#would like to also get cameras installed because I don’t necessarily feel safe

[gra-sonas]

Rainbow Crew is an ongoing interview series which celebrates the best LGBTQ+ representation on TV. Each instalment showcases talent working on both sides of the camera, including queer creatives and allies to the community.

Today we're speaking to Carina Adly MacKenzie, the show runner and overall mastermind behind Roswell, New Mexico.

Buckle up cowboys, because Roswell, New Mexico just ended season two with one hell of a cliffhanger.

After working through their romantic drama, Max took Isobel and Michael to a secret tunnel where they freed the alien described in Tripp's diary... and he looks exactly like an evil version of Max.

Fans are going to have a lot of sleepless nights over that big reveal, and without Maria's ability to see the future, season three feels like a long way off.

Thankfully, showrunner Carina Adly MacKenzie beamed down from Roswell to discuss what happened while teasing what's in store for "Malex" (Michael and Alex) in season three.

What a way to end the season! Obviously you don’t want to give too much away, but could you talk a bit about the stowaway, and what that big reveal means for the future?

I can’t say much. I’m trying really hard to spend the next year of my life not talking about the stowaway.

But I will say that we underworked Nathan Parsons at the beginning of this season. And then, you know, he spent a lot of time floating in a pod, and so we figured we would give him double the job for the next season.

So we're very excited to explore who Mr Jones is. Through his eyes, we’re excited to explore the truth about the other planet, where the aliens came from, and why.

Will the idea of Max being a "saviour" tie into that?

We’ll dig into Max’s destiny, and also what the future holds for Michael and Isobel, too. I think there’s been a lot of talk of Max as this central figure, and as this inherent leader.

But we’re also going to ask questions about where that leaves Michael and Isobel, and their role in the future of this planet, and of different planets too.

Lots of key relationships went through huge changes in the finale. What can you tease about Malex's future specifically now that Alex has hooked up with Forrest?

I think that Alex has never really had the opportunity to just casually date, especially in a space where he feels safe, and he feels proud of who he is. And so we’re excited for next season — Forrest is going to definitely be a part of Alex’s journey.

The thing that I really like about the end of the season is that Michael started this year saying that hope is the worst thing in the world; hope is the thing that hurts you the most.

At the end of this season, he says that he needs to end his story with Alex, because maybe there’s a new story for the two of them to start down the line. And I think that’s the most hopeful that we’ve seen Michael in a really long time.

So we’ll be telling a slightly lighter love story next season for Alex.

You've mentioned before that Isobel’s next love interest will be a woman. Could you talk more about that and how this will impact her in season three?

My intention when we started writing the show was always for the aliens to reject typical gender constructs. These three aliens were raised here, so they have very human perspectives on gender and sexuality. But Isobel’s entire arc this season was about exploring who she is at the base of herself, outside of any influence.

So I think we’ve been building to this idea for a while that maybe the aliens aren’t necessarily bound by the same rules and ideas about gender that the rest of us have.

But yeah, Isobel’s next love interest is going to be a woman, and I’m really excited about it.

Queerness has always been such an integral part of Roswell, New Mexico, ever since the pilot ended with that first Malex kiss. Why was it important for you to explore queer experiences in small-town America instead of the usual big city stories?

I’m always raring to see more queer characters  on TV. But I was seeing things that either reflected a reality that I don’t know— a reality that I think is a little bit idealistic, as far as what the world looks like right now.

I think a lot of people look at Gen Z as this post-homophobia generation, and I don’t know if that is realistic, especially in small towns in the middle of the country. So we wanted to take a look at a lot of different experiences of discovering your sexuality on this show. And I think that Alex’s story, with his father, and Michael’s story with his family, it’s not the only story to tell.

Obviously, Isobel’s experience of coming out is a lot different from everyone else’s experience of coming out.

I really wanted to acknowledge the sort of barriers that are still in place, and that we like to pretend they don’t exist.

From day one, there's been a huge fandom around Malex in particular. Did that add extra pressure for you?

No. The fandom that built around Michael and Alex wasn’t a surprise to me in any way. I knew that people were going to love them, because I love them.

In the end, I’m making a show that I would want to watch. I’m my target demographic [laughs]. So it wasn’t a surprise at all, and it hasn’t changed the way that we’re telling the story.

Just as much as we see people rooting for Michael and Alex, we’re also seeing a groundswell of support for Maria this season. I think that that story is important to tell, too. And I’ve been really proud of our writers and of our actors, and the way they’ve navigated it.

You've said before that you don't want to the show to ever fall into harmful queer tropes like "bury your gays". What do you do in the writers room to ensure that doesn't happen?

I feel a big responsibility to tell a story that doesn’t involve harmful tropes. That said, I think it’s also really important to not fall into a space where we’re telling a story about perfect characters.

If you spend too much wanting the representation to be exactly perfect, and wanting every bisexual audience member who watches Michael to find themselves in every decision that he makes – I think that you end up telling a boring story.

So while I’m very proud of the representation, it’s really important that we make the queer characters just as nuanced and flawed as the straight characters. And that means, sometimes, that they make mistakes. And they veer off into the wrong direction.

It’s a story about people figuring out who they are, and making a mistake, and then righting the course.

I’m very proud of it. I think it’s not necessarily everyone’s cup of tea, but I remember when any gay character on television wasn’t everybody’s cup of tea. And so, the more we find ourselves challenged in the writers’ room, the more I feel like we’re doing a good job, and we’re telling a story about two men, and their experience – and not trying to tell the story of everyone perfectly all at once.

Now you’re two seasons in, what's been the most challenging thing about this whole experience so far?

[laughs] Learning how to pace the season properly. I feel like with both season one and season two, I’ve gotten to the end of them and been like, "Alright, I’ve got so much more story left to tell."

I cut my teeth on The Originals, where we started off having 22 episodes a season. Figuring out how to put all my story into 13 episodes has been my challenge. Which is why you get these super action-packed penultimate and ultimate episodes.

But I think I’m learning! [laughs] I think we’ve got the pacing down for season three. But it’s weird. This is my first time doing this. It’s been an adventure trying to learn on the move, and to adapt to what’s going on.

But I’m really proud of the first two seasons. We leave a lot on the table at the end of season two. There are some questions dangling through season three that I think are going to be really fun to explore.

~ DigitalSpy

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

22. Unpacking a Few Things

Word Count: 3914 I have had most of this damn conversation written out almost since the beginning of the story! So, I am SO GLAD to finally be able to give it to y’all. I’m making my way towards the end of this fic, and I already know how I’m ending it and have outlines and notes, BUT, as readers, I want to know if there is anything in particular that y’all want to know or wish you could see/had more insight about whenever it comes to this story and this dynamic? Anything that you feel like I didn’t quite explain or just general questions? I’m gonna be open to those! So, let me know, and hopefully enjoy this installment.

Previous

Grace hadn’t wanted this to become a “Finally, we'll get the truth" type of hyped up event. Because she was mostly wanting to tell Simon to his face how he had affected her life and maybe gain a better understanding of why. She hadn’t wanted to expose him or dig up any of the old feelings. She wanted to move past them and never have to worry about them hurting her again. That was extremely difficult, as she tried to make notes of everything that she wanted to address and how she wanted to word it, she found that the words that she knew she should say were not necessarily the ones that she felt deep down inside. She even tried to get with her therapist to make the best selection of words. Then, to be on the safe side, she was sure to have the woman be there for this meeting. 

Whenever Simon arrived at the rented studio, he looked like a completely different person. He looked like he had gotten everything refreshed right before he entered the building. His hair was shiny and clean, brushed, but not pulled up into his ponytail. He had shaven, his eyebrows and lashes seemed to be perfectly maintained. She made notes of the amount of self care (or spa treatment, possibly) - the manicure, the glowing skin, the glistening smile. It was like that person outside of Julliard had been an imaginary, distorted doppelganger. 

He had a few people with him, and she recognized one as his lawyer, one was she thought his publicist, maybe, and there was another man that she had never seen before. She glanced at her own therapist, still so fly in her pantsuit, even though she was just on the sidelines, and they smiled at each other. Grace knew she would be okay with her there. Whenever the cameras began rolling, it was Grace’s doctor that nudged her head that she could begin. 

Grace held cards in her hands, just to not forget anything. Simon sat smugly across from her, staring at her like he was waiting on her, like he was impatient, almost… like he hadn’t come to her, begging for this chance to talk! That already rubbed her the wrong way, so she started with that. “Simon, it’s good to see that you look well. The last time I saw you, it was… more than a little troubling. Were you able to get things sorted out?”

Something flashed in Simon’s eyes like shame and shock for a moment, like he wasn’t expecting her to speak about that. He blinked, tilted his head, nodded and she noted the exact moment that he switched from his honest feelings to whatever lie he was ready to spin. “There have been some very hurtful, very potentially future threatening allegations made against me, and I suppose that I just made a few rash decisions in trying to cope with these sudden stressors. I didn’t mean to trouble anybody while I dealt with that.”

“When you say hurtful allegations, you mean hurtful in that the allegations could possibly affect what you value,” she said, “Not like it hurts you personally to know that people are speaking about what you did…”

“Allegedly. What I allegedly did.”

“What you told me that you did,” she blurted, and there it was again, that blend of shame and shock, now with a heap of anger. “Which… I will say, I never told anyone that, aside from my therapist, so the fact that other people have come around saying that you also told them the same thing does seem to be a little more than allegedly.” She sniffled, “Because, I didn’t even realize that you had said that to anyone else. I thought, at worst that you were bragging about sex. I mean, we were both virgins until that weekend and we spent a few days exploring. I did things that had never crossed my mind to do and I figured, a teenage boy will probably tell his friends at least a few of these things… But then whenever you told me that it didn’t even matter to you…” Simon clutched the arms of the seat tightly and tried to catch his breath, “I was heartbroken. Because, it meant the world to me. Then, well you know what you told me about it after that, and you know that I got really angry and I hit you.” 

He relaxed a little more. It was so much easier for him to focus on the things she did to him than to face the things that he’d done to her. “Right. You injured my gums and tried to give me a concussion,” he laughed a little and said, “I knew that was my fault. I even said to to your mom after she pulled you off of me.” 

Grace furrowed her eyebrows and she asked, “Are you trying to antagonize me right now? Because, that’s not why we’re here.” He ONLY told her mother that in order to make her look worse, and they both knew it, so the mind games apparently were still on the menu...

“Okay. I thought we were going to point out the shitty things that we did to each other so that we could both feel bad,” he said in an accusatory tone, as that was what it felt like she was doing to him at the moment.

“My list would be so short, Simon. In fact, why don’t I get it out of the way for you, because we both know that I didn’t do anything at all to hurt you or anger you until I told you that I was going to go to college!”

“You did plenty before then, I just always gave you a pass,” he said through his teeth.

“On WHAT, exactly?” she asked.

“Let’s start with the fact that you thought it would be good idea to display my pain about my family to get into your bougie ass school, because you didn’t want to be alone!” She flinched at that. She had absolutely forgotten about it, but was unsure if it warranted his hatred, especially because that was years before and it wasn’t like she hadn’t tried to take it back… 

“Then, whenever I got into the school, you didn’t even notice that they were making me miserable. You didn’t care that I had to rip my own heart out and serve it up to be near you because by then you had everybody so charmed that you didn’t need me or want me around anymore.” She clenched her cards and bit her lip. That wasn’t accurate. It was... a perspective, but not hers... “Your mother talked about me like I was a piece of filthy garbage when she met me, and you just stood there!”

“I was terrified of her, and you know that...”

“I shouldn’t have been a surprise! Why didn’t you TELL THEM that I was taking you? Because, you knew that she wouldn’t approve, even though we were going as friends and you were too ashamed of me to clear it up first. You didn’t care to even consider my feelings again until I almost beat a guy to death for you!” 

She felt tears welling up in her eyes. She… had sort of forgotten about that too. More accurately, she hadn’t thought about it in many years. “I’m not a fool. Grace. I took note of what made you happy, of what made you care about me. I only mattered to you whenever I was protecting you. You only cared about me whenever I was exacting revenge in your name. You got so mad when that girl called me your guard dog, but what the fuck else was I ever to you?”

“I THOUGHT you were my FRIEND! I thought we protected EACH OTHER!” She cried, “It’s not fair to bring my mother into this. You know that was different. Nobody else would have been able to get away with that in front of me. It was HER! What could I do? You know I was terrified of her!”

“That’s why I didn’t hold it against you. But, you wanted a list, Love.” He narrowed his eyes at her and she took a deep breath, centering herself as he scoffed and continued, “You smiled, laughed, cheered me on so many times when I was hurting someone for you, then when you decided that wasn’t enough anymore, you became bored with me and irritated when I responded the same way I always had. We never even had a discussion that we shouldn’t do that anymore! How was I supposed to know that you didn’t want that anymore? But, I took responsibility for you to not look like a violent brat… which. You. WERE! You just happened to not be being one THAT time!”

Grace didn’t feel like pointing out that she repeatedly tried to intercede that night and many nights like it. She definitely knew that he was the more violent of the two of them. Sure, she started it when they were 12, but she grew out of it when they were 15 or so, and according to the reports about charges against him, he STILL hadn’t. 

“I’m sorry,” she said. He looked suspicious. She nodded her head and said, “I’m sorry for convincing you to do things that you didn’t want to do for me. I’m sorry for making you hurt for me to feel comfortable. I’m sorry for any times that I was unfair, or untrue, or unclear. I’m sorry for being confusing. I guess I didn’t know enough about myself to know what I wanted or what I liked, so I was willing to try a lot of things out and I must’ve accidentally neglected your needs in the process. All this time, I honestly just presumed that the things we did together and for each other were the things that kids did for their friends, for people that they loved and respected. I just didn’t have the insight to realize that it would’ve hurt you enough to make you feel like you had to do what you felt like you had to do to me.” She bit her lip, trying not to cry and looked at her therapist. The woman seemed chill, so she guessed that she didn’t look as bad as she felt.

Simon was silent for a long time. His lip was quivering and his heart was pounding. He let out a shudder and leaned back, covering his face with one hand. This scared her. This was similar to what he did right after she told him that she was thinking about leaving. “I don’t need you to apologize for any of that. My entire point was that it didn’t matter to me. I loved you. I didn’t care about enduring those things. I cared about you… growing apart from me.” He uncovered his face and this might have been the first time all day that he had been genuine. “It didn’t feel good to watch you bloom and to feel like I was this weed that was wrapping all around you… but… I couldn’t stop myself. The more you tried to grow away, the tighter I wrapped myself around you and… and…” He shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

Hearing him say those words was something that she never thought would happen, especially when he came in today, acting brand new again. She offered him a gentle smile and chuckled a little bit. “This is why instead of me calling on all my witchy friends or leaning back on my parents’ wealth or something to get back at you, I basically told the universe that whatever happens happens. I feel like we all get what we deserve, eventually, and I didn’t know that it would be today, but I have to admit, I do feel like I deserved that apology.”

