#writing about gender shit in this context is always fun bc we obliterate all of the real nuance and doing so makes me want to scream foreve

[numiolaes]

Aemond is obsessed with women and that obsession takes a few forms/steams from a few places. He craves motherly affection, he feels because he is a second son and his purpose is to marry outside the family for politics he's been denied the Targaryen spouse he deserves, and he has felt alienated from women since his disfigurement which led to him thinking about them a lot more than he already was.

he doesn't see women as lesser, he loves his mother and acknowledges her strength too much to not, but he does see them as different. Some of that comes from his general lack of socialization with women and girls but it also stems from his thoughts and fixations around motherhood and procreation (yes ofc he has a breeding kink). Men cannot create life inside them and women can which fascinates him and is something he sees as important and precious. Aemond prefers the religious beliefs of the valyrians but he does care about the aspect of the Mother from the Seven. Life, passion, fire, blood and sex/sensuality are important in the valyrian beliefs so those two things help to cement his fixations and sense of reverence.

He's not much of an "all women are queens" type of guy though. Part of his obsession is because he was isolated by women and girls and even bullied by some of their girl cousins as a boy after he lost his eye and that still stings for him. He does feel entitled to having a partner but not just like, a woman in general or a perfect trad wife girlie or something, but a true equal and he is bitter about not having that. It's got a few levels; he wants to feel like at least one person out there loves him genuinely for himself, he wants to strengthen his stance as a man and targaryen in every sector, and his beliefs around procreation.

The first is obvious, the second is that having a strong capable wife (ideally valyrian) who he successfully cares for signals him as successful as a man by the standards they live by, the third is that he believes there should not be an imbalance in the energies when one couples, especially when conception is involved as if the amounts of energies to be used in making the baby are not proportional it will lead to complications in the pregnancy, stillbirths, defects etc.

He's very sensitive to this idea of energies, giving them away, how they effect things etc. He doesn't sleep with sex workers, or have affairs or any of that because of this. He doesn't believe that say, spending his seed in these "lesser" costs him his vital essence as fire can be replenished but it can lead to issues for himself, them and any children. He sees Targaryen energy as particularly potent because their dragonblood and to pour that into an unfit vassal would be like trying to keep embers in a paper bag.

(snipping just bc this is a long ass post)

This has definitely led his sexuality in interesting directions since he has a very high sex drive but actively doesn't want to get with any woman who doesn't fit his criteria, so he's developed a lot of like voyeuristic, solo and non penetrative fetishes and found other ways to channel the energy. I hesitate to call him an incel tho he does have some of those vibes bc this is like voluntary to semi-voluntary celibacy lol. His sense of entitlement and bitterness around his lack of a partner in part comes from the idea of something like soulmates. if he is to be one half of a union which produces perfect healthy children then logically there is a woman/women who match him. So where is she?

Another thing that makes him adverse to having sex outside of something like a intimate committed relationship is his trauma from his rape as a child. He just genuinely doesn't feel very safe around women in that context without knowing who they are as a person so he's not inclined to seek them out casually. There's a lot that makes him feel uncomfortable or elicits a visceral reaction which makes him feel ashamed and emasculated and he doesn't want that side of him to be seen. At the same he also wants this comfort that, for him at least, could only really come from a woman that would help soothe this. Also a lot of his other issues would be cured if he could knock someone up, like the ones around acceptance, family, love etc. He's unhinged like that.

Going back to his ideas around energies, pregnancies, women etc. I'll use Rhaenyra at the family dinner as an example. For one tho he has major beef with her, she was never more beautiful, attractive, and pure to him than when he saw her pregnant. If/when he learns about her miscarriage and the context around it he would feel genuine sorrow and remorse, it's a terrible thing to happen to a mother and he's sad it happened, especially to a Targaryen woman of his blood. But he also would not be too surprised since she was around so much death while pregnant between Vaemond and sitting next to Viserys. Especially Viserys as he's like a black hole of negativity and decaying energy which would negatively impact the child. Then of course the news was even more damaging negative energies. Even a woman of a strong stock like theirs would be effected by these large amounts of necrotic energies. He also thinks very poorly of Daemon over this because he didn't shield her from these energies as is his duty and even contributed. Like fr he now sees him as a major flop of a father/partner lol.

I could probably say more but this is already just WAY TOO LONG so I won't.