#wow i teal deer'd hard

[three-of-swords]

Don’t Starve rambling.

Under cut for the people on my dash who deserve better. If you’re on mobile, then... I guess I’m sorry, regardless. I tried.

OKAY SO

My camp currently consists of eight improved farms, nine berry bushes, twelve saplings, a bunch of grass, a line of trees around the camp itself, and eight treasure chests full of garbage and live rabbits and stuff that may or may not come in handy later on (including everything I need for the Wooden Thing EXCEPT the Box Thing). The only downside about the location is that the upper and western “walls” are against the “ocean,” so winter tends to bring with it many Pengulls and MUCH lag. I have both my science machine and alchemy engine built, along with one drying rack and a crock pot. Below my fire pit but above the line of trees is a wormhole marked with a sign and a gnome (who has a friend on the other side of the wormhole). This wormhole leads to a small pig village and some spider nests, and is good for quick, emergency escapes.

My camp is set up west of a huge rabbit warren with tons of grass. A little further out than that are MANY bees and tons of flowers and berry bushes, which is nice. I only need to venture that far for flowers, generally, but there’s a fire pit out there in case I need to stay for spider silk or wood gathering.

South of my camp is the graveyard which has already been dug up, yielding tons of crap that’s probably only good for the Pig King (frazzled wires, melty marbles, mismatched buttons, and the like). Around that area is a herd of Beefalo, made smaller by the Deerclops attack I suffered last winter, but growing in size again as the seasons go on. Those Beefalo have been amazing when the hounds come, taking care of them quickly and generally only losing one of their own when a Red Hound bursts into flames. I’ll admit, I’ve grown EXTREMELY fond of my Beefalo. Also there happens to be a neutral Treeguard huffing and puffing around near the graveyard so that’s nice.

On top of that. heading out into the rabbit warren yields a path going STRAIGHT north, through Tallbird territory (eggs and meat for a daring me!) and to the small farm where I found the Metal Potato Thing. There’s a fire pit there, along with a science machine and two chests, and the farm there is always tended. Just in case. The road leading up to the farm also cuts through not just Tallbird territory, but a huge field of rocks perfect for mining.

So with the Wormhole leading straight into spider and pig territory, the Beefalo herd south of me, rabbits east of me, and the area I’ve since dubbed Tallbird Highway, this territory is nearly perfect (except the whole Pengull thing). I have something close to security because of the Beefalo and Treeguard, easy access to food because of my crops and the rabbits, and plenty of storage for my supplies thanks to all the chests. You’re probably thinking (all one of you that’s reading this, probably. Hi Nico.), “Julian, this all sounds quite glamorous, but crops alone won’t help you through the winter!” Well, Probably-Nico, you’re right.

I’m still new to the game, but there are some things I learned pretty quickly. Namely, rabbits don’t go bad until you kill them, dry meat doesn’t start to spoil until you take it off the drying rack, food from the crockpot stays fresh as long as it’s in the pot, and crops do not spoil until you harvest them. Hence the live rabbits in my chests, and the Tallbird eggs, and the full berry bushes and crop fields.

Oh, but Probably-Nico, I know you know me better than that. You know I don’t stop there when I put my skills to use. So you probably won’t be surprised when I tell you that my caution harvesting crops doesn’t begin and end with not harvesting anything until Wilson is hungry. Oho, no. 

You see, Probably-Nico, I’ve learned that certain foods do certain things differently. Most importantly of these, I’ve learned that making a Fistful of Jam with berries in my crockpot can heal your Sanity, and that while all crops are good, pumpkins and eggplant do more for your hunger, and Dragonfruit does a WORLD of good for your health. Which means when I see Dragonfruit or any of the gourds ready for harvest, I don’t harvest them until I have to. Carrots and corn, however, are harvested right away, at least until Winter comes and I need to be satisfied with anything. No, I harvest carrots and corn, and immediately plant more seeds and fertilize them. Then I pray for a more filling fruit to grow before those damn Snowbirds show up again.

Okay, so I have an abundance of crops, and those small morsels of rabbit meat are nice. And Tallbird eggs are swell! But when winter comes, what in the world can I do for more food?

Remember I mentioned those damn Pengulls? I worry about summoning the Krampus by killing them... But I’m gonna fucking kill them, Probably-Nico. I HATE those things. I hate the noise they make, the lag they create, and the nasty, broken, rotting eggs they leave when winter ends. They attack you if they see you attack one of their own, but they’re harmless until you do. So what is my method of disposing of these quacking vermin? Simple. I go right up to them and chase one away, into my camp. There, I slaughter it. More times than not this yields me an egg, and if I’m lucky, a bit of meat. If I do this once or twice a day (minding how many rabbits I’m killing, mind the naughtiness level...), I get eggs and meat on top of what crops I am surviving off of, and those Pengulls dwindle in number.

“Well, Julian, is sounds like you’ll be well fed,” you say, but you sound worried. “What happens if the Hounds come? Or the Beefalo go into heat? Or the dreaded Deerclops comes again?”

Fear not, Probably-Nico. As I’ve said before, the Beefalo make quick work of the hounds, and when I hear them coming, I have a special chest in my camp which holds not just my Beefalo hat and a torch, but a Beefalo horn I can use to summon my friends. In addition, I drop my backpack and leave Chester in my camp so he will be safe from the slaughter. As for the Deerclops, I can’t hope to fight him myself. All I can do is turn to one of my three escape routes. Plan A, I run up Tallbird Highway to my small emergency farm. Plan B, I jump into my wormhole and chill with Mr. Gnome until I’m certain the beast has moved on. Plan C, I grab my Beefalo Hat and horn and shepherd my friends away from the horrible monster, so he doesn’t massacre them like last time.

“Wow, Julian,” you say, so impressed because you’re probably my parabatai and you love me dearly and you’re only reading this because you want to make me happy and you no longer care what I’m talking about because I lost you way back when I mentioned spiders and pig men. I appreciate this by the way, Probably-Nico. You’re very good to me. But you continue, “You have food, you have an escape route, you have everything you need to survive. So what if you die? Won’t it be terrible?”

You’re right. It will be. Luckily, I’ve found a Touch Stone in two different locations, which I’ve heard will revive me should I die. Also, in case my pretending to be a Beefalo and hiding in a herd when I hear dogs barking didn’t clue you in, I do not like danger! Barring a tragic accident with the Deerclops or some equally vile beast, I should be okay. And if I ever get lonely, I have Chester.

And to wrap this up, I’ll tell you a little secret about my pal Chester; he’s holding a Blue Gem in each of his precious lil tummy slots. Come next full moon, he’ll be a walking ice box, which to me changes the game I’m playing from Don’t Starve to Won’t Starve.