“What do you think I deserve?” Simon asked, tilting his head slightly, his eyes still damp, but smiling slightly. 

She shrugged her shoulders, “I think you deserve whatever you deserve.”

He sat up very suddenly, his body stiffened and he looked at her, hurt, confused, angry, again. She looked confused as well, because she thought the conversation was going well and she couldn’t guess what she said that he didn’t like! “You think that the things that have happened to me were deserved? My family, my trauma... those are things you believe that I deserved, as a kid?”

“What? No. I’m not talking about that. I’m just saying...”

“YOU’RE TALKING SIDEWAYS AGAIN!” He fussed and snatched off his mic. “You can never just be straight up! You brought me here JUST to throw it in my face that things have been going badly for me and that it’s my own fault for hurting you!”

“That’s not what I meant, at all! All I meant is that we don’t have to try to seek our own vengeance. You and I used to do that and it only brought us more pain and years of being apart. I thought that we JUST established all of this, Simon!” 

"You lied to me. You made me think you cared about me. You told me we were friends. You said that I was half of you and then you just cut me off like I was nothing! I was never anything to you! I never would be because you don't care about anybody but yourself and I loved you so I couldn't see it. THAT’S what we just established. Well, you're nothing to me now. I come here to settle things and you’re just feeding me more lies, this time for everybody to see? You really think I’m such a fool! Maybe I am for even agreeing to this. I THOUGHT you wanted us back.”

"I'm sorry that I made you feel that way Simon. I know you're hurting and I'm partially responsible for that. But, I loved you. I loved you for a long time and I think I maybe always will. I was wrong to say that you were half of me. I should have found ways to be complete without you. We were children! But now, we're both people who have gone our separate ways, done life without each other, and came out on the other end. We can make better choices. We can change. It doesn't have to be this pain between us, this anger, this hate... I can't make you forgive me but I promise you, I did love you and my life has not been the same without you.”

"Bored without your worshippers?”

"Sad without my friend.”

"You were never my friend. You were some rich kid who thought she could play with me like a toy until you got bored with me.”

"You left me, Simon. Not the other way around!

"YOU WERE GOING TO TAKE EVERYTHING FROM ME!!! You were going to destroy what we built! You were going to ruin what I had. What I DESERVED.”

"I was going to give up things I didn't need. You were never on that list!!! You were ALWAYS essential! My biggest mistake was not letting you know that. I don't know where I went wrong. But, I’m sorry that i didn’t notice. I’m sorry for the things that I didn’t even realize or remember. For whatever part I played in all of this, I’m sorry and I want to forgive you for your part. But, I can’t even begin to do that, if you keep insisting that it was all my fault. And… I just want it to be over. I was extremely hurt. I still am, in a lot of ways that we haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of. But I missed my best friend. You didn't miss me?”

He had tears pouring from his eyes and quite frankly, he was sick of how frequently this had been happening to him, but what could he do? His life was falling apart and the one thing he wanted and needed back in it was trying to give him a lifeline… and yet, he couldn’t bring himself to take it! He wanted to, but it all hurt so much. Just thinking about what he did hurt, and they hadn’t even scratched the surface? Of course they hadn’t! You know what the fuck you did to her… 

Grace closed the space between them and said, in a soft voice, “Sometimes, I’m so angry that I can’t see straight. I think about how much you hurt me and I focus on all of the details, every single place that I might have went wrong, and I’m at a loss for coming up with anything that has made sense of it to how you were able to be somebody that would kill for me one day, then be the person who...” She sobbed, “I was crying. I was breaking right in front of you and you didn’t even budge. You were so harsh that sometimes, my mind can’t even believe that it happened that way. I think that whenever I snapped, I must’ve reimagined things and made you out to be more cruel than you were, because surely my Gray Eyes, my Partner in Crime wouldn’t have did the things that you did or said the things that you said.” She covered her face with both hands and Simon stared at her, unable to formulate a response.

I did it? Yep, it happened just like that. Now, you know good and damn well you didn’t imagine that... Like... what does one say to somebody whose life they purposefully tried to end in every way but physical? Someone that they once meant the world to? “And you’re still just standing there...” She said from beneath her hands.

“I don’t know what to do,” he admitted. Not an easy thing for somebody like him to admit - a perfectionist, a know-it-all, a smartass... He knew nothing, especially not what he could do to help this clusterfuck that he both asked for and provided...

“BE SOFT WITH ME AGAIN!” She screamed. He jumped at her loud cry. “For fuck’s sakes, Simon, haven’t you been mad and mean long enough for it to suffice for the suffering you thought I deserved? I’m HUMAN! I did things that hurt people. I did things that hurt you and you got back at me, tenfold! I have to live with the mistakes I’ve made everyday. They bother me. I want to be a different person today. If you can live with being cold for the rest of our lives, I can’t change that, but unless we’re leaving here today, DEAD to each other, be. gentle. to. me.” 

His hand shook as he reached forward, scared to touch her, lest she crumble into countless shards. But, his hand connected with cheek and she let out an exhale that sounded like she had been holding her breath for years. He withdrew his hand, scared that this was a mistake. He should leave. Dead to each other wasn’t so bad. That was probably better than allowing himself to get caught up in her again, which he felt was right around the corner, if he didn’t leave immediately...

Grace hugged him as he tried to pull away and maybe she should have just respected his wishes, but she didn’t this time. He owed her at least a hug, damn it! “I loved you, Simon. I loved you in spite of the things that happened and besides the fact that you say you hate me... I think you'll always be loved, as long as I'm alive.” Simon broke down crying against her and started to collapse to the floor, a lot like he did outside of Julliard, but this time, Grace went down with him, instead of just watching, refusing to let him go and wrapped her legs around his body. 

Simon curved into a fetal position in her arms, crying uncontrollably, remembering the last time he held someone this close for this long... his sister... whenever he couldn't get her to wake up and he was crying and trying to bargain with her to get her to please wake up. “I’ll never hurt you again,” he said. “Please, don’t leave me. I need you.”

He had to be pried away from Hope for her to get medical attention, but it was too late. And his parents hated him for it. They never held him again. He was afraid that Grace wouldn't have him. He didn't know that he could still BE held. Even then, while it was happening, he expected to die from the shock, or the stimulation of the discomfort of being held again when the last time was so horrible and this time, he was so unforgivable...

Then again... he had been held since Hope. Not this long, but Grace had held him before - held his hand, had her arms around him, held him in place when she taught him moves. Held him lovingly against herself as they explored the more carnal side of their connection... 

She had been... a good friend. But... he’d shoved her away the moment she seemed like she might turn him away too. He had to hurt her before she could hurt him. He had to show her that he was the Apex and she was... a void. He had to make her meaningless. So he had forgotten the gentleness of her embrace. He had lied to himself about the warmth of her spirit and the softness of her arms. He had unlearned her goodness and convinced himself it wasn't ever real, and he had believed everything that he concocted about her... "What is wrong with me?"

"You didn't get the love you deserved, but you still have time to learn how to love yourself. You can still change." Grace kissed his hair and began rocking him on the floor. “Simon, I can’t be the person who saves you. You know that, right? I have myself to look out for. I have to make sure that I live my life with the least amount of hurt. But, you really need to get some help. It can’t be me, but... something has to happen.”

“I’m going to get help, so I don’t hurt you again” he said extremely softly. She nodded. It wasn’t the time to point out to him that he shouldn’t be hurting anybody, but she knew that if he got help, help would teach him that. After a while, he got up and started to leave, more calmly than before. She stood up, stretched and sputtered air out of her mouth. They stared at each other a while. What on Earth does one say after something like... whatever that had just been? She didn’t even know if he meant what he said. She knew that she did, but time would only tell if Simon actually listened to her. His publicist, lawyer and therapist collected him, making it easier to transition away from the awkwardness of having held on to Grace for dear life while he cried about things HE did to HER. 

They left the building, dragging him away as Grace watched, feeling at least on her end, she had done everything that she could to clear the air. Then, he just vanished. Nobody saw or heard from him for a while...

Next

[thetravelerwrites]

Hearthway Hollow: Shahan (Part 2) Lemon

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Female Human Reader/Male Werewolf Additional Tags: Exophilia, Hearthway Hollow, Werewolf Boyfriend, Ramadan, Iftar, Halva, Breaking of the Fast, Muslim Character, Muslim Monster, Islamic Holiday Content Warnings: Stalker, Stalking, Guns, Anxiety, Death, Abusive Language, Sex, Oral Sex, Werewolf Sex, Knotting Words: 5898

The second and final part to @momolady​’s birthday present! The reader spends several happy months in Hearthway Hollow, getting to know the people there, when her past catches up with her and she finally discovers the identity of her wolf admirer. Please reblog and leave feedback!

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Three months had passed blissfully in Hearthway Hollow. Your job at the store acquainted you with just about every face in town, so soon you were on a first name basis with most everyone. Strangely, though there were rules against talking about the werewolves, they weren’t all that shy about shifting in public, particularly the kids. The first time you saw a mom trying to rein in the fuzzy puppy that was her child, you thought you were going to have a conniption fit and die from the cuteness.

After Billy had seen what squalor you lived in, he made it his mission to furnish the small house to the rafters. There was a proper table and chairs, a king sized bed, a couch, and lots of piddly house stuff you’d always made it a point not to be burden with, like hand towels. There was even a TV! With cable! And Netflix!

He also insisted you come over on the weekends to have dinner with his family, and you became fast friends with tiny, ferocious Kamilla. Ivan and Ellie, Kamilla’s siblings, were incredibly nice to you and seemed to take after their mother in terms of temperament.

You had started keeping perishables in the house as well, which is something you’d refused to do before. You cooked every night, and it felt really good. It felt like you were… home.

You used the shooting range at least once a week and had become friends with all of the officers. Sometimes when you were off work, you’d go by and play cards with the one who was manning the phones that day. It kept you occupied, while at the same time, there was literally nowhere safer than a police station, so you always felt like you could let your guard down there.

Of all the officers, you felt closest to Shahan. You couldn’t deny you had an attraction to him, and he had gone out of his way to make you feel safe in your own home, going so far as to install bars on the windows and security cameras at all the entry points.

Ramadan was coming up, and you wanted to do something nice to thank him. Maybe you could cook him something for Iftar, or the first meal when the fasting ended in the evening. You had done some research, and according to what you’d read, dessert was the most important part of the ending of the fast in some Islamic cultures, and dates had cultural significance, so you thought you might try your hand at making halva paste sweetened with honey, with mashed dates and chopped nuts in it.

You wondered if your wolf friend, who you’d nicknamed “Shadow” since all he did was follow you like a baby duck who’d imprinted on you, would take offense to you showing attention to another man. Frowning, you brushed that thought away. He had no claim to you, and if he was going to get jealous over you doing something nice for a friend, he wasn’t worthy of you anyway.

You often contemplated about whether or not Shahan was your wolf friend, but you couldn’t ask. More to the point, you had made the decision to not speculate about his identity. Every time you began to wonder, you shut down that train of thought immediately. Knowing who he was would complicate things. Everything was nice the way it was, and you didn’t want to ruin it. It couldn’t last forever, you knew, but all the same, there was no reason to destroy the peace prematurely.

On a Wednesday, you were playing rummy with Ariell when you asked, “Have you gone through this ritual thing? I’ve been here long enough to see other people going through it and everyone seems really happy about it, but I just can’t wrap my brain around it.”

You’d figured out Ariell was a werewolf by deduction. Just about everyone at the station was. Honestly, now that you’d had time to acclimate to the oddness of the townspeople, determining who was and wasn’t a werewolf had become almost a sixth sense.

“Oh, yeah,” He said. “As weird as it seems from the outside, I can guarantee you it’s even weirder from the wolf’s point of view.”

“How so?”

“Well,” He said with a sigh, laying down a three and picking up another card from the pack. “I met my wife Lace over eight years ago now. I was travelling because I’d spent my whole life in this tiny town and I just wanted to get away for awhile. I had no plans or aspirations other than seeing as much of the world as I could. And that’s how I met Lace.”

“What happened?”

“Well, to be perfectly honest,” He said, leaning back in his chair. “I fucked up royally. When I saw her, as soon as our eyes met, there was this… spark. We spent a glorious week together, making love, going on dates, talking for hours, and just generally wrapped up in each other. And then… I left.”

“Left?” You said, laying down a card. “Why?”

“Because I was young and stupid and I didn’t realize what was happening at first. When I did, it scared the shit out of me. I was twenty-one and thought I was too young to be tied down, too young to be in love, too young for a mate. I wasn’t even sure I believed in the whole soulmate thing until I met her, and then when I realized it was real, I… I bolted. I couldn’t face the reality of it.”

“So it really is like love at first sight?” You asked doubtfully.

“Ehhh,” Ariell replied, shrugging. “A lot of people might think of it like that, but I’m more of a pragmatist.”

“So what’s your take on it, then?”

He put his cards face down on the table and knitted his fingers in front of his mouth. “You know how… you’re out somewhere, maybe a party or in a cafe or whatever, and you’re not really paying attention to anyone, but suddenly you catch sight of someone in the room, and you don’t even know them, but there’s this… instant attraction. There’s something about them that makes you want to go over and talk to them: a tenuous thread of connection that compels you to want to know more about them. Have you ever felt that?”

“Yeah, once or twice,” You said.

“Okay, it’s like that, but amplified a million times over. It’s not necessarily love; it may not even be a physical attraction, just an intense desire of some kind you feel deep down in your bones that pulls you toward that person. I mean, when Lace and I first met, it was like a head-on collision: explosive and powerful and there was no stopping it. It was just sex at first, but then… I wanted to get to know her. I took her on dates, I asked her a million questions, and she did the same with me. We talked about anything and everything, and spent every waking moment together. It may not have started out as love, but it became love very quickly. Too quickly. And when I realized what was happening, it scared me shitless. So I ran.”

“What happened after that?”

“I got her pregnant, is what happened,” He said, picking up his cards.

“Oh, shit,” You replied in surprise.

“Yeah.” He had a look on his face that clearly said, Oops.

“So did she track you down or something, hellbent on revenge?”

“I expected her to, but no, she didn’t,” He said, blowing out his breath forcefully. “She was going to raise the baby on her own and forget all about me, and I don’t blame her for that in the slightest, but when Ari turned one she shifted. My wife is a witch, not a were, and she didn’t know anything about raising one. She wanted our daughter to grow up among her own kind, so she found Hearthway Hollow through a friend of a friend. It was just chance that it happened to be my hometown.”

“What did she do when she saw you?”

