#write with translator bc im almost sleeping

[pterodach]

Crisanta and the penitent one are literally the best illustration of the meme pussy facing the world and cock shame

AND THEIR SIZE DIFFERENCE ALSO>>>

[p0rnd3aler]

LOVE AND DEEPSPACE NSFW THINK PIECE/DRABBLE

I’m depraved

Rafayel is the neediest. He’s got a lot of insecurities/abandonment issues from his first love and he def has an anxious attachment style. He’s also absolutely the type of person to be codependent (Hello?? “Join me let’s drown in the ocean together”????? Like, come on). He’s constantly trying to do every little thing with you, almost like he can’t breathe unless it’s air that’s already been filtered through your lungs.

However, all big baby behavior™️ considered, he definitely knows how to woo you. I feel like since he’s Lemurian and also an artist, he only knows how to love a person in the most deeply devoted and romantic way. He’s also very careful with his heart and who he gives it to, once he decides it’s truly and solely yours that’s it. There’s no one else. But you also have to honor that with proper care, he’s very sensitive.

Anyway, I feel like he fucks in a way that’s slow, very sensual. The kind of love making where he takes over all of your senses, all you can feel is his touch, all you can smell is his sweat and cologne, all you can taste is him on your tongue, and all you can see and hear are his face and the sweet words of devotion he whimpers in your ear.

He’s also very easy to rile up.

Zayne is boring to me. Like I get the appeal he’s very hot and he’s also very stable (in a romantic sense) and healthy but I just can’t fantasize about that. Like yeah he’s a busy ass surgeon who will always make time for you no matter what and he’s super devoted and always caring for you in little ways, but also mf will make you take a water break during sex if you’re too wet bc he doesn’t want you to get dehydrated. Im done.

Honestly I think I’m biased against him bc the way he talks to MC just reminds me of this horrid man I met at a bus stop once who immediately started trying to tell me what to do/give me life advice. I get Zayne is qualified and the guy at the bus stop was not but idc if y’all want me to put effort into writing for him ur gonna have to submit it into the requests baby, moving on.

SYLUS. I feel like everybody thinks he’s just some big ol’ nasty freak but they’re WRONG. THEYRE WRONG ABOUT HIM.

Don’t get me wrong he’s definitely fucking tweaking when you first meet him, like just going apeshit off the bat with no context for us. But also? Once you get to know him? Bitch I’ll kill for that man you do not know. This mf drops everything for you.

Important arms deal he’s been trying to set up for a year or going to the arcade with you to get plushies out of a claw machine? Deal = cancelled

The fearless leader of the N109 zone who blows up anyone who perturbs him slightly. MF contributes 50% of the carbon in the atmosphere alone with the amount of shit he literally actually blows up with bombs. But you? You may break into his house and handcuff him to his bed in his sleep while trying to steal a brooch off of him. he doesn’t give a fuck. he’s in love with you. Set his house on fire! He won’t care! He’ll just buy a new one!

As rough as he is around the edges he’s completely smitten. “You should know I adore you. There is no love purer than mine.” Like girl don’t fucking play with me. Is he mentally ill? Absolutely. But he is so devoted, so careful with you. “I’m never annoyed when we do things together.” It’s literally like he’s learning how to be a human being for once and he doesn’t care about losing the coldness or sharpness he once had because you’re more than enough to replace any absence the loss of those thing may bring. He knows he’s getting soft and doesn’t care. He doesn’t try to stop it. To kill for you is nothing to him. Not even a second thought. He kills all the time. But he would never harm again if the violence ever came in between you two.

And I think that dedication, that devotion totally translates itself into how he makes love to you. He’s definitely a filthy talker, I think he says some NASTY shit during sex, just because he likes seeing you squirm and feel how your skin gets hot from his words. But I don’t think he likes hurting you. He wouldn’t do anything to harm you. He’ll spank you yeah, and he’ll tap or squish your cheeks to get your attention. But he only wants to bring you pure, carnal pleasure when it comes to sex. If you even think “that feels good” he’s like a dog with a bone. You get no rest when he’s there you only get mind-numbing pleasure. He’s a tease, he’ll poke lighthearted fun at how loud you’re being, ask you who you think can hear you two while you’re being nasty. But he knows you. He knows what you love, what gets you off, and he cares to learn all of this because of how much he loves you God I’m SICK

Xavier is filthy. That man laps up your pussy like a thirsty dog. The freakiest nastiest mf out of all of them. He won’t show any sexual prowess or interest for months I think. I’m not sure he’s even aware of his powers. Your relationship will literally be based around his chaotic sleeping “schedule” (that shit is not a schedule) and relaxing between missions together. All things considered, you guys spend almost every waking (and sleeping) hour together. Work, dates, naps, eating, it’s almost always together.

It’s not until he hears you getting hit on all night that his composure finally starts to crack.

Three months of the sweetest, purest boyfriend you could ever ask for. Your sweet silly boy, who starts silently pouting all night. It’s not until you two finally find a hotel to stay at for the night, that he finally starts loosening up.

“I’m not a young fool, you know. I don’t take what’s in front of me for granted” he quotes the guys hitting on you earlier, which he heard through your ear piece. Then he recites every time another guy hit on you while you two were on your mission. He’s a jealous jealous jealous boy. He HATES other guys vying for your attention. It just makes him want to whisk you away and bounce you on his dick so loud that every other guy can hear it. When he feels jealousy, he feels the need to mark, claim, devour you so no one else can try and steal you. He gets himself worked up. Stewing and agonizing over the thought and the memory of another guy trying to get to you so much that he can’t even think of sleeping. He gets completely taken over by the urge to have your every reaction solely based on him and what he gives you. I think he fights off these feelings for a long time, up until the protocore mission in the misty invasion memory. He just barely keeps it together until you’re rubbing all over him, pulling him closer to whisper his name in his ear, he just can’t take it. He needs to hear you say it louder. He needs everyone to hear you say his name.

He fucks you so sloppy, the kind of man who does not care what means he has to use as long as the end is what he wants. He wants you covered in marks of his making, he wants you to smell like him, he wants you to have trouble walking the next day, and he wants that asshole who tried hitting on you at work to ask you “what’s wrong? You look like you���re having trouble walking”

And as soon as the guy asks that you look over to Xavier, who has the most pleased little shit eating grin on his face.

The craziest part is that after he gets it all out of his system he’s back to being the little innocent sweet boy. But you know his secret, and he likes that you know it.

[gale-dekarios]

I think Gale is a touchy feely person who needs to keep his hands on the Tav whilst they make love. He's gotta believe they're real, that they're with him, that it isn't a hallucination or a dream. He strokes their hair, he plants kisses along their neck where the heartbeat is strongest, and feels their breath against his shoulder. Even the simplest act of fingering or stroking them is a way to know they're truly in front of him. Tasting their arousal just to have evidence of their existence. He loves knowing that this is his newfound life. His new purpose. His new reason to live and not give up so easily as he almost had. Mystra wanted him to die for her. Tav wanted him to live for himself. So forgive him if he constantly needs the littlest of reminders to know Tav is truly real, and not just a hopeful dream.

retrospective edit: hi im charlie and welcome to my tedtalk. 50/50 on whether or not any of this makes sense, because i did in fact pop 9mg (prescribed) sleeping aides a half hour before writing this, so i could wake up tomorrow and realise this was all gibberish. or maybe not! i should not be the judge of that rn

regardless of how you or your character feels about the line, i truly believe that gale believes that tav/his romantic partner is a god/dess, and it's the things like this that cement it for me.

when you think about it, (traditional) worship is very much devoting your life to a diety, and receiving some benefit back, which could really be a range of things from feeling comforted and secure about your place in the world, to moreso your clerics with actual divine gifts bestowed upon them, to chosen, like gale, who, (at least in his case) gets to kind of... tap into the wellspring of that god's domain and understand it more than any other mortal could.

this type of devotion is even purer than his devotion to mystra. the reason being is that whilst i dont believe gale ever was devoted to mystra for nefarious self-serving purposes, it would be remiss to gloss over that he did enjoy certain luxuries that he wouldnt have if he wasnt so close to his goddess, and whilst tav offers a lot more than mystra ever could both emotionally and in the service to him living an actually good and normal enriched life, this doesnt translate to any practical benefit that could compare to a literal deity -- (clumsily worded, but again, in this case im referring more to endless knowledge and immense mastery over the weave and recognition of status among his peers rather than curling up on the couch companionably).

which is to say -- i promise there's a point -- a tav, in all of their mortalness, that gale truly worships, with all of his devotion (which is a lot, he practised), must be very special for him indeed.

so gale gets ""nothing"" in return for the same if not a higher level of devotion than he ever shows mystra (i mean, when it literally comes down to it, he completely ignores her, an actual literal goddess's, direct orders bc you asked him to, so theres no doubt who wins that particular fight.) BUT -- and this is the point that i promised -- the real clincher here is that tav ASKS for nothing. well, again, not in the way that a deity asks for something. a deity asks a devotee to give them their life, what tav asks for is that gale HAS his life to do with what he chooses, and for that, gale chooses tav.

devotion, with gale and tav, is both freely given, but also freely taken. not selfishly, but in acceptance. gale had no choice, really, but to follow mystra's orders, but he followed tav anyway. how does that make tav anything less than a deity? that level of blind faith? tav accepting gale's devotion by virtue of just loving him is such a beautifully mundane piece of godhood, and comparing that to something as shallow as the ambition mystra offered is like comparing night and day.

so of course gale treats tav like he caught lightning in a bottle. he spent his whole life in the service to a goddess, devoting his whole life for the celestial equivalent of breadcrumbs -- as awesome (and i use that word as its original meaning) as godly power can be, nothing that was ever given to him truly cost mystra any real exertion -- but with tav, there is no expectation of exchange, only the full weight of one man's worship, and that is what would cause gale to treat them like an illusion. of course it does. gods that ask for nothing but for you to do the things that are in your best interest are not a thing. but tav does exactly that. how wonderful is that? how pure is that? is there truer devotion? so unmarred by any external benefit?

touching divinity is something that gale's had the extraordinary luck of having twice, but that does not make those experiences equal. his deity, that allows him to run his hands through their hair, to kiss their eyelids, and yes, indeed to also have desperate, sweaty, mortal sex with, without ever once asking for anything in return except that he remain whole and healthy? by fucking god will he make sure this is real.

[amhrosina]

August (Namor x fem!Reader)

Songfic - August by Taylor Swift

MASTERLIST // JOIN MY TAGLIST

A/N: hi friends! I hit 500 followers today and have over 1,000 notes on one of my fics. I can’t express how much I appreciate your support and love for my writing :’). You are all so kind! This fic took me a few days longer than usual because I was experiencing some pretty intense writer’s block. Hopefully, that’s in the past! Anyways, a nonnie requested this! Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy it!

Request: hi i have read the artist and the sea and it was so well-written and wonderful 🥹🫶🏼 this is why i'm requesting a namor x fem reader that is kind of inspired with august by taylor swift? like it's a summer love typa beat but the reader will realize that they don't have a future together since he's a god and she's just a mortal so it's like the lyric "so much for summer love and saying 'us' cause you weren't mine to lose" ??? you can put a happy ending or not honestly it's fine either way! and sorry if this is too specific and if you don't want to write this, it's okay <333 

Summary: You and Namor must face the music when the real world begins to catch up with your summer love affair.

(Warnings: smutty language, allusions of smut, no hardcore smut (nonnie didn’t specify and I didn’t want to include it just in case), watch me make shit up about being able to visit Talokan as a human (without the suit lol), fluffy Namor, Namor would hang the moon for reader, a little bit of angst, happy ending bc im incapable of writing sad endings) 

Translations: 

in yakunaj – my love 

princesa – princess 

Salt air, and the rust on your door  I never needed anything more 

The summer heat was stifling, but you were determined to meet Namor on the beach when he finally made it back from Talokan, and the sun had almost set, so the heat wouldn’t be an issue for much longer. He’d been gone for three long days, and you were beginning to grow a little anxious. Since you’d met him, the time between seeing him was never longer than a day or two. When he hadn’t returned last night, you’d opened your bedroom window and listened to the sound of the sea for hours until finally drifting off into a restless sleep. When you awoke, and he still hadn’t come back, the worry began gnawing at your gut. 

