#would I call this a jealous-pining-Mustang fic?

[houkuaichuii]

Take My Heart & Soul

“FIC EXCHANGE. I’LL GIVE YOU THE JEALOUS-PINING-MUSTANG ANGST AND YOU GIVE ME THE ANASTASIA AU.” - Chie, 2k17.

So a couple of days ago, I had a lovely discussion with Sarah (@queenwinry), which led to me screaming at her for an Anastasia!AU RoyAi fic of the famous boat scene, whilst offering this very angsty piece in return. I do highly suggest to read her one-shot after this as a pick-me-up! So make sure to do that!!

Word Count: 3,450.

Warning: Roy’s a... well, he’s drunk and he’s sad. I was not drunk during the process of writing this, however; I was just sad.

There was something unspoken about the winter air within the East City walls, something to which the drunken man could barely describe. It was calming, more so as the feeling of numbness ran through his fingers and his toes. However, he knew that there was much more to it than he could comprehend. Perhaps it was the way it nearly made him forget the ache within him, the pain that had taken place somewhere in his chest and called it its home. Or perhaps it could have been the number of drinks he had that night, but he shook his head at the notion and told himself that he was perfectly fine and was far from the edge.

He hadn’t appeared so intoxicated either; just a man who was enjoying a stroll during an ungodly hour. But Roy Mustang was a man who had mastered the game of facades, and was more than skilled enough to hide the truth to his character when it suited him.

So yes, he was drunk; his focus a haze, his mind a mess, but he knew where he was going as he walked through the empty streets. He followed a path he knew quite well, to a destination that was entirely committed to his memory through more ways than one. Or at least he believed so.

He was going home, that was what he convinced himself to do as he exited a deserted bar. But where was his home? Was it the empty apartment in between Fourth Ave and the Sixth, or was it a woman, who was enjoying her date with another? At the thought of the latter, short laughter escaped him, his heart far from being in it. Then again, his heart was never with him to begin with, as it was with the woman for as long as he could remember.

He had unknowingly given it as a whole, and once upon a time, he surmised that she had done the same. It was the basic belief of equivalent exchange; the well-known law of alchemy. And he, as an alchemist, nonetheless, lived by those words. But it seemed like he was proven wrong at some point, because of all things considered, it was more than obvious that her heart was not his to keep.

So many emotions dwelt in his core, just as how so many unanswered questions ran through that head of his. He was supposed to be a genius, the epitome of brilliance, an erudite--- he was the Hero of Ishval, the man who climbed the ranks too fast for his age. And yet there he was with his gaze dropped to the pavement, sadness claiming the colour of his eyes. He looked so wrong, he felt wrong too, though he could not bring himself to blame anyone else for the pain he was drowning in.

He waited far too long, assumed that he still had time, that she would have still been there at the end of the line. The universe, however, had other plans and the joke was on him. God, what a fool he was.

A selfish fool.

Roy knew that he should have been happy for her, even if it meant that her happiness did not mean him. He had acknowledged it long ago that she deserved someone better; someone who had not betrayed her trust, someone who did not remind her of a war, someone who saved her life rather than a broken man who was constantly dragging it into harm’s way. The woman he loved was in a good place, and he should have been content with such a simple fact. But the truth was the truth, and he was anything but. He was miserable, surrounded by darkness and living under a grey cloud.

And so he walked, and he walked, and he walked, the chill of winter biting at his nose and his cheeks. How does one escape the dark when the sun had left?

Everywhere he went, the whispers were there. There were the looks, the rumours that just did not stop. It all began as a simple matter, the idea that a doctor had plans to court the brigadier-general’s adjutant. It became a joke in the office, and at first, the woman in subject had no means to hold it in any form of regard. But everyone saw that the man was quite serious in the way he’d send in flowers, until he suddenly came to seek the captain for a dinner.

Of course jealousy had struck Roy immediately, and he was more than tempted to step forward. But noting that she deserved a break and that it was most likely a one-time thing, he merely held his tongue.