“She smacked the piss out of me, justifiably. Then she introduced me to the daughter I didn’t know I had. That day, I swore to devote my life to both of them. And I haven’t faltered since.” He sat back in his seat and stared at the ceiling. “I thought about her every single day after I left, but I was scared to go back. I knew she was my mate, but because I was a coward, I destroyed what we had. I thought she’d hate me for the rest of her life. To this day, I can’t believe she forgave me, let alone married me. I’m the luckiest man alive.”

“I agree,” You told him. “I’d have shot you.”

He laughed and sat up straight. “And I wouldn’t have held it against you.”

You sighed. “It still feels… stalkerish to me,” You said, shaking your head.

He nodded sadly. “From your experiences, I’m not at all surprised that it does. But the ritual is based on consent. If you reject him, then that’s it. He can’t try again. He can’t keep bugging you. It’s over when you, as the recipient, decide it’s over. I think that’s the biggest difference. It all depends on what you want. You’re the one in control, not him.”

“So if I told my wolf friend to stop coming around, I’d never see him again?”

“Not as a wolf, or a prospective mate, but he’d still be in town. You just wouldn’t know him. It’s one of the reasons the ritual’s anonymity works in the recipient’s favor. It’s less awkward for you should you decide to turn him down if you never know who he is.”

“But it sucks for him, though, right?” You asked.

He nodded in agreement. “Yeah. But that’s how it goes sometimes.”

Ariell had given you a lot to think about, and you went home after the game with your mind in a roil.

As you were making dinner, you heard a familiar scratching on the front door. Looking at the security monitor, you saw Shadow sitting on the porch outside. Smiling, you went to let him in.

“Hey, Shadow!” You said, clicking all the locks in place after he got his tall, slender body inside. “Did you have a good day today?”

Two happy barks. You had allowed him to answer yes or no questions, but that was the only communication you had permitted. Two barks for yes, one bark for no. He agreed to this arrangement happily, so long as it meant he’d get to have some semblance of a conversation with you.

“Good, I’m glad to hear it,” You said, bending to hug him around the neck as he tried to move his head to lick your face at the same time. “Hungry? I’m making chili.”

He barked two more times and danced in place, his claws tick-tacking rapidly on the hardwood.

“You scuff up that floor and Billy’s gonna skin you,” You said with a laugh.

He barked again, and you thought he was laughing too.

You served up dinner and sat on the floor with him while he scarfed his food from the bowl. Then he joined you on the couch for some bingeing and fell asleep in your lap. He was gone by morning, as usual, having left a note wishing you a good day. You sometimes thought about waking early and pretending to sleep, just to catch a glimpse of him as a human, but you stuck to your guns about leaving his identity a secret.

One day… Maybe one day…

Ramadan began, and after some failed attempts, you managed to make a very good batch of Halva paste and some lavash bread, and walked it next door to the police station. It was just after dark when you arrived, and Shahan looked up and smiled when he saw you.

“Hey!” He said brightly, standing when you came in and jumping to help you with the containers, not able to see what was inside them. “What’s all this?”

“Happy Ramadan!” You said. “Is that right? Can I say happy Ramadan?”

He laughed. “Yeah, that’s fine.” He pointed. “Is that food, because I’m starving.”

“It is!” You said. “I made halva with honey, dates, and pistachios, and lavash bread.”

His jaw dropped. “Are you kidding me? I haven’t had halva since my grandma died!”

“And I brought whole dates, too, cause I know you’re supposed to eat those first.”

His smile got wide and warm, like it always did when he talked to you for any amount of time, his eyes glittering. “Wow, you really did your research, huh?”

You shrugged and smiled back. “You’ve helped me out a lot over the last few months, and I wanted to do something nice for you.”

“I appreciate it. And the fact that you made halva, which is literally my favorite, is…” He put a hand over his heart. “I’m touched, really.”

He helped you set down the food, and then you watched as he pulled out a prayer rug from a backpack so he could do the Maghrib, or sunset prayer, which was the fourth of the five daily prayers. You didn’t pray with him, but you did kneel next to him out of respect, watching his face as he bowed and listening to him mutter in Pashto.

“Are you super devout?” You asked when he was finished.

“I’m not a ‘pray every day’ kind of guy, but I do observe the important celebrations and holy days,” He replied, rolling up the rug. “I brought dinner with me. Want to join? There’s enough for two, and it’s better to break the fast with friends than by yourself.”

“Sure,” You said, briefly thinking about Shadow. Well, he could use his nose to find you.

You both ate the traditional three dates to break the fast, then he unpacked the dinner he’d brought. There was a lamb stew and vegetables rolled in flatbreads, plus fruit and a pastry called a konafah. All of it was delicious.

“This was great,” You said, wiping your mouth. “You’re a really good cook.”

“Thanks,” He said, smiling. “My Nia taught me a lot before she died, but she never got a chance to teach me how to make halva, which is why this is such a treat.”

“Well, dig in,” You said, handing him a butter knife.

He spread some of the paste onto the lavash bread you’d made and took a bite, his bright, beautiful eyes rolling closed as he moaned.

“Oh my god,” He said. “It’s so good.”

“Is it?” You asked, happily surprised.

“It’s amazing,” He said, gleefully shoving the rest of the piece of bread in his mouth and chewing with delight. “Almost better than Nia’s.”

“Aw,” You said. “Thank you.”

He opened his mouth to say something else, but the phone rang. He sighed unhappily.

“I should get back to work,” He said. “But… thank you so much for the halva. And for celebrating with me.”

“It was my pleasure,” you said, and went in for a hug. The hug went on for longer than was perhaps necessary, all while the phone rang. You forced yourself to step back and bid him farewell. You could feel his eyes on you as you left.

You walked back home with a huge smile on your face, feeling lighter than air. A feeling which disappeared immediately when you saw the package sitting on your porch. Cold fingers of dread crawled up your spine and the steel bands were back, squeezing your lungs closed. You turned and sprinted back to the police station.

Shahan was just hanging up the phone as you fell through the door, close to hyperventilation.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” He asked, bounding around the desk. “What happened?”

“There’s something on my porch,” You gasped.

His face darkened. Your friend Shahan faded to the background and Officer Madhwari took over. He rushed out of the door with his hand on his side arm and strode over to your porch. He drew his gun, glanced at the package briefly, and opened your door.

“Police!” He called, stepping inside. To you, he whispered, “Stay close to me.”

You rushed to grab your gun and held it downward so you weren’t pointing it at Shahan, but you clicked the safety off. Shahan checked every room, every closet, and even looked in the attic, but no one was there. He holstered his firearm and told you to do the same. You complied.

He went out to pick up the package and brought it inside. It was wrapped in plain brown paper and had nothing on the outside: no writing, no stamps, nothing besides tape holding it closed. Shahan sniffed it deeply, trying to parse what it was by smell alone. He grimaced, and his eyes cut to you.

“What is it?” You asked him.

“Give me a second,” He said faintly, taking a pocket knife out and slitting the side open. He pulled out a small, plain grey box with a box top. Even you could smell the stench of decay and new immediately what was in it without having to ask. You covered your mouth as the tears came to your eyes.

“What do I do?” You asked him.

“Grab whatever you need. I’m taking you to Billy’s,” He said. He got on his radio, telling the other officers about what had happened and ordering them to gather the pack as you snatched up items hurriedly. When you were done, Shahan ushered you into his patrol car and sped off down to Billy’s house, which was only five minutes away.

Kamilla was at the house, and she and Billy were waiting for you outside. Billy had already shifted. You’d never seen him in his werewolf form: he was massive, bigger than any of the adult weres you’d seen yet. As soon as you arrived, he barked “Stay here!” And took off into the trees.

Kamilla put her arms around you and you sobbed into her shoulder. “It’s okay,” She was saying, patting your hair. You jumped when you felt a third hand on your back.

“It’s just me,” Shahan said. “The package had a trace of Gish’s scent on it, so the pack is using it to track him down. If he put the package on your doorstep while we were eating, then he hasn’t gotten far. We’ll find him. Don’t worry.”

You sniffled and nodded. He looked like he wanted to say more, but he nodded in return and got back into his cruiser, heading off down the road in the direction Billy had gone.

“Come in,” Kamilla said. Her mother, Maria, and Ellie were also there.

“Are you hurt?” Maria asked as you came forward.

“No,” You replied as she hugged you. “Just shaken up, I guess.”

“Don’t you worry, sweetie, the pack has some of the best trackers in the world. They’ll find this son of a bitch,” Maria said. You nodded and let her lead you to the kitchen and sit you at the table. Kamilla shifted and went outside to protect the house as Ellie made you tea.

The wait was anguish. Every once in a while, Ellie would get a text from her husband, Jack, who was helping with the search. Your heart jumped every time the ringtone sounded. There were signs of Gish in the forest, but they hadn’t caught sight of him yet.

Then, there was a call. Ellie took it just as Kamilla opened the door.

“Come outside,” She said. Gulping, you followed her.

There, on the lawn, was Shadow, but not the Shadow you knew. He was still slender and golden with a black strip down his back, he had the same glittering eyes, but rather than the complete wolf form you’d always seen, he was in his werewolf form, the halfway point between man and animal. He was tall, standing on his hind legs and towering over you, looking at you intensely. All you could do was stare at him.

“They found him,” Kamilla said. “He was almost to the highway, and we wouldn’t have been able to follow him, but they caught him before he could get too far. They’re holding him at a safe distance away from the town. Your friend here is going to take you out there.”

“Me?” You said in surprise. “Why?”

“We have our own ways of doing things,” Maria said when she came out on the porch to see what was happening. “This man hasn’t hurt anyone in town, just you. As such, what happens to him is your decision. Adam will want your opinion on the matter. And it’s a chance to confront him one last time. Do you want to pass on that?”

You thought about it. “No, I don’t.” You turned to Shadow. “Let’s go.”

He picked you up bridal-style and took off into the woods, holding you close to him. You hugged him around the neck and buried your face in his fur, smelling a clean, warm smell. Strangely, though, as the wind whipped past you, you caught a whiff of another scent.

Lamb stew and halva paste.

You knew it. You knew it had to be him. You felt a tear of both fear and relief fall from your eye and land on his shoulder.

“It’ll be okay,” He said in a low, grumbling voice. Those were the first words he had ever said to you in the entire three months you’d known him as a wolf. “I won’t let anything happen to you. I swear.”

“I know,” You replied, clinging more tightly.

You had lost track of time when he finally slowed to a stop and set you back on your feet. He got on all fours and shrunk from his werewolf form to his full wolf form. You understood why: if you decided to let Gish live, he couldn’t know about the nature of the town or the people who lived here.

Shadow barked once and nudged you forward, and you began to walk. There, in a clearing with the crescent moon visible in the night sky, Adam stood in front of Saul, Angelo, and Ariell in their human forms, guns drawn. Around them were at least a dozen wolves including Billy, all staring at you, flanking the officers in a circle that closed the middle figure inside. Shahan, as you suspected, was not there. At least, not in his human form.

Kneeling in the center with his hands cuffed behind his back was Gish. He was disheveled and it looked like he’d been in a fight. He was looking at you with an expression of pure hatred. Instinctively, you took a step back, but you felt Shadow behind you, a warmth at your back.

“Welcome,” Adam said, taking your hand and patting it reassuringly. “I told you we’d protect you, didn’t I?”

“And you proved it,” You said with a shaky smile.

“You understand why you’re here, don’t you?” He asked

You nodded, gulping. “Maria told me. I’d like to talk to him before I make a decision.”

Adam nodded wisely. “I understand.” And he stepped aside.

The circle of wolves let you enter, and Shadow took his place with them right at your back. Feeling his eyes on you gave you courage.

Before you ever had a chance to say anything, Gish began to hiss, “All I ever did was love you, you ungrateful bitch. All you had to do was let me, and none of this would have happened. You’re selfish; that’s always been your problem.”

The wolves around you began to growl and snarl, but you held up your hands. “No. Let him say what he wants.” And they quieted.

Gish’s eyes narrowed at your sudden ability to command wolves, but he didn’t let it stop him. “You’ve blown this whole thing out of proportion and gotten these people involved in our private business. You should be ashamed of yourself. I’ve done so much for you, and you never even thanked me for it. All I wanted was some appreciation, but that was apparently too much to ask from you. Nothing is good enough for you, is it? You’ll never do better than me and you know it. Who else would want a crazy slut like you?”

He finally stopped talking, glaring at you, and you looked down your nose at him.

“Thank you,” You said.

He smiled. “It’s about time you--”

“For making my decision for me,” You continued. “It’s the last time you get to do that.” You turned and walked away, saying to Adam as you passed, “He’s yours, fellas.”

Adam nodded and began to shift. There was a sound of terrified confusion from Gish behind you that gave way to a scream, but you didn’t look back. Shadow got up on his hind legs and held out his arms for you. You walked into them and let him take you home, the distant sounds of wolves attacking their prey fading the farther away you got.

Shadow took you back to Billy’s house, where Maria, Ellie, and Kamilla took you inside as you began to unravel. It was the first time you had come face to face with Gish since he had tried to kill you, and the weight of it was crashing down on you. Shadow made to follow you inside, but Maria stopped him.

“She needs to rest. This will have been extremely exhausting for her, mentally and emotionally. Come back later.”

Shadow grumbled agreement. You didn’t want him to go, but you were too stunned by everything that had happened to form a coherent sentence. Kamilla led you to an upstairs room with a bed and helped you get your shoes off, getting into the bed with you and holding you as you cried yourself to sleep.

The next morning, you woke to find Billy, Ivan, Ellie and her husband Jack, and Kamilla’s fiancee Corey sitting with her at the table, all of them eating breakfast. Billy got up and gave you a bone-crushing hug.

“You alright, kid?” He asked as he released you.

“Yeah, I think so,” You said. “Thanks, Billy.”

“Come on, get some food in you,” He said, pulling out a chair. “You look like shit.”

“Billy!” Maria hissed.

You waved her down, smiling weakly. “I’m sure he’s not wrong.”

You ate breakfast with the family and sat with them for a while. You considered going home, but you really didn’t feel like being alone.

Around midday, Shahan returned.

“Well?” You asked him.

“Coroner’s report says cause of death was mauling by wolves. It’s not a lie,” He said sardonically. “But it’s done.”

You didn’t know how to feel, so you just went numb.

“Want me to take you home?” He asked, and you nodded. After thanking Billy and hugging everyone, you got into Shahan’s cruiser and he drove you home. He walked you to your door.

“Will you come in for a minute?” You asked him.

“Sure,” He said, and followed you in. He watched as, after a moment’s contemplation, you took off your gun holster and pulled out your knife, mace, and taser. For the first time since you started running, stored it in your travel trunk, possibly for good. You were crying again, but you didn’t feel sad or scared or anything in particular. You were just crying.