You weren’t entirely sure why Namor continued to come back to you, time and time again. It was a thought that was easily forgotten when Namor was around, but during the short stretches of his absence, you couldn’t stop yourself from mulling it over. Namor was a god, a warrior that was centuries older than you, and yet, he seemed completely enamored with you. 

His “little love”, he called you, a nickname that never failed to make you blush. When you really thought about it, the pace at which you’d fallen for each other was incredibly fast. It was a lightning storm out at sea, a muscle car going 90 down the pacific coast highway, the tumble of the waves meeting the sand on a stormy night. It was a warmth that many people didn’t know existed. You’d never cared about anyone as deeply as you care for Namor, and you tried not to think about that, because it was a terrifying thought. 

You never let yourself consider what would happen when you continued to age while Namor didn’t. Namor never brought it up either, and for that you were grateful. The thought left a melancholy note in your body, and you wanted to enjoy the time you were getting to spend with Namor now, even if later wasn’t guaranteed. 

The sun hung low in the sky, on the cusp of fading into the night, and you were worried you might be gnawing a hole in your cheek when you finally spotted Namor in the water. You breathed a sigh of relief, but the nervous ache in your chest didn’t disappear. What if he was only coming to say goodbye to you? 

“I am sorry it took me so long, in yakunaj. I got here as fast as I could.” He buried you in a hug, pressing a kiss on the crown of your head. “I missed you, little love.” 

“I missed you too.” You nuzzled into his chest. “Do you want to come inside?”  

You tilted your head up at him, blinking in awe at his beauty. You would never get tired of seeing him like this. You were almost completely sure no one in the world got to experience the warm, cuddly side of Namor besides you. The way he described his people gave you the sense that “warm and cuddly” wasn’t really what they were going for as warriors, but you didn’t care. Namor never brought violence home to you, and in turn, you always appreciated his kindness a little extra. 

“Lead the way, in yakunaj.”  

Whispers of "Are you sure?"  "Never have I ever before" 

As soon as Namor shut the door, he was on you. His lips captured yours in a heated kiss, pulling your body against his in one swift movement. One hand traveled along the curve of your waist while the other had a firm grip on your jaw, and the sparks traveling through your veins reminded you of the first time Namor had ever kissed you like this. 

Crisp memories flashed through your mind. Namor’s gentle caress along your spine. His fingers lightly treading the waistband of your shorts. The way he’d carefully laid you down, kissing every inch of you with soft lips. In the centuries since he’d been born, the act of sex had become a detatched act of primal urge. He never cared about the people he was burying himself inside of, not really. But then he met you, and suddenly the world had shifted.  

“You make me feel alive, for the first time in 500 years.”  

He had whispered this into your skin, resting his head on your chest as the weight of his words sank in. You had gently cradled his head in your hands, pressing a soft kiss to his lips before slowly pulling your shirt over your head.  

Your first time with Namor was nothing short of magical. You should’ve probably expected it, considering how much more time he’d had to perfect his craft than other men, but you suspected that the love exchanged between you also had an impact. The morning after, Namor had revealed to you that he’d never experienced love, but that he was pretty sure it’s what he felt for you. You’d melted into his hold, and he made love to you again, whispering confessions of love into your skin. 

Namor lifted you in the air and wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling you back into the present. His desire was achingly hard against your clothed core, and you couldn’t help the moan that escaped your lips as you shifted against him. He walked the two of you into your bedroom, and softly closed the door behind him. This was the usual routine after he returned from Talokan, and the love between the two of you seemed to grow every time you reunited. 

Your back beneath the sun  Wishin' I could write my name on it  Will you call when you're back at school?  I remember thinkin' I had you 

Later, after you had spent hours kissing gentle reminders of how much you missed one another into each other’s skin, you were cuddled into Namor’s side, resting your head on his chest in a sleepy haze.  

“Why did it take you so long to come back?” You prodded, out of curiosity, but also out of nervousness.  

Namor sighed, pulling you tighter against his side. “My people have noticed that I spend more time here than at home. Namora is concerned.”  

You stiffened against him. You knew Namor hadn’t revealed to anyone in Talokan exactly what he’d been doing on the surface, but he had never spoken so openly about the toll it was taking on him.  

“Do not worry, in yakunaj. It is a peaceful time for my people.” 

“What if it wasn’t peaceful?” You asked, tilting your head up to look at him. 

“Then I would be with my people, fighting alongside them. I have a duty to protect them, in yakunaj. But I would think of you every second, until we met again.” 

You sighed, but you understood. He was theirs long before he was yours, and you couldn’t expect him to give up 500 years of history for you.  

“I wish I could see it. Talokan sounds lovely.” You mumbled into his chest, kissing one of the faint scars that hid along the line of his collarbone. He tightened his hold on you – a small token of appreciation in response to your love for his home.  

“I know, princesa. There is nothing I want more than that.” 

You wanted to ask him how long he was planning on keeping this hidden love affair going, how long he planned on lying to his closest friends and family about his feelings for a surface dweller, but you stayed quiet. That was not something you wanted to know the answer to. At least not now. The thought of your late nights together on the beach and the hours spent wrapped in bed sheets by each other’s side coming to an end was too painful to think about.  

For now, you were fine with living in blissful ignorance. Eventually, you knew it would have to come to an end, but what you couldn’t bear to think about was how agonizingly lonely you would be without Namor in your life.  

Instead of saying any of this, you lightly kissed his cheek, and drifted off to sleep against his chest, blissfully unaware of the war waging inside of Namor’s head at the exact same moment. 

But I can see us lost in the memory  August slipped away into a moment in time  'Cause it was never mine  So much for summer love and saying "us"  'Cause you weren't mine to lose  You weren't mine to lose, no 

The summer months passed by in an idyllic haze. It was easy to lose yourself in Namor when he was around. Hours would pass like minutes, shaded in the warm glow of summer.  

Namor’s visits were less frequent, excused with the wave of his hand, as if to say, “I had to take care of something, but don’t worry about it.” You tried not to mind the absences, though. When Namor was with you, his attention was always fully on you. The nights he spent with you were always as passionate as the first night, and he’d hold you until he absolutely had to return to Talokan.  

You didn’t question him, though you were curious about what he was so busy doing when he was at home. He was a King, you supposed. He probably had a lot of things going on. All of this justification didn’t help soothe the sting when his absences began to stretch into 3-4 days at a time. Perhaps he was finally realizing what you’d known all along. He was a God, and you were a human, and it wouldn’t work for much longer. 

You mulled this over as you tried to read on the beach one evening. The sun was going to set soon, and it had officially been five days since Namor had visited you. You read the same paragraph three times before finally throwing the book down beside you. Distracting yourself with a book wasn’t working. Your thoughts always trailed back to Namor, and they probably always would. 

You watched the sun set, waiting and waiting for the familiar tremor in the water that indicated Namor’s arrival. The tremor never came, and after two hours of sitting in miserable silence, you trudged back towards your house. He wasn’t coming, and even though you should probably have expected this eventually, you couldn’t stop the tears from welling up.  

Two more days passed before you saw Namor again, and the weary look on his face when you met him in knee-deep water sent a wave of turmoil into your gut. This was it, the moment you’d been dreading since you realized how incredibly hard you’d fallen for him, and you weren’t prepared in the slightest for the wave of emotion that followed this realization. 

Familiar tears stained your cheeks, and the overwhelming sense that you couldn’t breathe overtook your ability to look at him. Namor cupped your cheeks, forcing you to look into his eyes.  

“In yakunaj, what is it? Why are you crying?”  

You latched onto his wrists, failing to stop the tears from flowing down your face. “Please just say it, Namor. I can’t take the distance you’re forcing between us anymore. I can handle it.”  

“Princesa, what are you talking about? Say what?” Namor’s face morphed into concern as he looked over your features. Your eyes were puffy, stained red from crying, and you looked exhausted.  

“That you can’t love me anymore. That you have to go back to Talokan, and that I can’t come, and that I have to move on from you.”  

Namor studied your face for a moment. Understanding dawned on his face as he realized how affected you were by his unexplained absences. He wiped the tears from under your eyes and shook his head. 

“Is that what you think? That I don’t love you anymore?”  

You tried to look away from him, but his firm grip wouldn’t allow it. You closed your eyes instead, trying to calm the heartbreak crashing through you.  

“Why else have you been pulling away from me?” 

“My sweet little love,” Namor cooed, kissing the tip of your nose, “I will always love you. I am sorry for being so distant lately, but I was trying to surprise you.”  

You opened your eyes, confusion evident on your face.  

“Surprise me with what?” You asked. 

Namor smiled, glancing over his shoulder towards the water.  

“We have found a way to bring you to Talokan.” 

You inhaled sharply, following his gaze towards what you could only assume was the route to Talokan.  

“What do you mean?” Your voice was a breathy whisper.  

“I mean, there is a way for me to bring you home with me.”  

Excitement bubbled in your chest, but it was quickly extinguished when you remembered that even if you could get to Talokan, time would remain an enemy. Namor was still a God, and you were still a mortal, after all. 

“Namor,” you shook your head, “It won’t work. I will still die of old age, and then you will be alone again.” 

Namor began shaking his head in response before you could finish your sentence.  

“You misunderstand me, princesa. We have found a way for you to stay in Talokan. You would be one of us. That’s what I’ve been working on while I’ve been gone. We could be together forever, if that’s what you want.” He paused, looking over your shoulder at your house. “You will have to say goodbye to the surface, though. It will be visitable, of course, but your home would be in Talokan, with our people.”  

“Our people?” You felt like a mimicking parrot, but his proposal had overwhelmed you, and that was the only thing you could muster in response.  

Namor chuckled, kissing both of your cheeks, one after the other. “They are very excited to meet their soon-to-be Queen, in yakunaj.”  

“You told them about me?” You murmured, in awe of his ability to render you almost speechless again.  

“I did. They are glad to see me happy.” 

You glanced between your home and the water, mulling over everything he’d told you.  

“I know I am asking a lot of you. You do not have to give me an answer now, in yakunaj. You can think abo-” 

You cut him off with a searing kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck and pushing your body against his.  

“Take me home, Namor.” You murmured against his lips. 

The smile on his face shined so bright that you couldn’t imagine ever saying no to him, if that’s what his response was when he was happy. 

For the hope of it all  (For the hope of it all) 

You looked back towards your house for the final time. Leaving it behind was something you’d never thought you’d do, but you didn’t think you’d miss it – not when an entire city awaited your arrival.  

Namor had explained the transition process to you as best he could. A lot of it sounded like scientific gibberish, but the parts that you picked up included drinking a blue nectar that had been mixed with his blood, which would ensure that you could breathe both under water and above it. It would also extend your lifetime by centuries, if not longer. According to Namor, people all over Talokan were celebrating your arrival already.  

Namor wrapped his arms around you from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder.  

“Are you sure you want to say goodbye to this life, little love?”  

You smiled and leaned backwards against his chest.  

“Let’s start our life together, in yakunaj.” His language felt foreign on your tongue, but you had heard him call you by that name so many times that you were sure you had pronounced it correctly. 

Namor let out a loud laugh, kissing your shoulder and squeezing you tighter against him in response.  

“I think I could get used to hearing you speak my language, princesa.”  

“We’ll have a hundred lifetimes together. Will you teach me more?”  

“I will do anything you ask of me, princesa.” 

“Forever?” You asked, raising an eyebrow at him.  

He grinned, nodding. “Forever.”  

