#wow it sure does suck to be stuck falling through alternates of the same universe

[nach0]

You are the Realmleaper. You are an anchor without a ship to pull you back up. You are stuck watching retellings of the same play over and over. This time you are...

>The Party's companion >The Rouge's guide >The Kid's protector >The King's informant >The Script's rewriter >The Original's hope >The Researcher's project >The...

Hmm. You don't know yet.

Time to find out!

[arty-shadow-morningstar]

A Failed Betrothal (Part 3)

There were a lack of stuff to read so I posted this instead.

[Masterlist]

(Part 1)(Part 2)

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PART 3

The next day was weird to say the least for everyone but for Marinette, it was another can of worms that she wished she didn’t open. For one thing, Chat Noir’s feelings obsession for Ladybug switched from one black-haired girl to another which unfortunately was Ladybug’s civilian form. Which meant Marinette had to deal with Adrien’s Chat-Noir-level flirting and bad pick-up lines.

Perfect, just perfect.

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Everyone thought that a declaration speech of ‘being soulmates and the only one for him’ in front of the whole class from the ‘love of your life’ would warrant a ‘blushing to death and stammering’ or ‘outright fainting’. Not a facepalm, a groan, ���Why me?” and a “I am sorry but NO. I don’t feel the same way about you”. Marinette vaguely wondered if there was some kind of rule for interesting events and confrontations to happen during lunch break while the class waits for Mme Bustier to start the lessons.

Marinette went to sit in her seat next to Chloe in the back row where she and her friends had been exiled to. The class was in stunned silence and questioning about whether or not they had fallen into an alternate universe or dreaming. Nathaniel and Alix tried to hide their snickers. Chloe just started outright laughing, turning very red in the face.

Marinette felt a nudge from Plagg in her bag. Looking down, she saw them holding up her phone to show Lila’s gaping face of horror with a wicked smug grin on their face. She looked through the photos to see everyone’s faces of confusion and shock at her rejection. Eyes wide and jaws dropped on the ground. Different shots of her classmates in the same state. She smirked and showed them to Chloe who calmed down enough, letting out the occasional giggles and took the phone with glee.

“Thank you, Plagg. Here you go.” she whispered, giving them a camembert macaron.(Tom had started experimenting with camembert in his recipes. Plagg is his first taste tester for all of them, making Tom one of Plagg’s favourite people.)

Adrien didn’t take the rejection very well.

“But we are meant to be. You are a designer and I am a model. Our partnership is the one to be envied by many for the ages.”

“And by that logic,” The designer turned to her main model for her MDC website, “Chloe, my love, will you be my one and only? For our love shines so bright ,paralleled only by a thousand suns.” Using the same voice Plagg does when they go on one of their love odes about camembert before losing her straight face and giggling.(Plagg doesn’t know whether to be offended or amused.)

Setting Chloe’s laughter off again. “Mariiiii,...stop….I can’t..*gasps*....I can’t…”

Nathaniel and Alix, finally lost control and joined Chloe in death by laughter. Adrien was flustered, turning red in the face either from anger, embarrassment or both.

“But Chloe isn’t a model.”

Marinette decided to put a stop to this, just on the off chance that Gabriel finally decides to akumatized his own son. She recomposed herself.

“She is the main model for my website and we have a partnership. You, however, work for your father. So does Miss Rossi. Does that sound like the partnership to be envied by many for the ages? Hmmm, Agreste? Anyways, like I said before, I have no interest in dating you.”

“Why not? We are friends and sometimes, friends like each other enough to date each other.” Adrien angrily asked.

“Because-”

“Because, Adrikins,” Chloe cuts in, “friends having to date because one of them is interested in something more makes no sense and is fucked-up. Marinette doesn’t owe you anything. Besides, she already has a long distance boyfriend who lives in America.”

“WHAT!?” Adrien shouted.

“What?!” The class had snapped out of their stupor. Since when had Marinette gotten over Adrien and had a boyfriend?

“What?” Marinette looked at Chloe with wide-eyes. Last she checked she was still single so what the hell was Chloe playing at. For Kwami’s sake, she hadn’t been on a date since the one with Luka which went awkwardly before they agreed that they think of each other as siblings and it will be best to stay that way.

Chloe gave her a look that said ‘I will explain later.’

“Oh yes, they met online a few months ago and now they are all lovey-dovey together. It’s just so ridiculous, so utterly ridiculous how disgustingly in love they are. They have video call dates at least once a week and somehow make it work despite the time differences. He once came all the way to Paris just to see her. He brought her some special flowers that apparently meant-”

Marinette slapped her hand over Chloe’s mouth. “Well, Chloe, Queenie, as much as I love you as my friend, you can stop gushing about my love life now. Because class is about to start.”

She said through gritted teeth as Mme Bustier finished taking her sweet time and walked in. Sadly, Alya wasn’t done with the conversation ,“Wait a minute, since when did Chloe and you become close enough that she is modeling for you? And a boyfriend? Why didn’t you tell me, Girl? I thought we were friends. What about Adrien, he just confessed to you and you had been crushing on him for so long” Many girls gasped, angry that Alya broke the unspoken girl code.

“You have a crush on me?” Adrien looked hopeful. Like a lost kitten that had been stuck in the rain, was let into someone’s home.

“I had a crush on you,” Marinette corrected him, emphasising on the past tense, “and Alya had no business of sharing that information to the entire world despite us not being friends anymore.” She glared at the journalist who at least looked ashamed.

“You wanted to date Kagami so I moved on.”

One of the reasons anyway. I found out that you were my partner who had no concept of boundaries. You are a coward who only wants to maintain the class peace at the price of my mental health, she thought.

“Instead of continuing to pursue you.” She hoped the ever dense and oblivious model would get the hint she gave him. Tikki ,just this once, Grant me that ladybug luck.

“And Mme Bustier, it is time to start the lessons, don’t you think? Instead of focusing on the class drama to gossip about later on.” Marinette glared at the teacher, reminding her to do her job.

“Oh. Right.” Mme Bustier tried to regain her ‘perfect teacher’ image after getting embarrassed at being caught, “Right. Class, turn to page-”

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As soon as the bell rang for the end of school, Marinette dragged Chloe all the way to her room. Alix and Nathaniel followed them because as far as they know, Marinette had no boyfriends and they were as curious to find out what scheme Chloe had cooked up this time. They were as complicated and crazy as Ladybug’s. No offense, Marinette.

“Okay, Queenie, you have to explain why I now have a devoted American boyfriend who I am so in love with.” Marinette crossed her arms with a frown aimed at Chloe. The kwamis got out of their respective hiding places and went to the tray of food set out for them.

The trapdoor to her room opened, revealing the rest of their friend group before Chloe said anything.

“Did we miss anything?” Kagami asked as Longg and Sass joined the other kwamis.

“Juleka said something about an American boyfriend and how he sounds so romantic. Does that have to do anything with the text Alix sent us to come here?” Luka added.

“To recap, Adrien made a love confession to Marinette,” Alix started, biting into some of the delicious pastries the Dupain-Chengs gave them, ”in front of the entire class after an entire day of flirting and bad pick-up lines.”

“Wow, even after having his memories erased of being Chat Noir, he is still after Ladybug.” Luka chuckled, with the others joining in.

Marinette whined, “It was easier when he was Chat Noir. But now as Adrien Agreste, teen heartthrob, it is going to be much more difficult to get into his thick head that I don’t see him that way and it is going to get harder, now that Alya outed my old crush to him.”

“Oof. Sucks to be you.”

