without notice it wouldn’t be a big deal.  If the love of my life simply teleported into my living room I’d be ready for them.  But really finding stability in a chaotic world is hard for anyone.  There’s people that find stability boring and they probably don’t read anything of what I write.  I walk outside of this apartment and it’s a little like Pulp Fiction on overload sometimes.  I’m a little less overwhelmed by all of it but it is exhausting.  Which is why I spend more time on my home and making it more livable.  It feels a lot more like New York these days.  Which I’ll be back to near my birthday.  I haven’t celebrated it really for years.  I got a call from an alderman wishing me well in New York last year during fashion week.  Truth be told I hardly ever leave our political ward.  Just like I don’t spend my time where it’s not appreciated.  

A ward is a local authority area, typically used for electoral purposes.  You can probably apply the same thinking to brand loyalty.  But being more mindful of how and where you spend your time and money can yield interesting results.  I do think people worry less about me these days.  The idea of being too risky can make a lot of people uneasy.  It can also attracts some real shit shows.  Just like our president tried to push brand America, there’s something to be said of brands New York and Chicago.  I might even stretch it to include Los Angeles and Oakland.  But the truth is Chicago has become far more diverse than I had ever expected it to become.  For all the talk of murder and guns, our homicide rate is down for the third year in a row.  I live in Pilsen which is a predominantly hispanic neighborhood.  Chinatown is right next to us.  So is the medical district.  I walk all over the place on foot.  I never really feels unsafe.  Sometimes I feel bothered.  On my block people mind their own business.  But you have to be approachable.  And you have to adapt.  Then there’s the trick of knowing when to walk away.  If it sounds maddening and frustrating it is.  But I don’t really show it.  People keep talking about finesse and how somehow I need more of it.  And then people keep stealing my style and ideas and pretending I don’t exist.  Everyone except a small pocket of resistance that likes to wear pink gear around me.  It’s like I operate in my own little area of authority.  I always call it an aura of accountability.  I’ve made some sacrifices in my life to be a good person and get passed over.  But these days I feel like people understand the logic of why.  That being said people are still intimidated by me.  I wonder sometimes if that’s my own fault.  I do have a lot of bullshit to navigate.  People never seem to leave me alone.  Often I imagine I’m just some character in a movie when I leave the house.  Not like the lead role.  I blend into the background.  I have my role and my lines.  I don’t veer too much away from the NPC dialog tree.  I stick to the main quest line and grind my reputation with hidden factions.  I also play a lot of World of Warcraft on the side.  I can’t say that life totally sucks although I really wish I could share it with someone.  I kind of already do.  Why would I still be writing if I didn’t?  I don’t know what any of it means.  I’m completely in the dark about everything.  Everything except my finances and mental peace.  Staying in between the lines and not crossing them is tricky.  Especially when people step on your toes every chance you get.  I spent a lot of time making a space for myself where the only toes getting stepped on are my own.  Mostly by my cat.  She adds a lot to the space.  I feel less angsty and a little less bored.  Today I felt inspired enough to write about it.  Probably won’t check in for a couple of weeks.  Just going to lock myself up in this ward and play it safe.  There’s enough politics here to keep me busy without worrying about the rest of the world’s sovereignty and secret wars.  <3 Tim

[unproduciblesmackdown]