The action was evidently a bad choice, for dinners happened again, and numerous times after, leading to the words of engagement to reach his ears.

And that was when he had finally felt the soles of his feet hit rock bottom.

Everyone looked at him with confusion in their glances, wondering as to what his thoughts truly were. He kept to himself about the matter, albeit letting out a casual smile here, and his usual shrug there. “The Captain is in warrant of a happy ending, we should all just congratulate her.” Was what he told them. Even his ‘sisters’ heard of the talk, a flash of pity in their eyes whenever an Elizabeth was mentioned by someone who was uninformed. Still, he posed the image that he was truly all right, although those who knew him also knew otherwise.

How long he walked for, he could not say, but at the end of the night, he was climbing up a set of stairs. He counted the floors as he passed them amidst his daze, till he stopped in front of a certain door. He stared at it, his chest empty, yet heavy; his shoulders slouched in spite of being overcome with familiarity. He fished his key out of his pockets, but when it came to unlocking the door, it would not turn. He cursed under his breath, thinking that what he held in his hand was the key for the car he had left behind.

“What. A. Fucking. Idiot,” He called himself, banging his head against the door in defeat, one word after the other, “Can’t even get yourself into your own apartment.”

He was just so tired; beyond exhaustion as everything pulled back to port. He hadn’t been this bad since Hughes, but even then, he still had her: the only constant thing in his life.

To which will become not so constant anymore, for she’s been ripped out of his grasp before he even got a chance. He thought himself pathetic, all the while hating the man who stole the person he once called his.

Roy was supposed to be the one to show her the endless love and affection that he always did have for her. He was supposed to be the one who’d wake her up with kisses, who’d whisper sweet promises into her ear in the warmth of their bed. He was supposed to be the one who’d hold her hand as they took a walk through the park, letting Hayate chase the butterflies that would have caught his attention. He was supposed to be the one who’d wake up in the middle of night, just to soothe the cries of a child. Their child.

Roy was supposed to be the one to take her as his wife, to have and to hold, for better and for worst, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death did them part.

He was supposed to be the one, as she was the only one for him.

Drunk and alone with his thoughts, Roy was about to sit himself down onto the floor when the knob turned and the door was pulled open. A slightly dishevelled blonde peered at him from the other side, surprise entirely too transparent in the eyes that had watched over him for so long. He was surprised as well, so to speak, because what in the world was his captain doing in his apartment? He mirrored her look through his own bleariness, blinking to clear his view.

“Sir, are you okay?” She asked, concern loud in her voice.

“What are you doing here?” He returned.

There was a pause as Hawkeye scrutinised him, a crease between her perfectly lined brows; question evident in her expression. She then stepped out and closed the door behind her, holding onto the robe that she wore.

“Did you go out drinking with the boys again, sir?”

He shrugged, “Possibly, I don’t really remember. But what are you doing here?”

“This is my apartment.”

Well, that certainly said a lot.

As realisation dawned on him, Roy released a breath, then a scoff. His gaze dropped to the floor, eyes closing without a single reply. So this was where home was--- it was where his legs had led him to. What a joke. The place he considered as home wasn’t even his own, and there he was, standing before her like a lost dog. He should have apologised and bid his goodnight, but his mind was awake and he couldn’t stop what he said next.

“Please tell me you didn’t say ‘yes’, Hawkeye.”

“Sir?”

“That--- that man, I believe that he asked for your hand in marriage. Tell me that you didn’t accept the proposal.”

“I...”

“Goddamn it, Hawkeye!” He looked at her then, albeit too fast that the world suddenly turned and he stumbled back before regaining his footing. He saw her move forward, hands reaching out to steady him, but he lifted up his palm and breathed. No, he wasn’t allowed to feel her touch, lest he was willing to lose the small control he had left.

What a shameful sight he made; face red from the alcohol, his hair unruly from the amount of times he ran his fingers through it during the night. Then to add to the list, he had just shouted at his captain even though she was far from being at fault. He shouldn’t have been there in the first place, but it was where his heart was and it seemed like his mind wanted it back; as if he was ever going to get it back.