“Are you alright?” Shahan asked in concern.

“I don’t know,” You said, your voice wavering.

He pulled you into a tight hug, one arm pulling you close to his body, and his other hand buried in your hair, holding your head to his shoulder.

“You were so brave,” He whispered into your ear. “I’m so proud of you.” Suddenly, as if he just realized what he was doing, he let go of you. “I, uh… I should get back to the station.”

“Shahan.”

“There’s a lot of paperwork left to do, and we have to notify his family.”

“Shahan, wait.”

“I’ll come back later to--”

“Shadow!”

He stopped in his tracks, his hand on the doorknob. His breathing was uneven as he turned to look at you, his eyes full of anxiety.

“It is you, isn’t it?” You asked, not really needing an answer.

He swallowed hard and let go of the doorknob unturned. “I’m… I’m sorry about the deer,” He said, his voice shaking. “If I had known, I’d never…”

You nodded. “I know.”

“I’m not like him,” He whispered pleadingly. “I would never…”

“I know.”

He was breathing very hard now, seemingly wrestling with himself. “I… I love you,” He said, apparently losing the fight with his own willpower. “I know you think it’s because of the mate connection thing, but it’s not that, I swear. You’re so brave and strong and smart and sweet. You’re so beautiful. I’ve never--”

He was cut off by you grabbing him by the ears and pulling him down for a kiss, which he returned with enthusiasm. He lifted you, and you wrapped your legs around his waist as he took you and laid you on the couch. Your hands moved to the buttons of his uniform, shaking so badly that you were barely able to get them undone. He wasn’t much better; his breathing was erratic and he was kissing your face and skin in a frenzy.

“Wait,” You said. “Aren’t you supposed to refrain from intimacy during Ramadan?”

“Allah forgives,” He said, muffled against your skin.

You huffed a laugh. “Wait, Shahan. Wait, wait, wait,” You told him, pushing on his shoulders.

“What is it?” He asked, his eyes dilated wide and trained on your lips. “Do you want to stop?”

“It’s not that,” You said. “Let’s finish the ritual.”

His eyes widened in shock and delight. “Are y--really?”

You nodded and smiled at him, kissing him sweetly.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. What was next after accepting gifts?”

His brow furrowed. “But you didn’t accept any of my gifts.”

“You brought me takeout, remember?” You said with a smile.

He blinked in surprise. “Oh. Yeah. Um… next is scenting.”

“Well, let’s do that, then?”

He grinned wide and his beautiful eyes sparkled. He finished getting undressed, and undressed you as well, and he started to shift. Golden fur sprouted from his skin with a black strip down his spine. He grew in height, slender and trim.

“My Shadow,” You said fondly.

He laughed and came in close, rubbing his face and cheeks to your body, licking you and sniffing you as he went. You scratched and petted him as he scented you to his heart’s desire.

“What’s next?” You asked him with a grin.

He grinned back. “You know what’s next.”

He picked you up, taking you into the bedroom. He laid you on the bed, licking up your body, his hands softly moving up your sides to cup your breasts, his thumb caressing your nipples as they hardened.

God, it had been so long…

“Shahan,” You breathed. He pulled himself up your body and kissed you, deep and hard. He pressed close to you, and you could feel something pressing against your thigh. The tingle you were feeling between your legs grew to an ache, and you opened your legs wide and wiggled a little.

He seemed to get the message, kissing back down your body until his tongue pressed against the pearl of your body, making you cry out. He linked his fingers with yours as he slurped and sucked, his growl vibrating through your core as he devoted all his attention to you. The muscles in your buttocks and thighs contracted uncontrollably as you got closer and closer to the cusp of pleasure, groaning as the wave crashed into you full force. His eyes watched as you writhed in ecstasy, your breasts heaving as the jolt of euphoria hit your brain and whited out your vision.

As you relaxed, he reared up on his knees. You felt him nudge against your entrance, but he waited, leaning on his arms and looking you in the eye.

“Yes?” He asked.

“Yes.”

As the word left your lips, he pushed himself slowly into you, and all you could feel was the throbbing of both his heartbeat and your own as he buried himself to the hilt inside you, the stretch pinching slightly but it so good that you didn’t care. He moved slowly at first, but quickly gaining momentum, creating a friction that made your eyes roll back in your head.

“I love you, Shahan,” You replied, and his pace became frenetic, pulling another blinding orgasm from you.

“I love you,” He growled into the skin of your neck.

“Oh, god,” You gasped. The orgasm was so powerful that you thought you might pass out, but he pulled out of you and flipped you easily.

“We’re not done yet, my love,” He said as he pressed the front of his body to the back of yours, lifting your hips in the air. You gripped the sheets in your hands as he re-entered you from behind, thrusting hard and fast. He slowed, and you felt him press the knot against you.

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

He pushed and it popped into place as he groaned above you, panting hard in your ear. You turned your head to kiss him over and over as he grinded himself against you hard and deep, and you moaned again and again, the pleasure drawn out and continuous, as if you were just in a perpetual state of orgasm. You felt him throb inside as he came, and he howled loudly, his spine straightening and his head pointed at the ceiling.

You did actually pass out at some point, and when you came to, you were lying on Shahan’s bare chest and he was petting your back softly. Evening light was filtering into the room.

“Mmm…” You groaned, stretching.

“Welcome back,” He said, kissing you softly.

“Sorry,” You said. “I didn’t mean to knock out on you.”

“No worries, honey,” He said. “It had been a day. Besides, I took it as a compliment.”

You snickered. “Good.” You sat up and looked out the windows. “It’s late. Is it almost time for Iftar?”

“Yeah,” He said, smiling at you sweetly. “And I could eat an entire deer.”

You made a face. “Not funny.”

He laughed and placed his hand on your face, kissing the top of your head. “Sorry.”

You nuzzled into him and he bent to kiss you. You savored it, lingering. Reluctantly, you pulled away and got up to get dressed.

After prayer and Iftar, you were sitting with him, just sort of talking and being close, when you asked him, “Listen, I need to do something that’s going to be very difficult for me. Will you stay?”

“Of course, baby. I’m here,” He said, rubbing your back.

You nodded and took out your phone. After a moment, you dialed a number and held it to your ear, your hand shaking. After a few rings, you heard a woman answer.

“Hello?”

You tried, and failed, to keep the tears from falling.

“Mom?” You said, your voice very unsteady. “It’s me.”

Since my work is no longer searchable, please do me a favor and reblog this story if you enjoyed it. Help me reach a wider audience! To help me continue creating, please consider buying me a Kofi, becoming a Patron, or donating directly to my PayPal!

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My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

[mc-amps]

Ray Route: Alternate Path Chapter Three

Paring: UnknownxReader

Warnings: Themes of assault

Read the whole fic here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14985092/chapters/34728701

“Are you scared of me? Are you scared…of what might happen?”                 –Unknown. Christmas DLC.

What if a different Saeran showed up during Ray’s route? A familiar Saeran who doesn’t berate and belittle you, but is instead much more seductive…and dangerous. This is what would have happened if Unknown showed up instead of Suit Saeran.

Day 8 Late Evening/Day 9 Early Morning

Things continue like normal. Well, as normal as it can for a captured princess. You stay in your room, chatting with the RFA whenever you could. Not that you had a choice, considering you were tied up and all. The rough rope scratches at your ankle with every heavy step, but the anchor that weighs you down the most is dread. The dread of Saeran discovering the truth about the fake elixir. Thankfully, the hacker is too busy to see you in person, only occasionally chatting and calling you. It seems he’s just as overworked as Ray was. Still, you’re like a ticking time bomb and the longer you hold back, the bigger the explosion will be.

If that isn’t bad enough, the RFA is doing so much worse than you. To start, V postponed the party, then Zen got interrogated. Seven was also acting quite distant. The RFA is going through a storm, no, a hurricane. And here you are stuck in your prison, unable to do a thing to help. You’re trapped, forced to watch everyone around you worry and suffer.

As the sun sets, it gets harder to log into the chatrooms, yet being alone with your thoughts is even worse. The nighttime brings shadows full of fear and despair. Thankfully, you get into a chatroom with only Jumin. He is the more rational, levelheaded one of the group after all, and something about that makes you feel safe.

The two of you chat about the current situation. Of course, you can’t get into too much detail on your end, in fact, you try to act as neutral as possible. No doubt, Saeran is watching. Both in and out of the chatroom. The thought makes you shudder. At least chatting with Jumin calms you down.

Until you read his latest messages.

Jumin Han: I find your attitude Jumin Han: a little bothering as of late. Jumin Han: I did have such an impression at your introduction Jumin Han: but it feels like Jumin Han: you are Jumin Han: being controlled Jumin Han: by someone else….

Your blood runs cold as you stare at the screen. It’s not that your necessarily being controlled, but you have no idea how to act. When is the elixir supposed to kick in? Should you pretend it took effect? But how would that even work? You’re not sure, but one thing is certain, telling the truth would be suicide. But what can you say? And if you leave Jumin waiting too long, he’ll get even more suspicious.

Fingers shaking, you tap at the screen as your mind scrambles for an excuse. Something. Anything.

Jumin Han has left the chatroom.

The screen changes, first turning black with scrolling green text, before the chatroom returns, red tinged and glitchy.

Saeran.

Your stomach drops as you grip your phone. No matter how many times he interrupts the chats, it always catches you off guard.

Unknown: Princess Unknown: What kind of stupid things is the corporate heir saying? Unknown: Wouldn’t you rather talk to me? ^^ Unknown: How are you feeling now? Unknown: Any Unknown: different~?

Once again, you’re at a loss. Just like with Jumin, you can’t take long to respond, but this time you manage to type something out.

MC: Idk MC: I’m more worried about the party getting postponed. MC: Do you think it’s because of the prosecution interrogation? Unknown: What a smart girl you are~ Unknown: I wish I could let off some steam Unknown: on the guys from the prosecution! Unknown: Savior found out Unknown: that the RFA is postponing the party. Unknown: And now Unknown: she’s more than just angry. Unknown: Not even your cleansing Unknown: cheered her up.

Your breath hitches in your throat. Rika. You aren’t an idiot and from the moment she first came into your room, you knew who she was. She had been very pleasant and charming, yet there had been something unsettling behind her dull, olive eyes. What was this place and why was she doing this? Why did she leave the RFA without a word?

It’s hard to imagine her angry, yet considering what had happened to Ray, the thought is chilling. His last tearful phone call, your final words with him before Saeran took his place. . . that still haunts you. Without a doubt, you know Rika’s responsible for it. She’s fully capable of hurting others and twisting them to her desires. Something tells you she’s willing to do it again.

MC: Am I in trouble? Unknown: Princess. . . Unknown: You don’t have to worry about anything happening to you Unknown: because you’re mine ^^ Unknown: Do you know Unknown: what I told my savior? Unknown: I told her Unknown: that this is Ray’s fault Unknown: he was weak Unknown: and stupid Unknown: and didn’t deserve this mission.

This latest stream of message makes your chest ache. Ray. . . poor Ray. He was amazing, yet treated so horribly.

Ray worked harder than anyone else. . .! He has never ruined things. Not eve- You quickly hit the backspace. No. Your outburst would just make Saeran suspicious. . . Ray was still in there though. Wasn’t he? He wasn’t gone forever, right?

Unknown: But I’m here now. Unknown: I’ll make things better Unknown because I am better. Unknown: We’ll get Savior the info she wants Unknown: and make her happy again.

There’s a pause and you’re not quite sure what to say. You don’t want to help Rika or this place, yet expressing this would only give you away. A couple new messages appear before you can reply.

Unknown: You’re so pretty. Unknown: I love that face you’re making.

Your eyes widen and you look around a bit frantically, cheeks burning. You still have no idea where Saeran had the camera installed, and your heart pounds with horror, yet there’s a small bit of warmth that washes over you. What’s wrong with you? Despite everything Saeran has done, you still feel a strange attraction towards him. Your mind tries to resist with everything it has, but your body, and maybe even your heart refuses to cooperate. All you can do is look down your phone, lowering your head and trying to hide your face as best as you can.

Unknown: Haha Unknown: You’re so cute. Unknown: Watching you like this Unknown: makes me want you even more. Unknown: I want to hold you in my arms Unknown: and feel you Unknown: but I can’t now Unknown: ^^ Unknown: So until I can see you again. . . Unknown: prepare yourself. Unknown: I can’t wait to play with you Unknown: my Princess~

Unknown has left the chatroom

A strange mixture of relief and disappointment fills you as the chatroom returns to normal. It’s better this way. The longer you can be away from Saeran the better.

It’s just you and Jumin now, but not really. Saeran is still monitoring you. All you can do is type up that your phone has been acting up and you’re too tired to keep chatting. You then leave the chatroom before Jumin can start questioning you again.

Are you really tired though?

Yes and no. You’re emotionally exhausted, yet your racing mind won’t let you settle down. Even after you’re ready for bed and under the fluffy pink covers of your princess bed, your mind is still abuzz with anxious thoughts. The nightgown Saeran had the Believers deliver to you doesn’t help. It’s silky, black and scandalous with lace trim and a hem that barely covers you butt. Unfortunately, the Believers took away the much more modest and flowing, princess nightgown Ray had provided. Not that you had a choice in the matter. You still needed to act like you took the elixir after all, so you put on the nightgown without any resistance. This was honestly the least of your worries. . .

What was going to happen tomorrow? You don’t want to think about it. Surely Saeran is going to expect the elixir to have kicked in? So you had to act like it did, or else you would be in trouble? But how? That’s the part that gets you every time. It seemed the elixir was supposed to make people happy, yet everyone here seemed so sluggish and odd. Ray had been miserable, though Searan had this manic, unhinged joy about him. So was that how you were supposed to act? Glum, sleepy, hyper? You still couldn’t figure it out!

Despite all your tossing and turning along with the swirling tonic of uncertainty and nerves in the pit of your stomach, your breathing slows down and you soon doze off.

Saeran walks through the hall, head held high and mint eyes wide with excitement. It’s finally time to visit his princess. She made his work go a bit slower than he cared to admit. Her hypnotic eyes called to him. Then there were her lips. He could almost taste their sweetness just by watching the camera feed. But the part that almost drove them over the edge was her body. The way she fidgeted as she sat on the bed. It was in a word, tantalizing. The nightgown he had sent for her only emphasized her delicious shape. He could stare at her 24/7, if he let himself, but no, he isn’t like Ray. Saeran can still enjoy his princess and get work done.

What got him the most excited was the way she tossed and turned in bed. Restless and writhing. That was surely the elixir finally kicking in. It took a lot longer with her than other Believers, but Saeran doesn’t care. All that matters is that she’s one of them now. She finally belongs here and would be his forever. The thought makes his heartrate skyrocket.

