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spanishinfluenza · 3 years

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💖💜💚CONGRATULATIONS ON ANOTHER HUNDRED fans, YOU ABSOLUTE BEAUTYYY 💖💚💙

Now, to celebrate, if you had to rewrite all the twilight novels, in short, what would take place?

This is a hefty ask so feel free to cut it down as much as preferable.

(I.e. New Moon; Bella gets rebound. Volturi sub subsumes Edward. Carlisle cries. Then goes on a find himself venture where he ends up livin’ his best life 😎)

this has been sitting in my inbox for a real minute. i can only apologise but wow what a good and also colossal question. i can only thank you

I'm not usually one to shy away from long ass text posts and i love giving needless detail which is why if i were to answer this as thoroughly as i want to, I'd likely never finish. this would get so fuckin long. Why? bc bro i'd change just about everything. Twilight is full of so many fantastic ideas but they're all executed terribly and with vehement racism. i love twilight i just hate all the canon content. i literally just wanna change all the plot but that makes me think about so many possible au scenarios that i'd love to explore and they'd all require their own posts to do so, so for the dash's sake im jus gonna go through the saga book by book

Twilight

Bella moves to Forks from Arizona to live with her dad that she hasn't spent much time with in a while. Things are awkward and not just because they're not so familiar with each other but because they're both awkward people and I love that. Over time, being better understood and taken care of by Charlie, she comes to realise that her mom was actually super shitty, even if she didnt exactly mean to be. She starts to realise she has a good amount of childhood to mourn. But I think Charlie could do more in terms of fathering - I think he should be a better cook (he has taken care of himself for several years like he says) because Bella taking up the cooking for this parent too doesn't sit as right with me - especially because it informs nothing else about the plot. Let Bella be a child again.

This brings me to my next point about the human crew: Bella being a child means that Bella should get friends. And she should CHERISH that. She's so quick to ditch the humans when she finds some supernatural emo to hang out with and it sucks. Jessica, Angela and Bella becoming a powerful and tight af little trio would have been fantastic. I think Bella could then do wayy better at bridging the gap between the Cullens and the humans.

I think Bella needs to not fawn over Edward so much. Not saying she shouldn't be quite as obsessed as him as she is - she's 17, let her live - I just think that her obsession should come from the fact that this guy is creepy af and super morbid. I think she should obsess over him the way I obsess over true crime stories - morbid fascination and curiosity. I mean the guy is weird af, it'd be great if Bella called him out thoroughly on all his whackass behaviour. I also think it would serve to give us a lot more funny scenes. That post where she slides a copy of dracula across the table and he slides it back signed? Yes. What i'm saying is, fans know that this typa friendship would evolve into a wayyyy more compelling romance than simply brood, brood, sparkle, endanger, save, brood.

More of the above but Bella inviting the Cullens over to the lunch table (or maybe just Ed and Alice as they're in the same year) would be fantastic. And instead of that whole "the Cullens are so hot so no one talks to them", let it be "the Cullens are so weird??? like dr sexy and mommy milf are bomb but the kids do not know how to act" because that would make for some more really great interactions. Mostly tho, Edward needs to interact w more people. He hears peoples thoughts and yet learns nothing about them because he's so sure he interprets other's thoughts in The Correct Way. I feel like actually chatting to Mike and Ben and Jess would give him some necessary humbling. Also,, Mike and Edward ending up as friends?? Alice and Jess?? would get on no?

Everything else can proceed as is but let the older Cullens rag on Ed a bit more. Bella has hugely rose-tinted glasses on when it comes to him like "omg he can play piano too? what a perfect specimen" and it'd be great to hear from characters that know him better to balance that out and correct the unreliable narrator. I also think this'd give us a better chance to explore the specific dynamics in this very complex type of family. The idea that Esme and Carlisle are seen as everyone's parents when theyre like a few years older than everyone else is just so unrealistic. It'd be wayy more interesting to see the precise types of relationships that occur within the family.

This brings me to my next point quite neatly: the whole parent situation. I don't believe the two twenty somethings can or would be convincing parents, to the kids or to strangers. Just because sm*yer thinks 30 yr olds are old and dicrepit, doesnt mean the rest of us do. So i'd personally make Vommy and Vaddy in their late 40s, early 50s for the sheer pilfacity of it all. That's not to say I hate their ages as they are - there's certainly a beautiful and heartbreaking tragedy to their incredibly painful and short human lives. So if you wanna keep them young, thas cool but then their dynamics w the kids need to change. Either way they're both still hot as balls. I think Esme should have a very motherly role to Emmett and Edward and a sort of guardian relationship with Jalice. She's incredibly close with Rose but more as a wise older sister or fun aunt. Their stories are strikingly similar in regards to their experiences of men, and yet they deal with it in incredibly different ways - let them be besties, let them learn from each other and find comfort in each other the way that sisters often do. Conversely, I'd give Carlisle a very paternal relationship with Rose and Edward and takes charge of Jalice in a similar way to Esme (coven-leader style). Emmett on the other hand makes him feel young and boyish and Carlisle views him like a charming and dear son-in-law. AND I'D MAKE THEM ALL INTERACT A HELL OF A LOT MORE.

I'm talking Esme giving chores, Carlisle telling Edward to "listen to you're mother", the two of them being cute and adorable and the kids all groding out bc Bella should get to see what real love is.

When Bella does find out that they're all vampires, she needs to be violently curious. Talk about the logistics of periods sm*yer so help me god. I want her to have heaps of questions for them. Constant, just all the time. She wants to see Emmett down a redbull just to know how that would affect a vampire, she finds things for Edward to very boredly snap in half with his little finger, she compiles a list of questions for Carlisle everytime Edward takes her over to his house. Am I projecting now? Too bad idc.

I didn't really have an issue w the whole James thing and I'm actually glad it was more Edward's behaviour that caused the whole beef bc I like when he's in the wrong lol? But when Renee shows up at the end, let Bella's internal monologue note the fact that Renee hardly cares at all what is going on. I think Bella needs to have that interaction w her old life in Arizona to truly reaffirm at the end of the story that she belongs in Forks. Not with the Cullens or Edward, but in Forks w her weird interspecies friendship group, her awkward and caring dad and her just-about-flowering love interest.

Baseball scene was great though I wouldnt have had Esme just trauma dump on the poor teen out of nowhere. Maybe something plot related could happen that reveals some of her story? Just an idea smeyer. Say the presence of the other vampires makes her uncharacteristically nervous. Say the growling between James and Edward freaks her out bc its a sure sign that violence is about to ensue. You get what i'm saying

Also I'd make Emmett canonically Black, Alice canonically Asian-American (if anyone has any specific thoughts on this pls hit me up) and Esme canonically Ashkenazi Jewish. It'd take a single sentence for each and it would rock my socks.

New Moon

I'm gonna start this one by saying that I actually liked New Moon which is weird considering I live and die for carlesme content. But in regards to Bella's story, I think it was interesting to have the Cullens fuck off for a bit. But then, if Twilight had have panned out with a more convincing and healthy romance, I dont think that seperation would have been necessary.

Either way, I know immediately, I'd want more of that classic Bella and the Cullen kids at school scenario. All of that juicy content is barely washed over in the start of new moon and it sucks bc the Cullens at school is such a hilarious concept to me. So maybe we wouldn't start w Bella's birthday but we'd get more of her Junior year, and more of the budding romance - I'm talking that real lame high school shit. Passing notes in class, gossiping in the hallways, going round to his house after school to 'study'.

So anyway, her birthday rolls around and Jasper nuts over a singular drop of blood - give me a deeper description of Esme trying to control herself bc she is known to have little control and the idea of cuddly caring mommy trying not to go feral and eat you is deliciously terrifying - and Edward loses the plot and leaves. But he DOESNT do the whole Gatekeep Girlboss Gaslight routine where he just completely erases himself from her life. He tells her the real reason they have to leave - she's not safe - and she is mad and does not accept it but at least he was honest.

Then she gets hella depressy as per the book, only this time Charlie properly steps in BECAUSE WHO IS BETTER ON THE SUBJECT OF SUDDEN BREAK UP THAN THAT POOR BASTARD? He ends up taking her to the Blacks where she revives another part of the childhood that needed mourning - her friendship with Jacob.

I love Jacob in NM and I do not hate his crush on Bella. But he is like two years younger than Bella. That's not a big deal if they're in their twenties but there is a big developmental difference between an 18 year old and a 16 year old. She should, by no means, fancy him back. And I never really got the vibe that she did in the book. In fact I loved his sweet pining because his friendship with her came first. She needed a friend and he was willing to step up to the plate. And Bella considering a life with him? That rubs me the wrong way because not only is he quite a bit younger but she also be going through it. Give the girl some time before you give her another love interest, smeyer.

So then Jacob turns (none of the wolves cut their hair for this in my rewrite, fuck off) and there's not really all that much I would change with the rest of the book, in terms of plot. Though the tension between Jacob and Edward coming back should be nothing to do with his crush, just to be clear. It should be to do with upsetting Bella and, ultimately, endangering her, Jacob's entire family, and the entire town of Forks with his very presence.

The end of NM kinda fucked me off a little. First, Harry Clearwater's death was completely washed over. I'd love him to have survived but even if he didn't, wayyyy more of the book should have centrered around that loss. This time, Bella is the one to try to heal and help others. She is not the victim and that is freeing for her. Not to mention, Jacob, Leah, Seth, Billy, ffs even Charlie, would have all needed support. Bella should have been there. That's her family.

Secondly, the entire ending was just Bella being like "I cannot sleep for a moment because this is a dream that he's back I love him so much." No. Bella, you found yourself in an Edwardless Forks. You found your childhood friends, you connected with your dad on a profound and vulnerable level, you had to reconcile your perception of the world with the presence of MORE supernaturals in ways that went far beyond your crush on Ned. Bella moved beyond the need for Edward and she should have made him well aware of this. She should have shown him that she now runs with humans and werewolves and she has friends and family and Harry's death is just another painful reminder that there is more going on in her life now than just the crush she had in junior year. Edward should simply be another addition in her whackass life, not the whole of it. Edward being humbled by this new badass, scorned Bella? That's a compelling romance. Bella making the distinction between needing and wanting him is a compelling romance.

Also recentering Bella's story away from her romance with Edward would give us more room for very necessary world-building. We got the tiniest smidge of vamp history and culture w the Volturi in NM and then nothing else for basically the rest of the saga and I reckon thats because Bedward pining took up too much time. So now with Edward in the background a little more, we get necessary interactions between Bella and the other Cullens, and their experiences of vampirism. Even just passing comments on coven politics or vampire mannerisms (Esme purring) or vampire history or maybe other supernatural creatures?? there's gotta be more than just shape shifters and vampires?? or even just tidbits from their experience of history - would have been so immersive smh

Eclipse:

Okay so now im changing a lot of shit.

First off, Jacob remains Jacob. He is young, world on his shoulders, going through a lot. But an assaulter? Hell no. Jacob loves Bella and is slowly limping over his crush on her.

Newborns army is wreaking havoc in Seattle only this time, when Jasper mentions he was a confederate soldier, Bella loses her goddamn mind as she fucking should have. Or better yet, Jasper could just?? not be a confederate soldier?

If Alice so much as tries her racist shit with the Quileutes, Bella can equally chew her out. This is Bella's story dammit and the Cullens are on thin ice as it is for what they did to her in NM. Now she's a bad bitch and now she has a real spine and doesnt tolerate crap.

The wolves and the vamps have to reluctantly work together to defeat this army and this time IT DOESNT ALL GO THROUGH BELLA. Rosalie and Jacob get along on account of them both being into mechanical engineering and both thinking Edward is a toolbag. Equally, Seth and Esme are both little bottles of sunshine and I need at least a passing comment about them chatting in the field together. Also Leah and Emmett? I feel should have had a chance to get along with each other. She was fucking going through it man, she needed wayyyyy more screen time. Her story was heart wrenching.

The battle ensues and Edward does not follow Bella and Jacob to the cliff top. This does give Jacob and Bella a chance to talk, to air out the romantic feelings and where they're at. In truth, I think Jacob has too much going on in his life now. He's mourning so much of his childhood, as well as Seth's now, that romance would feel like another loss at this stage. That conversation needed to happen. And then hooray! Victoria doesnt follow them to the cliff and Edward can get his heroic murder of her afterall. I would like to have seen the battle though, so I think Jacob being called back to frontline for whatever reason (and having to bring Bella with him ofc) would be sweet. Then we can have Bella confront the true violence of vampirism.

Also aftermath. We need Bella to understand the aftermath of that battle. For example, Esme struggling to cope with the violence she's just witnessed and exercised, Alice being injured, Carlisle performing vampire surgery to leech stranger's venom from his children's wounds. They should have been more affected by this battle imo.

Breaking Dawn:

never happens

at the end of Eclipse the Volturi show up and realise just how insanely powerful the Cullens are, especially with their ubelievably strong new allies that are designed to kill vampires. They report back to Aro who's obviously going to want to mount an attack against them all. Then we get sexy Carlisle bringing in his sexy vampire friends (for more world building!). At this point I think it'd be cool if we include more species. Siobhan has half-fairy friends? Benjamin tells stories of real serpopods? Nice.

The night before the battle Alice has her vision. She shows Aro on the day of the chaos. Very few survive the battle if it goes ahead. Bella does, but only once she is turned. Carlisle, famously, does not. Neither does Aro, but this time it's Esme that slaughters him, full Molly Weasely style.

Aro changes his mind, with a very wary glance to sweet, unassuming, unaware little Esme and they head home to Italy to not think about bothering the Cullens or their many friends.

Then the Cullens make the decision to move away from Forks. Their presence has posed too much danger to the human residents, not to mention the absolute havoc they've wreaked for the Quileutes. They move on, Billy makes Carlisle promise to never come back. Carlisle keeps it. So Bella is left with a decision to make. Follow the vampires? Stay with her human friends and family? i dont have a conclusion worked out for that, sorry

#ask #youareonlyastory #im sorry it took so long but boy you really asked a question #and there was like a move and a new job somewhere in the middle but im finally done!#my personal bird flipping to renesmee #the world would have simply been better without her in it <3 #twilight rewrite

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septembersghost · 3 years

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post/663034818843508736/alaynestone-now-their-spirits-are-cursed-walkingHello. I love your blog! And your tags on this post are out of this world. Imo since 1x01 it was made clear that Sam has such an obsession/longing for “normal” that it circles back into fetish. Its just a list of stuff/people/jobs etc. to have and to do for him instead a way of living! Jess imo isn’t even a real person to him cause he 1 wanted to marry her and wasn’t planning on telling her about hunting. 1/

Also makes me question what he told her about growing up. And 2 he was totally dismissive as soon as “the life” knocked on his door – or broke in. In later episodes he tells Dean that he is keeping in touch with friends, but not telling him stuff. While I wouldn’t accuse him of lying I do question how he feels its possible to call people friends if they essentially don’t know big stuff about you. Do they think he grew up in a cult? Was raised by an obsessed survivalist father?