“So, our Mari-bug rejected him. He threw a tantrum and sulked, so like Chat Noir, how did we not notice?,” Alix continued, “After demanding reasons why they can’t date, Chloe gave Marinette an American boyfriend who she was in a long-distance relationship with. Speaking of, why did you do that?”

“I have known Adrik- Adrien since we were in diapers and I know how that mangy cat works. He grew up on Disney and had all those fairytales stuffed into his head. If you had told him that you were just not interested in dating at the moment, it won’t work because he will try his hardest to ‘woo’ you, because he still has a chance. He won’t push his luck as much if you were off the market.” Chloe explained.

“I am sure that, judging by the fact that Chat Noir still tries to date Ladybug despite her saying she is in love with someone, Adrien might try to get more proof of this boyfriend to make sure Marinette is just not pretending to have one.” Kagami pointed out.

“Ahh, but luckily I have a back-up plan. I have a friend, Tim Drake. We met at a few galas when we were younger and kept in touch. He also owes me a favor.”

“I hope this Tim Drake is cute.”

“He is and he’s older than you by two years and,” Chloe typed something on her phone, “A fellow caffeine addict so you can bond over that. Here’s a picture of him and his brother.”

On her phone were two extremely attractive and fit young men dressed in expensive suits at what looked like a gala, the older one had a charming polite smile with bright blue eyes, looking somewhat interested at what someone off-screen was saying despite looking like he will fall over any moment. His brother, however, looked like he would rather be anywhere but where he was. He was tanned and had green eyes that promised murder for daring to even breathe in his direction. Marinette noticed that he looked a little familiar but she can’t place why.

“Tim is the one that looks like he hasn’t slept in days and that’s his brother Damian next to him.”

“Wait a minute. That’s Tim Drake and Damian Wayne. The sons of Bruce Wayne, the billionaire co-CEO of Wayne Industries, which Tim Drake is also co-CEO of.” Nathaniel said with wide eyes and looked at Chloe, “You are using your favor to give our Mari here a fake boyfriend.”

“Of course, only the best for our Mari-bug.”

“Chloe, no, he is probably busy as he is with running the company. No need to get him involved in petty teenage drama.” No matter how much she doesn’t want to date Adrien, bothering a busy guy to be her fake boyfriend is not worth it in Marinette’s opinion. Which, of course, gets overruled by the overprotectiveness of her friends.

“I, for one, think this is one of Chloe’s better plans.” Kagami commented, the others agreeing with her. Traitors.

“Hey!” Chloe exclaimed, an offended look on her face, “Anyways, I will call him later.”

“Children, you better go home now before your parents worry.” Sabine’s voice came from below, “Remember we are also going through some drills tonight so try not to be late.” Having a former assassin for a mother is handy when you want to train a team of teenage superheroes.

“Bye, guys. See you later.”

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“Just because you have been trained since birth does not excuse you from the drills. You also need to get used to the black cat.” Lady Mǔ lǎohǔ reprimanded her with her arms crossed. When Ladybug started her new team, she was the first permanent member but as the team got bigger, she stepped back to be back-up and mentor for the team.

“Yes, Maman, I know but I am nearly finished with this commission. I will catch up with you later. Promise.” Marinette stretched, looking up from her latest project. Plagg was napping in the little basket she had made for all the kwamis to sleep in which fit all of them and had some extra space for Nooroo and Dusuu after they had been retrieved.

The reason she had Plagg instead of Tikki who was with Alix was because of the new tactic the Miraculous Team came up with. To keep the balance the Ladybug and Black Cat must be active at the same time but with Adrien gone, someone must wield the ring until a new permanent holder is found and it was not a good idea for both of them to be on the same person at the same time. The team decided to rotate using the earrings and ring between them with Marinette using other miraculouses when the others have them. It also had the added bonus of making it harder for Hawkmoth to find out who has them at any given time.

“See you later, 灵儿 (líng er, means intelligence). I will give you 15 minutes but that’s it. Don’t be late.” Sabine sighed and got out the skylight and went towards the safehouse where the Miraculous team met to get training. (It is one of Sabine’s emergency safehouse to use in times of emergency and it had the required space to train 6 teenagers. Chat Noir never came to training, lazy cat.)

Marinette never made it to the warehouse.

Because a few minutes after her mother left, the skylight opened to let in five figures dressed in dark colours to easily blend into the shadows like they were trained to be. Too bad they weren’t as quiet. Marinette immediately summoned a bo-staff to defend herself.

One of them lunged at her and she retaliated by hitting the end of her staff to their middle, coupled with a couple more blows and landed one that knocked them out. The others threw throwing stars which she dodged by jumping back. Which landed her to be trapped by the two assassins, whom she didn’t notice, had moved. She cursed in every language she knew as she struggled against them. It led to no avail as she was badly out-numbered. There was a prick on her head and her world went black.

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Plagg awoke to a loud commotion. Irritated, they poked their head out to see their new temporary kit knocked out, tied up and hauled away. Recognizing the kidnappers as assassins of the League of Shadows, they scowled. Ra’s Al Ghul was going to pay.

Plagg may not act like it much but the black kwami was patient and smart. Smart enough to leave a note with an explanation somewhere visible with the messy aftermath of a fight before trailing the assassins. Oh, Roarr’s tiger was going to be pissed once she found out what happened. Wherever they were taking Marinette, it would be best to have a kwami of destruction to help her escape. The night made Plagg almost invisible and allowed to move unseen. They caught up easily and hid in their holder’s midnight hair. Now, their patience came into play. It was a matter of waiting for the right moment to pounce.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------Tag list: @alysrose-starchild, @buginetye, @lookatthestars1, @blackroserelina, @macncheesemonster, @mochinek0, @myazael, @tonicxworld, @thewitchwhowaited, @t1dwarrior-of-earth, @kissa-chan, @iwantasecretidentity, @theymakeupfairies, @user00000003, @woe-is-me0, @kashlyn, @mochegato,@moonlightstar64 , @greatcatblaze, @moongoddesskiana, @tazanna-blythe. @tonicxworld, @toodaloo-kangaroo, @frieddonutsweets, @local-witch-of-mn, @lady-bee-fechin, @iglowinggemma28, @indecisive-mess-named-me, @k-tea-and-coffee, @jayjayspixiepop

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(Part 4)

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 80: Gem Drill

“I’m talking to the Cluster?”

So I finally figured out why I don’t like Gem Drill.

For a while I had it in my head that the issue was pacing. And it does remain true that the episode-to-episode pacing did it no favors, what with the arc it concludes being interrupted by the utterly unrelated Super Watermelon Island before jumping back in. But because Gem Drill’s third act drags on forever and somehow feels rushed at the same time, I just chalked it up to bad internal pacing and called it a day.

However, rewatching the series for Steven, Universally reminded me that there are several episodes that I’ve praised for incredible pacing which share a similar structure to this one: Mirror Gem, The Return, and Message Received stand out as stories that speed right through the first two acts for an extended third, and I love them all. And what’s more, I enjoyed the first two acts of Gem Drill way more than I remembered. Something was up with my pacing-as-problem theory.

So right after rewatching the episode for review, I rewatched it again. That’s right, I rerewatched it. And it struck me this second time through that the X factor is something I’ve taken so deeply for granted that I haven’t discussed it much, or even really thought about it, until now: Steven Universe has unspeakably terrific dialogue.

Individual lines may stick out more in my memory, and are definitely easier to write about in this format (for one thing, I can quote them), which might be why it hasn’t stuck out as much. It sounds so basic that I feel sorta dumb writing it, but this show is so good at developing characters and plot through conversation. It excels at banter and arguments and reassurances and just having people interact in a way that’s always compelling.

