#wow I'm really procrastinating on this project huh

[cookinguptales]

a few times I've had anonymous asks like "you should start a patreon!" and I am always like "what would I even make one for" and those anonymous people never tell me so idk if they're interested in my meta or my tarot readings or my fiction or my essays on religion/folklore/history or what

that said I did actually make a placeholder patreon a thousand years ago before they upped their fees (because they said that anyone who made a patreon in like the next day would get grandfathered in lmao) and I just never. used it. because I was like "well, patreon is for people with talent SO."

but I have to be honest like -- with this new story I'm writing, I really love it! and I fully intend to release it for free like I do all my stories, but I find myself wanting to write all these little extra scenes and essays on historical context and artistic influences and stuff as well as just wanting to be able to give like... basic writer's commentary...

and I keep thinking "maybe this is actually a good use for the patreon? you could release a base version for free and if people are interested in extras they could go to the place where you're posting them?" and then I think "no, no one would ever pay for early access to your work or to your ramblings about how the story of the minotaur is really likely just propaganda reflecting the historical attic frustration towards (and eventual triumph over) a semi-foreign naval power they'd been paying tribute to"

and then I think NO there are plenty of people with no talent who have thriving online presences you have plenty of talent!!!! and there has to be someone who wants to learn about ancient greek sacrificial customs as couched in h/c romance.

and if no one does want that, well like. it's not like you'll be out anything for trying. you're writing it either way because you've got fucking brain worms, so you might as well experiment with a new way of posting it.

and yet I do kind of have a weird mental block when it comes to charging money for much of my work, and I don't know if that's because I spent most of my life writing fanfic or it's because I have an aversion to the life of a professional writer or if it's just garden-variety imposter syndrome!

...so idk, that's what my brain's been doing lately lmao.

[soapoet]

quick energy reading #0601

short and sweet for your convenience.

like & rb if it resonates ♡

01.

you'd be a gold medalist if overcoming obstacles was an olympic sport. it's really been one thing after the other, huh? i sense some snakes in your garden, but they'll never harm your roses unless you let them. safeguard your energy and don't feel guilty if you need to weed certain people out of your life. if something or someone has overstayed their welcome and no longer support the life you want to lead, let them go. you deserve much better than what you've been getting, in all areas of your life. take some time when you can in june and turn inwards. honour your soul and give praise to the good deeds and qualities with your name on them. you haven't given yourself a genuine, honest pep talk in a while. and i'm not talking about affirmations repeated compulsively on the go and in your darkest hours. genuinely stop and have a word with yourself. show yourself how beautiful you are and don't stop until you break the barrier around your heart and bring yourself to tears. those tears will help you heal your self-worth and help you rise to the next level. you are strong and beautiful, so don't let the world wear your heart down.

02.

look at you! filled to the brim with marvellous ideas. have your projects been stalling lately? if you've been lacking in resources, the way forward should be clear soon. don't be afraid of asking for help when you need it. you should see your words and actions towards others reciprocated soon. buckle up and get ready for new opportunities in june, especiallyif you've felt like a rock to everyone around you lately, whilst being left to drift at sea alone when you've needed a rock, too. make sure it's not all work and no play this month. you may find inspiration in your oldest joys, so seek out nostalgia and let it fuel your soul. if you procrastinate, don't beat yourself up over it. it's okay, i promise. if you need a breather then take it, and do not entertain any feelings of shame or guilt over it. if someone calls you lazy, just smile and wave. you know your energy reserves the best. can you do the thing when you're at 50%? sure, but if you'd rather take the time to charge up to 100% before you dive back in, then so be it. don't let anyone tell you how and when to do what and why. you're the main character of your own life, and you reserve the right to act like it.

03.

wow. your energy is highly magnetic. be careful with your thoughts and feelings in june, as your manifestations are happening faster, and i see that there may be lots of things testing your patience. remember that you're not responsible for your first reaction to situations, but the second one is all on you. step back and into the role of the observer to avoid the drama around you. when something less than ideal occurs, just say "damn, that's crazy", then move along. life is too short to get stuck on hiccups. there are bigger, better things in store for you. keep your goals in your peripheral where you can still see them regardless of the 3d, and glance over to them and show gratitude towards them throughout the day, especially when what's in front of you looks a little rough. i also feel the need to tell you that you're beautiful. like, there is something ethereal about you. if you've been manifesting things related to your appearance, energetically it's showing tenfold! avoid getting hung up on any perceived flaws. they're simply not there.

[e-louise-bates]

My consistency streak with writing dried up a week or so ago and I've been struggling to get it back ever since. Today I walked into my study--cluttered with sewing projects, a mix of my summer clothes and winter clothes as I am in the process of switching seasonal wardrobes, my kids' outgrown clothes, books stacked on the floor because I haven't gotten around to re-shelving them, and the chair I just picked up from the side of the road for my reading corner but was in the middle of my study since the aforementioned kids' clothes were taking up the reading corner ...

