#writer did an amazing job and sounding Crowleys erratic head

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The biggest and most heart-breaking GO fic that I'm having trouble finishing rn is Slow Show by mia_ugly.

It has 12 chapters (completed, thank goodness), and I've yet have the nerve to read chapter 10 after that freaking ending of chapter 9. I was... I just felt so broken. I've read the tags and I think – have yet to understand all the tags in Ao3 just yet, so I might be wrong here – it'll end in a happy note. I wish it ends in a happy note. I hope.

Crowley's POV is so devastating. It feels like things keep going against him, OMFG, that man keep making wrong decisions and I'm absolutely mad. Not like mad angry, it's just, like, feeling so frustrated for that guy.

That's why the ending of chapter 9 hit me so hard. It felt like a hit when you're in your lowest. I can totally see why Az did what he did. But, damn. No matter how prepared I am with that outcome, I'll never be ready.

It's funny, really, coz it feels like I'm the one being abandoned and lost all the string that kept me afloat. I guess all those build up did get into me somehow.

I've been – I guess, in a way – 'running away' from finishing this fic by reading other fics (mostly oneshots. I found many amazing oneshots that has amazing potential for a 34 chapters of fic. I wish those writers would expand their story because it has such an interesting premise! Ugh, if only), but at the end, my heart keeps pulling my finger back to that tab. Those little voice in my head whispers for me to finish it coz it'll be worth it.

Ha, not today.

It's by no mean bad though! In fact, it's so well-written, that's why I'm trying so hard to finish it despite all these emotions of mine being in absolute turmoil.

Heck, it better be worth it.

Anyway, pray for me, may I finish this fic by this week (it's Saturday here rn, and I got tomorrow as my last day to finish this fic this week) and may the ending truly worth my pain.