The reason I have to mention it now is that something this reliably solid is hard to notice until it’s gone. But sure enough, the conclusion to Gem Drill (and what’s worse, to the Cluster Arc as a whole) is nearly four minutes of Steven talking to an entity that can barely talk back, and it just does not work. He might be astonished that he’s talking to the Cluster, but this episode falters because he isn’t talking with the Cluster.

Compare this to Mirror Gem, The Return, and Message Received, where we use the extended third acts to have major conversations with Lapis, the Homeworld Gems, and Yellow Diamond. You can’t have that sort of satisfying ending when one of the characters isn’t even a character, but a jumble of nearly incomprehensible voices. And what sucks is that making the Cluster “talk” this way is a perfectly reasonable creative choice: it should sound like a jumble of nearly incomprehensible voices. 

But the show is usually way better at getting around limitations like this to create compelling television. I know this is a journey of the mind and that Steven is special, but we still could have included Peridot with a wave of the narrative wand to continue their low-key debate about necessary force and commit more to the theme through conversation, where the show shines. Barring that, we could’ve used music to add narrative oomph to a one-sided conversation, which would’ve been especially interesting with such a discordant legion of potential singers. Instead, we get a finale that’s just...

It’s just boring.

And it’s frustrating because I think it’s boring of me to just write “it’s boring,” but lord, this scene is so uninteresting to me that it’s hard to find the energy to write about it. Zach Callison is always great, and the animation is gorgeous, but takes sooooo lonnnnnnnng for the scene to convey something it could’ve done in half the time, and there’s nothing to distract us from how long it’s taking. There’s barely any tension despite this clearly being the intention, because there’s only one character in the scene that I care about and he’s obviously not going to die because the show’s named after him. I guess Peridot is in danger, but maybe we’d care about that if we could see her in danger instead of generic rumblings and loud noises.

If this criticism sounds similar to my spiel about caring about Malachite in Super Watermelon Island because she came out of nowhere, it’s because both episodes share a similar character problem. A show about empathy falls apart when the viewer is apathetic, and giving major plot importance to poorly handled characters is a go-to formula for viewer apathy. For a series that’s usually so awesome at both characters and dialogue, it’s shocking that we end the first arc where our heroes literally save the world with back-to-back episodes that are this weak. The buildup was awesome, and the rest of Season 3 is amazing, but this is a bizarre pair of misfires in the middle of a hot streak, and it couldn’t have come in a worse time in terms of the plot.

Please note that I’m not at all against a conclusion where Steven saves the world by talking it out. It’s the best message a show like this could tell, especially because the rest of the episode does an amazing job presenting Peridot’s brutal pragmatism as the alternative: while her blithe penchant for violence makes for a few great jokes, particularly when it comes to D-pads, the line of the episode is Shelby Rabara’s somber justification for attacking a mindless being: “It doesn’t matter if it knows what it’s doing, it’s still going to do it.” And while Super Watermelon Island bears a lot of blame for sucking all the momentum out of the Cluster Arc before Gem Drill valiantly tries to rev us back up, having Steven’s approach come right after a huge brawl does seal the deal. Steven should save the world with kindness. This would be a top-tier episode if the execution was as good as the moral.

With that said, the episode surrounding this disappointing conclusion is fantastic, even if said conclusion blocked it from my memory. We get off to a breakneck start that concisely confirms the stakes before we leap into the plot. It’s not only great at setting the tone, but it efficiently allows the episode time for the lengthened third act, regardless of how that act turns out.

This is a terrific Steven/Peridot episode, thanks to the same great dialogue I was just complaining about the conclusion lacking. They hit just the right balance of humor and heart, with Peridot finally allowing herself to be vulnerable and admit that she not only misses her home, but doesn’t actually hate the Crystal Gems. We’re already paying off “Wow, thanks!” for emotional value, but this touching scene is still played with laughs instead of pure sap; I love that Peridot feels the need to clarify how little she cares about humans that aren’t Steven in her last words. 

Still, I’d love to see an alternative universe where Super Watermelon Island and Gem Drill were made as a full-length episode a la Bismuth rather than a traditional two-parter. Perhaps a more direct juxtaposition of the action of Alexandrite fighting Malachite with Steven talking things out would’ve improved both scenes, and in any case, spending more time setting up before we reached both conclusions would have added more tension than the rush both episodes give us. This is clearly an A-plot and a B-plot that could happen more or less simultaneously; Steven could easily black out in the drill to let him possess a Watermelon Steven, and it would make the team’s split-up make a bit more sense. I dunno, it just seems like any sort of rework would be preferable to the finished products we got.

So yeah, sorry to be so down on these two. But I’m pretty excited to be getting back to episodes I like, and I can’t really think of what the next bad one on the horizon even is. Season 3 ahoy!

Future Vision!

I love love love the recurring plot point that Blue and Yellow Diamond don’t know that the Cluster was neutralized. Because for one, of course they wouldn’t, and for two, it’s the impetus for their appearance in Reunited. All the Cluster needs is a thumbs-up to add more character than Gem Drill did in an entire episode.

This is the exact halfway point of the original series, the 80th episode out of 160. While I’m not huge on Gem Drill, I at least appreciate that the moment that divides both halves of Steven Universe is its title character saving the world.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

Definitely a step up from Super Watermelon Island, and I like a good two-thirds of it, but I’m still not a fan of Gem Drill. The ending just isn’t captivating, which is pretty bare minimum for any form of entertainment, and it’s a disappointing conclusion to an otherwise outstanding arc. At least we still have Message Received for an emotional climax. 

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Winter Forecast

When It Rains

Catch and Release

Chille Tid

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

No Thanks!

     5. Horror Club      4. Fusion Cuisine      3. House Guest      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

(As with Super Watermelon Island, there’s no official promo art, so I’m using this nifty piece of fanart by Nina Rosa.)

[ytsthepodcast]

I Want To Change The World (#24)

In this episode, Entrepreneur, Author, Nickolas DeGrange, and I discussed the pivotal moment in success. How this behavioral change occurs, we're able to detach and objectively view ourselves at a higher level of awareness. 

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    Get an interesting take away from this episode? Let me know about it in the comments section.

    Did you listen to the episode Leveraging Your Writing Creativity Like An Author (#5) Author, Gary Wrenn and I talk about not only his transformation. But the transformation in his writing process and the inspiration behind the cover. He goes into the details and the burden of truth behind the book production phases.

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      SHOW NOTES

Standing back decreases emotion and increases logic.

Repeating patterns of events help us predict and feel a good sense of control about the world.

And much more.