Roy looked at the woman again, stared as he searched for words to say.

I’m sorry.

Don’t go to him.

Please don’t leave me.

I don’t want to lose you.

I can’t lose you.

I’ve always loved you.

I love you.

It was Hawkeye who broke the silence, however.

“Sir, would you like for me to walk you home?”

“Please don’t marry him.” Was the answer he gave. As short and concise as it was, it was no more than a whisper; a plea as others would have called it. “Don’t do it, Riza.”

If he hadn’t been so intoxicated, he would have noticed the effect that her first name had on her. He would have seen how her eyes widened slightly, her hand tightening its hold on her bathrobe. It was her turn to stare at him, keeping up a mask of coolness. But after a moment or so, she swallowed faintly and spoke.

“Roy, I don’t think we should discuss this matter right now.”

“Really? Because I think that this is the best time to talk about this.”

“No, it’s really not. You’re not in the right state to organise your thoughts and this discussion is over.”

“Riza, if you would just listen to me---”

She cut him off there, the sharp edge of a knife heard in her tone, “You’re drunk; you don’t even know what you’re saying, let alone will remember when you wake up tomorrow.”

“To hell I don’t!” Roy finally snapped, causing for the other to steel herself as he chose to continue, “And even if I don’t remember what I say tonight, I’ll be fine as long as I say it. You need to hear this, Riza. I need to say this, because if I don’t...”

“Roy, don’t do this.”

“If I don’t tell you that I love you now, when will I ever?”

A pause.

“Why are you doing this?” She asked.

Taking in a deep breath as he moved back against the wall behind him, Roy tried to clear his incoherent mind. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see the stranger that the other might become once he said his piece. After all, he almost lost her once before, and was on the verge of losing her again. The fear sickened him to no end, even through his uninhibited state. But the truth was in dire need to be expressed, and everyone knew that a drunken man’s words were a sober man’s thoughts.

“Because I’m scared, Riza,” He told her, “I’m scared of losing you.”

He heard her step towards him tentatively, the sound of her footfall loud amongst the silence that had then fallen upon them. Still, he kept himself in the dark, finding comfort in it.

“I thought I still had time, I thought that this could wait until I reached my goal--- I thought that you knew. But then the doctor came out of nowhere, and... I don’t know. I wanted to stop it, though. I wanted to say something to stop him from pursuing you, but when I saw you laughing with him, I just couldn’t take that happiness away from you.

“You deserve it. After everything you’ve been through, you deserve this happy ending, and who am I to stop you from getting it? I’ve asked myself this question so many times throughout these past several months, and each time I do, I never get an answer. I tell myself that I have no right to step into your affairs, that you’re free to choose whomever you like. But at the same time, I realise that I’m as selfish as anyone and I start to hope that you’d find something you don’t like about him.”

Another moment of quietude, filled with nothing but a sigh from him.

“But seeing as to how things have turned out, that obviously didn’t happen and now here I am: drunk, tired, wishing that I was the one who’d hold you, wishing that I was able to freely show my love for you whenever I choose to; wishing that I was that man.

“I love you, Riza Hawkeye. And the more I think about it, the more I know that I always did love you. From the first moment you opened that door back when I was just starting out my apprenticeship, and up until this very moment, I’ve loved you.

“I love your smile, how it’s so subtle and hidden; it’s been the same for as long as I’ve known you. I love the focus in your eyes, the way your eyebrows furrow together when something’s in your mind. I love your determination, your courage, and your compassion. You are an amazing woman, Hawkeye; one hell of a woman, really.”

And as he readied himself for his final words, Roy had set his gaze upon her. What he found was unexpected, however, as rather than meeting the amber eyes he loved so dearly, what he saw was a woman with her head down, her blonde hair a curtain around her features. She had a hand to her mouth, her shoulders seemingly trembling.

