#writing a novel about a traumatic relationship? wait.

[gallafics]

𝙶𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚊𝚏𝚒𝚌'𝚜 𝚁𝚎𝚌𝚜

Category — My Comfort Fics (No Major Spoilers)

“The Fight For You” by WishIHadWings

Complete. 45 chapters. 328k words. Explicit Mexico AU. Slow burn. Cheating. Smutty. Angsty. Fluffy. End game but detailed Mickey/OMC. Brief Ian/Trevor.

Beautiful dynamic. Their chemistry is INSANE in this fic. The build up is phenomenal. The reunion sex is chefs kiss perfection. Say what you want but one of my fav tropes is “Mickey/Ian in a relationship and cheating to be with Ian/Mickey.” Parts of this fic are so painful to read, the angst gets ANGSTY in this one. (Full review — coming soon!)

“You can’t hurry love” by @crazynadine (Ao3)

Complete. 43 chapters. 464k words. Explicit. Graphic depictions of violence. Rape/non-con. Angsty. Smutty. Happy ending. Drug abuse. Domestic Violence. Slow burn.

This fic is one I hold so close to my heart. I relate to a lot of things in this fic. With that being said, please read the trigger warning and take care of your mental health when reading as it deals with some pretty heavy themes. Ian and Mickey are both with others but when they give in and finally come back together is literally so beautiful. Definitely a must read! (Full review — coming soon!)

“Silent Pain in Emerald Eyes” by @takeyourpillsbitchh (Ao3)

WIP. 7 chapters. 54k words. Explicit. Graphic depictions of violence. Rape/non-con. Angsty. Suicidal thoughts. PTSD. Mute!Ian Gallagher. Therapist!Mickey. Taboo relationship — therapist/patient. Happy ending. Romantic tension. Sexual tension. Mutual Pining.

This fic being incomplete doesn’t some me from rereading it over and over. This is another that I would say to definitely make sure you read the trigger warning and make sure you’re in a good mental space. It also deals with some pretty heavy themes. Mickey and Ian’s connection in this fic is unmatched for me, they just get each other so well in this one. They both have been through so many traumatizing things and Mickey uses his trauma to help Ian heal from his trauma in a healthy way. It’s quite beautiful. I literally wait with bated breath for the author to update! (Full Review — Coming soon)

“The Crimes Surrounding Ian Gallagher” by RumbleFish14

Rereleased WIP. 11 chapters. 85k words. Graphic depictions of violence. Major character death. Rape/non-con. Underage. Angsty. Smutty. Strangers to lovers. Ghosts. Detective!Mickey. Ghost!Ian. Love at first sight. Murder. Underage sex/relationship. Mystery with a twist.

This is one of the first fics I ever read when I joined the fandom, when I tell you I about peed my pants when I realized the author reuploaded this fic I’m not kidding. I actually squealed. It is a beautiful, intricate, detailed story and writes as a true mystery novel with hints of romance. I do know the ending as I have the original downloaded, and I’m confident to say it’s a happy ending, but I’m not sure if I should upload the download link? I will have to get in touch with the author somehow! Please, give this fic a chance if you feel your mental can handle it, it’s truly an amazing read. (Full review — coming soon)

[maleyanderecafe]

Apple for a Teacher: A Yandere Love Story (Visual Novel)

Created by: ataraxic

Genre: Horror/Romance

The screenshots on this one are a bit different because I played this game on my mac instead of my pc, so it looks a little weird on the preview. I played a previous game by this creator called Yandere Love: Chains of Fate, which features another character. This one features another character in this world, Ciel. If you've read my previous review on this series, you'll know my overall feelings about this game as well, because despite the couple of years that I haven't thought about this game, I still have the same opinions on it.

The story starts with the MC going to university. They're happy that they're finally free from their professor Ciel as they've finally passed their class. We learn that the MC really hates Ciel as he's very blunt and seems to have a vendetta against the MC. The MC was failing Ciel's class, so Ciel helped to tutor them, as the MC doesn't really know anyone else on campus. They're very happy when they find out that they're able to pass the class and don't have to deal with Ciel anymore and even more excited that they got into an elusive internship on campus. Ciel ends up asking the MC to a fancy dinner at an Italian place as a celebration of them passing their classes. The MC accepts as they want to eat at a fancy place and gets (begrudgingly) driven back to her place by his chauffeur. Ciel waits for the MC to change into more proper clothing as well as criticizes a lot of their outfits in the meantime. At some point, Ciel ends up seducing (?) the MC unintentionally and they can either go further or try to deny it.

If the MC goes further, Ciel and them will end up having sex, with Ciel even confessing that he's always loved the MC. Afterwards, however, the MC seems to be in shock about what they've done and attempts to push Ciel away.

If the MC decides to deny it and push Ciel down, Ciel will get angry and end up raping the MC, traumatizing them. The MC tries to get Ciel to leave afterwards.

Ciel, however, isn't having that as he's been looking for a partner to have children and live together with. He ends up forcing the MC to pack up and essentially kidnaps them. As the MC is forced into the car, they think about how no one will know that they're gone, as they have no family nor friends, with the only people who really would notice would be the fact that their internship might be looking for them. They end up falling asleep in the car before waking up chained to the bed. Ciel waits for them to wake up, introducing them to their new life together.

If you've read my previous review on Yandere Love: Chains of Fate, you'll probably know a lot about my criticisms with this game. The artwork and design of everything looks wonderful as always. The backgrounds, sprites and UI are all really professionally made and the music itself is pretty nice too. Unfortunately, I just don't really like the style of how this person writes too much because the relationship between the MC and the ML is usually just not fun to read (for me).

The MC of this game is different than the one in Dameon's game but instead of being pretty frankly stupid and making dumb decisions, they instead are very cynical and bitter of their position. It makes sense to a specific extent considering that Ciel loves to berate them but it does encapsulate a lot of the things I don't like about MCs in a lot of the more recent yandere vns I've played. A lot of yandere MCs tend to have this kind of cynical attitude- they dislike the job or position they're in, tend to be very grumbly about everything and don't really have any friends, and if they do have family they tend to not be on good terms with them. That in itself isn't necessarily always bad, however, it does get tiring to read. As my friend Cherry says, it's hard to really root for these types of MCs if we the audience can't even see why the yandere might be into them. I usually don't really mention this in my recommendations because the MC isn't really the main appeal of the game (and most people end up self inserting regardless), but it does get annoying when I have to go through the same type of personality over and over again. In some cases, it makes more sense as there is a bit of backstory into why this MC might act like this which is more understandable. This MC falls into a lot of the tropes of the recent MCs including the part where they find the yandere hot and bang him despite only really knowing him for a bit (and in this case also hating him, which is a whole other thing). I know there is such thing as hatesex, however, there wasn't really any indication of the MC finding Ciel attractive until right before the two of them have sex. It's also strange to me that they don't even try to fight (?) Ciel at all when he gets them to pack up their things and get in the car. It makes more sense in the route where Ciel rapes the MC, but otherwise it still feels sudden like it came out of nowhere. I would have thought there would have been at least some resistance or a proper threat that Ciel would have made. To be honest, I think this is likely also a problem with the pacing of certain choices as the MC's actions make a lot more sense if Ciel does end up raping them instead of simply just having sex with him.