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Your host Greg Favazza, and co-host Larry Oliver expand Your Transformation Station, as we look at the "levers of power" that not only run our government but run the world. It's Real Hard To Figure Out What The Truth Is (#23)

      Transcription

  I Want To Change The World (#24)

00:05:00] Nick, how are you doing, man? I'm super excited. Like, thank you so much for having me really appreciate it. As far as what I understand, you're an engineer and innovator and entrepreneur. I mean, you studied at Drexel University for mechanical engineering and finances, clear communications, one of your core missions in life. [00:05:22] So you have a great story and me, I can't wait to get this out here as far as what I can do to help you out and achieve what your message is. Yeah. So, uh, the garage technologies are, um, built off of, um, So when I started in university, um, I began working on alternative energy. Um, and originally it was for the purpose of like having my own car company. [00:05:53] Like I just thought that was the coolest thing growing up. Like I want to design cars, stuff like that, but, um, as I began moving [00:06:00] and experiencing more life and, uh, the real needs of communities, um, It became more of like, Oh, you know, this would be cool, but to design cars and have a car company, but there are more pressing matters and human life. [00:06:16] So I moved to Asia. I lived in Singapore for a little bit. Um, and while I was there, I traveled to Indonesia and Thailand, some for work, some personal, and I began to see the need for alternative, renewable energy that was accessible. In second and third world countries. So I began to shift my focus. Um, didn't really know how to build a business, especially for something that scale, you know, like, uh, growing up, uh, my parents are small independent business owners, but I was looking at something like. [00:06:50] Globally scalable. And I just never felt qualified to do that. So it was a lot of like battling internally with myself, as well as externally, like reaching out to investors [00:07:00] and venture capitalists with new technology. And I was kind of just getting laughed out the door, um, before like, as soon as I walked in because people without expertise in the field and just a generalist understanding where like, Oh, well, you know, that's not possible. [00:07:14] So what age were you at this time? Um, I started building the technology when I was 19. Um, and then I got it patented when I was 21. And, um, that's kinda when everything just like crashed and burn, like I had taken all the money that I had saved up from my corporate experiences while I was in university. [00:07:38] Like I had these paid internships. So one was in, uh, Singapore and then the other was in New York. So I'd taken all that money. Um, like living out of my car for a while. I was cause I was so committed to the cause and when it crashed and burned, I had like a severe identity crisis. Like everything I had believed in was completely wrong. [00:07:58] So I really had to look [00:08:00] at, um, what life was becoming, what w um, Like who I was because of what I believed. And it was particularly intense because I had just moved all over the place in such a short amount of time and kind of like drain myself of culture and, um, picked up these new cultures. And I was struggling with like, you know, who am I, what am I doing? [00:08:25] Like, what's my purpose, what's my contribution to this world. Um, so that's kind of that in a nutshell, It's interesting is the fact that you've had, like, from what you're describing is like a midlife crisis at age 21. Yeah. It sucked. Wow. You've been through a lot. One thing that I've, I'm really adamant about is like having other people share their stories. [00:08:50] A lot of people don't think their own stories are that significant, you know, mine just happens to be. A bit all over the place a bit ridiculous. But, um, the, the background on [00:09:00] everyone is, is what allows us to create relationships and community. And that's what we really need right now. You know, people are feeling more isolated than ever, especially with everything being shut down, people are starting to realize how few friends they can actually rely on what is the main objective with the grunge industries, religious too. [00:09:19] To spread hope through creativity. Uh, it's I think it's more clear now than ever to me before. It was like, you know, how, how am I approaching this? You know, I'm in a, like a hardware technology industry. It's, it's tough right now because a lot of investors are looking into software and things like that. [00:09:42] How am I. How am I bringing the mission of, of loving people and, and, you know, serving other people and meeting their needs through hardware and technology and, um, with everything that's happened with the coronavirus and then, you know, moving out here to LA and [00:10:00] seeing it's, it's a completely different energy and community out here than it is on the East coast, or I'm sure it is in st.

  [00:10:08] Louis. Um, And it's my first time being out here, but seeing that, um, so many people are speaking and talking and pushing their agenda, but nobody's listening. And right now, more than ever, we need people to create because when we create it transcends the boundaries of intellectual capacity and it hits people, um, like within their soul. [00:10:33] And they're able to adopt that message without listening to somebody talking. So that's really my, my mission with the garage technologies is to be able to spread that hope for a brighter future and more authentic, genuine, loving communities through, uh, providing tangible materials technologies, um, to allow people to create and to dream more and to serve more [00:11:00] people. [00:11:02] That is inspirational right there. I like that message. As far as getting people to listen is the biggest struggle that we're facing. Not because with what the government is telling us, whether we should believe it or not, but it's just, everybody is stuck in this old school mindset and we're adapting. [00:11:24] Yeah. Some people are not. And getting people on the same page is the biggest problem right now. But as far as if we were to look at creating assessable, renewable energy for the communities without traditional power, how does that relate with third world countries? Um, I think. [00:11:51] So, um, this might be a bit tangential the way I answered this, but, um, one thing that I've really [00:12:00] noticed in, uh, technological adoption is that there might be great ideas that serve people's problems, but, um, a lot of engineers and innovators and marketers, aren't thinking about the. Societal repercussions of what those technologies might bring. [00:12:19] So like for example, the internet or the iPhone incredible technologies, um, and they've really opened up a lot of new opportunities for us to advance as a society and as individuals, um, But there were no parameters around how far we could go with those technologies. So it's created both good and bad. [00:12:44] And one of them, the core, um, it's been quite damaging to people's mental health and, um, uh, social communities because we're stuck within something. [00:13:00] Where it's our own little world. Whereas when we're face to face with someone, we get to feel, um, feel out like the energy, that energy that they're bringing. [00:13:12] Uh, we get to see their body language, the tone of their voice, and things like that. Um, and through the internet and social media, we're just getting a fraction of that. And we're not actually building relationships where we feel like we can trust people because we're only seeing each other at our best moments. [00:13:30] And w we're not seeing a whole lot of everything that falls in between and people are longing to share life with other people that is the essence of community. Um, so like that's, that's one example, um, that I would like to use, but in bringing this new technology to them, third world countries, making sure that, um, a team is there to help properly implement, um, How much can be developed off of this technology. [00:14:00] [00:13:59] So say for example, like I send a team out, um, to help integrate this, uh, accessible, renewable energy in, um, a part of Indonesia where they don't have the traditional infrastructure, electricity, and electrical infrastructure. Um, so providing them with, uh, I guess, clean water and, or, uh, electricity to their homes. [00:14:23] Um, they can build schools out of that, and then they have their necessary, their basic needs met, um, and they can kind of tuck that away. And then they begin thinking about how to create, um, and build more solutions for what their community needs. Um, but making sure that that implementation period doesn't take off too quickly. [00:14:47] This is kind of like a, uh, engineering ethics problem. Um, and it's not so much an ethical issue as it is, um, like a, a [00:15:00] relationship issue, because if you're in a relationship with someone that you care about, you're willing to withhold the things that might hurt them. It's like, uh, you know, the example of, of. [00:15:12] Freedom. People think that if you put parameters around their freedom, that it's not really freedom, but you would never let your own child walk out into a busy street because they can just do whatever they want. Like that, that would be dangerous for them. Um, so in the initial stages, building out a PR like a set of parameters where they can grow and fill, I guess, that cup, and then pouring, pouring that substance out into a bigger cup and allowing them to grow rather than just like. [00:15:40] Letting it run out and see where they go. So would you say the parameters lay between the government issuing out a fixed amount to the country? That's a need for this energy source? I would say that that's definitely a step, but they're also [00:16:00] needs to be parameters within these third, second, and third world governments. [00:16:05] Um, because. I might have great intentions bringing this new technology to people who really need it. But if the government is the only one who's profiting off of it and they're not helping their people with it, it's not really helping anyone. It's just getting people rich. And that is a very fine line. [00:16:26] It's a very tricky situation. So, which is why my core mission needs to be more people-focused than capital or a technology-focused. So would this talk about Venezuela? Didn't go bankrupt because of the cost of oil instead it was socialism. Do you think that's relatable to that? Yeah, I do. I think one thing, um, that we kind of lose, um, and this is also tangential, but I think one thing that [00:17:00] we kind of lose, um, With respect to the media. [00:17:03] Is that happening? Uh, an opinion on something doesn't mean you have the same opinion about somebody, so you can classify an organization. And sometimes it's easy as, like a, um, a member of the audit and still be like, okay, well, that person thinks that way about all of those people. And that's really just a, like, that's an inventory. [00:17:27] Yeah. A mistake. Um, it's a rash. Rationalization to make, because an organization doesn't represent each individual member there, you have to see people for who they really are and not for what the organization is. So in the case of the Venezuelan government, like, that's not my opinion about the individuals in the Venezuelan government, because I don't know them, but I do think that it applies in this situation. [00:17:58] And that's, that's a part of, [00:18:00] you know, that's a responsibility that they take when they step into office that they are going to represent what's going on as a collective organization. But it doesn't mean that we as individuals, I guess, have the right to view them or judge them in such a way without even. [00:18:26] Getting to know them individually. That's one thing that is rampant in America is just opinions on things that nobody actually knows. It's like what's relevant at this time. And all becomes a, when people want to argue, it comes down to self, reflecting their own inner beliefs onto other people when they don't agree with it. [00:18:47] Yeah. And these aren't, you know, political opinions that we're talking about here. These are like, this is the human condition. And if we look at it. What's going [00:19:00] on within our own lives personally. Like what turmoil we're going through in our inner world were able to more accurately discern. Why we're thinking the way that we're thinking. [00:19:11] And I know that that can seem introspective, but we, if we don't check on our own emotions, it was like our emotion. Shouldn't be drawing though. It's very easy to get sucked into taking action based on emotion. They're more of like a, an indicator of what's going on in your internal world. There's like a check engine light, like, okay, I had this emotion I need to, I need to check on what's going on. [00:19:32] Why am I feeling this way? Um, And if we were just a little bit more receptive to that, there wouldn't be, see so much a division being created because it's so like fear sells on the media and that's why we see so much. Depressing news, you know, like I can't, I like to keep up to date with things, but I can't watch the [00:20:00] news.