“I’m sorry for all of the times I’ve hurt you. You deserve someone better than me. But Riza, please don’t go to him. Please don’t leave me. I’m not... I’m not telling you this as your commanding officer, but I’m asking you this as the boy who grew up with you, who has only ever considered you.

“I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again: I can’t lose you. It is not that I don’t want to lose you, but it is more of the fact that I can’t. I know that it makes me sound selfish and egotistical, but I’m far from caring about my image at this point. This is the truth of how I feel for you, and I just need you to know that whatever happens, I will always love you.”

Unmoving from her spot, Riza did not respond, and Roy wanted nothing more than to envelope her into an embrace. For the first time in a long while, she looked so small, as delicate as he remembered her to be before the horrid of war. Oh, how he would have loved to go back to those times, when everything was simple and it was only the two of them in their world; no one else.

Just little Roy and Riza, the children who ran through open fields, the lake behind the trees being their destination. They were the children who walked under the moonlit sky, finally heading home after getting groceries from the nearby town. They were the youth who studied in candlelight together, secrets whispered between them. Just little Roy and Riza, the children who made promises to one another and were determined to keep them. Without a doubt, the promises were kept and new ones were made in their adulthood, forever binding them together.

Or maybe not.

“Riza?” Roy called, the silence suddenly becoming unbearable.

When she looked up, he was taken aback by the redness of her eyes, the tears that glinted under the hallway’s lighting. He clenched his teeth together, his hands curling into fists. He had hurt her again, and she was crying because of him. What was wrong with him?

“You are such a complete idiot,” Her voice cracked as she attempted to stifle her crying, causing for something within Roy to shatter, “Why couldn’t you just listen to me? I told you not to do this, and yet you still continued to make everything so complicated.”

Roy couldn’t hide the hurt that quickly struck his expression, her words understood immediately. He didn’t say anything, couldn’t form a response that would not have led the entire situation to an argument. Despite being as inebriated as he was then, he was earnest enough to note that he had done enough damage for the night. And so, he pushed himself off the wall, hands in his coat’s pockets and looked down on his polished shoes.

“You’re right. Maybe it would have been best if I hadn’t told you the truth, but you deserved to hear it, at least.” With that said, he squared his shoulders and raised his chin, his eyes quite sombre in comparison to the strength in his voice, “You should go back in, Captain, I’ve kept you out here long enough.”

At that second, the door opened and a man revealed himself groggily. He looked at Riza, who kept her back to him, before averting his attention to Roy. Traces of sleep was still visible across his chiselled features, and it did not go unnoticed that he was, in fact, shirtless. Roy nearly scorned at the sight of the other, vehemence growing in his being. Of course he was there, Roy wasn’t even surprised anymore.

Besides that, if he weren’t so in control, he might have set him aflame.

“Riza? What are you doing out here, it’s four in the morning.” The man asked, blinking the slumber away.

But before Hawkeye could answer, Brigadier-General Mustang spoke up, “I just needed to ask her a few things about the case. My apologies, I would have waited until later, but something urgent came up.”

“Some of us do need to sleep, Mustang,” The other countered, “Especially when Riza needs to rest after you make her work hard all day.”

“Matthew,” It was Hawkeye who raised her voice, “It’s fine. I was all ready awake and the case is vital, so it was only right for him to come to me as soon as possible. Go back in, I’ll join you soon.”

Just when the man was about to open his mouth for another retort, Mustang cleared his throat in interruption and said, “I’ve extended my stay long enough and I’ve heard what I needed to hear. Besides, the doctor’s right, you need to rest. Good night, Captain.” He gave his adjutant a short nod, although not quite meeting her eyes. He then ignored the other man, walking past him as he made his way back to the stairs. He could feel their attention on him with each measured step, his mind blank, except for the acknowledgment of the gnawing ache throughout his chest.

What a fool he was.

[xennariel]

11 Questions AKA Xen Screams About Royai, FMA, and Hellsing

I was tagged by @ladywiltshire Thanks. =)

RULES: Always post the rules. Answer the questions asked, then write 11 new ones. Tag 11 people to answer your questions, as well as the person who tagged you.