Ciel is... mean, to say the least. In Dameon's case while he was usually just mean if the player chose decisions that he didn't like, Ciel is just straight up cruel. Not only does he outright insult the MC for not being able to pass his class and berates them while tutoring the MC, he also criticizes the MC's wardrobe choice when they're trying to find the right outfit for the dinner, even calling the MC a whore at one point, which I feel is super uncalled for (although kind of funny out of context), which the MC simply just... brushes off. There isn't really any indication that Ciel even likes the MC, which you could say is part of his more tsundere (well, I'd assume it would be tsundere, though we don't really see the deredere part) attitude, which makes the sudden kidnapping pretty jarring. It's hard to say why Ciel might even like the MC other than they're attractive and possibly easy to control, but the demo doesn't go far enough to tell what is going on. We do know that Ciel has a more traditional view of life, wanting to (essentially) have a "wife" and children, living together- similar to Vincent in Dead Wishes though we have yet to see the full progression of it. This type of yandere is pretty interesting as I don't really see it that often nowadays (and it is pretty cool seeing what they do to try to maintain that ideal) so hopefully in future iterations, this is shown more for the story. Still though, Ciel is very unlikable, even in terms of characters you hate to love kind of way, at least in my opinion. Besides that, he is rich and kidnaps the MC in a fairly nice place all things considered, though he's just as rude to them when they wake up. I can see people liking Ciel in a horror type of way because the game itself does do pretty well in setting up a more horror like story of being kidnapped, raped and forced to marry, but I would not at all call this a romantic type game even in the slightest even though the relationship seems to be more of a love hate one. Perhaps it might change in the future, but as of current, I'm not really buying that Ciel is in love with the MC.

So as I said, this game is not for me, however, if you did like the previous Yandere Love: Chains of Fate, then you will probably like this one as well. If any of this did interest you, then please give it a try.

[broodcoffee]

Going into the final two episodes of Witch from Mercury, I have some questions and observations

1. If the GUND technology was necessary for survival in space, then how did the Spacians survive without it in the 21 years since the Vanadis incident? It seems like the Spacians we saw are in more or less good health.

2. The plight of the Earthians has been reduced to a setpiece in the political drama of the Benerit Group/Space Assembly League.

3. Related to 2, the Dawn of Fold basically disappeared after Guel's episode on Earth. Also, the lack of context on Sophie and Norea made it difficult to care about them more.

4. Speaking of Guel, I think the writing did him dirty as his development after his experience on Earth was mostly walked back on. I expected he would care more about the Earthians or the terrible effect of war especially after he tried to save Seethia but nope. This just reinforced my observation that the Earthians' plight is nothing more than a setpiece in this show.

5. Shaddiq has been shown to be someone who planned things meticulously and can adapt on the fly but he suddenly made this all-or-nothing gamble when he attacked Guel in space resulting in him losing everything. Take note this was the same guy who thought of making out the Jeturk company as the fall guy for the attack at Plant Quetta to simultaneously remove them from the political game and deflect suspicion. It was as if the writers just wanted to clear the chessboard.

6. Elan Prime. Will he ever do something or be someone significant in this show? Speaking of Elans, thank goodness they remembered Elan 4 if only to give closure to Suletta. Also goodbye Pharact, everyone forgot about you.

7. Miorine's stagnant role for 3 episodes like the writers did not know what to do with her until she and Suletta have reconciled. I get she was traumatized by what happened but it would have been helpful to get a glimpse of her reaction to, say, the second attack at Asticassia.

8. The episodes after episode 17 have been weirdly paced. It was very rushed (like the results of the election and Quiet Zero already up and running) and at the same time the characters, like Guel and Miorine seemed to stagnate or rather, they were waiting for the set events, like Suletta's return, to happen before they can act.

It was also a waste to have Nika locked up for most of cour 2. At least Elan 5 and Norea got to know each other better but Nika was just a static spectator. Yes, her asking did lead to Elan 5 revealing Peil Technologies' best kept secret but other than that, it seemed like she was locked in there because the writers did not know what else to do with her until it was time for Earth House to reconcile. All in all, it did feel like there were these set events that the show had to go through and sometimes, when those events aren't happening yet, the writers seemed not to know what to do with certain characters hence the weird narrative choices like locking them up or having them so inert--like they were just waiting for the beats.

9. Miorine and Suletta--they sorely needed the little moments to build up their relationship. They had a lot of big moments, yes, but they also needed little moments as well. There's the Japan tour, audio drama, and light novel but the TV series needed these moments as well.

10. I still have a question about Delling's significance to the plot, like why was he still kept alive to be in a coma for most of cour 2 but I guess we'll find out soon enough. Also, hopefully Nortrette is still going to be more significant than her message in the tomato; after all, QZ was her idea. If not resolved properly, then Delling's comatose state would seem like another case of point 8, i.e., the writers not knowing what to do with him until the plot needs him.

I'm not sure if most of these can be addressed in the last two episodes of this cour. Maybe it would help if there was another cour but I'm not too sure if we're getting it since the show has been in a rush to tie up many--but not all (and I'm not too sure if they intended it that way or if they just overshot themselves)--of the loose ends. I read somewhere someone saying that characters are just tools to move the narrative along and while I would contest that characters can be more than tools and that they themselves can be the focus and the main driver of the story, in WFM cour 2--especially the 2nd half--the characters did feel like they were just tools.

Anyway, let's see. I'll be watching the final two episodes together two weeks from now. Hopefully, Witch from Mercury sticks its landing. 🤞

[jennegatron]

(spoilers for acoc below, just an untagged vent post to let me process my feelings about theopin, gooeybear, and the fandom surrounding d20 ships)

thinking a lot about theopin and why the pairing gets my goat. i guess a lot of it is because the versions of it that are really popular just have to fly in the face of canon. like theo talks about how he has an oath of chastity that he observes, so them having a sexual relationship, even one in the far past runs counter to that vow. i feel like theo's vows are really important to him which is why he resists gooey's flirts at times. i really like enemies to lovers as a trope, or rivals to lovers, which is also just what gooeybear is. theo doesn't trust lapin because he doesn't trust the church and he believes in the magic of candia and only comes to like and respect lapin when he starts to use his magic to serve the family, and that magic clearly doesn't come from the bulb. he protects lapin from calory because he sees lapin use his magic that way, and that his magic is the magic of lazuli, not of belizabeth. i get that people want a romance out of their dynamic, and because lapin dies, the only place to put it is in the past, but it breaks a lot of what is established as true about theobald in the episodes after lapin dies, a character that i think in his totality is beautifully complicated and wonderful. it feels like a disservice to him to have him compromise in that way without grappling with what that would mean to him, or at least explain why he would say that he had a vow when he initially is hesitant to get slammed down by gooey.

i think i also get annoyed at fans who get mad at players for not canonizing their ships. like people were SO weird about colin and deli not being canon last year during the ravening war, and you can pretty easily find people on here or on twitter who are extremely nasty about how much they hate(d) gooeybear (primarily because they wanted to ship gooey & saccharina, it seems.)

i read a theo/gooey fic recently and even that was actually about how theo is still in love with lapin and that they had had a relationship and was emotionally unavailable to gooey as a result. idk that just feels so alien to both theo & gooey for me as someone who has spent so much time thinking about those characters. gooey gets so little screen time but she makes it pretty clear in their interactions that she's primarily interested in just sex with him! she 'just needs to get it out of her system.' i think that could blossom into love, and most of the dumb fics i've written and then locked in a figurative drawer are based on that premise, and i'm even interested in what it would look like for gooey to fall first. she seems to me as extremely emotionally unavailable, likely traumatized by everything that lead her to a place where becoming a marauder made sense, so what if she's the first one to say i love you. that's deeply fascinating to me. and i think conflict in theo & gooey's relationship based off of theo wondering 'what if' is i think really interesting. or even just solo from theo's point of view 'what ifs'. 'fix it' fics where people write lapin as still alive don't really bother me, it's really the inserting theopin into the past that upsets me. i think i could really get down with some unconsummated lust/longing between the two of them. that the energy build up never was released in the form of hatesex, and lapin just took that to his grave. now that's a juicy tragedy waiting to be written

i think femdom gooey/malesub theo is such an interesting and novel pairing that is such a subversion of normal fantasy medieval roles. like the extremely restrictive views on top/bottom and dom/sub for heterosexual pairings means that theo and gooey are outside of the standard strict heteronormative expectations of sex, and i think that it's beautiful and surprising and if you spend 30 seconds thinking about it feels fundamentally true and inevitable. the knight who instead of bedding women throughout the land is deeply virtuous and chaste until a woman sees directly through to the soft center of him and knows that he wants to be bossed around.

i know it's not that serious, and mostly i get around it by muting/blocking people/tags so that i don't have to see it, but my compulsive tendencies on social media mean i encounter it sometimes. like this was spawned by art from an artist i really like that drew theo super hot but the piece as a whole was theopin. i don't like that it takes up so much of my brain or that i get so annoyed. i don't know why i can't just be normal about this. probably just another thing to add to the pile of things that what is probably ocd makes me do/think. ty to the 2 of you who might read this, i sometimes need a place to just dump all of my thoughts to help me process them and the longform capability of tumblr helps me do that.