  [00:20:00] And some people are just sucked into it because it's addicting. Something's always going wrong. How are we going to fix this problem? And the problems don't. Lie in a massive change of organization. Like people are talking about changing the world, but nobody wants to take a step in and build a relationship with somebody that they're close with. [00:20:20] So if we can't, even if we can't start on step one, how are we supposed to change the entire world? How are we supposed to change the entire community? What kind of a kid was you in high school? So I'm going to have to talk about not only. Who I was objectively, but how I saw myself from, from my perspective, because that definitely factors in a lot. [00:20:45] Um, so growing up, I'm the oldest of, uh, so I just have a younger brother, so I was I'm the oldest. Um, we were really close growing up. My mom psychotherapists, my dad's a mechanic. [00:21:00] Um, funny enough, my dad is incredible with people. Um, just like really genuinely interested in them, spending time with them can talk about anything to anyone. [00:21:10] I'm actually pretty amazing. And my mom is great with people, but she spends so much time with people professionally that when she is like out and about, she likes to like spend more time either just with us as a family or alone. So growing up, seeing that dynamic, I was learning a lot. Psychologically subconsciously, like there were things that I began to just certain body language and tone of voice and, um, all of those things that psychologists are studying, but I was learning it subconsciously. [00:21:40] So I didn't know the terms, but I was integrating that into the way I functioned as a human being. Like, for example, um, when my mom would like to catch me in the middle of a lie, What growing up, I was like, how could she possibly know, like I did such a good job to cover it [00:22:00] up, but she would know. And then as I began to get a little bit older, six, seven, eight, I began understanding that she might have not actually known I was lying. [00:22:12] She just didn't believe me if I was telling the truth. So there were some times when I would tell the truth and she thought I was lying and it was really like a stalemate type, whoever had more, um, Whoever committed more to that belief is the one who won the argument. So I got really good at convincing myself of things that might not have necessarily been true. [00:22:37] And that kind of a later in a little bit later in life, 18, 19 2021, that put me in a lot of positions and places where I should not have been because I was so committed to a lie that. People completely believed I was telling the truth and that was not good for me or them. So growing up, back to growing up, um, [00:23:00] I was raised by, uh, well, I should say like when I was younger and when I was in daycare, um, I spent a lot of time with like very matriarchal women. [00:23:10] So I spent more time with females growing up than I did males like socially. Um, And I think it like developed my thought pattern differently in away. So I never, like, I love sports and like I was into so many different sports and I'm like always super into learning, um, like self-education, but I was always that one kid who was like a nomad like I had a bunch of different groups of friends, but I wasn't super close with anyone in particular. [00:23:45] And, um, My original group of friends growing up in elementary school, transitioning into middle school. Didn't like that. So I started, I started to recognize the difference between being accepted [00:24:00] by a group of people and being celebrated. And I was like, Oh, you know, my, my friends, quote, unquote friends, aren't really celebrating me. [00:24:09] They're like, they accept me and they tolerate me, but they're not celebrating me. So I don't really know if I want to hang out with them. And that was like a really. The pivotal conscious decision I made when I was young, that a lot of people don't have to make. Um, and I'm not really sure why I made that decision, I guess, recognizing it like being socialized with, um, with kids who were maybe like six, seven years older than me growing up when I was really young, I guess I, I recognize that earlier on. [00:24:41] And that made it really tough for me because I was like socially ostracized by that group of people for like probably four years. And it really did a number on my self-esteem and he knew who I was, but [00:25:00] every time I was in a social situation, I seemed. Overcome with this anxiety, but because I was so good at lying to myself, I could play it off. [00:25:10] Like I wasn't anxious, even though I was feeling all of those things inside. So it was kind of just like, I was pretending not to feel what I was feeling and people would receive it as if I was confident and not anxious, but inside I was actually struggling with all of this stuff. So, um, throughout high school, I was good at sports. [00:25:31] I played sports year-round. Um, still had like a bunch of different, uh, groups of friends, um, but never really crossed, like I never really brought friends from one group into another group about anything just because I learned a lot about social dynamic and social chemistry, um, in those formative years and how bringing in one person who really doesn't blend with another group of people socially can really affect. [00:25:56] The authenticity of conversation and the energy [00:26:00] between people, um, you became adaptable. Okay. Yeah, extremely. Um, and if I became even more adaptable when I started moving from city to city because I realized that the culture that I was bringing into that community wasn't that relevant and, you know, I might be able to bring in those. [00:26:25] Um, I guess individualized quirks with personality into that community, but I couldn't bring, I couldn't force another culture into a community that I was joining because that's not how it works. People don't sign up for that. And I realized it's not necessary to force cultural and other people it's necessary just to be there with them and to get to know them and to accept their culture. [00:26:51] And who they are as a person because that leads to genuine relationships and ultimately genuine change. So [00:27:00] I started learning how to adopt and empty myself of culture and community and, um, different social cues, really fast over a short period of time. And it was extremely uncomfortable, but it was also amazing. [00:27:16] Mmm, that is, I just want to say that is awesome right there. What you described there is the ultimate key to success is, is when we go through a situation that we. We have this self-doubt, this anxiety and the way it plays out, it just starts out with a thought on looking at the outcome. It's not going the way you want. [00:27:41] And what you described is you reversed it where it's the outcome that you desired. Thus you're able to achieve what you always wanted to achieve without even knowing how you did it. Yeah. Kind of inception. Like, isn't it exactly that [00:28:00] isn't. What was your toughest feedback? I think a lot of the toughest feedback came from my parents came from particularly my mom, because she had such great influence in my life. [00:28:14] And, you know, the people that you care about, you hold their opinions in high regard. And, um, I can remember growing up maturing emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and my mom is a psychologist would point out the obvious and say, you're not further than where you are. And that was really tough for me because I was like, I know I'm not further than where I am right now or what I am right now, but that doesn't mean that I'm not becoming who I was designed to be who I want to be. [00:28:55] And that was, um, that was tough. A lot of times to hear, especially from someone [00:29:00], that I cared so much about, because I still had to it, like, you know, it hurt me. Um, like it, it hurt my soul to an extent, but that didn't give me any right to stop loving or caring for her or seeing her perspective the way she did and understanding the dynamics of that relationship has actually developed, um, my relationships further in my own life, even if they're just the very entry-level stage, because. [00:29:36] It has taught me to, [00:29:42] to value whoever that person is, no matter what happens. Interesting. I like that. And, and that's, you know, that's sacrificial, but that's where you see the most [00:30:00] growth in relationships. Those relationships are the richest and rewarding because. You don't say anything with your words. You say things with your action as you remain, whatever your responsibility is in that relationship.

