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[spacewalk2-blog]

Ignored The Reality

She comes in my nightmare wearing vibrant white colored dress. Her long hair almost touches her waist walking through moonlight and the temperature falls down. My legs feels soo heavy. I tried coming closer to you but it seemed next to impossible. Your hands were bleeding and tied with ropes and all my negative thoughts become true.

I have tried so hard to build myself up. I have fallen apart and have endured my pain without a sound. I wanted to talk to you but I feel I don't have a place in your hierarchy. I can see the loneliness in your eyes dried you tears, eyeliner stains on your cheeks that tells that you have cried. Is this tears of regret?

Your were my first love, you should stand by my side in difficult time. We promise we were forever and that time it felt so real. I don't know why I let you to know my soul. Although it was false hopes and prolongness which doomed to inevitable end. I am embodiment of a curse and the day you cut me off and pushed me away. I have survived 6 the degree of burns from your side, left some intangible scars which lies beneath my bed which remind me every night not to love again. In these moments as such as then, I recall why I desire not to love again. I wrap myself into insecurities and hatred.

So, for now I guess all I can do is think about the memories and introspect. I tried soo many time to imagine your circumstances but I never able to infer. Now I am exhausted and optimistic at the same time.Maybe one day you will look for me run into my arm and tell me how you were brainwashed how you get attached with him in very short period of time.

Don't look my way, I Will be here waiting in silence, waiting to see what fate will choose. Tonight, I wish I could borrow your shoulder to keep my head. I wish i could hug you and tell you everything I never said,instead of writing these things that you will never read. Unless heaven has a speed post service which It so desperately needs..what I would give to have you live not in real but somewhere in real.

Anyway, it's not about my wishes. It's about how difficult it was missing you from afar. I just wish I could find with the beauty what was half as perfect as you are. I am waiting for you but my doors are permanently closed. So knock knock or walk away from my horrible nightmares.

Regards Gaurav Saini