Also pretty telling on how he thinks about the agency of other people, especially Jess, being with him and living a “normal life” with him. She doesn’t get to choose truthfully? His normal friends are just left wondering what happened to him? Were they his friends or more like fellow actors/decorations for the “normal” life? Sams character kind of reminds me of the American Psycho dude – the performance of “normality” taken to such an extreme.

Also really funny that the “normal” brother is always ready to turn it up to a 100 – taking Dean to the healer, deciding to harvest organs so Dean can live forever, chugging demon blood. All while ordering salads and berating Dean for not meeting a “normal standard” whatever that is. In contrast to that we got Dean who is upfront about hunting life not making “normal” possible but never dismissing it and most importantly respecting it – 1x02 and how he treated Haley and respected that she would want to come looking for her brother while Sam wanted to tell her about monsters and to sit tight cause that’s what normal people do. Or even Dean/lisa where Dean is always shown to not only be upfront about stuff but also participating in the not-so-romantic day-to-day life (cooking, getting a job, driving Ben around) while also “preparing” Lisa for emergencies. For Sam normal is some kind of costume or play which he only participates in as long as he wants or needs.

As soon as its not necessary for him he dips out – while also expecting to be able to slip back in – his obvious belief that after leaving like that in 1x01 Jess and him will continue like nothing ever happened. Which makes the finale even sadder imo. The blurry wife was blurry for a reason – she could have been Jess or whoever. It was never about the “normal people” for Sam but for the chance to put on the costume and have the needed audience.

While Dean respected that “lifestyle” enough to only partake in it only when he was 100% on board and available. So in the end the finale made all of 15 seasons “not happen” cause Dean would have died young in a stupid way on a hunt and Sam would have married Jess and performed “normal” his whole life if the show didn’t happen so what was I watching that stuff for anyway.

hi!!! I'm so glad you enjoy my blog and that you stopped by, thank you! there is a LOT to unpack here (in a good way, love talking about derangement), so, welcome to what has become an ongoing course: Sam Studies, a subset of Dean Girl Blogging, part of the curriculum at Winchester University.

(please note none of this is "cr*tical" in a negative way, bc that's not my lane.)

mostly I am nodding along in agreement with the majority of what you said, and I think it's such a great topic to talk about, and I am very tired, so I apologize if this is lacking in coherence or proper brain power.

I'm going to link you to a couple of posts that I've recently made in case you missed them, including the one from last night, because I touched on some of these topics there and I will likely repeat a couple of things on Sam: 1, 2

actually, I'm going to throw in some older ones too: 3, and 4 (aka Jess' insane dissertation post on their status as gothic protagonists and the longest thing I have written, and although I am yet again angry at heaven - I'd made some modicum of peace with it and that was entirely shattered in June, and now I just loathe it conceptually again, but I still stand by the majority of what I said there.) (also my sparkly dean girl banner in there was really me lashing out while being silly all at once, and I think it's clear that as much as I love him, the other characters really matter to me.)

OKAY, now that references are out of the way - that gifset was made by my friend because she's brilliant, and I actually want to copy some of the other tags people added to it.

Vicky's original tags: "-the way sam is so emotionally unfaithful in the pilot -despite his protests he looks so excited when he's packing his things and practically runs out of there -and jared plays him as almost dismissive of jess -it's an interesting contrast between what we're told and what we're shown -and of course contributes to the guilt he feels later"

"#he just. went out of the door. not even answering #I’ve always intrigued by the fact that he didn’t tell her anything not even his nightmares #I get hes protecting her and his normalcy. but my boy you were literally going to marry her. #how lonely it must’ve been to live like that. not telling the person you love a fundamental part of who you are #or does he really love her or just the concept of her. hmmmm"

"#has sam ever truly loved anyone other than dean? #i mean like. dean loves other people and connects with them but sam? #every relationship he has feels so superficial"

"#not to be mean but he genuinely only loved her for the normalcy she represented #him shielding her from the truth was .... more selfish and self-protective than anything"

fandom lately...is way too focused on making Dean the obsessive, "selfish" one (ask me how tired I am seeing Dean characterized as some sort of insane jailer when that is not true in any way), the one incapable of normalcy, and when it's not driving me up the wall with frustration, it makes me laugh. Sam is, to quote my friend Cassie, Not Right in the Head. (she called him "our little wooden boy," which. yes. lovingly so! he wants to be real, but never quite fits.) Sam, imo, is far more possessive and prone to jealousy BECAUSE he is such an insular, guarded person, and I find that fascinating. he PRETENDS he isn't, but that's a mask - and he is much, much better at wearing the mask and utilizing it effectively than Dean is, because Dean's emotions and honesty crackle and surge to the surface in everything he does.

when my friends and I watched the pilot last week, as I mentioned in one of the linked posts, we talked about how he "doesn't have a costume" for Halloween because he is WEARING IT. Normal College Boy Sam Winchester is an act, a facade he keeps up that hides his true person. I would not go so far as comparing him to Patrick Bateman (lmao, I do get what you mean, though), as neither of the boys are socio- or psychopaths, but it's a bit like he inhabits two entirely separate identities. he shaves parts of himself off and molds himself to his environs as camouflage - and, by his OWN ADMISSION, "even at Stanford, I never really fit in."

we find out later one of his closest friends was the demon who murdered and burned Jess that night. we have no concept of what he told Jess about his life, how he explained his family, his lack of closeness to them - a lack of closeness born from extreme closeness.

Jared said something last year about his understanding of Sam that has stuck with me since I read it.

"I think it was the episode called [Fresh Blood] with Sterling Brown, and he played Gordon. Basically, Gordon’s character can smell Sam’s character, because of the demon blood. He thinks I’m a monster, and he’s coming to kill me. And Dean ends up helping barricade Sam into a motel room, and they’re sitting there preparing for this amped-up vampire to come try and kill Sam, and kill Dean too if he has to get through him. And there’s a scene where Sam and Dean are kind of at wit's end, and they’re talking. And we finally hear what’s kind of keeping Sam going, and he says, 'I just want you to be my brother again.’ And it kind of set a certain tone in the back of my head, understanding who Sam really was, and why he ran away after college. Because he loved his father and his brother so much, that he couldn’t be in their atmosphere."

please eliminate John from this (I seriously think every single person involved in this show has forgotten the established Kripke era canon about John), but thinking about it in regards to Dean, it makes so much sense. Sam loves Dean in this very powerful way despite the fact that it doesn't often get voiced, we see it in his actions. you mention how he turns it up to 100 when pushed, and that is vital to understanding him. Sam walks a fine edge, and when he goes over, he's feral. I called it flinty anger yesterday, but it's also protectiveness, it's also dangerous angles concealed intelligently. the Trickster to him in Mystery Spot: "Let me tell you, whoever said Dean was the dysfunctional one has never seen you with a sharp object in your hands." the demon to him in Black: "I heard the rumors. I said ‘no, that can’t be.’ A Winchester, one of us? But it’s true, isn’t it? Whatever soul you had; whatever boy scout code you cuddled up to at night; it’s all gone. Leaving what? Look at you!" Sam is absolutely terrifying, underneath a veneer he has carefully painted to keep that in check. being better at wearing the restraints doesn't make you more normal, it makes you more unpredictable.

Jared also said Sam's best memory would be the night Dean came to get him. think about how messed up that is, truthfully. that should be a traumatic memory for Sam, because Jess died. but that's not what it's about for Sam, it's about being with Dean again. that's what mattered most. Dean emerges from the shadows to ask for help, and Sam gravitates right back to him. Dean is Sam's tether. he is unmoored without him.

While I wouldn’t accuse him of lying I do question how he feels its possible to call people friends if they essentially don’t know big stuff about you. I think you can accuse him of lying, by omission if nothing else. I feel like I've talked about this before, but I'm not sure where - it's a key component and difference between how Sam and Dean approach their relationships. Sam lies to Jess. he lies to Amelia. we can only assume, tragically, that he lies to pointless blurry wife. the mention in those tags of how lonely that must be, and it IS, but it's how Sam fundamentally functions. he doesn't make solid connections because he doesn't let anyone see him entirely, and when they do see further glimpses of his true self, they tend to be dark situations (Ruby most notably, but even Madison). contrast this with the fact that Dean chooses to tell the truth and let the chips fall - with Cassie. with Lisa. Dean can't help but make connections wherever he goes, it's who he is. Dean bleeds love everywhere. Dean does crave a home and a normal life repeatedly, even though he rarely admits it, or when he does, it's to assume he'll never have it/doesn't deserve it. (note: by S15, I don't believe this was the best option for him or even his innermost desire any longer, because I don't believe it was the right choice for either of them - that still doesn't mean he was incapable of it, he could have been.)

meanwhile, Sam very openly and strongly embraced the life they shared over and over, and became more comfortable within it. fandom calls DEAN performative? Sam is so intriguingly and kind of sadly performative in so many ways, the guise of "normality" being the most obvious example of it. it is not who he is, it is not what he wants. because he grapples with inner conflict, he can be judgemental and exposes a lot of double standards to Dean, and most of that is insecurity imo. they are both very damaged by their upbringing in unique ways.

thus, in the pilot, Constance assaults him, and he says, "I'm not unfaithful, I've never been!" and she says, "you will be." you can take that at surface value, but I feel it's saying more than that. he IS emotionally unfaithful. he does dismiss her, dodge her questions and her calls. she is part of the costume, and he doesn't want Jess to see beneath it. his heart and loyalty do not belong to Jess, they never did. he feels guilt that he put her into the position that would cause her death, but I wouldn't classify that as love, really.

Dean tends to have a different approach on cases when they're forced to tell people the truth - as you noted about Haley in Wendigo, we see it in Something Wicked, etc, it's a recurring theme for him. Dean is compassionate and empathetic, but often more bluntly honest, where Sam uses his kindness as an investigative tool on a regular basis (which not only do we see in canon, it's also established early, "You know, my brother could give you this puppy dog look and you'd just buy right into it"). Sam projects onto "monsters" because he's afraid he is one, but it's an oddly skewed way to relate to others (this is particularly clear w/ Jack, but I don't want to talk about him lol forgive me).

Lisa says, "we were in it together" because of what she and Dean were able to share. I can't imagine Sam in that same situation, because it is not how he relates to his partners. blurry wife is such an ugly conclusion for him because it is very bleak and desolate, it's not his true desire, nor his true self. she doesn't matter because she doesn't matter. she is barely a placeholder. Dean matters. Dean's presence lingers in every corner of Sam's life. it's why it's ridiculous to me when people say he broke the co-dependency. what? his entire life was a shrine to the dead.

a friend also said to me recently, "it does feel extra cruel they had sam become a parent when that was something dean longed for and no longer felt deserving of. sam did not once express that desire? people have said it's poetic that he lived dean's dream life for him, i think it's just lazy." exactly.

I read a (very dark) fic the other day and I am going to copy a comment from the author:

"*You* saw a loving father. You're free to your interpretation. Although, I might point out, there's really nothing more to support it than there is mine.

I saw a house where the entire focus--almost every single picture, including the picture in pride of place, which is almost always reserved for a portrait of the *current* inhabitants--was the dead. A man who's reduced to a wreck just by being in his brother's car for a few minutes, even after twenty or so years. Grief that strong causes issues for *everyone* in the family, *at all levels*.

I saw a house where there was not a *single picture* of the child's mother--not with her child, not with her husband, not with her own birth family. Clearly, this house has no problems with pictures of the dead, so something else had to have happened.

I saw a kid who wasn't all that thrilled about getting homework help from his father, just tolerating it.

I saw a guy whose reaction to his father's death was not only grief, but relief.

And I saw a character who is canonically *fucked in the head,* who has undergone massive trauma that has *never* been properly addressed, who had what was *at best* an antagonistic relationship with his own father, and whose biggest problem in that relationship was that he was *exactly like the man*, attempting to be normal, something he's attempted multiple times and *failed every time*.

You wanna believe he stuck the landing? Fine. That's your prerogative. Personally, I don't see it happening."

it struck me because this is exactly how I interpret what we saw in the finale, and why it strikes such a chord of misery in my chest. his arc was unfulfilled, abandoning everyone else he cared for and knew, abandoning his years of work and legacy, failing to ever save his beloved brother, forever shrouded by grief, forever longing for someone who was gone, not knowing if they'd ever be together again, keeping everyone at arm's length until he had permission to die.

in Torn and Frayed, when they parallel Sam breaking up with Amelia to Dean cutting ties with Benny, Dean says, "I do know this – whatever you decide, decide. Both feet in or both feet out. Anything in between is what gets you dead." Dean is rougher and harsher there - this is Dean who has already lost Lisa and Ben, who has survived a year in purgatory, who comes back raw and then in conflict with his brother, so he puts himself down (as usual) saying he could never "separate from the job like you could," but that's not the real crux of the issue. it isn't that Dean can't function without hunting, it's that his life, his history, his parentification, his emotional trauma and responses, are all knitted together into his being where he cannot extricate them, and has to acknowledge them. but Sam doesn't, because Sam simply...shuts it behind a locked door instead. it ISN'T the healthier approach. (neither of them are healthy, but anything that requires you to fundamentally deny your own life and personhood is NOT GOOD, it is NOT healing, it's not well-adjusted!)

I agree Sam has this false idea about the status quo holding that never works out and typically ends up hurting him, and that again is part of those walls he builds. Sam's insularity makes him harder to know, he's secretive, he's more quietly analytical and calculating at many points, and then snaps and goes to extremes in others. it's VERY INTERESTING, and does not make him a bad person (or character), it's a frictional balance to Dean and Dean's own issues and extremes.