    [00:30:15] You know, between me and my mom being, being her son, um, and being open with her and talking to her and still loving her. Um, as you perceive we're through those difficult times, richer experiences of life unfold on the other side, So do you believe in the sunk cost fallacy? I'm not familiar with it. Can you explain it to me with the sunk cost fallacy? [00:30:45] As far as in life, when you're struggling, there's a point where somebody decides to call it quits and move on to something else, but instead you keep going through and pushing [00:31:00] because you invested all this time into it. Having that self-awareness to understand that you are where you're at, but you still want to keep going because there's a bigger picture that you're trying to achieve. [00:31:15] Now, now that you explained it, uh, it, it, the resume resonated. Uh, I don't, I'm not sure if I heard you properly at first, but the sunk cost fallacy. Yeah. And, um, you know, there, there have definitely been times in my life where I backed out of something. That I had been so committed to, um, and the pain that comes with backing out of something last minute, after you put so much skin in the game is worse than whatever else you're going to endure before you get to whatever that reward is. [00:31:51] Um, a lot of the times it's so easy to talk ourselves out of what we're just doing almost [00:32:00] subconsciously naturally. We question ourselves. We're like, why am I continuing with this? Especially when we're not seeing results. And we're very, as people we're very result-oriented, um, we don't value the in-between stages quite as much. [00:32:16] But, um, one thing that has been really heavy on my mind, especially moving out here to LA is like, the character is hard to find accolades and accomplishments are not. People have a plethora of accomplishments and I, you honor people for those, you know, like that's, that's something that you do in valuing people, but what's rarer to find are people who have refined character and who actually care about people and their characteristics and how things have, how their story has changed them as an individual. [00:32:55] To further change other individuals rather than accolades. [00:33:00] Self-talk, it's really easy to look at people who have incredible stories and say, wow, you know, they must, they must just be cut from a different cloth or they must just have a personality for that. And to an extent, yes, we all do have capacities and that's extremely important. [00:33:22] To recognize as you're pursuing what you want to pursue in life, because sometimes we're caught off guard by, uh, you know, like we see something that somebody else has on Instagram or the news or social media, whatever it may be. And we're like, whatever they had to do to get that or to get where they are, I'm willing to do that. [00:33:40] But as soon as you begin pursuing that and you start sticking, sticking it out and persevering through that, you realize whether or not you have a capacity to handle as much as they did over their life. And that is not like someone with more capacity is not, um, [00:33:58] any more honorable [00:34:00] than somebody who doesn't have any who, who has less capacity. It's honorable as to. It's important to honor someone if they're fulfilling the fullness of their capacity. If that makes sense. I know I use that word a lot. Um, it makes sense. Go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah. To say that somebody who, you know, and I'll just use a reference, but like a 20-ounce cup and that's just the way they were designed to handle more. [00:34:31] Uh, we can't, you know, we're not honoring that person any more than the person who can, um, who can manage 10 ounces. Um, and I don't want to like get into a, like a talk on religion or anything like that, but in. In the Bible, there's a parable of the talents. And three servants were given different amounts of money. [00:34:54] A talent was like a year's wages in that time, um, by the landlord [00:35:00] and he was going away and he said, um, when I come back, I expect a return and that. There was one servant who got 10 times. So just imagine 10 years ago. So I don't know, $60,600,000 over the course of one year. And when he came back, he had turned it in. [00:35:19] He had doubled that. So he was given 10 talents or he was given a, sorry, he was given five talents. He turned it into 10. The other servant who had two talents turned it into four. And then there was one servant who got one time and in his mind, And this is actually a word for word in the parable. He said I knew you to be a hard and difficult man. [00:35:43] So I buried your talent. And here it is. And the master said you're wicked and lazy, which seems aggressive. But he said, why wouldn't you at least take it to the bank and give interest? And that's it a statement on what we're given in our life. It's not about the money or the financial [00:36:00] capital that we're doing, but more so the gifts, if you have a gift to speak, you have to use it. [00:36:06] And it doesn't mean you have to be on a platform. Speaking to hundreds, millions of people. [00:36:14] Just one individual. Exactly. And for some people that's all the greater, their capacity will get, but to impact 10 out of 10 people that you were assigned, [00:36:28] that is just as honorable as somebody. Who is impacting a hundred out of a hundred people that they were assigned because they're fulfilling their purpose? [00:36:45] That resonates with me tremendously. So w how do you spend your spare time? So, um, it looks a little bit different in every season, [00:37:00] for sure. Um, I go into what those seasons looked like in my book. And, um, I only say that just because I'm able to further articulate, um, like what was going on at that stage of life, the people that I met, where I was living and how all of that affected my internal world. [00:37:20] Um, so the last, I would say the last three years has really been like, um, like I've really. Been stripped back of a lot of things that most people had. Like, um, my final year of university was 2019, um, because I went to a five-year school and, um, it was really like, I didn't have a job. Um, I was, it wasn't for lack of trying either, but, um, that's when I had, uh, fully switched over to finance. [00:37:50] So I was taking 20 credits every 10 weeks. With a week break in between and then doing it again. And I did that for five terms in a row. So I was like, I [00:38:00] didn't, I was really not interested in finishing school. Um, just because I felt like I had, uh, lost. My purpose. I felt like I had lost reaction. I really wasn't sure where things were going. [00:38:13] Um, and that's actually when I began writing my book, but it wasn't intended to be a book. Like I sucked at language and English and grammar and writing all that stuff growing up. So to write a book for me is just kind of still hilarious because. It's mind-blowing. Like it's nothing short of a miracle for sure. [00:38:31] Um, but I started writing that just to document my memories because I was like, you know, some of the stuff that's happened to me, this is crazy. Um, might as well, you know, I share it with people when I talk to them. So I might as well write it down. Uh, it can be my cop-out whenever I meet someone that I don't have time to talk to just like, Hey, read my book. [00:38:49] Mmm. But during that time, it was a lot of silence and a lot of isolation. It was a lot of spending time alone with my [00:39:00] thoughts. Um, and even for me, I became really, uh, developed, and matured a lot spiritually. And that was never important to me before. Um, I kinda just, I would say I kind of acknowledged that God was there and that there was a God, and that was about it. [00:39:20] And, you know, like the coal colloquial sayings, like, Oh, you know, as everything happens for a reason, you know, it's all in God's hands or it's all in God's timing. But during those seasons, um, like that extended period of time, like two and a half, three years, it seems like everything I tried to do and that I got excited about. [00:39:43] Just failed. It was like picking up something that was tangible and, uh, like it had material and it was structured. And then it just dissolved into like Ash or sand and fell out of my hands. And it was really disheartening and frustrating because I was [00:40:00] constantly, I lived my life growing up thinking like, what's the hope of the future?