sometimes the wild thing with depression is looking back and trying to figure out when it started and never really being able to draw a line for anything like "this was the earliest age it All Began(tm)," probably because there's not generally such an On-Off Switch type process to it. i know usually circa ten yrs old or later in the teens is usually what people point to but sometimes more of a period of exacerbation rather than origin, and who can say it's not also having the emotional and psychological capabilities and capacities that young children don't that bring a greater sense of perspective and awareness, idk anyways so i'm not sure if i was ever not-depressed or anything....i know i was always uncomfortable outside what was familiar and "shy" and i know that as soon as i was around other kids in a way more socially organized than running around together, namely preschool at 4 yrs old, i was aware of not feeling like i fit in and noticing i couldnt make friends like other people could. ive been good at bs-ing school from the start and happen to pick up things very quickly so even though i probably had the same habits as kids with the worst grades and had no particular ambitions re: academia (beyond avoiding parental wrath and later maintaining the identity that kinda protected me a bit in school) since i got really good grades and was quiet and pretty much just read in a corner when left to myself from kindergarten through middle school, i was probably considered a usually ideal student. i remember a couple of people who i felt i was genuinely friends with, a kid named michael who i think went to a different school after a couple of grades, and a kid named jacqueline in 2nd grade who was like me so quiet in retrospect i'm not sure if she knew much english but we played legos together and stuff but then we got in trouble for not paying attention during not even a lesson but i had to move seats b/c arbitrary Making An Example and since we were both so quiet we just didnt interact much anymore to avoid further attention. i made other friends technically but generally it took a long time to be comfortable with them and we were never close and in the meantime i dont think i ever much liked school. i remember one random sunday evening just getting upset about not wanting to go back the next day just because it was boring and meantime at home of course it sucked but i didnt quite realize it til i was older and it helped of course being young enough to be able to go outside for hours and be perfectly entertained playing in the dirt and trees and stuff. i read a lot at home too i remember having pretty skeptical thoughts about Life from earlyish on but, besides spending a crap ton of time just in my own head (reading, playing in dirt) i think i had ideas that life and the world was pretty amazing. like earlier on of course it was like "is magic real??" but then later its just stuff like reading in books about how kids had good friends and families and got to pursue their interests and do things and work out drama and have nice endings with a lot of hope for the future. for all i could tell the only thing keeping that from being my life was that i wasnt old enough, or probably i hoped that it was just a matter of time. it was less like i was extrapolating from my own limited observations of the worse aspects of life that life must be great and more like i was already noticing that my world was lacking and just hoping that it would grow out of it; not to mention being given the hint that stuff like abuse was my own fault and shortcomings i started getting more aware of being fed up with things / that they weren't inherently going to change around like late elementary school / middle school but it would take another year or two to really get the extent of it, and in the meantime by 14 or 15 at the latest i was consciously suicidal so like, moving fast there. i probably by that point had already caught on to the fact that my world had just been kind of shitty and that it wasnt going to change or seem better after a certain amount of time like i'd thought it would. and then add also having a better understanding of the rest of the world just by being older and getting more experience and realizing that its a lot more chaotic than initially taught to you and that being depressed and having developed few interests and zero ambitions and having antagonistic parents and very few friends doesnt do much to give you as much a cushion from that chaos as it could tangent: honestly i like programs that teach instructors how to recognize things that look like Behavior Issues as maybe more being signs of external issues. i wasnt the best at paying attention and i was often quiet in school whether in class or not and it mightve been a problem if i didnt get good grades but since i did i could just be in the background. i don't particularly resent this or anything because i know how teaching is and i myself didnt really understand i had serious problems at home until much later, but in retrospect i think i always had signs. i remember one particular incident when i was about 8 really shouldve been a bit of a warning sign. i know nobody can really do anything even if they know things are bad but considering i had to learn what abuse looked like by myself and i didnt feel supported by any adult and even when i knew what was going on when i was much older i still just didnt tell anyone in any position of authority because i had learned i had to protect myself by keeping personal things totally confidential and that if i exhibited any signs of struggling i would be blamed and chastised for it. wouldve been nice to at least be informed what was going on at an earlier time and maybe given some sense of confidence or at least a sense it wasn't completely my fault. turns out what gave me any ounce of confidence at all was being like 19 and being so blamed and maligned that it backfired and i started feeling like if i was as awful as i was made out to be then surely i didnt need to feel ashamed and responsible for everything that was being done to me. if i already deserved to be dead then what more could i bring on myself by daring to be so terrible as to feel i shouldnt be treated like i was! checkmate atheists anyhow, i feel like my Good Concepts About The World kind of evolved from "later on everyone has adventures" to "later on everyone goes to middle school / high school and makes friends and bonds with their family and follows their dreams" to something just more vaguely escapist with abstracted ideas about simply feeling comfortable and nice, with maybe general imagery, usually like summer sunsets or just some nice stars or something. i thought about it once and it made a lot of sense, thinking about stuff in terms of the concept of feeling ok and good things existing in the world and being able to sense it despite it also being at a distance or otherwise removed like dont get me wrong just because i wanna be dead i dont have some kind of notion that everyone else's experience of life is the same as mine i.e. that life and/or the world is inherently shit, i know its no more objectively bad than it is objectively good. i still like to think about the good side of all of it. i think its a total mistake to have the idea that if someone is suicidal or even just depressed that it necessarily has anything to do with what they think of the philosophy of the concept of Life, its more personal and immediate than that. honestly i hate all the advice about how you need to write a poem for your suicidal friend to teach them the magic of life or do some otherwise melodramatic bad y.a. novel shit that'll give them a New Perspective on the wonders of life literally overnight. not only is it always disgustingly patronizing and often counterproductively Tough Love-esque but also totally like unrelated to the root of the problem of "what if i'm worried about a friend making a suicide attempt." if you're personally wanting to do something i s2g literally just provide a distraction. talk about random shit or play online scrabble or go over and make midnight snacks, not like set a flower on fire while dropping a porcelain teapot on the floor and lecturing them about how this Doesnt Solve Any Problems or is a permanent solution to a temporary problem like no. just be a distraction jfc and dont insult anyone by generalizing their experience and guessing at what's probably an extremely complex and personal matter and turning it into empty clichés anyways: this was the longest way to get to the idea that isnt it wild when, like how you can Hear a sound in your head and despite recreating it decently its different from actually hearing it externally, you can sometimes remember what it was like to feel nice about the concept of life? i cant really summon earlier things but sometimes i can remember flashes of having those later sad-person-in-their-own-head moments of thinking of distant abstract concepts like seeing the sky as a medium for connection to the infinite experiences of humanity, and i can get like the equivalent of a visual image of a recreated feeling from back when i still had a few lingering overly-optimistic notions that things would be good soon. don't get me wrong, again im still aware of the good things in life and i still have good experiences and still feel good feelings. but i dont harbor expectations that the course of life must and will average itself out or lean towards improvement for any reason, like knowing that good things happening to you out of the blue is the same as how terrible things can happen for exactly the same reason—namely no reason at all. so i just dont have the same feelings i used to about my own personal life, and i dont feel the things i used to when i hoped it still could be Only A Matter Of Time. so its wild when for some reason i mentally stumble on the memory of having those feelings and theyre still recent enough that i get a moment of recreating the feeling like i do when i can picture something in my head, and its totally different and dissonant than what's currently true for me. it wasn't a more accurate perspective to think that life being bad meant it had to improve, but its obviously a nicer feeling. and it sounds like overused to the point of meaningless comparison but its like getting your head above water for a second in terms of the momentary contrast of sensation tldr its wild when you depressioning 24/7 and dead inside and have an instant of remembering What It Was Like To Feel Things