I don't agree that the finale made all fifteen seasons not matter or not happen, but I understand why you say it - and I've seen it said as A POSITIVE, WHICH IS FREAKING APPALLING, uwu "full circle, this is how it was supposed to be" are you kidding me? did they watch the show at ALL? gross. - the reason I refuse to believe or acknowledge this is because 1. I have no respect for the finale and thus choose to reject that garbage, 2. IT DID MATTER! I promise it did! please feel free to browse my blog (I'm not sure which tag to tell you to use, dean feelings? the * category? there are soft posts tucked away in there!), but it did matter, it did have value, and the finale DID NOT take it away.

the most defiant thing we can do to honor and remember them is to refuse to allow them and their story and their brilliance to be stolen. 30 sum-odd minutes of awful writing does not take away fifteen years of love and investment and watching their journey. none of us were watching it for that apple pie life, we were watching it for the studied themes of horror and belief, the ruins and strengths of family, the power of bravery, for light that cuts through darkness, for the bonds of love in all its sharpness and its beauty, for the triumph and exhale of free will. just because the ending butchered the themes doesn't mean the themes...weren't there or were rendered unimportant. I've said this many times, but the story is ours now. the boys are ours. we keep Dean alive. we keep them in the folklore. we make the meaning. we're making it up as we go! we keep choosing them however we best can, however we love them - and isn't that kind of the whole point? ♥

#anon it's almost 3 am here so i hope you see this <3 #also i hope i...sort of answered you? i feel like i went off on tangents because i didn't want to repeat what you already said but it is #so thought provoking and i appreciate you wanting to talk it through #anonymous #letterbox #sam i will avenge you #spn for ts #to repeat a tag #as always: fuck the finale

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love-that-we-were-in · 3 years

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i’m thinking about them so here are some brody and the gays headcanons @solli @imogenlefay

Eli C:

deeply average. i mean, he has no particular talents whatsoever. he gets average grades (his best subject is physics) and his fashion sense is pretty standard - t-shirts and jeans and sneakers mostly. he’s just the most average guy you can imagine

he introduced sebastian and elaine to each other because elaine was in desperate need of a roommate (fic coming soon about this bc i miss elastian roommates

his last name is Collins (see: deeply average)

bisexual king

elaine:

rollerblades with dani

majored in gender/women’s studies at louisville probably

has just as big of an ego as seb but is less annoying with it

can’t cook rice

favourite ice cream flavour is vanilla - this becomes a very heated debate during grocery runs

regularly pretends to be peoples fake partner for kicks and minor things in exchange (eg scratchers and an ani defranco tee)

adam:

swiftie

allergic to citrus

has somehow always avoided the fate of being designated driver even though he doesn’t tend to drink

had a 1D phase. idk what to tell you. his ringtone was little things for a long while

introduces brody to the rest bc that makes the most sense. he’s the only who met brody in canon

dani:

will regularly disappear without telling anyone where she’s going

like completely drop of the grid. one time she just left to backpack south america. she came back bc she missed her guitar and was worried they would sell it

drags elliot into a meeting with the rest of the gang bc she accidentally double-booked

makes excellent apple pie & adam loves her for it

chandler:

was barred from visiting sebastian and elaine’s apartment at one point bc he kept breaking things by accident

has a cat in ohio named clive

thinks sebastian is an idiot for not going into performing. no one else actively agrees bc sebastian can pay his bills on time

also had a 1D phase. his favourite song steal your girl bc he was in deep denial

probably liked percy jackson

elliot:

honestly i don’t think i have any??

sebastian:

can’t swim

swiftie (fav album is reputuation bc it’s seb)

maybe just a little bit still obsessed with blaine. but he’s not pining. of course not.

didn’t want anything to do with adam, dani or elliot when he first realised they had been friends/friend adjacent to kurt and rachel. this was 4 months into their friendship

once tried to get elaine to change her name bc it sounds too much like blaine

hates beer

will eat an entire packet of raw cookie dough without blinking

political science major

adhd

brody:

finds it really funny to be the straight friend

gets along well with the group bc sex positivity is important and yes i am bitter about Feud

will argue that the best part of twilight was any part without bella edward and jacob. he wrote a paper on it once

was honestly shocked to find out sebastian was in show choir in high school. just thought he was a nerd

believed eli was straight for like 6 months because he’s so deeply average

got harmony to join the gang bc he missed rachel and she was close enough

bonus Harmony:

got the role rachel turned down in s6 and became good friends with jesse

only thinks sebastian was right i’m not persuing the arts because he’s just as good at poli-sci. however she does still make him rehearse with her when brody is unavailable.

hates kurt

lactose intolerant

has never tasted coffee ever and sometimes switches sebastian and elaine’s out for decaf

i’ll be honest, this post got away from me and now i have to think of elliot headcanons.

#brody and the gays #glee #brody weston #Elaine (glee)#Elliot Gilbert #Dani (glee)#chandler kiehl #sebastian smythe #adam crawford #harmony (glee)#the gerber baby #headcanons #eli c

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medicifm · 4 years

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* not me actually writing an intro the night before like i always mean to 😳 hennyway hey biddies , i'm chloe , im in the snowy part of pst , & i use she / her pns . i’ve been . . . . . . . scouring the tags for an rp like this so im so excited to bring this newish muse of mine here ! im here to do the honours of introducing my himbo - on - the outside , manipulative - shit - on - the - inside . . . oscar 🤡

( twenty three , cis man , he / him ) ✉ ― hey babes , have you met OSCAR MEDICI ? they’re working here as THE HEAD CHEF AT LORENZO’S , a few villas down from where you’re staying . you might hear them singing ALRIGHTY APHRODITE BY PEACH PIT playing from their villa , it’s their favourite song . yes , they hear that they look like JACK GILINSKY a lot , actually - it’s really uncanny . their friends back home in SYDNEY , AUSTRALIA say that if they were on a tv show , their trope would be THE WOLF IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING , how funny is that ? ✎ chloe , 22 , she/her , pst

𝐢 .

pinterest | wanted plots |

𝐢𝐢 .

name : oscar gabriel medici

age : twenty three

dob / sign : december 4th , 1997 / sagittarius sun , leo moon , libra rising

pob : sydney , australia

gender / pronouns : cis man & he / him / his

career : head chef at lorenzo’s , full - time heathen , professional disappointment for mothers everywhere .

drinking / drugs / smoking : yes / more often than he’d admit / never .

religion : jewish background , currently non - practicing .

physical : jack gilinsky fc , dark brown / black longish curls ( reference ) , dark brown eyes , canon jack g’s tattoos , no piercings , 6′2″ , 175 lbs , lean but strong . tattoos a la canon!jack , pearly white smile that he may . . . or may not . . . use crest 3D white strips weekly to maintain . lots of burns & scars from kitchen mishaps on his hands & arms .

traits : hard - working , flighty , intelligent , hedonistic , charismatic , intense , volatile ,

other : speaks weird french ( aussie accent tings ) , tans easily but wears sunscreen nonetheless , works hard parties harder , can’t read a lick of french but spends a lot of his free time with a coffee & a new paperback , has a bit of an internal vendetta against rich people ( for no real reason , he just doesn’t like most of them ) , has ins with a bunch the local farmers & visits them weekly , pretends he isn’t lowkey addicted to nicotine administered via a puff bar , liquor of preference is tequila or red wine , drives a lil vespa around town for the gag of it ( loves seeing it haphazardly parked amongst a bunch of luxury cars ) ,

character inspo : jess mariano ( gilmore girls ) , gordon ramsey 🤡 , patrick verona ( 10 things i hate about you ) , ferris bueller ( ferris bueller’s day off ) , han solo ( star wars ) .

𝐢𝐢𝐢 .

oscar’s arrival was as unwanted to his parents as could be : a father whose tendencies leaned towards alcoholism & abusing whoever was in arms reach , a mother whose life was more or less spent at the nursing home she worked as a nurse at , evading home . he became a self - inflicted loner , preferring to do literally the exact opposite of what was expected or wanted from him . he had a few friends he ran with , but watching them all go off & study or prepare for university solidified in oscar’s mind that the non - traditional route was for him . growing up by the water , oscar always felt more drawn to skip school & head to the beach than he did obeying his parents wishes .

one of his solaces was his grandfather , gabriel , who owned an italian restaurant in a beach town north of sydney . whenever the weather was bad & oscar felt like ditching class , he’d head over to his nono’s restaurant where his ass would be put to work as soon as he set eyes on the restaurant . it was tough work , but challenging in a way that fanned the flames in oscar’s heart , rather than dimming them . by the time he was a teenager he was working in the restaurant everyday after school , an agreement between him & his grandfather framed on the back wall that stated that as long as oscar kept from flunking out , he was allowed to spend as little or as much time in the kitchen as he pleased .

his absolute defiance of anything traditional & following the rules made him unpopular with adults , but lowkey cool with the girls . by the time he was sixteen , he was losing his focus on the restaurant & his grades & spending more & more time chasing after girls . his nono tried to get oscar to come back & focus , but as always , anything he’s asked to do quickly becomes the thing he’s running from the most .

tw : death , cancer . around his eighteenth birthday , his grandfather suddenly fell ill with a rare form of cancer that took his life six weeks after diagnosis , which rocked oscar’s world . he felt overwhelming guilt that he hadn’t spent more time with his grandfather , which manifested itself as oscar dropping out of school a year shy of graduation to commit himself fully to perfecting his grandfather’s techniques , learning all of his recipes ( read : pouring over dozens of handwritten cookbooks ) in some failed attempt to get back some time with him . oscar hadn’t been close with his parents in years , more or less seeing them as wardens of a prison he wanted nothing to do with . his grandfather’s will left him the deed to the restaurant , with an ask that oscar would promise to act on whatever he felt called towards , rather than doing what others expected of him . to be candid , this whole situation crushed him .

eventually , he decided he’d had enough of the stifling community he’d grown up in . he sold the restaurant to one of the regulars , a wealthy man who he’d come to acknowledge as somewhat of an uncle ; a safe pair of hands who would treat his grandfather’s legacy with as much passion & respect as oscar himself would . so he packed a bag , texted his mom that he was going traveling , & got on a flight that evening . he traveled all around - first through central america , then through europe , throughout asia & africa , & spent a few months driving a van across the continental united states & canada for fun .

eventually , he started getting low - ish on money , & decided to settle in one of his favourite places he’d visited : southern france . he arrived in early 2018 , taking on whatever menial tasks he could while learning french until he got a position as a line cook in an italian restaurant . a few years later , he’s made his way up to filling the head chef position , an honour he takes with pride . he’s implemented many of his own recipes while using flavours he’s learned from his travels , with ingredients straight from local farmers . he’s earned the restaurant a two michelin star rating , & is constantly striving for more to get that last star ( both for his own ego as well as a secret debt to his grandfather ) .

𝐢𝐯 .

ok but that vid where gordon puts two pieces of bread on someone’s head & calls them an idiot sandwich ? that’s oscar . intense as fuck in the kitchen , & best nobody catch an attitude about it bc he will not hesitate to hand them their ass on a silver platter .

another gordon reference : you know how he’s the spawn of satan with adults , but the sweetest , most helpul guy with children ? that’s oscar with his staff vs people he wants something from . whether its to sleep with them ( usually his first instinct to be fair ) , their money or clout , or to get into some wild adventure some random resort staff wouldn’t dream of getting into , he can turn on the charm whenever needed .

can go from absolutely demoralizing someone in the kitchen to stepping out into the lounge to schmooze with his friends or cougars who leave phat tips in 0.2 seconds . the speed at which his mood can completely 180 is one of the seven world wonders ( last i checked ) .

his love language is absolutely acts of service . catch him actually falling in love once in a blue moon & making it his mission to cook her extravagant meals everyday .

the wolf in sheep’s clothing label epitomizes his nice , helpful , charismatic exterior , while ulterior motives & disdain for those who grew up with more money than he did lurk beneath the surface .

he can be MEAN when someone fucks him over or pushes him farther than he wants - isn’t afraid to go for the low blows or send someone home with an identity crisis if it protects himself .

lowkey alcoholic but he’s not ready for that conversation yet . he sees it more as perks of the location & atmosphere he’s found himself in .

also lowkey falls in love HARD , like this man is a closeted romantic but self - sabotages all potential relationships before they can get to that point out of fear he’ll be unable to live life of his own volition ( takes a flaky philophobic sagittarius to know a flaky philophobic sagittarius 🤡 ) . has probably only had a few real relationships besides flings bc he’s afraid .

𝐯 .

check out my wanted plots tag listed here , as well as my pinterest wanted plots board here . here are some other suggestions hehe :

best friend / ride or die : someone who knows about his past , keeps him grounded when he’s lk spiraling & wants to drop everything & flee to some far flung corner of the earth .

actual relationship : it was fast - burn with deep feelings ( not them thinking they’re soulmates after dating for a month . . . pete & ariana type beat ) but completely unrealistic . they have their own life , he’s pretty much tied to the restaurant , not to mention his lack of sharing anything about his childhood / life back home . they loved & cared for each other , but crashed & burned fairly quickly because of how idealistic it was . they can either be on bad or good terms now .

hateship with sexual tension 😈

summer flings !!

fake boyfriend : he shows up on her arm to her family’s events where she’s expected to have a partner . it’s not a real relationship , but her parents don’t need to know that . he plays the part & satisfies her parents beyond the bare minimum , & in return she invites him to parties , takes him out on her family’s yacht , etc etc . we luv some symbiosis

i can always use more fwbs hehehe

squad : a group of people who do everything together , have a chaotic group chat , have nicknames for one another , are utd on each other’s sex lives , party all night then show up to brunch hungover together .

cat & mouse : someone he’s pursuing who isn’t quite giving in , & vice versa . maybe it’s been going on a few years , everytime they’re in st tropez they have this weird lil flirtationship thing goin on until she leaves , they forget about one another , then pick it right back up when she returns .

confidant : preferably someone from a working class background who understands his plight of being a worker amongst people who expect to be waited on .

enemies : they don’t like his attitude , & he doesn’t like them in return . lots of eye rolls , shit talking , & tension between their mutual friends .

we’re sleeping together but we shouldn’t be but that’s half the fun : for whatever reason they became friends , starting hooking up despite it not being a good idea ( read : he’s exes with one of her friends , her parents want her focused on career , they’re part of the same friend group , etc ) . . . but now they can’t stop . lots of stolen glances across rooms , squeezing past one another in a crowded club just close enough for a quick touch to the back , quietly leaving one another’s places the morning after & playing dumb to anyone who asks .

#villasintro #eeeek im hyped !!

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boujeedolls · 5 years

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rating the girls of the year (inspired by tiktok)

#18 they gave a white girl medium skin bc she has a “tan” lollll what. i dont know much about lea beyond that and her treehouse but when i opened her wikia page and read “1/8th brazilian” i was like close tab lollllllll just make a brazilian doll it’s ok!!!!!!!!