He stops at her bedroom door and tries to collect himself. While it was tempting to loudly barge like all the other times, tonight is different. Special. He tugs at his open suit jacket, causing it to sloppily hang off of one shoulder. The clothes Savior gave him prove to be more and more suffocating, and as the day progressed, he made some changes. First he ditched the tie and unbuttoned his dress shirt, so he could finally breathe. Of course there was his jacket, but the thing he liked most was the leather choker he found. He has no idea who it belonged to before, but now it’s his.

With a drawn out sigh and a smirk, Saeran grasps the doorknob and turns it as slowly and gently as possible. He steps into the dark bedroom. A sweet, familiar odor assaults his senses, causing his fingers to tremble as he closes the door the behind him.

His gaze hones in on the bed. A large lump lays in the center, moving up and down at a sluggish pace. Soft and deep breaths fill the air. It’s like a siren’s song, drawing him closer and closer until he stands at the side of the bed, staring at his princess. Her eyes are shut, and lips curved into a slight smile. The elixir has given her peace. Now she can finally be happy. He brought her salvation. Not Ray. Him.

With a proud grin, he leans in closer, relishing in the medley of her breathing and addictive scent. Now he can take what was his from the very beginning. His eyes widen and his smile grows as he kicks off his dress shoes and climbs into the bed.

Rustling followed by warmth breaks through the unfeeling darkness.

It feels good.

So good.

Your breath hitches and you weakly gasp as the sensation grows stronger. Everything is floaty, yet falling and you soon recognize the feeling is coming from your neck. The fog gradually fades as consciousness kicks in. Soft blankets keep you warm and the mattress underneath you creaks with movement, but it’s not coming from you. . .

Your eyes snap open and you let out a strangled gasp at the sight of someone straddling you. You’re aware of his lips on your neck, yet it takes your brain a moment to process that it’s Saeran. How? When!? You reach for his chest, about to shove him, but your hands recoil and a chill runs up your spine when you remember the elixir. You can’t blow your cover. But then what are you supposed to do!? The conflicting thoughts leave you frozen.

Saeran nips at your neck with a growl before pulling back and adjusting himself so he can look down at you. “Good morning, Princess~” he greets with a cheerful snicker. “Aww. You look so tired.” His hand finds your cheeks and without thinking you close your eyes for a moment.

Why does his touch feel so good?

“I shouldn’t have woken you up so early. The sun’s not even up, but I was just too excited to see you~” His expression turns malicious, but soon his eyes go half lidded as he leans closer, lips hovering over yours. “Let me make it up to you. . .” His hands glide down your nightgown, causing you to squirm. Your heart pounds as a sense of danger creeps up on you, but before you can react, his hands find their way under your nightgown, causing you to gasp and buck your hips. “I’ll make it so you won’t want to go back to sleep.” He squeezes your torso, causing a moan to escape you. His fingers are rough, warm and dangerously close to your chest. You can’t help but quiver with fear and excitement. You open your mouth, but only a breath comes out as Saeran goes for your neck again. This time, he trails kisses all the way down to your chest. The way his lips sloppily press into your flesh sends tingling shockwaves throughout your insides, each one more intense than the one before it.

He stops mere inches above the sweetheart neckline of your nightgown and you hold your breath. What is he going to do? The thought makes you tremble with anticipation.

A deep and low rumble of growl comes from Saeran as he nips and licks you before latching on.

“S-Saeran. . .!” You moan and writhe, unable to control yourself. Despite your jerking moving, he keeps his hold on you, and with a groan, sucks harder.

This is wrong. . . isn’t it? You need to stop him, yet you don’t want to. Why was it getting harder and harder to resist him? You didn’t take the real elixir, and yet, you’re completely under his control. You’re so close to completely succumbing. Your mind tries to fight it, yet your body only wants to submit.

After what feels like an eternity of bliss and heat, Saeran releases you, panting for air, but soon his lips curve into a mischievous smirk as he brushes his fingers against the spot of warmth. “Marked you as my princess~ Now shall we continue~?” He gives you an expectant stare.

You’re not sure which is louder, the pounding pulse in your ear, or your ragged breaths. You want this. You want it so bad. It was okay, right? It was for your survival anyways. . . With a pleading whimper, you nod your head.

“Good girl~” Saeran steals your lips in a rough and sloppy kiss. His own lips are sweet with a slight spice to it, but it’s over before you can properly figure out what it tastes like. You let out a disappointed grunt as Saeran sits up and snickers.

“Sorry Princess, but you kept me waiting, so it’s only fair. I should make you do something to earn this.” Chortling, he snatches your phone from the nightstand.

All of the heat coursing through your body ices over and the haze clouding your mind evaporates.

“Let’s mess with the RFA. Maybe we can get them to hold the party again.” The phone’s light casts a wicked shadow over Saeran’s face as his thumb scrolls over the screen.

“W-wait a minute.” You manage to sit up. “What are you going to do?” You try to hide the frantic anxiety in your voice.

Saeran doesn’t look up. “Hmm… We can pretend you’re getting tortured. We can say the hacker won’t feed you and keeps threatening your life, and…” His face slowly lit up with sadistic glee. It starts with widening eyes and finishes with his lips curling into a malicious smirk. “We can send some pictures, but let’s not put it in the chatroom. We can directly contact that redhead, Luciel.” Saeran burst into hysterical cackles, wheezing for air before he continued. “Oh it’ll be glorious! That traitor’s so full of secrets, I bet he’ll only tell V about it. All those two want is to be heroes who get all the glory, but this time, they won’t be able to lie their way out. This will crush them. We’ll really make it look like I’m abusing you~” He reaches out and grasps a strand of your hair, letting it slip past his long fingers. “Of course, I won’t really be that rough. . .unless you want me to.” He raises an eyebrow before returning to attention to the phone. “Now let’s see how we can start this up. . .”

“No don’t!” You don’t want to hurt the RFA, but especially not Seven. Even V. Despite how aggravating he could be with not telling anyone about Rika or Saeran, he didn’t deserve this either. Without thinking you snatch the phone from Saeran and hug it to your chest. It isn’t until his surprised, wide eyes narrow that you realize how bad you just messed up.

“Princess,” Saeran begins slowly, voice low and threatening. “You realize that we’re helping further Paradise, don’t you? You’re not trying to go against Paradise,” His frown deepened. “are you?”

You don’t know what to do or say. You could give back the phone and apologize, but no, you can’t let Saeran blackmail Seven. You can’t pit the brothers against each other. But then what were you supposed to do? Your eyes fill with tears and it sinks in that you’re completely and utterly trapped. You let out a small sob, which quickly turns into a loud gasp when Saeran suddenly shoves you onto your back.

He clutches your shoulder in a death grip as he pins you. You can’t move. You can barely breathe. All you can do is stare up at the fury in his face. “S-saeran I’m s-“

“That elixir was fake, wasn’t it?” He interrupts through clenched teeth.

Without a word, you quickly nod, terrified of further provoking him.

“That marshmallow bastard, I should’ve known. . .” He hisses before snatching your phone. “I’m blocking your access from the RFA.”

“No please!” You gasp. The RFA is your only connection to the outside world. Your only chance of freedom. “Y-you can’t!” You manage to reach for the phone, but Saeran tosses it aside before roughly snatching your wrists and pinning them over your head.

“I can do whatever I want with the messenger,” He snarls and adjusts his hold, so that only one hand holds your wrists. He presses his knees against your sides, completely immobilizing you. “And whatever I want with you!” His free hand snatches your chin, holding your head in place.

What was he going to do to you!?

“No stop!” You scream with a sob and squeeze your eyes shut.

His grip on your loosens and you open eyes. Saeran’s face scrunches as his gaze goes glossy.

“S-Saeran. . .?” Despite it all, worry tugs at you. Is he okay?

His nails dig into your wrist as he bares his teeth. “No! Get. . . out of here. . . !” He gasps and growls, curling in on himself in agony, before releasing you. “Stop. . .don’t. . .” he whispers, voice hoarse. “Please! Please don’t hurt her!” He screams.

Something wet lands on your cheek. Tears. Your heart skips a beat. “R-Ray. . .?” Could it be? Is it really him?

His eyes widen and focus back on you. With a small whimper, his lips quiver. “Wh-what did I. . .?” He slowly sits up, eyes growing wider and wider as more tears welled up. “Wh-what was I about t-to-?” He shakes his head and grips it. “No!” He sobs and practically tumbles off the bed, before falling to his knees. I almost. . .I almost. . .!” His words come out slurred and hysterical as he weeps. “Princess. . .this is my fault! I’m sorry! S-so sorry!”

It really was Ray. You sit up, and shaky hands cover your mouth as tears stream down your cheek. He’s back. He came back for you, but seeing him in such pain, devastates you. “R-Ray. . .it’s okay. It’s not your fault.” You climb off the bed and sit by his side, but he scoots away.

“N-no! Don’t forgive me! Just throw me away right now before he comes back!” He pleads with desperate sobs. “Princess! I’msorryI’msorry! I’M SO SORRY! What do I do? What should I do?” He wails and curls in on himself. “I hurt you! I almost. . .I almost. . .! No. . .” He looks back at you, eyes puffy and face extra pale. “Are you alright? Didn’t it hurt. . .?” He trails off as his gaze slides down to the rope around your ankle. “I-I can’t believe this. . .” He grabs the rope and stares down at in horror. “I’ll never forgive myself. . .”

“R-Ray no! It wasn’t you, it was Saeran.” You wipe your eyes before crawling over to him. “But you’re back now and that’s all that matters,” you say. Ray would make things right.

This time, he stiffens, but doesn’t retreat. “I-I might be dragged back into the abyss. So please just-ugh!” He once again grips his head, tugging at his pink tinged hair. “Ugh. . .my head is killing me. I think I’ll pass out any moment. . .Princess. . .” He wheezes and lets out a weak whimper. “Leave me here. . .and go.” He shakes his head and looks down, voice lowering into a defeated whisper. “Ray. . .wasn’t supposed to last from the very beginning.”

“Ray no. . .please don’t go. . .” You beg with a whimper and reach for him.

“Ever since I met you. . .” After a moment of hesitation, his hand stretches towards yours. “I thought maybe I could stay. . .” His fingers graze yours, they’re cold as if he had been handling ice, yet it gives you a warm feeling. That is, until he recoils and pulls back. “But. . .” His voice cracks and he turns away. “Saeran is my real name. . . Ray never existed in the first place. . .”

"N-no.” You smack your palms against the floor for emphasis. “No!” You refused to believe it. The man you met and fell for, he was real. Everything that happened between you two was also real.

With a shaky breath, Ray opens his mouth to say more, but you interrupt him with a hug. His body trembles. Each shake goes straight to your heart. You want to vanquish his fears and doubts. A tear runs down your cheeks as your eyes close, and you rest your cheek against his chest. “Ray, I-“

“Ugh!” He goes rigid and gasps for air before prying you off him. The gesture is frantic and shaky, yet there’s still a gentleness to it as if you’re a glass doll and he’s afraid of shattering you. “Stay away from me. You have to stay away. . .!” He jumps to his feet, but stumbles and grabs his head. “A-ah. . .N-no. . .!”

“R-Ray. . .!” You get up and cautiously approach him.

With a gasping sob, he shakes his head before turning away and bolting out of the room, throwing the door open.

“Ray!” You rush after him. “Stop!” Just as you step out into the hallway something tugs at your ankle, causing you to yelp and fall face first onto the cold marble floor.  Pain jolts up your arms and legs, but that doesn’t matter. With a pained groan, you try to get up, but your ankle burns. The rope. . . your stomach plummets. Tears blur your vision as you take in the empty, silent hallway. Ray was long gone.

Ray. . .

With a sob, your body goes limp. Seeing him like that hurts. It hurts so much, but the worst part is not being able to help him. Now he was going to be all alone, suffering. Despite everything, he blamed himself, even after you nearly gave into Saeran. . . Ray, poor Ray. . . He was too good for you. . .but he himself didn’t believe that. You didn’t even get the chance to thank him for saving you. Twice. Tears soak the floor and your face as you let out an anguished whimper. At some point, Believers were probably going to come and drag you back into the bedroom, but you don’t care. All you cared about was Ray.

What was going to happen to him?

Was he really going to disappear?

A/N: Ahhh I'm so sorry I made you guys wait so long for this. I was quite busy with several zine projects and I've been dabbling with making art. It's been really fun~Anyways... Here is the next part. I actually used some dialogue from Ray's route, so I had to keep watching Youtube videos. It brings back salty memories lol. I twisted a lot of Suit Saeran's lines to be more Unknown-ish. I kept Ray's part of the scene pretty true to the game though. For this fic, I wanted to just have Unknown replacing Suity to be the main change since that was my biggest gripe with the route. I do have a comic story I've been thinking of drawing that involves heavier changes to the route, but... we'll see if that ever becomes a thing lol.So yeah! I hope I haven't lost my mojo when it comes to writing this story lol. Unknown/Saeran's POV was fun, though it was a bit awkward for me to do it in present tense, but then I felt like it would be weird to make his POV in past tense since the Reader POV is present. If it's too weird I can change it though lol. Also hope Unknown/Saeran wasn't too scary in this chapter. >.< And hopefully there won't be as long of the wait for the next chapter!

[lsmithart]

** Meeting with Amanda Leman 05/03/21 to discuss wall casts and project ideas

I met with Amanda over Google Meet after Anti suggested it might be good to talk to her about my ideas to cast the walls and space of the Cottage. We discussed our experience of art making in general and she provided me with a few pointers about the best way to cast the space. She suggested that I use wax clay instead of normal clay as it retains imprints and detail much better. Amanda and I get on really well and I felt I took a lot from our meeting. She sent me a link to the wax clay that she used which I managed to find on eBay for cheaper than on the Tiranti website. Amanda also suggested that I should document the process of taking the casts as much as possible which I thought was a good idea.

Notes from our meeting:

Other traces through casting - relationship with the space. Objects weren’t doing it for her. Phenomenological expression came from walls for her. Pock marks from the walls.

Performance - Gecko. Film on BBC - Institute.

Interview on YouTube as part of the performance - he was very dismissive. Sometimes it’s best to not meet your heroes?

Subliminal layers.

Women can be the worst mysoginists.

A lot of hiding in middle class. Hate that cover up - love that honesty.

Went to a town hall that had a lot of history, went there a lot when she was working through stuff.

Hallway was full of trace - secret rooms in the town hall.

Wax clay works really well for imprinting. Used a cookie cutter for the imprint cast moulds.

Wanted it to be a ritual experience. Felt like a body thing - a scene of a crime. Was a methodology.

Frantic artefacts from imprinting the space.