[oliverphisher]

Chrissie Krebs

Chrissie Krebs is an Australian Author Illustrator of children’s picture books. Her first book ’This Is A Circle' was published by Penguin Random House in 2016 and was followed up by a cheeky Christmas story ‘There is Something Weird In Santa’s Beard’. 

Chrissie had the wonderful opportunity to work with Michael Gerard Bauer on his hilarious story about a nutty rabbit - 'Rodney loses it' was released in 2017 by Omnibus Scholastic. Two more picture books are scheduled for release in 2018 by omnibus scholastic. Chrissie still cannot believe that she is getting paid to draw pictures all day.

She is currently living her inner four year old’s dream.

What are one to three books that have greatly influenced your life?

If I had to narrow it down, I would have to say that Dr Seuss - The Cat In The Hat would be the most influential book in terms of inspiring my career in writing and illustrating for children. I adore the clever and chaotic storyline that is coupled with Suess’ impressive and expressive illustrations. I remember studying the pictures very closely as a child.

The Harry Potter Books are also another deeply influential series. I was a lot older when I read them, but it certainly opened me up to another world full of opportunities and magic. Also JK Rowlings backstory - from struggling single mum to world renown author is truly inspirational.

What purchase of $100 or less has most positively impacted your life in the last six months (or in recent memory)?

I was using a very old version of Adobe Photoshop (CS5.1) up until recently when it stopped working when I updated my iMac. I was devastated, this program was my livelihood, it was how I illustrated. I was dead against Adobe’s new business model of charging users $70 a month for their creative cloud suite so I began to search for another program.

I found, after much research, a program called Art Studio Pro. It cost me AU$32.00 and it works just as well as Adobe Photoshop and I don’t have to pay an exorbitant fee to Adobe every month. It has been a life saver.