[naomitess]

Dear Yuletide Writer 2024

Dear Yuletide Author,

First of all, thank you so much for writing a story for me. Yuletide is one of my favorite parts of the holidays. I love writing stories for people; I love reading stories written for other people in fandoms I didn’t know enough about to properly request; and I love waking up on Christmas morning with a story waiting for me that someone wrote. It's magical. I have loved every story that was written for me, and I am sure I will love whatever you write.

Things I love, in general: witty dialogue. Fic that gets the voices right. Everyday moments that mean more than they seem to on the surface. Enemies-to-friends or enemies-to-lovers. Female friendships. I like crossovers and AUs, including modern/nonmagical AUs of fantasy worlds.

DNWs: moms dying, smut with underage characters. (I prefer gen to smut in Yuletide fics although depictions of sex up through R are fine.)

Specifics for the fandoms (and all optional details are optional; as a Yuletide writer, I love getting fairly specific requests for prompts, but don’t feel like you have to stick with mine):

1. The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate (character requested: Calpurnia Tate)

I want what I think everyone wants on reading The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate and The Curious World of Calpurnia Tate: I want Calpurnia to go to college. (A real college, where she could study science.) I’d love a story about that – Calpurnia fighting to go, going, being there, graduating, any element of it. Any historically plausible college -- Or, if you’d prefer, any story where she takes an important step toward getting a real education will make me happy. Or any story where she does science with her Grandfather, because those are my favorite parts of the books. Or you could use any item on that bucket list she writes at the end of the first book as a prompt. I would prefer not to get a story where Calpurnia’s grandfather dies in the story. If he’s died before the story starts (even quite recently) that’s OK. One of the things I really appreciate about these books is that Calpurnia never surrenders to the demands of femininity. She learns to cook and knit and do various other mandatory tasks because her mother forces her, but never says to herself, “oh, this isn’t so bad,” and the book never presents “becoming a LADY” as the inevitable response to maturity.

I love all the side characters and their relationships with Calpurnia, so feel free to use your favorites or make up some OCs for her to hang out with in college or whatever.

2. Chalion series, Lois McMaster Bujold (characters requested: Umegat, Worldbuilding: either/or) I recently re-read The Curse of Chalion -- at the end, Umegat is an ex-saint struggling with the aftereffects of a severe traumatic brain injury. He has his friends, he's re-learning how to read, and he says that he hopes his god has some interesting task for him before the end. Though hopefully not one involving animals, or royalty.

I would like a story about Umegat -- I would like to know what task he gets next, and what he does. Alternately, I would also like a story about Umegat before we meet him in Curse of Chalion -- growing up in the Archipelago, escaping, his first experience with sainthood (it's clear that the menagerie is not the first time he's hosted a miracle.) Or for that matter, a story about Umegat and the menagerie and how he came to be "given" to the Roya: Umegat complains that the Bastard does not write him messages, so how did he come to realize what the menagerie was for, and why his role there was so critical? How did doing his daily duties as they came to him result in this Sainted Divine arriving in Cardegoss with a couple of gorgeous leopards and realizing that somehow, they kept the Roya from dying? Feel free to use any of the other characters from the novels (or OCs, if you want).

If we matched on Worldbuilding: I love this world and am particularly fascinated by the role of the gods and their saints. Some prompts: a modern AU with the five gods and their roles mapped onto a world more like our own. Something that would show me how the Rusylli interact with the gods. Any real-world culture that we have not visited, mapped onto the world of the Five Gods, and what it's like there.

3. Dreadful by Caitlin Rozakis (characters requested: Gav and Eliasha.)

When this book finished, I just wanted ... more. Where do they go next, what do they do? I should note, I actively don't want a romance between Gav and Eliasha -- I want their friendship to strengthen, I want them to have each others' backs, and I want them to find new and interesting ways to undermine both the "Heroes" and the "Villains" in this world and support the common people in surviving and thriving. I strongly suspect that a big part of Gav's journey to the Dark Side originally involved resentment about not being popular with women, and I want him to focus on platonic relationships for a while.

4. The Saint of Steel series (characters requested: Zale, Worldbuilding -- either/or)

I love Zale so much. SO much. I also just love the whole concept of the Temple of the White Rat. I would be happy with anything related to either Zale or the Temple of the White Rat. I realize "I love all this stuff so much" is not much of a prompt, so here are some ideas:

Zale has to handle some profoundly petty legal problem (along the lines of someone demanding a small personal item back from a former roommate) that escalates.

The Temple gets wind of one of the other swords (like from Swordheart), and sends Zale out to handle it.

A modern AU in which the Temple of the White Rat exists in something closer to our world and the White Rat calls journalists to do wrongful conviction podcasts.

A story in which the White Rat called a paladin and decided they were a lot of trouble and the Rat could stick with lawyers henceforth.

A story about how the White Rat calls devotees (does the Rat call people? Or do people just find their way to the Temple and get adopted?)

Seriously, anything sounds great. I also love all the other characters: feel free to include as many as you want (or to invent OCs).

Thank you, and happy Yuletide!

[myloveforhergoeson]

i'd love to read some good ol' hockey romance novels but idk where to start lol; would you happen to have any recommendations? (it's totally cool if not!!)

YES OMG ok but something you must understand about me is that all of my book recommendations come exclusively from booktok or instagram so please take this with a grain of salt. i like them dumb, stupid, cliche, and smutty!

i am very new to the hockey romance genre, so i only have two books that i have read as of now to recommend, but i've got three on my to be read list so i can talk about those too <3

the one i just finished is called behind the net by stephanie archer and friend... god... i thought this one was just going to be just like pwp but there was plot and it was good and had me actually shocked something so interesting popped up in this book bc i had expected something completely different. it centers around jamie, a hockey player (goalie) for a fake team called the vancouver storm who trades his life playing for a team in new york to move home and take care of his mother after a series of mental health crises. he's a bit mean, a little arrogant, but he is mostly and above all... say it with me... MISUNDERSTOOD. god i eat this shit up. his counterpart is a young woman named pippa who just got out of a pretty one sided (read: slightly emotionally abusive) relationship with the only guy she'd ever dated. her ex is a pretty famous musician and it's her dream to write and record her own album one day, but after the break up and a little bit of a traumatic experience with her ex and his manager, she's not quite sure that's the right choice for her. she's very sweet, determined, and overall someone i found to be a very interesting character. anyway, she ends up as his assistant, chaos ensues, things happen that i won't spoil, but i enjoyed it very much.