A space that represents what I feel and the memory of the place without putting me through the turmoil of returning to the actual place.

One thing

The site of trauma has healed but there is scar tissue.

Compartmentalising and enmeshing of trauma.

Give the questions to grandparents.

I am currently like Dorothy from Wizard’s of Oz.

Foundational safety… no roots, no grounding.

Maybe won’t be able to do anything after.. keep myself safe and grounded. Make time for this, eat well, spend time with friends etc. When I’m making this work and interviewing, make myself feel safe as a result.

Activating

Obvious symbolism is important. Analysing it… Motifs are representational because my personality is open but also hidden. I can’t help what work I am making. Stay true to what I am doing.

That work is part of your body, you’ve given birth to it.

Work that comes from the solar plexus or stomach.

Knowing what work is about is what happens after you have made the work. Don’t compare myself.

The more you believe in your work, the better.

Intimate audience.

Frustrating yet rewarding experience.

Subconscious is constantly is being met.

Conversations happen synchronicitly.

The unconscious works in layers, highly complex.

Work that is made is very complex and says different things to different people.

Collaboration… Enriches you. Cohesion between two energetic fields working coherently.

Kiera Phillips - installation printmaker artist.

Documentation of the process of imprinting the space. Set up a camera to video myself doing it?

You are your work.

Capturing sounds. I am very sensory. What did that space sound like before I was in it? When I am leaving? You don’t necessarily notice sounds because you’re focusing on the aesthetics… Where was the light when I was doing it?

Trying to recreate something makes it impossible to get the same result because it’s not authentic.

I am not doing that work. I am doing this. Be strong in what I am doing, do not worry about what the feedback is.

“I should”… don’t do that. That is the parental perspective. If you hear that thought, think why and no… you would be living someone else’s life if you are doing a ‘should’. Trust yourself before you

Watch yourself… don’t always be there for friends. Be careful where I put my energy.

Dylan Trigg - Phenomenology of Place / Topophobia (the anxiety of place) Books

[abrahamjrijo]

The Cure for Sanitized Hands

I

I sit here at my home in Kerala, where the weather could kill coronaviruses and, where I can barely make it to the end of the day. I read jittery WhatsApp messages and nonchalantly scroll down the bottomless Facebook feed. Lazy days actually, but feels like a gallows humour. I move from newspaper articles to scientific journals about the epidemic and then as a reprieve to a book and to memes, like an old man trying to get across the room clutching one furniture then the other. It is depressing—but this time, not the cosmic variety of depression to which I am often prone to.

I mean, the situation is grim— the reality of it.

From what I gather, an epidemic like this happened in 1918, when a less-racist Spanish flu swept the world. Death was more than the numbers of the two great wars put together-- between 50 and 100 million people.

“Think about that”, says the Guardian writer,  implying that a pandemic is twice as deadly as a World War III, if it were to happen, and adds that it would reshape history like no war would. Did you know that Gandhi was affected by the flu in 1918? And the poet TS Elliot too?

The Coronavirus is deadly, because it is deceptive: many would show mild to no symptoms but would act as carriers. In fact, we are actually fighting an enemy we don’t fully see. The fatality rate for India with a feeble medical infrastructure will be quiet high. Even if a lock-down would bring down the rate of fatality, by taking the pressure off the healthcare system, we may have less intense ‘second-wave’ once the lock-down lifted.

The situation is unprecedented in the living memory.

Another Guardian article quotes 107-year-old Joe Newman of Florida, one of few remaining survivors the Spanish flu, telling NBC News, “There are those of us who say, well, this too shall go away. And it will. But at what cost, at what expense?”

His words are terse and sobering.

Those who survive the pandemic, the economy will kill. All major economies are going to a slump. With careers, and along with with-it people’s identities at stake, many will begin to ask existential questions. It would be a time many will increasingly turn to spirituality for succour, not necessarily of the established religions.

 II

Amid all the cacophony, one thing wriggles out its head—the communal nature of this crisis, that it is not a matter of me “staying safe”, but a matter of we as a nation helping each other out.

I know, this sounds like a cheesy government PR campaign. But like all truths, it is simple and when I realized it made me say, “How could I have missed it.”

Washing hands with soap and avoiding crowded places are analogous to driving safe, it can only take you so much. When you obey the traffic rules you make the road safe, not just for yourself alone. And when you drive rashly, well you get it.

But what I want to get at is this:  a person drives with a high beam on a single lane road and thinks that this would make him see better and consequently, helps him to be safer. But we know that this is not the case: the high beam blinds the driver of the oncoming vehicle and makes the road less safe. Similarly, much of our precautions often work against us.

Case point: panic buying.

In the nearby towns, people jostle each other in supermarkets to stockpile on what they think would make them comfortable during the doomsday, should it come. Police had to intervene and the queue stretched out into the pavement.

Fear is its fuel. For a moment imagine that the doomsday has arrived. And like we feared, there is scarcity. And then, people who don’t have enough to eat will resort to looting. How those of us who have hoarded, leaving nothing for others claim to have better behaved that the those who have looted? Can we say with honesty, “I brought the stuff with my money”, like in ordinary circumstances?  All semblance of culture and civility will be stripped off at this point. In fact hoarding not only doesn’t work for anyone, but it works against everyone.

In another instance, at a live chicken shop, they grabbed whatever chicken they could, skinned it and handed it over to those who would first raise their hand into the crowded shop. It feels like a society in the throes of anarchy.

This frenzied buying would kill humanity in us before the disease could strike our body.

One thing is clear from this: people are more scared of an apocalyptic end like in the movies than actually contracting the disease. If they had feared the disease more, they would have avoided crowding the shops.

 III

One of the first cases of corona in Kerala was detected in a small town called Ranni, some 30 odd kilometres from my home. A family had returned from Italy, the epicentre of the crisis, and didn’t report of their travel history. They were asymptomatic and went about their business as usual. They and a neighbor of theirs, were later confirmed to have the disease. All their secondary and tertiary contacts of around 800 people have been isolated and those who showed symptoms tested. However, others in the area who even didn’t have any contact with the infected people are being shooed away from shops, like dogs. These people, have no symptoms nor were in the primary or secondary contact, are starving.

We have returned from Bangalore in the neighbouring state of Karnataka. In the city there is no incidence of local transmission, yet we informed local authorities and have isolated ourselves till everyone can safely assume we haven’t smuggled the virus into the state. Our neighbours, when they came to know that we have arrived, on the sly informed the health officials about the “suspects” in the neighbourhood. The officials came and found that we are already in their records and have not stepped outside since we came.  

Well, if you didn’t get it, this was an insult to us, who were too scrupulous to have taken the situation lightly.

One more story: in our neighbourhood, a person who has come from the middle east was in home isolation. He had asked his wife and children to move out and quarantined himself after informing the authorities. His neighbours informed the health officials that he was seen roaming around, when in fact security camera footage installed in his home proved otherwise.

Part fear, part malice, part ignorance—a crisis not always brings the best in people, especially if heroic acts cannot have an audience.

In the famous lecture delivered by Canadian author Sheila Heti in March 2006 at New York, (the title of which sound cruelly rhetorical at the moment) ‘Why Go Out?’, she talks about how you can quit people, like you would quit smoking.

During this time of “social distancing” many concede that friends are equally bad, sometimes even worse.

Except, people are not cigarettes; they are not what we use to get a false sense of satisfaction. Heti demonstrates this through a charade game her friend organised in London, as an alternative to concerts, bar and house parties. The aim of the game is not to get together and have “fun”, or learn the game, but to get “good” at it.

To be good at charades one needs to have a better sense of what the other person is trying to communicate for which empathy, interpersonal skills, creativity, being a good communicator and also requires you to be a good listener. These are not exclusive charade skills, but essential life skills. Essentially, what it says is that if you are not good at charades you are not a good person. By getting good at the game you naturally transform your psyche.

It demolishes what we intuitively think about friendship—as a way for us to unwind, a means to celebrate our miserable birthdays and anniversaries, a crutch when we lose our jobs and to have conversations that make us feel good.

We could stay at our homes, smelling of hand sanitizer. We would be healthy, we can watch TV eat our favourite food and think how nice we are unlike the people who went around spreading the disease. Hati says,

“We could be demi-gods in our little castles, all alone, but perhaps, at heart, none of us here wants that. Maybe the only cure for self-confidence and courage is humility. Maybe we go out in order to fall short… because we want to learn how to be good at being people… and moreover, because we want to be people.

“Social distancing” does not mean we “quit people.” If we do, we do it at our risk. It is a pandemic and it should be viewed not just as a matter of personal hygiene. Personal hygiene is important primarily not because you don’t want to get the flu, but you don’t want others to get it. Unless we see the well being of other people as our well being we will not succeed in overcoming the crisis Think about the health workers who keep this monster from swallowing world all of a sudden. Just think.

When we deal with people there is the risk of getting the disease, being rejected, and most of all it confronts our own stubborn believes about our own goodness. But the risks we take far out-weighs the benefit we reap.

So, what can be done? Obey the official guidelines, trust your government when it says essential commodities will be made available—don’t fall for panic buying, don’t go out unless it is absolutely necessary, wash hands… should I go on?

Then, above all care for others. Call people who are in isolation, provide food or whatever you can provide, yet do it all in a safe way.

Here are a few more tips of getting yourself ready, I lifted from the website of Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Create a household plan of action:

1.    Talk with the people who need to be included in your plan. Meet with household members, other relatives, and friends to discuss what to do if a COVID-19 outbreak occurs in your community and what the needs of each person will be.

2.    check icon

3.    Plan ways to care for those who might be at greater risk for serious complications. There is limited information about who may be at risk for severe complications from COVID-19 illness. From the data that are available for COVID-19 patients, and from data for related coronaviruses such as SARS-CoV and MERS-CoV, it is possible that older adults and persons who have underlying chronic medical conditions may be at risk for more serious complications. Early data suggest older people are more likely to have serious COVID-19 illness. If you or your household members are at increased risk for COVID-19 complications, please consult with your health care provider for more information about monitoring your health for symptoms suggestive of COVID-19. CDC will recommend actions to help keep people at high risk for complications healthy if a COVID-19 outbreak occurs in your community.

4.    Get to know your neighbours. Talk with your neighbours about emergency planning. If your neighbourhood has a website or social media page, consider joining it to maintain access to neighbours, information, and resources.

5.    Identify aid organizations in your community. Create a list of local organizations that you and your household can contact in the event you need access to information, health care services, support, and resources. Consider including organizations that provide mental health or counselling services, food, and other supplies.

6.    Create an emergency contact list. Ensure your household has a current list of emergency contacts for family, friends, neighbours, carpool drivers, health care providers, teachers, employers, the local public health department, and other community resources.

[dinomightofficial]

Room 3 Level design and Physical puzzle prototyping

05/10/2017- 06/10/2017

Room 3 is a level where the player is put back into the office surroundings and no longer in the vents (Although the player goes back into it for a brief moment). Starting from the top left I had a real neat idea to introduce the level in such a way that the only way to progress is to test out the hole-puncher function first. The player is likely going to be introduced either between this Room and the previous one to learn that the hole-puncher can be used to control the angle of the security cameras. With the mechanic of being able to change the angle of the security cameras I thought that the most basic obstacles is creating a ‘wait moment’ for the character.

I immediately realized the user complexity in terms of controlling the character in the game. The issue in this spot is that if the security camera was swiveled on the other side at this point the user would have to hold the hole-puncher down whilst jump over using the space bar and also hold “D” to move to the right. A three key execution is not necessarily all that difficult if all the controls were all on the same platform e.g a keyboard. However, because our installation is an experimental piece exploring movement via office supplies and the immersion of the physical reality within a digital simulation I have other factors to keep in mind when designing these levels. I had originally intended for this section for to start with the security camera on the opposite end so that the player will have to hold down the hole-puncher whilst passing through and I also intended for the cabinet to not exist there forcing the player to invert gravity because the inner room height would be too tall for a simple jump. This would have been a very cumbersome maneuver and it would not be a very smart design in terms of introducing a brand new mechanic to the player. It would simply be too much to handle... Or at least that’s what I’m assuming, nothings certain until these levels are tested and changes are most likely going to take place.

The optional room that is introduced in this concept level was playing around with the idea of exploration. Why should the player be forced to explore only the physical world around them when they can explore the digital also. The conjunction of duality between the two dimensions is an experimentation idea where it invokes movement where the player will be the communicator between the physical and the digital within our installation. However, adding an OPTIONAL room would at the current moment be stretching it, after realizing as a group just how little time we have left to accomplish what we aimed to accomplish at the beginning of the project we have almost no time for screwing around now. Maybe, MAYBE once we get everything sorted and play test everything may we consider such rooms.

I eventually settled with this level idea, it’s more or less quite similar as the one in the previous room with some key differences. In the first level idea I introduced ‘wait moment’ where the player would have to wait under a safe point and rotate the security camera before continuing. In this level arrangement I had moved that within what was originally an ‘optional’ room into a focused “must”? room. Then on the original wait moment area I played around with forcing the player to interact with both the physical and digital puzzles at the same time. To access the door the player will have to solve a PP = Physical Puzzle, whilst holding down the hole-puncher so as to not get caught by the security camera. In terms of what sort of physical puzzle will be introduced is unknown as James is currently working under that department. I would assume that all physical puzzles that are introduced will work in conjunction of the digital puzzle in that level so that it presents a sort of familiarity to the player. The rest of the level is somewhat straight forward, a lot of play testing is still required.

Here it is white-boxed and digitized:

Physical Puzzle Prototyping

To be completely honest I did not originally think that James’s physical puzzle ideas were that impressive. However, as he continued to trial and stress over the complexity of them I’d have to say, he has come up with some really brilliant concepts and ideas that would integrate wonderfully with our game.

One idea that he stumbled across is the idea of hiding this maze like puzzle under a photo-frame which would be placed on the desk. When ‘hacking’ through a door the player will be hinted to interact with the physical world around them, the player will take the photo of this frame and realize that there is a puzzle inside with a key as a reward. The player will retrieve the key and unlock another corresponding lock within the installation, the locked draw will reveal documents that will be either vital to the introducing further mechanics in the game or a narrative story-line e.g a conspiracy theory. Although this was originally James’s idea I really liked it and so I prototyped my own version of the puzzle.

I thought that its simple layout was good enough because the complexity of this puzzle is not what is so important. It would be how well we implement the hinting system within our game. Our aim is to allow the player to explore their surrounding and find out these things, our psychological goal is to make them FEEL smart. We want them to be illusive in how we reveal these puzzles existences. We don’t want to straight up reveal it but also we don’t want to be completely oblivious about it so as to make them completely lost. It’s a very difficult middle line in which we would need to continue to experiment and play-test.