And I said, "huh. Maybe there's a connection here?"

The books are re-shelved, the clothes are sorted and ready to go to their new homes, the chair is cleaned and in its proper corner, the sewing projects are all picked up except the skirt I'm currently sewing, but even that is neatly on the ironing board, and you know what?

I feel ready to work again.

I will finish this draft of Whitney & Davies #3 and get it off to my editor this summer. I am too tired of procrastination to leave it any longer!

My new chair--isn't it lovely? Needs re-upholstering eventually, but luckily my mother-in-law does that sort of thing for fun, so once she's finished upholstering the second chair for Carl's study, we'll hand this one over to her as well.

(Wow, I really need to get my pictures up on my walls.)

[jising-jisang-jisung]

Every Single Time | Lee Jeno

Genre: well floof ofc

Word count: 1.8k

A/n: I wrote this during my online class at school today for no reason other than avoiding ap Spanish yikerz. N e wayz it's kinda clichè and cheesey but I hope yall enjoy it nonetheless :)

It's one of my last fics in my jb song series!! Based off this Jonas Brothers song

To say you'd been in love was an understatement. More specifically, you had been in love with one (1) boy for five (5) years. Who is this boy, you ask. Well, none other than your very best friend, Lee Jeno.

You'd been crushing on him since eighth grade and have been friends for essentially your whole lives. The thing is, Jeno has always had other crushes and girlfriends. Of course, being that you two are besties, he tells you all about this and it lowkey highkey breaks your sensitive little heart.

To be fair, you have also had your fair share of boyfriends. Freshman year you dated Lee Donghyuck and later, Huang Renjun. The only reason you ever said yes to them was in hope of getting over your crush on Jeno. However, it never seemed to work and you were still left, well, crushed. Sophomore year you dated Chenle, but you two discovered that you worked much better as friends. Lastly, during your junior year you dated the school flirt, Na Jaemin. Everyone wondered how you managed to get such a renowned hottie. The thing is, Jaemin is another one of your friends so he knew about your crush. You two only went out because he was getting over his ex as well.

Now, in the middle of senior year, you find yourself sitting at lunch, mindlessly staring at the boy you're hopelessly in love with.

"Hey, y/n! Are you good?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah, right. Yeah I'm fine," you barely managed to convince Jeno after he caught you. Chenle gave you a knowing look from across the table, to which you responded with a glare.

As odd as it was, Chenle is still one of your best friends and he knows about your ongoing crush. In fact, he was one of the first people to tell you about it, because you were too dense to realize it yourself. Quite frankly, you think that may be the reason your exes dumped you, they could see your feelings for Jeno. However, it seems that you're lucky enough because Jeno has yet to catch on.

~

"Y/n, I think you should just confess. What's the worst that could happen?" Chenle suggested.

"He could hate me," you respond coldly.

"Okay yeah, but that would only last for the rest of senior year. Then, you'll both go to college and, if need be, never see one another ever again." :D

"Wow. That makes it sound so much better," you say in a sarcastic tone.

"Who knows, y/n, he might actually like you back. I get the feeling he does."

"What makes you say that?"

"Let's make a bet. 20 bucks says you won't confess to Jeno before winter break."

"I don't want to make any bets I know I'm going to lose," you pout.

"Fine then. 20 bucks says Jeno will confess first."

"That's a bet I can win."

"That's the spirit, y/n!"

"Because Jeno doesn't have feelings for me so he'll never confess!"

"You're hopeless."

"C'mon Lele, he's always surrounded by other girls. I wouldn't even have a chance."

"Okay, but you've dated other boys too," your friend reminds you.

"That's different. Throughout high school I only dated boys to get over Jeno." You paused briefly before continuing, "but it never worked. Every single time, I keep on going back. He's always on my mind. It doesn't matter what I do." You finally looked up at Chenle again only to find him fast asleep on your bed. Late night study dates with Chenle were always like this: deep conversation from you but snooze from him.

~

You sat impatiently in your physics class, waiting for the bell to ring. As you turn your head to check the clock yet again, you are met with Jeno's eyes staring back at yours. "Y/n," he started quietly, "you should be working on your project right now not staring off into space. We only have 2 more days before it's due."

You throw him a shy smile, blushing at his observation of you. "You're probably right," you whisper back. Instead of listening to his advice, you go back into staring off. This, however, was not to your advantage because he began to wonder about what Chenle said. Maybe you should just confess. What if Jeno actually does reciprocate your feelings? You turned to face him again only for your thoughts to be interrupted by his knowing look.