(he calls her songbird a lot and though i do not have the claim on the pet name every time he said it my mind immediately went rames rames rames rames like a dog chasing after a squirrel)

i've got a little journal where i keep track of all the books i'm reading and i gave it a 3/5 stars on quality of writing, 5/5 stars on the strength of the characters, and a 4/5 on the plot. and my own extra rating, 4/5 on the spice scale

also! the author is writing a series that includes other members of the team and some minor characters from the first novel! the next one comes out in a few days and i can't wait to pick it up!

the first book i read out of the hockey romance genre is a book called icebreaker by hannah grace - this one was pretty popular when it came out and many people have many opinions on it. here are my own which are very general because i read it almost a year ago

the summary of the book is a little misleading, the main conflict is supposed to revolve around the captain of a fake college hockey team (nate) and a figure skater (anastasia) who's shooting for olympic gold having to share an ice rink after the one the figure skaters use is put out of commission. long story short, anastasia blames nate, but they're put in a bit of a forced proximity situation that lasts like... five chapters max. the rest is them figuring out their feelings for each other yada yada which is fine and i enjoyed but it was not what i thought the book would mainly be about. so, personal warning there lol. this one is a bit closer to pwp, but both of them have goals they want to accomplish and they help each other through that. i liked stassie a lot and found her to be an interesting character - watching her fall for nate was very sweet and i think i would have enjoyed it even more if i really liked him. he was just kind of mid to me with his only two personality traits being rich and team captain. but also, as a college student myself, i liked the atmosphere of the school they attended, the dynamic between stassie and the other players on the team as she slowly got to know them, and the way both nate and stassie worked to better themselves in order to be with each other!

in my journal i gave the quality of writing 3/5, the strength of the characters a 3/5 and the plot a 2/5 (it would have been 4/5 but i HATED the epilogue. if you read this book do not read the epilogue your life will be so much better without it) and my own special 3/5 on the spice scale

this one is also a series involving the other players on the team! the second book came out a few months ago and i'm planning to read it soon. it's been sitting on my shelf for ages.

i would recommend behind the net over icebreaker, but both were enjoyable to me!

on my hockey romance tbr:

the graham effect by elle kennedy

wildfire by hannah grace

the fake out by stephanie archer

but, i am a well-rounded (romance) reader so if you'd like to know my favs or other books im reading or like reviews just lmk... i'm slowly turning this blog into one where i just share whatever i want instead of it being focused toward my story LOL

[hobblingeuripides]

SPOILER WARNING

Book Review: Ariadne by Jennifer Saint

It has taken me a month and a half to fully collect my thoughts on this novel, and I think I can officially say it has become my favorite book of all time; and I can't wait to reread it and read her other two novels as well.

Upon introduction to this book, before reading, I thought this would be another version of Ariadne's tragic abandoning by Theseus, maybe introducing Dionysus at the novel's close. However, this book breathed life and an agency into the character of Ariadne that mythology and time has neglected to give her. Saint's eloquent and tragic retelling includes the eras of Ariadne's life in her youthful naivete falling in love with Theseus, framing his abandonment of her as a rightfully traumatic event that stayed with her for her entire life. Saint very carefully wrote Theseus' character in the beginning in a way that you understood why Ariadne fell in love with him, despite all his horrible crimes; it is here that I'll stop to admit a very small part of me was rooting for him to turn out as a hero, for Ariadne's sake. The story goes as it has been previously told, and in walks Dionysus to fulfill all of our protagonist's wildest desire. Ariadne finds content in her love and life as a mother until the feelings of neglect, abandonment, and distrust return to the surface. Dionysus constantly travels, and, when he's home, he attends to secret rituals with his maenads (followers) in the woods. As we see Ariadne's distrust grow, we see more of her maturity and caution as a traumatized woman. When her greatest fears are confirmed, I had so much hope as a reader that this would be a chance for her to become a heroine, flipping the original story and creating a "girl-boss" twist on a traditionally patriarchal tale.

Of course I was shocked and left speechless with the story's end that had Ariadne die with her husband and Hera to blame. There was no hope for Ariadne as a woman, as a mother, as a mortal in that harsh reality.

And this isn't even to mention the massive role and tragedy of Phaedra. A woman who longs to defy tradition but is trapped at every corner, and when she goes to lean on the one person she thinks she can trust, Ariadne, she sees that Ariadne has chosen to live that traditional life that burdens Phaedra so. It sparks a sense of betrayal, heightened when Phaedra opens up to her sister about her lust for Hippolytus. The relationship between Ariadne and Phaedra is such a well-written sisterly bond, which left me wanting to drive the seven hours it takes just to hug my sister. There is no one who understands these women better than each other, yet Phaedra is such a tragic character that she dies shortly after feeling betrayed by her sister; she had already been betrayed and lied to by her husband and had fallen into delusion over Hippolytus. I could go on about Phaedra, but I'll leave more for Saint to say.

The way women are represented without negating the harsh realities of what it was to be a woman in Ancient Greece is just so beautiful and refreshing, and Saint writes every word with love and care for her protagonists. We root for Ariadne, just as we mourn for both women as if they were our own sisters. The roles they take on are roles we still see women succumbed to today, yet they fall to shame and criticism in so many modern stories. It has the same feeling as when you watch Greta Gerwig's films: when the different sisters in Little Women (2019) choose to be mothers or writers or wives or artists, supporting each choice they make. Or when the women in Barbie (2023) want to be ordinary without being called basic or stereotypical. Or even when they want to be extraordinary, there should be no shame.

The tragedy is truly that, whatever role Ariadne and Phaedra chose or were placed into, they were never truly free. There can never be freedom and there can be no heroes in a world that is run by gods and men.

I give Ariadne by Jennifer Saint 5/5 Stars

[kittymaine]

Dead To Me

Summary: Jason Todd attends the funeral of Bruce Wayne.

Whumptober Fill. Day Two. Prompt: "I'll call out your name but you won't call back." from Dead To Me by Melanie Martinez

It rained the day they buried Bruce Wayne in Gotham Cemetery. Because, of course it did. Even the sky mourned the death of Gotham's crown prince.

Jason showed up at the funeral even though he wasn't technically invited. He didn't legally exist, so he imagined that made it a little hard to add him to a guest list or send him an invitation. But, Babs had sent him the date and time, and it seemed sort of pointed, so he showed up.

Bruce wasn't really his father. But, there had been a time when Jason had really wanted him to be. He had enough years behind him by then that he could admit that to himself.

They had two years of something together, that's for sure. Bruce had been warm and welcoming back then, but he was also completely over his head with Jason. With distance, Jason could see all the ways they were a disaster waiting to happen.

Bruce had meant well, but he didn't understand Jason. He could read the DSM front to back and write a small novel about all the way that Jason's upbringing caused him to react the ways he did to certain stimuli. But, Bruce had no ability to put any of that knowledge into action. When Jason lashed out or went overboard, Bruce brought down the hammer of judgement down had, even if every psychology textbook he ever read probably told him that wasn't going to get him the results he wanted. In the end, he was human. He had no training regarding caring for traumatized children, and he hadn't learned anything from the mess that his relationship with Dick had devolved into.

Jason didn't understand Bruce any better than Bruce had understood him. Jason could put aside his distaste for Bruce's material wealth, because he felt like Bruce was doing something about the unfairness of it all with Batman. But, he didn't understand all the lines that Bruce drew around his vigilante activities. Why did they have to work inside the law if the law was wrong? Hell, why work with the police at all? They were vigilantes! They were already operating outside the law!

Bruce never really entertained Jason's arguments, maybe because he felt that Jason wasn't in a place to really listen to him. And, maybe he was right, but it just made Jason more sure that he was on to something or that he was being dismissed out of hand.

But all of that was years ago and far behind him by the time he stepped into the cathedral.