This is another one of James’s idea that I thought was absolutely brilliant. The idea is that we could have artworks in photo frames of abstract art. However, these are not abstract and behind it is a code that could possibly reveal something else. This simple yet elegant puzzle is not too complex but really tests the player to interact with the physical world around them and not get too distracted by the digital in front of them.

[theroguebadger]

Review: Final Fantasy XV

That’s it! I’ve come up with a new review! (No spoilers)

Following a game's development from the day of its initial announcement can be a difficult prospect. For many AAA games, that can mean two or three years of patience, with only a new trailer every few months to keep the fire of anticipation burning. In this sense, Final Fantasy XV is the most extreme of anomalies. It was first unveiled as Final Fantasy Versus XIII, a companion story with loose links to Final Fantasy XIII, at E3 in 2006, a whopping ten years before it would finally see the light of day. In the following years, updates and new information were so scarce that many feared that the game would never see release; even when it was officially rebranded as Final Fantasy XV at E3 2013, seven years after its first trailer aired, fans were subjected to a three-year wait before they could get their hands on it, though two demos and several trailers filled the gap. With a game like this, whose development history was so troubled and uncertain, it isn't enough to simply ask whether or not the finished product is a satisfactory one. Perhaps more importantly, we have to ask: was it worth the wait?

Final Fantasy XV picks and chooses aspects from earlier series instalments and takes them for itself, whilst occasionally throwing something new into the mix. Reminiscent of Final Fantasy III and X-2, your party is limited to a smaller group of people – four, in this case – all of which are present from the opening stages of the story. Noctis Lucis Caelum, prince of the kingdom of Lucis, departs the capital city of Insomnia in the opening scenes, accompanied by three close friends: Ignis, a sensible caretaker charged with keeping Noctis out of trouble; Gladiolus, a combat instructor responsible for training Noctis's combat skills; and Prompto, a close friend of the prince's from his school days, who brings a carefree enthusiasm and his photography skills to the team.

Together, they set off on a road trip to attend Noctis's own wedding to Lunafreya, princess of distant kingdom Tenebrae. It all quickly goes wrong, of course. Insomnia is invaded by an imperial army       moments after you leave; your father the king is assassinated, your fiancée disappears on a journey of her own and the kingdom's Crystal, a magical relic needed to keep the world safe, is pilfered by the empire. As with much of the story, this is all communicated in a very rushed, head-scratching sort of way. The impact of events is made underwhelming by how little time or focus is dedicated to them. The invasion of Insomnia is shown to be a battle on a catastrophic scale, but the seconds-long cutscene that reveals it hardly adds anything to the immensity of the event.

With their mission now changed – they need to find Lunafreya, bring down the empire and restore the Crystal to Lucis – Noctis and company's true journey begins. Here the first portion of Lucis's open world becomes available to you, with the other sections locked behind early story progression. When you're not travelling between story areas – your means of transport being the Regalia, on foot or, eventually, via chocobo – you can tackle some of FF15's innumerable hunting missions, help out troubled NPCs at the various outposts or gather useful materials. Food sources will provide you with ingredients to bolster Ignis's list of recipes, which when prepared at camp will give the party a time-limited boost to various stats. In many cases, the right meal can make all the difference in a tough fight, of which there are many outside of the mandatory story fights, and Ignis's own enthusiasm for the culinary arts makes the whole process quite charming to watch.

Alongside ingredients, you can also discover ore with which to customise your car, or sources of magic to craft spells for use in battle. Gone are the days of scrolling through your acquired spells to find the right one for the occasion. Final Fantasy XV has its own approach to magic, allowing you to mix and match your stock of each element to create stronger variants – the classic -aras and -agas – but the most crucial aspect is adding in items you've collected along your travels. These can do anything from increasing the uses of a particular spell (they're all finite and must be replenished) to adding extra effects such as healing Noctis or boosting the experience you earn from any battle in which they're cast. Fiddling around with different combinations is interesting enough at first, but after a while I couldn't help but wish they'd stuck with something more traditional. Having these usage-limited tools of devastation is a novel concept, but friendly fire means you're just as likely to set your team ablaze as you are to turn the tide of battle with a well-placed, triple-cast Firaga.

Combat puts you solely in control of Noctis, with your allies only controllable through the activation of their own specific skills. Whilst your teammates are limited to two weapons of specific types – Gladiolus uses greatswords and shields, for example – Noctis can wield anything and everything, including the Royal Arms of the Lucis line. His unique, princely abilities allow him to teleport around the battlefield, instantly warping to a distant enemy and landing a fearsome blow that only grows stronger the further he warps. In bigger, more chaotic battles, the combat truly shines; at times, it feels as if Noctis's friends only fight with him to better enable his showy fighting style, and it works. Incapacitating a group of enemies with well-timed warp-strikes before following up with a combo attack – Gladiolus is capable of massive damage, whereas Ignis provides support and Prompto destabilises and hinders the enemy – is never unsatisfying.

The combat system only begins to exhibit major faults when you face off against certain screen-filling enemies, so large in size and scale that the camera doesn't know what to do or where to look. The hit-detection on these enemies is similarly inconsistent, meaning what you intended to be a critical blow with a warp-strike actually results in you sliding along the enemy's bulk before clipping through them and becoming lodged inside. These encounters are limited, however, and for the most part the fast-paced battles continue to be one of Final Fantasy XV's triumphs. It's a system where simplicity proves to be the a viable approach, though fans of Final Fantasy's turn-based roots might yearn for something more traditional. Summoning, a recurring feature of Final Fantasy combat, has also been overhauled – don't expect a designated summoner class in this game. The small but familiar selection of summons are a real spectacle to behold, towering high above the battlefield as they unleash a devastating ability. With their acquisition tied to story progression, however, there's no satisfaction or challenge in acquiring them, and their specific summon requirements – they're more likely to appear based on factors such as allies being knocked out or Noctis entering the danger state – make them awkward and fiddly at times, resulting in a mountain-sized, god-like creature appearing to end a battle against low-level enemies, or at the very end of a lengthy boss battle where their intervention would have been better appreciated early on.

Where Final Fantasy XV truly struggles is in telling its story. Its more recent predecessors had particular narrative issues – FF13's reliance on handing the player files to read in order to properly learn about the world, for instance – but never before have I felt that a Final Fantasy game's story is in dire need of fixing – until now. The problems start early and rarely abate, with one of FF15's rare, albeit beautiful, CGI cutscenes showing the king's death in mere seconds. The actual invasion of Insomnia, home to all four party members, is detailed mostly via radio transmissions heard by the group. After a little bit of moping, Noctis seemingly forgets his father has died at all; he doesn't move on from grieving so much as that particular plot thread is abandoned entirely. Later, another brief cutscene introduces you to the main group of antagonists, some of whom are never actually seen again. Whilst the open-world does a good enough job of showing the player a living, breathing Lucis, full of settlements big and small, their people engaging in conversations about anything from everyday minutia to whichever crisis is ongoing at that point in the game, the empire receives barely any development at all. Knowing your enemy is a major part of becoming invested in the experience, but I found myself unable to care about what little I knew of Noctis's foes.

By the end of the game, the imperial presence in FF15's world of Eos meant little more to me than the aircraft that would so routinely interrupt my travels to drop a group of Magitek Soldiers on my team. If you engage in optional activities to even the smallest extent, these altercations will be your main source of interaction with the antagonistic empire; what few officers and leaders they have disappear permanently not long after being introduced to you, and not necessarily because they were defeated. It's a baffling inadequacy in a game that took a decade to make. Final Fantasy has for years been a name synonymous with rich world-building and compelling stories, but Final Fantasy XV's decade-long development has produced an incoherent, muddled narrative that fails to match the scope and depth the developers no doubt intended for their world. Whilst the plot and its delivery do bring down the overall experience, there is a great deal of good to balance out the bad.

In some ways, Final Fantasy XV is both endearing and spectacular. Someone on the development team clearly understood how great an impact the little things can have, and it's in subtlety and nuance that FF15 is at its most charming. Although driving the Regalia is almost entirely an on-rails affair, it's made more enjoyable by the group's humourous exchanges and, best of all, the ability to listen to the soundtracks of previous Final Fantasy instalments, which can be purchased from vendors across Lucis. The track listings aren't complete, but there's something undeniably nostalgic about listening to FF10's Blitz Off or Blinded by Light from FF13, not to mention classic tracks from the series' earliest instalments. When you're done for the day and settle down at a camp or inn, you'll get to see the photographs Prompto has taken that day, and you can save any you like. Some are fairly typical – locations you've visited, people you've met – but the rest have real potential to amuse or delight. Alongside pictures of the group posing together by a landmark, I had photos of the four of them mid-battle with fearsome daemons – powerful enemies that only appear at night – or trekking across Lucis with a town visible in the distance and the sun just right in the sky beyond. Having Noctis and company settle down at night with a meal to pore over Prompto's handiwork always succeeds in strengthening your connection to them and the bond they so clearly share; it's just a shame that the rest of the cast wasn't treated so lovingly. From helpful mechanic Cindy, with her inexplicable accent and ridiculous attire, to fearsome warrior Aranea, anyone who isn't a part of Team Noctis will receive little in the way of character development, if they get anything at all. It's another jarring disappointment from a series that has in the past so consistently created compelling and likeable supporting casts.

It's often people like those who will be issuing your quests, but outside of a few generic lines of dialogue you'll learn almost nothing about them, and lesser NPCs are recycled with a consistency that would be impressive were it not so tedious. One man, a hunter named Dave of all things, pops up in settlements across Lucis, tasking the group with going to a nearby location and retrieving the dog tags of a fallen hunter. His dialogue rarely differs each time – “Fancy meeting you here. Mind collecting some dog tags for me?” – but he somehow has more of a presence than many of the game's more prominent characters. Rather than taking a copy-paste approach to side quests to the extent that they're almost MMO-esque in depth and variety, more time could have been taken to show us more of what we need and want to know. For all of the occasional chatter about her, Lunafreya has shockingly little to do in the game, which is worrying indeed given that as the Oracle she acts as a liaison between humans and the gods. By the end of the game, I could only find three aspects to her character: she and Noctis were in a long-distance relationship, she could communicate with the gods and she opposed the empire. Beyond that, there's little to learn. With so many excellent leading ladies to draw from in the series' history, it's a shame that Lunafreya contributes so little. Outside of Noctis's group, characters seem to exist only to push the heroes in a certain direction, lacking a real purpose or personality of their own.

That's the prevailing problem with Final Fantasy XV: it feels aimless. Winning battles and accomplishing certain feats awards you with experience points and AP with which to power up your party members, but it hardly feels rewarding. Most enemy encounters can be won with minimal effort, making the huge number of side missions and hunts feel completely unnecessary. The story will drag you from place to place on the whims of one person or another, but when the credits rolled I found myself with more questions than answers, and not for lack of paying attention. It's easy to get lost in the experience, to allow yourself to wander the wilds of Eos, undertaking hunts to eliminate powerful enemies before you seclude yourself at a nearby fishing spot, but the facade crumbles when you go anywhere near a main story mission. Final Fantasy has been erratic in quality post-FFX, but never before have the problems been so glaring, so detrimental to the overall experience. With ten years of development time, no matter how troubled those early years might have been, it shouldn't have been like this.

7/10

[skullssales]