#17. grace was ok but definitely not my taste of person considering she can cook and romanticizes france and gets on a reality show ikufjfwefhuow remember that. and not the cool revolution france but like the macaroons and eiffel tower pandora bracelet after your holiday there tourist france. ag didnt use the ratatouille theme once in her movie

#16. i didn’t get too hype for blair but i feel like she is definitely gonna grow up to be a wine mom karen so i like her for that. also her hair, meet dress and of course....the overall and rainboot combo. she has a subscription to good housekeeping and she’s 10 i just know it. she has a pinterest board full of mason jars and is gonna name one of her kids mckaleigh

#15. saige was cute and love the southwest aesthetic but even as an artistic person i thought she was soooo annoyinggg in the fact that she acted like art class being taken away for a year was the end of the world. ik i sound like a boomer rn but saige you can just paint at home or in the fancy studio you have access to insert the kardashians kim there are people that are dying soundclip. (btw i think it was perfectly cool that they got funding for their school for arts education that’s fine and all but just her PRIVILEGE)

#14. i was obsessed with chrissa when she came out but like... not her. like the movie?? watched the trailor everyday and had the behind the scenes videos practically memorized. the friend dolls that were prettier than her doll. the outfits and most of all......the most chaotic ag product ever released....starburst. 2009.

#13. mckenna was cool but she kind of scares me. i shant elaborate.

#12. you know what i haven’t read joss’s books at all but the fact that they brought back a surfing theme and finally have a cheerleader AND she has a canon disability makes her cool in my book.

#11. lindsey bergman was a sweet chicagoan jewish girl who just wanted to make people happy SHE DESERVES ALL THE HYPE

#10. lanie was so adorable. like i really liked her camper even though it cost like a kidneys amount and i love her environmental theme and how truly passionate she was about it. the bunny on the leash is cute and she was the cutest illustrated girl imo also her sister playing the same thing over and over again until lanie lost it is so funny to me as a cello major

#9. gabi was so interesting and DIDN’T DESERVE TO BE A RECYCLED DOLL!!!!!!!!! love that she was multifaceted and interested in many forms of expression whereas many times this line can get kind of one dimensional. love that we finally had representation for our speech impediment girls and oh yeah she’s still the only black contemporary character IN THE 19 YEARS SINCE AG DECIDED TO START MAKING 18 INCH CONTEMPORARY GIRLS. AND. THEY. REHASHED. A TRULY MEEEE!!! not her fault tho she’s a fictional character.

#8. isabelle was the only goty doll i owned but that’s not the point i mean i like her and her story and the ballet school thing but like....kinda rehashed marisol (i mean, they kinda had the right bc it was a new generation 9 years later and dance is a common interest) and her design was pretty boring but lovely nonetheless. she’s like the chocolate chip cookie of ag. like really plain but good.

#7. i honestly think kailey gets slept on i think she’s super pretty and an environmental queen and all around lovely 2003 hollister california surfer girl i miss when that was cool

#6 whoever thought of luciana deserves a raise someone really said “space girl with dyed hair” and everyone said mint SHE HAD A SPACE SHUTTLE SIMULATOR THING AND A WHOLE ASTRONAUT SUIT? the galaxy print? A STEM THEMEEEE FOR THE STEM GIRLSSSS

#5. kanani akina is like......the prettiest girl american girl ever thought of. like it’s almost unrealistic how gorgeous her doll and illustrations are. speaking of illustrations THE SEAL ONE??? REMEMBER THAT?? i had her in my hand and almost bought her once again gorgeous collection lives like a euphoric life IMAGINE living in a small kauai town and working at your family’s shave ice stand and coming home to your pet rooster goat and dog

#4. nicki fleming i adore her she is a beautiful and socially aware country girl who has trouble saying no i relate to her a lot and she grows so exponentially in her books, i would dare say even more than most of the other gotys. remember when she made cowboy hats look good.

#3. i genuinely love jess akiko mcconnell soooo fricken much our gorgeous girl getting kids interested in archaeology and halter tops her whole collection was amazing i really would’ve loved if they made more books of her traveling with her parents!

#2. OUR LATINA QUEEN MARISOL LUNA she really was everything from her illustrations, her MEET OUTFIT her TRUNK her CAT her LITTLE MAZE GAME we love the west side chicago dancing queen she was everything no wonder ag decided to do goty every year after her ugh we stan

#1. and finally we have mia. iconic outfits. unique theme. amazing bedroom collection. humorous lawrence yep books. worked her way in custodial because money was tight, fun online games, once again need i remind you WE MET HER WHEN SHE RAN OVER THE BULLY WITH A ZAMBONI

#been a while and i feel like i will be attacked for this #american girl

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bettsfic · 4 years

Note

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on breaking bad if you feel like sharing!! You're done with it, right?

oh my god thank you for asking. you have no idea how much i want to talk about this show but i’m running in a decade late with starbucks and feel weird just cold posting about it. i just finished the whole series and i watched el camino twice, and i’ve also been catching up on bts stuff and digging through a bit of the meta commentary of the time. i haven’t started BCS but i plan to soon.

first off, when i started watching the show, i realized i actually had seen a bit of it. it turns out i saw the first 3 seasons back in 2011, but it was shortly after my dad had died of cancer, and my boyfriend insisted on watching it. i remember telling him that it made me uncomfortable because it was too close to home. my dad had cancer for 4 years, and mom was going through bankruptcy because of all the medical bills. my boyfriend didn’t care. he made me keep watching, and i guess we broke up before we got to s4. or maybe there were only 3 seasons out at the time. either way, i set it down in 2011 and vowed not to watch it.

then a month or so ago, i finished westworld 3, got obsessed with aaron paul, and decided to give brba another go.

(this gets personal. so putting the rest under a cut!)

so s1 and 2 are solidly okay. the show seemed like it was finding its feet and didn’t know what it wanted to be, a comedy or a tragedy, but i know that feeling and sometimes i really like when stories toe that divide, so i didn’t mind. s1 and 2, i was mostly marveling over how utterly beautiful aaron paul is. my god.

s3 has some major pacing issues (monologues! so many monologues!!), but the show starts to really come into itself and figure out What It Is. i skipped over a lot of stuff after reading wiki summaries, mostly that just seemed like suffer porn and which i knew would dwell a lot in discomfort. then we get to the episode where jesse monologues at walt about how walt ruined his life, and i was just sobbing. i don’t think a tv show has ever made me cry like that. i was ruined.

even if the writing of those seasons isn’t the best, the direction and performances are some of the best i’ve ever seen in television. aaron paul and bryan cranston could read a phonebook at each other and make it compelling.

the entire time, i just wanted jesse and walt to get on each other’s sides and work together. i was in it for the loyalty kink. i had no idea there would be so much angst, and i was veering toward the point of giving up. but i was assured repeatedly by friends that it would get better.

and it did. walt saves jesse. walt fights for jesse. jesse fights for walt. THEY WORK TOGETHER. and more importantly, their relationship starts to get so fucked up, so codependent, so toxic. and not in the way shows usually portray fucked-up relationships, like totally oblivious to its own toxicity. this show leans in. it seems to know the entire time exactly the psychological connotations its evoking, and it does it intentionally. and i really value it for that.

s4 is where the show went from “pretty good” to “holy shit.” i’ve never seen a more accurate and clear portrayal of a narcissist. my triggers are many, varied, and wildly inconsistent, but i was in a state of being mildly triggered for days, and i really appreciated that feeling, that a story could push me that far and make me reflect as deeply as it did. i tend to go wild over anything that can make me feel something, even if it’s bad. most stuff i read and watch just kind of numbs and distracts me. this show wasn’t an escape so much as an assault. and i loved it for that.

my dad was a narcissist, and every interaction between jesse and walt or skyler and walt brought up a thousand memories of things my dad said and did. at one point, when walt is really at his worst, i think around skyler telling him she’s waiting for his cancer to come back, i remember thinking, “if walt were a little bit meaner, he would be just like my dad.”

and oh boy, that thought fucked me up. my dad was worse than the most believably evil character in the history of television. i got diagnosed with ptsd in 2017 and have spent these past 3 years more or less fighting that diagnosis, thinking, “it wasn’t that bad!” because my dad wasn’t physically violent. at least not frequently. and i’ve never been able to articulate what exactly my dad did that was so bad, or how insidious his behavior was. he didn’t cook meth obviously, but he had that false disenfranchisement attitude, that resentfulness that walt has toward his family for taking his greatness from him, that regret at not being more than he was.

but seeing my dad’s behavior playing out on screen, not just accurately but calling it out for exactly as fucked up and toxic as it was -- and how it affects, destroys, all the other characters -- it may have been hard to watch, but i’ve never felt so validated. i finally feel like i’m not faking it anymore or making it up or being dramatic. or, as my dad liked to say, “too sensitive.” i’ve only ever been able to write about my dad in sections, put pieces of him in different characters, because to put him fully into anything, fiction or non, feels like it would completely eject a reader from the story. brba showed me there’s a way to do it, and now i feel inspired to maybe tell that story finally.

so i’m intensely grateful to vince gilligan for making a believable, empathetic (not sympathetic) narcissist, and writing his long and steady decline into evil. on a storytelling level, it was extremely satisfying to watch, because most writers don’t have the patience to stick with evil characters, or really get into their psychology. on a personal level, i feel like i’ve worked through a lot of stuff while watching it, and i feel like a major weight has been lifted.

a lot of mass media is made by people who are just taking jobs and don’t really care about what they’re doing. it’s clear that everyone involved is just looking for a paycheck. but i got the sense the entire time i was watching brba that everyone really loved and believed in what they were doing. there was a carefulness to the story and a sensitivity in it that kept me glued the entire time.

and i won’t even get started with el camino because that’s a whole different rant, involving how in absolute awe i am of aaron paul, but i loved it so so much, and i’m 10k into a post-EC fic that i’m hoping to post in a week or so. (unrelated but i just watched a table reading of a s5 brba episode and aaron paul just WRECKS himself during it. everyone else is kind of panning their lines, but he’s just sitting there SOBBING. i’m glad he won the emmys he deserved for his performance. if anyone wants to come talk to me about aaron paul, i am HERE)

we’ll see how i feel in a year, but as of right now, brba in my top 5 favorite (drama) shows of all time. it’s really rare that i both 1) think show/book/movie is extremely good and 2) get obsessed enough to write fic about it. usually i only write fic about stuff that has unmet potential, and i feel compelled to fix it or use the characters for something else. but in the case of brba, i’m more interested in expansion and homage.

anyway i’m probably going to watch el camino again tonight. happy to take more asks about brba!

#abuse cw #death cw #brba #my meta #Anonymous

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waveridden · 4 years

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seb townsend?

i am going to assume you meant either seb or mike and this was a mistake, or possibly you do not know blaseball and have successfully reverse-engineered these two names from my posts without realizing that it is two characters. but i am stalling homework so you will get both characters. tossing under a cut just bc it’s long as hell

sebastian telephone

favorite thing about them

he’s a NICE BOY... he’s very excited and cool and happy to be here and he’s just like. the kind of person you enjoy spending time around

least favorite thing about them

fucked up that he died twice. that shouldn’t happen

favorite moment

i actually do not know enough about steaks lore/etc to have one although i will say the moment in hall stars where he got incinerated again was one of the most devastating things i have ever experienced

brOTP

jess obviously and i especially think we as a fandom need to zoom in more on the fact that the seb telephone from season 4 on is from another dimension because can you imagine being jess telephone and spending your whole life with your brother weaker than you and relying on you and then one day he’s replaced by someone who’s almost exactly the same but not quite. i think that would be horrible. also it’s fucked up that he was never on the team at the same time as allison because i feel like they could be a really good “someone will die” “of fun!” pair

OTP

townseb because it’s the world’s saddest concept. you know what the timeline is like? sebastian gets reality-swapped in the season 4 elections. that means they get two seasons where they can spend time together, and then mike is in the shadows and seb gets incinerated about three months later. and then mike is out of the shadows during hall stars, and then seb gets incinerated again instead of getting released. it’s all about the timing and the almost-maybe-what-if of it all it’s about the stars never quite aligning but they keep trying anyways

nOTP

i don’t really have one? i mean i’m no expert but i have seen seb/conner haley and i would love for someone to like. explain that to me. because based on my knowledge level (ie wiki pages) i don’t get it

random headcanon

he’s actually a really good cook? like not a Professional Chef but makes a mean carbonara, that kind of a thing.

unpopular opinion

i see him listed as one of the “Main Characters Of Blaseball” a whole bunch and it’s like. he’s not. it’s nice that you think he is but i disagree with you. (i mean also i think part of the fun of blaseball is there are no Main Characters other than, like, jaylen and jess and maybe landry, but i digress)

song i associate with them

i truly don’t know but cola made a townseb playlist and i have been thinking about parallel universe by clara benin for a week now so i’m going with that

favorite picture of them

i don’t know about “favorite” but this made me cry for like five minutes the other day so it’s top of mind

mike townsend

favorite thing about them

mike townsend is the kind of guy who will help you move into your new apartment. not because you’re, like, friends with him, but because you needed an extra pair of hands and he’s around. he’s genuinely just happy to be here. he’s just like... a fundamentally decent person.

least favorite thing about them

he’s such a fucking pushover. grow a spine michael

favorite moment

the first time he retreated into the shadows and absolutely nobody knew what to do or how to handle it. also this is less of a moment and more just a thing i enjoy but i think it’s SO funny that there’s lore about how he can strike out jessica telephone. like that’s the one thing he can do and that rules

brOTP

i know a lot of people go in for mike/jaylen as good friends and i think that’s very good, and i enjoy mike and lenny a lot. but i am here to make the case for allison abbott, who always kind of pushed him around (as a joke) and took him for granted (he’s a very nice guy) and then suddenly he was gone? and oh shit it feels kind of mean that they kept calling him a disappointment and a fuck-up and making jokes about how bad he was? and as soon as mike was out of the shadows she called him and was like. hey i was kind of a dick to you and i think it was in a bad way, can we try and be better friends now

OTP

once again i love townseb, and i think tillsend is pretty good, but i think like... okay. i was trying to explain to someone recently that part of the appeal of tillman/mike/declan is that they are all kind of dirtbags but they are different kind of dirtbags. but also i think mike/declan are very compatible dirtbags and it’s a truly underrated dynamic

nOTP

mmmmm not sure i think you could sell me on a lot of ships with mike in them. although i do think he’s gay as hell

random headcanon

only drinks coffee because everyone else does. if he’s left to his own devices this man has two modes and they’re water and red bull

unpopular opinion

i think he should be allowed to be mad at jaylen? like not necessarily Bitter Enemies or anything but i think there is a little bit of tension inherent to that relationship like. speaking personally if i gave up my life and existence for someone and then that person killed a bunch of people and scattered my friends across the country, i might have a hard time picking up a normal friendly relationship with them

song i associate with them

i mean all the garages songs. is that a copout

favorite picture of them

i am incredibly fond of this art of mike and jaylen

#waveridden.ask #anonymous #i need a blaseball tag #thank you!!#Anonymous

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 5 years

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Favored Ones, Part 5. (Joel Miller x Fem!reader)

Description: When you spend every evening with someone who’s deeply under your skin, a certain relationship can be developed. So it’s crushing for Joel when Y/N suddenly disappears. But there’s way more to the relationship that one would’ve guessed.