Tag List:

@thatlesbosimp @legocity2 @softclue @violet-19999 @uwiuwi @omgsuperstarg @purpleetou @raeluvsbloodline @historygeekgueen @kneelarhmstrung @euphoricjupiter @ethereal-athalia @quackson03 @johfaam @messymissy @husherstan @quackimilktea @certifiedhunter @shoxji @dazecrea @layazul @bontensbabygirl @jasmihine @brookiecookiez0 @alexxavicry @hallecarey1 @km-ffluv @chiaraxtargaryen @trulylavandedarling @D0wnbad @deliciousfestsalad @lilyevans1 @imagineadream @22carolina08

[yinyuedijun]

okay maybe i’m toxic or didn’t pick up the hints but can you maybe elaborate more on what makes the readers behavior w aventurine manipulative? bc i feel like lwk i would do the same but i didn’t realize it was bad behavior 😭😭😭 like if he was saying stuff in his sleep i didn’t understand i would totally try to translate it 😭😭 and how they know he might not be comfortable w doing some things like teaching them avgin but asking anyway i took it as a bid for connection almost?? IDK im just gobsmacked bc i totally thought i was a healthy secure individual but if this is toxic behavior maybe im not 😭😭

FKDJSAKSHJA I won't lie anon I love getting chonky questions about my fics so thank you for reaching out about your confusion with this particular subject . in your defense I understand why it might be confusing on a first read because it IS fundamentally a story about two lovers wanting connection. the catch is that they are too messed up to actually achieve it in a mutual manner 😞

SADLY I must write an essay about this because I'm unbearable. but before I do I'd like to share screenshots from a couple of my readers (SHOUTOUT TO LEEHI ANON AND MIN !) that explains it succinctly

okay now my unbearable essay

so basically. I think the mc's first weird thing that they did was wanting to know what aventurine was saying in his sleep and not just asking him LMFAOOO instead they fucking went about learning it in a roundabout way, without his permission, and just did not care about his boundaries gkdhdsldhsmsj

but while that is whack dishonest behaviour, the real crux of the manipulation in this dynamic is that the reader gave the impression to aventurine that he would be able to understand them better via language exchange, but they set him up for failure in this regard. from the outset, they had no intention of revealing anything about their inner world to him because they planned to deceive him in their native tongue. on the other hand, through learning aventurine's mother tongue, they are able to access a deeply vulnerable part of him. and they do it without him knowing.

so they use this knowledge of his mother tongue and his weakness to it to manipulate him into treating them better: crying in it to gain his pity (just as they did with their captors) and asking for gestures of affection using his language because they know he can't say no. they can use his first language to control him, but aventurine cannot do the same. it's very one-sided.

but as you said, it's ultimately a bid for connection. and they resort to this behaviour to achieve connection because, put frankly, aventurine has already created a one-sided dynamic where he has killed any potential for true connection. like tl;dr he really does treat them like garbage 😭😭😭 the mc just got kinda tired of that and wanted to girlboss him back so that he'd be actually affectionate to them. though they also just want to find a way to make him happy.

ANYWAY SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG.... thank you for reading my fic . I appreciate you so much!!!!!!

[kaizensluvr]

hi, its alr if you dont write this, but i was wondering if you could write a chishiya x reader but reader is struggling with an ed? im currently recovering rn and i almost fell back in so i just need comfort rn.

chishiya x gn reader struggling with an ed

author note! i’m so proud of u for putting in the work to recover, i know how hard it is. ❤️ TW

shuntaro chishiya

- i think he’d be suspicious of your ed bc of signs he’d catch

- if you chose to tell him he would listen to you intently, if not he would just ask you questions and eventually just ask you

- as we know he’s not fond of physical touch, but in the moment he will hug you

- he’s a doctor, he knows the effects of ed to your body so he’s actually very concerned even though he tries to act like he has it together

- will cook healthy meals for you and cook whatever you want to try and encourage you

- will scribble over the calories on food packaging

- if you’re in the bathroom too long or lock yourself in your room he’s gonna keep knocking on the door and asking if you’re okay

- he knows you aren’t satisfied with your body so whenever he catches you looking at the mirror he will compliment you, but not on your body unless you say something negative about it

- he wishes you valued yourself for you instead of your body so he doesn’t really understand

- does small tasks for you to make your life easier

- will take you shopping to buy you clothes you are comfortable and confident in

- can tell when a breakdown is approaching and will pull you aside and spoil you, spend time with you, and talk to you

- sometimes you don’t even wanna talk about it, so he’ll just tell you about himself and his past

- completely encourages recovery, and will tell you the scientific permanent effects of this to you

- he really loves you, everything about you, he doesn’t care about how you look, he loves your body, and he will cuddle you to sleep <3

- in the mornings or late nights when he thinks you’re asleep he’ll whisper things he loves about you

ⓒ caution. don’t repost my work without my permission. plagiarism is prohibited. don’t translate my work without my permission. i will take measures of reporting you.

[chewchuck]

AND ANOTHER THING! (IM BACK FOR MORE)

I absolutely picked up on a few things that honestly had me just asking more questions about Chilchuck’s pov. On one hand, I usually love seeing each pov within the chapters, but! on the other, it was very what’s the word… fitting? nicely done. how you handle the showing and telling of the story

My internal dialogue was a lot of “Oh surely this man is not entirely oblivious to dog boy over here.” “Oh he has GOT to be thinking thoughts rn.” So eek! Yes I am so excited about the addition lol

Also I have no idea WHAT they’re put in this stuff, but Dungeon Meshi has just… gotten me in a chokehold. The Chilaios Nation, don’t know what y’all are doing, but it also has me in a chokehold. Scarily dragging me in. I am obsessing I am refreshing my tabs I am unwell I am blessed with a feast fit for a king this is affecting my mental health I need sleep. Anyway, love all the chilaios nation folks <3

listen to me. look me in my eyes. i am gripping you by the shoulders. this is everything to me

because so genuinely while writing the first part, i considered every single aspect of what chikchuck thought about what was going on. what was he feeling what was he thinking etc etc and i while i don’t always think that’s necessarily for a limited pov fic, especially not when it comes to one that boils down to self indulgent smut, like i said *i* knew what he was going through and wanted to try to translate that to the audience with out like. making it so obvious that laios should have picked up on it.

and when trying to convey something subtle like that it’s so easy for it to go completely unnoticed. and honestly i do think i would have been just fine with that actually! bc i never intended to make a second part of this from chilchucks pov!

but the way sooo many people have been like “i am picking up on this” just made me so happy!!! like i said a billion times while writing this i made and am still making this for me first and foremost! it’s self indulgent and all about what *i* want to happen and what makes me happy

but that doesn’t change the fact that i am so overwhelmingly happy that so many other people are enjoying it!! im over the moon about that! and thats a HUGE part of why i got inspired to actually write a chilchuck pov!!!

(and not to curse myself but uhm. based on the current word count compared to the equivalent part of the first part it. well it might end up longer. but shh don’t tell anyone)

BUT YEAH WTF DID RYOKO KUI PUT IN THIS FUCKING SHOW AND WHAT IS IT ABOUT CHILAIOS NATION.

i think it’s crack cocaine

i’m would like to reiterate/make it clear that i made this blog LESS THAN A WEEK AGO. that’s how insane this shit had made me. it’s been less than a week and i’ve made a whole side blog, wrote over 11k of fic, made several friends, joined a discord server and am HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE. i am having more fun in this fandom than i can remember having in almost 15 years

sorry this reply got REALLY long but. it just feels good. i’m happy. i’m having fun and im glad there are other people along for the ride who are having fun as well :3

[taniushka12]

tagged by @autisticwriterblog!!! thank you, 🤗🤗💞💞

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

on ao3 just 79! been posting there since 2015 but im a busy bee u_u

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

177103 😌

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The most I've written for in the past decade are Haikyuu -> Wolf359 -> Tma -> Alwake

4. Top five fics by kudos

Antropofagia (147) the one and only jon/martin ive ever written where web!martin eats a guy and then ponders about his humanity w/ his boyfriend

Lipstick Stains (143) Jon/Tim/Sasha fluff ♥

The dance of the spider and the flame (126) web!martin/desolation!tim fluff (pseudo fluff? its fluffy to Me) w/ a side of meta

Ridiculous monster man (118) Jon/Tim angst 😔

Un hombro en el cual dormir (86) Tsukki/Yama fluff ♥

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! sometimes it takes me a Considerate amount of time but I always leave them unread until I get to do it ;o;

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

sticking to remedy (for this and the next question) id say Clouds of pink and storm, where Alice experiences the final reunion w/ Alan in aw:an but then wakes up, assuming it was merely a dream and that he's still dead ;_;

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hypothermia where Alan gets out of the dark place and can finally sleep in peace surrounded by the people he loves ♥♥♥

8. Do you get hate on fics?

one (1) time in my first tma fic, but I just deleted it and moved on ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (joke on them bc that Is my most popular fic lmfao)

9. Do you write smut?

sometimes. I hate writing it almost as much as I like thinking abt it, which puts me on a difficult position 😔

10. Craziest crossover?

😶 do not have one..

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i translated many of my hq and w359 fics from spanish to english, if that counts!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope! im pretty protective of my stories... although I lowkey wanna try it sometime, making aus and stories with people is Fun ;o;

14. All time favourite ship?

ALL TIME FAVORITE is hard, but as of Right Now its alan/alice/barry and any permutation of those three ♥ i love them ;o;

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

the hannibalesque au... a martin/elias fic that was supposed to be my tma magnus opus, last time i opened it it was pushing 20k and quite literally only needed two scenes to be complete, but also thinking abt tma always puts me on such a sour mood and, while i love the ship, i couldn't care less about elias himself,,, still love the fic but god getting into the mindset to write it is hard to say the least Q_Q

16. What are your writing strengths?

id like to think characterization! and dialogue 🥰

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

larger plot...? thinking around specific scenes i wanna write sometimes gets tedious so i prefer writing snippets of stuff :/ also staying motivated on the thing 😔

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

if done right it can add flavor to the story! but its a hit or miss and when it misses it can be soooooo so bad Q_Q i dont believe you Need beta reads for fics but in this case you Gotta have someone that speaks the language available, and Please dont just translate words at random

19. First fandom you wrote in?

phineas & ferb :') still got some one shots printed somewhere in my room lmao

20. Favorite fic you've written?

oof. hard to say. but I'll go with:

Desperately Safe (tma, peter/salesa) what if a charismatic yet highly paranoid man and the misanthropic heir of the lonely found refuge in each other? and they were both sailors?

Recognition Through Fear (tma, martin/annabelle) in which the resident "spider monster" lady who was formerly arachnophobic shows signs that she never Actually stopped being scared of them, and the resident "fear buffet" guy who hates her guts (yet loves spiders) tries to make her life just a little bit easier by carefully picking the spiders integrated to her skull. a small moment of kindness in an otherwise unkind world u_u

Hypothermia (alwake, alan/alice/barry) you know that one 😉

tagging: @lostinthewoodsomewhere, @wolf-three-fifty-nine, @florallychaotic and @ilkkawhat 🤗

[siiversans]

Hey there! Maybe I will notify you that I just followed you, but in reality I have been seeing your AU of this blog for 3 or 4 days, with the undertale tag I was able to guide myself a bit and see your story completely.

And finally I was able to see EVERYTHING you posted regarding the story and the off-camera scenes, all thanks to the tags, bless them and you too for posting them QwQ you don't know how much it helped me. I have been looking from my cell phone, I had to go down in the history of the tag (which by the way, the #undertale one is the most ordered, I don't know why) looking for where I stayed. There are times when I got lost or closed by accident because I'm stupid XP, but here I am, happy to have met you and your lovely characters, I really hope you upload the official story of your AU one day, also the one of FALLEN I loved that one a lot!