  [00:40:05] That's where I'm placing all of my energy. That's how I get through difficult times. And I was faced with a situation over the last three years where I couldn't do that because, um, everything that I kept putting my hope in, kept dissolving in front of my eyes. And I was like, Ooh, what is going on? Like it was the most, it was almost tormenting. [00:40:27] Um, it like extremely, extremely frustrating, definitely dark times, but it was also the times that I felt the most peace, um, because I was spending more time instead of trying to figure out like things about the world. I was trying to understand who God was, and that is a personal journey for everyone, for sure. [00:40:48] So I'm not going to go, into that too much deeper, but in as a result of spending a lot of that time, Just alone with myself alone and figuring out who [00:41:00] God was. My, the world began to change dramatically. And my thought process began to change dramatically. And I was able to understand and articulate things better. [00:41:10] And, um, just be with people. One thing I was never good at doing, growing up, even though I was around people, the time was actually being there in the presence of the moment and enjoying those things, small little things, whether it was somebody's jokes. That wasn't actually that funny, but just, you know, honoring them for who they were as a person feeling comfortable enough around me to joke with me, um, or the little things that they talk about that I actually didn't care about whatsoever, but it really mattered to them to sit down and just be there with people. [00:41:45] Um, and it, it changed my entire world. So now out here in LA, my free time is more like, you know, I'm still spending some of that. Quiet time, usually in the morning before anything gets started. But if it's during the [00:42:00] day or if it's in the evening, it's going to the beach going for a drive, um, spending time with friends, things like that. [00:42:11] That's interesting for you. I, somehow I can picture you as an individual that would. Be a little shithead. There's no other way I could put it at this moment. And now it's like, I feel like there must have been a situation or, or an event that led to a behavior change. Can we go into that situation that led into your enlightenment? [00:42:38] I'm trying to articulate this. Yeah. Yes. So, um, and. I go into much deeper detail in the book about this. When I moved to Singapore, I was 20 years old. I always wanted. Growing up. I always wanted to, like, it was always a dream of mine to just move to a foreign country, [00:43:00] start from scratch with like nothing and just see if I could make it. [00:43:02] I just thought that would be the coolest thing. So I kind of simulated this for myself. I got a co-op over there. I had a company that I was connected with and, um, I had, I believe $500 in my bank account. And I moved over there a week before everything started. And I was like, you know, I do this, I'm good at this. [00:43:21] You know, I was, I was very, uh, like. Narcissistic at the time I was very into myself. I was very prideful for a lot of things, but that pride was just covering up those insecurities that I was talking about growing up, that I hadn't quite dealt with yet. When I got to Singapore, I stayed and stayed at an Airbnb for a month. [00:43:40] And the first week I was so jet-lagged, I would fall asleep at five o'clock at night after walking around Singapore and exploring Singapore all day. And I would wake up at like 1:00 AM and I would have a plan to like go to the club or the bars at night and meet people because I wasn't meeting people during the day after the fifth or sixth day, I was so [00:44:00] frustrated and just heartened by, um, not meeting people and having these incredible experiences, but not being able to share them with anyone that I was like, you know, I think I made a mistake and I need to go back and, um, It was like an intuitive voice that night as, as I was really considering like highly considering going back on my word, which was something I never did. [00:44:27] And it was just like, you know, that the intuition said, if you don't take this opportunity, you, you may not get another opportunity like this in life. And I was just like, Oh, you know what? Like, I. I did, you know, I did consider that. It's just like, all the pressure of this moment is just too much for me. [00:44:47] And I remember that night really thinking a lot of stayed up until like three or 4:00 AM just like awake with my thoughts. And I was like, you know what? This next six, seven months is going to suck, [00:45:00] but I'm just going to commit because I said I was going to do this. And this is what I've always wanted to do. [00:45:07] And if the next six, seven months sucks. So be it, you know, I'm here now. There's like, I'm not going to go back on my word and make an effort to change the situation that I'm in. And, um, as soon as I made that commitment within the week, I started meeting some really incredible influential people, uh, on the Island. [00:45:28] Um, one of the first people I met, um, Was this girl who was an independent journalist for almost every club or bar in Singapore. And, um, I was, I was, uh, like dating her friend at the time. So she was like, Hey, if you ever want to. If you ever want to go out, just let me know. I can just call up the manager and like, get you a table or a bottle, no issue. [00:45:54] So I barely paid for her for alcohol in Singapore the whole time I was there, which was like incredible as a 20-year-old, you know, it's like [00:46:00] the most expensive city in the world. And here I am just like getting handouts. Um, so that kind of just like catalyzed my recklessness, but yeah. In a direction that I needed to go, because one thing I noticed after everything after I, and I'll, I'll, I'll come back to that pivotal. [00:46:22] So moment in just a second. But one thing I started to notice after my life began to change after that pivotal moment is that if things wouldn't have gotten as bad in a dramatic, as they had in such a short time, I would probably still be living my life that way, thinking I was living it. The best I could. [00:46:42] And that's such a huge mistake that we make when we're young is thinking. And, you know, it's funny coming out of my mouth saying that like 24 when we're young, but it's such a huge mistake that we make when we're we're young and we're perceiving the world, the world in our own perspective. And the memories that have [00:47:00] shaped us is that we have it all figured out and that we're living life to the best of our abilities. [00:47:06] Well, we're not taking on ideas or beliefs that we don't agree with. And those things that we don't agree that, that we don't agree with or might offend us internally, might be just the thing we need in order to live the life that we've always been looking to live. And I was so grateful for that opportunity and I still am grateful that everything was so catalyzed. [00:47:34] Because I am the type of person, I was the type of person growing up. Like you couldn't tell me anything, like, well, you could, but, and I might agree with you, but I had to figure it out. I had to learn for myself. I had to figure out, I had to see, is it really like that? Or is it just that person's opinion? [00:47:50] So instead of saying, you know, somebody who is wiser than me and more experienced than me saying, don't play with the fire or the bonfire don't touch it. It's going to burn you. [00:48:00] I was like, yeah, well maybe I'm Superman. Maybe that's not the case. And that was such a humbling experience. And I'm so grateful for it. [00:48:10] People talk about it. I'm like check your pride, but when we're actually acting out our lives and we're not just, uh, pretending where someone, then we figure out real quick, Who we actually are. And I figured out real quick that I wasn't some type of Superman or I wasn't some type of genius. I wasn't that special, even though I thought I was, and I got burned by life and it was the most traumatic, but also most amazing experience I've ever had because I can look back at that and say like, okay, I'm healed now. [00:48:50] I'm, I'm, you know, I'm still becoming better, but it's not about me. It's about. Understanding that what I have is really for [00:49:00] other people. Um, and that was, that was extremely pivotal to me. So the going back to the moment that caused a lot of the behavioral change, um, I was like a self-proclaimed Casanova. [00:49:15] Um, like I, I remember in high school thinking like, because my self-esteem was so low, like that, I wasn't good with girls, even though I had so many friends who were girls. And when I went to college, I was just like, I'm just going to take advantage of this. So, um, I was like, and I talk about it. I was like sleeping with a lot of different girls and it was, it was a very narcissistic like ill-intentioned pursuit because I didn't actually care about a lot of those girls. [00:49:48] It was just more so for me, And when I actually started, there was a girl that I dated in single, or he is, um, fine of years older than me. And she started to like shake my world, [00:50:00] um, of culture, big time. And, um, she was like making me better in a way when we were dating. And then yeah, things got like things moved way too fast, got way too toxic.