1. Do you remember your first time watching or reading Fullmetal Alchemist? What was your first impression? - I think I first got into the FMA manga around late 2002. I loved Ed and thought he was great and that, plus the whole human transmutation thing got me hooked. I loved the 03 anime in its early episodes and I was such a big fan that I went out and bought the sweatshirt that looks like Ed’s jacket and the shoes that look like his. I wore them as often as I could in my junior year of high school. About midway through the anime I started disliking it, though, and I went back to reading just the manga and ignored the anime. But then the manga started taking too long to update for me and about halfway through that, I discovered Hellsing and that held my obsession for the next eight or nine years, making me completely forget about FMA until I heard the manga ended. I remember looking up the last chapter of the manga and thinking it was an awesome way to end it, even though I hadn’t read any of the manga since the halfway point. lol It wasn’t until I saw some royai art on my dash in early 2016 that I decided to watch Brotherhood, and boy am I glad I did because my initial impression of that was “AHHHHHH I LOVE THIS WHERE HAVE I BEEN FOR THE PAST SEVEN YEARS???” And whoops, this ended up being about how I went through my FMA phases instead of taking about my initial experience... Sorry about that.

2. Tell us about The Fave™. - I am guessing all of your questions refer to FMA? So Roy Mustang. I could scream about him all day and never get bored. He’s great. The best. So is Riza. They have so many layers and are so interesting and dynamic. I love them so much it hurts. And out of any media I’m a fan of, I think they’re my absolute favorites. Integra Hellsing is a definite runner up, though. Of course, my fav favs are my OCs Xennariel and Loki, but since they’re not part of an existing thing yet, I can’t exactly rave about how great they are because that would just make me sound dumb.

3. Do you have a favorite fan work? Fanfics? Comics? - For FMA, I have a few fics I love and I’ve mentioned them before so I’m not going to link them again because I’m feeling very tired and lazy today. And honestly, any art depicting both Roy and Riza’s scars are my weakness. As for other fandoms, I loved the writer Thess. Her Hellsing works were amazing. I also liked and kept up with a Hellsing fancomic called And Shine Heaven Now by Sailor Ptah. That was cute. But that was like, a long time ago. Thess hasn’t written anything since like 2009 and that webcomic ended in like 2007 or so. So yeah, it’s been a long time since I’ve been an active part of the Hellsing fandom, and I kind of miss it. I miss seeing what new stuff people are producing for that series, but a lot of the fandom on Tumblr seems a little...iffy. I see so much art reposted with no credit and I cannot support people like that so I don’t really follow many Hellsing blogs. It’s kind of sad.

4. Hit me with an analysis/opinion you have on the series or characters! - Again, I’m guessing you’re talking FMA, so uh... Jeez, I wish I wasn’t so tired, it would make this question a whole lot easier. Um, I think I’ve already written all the analysis I can think of though, which isn’t much. I’ve talked about Roy’s fight with Lust before, I’ve talking about how he looks at Riza during his fight with Envy in the manga, I’ve talked about how Roy is not actually drunk when he calls Riza to give her flowers, contrary to what many people seem to think. It’s hard for me to come up with this sort of stuff when I’m not prompted. lol I need to see something in direct contradiction of what I think or just general discussion about a subject before I have a lot of opinions. xD

I guess I could talk about the couple of reasons why Roy and Riza having a relationship in the manga could possibly be a thing? I am 80% sure that despite how clearly they loved each other, Roy and Riza did not have anything going on between them in the series. However, there are some points I want to make that lean toward them actually being together in a romantic sense throughout the manga.

My main point is how comfortable they are around each other. A lot of people say there’s a lot of unresolved sexual or romantic tension between then throughout the series, but I honestly don’t see that. I see two people who clearly care about one another a great deal, who, with one look, make it obvious that they’re in love. But I don’t see them really pining for one another or anything like that. They act like an old married couple. They don’t seem to act like they want to kiss or jump each other desperately. Which, to me says that perhaps it’s because they already do. (This could be because I’m Ace, though, and I do not go looking for sexual implications in my OTPs, so maybe it just goes over my head all the time.)