Dick, Tim and Damian stood at the front of the chapel while the priest read a heartfelt sermon about a man who didn't even really exist. Brucie Wayne, the farce, was who was really being mourned there that day.

Cassandra was Bruce's daughter by law too, but she was nowhere that Jason could see. Though, she could be anywhere in the cathedral and nobody would see her unless she wanted to be seen. Maybe she didn't want to come. Maybe she was asked not to, since she had never been a big part of Bruce's public image like the boys were.

No Alfred either. Maybe there would be a family memorial later. Maybe Jason would be invited to that. Somehow he doubted it, though.

Jason's biological father was a consummate disappointment and, if Jason was honest with himself, Bruce wasn't much better. But, there had been hope there once, unlike with Willis. They had good times together too. There had been camping trips in the mountain, supposedly for wilderness survival training, but containing too much fishing and roasting marshmallows for Jason to take that excuse seriously. They used to discuss books late into the night. That had been really special to Jason. No adult had ever wanted to hear his opinions about books before. No adult had even believed that Jason read the books he carried around since his mom died.

Bruce could listen to him talk about books for hours, but he was never there when he needed him. Missed phone calls, missed dinners, missed teacher conferences. As time went on and the new shine on Jason's adoption wore off, they piled up more and more.

By the end, he didn't bother to call anymore. Bruce never answered.

They were lining up to view the corpse. The boys went first, followed by the rest of the upper crust of Gotham's elite who had been invited to the funeral of the decade. There would be a public memorial tomorrow, where everyone was invited. Jason wondered how many people would come out. The weather was supposed to be just as nasty tomorrow, but the public loved a little shared misery.

Jason made sure he was at the back of the line, the very last person.

When Jason got to the front, his stomach clenched at the sight of the man who could have been his father laying in white silk. Bruce looked good. Jason had seen a lot of dead bodies, but they usually didn't look like this. His cheeks were full and smooth, the color good, his skin smooth and healthy looking. His thick dark hair was brushed back from his face, just touched with gray at the temples. His hands were clasped over his stomach. He looked like he was just taking a nap.

As long as you didn't look at the glue beading between his eyelashes.

Jason looked at the glue and couldn’t help but to see the milky, dull eyes that hid behind those closed lids. He looked at Bruce's mouth, smoothed out in death and lacking the furrows that perpetual frowning had given him in life. He thought about metal wire being punched through gums, about a thread run through the palette of the mouth and up through the nose. In the old days they would just tie a towel around the head to keep the mouth closed, but these days morticians had gotten creative when it came to keeping the mouth closed after death.

Pushing thoughts of embalming fluid away, Jason carefully placed the single dark red rose on the pile of flowers left by mourners on the casket.

He followed the line out of the cathedral past the boys. Dick and Tim were shaking hands with suitably somber faced wealthy Gothamites. Damian was staring intensely at the toes of his polished leather loafers, like they had insulted him personally.

When Jason got to them, Damian's head shot up, and he hissed with a low voice, "You should not be here!" It didn't escape Jason's notice that his eyes were rimmed in red and the sclera were bloodshot.

"Damian," Dick hissed back, sounding tired and waspish.

"He's right," Tim added in a voice so flat that it would have been an insult to computers to say it sounded computerized. "If someone gets a photo of him here talking to us, we'll have a hard time explaining it."

Jason only raised his eyebrows. He looked so different from his teenage self, he couldn't imagine anyone connecting the dots on that one.

"He shouldn't be here because he is a black spot on the Wayne family," Damian bit out with barely leashed rage.

Jason put his hands up. "I'm not here to cause problems. Just here to pay my respects. Feel free to forget I exist after this."

He turned to leave after saying his piece, shoving his hands into his pockets as he stepped out into the drizzling rain.

God, sometimes he hated the city. Was it too much to ask for a break in the rain for ten minutes?

Jason was pulling out the last of his Newport cigarettes and lighting up under the small overhang outside the church when Dick caught up with him.

He put his hand on Jason's elbow, which Jason gave a pointed look, but Dick didn't take the hint and remove his hand.

"Damian didn't mean that," he said in a low voice. Dick was keeping a weather eye on the mourners still milling around outside the cathedral, rubbing elbows and gossiping over the late Bruce Wayne and what would happen to the family in his wake. A few eyes drifted their way, but most people were eager to get to their cars and out of the rain.

"Yes, he did," Jason replied incredulously.

Dick grimaced and ran a frazzled hand through his hair, messing up the artfully tousled style he had going on. Jason wondered if Alfred had styled it for him.

"This has really shaken him. He's just lashing out at everyone right now. He'll regret saying that later," Dick said tiredly.

"Maybe real later," Jason muttered wryly. He sucked on his cigarette and savored the burn as the smoke hit his lungs. The nicotine settled into his nerves, like a soothing hand running down his back.

"I know things are tough right now, but we don't want you to disappear, okay?" Dick said, a desperate note to his voice.

Jason took a second to look at Dick, really looked at him. He had big bags under his eyes that even expensive top shelf concealer couldn't hide. His cheeks looked hollowed out, and his suit was impeccably tailored, but Jason could see how small his waist was, how thin he had gotten in just the last few days.

"I think you need this more than I do," Jason replied, shoving his cigarette at Dick, who fumbled to take it before it burnt him or dropped onto the wet concrete steps.

Jason took advantage of the distraction to step out into the rain. The cold drizzle felt good after the close quarters of all those high class people. The smell of expensive perfume and cologne had mingled with the scent of hot house flowers to make Jason feel lightheaded.

Dick didn't follow him, which Jason was glad for. Jason wasn't sure what he would do now, but whatever it was, Dick had a lot of bigger things to worry about than him. He'd been fine for a long time. He'd been waiting on Bruce's funeral for a long time.

Death was a lot more real to him than most vigilantes, with the one exception of Bruce himself, maybe. One last thing that they had shared between them. The certainty that death was just one wrong turn away.

The funeral was just a formality. Batman had been living on borrowed time for years.

[sopebubbles]

Hi, silent reader here, sorry I don’t like your post that often.

I love the way you write I never thought that I’ll be reading anything omegaverse related, it just wasn’t my thing and here I am totally invested in lone wolf I think is just that I really like your writing and your histories. I’ve been trying to not to read the updates just so I can have more to read but I can’t help myself. I read from 1 to 10 (again) so I can enjoy chapter 11 better and I just wanna say it totally works, the chapter where oc is not mentioned that much and how we can get to know each and every character I don’t think it’s too much or to little of them (I just wish the chapters were longer)

I love little pack and I can’t wait for the development of their relationships with everyone. Also I wanna ask about Taehyung what accident is Yoongi talking about when he is saying how he fell for Jin, is it related to his nightmares?

Anyways sorry for the long ask and my not so great English, and thank you for writing

Aw that's so sweet 🥰 i totally get it! It was strange to me when i started reading onegaverse too, and tbh there are only a few that i do read. In really glad this one is one you like.

I'm thrilled that it feels cohesive from the beginning to now. Sometimes i have to go back and reread things I've written earlier so i don't lose track of things. I want all the characters to be the dimensional and not just around, but it's difficult to manage sometimes 😆. Sorry about the 'short' chapters. We're already over 70k words and that's already the length of a novel so it's crazy that you just read all that, but that's really nice to hear.

I love long asks! And i think your english is perfect. Thanks for writing 🥰

(Kinda spoilers below, the answer to Tae's past will be given a couple chapters from now)

As for Tae, he has two traumatic events in his past that cause his nightmares. The first is that his family died in a fire while he was away at college and he has struggled with a lot of survivor's guilt for that. The second is that while he was out doing street art alone one night he was attacked by a group of saps. It was more emotionally damaging than physically, but he's still afraid of leaving the house alone sometimes, and especially of going out at night.