A/N: Inspired by Ecstasy by Crooked Still (Bitches who saw TLoU Part II. E3 trailer know what’s uppp).

Warning: ANGST bcs knife dad Joel Miller is full of anger and he needs a fucking break. I swear.

Tagging: @jodiereedus22 @nemodoren @xxgoldenhour @missdictatorme

Word count: 2.9 K

If you like this story, please, more parts can be found here! :): H E R E

One day prior events of the hunt, 2038:

And so your plan was born. The great plan, as Ellie called it. Ellie was about to tell Dina and she was extremely nervous.

You were pretty calm thanks to your impulsive behavior - you finally calmed down during those last two weeks and prepared for confronting the old man with the intel Ellie gave you.

Joel already knew that your hunting lessons are far gone by that moment. He was a bit sad about that - though he hated to say it, he missed those evenings. He was missing those moments when you two walked in the woods and talked, sometimes you shut up in one second and the other one you both were in a hunting mood, trying to show the other one who's wearing pants and who's capable of hunting down more animals.

He usually won. But when thought about it... He liked your competitions. Joel tried to tell himself that there's no place for having any melancholy at those times. But he saw you a few times here and there in the city while you were walking around with that fisherman's son.

So was he right in the end? You truly were into that boy. And as far as Joel could tell, he was in love with so much it almost hurt his eyes. That kiddo was obsessed with your every move.

But it made him think - you had enough time to be with that kiddo, but you didn't have enough time to improve your hunting skills, which made him furrow. Joel decided that he needs to investigate that situation. And what could have been better than talking to Ellie? So he joined her on her walk through the small town.

"Well, nice to see you after a long time, old man. Will you come to today's meeting about that city exploration we're planning next week?" - Ellie smiled at him and took some sweet potatoes you, she and Dina planned to grill on hot coal. The next thing she needed was some onion and chicken meat. You definitely were the best cook.

"I think I need to. I haven't been to one since October. I had too much work with those kiddos. You and your friends are scheduled?" - Joel tried to ask innocently. He was walking alongside Ellie throughout the whole market.

"Yeah. But Dina and Y/N probably won't make it to the meeting at all. Jesse will be there as always. Why? Do you need something specific?" - Ellie stopped and her smooth lips parted. She was thinking about Joel's motivation behind his questioning. It was almost six months ago since she and Joel had a proper conversation just like that.

"They won't?" - Joel rose his eyebrows and mist slowly came out of his lips. - "How so? Dina doesn't have time and Y/N is ill, or what?"

"No. They're going on the dance night. Dina is after a breakup and Y/N is going there with Philip." - Ellie turned back to the seller and pointed her finger on the best looking chicken breasts. - "But why would you care, big guy? These girls aren't your responsibility."

"Yeah. But I kinda noticed that Y/N is really good at letting her responsibilities be just as they are in the last two weeks." - Joel took the chicken meat and gave it to Ellie so the marketer would not interrupt their conversation.

"Is she? I haven’t noticed at all." - Ellie was playing on really thin ice, but she was smiling and she knew it really well, because she finally figured out what Joel is after. You and your time management. That would not be anything bad - if he cared about the others as well. She looked at him with her eyes partially closed, but didn't say anything.

"I did. She isn't coming on our training, didn't talk to me for the last two weeks, she doesn't go to the forest anymore and she isn't on most of the meetings." - Joel put his forearms crossed in front of his chest, furrowing at Ellie. - "Is it the kiddo from the lake? She's rather irresponsible these days. If she doesn't stop, it will have bad consequences."

"Philip?" - Ellie stopped again and looked Joel in the eyes. - "Also, why you're so concerned about her? She told me that she doesn't need your training anymore, she's capable of hunting on her own. Something happened between you two?" - Ellie furrowed her brows at Joel. So maybe he could be interested in some way - no, Ellie corrected herself. He was interested. He never thought about anyone's time schedule when they stopped training with Joel. Joel just didn't care enough to ask.

It maybe wasn't exactly the flame of endless affection, but he was thinking about you. That was a good sign.

"Does something need to happen for me to be curious?" - Joel looked far away from Ellie because he started to feel uncomfortable. Joel wasn't aware that Ellie knew about your crush on him; nor did he knew that you had told her. Yet he was feeling uncomfortable. - "I'm just worried about her future. That's all."

"Riiiight. About her future. Ok. But she's not in any bad hands. Don't be worried." - Ellie patted his shoulder. So that was probably all that he will get out of Ellie. - "But on another note, will you come tonight on the dance? I would like to have a round or two with you. Just like old times, huh?"

"You know that those things aren't exactly mine area, do you?" - Joel chuckled in his low, singing voice. He scratched his forehead nervously.

"You can ask Y/N yourself, don't you think? I can't speak for her." - Ellie raised her eyebrows in his direction. Joel looked at her as if she was about to go fucking crazy. - "About the hunting sessions, I mean."

When the big dance came by, you went with there with Philip by your side. Dina came along as well, not even thinking about going on the meeting to stand Jesse's ass one more minute. They had broken up again, so everything was going a-ok for that shy lesbian.

Ellie went to the meeting with Joel and Jesse - and she promised you that she'll try to talk Joel down. Nothing was for sure.

But you knew one thing - you and Dina started your evening with glasses of whiskey down and its bottoms up. You poured down at least three of them, so you would be able to let Philip's hands roam around your body. It did nothing to you, yet you needed to let him be during the dance. You were suffering every time he tried to touch you.

Slowly, the band members, with whom you've been drinking until that moment, sat behind their instruments and started playing as the hall started to get fuller - with people of all ages, like children, youngsters, and adults.

You gently dodged all of Philip's tries to make you dance with him. You sighed with relief when Ellie slowly entered the room with he faced red from nerves and winter outside. Oh, yeah - it was her big evening. Telling Dina. You were excited.

You waved at her as you danced with a small boy named Louis. She waved back at you and took a glass of bourbon as well. She was excited about that. Then you left Louis there to catch up with the young ladies in the hood to go for Ellie.

"Hi, baby." - She hugged you tightly and gave you a second glass of alcohol. - "I hope that I'll survive this night. God may help me. What about Philip?" - She asked and gulped a bit.

"We're playing dodge all the time. I just don't like that boy, I'm sorry. I'm waiting for the big game to come around." - You giggled into the glass. Oh fuck, you were tipsy as hell.

"There he is." - Ellie pointed her finger at the other side of the hall. Seriously Joel stood there nervously, with hands over his chest, looking around him. - "Here, take this to him and see how it goes." - She gave you her glass of alcohol and smacked your ass playfully. You screamed a bit with a happy tone. Ellie showed you crossed fingers and one corner of her lips slowly crept into a smile.

So you approached Joel with your tipsy walk and lazy smile, rising your eyebrows. You gave him one glass and then smoothed your hair. The shirt you had on made your boobs irresistible. Every man must've looked at them at least once. Those old jeans were making your bum rounder... No wonder that Philip was into you so much.

"Look who we got here." - You gulped down the while glass and giggled, putting the glass on the table next to his hip. - "Really nice to see you here big guy, enjoying the life, having fun in the evening."

"Ellie wished me to come. Here she's with Dina." - He pointed at them and you just turned around to see them kissing. Good girl. Now, it was your time to hit the big jackpot. - "Oh wow."

"Do you want to dance as well?" - You blurted out so Joel didn't have to ask you absolutely anything. He just couldn't as he froze down. - "I mean... Ellie told me you wanted to ask me about something. A slow song is playing now, we have the time. What do you say?" - You asked innocently and played with the thought of taking his fingers into your palm, but you didn't do it.

"Youngblood..." - Joel sighed and drank the glass to the bottom.

"Just one dance. Come on. Won't hurt you, old man." - Joel looked at the people around you and then sighed again. He wasn't happy at all with you. But how could he resist?

You took a very similar hold on him as Dina did with Ellie; your hands circled behind his neck, your body so close to him that he felt how warm your body was. He put his hands on the small of your back and tried to look as annoyed as he could.

The trust was that Joel hadn't danced in the whole eternity. He was enjoying himself a lot at the moment, to be honest. Slow moves, gentle and romantic music, relaxed atmosphere, beautiful girl... No. He stopped himself with the melancholy. No space for that bullshit.

"So you stopped our sessions, you stopped the meetings, anything that I've missed? Or that's all?" - He asked quietly, his thumbs playing with a small part of your shirt.

"Oh, you missed my relationship with the nicest boy around." - You said sweetly and watched his jaw covered in a beard. Oh, how you missed that view. But now, you were too sensitive on the rhythm of his breath and on how warm he was even through the clothes. His chuckle resonated deep within you.

"Hard to be missed, youngblood. It's nice to see you happy." - He made you turn slowly before one of his hands caught yours and the second ended on your hip.

"I can be even happier. You know that?" - Your fingers gripped his shoulder tightly and for a moment, you pressed his body into his. And with that, he left you alone. He just stepped aside and you felt as your heart sank again. No. You slowly rose your head. Not this fucking time. This time, you were ready.

"And I don't do these things. You know that?" - Joel turned around with angry mumbling. - "So that's why Ellie made come here... Jesus Christ." - And with that, every of his one hundred and eighty centimeters disappeared into the white darkness outside.

"What the fuck is your fucking problem?!" - You ran after him, looking at him while the snow started to cover your hair and face. Your cheeks instantly reddened as you looked at him. He turned to you with the same affection as you yelled at him. Oh, this argument was about to be one of the best of your lives.

"What the fuck is my problem?" - Joel came closer to you, almost pushing you further away with his hands, but he stopped himself at the right moment. - “The question is what is your problem?”

“My problem is named Tess and your grief over her.” - You told slowly and then you stood up straightly. Joel just closed his eyes and turned away from you. Yeah, Ellie spoke to you about a woman who she knew for a very short amount of time. As she spoke about Tess five years apart, she figured out that there maybe was something more. So that was the spot you should attack if Joel gives you a chance. Just as she attacked Sarah’s little spot in Joel’s heart.

“Stop living in the past, Joel.” - You said loudly again, while Joel looked like he’s about to murder you. Nobody else knew about what happened to Tess, except Tommy, nor anybody knew that she did even exist.

Joel attacked every time someone attacked his own past. Then it was his time to be offensive.

“Like somebody who is still a kid, who basically never went outside the city’s boundaries and who has everything they need around them could ever tell me what living in the past is.” - He walked to you, his nostrils were getting bigger as he started to breathe louder. - “So I warn you to let all of this be and walk back, take that kiddo for a round or two and forget that we ever had this conversation.”

“Or what if you fucking tell me, that you want to have... Something with me? How does that sound?” - You came closer to him, still not touching him.

The snowy and cold air was slowly getting sultry. You needed to open up his eyes - Ellie told you everything she noticed while Joel caught up with her on the market. You spoke with her about that and Ellie told you that there might be something more into it, but that Joel is a much more complicated person to say for sure to say it. That he likes you.

“Just face it, Jesus fucking Christ, it is not that hard. You were curious about me stoping to come to our training, you asked about me and Philip even if you didn't have to care at all and you tried to get some intel from Ellie.” - You rolled your eyes and chills formed on your body. You two stood in a total snowy and ice-cold night. Fucking weather. - “And if you told me that you only care about my future, then you can shove this bullshit up your ass because I don't fucking care. Because you and me? We have something. We have a connection.”

So you brought up Tess, which hurt him - but Ellie was your source of information. He couldn't be angry with his baby girl because she told you after the two of them spoke at the market. She had to. She was trying to help the situation.

He wasn't sure, but something gave Joel the feeling that Ellie knows him way better he knows himself.

For a moment, Joel closed his eyes before looking at you once again without any of his normally forbidden feelings. You were a young, truly gorgeous woman. You were bright and capable of noticing small details even if you cursed like a sailor.

He wasn't doing any type of romantic relationship since the moment Tess has died. He wasn't exactly in love with her, but she was his girl for a long night. But you were absolutely right - there was no need for living in the past. And Joel was scared of it when the past was creeping up upon him almost every time he went to sleep.

And yet, there you stood, offering him a helping hand to let all of it go. You were offering him to bring him back to reality. And as you said, maybe the elders, like your very own parents, won't be too happy about that. Maybe young people will look at you differently. But you had courage which Joel was mesmerized with. You wanted to try.

To try leaving the past, both yours and his, behind you to focus on the future. And that was one of the bravest things he saw until that day.

In his own way, he missed your sense of humor, your cursing and your gentle fingers holding your bow just as he misses the way you smelled and smiled at him.

He wanted to try as well.

"You're right." - Joel said slowly and almost coldly, which made your heart sank with fear once again. - "I think that maybe we have something together."

"So is that a yes?" - You whispered and shook with coldness once again. Jesus, you needed to get on a warm place or a glass of whiskey. Maybe both.

"I think that it is a yes."

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x y/n #joel x reader #joel miller imagine #the last of us #tlou #ellie williams #ellie and joel tlou #ellie tlou #joel tlou #ellie the last of us #joel the last of us #naughty dog #naughty dog games

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kyliexc · 5 years

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AYOOOOOO, it me, mini from the blockkk ~ and im here to give you a very bratty kid. she’s rude, unfiltered, ride or die and a hell of a fighter. truly, i hate her but i hope you enjoy her and i wanna plot with everyone new and old pls.

chicago’s very own kylie castillo has been spotted on madison avenue driving a bentley continental gt, welcome ! your resemblance to becky g is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty first birthday bash . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re hot tempered , but being brave might help you . i think being an aries explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be a bottle of patron, messy makeup brushes and a joint. & ( female + she/her ) + ( mini , 23, she/her , est )

We got a pinterest board right here ! Besides that, give this a like and i’ll mssge u!

Basic Information

Full Name: kylie valentina castillo

Nickname(s): ky, kyky, k, kybby

Age: 21

Height: 5 ft

Date of Birth: April 15th 1998

Zodiac sign: aries

Hogwarts house: slythindor (slytherin + gryffindor)

Ethnicity: mexican

Nationality: american

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Orientation: bisexual

Religion: agnostic-catholic

Tattoos: a peach on her ass, #2 tramp stamp and canon becky g tattoos

Language(s) Spoken: english + spanish

Accent: american with a hint of spanish

Favourites

Weather: fall

Colour: yellow or pink

Music: sebastian yatra, reik, travis scott,

Movies: halloween or selena

Sport: soccer, basketball, hockey, volleyball

Beverage: tequila

Food: chicken or carne asada tacos

Animal: lions + dogs

Family

Father: alejandro castillo, soccer player (jersey #7)

Mother: lupe castillo (molina), seamstress/designer

Sibling(s): ricky castillo

Step Siblings: jesse james altera, elissa altera

Pet(s): sushi and lola (dogs)

BIOGRAPHY

FAMILY HISTORY

kylie castillo is 2nd generation American, meaning that both pair of her grandparents immigrated to the United States a looong time ago from Mexico, and both her parents grew up in the USA.