Case in point, I knew my husband for ten years before we got married. In the first four years or so, we definitely were a couple of teenagers in love. We pined for one another when we couldn’t see each other. When in public, we stared at each other silently wishing we could go somewhere to be alone, we made out as often as possible. After about four or five years, the feeling of “I need to touch this person because I have a lot of pent up sexual and romantic tension for them” pretty much died down and we became very comfortable with each other. If we didn’t hug or kiss for a while, it was no big deal because we had each other and we knew we could arrange to be together to do those things whenever.

My point is, Roy and Riza act like that around each other, which tells me that perhaps the reason they aren’t desperate to touch one another all the time is because they already do. They’re used to intimacy so why would they itch to touch each other 24/7? If they were as in love as they appeared to be, but couldn’t be with each other, I think they’d show more signs of yearning for one another. This, of course, could be because we just don’t see it since they were not the focus of the series and their relationship had no huge importance to the story (and Arakawa has said that she does not include anything that doesn’t need to be in the story), but I feel like, even with the amount of time they had been together, if they had never touched each other or kissed or hugged or whatever, they’d have a hard time masking the want they would have for each other. Their comfort in each other’s presence could be more than just them having spent a long time together.

My other point is the Barry the Chopper scene where Roy gets super jealous of Barry touching Riza and prepares to burn him to a crisp. Riza stops him and seems absolutely unfazed by his jealousy, which could indicate that he’s acted like that multiple times in the past and she’s used to telling him to calm the hell down.

The last point isn’t exactly evidence, but Roy and Riza did change clothes in a car together and didn’t come out of that flustered or blushing or anything like they might have if they were unused to seeing each other in various states of undress. I mean, yeah, Roy learned his alchemy from her bare back, but it’s not like he saw anything else. I feel like he’d still get flustered if he saw her without a shirt on, even if it was just her back, because if they weren’t together, if they weren’t touching each other on a somewhat regular basis, he’s just a guy in love and he’d want to touch her and blush about it or get embarrassed easily about seeing her. Think about Ed in that scene where he was in the room when Winry was changing. He was flushed and embarrassed because he was a kid in love who had never touched the person he loved intimately before. So this one kind of goes back to my ‘comfortable with each other’ theory.

Also, that scene where Madame Christmas asks why Roy doesn’t just go play with Elizabeth. What kind of ‘play’ is she insinuating? And why does she know this? And why do the other girls think they have a ‘chance’ now that Elizabeth has been taken by another man. What has Roy been telling them about her?

Anyway, that’s all. Like I said, I am super tired and this analysis probably came out sounding weird or not convincing. Maybe I’ll write it up better sometime later.

5. Tell us about a project you have going on! Or if you don’t have one, maybe something you’ve always wanted to write or draw? - I am still working on my super long royai fanfic that I started in, like, June 2016. It chronicles the series from Roy and Riza’s viewpoint, starting from when they first meet, going through manga canon FMA, and finally ending with what happens post series. (Though I really dislike where it’s gone and I’ve been considering scrappy the last ten chapters and rewriting them...)

After that fic is finished, I plan to write another one that goes through the canon FMA manga storyline, only with Riza being an alchemist secretly the entire time and where she is also a candidate for sacrifice. (Though I may end up writing this one soon anyway just because I’m not liking Through Eyes of Flame anymore. I’ve lost a lot of reader so it’s just not worth it.)

And I also want to write a fic that takes place after canon FMA where evil demons from the world in my original novel end up finding a way into Amestris and plan to kill off all the humans so they can take over because they already tried that in their own world and failed. A couple of my OCs follow these demons and team up with Roy, Riza, the rest of team Mustang, and others from the military to stop the demons from killing everyone. I’m a little iffy about this one though because it would have OCs and I never know how well received OCs are in fics...