How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

The road to publication for me has been a long one. It took me fourteen years from dreaming about being a children’s book writer and illustrator to actually receiving a contract. I now have five books out in the wild. After so many years of trying, I entered a competition where I was dead certain that I would at least be shortlisted. I even gave myself an ultimatum - If I wasn’t going to get shortlisted in this competition I was going to throw away this crazy dream of becoming a children’s book creator. I would take it as a sign that this dream was just not meant to be. When the shortlist was announced - I discovered that I wasn’t on the list. I was devastated, but I had made the ultimatum. So I decided to let go of that dream and concentrate on other things in my life. It was only 6 days later I got an email out of the blue from a commissioning editor from Penguin Random House enquiring about a manuscript I submitted to their slush pile. That manuscript became my first picture book. Sometimes we hold on too tightly to a particular way that your dream should be realised that you become blind to other opportunities. That was me, I had to learn to let go for the flow to occur.

Are there any quotes you think of often or live your life by?

Although not connected to children’s books, I have on a piece of paper on my studio board:

‘He who angers you controls you’

Sometimes it’s hard to move past a wrong deed or an injustice, but continually focussing on it is completely debilitating. I have felt this way before and it has drained me of all motivation and creativity. I don’t want to give anyone that isn’t worth my time that much of my energy anymore.

What is one of the best investment in a writing resource you’ve ever made?

Being a part of a writing community is so important when you are working in isolation (as most writers do) so becoming members of writing organisations is really important. I am a member of the Australian Writers Guild, SCBWI and the Australian Society of Authors. Not only do these organisations help you to stay in the loop of what is going on in the writers market, they also offer advice on contracts, competitions and opportunities to network with publishers through literary speed dating and pitch parties.

What is an unusual habit or an absurd thing that you love?

When I am nervous or I have to complete something challenging, I automatically (and without conscious thought) start humming the A Team theme song.

In the last five years, what new belief, behaviour, or habit has most improved your life?

Due to having a supportive husband, I have been able to work from home within the last five years. Working from home can be very isolating and there are many distractions - like housework and Youtube. I now break down everything into mini goals. I give myself a mini goal every day - a goal that is achievable. For example, I am currently working on writing a feature length animation, my aim is to complete at least five pages of the script every day. If I complete more - great! But I need to complete five pages before I allow myself to be distracted by other things. Beforehand I was putting too much pressure on completing everything now instead of realising that it is a marathon, not a 100 meter sprint. I would get overwhelmed and would give up too quickly, now I am feeling better about my progress.

What advice would you give to a smart, driven aspiring author? What advice should they ignore?

My advice would be - Keep practising. Keep entering competitions, attend networking events where you can spend time with publishers and other industry professionals. A big piece of advice regarding writing would be - When you finish your manuscript, keep it in a draw for at least six months (twelve would be better) then take it out and reread and edit it. I find that many people want to send off a manuscript to a publisher as soon as they finish it but in most cases it isn’t ready. Sometimes leaving it for a while and then going over it with a fresh set of eyes can be the best thing for your work. Sometimes you will see glaring errors that you didn’t see before because you were too close to the story.

What are bad recommendations you hear in your profession often?

Not so much a bad recommendation, but it is never a good idea to be too pushy. Book publishers and Agents really dislike forceful interactions. If they like your story - they will contact you. Don’t push yourself or your story on them, it isn’t a good look and they will remember you as that pushy person that should be avoided.

In the last five years, what have you become better at saying no to (distractions, invitations, etc.)?

Unfortunately, I am not good at saying no to people. But if a pushy person has contacted me under the guise that they are a fan but they want me to show their manuscript to my publisher (Yes, I get people like that, unfortunately) I have a basic template that I send out to them with generic advice on how to get your manuscript looked at. I never show my publisher other people’s work for them.

What marketing tactics should authors avoid?

Over saturating social media with your book is never a good idea. I don’t want to inflict that type of bombardment onto my friends and family anyway it also creates fatigue with your work. Your author pages on social media platforms like instagram and facebook should be interesting but not annoying and constant.

What new realizations and/or approaches have helped you achieve your goals?

Being an illustrator as well as an author, I realised that I need to expand my skills into other areas. This has included working on a humorous greeting card line as well as merchandise for a gift company. This keeps my ‘brand’ in the public eye still and gives me another source of revenue. Also being able to visit schools to talk about writing and illustrating and conducting workshops help me stay relevant in the children’s book world.

When you feel overwhelmed or have lost your focus temporarily, what do you do?

I take a break. As hard and as simple as that sounds, walking away from a project that just isn’t working is sometimes the best thing to do. I sometimes start work on a completely different project or I will start doodling in my sketchbook and create something completely different to give my brain a rest.

Any other tips?