Her dad, alejandro castillo grew up in Los Angelos, California working to be a big time soccer player, and he got scouted but he ended up playing for MEXICO, and when he wasn’t playing for the official team, he played for Barcelona FC. So her dad made a name for himself in soccer.

Her mom, lupe castillo molina grew up in Chicago, Illinois. She went to school and started up her own fashion brand, it was small and slowly growing as she was working as a seamstress for different companies all over Chicago. It took awhile to take off, but it did, and she had a shop in Spain bc she was illegal in the US and it was easier to stay in Spain and gain citizenship. ANYWAY, her shop blew up in Europe before getting big in the US.

Both met in Barcelona where lupe was just a fan. it suddenly became more after they got pregnant, and after they married with their first child they decided to settle in Chicago.

They were together until Kylie was 12 years old and her mom started seeing angelo altera, eventually marrying him for a few years. This means that she’s step siblings with lennon james and elissa altera!

That marriage didn’t last that long, so right now both her parents are single, separated and living in different households that share the same customs. EXCEPT, kylie’s mom and dad seem to be sorta reconciling~

lupe castillo currently lives in New York for her step kids and kids while alejandro castillo still resides in Chicago, and sometimes Los Angelos.

WHO IS KYLIE CASTILLO?

kylie was born in Chicago and she had a pretty normal childhood. she grew up in a house with her parents, siblings and grandparents under one household, growing up with hispanic traditions. She grew up speaking latin american spanish meaning she’s bilingual and is 100% PROUD of her ethnicity even though she has been told the typical slurs from ignorant people, but you know, it happens. it’s really only made her stronger as a person.

kylie has always been the closest to her dad and he implemented not just in kylie but in all of his kids that if you work hard you can achieve anything. to not let anyone tell you that you can’t do things. this was especially true with sports. ofc having a soccer player for a dad, kylie was automatically interested in soccer, all of her siblings were and are. they were known as the sports family on the block.

while her dad taught her sports and to toughen up in any situation, by no means does this mean she was a tomboy. she can play a game of soccer in 6 inch heels. if you don’t think so, she’ll prove it to you! So while her soccer interest grew, her mom would introduce kylie to clothes, makeup, cooking. all of that stuff so kylie always knew to be presentable. ‘let them judge you by what you wear so you can prove them wrong with who you are.’ is one of a thousand quotes her mom would tell her about life.

even if kylie grew up comfortable and in a good position, her parents instilled the value that you gotta work hard to get what you want. if you don’t implement blood, sweat and tears, you haven’t earned it. So if you know kylie, she’s a partier mixed with a workaholic sometimes mixed with a UFC Fighter dEKJGDKJFSGH

When her parents broke up, she went on a rebellious streak, more of a streak than the one she’s always on. she had family that weren’t the safest but for kylie it was safe. so she got involved with some shady characters, and she’s done some stufffffffffff. hmu if you wanna know more. FKJGHDFKHGJ that went on for awhile, she was wildin and she settled into her new home with her step siblings and step dad.

Kylie is still very much closer to her dad than her mom but she loves them both, bouncing between houses and states (since her mom lives in NYC now) to hang out with each of them often.

In a grand total, she’s a problem child that just likes to have fun.

CAREER

There was at one point where she wanted to be a soccer player like her dad but for a women’s team. although there were times growing up where she would definitely show guys she could kick their asses in the sport. she still can!

When her dad found out what she wanted, he made sure and he worked with her everyday to make her a better player, EXCEPT, kylie overworks herself, A LOT, even when her dad didn’t schedule practices. it didn’t work out for her in the end because during a game she really messed up her knee where she had to give up the sport.

She was DEVASTATED, and she moped for about a day before she found something else, which was makeup. She actually rlly slowly got into it, watching tutorials, practicing on her lita’s, siblings, tia’s, mom, etc. By networking through her mom’s connections, she landed a couple of gigs to do makeup for a couple of backstage things and movie productions. she was getting around to a lot of stuff.

For awhile she was an MUA, and works with a lot of different people. she doesn’t care who you are as long as you’re chill, but then she wanted to try something different and went into music. She is step siblings to lennon james, and there is a lot of musical influence in her life, so of course she was going to dip into that.

Her style of music is primarily in spanish, targeting that market and since it’s being big in the US, she’s definitely one of the prominent artists since she’s one of the few born in America that makes this type of music. So currently she’s working out stuff with music, working on collaborations, and then doing things in other fields.

Kylie doesn’t believe in limiting herself, if she wants to do something, she’ll do it. She also very much loves to work with charities and going to marches for things she believes in, using her platform for things like that ... even if she isn’t the best person to look up to.

PERSONALITY

kylie is literally F I E R C E. she’s got two types of personalities, one where she’s a home body and loves her family, will beat you in a quick game of soccer. she’s that bubbly girl with the laughter, sarcastic remarks followed by a smirk at the end of it

BUT

she is also that girl that when it’s time to work, she is scary. she knows what she wants, she knows how she wants it and she will get flustered when it’s not like that. she’s got a whole ‘that BIIITCH’ personality, like when she’s on the red carpet, she just has it going for her kind of thing.

but she’s a goof, and that’s something everyone will notice. she loves to make people laugh and smile.

if you’re an asshole, those are her favorite types where she’s just drawn to those people. she really does love a challenge.

A big thing for her is she is really hot tempered. talk shit get hit, is kinda her thing. if you wanna start an argument, don’t expect to come out of it without a scratch on you when you’re with kylie. she just has that mentality that if you don’t wanna talk it out she already has her hands up to start swinging.

If you’re close to her, she will ADORE YOU. This girl is ride or die for anyone she loves, she doesn’t care what you did, or how other people perceive you. if you’re close with kylie, that’s all she cares about. she’s too loyal.

connections?

old school friends

old school enemies

makeup clientele

squad?

ride or die

drunk friends

sibling like friends

exes ( good + bad + messy + angsty )

crushes ?

former lovers to friends

um, anything? let’s brainstorm ! :)

#i wrote a whole ass novel again #some things changed #ish #FDKJGHDKF #wealthyhq:intro

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deepdaleducks · 6 years

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Bad Day/Good Day

This is dedicated to our girl @forza-atleti It seems like she’s had a rough day so I thought she could use some Jesse love. Everyone go send her love because she treats us so well. Oh and listen to this song bc I love it ❤❤

He senses it as soon as you come through the door. Bag dropped angrily on the floor, shoes left out in the hallway. He senses it because he knows you. Because he was there when you were teenagers and you would fight with your parents. Because he was there when you failed your driving test after a car cut you up. Because he’s been there for years. And so he just knows its been a bad day by the way you don’t bother to call out his name to announce your return home. The way you pad straight to the kitchen and flick on the kettle with more force than necessary. The way you don’t make a sound as you stare out the kitchen window blankly.

He knows not to press you, not to ask. Instead, he creeps upstairs, pulls your favourite hoodie and sweats from his wardrobe, and places them on the counter beside you in silence. He watches as you pour the water in the mug and add a splash of milk. Watches as you take off your work clothes and throw them in a heap on the floor next to the utility door. Watches you stand there in your underwear in the middle of the kitchen, dragging your hands over your face in frustration.

And he stops himself. Stops himself from pulling you into his arms. Stops himself from telling you how beautiful you are. How he would kiss every inch of your skin given the chance. How he would love you the way you deserve to be loved. He falters when you look at him, hair cascading over your face, his hoodie in your hands, a simple “stop looking at me like that” falling from your lips.

“You wanna talk about it?” He asks cautiously, his sweats now comfortably sitting on your hips, hoodie drowning your torso.

“No” You reply, sipping from your tea. And he lets a silence fall for a while as he sits across from you at the breakfast bar. He doesn’t pressure you or ask any more questions. He just takes in your movements. Takes note of the way your hands hold the mug. How your lips curl up at the warmth of your drink. How you move across the room to put the milk back in the fridge.

“That dickhead at work was giving me shit all day.” He hears you say into the fridge. “God, my mother wasn’t half right when she said you shouldn’t get romantically involved with co-workers, or friends for that matter.” You don’t see the way his face falls when you say the words. “I just wish I had never slept with him, yknow? Like we were friends and it was great. Then I had to go fucking sleep with him. And now everything’s a mess because we’re not sleeping together anymore. He’s being such a shit about it.” He lets you ramble away, pacing round the kitchen grabbing a plate and snacks. “Maybe I should just start sleeping with him again.”

“No, don’t do that” He says quickly. Almost too quickly. So he continues before you can notice. Before you interpret his words the way he means them. “I mean you said yourself you shouldn’t get romantically involved with co-workers. Surely sleeping with him again would just make things more complicated than they already are.”

“Yeah I guess you’re right.” You say, looking at him as he looks at you a little differently to normal. “Oh and you know to top it all off? I’m pretty certain I’m gonna get sacked.”

He slams his hand down on the counter in shock. “What? How can they sack you? You’re like the back bone of that place.”

“I don’t know. I’m just not getting the best vibe from the bosses. They’re on my back for not doing my job properly when I’m doing the best I can. I’ve been working double time since the other manager quit, so I’m spread thin as it is. I think I might just quit before they get the chance to fire me, just so I have the satisfaction of walking away.” You muse, swirling your tea around the mug.

“What are you gonna do?” He mumbles. He’s worried. Worried you’ll leave. Worried all this will end. The living together. The coming home to each other.

“I have no idea. Maybe I should just go live with my parents for a bit. Get some space from it all.” The words shatter him. All his worst fears coming true as you speak.

“What and just leave me to live alone?” He says, trying to make it seem like a joke.

“Not like you can’t afford to live alone like, Jess.” He follows you as you walk into the living room, slouching on the couch beside you.

“Yeah but I don’t live alone because I can’t afford it. I don’t live alone because I like to live with you.” Because I love you, he omits.

“So, I stay. Then what? I’m unemployed. If I go home, I can just work for my dad for a bit before I find something else.” It’s not a solid plan, but it’s a plan, nonetheless. It would mean going against everything you had wanted. It would mean moving out of Manchester. It would mean not seeing Jesse every day.

“And just admit defeat? Do you seriously think I’m going to let you do that? You’re my best friend and you’re crazy if you think I’m going to let you give up that easily.” He says, reaching out a hand to hold yours in support. His eyes warm yours, causing them to light up a little for the first time all day.

“Thanks, Jess.” You reply, telling him you’re going to head upstairs and shower off the day.

When you return, you find him in the kitchen. He’s cooking your favourite meal, the one your mother always makes. He asked her for the recipe once. Calling her in his free time on a Wednesday. Going round to her house on the Sunday to learn her methods. It’s the one thing he knows how to cook, and he only does it occasionally. Whenever you’ve had a bad day or you’re feeling under the weather. He knows that you love it. He knows that it means the world to you.

He plates it up on the fancy china, the stuff exclusively reserved for when your parents visit, and lights a candle on the centre of the table. Low acoustic music coming through the speakers, you sit and eat together, shared bottle of wine and pepper grinder between you. You eat in silence, speaking sporadically to compliment him on the food.

“You know, if you’re worried about finding work, I can put in a word for you at United.” He mutters across the table. He’s suggested it at several times in the past. Every time you would come home complaining about your job, he’d say ‘just quit, I can get you a job at United’. And you would say ‘no, I can’t just take a job that you get me because of who you are, I have to earn it.’ He would argue that that isn’t how it would look. That you would get the job on your merit, on your abilities, and not just because you were his best friend. But you were far too worried about what people would say, what people would think, to let him do it.

“Jess, thanks for offering, but you know what the press were saying when we started living together. I don’t need all my mother’s friends from book club reading that I got my new job because I’m sleeping with one of the players.” Your words shut him up and he clears his throat nervously. In response, you lower your eye line, focusing on your plate. “Imagine how funny that would be. Everyone in my hometown thinking I’m sleeping with you.” And you don’t realise the venom in your words as you say them. You don’t think about how untrue they are. How much hurt they’re going to cause them. And you panic as he responds.

“Would that really be so terrible?” He follows with a scrape of his chair against the tiles. He empties the rest of his plate into the bin, washing it under the tap quickly.

“You know what I mean, Jesse.” He notices your use of his full name. Exclusively saved for serious situations. For when you’re angry at him or when you’re begging for forgiveness. For when he’s getting himself down or when you’re tired after a long day.

“No I don’t.” He says bitterly. Pushing past you to head back to the living room. He hears your feet follow his, but he doesn’t turn around. He throws his body on the couch and reaches for the remote, ignoring you the way you’re now ignoring your dinner, all your attention on him.

“God, you do. We’re best friends. We live together. Sleeping together would just make things awkward between us.” You try to get him to agree, to see your point of view but he doesn’t. He focuses on the television in front of him, some nonsense show playing that you know he has no interest in.

“That’s not what you said though. You weren’t talking about how it would be for us. You were talking about how everyone else would see it.” He keeps his eyes forward, face expressionless.

It clicks inside your head. Earlier he quickly told you not to start sleeping with your colleague again. He told you not to go back to your parent’s house. He told you to stay with him. And now he’s upset that you joked about sleeping with him.

You’re flashing back to so many moments throughout your friendship. The time he was your date to your brother’s wedding and your grandma commented on how much of a wonderful couple you were. His face when you had said, “no grandma, we’re not a couple, we’re just friends”. The first time he woke up to find your colleague in your kitchen on a Tuesday morning and all the times after that. His snide comments and lack of ability to make anyone but himself a brew despite there being three of you in the kitchen. The time you both got drunk at Marcus’ birthday and got a little too close in the taxi home. The morning after when he woke up and could barely look at you, your lips a little sensitive and your missing memories of how you got home. All the pieces fall together.

“Jesse, will you just look at me.” You demand reaching out for his hand to get his attention. He flinches slightly at your touch. Slowly, he turns his head to look at you, eyes sad and low and never fully meeting yours. “Do you love me?” You ask, stumbling over your words slightly.

“’Course I love you.” He replies. You know he’s not saying it the way you mean. You know he’s still got his defences up.

“Okay, let me reword that. Are you in love with me?” Rather than answer, he stands abruptly and walks out of the room, leaving you with the thoughts flying round your brain. His departure only causes more questions. Maybe you were wrong. Maybe you had misinterpreted everything completely wrong. You hear him rummaging around upstairs and shortly after he re-enters the room, a small envelope in his hand. He hands it to you, telling you to read it, before he leaves again. You tear open the envelope, a folded piece of paper inside it. You unfold it tentatively, terrified of how these actions could change everything.