"Y/n, don't make me say it again. You need to finish your project so you don't have to finish it all in one night like last time." Of course. How could you forget the last project that you made Jeno stay up all night to help you finish on time. It's not your fault that he's much superior in physics. Oh gosh. There's no way he could feel anything for you when your literally so stupid! Yes, y/n, you are just so so stupid smh.

~

You checked the time on your phone. 3 am. Another all nighter to finish your dumb project. Okay so maybe Jeno had a point the other day. As you set your phone down it began to vibrate. "Hey Lele," you answer after reading his caller ID. "I'm sorry but I cant talk now because I need to finish this project. Why are you even up at 3 in the morning? If this is some lame attempt to convince me to tell Jeno about how I feel, it's not gonna work. He obviously doesn't like me back."

You waited for a response, but the line went dead. Maybe it was just a butt dial. Or a PRANK!! THAT LITTLE PIECE OF CRAP! Calm down, y/n. It's physics time right now.

~

Jeno sat at Chenle's desk, helping him study for his Calculus test tomorrow. "Chenle, you are just like y/n, always waiting until the last minute. I should call her. I bet she's pulling an all nighter right now to finish that project."

"That's not fair. We can't help it that we don't have the same level of intellect as the great Lee Jeno," Chenle mocked.

"No. You two are just bad when it comes to procrastinating. My phone is dead, can I use yours?" Chenle tossed Jeno his phone and he quickly dialed your number. You answered almost immediately. Stupid y/n, staying up so late.

"I'm sorry but I cant talk now, Lele, because I need to finish this project. Why are you even up at 3 in the morning? If this is some lame attempt to convince me to tell Jeno about how I feel, it's not gonna work. He obviously doesn't like me back."

The boy sat there, his mouth a bit agape. "Jeno. Jeno. Yo! Jeno what did she say?" Chenle finally recovered Jeno's attention.

"Oh, right. Yeah she just said she was busy and could talk right now. And then she hung up," he lied just a little. "N E ways. Back to limits. If the x in the denominator is..."

~

As you walk into school the next day, you are caught a bit off guard. Jeno was waiting for you at your locker. "Hey, y/n," he smiled brightly. How could anyone not fall for that? "Did you have to stay up all night again for your project?" He asks, playing dumb.

"N-no. Not all night," you argue despite him assuming correctly.

He laughs a little. "You're cute when you try to lie." And with that, he walks off, leaving you flustered at your locker. The warning bell rings and you quickly gather your things for your first class. Not that it'll matter. There's no way you could focus now.

~

The rest of the day was fairly normal until lunch. You sat down next to Chenle like usual, but Jeno was acting a bit,, unusual. He was looking at you almost lovingly and it was starting to get a little creepy. <(￣︶￣)> "Isn't y/n just do pretty today?"

Chenle just kinda looked at you like （＞д＜）which you responded with 乁། ˵ ◕ – ◕ ˵ །ㄏ

"What do you mean, Jeno? Is y/n not pretty everyday?" Chenle questions him.

"Oh. Of course she is pretty everyday! But today she is extra prettyyyyy," he draws out the last word adding to his cuteness.

You obviously wanted to join the conversation as opposed to awkwardly sitting silently but you couldn't come up with any words. You could feel the red tint burning across your face, but it's not like you could stop it. "Uh oh. Y/n is blushing. That must mean you like me too, huh?"

"What?" Your mouth hung open. Earth to y/n!! Did you hear that right? Did he really just say too? Say something!

"Ha! That's 20 bucks, y/n! I knew you couldn't tell him first," Chenle screeched, only briefly capturing the attention of the lunchroom. After the students returned to their own lunches and conversations, Jeno continued:

"I asked if you liked me. Of course, I already know the answer."

"Then why do you ask?" You reply rather innocently.

"Because I want to hear you say it again."

"Again?!" You question at the same time that Chenle shouts it.

"Yeah, again. Y/n confessed to me on the phone last night," Jeno elaborates. "So if that was some sort of bet, well, she won I guess."

You nearly died of embarrassment. "Wait so that wasn't Lele calling me yesterday? It was you? And I just-"

"Wait Jeno, you said she just hung up after explaining that she was busy," Chenle argues.

"Did I forget to mention that part?"

"Oh my gosh. I can't believe I did that. Ugh," you complain while facepalming.

"So, are you gonna say it?"

"Do I have to?"

"If you want to hear me say it again then I have to hear you say it first."

"Fine. Jeno, I have had the biggest crush on you since middle school. I really like you."

"Y/n, I have had a crush on you for some time as well. I really like you too," and of course to make matters even worse for your flustered state, he adorns his confession with that signature smile that makes your heart go we got that BOOM BOOM.

~

So yeah, y/no is the ship of the school. Y'all cute or whateva. Jeno always takes you out on fun dates like roller skating or bowling. He is also SUPER CLINGY which you didn't know back when you were only friends. He loves loves loves to cuddle and can almost always be found with his arms around your waist like a koala.