6. Favorite opening/ending number and why? - For FMA? I love Chemistry and Rain. The songs are catchy and the animations for those have some of my favorite things from all of the openings and endings.

7. Tell me about a scene that really touched your or made you realize something about yourself. - In FMA, I honestly don’t know. I lot of scenes touched me or made me feel something like Hughes’ burial and Nina’s whole experience and subsequent death. Riza getting her throat slit and Roy freaking out. Roy losing himself in the fight against Envy, but having enough sense of self when he looked at Riza to still be soft to her like usual. Lan Fan cutting off her damn arm just to save Ling. I don’t know if I learned anything about myself from any of that though, other than I realized how much I love royai and lingfan and what badasses they all are imo.

8. OTPs! Who are they? Why are you WEAK FOR THEM?? - RoyxRiza, of course. Royai is the OTP of OTPs. They don’t even need to touch on screen or even say anything for you to see that they care about each other deeply. Plus, I’m all about that ‘forbidden relationship’ trope. But even without that, they’ve been together a long time and get along so well. Their dynamic is wonderful and interesting and just pulls me in. They’re not just in love, they’re best friends and that’s the best relationship to have. They protect each other’s backs, Roy knows when Riza is upset without even needing to see her, they just know each other so well and work so well together.

Same with AlucardxIntegra from Hellsing. I like them for much the same reasons and they used to be my OTP of OTPs until I got back into FMA. They’re another battle couple, and they never touch in the series, but it’s heavily implied and obvious they have a thing for each other. And that fucking scene where he bows to her on the battlefield surrounded by dead and impaled bodies? I died, okay. I screamed and raved when that manga chapter came out and I still scream about it whenever I see it. They didn’t even touch, but it was the hottest thing. And then when Alucard comes back to her after 30 years, he says himself that he could have gone anywhere, but he chose to be there. And then she fucking bites her right ring finger (the finger used for wedding bands in Romania) and makes a ring out of blood on it and lets him drink from it? End me. It’s canon.

9. Funniest headcanon you’ve ever seen. Go! - Uhm... I don’t know, actually. I’ve never really seen many funny headcanons go around.

10. What spurred you to join the fandom?

- I got back into Royai and it was around when Royai week 2016 was happening and I had been looking to get back into writing around then too so I thought it would be a good thing to participate in to practice writing. A couple of people liked my stuff and started following me for that and then I found a bunch of authors from FFNet that I liked had Tumblrs, so I followed them and kept up with the writing and before I knew it, I was deep in the FMA/Royai fandom. lol

As for Hellsing, it just kind of happened. And much like with FMA, as soon as I started writing for it, I started getting people that would talk to me about stuff, so that was fun. I’m not an active participant in that fandom anymore, but I never really left it. My love for the series hasn’t diminished, I’m just more focused on FMA these days. Roy and Riza are easier to write for then Alucard and Integra.

11. Definitely the same question… have a fandom meltdown here and tell me why you love your fandom or show/comic so much! - We’ll start with the FMA manga because holy shit it’s amazing and has such good characters and good ships and AHHHHH! It’s such an inspiring piece of work. The thought that went into it, the research, the fucking detail. It’s incredible.Hellsing is one of the best mangas too, if you like gore and horror. Awesome characters, great ships, fantastic plot about killing vampire nazis. What’s not to love, honestly? Alucard is such a complex main character. And Integra is just boss. She is Queen. I highly recommend the manga and OVA. Stay away from the first anime aka the Gonzo anime. It was terrible, much like FMA 03 was terrible, but honestly, I’d rather watch FMA 03 than the first Hellsing anime. That’s how bad it was. lolAnd The Slayers is legit the funniest anime I have ever seen while simultaneously being one of the coolest. The magic system in that is flawless and amazing and the humor is top notch. Go watch the series if you haven’t already. Lina is the best.Also, the book that spoke to me the most was Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion. Go read it and the nits prequel and then the sequel. It’s well worth it. I read it at a time in my life when I was very low emotionally and I saw myself in R and what he says and does is so relatable.