I hope one day you’re reading this. Because if you’re reading this it means that things are changing. Or that they have changed. And I hope that that is good.

Last night wasn’t the first time I have looked at you and thought that you were everything I have ever wanted. But it was the first time I knew I wanted to do something about it. A bit of liquid courage at Marcus’ birthday and I was going to tell you. You were there on the dance floor, red dress, hair curled, no cares in the world and I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

I didn’t even have to say anything. You looked at me in the taxi and said it all for me. “I’m gonna marry you some day, Jess. You’re just so perfect aren’t you. I’m so in love with you.” And you kissed me like you never wanted to stop.

I was so happy. I thought that was it. And then I woke up today and you say you were so drunk you don’t even remember coming home. And I know you’re not lying because you couldn’t even find your shoes, even though you took them off and put them in your wardrobe like you always do.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m in love with you. And I’m also sort of mad at you because you’re not seeing that. I’ve always been in love with you and I always will be. I’m in love with all the things you say are flaws and all the lines on your face and freckles on your body. I’m in love with you despite the fact you’re possibly the world’s messiest roommate. I’m in love with the fact that you’re my best friend.

I don’t know when you’re going to read this. You may never read this. But I guess if you don’t its because I care so much about being your best friend that I don’t want to sacrifice that for something so stupid as being in love with you.

But if you’re reading this, I’m hoping it’s because I’m asking you to please be in love with me too.

His hand writing is messy, but it’s perfect. You find him outside, can of beer in his hand from the fridge. He’s leaning against the wall, staring out across the garden.

“You’re a liar,” you whisper, his head whipping up to look at you. You wave the letter at him. “You said you don’t want to sacrifice our friendship because you’re in love with me. You just did.”

“Oh right,” he mumbles. He’s disappointed. Disappointed that your first words to him weren’t ‘I’m in love with you too’. Disappointed that you’re not currently in his arms, lips finally together again. Disappointed that things didn’t go the way he had expected, the way he’d dreamed about.

You remain in the doorway, hesitant to move closer to him. “Why now?” You question, eyeing him carefully. “I wore a red dress to Marcus’ birthday two years ago. You’ve had this since then so why give it to me now?” A million thoughts were racing around your brain. The confirmation that you had kissed him clearing years’ worth of worry and confusion. He was angry and distant because you had forgotten – not because you had kissed him in the first place. All the feelings you had hidden and pushed down suddenly bubbling up within you.

“You said you were gonna leave. I was scared. I don’t want you to leave.” He confesses, stepping a little closer to you.

“I’m not gonna leave, Jess. I’m never gonna leave.” And with that you fold into his arms, his warmth cancelling out the chill coming up through your bare feet on the cold patio tiles. He holds you like that for a while, breathing in your scent, scared to let you go and face what he’s confessed.

He feels you pull back and he flinches, worried of what happens now. He’s reassured by your hands cupping either side of his cheeks, as his rest on your waist lightly. “I think” you start, his eyes searching yours for more, for confirmation that his world is not going to crumble around him. “I think I might be in love with you too.” His face erupts in a smile, that same childish grin that made you kiss him in that taxi all those years ago.

“Good,” he says certainly, leaning in to lock his lips with yours once more. He’s known how to deal with you on your bad days for years. How to make you laugh when you’re close to crying. How to rationally talk you down from any ledge you found yourself on. He knows because he’s seen it all play out over the years. He’s been there through the good and the bad. And he promises himself in that moment, you tangled up in his arms, lips pressed against his, that he’s going to be there throughout all the good and the bad even when your hair is grey and you’re both cooped up in a retirement home.

And you know that he’s always going to be able to make your bad days good with just the simplest of “I love you’s”.

Author’s Note - I kinda wrote this spontaneously tonight so there was no planning involved. If you think its crappy and doesn’t make sense that’s cool. Slow Burn 6 (the finale) will be coming out next weekend so keep an eye our for that (this isnt realted to slow burn its just a one of piece i wrote for chlo)

Hope you enjoy let me know what you think x

#footballer imagine #jesse lingard #man united #england nt #i never know what else to tag here #bad day/good day #writing

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kiseopingu · 5 years

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Yooooo, what's up! ❤ I got a bunch of questions from the OC thingy: 1, 2, 3, 4, 10 (+ bonus doing what?), 16, 17, 21, 25, 29 and 38 pretty please? 😊

Aaaah Nya I can always count on you for these things lmao THANK U!!!Which of my OCs would I most like to :

1. KissHow obvious am I if I say Jess lmao his kisses would be INTENSE. Also probably Ange bc I feel like she’d be REALLY GOOD at finding what makes you tick.(Jess is the pirate captain from my pirate novel, and has his own tag ; Ange is a mute bodyguard in my fantasy novel Orb’s Quest, she doesn’t have a tag (yet))

2. MarryAlso Jess, bc I’m predictable like that. I also feel like Will would be such a very good husband, but he isn’t interested in anyone lmao.(Will is one of the main characters from Orb’s Quest, a young soldier that becomes amnesic and is basically the catalyst for the events of the books. He’s SOFT)

3. PunchThis is SO HARD lmao. But also kinda easy. Kris from Blind for being an oblivious motherfucker. Shadow from Sea’s Song when we first meet him bc he’s a sexist asshole. (Kris is the doctor that takes care of Daniel - the MC - from Blind after his accident, and slowly falls in love with him ; Shadow is a tertiary character, heir to a village on a foreign island)

4. CuddleANDY WOULD BE SO GOOD AT CUDDLES BRING IT /ON/. Biggest arms to hug you with. YES. Also Alexander, the werewolf from the first ever short story I ever wrote, bc FUR.(Andy is the quartermaster on Jess’s ship and his closest friend. He’s a big mountain of muscle and fluff and I love him)

10. Pull an all nighter withWould love to pull an all nighter with Howl, the demon boy I created for a short story, talking about all he’s seen in the world, since he’s basically a fae I wrote before I ever knew the word existed.(I had not, in fact, known abt Howl’s Moving Castle when writing this and just chose the name bc he could turn into a wolf. He was a cast away demon with a prostethic eye from when is actual eye was ripped out before he was exiled)

16. Be comforted byOk, hear me out, here is the best support team you could wish for : Andy, because soft. Shana, bc she would have the best advice. Gabrielle, bc she’d be so angry for you and threaten to kill whoever upset you (probably with Meera as well). Adam, bc he’d just listen to you until you were drained.(Shana is also from Sea’s Song, she’s shadow’s sister and a secondary character that’ll join the others on their journey. She’s GREAT. Gabrielle is the elven MC of Orb’s Quest, a vengeful murder machine, and Meera is a secondary dwarf warrior character who will kick your butt until you beg her to stop and then laugh at you for hours. Adam is the protagonist of one of my short stories, a Soulmate!AU where only your soulmate can kill you, and he’s very wise and soft.)

17. Watch a horror movie withI hate horror movies, so someone who’d make me laugh, either Calleb or Darkas (leaning toward Calleb because he’d be the silliest one of the two). Or maybe Erik, bc he’d be so appalled by the awful visual effects and plot twists watching HIM would be the real show.(Calleb is one of the protagonists of Sea’s Song, a cursed, happy go lucky necromancer ; Darkas is from Orb’s Quest, a dragon prince with a mouth that tends to get him in (and out) of trouble ; Erik is the vampire protagonist of Scarlet Moon, 200 years old and too tired for this shit)

21. Write a love letter toCathy, I think. But like, from an author perspective. Tell her I love her for what she made me discover about myself and others, for helping me build the story that shaped (and still shapes) me.(Cathy is the protagonist from Sea’s Song. She’s a gifted alchemist and overall badass)

25. Spar withGut reaction was Ange but she’d obliterate me so let’s go with Helrin instead shall we? He could teach me magic tricks and how to sword fight and I feel like he’d actually love to teach people when he gets off his high emperor horse.(Herlin is the other MC of Orb’s Quest, a human emperor who’s basically a ball of guilt wrapped with anger wrapped with too much responsabilities for someone so young)Would also love to spar with Magdalena (also known as Lena, the MC of an has yet to be written fantasy novel very good with a rapière) and Lucy (a headhuntress in the soulmate!AU, and Adam’s soulmate)

29. Teach a new skill toWould love to teach anything to Tom! He’d be a really good student, patient and focused. I’d probably show him how to draw things, I guess.(Tom is a secondary character in Sea’s Song, the cook’s apprentice, and a lost puppy)

38. ExileErrrr good question... Marcoll bc he’s just... bad... you know(Marcoll is one of Helrin’s advisors in Orb’s Quest, and, without spoiling anything, a total backstabbing dickhead)

Thank u for asking all these questions, they really got me thinking about all my OCs (I have so many... this isn’t even a fifth of them... omg)

#Nya #Ask #About Me #My Characters #Writing

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explcsivcs · 5 years

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––––– ( jacob elordi, cismale, he/him ) i just saw CASEY O'NEILL walking down the street’s of provincetown the other day playing WATCH ME by JADEN out loud. rumor has it that the TWENTY-TWO year old is +CHARISMATIC, but can also be -RECKLESS — overall they’re a CRIMSON. they remind me of THE SOUND OF A REVVING CAR ENGINE, BOTTLE ROCKETS AT MIDNIGHT, NEUTRAL COLOR SCHEMES, and EMPTY MOVIE THEATERS. –– it’s your local idiot, here with a new child! he’s a mess, but aren’t they all ?? like this or whatevaaaa and i’ll come to u for PLOTS !

BACKGROUND.

casey boiiii was born in london to a couple’a rich folk. dad, sean, is the ceo of a massive pharmaceutical company, and mom, emma, is from old money but spends most of her time bein’ a lil socialite and doing heavy charity work. they were good for a long long time. like casey grew up wanting for nothing, attending elite private schools and just all around living The Dream™

his dad is stern and driven by logic and money. if it were up to him, he woulda been working 24/7 and leaving his son in the hands of a nanny until he was old enough to inherit the company lmao. his mama is the one who really ... held the family together. she stayed home with case, she made sure sean regularly spent time with the family. queen of holidays and sunday dinners. casey was absolutely a mama’s boy

all was well! until casey turned 12 and his mom fell terminally ill. she passed away within like six months of her diagnosis and yessir this is.. when shit hit the fan. sean became absolutely miserable and threw himself into work, thus throwing casey into the hands of house staff. he was rarely ever home and really... kind of just stopped dad duties and wallowed in his own grief.

casey tried desperately to get his dad’s attention back. he was making stellar grades, perfect grades even. he was in sports year around, and he was fucking good at them esp lacrosse. he ... fuckin learned to cook in hopes of taking after his mom and being able to keep sunday dinners going. he joined student council and even faked an interest in business. lil dude grew the fuck up at such a young age. and it! didn’t! work!

when he ... got into high school ... he got frustrated with his situation and started leaning into his unresolved anger because let me tell you he was ... pissed. about all of it. this is when he fell into the wrong crowd. he made friends who were rowdy and rude and violent, and he found that the most fervent things he felt was when he was doing something wrong. he ,.... dabbled in vandalism but also really started to get in trouble for fighting akdjfh

and it worked. his dad was halfway paying attention, being called into school after school as casey was suspended and occasionally even expelled for.. fighting. .. he was woken up in the middle of the night when casey was escorted home for being too drunk at a party or for getting caught street racing. every time they saw each other, his dad was screaming at him, but at least he was seeing him ya know??

casey really got into a lot of trouble when he got his license and began street racing. the adrenaline from racing kinda.... solved all of his problems?? like it dulled the anger and numbed the pain while also ... bringing him all the excitement and joy ya know.

when he was sixteen he uhhh got kicked outta the last private school in london that would take him for shitty attendance and fighting. the same week, he completely totaled his car, damn near killing himself in the process, by racing in a new housing development and uhhhh literally taking out an unfinished house (it’s ok all that was standing was like the wooden support beams aight) BUT it was either... spendin time in a juvenile detention center...... or being shipped off to stay with someone else and hopefully start over

so that’s what happened! good old sean o’neill said “nope” and sent his son to live with his brother in a tiny town in a tiny state in america. that’s right bois... when he was seventeen, case moved from london to provincetown. casey kinda saw this as... his dad giving up on him and got... angrier. but it’s better than prison so!

he was kind of... a brat when he got to provincetown. didn’t want to be there. didn’t want to be anywhere really. just broody and mad all the time. participated in sports solely to get some of the angry energy out but didn’t do much else. he’s really only a part of snackpack because his cousin (hiiiii bronny) is.... and he loves her tons so he was obligated to at least be civil to her friends

he ,... got his grades on track, for the most part... and stopped fighting, for the most part. but this dumb bitch can’t stop doing reckless shit. like i’m surprised he still has a license bc the number of speeding tickets is borderline not livable.

he never really felt like he... fit... in provincetown. he still doesn’t really know where he fits in the grand scheme of life. his grades and his dad’s bank account were the only reason he got into a decent college. he went for business, bc that’s all his dad would pay for, and his heart just wasn’t fuckin’ in it at all. he graduated in may but has no fuckin idea what he wants to do. at this rate though, if he keeps fucking around, he’s going to end up being :) a nothing :) just like good old dad expects :)

PERSONALITY.

very dude bro. like you look at him and you’re like ‘idk if i wanna fuck with that’ bc he is large and stupid confident ... sometimes arrogant. definitely one of those cocky smirk lookin, backwards hat wearin, lemme take u out types of assholes idk like he’s not broody ya know.

he doesn’t really initiate conversation. like he’s not one for small talk, kinda thinks its a lil bit of a waste of time. he’s not unapproachable.. he just values good, interesting conversation

think ... jess mariano from gilmore girls, ronan lynch from trc, and a lil sprinkle of brian o’conner from fast and furious kAJSDAHFA

his moral compass is outta whack ok! like life is not black and white in his mind. everything is grey

very clever boy. consciously makes bad decisions, but he’s clever as fuck. quick witted. he doesn’t look it but... ya boy is smart. just doesn’t fuckin’ apply himself

charming! but like ... into the woods charming, not cinderella charming. charming with an ulterior motive. charming to get what he wants. very rarely charming just for the hell of makin someone feel nice. selfish lil shit

fearless as hell, always down for adventure and a good time

a lot nicer to his close friends than he is to everyone else like akdfhas sorry @ everyone who isn’t in the snack pack ur automatically a lil bit worse in his mind

a massive flaw of his is that he truly doesn’t know how to handle his own emotions,. he’s become a pro at repressing them. even when they’re good . feelings, he has a hard time showing it?? that’s why he... acts out dude. he’s pissed

would die for his lil cuzzo y’all should know this now to prepare urself

fiercely loyal to his people

still luvs to fsu when he has the chance,,... loves a good adrenaline rush

surprisingly good at cheering people up. not great at comforting them! he’s workin’ on that... but he is good turning that frown upside down!

literally just needs someone to kick his ass.