[bellaxgiornata]

hi babygorl if ur still looking for a distraction may i please request these for now <3 hope you're doing well bestie gal!!! 🫶😎

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Ahhh omg thank you so much for asking me! Yes I am looking for distractions so thank you, friend!! ❤️ I hope you're doing well yourself!

B Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

Yes, actually. Big truth moment here–Caught in the Undertow is inspired by something that happened to me with an ex a few years back. The cheating, coke using musician asshole ex was real and the traumatic situation that Emily is dealing with in CITU was also based off real events in that relationship. I also was a wedding photographer for over eleven years, but no, I did not have a Matt Murdock/Daredevil BFF. That story started as a cathartic piece that grew into something more and now current issues in life have made it temporarily too difficult for me to work on (though I intend to come back to it).

F Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

“So wait,” you began, a hand raising to your forehead as you tried to understand, “while we were at Josie’s discussing penis whistles just a bit ago, you were out running around as Daredevil?”

Matt’s head tilted to the side, his dark brows creasing together as he blinked hard a few times back at you. He shook his head a moment later, his sightless gaze landing at your chest as a look of confusion and disbelief washed over his features. “You find out I’m Daredevil and yet somehow you still manage to bring up…penis whistles in the same sentence?” he asked, the corner of his lips beginning to tug upwards.

“Well I mean,” you began, mind still reeling, “poor Foggy was left to listen to bachelorette party discussions because you were out doing all of that.” You waved a hand in his general direction for emphasis. “Which, by the way, he definitely needs tit-shaped decorations for the bachelor party. I'm buying him a boob shaped beach ball." You tilted your head to the side for a moment, vaguely aware of Matt lightly laughing as you added, "Come to think of it I think there's a sash that even says 'one clit that's it' and I think he needs that, too. You can tell him I said ‘you’re welcome’ for them. He’ll get it.”

Matt was smiling now, shaking his head yet again and chuckling to himself as he stared back at you in something akin to amused awe. “You’re…you’re telling me to buy Foggy tit-shaped decorations for his bachelor party about fifteen minutes after discovering this huge secret about me?”

“Well, you’re already attractive and successful, why not be a fucking superhero ninja, too?” you blurted.

Honestly there are a lot of dialogue scenes I could choose from and ramble on about (you all know I get excited chatting about FFTD), but this one stands out the most to me. It is from Falling For the Devil in "The Time Daredevil Saved You." I love it (and I guess am proud of it) because whenever someone finds out about Matt's big secret, all hell breaks loose, whether it's in the show or even in a lot of fic. People are pissed and hurt, Matt usually mentally beats himself up about things, it's a whole thing. But here, Reader just accepts it like it's a part of Matt. Basically saying 'Of course you're also a superhero, that doesn't surprise me at all, just add it to the list of everything else great about you!' And I thought it was a fun and different way to go about the identity reveal because you don't generally see that and Matt didn't end up feeling like crap about himself after. Plus the way Reader discovered he was Daredevil was fun, too. I could write you a novel on all the other dialogue in this series alone, but I'll just mention this one 😅

Thank you for asking and distracting me for a bit!! ❤️❤️

[ridley-was-a-cat]

Fall 2022 Anime Roundup

Somehow yet another season has completed, and this one was a doozy. Not only were there multiple sequels to major franchises like Mob Psycho and My Hero Academia, we got a sequel to Bleach 10+ years after the last season ended. On top of that, there was the highly anticipated debut season of Chainsaw Man, and four adaptations of shoujosei works, which is more than we usually get in an entire year. There was just a ton of stuff on offer this season, and almost all of it was good.

Completed

Anime of the Season: Mob Psycho 100 III

In a season as packed as this one, choosing a favorite was no easy task, and I went back and forth between this and Raven of the Inner Palace. As good as they both were, I'm going to have to give this the edge for pairing its moving story about adolescent turbulence with an absolute spectacle of art and animation. I really can't say enough good things about how Mob steadfastly rejects violence or subjugation as displays of strength or power. The show never gets preachy about it, Mob just sees people's appeals to use his power in destructive ways as pointless and unappealing. ONE said that he set out to write something kind when he wrote Mob Psycho, and I have to say that he definitely succeeded in writing one of the best examples I've seen of positive, non-toxic masculinity. 9/10

First Runner Up: Raven of the Inner Palace

I didn't really know what to expect when I added this to my schedule for the season, and basically only watched it because it had a shoujo label, and I reflexively support shoujosei anime. What I ended up with was a fantastic drama that used one to two episode-long vignettes about various people and spirits around the imperial court to tell a larger story about who the main characters are, and how the events of the past affect them today. The slow development of the relationship between the Raven Consort and the Emperor was extremely satisfying to watch, as was seeing her learn to open up to the people around her. Many of the characters' backstories were tragic or traumatic, and the show handled them with the right amount of thoughtfulness. 9/10

Second Runner Up: Akiba Maid War

I nearly dropped this halfway through the first episode thinking that it was going to be just another P.A.Works original about humbling an idealistic young woman at her first job, and then a gang war broke out. A committed and affectionate parody of gangster movies with enough heart to avoid becoming a cheap joke. 8/10

Bocchi the Rock! - I didn't plan to watch this because the manga runs in one of those lolicon magazines that skeeve me out, but luckily the hype got to me, and I didn't miss out on this spectacularly animated and directed comedy about an introverted girl chasing her rock and roll dreams. 8/10

I'm the Villainess, So I'm Taming the Final Boss - This tried to squeeze three light novel volumes into twelve episodes, making episodes 4, 8, and 12 into arc-concluding speed runs, but our villainess was so charmingly spunky and her demon lord boo was so damn fine that I was having too much fun to care about its flaws. 8/10

Spy x Family Part 2 - I kept waiting for the plot to kick back in before finally accepting that this series apparently is more of an episodic comedy than the first cour let on, but it's still plenty entertaining. 8/10

Bleach: Thousand-Year Blood War - I liked, but didn't love, Bleach's original run, and this sequel retains many of the story writing traits I didn't care for, but the visuals got a major upgrade, everyone is smoking hot, and they played "Number One" at the end of the last episode, so I can't help but feel the hype. 8/10

Chainsaw Man - I can both see how skillfully directed and animated this was, and how the characters and story would be appealing to a lot of people, while also disliking the decision to mimic live-action movies, and acknowledging that this story full of misery is just not for me. 7/10

Do It Yourself!! - A cute girls doing cute things show that broke through my exhaustion with the genre by having an unusual activity like carpentry, and mixing it with distinctive character designs and lively animation. 7/10

The Little Lies We All Tell - The visuals for this didn't appeal to me so I didn't pick it up until the season was almost over, but it ended up being a really charming little comedy about four friends with bizarre secrets. 7/10

My Master Has No Tail - The rakugo performances left a little to be desired, but the character interactions in this light comedy about a tanuki taking up rakugo in Meiji era Osaka kept things entertaining. 7/10

Reincarnated as a Sword - If this wasn't a light novel adaptation, and it didn't have so much monologuing from the sword, blah visuals, or mediocre shot composition, this would make a pretty fun story despite the goofy sounding concept. 6/10

Bibliophile Princess - I've read the manga adaptation, so I was really looking forward to this, but some combination of poor animation, questionable story adaptation choices, and an annoying tendency to rehash the same conflict made this a bit of a slog to finish. 6/10

Ongoing

Golden Kamuy S4 - I'm definitely looking forward to watching this when it comes back from hiatus in the spring, as the action was really starting to get interesting, with our competing gangs of charismatic scoundrels about to get back on their bullshit. 8/10