  [00:50:13] And I was like, I realized I was like, we can't keep dating. So. I told her one day I was like, we gotta break up. Like, I can't continue to do this. And I go into why I made that decision. And what caused that in the book after that, I started to realize it wasn't other people who had the problem, that it was actually me. [00:50:33] And that was really tough to recognize. Um, and that's when I started to realize like I needed help and I wasn't as awesome as I thought I was. And, um, I started to spend a lot more time alone. And, um, just, I got more introspective and it got kind of dangerous because I would get into these intense battles in my mind, you know like we can't always control the thoughts that [00:51:00] come to us. [00:51:01] Um, sometimes we have thoughts, like don't think of a pink elephant, and I know that's like a. That's something that another person initiates, but sometimes when we're thinking about something and then thought just comes, it's really easy to like dwell or meditate on that thought. And if it's not a good thought and that's destructive to us and that's what began happening. [00:51:23] Um, but I also began building better relationships, healthier relationships. And one night I went out with some friends. And, um, I ended up bringing this girl back home and I woke up in the morning and from spending so many, so much time with people, you know how, like you can kind of, when you meet someone or you talk to someone for a bit, like you can understand who they are. [00:51:48] Like, you have an idea of their character or the personality almost like possessing, like an empath sort of mentality. Just kind of can [00:52:00] MP like intuitively understand. Who they are and what they've been through and a present once you meet them. Yeah. Yeah. So that didn't happen this time. And it was, she was the first person I ever met that I like the best way to describe it as like she had no soul like she was a black hole. [00:52:21] She was a void of a person and it was the strangest and. Oddest, uh, like, I don't want to say terrifying, but it was definitely scary being in that proximity with someone who likes, I don't want to say she was a sociopath, but like, she, it, it felt like there was no, there was no character, substance or personality within her whatsoever. [00:52:46] And like, we had talked the night before we had talked in the morning, I looked out my window and I heard this voice that. Was not my own intuition. And I don't want to [00:53:00] say it was like the voice of God because it wasn't an audible voice, but it was, it had power and authority behind it. And I knew it wasn't mine. [00:53:09] And I don't want to give that away cause that's like a turning point in my book. But when I heard what that voice had to say, it shook me to my core and I tried to just shake it off. I was like that didn't actually just happen. Um, and the more I tried to forget about it, the more disturbed I became with the statement and that led to just me needing to find peace and answers in something. [00:53:46] And it began a search for me really. And you said earlier, like, You could picture a behavioral change for sure. You're right. But it wasn't, this wasn't self-help, this was a [00:54:00] lot different than that. Um, and I go through the differences between self-help and like the encounter that I had that really changed my life from that point on, in my book. [00:54:12] And I think I don't, it's not that I don't want to talk about it here, but I think I can articulate it a lot better because when I was writing, I didn't have. Um, like, uh, voice intonations and body, the language to be able to explain this. So I really had to use my words, find the right diction for what actually happened. [00:54:31] Because before that point I was really into self-help and I was kind of like seduced by this. If you just do it and you persevere and you make it happen for yourself, then that's how you get things. And I was very performance. I like it, I had a great deal of performance identity. And when I had that encounter and things began to my life dramatically began to change. [00:54:56] I realized that wasn't so much the case anymore, and that scared me. [00:55:00] that is what threw me into an identity crisis. Okay. We can zoom out. What led to your transformation. Would you say the essence? Was timing. Yeah, I would. And I would say, um, the relentless pursuit of what I wanted in life, whether the outcome was good or bad, it's still led me on the path that I needed to be. [00:55:29] And I know that sounds a bit esoteric. But in a generation where people love to talk and not do anything, you can never actually know if your theory is true in life. People have a lot of beliefs that they die for, but they won't actually enact them. So for me, it was actually pursuing those beliefs with all of my energy. [00:55:53] And that led me to a place that was not pretty, but here I am. Out of that situation and I can [00:56:00] live to tell the tale. So I might as well share that because when you act on something, it actually tests the theory it's like in science, you can have theories of like, you know, this, this works mathematically, theoretically, the con the concept is there, but when it's out, it's tangible, it's manifest. [00:56:25] Are the conditions, the same to our listeners, some good advice to follow, and some bad advice to avoid. What would you let them know? This is a hard one because this was hard for me, but some good advice that I would give. And, you know, this is something that the audience is going to have to sit with and chew on, but being more interested in others than you are with yourself. [00:56:53] And that's not saying don't recognize your own value because those are two very different statements when you don't recognize your [00:57:00] own value. And you're interested in others all the time. It's like almost a coping mechanism of like, I'm not important. Therefore I need to focus on other people. What I'm saying is to recognize your importance, spend time discovering who you were designed to be, um, spend time discovering what you're good at and how to value valuable you are. [00:57:21] In your community in society, but don't be more interested in yourself in your accolades and your accomplishments than you are in other people's characters. [00:57:36] So that's my, I guess my good advice, um, and that advice will lead every individual down a different path. It looks different for everyone. Um, there's not like a one size fits all for how to do life. And we love, especially in American culture. We love to have all of the steps [00:58:00] and the keys to success, and they need to look exactly the same for everyone. [00:58:03] And that's just not the case. We have to, we have to be understanding that it's going to look different for different people. And that's valuable in knowing. Um, because you're in, in knowing that and accepting that you're saying, okay, I actually value you as an individual. You are at a different, you have different skill sets, you have different strengths and weaknesses than me. [00:58:24] Um, and therefore your path, the keys to your success in life are going to look different. Um, my advice for things to avoid. [00:58:41] Hmm. Never. And then this is super important. Never think you're wiser than you are because the moment that you think you have everything figured out, you're going to get humbled immediately. [00:59:00] But if you're the opposite side to this as is this it's not intentional naivety, it's living life in mystery and curiosity. [00:59:10] And that is what creates a fulfilled life because we're able to keep in touch with our inner child. The reason childhood is so exciting is because we're constantly in awe of the mystery of life. And we're constantly curious, and we can pursue answers all we want to. We still have to be okay with never having answers to some questions and that's life. [00:59:35] That's what keeps it interesting. That's what gives it flavor. So my advice, especially because I thought I was wiser than I was when I was young is never thought that you have it all figured out because there's never going to be that point. Like the journey of life is the discovery at all times. And the more comfortable you are in life, the less you're discovering

  [01:00:02] [01:00:00] that is that is spot on. That I'm excited to see where you're going to end up Nicholas. What is the name of your book and how can our listeners find it? So, um, it's on Amazon. Um, it's called the one who follows and the author title is actually NC to go launch. Um, I just abbreviated my, uh, my first and middle initial, because I guess that's what authors do. [01:00:36] Um, but I can actually send you the link if you, uh, if you want to share it with, uh, with the audience. Yes, that'll be great. I'll be sure to incorporate everything we said in the show notes as well. How can our listeners get in touch with you? So I am kind of a social ghost, but I do have a LinkedIn and Instagram. [01:00:57] So my LinkedIn is [01:01:00] Nicholas to grunge and my Instagram, I guess its handle is at Nicholas to grudge. Let me share that, link that into the show notes as well. Nicholas, is there anything else that we did not touch on or you would like to say before we wrap this up? No, I really feel like this was, this was an incredible chat that we've had and I'm just so grateful that you had me on your platform. [01:01:32] You are very welcome. Everybody deserves a chance. There's plenty of room for everybody to get out there and experience life in their own way. And I appreciate you coming on. This has been a great talk. Thank you.

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