PLOTS IDEAS.

a best friend... obvi. someone he clicked with as soon as he moved to ptown

frenemies bro... like they rag on each other all the time, they’re always competitive as hell, but in the end... they’ve got each other’s back type of frenemies

i have a plot in mind based on billie eilish’s ‘i love you’ that could be interesting aksdjfh specifically the ‘say you were tyrna make me laugh, and nothing has to change today you didn’t mean to say i love you’ line lol angsty

a mom friend! someone to kinda... keep an eye on him

partners in crime bro the kinda person that just..... when they’re together it’s next level . and borderline dangerous because they just continue to hype each other up and play off of each other

a bit of a hookup .. situation like kajsdf basically the type of shit you see in friends with benefits and no strings attached before they catch feelings. smth like a fling idk

college roommatesr

flirtationships or just generally flirty frienships those are s ofun

exes and unrequited loves and slowburns y’all know i’m a slut for that shit

ok that’s all!! this is so shitty lmao aksjfh ok like this and i’ll come to u for plotzzzzzz

#snackpackintro

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feelingsinthedark · 6 years

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Jem & Lunar New Year part 2

there are qoaad spoilers and it’s long so under the cut :3 hope yall likeee

Chinese New Year of 2013...

...they have a new addition to the family

Kit lol

And also their unborn children

Tessa’s like a little over 6 months pregnant so in the third trimester and it’s going pretty well

They just do some simple things at home and take it easy

Tessa and Jem give Kit 红包 even though he doesn’t really need money because they insist on buying everything for him

They teach him some phrases like 过年好 and give him the 红包 when he masters it

(But like that’s kind of a thing I feel like my parents are training us like this year my mom walks into my room with a red envelope and she’s like “what do you say” and I said 过年好 and she gave me the red envelope lol)

And they watch the 春节晚会 together

Kit doesn’t understand anything but he just likes spending time with them

And he’s able to appreciate the production bc damn its fucking fancy af and like there must be like soooooo much rehearsal beforehand it’s crazyyy

Tessa catches the bit where they talk about spending Chinese New Year in your hometown bc that’s a big thing with the holiday

She asks Jem about it and if he wants to go to his hometown even though the main point is to be with your family

He just says “you are my home now, always and forever”

Kit pretends to gag but secretly he loves it and is #1 Jessa stan

No wait he’s #2 Will is #1

Chinese New Year of 2014 they spend with friends

Alec is busy with Clave-in-exile stuff that Magnus isn’t involved in so Magnus just decides to Portal to Devon with his kids bc why not

And Tessa and Jem have a new addition to their family too

Charlotte Sophie Carstairs

This is the best baby Carstairs name fight me

She’s about 10 months old

Tessa’s feeding Charlotte when Magnus appears but she isn’t surprised

This happened a few months ago too

And a few days after Charlie was born

She just calmly greets Magnus and the kids and asks Kit to go find Jem

They weren’t really planning on doing anything bc they were so busy with Charlotte

But since they’re here Jem decides to have them help make dumplings

Out of the two of them Tessa is the better cook but Jem is okay too

And they had some more practice with dumplings in the years before so it’s not like their first try

Tessa mostly sits it out and watches over the kids

Charlie loves her older cousins Max and Rafe

They also try making some

Max makes a squashed little lump of dough that has a tiny bit of filling inside

Rafe’s is a little better and sort of resembles a dumpling but also doesn’t have much inside

Alec Portals in a few hours later (he got Clary to make him a Portal idk)

He finished the Clave stuff earlier than he expected

So he just joins them and they eat dumplings

They put on the 春节晚会 after

No one’s really paying attention to it

The kids aren’t bc they don’t understand it so they’re kinda running around and so the parents are occupied

So it’s just kinda on in the background

At one point there’s a magician guy who… does some magic

Like just suuuuper complex sleight of hand kinda tricks

Max sees it and is like “he does magic! My papa can do magic! Auntie Tessa does magic too!”

So then it turns into a magic show from papa Magnus and Auntie Tessa

Charlotte loves seeing magic and it calms her down so eventually she’s asleep on Jem’s chest

Magnus and Alec and their kids leave

Tessa and Jem put Charlie in her crib and Will’s ghost keeps her asleep

Jem is kinda feeling things about how he didn’t think he would live long enough to have a family or wouldn’t be able to bc of Silent Brotherhood but he just had an amazing Chinese New Year with his wife and children and his nephews and some of his best friends

Chinese New Year of 2015 they decide to spend in Shanghai

Jem hasn’t been there since his parents’ death

But Tessa’s there for him and even Kit knows his story too

And he wants to show them and his daughter how they celebrate in China

They stay in a hotel bc they’re not technically part of the Clave anymore so they can’t go back to the Institute

And besides there’s a lot of memories there for Jem

Charlie’s almost two and she has picked up some Mandarin from Jem (which is like wildly different from “Shanghai-nese” but whatever)

She’s a really outgoing toddler and everyone who meets her falls in love with her

She talks to a lot of people just on the street and says 过年好 to everyone in her adorable baby voice with her adorable baby face

Kit is highkey proud of his little sister and carries her around on his shoulders

He knows how to say like two things in Chinese and not well but Tessa and Jem let him take Charlotte out to just walk around sometimes

Jem takes them to some outdoor markets and stuff and they buy some cute stuff

They also buy some firecrackers and set them off on Chinese New Year morning

Charlie loves loud noises so she loves that the whole day and night there are firecrackers going off and it makes her really excited and happy

Kit stays up with Charlie that night when she’s all excited by the firecrackers so Jem and Tessa can try to sleep a little bit

Chinese New Year of 2016 and onward are variations of these last few

Jem and Tessa spend many Chinese New Years with just the two of them and their children

Sometimes they join or are joined by friends

They go to China a couple more times but for Jem just being with Tessa and his family is more than enough

One year they spend it with all the Blackthorns after Kit and Ty get married what

It’s pretty unconventional and more of just a gathering but they’re all one super happy and big family

And the Blackthorns are technically related to Tessa if they actually descended from Lucie and Jesse

Eventually Kit leaves to live with Ty but he tries to spend most years with Jem and Tessa

He loves his family and he wants to spend time with them especially this holiday with its emphasis on being with family

Eventually their kids move out too

They have a few quiet relaxing Chinese New Years when their kids are busy and can’t make it

And of course

The hands wrapping the dumplings start to get wrinkled

The hair that Tessa cuts every year starts to go grey

She’s reminded of Jem when they first met and he was dependent on the yin fen

His eyes stay dark though, and full of joy and health

Chinese New Year of 2088-

Ok sorry back to your regularly scheduled sadnessheadcanons

Chinese New Year of 2088 is Jem’s last

Just getting straight to the point skskskskskssksk

He’s obviously lived a very long and satisfying life

He stayed healthy so he’s able to do stuff still even at almost 230 years old

(Yeah idk if the timeline is realistic I don’t think it is but whateverrrrr)

That morning Tessa wakes up and Jem’s already out of bed

His side of the bed is cold and for a second Tessa thinks her nightmares have come true and Jem was ripped from her in the middle of the night

But she hears violin music coming from down the hall

She follows it after getting dressed

Not unlike her first night in the London Institute

She stops in the doorway and watches Jem

He plays a hauntingly sweet and sad melody

She stands there for a while until he finishes

He turns and says quietly “I wrote it for you, my love”

There are tears on both their cheeks from the song

He’s written many songs for Tessa over the years but this one is different

Jem poured all his happiness from previous Chinese New Years, his love for Tessa and their children, his regret for having to leave her soon, probably this year

He cups her face and wipes her tears

“Let’s have one more Chinese New Year together”

Tessa kisses him and even after so many years every kiss between them is the same

“We won’t think about that today, love,” she says

“We won’t think about that today,” he agrees, grasping her hands in his

Their kids Charlotte and Will join them with their families

Kit and Ty and their kids come too

Over the years Jem and Tessa have developed their own traditions for Chinese New Year and they also do stuff like dumplings and they give 红包 to their kids and grandkids

That night Tessa and Jem watch the 春节晚会 by themselves in bed

Their kids and their families have left with the promise that they’ll all see each other again soon

Tessa’s head is on Jem’s shoulder

He holds her tightly to his side

When they finish they sit in silence for a while

Tessa’s half-asleep when she breathes “stay”

Jem brushes her arm and whispers “I’m not going anywhere”

Chinese New Year of 2089 Jem has finally reunited with hisparabatai

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imagine-this-overwatch-blog · 6 years

Text

Adoptable requests

If any other writing blogs would like to fill some of these, I’m sure the requesters would appreciate it! Thank you!

You can probably write this later something but, I have acne scars and get zits on my butt, boobs and thighs, I’m thiccc fam, and I get so scared of someone seeing it and like ugh. This has came to my head before of like hanzo having the most flawless skin and then you have me with pimples and scars on my butt like I’d be so scared for him to see em

Hi! Could I have Jesse Mccree and a younger so (nothing crazy everyone’s legal) and they both have feelings for each other but both are too scared to act because the s/o feels like he would never be into her and Jesse feels like she would never be into him and feels like he would be taking advantage of him

Hi!!!! May I have okami!Hanzo (the werewolf not just the white haired old man lol) who’s in a rut, with a sweet thicc™️ s/o who’s more than willing to be bread by him?????? Thanks~

May I request a doe!reader w/ human!Hanzo? Possibly human!McCree if you do more than one character in a request! If not, thanks anyway!

For the skin thing, could you write something with Mystery Man McCree where him and his S/O are partners like Tonto and the Lone Ranger? Sorry I’m just a huge western show nerd 😂😂

My friend, may I request some sub!Reinhardt? Both nsfw and sfw. I feel we lack content with a submissive buff german boy <3

What headcanons do you have for oni genji :D one of my headcanons for him is that (after he's "killed") he wonders around the forest he lives in and searches for lost children (the forest often have many since theres a small village nearby) he guides them out of the forest so they don't get taken by the mean witch mercy who will turns them into frogs or ingredients for her spells (she doesn't but the villagers believe she does)

Headcannons for islander roadhog? Like, who is he? Where did he come f r o m

Young!Hanzo, Okami!Hanzo, and/or Scion!Hanzo! Pretty please!

Can I request some headcanons around getting Blackwatch!Moira's attention?

Camgirl (or boy) adopts hybrid of your choice, hybrid of your choice gets introduced on screen (after consenting of course), hybrid of your choice immediately becomes a fan favorite, hybrid of your choice has just stolen your show and donations.

Hey! Can I please request some shower sex with McCree and a fem!S/O? Gotta get dirty while getting clean, am I right?

All these hybrid AU makes me happy ❤❤ but what if we have kitty!Reader hybrid instead?? Which ow boys gonna love it? And which boys likes kitty!reader with brave and naughty, and which gonna likes it with timid and obidient??

Can you please do a nsfw scenario of junkrat sleeping with a virgin reader? Thank you!

Can I request Jesse or Hanzo with a hybrid panther s/o? Sfw or nsfw, it's up to you

Can I have an order of Genji with a fem!kitty!hybrid reader? I need some kitten play in my life honestly. Whatever you wanna do is fine (but bonus points for collaring and leashing)! NSFW is preferred! :')

Maybe some gentle fisting with McCree, with him being extremely vocal, dirty talking his small trans woman s/o

(NSFW) Poly McCree and Reinhardt with a shy and timid trans woman s/o who is nervous about telling them about her kinks (Mainly musk, feet/socks, size difference, daddy kink) as she's never had a loving partner before, let alone 2. The boys are happy to make her feel nice and loved, while also being naughty and kinky themselves

Hello!! I saw up top it said you were open, but I apologize if not just in case. How about some Hanzo with a housewife kink?? Maybe she can cook exceptional well too? Thank you so much for being so open! Have a great day!!

Can you please do a HC of Jesse, Jamie, and Mako getting jealous? Thanks!

Can I request platonic!Hammond and reader? Like she is a resident of Junkertown that lives near the outskirts of Junkertown and found out about Wrecking Ball’s identity? She’s practically giddy about him being a hamster and gives him a place to stay and work on his mech and Hammond is very grateful. I think it would be fun to be best friends with an adorable hamster!!

How would Genji, Hanzo, Mcree, Mercy, 76, and Reaper feel about an s/o that’s younger than them? Like someone in their twenties while they’re in their thirties or older?

JABDOCIDBWBDKDKS I'm a recent follower and I'm screaming some of your hcs are just so GOOD???? Pls hit me with all that Good Shit©. If it's by any chance okay, could I maybe request Hanzo with fem!s/o that is initially headstrong, but secretly has an omega/housewife kink?? (I'm not sure if I'm using the AU right so sorry in advance.) Thank you so much for always being so open and kind!!! ❤❤

Maybe some headcanons for Brigitte and a hybrid Lion!Hybrid S/O? Fem or gender neutral is okay! Idrc if they're sfw or nsfw I just enjoy your hybrid AU. Do as you please with request! 💕

How about McCree with a puppy hybrid fem!so whose going through a particularly rough heat. Perhaps she's getting false pregnancy vibes, collecting his things behind his back and making a nice nest of it to comfort herself during these trying times. :')

If it’s okay may I please have a scenario where Genji’s been gone for a couple days on a mission and when he gets home he walks in on his girlfriend masturbating and whimpering his name and he just watches for a few minutes before pinning her to the bed and eating her out? Thanks in advance and I hope you’re having a great day :)

Could a hybrid s / o rabbit with a kitty! Genji / kitty! Hanzo?

Could you do Brigette with a chubby fem! So? Like, her gf sees cute couples doing piggybacks all the time and is a little sad bc she thinks she’s way to heavy for Brigette to handle?

Junkrat with a hybrid tiger!reader who growls and hisses at people they dont like and are generally moody except with Junkrat? Like, they'll usually avoid most people but when they see Rat their ears perk up and they stick close to him and just enjoy his company.

Can you please do a HC of Jesse, Jamie, and Mako trying to flirt with a crush? Thanks!

reader is on the enemy team, but our heroes have taken a romantic liking to them (and vice versa). during the middle of their ultimate in-battle, reader pulls them in for a kiss ('stunning' them, thus cancelling their ult) in order to save their own team. by the time the kiss is over, the heroes' ultimate timed out, and reader scrambles back to their team for safety. how would Reaper, McCree and Genji react?

Some NSFW for a nice shiba!Genji? Perhaps he's hit a rut and his fem!so wants to be able to help him out a bit.

#mun text

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