In case you haven't noticed yet, I don't speak English, I speak Spanish. I am using the translator of my keyboard to write you this message. I was translating your content with that and Google Leans, Sometimes, since I am studying English and I know something to manage by myself. I just want you to know how much I love your story, What I love the most about your art is not only your characters but the background they have, in addition to those clothing designs you did, I must say that there is much more to Error than to Ink, You can see who you put more effort into, and that he doesn't appear much jsjsjsjsjs

Anyway, I know, a lot of text. You don't need to tell me. I know very well that my finger or pencil goes a lot. I will try to follow you as much as I can and see you grow while I support you in what I can, I know that you can do everything you set your mind to and I hope to see it ^^

And the truth... I would like to ask you a few questions but I don't want to ask you any longer, since there are things in the story and/or the characters that were not clear to me, so, I'll wait for you to tell me if I can ask you questions. Have a good morning/afternoon/night. Since I don't know what time you'll see this, but I already have to go to sleep, it's 4 a.m. X,D

Daiiiiiski daiio! Yanne~^3^

this is so sweet ;;_;;!!!!!!

don't be scared to ask me questions!! i love answering questioms about the characters that i can

i would love to make it clearer for anyone confused (bc the story is almost 7 years old now)

also!!!

i wish to make the story more accessible for anyone who doesnt speak english but im just not capable of translating by myself!

if anybody would like to translate the comic/story in their own language, feel free to dm me anytime you like!

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 1/31/23

month started on a sunday, ended on a tuesday, very satisfying

listening

Toxic Las Vegas (Jamieson Shaw Remix). this has been on my "silly little walk for my silly little mental health" playlist for three weeks so it's time for its place in the tuesdaypost. part of the appeal is that it's two songs i already like but this remix does something where i go "whoa is that the james bond chord" every time even though it is NOT.

-

reading

Bullet Train, a black humor thriller set on a train full of asssassins by Kōtarō Isaka. i have been having... mmmmmmmm. a time. let us say. and i have been clinging to things that i have lost my mind about (mostly cowboys) in order to get through the agonies. so it is weird, now that i am branching out a bit more bc things are on a slightly different tack, to be like "yeah i liked this a normal amount and i agree with the 3.8 goodreads average. i will not remember this in three months." npr said basically: fun little genre piece with no real depth! i don't completely agree with this, bc the book is not action-scene focused! the very few fights are short, blunt, quick affairs. there's a lot of focus on personal ethics and legacies, and a great deal of terror derived from random chance. but yeah it's not really a literary novel.

this was a fast, fun read. a rare example where i liked the adaptation (the recent movie which is a VERY loose adaptation) much more than the original work.

i try not to be picky about sentence structure or work choice in a translated work, bc translation is a tricky business at best, but there were some funky choices here and there that did throw me out of my groove. it's written in present tense, which is fine, but i cannot remember the last time i read a professionally published non-romance book written in present tense. i described the movies as "really wants you to know it took AP English", and the book is similar in an interesting way-- book!tangerine is constantly quoting English literary-canon novels.

the book (and movie) have a very dry sense of humor that clicked with me. "it's not clear why the man is naming fruits". at LEAST two sensible chuckles.

the biggest book/movie divergence is with the character of the Prince: a fourteen-year-old serial killer, who we spend a great deal of the book with, who asks nearly every grownup on this train "why is it bad to kill people?". a rare book in which i actively wanted a child to die. i think this character is much improved in the movie, since the character is both aged up (a young teen boy in the book, an older teen girl in the movie), and given clearer ties to the rest of the cast. however, this adaptational choice does lose almost all of the terror of the random chance the book makes you sit with. in the movie, the prince has a motive. in the book, that kid just ain't right.

had a fun time but not enough of a fun time that i will be seeking out the other novels in the series on purpose. perhaps if i come across physical copies cheap it will ping my memory and i'll grab them, which is how i acquire a lot of my physical books. this feels like im damning with faint phrase, but i did have a fun time reading this! it's just that my brain is a sieve and lately anything that doesn't completely possess me is immediately forgotten.

-

watching

fallow week bc i have been #gaming. i need to literally put on my to-do list "rewatch The Big Sleep for febslash feb research" maybe that'll get me to actually do it. im going to take this opportunity to complain about how much fucking work it is to write smut. not even the technical stuff bc i do like to write smut that's threesomes where everyone is the same gender and has the same color hair. the hard part is going "okay what's sexy" and then like storyboarding out the sequence of events to make sure everyone's having fun and it CONSISTENTLY stays sexy the whole time. i have never had irl sex with a narrative throughline. difficult difficult lemon difficult

-

playing

still running around in wolfenstein: the new order making this big beefy boy do jumps and slides. went to the moon. came back from the moon. hit a very fun bug as i try to fight my way out of the london nautica where i crash landed, bc i died, the level spat me out at the last checkpoint, and there were no health or ammo or armor pickups anywhere. just what i could scavenge off the fallen. very unpleasant to fight through a room with 20 health but i did do one whole room before realizing this was a bug. i would not like to play the entire game like this. very stressful. the big boss at the end of the level was also extremely stressful.

but let's talk about the moon, the moon in the fucking sky. how was the moon? was the moon fun? no it was full of nazis. it was also jammed full of sixties computer banks tho. many instruments and dials as well.

as i write this on sunday night i am going to attempt Again to finish the second to last chapter in this game. i am So Close to finishing this game in under 20 hours [ed note, monday night: lmao still have not finished this game]. look at some more computer banks there aren't enough pictures to break up this post.

not sure if this is a side effect of the next-location action movie disease, but wolfenstein is very interested in how areas link together. lots of temporary facilities that have grown ad-hoc roots, lots of trains planes and automobiles. we drive a lot of trucks. we’re in helicopters and subs and moon rockets. we blow up a bridge and scramble through several trains, blowing one of them up. we fuck on a train also can't forget that cutscene. we live in the sewers. we scuttle around in vents. we are in some very far-flung locations but they all look the fucking same bc they are encased in brutalist concrete. i'm sure this is bc it's fun to have a gun battle on a train and on the fucking moon and bc like u only have so many guys actually modelling things for your levels.

this is a very half-baked observation bc i think i am beginning to get a migraine (as i finish writng this on monday night) but let's get this out of the way first: all buildings are political. something something things invented and built for war never actually go away, something something transportation infrastructure to ease conquest continues to keep the colonies within easy reach of the imperial core, wartime infrastructure like highways and bridges as a tool of empire, fascism is a constant state of war which in this game is partly represented by constant shooting and also constant building. something something the unsustainability of not only constant building things but constant growth. something something long linked history of fascist architects who love brutalism. this video game has great visual design and visual shorthands is what im trying to get at. i think.

the london nautica museum/labs/spaceport is a big gun. this is not a subtle game.

-

making

here's a peek behind the curtain: i talk about cooking when i don't have anything else to report on. but i genuinely did not have anything else going on this weekend bc this took all my fucking literal and metaphorical spoons. this represents like three weeks worth of soup lunch (the red lentil previously discussed on this series) plus two quiches.

why so many quiches lately? i bought two dozen eggs before christmas and thought i would do more baking than i did, which was zero. tried this dal palak recipe, majorly fucked up the proportions of the spinach bc i cannot read the back of a package, and by the time i corrected my mistake i had a fuck of a lot of the spinach/onion/spices. unfortunately i fucking hate the texture of rice plus lentils plus this mixture all together, but felt bad about wasting so much food, so the lentils went into the soup (which i needed to make more of anyway) the spinach mixture went into some quiche (bc i needed to use up those eggs anyway) and uhhh idk what will happen with the rice yet. maybe fried rice to finish off the last three eggs in the carton. this entire debacle used all my spoons for the weekend.

there's also a pork shoulder defrosting (and after that marinating[from last summer's Father's Day Meat Sale i also wish i was making this up]) but that's not very photogenic. i desperately need freezer space and it's been a fucking minute since i had some meat.

[spookfished]

kades big media roundup (august)

hiii! like i said in my last post i spent a big portion of august being sick :| which involved spending like a Lot of the time sitting around playing pikmin 4, going "oh i think im thinking so hard about pikmin that its making me more tired?" and then playing more pikmin anyways. i 100%d this game guys it was so serious

books/comics/written media: paladins strength by ursula vernon: this is part of the saints of iron series, but i dont think context from the other books is really needed! romantasy/murder mystery about a nun and a paladin travelling together to the city by chance… they both have their own agendas but something draws them together 0///0 i found this really fun!! may have too much blood and guts for a pure romance fan but its very sort of pragmatic and down to earth in that ursula vernon way. nice dynamic between the leads, had a delightfully creepy (and sad!) antagonist and wrapped up threads from the previous book very nicely. would recommend 👍

in other words by jhumpa lahiri: semi autobiographical literary fiction about a (pulitzer winning) author who decides to move to italy and start writing exclusively in italian. (its translated!) hmmm as someone who also really loves languages but also doesnt really have the resources or desire to do something like. move to a different country (i mean maybe!) and only speak and write in that language from now on (probably not), it was a really interesting perspective. i was sort of put off by her attitude towards bengali but the whole "triangle of languages" theory makes sense… the writer is very straightforward and honest feeling in a way thats almost irritating sometimes but i think thats how a lot of artists are. and the concept alone is still very interesting.. lol anyways its a very short read so id still recommend 👍

the twisted ones by ursula vernon: horror. a woman is tasked with cleaning out her late hoarder grandmothers' house, located in rural north carolina. this was ursula vernons first horror book, i think! i was a little disappointed bc this wasnt very scary, exactly--but i feel like ive also been learning that even if i startle easily, my horror threshhold is actually very high……? i ended up liking what moves the dead more (it was scarier!) but this still had a fun cast of characters. still worth a read though :3 i enjoyed it

dungeon meshi by ryoko kui(catchup): manga about a group of adventurers looking for their lost friend. stuck in the dungeon for months on end, they resort to eating monsters! ohhhhh my god drags down myface dungeon meshi is literally one of the best manga out there and im glad everyone recognizes this. its about desire and need and the way unfulfilled desires is what propels our lives forward and gives them meaning and also how its SUPER IMPORTANT TO GET 3 NUTRITIOUS MEALS AND SLEEP 8 HOURS and all that. lol. phenomenal art i cant help but think that ryoko kui draws women as only a lesbian can..? highly recommend 👍

witch hat atelier by kamome shirahama(catchup): coming of age/fantasy manga--a girl discovers the secret behind the magic that powers her world. she's determined to use it to save her mother, but it may bring a heavy price--or maybe not at all…? like vita nostra (which i read last month!), this is also a book about learning magic that focuses heavily on pedagogy itself (which in this case is also a direct parallel to learning about art/drawing!). however, unlike vita nostra the characters are more like 10-11, and so it also takes a much more gentle and compassionate approach to how we should learn. but it also tackles some really interesting themes about restriction of information, and if said info should be restricted and why! and sort of digging deeper into the idea of "a secret hidden from the normal world". the art is soooo gorgeous i think its all done by hand? looks like a picture book can honestly get a bit overwhelming. highly recommend 👍

bloom into you: f/f manga about a girl who has never fallen in love, and a girl who never wants to be loved. bloom into you is one of those Yuri Classics that i enjoyed a lot as someone who has complicated feelings about romance :3 theres that really interesting quote thats like "love isnt about wanting someone to change or stay the same. when i say 'i love you,' its an expression of faith that even as you change, youll always be the person i adore"….. very interesting! also the sort of idea that you cant 'no true scotsman' love--you can just decide that you love someone, and then you do? kind of? anyways i thought it was pretty interesting :3