IDOLiSH7 Third BEAT! Part 2 - This part continues with the corporate drama instigated by the extremely hateable villain, while completing Trigger's transformation from antagonist to loveable underdog, and giving some very satisfying character development moments. Looking forward to the concluding four episodes in February. 8/10

One Piece - While I'm definitely still enjoying myself, and this really is the best One Piece has looked during its run, I'm kind of ready to be done with Wano already. 8/10

Play It Cool, Guys - You've heard of cute girls doing cute things, now get ready for the new hotness: cute guys doing airhead things. Just pure, unadulterated fluff that brightens my day. 8/10

My Hero Academia S6 - On the one hand, this was kind of an exhausting anime season for seeing the good guys get the stuffing beat out of them, but on the other hand, seeing Mirko rip a monster's head off with her thighs was some peak content. 7/10

Welcome to Demon School! Iruma-kun S3 - This season still has most of its charm, and I still love all the characters, but this contest arc is really dragging. 7/10

Dropped

The Eminence in Shadow - This was sold to me as a satirical take on power fantasy isekai, but it was playing all the tropes pretty straight, and the atrocious fanservice in episode 10 made me decide I had better things to do. 6/10

[paintedvanilla]

can you share a bit more about your novel? i read thru your carrd and it sounds so interesting 💌 <3 i’d esp love to know more abt the main charas ^_^

YES I LOVE TO TALK ABOUT MY NOVEL!!!!!!

Ok so I’m working on a novel called “august” and it’s about an actor named Rami Reid who gets famous as a child star in the 90s and grows up being famous and it’s about how fame and celebrity and the entertainment industry ruins his life. I’m personally of the opinion that being famous is a little bit traumatizing and often very dehumanizing, especially for people who are not really well equipped for celebrity. so a big thing that I focus on with Rami is how he feels objectified by people. As he gets older he feels less like a real person and more like a piece of entertainment that other people don’t actually perceive as human. He experiences a lot of trauma through working on different projects, but he’s been famous since he was eleven and he never finished high school so he doesn’t feel like there’s anything else for him to do. Everyone around him is also insistent that he keep outdoing himself. He also has severe mommy issues and he’s a closeted homosexual. he’s from London. He’s my poor little meow meow. I spend a lot of time rotating him in my brain.

Other main characters!! Include Anthony Gardenia, who is Rami’s closest friend. She’s also from London. She was on the same show as him as a kid and also got launched into fame because of it, but she’s actually been raised to be a celebrity and is really good at it. She has her own issues though and can actually be very mean because she’s not ready to deal with her own trauma. She doesn’t understand why Rami doesn’t enjoy being famous. She’s like The It Girl and she loves the attention. The two of them play love interests constantly and a lot of people think they’re in love in real life but actually they’re both extremely gay.

There’s also Cameron Vice, who was on the show with Rami and Anthony as kids and also got famous because of it, but she’s more of a B-lister. She and her family live in a town I made up in Ireland. She and Rami have a very sibling type relationship especially because Cam’s mom, Wren, basically met Rami when he was eleven and was like “is anyone gonna love this child” and didn’t wait for an answer. There’s an ensemble cast of her entire family and Rami loves all of them very much but he has Issues and Trauma which is something he needs to work on in the book.

And then!!! There’s Scott Wells!!! Scott is a comedy writer who sometimes does acting, he got famous when he was nineteen because he pitched a comedy show to the BBC and they greenlit it and he’s fucking hilarious so he’s been writing comedy ever since. He’s Rami’s love interest but the two of them don’t actually get together until the end of the book because of Rami’s many issues. I looooove Scott so much he’s Irish and he loves 70s fashion and he’s very laid back and Rami has been in love with him since he first laid eyes on him.

Anyways here’s some art I commissioned!!!

this was drawn by the incredible @clownblood !!! from left to right: Anthony, Cam, Rami and Scott

And here’s my poor little meow meow in all his glory drawn by @jennybobenny36 !!!!!!

[gracendgratitude]

a little life - a book i would never recommend to anyone

I have never had a strong interests in books with melancholic themes, and I have also never read stories about LGBT relationships. A Little Life is the first fiction book about LGBT love I have ever read, and it is also the most heart-wrenching novel I have ever come across.

A Little Life is definitely a hard read, considering the incredibly detailed and graphic potrayals of a life so terribly ruined. At a point when I have reached the chapters where Jude meets Caleb and was sexually abused (again), this time fully concious about how wrong it was yet still allowing it to happen, I dropped the book for a month until I decided to resume reading it.

One of the reasons why I suddenly decided to drop this book was the sheer length of it (720 pages!), and most of it was spent to describe Jude's traumatizing history of being sexually abused by possibly everyone he has encountered from birth to age sixteen. Some gave the book the title "trauma porn", and personally I believe they were partly right. Certainly there is no need to torture a fictional character to this extent, and Jude's problems can easily be shortened by hundreds of pages. But there is a reason behind Hanya Yanagihara's storytelling.

The story is not an easy read because it is not supposed to be. As a normal person with a roof over our head, food on our plates, and a healthy, functioning body, there is no way we can ever relate to the traumas of Jude's life. It is incredibly hard, therefore, to fully understand our main character, to see how a life so terrible can actually be that of someone else. We are not standing in the shoes of Jude, but in the shoes of Harold, Willem, Julia, Richard, Andy, those who try in vain to rescue a helpless creature from the hyenas of his past. We may not go through the pains of Jude's episodes, the endless nights of him being sexually abused, the shame, the fear, the self-hatred that led him to cutting himself, but through every page, we experience every bit of the fear and frustration of those around him, unable to understand how trapped he really is in the past, unable to figure out how to pull him out of the hole in which Brother Luke and Dr. Traylor have pushed him.

It is supposed to be long because life, itself, is long, or at least there are certain periods in life that are longer than others, and those cannot be explained in only a few pages. The periods of calm and contentment fly by deliberately quickly, with moments fleeting by just enough to bring about a ray of hope for our characters, followed by the long, tedious and agonizing periods of pain, sadness, frustration, anxiety, hopelessness, despair. It is exactly how we experience life, as moments of happiness fly by unbelievably fast, and before we realize, we are back with our usual, boring routine, waiting for blissful moments like that to return once again.

I will not ever recommend A Little Life to anyone, despite the beautiful writing Hanya Yanagihara and my love and admiration for the characters. The book covers extremely heavy topics, which can leave you feeling speechless and haunted for days. Yet, admist the melancholy, the story also highlights powerful lessons about the inevitability of our very own existence, about unconditional love, friendship and companionship, about the resilience, and at the same time, fragility of humans.

[diaryofanangrybitch]

I’m not crying, you are.

February 2024

I haven't been doing well. I've been struggling to get up in the morning and struggling to complete everyday tasks. I've been crying – a lot. I cry on my way to work and on my way back. I cry in bed and in the shower, in the kitchen and on the couch. Every day I wake up, and an overwhelming sense of dread seeps into every crevice of my body. I carry it with me for the rest of the day. It's heavy. My head weighs a tonne and my shoulders slump. Holding myself up is exhausting. I'm tired. So fucking tired. With all my energy spent on just getting through the day, there's none left to help me enjoy it. Everything is a chore.

How I ended up here is complicated, with a multitude of minor obstacles building up into one giant jungle gym. It's a maze with booby traps, loopholes, and jump-scares. I fucking hate jump-scares.

First and foremost, the environment where I spend majority of my time has changed – my workplace. Typically, I enjoy my work. It's complex, fast-paced, challenging and entirely conducive to my ideals. However, at the moment, it's entirely unstable, and I don't function well without a solid base. It's reached the extent now that I dread going to work in the mornings. This isn't uncommon for me. I go through clear ups-and-downs with work, but this down is pervasive.