Don’t give up. Don’t think your goal will come in the exact way you envisage, always be on the lookout for opportunities because they can come in ways you never thought possible. And don’t fall for vanity publishing! Research your potential publisher before agreeing to anything.

________

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[theteenagewriter-blog]

3 Fears That Hold You Back

Let's face it--we all have worries and insecurities when it comes to life in general, never mind in writing.

Every author out there, even the bestselling ones like Stephen King and J.K. Rowling, has admitted to getting these anxieties at times.

For young writers, the pressure can be even worse, because of all that adult competition in the way.

But then, it's not just OTHERS that are holding us back, because we tend to hold OURSELVES back.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Inner Critic.

You'll get to know him very well, very soon, because he won't stop peering over your shoulder and whispering things into your ear while you write. Nothing will work on this dude. He's not gonna leave you alone.

Today I'd like to present 3 things you're going to hear from him. There's no way to escape hearing these things every day, with every novel.

But keep in mind that none of them are true, and none of them will hold you back from your writing if you don't let them.

#1: "I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH"

Don't ever listen to this.

Think of another hobby you may have, or a sport you play. When you first started that hobby or sport, were you a master right off the bat? Of course not. But now, after lots of practice, you're confident in your skills, even if you know you're still not perfect. We've all gotta start at some place.

A good step towards improvement is recognizing your faults. But that doesn't mean you should let your faults prevent you from continuing. Instead, take note of these faults and strive to improve. You should keep writing, no matter how good you think it may be. And meanwhile, take steps to get better. A great way to improve your writing skills is to read other people's writing. You can enter into short story writing contests for teens (check out Write the World: https://writetheworld.com/for_young_writers ), and subscribe to great writing blogs that will teach you something new every day (check out Write it Sideways: https://writeitsideways.com/start/  ).

No matter what, keep in mind that there will always be room for improvement. You may face self-doubt, but you're not alone.

Just think, once your novel has been published you'll look back and be glad that you never gave up.

#2: "I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT TODAY"

When humans are put to a daunting task, like cramming for high school exams, or, well, writing a novel, their hidden procrastinating, excuse-making powers are unlocked.

Like I've said, we're all going to have those various writers' block moments that make writing every day appear impossible, but we've also been over how to get past those moments. So if you've gotten past writers' block, but continue to put off your writing, there are no excuses. That's called procrastination.

Try to set a specific time frame for writing every day, and stick to it. For me, as a night owl, it works to write first thing in the morning, before I leave for school. I stuck to that routine after deciding to try it years ago, and now I do it automatically.

Remember what was said earlier about sheer stubbornness and self-discipline being important in becoming a writer? Well, now's the time to put that into practice. Real writers write even when they don't feel like it, even when they've caught the Monday blues.

And if the issue is a chaotic life (as it is with me), don't expect to get away with avoiding your novel there either because many accomplished adult authors have kids and full-time jobs to worry about, but still manage to publish their books.

You'll start to realize that it isn't about finding time, It's about making time. I'll be posting something on that soon.

#3: "NO ONE WILL READ THIS"

Well, whether or not this statement turns out to be true relies entirely on you, because you're the writer.

Instead of telling yourself that no one would read your writing, ask yourself if you would. Would you, as a reader, find the plot to be interesting? More than likely your answer will be yes, and that's a good sign. Of course, your opinion isn't going to be enough, although it is important. You need other people's opinion, too.

It's wise to join one or two writing communities, full of people who can help and support you. Have a few friends or family members you can count on to give you honest feedback.

Again, reading different advice from different professional authors and bloggers on how to make your novel readable can help a lot.

But don't forget that you'll be going through tons of testing and editing in the final stages of the novel. You need to keep an open mind for constructive criticism. The re-writing process can be tough, but it's going to make your book the best it can be.

And as for who will read your book once it's published, it all depends on how you market your book--how you put it out there. You'll need to be building what's called an audience, and have it ready to buy your novel by the time it's published.

I'll be dedicating a series to that later on. I'll also be posting lots of tips on making your book as awesome as it can be, so stay tuned!

Whatever you're afraid of, feel free to share that fear with your fellow readers, because you're not the only one. Just think of Mr. Inner Critic as a nuisance--because he is--but the kind of nuisance that will be useful during the editing and re-writing process.

And remember (warning--stolen quote): "fear is the wall between you and your dreams."

Here's another awesome stolen quote:

"Successful authors are aspiring writers that didn't quit."