beastars: coming of age manga, set in a world kinda like zootopia but if someone thought about it way more. legosi, a large grey wolf struggles with distinguishing between his carnal desires and his, uh, carnivorous desires. ok EYE really liked it but also i think it handles a lot of themes really weirdly… maybe this is because legosi is just really fucking weird (this is definitely part of it) but in many ways beastars portrays the split between men and women as being even more uncrossable than the split between herbivores and carnivores.. which to me was surprising since the manga itself is written by a woman? definitely look up a TW list if youre planning on reading lol. it definitely has some of the best "what if animals lol" worldbuilding out there. i had louis/legosi/haru ot3 in my heart the whole way through LOL but i, uh, dont really think legosi and haru work as a couple just by themselves .. also the gaybait in here is crazy. i think past the midway or maybe 3/4 point it kinda starts to lose focus, but it still had a lot of compelling drama. yayyy louis beastars i think more theater kids should go through unbelievable self-inflicted pain

beast complex: anthology about the surrounding stories of the ppl of beastars. SO fun many people agree that the best part of beastars was the worldbuilding and this was basically all that. very fun :3

surviving romance: horror/adventure? chaerin wants nothing more than to live her fated fairy-tale life--so much so that people other than her love interest appear as nothing more than extras. one day ZOMBIES ATTACK!!!!11! very fun :33 maybe this is just me but is meta stuff getting more popular because of orv…? its not doing it as well ngl but still entertaining. chaerin trying to gain the trust of ppl that she originally didnt gaf about is fun

video games: pikmin 4: pikmin 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its a game about being 1 inch tall and controlling your hordes of small creatures (pikmin) to gather things like fruits. i think i bought this when i was sick because i saw a post that was like "pikmin cured my executive function" lol everyone who plays pikmin doesnt fucking shut up about what an indie gem it is but theyre kinda right………pikmin is really good…. its all about finding beauty and joy in the small intricacies of this wide world……i know some people were annoyed by the story parts but i thought it was cute idk :] and oatchi was there . recommend if you like games like starcraft or if you like watching ants carry around a giant caterpillar

movies: farewell my concubine: coming of age/literary/tragedy/historical/??? its a wong kar wai movie. dieyi has nothing in his life but the stage, where he plays as the faithful concubine to a doomed king. his life offstage is much more fraught. i would dearly love to read any articles or things about this movie so if you got anything come find me? ALSO if you have the forbidden cancelled broadway adaption script please let me know. im so curious. ok so its a wong kar wai movie so everyone knows its crazy good already. did watch it when i was sick so not super coherent ideas about it but its like omggggg dieyiii hes so doomed. the way it integrated with history was also interesting (i kinda cant believe someone made a rakugo-based adaptaiton of this. bro it doesnt WORK like that) its really interesting that like dieyis single point of friction between himself and consort yu is his gender.. but that constant emasculation is also what allows him to be so unique in theater and have a special bond w xiaolou.. man well it really was a movie. i want to see it again in a couple months maybe..? its about performance and gender and Performance of Gender and sexuality and cyclical violence and art during a time of strife and art as apolitical and also art as very political. and also a lot of other stuff. very awesome

we are the tigers: thriller musical about a terrible group of cheerleaders coming together for the first meeting of the year. and bad shit happens!!! omg i love girls who kill. and girls who kill each other i dont think this was particularly deep or anything but i enjoyed it :3

nope: horror movie about oj and em, two siblings struggling to keep their stunt horse business running after their father dies. ok well like above its a jordan peele movie so of course its very good. scary as well! i loved the themes… i went back to when ppl were talkingabout the movie to see what people said! ngl i kinda thought jupe was going to have a bigger part in the movie but he was cool as he was. idk it was just very enjoyable and had a lot of things to think about. the idea of spectacle and like.. tragedy-voyeurism are something thats really important to examine closely in times like these i think?

when harry met sally: ROMCOM YAYY about a man and a woman meeting each other across multiple periods of their life. literally one of the only romcoms i can remember my dad openly admit to liking it really deserves the hype. its so heartfelt and sweet and genuinely funny and the character development is so good. its like gay people for straight people

how to lose a man in 10 days: romcom about a guy who thinks he can make any girl fall in love vs a girl who is trying to give the worst dating experience possible. um well it was ok? i only really felt the chemistry between the main leads in a couple of scenes (like when she visits his home) it wasnt really funny or romantic enough..? especially given that most of the humor was predicated on LOL LOOK HOW SHITTY AND CONTROLLING GFS CAN BE which is like ok fine. whatever. idk it was ok

annihilation: horror about a group of scientists who go into a unsettling area to see whats wrong with it.. um well i read the book first and i had heard that this was a pretty good adaptation ? a la howls moving castle book vs movie. i thought it was pretty good? but WAY more focused on the horror stuff than the book, and also (bc its a movie) not really able to focus on the characters interiorities as much..? and also like the way the characters slowly lose it in weird ways and their dynamic frays was one of the cooler parts of annihilation (book) to me. i think at the time having queer characters and characters of color and a cast comprised almost entirely of women was a pretty big deal though i think i heard a lot about it on tumblr lol. its hard not to nitpick on lots of details but i thought it was pretty good overall! a lot of the differences that i didnt like that much made sense as a migration from book->movie--like for example if theyd made the mc as cold and unfeeling it would have been harder to have her be a sympathetic movie protagonist. i thought the infidelity plot w the professor was kind of a timewaster though . anyways still recommend 👍

blue beetle: action movie about a guy whos blue and a beetle. i liked this a surprising amount but i also saw it with friends. the first half of the movie is kinda better than the first also being a tokusatsu fan makes me go "wow this would be so much better if it was with suit actors" lol but the first half of the movie was sooo fun i think also had a really good depiction of a genttrifying city which i enjoyed

oppenheimer: historical drama about that one guy. copy pasting my thoughts from discord: even my dad who liked the movie more was like wow… this movie was kinda too long idk i think it was like technically cool in terms of like imagery and sound and actgin and stuff. but i like wasnt really moved LOL. christopher nolan is playing a little game where i have to recognize as many white men in sequence as possible and im going to be real i can manage maybe like 3? also the whole outer shell plot with strauss and misha collins (EDIT: it was not misha collins) who literally unironically said "youre the god of shadows now" (????) was like. um well this is really intricate but also i dont really care…? like am i supposed to have a stake in this…..? and sort of the intertwining of that story combined w the creation of the atomic bomb was like kinda so-so (my inability to tell faces didnt help w this) it was fine but not really my kind of movie. omg i did like the part with like all the thundering applause and stuff but it blows up there was this part where they kept on being like omg the X incident. all this stuff happened with X and i was like wow what is it….. turns out it was literally referring to a recurring character that i neither remembered nor could recognize. sad

us: horror movie about doubles. YESSS SO FUCKING SCARY i watched this on the airplane to school and the old lady sitting next to me had to watch me hyperventilating and clutching my chest and the whole nine yards. definitely the scariest jordan peele movie. man and the twist at the end was so freaking good. i think its the scariest because the danger is so there, and so immediate, but the beginning part of the movie actually succeeded (for me?) in getting you to be invested in the characters as well. i was wondering if maybe the doubles were also supposed to be connected to like ideas of caricature about black people..? it leaves just enough unanswered that youre still scared. and the questions that do get answered leave you with………THE HORRIFYING TRUTH!! god what a good movie

moonlight: coming of age about a boy who struggles with being black and gay during the crack epidemic of the 80s/90s. < sorry if this isnt a good summary i remember this was a pretty important film when it came out.. i watched part of it a couple years ago and then just remembered to finish this month. its a good movie… you kinda just sit with it yk. hm i (obviously?) dont have a lot of experience with black masculinity but i thought it was interesting how vulnerability can be like taken away from you or you can withhold it from yourself..and that can feel or even be really powerful! but its also like never too late to do that until youre dead. waves my hands around

thanks if you got to the end of this :3 stg ive had like 5 books on loan that ive had on loan for several months by now? idk if ill be able to get to them now (its the beginning of the school year..) but hopefully. i will do that soon. me n neil are sort of planning to get into "film bro movies" were watching the shining soon im very excited. see you later!

[kithtaehyung]

OH IM SHAKING SO HARD RN RYEN??

new favorite chapter. idc. I was at the edge of my SEAT the whole time and I had to reread so many parts to make sure my brain processed everything right 😧 I’m definitely going to reread after sending this and maybe before I go to sleep.. and maybe during wor- 🫣

the sex scene was so fucking HOT oh my god I did not expect yn to bite back either shes so hot oh gosh 🫣 possessive yoongi and yn.. what a combo my mind is scrambled.. TBH I had a feeling yoongi was going to sneak through the window when you dropped the title a few days ago and when that scene came into play I was on CLOUD NINE.

OH AND U WERE SO DIRTY FOR GIVING ME SCARED WITH 3TAN BRO I was screaming every time bro appeared or cockblocked 😭 and I was audibly telling him to go away 😭 BUT BESIDES THE NASTY STUFF ( I would’ve wrote more but im still processing everything my mind is blank HDJCJSJ BUT JUST KNOW IT RUINED ME. PISSED OFF YOONGI? I WAITED FOR THIS ONE. )

YN AND YOONGI GETTING MATCHING JEWELRY OHH MY HEART! I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I HOPE THEY’LL BE ABLE TO WEAR THEM WITHOUT GETTING SUSPICION 🥹

AND SUSHCUDJFNSK JIN KNOWS NOW HDJDISNE I SCREAMED AND JUMPED FROM MY SEAT WHEN HE SAID THE LAST LINES..

THANK U SM FOR SERVING US A 5 COURSE MEAL RYEN! DEFINITELY MY FAVE CHAPTER AS OF NOW !! now im a little bit nervous bc im sensing theyre about to get caught by bro from the amount of ppl finding out abt them.. AHHH

- 🍷

i came to a realization jin did not know AND I READ TOO FAST WHOOPS BUT EVEN SO TAE SAYING THOSE LAST WORDS .. PHEW

- 🍷

WINE OMFGGG new fave?? no flippin way that is absolutely fantastic! i wanted it to be tense bc it needed to be (the premise?? the suspense? too good to pass up.) and it was also a nice way to practice tense situations bc i don’t think i’ve written too many scenes like that, if ever. it was playing in my head and writing that out was super interesting. hope it translated well enough! 

READER IS A BRATTT like we know reader is pretty independent and from what yoongi has said about them, he already knew about this bossy side. i can only imagine what was going on his mind... it’s almost as if he wanted reader to be mad for a long ass time just to see what would happen L O L i want both of them so fcking bAD.

HAHAHAH BRO THROUGH THE WALLL i wanted to fcking yell! if you were yelling at your screen, i’m cacking. that’s too good hahahah PISSED OFF YOONGI FOR THE GD WIN. AND THE JEWELRY HELP MEEEE we’ll see if this is canon or not and if they do wear them :’))) 

i’m so damn happy you enjoyed this one, along with the ending that gave me stitches lmfao. it was a blast to write despite giving me some headaches!