Work and I have a complicated relationship. The entire concept of having to engage in wage labour in order to access basic human necessities. like shelter and food is absolutely absurd. We aren’t given much of a choice but to adhere to and/or enforce capitalist structures. That’s bad enough in itself (and I have no doubt I’ll be writing more about this in the future), but the fact that work takes me away from what I actually want to be doing is just the cherry on top.

Writing is what I truly want to be doing. I want to write books and novels, both fiction and non-fiction. I want to write about my fantasies and my daydreams, my critiques of theories and rallying cries to activism. I want to write my thoughts and opinions and imaginative worlds to fuel my need for sweet, sweet escapism. Unfortunately, writing doesn't pay the bills, and I'm therefore forced to squander my creativity and become a cog in the capitalist machine, ironically in a role dedicated to fixing the disasters it causes.

I've been trying to tailor my writing to be more marketable, more attractive to the everyday consumer and appealing to publishers, but that's not as fun as writing what I actually want to. I'm used to writing heavy, traumatic literary fiction about young women overcoming trauma, and balancing this with some YA fiction and cheesy romance. My stories are always set in other countries, never Australia. It feels too real to me, too close to home. But, I've decided to give it a go. It probably isn't the right time to challenge myself emotionally in this way, but I've been wanting to do it for quite a while and never had the guts to. If I have them now, I don't want to wait.

On top of that, I've been writing about my own experiences of trauma. I've been recapping all my experiences of violence, detailing exactly what happened to me, from the injuries they caused to the look in my perpetrator's eyes. This was going to be triggering for me. I knew that. It had been fine right up until the point of my involvement in mental health services, and the systems injustices that followed. It's been so upsetting to me, I've needed to take a break. I haven't been able to get through it. It's made me angry.

Now, I'm struggling to write both fiction and non-fiction, leaving me in a state of frustration. My usual outlets aren't as available as they were before. I'm being harsh on myself, too. I could take a break from writing an Australian novel and focus on some Americanised romance, but that feels like a cop out. It also won't fix the problem. I'm already half-way up the mountain. I'd be stupid to back down now.

Life doesn’t consider these things. It doesn't stop. It doesn't give you a break. Your responsibilities at home don't ease off when you're struggling emotionally, or when you're having a rough time at work. It doesn’t care if you're having an existential crisis or trying to overcome trauma. The world around you keeps on spinning. At home, there's always something to do, whether it's doing the dishes, changing the sheets, or vacuuming the carpet. A certain part of my brain is always dedicated solely to what needs to be done at home – what groceries need to be done and what bills need to be paid.

My physical health isn't great at the moment, either. I've been having some pain around my spleen, where I had surgery last year. The doctors don't think it's anything major, but it still needs to be followed up and will still need to be monitored. More things to organize and be mindful of.

When I was catching the train to work, these responsibilities were more manageable. I had nothing to do but sit and wait to arrive, so I could easily make a to-do list, order the groceries, or make appointments. That's not an option anymore. The trains are down, so I'm driving 45-60 minutes each way just to get to work. That's almost two hours a day gone.

It was my car that sent me over the edge this week. I was driving home from work when a rock hit my windscreen and chipped the glass. I called my insurance to lodge a claim, but it wasn't confirmed the first time so I had to go through the claim again. They sent some guys out to fix it, but it wasn't done properly. Now I need to follow it all up again. It's nothing major, but in conjunction with everything else, it was too much. It's another setback – another thing requiring space in my brain. It pushed me over the edge.

It's the way the situation just doesn't seem to let up that's bothering me. It's things not going to plan, and consistently going wrong, despite my efforts to fix them. If just one thing could go smoothly, that would be great.

I feel like a bad girlfriend. Liam hasn't had the easiest time lately either, but he hasn't once complained about my sour mood or lack of emotional presence. He's kept things stable and consistent. He's been on the rollercoaster with me, giving me love when I need it and space when I don't.

This can't last much longer. I want to do better and be better. Something has got to give. Either things ease off, or I learn to manage it better. Both sound impossible.

[writing-for-life]

The Light of Stars (WT)

Okay, after much agonising, I’m finally doing it:

The ginormous (well over the 50,000 words-goal) fanfic I wrote “for fun” last NaNoWriMo and never wanted to touch again, never mind publish, has been haunting me for over 6 months now, and I need to bless and release it so I can get on with my life 🤪

So I've pledged to myself I will publish it, chapter for chapter, tidy it up along the way, maybe rewrite a few things that really weren't thought through when I "just had fun", and quite possibly add bits that I've thought about ever since (November 2022).

I’m aiming to publish one chapter weekly on a Friday, but that might change here and there (might be more or less frequently), so bear with me. You will get an excerpt here, but the full chapter will only be available on Ao3 via the link provided.

A word of warning: This is a full-length romance novel and hence a slow burn. If you’re into shorts that have their MCs f*** within the shortest amount of time, you won’t find much joy in this. I occasionally write those, too, but this is not that. However, good things come to those who wait, also in this one 😉

I will tidy up the posts as I move along and create a masterpost, but this first one needed a bit more of an intro.

And don’t forget that creators really appreciate your likes, but that we’re even more grateful for comments and reblogs.

Here we go…

The Light of Stars (WT) by Writing-for-Life

Chapters: 1/?

Fandom: The Sandman (Comics), The Sandman (TV 2022)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Dream of the Endless | Morpheus & Original Character(s), Dream Of The Endless | Morpheus & Original Female Character(s)

Characters: Original Female Character(s), Dream of the Endless | Morpheus

Summary:

This is a story about traumatic pasts, deep empathy and healing, but also one of sacrifice. Most of all, it is a story about choosing love despite knowing it has the power to break us…

Artist Thalia Callaghan has strange dreams, but it soon turns out they are more than just dreams.

Night after night, she enters Dream’s throne room, much to her confusion and his dismay. They reluctantly agree to embark on a quest to find out why Thalia has abilities that are usually not granted to mortals - unless there is a greater plan at work.

Chapter 1 - Juxtapositions (1898 words)

“You can’t be here.”

His voice was soft, and yet, it had startled her because she thought she was alone in this vast hall – she couldn’t even remember how she got there. She turned around, and he stood halfway up white marble stairs that seemed to go nowhere - or did they? It was hard to tell - cascades of light flooded the room through seemingly endless stained-glass windows behind him. She could only make out his shape, but none of his features.

All she could say was: “Who are you?”

He slowly walked down the stairs, his long black robe brushing them with every step. Heavy, yet light. The closer he came, the more his face came into focus. Hard, yet soft.

When he stood right in front of her, she noticed the intense brightness of his eyes. The palest blue, or maybe grey?

Silver.

They seemed cold, and yet they were burning with an intense heat – just like stars.

If she had ever seen someone full of juxtapositions, he was standing right in front of her now: In all his unearthly verisimilitude, all his ethereal physicality.

She had never seen anyone so beautiful. Even so, she caught herself thinking that “beautiful” was the wrong word. He wasn’t beautiful in the usual sense of the word: His features were sharp, his skin pale, he was tall and slender, almost wraith-like. An air of haughtiness surrounded him, but he seemed to radiate serenity at the same time. And it enveloped her within an instant.

Surprising. Unexpected.

She felt the irrepressible urge to touch his face, framed with hair so dark it made him look like a black-and-white photograph. However, her hand stopped midway, or rather: It felt like something, or someone, was stopping it, like an invisible wall.

He looked at her closely, his eyes full of inevitable certainty.

“This dream is over…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thalia gasped and opened her eyes…

Keep reading on Ao3

[purpleratbastard]

sadie sink in the all too well short film and i have a lot in common. a lot in common.