*HUGE* Halloween Home Decor Haul Avelina De Moray

Hi there every body! Welcome to my channel .Glad October, the month of Halloween it is coming near I inspiration i’d better get my act collectively and in reality film my halloween haul n the month of Hallowee,n so it is on before …..Halloween in view that final 12 months I received my blood tutorial on a few days late….My unhealthy!!!! For those who guys have kids you realize why shit is perpetually late okay so as you recognize I used to be in LA not too long ago for 2 weeks and as an Australian living in a country that does not relatively have fun Halloween they’re opening to slowly embrace it but via include it I imply having one small little Halloween section in an complete storm so type of a letdown I used to be so excited to find out that I used to be visiting to LA across the Halloween season in view that all of the shops went nuts and i am so excited to show you what I purchased i’m gonna with one of the crucial serious decor considering there are just a few strange items in right here you understand you know what i am talking about when you comply with me on Instagram I put up reports like this about 50 reports a day so when you followed me while I was in LA you can comprehend what my husband bought anyway let’s get started with whatever serious the very first thing I need to exhibit you this is wonderful the scale of this I noticed it and that i fell in love i am like i need this on my wall no longer necessarily exactly Halloween themed however Gothic however and that i must have it it can be simply lovely so this was once from i will inform you because i do know this was from Halloween time Burbank l. A. And that i purchased a number of quite cool matters from this retailer and that is a Halloween headquartered retailer that’s open all yr circular which i suppose is rather cool we just do not have the Halloween tradition here where a store could preserve itself and be open all year circular the following is this beautiful lovely little signs crisis thingy I’ve received a lot of science i need sit luckily a excellent a big apartment however I have got to figure out where they’re going so this simply stood out to me the colours that we just had the completely happy Halloween I think it’s relatively lovable have no idea the place i will put yeah but that was once first-rate continuing with the theme of science i’ve this sign right here as quickly as I saw it i am like yeah which parking best violators will have a spell cast on them that’s pretty cool and this i will be able to tell you seeing that I don’t forget was once from Michelson yet another signal this used to be one one selected feeling lucky psychic predict the longer term knowing the prior so he bought this for the recording studio that we’re engaged on and the article that I hold noticing with the entire signs which have seen is that they’re very professional like they are not simply squares like in Australia they’ll simply do squares or rectangles where right here they they cut shapes out they usually they put the little witches broom on high there’s simply the awareness to element is impeccable so that is simply solid timber yet another lovely addition to our ever-developing facet collection ok now I want to exhibit you the 2 ridiculous things that one became out now not so ridiculous I sincerely ended up liking and it goes really good with a different object that I purchased however his first ridiculous thing and again i don’t really you ready for it large toad I mean the one factor that makes this Halloweeny is that it was once located within the Halloween section in one of the crucial outlets and it can be style of creepy but apart from that i am like why why and the children hate it that is terrified of it so yeah that is the first creepy factor that fun however the subsequent factor I can not throw considering that i’ll break it is it was Frankenstein it was once just white plaster they had different huge tremendous plaster heads and so they’re simply white yeah Mon sprayed that silver chorim nevertheless it honestly works rather well subsequent to the next thing that i’ll exhibit you which ones was a lantern I forgot to turn my mobilephone on silent whoops this has the label on it this was once from Ross Ross’s I consider it is simply Ross the identify Ross I fell in love with this I ought to perform a little shout out to jewel cher i am hoping i’m pronouncing her Instagram name thoroughly she’s a lovely mother she just had a new little one i really like following her style anyway i assume it can be her and said howdy you might have just bought she’s received graphics of decor every single day like regularly shopping i will be able to relate to that i’m like woman the place do I need to go inform me and she despatched me to all these stores so really this Halloween haul do not have kind of occurred without her so huge thanks it is right here how lovely is it adore it’s stable metallic once more if this used to be in Australia that may simply be plastic and it’s received a little bit yeah a little bit again section there so that you could pop to you like chocolates in I did are trying that beanie difficulty i have with that is motive this steel it can be most likely a conductor so it it really heats up so i’m gonna put it faraway from the children faraway from some thing that might trap hearth i am particularly clumsy wish it like that so these two together can i remind you we were touring america k so Australians you could have a suitcase restrict of 23 kilos this guy is with ease four or 5 kilos and this isn’t heavy that is like due to the fact it’s hole it but it surely’s huge and you couldn’t put something inside it so we left Sydney with one suitcase one had new smaller suitcase packed inside of my suitcase however we came we came residence with six we got here dwelling with six suitcases for have been on the brink of being oversized so full particularly huge suitcases after which two of the largest hand luggages in all probability placed on the aircraft with out you recognize moving into challenge okay carrying on with on how cool is that this also from Michaels which and noted hell yeah I simply saw that and that i thought that is going to make me appear so much cooler after I believe my youtube movies and i really like that the straw is difficult and it can be like Charlie Halloween themed like an orange stripes I simply saw that it can be actual good best it used to be pendulous rather having fun with that i’m gonna keep that right there so i can stay hydrated let’s proceed along with the consuming utensils oh okay i am again next up also from Michaels was this lovely purple you could you see that that’s a cranium within hopefully that’s being picked up by means of the camera however I just love that and i really like matters which are red and it goes by means of all of my nails which are bloody k next on the cups this was once $5 I are not able to bear in mind where this just but i’m virtually I feel it would even be Michaels I simply loved the two-toned glass to style of teal blue and fading to rain again it’s no longer displaying up loopy world yeah i will show it to you on a white heritage higher tremendous cute ok subsequent up on this epic Halloween haul are these beautiful cranium candelabras I acquired to cuz i love symmetry and i frequently buy two of the whole thing always it’s a bit of a main issue I might need help these obtained smashed to pieces on the best way right here i attempted my great to p.C. The entire breakables within clothing and blankets that I get the SI blanket um you will see that that’s absolutely fucked however bun did a quite excellent job of tremendous gluing it back collectively there is just a few matters that we bought that used to be tremendous fragile that like simply obtained smashed to smithereens I suppose it was once simply in one suitcase and i utterly blame the men and women from United airlines in view that there was once a bit ticket saying they searched our bag so all the broken things have been isolated to that one case now not completely satisfied United airlines additionally we didn’t lock the bag it used to be one of the vital baggage we purchased on the last day actually the day that we left and we did not have time to installed the I mean it only takes a 2nd let’s rephrase we could not be afflicted developing the little pet code with the numbers however after we received it again it was once locked and wager what they set the code to established on what used to be inside this suitcase i assume six-six-six and also you have to be questioning good how were you aware what the code I swear bond is like he knows how to do so so much stuff it is ridiculous like in another lifestyles he have to had been like an archaeologist that you know places together bones from tiny fragments on account that he is really excellent at this ship and the children are forever breaking matters but yeah he did that factor that they continually do in like Ocean’s Twelve but I listened to the safe something he hears the clicking like dude you are crazy anyway he heard it and it lined as much as 666 a greater story for you now for those who’ve seen my house you understand I have already got various candelabra so I really didn’t need to any extent further and this one this story behind it’s bittersweet seeing that it is not precisely the person who I wanted so this was once from a store known as Marshalls which I didn’t be aware of at the time however is apparently like a really huge reduction retailer where various they buy stuff from different outlets that do not sell in order that they’re only one offs if I had have known that i will put a photograph of the candelabra see that one significant it’s rather massive it was simplest $30 I did not like I idea it was some thing they’d have in inventory all the time so I did not buy it i am like i will simply come back that was long gone so alternatively I received this little teeny tiny variation but it surely’s still lovely I love it it used to be also Burke on some of the fingers you’ll discover right here is it way more commonly back together however you know if I did not let you know that you just would not understand that and just do not buy a ridiculous amount of Halloween shit while you journey internationally you’ll be best ok the following item was once from Russ I relatively enjoyed their decision of apartment to cool they had plenty of small print on the blanket that I bought was from there I really should have accomplished this whole postal errand you can figure it out that’s best so this is only a beautiful reflect I notion for certain this was once gonna get smashed fingerprints all over it so it’s simply very antiquey watching and it had a skull attached to the entrance of the reflect which style of makes Sameera itself really impractical but I simply liked it as a section of audit publication yeah i’ll find somewhere to have that each one proper the subsequent object I want to share with you is this little skeleton coffin if you happen to’ve watched the video that I placed on good it is today but it is not going to be by the point this video goes on the Halloween shopping video part one at Michael’s you are going to see me get fairly excited over this I consider i will movie a bit video of how these guys look at night for the reason that they’re so exclusive you know you do not get the atmosphere at all for the period of the day and i am all about atmosphere all myths so that is just a bit skeleton dude and that i i might say perspex i’m not going to assert that’s glass either method I did suppose that was once going to break but it failed to and the LED candle inside has a high-quality little go giving it a individuals realism Oh cup of tea times one cup of tea who smash he knows once I’m filming any wreck hmm watch me feel high priced lounge k this subsequent thing used to be additionally from Ross they’d a lot cool stuff if you’re in america and there’s a row retailer close you I incredibly advocate going so the sign was 399 once more so very respectable poison consumed at your possess threat one at the start hung this above our kitchen it’s kind of of a comic story because I burn everything it’s simply cool it spoke to me matters communicate to me i buy them i assume about anything quite jewellery shoes clothing nail components the subsequent object we wish to exhibit you at present is that this crimson bats heart bottle 100% glass 100% pure i love that voice I should do the whole video such as you love it okay yes this one here additionally on hand in inexperienced worry loss of life and magic pre-made character mixtures so these had been from Russ tremendous adorable so that one has a bit sparkly form of Raven going on and it’s bought a group of LEDs that seem like this strung on a copper wire so that they style of jingle about but you are not able to quite see on the grounds that the glass has this distressed look about it it this definitely looks higher for the duration of the day the only factor i do not like about this is when you know you know what ambience and the lights are off this sticky label is transparent so you can’t read it anyway to not smile it is all bonds dancing for me excellent yes sir that’s scorching back pots a hundred% pure really lovable as good these have been sitting on my bookshelf on the moment which has turned extra right into a display just for cool-watching decor rather than housing books however four of the eight shelves do have it that is thanks the subsequent object is that this little cranium looking dude who hasn’t eyeball in the flower Rose this used to be wholly smashed to portions again for now repair that rather a lot for me and again I’ve just been sitting this on my bookshelf I just preferred it rather on the grounds that of the eye with a bit of luck you see it the eye inside the Rose so that was that was creepy and the children are really lovely they requested me about it hi there mom why does our eyes have now not fall thanks yeah i’m gonna smash the whole lot if it wasn’t damaged it is going to be soon next up and this is from Michaels you saw me in that Halloween looking hall get really enthusiastic about this pieces are nonetheless shedding off it as we converse magic potions charms and poisons akin to a stack of books however this is definitely porcelain porcelain ceramic whatever tremendously breakable plaster it came in white or bronze I put the bronze most likely so the ends all chipped up all the corners broke but it surely style of offers it some realism that it did not have earlier than i’m simply pleased it can be nonetheless in a single piece and the highest also it appears relatively exceptional k next up with these coffins I suppose for them to be displayed at full abilities they have got to be sprayed a specific colour so there have been in the craft section one thing along with your raw Frankenstein head which is now watching much better now that he sprayed it so i am definite this may be the identical I have no idea what colour but am i one of a kind Nadia hi there Nadia it sent me a funny picture where she had this kind of that she bought for like final Halloween and i used to be displaying on my Instagram stories how they remove darkness from and she or he used to be like god damn I had no inspiration there was once a change on the backside and then it lit up I simply purchased it because it was once a cool Kaufmann and it does open up so that you would take me please store things within it i’ll exhibit you what matters seem like at night time pleased Halloween I was once just rather impressed with the laser etching on that i really like my lights so I obtained that one I bought trick or treat with some bats on it they might even be cool to show jewellery and you recognize I might allow them to open and up like that i’ll test round with that boots out and the final one this how so much used to be this that is five dollars shutout so this one says trick-or-deal with and once more the artwork caught my attention optimistically you’re seeing how lovely that’s the spider the cat I relatively experience silhouette paintings i have never rather ever performed it myself i might wish to considering that this might have a screen printing fairly well you understand what you simply made God works out of watercolor I do not know what i am gonna do with it it does not have putting so i guess you just sit it on a table but i’m absolutely loving that subsequent up are these adorable indicators that we bought really for our kids one every for their door so it is a little complex to show so warning do not feed the zone peace steals consistently asking about zombies and vampires and monsters and skeletons and things like that he is surely in love with the movie sequence and wishes to cover just think he said to all good he’s four years ancient and this one says element vampire dangers are in a dusk unless dawn they may be simply thicker cardboard so you know they may be now not constituted of steel or anything but it was 99 cents so who gets blended up is this cute throw rug that I purchased I do not know I fairly I do not know if I bought it for myself or pull my it my expensive old son London he’s in love with me I think it possibly south used to be his orange one we have bought with bats on it that is his blankie this is so so so we try to get a just right shot of it it has beautiful spiderweb designs so this used to be $from Russ and the opposite aspect is the most softest fabric I’ve ever felt it simply makes me need to snuggle in bed and do without doubt nothing all day so i’m gonna put that away or else i will end up very unproductive however for $I used to be like god damn that is a cut price but you realize i am no longer very good at math what i have realized is that a lot of 1299 s add as much as fucking lot you

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Source: https://skullssales.com/

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Week 5 Reading Response: Privacy and Information

Surveillance

The National Security Agency has a history of mistrust and scrutiny about their means to practice national security. After the Sept. 11 attack, there has been a large change in the way the government monitors its citizens and foreigners.

According to the Pew Research Center (2015) 54% of Americans disapprove of the government collecting phone and internet data for anti-terrorism efforts, 74% Feel that they shouldn’t sacrifice freedom and privacy for safety however 49% say that anti-terrorism policies have not done enough to adequately protect them (37% say these policies restrict too much of citizens’ liberties).

These numbers show that while we want to have a nation that does its best to prioritize safety from terrorist threats and activity, at the same time we feel that our information and privacy is being invaded unjustly. This shows a bit of a cognitive dissonance between Americans wanting to ensure their safety and wanting to keep their civil liberties intact. It’s a complex, paradoxical goal that the government and its citizens want and there doesn’t seem to be a clear solution that would have everyone align in agreement.

93% of Americans say it’s important to control who gets their information along with what kind of information is being collected (90%). Only 6% say they are very confident that agencies can keep their information records secure.

These numbers represent the trust of how our information is being kept, which comes to question how important our records are when they are being transferred to the hands of somebody else. A large organization, such as the NSA for instance would have to garner a lot of trust from citizens. There has to be a way for these information agencies to show us their transparency of how they are keeping the information they collect from us safe while ensuring that our privacy is still maintained.

A majority of other countries have favored towards disapproving the U.S. monitoring citizens however Americans are more in favor of the U.S. eavesdropping on foreign leaders as being an acceptable practice.

Privacy and Information

It’s interesting to see how the value of our privacy and information rises as more people and government gets involved. On a daily basis, we typically don’t think much about our privacy and the threats of leaking our personal information when we install new apps on our phones and sign up for email newsletters at cafés and school newswires or other things like that, but once we find out that a large entity has their hands on that information we start to get very worried.

We tend to have a habit of giving out our information because it is so easy for us to. Our phones and laptops work faster than our rational brain. Technology makes it easy these days for us to explicitly share our information without us actually realizing how much information we’re agreeing to release or even to who exactly will be receiving it. It’s like signing a contract to a random stranger on the streets that entitles them to your house.

Perhaps the problem isn’t necessarily the government aiming to mistreat our information and liberties, but also just the bad habits we have come to exhibit from being so used to pressing buttons on our phone that seem harmless at a first glance. Perhaps more formal education about the ways our information is used and when we should be cautious would help steer the conversation towards making better decisions and lifestyles that would make it easier for us to keep our information in the first place rather than having to worry about it later when it’s too late after signing the contract we unconsciously agreed to.

Relevant Technology Applications

Snapchat has a cool feature that allows you to be virtually mapped on their app. You can view where other peoples’ physical location and they can see yours. You do have the option to disable this feature, however, sometimes it isn’t really explained to us how to. It’s an interesting way to connect with your friends, however there is potentially an issue of privacy invasion when it comes to physical distances. There may be some situations where someone would rather have their location kept private for their safety. It would be important for Snapchat to make it clear to users how to have complete control over what they are projecting to others. I remember when I first learned about this feature that I was automatically shown to the world. I was okay with it, but imagine if someone really needed it to be kept private for personal reasons. This is an area that needs to be taken seriously by app developers when considering the possible threats to location exploitation.

Terms and Conditions are those small print that we never, ever read whenever we download an app or program to our computer. It’s not that they aren’t important for us to read, but they’re just too much information for us to read at a glance. These checkboxes are basically contracts that we agree to without really knowing the exact details are, which could be dangerous if there is something in there regarding our privacy! If there was a way for those kind of agreements to make it more clear what is going on regarding our privacy, then it would give us more peace of mind considering how valuable our privacy is and the information that exploiters are looking for in this digital age.

Discussion

1. What kind of information do you think needs to be monitored the most when it comes to protecting against terrorism and suspects of terrorist incidents? Or should their be a different approach to these goals?

This a very complicated situation. I personally want to feel safe at all times, but at the same time, I need to know that I’m not being invaded when I use my camera or sending a tweet or message to a friend. How will the government ensure this, I don’t know. The government really needs to make it clear what they are monitoring, the reasons why and how it affects us.

2. What are areas in the online environment where you think improvement can be done to reduce the amount of people’s information being shared?

I think smartphone applications need to be more transparent with the permissions they request. Sometimes I will download an app that will ask to have access to my media contacts, I’ll be like, “why?”, they should be clear with why they need access to certain functions of our phone so that users aren’t worried about their phone’s contents being exploited.

3. Are there any things that government agencies or businesses can do to grow your trust for them in regards to handling and requesting your information?

The government needs to have more communication with its citizens about privacy. There isn’t much discussion on this in the news at the moment, but its an issue that affects virtually everyone. There needs to be attention on this subject highlighting how people can improve their online safety and what they are currently being monitored for.

Source

http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/05/29/what-americans-think-about-nsa-surveillance-national-security-and-privacy/