[icharchivist]

me: i’ll probably make a summary of my thoughts every 10 or so chapters, whatever feels natural.

me 5 chapters into awakening moon: i need to write down my thoughts NOW or i’ll die.

uh. so. hello icha!! I’m on break rn which is why i’m able to do this haha. this is just about the first five chapters of awakening moon… um so actually i was stuck at a relatives place for a lot of new years and ended up? just reading the translation for all of act 1 that was on the wiki as well as alex in wonderland bc those were the two i didn’t rly take notes on? I think also the azuma and sakyo hot spring event i didn’t do notes for… but everything else i had some notes so i thought it’d be good if i could review act 1 a little in preparation. and gee golly am i GLAD I DID. bc 5 chapters in and im being proven sooooo right abt all my thoughts.

this’ll come in handy when talking abt other characters, but most relevantly I was rly able to pick out some hisoka moments i hadn’t noticed earlier… firstly when winter first finds hisoka, he actually doesn’t want them to call the police—I mean i’d get why but also i think he probably instinctively is wary of the police? which i have to think adds to his assassin points, which is my imaginary tip jar for pieces of evidence that point towards hisoka being an assassin. These pretty much also just go hand in hand with hisoka having any time of… nefarious sort of career pre-amnesia, so being a spy or involved in some type of espionage or something feels… appropriate. some assassins do spy stuff as well! but assassin is the guess thats most fun for me to say. lol. pretend it’s a catch-all. um next hisoka, when asked to play a character, asks for really specific details like age and background, and then izumi describes him as acting very… realistically? and later when they’re doing their play she notes that hisoka has gotten a bit more expressive in his acting! I think that sense of realism really works well with his role in sympathy for the angel—hes the most bluntly realistic about everything, it feels, so i’d imagine his more understated nature of acting fits well there… i’d also say that for someone who probably has no acting experience, doing espionage or something like that would train you in some specific kinds of acting! which is maybe why hisoka needs those extra details—it’s more like a cover story, then, and why his acting has that sense of realism—it’s acting that needs to exist in the real world, not the kind of acting that is Performance.

also tasuku asks if hisoka did martial arts, because his footsteps don’t make any sound… assassin points. I think there’s this part where izumi almost gets hit by something on stage or something like that and hisoka saves her? and tasuku says like are you a ninja? and homare mentions that hisoka moved so fast that he couldn’t see him… assassin points. I’ve mentioned the lie low and recover stamina thing already… as well as how when izumi approaches him from behind he pins her to the wall immediately. umm but i forgot that he specifically disappeared because he had a cold! so he didn’t want to… show any weakness, i guess, and just ran away. that felt very assassin to me. I’m basing this off of killua of course, since he also has a sort of “run away when you’re weakened” philosophy. and also!! when they’re talking about their type in romantic partners, hisoka wants someone who’s independent and not clingy. I imagine that has to do with like… as an assassin or as a spy i bet he traveled a lot… so he couldn’t really get attached to people, unlike how he is with the winter troupe. like at first he didn’t even want to get a futon bc he needed to be able to sleep anywhere. probably had to be used to roughing it for whatever assassin work he was doing. and finally… hisoka had memories related to the ocean, where he was like. he said he probably washed ashore from there? and chikage’s always been doing a lot of overseas business trips… i was making connections.

anyways. I bet that hisoka and chikage were both assassins or doing the same kind of work, and that chikage was april and hisoka was december (and chikage is maybe wearing hisokas jacket?? since it says dece right there) AND when he introduced himself!!! He said his bday was april 15th!!! so you can imagine the VINDICATION i felt when chikage confronted hisoka and went "What's the meaning of this, December?” LIKE I CALLED IT. I NOTICED THE DETAILS!!! Unrelated but google tells me hisokas bday is december 3rd? google could be wrong but i didn’t want to check further for fear of spoilers but ah. if that’s true I share a birthday with hisoka!!

wanted to get that out of the way non-chronologically… putting a pin in that, I’ll talk some more abt it later. anyways the actual chapters in the order they came. those thoughts.

getting fully voiced lines again!!! oh my god!!! I checked and i got through sardine search in june of 2021 so dear god, has it been a while. I feel like i notice so much!! the tone of the voices and everything… its so good i missed it. love being able to pick up random words here and there with my “acquired through knowing the translated title as well as the original of japanese songs” knowledge. and MIZUNO GOT TO SEE ROMEO AND JULIUS… and tsuzuru looks so happy to hear that!!! crazy. crazyyyy. Imagine never having read clockwork heart and reading that and being like “who’s that” instead of LOSING MY MIND.

it makes sense that they’d try to recruit a single person instead of doing an open audition, since that would be a little tough if at the end u were like. ok we’re taking One Person. sakyo was also like its nice since u can trust the person which is so funny to me. I mean good caution since the whole godza spy thing happened but also its like. I know you’re going to recruit chikage and im squinting at the screen like… is he someone you can trust? since i think he’s an assassin. also his face just makes me think of like… a sly tanuki, lol. but this also provides good context as to how all these act 2 members kind of already relate to the act 1 charas! its story convenience since u don’t have to establish a dynamic from wholecloth with a whole “first meeting” bit, but it’s also convenient in-story itself since having some familiarity with the person would probably make them easier to trust! a neat thing that works from a watsonian and doylist perspective lol. also whoever joined spring HAD to know itaru, since itaru would have to like. give up his solitary gamer pad (which imo is the more accurate term as compared to man cave)

masumi not answering his phone and saying he doesn’t know the number… considering it was? a secretary? That izumi called at first, I bet it’s his parents. I’m also like on my knees BEGGING for some more masumi developments this episode. (it’s… episode for each troupe season, right? and then chapter for each individual bit. that’s what i’m doing, at least). but oh my god i’m with tsuzuru here. masumi you should be answering sakuya’s calls. the masumi & sakuya dynamic is actually really interesting to me, though! like first off until we did this year forward (which, considering the anniversary event was just before this, seems like they’re retconning that the first 4 plays took one year and instead are going with that these first 12 plays took place in a year…? I think? I’m confused abt the timeline but I refuse to search it up lol) and this is how I realized sakuya’s actually a year older than masumi… it’s cool to see he went right into theatre! he does love it after all. but he still wakes up masumi who’s cranky in the morning haha. usually with these two and the play they did, I would’ve thought it’d be a dynamic of like… cheery guy and cool guy aren’t close at first but slowly the cool aloof guy gets attached but ah… it still feels like masumi didn’t really get that. attached. it’s a very interesting situation to me, because they definitely spend time together and care for each other but they don’t necessarily feel… close? it’ll be interesting to see if that develops. nocturnality’s description of the troupes is, once again, on point—spring troupe is really like a family more than just a group of friends. speaking of that though I’ve been talking to my friend about a3 and he asked me, like, autumn was described as comrades for the same cause, right? what is that cause? and I had to be like… um, acting? because I didn’t know how to say it any better haha. since it’s acting for everyone, too… I think there is a certain flair autumn has in the way it feels like they’re challenging each other a little bit—exemplified with juza and banri, but it’s present with others, too. still I wasn’t sure how to word it?

it’s nice that juza is w/ omi and tsuzuru and banri is with kazunari at uni!!! good they’re not in the same university because… that would be a lot. the moment citron mentioned chika-usa I was like. ah. chikage. like I literally even Just saw him in a bunny outfit… if I didn’t get it from the chika bit I’d get it from the usa bit now. it’ll be exciting to see that reveal since I think he and izumi can talk curry a lot! also he can help with blogging which is nice

then began chikage’s introduction of which I was mentally yelling in my head “HES TRICKING YOU. NO PERSON CAN BE THAT POLITE AND PATIENT AND PERFECTLY GENIAL AND MILD.” I’m just saying like he’s tooo normal to not be faking it. he’s literally itaru’s coworker and we know how that guy appeared versus his real self. so when he says like “I’m a huge fan” about the blog and I go “no. you’re just stalking hisoka.” but like his self-introduction is so normie and at least my personal evaluation of his audition was that he was realistic but not dramatic? A thing which matches quite well with how I think hisoka performs… though again izumi doesn’t really detail that far in about his style, this is just me evaluating him. but yeah wow I wonder why you’d be good at acting, chikage… ever done any espionage? his coin cg looked nice! but I’m just saying… quick with his hands doing magic tricks… hisoka can be so quick you can’t see him, too… also if ur fun party skill inherently involves deception and misdirection as magic tricks do… then I don’t have to trust this pleasant person mask you have. also the way chikage tells sakuya “you seem like you would be the first to go down in a battle” wow I bet you’ve been in some life or death battle situations. being an assassin and all. although, I love the way citron agrees.

izumi: (he's already won them over. I'm glad he's fitting in so well!)

me, banging pots and pans together: ITS AN ACT!!!! ITS AN ACT!!! like he just sounds sooo cloying. like hes being patient with children

and when hisoka appeared izumi saw chikages smile slip!! I thought it was fun to see homare nagging gently at hisoka to introduce himself tho lol… I wish they’d done the coin game. I think hisoka may have guessed correctly. but the way hisokas like well I don’t have anything to say abt myself except my name and homare is then immediately like *gasp* let me list all my hisoka facts!!

and THEN when chikage approached hisoka in the night. THE VOICE CHANGE. HE DROPPED LIKE AN OCTAVE I FUCKING KNEW HIS POLITE VOICE WAS HIDING SOMETHING. I realize amnesia’s hard to believe but god if ur an assassin or whatever in some mystery organization u should be able to believe in amnesia.

this line though: "...All this time I thought you had died together with August." but hisoka doesn't even remember what he said when he was sick! I do remember him apologizing, though… he’s got survivor’s guilt for sure i bet. I was very alarmed by how hisokas yknow. normally gentle and soft voice got very distressed at this part tho! especially when he said his head hurts… I wanted to hug him.

"...Then remember this. My name is April, and I'm here to avenge everything you took away from me." hmph. called it. but also. inigo montoya much? and those flowers WERE threats.

ch 4 starting out with the title reading "yume nikki" gave me immediate flashbacks like. I know it just means dream diary but I will always just think of the game only. hisoka’s flashback though… it was so well written. the emphasis on coldness really got me—it makes sense that at the beginning, he’d even sleep outside in the cold! but wow. he grew up like. starving and without a home. "my hands, my face, my body... everything's cold." and "they weren't like me. they must have had real homes." i am weeping. I am inconsolable.

veryyyyy cool to get hisoka stuff in spring, though. i'd hoped, but wasn't sure since it was the spring play and not the winter one. perhaps that'll all reverse with winter since guy will join then and citron can get hi emo time then? the ch doesn’t say who those two kids who talk to hisoka are, but i’m guessing they’re august and april (with the kid that keeps insulting hisoka being april)... we’ll see about that. and they’re inviting hisoka to join the Organization. Hmmm. okay. while i’d love to point and say “and HERE’s the assassin club!” it’s probably a bit more realistic that these people are… multi-talented in their dealings. organization to me implies more than just like assassin-for-hire but like. actual plans so they r um. maybe. …a. what’s the mundane version of a big evil organization? a terrorist agency…? a shady intelligence guild? it doesn’t rly sound like a yakuza/mafia deal. well anyways that’s what i maybe think hisoka is a part of. that’s 100% the kind of group that would take in kids off of the street. probably some of them do assassinations in em.

the "if you stay here like this, you'll die." / "nowhere else... to go." exchange made me lose my mind. Whenever there is ever a piece of media where some character goes like “if you keep being this way, you’ll ruin your life” but that way of life is the ONLY way that person knows how to live, even if its ruining them… that gets me. and then the "how many times have I thought I might die, yet ended up living? living on, all alone." line from hisoka… like this is before august died but i imagine in the period after august died and he hadn’t joined mankai yet… that was true again, wasn’t it. AND THEN THE GINGERBREAD. THAT’S WHY HE FROZE UP DURING THE CHRISTMAS PLAY!!! BECAUSE THAT WAS THE FIRST FOOD HE WAS OFFERED BY THESE TWO… it is funny that they reeled him in with a snack here… it’s the same in the future, only it’s just marshmallows. still, for a kid surviving out on the streets... sweets are probably like a precious delicacy, huh… since they’re not particularly filling. they’re just nice. a step above plain survival. and then hisoka’s told that they’re family now… thinking about how he says that winter troupe is the place he belongs, later.

back to the present i love how when yuzo comes in citron so pleasantly says"oh, yuzo! have you lost your day job?" pfft. makes sense that chikages articulate. hes probably practiced his voice a lot since this one is miles away from his threatening voice, ahah. Also love how hes like “ive dabbled in kabuki!” and no one can tell if he’s telling the truth or not. like i said. he’s suspicious. yuzo agrees with me seeing as hes like chikage’s too calm around everyone. I thought the interview was funny! like tsuzuru, you’ve managed to somehow precog everyone’s character arcs and personalities well enough, but this time you need to interview the guy? yet you parallels a weird amount of tsumugi and tasukus life with sympathy for the angel without knowing shit about them? yet you absolutely hit upon azuma’s own baggage with nocturnality? Considering chikage seems to joke/lie about a lot of things, it is fair… he’s a pretty mysterious character. Has to be since he’s hiding the fact that he’s an assassin and stuff. I muttered to myself for soooo long about the curry thing though i was like what the fuck is an ultimate curry. curry isn’t even one thing in india. at least in the part of india where i’m from, even our stir fries get called curry (by my family at least!) but then chikage was like. oh its fun to mess with u guys so. okay. hisoka seeing chikage and spring and immediately running off tho… i bet that entire exchange hit him hard especially bc chikage was just like. kind of mean and not helpful lol. excited to see how that goes. i hope winter gets to take care of him since he’s Going Through It right now… i still think whoever is ringing masumi must be his parents. its nice that chikage and izumi get to bond over curry! it'll be interesting when the blog thing gets revealed. itaru seemed weird after he had to explain what a stan was to masumi which is like… i wonder what thats abt. he did mention a little that he had a bad time of it in high school during alice in wonderland so i wonder if thatll ever come up. or mb hes just worried abt chikage seeing his gamer pad. who knows. uh. well. that’s my thoughts on the. first five chapters. I don’t think i’m going to be able to Stop reading this so. I hope ur okay receiving something like this every day-ish.

HI THERE! HELLO THERE! WELCOME TO ACT 2!!!!!!!! I see awakening moon is already having its power on you, so cool.

Chikage time!!!

And ohh that's so cool you get back to previous events. Makes some elements clearer in mind, esp with Hisoka mister subtle exposition backstory over here.

Congratz on noticing all those little details about him on the reread :3c those things still leave me obsessing. Esp the way his acting is described like, that's such an unnatural approach to acting you can't help but raise an eyebrow.

And god yeah. yeah. Hisoka is so weird in the early chapters when you pay extra attention to him it's so much. Another thing from the backstages that might interest you is in Tasuku's New Year's SR (SR - [Careful of Holiday Traffic] - "The Gunslinging Cleaner") where they're all cleaning the dorms, and Winter is doing the bathroom, and Tsumugi and Tasuku end up playing up with the spray bottles to have a pretend fight based on an old play of theirs and it has Tasuku, realistically, get back into his role like he does so well. And Hisoka catches on to that and when Tsumu leaves, he thinks, hey, that was funny, actually funnier that what we're doing, and he takes up two spray bottles as well to play a dual gunner and start to wrap Tasuku into it again. Anyway during this whole bit there's a mention of how Hisoka's way to move feels very natural as he's playing someone who's /using two guns to fight/. Bringing it up so you can add it to your assassin jar.

ANYWAY. CHIKAGE. APRIL. HHHHHHHHHH. You were pointing it out so much in your asks and i was just. pointing while doing uncomprehensible noises, and had to try my best to just go "cool theory! not saying anything tho!" like i wasn't losing my mind because "YOU GOT IT. YOU GOT IT!!!!" (on the April front at least, i'm not confirming anything else LMAO). Chikage's build up was done so well i'm SO glad you caught on the details hhh!! And yeah Hisoka is indeed from Dec. 3rd and omg!!!! twin bday…. I share my bday with his seiyuu personally so we're really onto something here.

The full voice really is so cool!!! And yeah i feel you so much, there's so much characterization in the voice work, the random words we know from song, and even realizing how much they improved since the early day. Always a chill up my spine.

AND YEAH. YEAH THE MIZUNO NAMEDROP. OH MY GOD. holding your hands. See this is why i insisted so hard on you reading all the events, and i'm so glad that you did it. I've had friends who skipped the events because they wanted act 2 so quickly and i was just. no. you don't realize Chikage has been built up, you don't know about Mizuno you dONT- like they legit mentioned then "idk who mizuno is" and i'm just GNHHH. Mizuno!!!

Yeah the audition thing makes sense. esp since now they're popular so it's harder to filter who really would want to make a good actor. not that it means they're actually recruiting a trustworthy bunch bUT. Chikage's face like a sly tanuki so true bestie. His face is up to no good and i love that about him. But yes agreed it works very good on both a wastonian and doylist perspective it's really neat. And YEAH Itaru stamp of approval (to share his gamer pad).

oh god the Masumi's plot. man. (and for the names we improvise as we go, it works out that way). but YEAH Massu you should answer at leAST Sakuay's call gdi!!

ok so for the timeline it's a little weird. In the VN, Sakyo gives them like, a year to revive Mankai first and then one play a month, but it doesn't work with what act 2 says that it's been one year only. In the anime they actually retcon it for real by having Sakyo giving Izumi only one month per troupe, so, it actually fits what the timeline is saying by act 2: that all of act 1's main story and the events all happened in the span of a year. And it makes sense bc at One Play A Month, 3 plays for all 4 troupes gives 12 plays, which makes a lot more sense in general. So Sakyo's original ultimatum has been completely retconned everywhere else at this point.

BUT YEAH SAME i didn't realize Sakuya was older than Masumi until act 2 where the age gap really is pointed out, with Saku leaving High School while Massu is still in. That does explain why Sakuya felt so much "big brotherly" to Masumi too. I do love how he still takes care of Masumi, Sakuya is like. It took me so long for him to even start allowing me around, now i'm his friend nonstop no take back. I think Masumi is "more attached" but it comes from the place of how abyssal his attachement was to start with. Like, Masumi was clearly keeping everyone away before (he didn't even call Sakuya by his name before, that's why Sakuya is overjoyed the day Masumi actually calls him Sakuya) and he's sloooowly letting his guard down but it's not. radical just yet. But yes it does also play on their Nocturnality description of, as a family it doesn't have to be tight and close bond for the love to be unconditional in a way?

And omg about the description and friend. And yeah, so, i think the Japanese term for them is specifically "Nakama" (compared to Spring's "kazoku" (family) and Summer "tomodachi" (friends)). And Nakama is really like. a group of friends or coworkers you're close in with the idea of you're sharing the same goals and ideals. Like, Nakama is used a lot in anime, it can still be close friendship but it's usually in the context of, there's a background that put us together yaknow? and i think "comrades for the same cause" is the best way to translate the idea but as a result this might sound a little clunkier lmao. I think it's, yeah, the goal is acting, but the means to do it is the competition they have against each other to help each other out too. And they come from the same background of intense regrets and moving past that. Brothers in arms if you will. But yeah it's tricky how to word it, it feels natural to describe them that way, like, when Azuma says that it makes sense, but it's a little tricker than that and it's hard to explain without the full picture.

AND YEAH it's nice for the uni repartition. At least the bloodshed isn't spread there LMAO. AND HELPP. Chikage, assigned bunny immediately on first read. The curry alliance would be too strong if Izumi gets an ally. To follow.

CHIIIKAGEEEEE. "he's sooo normal he's totally faking it" is so funny, it's so true. Tbh i do feel like it's the thematic of Spring Adults like. Putting on a front so people Don't Ask Questions about you. Chikage just saw the patern and went :) sup :) god it's really so funny to me Chikage pretended he really liked the troupe only because he had tunel vision on Hisoka it's so much. his Coin CG looks sooooo good. and eheheh :) and YEAH CHIKAGE'S COMMENT ABOUT SAKUYA I FORGOT. No chill. BUT YEAH CITRON. THIS IS SO FUNNY. The chaos of Chikage saying batshit insane thing and Citron just nods in the back YOUR REACTION LMAO. the moment we all go "NOOO IZUMI YOU'RE SEEING IT WRONG"

oh boy so now. the Hisoka scene. God i was thinking about this scene so much the other day it still drives me insane. Maybe Hisoka would have guessed correctly yeah. And YEAH HOMARE JUST LIKE. "leave it to me, i know so much about you" is so soft. I wonder how Chikage might have felt like, man. This person really knows Hisoka uncomfortably well wtf. but yeah i love Hisoka's "ex-feral homecat behavior" who mellowed to everyone but will be warry of newcomers regardless and will just go into silence for it. all while Chikage is just. :))).

BUT YEAH CHIKAGE APPROACHING HIM. GOD THIS SCENE. I think that like, logically amnesia is easy to believe but emotionally, it must be very hard. Like, Chikage thought Hisoka was dead and facing that he's still alive while August isn't must have been a shock. Plus, personally i can't stop thinking about the fact that Chikage learnt he was alive from hearing about Mankai, Itaru probably passed fliers to Sympathy for the Angel in the office and Chikage probably just. fucking froze thinking he was seeing a ghost and was stalking them ever since. And then you think about Hisoka's roles in the plays and think about how Chikage might have interpreted them. Like, Hisoka's first role was one of an angel that was categoric about letting the person Tsumu's character loved die. He was all about keeping the balance on how if someone has to die, they have to die. The second play has Hisoka investigate a murder while being emotionally distant to it, and the third play has Hisoka play an immortal who, by definition, is surviving other people. and i think it's fair that, in grief, Chikage saw all of those as, oh, he's using his experience to mock what happened. I have more to say esp about MMMBM's play and the way Chikage might have reacted to it but. we'll come back to that later. But what i mean is that i think that, emotionally it was hard to process, Hisoka himself looked like he was handling himself fine, and hell, Hisoka loves his troupe and i think eventually it might have felt like it for Chikage too whichh could def feel like there's nothing wrong with Hisoka and he is really just, moving on.

BUT YEAH it's still. OOF. so mean esp since Hisoka JUST DOESNT KNOOWWW and he has been scared for so long about his past and Chikage basically came back and told him "you have good reasons to be scared of your past and now you'll suffer for it" is just. God. So fucked up. Chikage master at mishandling his grief.

Hisoka did talk about August and apologized when he was sick, clearly, survivor's guilt yes. god Hisoka is usually so distached from everything and nothing really affects him PERSONALLY, at best he worries for others people but everything else he manages to deal with on his own, but god. when Chikage starts to confront him he's so distressed and i feel so bad for him i want to hug him so bad.

me: loving liar characters and digging Chikage's deal from the start VS "if you're mean to Hisoka you will meet my sword" moment for the whole first chapter, so many emotions.

but YOU'RE SO RIGHT about the Inigo Montoya feels to that. And yeah, the flowers were def threats though, once you're done with Awakening Moon i'll share the meaning of them because it still drives me bonkers.

LMAO for yume nikki, the way things change our perspectives i swear. Hisoka's flashback god. it was so much. Sweet boy. Sweetheart. It's just. gnhhh. Everything about this part is so emotional and it's terrifying.

And yeah eheheh. Actually, if you get to see it, the chapter's icon for each of the troupe, in act 1 are colored fully with the troupe's collors: first spring is pink, first summer is yellow ect…. but, once you enter act 2 it's amazing how it's like. spring is pink with some blue. summer is yellow with some autumn. ect…. it's like, even graphicwise they tell you, the other troupe linked too closely to this rookie cannot be footnotes, they're also part of the main plot. and yeah that def sets up as Guy being also a Citron plot doesn't it :3c ehehe.

And yeah the kids. those kids. goodness. yeah. For the organisation i won' talk too much about it but yeah it's def not mafia/yakuza, to me it sounds also sounds like something international (see why Hisoka talks a perfect english) but, yeah. def sounds like a shady organization for sure who's exploiting children who have nowhere else to go. Which makes it pretty grim for Hisoka, but also for the implications for August and April since they were there even before Hisoka. Weep.

and guuhhh that exchange is just. god. holds hisoka in my arms. Hisoka's past being unveiled is so tragic like, you get why he forgot everything, it's ust so fucking miserable. Just suffering and surviving, all alone. AND THE GINGERBREAD YES. YES!!!! also how in the whole Christmas event, it was snowing outside and Hisoka kept zoning out looking at it. Just before the play, he was late backstage because he was completely captivated by the snow outside, and THEN Gingerbread on stage. I think the combo of the two triggered memories in Hisoka without him really registering it yet. It was a cold snowy night and he was offered gingerbread, and this was enough to connect the two. BUT YEAH it's funny they reeled him with a snack, it's really just. Wild kitty approach. And yeah Hisoka didn't change a bit, snacks are the way to his heart. But yes, exactly like you say. The fact it's because those sugarly snacks are delicacy, something he probably couldn't eat before when it was all for survival, so, he probably has those as comfort food on the literal sense of the term of how, it's the one thing that brought him salvation out of the street, it's the one thing that tastes like a home, so Hisoka indulges in sweet and sugar as much as he can. not just survival anymore. idk to me it recontextuatlize his marshmallow quirk from "manchild" to "this is literally the only thing he knows to consider as comfort". Esp considering early in Mankai he was refusing comforts like, a futon because he must be ready to sleep anywhere. It fits with the idea that he used to be homeless and probably had to get used to not be picky about where he fet to sleep. Marshmallows was the one thing he was always selfish about and now he's actually working on his comfort, but yeah, that really puts a lot in perspective on that regards. And yeah. a family…. they were a family. Whatever happened to August made Hisoka lose this family and now he has a new one though…

AND HELPP. I love Citron, he's so funny. god i love your reasoning on why Chikage is so good at everything. "of course this two faced bastard would know that". I LOVE how you can not trust anything that comes out of his mouth. Silly little liar man. Yuzo is so perspective, thank you my dude. And YEAH GOD THE INTERVIEW. So funny. Tsuzuru: can psychanalyse everyone in the company / Tsuzuru: oh no this guy lies so much i can't figure out what to do D:. AND HHELPPPPP being from the country that allows you to see through Chikage's bullshit, this is brilliant. He's really just out there, lying for fun.

And yeah man :( poor Hisoka i feel so much for him i want to hug him so bad. Chikage could have. like. actually communicated smh. but nooo. In Winter we trust.

Looking forward how hte Masumi's plot evolve and yeah it's nice Izumi finally has a curry ally. Might be sus as hell but he's also a curryhead so all crimes are forgiven. Oh Itaru. I guess it's also just that, Itaru learned to be himself with the Spring Troupe but now one of his coworker is there and it's a thin line on walking to like, reveal a side of himself he only revealed to those kids to one of the people he was the most likely to hide it from yaknow? Like suddenly feeling exposed and all. And i think that, like. The rest of the Spring Troupe knowing about his true self is fine as it is, even if Itaru didn't trust them, it's like. Who are they going to tell it to. But with Chikage, Itaru has to test first how much he can trust him and maybe be worried Chikage would talk about it at work. Might explain Itaru's uneasiness.

BUT ANYWAY. FIRST FIVE CHAPTERS. IT WAS A BLAST TO READ.

I'm totally okay receiving this everyday-ish, as u know, i'm a huge fan of reading your thoughts and of this specific chapter as it is, so i'll be thrilled. Can't wait to see more of your thoughts :3c

Take care eheheh

[lix-ables]

hi can u make a smut where y/n just woke up from bed and really horny, and then humped chan’s thighs slowly cuz y/n doesn't want to woke up chan then chan woke up cuz of y/n’s noise.

‘’ ɴᴇᴇᴅʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴛʏ—

bang chan x f.reader ! smut, minors dni, includes humping, edging, begging, dirty talk, size kink, praising, mentions of reader slipping into subspace, slight degradation bc the tiny corner of our minds need it; wc —787.

taglist. @chvnnie @hwajin @starlostseungmin @joonszn @meowtella @leeknowcity

note. the way i needed to write this so quick, neglecting my psych assignment? coz this plot is so good? anonnie, please im sending you smooches for this idea.

© lix-ables. translating and/or reposting is not allowed.

do send me feedback about my works, i highly appreciate it!!

you suck in a deep breath, with a realization of your hand between your legs, your hips thrusting into thin air, wishing for some kind of help or friction. you try going back to sleep, rubbing your eyes, only to turn to your left, your boyfriend’s peaceful sleeping body coming into your view. 

chan’s face, the small smile he had on his face made you think of all the times he greeted you, anytime you got back home from class. but right now, all you could think of was riding his thigh, feeling his muscles clench just to tease you. well, more like thinking of humping his thigh.

it was normal for you to shift close to chan for warmth, even on days it wasn’t really cold. so he was used to you tangling your legs together, your leg often riding up his, just to get a small giggle out of him. but today it was different for obvious reasons.

you tried not to whine when you felt your hands feel his hard chest under his shirt, and definitely tried not to whimper when your soaked, clothed pussy touched his clothed thigh. that’s when he moved, pulling you closer to him, humming, a small sigh leaving his lips when his arms wrapped around your small body, your core rubbing slightly against his skin. 

you wanted to put your fist in your mouth to stop yourself from letting out a sound, tears already forming at the corner of your eyes, and you buried your face into his chest. chan’s leg moved a bit more, almost as if on purpose, but you knew he was asleep. your eyes flutter at the sensation your body was feeling.

sure enough this wasn’t exactly heaven, but it was better than having to try going back to sleep, while being horny. your hands try their best to softly grip onto chan’s waist, your hips moving against his leg. your lips forming an 'o', trying to muffle out any sounds you made, but that was until his grip tightened around your waist, his fingers slipping down to push your legs apart for him.

“you want me so bad don’t you?” he asks, his voice sleepy and lazy. “couldn’t wait till i fucked you in the shower, hm?” chan’s fingers slip into your panties, his face bending down to kiss your face, and you lift your head up, allowing him access to your neck. “please..”

“please what, darling?” chan’s thumb rubs your clit, and your hips move, your body needing this. “words, or i’m not going to let you continue.”

“need your fingers...”

“are they not in you, huh?” his nose nuzzles your neck, and you shiver next to him. your body ached to just pull the covers away, and straddle his waist. you wanted to just have him guide you against his body, to just have him make you cum over and over till you couldn’t take it anymore. “are my fingers not fucking you right now?” 

“t-they are but...” “speak up, or you’re not getting anything,” chan scolds lightly, his fingers moving away, tapping your pussy, cupping it and making you hump his leg again. “are you going to finish whatever it was that you were doing?”

you mewl out a response, your body now tired from edging yourself too much already. his large hands rest on your waist, pushing your shirt up to expose your breasts to him. “needy little thing wants to cum, but won’t work for it. just how pathetic is that, huh?” chan chuckles, his tone almost as if he was mocking you and your actions, making you want to hide under the covers. 

“beg for it, and maybe i’ll let you ride my thigh properly this time,” chan promises, sounding sincere. “i might even let you ride my cock, if that’s what you need, but i’m not letting you leave this bed until you’ve fucking stained my pants.”

you nod, eager to have anything he gives you, be it six in the morning or ten at night. the way you inched up to him, made him smirk, and you could see it. your face turned red when your brain mentally scolded you for being so needy. but you needed to cum. you remembered the last time chan let you cum, for hours together, that you almost slipped into subspace. 

“aww my needy little angel, c’mere. let me help you out till you make a pretty fucking mess on my face. so needy and pretty, all me. isn't that right pup?" chan whispers into your ear, his hot breath making you wet again, as he shifts so he’s now kissing you, all the way down to your core. “next time you’re needy, i’m fucking you till daylight.”

[catilinas]

PLEASE tell us more about how cicero's countenance was a civil war itself!!!! you have sparked my curiosity and i don't think i've gotten to read you ranting about it yet :0

OH i will never pass up an opportunity to recommend catiline his conspiracy, 1611, by ben jonson! im lowkey obsessed w this epic fun sexy terrible play which audiences enjoyed when it was first performed Until it got to the entire first catilinarian oration in iambic pentameter, at which point they booed it off stage. it was vaguely popular in the 17th-19th centuries until it Wasn't, and as far as i can tell the most recent performance was a one off, abridged to Only One Hour at the rsc in 1963. greg doran (my sworn foe for this very reason) ALMOST put it on for the treason vibes of the anniversary of the gunpowder plot in 2005 but then DIDNT and directed sejanus his fall instead? and was like wow i'd love to do catiline his conspiracy some time :) and then directed the robert harris cicero plays in which catiline was character assassinated even more than he is in the robert harris cicero Books instead. Not Ideal, Scoob.

anywayyy "his countenance was a civil war itself" is something petreius (general who defeated catiline's army) says about catiline (not cicero) in a speech narrating the battle of pistoria (in which catiline Fucking Died rip) and it! bops. like yea ok in julius caesar there's "poor brutus with himself at war" but that's like. pre brutus being Actually In a civil war. i think it's a much stronger description of catiline Physically On a civil war battlefield becoming like that quote i reblogeed yesterday said. an embodied warzone.

alSO ben jonson had a Thing abt making his roman characters sound like "real romans" by giving them dialogue borrowed from Real Writing by Real Romans. apart from the catilinarian orations there's also a Lot of seneca and lucan and uhh plutarch? the roman lives count ig. a Lot of petreius' speech borrows from lucan's pharsalia (particularly book 7 abt the battle of pharsalus bcs every civil war battlefield is haunted by every other civil war battlefield. pistoria is pharsalus is philippi. I'm Right) and the lines before and after His Countenance Was A Civil War Itself are all translations of lucan.

but that line isn't! or if it is, i haven't noticed which line of lucan it is and neither have bolton and gardner, who edited the edition of the play with All The References To Classical Texts In An Appendix. BUT tbh they could just not be catching them all bcs To Me that line is veeery similar to cicero's description of catiline as having "such an amalgam of natural inclinations and passions that were contradictory, divergent and at war with one another (inter se pugnantibus)" in the pro caelio like YES ben jonson take cicero's description and go nuts with it.

i literally have to stop here because i love petreius' speech so much it's SO haunted and lucancore (bcs a lot of it is lucan) and hhhgfhhh battle of pistoria huge sexy if i think about it too hard i will Not be able to get to sleep. but yea catiline his conspiracy IS a good play actually. lucius sergius catilina (The Consul Of My Heart) has done nothing wrong in his life ever <3

[deepdarkdelights]

ok I AM BACK i just read Cut (with Taehyung) ok i have so much discourse. Also (just in case someone younger reads this) i am a grown ass woman who knows the line between kinks/fantasy vs actual abusive relations but ok reading your fic you REALLY captured the REAL fear it is being a female bodied individual in this world like even her doubts about the sexual stuff shooting with Tae and how no one would believe her and whether she wanted it was such gold (1/?)

I don't know those thoughts of self doubt and also capturing the heavy power dynamic that Taehyung could truly do anything and he knew it too was amazing. The descriptions of everything was so amazing its like I can't help but flow with the romanticization of his twisted affections (like when he described her sleeping/how soft her skin is) but then there is the chilling realization she is an actual human and he doesn't view her like that just a toy essentially (2/?)

now ok all the realistic discourse I have to say that the descriptions of Tae sensually were pretty hot (maybe its also the noncon domination) that i was like Whirling. (I promise this isn't me making fun of your fic) but I did laugh when he was like "I know the porn you watch" and I just imagined him seeing my ridiculous anime porn. But that aside I really liked that your sexier descriptions switched to the more realistic fear that OC was feeling (3/?)

ok last part I promise lol but like somehow I do feel very validated by your fic too because when the OC was like "ofc I trusted him like a normal person would" She had her inklings but she ignored them bc I feel like thats often what we are taught to do (plus being paranoid all the time isn't fun) but she was right the whole time about Taehyung upon the first greeting when he was already being so invested and odd. ok i should probz sleep but im excited to read more of ur works! (4/4) :)

Oh wow this review is going to be in my head for a while, like this was so incredibly sweet and well thought out?! I am so glad that you enjoyed Cut so much! There is a running joke on my blog that Cut was the fic I hate the most but I am more proud of it now almost a year later hehe.

I really try to make the MC's reactions as real as possible, because often times we do ignore those gut feelings we have because we are often told we are "emotional" or "overreacting." I am happy to see that that translated well!

And then, of course, there is Tae. I wrote him how I see him. Out of reach, alluring, and like a siren. I typically write him and Jimin like that...that gives me an idea for a future fic 🤔

I hope you got some sleep my dear! I can't wait to see what you think of my other works, welcome to my blog 💜💜💜